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17 - Baron Trump's Marvellous Underground Journey - Ingersoll Lockwood · Science Fiction Books

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  Speaker 1: Chapter seventeen, in which read dear friends, something about a
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  Speaker 1: live alarm clock and a pseudopsy bather and rubber, our
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  Speaker 1: first breakfast in the city of Silver, A new way
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  Speaker 1: to catch fish without hurting their feelings. How the streets
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  Speaker 1: and houses were numbered, and where the sign boards were
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  Speaker 1: A very original library in which books never get dog eared.
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  Speaker 1: How velvet souls enjoyed her favorite poets. I am presented
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  Speaker 1: to the learned barrel brow, who proceeds to give me
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  Speaker 1: his views of the upper world. They entertained me amazingly
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  Speaker 1: and may interest you. I can't tell you, dear friends,
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  Speaker 1: exactly how long Bulgar and I slept, but it must
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  Speaker 1: have been a good while, for when I was awakened,
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  Speaker 1: I felt thoroughly refreshed. I say awakened, for I was
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  Speaker 1: awakened by a gentle tapping on the back of my hand,
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  Speaker 1: six taps. At first I thought I was dreaming, but
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  Speaker 1: upon rubbing my eyes, I saw standing by the side
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  Speaker 1: of my bed one of the udopsys, who, feeling me
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  Speaker 1: stir took up his tablet and wrote as follows. My
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  Speaker 1: name is Taphard. I am a clock. There is a
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  Speaker 1: score of us. We keep the time for our people.
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  Speaker 1: By counting the swing of the pendulum in the time house,
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  Speaker 1: it swings about as fast as we breathe. There are
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  Speaker 1: one hundred breaths to a minute and one hundred minutes
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  Speaker 1: to an hour. Our day is divided into six hours
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  Speaker 1: work time and six hours sleep time. It is now
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  Speaker 1: the rising hour. If thou wilt be pleased to rise
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  Speaker 1: one of our people from the health house, will rub
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  Speaker 1: all the tired out of thy limbs. I touched Taphart's
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  Speaker 1: heart to thank him, and made haste to scramble out
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  Speaker 1: of bed. Now, for the first time, I looked about
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  Speaker 1: the silver chamber in which I had slept. On silver
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  Speaker 1: shelves lay silver combs, and silver shears and silver knives.
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  Speaker 1: On a silver stand stood a silver ewer within a
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  Speaker 1: silver basin. On silver pegs hung silken towels, while spread
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  Speaker 1: upon the silver floor lay soft silk and rugs, and
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  Speaker 1: above and around on seating in walls. The tongues of
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  Speaker 1: flame were a thousand times repeated in the panels of
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  Speaker 1: burnished silver. I had made trial of all sorts of
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  Speaker 1: oriental rubber and bath attendants in my day, But the
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  Speaker 1: silent little pseudopsy who laughed and rubbed and tapped and
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  Speaker 1: stroked me, exceeding the all in dexterity, added to which
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  Speaker 1: was a new charm, for I was not obliged to
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  Speaker 1: listen to long and senseless tales of adventure in a tree,
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  Speaker 1: but was left quite alone to my own thoughts. Bulger
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  Speaker 1: was also treated to a sponging and a rubbing, a
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  Speaker 1: luxury which he had not enjoyed since we had left
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  Speaker 1: Castle Trump. My toilette was no sooner completed than long
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  Speaker 1: Thumbs made his appearance to inquire after my health and
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  Speaker 1: to superintend the serving of my breakfast, which consisted of
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  Speaker 1: a piece of most delicate boiled fish, flanked with oysters
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  Speaker 1: of delicious flavor, and trimmed with slices of those monstrous
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  Speaker 1: mushrooms which I had eaten among the Micamenkes. The whole
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  Speaker 1: served in a beautiful silver dish on a silver tray
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  Speaker 1: with silver eating utensils. Remembering the strange way in which
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  Speaker 1: the fish were caught and killed in the land of Amcamenke's,
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  Speaker 1: I was curious to know how the pseudopsis managed it,
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  Speaker 1: for I knew enough of them to know that the
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  Speaker 1: sensation of anything struggling for its life in their hands
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  Speaker 1: would suffice to throw them into fits of great suffering,
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  Speaker 1: to fill their gentle hearts with nameless terror. At the
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  Speaker 1: end of one of the many corridors leading out of
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  Speaker 1: our city, explained long thumbs, there is a rocky chamber,
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  Speaker 1: which was called by our ancestors oposlop or the death hole,
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  Speaker 1: because any being which breathes its air for a few
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  Speaker 1: moments is sure to die, so they closed it up forever,
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  Speaker 1: leaving only a small pipe projecting through the door. But
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  Speaker 1: strange to say, those who breathe this air suffer no
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  Speaker 1: pain whatever, but presently drop off into a pleasant dream,
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  Speaker 1: and unless they be rescued, would of course never wake again. Now,
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  Speaker 1: as our laws forbid us to cause any pain to
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  Speaker 1: the most insignificant creature, it occurred to our ancestors that,
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  Speaker 1: by means of a long pipe, they could turn this
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  Speaker 1: poisoned air into the river whenever they wanted a supply
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  Speaker 1: of fish for food. This they did, and, strange to say,
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  Speaker 1: the moment the fish felt the gas bubbling into the river,
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  Speaker 1: they at once swam up to the mouth of the
