Latest / The Woody Show / HIGHTLIGHT POD 30 MINS: The Woody Show December 9th 2025

Transcript

HIGHTLIGHT POD 30 MINS: The Woody Show December 9th 2025 · The Woody Show

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: Okay, I think I know what that is.
• 0:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah, this is the Woody Show. Well, ladies, gentlemen, boys
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: and girls, please welcome to the Woody Show studio. The
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: Machine Bird Kreischer.
• 0:17
  Speaker 3: Tom Scura gives you a shout out. I was talking
• 0:18
  Speaker 3: to him to this to him this morning on the car. Yeah,
• 0:20
  Speaker 3: he said, what are you doing? I said, I'm going
• 0:23
  Speaker 3: into radio, And he goes, radio radio, who are you doing?
• 0:27
  Speaker 3: And I said, and he goes, oh that makes sense.
• 0:29
  Speaker 2: He goes, yeah, Well, we still have a goal. We
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: just crossed off a bucket list item for Menace going
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: first class to Dubai on Emirates Airlines. We still have
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: a bucket list item for the show is to get
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: Tom in here like we've never had that. I know
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: he doesn't do a lot of stuff and he probably
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: will never come in I'm saying, but it's on there,
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: and so whenever you have one of those conversations, please
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: mention to him.
• 0:55
  Speaker 3: I'm gonna have to include ecstasy. Fine, I'm sure need
• 0:59
  Speaker 3: to do hist him on a bender, like a Tuesday
• 1:02
  Speaker 3: night bender. Yeah, where we take ecstacy around four in
• 1:05
  Speaker 3: the morning. Okay, and I'll be like, let's stop by
• 1:07
  Speaker 3: Woody yeah.
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: Perfect, We'll tell Tom we said hi, and he still
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: counts because we love him.
• 1:13
  Speaker 3: He just finished his tour, his Specials coming out Christmas Day. Yeah,
• 1:17
  Speaker 3: and it's going to be so good.
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: Nice. Well, let me let me talk real quick about
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: what Bert's got going on, because man, there's so much
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: stuff happened in all these different Woody show cities. Well,
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: we'll start with just this week. So Sunday, Bert's going
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: to be in Saint Louis, so for friends listening on
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: one O five to seven point, he'll be at the
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: Enterprise Center. And then January twenty second, twenty third, Austin, Texas,
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: so everybody listening on one oh one X there in Austin.
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: He'll be at the Moody Theater. On February twenty sixth,
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: Fort Wayne, Indiana at the Allen County War Memorial Colisseum.
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: And then uh, let's see you got March twentieth, Pittsburgh
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: at PPG Paines Arena, So one of five nine the
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: X listeners get ready to go see Bert there April third,
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: sitting New Jersey, so our friends listening to one of
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: four five and then Indio, California, so all ninety eighty
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: seven or Palm Springs affiliate May twenty second, you can
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: go see Bird there. But even before, not before all that,
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: but in addition to all of that, he's hosting this
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: full throttle festival, which I've seen me talk about it
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: on your Instagram. It's like a pre party at the
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: Daytona five hundred. That's on Valentine's Day. It's Saturday, February fourteenth.
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: Tell us more about that, because this sounds pretty crazy badass.
• 2:28
  Speaker 3: So, I have a great relationship with NASCAR, and we've
• 2:31
  Speaker 3: worked with him with Something's Burning In on Two Bears,
• 2:33
  Speaker 3: and I enjoy NASCAR, and so I and I and
• 2:37
  Speaker 3: oddly enough, you know, they're kind of my people. If
• 2:39
  Speaker 3: I go to a NASCAR event, I'm like, I.
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: Mean you are Florida Me. Yeah, yeah.
• 2:45
  Speaker 3: So I said, you know, let's do something in this
• 2:47
  Speaker 3: comedy medium. Rare, who puts on all the big events,
• 2:50
  Speaker 3: was like, let's do like a pre party. And I
• 2:53
  Speaker 3: was like, They're like comedy, I go, you gotta do
• 2:55
  Speaker 3: music too. You got to Here's the thing about NASCAR.
• 2:58
  Speaker 3: You go in and you bring your camper and you
• 3:00
  Speaker 3: unpack everything and you and that is your spot kind
• 3:02
  Speaker 3: of locked down and you have planned events for you
• 3:04
  Speaker 3: not to leave. So I go, if you go there,
• 3:07
  Speaker 3: you've got to make an event that's big enough for
• 3:10
  Speaker 3: someone to pack up the bikes, put everything down, put
• 3:12
  Speaker 3: the grill away, and come over. And so they're like,
• 3:15
  Speaker 3: what do you mean. I was like, there's only one
• 3:16
  Speaker 3: name that comes to mind. It's Leonard Skinnered. If I
• 3:20
  Speaker 3: can get Leonard Skinnered and get Diplo, diplow is gonna
• 3:23
  Speaker 3: do the after Leonard Slendard Skinnered and Diplo. And then
• 3:27
  Speaker 3: I just sent it BAXT to all my comedy friends
• 3:29
  Speaker 3: and I was like, I was like, if you want
• 3:31
  Speaker 3: to be on the show Favorite Nations, I'll I'll bring
• 3:33
  Speaker 3: you out. I'll pay you. But like, I'm not gonna
• 3:35
  Speaker 3: promote it with comics. I'm gonna put all the music
• 3:37
  Speaker 3: out and then we'll just go up and like in
• 3:39
  Speaker 3: between acts throughout the day and just everyone do sets.
• 3:42
  Speaker 3: We'll mess around. We'll make it fun and loose. We
• 3:44
  Speaker 3: got barbecue we bring in Ernest. There's an amazing talent,
• 3:47
  Speaker 3: uh barbecue beer. It's going to be a blast.
• 3:50
  Speaker 4: That's awesome and the medium rare people that those are
• 3:54
  Speaker 4: the best parties I've ever been to in my best.
• 3:57
  Speaker 3: They locked down the best print partners in the world.
• 4:02
  Speaker 4: No, you'll have the best time any of these parties
• 4:05
  Speaker 4: that they put on.
• 4:06
  Speaker 3: But I mean we went to Shacks Funhouse and it
• 4:08
  Speaker 3: was they do Shas House. They do the Fronks Beach Party.
