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Diva Mia: Finding your Perfect Partner with a Reciprocal Relationships · The Diva Details

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  Welcome to the Diva Details. Welcome to the Diva Details.
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  Where bold, confident women embrace life unapologetically.
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  From love and sex to wellness and reinvention. We keep it raw, real, and powerful.
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  Music.
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  No filters, no limits.
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  Just fearless conversations to help you thrive. Let's dive in with Diva Mia and Diva Cat.
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  Hello, everyone. This is Diva Mia. I want to talk to you a little bit about
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  the reciprocal relationship.
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  When you are looking for the right person in life, you really need to look inward first.
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  And I know a lot of people, they'll go out and they'll scan and they'll look
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  for the person and they hope to get lucky and find somebody that they can convince
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  that they're great and will fall
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  madly in love with them. But that's not typically how things work in life.
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  You tend to get exactly who you are. So if you're the type of person that's
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  loyal and honest and loving, and you're the type of person that will get in shape,
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  take responsibility for their own actions, you're more likely to get that back.
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  It's more of a reciprocal relationship.
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  So a reciprocal relationship means that your core values are going to be matched by yourself.
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  The other person's core values. This is what gets you to the best alternative.
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  If you've ever felt that you're the only one texting someone,
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  you're the only one planning meetups, you're the only one calling,
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  you're probably not in the right reciprocal relationship.
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  Reciprocal relationships, they're not transactional. They're not tit for tat. They're enduring.
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  They're long lasting. There's a huge connection when you find the right person
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  that gives you a reciprocal relationship.
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  Sometimes the connection lasts for a long time and sometimes it wanes.
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  So don't think that just because you met a person that you had a really good
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  connection with, that it's going to be your forever person. But you can say
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  to yourself, this is what my expectations are, this is who I am,
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  and this is what I expect in a relationship.
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  If you give love to someone and they don't give you the same love back,
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  it might be time for you to walk away.
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  Relationships do ebb and flow, and relationships do change over time.
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  However, the amount of care and consideration someone gives you shouldn't change.
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  They should give you as much care and consideration as you give them,
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  Otherwise, the relationship is extremely unbalanced.
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  We need to make sure that we earn the love that we give, but we also are reciprocal
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  on the love that we receive.
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  You can't have resentment towards your partner because you're giving them so
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  much love and emotion and they're not giving you anything back.
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  The reason they're not is because you're allowing them not to.
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  And a lot of times people don't want to go through the idea of rejection and
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  they don't want to go through the idea of walking away from a relationship that's
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  not filling up their cup, if you will, or pouring into them.
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  Problem is as if it's not joy and happiness for you now, it's not going to be
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  joy and happiness for you later.
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  There are times when relationships hit bumps and roadblocks,
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  but if you're clearly communicating with your partner what your expectations
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  are and you're not receiving it back, the problem is not your partner.
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  The problem is the fact that you're lowering your standards and your boundaries
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  and staying in a relationship that's not good for you.
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  You can meditate, you can journal, you can exercise, you can relax and try to
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  focus on exactly what you want. but if you're not getting what you want,
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  you can't put that on the other person.
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  Sometimes it's time to just let them be and let them go.
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  In life, the number one thing that's the most important is peace and joy.
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  If you're in a relationship that's completely lopsided and you're not receiving
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  that peace and joy back, you need to understand that you're not going to.
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  You do need to communicate that with your partner, though.
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  If you're not communicating with your partner, they may not know what your expectations are.
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  So it is important for you to communicate clearly what you expect.
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  It is also important to define what you want in a relationship and not to be
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  afraid of it. I've learned that life is very short.
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  When we don't realize life is short, sometimes we take things for granted and
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  we allow people to treat us badly.
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  And we think we're going to live a really long time. And it's almost like we're
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  asleep at the wheel and just going through the motions.
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  And life is meant to be lived on a daily basis. It is meant to be enjoyed on
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  a daily basis. You should be with a person that makes you feel alive,
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  and you should be making them feel alive. It should be 100% reciprocal.
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  And until you find that true love, what are you really doing? Life is enjoyable.
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  And I believe there's someone for everyone, but we all have to grow and mature
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  to a level where we can find the right person for us. You need to make a list.
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  You need to make a list of all the things you want in a person,
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  in your partner. Make your list and list out every little detail.
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  I don't care if they're tall, if they're short. You can list out any type of
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  personal features that you would like and personality traits.
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  You can list out that they have money or they don't. Or you can list out that
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  they didn't come for money, but they came and they worked their way up in life.
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  Whatever it is, write down everything you want and then make another column.
