Latest / Marriage Life and More and Bible Study / 3 Steps to Rekindling Romance and Passion in Your Marriage Pt 2 (Marriage Reset Series) - 271

Transcript

3 Steps to Rekindling Romance and Passion in Your Marriage Pt 2 (Marriage Reset Series) - 271 · Marriage Life and More and Bible Study

• 0:06
  Michelle Moore: I think you know, for me, being intentional is there are things that I know that you like.
• 0:11
  Michelle Moore: And so I will do those because I want I want you to know.
• 0:15
  Michelle Moore: Yeah, I love you.
• 0:17
  Michelle Moore: I'm in this, I'm committed, and I want to make you happy.
• 0:21
  Michelle Moore: The same as you.
• 0:24
  Daniel Moore: This week on Marriage Life and More, we are going to finish up episode seven of our series on marriage reset, roommates to soulmates in your marriage.
• 0:33
  Daniel Moore: We'll get back into that right after this.
• 0:36
  Daniel Moore: And we occasionally interview people that have a story.
• 1:16
  Daniel Moore: I'm Daniel Moore, your host.
• 1:18
  Daniel Moore: Over here next to me is my beautiful, awesome co-host, my wife, Michelle.
• 1:22
  Michelle Moore: Isn't that the sweetest?
• 1:24
  Michelle Moore: Hey, hey, guys.
• 1:25
  Daniel Moore: I was getting ready to say no hey hey this week.
• 1:27
  Michelle Moore: Oh no, it's hey, hey.
• 1:29
  Daniel Moore: Well, I want to thank you guys for joining us.
• 1:31
  Daniel Moore: And if you're not familiar with our show, check out our website at marriagelifeandmore.com for our platforms.
• 1:36
  Daniel Moore: Our YouTube and Rumble links are there.
• 1:38
  Daniel Moore: We're also on the Christian Podcasting app Edify.
• 1:40
  Daniel Moore: And if you have a Alexa and Google Smart Devices, we're on those as well.
• 1:44
  Daniel Moore: You can also visit us on social, on Facebook, Instagram, and X at CTGap Online.
• 1:48
  Daniel Moore: If you're a fan of our show, please subscribe.
• 1:50
  Daniel Moore: Free to leave a comment on our platforms, give us a thumbs up or a five-star review on Apple Podcasts, and we'd be eternally grateful to you for doing that.
• 1:59
  Daniel Moore: Also, as we get started here, just want to remind you about our new book that's available on Amazon.
• 2:04
  Daniel Moore: It's Marriage as a Mission, is the name of that.
• 2:08
  Daniel Moore: And has a book in several formats and also a study guide that you can do a six session study for couples or groups.
• 2:17
  Daniel Moore: And uh we hope you guys will check that out and utilize that.
• 2:20
  Daniel Moore: It'll hopefully help you make your marriage grow stronger and understand the true meaning of your marriage in Christ.
• 2:27
  Michelle Moore: You won't regret buying it.
• 2:29
  Daniel Moore: That's right.
• 2:30
  Daniel Moore: Well, we want to thank you guys for joining us, and we're going to go ahead and finish up episode seven.
• 2:36
  Daniel Moore: Michelle and I started that last week talking about rekindling romance and passion in your marriage.
• 2:42
  Daniel Moore: And there's three steps that you can take to do that, and we're going to talk about that this week here on the podcast.
• 2:58
  Michelle Moore: Connection, closeness, unity.
• 3:01
  Michelle Moore: These are all powerful ways to describe what it means to be truly one in marriage.
• 3:08
  Michelle Moore: But there's another concept that often gets overlooked.
• 3:12
  Michelle Moore: One that can reignite passion in your relationship in a meaningful way.
• 3:18
  Michelle Moore: It comes from the older Bible translation in Genesis 224, which says, A man shall leave his father and mother and shall cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh.
• 3:33
  Michelle Moore: Now, we're not talking about slicing things apart with a cleaver.
• 3:38
  Michelle Moore: The initial idea behind the word cleave is to join tightly, like bonding two pieces so strongly that they cannot be pulled apart.
• 3:50
  Michelle Moore: That's the image most people have when they think of marital closeness, a committed, durable connection.
• 3:58
  Michelle Moore: But recently we discovered something even deeper when looking at the original Hebrew word for cleave, to bock.
• 4:06
  Michelle Moore: This word means to actively pursue, to follow hard after someone, and that shifted our entire perspective.
• 4:18
  Daniel Moore: There's probably a lot of couples out there that probably really thought it meant to cut something apart.
• 4:23
  Daniel Moore: They're chasing their significant other around the house with a cleaver.
• 4:29
  Michelle Moore: Not sure, but I'll just let you think that.
• 4:33
  Daniel Moore: Maybe I've watched too many movies.
• 4:35
  Michelle Moore: Apparently, too many murder movies or something with a cleaver.
• 4:39
  Daniel Moore: Uh it's very, very possible.
• 4:41
  Daniel Moore: But as we are talking about Genesis chapter 2, verse 24, that's a a very popular scripture, actually.
• 4:51
  Daniel Moore: That one's used a lot in marriage context.
• 4:54
  Daniel Moore: And you know, in the beginning, our relationship was built on effort and pursuit.
• 4:59
  Daniel Moore: What we mean by that is, you know, I remember when we had really long conversations.
• 5:03
  Daniel Moore: We'd get on the phone and talk for hours.
