Latest / The Danger Zoo / Take Me to Church / Fighting the Evil Priest

Transcript

Take Me to Church / Fighting the Evil Priest · The Danger Zoo

0:03
Password accepted. Welcome to the Danger Zoo.
0:09
Welcome to the Department of Anomalous and non human Genetic
0:12
Entities, Reconnaissance and zoological Occult operations.
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I am Coyote, your game warden, and we have a full roster today,
0:20
boys. Everyone's here just about us.
0:23
They're pretty Kitty because we lost him in the woods a couple
0:25
episodes ago. We didn't look for him because
0:27
we're bad teammates. What's happened so far is we're
0:30
in Georgia still. We have the coffin that we went
0:32
looking for. We got to return it.
0:34
Everyone got split up. My skin got taken off in the
0:37
last episode. Grandpa, where did you leave
0:41
off? Well I'm a grandfather so
0:45
obviously I was in church trying to find a friend and looks like
0:50
I may have found some. You did.
0:53
You did. Is that Jesus?
0:56
I hope so. Mission start Grandpa.
1:03
You're just standing there and around the corner you see a
1:07
hooded man come across. His hood is just pretty plain
1:12
white hood with gold Garland on it and a big gold cross on the
1:16
front of his chest. Oh, a priest?
1:18
Awesome, we're saved. That's what I was thinking.
1:21
Nope, shoot him. OK, he he just turns the corner.
1:25
He sees you grandpa, and he just stops and doesn't move.
1:32
Oh thank God, I've been looking for someone.
1:37
Yo there's some people out there that they just stole some of our
1:42
stuff. I need some help.
1:46
Oh. As soon as you tell him you've
1:48
been looking for people, a hand is placed on your shoulder from
1:50
behind you. Oh, thank the.
1:53
Lord, there's more of you. There's another monk standing, a
1:57
monk looking person standing behind you.
2:00
And he says you've come to the right place, please enter.
2:07
And he gestures forwards towards the other monk in front of you.
2:12
Do not enter that monk. I can't see this going wrong in
2:15
any way. We kind of got to go get them
2:19
now. The monk's hand tightens on your
2:23
shoulders and he says trust me friend, go forward well.
2:30
He called you friend. So.
2:33
Yeah, I trust him. I don't know.
2:36
Last time that happened to me, I lost my virginity in another
2:39
way. Oh, oh, goodness gracious.
2:42
Wait, you told me you were a virgin on deployment.
2:45
You weren't. I wasn't your first.
2:49
Absolutely not. That's what happens when you're
2:52
a Catholic. I wouldn't need.
2:54
I was raised Catholic and I was a virgin until I met you.
2:58
Because you're one of the ugly ones.
3:00
I was a pretty boy. You know I.
3:03
I was the prettiest Ultra Boy in the whole crew.
3:06
I set aside an hour of my Saturday so I could come here
3:11
and get called ugly by you. What did you get mad at me
3:16
calling you for that one time when I was like you fucking
3:18
troglodyte and you were like, how dare you?
3:20
I don't. Remember.
3:23
Anyways, as this is going on grandpa door, the door to the
3:27
front opens up and another monk comes in dragging a chest.
3:33
Baby bird. What does that chest sound like?
3:39
That's a weird chest we're going to leave off there.
3:44
I can't help but notice but the third dude has like the most
3:47
inbred looking lower half of face I've ever seen in my life.
3:54
Yeah, he's got a Drugs will do that to you kids.
3:59
Drugs are bad for you. OK, so we're back to Saudi and
4:04
night out at the current moment. The Ranger pulled a pistol on
4:08
you, gentlemen. Oh yeah, it's 'cause we caught
4:10
him molesting a little Filipino boy.
4:13
He was not molesting a little Filipino boy.
4:16
There is a workbench here. They're working on stuff.
4:19
Oh, is that what you guys call it?
4:21
Yeah, stuff and things, yeah. OK, as he has the gun on you,
4:27
the German rushes past you into the room Daddy and he puts his
4:30
hands up towards you guys and towards the Ranger.
4:33
He's like 999. These are these are my friends
4:37
Zelle, we're at my shop. Every sing is Okie Dokie and the
4:42
park Ranger just looks at you guys.
4:45
He doesn't lower his weapon at all.
4:47
Can I pull out a finger gun? You point it out to park Ranger.
4:50
Well, let's see whose turn. Is it?
4:52
Oh boy. Everybody calm down.
4:56
No, it's his turn. He's going to take a step back
4:59
from you with the gun raised at you and the German dude, he
5:02
didn't really care. No, go ahead and do your finger
5:04
guns. OK, I pull up a finger gun and I
5:07
hold up to him and I go freeze. Motherfucker.
5:10
I'm with Chris. I'm with Chris Hansen.
5:13
Well, he's going to shoot you because you scared him.
5:16
God damn it. Oh no, he shoots the German.
5:24
The Sherman just goes down. I go, I go, I go.
5:28
Seriously dude, it's a finger gun.
5:29
Are you fucking kidding me? You notice, you notice this park
5:35
Ranger is very nervous and his gun is visibly shaking at you
5:40
guys ready to go off at a moment's notice.
5:45
Why don't we just talk to him? Why did he get scared if I broke
5:48
Chris Hansen though? What's going on?
5:50
Why are you so scared? Who hurt you?
5:53
The fuck are you people and why are you here?
5:56
We're just looking for our friend's skin, no need to freak
5:59
the fuck out. Yeah, man, we ran into the the
6:02
the Boo raggedly witch person stole our friend's skin and
6:07
we're just looking for it. It sounds like what a fucking
6:10
Boo hag would say. I know, I know what you game you
6:12
guys are playing at You're not getting my skin.
6:14
You've taken enough of our skin. I'm I, I, I, I You're not.
6:19
You're not getting the rest of us.
6:20
Fuck you, get out of here. I'm not Jewish, I don't take
6:23
people's skin. But would you mind sleeping
6:28
naked? What are some of the ways to
6:33
test for a boot hag? Park Ranger fiddles one hand in
6:40
his pocket and he like takes his eye away from you for a second
6:43
and he like chucks back. Don't move, don't move.
