Latest / Curiously Guided Podcast / Ep.107 | Choosing Your Hard: Building Careers & Boundaries That Actually Support You with Shay & Mariah

Transcript

Ep.107 | Choosing Your Hard: Building Careers & Boundaries That Actually Support You with Shay & Mariah · Curiously Guided Podcast

0:06
Shay: Okay, friends, welcome back.
0:07
Shay: Today we have a very fun episode with just Mariah and I.
0:12
Shay: Um the the kind of general theme of this podcast throughout all the years that we've been doing it now is we're kind of circling around this idea of lifestyle design and how to create a life that feels great for you, but kind of what fuels that life is how your career fits in there and how do we balance work with leisure, with striving, with contentment.
0:37
Shay: And um, Ryan and I are constantly having this conversation around how can we keep building these careers and businesses in a way that doesn't lead to burnout, that is sustainable and that just feels like aligned with the kind of lives we live.
0:51
Shay: And something that brought her and I together immediately when we first met was just we're not trying to buy an island, is something I always say.
0:59
Shay: Like there's tons of people out there that are hustling their butts off and they're earning millions and they're buying Lamborghinis and they're talking all about it online, and that's great.
1:08
Shay: And it's been clear to me for a long time that I could kill myself and work really hard, and I have in certain seasons and make a shit ton of money, but that's never been fulfilling.
1:17
Shay: It's always been exhausting.
1:19
Shay: And so what's more interesting to me is people who are earning a good amount of money, earning money that makes them feel at peace and ease and open and spacious, but they're not consumed with their work.
1:32
Shay: Or if they are, they have a well-balanced life, you know, they have good health, they have other interests, you know, that that to me is what is quote unquote successful.
1:42
Shay: And so Mariah and I are going to have a bit of an off the cuff conversation today that we haven't actually chatted about yet, but she just went to a conference in Canada for International Women's Day, and she got asked some um interesting questions about building your career and how do you hold boundaries around career and life and all that.
2:01
Shay: So, Mariah, were you kind of like fill in the blanks there?
2:03
Shay: You know, what happened and what was the question actually?
2:06
Mariah: Yeah, so the event was an International Women's Day event.
2:11
Mariah: And so I was a speaker on the panel.
2:14
Mariah: There was four of us on the panel, and then Andrea Jones was the host of the panel.
2:21
Mariah: And it's so funny to me to hear people's perspective of me and people's perspective of my business, because like it's all a projection, right?
2:36
Mariah: Like we're all walking around in our own little worlds in our head, and the way that we see things and the way that we feel things is often different than the way that other people see things.
2:49
Mariah: Um, and so one of the questions that I got, Andrea was kind of like, hey, you have really strong boundaries, like in your business and kind of like in your career.
2:59
Mariah: Like, how do you hold those boundaries?
3:02
Mariah: Because like you're the type of person that like there are plenty of things that you are not willing to do, and like you're very clear about that.
3:10
Mariah: And so I kind of didn't expect this question.
3:14
Mariah: Um, and I was like, oh, well, first off, thank you very much.
3:17
Mariah: And you know, yada, yada, yada.
3:19
Mariah: So I answered it a little bit and I'll get into my thoughts on that.
3:22
Mariah: But what was interesting from the way that I started off answering the question was to diminish the boundaries that I have created in my business.
3:34
Mariah: Because you know what I said?
3:35
Mariah: My first thing I said, I go, oh, thanks so much.
3:39
Mariah: I'm really, you know, it's that's really awesome that you think that.
3:42
Mariah: You should see the boundaries that I hold with my family.
3:44
Mariah: They're non-existent, they don't exist.
3:45
Mariah: Like, blah, blah, blah.
3:46
Mariah: It's like I wanted to like cut down this perception that she had of me and be like, no, I'm I'm relatable.
3:56
Mariah: I'm I'm just like you.
3:57
Mariah: You you should see the dumpster fire that like is my family relationships and the fact that like my life's work right now is to heal my inner child and the boundaries that I have with the people closest to me and my family.
4:11
Mariah: Uh, and so it was just really interesting.
4:14
Mariah: Like, Mariah, what do you mean?
4:17
Mariah: That's the first way that you answer the question.
4:19
Mariah: Why couldn't you just receive the perspective of something that you're really proud of?
4:25
Mariah: Because it's not like I was trying to skirt away from the question because I was like, that's not correct.
4:30
Mariah: I like felt so proud that I didn't want people to feel that I felt so proud.
4:39
Mariah: Does that make sense?
4:40
Shay: You were trying to like play it down a little bit, like, I'm normal, I'm not that great.
4:44
Shay: What do you mean?
4:45
Mariah: Yeah.
4:45
Mariah: And then as I'm saying that in my head, like we didn't have all the time in the world in a panel.
4:50
Mariah: And if you're listening to this podcast, you know I can yap, like I can talk.
4:54
Mariah: And I'm just like, as I'm saying it, I'm literally, it's like a watcher, like a part of me was noticing my response and getting pissed off at me at my response.
5:05
Mariah: And then I'm another part of me is literally laughing that I'm getting so upset at the response, but I'm still through all of this, I'm still talking in a room of a hundred people.
5:14
Mariah: And I'm literally like after that, I just had to laugh about it because I'm like, how fucking funny.
5:20
Mariah: So then I'm listening to other people answer questions.
5:24
Mariah: They did the same fucking thing.
5:27
Mariah: Hey, you're really good at like balancing work and life, and like it seems like you do it all.
5:31
Mariah: Like, how do you do it all?
5:32
Mariah: The first response Well, I don't.
5:36
Mariah: I don't do it all.
5:37
Mariah: It looks like I do it all.
5:37
Mariah: And I'm just like, yes, I understand that that's like the core, but like, why do we instantly have to answer this question by like ripping down ourselves, yeah?
5:48
Mariah: Ourselves are just like the things that we're proud of.
5:54
Mariah: Like, I know this person on a panel, she's a friend of mine.
5:57
Mariah: I know that she's really proud of herself for this.
5:59
Mariah: And I'm listening to people's responses, and I go, why the fuck do we do that?
6:05
Mariah: So that was kind of a mind fuck.
6:07
Mariah: And we can get into like my actual thoughts about all of this, but like that was really interesting, and I haven't told you that.
6:13
Mariah: And I was just like, can we unpack this?
6:15
Mariah: Because like, what the fuck was that?
6:18
Shay: Yeah, I don't know what that is.
6:19
Shay: I definitely do that too.
6:20
Shay: And I always thought it was like a Midwestern thing of like, we were always taught, like, you don't want to be the reed that grows up a head taller than the rest because your head gets chopped off.
6:29
Shay: So for me, I think when I do that, it's a bit of a self-defense mechanism because I'm like, oh, don't go around thinking I'm so perfect.
6:36
Shay: Like, I will and it's a bit of integrity too.
6:38
Shay: I think everyone's like, oh, I don't want to come off as this like perfect person.
6:42
Shay: I want you to know.
6:43
Shay: I think it's a bit of both, right?
6:45
Shay: Like ego and also like I want to be genuine and authentic, and I'm not like this all the time.
6:50
Mariah: It is.
6:51
Mariah: And I think that it just goes back to like the different layers as humans, right?
6:56
Mariah: And I think that it comes back to what we see on social media and what you'll see all the time, like social media is just a highlight reel.
