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Wellness Wednesdays · Black Girl Interrupted Podcast

0:42
Speaker 1: Oh hey, hey, Hey, what's going on? It's your favorite
0:45
girl from the five? Oh Will bringing you another episode
0:48
of Black Girl interrupted. What's going on? Y'all? Happy Wednesday?
0:54
Oh man, it feel so great to see y'all. I
0:58
hope everyone is having it a week man. Man, man,
1:03
can y'all believe we are already halfway through January and
1:07
we were just saying Happy New Year? It just seems
1:11
like yesterday. But I just want to tap in with
1:14
everyone today. Today is Wednesday. It is Wellness Wednesday. So
1:20
anyone that is new too, Black Girls interrupt the podcast?
1:25
So Wellness Wednesdays. I utilize this day just to kind
1:30
of catch up with everyone, just to see how everyone
1:32
is feeling. Let y'all know what's going on. Of course,
1:36
y'all know, I always throw God in the conversation in
1:40
the mix because I love to get on here and
1:42
brag about how good God really truly is. But anyone
1:47
that is new too, Black Girl interrupt the podcast. You
1:50
do know I always do a mental health check in
1:52
before I start the show. I do those. I do
1:56
the mental health check ins just to check the temperature.
1:58
I want to know how everyone is feeling. I want
2:01
to know how have you been doing. Yes, I know
2:04
I just saw y'all last Wednesday. But things happen. You know,
2:10
everything changes from day to day. Excuse me. So I love, love,
2:14
love to play something that's always encouraging, something that's always uplifting,
2:19
something that's empowering, because again, I want people to know
2:23
that your mental health matters. I want you to know
2:26
that it's okay to not be okay. I want you
2:29
to know that it is okay to get up even
2:33
though you've fallen down. So here we go, before we
2:38
start tonight's show. Here we are.
2:45
Speaker 2: It's an urge truth be told.
2:48
Speaker 3: Every champion has felt it, every president has felt it,
2:53
every king has felt it, every lion has felt it,
2:57
every winner has felt it. Every soldier has felted, every
3:03
victorious person has feltered.
3:05
Speaker 2: To urge to quit. Don't you give up on your dread.
3:17
Speaker 4: I don't care if you don't have the money, you
3:19
don't have the help, and you don't have the family
3:22
for it, and you don't have the background for it,
3:25
and you don't have the friends for it. Don't you
3:27
give up on you don't drink pot, shoot do it?
3:29
Don't shoot do it? Don't shoot do it? It may
3:33
take you twice as long. You may have to take
3:36
courses and classes. You may not read as fast. You
3:40
might not move it's quick. You might not have as much.
3:43
But don't you quit. Don't you quit, don't you quit.
3:49
You do make a difference. You do make a difference.
3:55
You do make a difference. As weak as you are,
3:58
as tired as you are, as many mistakes as you may,
4:01
you do make a difference. There is something they wouldn't
4:04
lose if you were not there. There was something that
4:06
they would miss if you were not there. You do
4:10
make a difference. You do make a difference. You do
4:15
make a difference.
4:16
Speaker 2: Keep popping.
4:19
Speaker 4: It's for people that are trying to hop their way
4:21
back home, come hell of high water, doing the best
4:24
they can with what they got. That that's what we
4:27
are doing, the best we can with what we got.
4:30
And we made out break any ribbons, and we may
4:33
not get any trophies.
4:34
Speaker 2: But if we could learn how to hang on in there,
4:38
we'll be all right.
4:40
Speaker 5: I will not lie tell you I feel like going on,
4:43
but I had seen days I did not want to
4:45
get out the bed, didn't want to put on clothing.
4:47
It didn't feel like brushing my teeth. I've seen days
4:50
so dark that I just wanted to keep driving. And
4:53
I didn't even care where I ended up. On what
4:55
you called me, they can and be passed.
5:03
Speaker 2: Then it came to pass. I kept the faith. I
5:09
kept it.
5:10
Speaker 6: I lost a lot of stuff. I lost a lot
5:13
of friends, I lost a lot of strength, I lost
5:16
a lot of courage. I lost a lot of time.
5:19
I lost a lot of money. But I kept down
5:23
on my knees. I was still believing. Pro I was believing,
5:28
nor only I was believing, be trying.
5:31
Speaker 7: If you lose the job, keep the faith. If you
5:38
lose the spouse, keep the faith. If you bury your child,
5:41
keep the faith. If you have to downsize, keep the faith.
5:45
If you have to move in with your mama, keep
5:47
the faith. If you actually wits in, keep the faith.
5:50
If you have to catch the bus, keep the faith.
5:52
If you have to dumb, keep the faith. If you
5:55
get sick, keep the faith. If you lose the kidneys,
5:58
keep the faith. If you got a keep the faith.
6:01
You might not get it no hard, but you gotta
6:04
keep y'all faith.
6:37
Speaker 1: Man, let me tell y'all, that is like one of
6:40
my I love that video simply because It's so easy
6:46
to lose the faith. It's so easy to give up
6:50
when things are going your way. It's so easy to
6:54
throw in a towel when whatever you planned didn't fall through.
7:01
But I say all of that to say, keep the faith.
7:04
You know, I can speak for me when I say
7:09
a lot of the things that I'm going through is
7:12
heavy for me. You know, I'm working two jobs. You know,
7:20
I'm maintaining my mental while dealing with health issues and
7:30
while living with a spouse that's battling cancer. So what
7:38
I just I'm learning to feel what I need to
7:45
feel in the moment because life is heavy. You know.
7:51
I was speaking with my manager yesterday at work and she,
7:56
you know, she reached out to said, actually, what's going on.
8:00
You know, because I've taken a few days off from work.
8:03
I'm tired, I'm exhausted, and there are some times where
8:09
I feel like people just don't understand what I'm going through.
8:13
You know, life has been lifeing for me. You know,
8:16
I don't get to talk to everyone as much as
8:19
I used to because again, I work from seven thirty
8:24
in the morning to six pm in the evening. I
8:28
get off, I have to make sure my husband is good,
8:32
make sure food is cooked, just to lay down and
8:36
get up and do it all over again the next day.
8:39
So it got heavy for me. You know, I'm wondering
8:44
how a bill's gonna get paid, you know, because we
8:46
have medical bills, you know, we owe this, We have
8:50
to pay that. So life got heavy for me. So
8:55
tonight's episode, I guess I'll be talking to me, you know,
9:02
and pouring back into myself because I've noticed that I
9:06
pour into a lot of people, but I don't have
9:10
a lot of people pouring back into me. And that's hard.
9:15
You know, when you're going through life and you don't
9:19
have anyone to turn to, it gets lonely, you know.
9:23
But one of the most beautiful, beautiful things about this,
9:27
about everything that I'm going through, is that God has
9:30
kept me. And when I say God has kept me,
9:36
God has kept me. God has kept my husband. God
9:39
has kept us. God has kept us above the water.
9:43
So yeah, I want to brag about how wonderful God is.
9:48
I want to brag about how amazing he is. I
9:51
want to brag about how when you give it to God,
9:56
He's going to handle it on his time. You know.
9:59
I was sitting up here wondering. I said, you know,
10:05
we have these medical bills, his medical bills, my medical bills.
10:11
I've used a quiet bit of my savings to keep
10:16
us afloat. But I feel like I'm just surviving. I
10:21
don't feel like I'm living, you know, and being in
10:27
survival mode all the time is rough, especially when you're
10:31
a person that has dealt with a lot of mental
10:34
health issues. You know, I've dealt with and I've battled
10:37
with depression, I battled with anxiety, and I just ask
10:42
God just keep me out of the dark. I just
10:45
ask God that you take care of us, keep us covered,
10:49
keep me in a safe and stable place, because I
10:53
have to be present for this man over here. You know,
10:56
I have to be in support of this man. But
11:01
I ain't gonna lie, y'all. Man, baby, it's heavy. And
11:06
like I told my manager yesterday, yesterday was just a day,
11:10
you know. Talking to my manager speaking with a therapist today,
11:18
they told me, I have to get out of survival mode.
11:22
I have to put Ashley first. I have to make
11:24
sure I'm good, because if I'm not good, nobody else
11:29
is good. You understand, it is.
