Latest / College Is Fine, Everything's Fine / #4 Why It Can Be Hard to Find Your People, and Keep Them (5 Interpersonal Effectiveness Obstacles)

Transcript

#4 Why It Can Be Hard to Find Your People, and Keep Them (5 Interpersonal Effectiveness Obstacles) · College Is Fine, Everything's Fine

[00:00:00] What were some of your anxious thoughts? Like what were some of your anxious predictions about meeting new people? I was scared going into it because first off, my roommates were from completely different parts of the country. So we were all very different. And I think there is like the thought like, Oh, like what if people don't like me?And I mean, like, I know I was not the only person thinking about that. Every teenage girl is going to be. nervous about whether people don't like her. But I'd say I was definitely nervous. Like, Oh, what if people do find out I'm super shy and they don't want to be my friend because of it? Just kind of things like that.But how much of a freshman in New York, do you feel like you were lonely? 90%. And that's what I didn't expect that at all. But I had a core friend group of about three or four guys that I hung out with every day. And when they weren't there, I was just, I felt super lonely and like, get thoughts that no [00:01:00] one cared about me.And I, you know, get super upset about that stuff. I'm wondering that this idea of like your home self and your school self, which oftentimes seem polarized, or you're pulled in a lot of different directions. How did you navigate that? Like, what was their social support? Like, did you feel alone in your experience?experience around that? Or did you feel like that was a common experience? Was it something you felt like you could talk about or had people in your life that could support you as you tried to find the balance between those two senses of who you are? Yeah. So it's kind of complicated because when you first go to school, like that first week, I feel like everyone's just trying to make friends.Like everyone's kind of in a frenzy, whatever. And when I first got there, I was very worried. Like, Okay. I came from a really small school in a really small town. Like I don't have necessarily like the same experiences that would put me in a place where I feel prepared to be at this big party school with, you know, lots of drinking and lots of parties and everyone wants to hook up.Like that's not the [00:02:00] experience that I had. That's not. Who I was. It's not like the preparation. I almost felt like all those things were bad or I was scared of them. And it was like, am I going to be able to find a place where either I can start to feel comfortable with that stuff or I don't have to, and I think that was difficult for me at first because everyone's just diving in and a lot of people probably aren't being true to themselves those first few weeks.Cause everyone just wants to make friends. And if everyone's kind of acting fake and everyone's actually insecure, then no one's really acting like themselves. So it's, it's almost like this very confusing identity crisis. I'm Dr. Sarah Olivo. And I'm Dr. Liz Seidler. And this is I'm fine. Everything's fine.College edition.I'm really excited for our very first expert [00:03:00] guest today because you guys have heard Liz and I drone on a little bit, but now you're going to get to hear a new fun voice. And I can tell you how I met Amy DiBernardo. Who is a social worker in private practice in New York City. So Amy was a lawyer in her past life, but she left that grind to become a licensed clinical social worker.And she was trained at the Columbia school of social work, um, before she became faculty at NYU medical center, which is where we met. Um, not only was I intrigued by Amy because she's fun and she's the. Thoughtful, but she had some like really sick chunky necklace game back in that day. I did. I hit J. Crew hard.Yeah. Statement necklace. Always. Yeah. Always fierce with that. So that wasn't all of it, but I was intrigued. That pulled me in, you know, that was the bait. And then once I got to know you, past that, fashion sense, I realized you were just this brilliant person and great friend. So you're intensely trained in dialectical behavior therapy and you're still an [00:04:00] instructor now at NYU, even though you're at an Yeah.In private practice. Um, what is the class you teach there? So I teach a class called the Adolescent Paradox, which is about how adolescents is physically one of the best times in an individual's life, but morbidity and mortality rates increase. I like 200 to 400%, which is kind of bonkers. Oh, wow. I didn't even realize that.All right. So I'll take your class one day. I, I am an amazing instructor. Well guess what? Because your rate, my professor rating, which I did look up is five out of five. Wait, I have a rate, your professor rating. This is the best news I've heard. Were there any comments we could share? Oh yeah. Like any like, yeah, I have it here.You ready? First of all, a hundred percent of students would take her course again. And it's true. Let's just hear what one of your commenters had to