• 5:05
  Daniel Moore: Remember that?
• 5:06
  Daniel Moore: When we were dating about nothing.
• 5:09
  Michelle Moore: That's what's crazy.
• 5:10
  Michelle Moore: But man, let me tell you, it nothing was everything.
• 5:13
  Daniel Moore: You used to fall asleep on the phone.
• 5:15
  Michelle Moore: I did.
• 5:15
  Daniel Moore: I'd have to go over to her house and turn her phone off and hang it up and so it would charge because she'd fall asleep with it.
• 5:21
  Daniel Moore: That's how boring I was, I guess.
• 5:24
  Michelle Moore: You weren't boring.
• 5:25
  Michelle Moore: It's just you know me at nighttime.
• 5:27
  Michelle Moore: I need my sleep.
• 5:28
  Daniel Moore: I talked her to sleep.
• 5:30
  Daniel Moore: And you had laughter, small touches, new experiences, and thoughtful gestures, you know, all that dating stuff.
• 5:38
  Daniel Moore: We were all in chasing each other emotionally and relationally.
• 5:42
  Daniel Moore: But over time, as the years passed and life became filled with routines and responsibilities, guess what?
• 5:48
  Daniel Moore: Many of those romantic habits faded.
• 5:51
  Daniel Moore: And you know, there's a time that I can admit that I started thinking, well, I've already won Michelle now, so that pursuit is over.
• 5:59
  Daniel Moore: You know, I've won that battle.
• 6:01
  Daniel Moore: I got my thing of gold at the end of the rainbow, or whatever you want to call that, my prize.
• 6:06
  Daniel Moore: And like many other couples, we got busy and let the day-to-day demands dominate our relationship.
• 6:12
  Daniel Moore: But in recent years, we have made a deliberate effort to bring back that early sense of chasing after each other.
• 6:18
  Daniel Moore: And when we look at that concept of doing that, it's basically it's called an ongoing pursuit.
• 6:25
  Daniel Moore: And doing so has noticeably increased the passion and closeness in our marriage.
• 6:29
  Daniel Moore: We've uh kind of reignited a lot of some of those areas that we used to have, or maybe even uh made them better.
• 6:36
  Daniel Moore: You know, we've we've gotten back to uh trying to be intentional with that.
• 6:40
  Daniel Moore: So, what does that pursuit look like after years of being together?
• 6:44
  Daniel Moore: Well, we found out that it comes down to focusing on two important principles.
• 6:50
  Daniel Moore: And the first one you want to talk about this week is observe your spouse.
• 6:55
  Michelle Moore: Oh, that's ought to be fun.
• 6:57
  Daniel Moore: Well, Michelle, you know, she'll put me on the spot sometimes and ask me a very personal question like, what's my favorite candy?
• 7:04
  Daniel Moore: What's my favorite color?
• 7:05
  Daniel Moore: What's my favorite flower?
• 7:08
  Daniel Moore: Well, when she does this, I think, I've got this.
• 7:11
  Daniel Moore: I remember from the last time.
• 7:13
  Daniel Moore: So I blurt out the answer that I'm so positive is right.
• 7:16
  Daniel Moore: And guess what?
• 7:18
  Daniel Moore: Half the time I'm wrong.
• 7:20
  Daniel Moore: It never seems to fail.
• 7:21
  Daniel Moore: Sometimes I'm like, you know what?
• 7:23
  Daniel Moore: That was your favorite candy.
• 7:25
  Daniel Moore: I think you switched that on.
• 7:26
  Michelle Moore: I knew you were gonna say that.
• 7:27
  Daniel Moore: Just so my answer was gonna be wrong.
• 7:29
  Daniel Moore: No, I know it used to be peanut MMs.
• 7:34
  Daniel Moore: I know it.
• 7:36
  Michelle Moore: It still can be, yes.
• 7:37
  Michelle Moore: It used to be Kit Kat, but yeah, I'm I'm a big peanut MM fan.
• 7:43
  Daniel Moore: So I'm sure a lot of you guys out there can probably relate to that, but it just goes to show that no matter how long you've been together, you really can never fully know your spouse because people are always evolving.
• 7:55
  Daniel Moore: So in the middle of life's whirlwind, it's reassuring to believe that I know Michelle inside and out.
• 8:00
  Daniel Moore: That sense of familiarity brings stability, but the truth is expecting predictability in a person is unrealistic.
• 8:08
  Daniel Moore: Life brings growth, experiences, and changes that reshape who we are.
• 8:13
  Daniel Moore: After over two decades of marriage, it's easy to believe that we have each other completely figured out.
• 8:18
  Daniel Moore: However, one study revealed an interesting twist.
• 8:22
  Daniel Moore: Couples who'd been together the longest often felt the most confident about their ability to understand each other, yet their accuracy was surprisingly low.
• 8:31
  Daniel Moore: In the research, individuals guessed their partner's thoughts correctly only 30% of the time, despite thinking that they got it right, 80% of the time.
• 8:41
  Daniel Moore: And I can resignate with that because I know that even with us, you know, we've been you know married uh you know over 25 years here at this point, and I do think that I forget stuff.
• 8:57
  Daniel Moore: You know, it's like I think I know what your answer is gonna be.
• 9:02
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, but then when I say it, it's not, and I could have almost But we read each other's milk quite a bit.