• 4:12
  Speaker 3: They we know.
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: We know about all those ye dude, yeah over the top,
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: yeah yeah. So when you buy a ticket to this,
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: like you also see the race or is like I don't.
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: So this is like the day before, this is.
• 4:26
  Speaker 3: The day of Force. Everyone gets everyone goes to NASCAR
• 4:28
  Speaker 3: and gets there the day before, two days before. I mean,
• 4:31
  Speaker 3: NASCAR is a weekend event and.
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: It's so for tickets for the again, it's the pre
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: party for the Daytona five hundred Saturday February fourteenth. Just
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: go to Bert Bertburt dot com. And then the other
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: thing that looks super fun is the Fully Loaded at Sea.
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: It's a it's a cruise which is happening. It's next year.
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: It's twenty twenty sixth November, so nineteenth through the twenty
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: third out of Miami goes to like Cosamel and a
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: bunch of your other comic friends and stuff will be
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: I know. Whitney Commings is part of that, there's gonna
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: be some music on there.
• 5:05
  Speaker 3: And the crazy thing is, I look at these events
• 5:07
  Speaker 3: I've put together so like we're talking about being an
• 5:09
  Speaker 3: adult the other day or just earlier, and I've always
• 5:12
  Speaker 3: had I've always had a crisis with like the kind
• 5:14
  Speaker 3: of adult I am. Like all my friends invested in companies,
• 5:17
  Speaker 3: you know, like they're like, oh, we need.
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: And you invested, like in an ice machine or something.
• 5:21
  Speaker 3: Can I tell you a company I didn't invest in
• 5:23
  Speaker 3: that my that I really regret? Uh? Was it? Fifteen
• 5:28
  Speaker 3: years ago? A cody called Pallenteer?
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: Pallenteer?
• 5:32
  Speaker 3: What do they make or what do they do? They're
• 5:36
  Speaker 3: running the world?
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: Right? They changed their name or they changed fair in general,
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: pl A and T I are Peter's company. Oh yes,
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: and now he does this company. No no, no, that's
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: the new one, the new one. I could have invested
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: in that too. Damn.
• 5:55
  Speaker 3: I'm friends with this billionaire who just likes my comedy.
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: And the software powers real time AI driven decisions and
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: critical government and commercial process.
• 6:05
  Speaker 3: Okay, well, fifteen years ago, can I tell you even
• 6:09
  Speaker 3: a bigger miss? You ready for even a bigger miss?
• 6:11
  Speaker 3: One day? I'm on Rogan and Brian Redband goes, we
• 6:15
  Speaker 3: should buy this thing called bitcoin. Yeah, and I didn't
• 6:20
  Speaker 3: have any money, and Joe's like, what is it? We
• 6:22
  Speaker 3: were breaking it down. This is at the beginning of
• 6:24
  Speaker 3: bitcoin and do.
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: You understand it now? I still don't it.
• 6:28
  Speaker 3: But I also don't get Picasso right, like I don't
• 6:33
  Speaker 3: get I remember do you remember the craze when everyone
• 6:35
  Speaker 3: was doing what was the art? Thing?
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: Like?
• 6:43
  Speaker 3: Tom came to me, this is this is the crisis
• 6:45
  Speaker 3: I'm having with my identity. Tom came to me and
• 6:48
  Speaker 3: he's like, Yo, n f T S We're gonna go
• 6:50
  Speaker 3: big on him. I'm gonna sell n FTS from the show.
• 6:53
  Speaker 3: So I want to sell the kool Aid n f
• 6:54
  Speaker 3: T And I was like, what is it. He goes,
• 6:57
  Speaker 3: someone will own the moment you said, I drink thirty
• 7:00
  Speaker 3: pounds of kool aid. I how can that happen? He goes,
• 7:04
  Speaker 3: We'll make like a picture and we'll send it to
• 7:06
  Speaker 3: them and then they own it.
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: But it's like, really, like do they're paying like ten
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: thousand dollars for it?
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: I was like, for the time, I said something, whatever
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: they want.
• 7:19
  Speaker 3: Tom made a killing on NFTs. I refused to do it.
• 7:22
  Speaker 3: So I was like, I don't understand it, and I
• 7:23
  Speaker 3: feel like people are gonna get upset one day when
• 7:25
  Speaker 3: they go you keep saying kool aid. I own that
• 7:28
  Speaker 3: you can't say kool aid or what.
• 7:29
  Speaker 2: I don't know exactly, I'm the same I got what
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: are you actually Even when you get explained it, it
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: doesn't make sense, right.
• 7:37
  Speaker 4: Yeah, But I mean the NFT art thing was obviously
• 7:40
  Speaker 4: it was really stupid, but the NFT like access thing
• 7:43
  Speaker 4: was actually really cool. And that's the thing that kind
• 7:45
  Speaker 4: of like has stood out so like somebody could maybe
• 7:48
  Speaker 4: buy NFT to do be to go to every mean
• 7:51
  Speaker 4: greed that Bert ever does for the rest of his life.
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: So it's like a golden ticket.
• 7:55
  Speaker 4: Yeah, basically it's transformed into that cancer. Yeah.
• 7:59
  Speaker 3: I have so many people with cancer on my phone
• 8:02
  Speaker 3: right now. Yeah, I have so many people with cancer
• 8:04
  Speaker 3: on my phone.
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: I make a wish gun.
• 8:07
  Speaker 3: No, Okay, So I had this one time. This is
• 8:09
  Speaker 3: what happened. I had a joke. I'm not I'm not
• 8:10
  Speaker 3: telling it on staging works. It really messed me up.
• 8:13
  Speaker 3: I was doing I was doing crowd work when I
• 8:15
  Speaker 3: was a younger comic. Ikind of do crowd work clips
• 8:17
  Speaker 3: because crowd work. When I was doing it was only
• 8:19
  Speaker 3: when you were in trouble on stage. And now I'm
• 8:22
  Speaker 3: working on it because I'd like to get better at it,
• 8:24
  Speaker 3: but I'm also working on it now. We're special anyway.
• 8:27
  Speaker 3: So I was in Cincinnati and there was a group
• 8:29
  Speaker 3: of black women. They're all wearing the same shirt, and
• 8:32
  Speaker 3: I'm like, Hey, what's up, sisters? There is there a
• 8:36
  Speaker 3: family reunion this week? And they're like, huh, I when's
• 8:39
  Speaker 3: the cookout? And they're like, what are you talking about.