7:02
Mariah: And it's like the same thing when you're speaking, same thing on this podcast.
7:06
Mariah: Like, I'm not vlogging, and even vloggers, like, but I'm not vlogging and bringing you into like the hell day that I had on Monday when I had to bring my little puppy to his first fucking puppy class.
7:19
Mariah: Like, I'm not bringing you into that and I'm like crying on the way home.
7:23
Mariah: You know what I mean?
7:24
Mariah: Like, it's it's just a reminder that there's so many different aspects to us, and these different aspects show up in different seasons when we're in different moods, depending on all of these different nuances, where we are, how we're feeling, what we ate, like all of that.
7:42
Mariah: And so it's funny because there's also this mechanism as a human where it's like you try to understand that other person so that you can put them in a box, so that you can label them so that you can feel safe.
7:54
Mariah: Yeah.
7:54
Mariah: But like we know that we can never be put in a box, but like we forget that we can't be put in a box when like we're judging these other people, and not like judging in like a bad way, but like just trying to figure out like which box I can yeah, yeah, to be able to categorize them.
8:08
Shay: Yeah.
8:10
Shay: So what happened next?
8:12
Shay: So you A, I wanted to say I think it's cool.
8:14
Shay: Your your parts work.
8:16
Shay: Your youth that always sounds so funny, but your parts work in real time was pretty impressive to be in front of a hundred people and have what you said, the voice reacting to it, the voice reacting to that, right?
8:28
Shay: And being able to dissect that in real time is is quite the skill in and of itself.
8:32
Mariah: Schizophrenia runs in my family.
8:37
Shay: Is it arts work?
8:38
Shay: Is it mental health issues?
8:40
Shay: I don't know.
8:40
Mariah: I mean a little bit of both, I think.
8:43
Mariah: Um, but yeah, okay.
8:45
Mariah: So actually going into the question itself, I know I know my zone of genius.
8:54
Mariah: That's essentially what it comes down to.
8:56
Mariah: And like I'm very confident in that.
8:59
Mariah: And I've only figured that out through trial and error.
9:02
Mariah: And like I tell people, like, I really just like to fuck around and find out because A, it gives me experiences, but it also gives me wisdom.
9:10
Mariah: And once I've gathered so much wisdom, now I know, okay, I kind of know this box or this container that I really like to play in.
9:20
Mariah: This feels fun for me.
9:22
Mariah: Anything else.
9:24
Mariah: So, like a lot of people come to me and they're just like, hey, can you do my SEO for me?
9:27
Mariah: Like a lot of people want me to like be an agency or like offer ongoing done-for-you retainers, like that type of thing.
9:33
Mariah: And I'm like, absolutely not.
9:34
Mariah: I tell people on sales calls, that's not me.
9:36
Mariah: If you want somebody that does that, I can make an incredible recommendation.
9:41
Mariah: I'm not the person that will handle this for you forever.
9:44
Mariah: I don't care if you pay me a thousand, five thousand, ten thousand dollars a month.
9:49
Mariah: The money is not deep enough because I will hate my life.
9:52
Mariah: And I only know that because I've tried it and I've noticed my energy.
9:57
Mariah: It tanks.
9:58
Mariah: I cannot get myself to give a shit.
10:01
Mariah: Even like I was offering retainers like before a long time ago, six years ago.
10:07
Mariah: They were paying my bills with the retainers every month.
10:11
Mariah: And I was on retainer for about a year and a half, and then they ended up selling the business.
10:16
Mariah: And when they sent me that email, I literally was like, thank God.
10:20
Mariah: I love this for you.
10:22
Mariah: I am so glad that I never have to do this again.
10:25
Mariah: And so that was just a sign because, like, I keep remembering, I didn't get into business to do a bunch of shit that I don't like.
10:33
Mariah: There's already a small percentage of things that I have to do because I'm a business owner.
10:38
Mariah: You know, the taxes, the admin, the contracts, the the yada yada yada that we can't get away from.
10:43
Mariah: But like that's where I cap it.
10:45
Mariah: Anything else that doesn't feel fun to me, I will not be doing because my clients get my best work when I'm in my zone of genius.
11:01
Mariah: So this isn't like a super selfish thing where it's like, I just want to be on cloud nine.
11:06
Mariah: No, even when I'm in my zone of genius, like I get frustrated, I have shitty days.
11:10
Mariah: But I'm staying in a place where like it feels fun for me, and that's the whole point of business.
11:16
Mariah: If I only cared about money and I didn't care about joy, then I would go and get a job that had benefits, where I didn't have to think about launching a membership and writing emails on the weekends, where I got paid time off.
11:30
Mariah: But I don't want that.
11:32
Mariah: My hard, and so my hard meaning like I get to choose my hard.
11:38
Mariah: My husband just started a new job, a nine to five out of the house in January, and he is choosing to work for somebody else a nine to five, have to go there, but he gets benefits, and that's really great.
11:50
Mariah: And he gets like a consistent paycheck every week, and that's wonderful.
11:54
Mariah: That's his hard that he's choosing because he does not have time flexibility.
11:59
Mariah: Where me, I don't have the benefits, I don't have health insurance with my business unless I pay out of pocket.
12:04
Mariah: Like there's a whole bunch of things that I don't have, but like I get time and project and client flexibility and creative flexibility, and that that's that's what I want.
12:16
Mariah: So I will choose the hard of everything else.
12:20
Mariah: And so it's reminding myself that like I get to choose.
12:25
Mariah: And when I stay in my zone of genius, everybody else benefits everybody, my clients, my community, my husband, my family, my friends, my business friends, like people on the podcast.
12:38
Mariah: Because if I wasn't lit up about this, I wouldn't be creating this podcast.
12:42
Mariah: You wouldn't be able to feel the passion in my voice.
12:44
Mariah: You wouldn't get inspired or motivated or, you know, like whatever is happening.
12:48
Mariah: And so it's like that perspective alone forces me to kind of hold the boundaries.
12:57
Shay: So what you're saying is being able to hold boundaries came through time and reps, right?
13:04
Shay: It didn't come just like I'm a boundary set and ass bitch.
13:08
Shay: It came from, and I've seen you that what I'm sitting here thinking as you're talking is like, wow, what a transformation Mariah's made.
13:15
Shay: Because five years ago, you weren't.
13:18
Shay: You you felt like the model to run an SEO company was to do an agency.
13:24
Shay: You had people asking for agency work because that's what we were all familiar with, and you were trying to do something totally different that no one had seen before.
13:32
Shay: So it, you were in this constant state of, can I do this?
13:36
Shay: When everyone else is doing it this way, but that way doesn't feel right.
13:39
Shay: Could I do it my own way?
13:41
Shay: And it literally took you years.
13:42
Shay: I've watched you for five years now.
13:46
Shay: I I'm doing it my own way.
13:47
Shay: I'm proving to myself I can.
13:48
Shay: I'm proving our great Ash uh, I was gonna say astrologer Ash, she said, confidence comes through reps, it comes through proof, right?
13:57
Shay: And so you have been proving to yourself over and over and over and over and over again for years that yes, you can do it in a way that feels energizing.
14:06
Shay: Yes, you can do it in a way that doesn't feel like a drain, even though the paved path it is lucrative.
