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134: Want to Win in Life? Master the Art of Kindness · Harder Than Life

• 0:07
  I'm Kelly Siegel and this is Harder Than Life, a podcast about self-love, self-awareness, business and health. We tell outrageous stories and boil everything down to simple, practical advice you can start using today. Let's get living. Hey everyone, Kelly Siegel here and welcome back to Harder Than Life. Today we're tackling a concept that can revolutionize your life in ways you might not expect. Kindness.
• 0:34
  not just random acts of kindness, but a way of living that can transform your relationships, your career, and overall happiness. I used to think kindness was just a feel-good thing, but now I know it's a power move. It's changed how I lead, how I parent, and how I show up in this world. If you stick with me,
• 0:54
  By the end of this episode, you'll have practical ways to incorporate kindness in your daily life, and I'll share some funny stories, including moments where kindness completely changed the game for me. So remember, the definition of kindness, kindness isn't just being nice. It's respect, generosity, empathy, and genuine care for others.
• 1:15
  It's choosing to be positive force, even when it's hard. The ripple effect is that every act of kindness has this effect that spreads to others. Studies show that kindness inspires those around you to pay it forward, creating a chain reaction. I'm certain you've heard about the pay it forward real world example. Just in case you haven't, the pay it forward coffee experiment illustrates that
• 1:40
  this effect beautifully. In many coffee shops around the world, people have started a chain of generosity by paying for the coffee of the person behind them in line. In some cases, this has lasted for hundreds of customers in a row, each inspired by the kindness they receive. The single act of kindness can impact up to three degrees of separation. That means the first person you show kindness to, they will then show kindness to another person and then that person to another. It
• 2:08
  With the coffee example, it doesn't stop at three. It has massive impact on your relationships. People want to be around those who uplift them. When you lead with kindness, you attract the right people in your life, whether that's friends, mentors, or business partners.
• 2:28
  In previous Harder in Life episodes, I've touched on the fact that my stepfather was a tough man. Nothing I ever did seemed good enough, and he was relentless in keeping me on my toes. Looking back, it feels like I was living my own version of the karate kid with my stepfather as Mr. Miyagi. Only instead of learning karate, I was mowing lawns, fixing things, and doing every household chore under the sun. He was a tank of a man.
• 2:57
  both in build and personality. He didn't believe in idle hands, especially after school. My afternoons were filled with tasks and to-do lists that didn't exactly scream childhood fun. To this day, I feel like I grew up too fast, never fully getting the chance to be a kid. Despite the challenges, my stepfather had his moments of wisdom, those rare gems of advice that stick with you for a lifetime.
• 3:24
  One of his favorites was kill them with kindness. He believed that kindness left people with no room to maneuver. They'd either respond with kindness or show their true colors. It's a simple mantra, one I carry with me every day. So thanks, Step-Pop.
• 3:43
  You might have been a hard man to grow up with, but you made me who I am today. You made me harder than life. There is an impact on your physical and mental health of kindness. Acts of kindness will lower your cortisol levels, the stress hormone, and increase serotonin and oxytocin, the bonding chemicals. People who practice kindness have lower blood pressure, less depression, and even live longer.
• 4:09
  There's a mindset shift that comes with kindness. It's giving versus taking. It's really scarcity versus abundance. A lot of people operate from fear, thinking if I give, I lose. But the truth is, kindness creates abundance.
• 4:27
  build goodwill, trust, and a network that wants to support you. Personally, I begin every interaction by assuming positive intent on everyone's part. This is an act of kindness, not only to the other person, but to myself and always leads to positive outcomes.
• 4:43
  Even if the interaction ends poorly, I feel the other person did their best and leaves me feeling more positive, even if it wasn't the outcome I desired. This decides if we're ever going to work together again. However that ends, if you've led them with kindness and they still decided to be negative, it makes it an easy decision. There are emotional and psychological benefits. Research shows that helping others release endorphins, what scientists call the helper's high.