6:46
Oh, he's pulling something out of his pocket and he pulls out a
6:50
handful of something and he rears back to throw it at you
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guys. Shackles.
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Nope, I just stand there with arms wide open.
6:58
Like just like Thailand. Oh, God, he all right?
7:06
No, thought he It's your turn. What do you want to do before he
7:08
throws this at you? Thought he you better take that
7:13
like the good little boy you are.
7:14
I'm trying to think, do I want to kill this motherfucker?
7:16
No. Yeah, I guess I just sit there
7:21
and take it. Night out, you take it.
7:24
He throws salt at you guys. He's like, oh, oh, thank Christ.
7:29
He just goes over to thought. He just shoves his face into
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your chest and he's like so happy someone's here.
7:37
I pet the back of his head and I kiss the top of his head.
7:39
I'm like, it's OK little one, it's OK.
7:43
All right, well, seems like this situation has gotten a little
7:46
bit better. And the door opens behind you
7:49
thoughty, and it's that woman who you were in the bar with and
7:52
she's bleeding from the nose. Hey, what's up, babe?
7:56
Oh, my God, what happened? You do notice?
8:01
Well, hold on, hold on. Let me do a perception roll for
8:03
you and Naido. Thought you noticed.
8:08
What the fuck is up with her skin?
8:10
Yeah, that's the perception rule.
8:12
So do you notice the skin around her face and neck don't quite
8:16
match the skin around her chest? Quick.
8:19
Throw the salt at her. Yeah, I'm going to reach in the
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rate the ranger's pocket and throw the salt.
8:25
Reaching that ranger's pocket and he just smells you.
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Oh. God damn it.
8:32
All right, you take the salt out and you throw it at her.
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Let's hold on. Let me see.
8:38
You hit her directly in the face and she just stares at you.
8:45
What the fuck is this for? What?
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And she looks at the German man on the ground and she shoves you
8:49
out of the way. Get out of the way, you idiots.
8:52
She starts applying first aid to him.
8:55
As she wait as she applies first aid, can I like see this the the
8:58
back, the skin on the back of her neck that's like usually
9:01
covered by her collar. You certainly can, and it
9:05
definitely still has 2 tone skin.
9:07
Like she's really bad at makeup. Can I fuck with it?
9:11
That's what I was going to ask her.
9:13
Ask her why the fuck does it look like you have?
9:15
Different skin. No, no, no, no, no, no asking.
9:17
No asking doing. Where's night out's turn?
9:19
Night out, What are you doing? I'm investigating why she has
9:23
two different sets of skin on her now.
9:26
She whips her head towards you, ponytail flailing behind her.
9:30
Do you think I give a fuck about that right now?
9:31
You guys shot my friend here. I didn't shoot anybody.
9:36
Park Ranger goes, I'm I'm sorry, Kelly, that that might have been
9:40
my fault. She's like, Jacob, get the fuck
9:43
out of here. OK, OK.
9:45
Jacob fucking leaves the room. She's going to be like, have you
9:50
guys ever been outside? It's a deadline.
9:53
It's a deadline, all right? We're going to go back up to
9:55
Hazy real quick. Let's see Hazy, Whose turn was
9:58
it for you? I'm pretty sure it was instantly
10:02
bad news and then we cut away. Oh yeah, he was about to get his
10:06
butt hole violated. Drastically.
10:10
Oh well. The first thing you hear hazy,
10:12
let's see, rolling for it. You hear this pig in the front
10:19
just squealing. And then you hear wood start to
10:22
bend. You just hear your creaking as
10:25
this pig forces his way into the hallway.
10:30
And then and then it's your turn.
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What? What happened to you last time?
10:35
I remember I kept poking the bear until she turned into a
10:37
fucking demon. She was a sweet little old lady
10:41
and then she turned into fucking this.
10:44
She turned into somebody who looks like she's eerily wearing
10:48
my skin. Is she mad at me?
10:54
Is she mad? Is the lady you tried stealing
10:57
from and she threw a bottle at you and then she picked you up
11:00
and told you get the fuck out of her house and then you swung
11:02
back into her house after she thinks you let the pig in and
11:07
you broke her window and now you're back in her bedroom?
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that Lady. That's the lady you're asking if
11:11
she's mad at you, man. That was so last week.
11:14
It's. A reasonable question.
11:17
Some people aren't good at picking a pints.
11:19
I'm going to go with possibly possible she's mad at you.
11:23
I'm going to try to put my back against the wall to the window.
11:29
Which window did I break open? Going to the north all.
11:33
Right. I'm going to circle to her right
11:35
and go put my back. I'm going to go to the
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northwest. So you're going to go this way
11:42
NW OK. Yeah, like, like keeping my face
11:47
to her kind of circle that way. And I'm, I'm waiting for her to
11:50
attack me because I want to do something.
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So if she makes a move on me, let me know.
11:55
OK, yeah, I guess she was expecting you to attack her
11:58
because you move and then she just dives forward and barely
12:01
misses you. But that's not her turn.
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She turns around and she's ready to go for you.
12:08
Let's see what she does. Ready to go?
12:13
Oh wait, wait, can I say what I was going to at least try to do?
12:15
I was waiting for a reaction. Yeah, that was her actually.
12:18
She jumped past you. Sorry, what are you trying to
12:20
do? I was trying to wait for her to
12:22
like try to grab a hold of me and I was going to grab her with
12:25
my little spiritual arm thing. No she's a straight up miss.
12:29
She she rolled in that one she missed completely and just
12:31
replace her spot. You could try and grab her with
12:33
the gnat one while she's looking the other way though if you
12:36
want. Do it.
12:39
All right, try grabbing her roll for it.
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So D20. Plus whatever it is you add.
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To does not matter. Does not matter.
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What was the number? 2.
12:52
You reach for her and you tear my skin a little bit.