say. She said, Professor DiBernardo is the kind of professor whose passion for the subject translates into her [00:05:00] lectures. She provides personal stories and experience to fuel the conversation in the class.Super entertaining and also very articulate, she made the class engaging. She's a stickler for,she's a stickler for citations and detailed writing.I actually, first off, I would love to know, I mean, it's probably one person who is like, so I still have a five out of five, which is great. And I can't undo the old lawyer in me. It's like, just. Not natural. Like I read a paper and I'm like, cite, cite, cite. That's not proper grammar, right? I love it. And the Virgo in me is like very charmed by that.And anyway, she says, but yet she would still highly recommend the course. Oh, that's good. Yeah. That's good. So now everybody listening who goes to NYU can, can take my class. That's right. There you go. Now you know where [00:06:00] to find her. Okay, so just a little heads up about what might be helpful to tune into for this episode.So we want to start talking about some of the things that get in the way of finding your people, keeping your people, and then maintaining really healthy relationships. So as you're listening to Start to think about which parts of this are hard for me. It might not all sound like you. Some of it might sound a lot like you.So we want you to start to think about where am I struggling the most. Once you've identified these challenges, tune in to subsequent episodes because Sarah and I are going to teach you specific skills to cope with some of the factors that you're finding difficult in building and maintaining friendships at college.So we brought Amy in today because she's a great clinician. She works with college students and Sarah and I are going to start our series on how do you find friends in college? How do you make them? How do you maintain healthy [00:07:00] relationships? How do you end ones that aren't really working for you? And we thought she'd be a great resource.Um, so let's get started. So, Amy, I don't know if you notice anything just while you're on campus, but some of the things we've talked to a lot of students about is that sort of pack mentality versus that fear of being alone. And just curious what you see from that perspective. So absolutely. I think that.The pack mentality can be a real thing. And it's something that comes up, not only in the class that I teach when kids are sharing things about, you know, their freshman year of college, but also in sessions. And a huge question I get is like, What if I don't have a group or what if I've only connected with one person?Um, does this mean I don't have friends in college? Like, is this normal? Uh, how do I break into a [00:08:00] group? Or what if I've been hanging out with some people, but I'd really rather be hanging out with other people? So I think it's it's one of those things especially Especially freshman year of college where you see people traveling in these groups, right?The need for connection is real. Um, the need for support is real. And you're walking into a situation where you don't know anyone. So you have like these large groups of people wandering around and yet you're like, do I even fit in here? Where do I fit? And what happens if I'm not in that pack? And then I think about how over the course of the The years that you're there, a lot of other transitions can happen.You have a great group of friends, but one of your friends transfers, or you have a semester where half the people, you know, go abroad or you have a friendship breakup or a relationship breakup, you know, plenty of people focus sort of on romantic relationships and suddenly that ends and they're like, Oh crap, I need to, I need to regroup.You know, they kind of got all, all the friends and the proverbial divorce of our, of our [00:09:00] breakup. So. Anyway, I think one of the things that Liz and I wanted to go through for this first piece of it is what are the things that get in the way of finding those, those friends, those people who you just get to be yourself around instead of I always talk to my clients about are you acting like yourself or are you just being yourself?And so we want people to be friends with us. Those people where they can just be themselves and they're not acting like a certain person or pretending to like a certain thing. So one of the factors that we see might get in the way of being the most effective interpersonally is that you don't necessarily have the skills.to, um, meet people in an effective way. Um, and I, I have found, I don't know how anyone else feels that in the past few years, a lack of practice due to the pandemic, I think has really impacted college students in terms of their social skills. They don't really have a formula, like how do I do something?