14:15
Shay: Very lucrative.
14:16
Shay: You certainly could do that.
14:17
Mariah: And the blueprint is there.
14:18
Mariah: Do you know how easy it would be?
14:20
Shay: The blueprint's there.
14:20
Shay: That's it, yeah.
14:21
Mariah: E quote, like air quote easy.
14:25
Mariah: The setup easy.
14:26
Mariah: I can literally go and join a course that teaches me how to set up your six-figure SEO agency tomorrow, and I'll probably get the ad because you know, my computer knows that I said that now.
14:38
Mariah: But it's like, it would be so easy to do that.
14:42
Shay: Yeah.
14:43
Shay: And people, that's what people want to hire for in your world, is they just are like, I don't want to think about it, I want to hire it out.
14:49
Shay: And so you have to also educate people.
14:52
Shay: There's like an extra challenge there of your you have to educate your customer as well about actually what's going to serve you the most is if I educate you or your team on how this works um, like strategically, so you guys can kind of zoom out and think about the forest through the trees on your own and just kind of use me as needed.
15:09
Shay: So, like, I think what you have given to your clients is more valuable.
15:14
Shay: God, how many stories do we hear about SEO agencies?
15:17
Shay: And I'm in creative, so design agencies just like ripping people off and charging them an arm and a leg for nothing.
15:23
Shay: And so, and that's always you it bothered you and I.
15:25
Shay: So I think it's cool that you've come up with something new that you think is more helpful for your people, but it didn't come overnight, you being able to set those boundaries.
15:34
Shay: And there were many years of you questioning yourself and letting boundaries slide because you're like, I don't know, I don't know if it'll work, right?
15:42
Mariah: Yeah, and it's even like even three years ago.
15:47
Mariah: So, like I've been doing SEO for probably eight, nine years now, and it's like in the first four, I would say, I was constantly rattling my brain.
16:00
Mariah: Am I doing this right?
16:02
Mariah: Will I be able to make money?
16:04
Mariah: Is this profitable?
16:05
Mariah: Because I also had a YouTube channel.
16:08
Mariah: So this YouTube channel didn't make sense for the SEO agency model per se, because my YouTube channel is tutorials.
16:17
Mariah: Literally, it's like free consulting.
16:19
Mariah: I've like, it's basically like free courses if you want to learn how to DIY this stuff yourself.
16:25
Mariah: So that didn't really make sense for me to create that kind of content and then push people into an agency.
16:33
Mariah: And on YouTube, people were like, well, if you're creating tutorials, you're not gonna be successful on YouTube or as a content creator or in business at all, because the tutorials solve a problem.
16:42
Mariah: People come to you for that problem, then they leave.
16:45
Mariah: They don't hire you again, they're done.
16:47
Mariah: And so I feel like in every different section of my business, I've had people tell me that, like, this is never gonna work.
16:54
Mariah: You're never gonna be able to make money.
16:55
Mariah: This is not gonna be sustainable.
16:57
Mariah: You can't do this.
16:58
Mariah: Yeah.
16:58
Mariah: And to me, it was just like this knowing and this rebellion of like, fuck off.
17:07
Mariah: You're not me.
17:08
Mariah: You don't have my brain, you don't see what I see.
17:12
Mariah: And it's this like inner need of me always wanting to be special, Enneagram 4, I suppose.
17:18
Mariah: I can put words to it now, but it's like I always want to be different.
17:22
Mariah: Not for the sake of being different, but like I really get off on like being special and different from other people.
17:28
Mariah: And it's not a thing that I like think through consciously all the time, but like in hindsight, I go, oh yeah, that tracks.
17:35
Mariah: Um, and so I think that like that's there, there was motivating factors there for me to like stay the line and like keep being curious, but I also had to make money.
17:46
Mariah: And so it's like there was a time when I was offering a little bit of retainers or even considering offering retainers.
17:52
Mariah: I used to offer three-month retainers because people just wanted help for a court.
17:56
Mariah: Oh my God, I literally was like, please don't sign back on.
17:59
Mariah: Like, please don't.
18:00
Mariah: And I was like, why am I creating a business that I'm literally begging clients to not pay me?
18:05
Mariah: It's strange.
18:07
Shay: Yeah.
18:09
Shay: And then how many people do we know that had just keep doing that and then wind up burnt out?
18:15
Shay: So I think it's cool that you it was almost like you phased it out.
18:18
Shay: Like you had big long retainers and then you started offering shorter retainers, and then like kind of intensives, and then now you have uh your membership program, which is cool because that gives you monthly recurring revenue, which is like the goal that we all want in this world.
18:32
Shay: And it's, I really think giving your people a better solution because they can kind of interact with you in real time and ask the questions that are coming up and you know have their people learn it.
18:41
Shay: And and it the thing about SEO is you really you can read all you want online, but if unless you have someone like you that's like looking at your specific situation, all the advice is kind of meaningless because it's like really individualized for how people are positioning themselves.
18:56
Shay: So back to the story at the conference, you got at you said someone said, Mariah, I see you, you're a boundary set impeached.
19:05
Shay: I'm so impressed.
19:07
Shay: What was the question, actually?
19:09
Shay: Was it how do you do it?
19:11
Mariah: It was I don't remember the exact question, but it essentially was like you have very strong boundaries in your work.
19:20
Mariah: And like I know from numerous conversations with you that like there are things that like you won't do.
19:26
Mariah: Like you're very clear on like what you are willing to do and what you're not willing to do.
19:30
Mariah: Can you just like walk us through like how you can how does that happen?
19:37
Mariah: Because when you're a service provider, or even even if you're not, if you're a coach, if you're a consultant, like I consider myself a consultant and an educator, people will come to you with all of their problems.
19:48
Mariah: Like, I will be like, hey, I can get your website found on Google.
19:53
Mariah: And people are like, Cool, can you help my Instagram reach?
19:57
Mariah: And I'm like, no, those are easy.
20:01
Mariah: You know what I'm like?
20:02
Mariah: I'm absolutely not, ma'am.
20:04
Mariah: No.
20:05
Mariah: But there are harder ones where people will be like, Well, can you do X, Y, and Z in like some custom package, and then I have to run it through?
20:12
Mariah: Does this feel fun?
20:14
Mariah: Are they gonna pay me well?
20:15
Mariah: Because that's the thing.
20:16
Mariah: It's like, I have so much free content on YouTube.
20:20
Mariah: My newsletters themselves that go out every single week should be paid.
20:25
Mariah: They are so in-depth and so actionable and so practical that I've had actually three people this week tell me like how expensive my one-on-one consulting is.
20:36
Mariah: And I go, okay, it gets to be.
20:39
Mariah: Go and consume all of my free content.
20:42
Mariah: And I think that that's the other thing.
20:43
Mariah: It's like I've gotten to a point where it's like, I see that this works.
20:47
Mariah: I know where I'm good, I know where I have fun, I know what kind of business I am trying to build.
20:53
Mariah: And like I have proof that I can do it my way.
20:58
Mariah: And I also have to keep reminding myself that I'm not the perfect solution for everybody because there's that part of me that comes in and it's like little people pleaser girl who is like, but I can see, like well, I know more about it than you do, so I could help you.
21:17
Shay: Yes, yes.
21:18
Mariah: And it's like, yeah, like I know where your problem is, I know where the gap is.
