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#042_ Raising The Conscious Child · INSPIRE STORY

• 0:24
  Speaker 1: Grew corner, he grew saying what's up my friend?
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: Oh man, I love this because this gives us an opportunity.
• 0:33
  Speaker 3: This is not an interview. This is a conversation.
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: Yes, and that's what I love about it, because I
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: don't consider myself to be any more of an authority
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: than you are. And I want to hear as much
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: about what you're saying as you want to hear about
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: what I'm saying. And it makes this incredible, this incredible synchronicity.
• 0:57
  Speaker 4: Well, I want to hear what you have to say.
• 0:59
  Speaker 4: I know everybody else out there does.
• 1:01
  Speaker 3: Well, well, let me mim it. Well, I want to
• 1:05
  Speaker 3: hear what you have to say.
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: So welcome to another edition of Guru Corner are very
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: popular periodic special edition of the podcast where I get
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: to delve deep with this beautiful incarnation of humanity right here.
• 1:23
  Speaker 4: What do we talk about today?
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: We talked about something very very special. We talked about
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: parenting and how there's no such thing as the expert parent,
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: but there's a parenting talent that needs to be developed
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: by both the parent and the you use this word
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: the sovereignty.
• 1:43
  Speaker 3: Of the child.
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah, super important. So, yeah, strategies for parenting all manner
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: of spiritual perspectives on not just parenting, but humanity living
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: a conscious life.
• 1:56
  Speaker 4: Always pleasure my friend, blessings. So here it is. Enjoy
• 2:00
  Speaker 4: this episode of Guru Corner. All right, well we're back.
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: We're back for another Guru Corner. I feel like I
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: just talked to you and you're wearing the same thing.
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 2:16
  Speaker 3: Well, you know.
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: One time somebody said, how do you choose what to wear?
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: And I said, that's a joke.
• 2:23
  Speaker 4: Right, but you do have you have some variety?
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I go either I go either with blues or
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: oranges or maroons on top of white.
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you got it dialed in, my friend, you know
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: how to rocket. You're looking good.
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: So as we were, as we were talking before coming
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: on to the desk here, one of your technicians said
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: that Yogi Budget considered me his favorite musician. Yeah.
• 2:57
  Speaker 3: I had never ever heard that in my entire life.
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: Oh, come on, he wasn't one to be, you know,
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: describing someone as his favorite, you know, because that was
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: a little too narrow. But hey, if you told somebody
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: that I was, I'll take it.
• 3:11
  Speaker 4: Yeah, So that you like how that landed, I do.
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: Well, there couldn't have been I mean how many were
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: there a lot of musicians around him. Oh yeah, I
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: mean you were rocking it back then. So for sure,
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: I'm surprised that you're surprised by that.
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: Well only in that, you know, the idea of they
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: say in spirituality you should be ego less and ego free,
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: and I completely disregard that.
• 3:36
  Speaker 3: I think that if.
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: You if you polish and cut your ego to be brilliant,
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: you should use it.
• 3:44
  Speaker 3: And so when I.
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: Hear those things, that just it just helps me polish
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: and cut my ego.
• 3:49
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: Well, we all like to hear nice things about ourselves
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: in the world from especially from people that we respect.
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, like those most intimate with us, you know, like
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: our fourteen year olds or Yeah.
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: So that's what we're going to talk about today. We're
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: going to kind of zone this in focus it on parenting.
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: And I guess I have self serving reasons for that
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: on some level.
• 4:14
  Speaker 4: I mean, we have a fourteen year old daughter.
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  Speaker 1: She just started a brand new high school high school
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: in general, it's her first year of high school, but
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: instead of going to school near our house, she spent
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: the majority of last year putting together a portfolio of
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: visual art to try to get into the Performing Arts
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: High School here in Los Angeles. It's a public institution,
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: but it's very prestigious. It's very difficult to get into.
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  Speaker 4: You have to apply, you have to go and defend
• 4:43
  Speaker 4: your portfolio. It's a whole thing.
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  Speaker 1: A lot of people are trying to get in, and
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: she got in, which is fantastic. We couldn't be happier
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  Speaker 1: or more proud of her. But this school happens to
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  Speaker 1: be a two hour.
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  Speaker 4: From our house.
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  Speaker 1: We live way out in Malibu Canyon near Calabasas. This
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  Speaker 1: school is east of downtown. So for those of you
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: who know Los Angeles and think about LA as just
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: an octopus of freeways, I want you to even expand
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: your concept of that even further.
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  Speaker 4: Because to get.
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  Speaker 1: From where we live to this school, which is on
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: the ten Freeway, after you pass downtown on the way
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  Speaker 1: to like San Bernardino.
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  Speaker 4: It's just passed downtown, but.
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  Speaker 3: After you pass through the gridlock.
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  Speaker 1: Exactly right when you get to the other side of it,
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: and then you're there, and it's too far to do
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: a daily commute. I mean you could. You'll be in
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: the car for four hours every day. It's not conducive
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: to to you know Mathis's development. It's certainly not advisable.
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: It's not something I want to do or my wife
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: wants to do. So we're trying to figure out she
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: just started two weeks ago. We're trying to figure out
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: how are we going to manage this and create a
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: sustainable solution that works for not just Mathis but our
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: entire family. And we kind of settled on the realization
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: that there's no way around the fact that we're going
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: to have to rent an apartment near the school. We
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: found a place that I think is probably going to
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: work that's in downtown.
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  Speaker 4: It's like ten minutes from the school.
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  Speaker 1: But this means that we're upending our entire family life.
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: My two older boys, who are twenty two and twenty three,
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: moved out this past year, so it's just my wife
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: and I and are two daughters. But we have a
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: younger daughter who goes to school right near our home.
• 6:26
  Speaker 4: So now this is.
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: Going to mean that Julie and I are going to
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: have to both be single parents, taking turns being downtown
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: with our older daughter while the other one is tending
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: to our younger daughter and then switching.
• 6:41
  Speaker 4: So life is getting interesting. It's changing.
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: And what's beautiful about it is that we are in
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: this privileged position to be able to support mathis in
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: the furtherance of her dream because I feel like my
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: family has done so much to support me that allows
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: me to do what I get to do today. And
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: it's her turn now and it's a privilege as a
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: parent to be able to be able to show up
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: for her.
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  Speaker 4: In that way.
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: But it's going to be hard, it's going to be
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: a lot and I and also at fourteen, it's a
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: very interesting age, you know, where she's trying to differentiate.
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: If it was up to her, she would just get
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: an apartment by herself and like manage it. And she
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: doesn't need us. She's already got the whole world figured out,
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: and we're just in her in her way and trying
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: to figure out how to parent through that in a
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: responsible way, and you know, be a voice of reason
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: for this developing young adult is a tricky equation to solve.
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: Well, this is a beautiful picture because you and Schrimat
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: to you and your wife, Julie are I won't use
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: the word resigning because that's got a negative connotation. You're
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: committing your lives to the future and sustaining your lives
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: in the present at the same time. Imagine if you
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: were to be a normal whatever that means parent, and
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: you felt that this idea was unreasonable, that it was
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: too much disruption, and then mathis would grow up with
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: an unfulfilled dream and have to live with that lack
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  Speaker 2: of that fulfilling three four years of this incredible high
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: school for the rest of her entire life, which is
• 8:57
  Speaker 2: you know what one hundred years, one and ten hundred,
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: twenty years whatever, because we're in longevity for fifty years. Absolutely. Well, yeah,
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: so you're accommodating while still sustaining. You're accommodating the future
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: while sustaining the present more.
• 9:13
  Speaker 3: What's more reasonable than that?
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  Speaker 4: Right?
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  Speaker 3: Well, and it's crazy?
• 9:17
  Speaker 4: Would it is crazy?
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: I would say, we're attempting to accommodate the situation. It's uncertain,
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: the sustainability aspect of it is unclear at this point,
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  Speaker 1: and it is unreasonable in many ways. You can easily
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: make a logical argument as to why this is totally unreasonable.
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: But that's why it's so awesome, because it is unreasonable.
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  Speaker 1: It's unreasonable for us to say our daughter's going to
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: go to the school it's two hours away. That completely
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: disrupts our lives and makes it challenging for Julie and
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: I to even do what we need to do professionally
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: throughout the day, let alone attend to our marriage. It's
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: going to push us, it's going to challenge us. But
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: that's what makes it it super cool. And I can't
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  Speaker 1: be somebody who turns on a microphone and sits here
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  Speaker 1: and tells people to pursue their dreams if I'm not
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: going to show up for my daughter and do everything
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  Speaker 1: that's in my power to support her in the furtherance
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: of her own dream.
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: Well, let's also think of that in terms of the culture,
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: the culture and society of our world right now, in
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: this modern version, is that it is so important for
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  Speaker 2: our children to have the tools that they're going to
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: need to make this future sustainable.
• 10:41
  Speaker 3: Because science, and particularly deep.
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: Science, but even you know, even you know, the layman
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: science right now is talking about, you know, humanity doesn't
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: make it through to the end of the century.
• 10:54
  Speaker 3: But then you have people like.
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: You want to edit that out now, it's fine, just
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: keep rolling, Okay, we're good, we heard an airplane.
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah, But then you have this this idea of if
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: we keep producing children as we have been, we're going
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: to continue to make the mistakes that we've been making.
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: We start producing children that are exceptional and extraordinary because
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: we supported them in their dreams. Because these dreams are
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: not dreams that they've found in a magazine somewhere. These,
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: in many instances, these dreams like mathis your daughter, These
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: dreams are these deep, deep, intuitive dreams, something that comes
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: from way way back in their evolution. And if we
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: can allow those things to take place, if we can
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: support those things in not only the children that are
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: biologically related to us, but in children in general, and
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: do the things with the social structure, do the things
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: with the cultures, like provide better education, create these schools,
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: create a school exactly like that, reproduce it out here
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  Speaker 2: closer to home.