• 8:41
  Speaker 3: I go where's Big Mama? And they're like, we're not related.
• 8:45
  Speaker 3: And I was like, oh, I'm sorry. You guys are
• 8:47
  Speaker 3: all wearing the same colored shirt and they're like, it's pink.
• 8:50
  Speaker 3: I was like and and they're like, we have breast cancer.
• 8:52
  Speaker 3: And I was like, oh my god. I was like,
• 8:54
  Speaker 3: what an unlucky family. And they're like, we're not related,
• 8:58
  Speaker 3: we're just all black. And so the show goes horribly.
• 9:03
  Speaker 3: I cannot get out of the hole. I'm like, you
• 9:06
  Speaker 3: guys are doing good right now, and the one girl's like, no,
• 9:10
  Speaker 3: mine came back and it doesn't look good. I'm stage
• 9:12
  Speaker 3: four and I'm like how many stages are there? And
• 9:15
  Speaker 3: she's like four, and I was like, oh, that doesn't
• 9:17
  Speaker 3: sound good. So I go, can you do this side
• 9:19
  Speaker 3: of tequila? And she was like, oh yeah, I'm dying
• 9:21
  Speaker 3: do whatever I want. I can ride a motorcycle tomorrow.
• 9:23
  Speaker 3: So I was like all right. At the end of
• 9:25
  Speaker 3: the show, the woman comes up to me. She goes, hey,
• 9:29
  Speaker 3: that sucked. I want my money back. I was broke,
• 9:33
  Speaker 3: and I was like, listen, I can't give you your
• 9:34
  Speaker 3: money back. I don't make that much money. I say,
• 9:37
  Speaker 3: here's what I'll do. I owe you, So I'm gonna
• 9:39
  Speaker 3: give you my number. And then anytime you're feeling down,
• 9:42
  Speaker 3: you get feeling lonely, you're feel inside, you feel scared,
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: you call me. I'm gonna write jokes just for you,
• 9:48
  Speaker 3: just for you. I'm gonna write a ton of jokes
• 9:50
  Speaker 3: just for you that I think you'll like. And I
• 9:52
  Speaker 3: will start telling you jokes you just don't.
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: Want, jumps that kill Yeah, get out now, that's a
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: good one.
• 9:58
  Speaker 3: Thank you. So two weeks later, in my backyard, I'm
• 10:00
  Speaker 3: having red wine and my phone rings and I look
• 10:03
  Speaker 3: at it and it says black cancer. I didn't. I didn't.
• 10:07
  Speaker 3: I wanted to be prepared, Burt.
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: That's what you put her on the phone. Yeah, I don't.
• 10:11
  Speaker 3: Yeah, what am I gonna put Latifa?
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: And then that's how the places where they put on
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: the receipt, Yeah exactly, they get fired.
• 10:21
  Speaker 3: That would be a funny. Starbucks just described you double
• 10:25
  Speaker 3: chin smells like whiskey. Black cancer. Also black cancer calls.
• 10:29
  Speaker 3: So black cancer calls, and I go, I knew it was.
• 10:32
  Speaker 3: It wasn't gonna go well when I go, hey, you're
• 10:33
  Speaker 3: still alive. She went start with the jokes. So the
• 10:37
  Speaker 3: first joke I told her, I was like, what did
• 10:40
  Speaker 3: mister tisay after he pushed fifty cent in the pool?
• 10:42
  Speaker 3: It's quiet for sa? She goes, what now? I go,
• 10:45
  Speaker 3: I'm fitty the pool and she hung up. She hung up.
• 10:52
  Speaker 3: This is like fifteen years ago, so I was thinking
• 10:54
  Speaker 3: of putting that in the New Hour.
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: So I messing.
• 10:56
  Speaker 3: When I went on stage, I went to the front row.
• 10:58
  Speaker 3: Abby shout out to Abby, I hope you're listening. She goes,
• 11:02
  Speaker 3: I have cancer. I said what. She goes, I have cancer?
• 11:06
  Speaker 3: And I said, well, Abby, give me your phone number,
• 11:08
  Speaker 3: and I go, have you ever sad or if you
• 11:10
  Speaker 3: ever feel like I go, you can call me. It
• 11:12
  Speaker 3: works great. Abby's beating her cancer. She went in for
• 11:16
  Speaker 3: it's great by start doing that at my shows and
• 11:19
  Speaker 3: not everyone beats cancer. Yeah, and you're and you're dealing
• 11:22
  Speaker 3: with I have this. I mean not to get like
• 11:24
  Speaker 3: too deep, but I have like a fourteen year old
• 11:27
  Speaker 3: that I'm texting with and I am not equipped to
• 11:29
  Speaker 3: deal with what he's going through. I don't. And it's
• 11:31
  Speaker 3: like two morons.
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: I was like, I mean, I was like, have you
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: been laid yet? Like?
• 11:39
  Speaker 3: Can we get you laid? And might make this happen.
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: I know you're trying to be nice, but you may
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: end up in jail. I know. I don't, I.
• 11:46
  Speaker 3: Know, And I'm like, I don't know what to say
• 11:48
  Speaker 3: to him. He's sixteen, he's sixteens. He gets he just
• 11:51
  Speaker 3: his dis's bad and he can't drive enough. I hope
• 11:53
  Speaker 3: he's not listening if he is, are you guys in
• 11:55
  Speaker 3: the Oregon.
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: H Yeah yeah yeah, but uh, he's not out to Colton.
• 12:02
  Speaker 3: He's a great kid. He's a great kid. But I
• 12:03
  Speaker 3: realize I'm ill equipped to deal with what these what
• 12:07
  Speaker 3: people are going through. I'm trying the kids, man.
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: I'll tell you what.
• 12:13
  Speaker 3: The Gangster movie I'm really into hats right, I'm really
• 12:17
  Speaker 3: into hats. But I'm also very I'm very cheap. So
• 12:21
  Speaker 3: I have this company, Clinkroom, who sends me custom hats.
• 12:24
  Speaker 3: They it's made by designers, no one else. They're one offs.