• 9:08
  Michelle Moore: Yeah, we really do.
• 9:10
  Michelle Moore: Yeah, I mean, just like me.
• 9:12
  Michelle Moore: What's his favorite food?
• 9:14
  Michelle Moore: Anything Mexican, you're good.
• 9:16
  Daniel Moore: Especially if they're tacos, yes.
• 9:19
  Michelle Moore: And then it comes the barbecue.
• 9:21
  Michelle Moore: So it's like those things, and you know mine.
• 9:23
  Michelle Moore: So it's like some of those things don't change very often.
• 9:28
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 9:29
  Michelle Moore: But when it comes to like favorite color, favorite flower, favorite candy bar, favorite drink, you know, I could see where those would be wrong and changing and people would get it wrong.
• 9:41
  Daniel Moore: And quite honestly, you know, we don't ask those questions all the time to each other.
• 9:45
  Daniel Moore: So it's easy to when you're only asking it once every few years or something, it's easy probably to forget because you do see them eating other things.
• 9:55
  Daniel Moore: So it's like, you know, that stuff just evolves.
• 9:57
  Daniel Moore: Um, but it is interesting though, and you think, and we watched uh on a cruise.
• 10:04
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 10:04
  Daniel Moore: There's the what what game was that?
• 10:06
  Michelle Moore: The married show.
• 10:07
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, the married show that we watched, I forget what that was called, but anyway, they'd get the two couples or the they'd get the couples up there, three couples.
• 10:15
  Michelle Moore: Older.
• 10:16
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 10:16
  Michelle Moore: An older couple that had been married a long time, a couple that had been married what 20 years, maybe 15 to 20 years, and then they had a newlyweds.
• 10:25
  Daniel Moore: Newweds.
• 10:26
  Daniel Moore: And it was interesting listening to because they'd ask them questions like that.
• 10:30
  Daniel Moore: And it was funny.
• 10:32
  Michelle Moore: It's usually the middle couple that got them all wrong.
• 10:34
  Daniel Moore: They thought they just knew it all, and more of them than they didn't, they were wrong.
• 10:39
  Daniel Moore: And you know, it's like, and that's just one of those things that you think that anybody anytime somebody asks you that question, you're gonna know the answer.
• 10:46
  Daniel Moore: You just automatically think that.
• 10:48
  Daniel Moore: And but in all reality, it's funny how that doesn't usually work that way.
• 10:53
  Daniel Moore: But the real question is, you know, is how will you respond to that change?
• 10:57
  Daniel Moore: Will it bring you closer or slowly wedge space between you?
• 11:01
  Daniel Moore: Staying emotionally in sync requires intentionality.
• 11:05
  Daniel Moore: You have to keep current with your spouse's thoughts, fears, aspirations, preferences, and emotional needs.
• 11:11
  Daniel Moore: Curiosity isn't just for the early days, it's what keeps love fresh.
• 11:17
  Daniel Moore: Asking thoughtful questions and genuinely caring about the answers helps keep that sense of wonder alive in your marriage.
• 11:25
  Daniel Moore: And I think that, you know, you've got your certain kinds of questions that you ask, you know, just the simple ones like what's your favorite candy, your favorite color, whatever.
• 11:35
  Daniel Moore: And, you know, those are kind of fun questions that you can just ask and kind of have fun with it.
• 11:41
  Daniel Moore: But when it comes down to the seriousness, though, of your relationship and the seriousness of knowing what each spouse's expectations are within the relationship between each other, those types of things, though, you do have to be more intentional to make sure that you do understand each other to the best of your ability so that you can actually live together and function as a good, healthy couple.
• 12:07
  Daniel Moore: And so I think a lot of times it is good to maybe, you know, revisit uh with each other about what what's really important to you both.
• 12:20
  Daniel Moore: You know, uh what are some things that maybe you the other spouse might need to work on a little bit or might need to change a little bit?
• 12:29
  Daniel Moore: You always want to stay on top of stuff like that so that you can actually grow together and grow with each other.
• 12:36
  Daniel Moore: And if you're in a good spot with your marriage, you can actually ask questions like that in a healthy way and not trigger each other.
• 12:43
  Daniel Moore: You know, there are there are couples that have issues between each other that if they ask those questions, it'd probably make them mad.
• 12:50
  Daniel Moore: You know, yeah, because they're not really in a healthy spot.
• 12:53
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 12:54
  Daniel Moore: But the whole key to that is to make sure that you keep your marriage in a healthy place so that if something does come up that might cause a little bit of a disagreement and maybe it was a misunderstanding, you know, you can talk your way through that and come to an agreement on the other side with what is the expectation and what does it take to fix that.
• 13:14
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 13:14
  Daniel Moore: You know, and I think you and I, you know, do well with that communication most generally.
• 13:20
  Daniel Moore: Uh, we try to make sure that we're intentional with a lot of that.
• 13:25
  Michelle Moore: If not, I just tell you.
• 13:27
  Daniel Moore: You're gonna punch me in the face.
• 13:28
  Michelle Moore: I did not say that.
• 13:30
  Michelle Moore: This is twice you're accusing me and I didn't say it.
• 13:34
  Daniel Moore: Trying to beat you to it.
• 13:35
  Daniel Moore: I know.
• 13:37
  Michelle Moore: No, I mean, honestly, I think you know, for me, being intentional is I do there are things that I know that you like.