• 12:12
  Speaker 3: Put five of them in every major city.
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  Speaker 2: Some that deal with science, some that deal with technology,
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: some that deal with the arts, some that deal with athletics,
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: whatever it is, and really start addressing children not as
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: all the same, but as very unique individuals.
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it would be beautiful if we could accomplish that.
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: I mean, I think that it'll save you a big
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: drive tide.
• 12:38
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I know, right, if we could have this here, But.
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: I feel like this particular school is a good example
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: of that because every kid who's there had to apply
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: and had to jump through a lot of hoops to
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: get there, much like a child who's trying to get
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: into a college.
• 12:55
  Speaker 4: So every I said.
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: To my daughter, you know, a couple of days into it,
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: I said, what's the biggest difference between this school and
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: the school you were going to last year? And she said,
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: everybody is so happy to be there. They all want
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: to be there. Wow, And isn't that a beautiful thing?
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: Like kids who are fourteen, fifteen, all the way up
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: to high school who are there because that's where they
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: want to be, not because that's where they're told they
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: have to be.
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: And the dropout rate in today's world of education is
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: understandable because the kids aren't going to a school that
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: serves their passions. This school serves your daughter's passion. If
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: we could enable schools to serve passions and know that
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: children are being born on earth, it happens everywhere. When
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: your body is starting to break down, your body starts
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: to produce cells that are going to help it to
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: save it from breaking down. Further, the same thing is
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: true in this world. As this world becomes less and
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: less sustainable, the universe is providing children, through soul bodies
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: and physical bodies, that are capable of turning this thing around.
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: In other words, the children that are going to live
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: deeply into the future are capable of preparing us.
• 14:19
  Speaker 3: To sustain the future.
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: And if we allow them to go after their passions,
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: that's where the message that they're trying to.
• 14:28
  Speaker 3: Follow is located.
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: So wow, this is incredible, But we need to be
• 14:34
  Speaker 2: very clear that the society in general needs to be
• 14:39
  Speaker 2: encouraged to provide more of these kinds of facilities.
• 14:43
  Speaker 4: Right.
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: I feel like when this young generation comes of age,
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: they're capable of making that change, but I would like
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: to see it a lot sooner.
• 14:52
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: You know, we were talking a little bit earlier off
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: off the mics about the Millennials, the Generation Z and
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: how they they really are qualitatively different from my generation,
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: from your generation, and how they navigate and perceive the world.
• 15:14
  Speaker 4: Like this is a group of people that in many
• 15:16
  Speaker 4: ways gets a bad rap. Oh they're entitled.
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: Oh they're you know, they don't understand they yeah, exactly,
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: But this is the way it always is right. You know,
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: this is a sign that we're just getting older. But
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: they get a bad rap for being entitled babies or
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: whatever it is. But ultimately, you know, I have incredible
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: relationships with young people, and it's one of the great
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: things about what I get to do is I get
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: to be around a lot of people who are much
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: younger than me, and I see a group of people
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: who are incredibly engaged to who who are committed to
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: working towards a better future, a better planet, a better country,
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: who truly believe that when they spend their dollar that
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: they are voting for something. They're either voting for the
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: world that they want to see or they're voting against that. Like,
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: they make that connection in a.
• 16:06
  Speaker 4: Way that we just never thought about, really, and that
• 16:10
  Speaker 4: gives me great.
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: Hope and it makes me optimistic for the future. But
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: I think we have a lot of work in the
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: meantime while this, while those generations are still in gestation
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: mode and we're still at the helm.
• 16:24
  Speaker 4: I heard a comedian who was it the other day
• 16:26
  Speaker 4: tell a joke.
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: I can't remember who it was, but basically the joke
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: went something like, you know, when I pull out in
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: my car and I get behind a school bus and
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: all the kids in the back of the school bus
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: look out the back window and give me the finger.
• 16:41
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 16:42
  Speaker 4: I'm like, why do you give me the finger?
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: I didn't do anything, And then I go, oh, yeah,
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: never mind. Yeah, we created the world that they're saying.
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: We're inheriting this world that you have, you know, screwed
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: up in so many ways, and now we got to
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: fix it for you.
• 16:57
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you know that was actually Bill Laher was Bill Maher?
• 17:00
  Speaker 4: Yeah?
• 17:00
  Speaker 3: Yeah, is that that monology?
• 17:02
  Speaker 4: Does it end?
• 17:04
  Speaker 3: What is it to call this.
• 17:07
  Speaker 4: New rules? Yeah?
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah, So the idea that you said, you know, we
• 17:15
  Speaker 2: have to redefine terms in many ways. One of the
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: terms that you used was entitled, and a lot of
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: people will use that word as a negative in a
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: in a derogatory statement, but I look at it as
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: an opportunitate, an opportunity in an opportunistic moment. If a
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: child is entitled and they're not having to struggle, then
• 17:39
  Speaker 2: they have the opportunity to sit back and go, Okay,
• 17:44
  Speaker 2: what is it that I'm actually motivated to do? Rather
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: than I don't have time to think about my motivation
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: because I just have to take care of what's going on.
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: And so throughout history there's been this constant struggle, and
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: all of a sudden, kids aren't struggling anymore. They may
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: be struggling emotionally and we will deal with that in
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: a moment, and they may be struggling in other ways,
• 18:08
  Speaker 2: but there's a lot of there's a lot of things
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: out there that they're physically not having to struggle with
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: any longer, which gives them an opportunity to sit and contemplate.
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: And when they sit and contemplate sometimes, you know, when
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: they're sitting in daydreaming in school, that's a good opportunity
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: for new ideas to come through, and they'll be reprimanded
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: for that. I always remember the old saying, you know,
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: you spend the first five years of your life learning
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: how to walk and talk and then go into school
• 18:38
  Speaker 2: and be told to sit down and shut up. Right,
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: But the idea of being able to daydream in a school,
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: being able to contemplate, rather than always having to look busy,
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: always having to look like you're applying yourself.
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: At the same time, those moments of contemplation are fewer
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: and far between and are becoming more and more compromised
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: with the encroachment of this little device we carry around
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: in our pockets that is begging for.
• 19:12
  Speaker 4: Our attention twenty four hours a day. Right, So the
• 19:16
  Speaker 4: days of daydreaming.
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: Under a tree, or you know, kicking a can down
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: the road, or going to build a dam in the
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: in the you know, in the creek in the backyard
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: have all been supplanted with technology, and very addictive technology
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: at that.
• 19:31
  Speaker 4: So one of the things that I struggle with.
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: And look, you know, I'm I'm as guilty of this
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: as anybody, but it's particularly noticeable in younger people with
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: minds that are still in formation and still developing. And
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: when you notice that the head, you know, the neck
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: is always craned and it's facing the device at all times,
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: it leaves me to wonder, where is that quiet time,
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: Where is that contemplation happening, Where is that space that's
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: required for really trying to figure out, you know, what
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: your voice is and how to express it. I feel
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: like that's really being compromised in a substantial way.
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: Well, that is an advice to parenting, isn't it that
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: you do have to be able to enforce some discipline.
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: I know now that I'm not parenting I'm already done that.
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: My wife and I have two children, and now they
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: have children, and so now we're grandparenting, and we're watching
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: parenting by millennials, you know, and we're watching the children
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: that are growing up under them. And there's screen time. Yeah,
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: and then there's not screen time. When they got back
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: to from a summer vacation, you know, they had been
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: in so many locations where there were big screens that
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: the kids were just basically, you know, where's the big screen,
• 20:59
  Speaker 2: you know, And so they took the TV and they
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: said it's out for repair, and they just removed the television.
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: And the children now are getting into books and things
• 21:10
  Speaker 2: and they're getting back into their routine. As soon as
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: that routine is re established, they'll you know, reintroduce the screen.
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: But it's a it's a challenge and it's a and
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: it's a challenge that parents must take on. And because
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: to be fixated on that is a couple of things. Physically,
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: it's too much blue light in the system because you know,
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: it's it's noontime, sun all day, all night, which is
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: disruptive to the to the you know, to the attitudes
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: in the in the psycho emotional balance, but it's also
• 21:46
  Speaker 2: very much involved in the moment in a bad way
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: as opposed to being in the moment in a good way.
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: In the now and the moment is was I recognize
• 22:00
  Speaker 2: in this moment? Did I get a friend in this moment?
• 22:04
  Speaker 2: Was I liked in this moment?
• 22:07
  Speaker 4: That speech doesn't land with the average fourteen year old.
• 22:12
  Speaker 3: I'm not talking to the fourteen year old. You talking
• 22:14
  Speaker 3: to the parent of the fourteen year old.
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, because the moment can't compete with the stimulus provided
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: by the latest post, and a book.
• 22:27
  Speaker 4: Has a hard time standing.
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: Up to the allure of whatever's going on on YouTube
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: or Instagram. It's hard and as a parent, I struggle
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: with this, and I struggle with it personally. I'm as
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: addicted as anybody. You know, I'm the first to admit that.
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: So finding a way to parent through that is challenging
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: because I I realize, like my job is not to
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: be my children's best friend. It's to guide them and
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: to erect healthy bound and try to sort of, you know,
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: help them understand how to develop in a healthy and
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: appropriate way. But this is something I'm doing highly imperfectly,
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: and I'm always you know, especially as my older daughter
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: gets older and she's, like I said, differentiating, she didn't
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: want to hear about it.
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: Well, I think that what you just said is very
• 23:25
  Speaker 2: very important for everyone to understand that we're going to
• 23:30
  Speaker 2: be experimenting at this These things have only been around
• 23:33
  Speaker 2: for a decade, and we will all be doing it imperfectly.
• 23:40
  Speaker 2: And if we can't do things imperfectly, we will never
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: find out how to do them correctly because the learning
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: curve in anything that we do, whether it's training for
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: a triathlon, whether it's working in meditation and yoga, if
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: we don't allow ourselves to be imperfect, we'll never get good.
