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Rabbi Moshe Haber Path of the Just- The Finer Person: Balanced Living and Self-Control 7.17.25 · Rabbi Moshe Haber - Daily Mussar/Weekly Perasha

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  3435 by explaining this meda for these shoes, which is the meda
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  of a person abstaining from things that are otherwise
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  totally allowed for doing so. I got doing so for the sake of
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  the fact that it helps them avoid a lot of problems.
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  Like they gave examples of gateway issues that people have
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  when they allowed to do things that are matar, but at least the
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  bad things or being too dependent on physical things
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  hurt a person. A lot of examples of how being
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  potash, having some level of control.
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  Thank you. Having the capability of saying
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  no to certain things makes you a better person.
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  They went across the camera, whether it be food, drinking,
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  whether it be needing too much relaxation, needing to talk a
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  lot, even for example, a lot of different examples you potash,
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  you end up becoming a better person and avoid sins and become
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  a hard to find a person. So yes, why does it try not give
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  you like this telling you if it's not to to to only speak
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  1000 words a day. I don't know whatever the number
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  is, if it's not only have limited amount of conversations
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  to only eat one plate, whatever give you limits if it's
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  required. That's very robotic as a as a,
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  right? Really, it defeats the purpose.
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  Good, so he says. What he answers is Hashem wants
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  everyone to be on different levels and you can't expect the
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  whole Jewish people on the same level.
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  And this is for the upper echelon really.
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  This is for the finer people. This really is a pathway to
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  become very fine is this method, but it's not for all.
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  Hashem needs some people to be on top in this area to represent
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  and to be the top for the rest of our people.
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  And those are these who are podesh.
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  You're podesh, you become a Hassid, you become special.
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  And what you mind at mentioning is, is that it becomes robotic,
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  which means it becomes routine, which then means it becomes on
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  this I really defeats purpose. The whole purpose of this idea
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  as a guy has control. He's on top of himself and
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  becomes a better person this way.
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  He lets it go and he simply has, you know, halachot that say you
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  can't eat so much. That doesn't really represent
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  him becoming a Finder person. Now let's see the next one.
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  It's a point to know is this idea of being porosh has a very,
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  very negative connotation as well, right?
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  Hapri shutarahu a negative version of being Perez is kadera
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  kasikalim the way of the fools, Azolo Dai shanam lokhima Alam.
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  Not only are they not smart where they don't allow
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  themselves to live normally, they're overdoing this and
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  Lokhima, right? They avoid taking you from the
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  world where they don't need. The problem is they overdo this
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  on 286. Now they overdo this to the
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  point and that they don't know how that allows us to live.
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  If you have a guy who wants to be Paresh doesn't eat too much
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  and now he's starving himself. What you got to do?
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  Convince him otherwise? Stop.
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  This person doesn't drink. A person who's becomes a hermit.
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  I just want to talk to people. Person will never take a
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  vacation, never relax, because he believes relaxing his bed.
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  Someone who overdoes these things.
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  We all know where this goes. It usually involves some degree
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  of craziness and it's a problem. And he's telling you that is a
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  misunderstanding and the wrong definition of this medat.
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  That's someone who could take the Torah and do it the wrong
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  way. We know of such concepts out
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  there. And you know when you see people
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  represent Torah wrongly and you're bothered, don't be so
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  bothered because if they are, or they're literally carrying a
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  different book, they're not representing our book.
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  They're representing something else.
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  They misunderstand the concepts because a lot of our concepts
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  involve self-control, a lot of our confidence involvementation,
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  a lot of our confidence involvement refining yourself so
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  they you represent, they understand it.
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  To mean now control yourself and drive yourself crazy and torture
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  yourself and all these different things is all a misunderstanding
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  and misrepresentation of our beauty.
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  The ultimate results of all things from our to that are
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  always supposed to end up with a finer, more beautiful person.
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  Always across the board. You can say that 1000%.
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  I have a question, So the only few things that I remember that
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  we're supposed to have be all the way not middle of the road
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  is not have anger and be humble. Correct.
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  That's right. Everything else we're supposed
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  to find. That so to this point exactly.
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  When it comes to the pretty shoot of me though, he's
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  supposed to control yourself. No one's saying starve because
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  that would be taken all the way. No one's saying to to Meg
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  yourself you can't drink a lick. No one's saying you cannot
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  breathe because you can't, because vacations.
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  Overdoing vacations is a bad thing, understood.
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  But it doesn't mean you can't relax.
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  It means understand the depth of this concept.
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  And depth of the concept is pretty sure it is to be in
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  control and to not become a slave to enjoyment.
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  That's all the death opinion is to be on top of your game, to be
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  someone who assessed himself. I am in control of myself and my
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  life and I want to become a finer, more beautiful person.