21:22
Mariah: Like, hmm, let me see if I can.
21:24
Mariah: And every time I do that, I fucking hate it.
21:27
Mariah: Or the client is, I don't want to say they're not happy, but the expectations weren't met.
21:33
Mariah: They expected me to do more done for you, or like they expected more agency type thing because that's how they see SEO.
21:40
Mariah: And so it's like, time and time again, I have just learned that like I have to stay the course.
21:49
Mariah: I have to, and I have to experiment in a way that feels really, really good for me.
21:54
Shay: Well, that's what I think staying the course is, because we don't really know the course, we can't see it in the moment.
22:00
Shay: But you can you've pointed out a couple times, like touching base with how it makes you feel.
22:04
Shay: I think again, emotion, feeling, what we always talk about every single episode is the guide here.
22:10
Shay: The way you hold boundaries is by giving yourself a minute, tapping in, how does it make you feel?
22:16
Shay: Um, I took on a website.
22:18
Shay: I have my past job was website.
22:20
Shay: That's how I got started making websites for people, and of course, I don't know.
22:24
Mariah: Let's dive into your career here.
22:26
Shay: Because we're I have so many.
22:28
Mariah: We have asked me plenty of questions, and I'm sure that I'll have more things to say.
22:32
Shay: Well, I do want to, before we go into mine though, you mentioned something about projections.
22:36
Shay: What do you think?
22:38
Shay: And that's something I've been noticing about myself.
22:41
Shay: I heard someone say you can never say something about someone else or give someone else feedback without also seeing that in yourself.
22:48
Shay: So anytime I am saying something to someone else, I also see that in me.
22:51
Shay: There's no way I could express it unless I also felt it.
22:54
Shay: So that idea of like how we project on others, I've been thinking is interesting lately.
22:58
Shay: And so tell me, what do you what did you mean by that?
23:01
Shay: Like, what did you think the projection was?
23:04
Mariah: Yeah, human design is actually the only thing that's given me language for this.
23:10
Mariah: So if people are familiar with human design, the line five.
23:13
Mariah: So this is gonna go real deep in the weeds.
23:15
Mariah: You can find other podcasts to dive into this, but I'm a one-three in terms of like my profile.
23:20
Mariah: But if you look at my entire chart and you look at the lines of all of my placements in my human design chart, most of my chart is a line five.
23:31
Mariah: So it's like my energy is a line five.
23:34
Mariah: It can sound a little confusing when you're just like, I thought you just had a profile, but I have really noticed that people project onto me that like I can solve their problems, like always.
23:47
Mariah: Or they're projecting like I can be the hero of their story, or I'm the villain of their story.
23:53
Mariah: I very much like really resonate with that.
23:56
Mariah: And it kind of made sense when I like look at like past experiences growing up and like even in business now.
24:02
Mariah: And so the thing that I do to try to avoid getting too deep into emotions based on projections is expectations.
24:12
Mariah: That's why I'm so detail oriented and why I try to be extremely clear when it comes to expectations, because I assume when people look at me and they think some type of way, they're putting expectations if they choose to move forward and work with me.
24:28
Mariah: And like, I want to make sure that what I'm thinking in my head matches what you're thinking in your head if we choose to go into like a working relationship together.
24:39
Mariah: So that's extremely important to me.
24:41
Mariah: Um, but projections, I think that's true because you hear people's story, you hear people's words, you hear all of these different experiences.
24:52
Mariah: And in order to relate to them, you run them through the lens of how you've experienced the world.
24:57
Mariah: And so it's kind of like if they hear somebody like me that's like, listen, I only do in business what feels fun for me, they might be like, oh my God, thank you so much for sharing.
25:08
Mariah: I didn't even know that that was possible.
25:09
Mariah: That's incredible, like that's really what I want, because maybe they have already kind of had this inkling that it's like they wish that they had more joy in their life.
25:17
Mariah: But some people can hear that exact same statement said in the exact same way and be like, who the hell does she think she is?
25:23
Mariah: And maybe they had a parent or a grandparent or a sibling or somebody in their life that basically told them work hard and show up, regardless of what happens.
25:36
Mariah: Or it's like they had that model to them growing up, or like that's just how they see the world.
25:42
Mariah: And so they're running my story through how they're seeing the world, and then adding extra layers of story on it that actually aren't my story, they're their story.
25:54
Mariah: And so we all do this because it's it's just how we relate to the world.
25:58
Shay: Yeah.
25:58
Shay: Yeah, I think that's important in the dot I connected while you were talking is being aware of how people project on you and then setting expectations with.
26:09
Shay: So you let's say it's normal that people come in and they're like, Mariah is gonna solve all of my internet problems, which is a normal thing that happens.
26:16
Shay: I've worked with your type of clients before.
26:18
Shay: They're like, I don't know the internet, Mariah knows the internet, she's gonna solve all internet problems.
26:22
Shay: When really SEO is just like one piece of the whole internet problems, right?
26:26
Shay: And so I could definitely see that like you being aware of those projections helps with setting expectations.
26:34
Shay: So when you get on the call, you're kind of like, oh, I'm getting the vibe.
26:36
Shay: This person thinks that I'm gonna come in and solve every X, Y, and Z in their business.
26:41
Shay: And you can kind of come in and say, no, let me carve out and be really clear.
26:44
Shay: These are the issues that we work on in this world.
26:47
Shay: Um, so I think that's a cool spin on being aware of projections.
26:52
Shay: And the other, the thing that blew my mind, I went to this retreat, it was a sales retreat last October, and we did this activity where you literally go around the room and talk to everybody there and you tell them like your impression of them.
27:05
Shay: And it has to be like all negative, like all of the bad things you interpret about them.
27:10
Shay: And these are all kind of strangers, and it's really uncomfortable to do.
27:14
Shay: But it's interesting and it's good to get that feedback.
27:16
Shay: But afterwards, the leader of the group said, anything you said it is a projection, it's something that you also feel.
27:25
Shay: And that like blew my mind against the wall because I was like, Whoa, everything I just said to all of those people, I thought I was giving them feedback.
27:33
Shay: Really, it was me giving myself feedback.
27:36
Shay: And and those are all things that I felt and I noticed it in them because I first noticed it in myself.
27:41
Shay: And so I was like, damn, that and that I've been really thinking about that and how I project in my life.
27:49
Mariah: I yeah, I wish that I knew this when I was little.
27:53
Mariah: I I wish I knew everything when I was little, literally.
27:55
Mariah: But um, I remember as a kid, so I was like extremely overweight.
27:59
Mariah: I had like a big belly, and I like that's the first thing that I would look at on people.
28:05
Mariah: Oh, how is their belly?
28:06
Mariah: Is it big like mine, or is it small?
28:08
Mariah: It's the first thing that I would notice, and then I had friends that like didn't like their nose.
28:12
Mariah: And so they would be like, oh my god, look at her nose.
28:14
Mariah: Her nose is so cute.
28:14
Mariah: And I was like, I never thought about a nose.
28:18
Mariah: I'm like, never seen her nose.
28:20
Mariah: Her belly looks nice.
28:22
Shay: I've never seen anybody's nose.
28:23
Mariah: I've never seen anybody's nose.
28:25
Mariah: And so, like, that thing was really interesting and like a reminder of like people, it's just so physical, right?
