Latest / The Diva Details / The Art of Physical Connection: Reignite the Spark Why Connection Trumps Chemistry

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The Art of Physical Connection: Reignite the Spark Why Connection Trumps Chemistry · The Diva Details

• 0:00
  Welcome to the Diva Details. Welcome to the Diva Details.
• 0:05
  Where bold, confident women embrace life unapologetically.
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  From love and sex to wellness and reinvention. We keep it raw, real and powerful.
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  No filters, no limits. Just fearless conversations to help you thrive.
• 0:23
  Let's dive in with Diva Mia.
• 0:30
  Well, hello, this is Diva Mia, and today I wanted to talk a little bit more
• 0:34
  about physical connection and how that relates to connecting with a person more deeply.
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  And one of the things that struck me the other day when I was doing some research
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  was that women in our pretty much above the age of 45 to about 60,
• 0:51
  we have a decreased desire in sexual desire.
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  Now, it was like 91% of women aged 45 to 59 have reported a marked decrease
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  in sexual desire. Now, this is a problem.
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  I thought that, you know, as we went through menopause, a lot of people increased
• 1:08
  their sexual desire, but a lot of people have been decreasing their sexual desire.
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  And with that same study, 66% reported the reduced ability to orgasm during
• 1:18
  partnered sex. Now, here's the thing.
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  Connection and feeling safe has a huge impact on sexual desire for women.
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  A lot of men think that it's more of a transactional or a physical act to have sex with a woman.
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  But connection is one of the most important things before you get intimate with a man sexually.
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  I'm going to talk a little bit about connection today and why connection is
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  so important and physical touch and how to go about a day with connecting with
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  your partner in a way so that you will be more satisfied sexually when you get to that point.
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  But connection is so dramatically important.
• 1:58
  I can't stress it enough. Nearly half of midlife women say that their sexual well-being is poor.
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  If you're having a bad sexual well-being, sexual health is just as important
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  as physical health. It needs to be addressed.
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  Now, there is a thing called a no-shot, which will help with libido.
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  I've talked about that on another podcast.
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  If you're having issues because of menopause, that's one thing.
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  But I think a lot of the sexual well-being and
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  the poor sexual health is because people just don't
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  feel connected with their partners it may be that
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  you've had this partner for 20 years and now you're going through kind of a
• 2:33
  crisis with them or you're you're just not as connected because you know it's
• 2:38
  been a long time you got comfortable and just maybe the spark's not there so
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  we're going to talk a little bit about how to reignite that connection or if
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  you're with a partner and you're just not feeling desired.
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  Maybe you've only been with them for six months and the desire's not there,
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  or you don't have any desire to reconnect with a man because you just don't
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  feel sexual towards men.
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  We're going to talk about that as well. All right, so let's get started. Let's dive right in.
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  So let's talk a little bit about physical touch. I'm a very touchy person.
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  With a person that I date, I like to hold hands with them.
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  I like to put my hands around them. I like to give them hugs.
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  I like to kiss them. I really like kissing. Kissing to me...
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  Shouldn't be an obligation, but it should be pleasurable. If you're with a person
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  you don't like to kiss, this is a part of connection that is going to be a problem.
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  You may be able to work your way around it. You may be able to work with them
• 3:28
  to get them to improve on their kissing,
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  but kissing is so dramatically important, and it does connect you sexually,
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  and it creates a level of connection and intimacy that kissing is going to take you to the next level.
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  Physical touch as Well, there's no pressure to touch, but there should be a
• 3:47
  desire to touch each other.
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  Now, I know some people just don't want to be handsy and don't want to be fondled. I get that.
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  I was in a relationship where I had a person that would just grope me in front
• 3:57
  of my children. It was terrible. I don't.
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  Want physical touch but not in a handsy way. Groping is fine but more in private than in public.
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  It is kind of nice to be touched and held and give hugs and hold hands.
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  Kissing is a huge part of it as well.
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  Kissing is a level of respect too. It shouldn't be forced.
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  It is the foundation that holds all your intimacy together though. Touching and kissing.
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  It should never feel forced and it should never feel uncomfortable.
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  If this part of your relationship is broken, you're not going to be able to move past it.