11:37
Speaker 2: I just.
11:40
Speaker 1: It's so much I can say about God and how
11:48
I'm learning again to give it to him and let
11:50
him carry it the rest of the way. God tells
11:53
me all the time, he says, Ashley, you know, weapons
11:56
will form, but that doesn't mean they'll prosper. And I promise.
11:59
When I there, y'all, I felt like I was being
12:01
hit in every direction. I felt like every time I
12:05
dodged a bullet, here come three more, you know, here
12:07
come two more, here's another one, And I'm just like, God,
12:11
how much more are you gonna give me before I break?
12:16
And then I hear this little boy and that says,
12:18
you're not even built to break. You're a lot stronger
12:22
than you think. And that stuck with me today because
12:28
I've overcome a lot. I've accomplished a lot in a
12:32
short amount of time. I've overcome a lot in a
12:36
short amount of time. I'm not gonna I'm not gonna
12:39
lie and say it didn't bother me when my husband
12:42
was diagnosal cancer, because it did. I think I cried
12:46
for three or four days straight because I just couldn't
12:48
understand why him. He don't bother anybody. He goes to work,
12:53
he takes care of the household, So why am and
12:59
then I look back and I'm like, all my health issues.
13:03
You know, we're trying to figure out where all the
13:05
information is coming from. That's why I'm swoo of like
13:07
a bubble y'all. You know, I'm on steroids. I go
13:10
on steroids like I'm off steroids. I take a pill
13:14
for this appeal for that. I gotta take this pill
13:16
because my blood pressure is elevated. I gotta take this
13:19
because this what helps alleviate the pain so I'm able
13:21
to rest at night. So I got all of this
13:25
on my plate. And then I'm working two jobs at
13:29
the same time, but I'm still making time to do
13:35
my podcast. And I do that because I love doing this.
13:42
I love podcasting. I love being able to express everything
13:49
that I have going on in my life and there's
13:52
no judgment. You know. I think I believe I've said
13:55
it before. This is therapeutic for me. This is something
13:59
I long for every week. Is where I get to
14:04
get in front of this camera. I get to talk
14:07
to my people, you understand. I get to speak with
14:09
my family. I get to unpack with my family, so
14:12
I could go to sleep and rest a little lighter
14:16
instead of laying down and I'm heavy all the time.
14:20
That's exhausting within itself. You know, you're working this because
14:26
you gotta pay for this. You're working because food costs
14:29
too much, so you're almost need three full jobs just
14:32
for groceries. Not you know, let alone. You got a mortgage,
14:36
you got lights, you got gas, you got water, you
14:39
got your streaming apps, you know your cable, you got
14:42
car insurance, you got cell phone bills, et cetera. So
14:50
that's why you haven't heard from me. And I'm gonna
14:56
be absolutely unapologetic about it because I have a house
15:00
to maintain. Sitting on a phone with you all day
15:05
does not help me pay a bill at my house.
15:07
Sitting on a phone with you all day does not
15:09
help me pay my life bill. So I'm not going
15:13
to apologize because life is life and for me, and
15:18
I deserve the space and the time to get in
15:22
a safe space. I deserve that until I'm ready, you understand,
15:27
until I feel like I'm mentally ready, I'm spiritually ready,
15:32
I'm emotionally ready, and then I'm noticing how God is
15:40
moving for me, how God has removed a lot of
15:45
people out of my life because God says this person
15:48
is not meant for you. This person don't really genuinely
15:51
care about you. This person here is just here because
15:54
of what you could do. So I've had to eliminate
15:58
a lot of people. I was just telling my husband
16:01
a few minutes ago, I've noticed that there are certain
16:04
people I used to talk to every day that we
16:06
don't even talk. He said, well, does that bother? I say, no,
16:11
not really, but I was just, you know what, just
16:14
the thought crossed my mind and I was like, I
16:17
don't even talk to this person like we used to.
16:20
You know, we go from talking every day so we
16:24
may talk once every two weeks. And that's cool, you know,
16:27
because again, I know, people have their lives, you know,
16:30
I know people have children, people are working, so it's
16:34
like but then I also, on the other hand, noticed
16:38
the only time your call is when you want something.
16:42
But then I get on Instagram and I see in
16:43
your little stars you're our party, you're drinking. I mean,
16:52
I'm not upset because you're living your life, but don't
16:56
try to play in my face. Whenever you need something,
17:00
that's the only time you called. But my love grant
17:05
is over, So back to our wellness. I'm so sorry,
17:11
so welcome back to Black Girl. That's worth the podcast.
17:14
It is your favorite girl, Ash from the five Oh
17:17
will bringing you another beautiful episode. So tonight's conversation is
17:22
our wellness Wednesdays. How are you feeling mentally? Let me
17:28
ask that, how are you feeling mentally? Because everyone goes say, oh,
17:31
I'm good, I feel okay, but how do you really
17:34
feel mentally? I can say for me, I'm overwhelmed. I'm very,
17:44
very very overwhelmed. I just feel like sometimes I bet
18:03
off more than I could choose, but we needed we
18:08
needed that. So me being present in this, I have
18:14
to show up. Hey you saw, It's good to see you,
18:18
beautiful girl. But I just again, I just want to
18:24
brag on Guard tonight. So I'm gonna share some things
18:29
with y'all like I always do. So when you go
18:36
out on disability, you know, disability doesn't really pay you
18:39
a whole lot. My husband is I on short term disability, right,
18:46
so of course we're like, okay, well, this is how
18:49
we could do the bills until they got his first check,
18:52
y'all thirty something dollars. That man say I want to
18:58
go back to work. I say, you can't even function
19:03
when you are done with radiation. So let me tell y'all,
19:06
radiation takes a toll on your body. Radiation and chemo
19:10
it drained you. And the type of work that my
19:13
husband does, baby, let me tell you that man will
19:16
not be able to sit on no forklift after doing
19:19
some radiation, would definitely not be able to sit on
19:24
no forklift. So I say, well, I got us. You understand,
19:31
I got us, don't stress, don't truck. I got us.
19:36
So I get a second job again. I work from
19:39
seven thirty in the morning till six o'clock in the evening.
19:45
We fell behind one month on our mortgage and I paned.
19:51
I was like, oh my god, oh my god, the
19:55
savings is depleted. You not really getting anything. So I
20:00
reached out to the mortgage company again we're only one month,
20:06
and I said we need some help, and they say, well,
20:12
what's going on? So I explained the situation. You know,
20:14
my husband is out on disability. I'm the only one
20:16
working right now in the moment, and they said, well,
20:20
let's see what programs are available. This was back in
20:28
November when I applied. Let me tell y'all how amazing
20:37
God really truly is. Initially they had only a prudas
20:42
for one month for barons. I said, that's cool, you know,
20:46
not a problem. But then I thought about it. I said, well, man,
20:51
he doesn't go back to work until February. Sometime in February,
20:54
fingers are crossed. Get a letter today. Let me back
21:01
up a moment before I get to that part. So
21:03
I've been praying. I've been praying. And when I tell you,
21:07
my knees hurt so bad because I've been praying. That's
21:09
just how hard I've been praying. Got a letter today
21:17
and they approved us for three months for bearans, so
21:21
they will stop our repayments until April first. That's how
21:27
I know my God is good. That's how I know
21:30
my God is real. Some people may say, oh my God,
21:35
I can't believe you got up here in tools somebody.
21:37
Why not. There's someone out here just like me that's
21:41
struggling to make ends meet. There's someone out here that's
21:45
going through exactly what I'm going through. Trying to make
21:49
sure food is on the table. You're trying to make
21:51
sure you keep a roof over your ad, You're trying
21:54
to make sure you keep clothes on your back. So
21:56
one thing about Ashley I'm never gonna be ashamed to
21:59
tell anyone that I struggle. I'm never gonna be ashamed
22:05
to tell anyone that I needed a little help, because
22:08
everybody needs help every now and again. You understand everybody.