28:34
Mariah: When you're little, because you're not you're not sitting here thinking about and like um dissecting life and like emotions at the level that like we we have the ability to now, but like even as a kid, you're doing that because you're trying to like figure things out and see the world because the world is big.
28:52
Shay: It's that we want to our brain wants to categorize and group and understand, yeah.
28:56
Shay: Yeah, um well, I it's funny as we started talking about this conversation.
29:02
Shay: A I just want to shout out Nina.
29:04
Shay: I don't even know Nina, that's your friend, right?
29:06
Shay: But like when I think of people who are strong with boundaries, I just think of her because every time you talk about her, you're like, she's like so, she's very clear on how she's gonna live her life, how she's gonna run her business, what parameters that looks like.
29:21
Shay: And like she sticks to that.
29:22
Shay: And every time I've ever heard you talk about her, you talk about how strong her boundaries are.
29:26
Shay: And I've noticed you, I think since you've gotten closer with her, I do think that's also helped you firm up boundaries because it's again like a permission thing, you know.
29:34
Shay: Like I've seen someone else doing it like this, and not taking phone calls, doing only asynchronous kind of communication, because that's what works for being a mom, whatever that is.
29:42
Shay: It's just cool to see examples of people setting boundaries in unique ways that we didn't think we could set boundaries.
29:50
Shay: And so, like, I I think there's an another message here around like who are you surrounding yourself with?
29:55
Shay: But for me, I almost I've never really thought about it as boundaries until this conversation.
30:01
Shay: It's always come up for me as more of like non-negotiables.
30:04
Shay: Like I've just had, I liked what you were saying earlier about choosing your hard.
30:10
Shay: I think there's a book out there, he talks about like what's your shit sandwich?
30:14
Shay: Like, what we're all gonna have a hard thing, hard things, taxes, my God.
30:18
Shay: You know, we're all gonna have things that just fucking suck.
30:22
Shay: But what why are you doing it?
30:25
Shay: Like, are you clear on why you're doing it?
30:28
Shay: And for me, like the idea of going and sitting in a cubicle for nine to five, five days a week, I just cannot tell you guys.
30:35
Shay: It has always felt like someone was choking me.
30:38
Shay: Like, I someone once asked me to go to a job interview at this like office park out in the suburbs, and I literally got the vision of walking in the front door and just puking all over the lobby.
30:47
Shay: Like, like it has always, I think I've shared on here before, like at the end of I did have one cubicle job when I first got into the workforce.
30:55
Shay: I was making like Photoshop images of myself laying under Dementors and like getting my soul sucked out.
31:01
Shay: Like I just like never heard that.
31:03
Shay: Yeah, it was not for me.
31:06
Shay: And it's funny, like, even throughout college, I kind of knew, oh, I don't think I could sit in a desk all day.
31:11
Shay: I don't think that's me, you know.
31:13
Shay: But I just I just kind of was like, oh, well, everybody does it.
31:16
Shay: I'll probably get used to it.
31:17
Shay: I'll probably get used to it.
31:18
Shay: And three years in, no, I was not getting used to it.
31:21
Shay: I was like really falling apart.
31:23
Shay: And for me, this is when I learned this lesson is we talked about feelings.
31:29
Shay: For me, when I override my feelings for long enough, it's gonna start showing up in my body.
31:33
Shay: So I was 25 years old, I couldn't fucking walk.
31:37
Shay: I had like a hip out of place.
31:39
Shay: I was having so much low back problems, and I really do believe it was from sitting in a desk all day, a majority of the week, and not feeling purposeful.
31:49
Shay: And my job felt really kind of pointless, and like I wasn't really doing anything.
31:53
Shay: And so I was having debilitating back pain as like a 25-year-old.
31:57
Shay: And I was just like, in the kind of the doctors were just like, this the way it be now.
32:02
Mariah: It's just like and you're like, I'm an infant.
32:05
Shay: Like I was like, no.
32:07
Shay: I'm just and there was people at that job who were there for like 30 years, and I was watching them, and and that's what people were telling me.
32:15
Shay: I'm just gonna be in pain in this horrible place.
32:17
Mariah: Or go, oh girl, take a number.
32:20
Mariah: It's my third spine surgery.
32:22
Shay: Yeah, under these fluorescent lights.
32:25
Shay: And so I just like no, like I just can't.
32:29
Shay: It was always a non-I just finally like my back was out.
32:32
Shay: I was like, we had the opportunity to move abroad, and um, we did.
32:36
Shay: And and so, and from there, I was on my fee.
32:40
Shay: We were teaching when we first moved abroad before we started our business.
32:43
Shay: I didn't have any back pain anymore.
32:45
Shay: Magically, it just went away, you know?
32:46
Shay: And it's like, what?
32:48
Shay: What?
32:48
Shay: Like, why did no doctors or chiropractors tell me that you could just not be sitting all day and that would solve your back pain?
32:55
Shay: And so that was a big aha for me.
32:58
Shay: And then from then I've been really paying attention to what can I just not tolerate?
33:07
Shay: Because I am just not a person that can just like eat it.
33:09
Shay: I'm not a person that can just stuff it down, like eventually it will bubble up and I will freak out or say something like I can't go to a cubicle for 30 years.
33:17
Shay: Like it literally, my body was disintegrating.
33:20
Shay: And so from then in my career, I've just been paying attention to like what just makes me want to scream, what makes me want to feel like I'm puking, like where physically, what's going on in my body?
33:30
Shay: And so I've had several jobs, I've built businesses, and again, I I always get to this point where it's like, this isn't right.
33:42
Shay: And for me, I think what has been, I'm in a really good spot now.
33:46
Shay: Like I'm almost feeling like I boundaried too hard because my life is feeling really spacious, and I'm like, what am I gonna do to fill up?
33:52
Shay: And I'm like loving how I'm earning money.
33:55
Shay: But I had to realize when I got in the online business space, I'm smart, I'm capable, I can do a lot of things, I can make money in a lot of ways, I could build a lot of businesses.
34:05
Shay: But am I still running down the same road?
34:07
Shay: You know, am I still doing just following this path that has been paved ahead of me because it feels easy?
34:13
Shay: But then, so with our website business, like over time, it was successful, we were doing good, we were making more and more money.
34:20
Shay: I I share this on podcast a lot.
34:22
Shay: I was waking up every morning, sweaty palms, freaking out.
34:25
Shay: Again, my body is physically reacting.
34:27
Shay: My husband and I weren't in a good spot with our relationship because we were working together too much.
34:31
Shay: And so, like, I kind of realized, hey, body's reacting again, this isn't right.
34:36
Shay: And so again, I pivoted, right?
34:38
Shay: And I've had um for me, I kind of realized like I didn't have this dream of I don't have this big business I want to build.
34:49
Shay: For me, what's important is like, can I earn money in a way that doesn't make me feel shitty about myself?
34:55
Shay: And can I live a free life?
34:58
Shay: Freedom is my number one priority.
34:59
Shay: It might not negotiable, like, don't take away my freedom.
35:02
Shay: I if it's nice outside, I want to go be able to sit in the park or meet up with my friend, right?
35:06
Shay: Slow mornings, that's a non-negotiable for me.
35:09
Shay: I am not about that life of alarm, frantic run around, like your girl needs a slow morning.