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  You're not going to feel sexual well-being or health and you're not going to
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  have great intimacy with this person.
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  So physical touch and kissing are very important. Now some people aren't into
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  kissing a lot but they're into a lot of physical touch.
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  You have to have some type of physicality with your partner in order to keep
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  your sexual well-being alive okay and to keep your connection alive and to keep
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  your sexual health alive because intimacy doesn't die suddenly. It dies over time.
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  It fades when people stop feeling seen, safe, and emotionally held.
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  Now, here's the truth. If you are disrespected by your partner,
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  you will not want to be physical with them.
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  But there's a lot of disrespect in this relationship on either side,
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  especially for women, though.
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  If we feel disrespected, our libido shuts down.
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  So if you're with a woman and you're wondering why she's not sexually into you
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  anymore, it might be that she just doesn't feel touched, kissed, or respected.
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  If you're disrespecting her on a daily basis, it squashes women's libidos.
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  It's sad that 91% of women's
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  are not driven more sexually, they have a decreased sexual desire.
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  I think it's a lot to do with a lot of disrespect.
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  Some women, after a while, they just check out altogether.
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  There's been a lot talking about the loneliest epidemic of men,
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  but I mean, the loneliest epidemic of men, I think some of it comes from the disrespect of women.
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  If you can't respect a woman and treat her like a treasure and treat her well,
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  she's not going to feel respected, and then she's not going to want to intimately be with you.
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  It's just the way it is. There was a study out of Monash University that nearly
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  50% of midlife women surveyed reported poor sexual health.
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  Women in early perimenopause had twice the risk of desire and arousal dysfunction
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  compared to premenopausal women.
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  That's just the way it is. The truth is that,
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  Women, before they even go through menopause, are losing their sexual desire.
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  That's sad. Because, honestly, even after menopause, sexual desire,
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  for me at least, has gone up through the roof.
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  For some women, it goes up. And for some women, it just goes away.
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  I've known a lot of women in their 50s, 60s, and 70s that don't want to have anything to do with men.
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  I honestly feel like I'm in the best sexual health of my life.
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  You get to choose, but you've got to have that respect.
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  You know, the alliance with, you know, women are having difficulty with orgasms, too.
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  But here's the truth. If a woman doesn't feel seen, if she doesn't feel safe
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  or emotionally supported, she's not going to be able to orgasm as easily.
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  If you feel connected with a man, and that's what we're talking about,
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  that connection will allow for better intimacy. It will allow for more orgasms.
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  It will allow for more juices to flow, we'll say.
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  And it makes life better.
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  And that connection, it's not the easiest to find because you do need to find a respectful man.
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  But once you find it, it's a really
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  deep connection. And there's a lot of respectful men out there, ladies.
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  There are a lot. You just have to cycle through them. I would say for every
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  maybe 10 people I dated or 10 people I entertained for a date,
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  I'd find one respectful man.
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  And so it's about 10% of the male population, but you can find them.
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  If you haven't found him yet, just keep dating until you get through like 20
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  or 30 people and you'll find a couple of respectful men.
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  But this, it's not just about hormones. A lot of women think,
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  oh, my hormones are changing, so this is just the way it's going to be. It's not true.
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  I do actually support hormone replacement therapy if it is a hormonal issue
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  for you, but a lot of women, it's a connection issue. You're not connected.
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  When you get deeply tied or connected and you feel emotionally safe,
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  you're a partner and you will have the best dynamics in any relationship,
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  and it will be emotionally safe, it'll be intimately safe, it'll be sexually safe.
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  But connection is not constant sex. Now, if you are connected,
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  you may be having constant sex, but connection is not constant sex.
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  It's not grand gestures.
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  It's not, ooh, I'm going to try harder in bed to make it work and force it through.
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  That's not what connection is.
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  Connection can be something as simple as laying on the couch and snuggling with each other.
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  Connection makes you feel emotionally safe and respected. I will say whenever
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  I get disrespected, I shut down.
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  I don't want to be in a mood with anybody because women's mind-body connection, I think is very strong.
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  Men, they could probably still have sex even if they got disrespected.
