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The Strongest Person in the Room Doesn't Need to Prove It (S5) S35:E3 Monday · Inspirations for Your Life

0:24
Well there, hello everyone, it is John C.
0:27
Morley here, serial entrepreneur.
0:28
Welcome to Inspirations for Your Life.
0:30
I'm glad you decided to pop in.
0:32
It is the beginning of a work week.
0:34
It's not the beginning of our week.
0:35
Our week starts on Saturday, for those of
0:37
you that don't know, and we end up
0:38
on a Friday.
0:39
That's how we do this.
0:41
If this is your very first time joining
0:43
me, I want to take the opportunity to
0:44
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0:46
say the words welcome.
0:47
I really do appreciate you guys coming today.
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If you've been here one time, five times,
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0:59
and I want to say the words welcome
1:00
back.
1:01
Yes.
1:02
I have a decaf hot tea here, nothing
1:07
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1:09
Maybe you want a tea, maybe you want
1:10
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1:14
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Don't forget to check out BelieveMeAchieved.com for
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which you guys can do 24 hours a
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day, seven days a week, after the show
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1:32
Okay?
1:33
I definitely want you to pay attention to
1:34
the show because the show tonight is another
1:37
great show.
1:37
We always have great shows.
1:38
I think there's always a good show every
1:40
time we do this, but it's nice to
1:41
hear from people and to hear that we're
1:44
making a difference in their lives.
1:45
So without any further ado, guys, let's kick
1:48
this off.
1:49
Become someone your future can depend on, your
1:52
future self, that is, can depend on.
1:54
Series five, show number 35, the strongest person
1:57
in the room doesn't need to prove it.
1:59
Series five, show 35, episode number three, it
2:01
is a Monday.
2:03
And once again, welcome everyone to the ever
2:05
-popular Inspirations for Your Life Show.
2:08
Who am I?
2:08
Great question.
2:09
I'm John C.
2:10
Morley.
2:10
I'm a serial entrepreneur, engineer, marketing specialist, video
2:12
producer, podcast host, coach, keynote speaker, graduate student
2:16
at Montclair State University, a passionate lifelong learner,
2:19
and so grateful now to be a published
2:21
author.
2:21
That's right.
2:23
All right, guys, our master topic for this
2:25
week, in case you missed it, was become
2:26
someone your future self, basically, can depend on.
2:30
And today we're talking about something that can
2:32
completely change how you show up around other
2:35
people, quiet confidence.
2:38
Think about the strongest person you've ever met.
2:41
Were they constantly reminding everyone how smart they
2:45
were?
2:47
Did they need to dominate every conversation?
2:51
Did they need everyone to know their accomplishments?
2:56
Okay, probably not.
2:58
Sometimes the person with the greatest confidence is
3:01
the person who feels the least need to
3:04
prove it.
3:05
Yeah.
3:06
I think that ego sometimes kicks in the
3:09
way, and it can cause a lot of
3:10
problems for many people.
3:12
So that's something we got to be aware
3:14
of.
3:14
Number one, quiet confidence speaks differently.
3:18
It doesn't demand recognition.
3:20
It shows through our composure, our competence, and
3:24
our judgment, okay?
3:26
Number two, stop announcing every strength.
3:29
Your strengths become more believable when people experience
3:34
them, not when you repeat them.
3:37
Number three, let results create credibility.
3:41
Results are hard to argue with, deliver, solve
3:44
problems, and credibility follows naturally.
3:49
We don't want to try to impress someone.
3:50
We want to do it through our actions,
3:54
not through our voice, okay?
3:55
I think that's an important piece, but a
3:58
lot of people, they just don't get it.
4:02
I think that causes a lot of problems
4:03
for some people, and they wonder why things
4:06
are going a certain way or why they're
4:08
going a different way.
4:09
I think that's a real important thing to
4:12
think about, all right?
4:14
Not just today, but every day of our
4:15
life.
4:16
Number four, confidence doesn't need domination.