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: And I like the idea of, you know, to equate
• 24:02
  Speaker 2: this to another part of what we talk about sometimes
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: is that going on a fast, going on a no
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: screen time, going on an adventure just to come back
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: and have a different relationship and a different perspective of
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: the screen and finding out that geez, you know, I
• 24:23
  Speaker 2: missed five days of the screen and you know, I'm
• 24:28
  Speaker 2: just as good as I would have been otherwise. I
• 24:30
  Speaker 2: used to do that with my guitar because as a
• 24:33
  Speaker 2: matter of fact, I was going to bring my guitar today.
• 24:35
  Speaker 3: But I'll do it next time, maybe I.
• 24:36
  Speaker 4: Got one right behind me. I should have had you play.
• 24:39
  Speaker 3: Okay, Ray, that's good. I can.
• 24:41
  Speaker 4: I can know who sent me that guitar, Joline and Michael.
• 24:45
  Speaker 2: Really the people that introduced us. So if it's in tune, i'll.
• 24:50
  Speaker 4: Play its probably not in tent, you can.
• 24:52
  Speaker 2: So I used to go on a guitar fast because
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: I was obsessive.
• 24:56
  Speaker 3: I was, you know, O c A. I call it.
• 24:58
  Speaker 2: I never call it OCD. I don't consider it a disorder.
• 25:01
  Speaker 2: It's obsessive compulsive advantage.
• 25:04
  Speaker 4: And I like that.
• 25:07
  Speaker 2: Yes, I encourage it to be used. But I was
• 25:11
  Speaker 2: oca about playing my guitar. I was always if I
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: had a moment, I would play my guitar. If I
• 25:16
  Speaker 2: had a moment, I would play my guitar.
• 25:18
  Speaker 3: And then I.
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: Realized that my growth was very linear and was very
• 25:24
  Speaker 2: last moment based, you know, and linear growth is last
• 25:27
  Speaker 2: moment based. Is I'm learning this because I just learned this,
• 25:32
  Speaker 2: So it's fulfilling the prerequisite to something that you're going
• 25:35
  Speaker 2: to eventually learn. And I saw that what was happening
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: if I went on these guitar fasts, which meant that
• 25:43
  Speaker 2: I laid the guitar aside went and did other things
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: for a week or two weeks. I once went on
• 25:48
  Speaker 2: a guitar fast, which is what my book Buried Treasure
• 25:51
  Speaker 2: is about, for eleven months, you know. And my style
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: when I come back to the guitar after these periods
• 25:57
  Speaker 2: without it is not based on what I've been doing.
• 26:02
  Speaker 2: It's based on the imagination of what I could be doing.
• 26:05
  Speaker 2: And all of a sudden, I find after a fast
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: of such a guitar playing that all of a sudden,
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: my ideas are much different. And I'm trying to now
• 26:17
  Speaker 2: develop those ideas through practice. So it's really an accelerant.
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: Same thing could hold true for all of the social
• 26:24
  Speaker 2: media and how do I respond, how do I experience
• 26:28
  Speaker 2: the likes and the dislikes, the thumbs up, the thumbs down,
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: all these things about all of these social media apps
• 26:35
  Speaker 2: that are on those devices. Being able to actually get
• 26:40
  Speaker 2: the child to understand a different perspective, a different relation
• 26:47
  Speaker 2: in their own not just trying to dictate no time
• 26:50
  Speaker 2: for that.
• 26:50
  Speaker 3: That's bad all the time.
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: Let's get our children to begin to comprehend the difference
• 26:57
  Speaker 2: between going continuously and having breaks.
• 27:01
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it's so important.
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: I mean, removal altogether is not the solution because this
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: is the this is the language with which they communicate,
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: and being fluent in that language I think is.
• 27:11
  Speaker 4: Important for success long term.
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: I mean, I just just observationally watching young people and
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: the way they communicate. It's completely different to how we
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: learned how to communicate. It's it's literally a different language.
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: So I think understanding that and respecting that that's not
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: going away is important. But it is so important to
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: take those breaks. I think it's absolutely critical, and I
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: think it's even more crucial when you consider the fact
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: that you know a pre adolescent, an adolescent, a teenager.
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: These are developing brains and emotional bodies who are trying
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: to figure out who they are, how they fit in
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: the world. I mean, can you imagine being that age
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: and being assessed on an app? You could look at
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: your phone and find out what all your friends think
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: about you, how you're being qualitatively and quantitatively evaluated throughout
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: the day, and if you become ostracized, you can use
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: those apps to then follow the people who have ostracized
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: you enjoying themselves in your absence. What is the impact
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: of this on the psyche of a young person? It
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: has the potential to be unbelievably damaging, and so outside
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: of just saying screen time, no screen time, I think
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: it's imperative for the parent to shoulder the responsibility of
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: instilling a sense of self and a sense of self
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: confidence in their kids by helping them develop sovereignty and
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: a strong understanding of who they are independent of the
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: evaluation of their peers self evaluation.
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: Really to encourage self evaluation. You used an other phrase,
• 29:01
  Speaker 2: a moment ago that I really relate to, and that's
• 29:04
  Speaker 2: the imperative that comes with recognition, with the recognition that
• 29:11
  Speaker 2: this is not going away. I would equate it back
• 29:14
  Speaker 2: to thirty years ago when hip hop was just coming
• 29:17
  Speaker 2: out and people just thought, Okay, it's going to go away,
• 29:21
  Speaker 2: it's a fad and all that. But the thing about
• 29:24
  Speaker 2: hip hop was that it was telling a story in
• 29:27
  Speaker 2: a way that stories had been told by indigenous communities
• 29:31
  Speaker 2: for a long time, by poets for a long time.
• 29:34
  Speaker 2: Stories with rhythm, stories with beat. Now almost well not
• 29:40
  Speaker 2: almost everything now a lot of things are sold commercially
• 29:46
  Speaker 2: on media with hip hop beats, with hip hop structures, attitudes,
• 29:52
  Speaker 2: the dancing, the ways and work. It is not going away.
• 29:55
  Speaker 2: Nothing is going to go away. It's only going to increase.
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: And so if parents recognize that these are things that
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: are it's really essential that you begin to discipline them
• 30:08
  Speaker 2: because they're not not only not going away, but they're
• 30:12
  Speaker 2: going to become more powerful. Just like music becomes more
• 30:15
  Speaker 2: powerful over the decades, these apparatus are going to become
• 30:19
  Speaker 2: not only more powerful, but more intimate. I mean, now
• 30:23
  Speaker 2: it's on a watch. Wait until it's available in anything.
• 30:29
  Speaker 2: It's just a little chip that you can attach anywhere.
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it will be a chip and planted. You know,
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: by the time my fourteen year old is forty You.
• 30:36
  Speaker 4: Know, what is this going to look like? We're actually
• 30:38
  Speaker 4: we're in this bizarre adolescent phase with all of this,
• 30:41
  Speaker 4: where it's coming at us so quickly. We haven't really
• 30:44
  Speaker 4: adapted to it.
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: We don't really understand the long term impact of it,
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: and it's being iterated upon with such an accelerated pace
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: that we can't keep up with it. And I think
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: we're all just stumbling, very happy, hazardly and imperfectly through
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: our attempt to try to understand and contextualize what this
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: all means. I mean, this is the biggest advancement in
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: human history. The fact that we have these these things that.
• 31:16
  Speaker 4: That are are really moving us.
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: Towards a collective consciousness where all of our consciousness is merged.
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: Right now, we're yelling at each other and we're getting
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: in arguments, but this is the this is the Yeah,
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: we're in the infant stage of trying to figure out
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: how this consciousness is all going to congeal and coalesce
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: in this cyber environment.
• 31:42
  Speaker 3: I like what you just said in use the term stumbling.
• 31:47
  Speaker 2: Because in another session that you and I shared, we
• 31:51
  Speaker 2: talked about depression and grief and sadness. We talked about
• 31:57
  Speaker 2: the difference between just sort of being on the surface
• 32:01
  Speaker 2: of it and it's a continuous chronic condition, and then
• 32:05
  Speaker 2: the people that were the super dupers that are just
• 32:07
  Speaker 2: living on the surface of life and always just in
• 32:10
  Speaker 2: the mask of super how you're feeling great, how you're
• 32:13
  Speaker 2: doing super And this is the same opportunity, and that
• 32:19
  Speaker 2: is that if we just are forced to ride the
• 32:22
  Speaker 2: surface of this event called social media and devices and
• 32:26
  Speaker 2: screens and all of those things, then we're never going
• 32:29
  Speaker 2: to get a good hold on it. What we have
• 32:31
  Speaker 2: to be able to do as parents is we've got
• 32:34
  Speaker 2: to be able to dive down into this and really
• 32:37
  Speaker 2: understand what are the underpinnings, what are the causes. Why
• 32:44
  Speaker 2: is my child or my children, or if I don't
• 32:47
  Speaker 2: have children, why are children in general so obsessed with
• 32:52
  Speaker 2: this external valuation of their latest moment, And how can
• 32:58
  Speaker 2: they be in in a deeper dive to be encouraged
• 33:03
  Speaker 2: towards self evaluation and you know, just to heck with
• 33:09
  Speaker 2: all of the evaluation from the outside. I can remember
• 33:12
  Speaker 2: as a young child, and this was back in the
• 33:14
  Speaker 2: days when growing up as a Yogi, you know, in
• 33:17
  Speaker 2: a Judeo Christian neighborhood. You know, I would get a
• 33:20
  Speaker 2: lot of flak because I was different. You know, my
• 33:22
  Speaker 2: family was different, everything was different, and I was different.
• 33:27
  Speaker 2: And one of the things that it gave me because
• 33:29
  Speaker 2: I was getting a lot of unlikes if you were
• 33:33
  Speaker 2: thinking in my.