• 13:45
  Michelle Moore: And so I will do those because I want I want you to know.
• 13:49
  Michelle Moore: Yeah, I love you, I'm in this, I'm committed, and I want to make you happy.
• 13:55
  Michelle Moore: And same as you.
• 13:56
  Michelle Moore: I mean, we don't we never used to go to bed early.
• 14:00
  Michelle Moore: I mean, we go to bed early now.
• 14:02
  Michelle Moore: I mean, you you will come to bed early and we will read together.
• 14:05
  Michelle Moore: And so I and it that's important to me.
• 14:08
  Michelle Moore: I think it's very important that we both work hard to make sure that we're being intentional on things that we both like.
• 14:16
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 14:17
  Michelle Moore: Especially during a week when they're busy, chaotic schedules.
• 14:22
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 14:22
  Daniel Moore: And it makes when you're on that same page with each other, it does take your relationship to a different level.
• 14:29
  Michelle Moore: It does.
• 14:30
  Daniel Moore: It really does.
• 14:31
  Michelle Moore: It truly does.
• 14:32
  Daniel Moore: It it does draw you closer and it does cause you in some ways to rely on each other more, uh, to be that support for each other.
• 14:40
  Daniel Moore: And so there's a lot of positive outcomes, you know.
• 14:44
  Michelle Moore: And I know this is kind of crazy to say, but I yearn for it.
• 14:47
  Michelle Moore: Like, you know, if there's a day that's like, oh, I can't wait, we're gonna, you know, go to bed early.
• 14:53
  Michelle Moore: And and it's just my foot touching his foot, you know, it's just those those quiet moments that, you know, I I truly that's I don't think everybody understands.
• 15:04
  Michelle Moore: Like when I say Dean is more of a white personality, a very quiet person.
• 15:09
  Michelle Moore: I think I'm getting to be 10 times worse than he is now.
• 15:13
  Michelle Moore: I mean, I come home and I'm like from a day of work, I can just sit in quietness, don't need a radio, don't need anybody to talk to me, nothing.
• 15:25
  Daniel Moore: And it's the best ever.
• 15:27
  Daniel Moore: I tried to tell you that's where it's at.
• 15:30
  Michelle Moore: Yeah, he's converted me to the white personality.
• 15:33
  Michelle Moore: And I'm like, shh, shh, don't talk.
• 15:37
  Daniel Moore: I'm like silence.
• 15:39
  Michelle Moore: Yes, and it's so great.
• 15:41
  Michelle Moore: Yes, and it's very rewarding, just you know, listening to nothing.
• 15:46
  Daniel Moore: For sure.
• 15:47
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, that it has its positives, that's for sure.
• 15:51
  Daniel Moore: So, in a couple of previous episodes back here, so we talked about the value of that daily 10-minute chat that we talked about that one time.
• 16:00
  Daniel Moore: Another great way to stay tuned into your partner is by talking about bucket list goals, the things that they dream of doing in their lifetime.
• 16:08
  Daniel Moore: These conversations can be eye-opening.
• 16:10
  Daniel Moore: By learning about your spouse's unique ambitions, you position yourself to help make those dreams come true.
• 16:16
  Daniel Moore: God has placed deep desires in your spouse's heart, and part of your role as a spouse is to help bring those to life.
• 16:24
  Daniel Moore: So keep observing, keep noticing the details, but don't stop there.
• 16:29
  Daniel Moore: Observation opens the door.
• 16:31
  Daniel Moore: It's also your invitation to pursue your spouse again.
• 16:34
  Daniel Moore: Delight in discovering them.
• 16:37
  Daniel Moore: And just like in the beginning, make it your mission not just to understand them, but to win their heart all over again.
• 16:44
  Michelle Moore: That's good.
• 16:44
  Daniel Moore: However, observation only gets you halfway there.
• 16:48
  Daniel Moore: We also need to woo your spouse.
• 16:51
  Daniel Moore: But one thing I do want to add to that last one though, is something that comes up quite often as we do our marriage mentorship with couples and uh the different we we actually are coaches at our church for a marriage 911 uh marriage uh restoration program that the church has.
• 17:15
  Daniel Moore: And so there's several couples that are involved in all of this.
• 17:19
  Daniel Moore: And one thing that I have noticed, you know, is a lot of times couples get to a point where they just feel like they're not seen or heard.
• 17:27
  Daniel Moore: And I think that a lot of that kind of starts with some of these this issue of not observing each other, not trying to figure out who each other, you know, the day we got married, we just can't say this enough over this episode.
• 17:42
  Daniel Moore: The day we got married does not project who you're gonna be 20 years from now.
• 17:47
  Michelle Moore: No, not at all.
• 17:48
  Daniel Moore: You are going to evolve, you're going to change, things are gonna be different, and that's why it's so important that we're intentional to constantly relearn each other.
• 17:58
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, you know, to figure out, and it's not that we change that fast, you know, it's over a time that that takes place, but there are certain things in life that eventually it's gonna change to something else, yeah, and it's gonna be different.
• 18:12
  Daniel Moore: And it's up to us to be intentional about making sure that we kept keep up with those changes because we really care.
• 18:19
  Daniel Moore: Because we want our spouse to be seen, we want them to be heard, uh, we want them to have a voice in what's going on in the relationship and in your life together as a couple.