4:20
Secure people can stand beside other capable people
4:23
without feeling threatened.
4:25
Number five, listen before proving your point.
4:29
Real listening means releasing the need to prove
4:32
yourself.
4:33
The other person might know something you don't,
4:36
so let's be humble and open.
4:38
Number six, stay teachable.
4:40
As you become successful, the more you accomplish,
4:44
the more important it becomes to remain teachable
4:46
and humble, all right?
4:48
I know a lot of people are like,
4:49
oh, I'm this, I'm that.
4:50
You know, even with me going for my
4:51
next master's and going for my PhD, I'm
4:54
still going to be humble.
4:55
I'm still going to be the person that
4:57
wants to keep learning and keep sharing.
4:59
I think that's an important part for me
5:02
and hopefully for a lot of other people.
5:04
So, to me, knowledge is something interesting to
5:07
me, and so that's the important thing, okay?
5:15
Is our knowledge.
5:18
Knowledge.
5:20
Knowledge is key, guys.
5:22
Number seven, let other people have the spotlight.
5:27
Celebrate other people's wins.
5:29
You don't need to be the center of
5:31
every success, even though some people think they
5:33
do.
5:34
Number eight, stop competing in every conversation.
5:38
Not every discussion needs a winner.
5:41
Sometimes, just appreciate what someone's share.
5:45
Number nine, strength can remain calm.
5:49
Sometimes, strength is simply staying composed and steady
5:52
amid chaos.
5:54
Number 10, don't confuse volume with leadership.
5:58
A calm, clear communicator can have more influence
6:02
than someone who dominates, all right?
6:06
Number 11, ask questions you don't already know.
6:10
Ask out of genuine curiosity, not to show
6:13
off what you already know, but ask with
6:16
the genuineness to learn.
6:19
Number 12, admit when someone else knows more.
6:22
That's not threatening.
6:25
It's useful.
6:26
Find them, listen, and learn.
6:29
And I think this is something a lot
6:31
of people are afraid to do.
6:32
They're afraid to do more because they think
6:34
if somebody else knows more, it's going to
6:35
be a big problem, all right?
6:38
That's a very, very big problem for a
6:41
lot of people to understand.
6:43
So, let's think about that for a moment,
6:46
all right?
6:47
Let's think about the fact that other people
6:50
can help us.
6:51
We can help others.
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And when we help others, guess what happens?
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We help ourselves.
6:57
Number 13, learn without feeling threatened.
7:01
I know a lot of people, they don't
7:04
want to share knowledge because they're afraid that
7:08
those people are their competitors.
7:10
I don't mean competitors in business.
7:12
I mean competitors in life.
7:13
And I think that's a very big problem
7:17
that a lot of people have.
7:18
So, I say number 13 is learn without
7:20
feeling threatened.
7:23
Being corrected doesn't make you less capable.
7:26
It makes you more informed.
7:27
Now, when I correct somebody, I don't like
7:29
to be rude about it.
7:30
I like to offer them consistent, constructive feedback.
7:33
That's what I would like to receive.
7:36
And I don't do it publicly.
7:38
I say, hey, Joe, can I talk to
7:39
you for a second?
7:40
Sure.
7:40
I think what you're doing is great.
7:41
It's an amazing idea.
7:43
You've got a great product here.
7:44
And I have some feedback for you.
7:46
Are you open to it?
7:46
Yeah.
7:48
First of all, when you start, I wouldn't
7:51
go right into the price right away.
7:52
I would talk about the solutions.
7:54
I would talk about how it's going to
7:55
help a company.
7:57
And then I would just be quiet and
8:00
let the other person tell you what's on
8:02
their mind, their challenges.
8:04
Number 14, stop turning knowledge into superiority.
8:08
Knowledge is good, guys.
8:10
But don't think that it trumps everything in
8:12
the world.
8:13
Knowledge should help you contribute more, not make
8:15
others feel inadequate.
8:17
So whenever I talk to people, I try
8:20
to always talk to them at their level.
8:21
I try to be respectful with them.