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  Women, not so much. It's not such a mechanical biological thing for us.
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  I don't get turned on if I've been disrespected.
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  Feeling respected is huge with connection. Feeling desired without being pressured to have sex.
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  If somebody tells you you're beautiful, if somebody tells you you're sexy,
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  those things make you feel desired.
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  Those things will give you more connection with someone. And then feeling chosen
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  and not just, it's not just a process you're going through.
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  Or a lot of times I think people, when they get comfortable,
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  they're just going through it and checking a box to say, I got it done.
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  And that's not how intimacy should be. Intimacy should be fun. It should bring you joy.
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  You should be so connected to your partner that you can't see being without them.
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  When connection erodes, touch becomes transactional instead of loving. It's like.
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  You don't even hold hands anymore. You hold hands just because everyone else is holding hands.
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  It's very transactional. But when connection is there, you want to constantly
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  be touching your partner.
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  You want to constantly brush up against them. You want to be held by them.
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  You want to hold them. That's what connection is really about.
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  Kissing will also become rarer or mechanical.
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  It might be a quick kiss goodbye or you don't kiss at all. When that happens,
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  that means the connection has been failing.
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  It's usually because of a lack of respect or a lack of feeling safe on a woman's
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  part. And that comes from the men we're with, ladies.
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  They tend to be the driver of the relationship. If there's a lot of hostility
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  in the relationship, they just are not feeling respected or safe, this is the problem.
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  Sex becomes something to avoid rather than something to crave when women feel disrespected.
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  They don't want to have sex with you. Here's the thing. If I feel disrespected,
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  I'm not having sex with someone because I'm not performing for them just because they want it.
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  I have to feel safe. I have to feel respected.
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  As we get older, we won't put up with it anymore. So...
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  You need to realize that men, make your woman feel safe. Take care of her.
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  Make her feel respected. Make her feel chosen.
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  And when you do, the intimacy will come. The connection, the touching.
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  Touching is part of connection. Kissing is part of connection.
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  Make sure you're doing it.
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  If you're with someone and you want to really be with them, this is what it
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  takes. People, you got to show up.
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  Showing up is half the battle, but you also got to put in effort.
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  I think people get so comfortable, they stop putting in effort,
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  and then they wonder why their relationships are falling apart.
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  You can't just show up at the gym and sit on a bench and not do anything and expect to stay healthy.
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  You can't just show up at work and not even turn on your computer and expect
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  to get a raise or expect to even keep your job.
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  But for some reason, people are showing up in their relationships,
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  not doing anything and expecting them to be fantastic.
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  They're just not. They're not good for the men and they're not good for the
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  women. You got to show up and then you got to put in effort.
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  Some people don't even show up. Other people show up, but they're brain dead.
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  They act like zombies. They act like they're just going through the motions.
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  If you did that in your health, if you do that with your job,
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  you're never going to get anywhere.
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  In fact, it's probably going to go backwards and it's probably going to fall apart.
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  That's why marriages, that's why relationships fall apart. It comes from both sides.
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  It's not men, it's not women, but it comes from both sides. what will happen
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  is a man will disrespect his wife and then she's not going to be turned on.
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  So then the man gets mad because she doesn't want to have sex with him and she
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  doesn't want to have sex with him because then he gets even more hostile with her.
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  Now she's really feeling disrespected and not seen and not heard.
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  And it's a vicious cycle.
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  So men learn to respect your woman, learn to keep them safe,
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  learn to make them feel desired without pressure to have sex.
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  Then what will happen if you touch him once in a while, if you bump up against
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  him, if you rub up against him, you give him a kiss on the neck.
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  Or you just give them a cute little peck here and there, that's going to make
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  a woman feel a lot more desired, and she's going to want you a lot more.
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  For most women, desire doesn't actually disappear. It just shuts down.
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  We shut down when safety is gone. I actually saw this happen to me.
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  I was really into a guy, and he disrespected me, and I shut down.
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  I didn't want to have sex with him.
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  I was really turned on to about him before, and as soon as he disrespected me,
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  it was like a light switch went off.
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  And that's what happens. We shut down when we are disrespected and we lose our connection to them.