22:13
There are people right now that are watching that are
22:15
probably trying to figure out how am I gonna pay
22:18
this bill next month? How am I gonna pay this
22:20
bill next week? But I want you to know that
22:24
I want you to trust God. I want you to
22:26
know how wonderful God is. I want you to know
22:29
how God will move for you. But you gotta give
22:31
it to him. You gotta leave it with him. You
22:34
can't keep going to God and saying God, I need
22:36
you to do this, I need you to do that,
22:38
and you still are in the way, you understand. So yes,
22:43
God has worked, God has moved, God has changed, He
22:51
has shifted the atmosphere, you understand. And I was afraid
22:56
to ask for help. I was embarrassed. I'm not ashamed
23:00
to tell nobody that my sois say, we serve an
23:05
awesome guy. Man gard is amazing, because I got a
23:09
letter yesterday that said the forbearance ended and we had
23:15
to resume payments. But I got a letter today that
23:18
said they're gonna pause them that we qualified because of
23:23
the circumstances, because of my husband being sick. So I
23:30
want to let y'all know it's okay to not be
23:36
okay a lot of days. You understand, it's okay. I
23:40
want y'all to know that it's okay to ask for
23:43
help regardless of what people say. Because let me tell
23:45
you something, people gonna talk about you regardless whether you're
23:48
doing good, whether you're doing bad, whether you're in between,
23:51
whether you're up, whether you're down, whether you where you,
23:54
whether you're to the left, whether you're to the right.
23:56
It don't even matter, baby. People are gonna talk because
23:58
misery loves company. So y'all can take this episode. It
24:03
doesn't matter to me. You can talk about me, you understand.
24:07
But God got me and my husband covered. God has
24:10
built me and my husband built a covenant, you understand.
24:13
And God is the center of it. And that's why
24:17
God is working for us. God is working out with
24:20
favor I asked the garden. I was specific in my
24:23
prayers when I say God, I gotta keep a roof
24:27
over me and my husband and our children's head. I
24:30
gotta keep food on the table. I gotta keep clothes
24:33
on our back. I gotta keep gassing our calls. I
24:36
gotta make sure this car insurance is paid so we
24:39
can get to wherever it is that we need to go.
24:41
And God told me, you say less, I got you, Ashley.
24:45
It don't matter if you can't see me, but I'm
24:47
gonna show you and I'm gonna make you a believer.
24:51
So can't nobody tell me? Nobody? Can't nobody tell me
24:57
God ain't good? Can't nobody tell me that God don't work?
25:01
Because I'm a witness right now here.
25:04
Speaker 8: I am.
25:04
Speaker 1: I'm scared. I'm scared we're gonna lose our house. I'm panicking,
25:13
body all over the place. Five or mileg is out
25:16
of control. I'm swoll up, hair falling out. But God
25:20
told me say your days of stress is over. I'm
25:24
getting back into therapy tomorrow. I have my first therapy
25:27
session in twenty twenty six tomorrow. So can't nobody tell
25:31
me God don't work? Can't nobody tell me God ain't good?
25:34
My husband is gone from having twelve tumers to six
25:38
six and he just started radiation December the nineteenth. He
25:43
ain't even been in radiation a month, and this man
25:48
is gone from twelve to six tumbs, you understand. So
25:50
can't nobody sit up here and tell me God don't
25:52
work that. God don't hear. God hears everything. But you
25:57
also have to remember, God ain't gonna bless mess. If
26:00
your house is dirty, you're gonna miss them blessings because
26:03
God's gonna want to know. How can you find your
26:06
blessings in the midst of all this mess? So I
26:08
had to step back, but I also had to feel
26:11
what I needed to feel in a moment. I can't
26:14
let nobody invalidate my feelings because everything that I'm feeling
26:17
right now is valid. Don't nobody walk in my shoes,
26:21
Don't nobody live in my house. Don't nobody know what
26:23
goes on in my mind? So how dare anybody judge me?
26:31
I get up here and I do this podcast because
26:35
this is my way out, This is my outlet, this
26:37
is my you know what, let me stop. This is
26:40
our safe space. And I tell y'all that every episode
26:44
we get in here and we talk, y'all can be
26:46
open in here. Y'all could be vulnerable in here. I
26:49
don't allow judgment because Who am I to judge? Who
26:52
are you to judge? Because you gotta remember them. Tables
26:57
will always turn. Why you sit up at pointing and
27:01
whispering and talking about people. My situation could become your situation,
27:06
and yours could be a lot lot worse than mine.
27:11
So I'm blessed. I pray before I lay down, I
27:15
pray when I get up in the morning. Even in
27:17
the good times, I thank God for everything. Even in
27:20
the bad, I thank God for everything, because y'all remember
27:25
where I was June third of twenty and twenty five.
27:28
I was out of my mind, y'all. I was sitting
27:30
in a hospital room on suicide watch. But God has
27:36
kept me, and I can honestly say, like I told
27:40
y'all before, I'm in the most stable state of mind
27:43
that I've been in in a long time. And I
27:45
love it. I love the fact that I'm able to
27:47
feel what I need to feel and not let anyone
27:50
invalidate my feelings or my emotions. I'm no longer allowing
27:53
people to tell me how I should or shouldn't feel
27:56
about certain situations. I'm human first, and I have emotions
28:01
and I have feelings. Does life get he me? Absolutely?
28:06
Am I allowed to cry because I'm feeling some kind
28:09
of way in the moment. Absolutely, you can't tell me
28:12
how I'm supposed to feel. I had a conversation with
28:16
my husband yesterday and I told him, I don't want
28:18
you to ever feel like you're a burden. I want
28:22
you to know that I got you. I know he
28:26
feels some kind of way as men. You know, like
28:30
my counselor told me this morning, she say, it's a
28:33
pride thing when it comes to men. My sister told
28:36
me that, she said, you know how it is. Men.
28:38
They're the head of the household. And right now your
28:40
husband feels like he can't do. But let me tell
28:43
you something. Him just being present for me in those
28:45
moments that I'm vulnerable is enough for me. So can't
28:50
nobody sit up here and tell me that what I'm
28:54
feeling in valley, You don't get to tell me that.
29:00
Or my husband is on here, he say God is good.
29:04
We walk with his arms around us. He said, I
29:06
love you being I love you too, and I got
29:08
your back. I don't want you to ever feel like
29:13
your situation is a hinderance to me, because that's the
29:16
furthest thing from the truth. Am I sad that you
29:21
have cancer? Yes, because I wanted to know why. But
29:27
I'm grateful that you're still here. I'm grateful that you
29:30
are making progress. I'm grateful that God is healing you.
29:34
Speaker 9: Every day I watch this man, but I pray over
29:40
him too, And like they told me, they they say,
29:44
ask you got to get out of survival mode.
29:50
Speaker 10: So here I am bear vulnerable giving you my royals
29:58
emotions because I want to sleep light tonight. It was
30:03
heavy today.
30:06
Speaker 1: But I also have to learn to give myself grace.
30:10
I also have to learn and understand it. Every day
30:12
is not going to beat roses and rainbows, but me
30:16
being able to manage my emotions, me being able to
30:23
do what I need to do, so that way I
30:24
don't carry the pain from today and till tomorrow. I
30:31
do that. I don't like for him to see me cry.
30:37
I don't like for him to know a lot of
30:38
things you know emotionally, because then it takes a toll
30:43
on him. And I need him in a beautiful space.
30:45
I need him in a safe space. I need him
30:47
in a space because his recovery depends on his mental
30:53
So do I cry when he's asleep or when he's
30:56
the way I do feel what I need to feel.
31:02
And then I go to him once I've had a
31:05
chance to process my emotions. Then I go and I
31:08
sit down and I talk to him and I tell him, Mabe,
31:10
this is what's going on. I'm overwhelmed and for you,
31:16
for me to have a partner that says I see
31:19
it and I appreciate you. So I know me doing
31:26
what I do is not in vain. God say, just relax.