8:23
I think that's one of the most important
8:24
things that everyone can do.
8:27
All right.
8:27
Number 15, give credit generously.
8:31
Acknowledge you contributed or helped.
8:34
It doesn't reduce your own part.
8:36
See, a lot of people think that when
8:38
you go give credit to someone, that it's
8:40
going to mean that basically you're nothing.
8:44
But you're more.
8:46
Because you actually shared something in your life
8:49
with somebody, that's a key, guys.
8:51
That's a key.
8:54
That's a very, very big key in life.
8:57
And hopefully, it'll mean something to you.
9:00
All right.
9:02
That something means that you have potential.
9:05
But I know a lot of people out
9:06
there will be like, oh, I don't know
9:07
what to do.
9:08
I don't know where to go.
9:10
And they do the, you know, the, woe
9:11
is me.
9:12
Like, you know, they play the violin, doo
9:13
doo doo, woe is me, right?
9:17
A lot of times, people want to help
9:19
you.
9:20
But not if you're already in your own
9:22
shell, like, oh, nothing ever works for me.
9:24
It's always a bad day.
9:26
It's always a challenge.
9:28
I have clients like that, and I coach
9:29
them.
9:30
And I try to get them out of
9:31
that mode.
9:31
But a lot of people, let's face it,
9:33
they're not coaches.
9:33
They're not going to do that.
9:35
They're going to just drop you like a
9:36
hot potato.
9:39
Number 16, guys, stay grounded when praised.
9:43
Praise is nice, but do stay grounded.
9:45
Appreciate the compliments without letting praise fuel your
9:48
identity and exacerbate your ego.
9:55
Each time I learn something, I'm always happy
9:58
to share it with people.
10:01
And when I tell people I'm this, I'm
10:02
an engineer, I'm going for this master's, I'm
10:04
going for this PhD, I don't do it
10:06
to bring myself up.
10:09
I do it so people will want to
10:12
learn from me, not to say that I'm
10:14
better than anybody, but to share that knowledge.
10:18
Number 17, don't, don't, don't, don't exaggerate your
10:23
importance.
10:25
Be proud without inflating it.
10:27
Let the truth be impressive.
10:29
Enough, because it is.
10:31
You are already enough.
10:33
The people that say, oh, I'm not this,
10:35
I'm not that, I'm not enough of this.
10:36
And they keep going down with the I'm
10:38
not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not.
10:40
And they keep driving like a nail in
10:43
the ground.
10:45
I mean, they keep driving a nail in
10:47
the ground.
10:49
And I think that's a very important thing
10:51
to realize.
10:56
When we say, I'm not this, I'm not
10:59
strong enough, I'm not smart enough, I'm not
11:02
wealthy enough, I'm not whatever you want to
11:07
think about.
11:08
I'm not caring enough, okay?
11:12
I'm not athletic enough, okay?
11:16
I'm not wise enough.
11:20
I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not.
11:23
You are these things.
11:25
Don't let your thoughts take your beautiful value
11:29
away.
11:30
Number 18, guys, make other people feel valued.
11:35
I think that's a very precious thing.
11:38
When we can make someone else feel valued,
11:41
it doesn't cost us anything to do that,
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guys.
11:46
It doesn't cost us anything.
11:51
I think most people out there don't realize
11:55
what something's about.
11:59
I think that's a very important thing for
12:02
us to understand.
12:06
See, when we're humble and we make other
12:08
people feel valued, what do we do?
12:11
We listen, okay?
12:13
We remember names, like Dale Carnegie said.
12:17
The most beautiful thing that people wanna hear
12:19
is the sound of their name being said
12:21
properly.
12:22
You don't know somebody's name, don't botch it
12:24
up.
12:25
You could say, hey, it sounds like a
12:27
beautiful name.
12:27
I don't wanna kill it, would you help
12:29
me pronounce it?
12:31
Ask what others think.
12:33
It builds their confidence too.
12:35
And you want to strive for becoming genuinely
12:41
interested in the other person.