• 12:27
  Speaker 3: No one ever else gets them. I mean, you can
• 12:29
  Speaker 3: buy them on this clink Room site. But they're dope
• 12:31
  Speaker 3: and they're fitted, and they send me like twelve hats
• 12:35
  Speaker 3: at the beginning of every month, and they're really sick.
• 12:37
  Speaker 3: So I say to my office, I go, yo, Colton
• 12:41
  Speaker 3: is losing his hair. He loved his hair. Colton, if
• 12:44
  Speaker 3: you're listening, I hope you know. I'm just giving you love. Buddy.
• 12:46
  Speaker 3: He's losing his hair. He loved his hair. He's getting
• 12:49
  Speaker 3: a little insecure. I want you to send him a
• 12:50
  Speaker 3: ton of hats because we have snapback hats that I'll
• 12:53
  Speaker 3: never wear, and we have a lot of cool ones.
• 12:55
  Speaker 3: So Colton texts me a picture and it's him with
• 12:58
  Speaker 3: like fifteen clink Room hats. And my first instinct where
• 13:02
  Speaker 3: I go, were those my hats? They send him my hat?
• 13:08
  Speaker 3: I those are good hats. I got really upset. I go,
• 13:10
  Speaker 3: I go, hey, guys, don't send him my hats. Those
• 13:13
  Speaker 3: are my hats. And then They're like, no. We reached
• 13:17
  Speaker 3: out to clink Room. They sent him his fitted sized
• 13:20
  Speaker 3: hats and I went, oh, okay, I have other hats.
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: Well, burt Cer the machine is here. He's hanging out
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: with us for the hour. We're gonna take a quick
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: break and then we'll come back. You're on the Woody
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: Show More with Bert next, my cancer ad my ankle.
• 13:38
  Speaker 5: Do you feel each individual pump pump?
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: We've spent so much money over the past at a
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: handful of months on these prizes and.
• 13:49
  Speaker 3: Stuff, you'd be shocked. You'd be shocked that my wife
• 13:53
  Speaker 3: is so I don't know if the word is cheap
• 13:55
  Speaker 3: or good with money. That our mortgage I think is
• 13:58
  Speaker 3: like three grand.
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: Wow, that's insane.
• 14:00
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, and it's a we live on an acre.
• 14:03
  Speaker 3: And when La.
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: Putney eight percent down, okay, right, I.
• 14:07
  Speaker 3: Think she paid for the I think she paid for
• 14:09
  Speaker 3: the lot in cash, yeah, and then paid for the
• 14:12
  Speaker 3: rent of I think we were just paying off the renovation.
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: Oh, that's awesome. Yeah, she's just so good with it.
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: It's like MENACE's wife. MENACE's wife is really good. Like
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: she'll get free rental cars when yeah, you know, I
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: will go to the same place at the same time. Right,
• 14:24
  Speaker 2: their rental car was free. Mine was like five hundred
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: bucks for thirty one hours. Yeah, you know, how did
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: that happen? Greg's wind was blown the other day. I'm like,
• 14:33
  Speaker 2: I don't even know who the mortgage company is. Now,
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: how do you not know?
• 14:38
  Speaker 3: I'm gonna blow you away? Right now, I'm gonna blow
• 14:39
  Speaker 3: you away. I found out recently. We have our old
• 14:42
  Speaker 3: house we rent to my sister's this old assistant, her family.
• 14:47
  Speaker 3: There's a young family, and it's the mortgage is literally nothing,
• 14:52
  Speaker 3: and we don't ask for more than the mortgage because
• 14:54
  Speaker 3: a little bit more just in case there her damages,
• 14:56
  Speaker 3: but so that it's a great deal. It's in Valley Village. Wow.
• 15:00
  Speaker 3: And my sister Kytie goes, yeah, they're there. They don't
• 15:04
  Speaker 3: use air conditioning or lights ever. So their electric bill
• 15:09
  Speaker 3: was nothing, and I went, wait, electric bills are on
• 15:14
  Speaker 3: how much you use electricity? You didn't know that? And
• 15:18
  Speaker 3: I go, no, I had no clue. I'm gonna blow
• 15:20
  Speaker 3: your mind. I'm gonna I'm gonna make somebody was a standard. Okay,
• 15:23
  Speaker 3: hear hear me out, hear me out. I move into
• 15:25
  Speaker 3: a dorm at eighteen, I then move into a fraternity house.
• 15:29
  Speaker 3: Everything's all in one six hundred dollars a month. That's it,
• 15:32
  Speaker 3: all right, And then I move into apartment with a
• 15:34
  Speaker 3: bunch of guys six hundred dollars a month. That's it.
• 15:36
  Speaker 3: I go then move to New York eight hundred dollars
• 15:39
  Speaker 3: a month. That's it. It's all inclusive, Okay. I then
• 15:42
  Speaker 3: move in. I moved out to La I sublet a
• 15:45
  Speaker 3: room twelve hundred dollars a month.
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: That's it.
• 15:47
  Speaker 3: Thirteen hundred dollars a month in the next place. That's it.
• 15:50
  Speaker 3: It's one cover. I then get Lamb pregnant.
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: We move in together.
• 15:52
  Speaker 3: She runs the apartment building. I've never paid a bill
• 15:54
  Speaker 3: in my life. I had no clue the whole I
• 15:57
  Speaker 3: thought it was a live tale when they go when
• 15:59
  Speaker 3: they go uh hey h turn the light off when
• 16:02
  Speaker 3: you leave a room. I was like, oh, what a
• 16:05
  Speaker 3: friend of goats. I'm gonna blow your mind this one. Okay,
• 16:08
  Speaker 3: all right, everyone started zero and I'm gonna I'm gonna
• 16:12
  Speaker 3: hear something. So someone told me that there's four time
• 16:17
  Speaker 3: zones in America, in continental or continental US. Okay, you
• 16:21
  Speaker 3: didn't know that. Now I know that you travel if
• 16:25
  Speaker 3: you do if you if you tell me the math,
• 16:27
  Speaker 3: I go, oh yeah, yeah, that doesn't make sense. You
• 16:28
  Speaker 3: got you got Eastern, uh, Central, right, Mountain, Mountain, Pacific. Yeah,
• 16:34
  Speaker 3: but the time difference from l A to New York
• 16:36
  Speaker 3: is only three hours? Correct? So where's the fourth hour?