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  Speaker 1: pipe and struggled with each other for a chance to
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  Speaker 1: catch the deadly bubbles. As they left its mouth. So
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  Speaker 1: pleasant a sensation do they cause as they gradually plunged
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  Speaker 1: the creature, breathing them into his last sleep. And in
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  Speaker 1: this way it is we are able to feed upon
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  Speaker 1: the fish in our river without breaking the law of
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  Speaker 1: the land. I began to understand that I had fallen
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  Speaker 1: in with a very original and interesting folk. But Bulgar
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  Speaker 1: was not altogether pleased with them, for several reasons, as
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  Speaker 1: I soon observed. In the first place, he couldn't accustom
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  Speaker 1: himself to the cold and glassy look of their eyes,
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  Speaker 1: and in the next he was a bit jealous of
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  Speaker 1: their wonderfully keen scent, a sense which with them was
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  Speaker 1: so strong that they invariably gave signs of being conscious
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  Speaker 1: of Bulgar's approach even before I could see him, and
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  Speaker 1: always turned their faces in the direction in which he
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  Speaker 1: was coming. You will remember, dear friends, that I mention
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  Speaker 1: the fact that the former folk went barefoot, and that
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  Speaker 1: their feet, as well as their hands, seemed altogether too
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  Speaker 1: large for their bodies. And I wished to add that
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  Speaker 1: while Bulgar and I were being led through the long
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  Speaker 1: corridors and winding passages on our way into the city
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  Speaker 1: of Silver, the three soudopsies frequently half halted and seemed
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  Speaker 1: to be feeling on the floor for something with the
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  Speaker 1: balls of their feet. I thought no more about it
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  Speaker 1: until Bulgar and I started out for our first stroll
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  Speaker 1: through their wonderful town, when, to my great delight, I
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  Speaker 1: made the discovery that the numbers of the houses, the
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  Speaker 1: names of the occupants, the names of the streets, as
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  Speaker 1: well as all sign boards, so to speak, and all
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  Speaker 1: guide posts were in slightly raised letters on the floors
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  Speaker 1: and pavements. And then the truth dawned upon me that
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  Speaker 1: Long Thumbs and his companions were simply halting now and
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  Speaker 1: then to read the names of the streets with the
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  Speaker 1: balls of their feet in order to know if they
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  Speaker 1: were taking the right road. I more than this, dear friends,
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  Speaker 1: the first time Bulgar and I passed through one of
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  Speaker 1: the open squares of the city of Silver. You may
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  Speaker 1: imagine my satisfaction upon the discovery that the silver pavements
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  Speaker 1: were literally covered with the writings of the pseudopsy authors
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  Speaker 1: in raised characters. Now in Don Fun's wonderful book, he had,
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  Speaker 1: in his masterly manner, giving me the key to the
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  Speaker 1: language of the former folk, so that with very slight effort,
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  Speaker 1: I was able to make the additional discovery that some
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  Speaker 1: of the streets were given up to the writers of
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  Speaker 1: history and some to story writers, while others were filled
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  Speaker 1: with the learned works of philosophers, and others still contained
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  Speaker 1: many thousands of lines from the best poets which the
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  Speaker 1: nation had produced. And I had very little difficulty in
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  Speaker 1: discovering which were the favorite poems of the pseudopsis, For
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  Speaker 1: as you may readily suppose, these were polished like a
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  Speaker 1: silver mirror by the shuffling of the many thankful feet
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  Speaker 1: over their sweet and soulful lines. I noticed that the
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  Speaker 1: writings of the philosophers in this as in my own world,
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  Speaker 1: found few readers, for the raised letters were in many
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  Speaker 1: cases tarnished and black from lack of souls trampling over
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  Speaker 1: them in search of wisdom. Somewhat later, when I had
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  Speaker 1: become acquainted with velvet souls, the daughter of long thumbs,
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  Speaker 1: a gracious little being, as full of inward light as
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  Speaker 1: she was blind to the outer world, and she invited
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  Speaker 1: me to come for a read. I had a hard
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  Speaker 1: task of it in persuading her that I could not
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  Speaker 1: remove what she called my ridiculous foot boxes and join
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  Speaker 1: her in enjoying some of her favorite poems. It was
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  Speaker 1: to me a delicious pastime to accompany this happy little
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  Speaker 1: maiden when she went for a reed to walk beside
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  Speaker 1: her and watch the ever varying expression of her beautiful
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  Speaker 1: face as the souls of her tiny feet pressed the
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  Speaker 1: words of love and hope and joy, and her heart expanded,
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  Speaker 1: and she clasped her hands in attitudes of blissful enjoyment,
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  Speaker 1: seemingly just as deep and fervent as if the blessed
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  Speaker 1: sunlight rested on her brow, and her eyes were drinking
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  Speaker 1: in the glory of a summer sunset, Oh dwellers in
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  Speaker 1: the upper world, with the light streaming into the windows
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  Speaker 1: of your souls, with your ears open, to the music
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  Speaker 1: of type and flute and violin, and to the sweeter
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  Speaker 1: music of the voice of love, how much more heavy
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  Speaker 1: than she? And yet how rarely are ye as happy?
