Latest / Armstrong & Getty One More Thing / Am I Too Strict To Parent?

Transcript

Am I Too Strict To Parent? · Armstrong & Getty One More Thing

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Am I too strict a parent? It's one more thing
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: before I get to that. I just noticed that my
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: son played flag football last year and I really enjoyed it.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: And and then I keep reading about how girls flag
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: football has really grown across the country and it's becoming
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: a pretty common high school sport to have girls flag football,
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: which is awesome because remember during the Super Bowl there
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: was a commercial promoting it. Yeah, well, flag football is cool.
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: It's got all of the you know, the the strategy
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: and skill level for the skill players of any other football.
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: You just don't have the contact, the tackling, and so
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: it's pretty cool.
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: Are they still calling it powder puff football?
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: No?
• 0:46
  Speaker 3: No, that's else that it involves lingerie, at.
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: Least where I live. That would be highly unfortunate to
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: pretend that the one sex is somehow like weaker than
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: the other. But I noticed, unless I'm reading this wrong,
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: this year it's co ed or girls. There's no boys
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: team co ed or girls for flag football. Why eliminated
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: the boys team? I don't know, that's crazy.
• 1:15
  Speaker 3: That strikes me as a very Portlandia thing to do.
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: I would agree that does seem crazy, And I'll be honest,
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: you're gonna have a lot of boys who get less
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: playing time because I'm sure there are some rules you
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: have to have a certain number of girls on the
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: field at all time.
• 1:32
  Speaker 3: This is the whole progressive we hate males thing. I
• 1:36
  Speaker 3: have a feeling. I mean, there might be some underlying story,
• 1:39
  Speaker 3: and if there is, great, but I mean the whole
• 1:43
  Speaker 3: all right. Now, women are like the big majority of
• 1:47
  Speaker 3: undergrads and grad school students and medical school students and
• 1:52
  Speaker 3: everything else. But we've still got to have up with
• 1:55
  Speaker 3: girls programs and down with boys programs.
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: Sickness, Yes, yeah, anyway, I wasn't meaning to talk about that,
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: just came across it and thought it was interesting. Co
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: ed and girls only but not boys, okay, in.
• 2:10
  Speaker 3: A sport that's traditionally been played by boys.
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: Right, So I'm dealing with this with my teenagers and smartphones.
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: So only my high school or my freshman in high
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: school has a smartphone, and so this has not become
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: an issue yet.
• 2:25
  Speaker 3: With my.
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: Seventh grader, although a little bit, as he has a
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: smart watch. I'm trying to train them away from the
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: idea that just because somebody texted you while we're eating
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: dinner doesn't mean you need to look at it or respond.
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: We're eating dinner, and I think that's perfectly reasonable, although
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: we all know that that is not enforced with your
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: friends and work colleagues right at all. If you go
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: out to eat with your friends, you can be in
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: the middle of a conversation and a serious conversation with
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: a close friend, and if they get a text, they
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: will look at it and quite possibly respond and conversation.
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: I always say something if I'm with somebody who does that?
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: You do?
• 3:09
  Speaker 3: Oh?
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: Am I boring you?
• 3:11
  Speaker 3: You do?
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: Oh?
• 3:12
  Speaker 3: Yeah? Absolutely.
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: We're sitting there at the table and we're talking and
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: then all of a sudden, ping and your attention immediately
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: goes to that. I'm sorry, Hi, I'm still sicking. I
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: can go if that's important.
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 3:23
  Speaker 3: Oh I love that, Katie. We need to hang out more. Yeah,
• 3:28
  Speaker 3: I will say, certainly two relatives of mine. Uh, if
• 3:34
  Speaker 3: that sort of thing happens, I say, I'll wait till
• 3:37
  Speaker 3: you're done. I just wait till they're done. Yeah, and
• 3:41
  Speaker 3: we can talk. But it's a way of making it clear.
• 3:45
  Speaker 3: This is an interruption, and I Am not going to
• 3:48
  Speaker 3: fight for attention.
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: I'm surprised that we haven't come up with some more
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: solid cultural guidelines around that are more universally agreed upon.
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: But this certainly doesn't seem to be the case yet.