31:30
I'm gonna lighten your Lord a little bit for you
31:32
at a time. I'm gonna release Ima. I'm gonna take
31:35
the noose off your neck because I see you've been
31:39
obedient in this season. And that's what I did. I
31:43
sat and I prayed and I talked to God and
31:46
I told him, God, you know I come to you
31:50
in the good times. You know I praise and love
31:52
on you in a good times. Now it's dark, God said,
31:56
it's not dark. Open your eyes, don't you say? See
32:00
what I've done for you? And I say, you know what,
32:05
You're right. You're right. So I'm still learning on how
32:13
to control what's within my reach and let go of
32:15
what I can't. You understand, that's what I'm doing. I'm
32:21
learning to give myself grace because I haven't always been
32:26
kind to myself. I'm learning that boundaries are necessary, boundaries
32:32
are warranted, and I'm being unapologetic about it. I'm learning
32:39
that I can still pull into your cup and keep mindful.
32:42
You understand, because when it gets to a moment where
32:45
I feel like I'm overstimulated or it's beginning to be
32:49
a little too much for me, I just remove myself.
32:53
I feel what I need to feel, I get into
32:58
my space, and then I'm good. After that, I gotta
33:06
feel this. I gotta feel this. I gotta go through this.
33:13
I gotta go through this test because this would later
33:16
be my testimony. It's proven I'm a witness. I gonnattest
33:23
to what Jesus Christian Christ can do. Yes, I said,
33:28
Jesus Christian Christ. I did that. You know, me and Jesus,
33:33
you know, we got a real cool relationship. So only
33:36
I can call him that. Can't nobody else call him that.
33:38
I used to call him, call him Jesus Jerome. He
33:40
ain't liked that. He said, Christian Christ is is better,
33:43
So I just call him, you know JC. He told me,
33:47
just don't get a little too comfortable, man. But I
33:52
just thank God. I thank God for putting me in
33:58
a position to where I can breathe a little bit.
34:03
God say, it's okay, you can breathe now, you can rest.
34:08
Now go, I say, because I see you, you're running
34:14
and running and running and running. But when do you
34:18
stop and run for you? You're shore for everybody else.
34:21
When are you gonna show up for Ashley? I say,
34:25
you know what, You're right, God, I don't. I don't
34:28
show up for me like I'm supposed to. But this
34:30
is new for me. This is a new normal for me.
34:35
Y'all have to understand, excuse me, the place that I'm
34:39
coming from. You gotta understand where I've been. You understand
34:46
to know where I'm going. And I'm cool with people
34:51
talking about me and old girl. Yeah you see, Ashley.
34:55
They over that struggling. Know we not by no means struggling,
35:00
because we got gone. I got my Lord and Savior
35:03
Jesus Christ. That teld me your dad is paid. I'm
35:10
gonna take this off your plate for right now because
35:14
God needs me to focus on something else. I'm gonna
35:19
figure out what that is, though. But God said, I'm
35:24
gonna remove a little bit at a time, so you
35:30
can breathe a little bit lighter, so you could sleep
35:32
a little lighter, so you can walk the floor a
35:34
little lighter. And you're not stressed all the time, you're
35:37
not overwhelmed all the time. You're not in fight or
35:40
flight mode all the time, you're not in survival mode.
35:42
Because God says, I need you to live. He said,
35:48
you've lived for everybody else, but I need you to
35:50
live for Ashley, because you tend to forget about you,
35:54
because you put everybody before you. Now what I'm gonna
35:57
do is I'm gonna put you before everybody else. So
36:06
I'm here. I'm holding onto the faith. And all I
36:10
had was a mustard seed. I didn't have anything bigger
36:13
than that. But when I tell y'all how great and
36:21
how wonderful and how spectacular God is, I don't think
36:27
it's even enough words in the dictionary to even tell
36:31
y'all how good God really truly is, and how God
36:35
can move and how God can shift the atmosphere for you.
36:39
God could take your load from being heavy to being light,
36:42
but it can also take your load from being light
36:44
to heavy. And I felt some kind of way because
36:50
I didn't understand God, why are you doing this to me?
36:53
Speaker 6: Like?
36:53
Speaker 1: What did I do?
36:54
Speaker 6: Like?
36:55
Speaker 1: God, I'm being obedient. In the season, God says, about
37:00
to take you somewhere, but I just need you to
37:03
be patient, And I was like, Oh, where are you
37:06
about to take He said, just hold tight. You gotta
37:09
trust the process. So here I am. I'm trusting the process.
37:17
And He's removed one thing off my plate, and that
37:21
was me worrying about our home. God said, no, I'm
37:27
gonna protect this for you. I'm gonna make sure this
37:31
is here for you. I'm gonna make sure this is
37:33
available for you. And that's what he's been doing. Baby,
37:36
God has been providing in this season. Again. Baby, I
37:42
chose to say and be obedient. I chose to sit
37:48
back and say, you know what, God, I'm gonna let
37:50
you have this because this is too much for me
37:53
to carry. Gard say that load was never meant for
37:57
you to carry in the first place.
37:59
Speaker 11: You chose to go and pick it up. Uh, Baby,
38:04
don't we calling me out there. Don't we calling me
38:06
out there like that. Go, don't he put me on
38:09
a on a full front like that. Don't be talking
38:11
about me in front of people.
38:15
Speaker 1: But he did, God say, this is your storm. Although
38:23
it looks like it's raining, it's really not. I say,
38:29
but God, he said, ain't no, buck, God.
38:35
Speaker 8: I got you.
38:36
Speaker 1: Just trust me. Just hold tight, girl, I got you,
38:45
he say. And you walk with your head up and
38:47
your chest out. Stop looking like what it is you're
38:50
going through. I say, but God, he say, ain't no,
38:55
but God, head up, chest out, fix yourself up. I
39:05
need you to be presentable, even on the days that
39:09
you don't feel like I need you to get up
39:11
and be presentable. I need you to look like what
39:14
I made you. I don't want to see you all
39:19
hand good and tired. But he said, I know you exhausted.
39:26
I hear you, I see you. But soon it'll all
39:32
be over. But I'm only gonna take a little bit
39:37
off at a time. So the house was the biggest,
39:45
you know, that was the biggest. So now that I
39:49
can breathe a little bit, I got a little wigger room. Now,
39:55
maybe do a little something extra, you know, treat my
39:59
husband a nice dinner, even if we just order it
40:04
and get it to go and come home and watch
40:06
movies or watch our crime shows. But I've always kept
40:11
God in the middle. I've always kept God in the
40:14
center of our relationship. I've always kept God at the forefront,
40:20
even on the not so good days, because no relationship
40:24
is perfect. Life is not perfect. But you gotta give
40:29
God all the praise and the glory even on the
40:30
good days, because you wouldn't have the good days without
40:34
the bad days. So I'm grateful. I'm grateful that I
40:41
will be able to turn this test into my testimony.
40:45
I will be able to revisit this very same conversation
40:48
next year and be able to tell y'all, man, I
40:51
remember what we went through in twenty twenty six, and
40:55
look at where we are in twenty twenty five. I'm
40:58
forever grateful for that. Whatever my mom, she said to
41:03
my daughter, I am so glad that you let God
41:07
take control. I love you and keep trusting in God always.
41:11
That is not gonna ever stop my mind. Promise. That's
41:13
not God is always always been. God is always provided,
41:18
even on the days when I thought I didn't have it,
41:22
but God did. God made it feasible for us to
41:28
substantiate this home, for us to keep food on the table,
41:31
for us to keep closing our back. God did that,
41:36
and I don't. There's never gonna be enough words to
41:41
say thank you. But I love God and I know
41:44
how powerful he is. I know how strong God is.
41:48
God has seen pain. God has seen grief. God has
41:51
seen the struggle. God has seen the misery. God has
41:54
seen everything. But God says, I'm here to protect you
41:58
from that. I'm here to take that from you. I'm
42:01
here to remove that from you. I'm here to carry
42:04
that because that's what I'm built to do. I only
42:09
give it to you because I need to know where
42:12
your strength and your faith is. Because again, like I
42:16
said earlier, we get in situations and we lose the
42:21
faith because today didn't go the way it was supposed
42:25
to go, or last week didn't go the way we
42:27
wanted it to go, or last month, or last year
42:29
or five years ago, ten years ago didn't go the
42:32
way we wanted it to And now we're mad at God.
42:37
God took this person away from me. God took that
42:39
person away from me. Why? God, Why? And now we're
42:46
mad and now we don't want to talk to God.