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No, not bad. But she rolled in that one.
13:01
So when you tore that skin, it actually like was my neck skin.
13:04
It kind of folded over. And so now she can't see because
13:06
her eyes aren't lined up with the holes anymore.
13:07
So now she's fiddling with her head, trying to sort that out
13:11
and just 'cause you know, she fucked up pretty bad.
13:14
Hazy. I'll give you one more move
13:15
before we go back to Grandpa. Oh.
13:19
Well, I'm going to Avante's through this fucking window and
13:24
try to get the fuck out of here 'cause obviously above my pay
13:26
grade. Give me give me an acrobatics.
13:32
Acrobatic you're. Going to use your climber's
13:33
keeper? Yes, that's what, another +5.
13:38
So plus a lot of things. So the plus 4 + 5 S +9.
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Let's go. Shit, you can make it out the
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window almost with that alone. Oh fucking God.
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Yeah, if I say I hope so, 16. You shoot it.
13:52
You were right out the window. You didn't.
13:55
You didn't even go through the glass you broke.
13:56
You broke another one of the window panes.
14:00
You land on the outside and the pig breaks out a little bit and
14:06
it smells the air and you hear it like inhaling like this.
14:10
You're outside of this place, but this pig is so massive that
14:14
you hear the wind entering its nostrils, which just and it just
14:20
books it on the other side of the house.
14:25
Grandpa, back to you, you're first.
14:32
What's happening? All right, so I am going to
14:37
he's. So he's trying to get me to walk
14:39
towards the main cathedral area, right?
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Correct. All right, cool.
14:43
So I'm going to slowly start walking that way while trying to
14:47
take a 5 foot step that way and as stealthily as I can hit my
14:53
radio. Like, I'm so happy to be in this
14:55
church with people who are going to help me.
15:00
OK, well give me a stealth roll for it as you move 5 feet
15:05
northeast and all these priests follow behind you.
15:09
These priests looking dudes dragging this.
15:12
I'm just going to go ahead and show you it's a chest.
15:16
Fairly certain it's baby bird, so I really should have spent
15:23
that extra dollar to get you guys some good radios that don't
15:25
make noises. As soon as you hit it, you hit
15:27
the chirp and all the priests stop and look at you.
15:31
What the fuck was that? Can you hear that bird?
15:35
Must he just just as surprised as though I'm.
15:38
Looking I'm literally going to look at the floor like he's a
15:40
cricket or something because I've turned mine so far down
15:45
I'm. All right, so this priest puts
15:47
his hand on your shoulder, and the other priest puts his other
15:49
hand on your shoulder, and they force you forward just a little
15:52
bit more out into the opening here.
15:55
And you see the Papri bopri priest.
16:01
As soon as I see him, I put out a large sigh of relief.
16:04
Oh, thank the Lord, I've been looking for you.
16:07
I realized something. We're actually on the same team.
16:10
I, we've been, we've been fighting each other.
16:13
We're on the same team. The priest looks at you.
16:16
He goes, oh, me or this? And he steps to the side and you
16:22
see my body. Oh God, you're.
16:24
Here. Thank God, kill these assholes.
16:27
What the fuck? Wait, no, there's been a
16:30
miscommunication with no, they're actually on our side.
16:33
Coyote, you are wrong. Do.
16:35
You hear me? No grandma, you don't
16:37
understand. These guys are going to eat less
16:40
or dead. No, no, no, no.
16:42
You don't understand. They they think we did something
16:45
that we didn't do. We're actually, these were the
16:47
guys that we're supposed to be helping.
16:49
There was a huge miscommunication.
16:51
Miscommunication. I I look you dead in the eyes
16:55
and I raise my left arm where my hand used to be, and I go kill
17:00
grandpa. These are bad guys.
17:03
They are the ones that took my skin.
17:07
Huh. No.
17:10
The priest. Hey, yes, skinless, handless
17:14
friend here. Kind of correct.
17:17
No, no, I still think we're on the same side.
17:20
I, I, I think there's some details you don't have, but
17:22
please continue. The priest looks at the monks
17:24
and they're like restrain him. You don't want to do that.
17:29
All right, well, these these monks are going to put some
17:31
handcuffs on you, Grandpa. Do you want to try to stop them
17:34
or what? Fight the power.
17:40
Hold on, Grandpa. You've had a a couple of things.
17:42
Baby bird in the chest. You've heard all of this.
17:45
You're being dragged along. What are you going to do?
17:49
Do I have any explosives? Bomb, bomb, bomb.
17:54
Well, you're in that chest for a while and you took a short rest.
17:57
So you do have something that you biologically make that you
18:03
could use. You don't say you don't shine.
18:05
You have all the video I. Think come.
18:10
It's kinda, it's sticky and it blows up.
18:14
Come. That's what happens.
18:17
You get raised under power lines.
18:23
How sturdy is this chest? It's not sturdy, it's a piece of
18:27
shit chest. You're actually like looking out
18:29
of a couple holes. You watched the whole way you
18:31
were coming here. I'm going to turn this chest
18:34
into a grenade and I'm going to use my point blank bomber and
18:36
explode this motherfucker with my Hawk tool give.
18:40
Me that hawk tool girl here. We go.
18:44
Here we go. No.
18:47
It's a 5. It explodes.
18:53
Who loaded these dice today, man?
18:55
The chest? Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
18:58
The chest explodes, but it takes all the damage.
19:02
You're out, you're on the floor. All the monks.
19:04
Stop putting handcuffs on Grandpa and look towards you.
19:09
Who? Put somebody in an explosive
19:11
chest. Oh shit, I'm going to run
19:16
towards him while they're all like, stunned for a second.
19:20
OK. Are you picking him up?
19:24
No, Jump over him. Hey.
19:29
Hey. Are you OK As I'm kind of now
19:31
I've got, you know, the door on this side of me where I want it.
19:35
Oh, no, the crackhead didn't lock the door.
19:37
It's just open. Yeah.
19:37
You leap over baby board, you make it right on the other side
19:40
of him, and you just hear from the Cathedral Hall daily.