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  Speaker 1: How rarely do ye know that sweet contentment, which, as
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  Speaker 1: in this case, came from within. Go to the ant,
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  Speaker 1: Consider her way as it be wise, which, having no guide,
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  Speaker 1: overseer or ruler, provideth her meat in the summer, and
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  Speaker 1: gathereth her food in the harvest. In a short time,
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  Speaker 1: the former folks seemed to become quite accustomed to having
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  Speaker 1: bulgar in me among them, and they apparently touched hands
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  Speaker 1: with me in quite as friendly a fashion as if
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  Speaker 1: I had been one of them. One day, long Thumbs
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  Speaker 1: conducted me to the house of the most aged and
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  Speaker 1: learned of the Pseudopsy's berrel brow by name. He received
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  Speaker 1: me very cordially, although I interrupted him at his studies,
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  Speaker 1: for as I entered his apartment, he was in the
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  Speaker 1: act of reading four different books at the same time.
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  Speaker 1: Two were lying on the floor and he was perusing
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  Speaker 1: their raised characters with the soles of his feet, and
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  Speaker 1: two others were set up on a frame in front
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  Speaker 1: of him, and he was deciphering them with the tips
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  Speaker 1: of his fingers. But when informed who I was, he
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  Speaker 1: stopped work at once, and, taking up his tablets, asked
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  Speaker 1: me a number of questions concerning the Upper world, of
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  Speaker 1: which he had, however, no very exalted opinion you people,
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  Speaker 1: said he, if I understand correctly, the ancient writings of
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  Speaker 1: those of our nation who still preserved certain traditions of
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  Speaker 1: the Upper world, are endowed with several senses which are
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  Speaker 1: utterly lacking in us. I am happy to say, for
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  Speaker 1: if I understand correctly, ye have in the first place
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  Speaker 1: a sense, which ye call hearing, a most troublesome sense,
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  Speaker 1: for by means of it, ye are being constantly disturbed
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  Speaker 1: and annoyed by vibrations of the air coming from afar.
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  Speaker 1: Now they can be of no possible good to you.
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  Speaker 1: He might as well have a sense that would inform
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  Speaker 1: you what was going on in the moon. Therefore, my
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  Speaker 1: conclusion is that the sense of hearing only serves to
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  Speaker 1: distract and weaken the brain. Another sense that ye are
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  Speaker 1: possessed of, continued Beryl brow. Ye call the sense of
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  Speaker 1: sight a power even more useless and distracting than hearing,
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  Speaker 1: for the reason that it enables you to know things
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  Speaker 1: which it is utterly fruitless to know, such as what
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  Speaker 1: your next door neighbors may be doing, how the mountains
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  Speaker 1: are acting on the other side of your rivers, how
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  Speaker 1: your sky, as ye call it, might feel if if
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  Speaker 1: you could touch it with your fingers, which you can't do. However,
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  Speaker 1: how soon rain will fall, which is a useless piece
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  Speaker 1: of knowledge. If ye have ruse to cover you, as
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  Speaker 1: I suppose ye have, but the most ridiculous use which
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  Speaker 1: ye make of this sense of sight is the manufacture
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  Speaker 1: of what you call pictures, by means of which he
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  Speaker 1: seemed to take the greatest pleasure in deceiving, this very
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  Speaker 1: sense of which ye are so very proud, if I
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  Speaker 1: understand correctly, These pictures, if felt of, are quite as
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  Speaker 1: smooth as a panel there. But so cunningly do ye
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  Speaker 1: draw the lines and lay in the colors whatever they
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  Speaker 1: may be, that ye really succeed in deceiving yourselves, And
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  Speaker 1: stand for hours in front of one of these bits
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  Speaker 1: of trickery when ye might, if ye choose, feast your eyes,
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  Speaker 1: as ye call it, upon the very thing which the
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  Speaker 1: trickster has imitated. Now, as life is much shorter in
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  Speaker 1: the Upper world than in ours, it seems very strange
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  Speaker 1: to me that ye should wish to waste it in
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  Speaker 1: this foolish manner. Then there is another thing, little baron
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  Speaker 1: continued the learned barrel brow, which I wish to mention.