42:50
And now we're just running around rampant and raggedy. And
42:54
then when we hit rock bottom, then we want to
42:57
go crawling back to God. When God said, I told
42:59
you I had you. I told you I just needed
43:04
you to sit back and relax. I just need you
43:06
to put your feet up and chill out a little bit,
43:09
because guess what I got. You trust me. This is
43:16
my time to shine, not yours. That's what God told me.
43:20
But I say, but God that he says, but ain't no, God,
43:22
ain't no. But God, you came to me with a task,
43:27
and you asked me to help you with a situation.
43:30
You gotta trust it. I'm gonna handle it, but you
43:32
got to believe that I'm gonna always move on my
43:34
time and never on yours, no matter how bad you
43:37
want it. I'm gonna do it when I when I
43:40
see fit, when I feel like you're ready to be
43:43
bestowed with these blessings. That's what God told me. But
43:50
I wanted to do it because I was ready for
43:52
the right now. God says, I'm trying to instill patience
43:56
in you because if I was to give you everything
43:58
that you ask for right now on this moment, would
44:01
you be able to handle it? God said, I've given
44:07
you a lot in your lifetime, and you have fumbled
44:10
it every time. And that hurt me, That hit me
44:20
like a ton of bricks. God said, I gave you
44:27
the tools, but you wanted to use your own tools.
44:33
And now look at you, your raggedy, your clothes all wrinkle,
44:38
your hell over the place. You look like you wash
44:41
your face, brush your teeth. Now you look like a
44:43
little homely, a little bomb. After I gave you the tools,
44:50
you wanted to go fix the situation yourself, and now
44:52
you're in a situation. Now you need my assistance again
44:56
after I told you I got it. And we're all
45:02
guilty of that. There's not one person that can say,
45:07
oh I ain't never yes you have. Everyone is gone
45:11
and they've asked God for something a lot of times,
45:16
and God gave you the tools, but us, we want
45:19
to do it our way because we don't have the patience,
45:23
because we want the right now. God says, I'm not
45:26
gonna give you the right now.
45:28
Speaker 2: Now.
45:28
Speaker 1: You can run over there and sit in that corner.
45:30
You can stump your feet, do whatever it is though
45:31
your little tempotatrum, but you're gonna wait on me because
45:35
God says, I've been waiting on you. And I didn't
45:40
understand what that meant. I didn't understand. What do you mean, God,
45:47
I gotta wait on you. God say, you all my time.
45:52
Now you came to me, not the other way around.
45:57
God said, because I have the power to do anything.
46:03
And that hurts. God says, you don't know what I know.
46:13
All I know is that you don't trust me. You
46:16
don't believe that I'm a man of my world. You
46:17
don't believe that I'm gonna do what I say I'm
46:19
gonna do for you because you're impatient. Because you just
46:23
gotta have it right now. You just gotta do this
46:25
right now. God say, no, keep running in that hamster wheel.
46:32
Eventually you'll get tired and you'll get out. And that's
46:36
what happened to me. I got tired. I got tired
46:41
of running in the hamster wheel. So I have to
46:45
sit down, and I had to be still. And God says, now,
46:49
do I have your attention? Loud and clear, sir, You
46:54
got it. You have my undiviided attention. God, God says,
46:58
Now watch me work. God remove one stumbling block out
47:04
of my way today, and there'll be many more than
47:09
he'll remove along the way. But God said, you can't
47:13
have a testimony without a test God says, I need
47:17
you to go and tell them how good I am.
47:20
You're a witness. You know what I could do. You
47:24
know what I'm capable of doing. You know I'm capable
47:26
of bringing you out of a dark space. You know
47:28
I'm capable of bringing you out of record situations. You
47:32
know what I'm capable of. Not gonna tell the people
47:38
I'll talk to why I'm over there and tell them
47:41
what I could do for you. So here I.
47:45
Speaker 8: Am, Here, I am.
47:51
Speaker 1: My note is a little lighter today, I'll be able
47:54
to sleep a little better tonight, and every day after
47:58
we'll get easier for me. But you just gotta trust him.
48:04
You gotta know that God is a healer. You gotta
48:07
know that God is a teacher. He's a doctor, he's
48:10
your loan officer, he's your ATM machine. You gotta know that.
48:17
You gotta know that God will prepare a meal for you.
48:22
He'll feed you your family. Excuse me. You gotta know
48:27
what God is and how great He really truly is.
48:34
I can honestly say I appreciate you. I really appreciate you,
48:43
Father God, and all that you do and all that
48:45
you continue to do, not just for me, but for
48:48
my family and the people around me. Thank you, Father
48:53
God for healing the people that don't speak out loud
48:57
about the pain that they go through. Thank your Father
49:01
God for allowing certain people to pass through my life.
49:05
Thank you, Father God for putting me in situations where
49:08
I'm elevated. Thank you, Father God for putting me in
49:12
a position to be able to carry your word. You understand.
49:16
Thank you, Father God for allowing me to walk in
49:18
your word. Thank you for taking care of me mentally, spiritually, emotionally, physically.
49:27
Thank you for just everything that you do for the God.
49:30
I'm so appreciative of that. I am grateful. Was it
49:37
a rough rule to get where I'm at today? Absolutely do.
49:41
I fall a lot of days. Absolutely, But I get
49:44
back up and I say, you know what, God, let
49:46
me try this again. Because it's difficult to unlearn learned behaviors.
49:54
You understand, it's difficult to you know what. Let me
49:57
not say it's difficult, but it's a struggle for some people.
50:02
And I'm that some people. Because I have to unlearn
50:09
things that I taught myself or things that I learned
50:12
by watching other people. I have to unlearn that I
50:16
have to unlearn that it's okay to be sad when
50:27
I need to be, because I thought I had to
50:30
be stronger at the time. I thought I had to
50:31
be tough all the time. I thought I had to
50:33
be able to, you know, take it on the chin.
50:36
Speaker 8: But I only have one.
50:42
Speaker 1: So I'm learning, and then I'm also having to learn
50:47
grace and how do I give it to myself. There's
50:56
gonna be good days, there's gonna be bad days. You're
50:59
gonna have up to your downs, your highs, your lothes.
51:03
But how you come out of that is what matters.
51:07
I tell y'all all the time, I don't care how
51:12
many times you fell down. I care more about how
51:15
many times you got back up. I care about how
51:17
many times you didn't let the devil defeed you. Because
51:22
there's been a lot of days that I let the
51:25
devil come and steal my joy a lot of days.
51:33
And y'all know, I tell y'all, I've been open. I've
51:35
been vulnerable about my life and how things have gone
51:40
and how I wish there were things that I could
51:43
do over again. But then I stop and I think,
51:47
and I say, you know what, God, I'm grateful for
51:50
those bumps in the road. I'm grateful because had I
51:53
not endured those bumps, I wouldn't be where I'm at today,
52:00
learning to reach out to people when I need help,
52:04
regardless of what they say, or regardless of what they think,
52:07
regardless of who they tell. Because guess what, somebody's writing.
52:11
Somebody right now needs some help, but they fear telling
52:16
anybody or expressing it to anybody, because you know what,
52:18
people love to talk. People love to make you the
52:21
topic of their conversations. But you're struggling too. You're struggling too.
52:29
Your struggles may not be my struggles. Your pain may
52:33
not feel like mine, it may not look like mine.
52:39
But pain is pain, regardless of what it is. So
52:44
I sit here today on Wednesday, wellness Wednesday, y'all know
52:49
how we do it over here on Black Girl, in
52:50
throughout the podcast. I get on here to pour into y'all,
52:53
like get on here to love y'all, like get on
52:55
here to unpack. I get I get on this camera
53:00
and behind this microphone to show y'all I'm a human too,
53:12
that I struggle just like everybody else. But I get
53:17
up and I push through because God built me for this.
53:24
God said, I prepared you for the war. I've given
53:28
you the tools. Now utilize what I've given you, and
53:34
your pass it to the next person, and you let
53:36
that person pass it to the next person, and you
53:38
let that person pass to that person and that person
53:41
and that person. So that's all I do. I just love.