• 18:30
  Daniel Moore: And so, you know, just make sure that when it comes to that point of thinking that you've you've got some boredom going on, you're in a rut or whatever, you might need to reevaluate where you're at with your communication with your spouse and how you truly look at your spouse and do you really know who they are at this point?
• 18:50
  Daniel Moore: Maybe you need to get back to the basics and start working on that.
• 18:55
  Daniel Moore: So, Michelle, talk to us about wooing your spouse.
• 19:14
  Michelle Moore: Um, once you begin truly paying attention to your spouse, the next step is to intentionally draw them back toward you to win them again.
• 19:25
  Michelle Moore: This requires more than random effort.
• 19:28
  Michelle Moore: It's about doing something that captures their heart and sparks their interest.
• 19:32
  Michelle Moore: Think of it as putting your full energy into reconnecting with your partner in a way that makes them take notice.
• 19:40
  Michelle Moore: The idea of wooing your spouse is about creating moments that move them emotionally, moments that surprise, delight, or remind them of how loved they are.
• 19:53
  Michelle Moore: The term woo actually has roots in the old Scots word wow, which is fitting because rekindling passion is very much about creating the sense of wow again.
• 20:06
  Michelle Moore: The same kind of unexpected wonder and joy you likely felt in the beginning of your relationship.
• 20:14
  Michelle Moore: Reigniting romance and closeness in marriage doesn't require grand gestures, but it does demand intentional ones.
• 20:24
  Michelle Moore: There's something powerful about doing the kind of things that make your spouse light up.
• 20:29
  Michelle Moore: This idea even shows up in the Bible.
• 20:32
  Michelle Moore: In the book of Hosea, God is portrayed as the devoted husband who longs to reconnect with his bride.
• 20:39
  Michelle Moore: The first thing he does is attempt to draw her back in.
• 20:43
  Michelle Moore: Therefore, behold, I will allure her.
• 20:47
  Michelle Moore: Think of a fishing lure.
• 20:59
  Michelle Moore: It catches attention with color, motion, and the sound that it makes it impossible to ignore, even when the fish isn't necessarily hungry.
• 21:09
  Michelle Moore: The lure creates a disruption that turns heads.
• 21:13
  Michelle Moore: In a similar way, our kind and intentional actions can stand out, aim in the noise of the daily life, waking up our spouse's heart to something they didn't even know they were longing for.
• 21:26
  Michelle Moore: I love that.
• 21:28
  Michelle Moore: The latter part of the same verse is key.
• 21:31
  Michelle Moore: It says, I will allure her and bring her into the wilderness and speak tenderly to her.
• 21:39
  Michelle Moore: Kindness, gentle words, and emotional attunement are powerful tools of connection.
• 21:47
  Michelle Moore: When life is busy, speaking with tenderness and showing compassion can go a long way in helping your spouse feel valued and seen.
• 21:56
  Michelle Moore: So good.
• 21:57
  Michelle Moore: So consider what kind of actions might turn your partner's head in your direction again.
• 22:04
  Michelle Moore: What can you do that breaks through the noise of everyday life to show them that they are still deeply loved?
• 22:11
  Michelle Moore: Wooing is not a one-time strategy, it is a way of being, an ongoing invitation to emotional connection.
• 22:21
  Michelle Moore: And often it starts with the simple power of kindness.
• 22:25
  Daniel Moore: So this right here, what we're talking about right at the moment, comes back to the flirt.
• 22:30
  Daniel Moore: Remember earlier we were talking about one of the things that you need to it maybe introduce back into your relationship and to your marriage for the romance side of it is to bring back that flirtatious mindset.
• 22:44
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, that we had once before.
• 22:46
  Daniel Moore: Because a lot of times what when you flirt with someone, what if I'm flirting with you, what is that telling you?
• 22:54
  Michelle Moore: That you like me.
• 22:55
  Daniel Moore: Yes.
• 22:55
  Michelle Moore: Do you want to spend time with me?
• 22:57
  Daniel Moore: That I'm trying to catch you.
• 22:58
  Daniel Moore: I'm trying to, you know, have a more special relationship with you than what I have with other people.
• 23:04
  Daniel Moore: That speaks a lot of different things when you when you do that.
• 23:09
  Daniel Moore: And one thing that keeps that fire burning probably more than anything in a relationship in a marriage that probably you know gets to the wayside a lot is having the flirtatious moments, you know, and that's that's those times that really makes your spouse feel special.
• 23:25
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 23:25
  Daniel Moore: And makes both of you feel special to each other.
• 23:28
  Daniel Moore: And so this whole concept of wooing your spouse is to once again getting back into that state of being flirty.
• 23:35
  Daniel Moore: I like it.
• 23:36
  Daniel Moore: You know, being flirtatious and try to draw that spouse back in and let them know, hey, it's 25 years back there since we got married or 30 years since we got married, whatever it is, but I still love you, you know.
• 23:48
  Daniel Moore: I still want to be that special person and I still want us to have those special moments and those moments of excitement.
• 23:54
  Daniel Moore: And that's what that flirting does.
• 23:56
  Daniel Moore: And so in this section here, some couples were asked at a live marriage event about what would allure them.
• 24:02
  Daniel Moore: And they actually came up with quite a few responses.
• 24:05
  Daniel Moore: We're gonna go through some of these here.
• 24:07
  Daniel Moore: Uh so what's the first three there?
• 24:10
  Daniel Moore: Share those with us.