[00:10:00] small talk, you know, like what are the places that I should be talking to people? So there's this like lack of exposure and even modeling of effective skills in social situations that I think has been even more pronounced in the past few years for a lot of college students that they, they, they don't have the confidence or a kind of self efficacy.Like I know what to do when I encounter more novel or new situations because they haven't really been in that many novel or new situations. It was. You know, I think that that is accurate. I think what we see is twofold. I think one, you had the pandemic, which even for the most social of individuals kind of, you know, skewed people.I know I'm somebody that, is social, but coming out of the pandemic, I was like, wait, how do I approach this situation? And what do I do? And I think, um, kids at college kids really also felt that way, whether they were in college and then had to come back or whether they were segwaying into [00:11:00] college. I also think that college is a very different experience than What kids grew up with, you know, you start as a little kid and your friends are sort of spoon fed to you through being in school or geography or through playdates.You get older and maybe you're on a sports team or you're, you know, in theater together. But geography is really kind of binding you. And then all of a sudden you're thrown into this new situation where you're like, A lot of my interactions are over social media be, you know, I've had a pandemic and see now I don't have like the protection of like my town or the geography, etc.So they're kind of walking in being like, uh, what do I do? Communicating with people is actually a skill. It's not something that people are like born with knowing how to do. Yes, there are some people that can do it easier than others, but it's not something that you just know how to do. Like [00:12:00] small talk is an art.Learning how to break into an open conversation is an art. Even learning how to figure out like Okay, are these people kind of having a closed conversation? Is there an entry point for me to come in? And what is small talk? You know, I have so many kids who are like, I'm not going to go in and like talk about the weather.Like that's a lame. So many people are like, just ask about the weather. And you're like, I'm not doing that. I would rather die. Yeah. I would rather do anything else than talk about the weather. So even trying to come up with like a topic of conversation can be difficult for people to figure out. So it is a skill.So we just talked a lot about not having the actual skill and all the really normal reasons why that might be the case. Another thing is you actually do have the skill, but worries about your skill level get in the way or worries [00:13:00] about certain outcomes might get in the way. So sometimes people might worry about bad consequences, like that person's not going to like me or they think I'm a loser.Some people might worry about whether you even deserve good friendships. You know, I've, I've hurt friends in the past, so I don't even really deserve to have a good group of friends. Or some people think, just use those really harsh words, those labels that we talked a lot about in some previous episodes.Just worry about being really ineffective. I won't do it right. I'm a loser and having that navigate. Do you guys see some of this in the college students you work with? I feel like this is my one of the biggest ones. It is like the biggest one and I call it actually like getting a case of like the what ifs.What if they don't like me? What if I'm weird? That's like a big one. What if I'm in a situation? I don't really like what I'm doing. And, but I don't know how to like segue [00:14:00] out of it without like having major FOMO and also like pissing people off. So like there's a dialectic right there. Right. The case of like, the what ifs is huge.Amongst college students, and it's totally normal too, by the way, again, like people are navigating friendships. Friendships come with worried thoughts, even the most secure friendships come with worried thoughts. And one of the things I always found to be helpful, because so many people come in and, You know, we always joke like they sort of secretly disclose this crazy thought that they worry about other people not liking them and like that's literally every single person I've met has said this to me and sure to your point, you know, you said earlier, some people are better at certain things.Some people are more confident, but everyone has this insecurity at times and we know that back in the day, caveman style, we needed people around us. We needed people to like us. If we pissed people off back then, it was literally a matter of life and death. If you were a complete dick. And the clan decided, you [00:15:00] know, you can go fuck off.Well, then guess what? You'd have to go alone. And maybe you felt like really, you know, I stood up for myself, whatever. But then the wolves would come and no one would be there to protect you. And you would die. You die. It's literally a matter of life and death. But you know, so now obviously it's not, but we still all have that need to be part of a group.And it's completely normal. In fact, I think it's more normal to have that need than to not. I also think this is like one of the primary reasons, Sarah, you and I started