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  Connection is, it's tough to get back. It took me a couple days after that disrespect
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  to actually feel connected again.
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  It was just a small, simple thing. Realize, guys, it doesn't take a lot.
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  If you disrespect a woman, it may not be a huge thing to you,
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  but it was a huge thing to her.
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  It may take some time for her to feel like she's respected again.
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  Respect is huge and safety is huge, guys. Just keep an eye on that.
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  And she can respect you again by just you showing up, you showing that you care
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  for her, you giving her attention, you not disrespecting her again.
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  And because touch is one of the earliest forms of communication we ever learn.
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  So if you can touch, you're telling her, I see you. I respect you.
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  You matter to me. Now, if you're going in and just going grope,
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  grope, grope, that's not respectful.
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  I'm talking about just a slight handhold or a shoulder rub or maybe you give
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  her a foot massage or you just give her a little bit of care and concern without expecting anything.
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  That's a form of connection. When touch becomes bad, it's when it's rushed or
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  it's predictable. Like I know one person that every time they gave massages, they just wanted sex.
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  And it wasn't out of care for that person. It was just a way to lead up to foreplay.
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  It was over and over again. Every massage, sex. Every massage, sex.
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  Then it got to the point where it was predictable. And that doesn't feel like
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  connection. That feels like you're being used or transactional.
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  If you want to give your girlfriend or your wife a massage, great.
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  Don't expect anything. If it comes, great. If it doesn't, that's okay.
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  And what's going to happen is your wife will start or your
• 14:29
  girlfriend will start driving sex more when she
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  feels respected and safe you also don't sexualize
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  too quickly i think people they go on dates that this
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  is for people that are are single they go on dates and they have sex too quickly
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  and then they then it dies off because there was never a real connection there
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  in the first place i think you really need to learn a person and be connected
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  with them before you start having sex wait a month wait three months Whatever
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  you're—wait till you get married,
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  for all I care. Wait until you're ready.
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  And then you can have sex. If you have sex too quickly, what tends to happen
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  is you don't have a connection and then you try to force the connection and it doesn't work.
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  If you really want to have a nice long relationship, make a connection first.
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  And then when you both are ready, then you can talk about having sex.
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  Don't tie it to expectations, right? Like don't don't tie touch to,
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  oh, I touched you on the shoulders or I touched your butt. Therefore, I need to get sex. No.
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  And don't sexualize the touch too soon. Don't go.
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  I held your hand. I'm going to go right in for sex. That's not. that's
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  not respectful women are like fine wine it's it's
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  you got to let it air and breathe a little bit you can't rush it the
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  nervous system for a woman responds with guarding whenever we
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  get rushed and pushed into things we're not comfortable with
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  we don't open up and when our nervous system shuts down
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  because we don't feel that connection and that that loving and
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  that caring caring and that safety we shut down most
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  women report that they stopped enjoying sex long before they
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  stopped having it which means we even pushed ourselves into
• 15:55
  having sex when we didn't want to and that's sad which
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  that also destroys a marriage too because touch
• 16:02
  no longer feels safe or attuned sometimes we go
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  through the motions and it's not fun or pleasurable for
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  us that's why women are feeling less connected to their partners respectful
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  touch is slow it's it's responsive so if you if you're touching a woman and
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  she responds and you see that she's enjoying it you can do more if it looks
• 16:21
  like she's not don't continue there shouldn't be an agenda if you give her a
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  massage because then she's feeling just used.
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  She's just feeling used. It should exist without pressure for sex. It really should.
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  When that kind of touch disappears, women's desire will follow. It just disappears.
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  So if you have a relationship and you're struggling, let's start back with touch.
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  Let's start back with gentle kisses.
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  Let's start back about caring about your partner, not just using them for sex.
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  Then maybe what will happen is the woman will be more in tune to you as well.
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  She will desire you more. She will want you more. And honestly,
• 16:57
  I think that women in our 50s, I think this should be the best time of our sex
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  lives ever because we know what we want.
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  And if you're not getting it, maybe you need to find the right person,
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  too. So maybe you're in the wrong dating relationship.
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  Now, if you're married, I'm not suggesting you go to get divorced,
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  but maybe go to a sex therapist.