• 24:12
  Michelle Moore: Serving me when I ask for help, sacrificing time, comfort, or money for me, sharing laughter and playfulness.
• 24:23
  Daniel Moore: Okay, so those three there, the first one is serving when I ask for help.
• 24:28
  Daniel Moore: And I think this one is really important in relationships because a lot of times uh one spouse it kind of seems like they do everything, and the other spouse a lot of times doesn't seem to kick in and help as much.
• 24:41
  Daniel Moore: And but even and that helps.
• 24:44
  Michelle Moore: I mean, honestly, I know a lot of marriages where maybe one spouse does a lot and the other one doesn't.
• 24:52
  Michelle Moore: I'm just gonna speak from my heart and how I see that from a woman that works all day and comes home, you help me in the kitchen if needed, you will do laundry if needed, but you don't leave everything up on me.
• 25:12
  Michelle Moore: And so from my perspective, it means so much that you love me enough to help.
• 25:20
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 25:21
  Daniel Moore: And I think it it's also an important thing to there are certain things that spouses don't like to do.
• 25:27
  Daniel Moore: Like maybe it might be a chore in the house or whatever it may be.
• 25:31
  Daniel Moore: Well, what if that spouse that doesn't like it, what if you see your other spouse is struggling?
• 25:37
  Daniel Moore: They know they're exhausted, they're worn out, they've had a bad day or whatever, and then you just chip in and say, Hey, I'll do that for you.
• 25:44
  Daniel Moore: You know, I think that speaks volumes.
• 25:46
  Daniel Moore: Oh, absolutely.
• 25:47
  Daniel Moore: And whenever a spouse would do that occasionally, because it lets you it lets the other spouse know that you care and that you are willing to do whatever it takes to try to take off some of that load and share and have that balance there.
• 26:02
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 26:02
  Daniel Moore: And so, you know, being a servant, sacrificing time, comfort, money, or sharing laughter and playfulness, uh, those are all, I think, very good kickstarters uh to getting that relationship back where it needs to be.
• 26:16
  Daniel Moore: The next one is very important list listening instead of trying to explain, argue, or defend yourself.
• 26:21
  Daniel Moore: And this is a communication issue.
• 26:23
  Daniel Moore: Yes.
• 26:23
  Daniel Moore: And this happens a lot within marriages, especially the longer you're married, uh, you have a tendency of wanting to have uh selective hearing because a lot of times you you'll hear things that the other spouse is saying, but you only hear the things that you really want to hear, and then you automatically come back with an opinion.
• 26:42
  Daniel Moore: You don't really listen, quote unquote, listen to what they're what they're saying.
• 26:47
  Daniel Moore: And, you know, two, it's like the reactive cycle, you know, you start talking to each other and you might get to an argument or start complaining with each other, then you go into defensive mode.
• 26:58
  Daniel Moore: Yep.
• 26:58
  Daniel Moore: You know, there's just a lot of that stuff that takes place in marriages, it's very common.
• 27:03
  Daniel Moore: And we all have to remember that there's two people in this relationship, and two people have two different opinions.
• 27:09
  Daniel Moore: And we have to make sure that we are open to listening to each other's side and totally taking that in as we work and talk through those things and have good communication.
• 27:19
  Daniel Moore: And I think that that's something that I think is uh it's very, it can be a very drawing thing for a spouse, like we was talking about earlier, to be seen or heard.
• 27:32
  Daniel Moore: Um, I think that's really special to women for sure, to feel like that they are being listened to by their husbands and that they're not just being shut down or treated like they don't know what they're talking about, because there's two sides to all of those stories, and both sides need to be heard.
• 27:49
  Daniel Moore: Uh that goes along with showing politeness, um, observing you taking good care of yourself, giving me grace when I don't deserve it.
• 27:56
  Daniel Moore: That's a big one.
• 27:57
  Daniel Moore: Sometimes it's hard for us to forgive certain things that happen in our relationships.
• 28:02
  Daniel Moore: And so we have to learn how to give grace where grace is due.
• 28:06
  Daniel Moore: And then seeking forgiveness for your mistakes.
• 28:09
  Daniel Moore: We've also got to be willing to admit that we make those mistakes.
• 28:12
  Daniel Moore: And then when we when we do that, we don't want to put the blame and all that kind of thing in place.
• 28:17
  Daniel Moore: We need to make sure that we take responsibility for what we do as an adult and then ask for forgiveness for that.
• 28:24
  Daniel Moore: Telling me that you still think I'm beautiful.
• 28:26
  Daniel Moore: You know, that's a big one for females for sure.
• 28:30
  Daniel Moore: Uh, you know, women want to feel like that they're attractive to their mate, to their spouses.
• 28:35
  Daniel Moore: And so I think it's important that the husbands make sure that the wives feel that way.
• 28:42
  Daniel Moore: Um, I think I've mentioned it before on this podcast.
• 28:45
  Daniel Moore: Uh, when you have a spouse, when as a husband, anywhere you go, you really should have that attitude that your wife is the most beautiful person in the room.
• 28:54
  Daniel Moore: That is your your love, that's your spouse, that's the person that you've dedicated your life to.
• 29:00
  Daniel Moore: And that is really how you should hold her up everywhere that you go.
• 29:05
  Daniel Moore: And then vice versa, you know, the the wives should always make their husbands feel like that they're, you know, that they're attracted to them as well.