• 33:34
  Speaker 1: Real world unlikes in the real world of social media,
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: right in the social structure.
• 33:41
  Speaker 2: And I went to my mom one day and I
• 33:44
  Speaker 2: was crying. I think I must have been like six
• 33:46
  Speaker 2: or seven. And because we were Yogis, and because we
• 33:50
  Speaker 2: believed in, you know, in the Church of all religions
• 33:53
  Speaker 2: rather than just being of a specific religion. Because Parda
• 33:55
  Speaker 2: Mahansei Yogananda was, you know, deep in our families and
• 33:59
  Speaker 2: our families. Biome I came home and she said, what's
• 34:04
  Speaker 2: the matter. I said, everybody is saying I'm a heathen? Right,
• 34:11
  Speaker 2: She said, well, do you know what that means? No,
• 34:13
  Speaker 2: but they don't like me because that's what I am.
• 34:16
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 34:16
  Speaker 2: So it was a big unlike, right, a big evaluation
• 34:21
  Speaker 2: by my friends. She said, well, let's find out what
• 34:23
  Speaker 2: that means. Right, So she said, go get the dictionary.
• 34:28
  Speaker 2: And you know, the families had the big dictionary in
• 34:30
  Speaker 2: those days. And so I brought the dictionary and we
• 34:32
  Speaker 2: looked under h e a right, we looked under heathen,
• 34:36
  Speaker 2: and she looked at it.
• 34:38
  Speaker 3: And she read it. She said, yeah, you are.
• 34:43
  Speaker 2: And now I want you to go out there and
• 34:47
  Speaker 2: be the best damn heathen that ever existed, excel as
• 34:51
  Speaker 2: a heathen, and show that this word is not a condemnation,
• 34:57
  Speaker 2: It's just a description.
• 35:00
  Speaker 3: So I went back out.
• 35:01
  Speaker 2: I got my basketball and I went back out to
• 35:03
  Speaker 2: the court, and I was dribbling and doing my shots
• 35:06
  Speaker 2: and doing all the things that I knew how to
• 35:08
  Speaker 2: do very well. And all of a sudden, people started
• 35:11
  Speaker 2: to forget the fact that they had gone through this cycle,
• 35:16
  Speaker 2: and social media in today's world is giving parents that
• 35:21
  Speaker 2: same opportunity. But the parent, as you said, can't be
• 35:24
  Speaker 2: stumbling across the surface of this dilemma. They've got to
• 35:28
  Speaker 2: be showing their children that they're diving deep into it,
• 35:32
  Speaker 2: even if they look stupid, you know, like a fifty
• 35:37
  Speaker 2: year old with teenage jeans on, you know, with big
• 35:42
  Speaker 2: cuffs rolled up, trying to look cool. No, just be
• 35:47
  Speaker 2: yourself and dive deep into the dilemma and let's figure
• 35:51
  Speaker 2: this out together, because it's on top of all of us.
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah, as somebody who I essentially make my living on
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: the Internet, and I'm very versed in the art and
• 36:05
  Speaker 1: science of social media. I'm omnipresent on many channels and
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: have been for a long time. And I think in
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: the realm of you know, fifty plus year old people,
• 36:18
  Speaker 1: I am much more fluent in this language than most
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: of my peers. I would say, I feel like I
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: have a better grip on it, grasp and understanding of
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: how it works and it's importance and what's good and
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: what's not so good about it. So what's great about
• 36:35
  Speaker 1: that is it allows me to have more productive conversations
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: with my kids.
• 36:40
  Speaker 4: About about it.
• 36:41
  Speaker 1: But one of the things you said was, you know,
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: you know teenagers, they're obsessed with social media. The first
• 36:47
  Speaker 1: thing I think that's important to recognize is that if
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: there is an obsession that's that's in place, it's not
• 36:55
  Speaker 1: the kid's fault. These things are specifically designed to create obsessions,
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: to addict you. They're very powerful and potent, like even
• 37:03
  Speaker 1: the most disciplined person has a challenge trying to resist
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: its urge and its pole there you go. So first
• 37:10
  Speaker 1: of all, acknowledge that, and I think if you can
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: do that, then it will remove you from the inclination to,
• 37:19
  Speaker 1: you know, aggressively come after your kid or shame them
• 37:22
  Speaker 1: or say like you got to get off that you're obsessed,
• 37:24
  Speaker 1: you're addicted, you know, because it's not about that. It's like, okay,
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: let's understand this. You know, how can we create some
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: healthy boundaries around this to make it productive. Understanding that
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: this is how can you communicate with your friends and
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: this is how you interface with the world, and that
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: that indeed is not going to change, if anything, it's
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: going to increase, but to erect healthy boundaries so that
• 37:47
  Speaker 1: you can carve out that contemplative time, so that you
• 37:50
  Speaker 1: can craft a sense of self, and that you can
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: cultivate enough self awareness to have a healthy sense of
• 38:01
  Speaker 1: yourself that is independent of how many likes you get,
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: how many subscribers do you have, how many people are
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: following you, all of that nonsense.
• 38:09
  Speaker 2: You used healthy boundaries and the fact that you are
• 38:13
  Speaker 2: very skilled in social media, you in your fifties, and
• 38:18
  Speaker 2: I and mine that we have that skill in social
• 38:22
  Speaker 2: media makes us a better spokesperson for the idea of
• 38:26
  Speaker 2: healthy boundaries because we're not a hypocrite saying something about
• 38:29
  Speaker 2: something we don't understand or something that we don't participate in.
• 38:33
  Speaker 2: We both participate fully in social media, and we both
• 38:37
  Speaker 2: have to have that same kind of discipline. And so
• 38:40
  Speaker 2: it gives us an opportunity, and I say to other parents,
• 38:43
  Speaker 2: take the opportunity to begin to understand what it is
• 38:48
  Speaker 2: to instill discipline in a child, because if they're just
• 38:51
  Speaker 2: in the stimulus response, because that's what social media is
• 38:55
  Speaker 2: so good at, all you have to do is tap
• 38:57
  Speaker 2: and click. They're just in that stimulus and response mode,
• 39:02
  Speaker 2: they're not going to get ahead. They're not going to
• 39:04
  Speaker 2: fulfill their destiny, they're not going to fulfill their passions.
• 39:07
  Speaker 2: And their and their inclinations in life, because they're going
• 39:10
  Speaker 2: to be trapped in the cycle. So if we can
• 39:13
  Speaker 2: train them and say, look, I'm going to I'm in
• 39:15
  Speaker 2: your game, I'm in social media. I'm also on these apps.
• 39:22
  Speaker 2: It's part of my life. It is my life, it's
• 39:24
  Speaker 2: my world, it's how I make my living. But I'm
• 39:27
  Speaker 2: going to show you and we're going to explore together
• 39:30
  Speaker 2: what it's like to have some abstinence, what it's like
• 39:34
  Speaker 2: to have some discipline, what it's like to get sober,
• 39:39
  Speaker 2: right to get sober on social media, to use it
• 39:43
  Speaker 2: but not be used by it, I think that would
• 39:45
  Speaker 2: be an important expression.
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah, well, on that idea of using it versus being
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: used by it, there's an important differentiator or demarcation line
• 39:54
  Speaker 1: that I don't think gets adequately addressed or discussed, which
• 39:58
  Speaker 1: is the distinction betw between passively scrolling, you know, sort
• 40:04
  Speaker 1: of just checking out because you're you're you're you're an
• 40:08
  Speaker 1: audience member versus creation. If you're using YouTube or Instagram
• 40:14
  Speaker 1: or any of these other platforms to express your creative voice,
• 40:17
  Speaker 1: to share a point of view, to make a video,
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: to write a blog post, to create, to emote, to
• 40:25
  Speaker 1: express yourself. That's something to be encouraged, and that's very
• 40:29
  Speaker 1: different from just blindly like I'm checking, you know, I
• 40:33
  Speaker 1: just I don't want to be with myself and my
• 40:34
  Speaker 1: emotions right now, so I'm just gonna see what everyone
• 40:36
  Speaker 1: else is doing. And I think the more at least
• 40:40
  Speaker 1: the way that I've kind of approached this with my
• 40:42
  Speaker 1: kids is, Look, I have no problem with you being
• 40:45
  Speaker 1: on these platforms. If you're out taking amazing photos and
• 40:48
  Speaker 1: editing them and have something interesting to say and you're
• 40:50
  Speaker 1: sharing that, that's fantastic. Like I love that, you know,
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: Let's do more of that and less of the less
• 40:57
  Speaker 1: of the absorption and more of the creation.
• 41:02
  Speaker 2: Good point, because what we have is we've got these
• 41:04
  Speaker 2: different sections, just like times of day. There's a time
• 41:08
  Speaker 2: to eat, there's a time to digest, there's a time
• 41:12
  Speaker 2: to rest, there's a time to be a bit passive,
• 41:15
  Speaker 2: there's a time to be very active. And we would
• 41:19
  Speaker 2: not be condemning I love your balance there. We would
• 41:22
  Speaker 2: not be condemning any of these properties. If somebody just
• 41:26
  Speaker 2: wants to kind of, you know, scroll and be kind
• 41:29
  Speaker 2: of oblivious to the world and just see what other
• 41:31
  Speaker 2: people are doing, that's an opportunity to absorb some new
• 41:35
  Speaker 2: ideas perhaps or get some laughs out of some you know,
• 41:40
  Speaker 2: idiotic videos or jokes or what have you. But if
• 41:45
  Speaker 2: that's a constant diet, then that's something that needs to
• 41:50
  Speaker 2: be repaired and replaced.
• 41:52
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I'd agree with that, but.
• 41:54
  Speaker 2: It can be a part of the overall structure. So
• 41:58
  Speaker 2: you know, scrolling through, see what other people are doing,
• 42:01
  Speaker 2: what's happening out there. Having time to be without the device,
• 42:07
  Speaker 2: to be able to get new ideas that have nothing
• 42:10
  Speaker 2: to do with the devices another part of your day.