12:42
Forget about you.
12:44
Strive to become genuinely interested, because when you
12:46
do that, it's gonna cause people to say,
12:48
wait a minute, I was having a conversation
12:50
with somebody, wasn't too long ago, and I
12:54
was just letting them talk.
12:56
I didn't say much at all, but I
12:59
just let them talk.
13:02
And they like being around me.
13:08
I became genuinely interested in them, not because
13:11
I had to, but because I wanted to.
13:14
Number 19, let competence replace boasting.
13:19
Quietly solving the problem earns more trust than
13:22
describing how great you are.
13:24
You know, some people, oh, I'm this, I'm
13:25
an expert at that.
13:26
Well, I'm so glad you're an expert.
13:28
But what does that do for me, right?
13:31
By you saying you're an expert, you're kind
13:33
of putting that person down.
13:34
There's a way of telling people about your
13:36
credibility, but it's not shoving it down their
13:39
face or their throat, right?
13:41
It's being respectful.
13:44
Number 20, guys, remain curious after becoming experienced.
13:51
You know, regardless of what discipline I'm learning,
13:54
I'm always curious.
13:56
What happens if we do this?
13:59
What happens if we do that?
14:02
What's gonna happen?
14:05
I think that's a very important thing to
14:07
understand, but a lot of people don't realize
14:09
it, okay?
14:11
They don't realize that potential.
14:16
Becoming curious is not something you should be
14:19
pushed toward.
14:20
It should be something your passion wants you
14:23
to do.
14:24
If it's there, great.
14:26
If it's not, well, guess what's gonna happen?
14:30
You're gonna be living a lie.
14:33
The more that you can become curious in
14:35
things, different disciplines, academics, right?
14:42
Sports, other people's interests, a couple of things
14:46
are gonna happen.
14:47
One, you're gonna build credibility, you're gonna show
14:49
respect, but two, actually three, you're gonna cause
14:55
a side of yourself to show, or you're
14:58
gonna discover a part of yourself that you
15:00
didn't know existed.
15:01
And that might help you, but it might
15:04
help both of you.
15:06
Experience should sharpen your questions, not eliminate your
15:10
curiosity.
15:18
Should sharpen your questions, not eliminate curiosity.
15:23
And I know a lot of you here
15:24
watching are saying, John, I don't understand that.
15:29
If you're saying to me, John, I don't
15:30
get something, but you're in a rush to
15:32
do something, but you really don't care, I
15:37
think that can be a very big problem.
15:41
Okay?
15:43
And I'll tell you, that's the key.
15:53
That's the important thing.
16:00
I think sometimes people have the right intentions
16:04
out of the gate, but then they change
16:06
because of something that someone said or something
16:09
that you heard or felt.
16:16
Sometimes people are in a rush to just
16:19
get through the process.
16:20
They go through the motions.
16:24
They don't become intentional with the actions that
16:28
they're doing.
16:29
Why?
16:33
Because they don't care.
16:37
Well, John, that's kind of crazy.
16:38
If somebody wants to be successful, why wouldn't
16:40
they care?
16:42
Their heart is not in it.
16:46
Right?
16:47
And you know what that means, right?
16:48
If your heart's not in something, how do
16:49
you react?
16:51
How do you do things?
16:55
You live a lie.
16:58
You live a lie.
17:00
And that lie can make the difference to
17:04
whether you're going somewhere or not.
17:10
That lie can decide whether you'll go A
17:16
or B or what you're gonna do.
17:19
But it doesn't always happen overnight.
17:25
Sometimes you'll start something and then you're not
17:27
happy with the results.
17:29
So you decide you're going to cut the
17:31
corners really bad.
17:33
But you do that.
17:34
And when you cut the corners, you also
17:41
cut your passion.
17:43
You cut your curiosity.
17:45
You cut your ability to be all that
17:49
you can be.
17:55
That's a key, guys.
17:56
That's a real key, key point.
18:00
All right?
18:00
Very key for us to understand that.