35:16
Shay: Like, that is one of my most precious things in my life, and I like can't give that up.
35:21
Shay: So, like, I've just gotten really clear about like day to day, what do I need in my life to set me up really well in a way where I'm not anxious, I'm not waking up sweaty palms, I don't have bad back pain.
35:32
Shay: And then how do I structure my life around that?
35:35
Shay: And I just am in this awesome spot now.
35:38
Shay: Like, I love I've had another income stream this year selling shit on eBay, and like that's killing it, it's doing really well.
35:45
Shay: I have my sales consulting work, which I love the clients I'm working with right now.
35:50
Shay: I'll be honest with you guys, like, I don't say this very often, but like my goal is to be relaxed and not busy.
36:00
Shay: I think like if I could live a successful life, I don't want to be busy.
36:03
Shay: I don't like how we glorify busy.
36:05
Shay: I don't like the rush, rush, rush.
36:07
Shay: And and I I am feeling not busy.
36:10
Shay: And it's weird.
36:11
Shay: It's kind of weird to sit here.
36:12
Shay: You're like, I've spent years trying to get to the spot where like I can earn a decent living, feel really good about myself, and have a schedule that I'm in charge of.
36:21
Shay: I'm free.
36:22
Shay: Like I can travel, I can do whatever.
36:24
Shay: I I've done it.
36:26
Shay: That feels so cool and proud.
36:28
Shay: And I'm noticing that voice in my head right now saying, like, Shay, don't brag about yourself too much.
36:33
Shay: You know, like you, and that's why I don't want to tell people I'm not busy.
36:36
Shay: I'll act busier than I am because people get salty.
36:39
Shay: They're like, you should be busy if you're not.
36:41
Mariah: Let me check my schedule to see if I can fit you in on Friday.
36:46
Mariah: It's like I'll literally say that.
36:47
Mariah: I'm like, I know I ain't got jack shit Friday.
36:49
Mariah: And you know what?
36:50
Mariah: I don't want jack shit Friday.
36:51
Mariah: So I'm like, yeah, I'm busy Friday.
36:53
Shay: Literally, but me protecting my space to sit on the back porch and stare at the wall or whatever, I'll block it off on the calendar because like that is so helpful for me and my brain.
37:05
Shay: I am just not a person that can, and I think Mariah, you know this about me, but like my human design, I'm not a worker bee.
37:12
Shay: Like, I only have precious resources every day, and I have to be really protective of them.
37:16
Shay: I can't just be spending all my energy willy-nilly, right?
37:20
Shay: And so I have to be strategic about where I'm focusing, what I'm focusing on.
37:26
Shay: Is it filling me up?
37:27
Shay: And when things drain me, man, I really feel it.
37:30
Shay: They really, really drain me, and then my body physically reacts.
37:34
Shay: And so I've often thought about like, I feel like when I have a bad pattern or a bad habit, or maybe having a bad job, like my body has never given me the opportunity to just tough it out.
37:45
Shay: Like my body just starts to like shut down.
37:48
Shay: Literally, I Mariah and I both went through near death experiences recently, and um, I I overdid it when I was recovering from the surgery and I passed out.
37:58
Shay: And the doctors kind of diagnosed me with, you're too sensitive.
38:02
Shay: Like your body, literally, my vagus nerve reacts and will shut it down if I like get too overwhelmed.
38:07
Shay: So I think there's a bit of like self-awareness of here's how my body works.
38:14
Shay: And I've always felt a bit weird because the way I work isn't always the way other people around me worked, but like owning that, just like you owned, like this is me, this is my zone of genius.
38:23
Shay: I think that's part of it.
38:24
Shay: But the other part of it is your human.
38:28
Shay: How does your human function?
38:29
Shay: Right.
38:30
Shay: And being real, for me, I have to be real protective about that part because like I can do, I can do it all, you know.
38:36
Shay: But like if my human is not functioning, then nothing's happening, right?
38:41
Shay: So that was, I think mine was more about me learning about me and what I need to show up in a good energy every single day, and then literally structuring everything else around that.
38:53
Shay: And just to finish off this point, it's taken me almost 10 years.
38:59
Shay: When I started my first online business in 2017, right?
39:03
Shay: So, like, I think that is the hard part that all of us want to be honest about, and that's why we all jump in to like diminish ourselves, is it's like you don't want to overpromise.
39:11
Shay: Yeah, you don't want to tell people like, I'm a boundary setting bitch, and it came, oh, like not.
39:16
Mariah: I was born this way.
39:17
Shay: No, but I was not.
39:18
Shay: It took a decade, and I'm still working on this stuff.
39:21
Shay: You know, I was just the reason we got on this tangent, I took all my old website clients.
39:26
Shay: Like, I'm not gonna leave them hanging in the breeze, right?
39:28
Shay: So I still will take on some projects for them when they need something on their website.
39:33
Shay: And it's what you said.
39:35
Shay: Like, I have this little project for a past client.
39:37
Shay: It's not a big deal.
39:38
Shay: I can do it, and I have avoided it all week.
39:41
Shay: I wake up anxious about it, I don't want to do it.
39:45
Shay: It's all my old patterns coming back.
39:47
Shay: And I was like, what a good reminder that I was not in the right place because that's not how I feel about what I'm currently doing.
39:54
Shay: Like, I wake up, I'm excited, I want to learn, I want to go do, and like it's cool to remember that that energy can exist because I think a lot of us think that it just has to suck.
40:04
Shay: Like, it's just gonna be like this, you know?
40:06
Shay: And that's not true.
40:08
Mariah: Yeah.
40:08
Mariah: What I really like about your story.
40:11
Mariah: Well, what I really like about both of ours is that they're so different.
40:15
Mariah: Like we come together and we see the world very similarly, and like that's why we get along, but we also see the world very differently, and like we make very different decisions, and our careers are completely different.
40:29
Mariah: Not different in terms of like you're working in the fucking oil rig, and I'm over here, like I don't know, being like a content creator.
40:35
Mariah: Like, not in terms of that, but like in the terms of like how they're structured.
40:40
Mariah: So it's like for my business, I'm the face of it.
40:45
Mariah: I am like the central.
40:47
Mariah: Everything comes through me.
40:49
Mariah: My face is all over the fucking internet.
40:51
Mariah: I am on all of these social media profiles.
40:54
Mariah: I'm showing up every day, I'm scheduling stuff, I'm sending newsletters, I'm showing up on YouTube, like all of the stuff.
41:03
Mariah: And then yours is a little bit more behind the scenes, and it doesn't require you to paste your face all over the internet.
41:14
Mariah: It doesn't require you to post on threads all the time or post on LinkedIn all the time.
41:19
Mariah: It's like when you do do that, it almost like because you really want to and it feels really fun.
41:26
Mariah: Social media is not required for you to make really good money.
41:31
Mariah: And I wanted to really point that out because so many people are like, I can't have a career or a business without social media, and it's like, no, you can.
41:41
Mariah: Like, you have a very successful eBay business, and you do sales consulting for these other businesses, and it's exactly what you love to do.
41:59
Mariah: You love hopping on sales calls, answering questions, like figuring out ways to like finesse the messaging or finesse the positioning in a way that feels really supportive to the client, not in a way that feels like just give me your money and like we'll figure out how to do that later.