• 5:13
  Kindness isn't just for them. It's for you. It reduces stress and anxiety.
• 5:18
  boosts mood, and even improves your overall outlook on life. If you ever feel bad or are in a foul mood, go volunteer somewhere and you'll see what I mean. I've done this many, many times. Go to a local soup kitchen, go help one of your friends with a project, anything, it will get you out of that funk. In the personal development field, I often get to meet famous people and want to be nice to them, but find myself not wanting to be starstruck.
• 5:47
  When I meet some of these people, I simply say it's an honor to meet you. And I always insert something that I either read or heard them say on a podcast and compliment them. That kindness lets them know I'm not wasting their time because I took the time to get to know them before I ever met.
• 6:06
  I went to support a friend in their first ever event in Philly, even though it was a busy weekend for me, as I was expecting to attend a wedding in New York that same weekend. I went anyway. I ended up meeting someone who then introduced me to my new podcast producer,
• 6:22
  talk about everything working out for you. In addition, I was able to connect with many old friends as well as new and still made it to the wedding on time. My friends felt supported and I got increased podcast platform. There's practical ways to practice kindness. One of them is active listening. When someone's talking, don't just wait for your turn to speak. Really listen. That's
• 6:48
  This literally is the hardest thing for me to do. I have a tremendous amount on my plate at the moment and being pulled in all directions. I used to take notes for everything, but now I must remember. Also being the boss at National Technology Management, I often interrupt, ask questions. I remember when a grade school teacher said to do this and I took it literally. However, it isn't kind.
• 7:14
  It's rude and it breaks the other person's thought process. Therefore, I still take notes and I tell the person ahead of time to be respectful. I'm taking notes as to not interrupt you. Talk about kindness. And here's a pro tip. It's kind to reflect back what they said. Something like, what I heard you say was, and repeat back what they said. This will ensure you understood correctly and
• 7:41
  and it's extreme kindness. It's called the mirror technique, I believe. Random acts of kindness are great. Pay for someone's coffee, as we talked about earlier. Compliment someone unexpectedly. Help a coworker with no agenda. Be present in the moment. Sometimes kindness is simply being fully present. Put your phone down, make eye contact, and show the people around you that they matter. I do this three compliment rule.
• 8:08
  I challenge you to give three genuine compliments daily to coworkers, to family, or even strangers. It's amazing how this simple practice can change the energy of a room and even your own mindset. There's kindness in professional settings, kindness in leadership. The best leaders are the ones who lead with compassion.
• 8:29
  They inspire loyalty, creativity, and teamwork. At National Technology Management, they're my family. Despite all the expert opinions who say, beware of the company that has family as a core value, we do, and I mean it. Growing up harder than life in those intense family situations,
• 8:49
  I never had a family. Well, rather, the family I did have was not kind. I don't know everything my work family is going through. Therefore, I'm always kind, even when the old Kelly wouldn't have been. I use curiosity over criticism, and I experience better outcomes.
• 9:08
  We are all humans going through a human experience. Customer relationships become better. Kindness builds trust. Treat your customers like people, not numbers, and they'll stick with you for life. Recently, I was flying on a plane to support my girlfriend at a speaking engagement.
• 9:24
  It had been a long week and an especially long day. My cell phone vibrated. Thank goodness the airplane Wi-Fi. I had a voicemail from a client with an after-hours emergency that needed to be addressed immediately. I forwarded the voicemail and asked my team to jump on it at once. Then I texted my client back that someone was on it. Turns out...
• 9:44
  He needed a remote setup of his computer because his wife was in the hospital. We were able to accommodate that quickly. When I followed up the next day, his wife was feeling much better. I did, however, take a moment to have a conversation with God to ask for his healing powers and send them to her. I also informed my client of that. Again, they worked.