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  Speaker 1: It is this. The people of the upper world pride
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  Speaker 1: themselves very much upon what they termed the power of speech, which,
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  Speaker 1: if I understand correctly, is a faculty they have of
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  Speaker 1: expressing their thoughts to each other by violently expelling the
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  Speaker 1: air from their lungs, and that this air rushing into
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  Speaker 1: the ventilators of the brain, which ye call ears, produces
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  Speaker 1: a sensation of sound, as ye term it. And in
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  Speaker 1: this way one of thy people, standing at one end
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  Speaker 1: of the town might make his wishes known to another
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  Speaker 1: standing at the other end. Now thou wilt pardon my thinking, so,
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  Speaker 1: little Baron, But this seems to me to be not
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  Speaker 1: a whit above the brute creature, which, opening its vast
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  Speaker 1: jaws thus sets the air in motion, and calling its
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  Speaker 1: young or breathing defiance at an enemy. And if I
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  Speaker 1: understand correctly, little Baron, so are thy people of this
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  Speaker 1: power of speech, that they insist upon making use of
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  Speaker 1: it at all times and upon all occasions. And strange
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  Speaker 1: to say, these talkers can always find plenty of people
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  Speaker 1: to open their ears to these vibrations of the air,
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  Speaker 1: although the effect is so wearying to the brain that
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  Speaker 1: in the end they invariably fall asleep. But if I
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  Speaker 1: understand correctly, the women are even fonder of displaying their
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  Speaker 1: skill in thus puffing out the air from their lungs
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  Speaker 1: than the men are. But that not satisfied with this
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  Speaker 1: superior power of puffing out the words, they actually have
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  Speaker 1: recourse to a potent herb, which they steep in boiling
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  Speaker 1: water and drink as hot as possible, on account of
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  Speaker 1: its effect in loosening the tongue and allowing the talker
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  Speaker 1: to do more puffing than she could otherwise. But all
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  Speaker 1: this little baron continued the learned barrel brow might be
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  Speaker 1: overlooked and regarded in the light of mere amusement. Where
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  Speaker 1: not for the fact, if I understand correctly that brain
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  Speaker 1: ventilators being of different sizes in different persons, the consequence
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  Speaker 1: is that these puffs of air which ye use to
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  Speaker 1: make your thoughts to each other, produce different effects upon
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  Speaker 1: different persons. And the result is that the people of
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  Speaker 1: the upper world spent half of their time repeating the
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  Speaker 1: puffs which they have already sent out, And that even
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  Speaker 1: then thou canst rarely find two people who will agree
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  Speaker 1: exactly as to the number, kind, strength, and meaning of
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  Speaker 1: the puffs blown into each other's brain ventilators, And that
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  Speaker 1: therefore it has become necessary to provide what ye call
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  Speaker 1: judges to settle these disputes, which offered last for lifetimes,
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  Speaker 1: the two parties spending their entire fortunes hiring witnesses to
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  Speaker 1: come before these judges and imitate the sound which the
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  Speaker 1: air made when it was set in motion years ago
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  Speaker 1: by the angry puffs of the two parties. I sincerely
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  Speaker 1: trust little Baron, wrote the learned Beryl Brow on his
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  Speaker 1: tablet of silver, that when thou returnest to thy people,
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  Speaker 1: thou wilt make known to them what I have written
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  Speaker 1: for thee to day. For it is never too late
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  Speaker 1: to correct a fault, and the longer that fault has lasted,
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  Speaker 1: the greater the credit for correcting it. I promised the
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  Speaker 1: learned Pseodopsy to do as he requested, and then we
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  Speaker 1: touched each other on the back of the head, which
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  Speaker 1: is the way they say good bye in the land
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  Speaker 1: of the former folk, a touch on the forehead, meaning
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  Speaker 1: how d'ye do? End of Chapter seventeen.