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: M hm uh oh? Like how is there? How can
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: there be four times?
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: There's three hour difference total?
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: All right, that's a really good question.
• 16:50
  Speaker 5: Hold on, but aren't three in the contiguous and then
• 16:52
  Speaker 5: you have like Alaska and Hawaii? No, no, no, no,
• 16:55
  Speaker 5: you're talking about just yeah. So, by the way, by
• 16:58
  Speaker 5: the way, I just want to thank everyone in this
• 17:00
  Speaker 5: room for being as stupid as I was.
• 17:03
  Speaker 2: Eastern is three three hours, Central is two hours behind
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: one mountains.
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and then there's there's ours, I mean yeah, then
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: there's specific.
• 17:12
  Speaker 3: Where's the fourth hour?
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: What do you mean the fourth Oh yeah?
• 17:15
  Speaker 3: Hours time difference? What time is it right now? Yeah?
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: All right, so yeah, I got it, seven thirty.
• 17:20
  Speaker 3: Seven thirty.
• 17:20
  Speaker 2: What time is it?
• 17:22
  Speaker 3: It's tenth, ten thirty.
• 17:23
  Speaker 2: So where's the fourth It's nine thirty in Central, eight thirty.
• 17:29
  Speaker 3: It's just.
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: The fourth is wherever you're zero zero stuff like that.
• 17:41
  Speaker 3: I got I figured that out. Okay, it's like I
• 17:45
  Speaker 3: got time travel wherever the fourth I was with the
• 17:50
  Speaker 3: Scholar brothers and they're like, hold on, you're confusing us.
• 17:53
  Speaker 3: Now it worked.
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: You're in an time zone.
• 18:00
  Speaker 5: Yeah, you're in two. That's right, Three, then four, then
• 18:05
  Speaker 5: by yeah, you see. I wish we could go back
• 18:07
  Speaker 5: in time to where I was nodding because.
• 18:11
  Speaker 2: It's the idiot film Dumb while the Machine. Bert Kreischer
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: is here. We talked about the Tona five hundred party
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: that's happening, the Full Throttle Festival that's not until February.
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: Then he's got the fully Loaded at Sea twenty twenty
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: six cruise. Information about both those events you can get
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: by going to Bert bert bert dot com. Also, Bert's
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: got a new Netflix series it's going to be released
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: on January twenty seconds called Free Bert Nice. And I've
• 18:40
  Speaker 2: seen you posting different things when you were filming and
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: doing that stuff. But it's six episodes, right, It's basically
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: it's a it's a scripted version of like your life,
• 18:50
  Speaker 2: fictionalizedized fictionalized life. I don't think I've ever lived life.
• 18:55
  Speaker 3: In my life.
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I was gonna say, it's kind of like everybody
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: loves Raymow, but not really that. It's more like a
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: cur you're enthusias because it's not Larry David, but it's
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: a fictionalized, you know, version of It's.
• 19:06
  Speaker 3: It's it's a it's a it's I mean, it's tough
• 19:08
  Speaker 3: to explain, but it's because it's a really wild series.
• 19:11
  Speaker 2: Is it much like time Zone, It's hard to explain. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
• 19:15
  Speaker 2: it's uh, it takes a wild turn. It's a it's
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: it is.
• 19:20
  Speaker 3: It's about the time of my life when I was
• 19:21
  Speaker 3: at an identity crist I'm always in an identity crisis,
• 19:24
  Speaker 3: but it was like the girls were going to school.
• 19:25
  Speaker 3: I kind of felt like a loser because all the
• 19:27
  Speaker 3: dads had jobs and I was like this guy and
• 19:30
  Speaker 3: flip flops and yeah, workout shorts and a sleeveless sweatshirt
• 19:35
  Speaker 3: and I always smelled like booze and I just was
• 19:38
  Speaker 3: an outsider and I and then there was a period
• 19:40
  Speaker 3: where I tried to like I tried to reinvent myself
• 19:42
  Speaker 3: and fit in and it it did not work in
• 19:44
  Speaker 3: real life. It put back where horrifically. I just started
• 19:48
  Speaker 3: dress trying to dress the part and and like I
• 19:50
  Speaker 3: you know, like grow up yeah, and it just did
• 19:53
  Speaker 3: not work. And and so it's based on that period
• 19:56
  Speaker 3: and and much like my regular life. I mean, i'll
• 19:59
  Speaker 3: give you a little but the story arc is I
• 20:02
  Speaker 3: overshare about my daughters on a podcast or on a
• 20:05
  Speaker 3: TV show, Like when I told about Isla's period on Conan.
• 20:09
  Speaker 3: We wanted to use that exact one, but it was
• 20:12
  Speaker 3: it was too close to home, and I just said no.
• 20:14
  Speaker 3: And so it's I overshare about my daughters and I
• 20:17
  Speaker 3: mess everything up for my daughters in school, and I
• 20:19
  Speaker 3: try to fix it and I make it worse and
• 20:21
  Speaker 3: it turns into a wild spiral. And so it's it's
• 20:25
  Speaker 3: very enjoyable. I really hope people like it.
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: It's a cautionary tail, it is.
• 20:29
  Speaker 3: And it's a hard R comedy. Great so I mean
• 20:34
  Speaker 3: aggressive family, like a nice hard one like like like
• 20:40
  Speaker 3: and the little girl, the little girls in it, Eva
• 20:42
  Speaker 3: and Leelu are monsters. But I will say that little
• 20:45
  Speaker 3: girl Leelu like she steals it. It is she plays Isla.
• 20:50
  Speaker 3: And imagine if you lived with a child for eighteen
• 20:54
  Speaker 3: nineteen years and then you wheeled it down to six episodes,
• 20:57
  Speaker 3: You're like, this kid is insane.
• 21:00
  Speaker 2: Well, it's called free Bert. It's gonna be on Netflix
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: on January twenty second. Is it one of those where
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: all six episodes will be released at the same time
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: or is it like.
• 21:09
  Speaker 3: A one a week and so that you watch the
• 21:13
  Speaker 3: very end of one and you're dying to see what
• 21:15
  Speaker 3: happens in two, and you watch the very end of
• 21:17
  Speaker 3: two and you're like, oh my god, what happened to
• 21:23
  Speaker 3: a woody show? The machine?