this podcast was that so many times working with college students, they think their experience is really an outlier when it's so normative to be worried about your likability, to be worried about group affiliation.Um, and I think the biggest. mistake I often see is that they underestimate their ability to cope, right? And I'm hoping, you know, with this series, that you'll feel more equipped to cope with these situations, [00:16:00] both like feel validated and understood and normalize your experience socially, and that you'll have some things in your tool belt so that when you do, you know, enter into that party for the first time and don't know a single phase, that you don't run out of the, out of the, you know, into the bathroom and hang out in there and that you can approach somebody and maybe make a friend.All right. Number three, big emotions. Oh gosh. I have a little bit of a shameful story for you guys about this being in emotion, mind a lot in friendships, being too angry to say something rational. Or maybe being too timid to stand up for yourself. Um, I can tell you about a time in college where I just had a freaking pout.I was, I was mad and I just decided to let everyone know by giving them the silent treatment one night. And thank God my friends forgave me, but I was just. Such a bitch. And it [00:17:00] was because I had too much anger to say what I wanted to say, which is my feelings were hurt. And instead I just acted really immature.Um, not one of my finer moments, but that was a time where like the big emotions got in the way for me. I'll share a story and then maybe Amy, you can go around. I love, I love sharing college Liz stories. Um, so I would say mine was anxiety. I did not like my roommates. I don't know if anyone else has that experience.I was in a forced triple at the last moment. They were just personality wise, not a great fit for me. Um, and we would leave our doors open in the hall and I just wouldn't leave. I wouldn't, I would just kind of like be in my room and be on my computer. Um, I would hear people talking and there was a common theme.A lot of people having issues with technology like that first week or two. Um, and I, Sarah, don't laugh. I know this is hard to believe, but I was really good at technology. No, you're, you're lying. As a freshman, I was. [00:18:00] So I would sit there and I'd be like, Liz, like you could go help them. You could help them get onto the wifi, onto the chat and just do it.Just do it. I would like be like sitting there like, Oh, I can't do it. They're going to think I'm like the tech nerd of the, of the dorm. Perfect example. I know. And then I just got like sick and tired of hearing about people's technology issues, like in the hallway. And then I just decided to start helping people and who knew I was very valuable to the floor.And, I was able to kind of let go of some of my anxiety that really was paralyzing me. I couldn't even believe it. I was like on the, the guys, we had like instant messenger chatting during this time in college, if you can believe that. And I would be like typing something, deleting, typing it, deleting it.Um, and it was like a week that I could have really been connecting with people, but my anxiety was so strong that I. Was literally and figuratively glued to my bed. And so Liz, you [00:19:00] went from what, like, dorm zero to tech hero. I know. Wow, Sarah, you are super proud of that comment that you just made. Dorm zero to tech hero.This is why my husband's like, you're only funny to nerdy psychologists. You're not funny to anybody else. And anyone who's listening today, that is your nugget to You go from dorm zero to tech hero. We're gonna, we're gonna put that on a sticker. Sarah's the tech hero now, so, and I'm the podcast zero. It just shows that growth mindset, guys.If you can't do something, it just means you can't do it yet. Exactly. Yeah, you might not know it yet. Um, first off, I will say that both of your experiences are amazing, and I love that you're bringing up like some of the themes that you're talking about, you know, Liz, with sort of like your worry thoughts and also like maybe some like lack of skill in there too, because [00:20:00] you're like, I just want to like hang out with my computer, not interact with people.Perfect. Love that you kept your door open though. Good little nugget for a college student. Keep your door open. Um, Sarah, I love that you were just like, yeah, I was just a bitch. Yeah. But what I love about your example is that you were like, thank God, like my friends like knew how I knew like who I was.Right. And one of the things that all share crazy college experiences. were a case of the regrets. Mm hmm. A lot of that in college. Didn't I say like, you know, I might have had, I might have had some good times at the bar where, you know, maybe like I couldn't have remembered everything the next day and I woke up like in panics and anxiety and like, Oh my God, my friends are going to hate me.I can't believe I threw up over insert whatever you [00:21:00] want. Um, and, and, let's think of some things you might've thrown up on. There