18:04
Number 21, stop needling to win every argument.
18:08
You don't need to win every argument.
18:10
Ask yourself if you're seeking truth or are
18:13
you just avoiding being wrong?
18:18
You don't always need to be right.
18:20
And when you're not right, guess what happens?
18:22
You learn something.
18:25
You learn something.
18:27
Number 22, let humility strengthen your influence.
18:32
Knowing your strengths without diminishing others attracts people
18:36
rather than intimidating them.
18:39
Number 23, confidence can say, I don't know.
18:43
Add, but I'll find out.
18:44
Admitting gaps protects credibility more than pretending you
18:48
know.
18:50
Number 24, guys, never, never, never, never, never
18:57
become too important to learn.
19:00
No title, no degree, no experience exempts you
19:06
from continuing to learn.
19:12
Learning is a choice, but learning doesn't mean
19:16
that I'm the top of the world.
19:19
People that walks awfully with a big stick
19:22
win.
19:24
They have the knowledge and the power, but
19:27
they don't execute it, letting people know they
19:30
have it.
19:31
They quietly inject it.
19:34
Number 25, respect people.
19:37
Regardless of title, notice how someone treats people.
19:40
They don't need anything from them, but how
19:43
do they treat those people?
19:45
Somebody that needs something, they're always on this
19:47
brigade that they gotta do it a certain
19:49
way.
19:51
Number 26, strength doesn't need an audience.
19:56
Maintain your standards and treat people well, even
19:59
when no one's watching.
20:01
I said this, guys, before, do it when
20:04
no one else is watching.
20:08
That makes the difference in your life, guys.
20:11
That will make the difference in your life
20:13
every single day.
20:15
When you do it because no one else
20:19
is watching, you'll do the same when people
20:22
are watching.
20:24
Number 27, let your character enter before your
20:28
ego does.
20:29
Ooh, John, that's really good.
20:31
Contribute before trying to impress.
20:35
Let people discover your value through your experience.
20:41
I like to say that your presence actually
20:45
shapes your respect.
20:48
Thus comes your character.
20:52
Your character is powerful, guys.
20:55
I'm not talking about some, you know, stories
21:01
that you've heard from, you know, different play
21:03
lands or places like that or any movie
21:06
places.
21:07
I'm talking about the character that's associated with
21:10
you, that's linked to your passion.
21:13
Your core values that come from your heart,
21:15
not some wishy-washy stuff you just picked
21:18
off the internet or you picked off in
21:20
a flower pot.
21:24
I tell you the truth here, the things
21:26
people don't wanna hear.
21:30
Sometimes it's not easy watching or listening to
21:32
my show, but I tell you the stuff
21:34
you need to grow.
21:36
Number 28, become secure enough to stay humble.
21:39
Someone else's brilliance or success doesn't diminish your
21:42
own.
21:43
And if you still don't know that, then
21:45
wise up.
21:49
You're gonna lose respect so quickly and no
21:52
one's gonna wanna be around you.
21:54
Number 29, the strongest confidence is rarely loud.
21:58
Calmness, consistency, judgment and results speak for themselves.
22:07
Number 30, have nothing to prove and plenty
22:11
to contribute.
22:13
Walk in asking, what can I contribute?
22:17
Instead of how do I impress?
22:21
That's often when people notice your value.
22:25
Anyway, as I'm getting ready to close the
22:28
show today, I hope you have learned a
22:30
lot.
22:31
And this topic is a very, very big
22:35
one.
22:36
The strongest person in the room doesn't need
22:39
to prove.
22:42
As I close today's episode, think about how
22:48
much energy people spend trying to prove themselves.
22:53
Prove they're successful, proving they're intelligent, proving they're
23:01
important, proving they're cool, right?
23:03
Proving they're right, proving they belong.
23:11
Imagine what would happen just for a moment
23:13
if you redirected some of that energy toward
23:16
becoming more competent, curious, useful and grounded.
23:20
What would happen?
23:22
You don't have to be the loudest person
23:26
in the room.