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  Not to harm yourself, not to destroy yourself, not to make
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  yourself starve, not to make yourself upset.
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  You know what I mean. This is a misunderstanding of
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  these concepts. It's very important to know
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  this. Ultimately in our sort of every
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  single thing that we have is just the result.
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  And you and I becoming a finer, more beautiful person.
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  That's it. So yes, it be you're right to
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  me. We're supposed to take it all
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  the way. Our humility and lack of anger.
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  Because those two, the more you pile on in humility, the finer
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  you get, the less anger you get, the finer you become.
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  But in other areas, if you overdo not eating, we don't know
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  that's going to come. You overdo not sleeping, we
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  don't know the results. All the different areas have to
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  tell the person, calm down, absorb the concept, get the
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  message of the concept, but don't overdo it because again,
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  your goal is to be a fine, beautiful, special person.
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  Not a mistranslated situation is the goal.
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  Got it. It's very important.
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  So what's, what's the balance with, with luxuries in the
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  world? Right, Right.
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  How do you, how do you gauge Like, I don't know, like, yeah,
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  you could buy a car and you buy sneakers instead because you're
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  going to like obviously that's extreme, but how does a, how
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  does a person in his life say, OK, I'm going to take this lane
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  and it not be like not eating the skinny so.
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  I'll tell you truth, I, I, we're all believers in taking anything
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  simple and being simple, being low key.
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  We all believe in that. Well as how much we have, we're
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  going to have whatever. We all believe in that and the
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  reality is it's a very fine line.
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  So why is it a fine line? It should be simple.
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  I believe in Kiwis and simple doesn't make a difference.
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  If I have everything in the world, my house should remain
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  relatively the same, my car should remain.
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  Shouldn't it be the case? But it's not the case.
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  Why not as that we're losing our way once we have?
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  No, we're never supposed to overdo something.
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  And that means never should push too hard to overdo an idea.
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  Because sometimes an idea has become too much of a thing,
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  we're too busy with it #1 it becomes a religion in itself and
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  not necessary when you overdo a certain idea.
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  Any idea? Let's say you're a guy who is
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  very into living simply take that example.
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  He varied into living simply. Don't overdo it, don't pain
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  yourself. What?
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  Do we learn from pen class? What do you mean those?
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  Two things into his own hand became showed anger.
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  The positive cause is a constitution is seemingly
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  naturally a conflict to everything we're learning.
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  But if you think deeper, what he was doing was an act to save the
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  people. There were people dying and I
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  might get fucked because what he did, because what was happening
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  really, it was a plague happening.
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  It was not only that. If you go to the details of the
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  amount of story, what was about to happen was that this man
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  Zamini was about to trigger at the whole Jewish people take a
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  different approach to religion totally.
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  So he was completely destroying our way because was and that's
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  why I'm saying to me was that's what the class had to stop.
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  It's a whole world. Once in a while you do need to
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  act on extreme. Have a great day.
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  And once we need to act on extreme, stand up for the
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  community, stand up for the world.
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  It's a whole world on itself. But in general, you don't take
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  things to extreme at all. And in general a couple of
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  things. If you do, they become a
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  religion, OK, they become a religion and they become not
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  necessary too much. What happens the guy's kids
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  grows up and his kid are anti someone's like I live in the
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  free world. I can do whatever I want.
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  My parents, they had a lot of money and they limited us like
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  crazy. I felt like I was tortured and
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  now I'm going to express myself and I'm going to do my thing and
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  then it they're backfires. So if you overdo something and
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  you make it feel like this pain involved.
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  Likewise, if you can basically the goal is to this.
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  The balance has to be, I can leave my children and their
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  minds to appreciate a healthy way of life, to appreciate a
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  good balanced way of life. Anything more than that, when
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  you're torturing yourself and you're limiting yourself and
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  you're holding back, it's going to backfire.
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  That's not going to be worth it #1 and the other point is it
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  becomes a religion. Becoming a religion.
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  You have only one religion. That's to always be our mindset.
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  Nothing should become too much of our thing that we stand for.
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  Don't overdo anything, because when you do, you take away from
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  tsunami thought. That's how it works.
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  I know people even in the fully religious world, they have
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  certain things that they're very into.
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  It's OK. You want to be into thank you
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  are a sham. You want to be into a muna and
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  be the horn. That's great.
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  But then they have certain things that they overdo, overdo,
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  right. And I know for a fact that it
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  ends up taking away from their performance and Tsunami Sword
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  because this becomes their one item and that harms all the
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  items. You can have things that you
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  represent who you are like the example.
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  Thank you Ocean. OK, you know someone represents
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  appreciate ocean that doesn't take away.