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  There's a lot of sex therapists out there, ladies, that can help you through
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  getting back the touch and the kissing that you need in order to create the
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  desire that you want for your partner, the intimacy that you want,
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  and the connection that needs to be there for you to have intimacy with them.
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  When kissing happens and it starts
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  to go away, it's one of the strongest predictors of long-term intimacy.
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  If you love kissing your partner when you first start dating them,
• 17:37
  then you're much more likely to have long-term intimacy with that person.
• 17:41
  Your sex life is much better. It's going to last better.
• 17:45
  It's going to last longer. If it starts to fade because you weren't really into
• 17:49
  kissing your partner, then it's going to decrease your bond.
• 17:53
  Because kissing, it builds an emotional bond. It does. It creates oxytocin release in the brain.
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  When you kiss someone, that oxytocin just floods in.
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  And it kind of also creates a little anticipation. And kissing can be playful.
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  You can suck on their lips. You can suck on their tongue. It can be a little playful.
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  But you have to enjoy kissing the person. I will tell you, kissing,
• 18:15
  for me at least, is so vital to a relationship that I didn't realize how much.
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  It really creates an attraction between you and the other person.
• 18:24
  I could just kiss some people forever.
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  I mean, I could have a two or three hour makeout session because kissing to
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  me is so important and it's so wonderful.
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  And then there's other people that I've kissed and they'll make your face all wet or whatever.
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  They'll just not be responsive to what you enjoy, and then you don't want to kiss them.
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  And if a guy's not responsive when they kiss you or doesn't know how to kiss, it's a big turnoff.
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  I think that's why, for me, when I go on a first date, I want to know if they kiss well.
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  Because if they're a good kisser, I'll go out with them again.
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  If they're not, I don't want to even go out with them again.
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  So, men, take this seriously.
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  Learn how to kiss. Now, I know some women like it differently,
• 19:01
  and you can let a woman drive the kiss if you want. But I think a man should
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  make the first step to move in for a kiss.
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  But if a woman pulls back when you're kissing her, don't keep going.
• 19:11
  Okay, it's a push-pull when it comes to kissing. But kissing is how our desire starts for a man.
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  When you kiss a woman, if you can really sweep her off her feet with her kiss, she'll want more.
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  If kissing disappears, sex can turn into a mechanical feeling.
• 19:26
  I think kissing during sex is amazing because it's a really big connection.
• 19:31
  And if you can kiss someone while you're having sex and you kiss them before
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  and it's part of foreplay, it's just amazing.
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  And emotional distance will grow if you don't kiss. You'll feel separate.
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  Your connection disappears.
• 19:45
  Kissing is just as important as touching, but kissing is so deep.
• 19:49
  And I will say that oxytocin release is a huge thing, too.
• 19:53
  It's the happy hormone. but we feel unseen when our men don't kiss us.
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  We feel like not respected and men often feel rejected because if they're not
• 20:02
  getting kissed or receiving kisses, they don't understand why.
• 20:05
  But if you're not leading the kisses, guys, you're gonna feel rejected and a
• 20:10
  lot of it has to do with the kissing.
• 20:12
  Your lack of connection is a lack of kissing.
• 20:14
  A relationship without kissing often becomes a relationship without curiosity. You don't wanna play.
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  Your sense of joy and playfulness kind of goes away. I will say kissing kind
• 20:23
  of makes you feel like a teenager again.
• 20:25
  If you can, like, kiss a guy for a few hours and have a make-out session just
• 20:28
  kissing, let me tell you, it feels like a teenager again.
• 20:31
  But we need to be respectful and polite. It's the foundation.
• 20:37
  Of our connection. Once you align and you're a tune with someone,
• 20:40
  you will figure out that, wow, this is a true connection.
• 20:43
  But you also have to listen without being defensive.
• 20:47
  And I have noticed this in a person I dated that when I had concerns,
• 20:52
  he was very, he listened and I listened back.
• 20:55
  There was no defensiveness or blame or gaslighting. It's amazing to have a relationship
• 20:59
  where it's nice, pure and honest and open and emotionally secure.
• 21:04
  Now, respect is touching without expectation as well.
