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Why Bad Dates Happen to Great Women · Secrets They'll Only Tell a Matchmaker with Gina Hendrix

0:03
Welcome to Secrets from a Billionaire's Matchmaker with
0:06
matchmaker Gina Hendricks. Hey there, Gina Hendricks here.
0:13
For those of you who don't know, I've been a matchmaker since
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2008. Been doing this a very, very
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long time and I love to talk about love and dating still to
0:24
this day. So when you join me here, you're
0:27
going to hear recordings over the last few years that I've
0:31
done with women who have come through my coaching programs and
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I do a rapid fire live Q&A with them.
0:37
Sometimes I welcome guests, but sometimes it's just me.
0:40
Fireside chat, shoot the questions at me, I'll give you
0:43
the answers. Let's do it, let's do it, let's
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do it. So I've compiled the best and
0:48
I'm giving them to you. Here we are laying it all on the
0:52
table. I'm not gatekeeping.
0:55
I'm giving you everything I know about men and my God, I know a
0:58
lot. So in this episode that I'm
1:00
calling great women bad choices, why bad dates happen to good
1:05
women, I am going to clear up a lot of things that you ladies
1:09
continue to get wrong. And it's OK.
1:13
You're not bad. You're so smart, you're so
1:16
great. But my God, when it comes to men
1:19
showing up for you, you just let all your all your common sense
1:23
fall to the wayside. So you're going to have a come
1:26
to Gina talk with me today, all right?
1:28
And I am going to hopefully give you a new perspective.
1:33
So that being said, let's do this.
1:37
All right, so you're up to bat. When am I allowed to initiate
1:42
anything, even if it's just a simple text message?
1:45
I have been basically of the view that I only respond to
1:49
things and otherwise I'm just moving on and doing whatever in
1:52
my life. So like I had a great second
1:54
date with this guy and then I was inclined to write to him the
1:58
next I had. I wrote to him when I got home
1:59
and said I'm home safe. And then the next day I want to
2:03
write to him and I said no, wait for him.
2:05
And then and then Monday I was like, no, wait for him.
2:08
And it I you know. And so basically you do you want
2:11
to write to him because you're unsure if you're going out with
2:13
him again. Yes, he did not set up another
2:16
date right And, and then exactly.
2:18
But I, I, there was definitely a madness in that for me.
2:22
That's that's good practice though.
2:23
So because, yeah, you resisted the urge to kind of want to step
2:27
in because I think a lot of times as ladies, we're not being
2:31
particularly honest with ourselves about why we do
2:35
certain things. Do you know what I mean?
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Like, yeah, it's not, it's not like you necessarily, if you're
2:39
going to be totally honest, it's not like if you necessarily
2:43
wanted to just say hi to him without any agenda attached.
2:47
Do you know what I mean? Right.
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Right. You were doing it to sort of
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like kind of manipulate him in a little way, just for lack of a
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better word. Yeah.
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We all manipulate people for certain things, for sure.
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That's just what we do. The good word for that.
2:58
It's right. It's not A and it's not a bad
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word in itself. So.
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So, yeah, you were trying to kind of control the situation.
3:03
How about that word? So you didn't need to, right.
3:07
So the truth of the matter is, if a guy really likes you,
3:11
you'll realize that, you know, that's sort of how we determine
3:15
are they really into us or not? And all this nonsense where
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you'll see some occasionally stuff on social media where
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they'll be like, no, you need to say something to him.
3:25
You need to know those people don't know what they're talking
3:27
about or they might know one person or might be speaking for
3:30
themselves. But if a man is truly interested
3:33
in you, you don't need to do anything except receive and be
3:36
appreciative and be grateful. And sure, if it's down the road
3:40
and you've been dating him a lot, you know a bit, you've gone
3:43
on five dates or whatever and you're more in the group, sure,
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just say I hope I'm thinking of you.
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Hope you have a wonderful day. It doesn't hurt.
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In fact, it doesn't hurt. Here's the thing, it doesn't
3:54
hurt ever to do that, but you can't be attached to the
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outcome. So the problem with doing it,
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you can do it and go, oh, you know, if this guy never writes
4:05
me back, I I won't be upset. But I know you ladies well
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enough to know you don't. That's not the point of why
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you're doing it. Correct.
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You see, so if you can do stuff and not be attached or get your
4:16
feelings hurt or get more wound up when you don't hear back,
4:19
then do it. But if you're doing it to, you
4:22
know, kind of like get his attention and stuff, it's basic.
4:25
It's best to do nothing and just receive.
4:29
And with that in mind, let's take another question.
4:33
So I'm wondering if you can speak a little bit on is what
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the difference is? I think there's a difference
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between a guy who's just lacking style and a guy who, although he
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may have money, just is not a very classy person, like, just
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doesn't get it. Let me think about this.
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So you're asking me what the difference is?
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Yes. Yeah, well, OK, so and OK, when
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whenever you guys come at me with questions, my first go to
4:58
is to go back into my mind of the men I've I've actually dealt
5:02
with, you know, in the real world, right.