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: And then you know, the next generation, I feel like
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: just from observing them are going to be okay with
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: Like my son and his friends are together, but they're
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: all looking at their phones texting other people. I guess,
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: I don't know. These are all your best friends. So
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: I don't even know how it works. But that's why
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: I do it. But particularly for me, and obviously I
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: get to make my own rules, as for instance, in
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: this case, it's my car, my car, my rules, you
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: live in my house, et cetera. But we're driving home
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: from the restaurant the other night, for instance, and we're
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: not we're just listening to music and we're driving. We'd
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: just taken off, headed back about a thirty minute drive,
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: and my son's texting, and I said, I I'd rather
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: you didn't text in the car, and he said, why not,
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: We're not doing anything. Well, I said, who are you texting?
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: He said, I'm making plans with my friends. I said, well,
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: i'd rather you didn't text while we're driving, and he said, well,
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: why not, We're just sitting here, I said, I know
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: we're just sitting here, but things can unfold if you're
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: not paying attention to your phone, Like you could say, hey,
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: look at that car, or what river is this? Or hey,
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: a funny thing happened at school today, or all kinds
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: of different things could happen that won't happen if you're
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: texting with your friends and like living in a different world.
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: And he did the home rump thing that teenagers do
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: constantly all day long about your various you know, suggestions
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: or whatever it is. But well, first of all, any
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: comment on that before I get in for it.
• 5:40
  Speaker 3: I would say that is a fairly conservative, strict standard
• 5:47
  Speaker 3: for kids. I do not disagree with it. No, I
• 5:51
  Speaker 3: am ice lund point and Well said, I don't doubt
• 5:53
  Speaker 3: that it's on the outside edge of being strict about
• 5:58
  Speaker 3: it from other parents. I don't know, but that'd be
• 6:03
  Speaker 3: my guest.
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: But just I know that it's true. I just know
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: that it's true that so he's not listening to the
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: song that Henry and I are listening to, so he's
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: got no comment on it, or it won't mean anything.
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: I mean, I think about a lot of the music
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: I know is because stuff my Dad played, but so
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: he won't have that experience because he's not listening to
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: music that I play. He's busy texting his friends or
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: obviously the we've all had the experience of driving along.
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: Sometimes there's a little quiet, a little low, then somebody
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: says something. Then you all engage in the conversation. But
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: that can't happen if one or more of the participants
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: is already having a conversation with different people.
• 6:41
  Speaker 3: Right, yeah, I agree one hundred percent.
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: Are we just gonna I guess that's the way we're
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: all gonna live from here on out.
• 6:48
  Speaker 3: Two things. Number One, when I was probably four or
• 6:50
  Speaker 3: five years old, Gladys just signed a new deal. Makes
• 6:55
  Speaker 3: it clear she's got to be here for the podcast.
• 7:00
  Speaker 3: Five years old, listening to music radio out of New
• 7:03
  Speaker 3: York because we lived in New Jersey at the time,
• 7:05
  Speaker 3: and I fell madly, madly in love with music, and
• 7:09
  Speaker 3: I just I can still remember the songs that I
• 7:12
  Speaker 3: loved at that age, which is crazy because I can't
• 7:14
  Speaker 3: remember anything else. Second thing, teenager, nineteen seventies, rolling along
• 7:19
  Speaker 3: with the family Stairway to Heaven. Dad turns it up
• 7:24
  Speaker 3: a little bit, really enjoying it. Listen to the music
• 7:27
  Speaker 3: with the family. Then it kicks into the rock part
• 7:29
  Speaker 3: and Robert plants that net on.
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: He teaked, what the hall?
• 7:33
  Speaker 3: He turns it off. I said, Dad, that's the same song.
• 7:36
  Speaker 3: He says, it changed into a different song. He was
• 7:41
  Speaker 3: not having Bob plant in the screechings in our family car.
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I think. I'm well, Katie, you haven't commented.
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: What's your comment, Kennye, Well, I'm hold nothing back.
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: Well, as you're saying all this, I'm thinking about all
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: of the Friday nights. It was our thing. I would
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: go to dinner with my parents and all of the rides.
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: Thank you laddys.
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: She had to just she had to make a list
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: of five things, and all five of her things were.
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: All five of her things were. I played the harp
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: when someone was reminiscing. That's the only thing I do.
• 8:17
  Speaker 3: Before and after I got yelled at.
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: But I just I was thinking about all those rides
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: home after dinner and the the jokes that we made
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: that we still have. The little things like my dad
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: would make fun of my mom's laugh, or like I
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: would get behind my dad while he was driving and
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: I'd flick the back of his ears.