53:52
I just I'm grateful. I'm grateful for everything that I've
53:58
gone through. I'm grateful for every every mountain, every mole, hill,
54:02
every ant pile that I've had to step in or
54:05
go around or climb over and slide back down and
54:08
gotta climb and get up again. And I'm sliding down
54:12
and falling down. But this time I made it over
54:15
this one. So now I know that when that next
54:20
weapon forms, I'm prepared for it, because God say they
54:24
will form or you're gonna get them. You're gonna get
54:29
the haters, you're gonna get the non believers. But you
54:34
keep going and you don't do what to prove them wrong.
54:38
You do it for you. You do it to show
54:40
yourself that you could do this, that you could do
54:43
anything you put your mind too.
54:45
Speaker 8: And here I am.
54:50
Speaker 1: God has taken me from here to they're here to
54:52
They're here to them up here down here, to the left,
54:54
to the right, in between. But do it all. I'm
55:00
still here. I may be bruised, i may be have
55:04
a little scarce, but that's my testimony that anything that
55:11
God throws my way, I got it. I'm just gonna
55:18
give it to him. I'm just gonna say, you know what, God,
55:21
this is what happened? Is God gonna say, already know
55:23
it's done, Gone about your day. That's what I'm doing.
55:31
That's what I'm learning how to do, and being obedient
55:37
in the season, because obedience is all that God asks for. Hey,
55:44
beautiful suss I love you too, baby, But that's what
55:49
God is doing. God is taking me through a many
55:53
many challenges. But God says, past, don't worry about it.
56:02
Gone by your day. Stop stressing girl, Gone by your day.
56:07
I got you.
56:10
Speaker 12: And I appreciate him for that. Oh y'all look at
56:13
this chain. But I'm grateful that.
56:20
Speaker 1: God has kept me. God has kept the people around me.
56:23
God has blessed me with some amazing people. God has
56:27
given me a circle of people that just envelop me
56:30
with love. That love and they encourage me. God has
56:34
given me people that pour into me. God has given
56:40
me people that love on me genuinely. God has blessed
56:44
me with people that have given me information. God has
56:49
given me an amazing husband. God has given me the
56:53
most amazing children. God has given me everything, no matter
57:00
how big or how small it is. I'm grateful for it.
57:05
See a lot of y'all, let me not say a
57:08
lot of y'all, but some of y'all. Y'all value the
57:12
big things and not the small things. I'm grateful that
57:17
God woke me up this morning. I'm grateful that God
57:21
has allowed me to keep food on our table. I'm
57:24
grateful that God has allowed us to keep a roof
57:27
over our heads. I'm grateful for that. And God says,
57:32
once you learn how to be grateful for the small things,
57:35
you'll appreciate the big things too. No, I said that incorrectly,
57:41
my biologies. God says, you relish and celebrate the small
57:46
things like they're big, so that way, when you get
57:51
the big things, you know how to handle them. Because
57:55
I'm only going to give you a little bit at
57:56
a time. I'm not going to give you a whole lot.
57:58
I'm not gonna give you too much. And I'm okay
58:01
with that. I'm okay with that. Absolutely, this is absolutely
58:08
a testimony. This is absolutely a testimony because you can't
58:13
have a testimony without a test And like I told y'all,
58:19
when my husband was diagnosed with prostate cancer, maybe that
58:21
I felt like my whole world had crumbled because I said, well,
58:25
wait a minute. We just got married in December, we
58:28
just bought a home in April. My suicide attent was
58:31
in June, and then here comes September, my husband is
58:34
a diagnosed with prostate cancer. And then the next day
58:38
my beautiful cousin her husband passes away from pingred to cancer.
58:42
So I'm just I'm being hit in all direction. I'm dunking,
58:45
I'm dodging. And I asked for why why me? God
58:56
says why not you? And I had to think. God said,
59:04
there's a million people, and you're gonna be one of
59:09
the ones that makes it. He saus It's gonna see you. Baby.
59:17
Speaker 10: I am.
59:18
Speaker 1: I'm wonderful today. I am blessed in how they favor today.
59:22
I really truly am. But God says, I need you
59:28
to know that you're worthy of every blessing that I
59:33
give to you. You better act like you know, act
59:38
like you know who you are, act like you know
59:40
you're worth God say, because you're worthy of anything that
59:44
I give to you. Anything that comes to me comes
59:47
from me. You're worthy of it. And I say, but God,
59:53
look at everything I've done, He said, I've seen everything
59:55
that you've done. Your dad is paid. Why you still
1:00:00
trying to reopen a debt that I DIDNE paid in
1:00:04
full for you and I didn't understand it, I say,
1:00:10
for God, he say, but I told you your dad
1:00:15
is paid. I don't need your money because I paid it.
1:00:22
Now go on and have a good day. Stop stressing,
1:00:26
Go smile, fix yourself up, look nice, look presentable. And
1:00:33
when I tell you, I've endured a lot in less
1:00:37
than a year. But God says, I only give a
1:00:42
test to the strongest soldiers. You understand. You survived a
1:00:49
suicide attempt, Ashley. You survived. I could have took you.
1:00:58
I could have took you the third but I kept
1:01:03
you here because your assignment was not over. Your husband
1:01:09
has prostate cancer, Ashley, but guess what I kept him.
1:01:18
Speaker 8: I kept him.
1:01:22
Speaker 1: You working two jobs. Soon you'll only need one. But
1:01:29
I just need you to hold on, and I need
1:01:30
you to be patient with me and let me work
1:01:35
for you. So my hands are up. I've surrendered because
1:01:47
God lightened my lord today. He did, Oh he did.
1:01:58
I just want you all to know how you and
1:02:00
how wonderful God is. God is great. God is a healer,
1:02:08
like I told y'all, God is a provider. God is
1:02:11
everything that you want him to be. God is your
1:02:14
counselor God is your your card salesmanies you your money man,
1:02:19
whatever you call him, That's what God is. But don't
1:02:21
never call him unless you ready for him to help you.
1:02:27
Because see, God will step in and move on your behalf.
1:02:31
But if he feels like you're in the way, God
1:02:34
will step back and watch you. You understand, God will
1:02:38
stand back, and God will watch you reak having on
1:02:42
yourself until you go crawling back to him with your
1:02:48
tail topped. And then God says, I told you, I
1:02:56
told you what you were doing wasn't working, Ashley. We've
1:03:02
tried it your way, so now I have to break
1:03:06
you to rebuild you. I say, but God, what does
1:03:13
that mean? He said, I'm giving you complete restoration, and
1:03:18
my likeness not yours, because we all say we want
1:03:22
to be restored, but I don't want to be restored
1:03:26
to who I used to be. You understand, I want
1:03:29
to be in a restoration phase of the way God
1:03:32
wants me to be. God says, I know every tear
1:03:39
you cry before it falls from your face. I know
1:03:42
every emotion in every situation before it happens. So before
1:03:48
I let you get and spin out of control, I'm
1:03:51
a move in on your behalf. I'm an remove that
1:03:54
obstacle out of your way. I'm gonna remove those people
1:03:57
out of your way that I know mean you no
1:03:59
good because I hear everything that people say. I see
1:04:03
everything that people do when you're not in their presence.
1:04:07
So I thank God for removing the people out of
1:04:10
my path. I thank God for removing the sickness and
1:04:17
the hate in my heart. Thank you, Father, God for
1:04:19
removing that for me. I'm appreciative of that, because, by God,
1:04:27
I don't know where I would be if it weren't
1:04:29
for you. I would probably be looking like a little
1:04:33
rag though or something if it weren't for God. So again,
1:04:41
it's wellness Wednesday. I want to know how are you
1:04:47
feeling mentally, because we're all going through a season right now.
1:04:55
Some people have been in a season longer than others.
1:05:00
People are standing in the midst of the storm. You understand,
1:05:03
there are some people that are just now about to
1:05:05
encounter their storm. There are some people that are on
1:05:08
the other side of the storm. Sometimes you gotta wait
1:05:13
it out. Sometimes you gotta let the rain pass, you understand,
1:05:17
before you can see your rainbow, because at the end
1:05:20
of that rainbow there's your pot of gold. But I
1:05:24
need you to wait it out because see, we get
1:05:26
in such a rush to get to what it is
1:05:28
that we want, and then when we get it, we
1:05:31
don't like it. It don't taste good. Go and say,
1:05:35
I told you it wasn't ready yet. You the one
1:05:39
wanted to go in there and get that piece of chicken.