was no choice things guys, not the point, not the point, but a gravestone was one. Oh man, Halloween gone awry. There's an episode anyway. Okay. So. A lot of times I find that what I hear from the college kids that I talk to are like, Oh my God, like I did this thing last night.Everyone must be talking about me or thinking about me or they don't want to be my friend anymore. So lack of skill, worries, big emotions. Then there's the idea of you can't decide. You don't really know what you want. You feel stuck in which group might feel right for you. You know, we've definitely talked to some people who are like, okay, so I joined a sorority and I thought [00:22:00] that was a great thing.And I, yeah, I like it. Okay. But oh gosh, I have all these really great friends from my freshman dorm who are still so great. So I can't decide. Yeah. I see this a lot. Like I can think of a student that I work with right now that like the bar scene is not her vibe and she really struggles with, and we've talked about this dialectic of like, What are my values and priorities in terms of like social experiences and what's normative, you know, and I think she feels really pulled between like, what do I really want?Do I want to kind of have a couple of friends where we just chill inside like our apartment versus do I go to the bar where I'll see everyone on campus on Thursday night and, Having a difficult time, like, sticking to her own values because of this, I think, again, worries kind of trickle in around. Are they going to like me or am I, you know, I'm going to miss out on like a funny story that happens [00:23:00] that night or something.Some of the things that you guys are talking about is also going back to this idea of like balance, right? Like when you can't decide when like part of you is like, again, like the FOMO of missing out on something, but maybe not having that scene be like for you. And on the other side being like, I kind of want to like hang out with the smaller group and like, maybe that's not exactly what I want either.And I think a lot of college is about trying to figure out that balance, but also becoming comfortable and confident with striking a balance. For instance, maybe you don't love the bar scene and maybe there's an element of it or another like, um, a lemonade out of lemons, like something in that, that you're like, maybe I don't have to do it all the time, but every once in a while, maybe it's good to show my face like socially.I also think about not being able to decide even within a single [00:24:00] friendship. what you want. Do you need to ask for a little bit more for that person? Um, do you need to sit down? I've, I've talked to a lot of people who are like, Oh, I'm really angry at this person down the hall, but we do everything together because we're down the hall and we have this great friendship at some point, but she keeps on hurting my feelings.in public, you know, so do I sit down and have a conversation with her and really try to duke it out or do I just in the friendship because, but you know, but it also kind of works for me because on a Tuesday night when we have to study, she's great to have ramen with. So that indecision about even within a friendship, do I, do I push it?Do I try to make it work? Do I end it? So I think that's another aspect of it. With roommates, you know, Sarah and I have talked a lot about this too, around like, how do you set limits and boundaries? And I see a lot of college students struggle with, I want to like, kind of keep some sort of friendship with my roommate and I'm afraid to ask for things.Like I have my boyfriend and I want him maybe to sleep over once a [00:25:00] week. And like, how do I ask that? Or their room is slow, their, their stuff's slow. slowly creeping to my side of the room. And I don't want to like cause an, I don't want to cause any conflict. So they swing from these poles of like not asking enough from somebody in their relationship versus I think emotions kind of drive us to like maybe asking too much cause we kind of get fed up.Right. But again, I think that concept of middle path, like how do I find a balance between how do I maintain a relationship with someone while also getting my needs met? First off, I just wanted to say that. I love that Sarah talked about ramen because it was really bringing back some like intense memories of like Costco and like, like flats of like ramen, which were just amazing.And really a huge part of my own college experience, I will say was eating ramen and those Mac and cheese things that you can make. It was so good. Anyway, um, to the point middle path [00:26:00] strategies, I think are huge and boundary setting is huge. There's a lot of territory between having to hang out with someone all the time or having to be nice all the time and ending the friendship.There's a lot of territory and I find that like, Again, like learning how to be like respectful, asking for what you want and also understanding when like another person has their own boundaries. You know, Liz, you brought up the, you know, wanting to have a boyfriend, like sleep over all