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: Bert Kreischer with us. You can check him out on
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: all social media platforms at Burt Kreischer. His website is
• 21:33
  Speaker 2: Bert Bertburt dot com, which is where you can find
• 21:36
  Speaker 2: all the information about that pre party, the Full Throttle
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: Festival happening before the Daytona five hundred in February, the
• 21:43
  Speaker 2: Burt Kreischer Fully Loaded at Sea Cruise that's happening November
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: of next year. They get Burt burtbert dot com and
• 21:49
  Speaker 2: of course this weekend he'll be in Saint Louis. Then
• 21:53
  Speaker 2: he's going to Austin, Texas in January February, Fort Wayne, Indiana,
• 21:57
  Speaker 2: March twentieth, Pittsburgh April third, Atlantic City, New Jersey, May
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: twenty second, Indio, California. All we do show cities, so uh,
• 22:05
  Speaker 2: go see Burt Kreischer details and more again Bert bert
• 22:08
  Speaker 2: Bert dot com. We'd have while you're here. We figured
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: you'd be a good person to have in studio because
• 22:15
  Speaker 2: Gina has had a question for the Fellas.
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: I've been thinking about this. I don't know what you
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: really are.
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: A man's man, a man.
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: To have an answer.
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: I cry. You cry more than the average guy does cry.
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: You cry more than anybody I know. What is that?
• 22:32
  Speaker 2: Is it always been that way? No, It's just I
• 22:35
  Speaker 2: was just gonna say, because dude, I don't know what's
• 22:36
  Speaker 2: going on?
• 22:37
  Speaker 5: Man?
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: How old are you again? You're okay? So I'm forty nine?
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: Is it low? T? No?
• 22:41
  Speaker 3: Because he does right mystery? Twenty five pounds? Bro?
• 22:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah? Movie has it? Has it chilled? Since you started with? No? No? No?
• 22:49
  Speaker 3: If there are certain stories that if I start telling,
• 22:52
  Speaker 3: you start crying, And there are stories that don't matter
• 22:55
  Speaker 3: that if I tell, like if we watched our we
• 22:57
  Speaker 3: watched the pilot or the trailer to my new show,
• 23:01
  Speaker 3: and uh Leanne can tell when I start crying, then
• 23:05
  Speaker 3: no one sees it.
• 23:06
  Speaker 2: And she I cry watching it, put her hand on
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: my leg and I was like, sorry, I cry so much.
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: My wife will ridicule me. You're getting soft. It's fun
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: to cry, it's nice, but it's weird when you cry.
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: It like weird things.
• 23:22
  Speaker 3: It's like the end of Endgame, right with when when
• 23:27
  Speaker 3: Spider Man starts to disintegrate and he looks and he
• 23:31
  Speaker 3: looks and Iron Man and he goes, iron Man tell
• 23:34
  Speaker 3: me I don't want to die. And I started, and
• 23:38
  Speaker 3: my daughter goes, I know you're a big Spider Man fan.
• 23:42
  Speaker 3: I was like, no, it's it's like I feel. I'm
• 23:46
  Speaker 3: going to tell you a video of me crying. I'll
• 23:48
  Speaker 3: get it, I'll get it loaded, and i'll give it
• 23:49
  Speaker 3: to you.
• 23:50
  Speaker 2: I did not want to.
• 23:51
  Speaker 3: I was driving down the street. It was last Saturday,
• 23:54
  Speaker 3: and Uh, a widespread panic sake song came on and
• 23:58
  Speaker 3: I just heard the lyrics clearly for the first time,
• 24:02
  Speaker 3: and I started crying. On the corner of UH, in
• 24:05
  Speaker 3: the corner of Woodman and Chandler. I just sobbing, crying,
• 24:09
  Speaker 3: and then I was like, what, what's the what's the song? Uh?
• 24:12
  Speaker 3: Uh picking up the pieces?
• 24:16
  Speaker 2: No, No, it's uh ain't like grand.
• 24:18
  Speaker 3: Uh No, it's plane.
• 24:22
  Speaker 2: No.
• 24:22
  Speaker 3: Wait wait, I didn't know you were watched for a panafan. No.
• 24:25
  Speaker 2: I just know a few songs. Oh, well, look it up.
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: Very important.
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a man's man kind of question. Yeah, and uh,
• 24:35
  Speaker 2: we'll see, we'll see what all the fellows in the
• 24:37
  Speaker 2: room thing and everybody listen, of course, fellows chime in
• 24:39
  Speaker 2: on the text over to two two nine eight seven,
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: because I think.
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: We all think we know the answer, but I want
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: to hear it from you guys. We who ladies, Yeah, ladies. Okay,
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: what has been consistently the best throughout your life? Hand parties,
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: mouth parties, or sex?
• 24:58
  Speaker 2: Like asistently consistently What's I think women.
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: Would just be like out sex, But I've heard from
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: guys that that is not the case, and I'm curious.
• 25:06
  Speaker 2: All right, So either handy, mouth party, or or what's
• 25:10
  Speaker 2: been consistently the best?
• 25:12
  Speaker 3: Well, I'm gonna, I'm gonna. I'm gonna take this one.
• 25:14
  Speaker 3: And as a man that's going through a lot of
• 25:16
  Speaker 3: issues with this, I will say, mouth parties wildly dropped off. Yeah,
• 25:22
  Speaker 3: I mean quantity, No, no, no, I'm.
• 25:27
  Speaker 2: I was.
• 25:28
  Speaker 3: I was. I thought you were asking which maintained its
• 25:31
  Speaker 3: enjoyment the most. Man Like the first time you got
• 25:33
  Speaker 3: a hand party, you're like, oh, You're like this is
• 25:38
  Speaker 3: pretty good. It was nothing compared to a mouth party.
• 25:42
  Speaker 2: Well, big wheels are cool until you get a bike.
• 25:44
  Speaker 2: Bike is cool ontil you get a car. The car
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: is good until you have like a private jet or something, right,
• 25:48
  Speaker 2: I mean like it's just a based on your experience.
• 25:51
  Speaker 3: But it's it's it's more. You can't go big wheels,
• 25:54
  Speaker 3: all right, You gotta think, you gotta think all equal
• 25:56
  Speaker 3: forms of transportation tricycle. Okay. So like, uh, let's just
• 26:00
  Speaker 3: say a hand party is a car, okay, what it is?