1:05:41
And that chicken wasn't all the way done. Now you
1:05:43
stuck with a bloody piece of chicken. And I say,
1:05:47
but God, I was on He say, I know you were,
1:05:50
and I was feeding you. But because you were so greedy,
1:05:55
you missed it. You couldn't even enjoy the meal you
1:06:03
got it. My sol says, your strength is unmatched. When
1:06:08
I tell you, God, God, God, because baby God has
1:06:18
seen me and my lorst God to see me in
1:06:20
my most vulnerable y'all have seen me at my lowist
1:06:23
y'all have seen me in my most vulnerable state. Y'all
1:06:25
have seen me go through it and then recover. But
1:06:32
I'm so grateful that y'all stuck out this storm with me.
1:06:36
You understand. I'm grateful that I didn't have to get
1:06:39
wet by myself. I thank y'all for being the umbrellas
1:06:44
in my storm. You understand. I'm grateful for that. See,
1:06:48
people won't say thank you for the blessing that God
1:06:52
gives you, and sometimes God will send the people to
1:06:54
be the blessing to you. You understand. That's what God
1:07:00
will do. He may can't do it, but he'll send
1:07:03
somebody on his behalf. You understand. So I am grateful
1:07:08
for the umbrellas that have kept me dry in the
1:07:11
midst of my storm. I am thankful for every person
1:07:14
that has loved on me. I am thankful for every
1:07:16
person that has reached out to me. I am thankful
1:07:18
for every person that has sent me a message. I
1:07:21
am thankful for every person that has set a silent
1:07:23
prayer for me. I am grateful and thankful for every
1:07:26
person that has set a prayer for me out loud.
1:07:30
I am so grateful for the people that keep believing
1:07:32
in me that see the beautiful things. And Ashley, I
1:07:36
am grateful for the people that have pointed out and said, Ashley,
1:07:39
you know what you are beautiful baby. Regardless of how
1:07:41
many scars you have, you are still beautiful. And I
1:07:44
need you to remember that. I need you to recognize
1:07:47
who you are. I need you to know that you
1:07:50
have to stop putting placing values of yourself in other
1:07:54
people's hands. I need you to stop allowing people to
1:07:56
dictate how you feel. I need you to reclaim your
1:07:59
time like Maxine Water see, baby, I need you to
1:08:02
go and reclaim your time. I need you to stand
1:08:04
up and act like you know who the heck you
1:08:06
are because there are a lot of days we forget.
1:08:12
There's a lot of days we don't remember who we
1:08:15
are because we feel so battered and broken and bruised.
1:08:21
But God says, despite all the brokenness, despite all the bruises,
1:08:26
despite this, despite that, you are still beautiful regardless of
1:08:30
what people see. I'm grateful. I am so grateful for
1:08:38
the people that pour into me. I am so grateful
1:08:41
for the people that I pour into and I'm still
1:08:44
able to keep my cup full. Say Praise God, I'm
1:08:52
happy to hear that YO should say in full say,
1:08:56
I'm doing okases, So I'm forever grateful for every test
1:09:04
and every trial and tribulation that I've encountered in the
1:09:07
mountains that I've come over. I'm grateful for the battles
1:09:11
that I had to fight, but I didn't fight them alone.
1:09:17
God says, you're not alone in this battle. You're not
1:09:20
alone in this journey. I got you, but you have
1:09:25
to trust me. And whatever it is that you want,
1:09:31
I need you to be specific in your prayers. I
1:09:33
need to know exactly what it is that you're asking for,
1:09:36
because you could say I want a car, and then
1:09:39
God give you a car and you say, well, it's
1:09:41
not the car that I wanted. Well, you want specific
1:09:43
in your prayer. You want specific in your request. I'm
1:09:50
not gonna even ask God to be a millionaire. You
1:09:52
want to know why, because baby, I wouldn't even know,
1:09:55
excuse me, how to handle a million plus dollars. So
1:10:00
I just want God to keep blessing me financially. I
1:10:07
want God to keep blessing me physically. I want you
1:10:10
to keep blessing me emotionally. I want you to keep
1:10:13
blessing me spiritually. That's all I want you to do God,
1:10:19
no more, no less. And all that God asks is
1:10:23
that you be obedient. You be still, don't put the
1:10:29
cart before the horse. That's all God asks for is
1:10:38
to know that in your season, I got you. I
1:10:46
just need you to sit back. I need you to
1:10:49
kick your feet up and enjoy the few. Absolutely, you
1:10:57
most definitely have to be intentional because you have to
1:11:02
tell him what it is that you want because you
1:11:04
could again. You can say God, I want a car,
1:11:06
and then God give you a car. And then you say, well,
1:11:09
I don't want a red car. I want a blue car.
1:11:14
You just said you want a car, and be grateful
1:11:19
for whatever blessings God gives you because God don't have
1:11:22
to give you anything. God gives us life. God gives
1:11:31
us this. God gives us that, but you don't have
1:11:35
to because He could absolutely take it away. That's what
1:11:39
humble means because just like God will give it to you, you
1:11:44
can absolutely take it away from you. So I'm being obedient,
1:11:50
I'm chilling. I'm letting God do what it is that
1:11:55
he needs to do. Because God says, you might get
1:12:01
a little wet, but it ain't gonna kill you. Oh you,
1:12:08
you might miss a couple of scoops of mashed potatoes
1:12:10
on your plate, but that's not gonna kill you. So
1:12:16
I'm grateful for all the blessings, the blessings that I've
1:12:22
gotten and the blessings that are to come. I will
1:12:28
forever be grateful for that, and for who I am
1:12:32
as a person, as a woman, as a wife, as
1:12:35
a mother. I'm grateful for every storm that I drough it.
1:12:41
I'm grateful for every bump and bruise that I have.
1:12:45
I'm grateful for that. I'm forever grateful. I wouldn't change anything,
1:12:55
not even the people that hurt me, because I had
1:12:57
to feel that, I had to go through that. Case
1:13:05
said I'm gonna let you feel it, and then you
1:13:09
let go of what doesn't feel good to you. People, jobs, relationships.
1:13:23
It's costing your peace, costing you your peace, it's too
1:13:26
expensive to keep, no matter how bad we wanna hold on,
1:13:32
God to keep hurting you until you're finally let go.
1:13:37
So I'm good. I'm in a beautiful space. Yesterday was
1:13:43
a day, Today was a day. Tomorrow be a better day.
1:13:49
I'm gonna forever get up and speak peace over myself.
1:13:54
I earned that, and I'm not gonna let anyone or
1:14:00
anybody take that away from you, not even family. Y'all
1:14:07
better stop letting people disrupt your peace, but act like
1:14:12
you know who you are. You better stop letting people
1:14:15
make withdraws and not making devisits, because when it's your turn,
1:14:20
who's gonna be there for you? So I think for that,
1:14:31
I'm wonderful. I'm great now. I mean I've released So
1:14:38
now I'll sleep a little lighter tonight and I'll wake
1:14:43
up and thank God for yesterday. I'm gonna thank God
1:14:48
for tomorrow, next week, next month, next year, every minute,
1:14:53
every hour, every second, I'm gonna thank God for that.
1:15:07
And I can breathe. I can breathe now. I feel better. Yeah,
1:15:17
I am so. As we will into our final thoughts,
1:15:22
as we get ready to bring this episode to a close,
1:15:25
I just want to say to you, whatever it is
1:15:29
that you're going through, that's temporary, don't got on to
1:15:36
temporary things.
1:15:39
Speaker 8: Turn the page in that book, in that chapter.
1:15:43
Speaker 1: Put a period at the end, don't keep revisiting situations
1:15:50
what happened today. Leave it on today, because God will
1:15:54
give you a better chance and a better day tomorrow.
1:15:58
Don't be mad at people anyway. Let that go. Take
1:16:03
care of yourself, Take care of your mental put yourself first.
1:16:09
Don't be afraid to tell people no. Don't be afraid
1:16:12
to not answer your phone. You don't anybody in explanation.