• 42:14
  Speaker 2: Another part of your day be actively taking this, creating that,
• 42:18
  Speaker 2: thinking this, posting that. It's another part of the day.
• 42:22
  Speaker 2: Literally being a fully a fully active member of this
• 42:30
  Speaker 2: Internet society, contributing in many ways and allowing it to
• 42:35
  Speaker 2: contribute to you in many ways. And as a parent,
• 42:39
  Speaker 2: having what you said before, you're not just a good buddy,
• 42:42
  Speaker 2: but you're also a guide. You have to also be
• 42:44
  Speaker 2: a good buddy at times and especially as your children
• 42:47
  Speaker 2: get you know, to be like the know at all fourteen.
• 42:49
  Speaker 2: You know that we all experience, and we've all experienced
• 42:54
  Speaker 2: when we've had children. We've got to be able to
• 42:57
  Speaker 2: know what is that specter of relationship.
• 43:02
  Speaker 3: There's got to be it's almost like a recipe.
• 43:05
  Speaker 2: There's got to be some good buddy, there's got to
• 43:08
  Speaker 2: be some guide, and there's got to be some just correlation,
• 43:13
  Speaker 2: just a just a sense of the self with another self.
• 43:19
  Speaker 4: Yeah, trying to figure out how all those pieces fit together.
• 43:22
  Speaker 2: Is that you're in the middle of it, and I'm
• 43:25
  Speaker 2: observing it from having been through it.
• 43:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, I would say, with respect to my daughter,
• 43:30
  Speaker 1: you know, I had said earlier, she's ready, she's you know,
• 43:34
  Speaker 1: doesn't want to have it that she you know, she's
• 43:36
  Speaker 1: she's ready to move out and all of that, and
• 43:39
  Speaker 1: I say that out of Jess. But at the same time,
• 43:41
  Speaker 1: like what I am most proud of with her is
• 43:43
  Speaker 1: that she does have a very strong sense of herself.
• 43:46
  Speaker 1: She's very self sufficient, she knows what she wants, she
• 43:50
  Speaker 1: doesn't equivocal, equivocated in her language, like, she's very direct,
• 43:54
  Speaker 1: she's very unapologetic for who she is. Like these are
• 43:56
  Speaker 1: all amazing qualities of a very strong person, which are fantastic,
• 44:01
  Speaker 1: But she still is just fourteen. So you got to like,
• 44:05
  Speaker 1: you know, definitely guide that person.
• 44:08
  Speaker 4: And that's kind of where I'm at right now.
• 44:10
  Speaker 1: But I wanted to get back to that idea of
• 44:15
  Speaker 1: taking an intermittent fast, and you'd use the example of
• 44:18
  Speaker 1: taking a break from guitar that allowed you to go
• 44:21
  Speaker 1: from a place of linear progression to one of like quantum.
• 44:24
  Speaker 4: Progression, and I think that's really weird powerful.
• 44:28
  Speaker 1: I was listening to a podcast by my friend Rob Bell.
• 44:35
  Speaker 3: Do you know Rob Bell, I've heard the name.
• 44:38
  Speaker 1: He's a really cool, interesting thinker, and he calls this
• 44:43
  Speaker 1: idea of the the what you're kind of coining a
• 44:46
  Speaker 1: fast as manuha, which is a word from scripture that
• 44:51
  Speaker 1: I can't remember what he said in his podcast, how
• 44:53
  Speaker 1: where it exactly derives from, But essentially this idea manuha,
• 44:58
  Speaker 1: meeting the important of rest, you know, of like taking
• 45:02
  Speaker 1: a break and reframing how we think about this as
• 45:10
  Speaker 1: as sort of indulgent or lazy, and understanding that it's
• 45:17
  Speaker 1: perhaps the most powerful, you know, Archimedes lever that you have,
• 45:22
  Speaker 1: that it is the white space, the in between space
• 45:25
  Speaker 1: that defines the hard lines beautiful. And without that break,
• 45:28
  Speaker 1: without that respite, without that fast or rest, you are
• 45:33
  Speaker 1: preventing yourself from ultimately developing to your potential as a voice,
• 45:38
  Speaker 1: as a creative in whatever it is that you're seeking
• 45:41
  Speaker 1: to seeking to express.
• 45:44
  Speaker 2: Well, that brings up in my psyche the manu ha
• 45:49
  Speaker 2: is that it manuhnuha is the manuh of parenting. What
• 45:55
  Speaker 2: if you were too as a parent out there, What
• 45:59
  Speaker 2: if you were to set up a time where you
• 46:01
  Speaker 2: actually just take a break, and it would have to
• 46:04
  Speaker 2: be on your own time and in your own schedule,
• 46:06
  Speaker 2: but you take a break from being a parent, take
• 46:09
  Speaker 2: a break from being the person who has to know
• 46:12
  Speaker 2: what to do, take a break from the person that
• 46:14
  Speaker 2: has the answers, and just come up with the idea
• 46:19
  Speaker 2: that you don't know what the heck you're doing, and
• 46:23
  Speaker 2: you have no answers in this moment, and see what
• 46:27
  Speaker 2: can fill that space, that empty space you talked you
• 46:30
  Speaker 2: talked about the white space or though what was it.
• 46:32
  Speaker 4: The yeah, the white space.
• 46:34
  Speaker 2: See what fills that empty space and allow yourself to
• 46:40
  Speaker 2: come up with ideas that you never thought of before
• 46:44
  Speaker 2: by taking that fast from parenting, like fast from guitar,
• 46:49
  Speaker 2: fast from this, fast from that, and allowing just like
• 46:53
  Speaker 2: when you take a fast, the body restores it. It says, wow,
• 46:56
  Speaker 2: I'm sure you're glad we don't have to digest food today.
• 46:59
  Speaker 2: Because now we can do all those repair jobs that
• 47:02
  Speaker 2: we've been putting off because we've been spending all of
• 47:05
  Speaker 2: our energy and digestion, and now we can take some
• 47:09
  Speaker 2: work to do some the needed tasks. And all of
• 47:12
  Speaker 2: a sudden, if you take a break and fast from
• 47:15
  Speaker 2: being the parent, being the one who knows everything, and
• 47:19
  Speaker 2: suddenly just say, you know what, at this point in
• 47:22
  Speaker 2: my child's development, I need to learn. I need to
• 47:25
  Speaker 2: be a student, I need to listen.
• 47:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that's important. I you know, I don't
• 47:30
  Speaker 1: have a problem telling my kids. I don't know if
• 47:33
  Speaker 1: they say, you know what, they ask.
• 47:35
  Speaker 3: Your question, you're unusual in that way.
• 47:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I think that's a it's a you know,
• 47:40
  Speaker 1: it's something the generation that preceded me wouldn't have ever
• 47:43
  Speaker 1: thought of, Like because you're you're trained to always have
• 47:46
  Speaker 1: the answer and and and part of that comes, I
• 47:50
  Speaker 1: think from a laudable instinct of protectionism, Like you want
• 47:53
  Speaker 1: to protect your kids, so you're you want to make
• 47:55
  Speaker 1: them feel safe and secure, so you're the person who
• 47:58
  Speaker 1: always knows the answer.
• 47:59
  Speaker 2: To the question safe and secure rather than fulfilled.
• 48:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but I'll be like, I don't know, I'm gonna
• 48:05
  Speaker 1: have to get back to you on that one, you know,
• 48:08
  Speaker 1: And I think and I think I think the one
• 48:11
  Speaker 1: of the reasons that I think that's that's beneficial is
• 48:17
  Speaker 1: it breeds trust in your child. Like I think, you know,
• 48:21
  Speaker 1: kids are much more intuitive than than we give them
• 48:23
  Speaker 1: credit for. And if you're byesing them with some answer
• 48:25
  Speaker 1: and they they they know that you don't really know.
• 48:28
  Speaker 1: They see through that thing, and I think they appreciate
• 48:31
  Speaker 1: the honesty, and I think ultimately they're more likely to
• 48:33
  Speaker 1: trust you if you know you're you you cop to
• 48:39
  Speaker 1: the occasional I don't know, or you screw up and
• 48:42
  Speaker 1: you say, hey, you know what, I just really handle
• 48:44
  Speaker 1: that situation poorly. You know, here's what I tried to do,
• 48:47
  Speaker 1: Here's where I screwed up, and I'm going to do
• 48:49
  Speaker 1: better next time.
• 48:50
  Speaker 3: I was, Yeah, I do that now, and it's very rewarding.
• 48:55
  Speaker 4: I was.
• 48:57
  Speaker 2: Our children both uh in the Siving Northwest and as
• 49:04
  Speaker 2: do our grandchildren, and we were up there the other
• 49:08
  Speaker 2: day and I was checking in with them and I said,
• 49:11
  Speaker 2: you know, I just wanted to I just wanted to
• 49:13
  Speaker 2: know what did I look like? And I didn't mean
• 49:15
  Speaker 2: what did I physically look like? But what did I
• 49:17
  Speaker 2: parentally look like at different sections of your life?
• 49:21
  Speaker 3: I mean, what's the earliest memory that you have of me?
• 49:24
  Speaker 2: And I think both of them said, you're really strict
• 49:27
  Speaker 2: and then you got to be okay with certain things,
• 49:30
  Speaker 2: and I was thinking, okay.
• 49:32
  Speaker 3: So that's their view of who I was.