19:48
It's kind of me talking to priests like.
19:50
He's, he's coming back, right? No, I'm I'm not leaving.
19:55
I'm just getting some error. There's a man that just
19:58
exploded. I look, I look at the priest.
20:01
I'm like, you're lucky if my friend is still here.
20:03
He kicked the shit out of you. All right, we're we're going to
20:08
hold off there. Thought he had night owl.
20:11
This lady just finished patching up the German dude.
20:15
And she's like, Klein, are you OK?
20:17
And he's like, oh, oh, my goodness.
20:19
Yes. Are you feeling much better?
20:21
Thank you. Thank you.
20:22
Kelly. These are some friends of mine.
20:26
This is Kelly. I can't believe that dude shot
20:29
you just for being from Chicago. Right.
20:33
Well, I'm from Chicago. I am kind of used to it I guess
20:38
at this point. Fair enough.
20:41
OK, well, nice knowing you guys. I'm going to go to that door
20:45
where the park Ranger went. Yep.
20:48
You got to walk over there and the girl gets in between you.
20:51
He's like, you're not going anywhere.
20:53
You guys need to get the fuck out of here.
20:56
I I put the movies on here I go. I like reach my hand up and they
21:00
cup her cheek and I'm like listen here honey bun and.
21:03
She kicks you right in the nuts. Honey bun.
21:06
Step aside, Daddy has work to do.
21:11
And she stabs you in the leg with a pocket knife.
21:14
That's three points of damage. I love when they do that.
21:18
Playing hard to get, I see she gives.
21:21
You. No, she says.
21:22
Absolutely nothing. You just feel the pain in your
21:25
leg. I don't even like flinch I just
21:27
go my love when they do that. Like I like them feisty.
21:32
You're down to 21. Well, night out.
21:37
What are you doing? You guys are back into
21:38
initiative now. Well, I was going to talk to her
21:42
to see if you can figure out what the Hell's going on and she
21:44
can help us find your skin. She's not very commutative.
21:48
I'm just warning you now, she's not very commutative.
21:53
OK, you're going to talk to her. Yeah, like, hey, whoa, why so
21:58
fucking hostile? We're just trying to find her
22:00
friend's skin, not Boo hags or whatever that is.
22:04
She pulls a knife out of him, and she swings it back and forth
22:07
at both of these shoes. The blue Hegs aren't fucking
22:09
here. Your friend's skin isn't here.
22:11
I've got enough troubles to deal with with everyone else here
22:14
losing their fucking skin and you guys need to get the fuck
22:18
out of my Tavern. We're just trying it out.
22:21
Calm down, it's OK. I'm starting to think that that
22:24
pretty face of yours isn't actually yours.
22:27
She looks at you, she goes, yeah, thanks.
22:29
It's my mom's asshole after the blue hegs took my skin and hers
22:32
and we got them back separate times.
22:35
Oh yeah, that makes sense. So you're not a cougar, you just
22:38
look like 1. I'm 22, Dick.
22:44
God damn it, I can't believe I almost slept with you all.
22:48
Right. So I guess you want to go there.
22:50
Looks like another door, right? There's the door.
22:54
Oh, I thought you were going to say go through.
22:57
Well, no, unless you want to go get fucking stabbed again.
23:01
I mean. For the record, you guys did
23:03
hear Grandpa go over to the radio for a second right after
23:07
she stabbed him. Yeah I know, but the church is
23:10
like so far away it'll take us like 3 sessions to get there.
23:15
OK, might as well start moving now then let's go, thought.
23:18
Oh my. God, I want to.
23:20
I want to go save that little. No, no, boy.
23:22
He's fine. You don't need to save him.
23:24
He doesn't need you in him. I mean well.
23:26
What? Pause.
23:29
Oh no, Play Fast forward. Wait, are you splitting up?
23:33
No. No, no, we're not splitting up.
23:37
Going to the church. Night Owl would not survive
23:39
without me. You wouldn't survive without me
23:42
are. You going to do a standoff?
23:45
No, I guess we're going to the church.
23:47
OK. I know I aren't.
23:49
You disappointed too? I could hear it in your voice.
23:52
Something cool is behind that door.
23:53
I know it is. Oh, there's so much cool in this
23:55
place and you guys are just leaving.
23:58
You guys go out of the cellar door when you go back to Hazy,
24:04
please. This is what happened when me
24:06
and I went out to walking Street.
24:07
We were having the time of our lives and then I threw up in a
24:11
bathroom of a bar. And I know this no we have to go
24:14
home now. But there was so much more fun
24:15
that could have been had. Yeah, because you almost took a
24:18
dart to the arm. That was by design.
24:22
It was part of the show. No, it was not, he said.
24:26
Look at that and tried reaching out for it.
24:27
And you'd taken the dart to the arm if I hadn't stopped you?
24:31
See. Good times, Hazy, what are you
24:34
doing? I'm going to jump up in a tree I
24:38
guess and click on the radio. Hey guys, I'm pretty sure I
24:43
found the Boo Hag. Is she hot?
24:47
That's why I say back on the radio.
24:50
I mean, she was a sexy old lady at first, but now not so much.
24:54
Kind of got a lot of coyote skin on it.
24:57
Still pretty sexy. So fucking hot that's.
25:00
Debatable. But you know, just check.
25:02
Just check it in guys. I'm in the north part of this
25:05
little place and love some help. And you can stay there.
25:13
Is that what you say on the radio, Grandpa?
25:15
Yeah. You're the bat, you're the bait.
25:19
All right, love you. Bye.
25:22
Do you want to do anything hazy? Yeah, I guess I'm going to.
25:27
Can I hear for where this fucking pig is like heading
25:30
towards? Oh yeah, the pig.
25:34
The pig just took off S you don't hear it at all anymore.
25:36
Oh, so it went away from me. OK, I guess I'm going to circle
25:42
back towards the that N door to the kitchen.
25:48
So we're going back in the house, is what I'm hearing.