• 8:34
  Speaker 3: If I had a cell phone, boy, none of that.
• 8:37
  Speaker 3: And I still do it to him when he's driving.
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: I'll yell give it, oh no, oh yeah, totally, Oh yeah, yeah.
• 8:44
  Speaker 3: I will kill you. I've heard that a few times
• 8:49
  Speaker 3: when I do that to him.
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: But if I had a cell phone in my hands,
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: none of the joke. I wouldn't have been hearing my
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: any of that or playing round. It's just I don't know.
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: It's a sad time we're in.
• 8:59
  Speaker 3: I think, for what it's worth for the good folks
• 9:03
  Speaker 3: listening trying to get a standard smartphones were strict for boating.
• 9:08
  Speaker 3: All phones at the family dinner table still are. With
• 9:14
  Speaker 3: my wife and I. Occasionally it'll be like somebody's needs
• 9:19
  Speaker 3: to get a piece of information urgently because a bunch
• 9:22
  Speaker 3: of people are waiting for it. And then it's like,
• 9:24
  Speaker 3: do you mind if I have mine within sight in
• 9:27
  Speaker 3: case you know, Jim texts back blah blah blah. But
• 9:30
  Speaker 3: it's like it's a special case, and it's so it's
• 9:34
  Speaker 3: so clearly the endorphin thing. I mean because and again
• 9:39
  Speaker 3: certain close relatives when asked, you know, while scanning the sky,
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: I wonder if it's going to clear up later this
• 9:47
  Speaker 3: afternoon immediately to the phone. And it's not because that
• 9:51
  Speaker 3: information needs to be had. It's because the shiny screen
• 9:56
  Speaker 3: and the information and the new thing. It's the endorphin thing.
• 9:59
  Speaker 3: I know it. I don't need to freaking know if
• 10:02
  Speaker 3: the sun's gonna come out in the afternoon. What am
• 10:05
  Speaker 3: I some sort of elfelfa farmer? No, I'm just making conversation.
• 10:09
  Speaker 3: Put your phone away.
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: I remember the time when we were at home having
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: dinner and my mom would lose her mind if somebody
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: called it's dinner time. Who reaches out to people during
• 10:20
  Speaker 2: dinner time? Well, I know now there's no limit.
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, idea of someone taking a phone call in the
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: middle of dinner, Yeah, it would have been just crazy. Yes,
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: unless you're waiting for cancer results or something.
• 10:31
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: Uh well, yeah, I have the same rules at the
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: dinner table. Those are pretty clear cut and have been
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: from the beginning. But the driving places is a new one.
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: And I said, I think I'm gonna do like they
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: did when we went to see David Copperfield in Las Vegas.
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: You gotta put the phones. I'll put them in the
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: center console and I'll close it until we drive home.
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: And yeah, I know that's way stricter than a lot
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: of his friend's parents are doing. But it just I
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: don't want to lose all those other conversation opportunities. And
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: to prove my point, which I didn't mention, which is
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: rare for me to not mention when I turn out
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: to be right, but to prove my point. After I
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: made him put his phone away, we saw something and
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: ended up talking about it the rest of the way home,
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: which would not have happened. And I also am very
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: aware that even though he's turning fifteen in a couple
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: of weeks, I get like three more years of this
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: maybe and then maybe never again in my life, hardly
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: depending on what he does with his life once he,
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: you know, he turns eighteen. I left at eighteen. I've
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: never really been back other than a day here and there.
• 11:31
  Speaker 3: Right, Yeah, yeah, all for the little shots of endorphins.
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know, and I don't know how to
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: do it either all or none for the most part.
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: But I feel like if I allow it, it's just
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: gonna be when we ride in the car, it's him
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: looking at his phone and me listening to what I'm
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: going to listen to on the radio. I guess how
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: was that. I vote you don't allow it. Yeah, I
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: don't want to spend my all my car rides with
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: my dad and having conversations and sometimes, you know, don't
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: bring up things until you've sat there in silence for
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: a while, as.
• 12:04
  Speaker 3: You work up the courage to talk about them, for instance. Yeah,
• 12:07
  Speaker 3: and just to prove that I'm not here to lecture anybody,
• 12:10
  Speaker 3: I just I think about these things. I have a
• 12:12
  Speaker 3: couple of friends, one in particular, who's a good friend
• 12:16
  Speaker 3: who is absolutely not tied to his phone. Texting him
• 12:21
  Speaker 3: is a one in three proposition that you'll get a
• 12:25
  Speaker 3: response in the next twelve hours. Maybe. If I really
• 12:28
  Speaker 3: need a response, I text his wife.