• 49:37
  Speaker 2: I would have been much wealthier, not in money, but
• 49:43
  Speaker 2: in the experience if I'd have been asking them that
• 49:48
  Speaker 2: along the way. And so I would highly encourage you know,
• 49:55
  Speaker 2: parents out there to get into that stance that I
• 49:58
  Speaker 2: can tell you do a lot, but you know, just
• 50:01
  Speaker 2: to be able to sit down there as if you're
• 50:02
  Speaker 2: one of them, get on the same side of this
• 50:04
  Speaker 2: and I don't mean the physical screen, but get on
• 50:07
  Speaker 2: the same side of the relational screen and say, you know,
• 50:11
  Speaker 2: what do I look like up there on that screen?
• 50:13
  Speaker 1: In other words, like a performance review, all right? Or
• 50:15
  Speaker 1: to sit down yes, yes.
• 50:19
  Speaker 2: Because they have an insight that nobody else does. They
• 50:23
  Speaker 2: don't always have to be an audience member. They could
• 50:27
  Speaker 2: be a critic.
• 50:28
  Speaker 4: It must have been tricky raising your kids, yeah, and
• 50:33
  Speaker 4: everything like that. Yeah, Like I.
• 50:34
  Speaker 1: Can't imagine that was without its traumas and challenges.
• 50:39
  Speaker 2: Right, And I would say if I had it all
• 50:42
  Speaker 2: to do over again, the knots would have been tied
• 50:46
  Speaker 2: much looser, because, like I was saying earlier, the children
• 50:53
  Speaker 2: have an inborn knowledge, they have an inborn wisdom because
• 51:00
  Speaker 2: they are the ones that are going to have to
• 51:01
  Speaker 2: live with the future much further out than we will,
• 51:05
  Speaker 2: and we've got to hear from that more.
• 51:07
  Speaker 3: Thank God, I was a musician and had.
• 51:10
  Speaker 2: A lot of you know, I had a lot of
• 51:13
  Speaker 2: relationships in which you had to be a band member
• 51:16
  Speaker 2: rather than you know, a lead singer all the time.
• 51:19
  Speaker 2: And in that metaphor, you have to be able to
• 51:22
  Speaker 2: play off of other people, so you know, once the
• 51:26
  Speaker 2: you know, once the complete you know, I don't know
• 51:29
  Speaker 2: what I'm doing, so I better show that I do
• 51:31
  Speaker 2: know what I'm doing. God I got over that phase.
• 51:34
  Speaker 2: Then I started correlating with my with our children so
• 51:38
  Speaker 2: that we could be more of a of a team
• 51:42
  Speaker 2: rather than just a you know, a coach, you know,
• 51:45
  Speaker 2: telling the players what to do.
• 51:47
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 51:48
  Speaker 1: One of the struggles that I have, the challenges that
• 51:50
  Speaker 1: I have, and I think this is relatable for you know,
• 51:53
  Speaker 1: anyone who's listening or watching, is I struggle to uh
• 51:59
  Speaker 1: not project some past experience of my own or some
• 52:06
  Speaker 1: past trauma onto my kids.
• 52:09
  Speaker 4: In other words, it's.
• 52:10
  Speaker 1: Very difficult to have the wherewithal or awareness to step
• 52:16
  Speaker 1: outside whatever cycle or pattern you've habituated yourself too because
• 52:21
  Speaker 1: of the way that you were raised, and then repeat
• 52:25
  Speaker 1: that pattern with respect to how you're parenting your kids,
• 52:27
  Speaker 1: because that's just what you know. Even if you're trying
• 52:30
  Speaker 1: to do things differently, I found that I'll automatically default
• 52:36
  Speaker 1: to something that you know, some scenario that you know,
• 52:41
  Speaker 1: just the way that I was raised that I was
• 52:42
  Speaker 1: trying to do a little bit differently. So you know,
• 52:47
  Speaker 1: having awareness of that is one thing, but it's a
• 52:49
  Speaker 1: very different thing to prevent myself from falling into that
• 52:52
  Speaker 1: trap or perpetuating that habit.
• 52:56
  Speaker 3: And I say that that's what these fasts manu ha
• 53:04
  Speaker 3: manu ha.
• 53:06
  Speaker 2: Could can give us that in playing the guitar, when
• 53:11
  Speaker 2: I wasn't playing the guitar obsessively, I would discover ways
• 53:19
  Speaker 2: that were not things that I had learned in my past.
• 53:23
  Speaker 2: You used a beautiful phrase, you said, you know you
• 53:26
  Speaker 2: you quantum you use the quantum effect of the manuha
• 53:31
  Speaker 2: of the fast.
• 53:32
  Speaker 4: I know you love that word. I do.
• 53:35
  Speaker 3: It's one of my it's one of my passions.
• 53:39
  Speaker 2: But the fact is is that yes we could.
• 53:41
  Speaker 3: We can do the same thing.
• 53:43
  Speaker 2: In those pause moments where we're not saying that we
• 53:47
  Speaker 2: know everything, let me just say that I know nothing
• 53:49
  Speaker 2: and I'm in a situation. You know, it's almost like
• 53:53
  Speaker 2: a moment of prayer, you know, like the prayer that's
• 53:58
  Speaker 2: being used in recovery. You know, God give me the grace,
• 54:01
  Speaker 2: got me the strength, I mean, you know, the courage,
• 54:03
  Speaker 2: et cetera.
• 54:05
  Speaker 3: That show me the way, you know, show me the
• 54:09
  Speaker 3: way through this.
• 54:10
  Speaker 2: Let me learn some new let me learn some new chords,
• 54:14
  Speaker 2: let me learn some new riffs, Let me learn some.
• 54:16
  Speaker 3: New ways of addressing my children.
• 54:20
  Speaker 2: Because I wasn't schooled.
• 54:23
  Speaker 3: No one was.
• 54:24
  Speaker 2: This is not a statement just of me personally, but
• 54:27
  Speaker 2: no one was. The one thing that we didn't get
• 54:29
  Speaker 2: in high school and college was parenting one oh one,
• 54:32
  Speaker 2: parenting one O two, parenting one O three. We never
• 54:34
  Speaker 2: got even relationship. We got, you know, the three rs,
• 54:38
  Speaker 2: but we certainly didn't get all of these other things.
• 54:40
  Speaker 2: We got psych you know, psychology one oh one, in sociology,
• 54:46
  Speaker 2: but that's how to look at the thing. How do
• 54:48
  Speaker 2: we get how to be the thing?
• 54:53
  Speaker 4: Yeah, we're not taught. We know the way we were raised.
• 54:57
  Speaker 1: What you what I see a lot of is people
• 55:00
  Speaker 1: or raise a certain way and then suddenly their parents
• 55:02
  Speaker 1: and they're like, I'm going to do it totally the
• 55:04
  Speaker 1: opposite because of whatever trauma they suffered. So they'll swing
• 55:08
  Speaker 1: swing that pendulum.
• 55:09
  Speaker 4: All the way in the other direction.
• 55:11
  Speaker 1: And then, of course that's always fraught with its own
• 55:13
  Speaker 1: It's fraught with all.
• 55:14
  Speaker 4: Its its own you know, issues and problems. But I
• 55:18
  Speaker 4: think that's beautiful.
• 55:19
  Speaker 3: There's an old say to wisdom used pendulum.
• 55:22
  Speaker 2: There's an old saying of wisdom that when is the
• 55:25
  Speaker 2: pendulum at its best when it's.
• 55:27
  Speaker 1: Still it's still in the middle. Yeah, it's never it's
• 55:30
  Speaker 1: never still in the middle, though, you know.
• 55:32
  Speaker 4: That's the thing that's there. Wouldn't be a pendulum then.
• 55:36
  Speaker 3: Right, a dangling event. But that is the case.
• 55:40
  Speaker 2: What you talk about in that pause, in that fast,
• 55:45
  Speaker 2: in that period of time of the white space being
• 55:49
  Speaker 2: able to bring in so point is encouraging not only
• 55:54
  Speaker 2: parents but also children to respect the white space and
• 56:01
  Speaker 2: to respect the time when let's all just kind of
• 56:05
  Speaker 2: be here, not in our roles, but let's just take
• 56:09
  Speaker 2: a break from our roles for this moment, and let's
• 56:13
  Speaker 2: try to be in this place of being able to
• 56:19
  Speaker 2: accept each other with our flaws and our talents. Good example,
• 56:27
  Speaker 2: one of our children was seven years old. Teacher caught
• 56:32
  Speaker 2: or not being able to read yet she had been
• 56:36
  Speaker 2: perfectly faking it. Teachers come to me and my wife,
• 56:42
  Speaker 2: they say, we'd like to get her some serious tutoring.
• 56:47
  Speaker 2: And I think about it, and I think about my
• 56:50
  Speaker 2: daughter's incredible skills. She had huge athletic skills, she had
• 56:56
  Speaker 2: huge musical skills, she had incredible skills of communication, but
• 57:02
  Speaker 2: she had not latched onto this one skill of being
• 57:05
  Speaker 2: able to read yet. And I said, well, that's okay,
• 57:09
  Speaker 2: But I said, I don't want you to disrupt, you know,
• 57:11
  Speaker 2: to improve this skill, but I don't want you to
• 57:13
  Speaker 2: disrupt these other skills by inserting something that's, you know, magnificent,
• 57:19
  Speaker 2: but making it more important than the other skills that
• 57:21
  Speaker 2: she does have, or making her feel any kind of
• 57:24
  Speaker 2: shame or any kind of thing. And they looked at
• 57:27
  Speaker 2: me and how strongly I was feeling, and they said, well,
• 57:30
  Speaker 2: maybe we should just let you work with this and
• 57:34
  Speaker 2: we'll see how we can progress. So I sat with it,
• 57:39
  Speaker 2: and I went into this space, and I sat with
• 57:42
  Speaker 2: our daughter, and I went into this space of I'm
• 57:46
  Speaker 2: not the dad, I'm a mirror.
• 57:50
  Speaker 3: Let me hear what's going on.