25:51
No, I'm I'm going to post stuff. Just going to post up there.
25:55
Yeah, kind of. Here just at the back door.
25:59
Just hit the radio again, waiting on y'all over.
26:06
Hey, what's your charisma? Yeah, we'll be there at some
26:09
point. OK, you want to go there
26:11
instead. I mean.
26:14
That looks a lot farther than the church.
26:17
Oh, charisma is A1. OK, cool, cool, cool, cool,
26:21
cool, cool. You're sitting there and out of
26:24
nowhere to the north of you, one of the rocks on the Cliff there
26:28
just kind of falls off and straight into the water.
26:31
What looked like a couple of rocks that led down to water is
26:33
now kind of a sheer Cliff that's like about 5 feet away from you.
26:37
So lucky. All right, so we'll go.
26:42
I guess we'll go back to Grandpa then.
26:44
Yeah, I don't know what else to do right there if I'm.
26:46
I've tried to do everything in this fucking little building so.
26:50
So fucking leave. That's what I was trying to
26:53
kind. I figured I'd like I'm right
26:55
here at the boss. The fuck?
26:58
We're going to come back here eventually.
27:01
You think so? I.
27:04
I would not leave her alone. All right, Grandpa, we're back
27:10
to you. At this point I'm working.
27:13
I may be the first one to go, but this is more of a set to
27:15
trigger of like no, you know, I'll screw that.
27:17
Never mind, I'm going to help baby bird up like yo-yo, hold
27:20
on, hold on as I'm like helping him up walking time to towards
27:25
the door like yo misunderstanding guys, we need
27:28
to talk. Are they going?
27:33
Are they continuing to? Are they approaching?
27:36
Or you help baby Bird up. He's kind of taking a step back
27:42
to the door. You actually stopped though,
27:45
because where all these priests were standing, all the robes
27:50
just dropped to the floor in piles of cloth, and the priest
27:54
comes around the corner. You are getting naked.
27:58
The priest rounds the corner. A quick wave of his arm puts out
28:02
the candles along the room's edge.
28:06
The priest says yeah, Yeah. You said we were on the same
28:12
side. I agree that we are on the same
28:17
side. I'm human.
28:21
You're only human. You hungry?
28:28
I'm hungry. Yeah, of course you're hungry.
28:34
I can see it in your eyes. You know, that's the kind of
28:38
hunger that gets men killed. He raises his first slightly,
28:43
almost casual, like he's done this 1000 times, cracking his
28:48
knuckles, each pop loud and echoing, putting out more
28:52
candles in the room. I got flesh for you, plenty of
28:57
it. Fresh, tender, straight from
29:01
the. Source.
29:03
You notice for the first time that there are pieces of meat
29:06
scattered throughout the atrium on benches and tables, and all
29:10
of the monks hands are covered in blood.
29:14
A crooked grin spreads across his face.
29:17
You're gonna eat till it hurts. He tilts his head side to side.
29:24
Cracking his neck. His voice.
29:27
Dropping lower, meaner and when your hunger turns to theist.
29:36
He pauses to pinch one of the two remaining candle.
29:38
Flames out. You're gonna drink deep your own
29:45
blood like Communion Cabeche. And as he snuffs the light of
29:52
the final candle, the front door slams shut.
29:56
As you are engulfed in darkness, you hear his disembodied voice
30:01
utter one final warning. Don't worry about making peace
30:06
with the Almighty. I already told him you're
30:11
coming. That was such a cool line.
30:18
Is it it? Are we still going or is is that
30:22
am I able to move? Am I still able to act?
30:26
You can act. I'll give you one quick thing.
30:29
Actually, baby bird, you get one quick thing since you're up.
30:33
Do I have a flash bang? Do you have a flash bang?
30:38
I think you have one flash bang left.
30:42
OK, grandpa, close your eyes. OK.
30:49
I just drop it. I just drop it right in front of
30:52
me. Flash bang goes off bang and
30:58
there's nothing in the room. It's just you.
31:01
You see the church, the priest is not there, the piles of
31:03
clothing aren't there, and then it goes dark again.
31:08
What about that's creaky? OK.
31:10
You just hear me in the back. I don't like the dart.
31:15
Is there a night? Light.
31:19
Come to the light. How do I do that?
31:22
How do I do it? Yeah, if I can, I want to take a
31:28
take a step to my right, knowing that the wall should be right
31:31
there till I feel around where that door was that led to the
31:33
basement checking that door. OK.
31:37
What's your AC? Grandpa?
31:44
Don't worry, I I forgot. I I put that in the grandpa.
31:46
Your AC is 16. You were going to take, as you
31:50
reach for the door, a fist out of nowhere, square in the jaw.
31:55
You take 4 points of damage, but you do get your hands on that
31:59
door. You do move South to it.
32:03
So that puts you 13. OK All right, we're going to
32:07
come back to you. Oh, thoughty night out.
32:11
What you doing? We're going to the church.
32:17
No fuck are we going to the church or hazy we're.
32:19
Going to the church. OK.
32:23
Where's the church? To the east.
32:25
Yep. How do you know that we're?
32:28
We're going waste. How do I know that?
32:32
Because I'm a master navigator, that's why.
32:35
That and I also saw it when I was dragged over here.
32:38
Did you see it? Pretty sure I did.
32:40
They dragged me all the way over.
32:41
There I'm also I'm also a good Catholic boy.
32:44
I can smell out of church anywhere.
32:46
Yeah, you, you smell all the semen on the robes, all right?
32:49
And the baby oil? And the baby oil.
32:51
All right, So what? What's your guys speed?
32:54
Diddy doesn't go to churches. Yeah, priest don't use loose.
32:58
You've got the baby, Oh, who bought up in the road?
33:00
Speed. My speed is 30 all.
33:05
Right. 30 and night out you're with somebody so don't you get a
33:11
bonus to your oh. Yeah, it was the new guy, +2 day
33:15
in your role. That's a good idea.