42:15
Mariah: Like, you really show up on sales calls and like in sales in general, coming from a place of like empowered and like authentic and transparent.
42:23
Mariah: And like you love that.
42:26
Mariah: That is really, really important to you.
42:29
Mariah: And it's you also have your hands in like these little projects too, and you're like always thinking about new businesses and like maybe an e-commerce business that you're testing around with.
42:38
Mariah: And then it's like maybe buying a car wash type thing.
42:41
Mariah: And it's just so funny because like all of these ideas that you share with me and I love so much, none of them require you to be the center of them.
42:50
Mariah: None of them require, like for you to be the personal brand.
42:56
Mariah: Not saying that like you don't, I don't know, maybe eventually want something like that.
43:00
Mariah: But it's cool that like you're creating a business where it's like you can pop in and pop out and kind of piece these things together in a way that really aligns with how you want to show up.
43:11
Mariah: Where it's like me, I would not like that type of business.
43:16
Mariah: And it's like you looking at mine, you're like, girl, you just posted four threads today.
43:20
Mariah: You said that on a newsletter every week, bitch.
43:24
Mariah: I'm like, what?
43:25
Mariah: And it's just cool because it's like both of us are making money, both of us are very happy with our careers, both of us have built these careers from the inside out, and we're just like two different examples of what that could look like.
43:40
Shay: I love that point.
43:40
Shay: That's such a good point.
43:42
Shay: And you can skin the cat so many ways, and that's the awesome part about living today.
43:48
Shay: Like, I think a lot of us think to make money online it even you have to show your face, but like there's all kinds of faceless options, right?
43:58
Shay: And and for me, you know, like I really.
44:00
Shay: Realize, like, oh, I do prefer to be behind the scenes most of the time, right?
44:05
Shay: Except for when it feels fun.
44:06
Shay: And so, how could I do that?
44:09
Shay: And I've always had this like voice, I don't know what that is, but saying, like, you are a proliferation of ideas and creativity.
44:17
Shay: And that has always been important to me.
44:18
Shay: I want to be trying different things.
44:20
Shay: I want to be, I've never wanted to have this big long career.
44:24
Shay: I want to be starting new businesses, trying new things, testing ideas.
44:28
Shay: Like that is me.
44:30
Shay: And so and I had so much shame around that for a while because it kind of again broke the paved path mold of get this good jobs, you know, you're just control.
44:39
Mariah: Like a money-making bitch, just like in the best way.
44:42
Mariah: Like you're just looking at things and you're like, we can make some money here.
44:46
Shay: Yeah, that's how much literally, like my earliest childhood memories, my friends and I were like setting up carnivals and like trying to sell tickets.
44:53
Shay: Like that is, I have the entrepreneur like in me deep.
44:58
Shay: And so, like, learning to honor that, that's something I did as a child and and not shame it, even though it looks different.
45:04
Shay: It and it and it's cool.
45:05
Shay: Like, it can look I I think one of my non-negotiables I wanted to bring up was for me, like the idea of having one income stream or one thing that you do that gives you money is very unsettling.
45:19
Shay: Like, I want to have multiple income streams.
45:22
Shay: I want to be able to, like, this job is fizzling out, that's okay.
45:26
Shay: I got this job going on, you know.
45:27
Shay: Like, I've got my investments here, I've got this earning, appreciating money, you know.
45:32
Shay: Like, I want to have a bunch of things that are kind of building this bigger personal empire, whatever the hell I'm building, right?
45:41
Shay: But like that for me keeps my that's my brain.
45:45
Shay: That my brain is not a details that's sit down and focus on one thing.
45:48
Shay: My brain is like, hey, we're all over the place, we're trying things, and that's cool.
45:52
Shay: We're all here for a reason, we're all different puzzle pieces, right?
45:55
Shay: So yeah, I love that point of like, I really do think, and we say this every country of episode, but it's like get to know yourself.
46:03
Shay: And and the only way you get to know yourself is trial and error, right?
46:06
Shay: I've tried so many jobs, I've worked with so many people, I've taken on so many different clients, and I have gotten really clear around what makes my back hurt, what makes me wake up with sweaty palms, you know, like what do I avoid versus what feels like life and what feels energizing.
46:19
Shay: And and I do think the message here is like you can.
46:23
Shay: You can build anything you have on your heart.
46:26
Shay: I think a lot of us are really in around a lot of people that have the no, you can't, no, you no one's ever seen that before.
46:32
Shay: What does that look like?
46:33
Shay: It's not possible to earn a full-time living with that.
46:35
Shay: Most people don't know what they're talking about.
46:37
Shay: You know, like I love, I love that your brain automatically goes to like, who the fuck are you?
46:42
Shay: Like my brain, and this is what I'm working on, is they're projecting, they're filtering through their own experience.
46:49
Shay: They don't see things like I see things.
46:51
Shay: I know that I am special and I see things in a special way.
46:54
Shay: So why am I validating their opinion over mine?
46:57
Shay: Right.
46:57
Shay: And so that for me was a big, still is a big practice.
47:01
Shay: And it I think it's awesome that like you can just immediately be like, fuck you, what are you?
47:08
Mariah: That's a dumbass opinion.
47:10
Shay: Yeah.
47:11
Mariah: Maybe for you.
47:12
Mariah: Small-minded idiot.
47:15
Mariah: Um, I don't mean that.
47:17
Mariah: Well, it depends.
47:17
Mariah: It depends who said it.
47:18
Mariah: Sometimes I do mean it.
47:20
Mariah: But what I like about yours too is like you're talking about all of these different income streams, and you say the word investments, and you're not a millionaire.
47:31
Mariah: Like, that's the goal.
47:32
Mariah: Do you know what I mean?
47:33
Mariah: Like all of this adding up, and I I don't know what your savings is.
47:36
Mariah: Maybe maybe you are yet.
47:38
Mariah: Yeah, exactly.
47:39
Mariah: But it's like it's cool because we only Only we only hear about that from like people that are making half a mil a year with a big ass team, and now I'm growing this my seventh rental property this week.
47:54
Mariah: Yeah, about my seventh rental property.
47:56
Mariah: I've I own 45 laundry mats, or like blah, blah, blah I'm hustling this and I'm doing that.
48:01
Mariah: And it's like, or it's like they have this huge coaching agency, or they have this huge, you know, service agency, like that type of thing.
48:08
Mariah: And it's like, you have different income streams that aren't flashy, that aren't look how much money I'm making, look at my bank account.
48:19
Mariah: Like, you're not taking photos outside of Lamborghinis.
48:23
Mariah: Like, you're literally just enjoying your life, making decisions, experimenting, and then making new decisions.
48:34
Mariah: That's essentially all it is, and also I want to reiterate that it took 10 years.
48:45
Mariah: Because here's the thing we're over here, like, well, you can say no to projects if you want to.
48:49
Mariah: Bitch, not if you need groceries, you can't.
48:51
Shay: Right.
48:52
Mariah: And like I remember when I first started my business, I was like, retainer?
48:55
Mariah: Yeah, sign here.
48:56
Mariah: You're gonna give me money for what you want me to make a logo?
49:00
Mariah: I don't know how to use Photoshop.
49:02
Mariah: Yeah, I'll make you a logo.
49:03
Mariah: I'll watch YouTube videos.
49:04
Mariah: I'll fucking, I'll do whatever you need to.