• 21:07
  So if you're respectful, you might touch them, but that doesn't mean you have to have sex.
• 21:12
  And don't rush kissing. Don't kiss them and say, oh, now we gotta go to the
• 21:15
  bedroom. That's not the way it works. It's not an entitlement.
• 21:17
  Your desire for them is not an entitlement. It's open.
• 21:20
  But women's bodies, we protect our bodies, okay?
• 21:24
  If we don't feel respected, we back away. I will say, and I'm gonna get a little
• 21:28
  explicit here, but women don't get wet if they're not turned on by you.
• 21:32
  If you're not making them feel safe, they don't get aroused.
• 21:38
  If you're not making them feel secure, they're not going to get aroused.
• 21:41
  If a woman can't even sleep next to you, she's not feeling safe.
• 21:45
  Orgasms are almost impossible when a woman is feeling unsafe or not respected.
• 21:50
  It's very difficult for a woman to have an orgasm if she's not feeling safe.
• 21:54
  Our desire just fades away.
• 21:55
  Even if we still love you, the desire fades away.
• 21:58
  Many women, we're reporting this in midlife because they say,
• 22:02
  we'll say I love my partner, but they don't touch me anymore.
• 22:04
  They don't kiss me like they used to. or there's dysfunction sexually and therefore
• 22:09
  you may still love your husband but you're just not connected with them like you used to be.
• 22:14
  It's not just dysfunction, it's a lack of communication, it's a lack of touch,
• 22:18
  it's a lack of kissing, etc.
• 22:20
  So you have to reignite that.
• 22:23
  Now, sometimes the reignition can come from women. If you're in a marriage and
• 22:26
  you're just not feeling it from your husband, try to reignite it and see if you can bring it back.
• 22:30
  And sometimes men just get comfortable and they just don't want to put the effort
• 22:34
  in. And that's why I think a lot of divorces happen and a lot of other things
• 22:37
  is because someone's just not putting in the effort.
• 22:40
  Hormones matter, but hormones don't exist in isolation because hormones may
• 22:45
  make you a little drier or a little bit moody or, you know.
• 22:48
  Your identity is shifting because you're going into menopause.
• 22:51
  You might be gaining a little bit of weight. That happens.
• 22:53
  You may not feel comfortable and you wonder why. That emotional safety and security is important.
• 22:57
  Because whenever there's respect and connection, your desire is going to follow.
• 23:02
  If you see a woman that's all over a man, it's because he respects her and makes
• 23:06
  her feel safe and connected.
• 23:07
  If there's a woman that doesn't even hold hands with her man,
• 23:10
  she's not feeling connected or respected.
• 23:12
  It's pretty easy, guys. You guys think it's so difficult to unlock a woman,
• 23:16
  but it's so easy. Show us respect.
• 23:18
  Connect with us and make us feel desired. And then you'll have what you want in the bedroom.
• 23:24
  When you don't, our body's going to shut down. Even if our mind says,
• 23:27
  yes, I need to do this, we'll task manage through it sometimes.
• 23:30
  But eventually our bodies just, they don't work. We just do not get emotionally connected with you.
• 23:35
  And then before we don't want to sexually connect with you. So let's talk really
• 23:39
  quickly about rebuilding connection.
• 23:40
  And it is a little bit of work because rebuilding connection takes time,
• 23:45
  but you first got to bring back the non-sexual touch.
• 23:49
  If you can start touching your woman, rubbing her shoulders,
• 23:52
  maybe giving her foot massage, just not touching her sexually,
• 23:54
  not expecting anything after you touch her.
• 23:56
  That's a level of respect that she will very much appreciate,
• 23:59
  and that'll increase her desire for you. Kiss her without it leading to sex.
• 24:03
  So if you're having issues sexually,
• 24:06
  just give her a kiss every once in a while. Show her that you care.
• 24:09
  Slow everything down, because women are constantly do, do, do,
• 24:12
  get stuff done, run in the kids, run in the family. And we now sometimes just
• 24:17
  need everything slowed down and just need a hug or just need,
• 24:21
  things to you to come over and make things better because that's what your job
• 24:25
  is guys you're there to support us just like we there to support you make eye
• 24:29
  contact with me when you're touching me.