• 29:13
  Daniel Moore: Uh, that keeps the, especially the intimacy spark alive.
• 29:17
  Daniel Moore: Uh, participating in my hobby.
• 29:19
  Daniel Moore: It may be something you don't like to do, but maybe every once in a while you just join in just to do something together and to show them that, hey, I like what you're like what you like also.
• 29:28
  Daniel Moore: I'm I'm willing to do some of this with you every once in a while.
• 29:32
  Daniel Moore: And it's a good connecting moment, you know.
• 29:35
  Daniel Moore: Uh not being stingy that way.
• 29:37
  Daniel Moore: Uh flirting with me and seducing me, and then having my back and defending me to others.
• 29:43
  Daniel Moore: That's a pretty heavy list there.
• 29:44
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 29:45
  Daniel Moore: You know, there's there's a lot of things in there that uh people, you know, we can all think about as we are striving to woo our spouses back to us and to let them know that they're wanted.
• 29:57
  Michelle Moore: How many of those that at as you
• 30:00
  Daniel Moore: you went through those do you think that we've had like within the last month uh probably a majority of them actually because I mean you and I are very good as far as serving each other.
• 30:18
  Daniel Moore: Uh we both you're we share the load here well.
• 30:22
  Michelle Moore: And I guess this is a great list too to go with your spouse.
• 30:26
  Michelle Moore: Write them down like and say okay can you tell me how many of these I've done for you or you felt like you've done, you know that's a good communication too.
• 30:37
  Michelle Moore: I mean or just say hey which one of these of the three that you think I could be better at?
• 30:43
  Daniel Moore: Right.
• 30:44
  Daniel Moore: It's a definitely a good conversation starter and it's thing that you need to know.
• 30:48
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 30:48
  Daniel Moore: I really believe that it's important that you stay up on this stuff and make sure if you want to know your spouse inside and out this is a good place to start.
• 30:56
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 30:57
  Daniel Moore: But I believe for us, I think we've probably done at least 95% of that probably I mean we we are very intentional with our relationship to make sure we keep it where it needs to be and I'm thankful for that.
• 31:08
  Daniel Moore: But yeah that's a that's a pretty good list.
• 31:11
  Daniel Moore: So if you guys want to go back and write those down uh probably wouldn't be a bad idea to do that and use those in your own scenarios.
• 31:17
  Daniel Moore: So Michelle go ahead and finish out that section there.
• 31:20
  Michelle Moore: In Proverbs 5 1920 King Solomon offers sincere and passionate guidance to couples.
• 31:28
  Michelle Moore: Enjoy and cherish your spouse fully and let your love for them keep you captivated.
• 31:34
  Michelle Moore: He essentially asked why seek attention elsewhere when you have someone extraordinary already by your side his words serve as a reminder to stay emotionally and physically engaged in your own relationship but staying captivated means we also need to be captivating it's not just about expecting our spouse to keep us interested it's about personally investing in ways that make the relationship exciting and meaningful winning your partner's affection doesn't end after marriage.
• 32:11
  Michelle Moore: In many ways it should continue as if you're still dating and trying to make them fall in love with you all over again.
• 32:19
  Michelle Moore: Pursuing your spouse means putting in effort to be desirable not just in appearance but in how you speak act and connect it's about showing them they're worth your time and energy just like when you're hoping for that second date reuniting passion often starts with simple, thoughtful actions that signal I still choose you.
• 32:45
  Daniel Moore: And I like what King Solomon was saying up there as far as uh making the the point that that spouse that you have is already the most extraordinary person that God has designed and given you in your life.
• 33:00
  Daniel Moore: So why would you want to replace that?
• 33:02
  Daniel Moore: Now the first thing I thought when you was reading that was that set that old saying the grass is always greener on the other side.
• 33:08
  Daniel Moore: But what people have a tendency forget is that grass still needs cut and that grass is going to die and it's going to be reseeded and watered.
• 33:15
  Daniel Moore: It's no different on the other side than it is on this side.
• 33:19
  Daniel Moore: And as a matter of fact if you jump that fence a lot of times you actually take a lot of baggage with you that makes your life worse than what it was if you would have stayed where you were to begin with.
• 33:28
  Daniel Moore: And so there's things that you just have to take in consideration there.
• 33:32
  Daniel Moore: What's most important to you is in your relationship you know just how important is it to make sure that you love your spouse the best way you possibly can in the way that God wants us to do that so some very good information there some good points to put into play so so far we've been through two uh steps here on reigniting that intimacy and uh that romance in your marriage the first one was observe your spouse and the second one there was woo your spouse and then as we close today the third one is reinventing date night.
• 34:21
  Daniel Moore: Now a key element in rekindling connection within a marriage is incorporating novelty.
• 34:27
  Daniel Moore: Routine while comforting can gradually dull the sense of excitement in a relationship.
• 34:32
  Daniel Moore: As couples fall into familiar patterns even quality time together can become predictable and uninspiring.
• 34:38
  Daniel Moore: That's why introducing new shared experiences is so powerful in strengthening your bond.
• 34:44
  Daniel Moore: It's common to assume that simply spending time together is enough, but researchers suggest otherwise studies show that couples who engage in novel and stimulating activities like taking dance lessons or trying a new sport or exploring unfamiliar places or attending live events, those couples report feeling more fulfilled in the relationships.