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: I know people like that. Yeah, and I certainly.
• 12:33
  Speaker 3: I absolutely admire it, and did annoys me.
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 12:37
  Speaker 3: Yeah, So it's on both ends of the equation. I
• 12:41
  Speaker 3: mean not getting and I don't need an immediate response
• 12:44
  Speaker 3: to virtually anything. If I did, I would call get
• 12:47
  Speaker 3: whatever you minutes. But yeah, exactly the whole you know.
• 12:51
  Speaker 3: I texted him and asked him if he can go,
• 12:53
  Speaker 3: and I haven't heard anything back. It's an hour later,
• 12:58
  Speaker 3: So it works both ways. Yes, Yeah, the expectation of
• 13:02
  Speaker 3: immediate response. I guarantee this is going on with your son,
• 13:05
  Speaker 3: one hundred percent sure he is concerned, whether he voiced
• 13:09
  Speaker 3: this or not, that he would not be a friend
• 13:12
  Speaker 3: of his friends anymore if he didn't engage in immediate
• 13:16
  Speaker 3: response to their questions or statements or whatever. That's part
• 13:20
  Speaker 3: of being in the group.
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I know, I don't. Yeah, I don't know. Like
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: I said, I'm surprised we don't have more defined cultural
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: norms around this yet. It seems like the defined cultural
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: norm is going to be pick up your phone whenever
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: you want, anywhere, all the time.
• 13:42
  Speaker 3: Is the cultural norm, including in the face of somebody
• 13:46
  Speaker 3: you allegedly love or care about. Right, Yeah, and just hey,
• 13:51
  Speaker 3: this is more interesting. Maybe that's the new cultural norm.
• 13:54
  Speaker 3: You've got to say out loud, something more interesting than
• 13:58
  Speaker 3: you just happened touching your phone. I mean, because that's
• 14:01
  Speaker 3: the unspoken truth.
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah, back to me, going, am I boring you?
• 14:05
  Speaker 3: That's or urgent, something more urgent than you has come up.
• 14:11
  Speaker 3: But then it's certainly incumbent upon you to say, what
• 14:14
  Speaker 3: is it? Yeah, it's because if you don't have a
• 14:16
  Speaker 3: good answer, we're not friends anymore.
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: Well, and the problem is it's not the unspoken truth,
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: because I know from my end if I get if
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: my phone buzzes or I think I got a text,
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: I could be talking to my son, which is really
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: only like two people on earth would be more important
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: as important to talk to. I still am dying to
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: check my phone. There's something so I know intellectually it's
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: not somebody more important or something more important. It's something
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: weird with the device that makes us want to check.
• 14:44
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm not a monster, all right, We'll have three choices.
• 14:47
  Speaker 3: Something more important than you just happened, Oh, something more
• 14:50
  Speaker 3: urgent than this conversation just happened. Or I'm a shameless,
• 14:54
  Speaker 3: pathetic endorphan addict and I need to look at this.
• 14:57
  Speaker 3: Bear with me.
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: The people I'm really us with are the ones that
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: get the Am I boring you? But if it's somebody
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: that I'm not on that level with, I always go,
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: is everything okay? Because then it's kind of like a obviously,
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: obviously something just came up that.
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: Must be the cancer?
• 15:13
  Speaker 3: So subtle, Yeah, so subtle, Katie genius.
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: I think we're I think we're fighting a losing battle. Unfortunately,
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: I don't know how mankind survives this.
• 15:29
  Speaker 3: We won't.
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: Now we're doomed.
• 15:31
  Speaker 3: No sex, no babies, planning to the beavers.
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: That's how we end the podcast, the fact that we're doomed.
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: He o b.
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: You know, when I was a kid, I would be
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: in the back seat doing back seat driving, yelling at
• 15:45
  Speaker 2: my dad about his speed, his fuel gauge, why the
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: car is flipping the car next to us is flipping
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: us off.
• 15:50
  Speaker 3: I'm gonna miss you know people that's going on. You
• 15:53
  Speaker 3: enjoyed the walk that's going away? Well, I get that's it.