• 24:32
  Look at me make me feel whole express
• 24:35
  that you appreciate me verbally women a lot of times will tell men that they're
• 24:39
  thankful for them or that they're glad to have them in their lives or thank
• 24:43
  you for doing that honey when have you told your woman thanks for doing the
• 24:47
  laundry or thanks for helping around the house or making sure everything looks
• 24:51
  great or just give her some appreciation.
• 24:54
  Because the more appreciation you show a woman, the more appreciation you're
• 24:57
  going to get back. It's a reciprocity thing.
• 24:59
  And reciprocity in relationships is huge. It can't be one-sided.
• 25:03
  And if it is, it's going to fall apart eventually.
• 25:06
  You have to remove that pressure for intimacy off the table in order to start
• 25:10
  having more intimacy in the bedroom. I know it sounds crazy.
• 25:13
  But if you're pushing all the time for intimacy, it's going to feel very transactional for a woman.
• 25:18
  Let the woman drive it a little bit, okay?
• 25:21
  Remove the pressure off and address anything that's emotionally disconnected.
• 25:26
  I think the best thing to do is when you have an issue with your partner is
• 25:29
  to bring it up as soon as possible.
• 25:30
  You keep talking about it until the issue feels like it's gone away.
• 25:34
  And if it hasn't gone away, maybe it's a thing you need to go to therapy about.
• 25:37
  But when you feel respected again and you talk well, your body's going to naturally
• 25:41
  respond and you're going to be more inclined to be intimate with your partner.
• 25:46
  I hope this has helped a little bit. But once intimacy has faded,
• 25:49
  it's not because someone failed. It's because connections need care.
• 25:53
  You might have a few problems with the hormones, but the reality is that connection's not there.
• 25:58
  You need to learn to touch without respect. It doesn't feel safe.
• 26:02
  Sex without connection doesn't feel safe. And kissing without presence.
• 26:06
  Like if you're just running out the house, it doesn't feel intimate.
• 26:09
  So show a little bit of intimacy and care for your partner.
• 26:12
  Give them love so that they can give you desire back. Because desire without
• 26:16
  safety doesn't last. It might be a quick fix, but if you want a long-lasting
• 26:21
  relationship, you need that connection.
• 26:23
  If you want better intimacy at any age—.
• 26:26
  It's not performative. And here's the thing. In our 50s, ladies,
• 26:30
  we're ready to go two or three times a day, a lot of us are.
• 26:33
  When you get a connection with someone, you can be intimate with someone two or three times a day.
• 26:38
  Things don't slow down because we got older. You could have the best sex of
• 26:41
  your life in your 50s, but you have to feel respected.
• 26:45
  You have to feel wanted and desired and connected to your partner.
• 26:50
  That connection and that presence, that's what will drive your sexual relationship.
• 26:54
  Because otherwise you're not going to want to have sex.
• 26:57
  Then you're going to be part of the 91% of women that aren't feeling connected
• 27:02
  sexually anymore and are not really driving their sexual relationships.
• 27:05
  I hope for you that you can find a companion if you're single that will respect
• 27:10
  you and help you feel intimate because sex in our 50s should be amazing.
• 27:14
  Sex in our 60s should be amazing.
• 27:16
  We are sexual creatures even after we're past the time of procreating and having babies.
• 27:21
  So remember, sex can be amazing. when you're older, but it needs to be with the right person.
• 27:27
  And that's another reason why these one-night stands, they're just not very
• 27:30
  fulfilling for people because there's no connection there. It's just a quick transaction.
• 27:35
  I hope this has helped. I hope this gives you a little bit of information about
• 27:39
  how to fix your relationship if you're missing connection.
• 27:42
  We're going to stay on this a little bit more because connection is so huge
• 27:46
  in a relationship. I hope that you can find the right person to connect with,
• 27:50
  the loving relationship to spend the rest of your life with.
• 27:53
  This is Diva Mia signing off.
• 27:55
  Hope you have a wonderful day and I'll talk to you next time. Take care.
• 28:17
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• 28:20
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• 28:22
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• 28:44
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• 28:50
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• 28:53
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