23:26
Many people won't believe me and they will
23:31
be the most ostentatious person you can imagine
23:33
and people will hate them because they'll dominate
23:38
and monopolize everything.
23:42
You don't have to win every argument, guys.
23:45
You don't have the answers to every question.
23:49
It's okay, you don't need the answers to
23:51
every question.
23:52
You don't have to remind everyone what you've
23:56
accomplished and you certainly don't have to make
24:00
someone else feel smaller so you can feel
24:03
bigger.
24:06
You see, ladies and gentlemen, real confidence gives
24:08
you permission to listen.
24:13
It invites you to learn.
24:14
It lets you admit when you're wrong.
24:18
It lets somebody else receive credit.
24:21
And I gotta tell you this again and
24:22
again, when I can thank somebody or share
24:26
credit with somebody, it makes me feel great.
24:30
It also makes me look good, but it
24:33
makes me feel great when I can acknowledge
24:36
someone.
24:37
It lets you say, I don't know.
24:41
It lets you walk into a room knowing
24:43
what you bring without requiring everybody in the
24:46
room to validate.
24:48
I think that's the problem with our society
24:49
is, well, you know, I gotta get a
24:51
pat on the back or I gotta get
24:53
a handshake on it.
24:54
You don't need that.
24:57
Why?
25:00
Be confident in yourself.
25:02
Be confident in your ways.
25:05
See, that's why quiet confidence is so powerful.
25:10
Our master topic this week is become someone
25:13
your future self can depend on.
25:16
That's something a lot of people don't wanna
25:19
answer.
25:21
The future version of you doesn't only need
25:23
competence, ladies and gentlemen.
25:25
That person needs humility, curiosity, self-awareness, judgment,
25:34
and enough internal confidence that success doesn't turn
25:40
into arrogance.
25:44
I met a lot of people that are
25:46
arrogant.
25:47
And you know what?
25:47
They're not even that good, but they're arrogant
25:51
because they don't want anybody to get close
25:53
to where they are or better.
25:54
So that's why they're so arrogant.
25:57
So the next time you enter a room,
26:01
don't ask yourself how you're going to prove
26:04
you're the strongest person there.
26:07
Ask what you can learn.
26:10
Ask who you can help.
26:14
Ask what you can contribute.
26:17
Ask how you can leave the conversation better
26:20
than you found it.
26:22
That's humbling.
26:24
Because you see, ladies and gentlemen, the strongest
26:26
person in the room may never need to
26:28
tell you they're strong.
26:29
You'll know, you'll sense it.
26:31
You'll see it in how they listen.
26:33
You'll see it in how they treat people.
26:35
You'll see it in how they handle pressure.
26:38
You'll see it in how comfortable they are
26:41
admitting what they don't know.
26:43
You'll see it in how they need to
26:45
prove nothing because you'll feel it.
26:51
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm John C.
26:53
Morley, a serial entrepreneur.
26:54
And I thank you so much for choosing
26:56
to join me today for another amazing episode
26:58
of the Inspirations for Your Life show.
27:01
So you know what I'm gonna tell you
27:02
to do, don't you?
27:03
Please, stay curious.
27:06
Stay humble so you can stay teachable.
27:11
Remember to give credit generously.
27:16
Let your results speak for themselves.
27:20
Let your character enter before your ego does.
27:24
And I know that's not an easy thing
27:26
for a lot of people.
27:27
But if we put our character above our
27:30
ego, we'll be enormously successful.
27:34
And remember, ladies and gentlemen, have nothing to
27:40
prove and plenty to contribute.
27:45
But how do you start?
27:47
You start by being humble.
27:48
You start by listening.
27:51
Start by not having an agenda.
27:53
Start by just being present.
27:56
That's how it works.
27:58
People will get curious when you don't share
28:00
what you do.
28:01
They'll wanna learn.
28:02
Have yourself a great rest of your day
28:03
or evening, and I'll catch you real soon.
28:05
Be well, everyone.