33:18
That's not really a role, but because thought he's there, he's
33:20
kind of pushing you along. So you're going to, you're going
33:23
to go out a little bit ahead of him, so 152530 feet, and then
33:27
you're going to make it just a little bit further than him.
33:30
Keep up, bitch. All right, that's going to be
33:32
you guys hazy, What you doing all by yourself?
33:40
Yeah, I guess I'm just ignored, OK.
33:43
Oh, how's it feel? Me and baby Bird are over here
33:46
playing 7 minutes in heaven with a priest.
33:49
I'm. Just going to be sitting there
33:51
clicking the walkie-talkie on and off.
33:58
You could always go into the hole that grandpa found and try
34:02
and take the tunnel there. What the fuck tunnel are you
34:06
talking about? He wasn't paying attention when
34:09
I found that. Oh, he found a hole in the
34:12
house. Or he found if you look right
34:15
there in the southeast. Oh yeah, that first thing I
34:19
touched and you said it didn't do nothing.
34:23
Now you touch this thing here because this wasn't there.
34:26
You didn't see this? I have an epiphany and suddenly
34:29
remember there's a trapdoor in the living room.
34:32
Fantastic. So I'm going to run through the,
34:35
I'm just going to like Naruto, run through the house and just
34:38
jump through that door. Cool.
34:41
First, give me a luck roll Hazy. I'll let you roll it.
34:46
Oh God. That's a 20 plus my luck.
34:50
Yes. OK.
34:52
All right, wish me luck guys. God, you guys didn't wish me
34:58
luck. I blame y'all.
35:00
That's A7. OK, good luck.
35:02
Yeah, you come running the house 5 What's your speed?
35:06
Not fast enough? Let's see speed 40. 40 All right
35:14
so you come in here, you get hit, you take damage or you step
35:19
on the 1 plank in the kitchen 4 points of damage, mother of
35:23
mercy all right you're you're down to 10, however.
35:27
But am I quiet? No, like you, it hit you, but
35:30
you just kept going because you were full of speed and you got
35:33
you got past the kitchen table and you hear somebody walking in
35:37
the hallway to the South of you. That's going to be your turn for
35:41
this moment. We're going to go back to
35:44
Grandpa. So is that door locked?
35:50
The one to the South, it is not locked.
35:54
Well, if I open it, did I still see any of the light from coming
35:57
for that tunnel? Oh, there, no, there wasn't any
36:00
light in the tunnel. You just kind of felt your way
36:02
through. It was dark, darkness.
36:03
Charlie Murphy. Well, that kind of changes that
36:08
idea. A little bit.
36:16
Anyone got any ideas? So OK, you you say that and
36:23
let's see what happens here. You hear something go right by
36:29
your head. I'm going to try and leap at
36:33
whatever that the the direction that came from and there's only
36:37
a few directions it could have been because the wall, I got a
36:39
wall to my back. I'm going to try and tackle this
36:41
thing. OK, give me a luck roll.
36:47
These dice are loaded. That's what I'm saying.
36:51
It was supposed to be 1 to the right.
36:54
I that's actually I've I haven't really scored above A5.
36:57
Let me get it a different colour.
36:59
No one's got double digits this whole time.
37:01
What? What was that number?
37:02
GRIPA. 2 plus Luck Christmas 0. Yep.
37:10
So that 2 is the negative. 5. 2 heads of you and baby bird just
37:15
colliding right into each other. Fucking idiots.
37:21
No damages done to you, gentlemen.
37:23
Let's see who's next. This guy's next.
37:27
Oh, baby bird. You hear something by your ear
37:30
as well then. Oh, and then you both hear
37:35
something whizzed by your ear. I drop down on the ground.
37:43
That's not good. When you drop down on the
37:45
ground, baby bird, something stomps on your hand and you
37:49
take. Five points of.
37:52
Damage. Five points of damage?
37:57
You're down to 12. All right.
38:03
The priest's voice comes out and it sounds like he's all around
38:06
you Bellas fellas. I thought we were on the same
38:10
side here. We are.
38:13
You're not going to know where the coffin is if you keep this
38:15
shit up. It feels like he's inside of me.
38:20
You hear when you say the word coffin it feels like the room
38:24
stops. Like you didn't even notice the
38:26
room felt like it was moving but it just everything just felt
38:29
dead real quick. I told you we're here to help.
38:33
You hear the priest. You're going to give me that
38:37
coffin. You're going to give it to me
38:40
now? Oh.
38:42
That's what she said. Got a?
38:43
Sexy voice on. Do we have it right now to give
38:46
to you? Yeah, right.
38:48
We can take you to it. You hear me?
38:51
Don't give him shit, he's the one who hired us.
38:56
I got it wrong. He's not.
38:59
Fuck that piece of shit. Hey, take my fucking hand and my
39:04
skin. We'll get you a new hand.
39:07
You're right. The anyway.
39:09
Oh, my tattoos are on my skin. Your skin's going to grow back,
39:13
buddy. It's not.
39:15
Hey, don't worry, I think I found your skin.
39:18
Oh good. Did you get it?
39:20
No. Oh, that's not helpful.
39:25
All right, let's see. I guess you guys are still
39:27
moving towards them. I'm going.
39:28
To be going back towards, you know, this door.
39:31
Oh no, that you now you're you're dead moving grandpa, You
39:34
guys 1050202530, you get that extra?
39:39
I don't know your speed is 3530, so this is 30.
39:43
You guys should just be keeping up with each other.
39:44
You guys moving a little bit closer As you guys are running
39:49
east of the woods, I guess I'm, I'm forgetting to describe this.
39:51
You guys have left the town. You're running through the
39:54
little embankment that's like a trench that looks like a dried
39:57
up riverbed. Yep.
39:58
And as you guys are running along something to the north
40:01
side of the riverbed is just sounds like Thunder running
40:06
through the woods. Have fun with that.
40:08
Oh no. Don't like that?
40:11
I told you we should have stayed in the fucking basement.
40:14
Told you we should have caught a Disneyland.