• 57:53
  Speaker 2: And so she and I just kind of hung out
• 57:57
  Speaker 2: for a little while for quite a while, and in
• 58:00
  Speaker 2: the process I recognized and she recognized because she kind
• 58:05
  Speaker 2: of brought it out to me that she had sort
• 58:08
  Speaker 2: of missed catching on until she was so far behind
• 58:15
  Speaker 2: that she was afraid to admit that she.
• 58:18
  Speaker 3: Hadn't caught on.
• 58:19
  Speaker 4: Yeah, that's what happens.
• 58:21
  Speaker 2: And so I said, oh wow. I said, well, let's
• 58:27
  Speaker 2: let's show that being behind and making mistakes is just
• 58:35
  Speaker 2: as valuable as being ahead and getting it right. And
• 58:40
  Speaker 2: so the four of us, our two children and my
• 58:42
  Speaker 2: wife and I spent a weekend doing things wrong. We
• 58:47
  Speaker 2: went to the probably the only still existing bowling alley
• 58:50
  Speaker 2: in the area, and we had to throw gutter balls,
• 58:54
  Speaker 2: but we had to win the game. We had to
• 58:57
  Speaker 2: see who could get the ball the furthest down the
• 59:00
  Speaker 2: alley before it went into the gutter and so, and
• 59:05
  Speaker 2: the winner of the game had to have zeros all
• 59:08
  Speaker 2: across the board by the end of the game, but
• 59:11
  Speaker 2: have gotten it as far down the alley. Well, eventually
• 59:14
  Speaker 2: we were laughing so hard that they.
• 59:16
  Speaker 3: Kicked us out.
• 59:17
  Speaker 2: So we went to a public swimming pool that still
• 59:20
  Speaker 2: had a diving board, and we had to do belly
• 59:23
  Speaker 2: flops and we had to see how high we could
• 59:26
  Speaker 2: go before the sting of the belly flop was prohibitive.
• 59:30
  Speaker 2: So we had to do all these things wrong, and
• 59:33
  Speaker 2: we were hilariously laughing, and then we started to spell
• 59:38
  Speaker 2: words wrong, you know, we started to spell words phonetically
• 59:42
  Speaker 2: like enough e n uf and rather than E n
• 59:46
  Speaker 2: O U g h right, And we started to realize
• 59:51
  Speaker 2: how much of the you should be able to or
• 59:54
  Speaker 2: you should be doings. We're completely contry rolling the mindset.
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 2: She ended up, you know, being on a Dean's list,
• 1:00:07
  Speaker 2: being you know, head of her class. She graduated top
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 2: her you know, because she realized making mistakes was okay.
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 2: Education needs to honor the mistakes. And you were talking before.
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 2: We try to protect our children, we try to help
• 1:00:22
  Speaker 2: them get get things right. We try to do all
• 1:00:25
  Speaker 2: these things well. We may be partially contributing, contributing to
• 1:00:30
  Speaker 2: the dilemma.
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 4: What I read into that.
• 1:00:35
  Speaker 1: Is that the crisis, if you want to call it
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 1: a crisis that's not really the right word.
• 1:00:40
  Speaker 4: It's a little too severe.
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 1: But the sort of problem that needed to be addressed
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 1: was less about the fact that she couldn't read. That's
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 1: easily rectified through some pretty, you know, simple, basic, you know, tutoring.
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 1: The real issue was her fear of speaking up in
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 1: the wake of getting passed by. And the redress of
• 1:01:01
  Speaker 1: that is to reframe this whole idea of failure doing
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 1: things wrong by making it fun. And this is something
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 1: I talk about all the time, like I wish the
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 1: word failure didn't exist. There should be a different word,
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 1: a more permissive word that makes people feel encouraged by
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 1: trying things even if they're not going to work out.
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 1: But it's that fear, you know, And with that fear
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 1: is like the shame, the shame, like, oh my goodness,
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 1: I'm behind you know, these kids are ahead of me.
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 4: I can't speak up because then I'll be judged.
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 1: And getting out ahead of that is ultimately much more
• 1:01:34
  Speaker 1: important than.
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 4: Just dealing with the reading part of it.
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 3: Think of it in parenting parents.
• 1:01:42
  Speaker 2: I mean, there's there's there's a there's a metric for
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 2: when you can't read, but there's no metric for when
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 2: you don't know how to parent in this moment, and
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 2: to be able to fail from time to time in
• 1:02:03
  Speaker 2: parenting and admit it is in the same category. We
• 1:02:09
  Speaker 2: need to be able to say, hey, I need help here.
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 2: We need to be able to go to the child
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 2: and say, hey, I need your help here. You're doing this.
• 1:02:21
  Speaker 2: I see an end result that vision of your end
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 2: result maybe from my past. Help me show me that
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 2: you've thought this through that you don't see that same
• 1:02:37
  Speaker 2: end result that if you do see an end result,
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 2: let's compare our views of the end results of your behavior.
• 1:02:45
  Speaker 2: Having that kind of a relationship with a child is
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 2: after a lot of failing in my world, That's what
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 2: I ultimately have with my children. Now, you know, you know,
• 1:02:58
  Speaker 2: one of them's forty and the other ones thirty four.
• 1:03:00
  Speaker 1: Right, it's easier to have that conversation now, yeah, right,
• 1:03:03
  Speaker 1: But I'm encouraging people to have that conversation much earlier.
• 1:03:07
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 1: And what I read into that is is a respect
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 1: for their own sovereignty. Like, hey, it's not me telling
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 1: you what to doat Like we're in some kind of
• 1:03:16
  Speaker 1: partnership here where I'm still in charge, you know, but
• 1:03:21
  Speaker 1: like let's have some productive feedback.
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 4: Let's make it a two way street.
• 1:03:24
  Speaker 1: How are you am I projecting this onto you or
• 1:03:27
  Speaker 1: are you seeing this the same way?
• 1:03:29
  Speaker 4: You know? I think that's that's interesting because.
• 1:03:33
  Speaker 2: That would start a conversation that demonstrates a willingness and
• 1:03:39
  Speaker 2: will and willingness are part of the heart center, you know,
• 1:03:42
  Speaker 2: It's part of that vulnerability that you and I have
• 1:03:44
  Speaker 2: spoken about from time to time, the vulnerability of being.
• 1:03:48
  Speaker 3: I don't have the answers I don't have. I have
• 1:03:51
  Speaker 3: some answers, they may not apply here.
• 1:03:54
  Speaker 1: Right, And I think the fear as a parent is
• 1:03:56
  Speaker 1: that the kid. You think the kid's going to go. Man,
• 1:03:58
  Speaker 1: they're just a sleep at the wheel, Like this thing's
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 1: out of control us everything.
• 1:04:02
  Speaker 4: I gotta take control of this situation.
• 1:04:05
  Speaker 2: It's the exact opposite, ultimately, if you give the child
• 1:04:10
  Speaker 2: a sense of parents were never trained to be that,
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 2: children were never trained to be children.
• 1:04:19
  Speaker 3: Let's do this together. Yes, I do have.
• 1:04:23
  Speaker 2: You know, it's like an eighteen wheeler has a better
• 1:04:25
  Speaker 2: view than a Porsche down the roadway. I do have
• 1:04:28
  Speaker 2: the altitude that gives me a better view of the roadway,
• 1:04:31
  Speaker 2: but some of my view of the roadways in using
• 1:04:34
  Speaker 2: your terms. Maybe based on my history, maybe based on
• 1:04:38
  Speaker 2: the way I was parented, may not be based on
• 1:04:42
  Speaker 2: your roadway. So let's get together in this dialogue, in
• 1:04:45
  Speaker 2: this communication.
• 1:04:47
  Speaker 3: I remember one time.
• 1:04:50
  Speaker 2: I was having a conversation with one of our children
• 1:04:53
  Speaker 2: and in the midst of the conversation, the child goes
• 1:04:56
  Speaker 2: Papa time out. I've been listening, really, it is like
• 1:05:02
  Speaker 2: ten minutes in. I've been listening really carefully. They were
• 1:05:05
  Speaker 2: very respectful. I've been hearing every word. You said, what's
• 1:05:11
  Speaker 2: your point?
• 1:05:14
  Speaker 4: Yeah, what is your point?
• 1:05:15
  Speaker 2: That moment changed my world because I realized that not
• 1:05:20
  Speaker 2: only in that parenting role, but also in my teaching role,
• 1:05:26
  Speaker 2: that I would come into a class with so many
• 1:05:29
  Speaker 2: perspectives and so many points that I was so enthusiastic
• 1:05:33
  Speaker 2: and inspired about getting across that it was just way
• 1:05:36
  Speaker 2: too much information.
• 1:05:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah, your job is a communicator, she's saying, you're not
• 1:05:41
  Speaker 1: communicating very well. Yes, So, in your experience as a
• 1:05:48
  Speaker 1: parent and now as a grandparent, like, if you had
• 1:05:51
  Speaker 1: to distill down to a couple nuggets, what are the
• 1:05:58
  Speaker 1: most important things for a parent to bear in mind
• 1:06:01
  Speaker 1: in raising a conscious child in a healthy way that
• 1:06:05
  Speaker 1: we haven't already covered. I mean we're talking about this stuff.
• 1:06:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah, be flexible in positioning number one, don't always be
• 1:06:15
  Speaker 2: the authority. Be flexible in the positioning. Number two, Gain
• 1:06:23
  Speaker 2: perspective from your audience. Every product that's ever been sold
• 1:06:29
  Speaker 2: successfully has had customer feedback, So let's just put it.
• 1:06:34
  Speaker 3: Into that role. Your child is your audience. Your child
• 1:06:37
  Speaker 3: is your customer.
• 1:06:38
  Speaker 2: You're trying to sell yourself as a parent, You're trying
• 1:06:40
  Speaker 2: to sell them on your ideas.
• 1:06:43
  Speaker 3: Get some feedback.
• 1:06:45
  Speaker 2: Maybe your guidance is great except for and you will
• 1:06:50
  Speaker 2: find where the exceptions are.