• 26:03
  Speaker 3: All right? A mouth party is a motorcycle, okay.
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: Dangerous.
• 26:09
  Speaker 3: And then the first time you have sex, it's like
• 26:12
  Speaker 3: it's like a hoverboard. I mean, unprotected sex is better
• 26:17
  Speaker 3: than cocaine the first time. The first time you have
• 26:21
  Speaker 3: it is like.
• 26:26
  Speaker 2: There is a lord and I want to live in here. Dangerous.
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: I think I think we all, I think we all
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: agree that. Okay, So can we all eliminate as fellas?
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: Can we all eliminate hand party?
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: Keep the handy on the table right now.
• 26:39
  Speaker 3: I'll tell you right now if if mouth parties are motorcycles,
• 26:43
  Speaker 3: I've seen the fatality numbers and I'm not getting on them,
• 26:46
  Speaker 3: and I'll tell you, I'll tell you.
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: So what's the problem with hold on? What's so? What's
• 26:50
  Speaker 2: the problem with the mouth party? Now?
• 26:52
  Speaker 3: It's just not as they're still nice. But I can't
• 26:56
  Speaker 3: if the first one I ever got, first mouth party
• 26:59
  Speaker 3: I ever got, was in Room one eleven in Sally Hall,
• 27:03
  Speaker 3: in a bunk bed, in a bunk bed, and her
• 27:06
  Speaker 3: head was hitting the ceiling, and I remember going, I'm
• 27:09
  Speaker 3: gonna get abbestos from But I remember that feeling was
• 27:16
  Speaker 3: overwhelming and I was in and out in a matter
• 27:18
  Speaker 3: of seconds. I mean, I think, I mean, really, it
• 27:20
  Speaker 3: was like watching a kid play with a loaded gun.
• 27:23
  Speaker 3: You just didn't know what happened. And then next you know,
• 27:26
  Speaker 3: she was like back into the left, like JFK. But
• 27:30
  Speaker 3: now I look at those and if you said to me, hey, listen,
• 27:34
  Speaker 3: I need you to you're gonna get a mouth party
• 27:36
  Speaker 3: from your wife, and you need to complete said mouth
• 27:39
  Speaker 3: party before the end of this Game of Thrones episode,
• 27:41
  Speaker 3: I'd be.
• 27:42
  Speaker 2: Like, good luck.
• 27:43
  Speaker 3: Really, yeah, I just they don't is that I.
• 27:46
  Speaker 2: Don't know that sounds like a criticism of style points.
• 27:49
  Speaker 3: First time I got a mouth party from my wife,
• 27:52
  Speaker 3: I was like, this chick might be a slut. She
• 27:56
  Speaker 3: is so good.
• 27:57
  Speaker 2: I mean, how many of these has she ten thousand hours?
• 28:02
  Speaker 2: It's like watching they are Can you break into the
• 28:06
  Speaker 2: main frame and the guy goes, give me your computer.
• 28:08
  Speaker 2: You're like, WHOA.
• 28:11
  Speaker 3: But but I will say, if we're talking consistency, a
• 28:15
  Speaker 3: hand party has always delivered the same exact way.
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: It is not changed.
• 28:20
  Speaker 3: It's not better or worse. It is like pasta. It's
• 28:22
  Speaker 3: always good. Say cheeseburger. Hand party is a cheeseburger. It's
• 28:28
  Speaker 3: hard to play with a cheeseburger. A mouth party is sushi. Yeah,
• 28:31
  Speaker 3: you're rolling the dice on it sometimes.
• 28:32
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 28:33
  Speaker 3: I don't know.
• 28:34
  Speaker 2: I feel like consistency would be the mouth party, right,
• 28:38
  Speaker 2: I have a vastly different answer. I think I think
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: the one that's like hit or miss could be the
• 28:42
  Speaker 2: hand party. Yeah, maybe you haven't had the right hand party.
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: That it's it's it's so it's it's almost interesting. It's
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: like it's fun, unaggressive party, like a surprise hand party.
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: But when I was.
• 28:59
  Speaker 5: When I was with Surprise, when I was Chicks, I
• 29:01
  Speaker 5: would just say sex but consistently good throughout life.
• 29:05
  Speaker 2: Mouth party. Wow, Yeah, sure that would.
• 29:08
  Speaker 3: Be the top mouth party.
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: I just heard horror stories about hand parties, like because.
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: Dry take aggress like you get what you can get. Listen,
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: but they usually start unexpected like hand parties kind of
• 29:22
  Speaker 2: like dry humping and like like it's like that that
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: seems to be the training wheels of your of your
• 29:29
  Speaker 2: sex life. I just said to my wife the other day, like,
• 29:32
  Speaker 2: there's so like when I hand party myself. There's certain
• 29:36
  Speaker 2: things I can't watch porn anymore. I don't know why.
• 29:38
  Speaker 3: It just doesn't. It's I don't know, everyone's too young,
• 29:41
  Speaker 3: and it's just not not what I I'm used to doing, you.
• 29:43
  Speaker 2: Know, crying too much, crying black dudes.
• 29:50
  Speaker 3: So and so I said to her, I said, there's
• 29:52
  Speaker 3: three things I think of in our in our sex
• 29:55
  Speaker 3: that I go back to moments where you got a
• 29:57
  Speaker 3: little unbridled where it caught me off guard and I
• 30:00
  Speaker 3: loved it. And she goes really and one of them
• 30:02
  Speaker 3: is a hand party. One of them was just a
• 30:04
  Speaker 3: I mean, I'll give you the details so that you
• 30:07
  Speaker 3: understand what I'm talking about. We do we do her
• 30:10
  Speaker 3: mouth party first right a little bit, and so normally
• 30:13
  Speaker 3: we go straight to sex and that's what happens. But
• 30:15
  Speaker 3: there's something on this woman. There's like the there's a
• 30:18
  Speaker 3: full moon, and she changed, she got she caught side
• 30:23
  Speaker 3: guard on me. Okay, side guard meaning I'm in like
• 30:27
  Speaker 3: a uma plata like it's a it's a it's She
• 30:30
  Speaker 3: went jiu jitsu on me, you making it like and
• 30:33
  Speaker 3: just like from one from her and then right not
• 30:35
  Speaker 3: to sex and got on me and just started going
• 30:38
  Speaker 3: to town. And within minutes I went hand party and
• 30:41
  Speaker 3: caught me off guard. I catched so quick, really, and
• 30:46
  Speaker 3: I and I go. I didn't expect that. I didn't
• 30:49
  Speaker 3: want that, but it's what I needed. Yeah.