• 35:06
  Daniel Moore: These types of experiences create a sense of adventure and increase feelings of romantic satisfaction compared to more passive activities like watching a movie or having dinner at the same old restaurant.
• 35:18
  Daniel Moore: The science behind it reveals that doing something exciting together actually stimulates the brain reward system.
• 35:25
  Daniel Moore: The same part activated when you were newly in love.
• 35:29
  Daniel Moore: That surge of emotional energy can reignite attraction and deepen your emotional connection.
• 35:35
  Daniel Moore: So rather than defaulting to the usual date nights consider choosing something that challenges you both surprises you or takes you out of your comfort zone.
• 35:45
  Daniel Moore: Revisit the energy of your early dating days by embracing experiences that feel fresh and memorable.
• 35:51
  Daniel Moore: Pursue your spouse with intention pay close attention to what excites or inspires them and use those observations to draw them closer.
• 36:00
  Daniel Moore: Passion isn't something that disappears over time it's something we can reignite with creativity, care and curiosity.
• 36:09
  Daniel Moore: One thing that I was thinking of there when I was reading that was making memories.
• 36:14
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 36:14
  Daniel Moore: And I think that's probably one of the core things behind why this works because the memories that I remember and I'll I mean as I was reading this that this is what was going through my mind the the memories I remember are the things that we did that were above and beyond uh the different places that we've been the things that we've done together like we talked about earlier um in this episode and maybe it was I think it was last week when we talked about it you know going to Roaring River uh with the chicken the chicken dinner and just different things like that those make memories I want to say winner winner chicken dinner sorry it's sidetracked squirrel I couldn't help myself you beat me too because that crossed my mind also I'm like nope not going to say it your wife did yeah let you say it um but you know all those nights of sitting on the couch watching TV those aren't memorable because that's something you do all the time and you know it's it's those other things that stand out in your mind and that that makes it special and I think that's why you know whatever you can financially afford to do or even if it's something that doesn't cost, you know, just try to find things that you can do if you're short on money.
• 37:25
  Daniel Moore: Try to find things that are free that you both enjoy uh that you can maybe go partake in.
• 37:30
  Daniel Moore: Hey go to the park and get on the house.
• 37:33
  Michelle Moore: Yeah just push your wife on the swing.
• 37:35
  Daniel Moore: I mean do things uh go to the creek and swim or something you know or get on the merry-go-round here I'm active you're like let's go swimming and I'm like let's go exercise yeah just whatever it takes I mean it's it's those special moments or take drives it makes the memories yeah we we do like to do things we do I I mean it's go do places special to me yeah we'll drive places we've never been and drive around and look we talk about our dreams while we're doing that so yeah probably sounds super boring but we really enjoy doing that and I know other people that enjoy that as well we are bored everybody's different yeah you know everybody has their own things that they enjoy and the things that they like to do and as couples always stay up on top of that yeah always like that like it said here know what your spouse's passions are and then when you go and you put these activities together and these things these special things that you're going to do utilize those passions that you know that they enjoy to create those things.
• 38:34
  Michelle Moore: I do have one comment though what's that you're all about computer IT stuff I'm totally lost I'm just like go up in there and just do whatever you need to do.
• 38:44
  Michelle Moore: I'm like I I I want to be there for you and I know that's your passion and you love it but sometimes it's just really hard.
• 38:54
  Daniel Moore: Well well maybe someday when I take a computer apart when I put it back together I'll let you put the two last screws in.
• 39:00
  Michelle Moore: Oh I'll do that for you I'll show you where they go I'll do that for you so they can help you and say I'm there for you.
• 39:07
  Daniel Moore: You're partaking in my hobby.
• 39:08
  Michelle Moore: That's all right yeah just those small things people small things.
• 39:14
  Daniel Moore: Doesn't take much to entertain us.
• 39:15
  Daniel Moore: No that's for sure well that's gonna wrap it up for this episode and as we close it we have a thought here from author Vance Fry.
• 39:24
  Daniel Moore: He said the pursuit of one spouse the regular ongoing nourishment of the relationship can take so many forms as you walk through life together.
• 39:34
  Daniel Moore: Notes, flowers and chocolates are still nice of course but the journey offers countless other moments to cultivate the relationship every day presents opportunities to pursue your spouse to bless her and to make her life easier in some way every day offers small pockets of time when you can connect learn and say I care about you in word and action.
• 39:59
  Daniel Moore: Every day is an empty page a little note waiting to be written I think that's an awesome way to end this episode as we rekindle that romance and that intimacy in our relationships and guys that's something that's very important to keep alive if you lose that spark that you have between each other that's a dangerous place to be.
• 40:24
  Daniel Moore: That's for sure Michelle and I can vouch for that is there anything that you'd like to add to this episode as we as we close it up well just stay intentional guys make sure that uh both both of you spouses out there the guys and the women anybody that's listening just make sure that you keep that pursuit active keep chasing each other around flirting you know playing games doing the things that you do that excite each other do whatever it takes to make sure that that relationship stays alive between the two of you and you can't go wrong.
• 40:56
  Daniel Moore: No, you can't so the takeaway from this episode is roommates are bored and their passion has been replaced by predictable routine soulmates closely pursue each other in exciting ways well that's gonna do it for this week's episode we'll be back again next week with our next episode in this series of marriage reset and after this week we pray that your marriage is stronger and your walk with God is closer after this episode it's an extension of connecting the gap ministries and we pray that you have a blessed week