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  And on the other column, list out who you are. And do you match that person?
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  Now, for instance, if you say that you want somebody that's tall,
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  you don't necessarily have to be tall.
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  But they have to like someone that's shorter, right? You can't force yourself on anyone.
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  The nice thing about living in the life, living in the time that we live in
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  right now, is that there are so many people to choose from, and there's multiple
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  soulmates, and you don't have to settle.
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  You find exactly what you're looking for, but you need to match.
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  If you're not in shape, and you're expecting someone to be in perfect health
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  and condition, you're not going to find what you're looking for.
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  You'd really need to match. If you enjoy going for a hike, but they hate that,
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  and you really want a partner to go for a hike, don't settle.
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  Now, I'm not saying you have to have the perfect person. However,
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  you do need to get somebody pretty darn close to what you want for true happiness.
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  And you should be happy with yourself and never look for happiness in the other.
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  But I will say that when you're with someone that doesn't match your vibe or
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  your personality type, it can really bring you down.
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  You need to find someone that's equally yoked with you. Finding the perfect partner, it takes time.
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  Sometimes people find it right
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  out of the gate. My father took 40 years to find his perfect partner.
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  So you have to remember that finding the perfect partner can be a journey and
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  you don't want to rush it. You need to communicate openly no matter what.
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  And sometimes communication requires that you involve a third party to bring you back together.
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  You need to have boundaries and you need to make those boundaries so that someone
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  can't erase those boundaries or cross your red line, if you will.
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  If you want a partner that shows up, that shows up on time, do you show up? Do you show up on time?
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  If you want a partner that listens to you, do you listen to them back?
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  Are you emotionally mature? Are you emotionally available?
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  Are you present when your partner talks, and does your partner only talk about
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  themselves and never ask about you?
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  Are you giving a one-sided relationship where every time you call to talk to
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  them, all they do is talk about themselves and never ask how you're doing?
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  If you want a partner that remembers special dates or cares about you when you're
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  ill, You need to care about them when they're ill and remember their special dates.
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  Love needs to be very reciprocal because otherwise it's very imbalanced.
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  So having a reciprocal relationship is having a healthy love style.
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  You don't have to match love languages, but you do have to acknowledge the other
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  person's love languages and give them the attention that they need.
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  Some people need more attention than others.
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  Some people don't want to be bothered so much, and some people want to have
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  communication on a daily basis.
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  And then you have the differences in men and women. and men and women have certain differences.
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  But if you're to truly be a supportive partner, you need to be there in the
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  way that your partner wants you to show up.
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  And you're there in the way your partner wants to show up by listening.
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  There's no perfect person. Everyone has flaws. Everyone has histories. Some have trauma.
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  Some have really bad toxic relationships they're recovering from.
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  People have quirks, but you have to be able to enjoy the nice little quirks
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  about different people.
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  Some people love social media, some people hate it, some people love movies,
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  some people like to go for bike rides.
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  You need to find your person that matches you, because this is a lifelong journey.
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  It is a nice goal to find that perfect person that you can grow old with,
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  but sometimes you go through one or two before you find that one.
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  Perfect doesn't equal 100% compatible.
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  It may be that you have a lot of things that you're different on.
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  The things you get along with are the ones that are non-negotiables.
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  Replace perfect, the word perfect, with aligned. If you're aligned correctly
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  with the right person, you'll find that you are aligned in ways that you never imagined.
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  They may like going on a bike ride where you like going hiking,
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  so you guys go together to the park, and you just go in different directions
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  and meet up in the middle. What you want is what you want.
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  It should not be what your friends want. It should not be what your parents want.
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  You need to make sure that you are being true and honest to you.
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  If you find someone that's right for you and your parents don't like them or
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  your friends don't like them, but it's true to you, they might be your one.
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  And don't listen to other people because other people's opinions don't really
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  matter. Yours matters the most.
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  For instance, if for me, trust is important, someone with a growth mindset is
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  important, someone that's nice and kind and loyal. But other people may not need that.
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  And they may need somebody that is financially stable or someone that's a bodybuilder
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  or someone that is a really good father figure, but they don't care about some
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  of the other things. Everyone is different.
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  Everyone needs and wants different things. You need to know how you love.
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  And some people pour their hearts
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  out there and put their heart on their sleeve and show it to everyone.
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  While other people, they're more restrained. Now, that doesn't mean that those
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  two types of people can't get along, but you need to come to some middle ground.
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  People have different attachment styles. Attachment styles are big right now
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  in the therapy world, if you go to therapy.
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  And different attachment styles can get along. You just need to know what your
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  partner's attachment style is so you can understand and interpret what they're
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  meaning when they say certain things. Your love language is so important.