the time. Recently had a client who went through that, you know, her boyfriend was visiting and her roommate was really just sort of not.into it. And they like, didn't communicate super effectively. And it ended up being a real like thing with them. And they were able to work it out after the fact, because each one of them were able to be like, listen, I want my, um, significant other to be able to come and visit. And the roommate was [00:27:00] like, listen, that's cool, but I need like X notice.And I want to make sure that I have someplace to sleep. Right. And they were able to work through that after. So what could have been a situation that like just totally like derailed everyone actually became something that they could find like a middle path through. All right. So last but not least, least favorite one of most of my clients, yes, is that the environment itself is too powerful.You can do everything right. And the environment is going to win no matter what. I think one of the things that can come up, sometimes this is, you know, around people in power positions. So deans at school, you can be really effective in how you talk to them. Professors to go up and ask for a grade change that you think is really fair or extra information in order to understand a concept better.And you might just get a no and because, and they are the one in the power position or even people in school who are very well liked, but they're not treating you [00:28:00] particularly well. A socially powerful person can get in the way. I think the queen bees are real. I think that, you know, it might not even be somebody that's so horrible that that also just comes in with like a dominant personality.You know, sometimes there are groups where there's a dominant personality in there and you're like, I've done everything right. And I just can't like crack the code, so to speak, I think to Just being in really toxic relationships where, again, you can be doing everything in your power and the person on the other end of it is not treating you well.A lot of times I'm asking people, listen, it's one thing to be in a relationship where you're giving to that person, but are you setting yourself on fire to keep others warm? And that phrase in and of itself, I don't know how many times people have thought and just sat and been like, Yeah, it's closer to that than it is me just being a kind giving [00:29:00] friend.Some people just expect you to be a doormat and that's hard to navigate. I've I have a student in this exact situation and the student is often talking about like I have realized, like, I don't really like this person. I, I can identify that the person is not good for me. They don't make me feel good about myself.I find myself doing things I'm not, like, feeling great about. And yet, this person connects me to, like, a certain social situation, or I, I really, I don't know how to, like, like break up with this person, so to speak, right? In this case, it's a friend. Like, I don't know how to break it off with this friend because I would risk losing my group of people and trying to figure out like, okay, how do you Get your [00:30:00] self respect in that because I think that that's really important.Again, like what boundaries can I set? And it's really hard sometimes when you've done everything right and at the end of the day you have to realize like, I'm going to break off from this and that's going to have some consequences, tough ones that I'm going to have to sit with. Right. And hopefully then there's some more flexibility in their thinking around, I can leave a friend group and find another one.Right. Liz, I think that that's exactly right. I find the hardest step is that first step, like making the decision to kind of like pivot elsewhere and leave the group. And the one thing I would say about college that I think is really nice is there is something for everyone, but it's not going to be hand delivered to you.It's, it's, it's not easy to get out there and [00:31:00] like, you know, make a friend, but like good friendships just don't happen. You actually have to work for it. And so that, you know, that person like, yes, it's the idea of like, let go of the toxicity so that you can actually be open to finding some good friendships and people that make you feel good about yourself.And they're there. Yeah. And, and I think Sarah and I are hoping in these following episodes is to give you a formula. This is the best part. I, I think about interpersonal skills is that they're pretty concrete and then you practice them and you have a greater likelihood of getting certain outcomes. I think the most important factor that Sarah's used this term before is like, have a beginner's mind be open.Do not immediately shoot me down when I say, Tell the girl sitting next to you in Amy's class that she, you like her shirt, where'd she get it? So we've talked about the five areas, lack of skill, worries, [00:32:00] big emotions, not being able to make a decision and the environment being too powerful. So I'm gonna put you on the spot.What is the one that you struggle with the most? Worry thoughts. Hands