49:06
Mariah: You need me to write your website content.
49:08
Mariah: I don't like doing that, but I'll do it for you.
49:11
Mariah: And it's like, so I want to reiterate that it's like there's different phases.
49:16
Mariah: And sometimes you need to make some money.
49:19
Mariah: Like if my bank account was getting a little low and somebody was like, hey, will you do X, Y, and Z?
49:25
Mariah: I will run it through the filter of like, does this feel fun?
49:28
Mariah: And then if I go, it does not, run it through the next filter of, do I need money?
49:33
Mariah: And then do I have bills to pay?
49:36
Mariah: And then if it's a yes, it's like, okay, then I can say yes for now.
49:40
Mariah: I'm just not saying yes to a long-term agreement.
49:43
Shay: I think that is the most empowered position where it's like having the flexibility to say no when you don't want to.
49:50
Shay: But there are times where we, you and I both have a bunch of medical bills coming in.
49:56
Shay: I don't want to talk about it until we need to hustle.
49:59
Shay: I have months where I need to hustle more because of X, Y, and Z.
50:02
Shay: Like, and it's cool to have that option.
50:04
Shay: And yes, of course I'll take on a project that I don't love, but it's better than waking up worried about paying my bills, right?
50:11
Shay: I think having the flexibility to make the choice is really the feels free.
50:16
Shay: That's what feels free to me.
50:17
Mariah: Yep, yep.
50:18
Mariah: I completely agree.
50:19
Mariah: And so I'm glad that we had this conversation because it's really just like you can build whatever career you want.
50:28
Mariah: It can look any way you wanted to.
50:31
Mariah: You can puzzle piece a bunch of different income streams together.
50:34
Mariah: You can build a personal brand, you can do a YouTube channel, you can get a nine to five.
50:39
Mariah: Like I've shared before, my husband went, got a nine to five this January.
50:43
Mariah: We closed down the sourdough business.
50:44
Mariah: I say close down the sourdough business, like we had some fucking bakery and we were making bank.
50:48
Mariah: No, I just didn't want to sell cookies for$2 anymore.
50:51
Mariah: And like the juice, like the juice was not worth the squeeze when it came to that.
50:56
Mariah: And so my husband realized through trial and error and testing, he's not an entrepreneur.
51:00
Mariah: He goes, listen, I ain't got the hustle.
51:04
Mariah: I don't want the hustle, I don't want to grind.
51:07
Mariah: He goes, I want to show up, be responsible for my thing, know what I'm walking into, and get paid to do so.
51:14
Mariah: And I would like benefits, please.
51:16
Mariah: Thank you so much.
51:18
Shay: And for some people, that feels like peace.
51:21
Shay: For me, I told you it feels like the string will, but for some people that feels like peace and honor that.
51:26
Mariah: He's a I don't want to, he's right downstairs, he can hear me.
51:29
Mariah: I'm not saying that he's a different person.
51:32
Mariah: He is fucking chilling, dude.
51:37
Mariah: He is not chaotic feeling, he's not like chaos, burnout, chaos, burnout, chaos, burnout, which was happening.
51:45
Mariah: It felt chaotic to run a sourdough business.
51:48
Mariah: Well, what are we gonna do?
51:49
Mariah: We gotta buy more equipment.
51:50
Mariah: Are we gonna do wholesale?
51:50
Mariah: Are we gonna do this?
51:51
Mariah: And to me, I'm like, babe, this ain't even your passion.
51:54
Mariah: You like just wanted an excuse to not have to do a nine to five, so we're testing this out.
52:00
Mariah: But like you don't want to be a baker, you don't enjoy spending your time baking bread.
52:06
Mariah: It's not his thing.
52:08
Mariah: And so made the decision, and now we're both fucking chilling.
52:13
Mariah: What a gift! What a gift.
52:17
Shay: I love that.
52:20
Mariah: So it's cool that it really is like I think the hardest thing, as always, reflect, follow the breadcrumbs.
52:29
Shay: Well, I think it's like fuck fuck around and find out as a lifestyle, like literally as a lifestyle.
52:34
Shay: We say this a bad thing, but it's awesome.
52:36
Mariah: No, it's like even in small increments, even if because it's both of us do not have children.
52:41
Mariah: You know what I mean?
52:42
Mariah: Like, we are not responsible for young little humans.
52:45
Mariah: And so it's like I'm just thinking of my friends that do have children, and it's like their fuck around and find out capacity is much smaller than mine.
52:53
Mariah: But here's the thing: it can be small.
52:57
Mariah: What a gift! Or maybe you're in a season where you can't fuck around and find out.
53:01
Mariah: That's okay too.
53:03
Mariah: Like it's perfectly fine.
53:05
Mariah: We get to create a life and a career that feels so good for us.
53:10
Mariah: And I just want to remind people that like the world is filled with unlimited possibilities.
53:14
Mariah: I know that we see on the news, on social media, how exhausting and how awful this world is, but there is also unlimited possibilities.
53:22
Mariah: I'm a natural optimist, and like I just look at the world and I'm just like, oh my God, it's so fucking cool.
53:28
Mariah: It's absolutely awful and absolutely horrifying and also so fucking cool.
53:34
Mariah: We can do whatever we want.
53:36
Shay: Mm-hmm.
53:37
Shay: I love that.
53:38
Shay: I'm feeling jazzed.
53:39
Shay: I can do whatever I want.
53:40
Shay: Um, and I think that's the other point.
53:42
Shay: Everything is seasonal, everything is chapters.
53:44
Shay: If you're listening to this and you're like, I have zero capacity for this, like that's cool.
53:49
Shay: That's where you're at right now.
53:50
Shay: And like, what do you need to do?
53:51
Shay: What does it look like to have capacity, right?
53:53
Shay: Like, start there.
53:55
Shay: And then for me, I'm at this weird point where I'm like, shit, I did, I set out and I did what I wanted to do.
54:00
Shay: Now I've got some space, and I what does having fun with it look like?
54:03
Shay: You know, and like it it for me, what it's feeling like is being a bit more visible.
54:07
Shay: If you would have talked to me five years ago, I would have said, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.
54:12
Shay: So I think it's allow it to change, allow yourself to be in different seasons, don't beat yourself up, know everything is temporary, everything is constantly changing, honor where you're at right now and get to know yourself.
54:22
Shay: And then just set a vision and try fuck around and find out, see if you can get there, right?
54:27
Shay: That's the blessing of this life.
54:28
Shay: We get to try.
54:29
Shay: Like, what a cool opportunity.
54:32
Shay: So I really appreciate this episode.
54:35
Shay: I love this conversation.
54:36
Shay: If you guys are leaving with anything, just know that it is you have the power to create whatever the fuck you want.
54:41
Shay: Like we say in every single episode, like, what a wonderful time to be alive and be curious.
54:47
Shay: You can genuinely earn money in the silliest of ways these days.
54:51
Shay: And we're giving you full permission and we'll keep sharing stories all about that.
54:54
Shay: But I think we're ready to close it down if you are, Mariah.
54:57
Mariah: Yeah.
54:58
Mariah: So remember, friends, just like Shay said, that you have the power to create whatever the fuck you want.
55:05
Mariah: Follow the nudge, ask questions, and let curiosity guide the way.
55:09
Mariah: We'll see you in the next episode.