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  It's nice when you can match love languages. At least one of your love languages
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  matches because then you know that you're actually fulfilling one person's true nature.
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  Your communication style is important, too. So if you like to talk softly and
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  have discussions and when you get upset to take a break and then walk away and
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  then come back, that's a communication style.
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  Other people like to be confronted and fight face to face. I personally don't
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  want to have a confrontation. I like to walk away, get my thoughts together, and then come back.
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  While some people say that they like to fight it out right there.
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  Well, it kind of depends on what you're looking for, and that might be non-negotiable
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  for you. Past patterns do have an effect.
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  And I do believe that sometimes we get too wrapped up in our past. And we get stuck there.
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  And we think that we have to analyze every part of our past to become better.
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  And I don't think our past is there to necessarily be overcome.
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  It is to be understood. But some of it's good.
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  Even some of the stuff that, say, is caused by trauma, some of it was actually
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  a good thing. It might have made you stronger.
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  Don't look at your past as a bad thing. Look at your past as a history and a
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  learning experience and take all the lessons that you can from your past to
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  grow into your future and to grow into the future with the right partner.
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  There are red flags that people give out. I can't disagree with that.
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  And red flags, you have to make sure that you don't allow those.
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  Because if you allow red flags in your life, you're allowing someone to treat
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  you the way you don't want to be treated.
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  There are preferences in life on your list and there's priorities.
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  And the priorities that you make are important. And preferences may or may not happen.
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  So, for instance, maybe I want
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  someone that's 6'3", but I'm okay with that because that's a preference.
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  But I have to have somebody that's emotionally mature. That's a priority.
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  You need to make sure that you list out exactly what you want and exactly what
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  you need. And then focus on it.
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  You don't have to go on all the dating apps. You might meet someone on a dating
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  app, but you might just bump into the right person.
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  It has a funny way of just bringing the right person into your life.
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  The best way to meet people, I think, is through friends and different types
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  of clubs and organizations that we're interested in.
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  There's an app called Meetup that you can meet people through.
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  There's different dating apps if you need to. And then friends of friends.
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  And, you know, don't be afraid to go on the blind dates. The blind dates,
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  you'd be amazed how many times your friends will match you up with somebody
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  that gives you a really good vibe or really good chemistry. And sometimes it's
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  someone from your past. Maybe someone you haven't seen for a long time.
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  Chemistry is great, but it fades unless people put the work into the relationship.
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  You have to align. You have to have similar values. If you don't have similar
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  values, it's really hard to stay together.
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  That's why I think a lot of people in the same political party or the same religious
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  background, or like if they came from small towns or if they came from big cities.
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  Those tend to have similar basic core values.
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  And when people meet that have those types of values, they tend to have strong
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  chemistry that lasts and can last.
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  You also have to have a shared pace. So if you're a go-getter,
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  someone that likes to get stuff done and your partner is not,
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  they either have to get out of your way or they have to jump in.
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  You need to figure out whether that's going to work for you.
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  You have to be both mutually emotionally available because a lot of times it's bad timing.
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  So if someone's going through a breakup or if someone's spouse just passed away,
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  it may not be the right time for someone.
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  You also need to know if you're building in the right direction.
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  The perfect partner or the partner that aligns with you will help you grow.
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  Together, you will be stronger, not weaker. Together, you will be better.
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  Together, your love will grow.
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  Together, you'll be able to sort through life and realize that life is wonderful together.
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  And you'll notice that together, you're stronger than you are individually.
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  Instead of asking, what do I want?
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  Maybe you should ask yourself, would I date me right now? Are you in a place
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  with your physical health, with your mental health, with your emotional health,
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  with your financial health, that you can even offer something to someone?
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  If not, maybe it's time to glow up and go inward.
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  Maybe it's time to look inside and grow as a person, and then you'll find the right person for you.
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  Nothing's worse than finding a person that doesn't match what you're looking
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  for, spending time with them, and not working on you, and then missing out on
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  the right person for you. Are you emotionally open?
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  Are you secure? Do you have emotional issues? Do you fight with yourself?
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  Do you argue? Do you give yourself bad self-talk? It might be time to work on your own personal vibe.
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  So just remember there's no perfect person. The only way to find your person
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  is to get to the place where you have found yourself and you're happy with yourself
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  and you bring joy to yourself.
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  And once you fully enjoy yourself, you're going to find the person that's right
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  for you. I wish you all the luck.
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  I wish you all the love. And I hope that you find exactly what you're looking
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  for in life and love. Aloha. This is Diva Mia signing off.
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  Music.
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