• 30:52
  Speaker 2: See, totally agree with Bert. Hand party is all reliable, reliable.
• 30:58
  Speaker 3: Hey, listen, when you're in the car and you get
• 31:00
  Speaker 3: you get a hand party out of nowhere, You're like,
• 31:02
  Speaker 3: what the come on?
• 31:04
  Speaker 2: It always shows up, it always delivers.
• 31:06
  Speaker 3: It's like your high school coach.
• 31:07
  Speaker 2: He's never gonna let you down.
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: So you're saying that a hand party always can add
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: the element of surprise. Looks sex is sex is a.
• 31:15
  Speaker 3: It's a family dinner for Thanksgiving, a lot to set
• 31:18
  Speaker 3: up a lot of mood.
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: Both of you have to into it. Both of you
• 31:21
  Speaker 2: have to be into it right.
• 31:23
  Speaker 3: If her AD's not into it, then all of a
• 31:24
  Speaker 3: sudden you're having sex and she's got a weird look
• 31:26
  Speaker 3: on her face, like and then you feel creepy, and
• 31:28
  Speaker 3: then you feel creepy, and then she breaks a sweat
• 31:30
  Speaker 3: and you're like, uh, oh, dude, a surprise hand surprise party.
• 31:36
  Speaker 3: You're driving back from the beach, and then all of
• 31:39
  Speaker 3: a sudden she just leans over. You're like, oh, okay,
• 31:44
  Speaker 3: in context, yeah, context if you're watching TV and all
• 31:47
  Speaker 3: of a sudden somebody's playing down there, and then you
• 31:50
  Speaker 3: realize we're taking this all the way, it makes it better.
• 31:53
  Speaker 3: And then a surprise mouth party sometimes is a little
• 31:58
  Speaker 3: much like the cars next to us.
• 32:01
  Speaker 2: Conscious You're like, oh god, did I excuse it? You know, yeah,
• 32:04
  Speaker 2: I worked out this morning. Text says, uh, they're votes
• 32:07
  Speaker 2: for sex. Women aren't great at hand parties, and mouth
• 32:10
  Speaker 2: parties have dropped off.
• 32:11
  Speaker 3: For me over the years.
• 32:12
  Speaker 2: Okay, I see that's I don't know. That's always the
• 32:15
  Speaker 2: welcome guest is the mouth party. The hand party is
• 32:17
  Speaker 2: kind of inconsistent. Sex seems to be more like kind
• 32:19
  Speaker 2: of old reliable because as a dude from me, I
• 32:22
  Speaker 2: could see where it's very intermiss because you know that
• 32:24
  Speaker 2: you guys are more complicated, but mouth. Parties are like camping.
• 32:27
  Speaker 2: They're fun when you're young, but when you're older, you're like.
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: This is very interesting. Wow, wow, all right, well no,
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: this is helpful, this is really so.
• 32:40
  Speaker 2: You're also talking to a married man. Yeah, I only
• 32:42
  Speaker 2: shop at one store. I get it now.
• 32:45
  Speaker 3: If we're in a car, it's some sweetish chick. My
• 32:50
  Speaker 3: wife's dad, My wife dad rest in peace. I don't
• 32:57
  Speaker 3: know if I want the eye contact from a stranger.
• 33:02
  Speaker 2: Well, I think that's a good place to end, don't you.
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: Thank you absolutely.
• 33:05
  Speaker 2: Bert Kreischer. Ladies and gentlemen at Bert Kreischer on all
• 33:09
  Speaker 2: the social media platforms you can find them Bert bert
• 33:11
  Speaker 2: bert dot com. Check out the details on the pre
• 33:14
  Speaker 2: party for the Daytona five hundred, the Full Throttle Festival
• 33:17
  Speaker 2: happening in February, the Fully Loaded at Sea cruise next November.
• 33:22
  Speaker 2: Of course all the shows. The guy just can't be home.
• 33:25
  Speaker 2: He's like minutes, just can't bet. I'm gonna see if
• 33:28
  Speaker 2: I can sneak home and get a hand party in
• 33:29
  Speaker 2: the now. She just got out of bed. Always got
• 33:32
  Speaker 2: to be on the run. And then the Netflix series
• 33:35
  Speaker 2: Free Bert will be released on January twenty second, six episodes.
• 33:39
  Speaker 2: Check it out The Machine, Bert Kreischer every day. We
• 33:45
  Speaker 2: love you so much.
• 33:46
  Speaker 3: I'm gonna send you a gift box for free Bert
• 33:49
  Speaker 3: when it comes out, but I need you to open
• 33:50
  Speaker 3: it on air.
• 33:50
  Speaker 2: Oh sweet, Yeah, you know what. We never get those.
• 33:53
  Speaker 2: I know obvious. See all the other shows to get
• 33:55
  Speaker 2: those like these cool gifts and they post them on
• 33:57
  Speaker 2: their social media.
• 33:58
  Speaker 3: We don't get anything.
• 33:59
  Speaker 2: We'll get one for Burt.
• 34:01
  Speaker 3: You're giving one and boy, you're gonna love it and
• 34:03
  Speaker 3: it's gonna live in this studio for the rest of We.
• 34:07
  Speaker 2: Love you man than you guys, I love you coming
• 34:08
  Speaker 2: in and say hi to Tom for us and like
• 34:10
  Speaker 2: legitimately and uh uh, you know I'm not I'm not
• 34:13
  Speaker 2: saying that because he hates radio. He said, we counted,
• 34:17
  Speaker 2: so yeah, that's a legitimate Hello. All right, we got
• 34:21
  Speaker 2: to t get a quick break. More Wood he show
• 34:22
  Speaker 2: his next Hanging the Woody Show.
• 34:24
  Speaker 3: We'll be right back.
• 34:26
  Speaker 2: Where's you your mother