down. When I was in college, like worry thoughts were all over my head. Um, a lot of, uh, does someone like me? And now, by the way, too, this isn't something that like just necessarily goes away, right? Like you can't control it. You didn't graduate and get your diploma and it went away.It didn't, I didn't even get, I didn't get a badge. I didn't get a badge. And like, you've conquered the worry, thought territory, uh, worry thoughts, hands down are the thing that like I struggled with. Did people like me, was I fitting in? I had a huge, like FOMO thought, like I was missing out. And what if I was missing out?And then I remember having all these thoughts about feeling like. Am I really connecting with this person? Like, does this person [00:33:00] like me? I had a particularly hard time in groups of when there would be three people because I would constantly be worried about like, okay, like how am I versus like the other person, even like I created a competition in my head where there wasn't one.You wanted to be the favorite of the two. Yes. Yeah. I heard that loud and clear. Queen B. I wanted to be like the go to person and I, yeah, I wanted to be the favorite. And I find that a lot of people struggle with like those exact same thoughts of like, what happens if I feel like I'm the third wheel, um, or what do, what do I do when I am the third wheel?Because that happens too. But that, that was a, that was a tough one for me in college. Like I was somebody I knew I had the skill to get in there, but my worry thoughts would often prevent me from doing things. The other thing I would say. I was always a little nervous to try something [00:34:00] new in college, uh, something that would have me like branch out, um, get ready for the dork report, but like, I did like the bar scene and everything like that too, but like, it didn't really fulfill me, so I had a whole bunch of friends, like, through that social world, but like, It didn't really do it for me and it took me a lot of avoidance to finally get to the part where I was like, yep, I'm going to join student government.Like I wanted to be like more active on campus and like campus politics and stuff. And like, None of my friends did that, none of them, you know, they played sports and did all that and I was the only one and it was hard to step out of my comfort zone to be like, I'm going to try and go meet like another group of people and still balance the worlds.And that took some practice, but I was so happy I did it. Like game changed my college [00:35:00] experience. Did you look really good in those blazers on campus when you were being a super serious? I never wore a blazer, but because it was, you know, like nineties, I did have really good, like those pleated pants. Ooh.Oh my gosh. Like didn't quite fit. Right. Tell me they were khaki. Of course they were khaki. I went to Boston College. It was the land of khakis. Oh, man. Oh, we had a big khaki uniform. I'm pretty sure they had like cargo pockets on them. Oh my gosh. All right. Well, pleated, pleated baggy pants are kind of back in style, guys.Oh, they're totally back in style. These didn't fit that way. They weren't like on trend, baggy pleated pants. They really weren't. They really weren't. So, in all seriousness, Amy, thank you so much for coming on. Thank you. Five out of five rating. Oh my God. For your [00:36:00] interview. I'm getting, I'm logging on right now.I'm logging on right now on myprofessor. com. My podcast guest rating is a five out of five. 100 percent of the podcast hosts would have you back as a guest. Yes. You have to say that because I am playing tennis with you. Oh, that's true. That is a great thought.You can stick to your core when you get to college. Like you don't have to feel like, Oh, I have to make all these big changes right away. And I have to pretend to be a certain way so that I fit in with the school culture. I fit in with the people I'm meeting because you're eventually going to find yourself and you're going to find your people that that makes sense for.And obviously, you know, I've gained experience. A lot of my fears that I had when I first came to college that literally had me crying because I So scared of, you know, a white claw, like that's not the case anymore, obviously, um, but it's, it's good to know, like, it's good to look back and be like, Oh my God, I can't believe that that was taking up so much of my energy.And I just had to [00:37:00] kind of stay true to myself and let time roll things out. And everything kind of falls into place. Thank you to our guests for sharing their stories. This podcast is for college students, and we want input by college students. Please reach out to us by text email or voice memo at I'm fine.College podcast at gmail. com or nine to nine. Tell us your story, give us tips on what kinds of topics you'd like to hear, or give us feedback about an episode. We'll share episode announcements and resources on Instagram at I'm fine college pod. And last but not least, if you enjoyed today's episode, please subscribe to the podcast.Every hit of that plus button helps us keep going.