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  But if you have someone who guy let's say what's an example of
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  someone overdoes one topic. I mean living simply like you
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  said is one example who right exactly If someone overdoes to a
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  degree believing in a certain thing, I want to take it to in
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  the chasidium you have it more. He overdoes a certain belief.
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  So now he's fully on, so now he's hurting his really
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  disability. Reality is in yeshiva's guys who
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  had another angle want to call it Breslav maybe.
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  Yeah, leave their family on. The leave them or tonight itself
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  is harmful, but as it's to be able to think that you can
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  definitely question but whatever it is that yeah that you're too
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  into there's. During Menendez.
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  Absolutely I do couple of them exactly.
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  You probably relate that whatever you overdo, you end up
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  harming your the most strongest people in learning are the
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  people who had the most simple healthy balance.
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  No extreme upbringing. Any guy it's got an extreme any
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  extreme it harms the ability to go into that much one literally
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  I'd even say if someone's it's perfect example all takes not
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  really true. What's an example is 1.
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  They have a thing that you're very busy with.
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  No example comes to mind, but anything we overdo, what you're
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  doing is, is you're taking where you have one Torah and one and
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  one sediment sort and that's it. Even the people that say who are
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  over very busy. There's a guy in a place where I
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  was learning liquid. The guy is very busy with anti
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  iPhone. OK, that's his thing.
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  Fine, I'm with you. I got you.
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  OK, you hold the iPhone. I got it.
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  Now I'm there for a few years. Every conversation that he has
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  usually goes back to that right one trick pony, broken record
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  home when you walk. I can guarantee you he's
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  overdoing it. See, I got it.
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  You have a point. You have a perfect way of life.
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  You're on you and your wife and your children.
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  Not that you're busy with smartphones.
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  I'm with you. I got it.
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  I understand the pitfalls 100% to make this your thing.
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  And now that you're running around all day long talking
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  about it, there's a lot of other.
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  That's what you have to worry about.
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  There's a whole total you got to be on top of.
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  It's a lot. All right, get the gist, absorb
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  your concept and move on. Don't overdo these things.
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  People overdo certain topics and have certain messages to a level
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  that's too much and automatically somehow hampers us
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  without. Mom says go to the other extreme
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  to get the middle of the road. Sometimes you have to you.
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  Have to figure things out 100%. The idea is to have a healthy
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  balance to baby's point from the beginning, which was how do you
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  have a balance that comes to luxuries.
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  I think the personal balance is you should have a mindset that
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  doesn't really believe that much in them.
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  He should have an approach that's not into absorbing and
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  indulging and making ourselves and our eyes open to more and
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  more and more. But he should also have an
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  approach that says I'm not going to pain my children may pain my
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  family because ultimately his wife.
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  Ultimately there's a degree of sketch there.
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  Why? Because you can have a guy who's
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  a very well off guy. He no longer cares about certain
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  toys because he's older than that or he has his own toys.
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  Are the kids I outgrew? His kids are not, and they
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  Azatun have to feel poor because their father is pushing a point
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  on them which he didn't really push on himself.
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  Or he's not buying his wife enough jewelry because he
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  doesn't care that much for that type of luxury.
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  And all these things end up happening.
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  Unless you're a really big Sadiq, don't expect yourself to
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  be a really big Sadiq in one area as a sketch.
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  Instead, be balanced, keep your mind healthy and it'll come out
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  in different ways, in the right ways.
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  And the kids, you'll see they go back to your mindset and they're
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  going to be spreading on their kids.
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  But if you overdo it too much, backfire, backfire, backfire
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  tremendously. So a person has to have a very
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  balanced meal. And it is point that pretty
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  shoot, it's the same idea, which is you withhold, you limit
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  yourself, get on indulge. You don't get too busy with
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  physical things, but at the same time don't allow it's you know,
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  you should know this. Sometimes people utilize the
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  flag of Torah as the flag of literally the flag to represent
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  whatever they want. And really, am I as a flag of
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  destruction? Happens all.
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  The time and I suddenly I say, I say myself when I see that
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  happen, I say one second, where's Hashem involved in that
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  one? Well, if I may Hashem in this
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  one, I can guarantee you and Jemimah, God is crying by
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  witnessing that act all right, but why?
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  Because the person got misguided or he allowed himself to get
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  misguarded. He's not really a tonic ham.
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  He doesn't really understand she taught.
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  He has no learning of the concept to the depth and he's
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  representing an idea which happens to be hateful,
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  destructive and, you know, officially is backed by the
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  Torah, ends up being backed by anger and fights and wars.
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  That's really someone who mistranslated the concept.
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  The same idea as true appreciate that's this idea.
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  We'll stop with this.