40:17
Well, I gave you the option, Hope hazy, but no, you wanted to
40:20
go to the church. Either way, we're going to run
40:22
into that little fucking bastard.
40:24
Oh, he, he's not little. There's nothing about that
40:26
motherfucker. He's little.
40:28
Nothing. And technically, Nidal and
40:31
Thadi, neither one of you know what that.
40:34
Is son of a. Bitch, I come across, I come
40:39
across the radio. Hey, by the way, it ain't
40:41
little. No context, completely
40:46
unprompted. Crazy.
40:50
We have a little more detail here.
40:51
Come on. He doesn't know what's happening
40:53
to you either. The dude just like, randomly
40:57
broke. Radio silence was like, yeah, by
40:59
the way, it ain't little. What?
41:01
Ain't little use. Your imagination crazy you.
41:07
Go through the Hatch and then you find yourself in a cellar
41:15
that just looks completely blown the fuck up.
41:20
Like there's holes in the walls to the to the West and to the
41:23
South of you. There's rubble everywhere.
41:26
It looks like chaos down here. The wall in the South is blown
41:30
up and the wall to the West is blown up.
41:33
I guess I'm going to go towards the east.
41:37
Oh, not my bad. Yeah.
41:40
So that one on the West side wall.
41:43
All right, AZ you, you enter this room over here that's got a
41:47
couple candles magically lit as soon as you step into the room.
41:52
Just there's some books lining the South wall, There's books
41:56
lining the N wall and there's a, a desk with a red, or excuse me,
42:03
a maroon Victorian looking chair very similar to the one that you
42:06
saw upstairs the the Nancy witch lady's bedroom.
42:12
I'm going to put on my little fancy NWO glasses and
42:15
investigate. You don't see anything.
42:19
You, I take it back, you see a couple things, but it all just
42:22
looks like humans walking in and out and running around.
42:24
And that is going to end your turn because we did quite a bit
42:28
there. Grandpa, you're still stuck in
42:33
the darkness. All right, going to try and work
42:36
my way back to the the main door for yeah, the door which would
42:42
be to my West. Yep, you blindly feel to the
42:48
West and right before you get to the door something swings in
42:51
front of your face and it sounds particularly sharp, like you're
42:59
watching an old samurai movie. That's nice.
43:04
Anyway, so the door. Oh, no, that's it.
43:08
You stopped right there. Luckily, you did.
43:13
Let's see. Hold on, baby bird.
43:16
What's your AC20? 2.
43:19
Nothing happens to you. Something bumps into you a
43:22
little bit. Oh, and then something smashes
43:28
into the back of your head. It feels like somebody hit you
43:32
with a set of stairs. Huh.
43:37
Yeah, for seven points of damage.
43:39
Just, oh, you're still on the ground too.
43:41
So yeah, something just slammed in on top of you.
43:45
Jeez. You are down to I can't do math.
43:50
That's 5. Was it a folding chair?
43:52
My WWE. Stone Cold Steve hosted.
43:57
Not chair stairs. I heard you the.
44:00
First time like like the hotel stairs?
44:02
Like the cement stairs? Yeah, like those ones, The ones
44:05
for fire escapes. And then you guys just hear some
44:09
other wind and you see a faint glow to the east of both of you,
44:15
kind of like the outline of a body.
44:17
And you see somebody just moving.
44:19
It looks kind of like Tai Chi, like they're getting into a
44:22
stance and there's a glow to them like they're the last
44:27
dragon. Well then.
44:31
Baby bear, it's your turn. I'm going to run at them as fast
44:34
as I can. And.
44:42
I'm just going to see what they do all.
44:44
Right. You're going to roll out with a
44:45
-, 2 because you're having to get up and do this at the same
44:47
time. OK, let me change the colour of
44:50
my dice. Watch he rolls in that 20.
44:53
That does tend to help. Does it?
44:56
No. Sure the fuck didn't.
45:00
An 8. Before you even get to this
45:03
thing, you're seeing double. It doesn't look like it moved
45:07
like it ran towards you. It just the outline of the body
45:10
just went right in front of you and you got struck with
45:14
something right in the face for oh.
45:18
Oh no. You got very lucky.
45:22
This thing hits you, but because you were still trying to get up
45:25
and hadn't fully stood up, it just kind of scrapes the back of
45:28
your neck because you're doing that clamber up and run forward
45:31
at the same time, so it misses you slightly.
45:33
One point of damage is all you take.
45:36
Oh, that's fucking lucky because that's a, that's AD 12.
45:41
I'm rolling. Jeez.
45:44
All right four points of damage to you and that's going to end
45:46
it for you guys because man I lost I lost a hand, I lost
45:50
scanner. I'm gonna just sit this shit out
45:54
Night owl thoughty you guys still running Yup cool cool,
45:59
cool, 150 twenty. So you guys get to where Night
46:04
Owl started to crawl up the woods, up the embankment here
46:08
'cause this is where he escaped from the cop the first time.
46:11
And when you guys get up there, something slams in the ground
46:15
right behind you, thought he. Climb faster, climb faster,
46:20
climb faster, climb faster. Giant fucking pig and he's just
46:23
smelling the air right behind you, Saudi.
46:27
Like you actually couldn't run forward, he was breathing in so
46:31
hard. Comes up behind you and all you
46:33
hear is. Yeah, I'm going to need you to
46:37
to climb that fucking Cliff faster, night owl.
46:42
I'm trying. I'm old, I'm trying.
46:46
All right, Hazy, what are you doing while these guys are
46:50
clambering for their life? So there's no point in
46:55
investigating this room, I guess.
46:58
I mean you, you wouldn't know unless you investigated.
47:01
I just said investigate and you said no, nothing there.
47:04
No, you did the NWO glasses. I I want to investigate and I
47:08
said investigate. OK, what?
47:09
What do you want to investigate? The desk.
47:14
All right, go check that desk. Let me give it a roll real
47:18
quick. What's your stat for
47:19
investigation? That would be 1.
47:25
OK, let me pull up what you find.