1:16:18
You owe everything to you. Go take that trip, Go
1:16:25
buy that car, Go eat that steak. Don't worry about
1:16:32
what people say. People are gonna judge you anywhere, whether
1:16:34
you're doing good or whether you're doing bad. Baby, people
1:16:37
gonna always have something to say, and we just have
1:16:40
to be okay with that. Just as long as you
1:16:44
know who you are, just as long as you know
1:16:47
your worth and your value, don't never let anyone depreciate that.
1:16:55
Just know that you can't have a testimony without a
1:16:57
test So wherever you are in your season, I send positive, beautiful,
1:17:04
healing vibes your way, and just know that when you
1:17:09
come out on the other side, you're gonna be even
1:17:12
more beautiful than your were before you win in and
1:17:17
be grateful, be selfish with yourself, love on you a
1:17:24
little bit more. Stop worrying about who likes you and
1:17:29
who doesn't, who loves you and who doesn't. That man
1:17:32
that loves you don't worry about what man says, because
1:17:39
when man says no, God will always say yes.
1:17:45
Speaker 8: He will.
1:17:47
Speaker 1: He absolutely will. And to think I tried to get
1:17:53
through an episode without crying, but some way, somehow, it
1:17:57
always happens. But it's cool. I'm good. But I just
1:18:01
want to say thank you to everyone that tuned into
1:18:04
a Black Girl Interrupted podcast tonight. I again am forever
1:18:08
grateful for you guys, because you're a big reason why
1:18:13
I keep going. I love having these beautiful conversations. I
1:18:18
love being able to be open and vulnerable. You know.
1:18:21
I know they say it's taboo or black people to
1:18:24
be this opening, to be this vulnerable. Baby, baby, this
1:18:26
is my healing, you understand. This is my healing. This
1:18:31
is how I'm able to decompress, this is how I'm
1:18:34
able to release. And therapy is not a bad thing,
1:18:39
regardless of what people say. You know, everybody needs a
1:18:43
person or persons to help them navigate those emotions in
1:18:47
a healthy way before you hurt yourself or someone else.
1:18:53
So I'm grateful for that. I am so don't forget.
1:18:58
Black Girl Interrupted will be back next Wednesday. Wednesday's topic,
1:19:03
Oh my goodness, we are definitely gonna be getting into
1:19:07
the Drew ski skit and how the people are feeling
1:19:14
about what Drew Skid has done. I don't say anything
1:19:17
about it tonight. We're gonna discuss it next week. Oh goodness,
1:19:21
because by bad that is man man, man, man man.
1:19:26
Oh yeah, it's absolutely good to cry and release. I
1:19:29
have to, you know. I get in the shower and
1:19:34
I cut my music on. Maybe I may put on
1:19:37
some shot day, I may put on some Kirk Flink
1:19:40
and Franklin. I don't know. But I get in there
1:19:43
and I cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, and I get
1:19:46
whatever Lord I had on my shoulders for the day.
1:19:49
I let it go, do I let it go down
1:19:51
the drain with the water because I don't want to
1:19:53
carry my today into tomorrow because today don't have anything
1:19:58
to do with tomorrow. So I'm learning that. I'm telling you.
1:20:05
I'm telling you. She said, yes, they are continue to
1:20:07
be you beautiful, absolutely, you know, even though I'm I'm
1:20:13
you know, these steroids got me all swollen up and stuff.
1:20:15
But hey, it's cool. I'm good. I'd rather be swollen
1:20:19
up than be hurting, and well that happens anyway. But no,
1:20:25
but next week, next Wednesday, we will be discussing the
1:20:30
Drewski skit. I know a lot of y'all have already
1:20:33
seen it. I know a lot of pastors are in
1:20:36
an uproar because they feel like he's mocking God. But
1:20:41
we'll get more into that next week. I do not
1:20:43
want y'all to talk about it tonight. I mean, I've
1:20:48
been seeing it all over social media, but we're really
1:20:51
gonna get into this conversation next week. Don't forget to like, share, comment,
1:20:55
and subscribe to a Black Girl Interrupted podcast. I stream
1:20:59
life every one Wednesday at seven pm Central Time to
1:21:03
Facebook as well as to YouTube. Black Girl Interrupted is
1:21:07
on all streaming platforms again. To see the live YouTube
1:21:14
and Facebook. I am here, I am here. I am here.
1:21:19
Blessings and healings to you and your husband and Jesus
1:21:22
name Amen. And I received that. I accept that. I
1:21:25
am very receptive of that. All prayers are needed, because Baby,
1:21:31
with our prayers, I don't know where I would be.
1:21:35
But again, I love you guys. Again, thank y'all so
1:21:38
much for tuning in tonight too. Black Girl Interrupted Podcast Again,
1:21:43
it's your girl as your favorite girl from five oh four.
1:21:46
But I just want to say I love y'all happy Wednesday.
1:21:51
Oh my goodness, yes, yep, I have five of Miyaga too.
1:21:57
God bless you too. Baby, send me a message. Let's
1:22:01
talk on the back end so we can figure out
1:22:05
some things that we could do regarding the pain, because
1:22:09
five or mile just sucks so bad because you're in
1:22:12
pain eighty five percent of the time and I can't
1:22:15
stand it. But I'm looking into other remedies because I
1:22:20
want to come off all this medication for it. And
1:22:25
blessings to you. I love you too, sirs, you know
1:22:28
I do. I love you big, big much. I love
1:22:30
you out loud and on purpose, trust and believe that
1:22:33
I do. But again, don't forget Black Girl Interrupted. We'll
1:22:37
be back next Wednesday. I had to scale it back
1:22:39
us my husband was cooking and I had to put
1:22:42
a little some some on my stomach. So but we
1:22:44
will start on time next Wednesday at seven pm Central
1:22:47
time APM Eastern time. Again. Black Girl Interrupted podcast is
1:22:50
on all streaming platforms excuse me to catch us live.
1:22:54
You can watch me on Facebook, you can watch me
1:22:56
on YouTube. I will probably please start going back live
1:23:01
on TikTok, but we'll have to see how that goes.
1:23:09
Those massages. But let me tell you, sis, I have
1:23:13
to go get a nerve test done. Y'all. Oh please please,
1:23:19
she say, it's a nightmare, but we pushed through a man. Yes,
1:23:24
please look into some stuff for me, because I'm telling you,
1:23:26
I am so tired of taking these pills. It is overwhelming.
1:23:31
You know. Some days at work I set up in
1:23:33
and I'm looking like Forrest Whittager because I'm so sleepy
1:23:36
because I've taken the pain meds. They make me sleepy,
1:23:40
but they do help with the pain. Okay, Yeah, send
1:23:43
me a message on Instagram. Bye baby, I love you,
1:23:47
but again, I will see y'all next Wednesday. Don't forget
1:23:51
to like, share, common and subscribe. Also, if you want
1:23:54
any type of collaborations, hit me up. There's my email address,
1:23:59
black Girl in Throughout that Point Podcast at gmail dot com.
1:24:02
Excuse me, please allow me anywhere from twenty four to
1:24:05
forty eight hours to respond, because again, y'all, I work
1:24:08
two jobs at the same time, so I will do
1:24:12
my best to respond within those twenty four to forty
1:24:15
eight hours. But I love you guys. I hope everyone
1:24:18
has an amazing, amazing, amazing rest of the week. It
1:24:21
is hump Day. It is MLK weekend. Tomorrow is Martin
1:24:24
Luther King Junior's birthday. So if you guys are going
1:24:27
out to parades or any type of celebrations, please be safe,
1:24:30
Please be careful, Be mindful of who you're with, Be careful,
1:24:35
mindful of your surroundings, because man, it's a crazy, crazy
1:24:38
world out here. Stay preyed up, stay masked up, because
1:24:43
I believe COVID is starting to rear its ugly head
1:24:46
once yet again. But y'all stay safe again, Take care
1:24:50
of yourself, Be blessed, and know that I love you
1:24:53
out loud and on purpose, So regardless of what anyone says, Babe,
1:25:01
gosses you can I love you, I love you, and
1:25:07
I will see you'all next week.
1:25:09
Speaker 8: Hello,