• 1:06:53
  Speaker 3: And number three be in what.
• 1:06:57
  Speaker 2: You've said you're able to do a lot of and
• 1:07:01
  Speaker 2: that is admit to the fact that you there is
• 1:07:07
  Speaker 2: no training, there's only experience that's then applied to a
• 1:07:13
  Speaker 2: new experience. So the experience of a child being parented
• 1:07:16
  Speaker 2: by a parent gets applied by the parent that's parenting
• 1:07:19
  Speaker 2: a child. And those things don't always have a growth perspective.
• 1:07:26
  Speaker 2: They sometimes they're not necessarily evolving. Sometimes they're devolving.
• 1:07:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah, because I think what happens and something I've had
• 1:07:36
  Speaker 1: to be very attuned to is the fact that that
• 1:07:40
  Speaker 1: that I or we as parents, and we all have
• 1:07:42
  Speaker 1: our woundings and you know, are are triggers. And if
• 1:07:47
  Speaker 1: our child says something that pushes one of those buttons
• 1:07:51
  Speaker 1: that's been within us, you know, that was installed fifty
• 1:07:54
  Speaker 1: years ago, forty years ago, you're going to react in
• 1:07:58
  Speaker 1: some old unhealthy pattern and you're not even consciously aware
• 1:08:02
  Speaker 1: of what you're doing it in the yeah, it's like
• 1:08:05
  Speaker 1: and that perpetuates some unhealthy pattern that you know that
• 1:08:10
  Speaker 1: comes from who knows where, right, but developing the awareness
• 1:08:15
  Speaker 1: to understand that these there are patterns that are in place,
• 1:08:19
  Speaker 1: Like we all have these grooves and it's easy to
• 1:08:21
  Speaker 1: stay in a groove and it's hard to get out
• 1:08:23
  Speaker 1: of that groove. We all have past traumas and woundings,
• 1:08:27
  Speaker 1: and these are easily triggered and and produce results that
• 1:08:32
  Speaker 1: are that are reactive, that don't come with conscious thought
• 1:08:35
  Speaker 1: and awareness, that aren't that aren't consciously thought through and
• 1:08:43
  Speaker 1: without developing some awareness and some some profhilactic prophilactic behavior
• 1:08:51
  Speaker 1: patterns to kind of insulate yourself against falling into those traps,
• 1:08:55
  Speaker 1: you are going to perpetuate, you know, some old pattern
• 1:08:58
  Speaker 1: that you're that you're so desperately trying to you know,
• 1:09:02
  Speaker 1: transcend and overcome.
• 1:09:04
  Speaker 2: As the child gives you feedback because the child is
• 1:09:07
  Speaker 2: always giving feedback. That's one of the things that because
• 1:09:10
  Speaker 2: I work with a lot of people, you know, teenagers, twenties, thirties, forties, fifties, sixties,
• 1:09:17
  Speaker 2: the ones that are the most perhaps the most honest
• 1:09:22
  Speaker 2: because they haven't been trained in the dishonesty of masking
• 1:09:26
  Speaker 2: as much are the ones that are in the teenage
• 1:09:30
  Speaker 2: the adolescent category. And I find that the feedback loop
• 1:09:35
  Speaker 2: from them can be very you know, very chaotic and
• 1:09:42
  Speaker 2: sometimes hurtful because they haven't masked it. They haven't they
• 1:09:46
  Speaker 2: haven't polished it. And so rather than correcting the way
• 1:09:51
  Speaker 2: in which the feedback is coming, I would let I
• 1:09:55
  Speaker 2: would advise parents to, you know, take that feedback and
• 1:10:00
  Speaker 2: take it into a white space, a personal white space
• 1:10:04
  Speaker 2: where you kind of like extract the messaging from it,
• 1:10:09
  Speaker 2: just like I had to with our daughter and I
• 1:10:12
  Speaker 2: had to another time with our son. Is extract the
• 1:10:15
  Speaker 2: messaging from their description of what they were experiencing, and
• 1:10:20
  Speaker 2: in doing so, I won't have to have the answer.
• 1:10:23
  Speaker 2: Now I can also say to them, let me get
• 1:10:27
  Speaker 2: back to you, which is something that buys you. The
• 1:10:30
  Speaker 2: white space buys you that pause, that fast that.
• 1:10:35
  Speaker 3: Would be an important component.
• 1:10:37
  Speaker 4: Also.
• 1:10:37
  Speaker 2: That would be a fourth advice that I would give is,
• 1:10:41
  Speaker 2: you know, buy the space that gives you time to
• 1:10:44
  Speaker 2: be able to have more of a contemplative relationship with
• 1:10:48
  Speaker 2: the information that's sometimes being dealt to you in a
• 1:10:52
  Speaker 2: very disrespectful or seemingly disrespectful way. Really what it is
• 1:10:57
  Speaker 2: is just very emotional, very honest, very old overwhelmed way.
• 1:11:00
  Speaker 1: But it's usually very it's direct, yeah, and it's honest. Yeah,
• 1:11:04
  Speaker 1: generally yes, Yeah.
• 1:11:07
  Speaker 2: And maybe they are like your daughter mathis absolutely certain
• 1:11:11
  Speaker 2: that they know everything that they need to know. And
• 1:11:14
  Speaker 2: then you're saying, which you said to me earlier off Mike,
• 1:11:19
  Speaker 2: she doesn't know what she doesn't know. And so it's
• 1:11:22
  Speaker 2: up to us to then sort of like be a
• 1:11:25
  Speaker 2: hover you know, kind of a hovercraft, not in an
• 1:11:30
  Speaker 2: obsessive way, but to be able to give the child
• 1:11:35
  Speaker 2: that because sometimes they come off with this in a
• 1:11:38
  Speaker 2: very kind of like aggressive languaging, but give the child
• 1:11:44
  Speaker 2: the ability to follow that trajectory and just be there
• 1:11:48
  Speaker 2: in case it sort of runs off the rail.
• 1:11:50
  Speaker 4: Yeah, just nudget here and there.
• 1:11:52
  Speaker 1: And I think that goes back to the sovereignty piece, Like.
• 1:11:55
  Speaker 2: Say that word again, because I love that word. We
• 1:11:58
  Speaker 2: use it in so many ways. But sovereignty of a child, God,
• 1:12:02
  Speaker 2: bless you for you.
• 1:12:03
  Speaker 1: I mean the more sense of sovereignty that a developing
• 1:12:07
  Speaker 1: you know, adolescent has or child. I think that that
• 1:12:11
  Speaker 1: contributes to cultivating that sense of self that we all
• 1:12:15
  Speaker 1: want in our kids. And that's coming from me, who
• 1:12:19
  Speaker 1: is no expert and not doing anything.
• 1:12:23
  Speaker 2: And that is going to all of us who are
• 1:12:27
  Speaker 2: no expert. You know, I would say that they're in
• 1:12:33
  Speaker 2: the raising of children. There is no expert. But there
• 1:12:38
  Speaker 2: are those who are more open, who are more vulnerable,
• 1:12:43
  Speaker 2: who will allow more sovereignty. They'll be more skilled, but
• 1:12:48
  Speaker 2: nobody's expert.
• 1:12:51
  Speaker 4: Manuha, my friend, I think we did it.
• 1:12:55
  Speaker 3: Blessings.
• 1:12:56
  Speaker 4: How do you feel? I feel great? Feel good? Yeah
• 1:12:59
  Speaker 4: I do, all right? Will you come back and share
• 1:13:01
  Speaker 4: more with me?
• 1:13:02
  Speaker 2: Oh?
• 1:13:02
  Speaker 4: Man, this is a joy right on? Cool? Oh you
• 1:13:06
  Speaker 4: know what, grab that guitar behind. Oh, let's see if
• 1:13:09
  Speaker 4: it's too Yeah, I'm sure it's not. No one's picked
• 1:13:12
  Speaker 4: it up in a little while. But oh is it tuned?
• 1:13:16
  Speaker 4: Let's see if you could do you know what? Like?
• 1:13:18
  Speaker 4: Uh that mic up to that?
• 1:13:27
  Speaker 3: So this is actually as.
• 1:13:39
  Speaker 2: This is a song that Cel and I recorded together.
• 1:13:43
  Speaker 2: I was actually in that it was written by myself
• 1:13:47
  Speaker 2: and a bunch of kids in India years and years ago.
• 1:13:51
  Speaker 3: But it was too to be confident.
• 1:13:56
  Speaker 5: That the infinite will take care of it. We're so fortunate, Oh,
• 1:14:06
  Speaker 5: and to be confident that the infinite and the kids
• 1:14:09
  Speaker 5: would all start singing it. To be confident that the
• 1:14:14
  Speaker 5: internet will take care of it, We're so fortunate all
• 1:14:23
  Speaker 5: to the confident that the infinite will take.
• 1:14:29
  Speaker 3: Care of it. We're so fuch.
• 1:14:34
  Speaker 2: And that in parenting is extremely important to know that
• 1:14:42
  Speaker 2: there's some force greater than us that is taking care
• 1:14:46
  Speaker 2: of and trusting that we can take care of these children.
• 1:14:53
  Speaker 2: That is so important for us to remember that we
• 1:14:56
  Speaker 2: are being entrusted.
• 1:14:58
  Speaker 3: We're not being hired.
• 1:14:59
  Speaker 2: We're being in trusted, not because we're experts, but because
• 1:15:03
  Speaker 2: we're foolish enough to be willing enough to be correlating
• 1:15:10
  Speaker 2: enough and coordinating enough. Beautifully put my friend, Love you much, love,
• 1:15:16
  Speaker 2: love you, love you too, and love to all of
• 1:15:18
  Speaker 2: those that put up with us for this time.
• 1:15:21
  Speaker 4: Very good man, until next time
• 1:15:25
  Speaker 2: Peace, peace plans forever, all right,