47:29
All right. Roll AD 20.
47:31
Hazy. Oh.
47:33
Fuck. Oh, look at that shit.
47:36
Wow. The gypsies, like, do I get
47:39
something? I'm gonna roll a 17.
47:44
You. What is that?
47:47
Oh, you find a book. I can't read.
47:56
It, well, it looks like a book. It's a piece of warped wood
48:00
carved like a book. The front of it looks like the
48:03
Nipka Nimmagan. Oh, I see that movie.
48:08
It's burnt with a face carved into the front of it and it has
48:12
a symbol on the back of it that's a crude sun like symbol
48:18
with jagged rays pointing outwards.
48:22
I'm going to go. You know who would love this?
48:24
My friend Coyote. And I would put it in my pocket.
48:29
You know what Coyote would like better?
48:30
Probably his skin. Nah.
48:33
Don't listen to him Hazy. I swear to God we're finding my
48:36
skin before we move on. Maybe.
48:38
Maybe just a hand? Or hand.
48:41
I'm going to make a robot hand for sure.
48:42
All right, Hazy. You, you tuck that in your
48:45
backpack. You're getting ready for school.
48:47
What are you going to do next? I'm going to notice that little
48:51
circle on the ground. Can I investigate that?
48:56
Yeah, that is a you. You go to the east.
48:59
There is, I guess I forgot to mention this, a what looks like
49:03
a summoning circle from like Full Metal Alchemist on a little
49:06
podium thing looks like a sacrificial altar.
49:09
But. It doesn't exactly have weird
49:12
signs, more so just math equations written into it in
49:17
formulas. Matthew.
49:22
Get out of here. Nerd.
49:25
That's it. That's all you see.
49:28
Back to Grandpa. What are you doing?
49:30
I'm going to try and blow away the handle of this fucking door
49:34
so we can get at least if. Even if I don't manage to hit
49:37
the handle, it should blow a hole through the door, giving us
49:40
light into this place. That's true.
49:42
Go ahead, do that. 11 getting better, getting better.
49:50
Right, that's my first double digits.
49:53
Yeah. Yeah, you shoot something, you
49:57
blow a hole in the door and there's a little bit of light,
50:00
but as soon as you see it, something from behind you
50:03
strikes you 4, five points of damage.
50:07
Good God. Right in the back.
50:10
Really not sure like what's hitting you either.
50:14
Let's see who's going to go next.
50:17
Oh, Grandpa, another strike to the back.
50:22
Good Lord. For 9 points of damage.
50:27
Dude is taking bag shots. Dude, Grandpa, this last one
50:32
hits you. Your vision gets blurry.
50:34
The last thing you see is the light in the hole, and you just
50:37
hit the ground and you just see the robes that the monks were
50:44
wearing earlier just kind of floating in and out around you.
50:46
And you can't really make it. It doesn't look like anybody's
50:49
in there. They're just kind of moving
50:50
about and you're down because you're at 0HP, all right, one
50:58
second. Oh, baby bird, you're going to
51:00
take damage while you're sitting there.
51:01
Something stomps on you. When that thing hit you, it
51:04
knocked you back down and you're going to take 4 points of
51:08
damage. People are just stomping on you,
51:11
baby bird. You don't even know where it's
51:12
coming. 4 points of damage. Actually, you're down too.
51:18
To what? Zero.
51:21
I love how hopeful he was. You're both just on the ground,
51:24
both of you just kind of holding hands in there.
51:26
He's here in the background. You guys bring shit on me.
51:32
So hungry. He just keeps feeding me in my
51:34
own hand. I hate you, Coyote.
51:37
This is not. My phone, all right.
51:45
Due to that, we're going to speed up time because there's
51:48
really not a fight going on now night out thoughty you both
51:53
cross over here. You jump down this ditch, you go
51:55
through the little Creek here. As you go through the Creek, you
52:00
notice that there is like a couple articles of my clothing
52:05
over here. That's just like kind of stuck
52:06
on a branch as a looks like I was dragged through this river
52:09
at some point and you guys make it in front of the church, but
52:13
you still hear the pigs stomping behind.
52:18
Can he climb cliffs? But he got up to him back when
52:21
you guys were up. That's a huge bitch.
52:25
OK, here's what we're going to do, Night owl.
52:27
Here's what we're going to do. We're going to bait the pig into
52:32
the church. Yeah, we can stand in front of
52:34
it, mock him, and then jump out of the way the last minute so he
52:37
goes barreling through the door. Yes, yes, exactly.
52:42
Yeah, Wiley Coyote. Shit, let's go.
52:44
Oh. You guys think the pig's after
52:46
you? Well, he's obviously following
52:49
us. Oh, you think so?
52:52
All right. Or he's after the church.
52:55
Either way, we're enraging him to go through the door.
52:58
OK, OK. Well, you guys make it to right
53:01
in front of the place. Hazy, what are you doing?
53:08
I guess I'm going out of this room and going to the door to
53:17
the South, going through the tunnel.
53:19
OK, you go through the tunnel, you go out of that room, you go
53:23
into the main room, you go into this tunnel.
53:24
It is dark. You just keep trucking,
53:26
trucking, trucking. And then there's no there's no
53:29
turn off. So your hands just feeling along
53:31
the wall. And finally you run into a
53:33
ladder, face burst back. You gonna climb that ladder?
53:38
Hell yeah. OK, you climb that ladder and
53:41
when you climb it, you pop up into this little room in the
53:44
church here. Oh, very nice convenience.
53:48
Look at that. The gang's all back together.
53:50
Just in time for the next episode of Danger, though.
53:53
This is horseshit. Yeah, Yep.
53:56
All right. Hey, the gang's back together,
53:58
all right? Everybody's saying goodbye.
54:00
Goodbye, bye. Bye bye.
54:06
Bye all that chaos. And it actually did tie in
54:08
pretty well at the end. No, there's there's no way we're
54:13
getting out of this. Oh no, absolutely not.
54:17
Transmission lost. Teen status unknown.