• 10:05
  Talk about kindness. Has to be choked up even thinking of that because I was really nervous. Glad she recovered. So in negotiations and deals, you don't have to be cutthroat to close a big deal. Empathy and kindness can actually give you the upper hand because they build trust and long-term partnerships.
• 10:24
  That's the definition of a win-win. You never have to win and someone else lose. You don't have to lose for other people to win. It definitely needs to be a win-win, and it starts with kindness. So there's common barriers to kindness.
• 10:42
  Fear, appearing weak, and kindness isn't weakness. It takes strength to choose kindness when it's easier to lash out or ignore someone. Sometimes you get burned out. When you're running on empty, kindness can feel like a chore. That's your signal to prioritize self-care. Remember, you can't pour from an empty cup. I am not good at this and only recently begun to practice kindness when I'm cranky.
• 11:09
  Talk about a game changer. I begin by saying, I'm sorry if I come across snarky.
• 11:14
  I haven't eaten, slept, or exercised today. It's usually one of those three. I say it's not an excuse, just the facts, but I'm going to listen and do my best. When I feel myself falling off the cliff of kindness, I say, got it, and I let them know. I'm smoked. I will follow up the moment the dust settles on my issue. I often laugh when I call back and thank them for being patient and kind to me during my prima data period. Oftentimes people get concerned that others are going to take advantage of their kindness.
• 11:44
  Kindness does not mean being a pushover. You can be kind and still set boundaries. In fact, clear boundaries are an act of kindness to yourself. I'm grateful that I get to do these solo episodes in the personal development field, especially while coaching. People want your time for nothing.
• 12:04
  Well, I wish I had unlimited amounts of time and energy, but I do not. Whenever someone asks me for my time, I politely ask for an agenda and then respond if it's something I can support or if I am even aligned with. Just think about it. If you say yes to everything, you're saying no to yourself. Talk about being unkind. So I have some action steps for you. I want you to take some daily acts of kindness. Do one intentional act of kindness today and every day going forward.
• 12:33
  It can be anything, such as opening a door for someone. I do this all the time, multiple times a day. It does not matter who it is. Complimenting someone's outfit. Everybody likes to say, wow, that really looks good on you, or that color pops your eyes. Here's one you'll hear me say a lot. I am proud of you. It took a lot of courage to say or do whatever they just did.
• 12:57
  Personally, I'm always offering to take pictures for everyone and anyone when they're taking selfies. Everybody walking down the street and you got a couple holding the camera up trying to get the background in. I always walk up.
• 13:10
  myself and say, hi, I'm Kelly. May I take this picture for you? And I stink at taking pictures, but it's that kindness that fills me up. I don't know why I love doing this, but it does warm my heart. Here's an easy life trick. Start a kindness journal. Write down your acts of kindness and how they make you feel. Seeing the impact in writing keeps you motivated.
• 13:36
  Also, invite others, friends, family, coworkers, to join you in the practice of kindness. The ripple effect will blow your mind. It makes the energy around you better. Kindness isn't just a feel-good strategy. It's a growth strategy. It transforms your relationships, your career, and your own happiness. Whenever I want to rip someone's head off,
• 14:02
  My inner voice says, kill them with kindness. I take my sacred pause, breathe out, and respond appropriately. It takes three seconds. It makes my day better, and it will yours too. Being kind isn't always easy, but it's always worth it. And if you're listening to this show, I know you're someone who's ready to rise above you.
• 14:25
  Finally, remember living harder than life means making the harder, better choice. And that includes choosing kindness. Thank you for listening and stay kind out there. Be certain to share this episode with someone in need of more kindness in their life. Remind them.
• 14:42
  Get what you give in this world. And until next time, be harder than life. Please rate and share this podcast. I'm active on all social platforms and love to hear from my Segal supporters. Each and every episode is sponsored by my company, National Technology Management, the easiest and best IT company to do business with, delivering peace of mind with technology every day, even simplifying cybersecurity. Visit TrustNTM.com for more info. Until next week, be harder than life.