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I think, you know, when it comes to like men and money and
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sophistication, there are those guys that are just, they have
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money, but they have no clue. They sometimes they don't even
5:16
care to have a clue. And then there's men who are
5:19
like a sponge and they just they have money, but they've worked
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hard and they just don't really, they've not been exposed to how
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to how to navigate style. And I mean, most of the men, if
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they're somewhat sophisticated, they know about manners, whether
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they choose to have them or not. That's a whole different.
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That's a whole different game. You know what I mean?
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This next one is great. Love it.
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Men always post on their profiles that they are looking
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for women who don't play games. No games, she says.
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What games are they saying that women play?
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Okay, so I thought this was such a great topic because here's the
5:58
deal, all right? When men play games, it's
6:02
usually because they're unavailable or they're not truly
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interested in you. They're just killing time.
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They're sort of like a cat with a cat toy kind of a thing.
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All right, That's why men play games.
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Men don't play games, honestly, if they're truly, truly
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available and interested, right? But what's confusing to you
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ladies is because you guys play games for different reasons, all
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right? And so when women play games,
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sometimes it can be from a place of ego where, and this isn't too
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often, I don't see this too often, but it does happen where
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a woman just loves the attention.
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So she's not fully available either.
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So she'll play games. But the majority of time you
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ladies are considered playing games, it's because you aren't
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straightforward in your communication.
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All right. And this is how I see it.
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So, you know, a lot of times ladies want men to read their
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minds. And when a man doesn't do or say
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what you guys are expecting, instead of communicating that,
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you just withdraw or you get cold or you change your tunes
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because you're hoping that he'll get the get the signal right.
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And so you're trying to, you're trying to demonstrate that
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you're upset, upset or unhappy or don't, you know, not
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interested in the way things are going without actually being
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straightforward enough to say it.
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And that is what they consider game playing.
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The perspective I come at is not Gina Hendricks as a human being
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perspective, right? All of so when you guys ask me
7:28
any questions, I go into the vault as I call my mind what's
7:32
between my ears. I go into the vault and I think
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in terms of all these conversations that I've had with
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my men or even dealing with the women over the years for my men,
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right? And so that that's how I come up
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with these answers. It's based on the real world,
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real world situations. And so I would say that women,
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you know, play games, if you will, air quotes by not
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communicating clearly. I'm not, you know, and expecting
8:01
people. I think we do this as friends to
8:03
each other too, expect each other to be mind readers.
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He did this. And how would I tell him I don't
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want to blah, blah, blah. And I said just like you're
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telling me. You said it so perfectly.
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Just tell him, you know, so I think when we don't communicate
8:19
clearly and so we, what would, what a lot of women do is they
8:23
try to, they, they get quiet or they say something maybe they
8:28
don't mean or so this is how men interpret it.
8:32
Interpret playing games. That's what it means to them.
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Questions. You got questions, I got
8:36
answers. OK, so I'm a bit of a FBI
8:40
investigator, so I make sure that I actually this is as it
8:45
relates to exchanging phone numbers.
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So I, I do, I when a man, when a man will give me the phone
8:52
number on the app on Bumble, then I do, I do a white pages
8:57
search, right, just to make sure the name matches whatever.
8:59
OK, cool. They and then I give them my
9:03
Google number. That's fine.
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But then they don't call. We agree to have a call and and
9:08
it's like, why did you ask for my phone number if you're not
9:11
going to? I did not seal the deal by
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saying when can I expect to hear?
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From you, that's what you've really got to do so.
9:19
I mean, is that really but like. Yeah.
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That's really what you have to do.
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Yeah, you do, because it it then you're going to know right then
9:27
and there whether that call is happening or not.
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And and if you want to ask me the why, I don't really know the
9:33
why. I just know that it's just a
9:36
it's just when you leave. OK, so here's what I do know,
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you guys, this is what I know, but like in the early stages of
9:43
dating and you're not even dating anybody at this point
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when you're just talking to him them in messenger.
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You know what I mean? Like you guys haven't even
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become real people to each other.
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You really haven't. And that and that's fair to say
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you're just talking to some stranger on the Internet, you
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know, so, so I think they're people don't really have don't
10:01
feel obligated to people at that point because again, it's just a
10:05
stranger. People have been catfished.
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People have if they don't know whether you're real, they don't
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know if they're going to like, you know, there's no investment
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really at that point, even though I know a lot of women
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want to feel that way and men want to feel the way.
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It's not. I know matchmaking services that
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set people up for dates and pass off the phone number for an
10:24
actual date. They're supposed to go on and
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they never follow up. The date never happens.
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This is why I don't do it, because I know that people don't
10:31
feel like they're real people to each other yet.
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This is why I set people up. But so This is why the more you
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can kind of confine it, like let me know when I can expect to
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hear from you, that makes them a little more obligated.
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And it doesn't make somebody right or wrong.
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It's just sort of the way it is. People that you know the date
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dating is like the Super highway of dating and people get busy
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and you don't know what's going on in their lives.
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You don't know how many other people they're seeing.
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Again, they may be going on a second date with somebody that
11:00
night and then life gets busy. But I think when you, when you
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round it out like that and say let me know when I can expect to
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hear from you, for whatever reason, it does seem to make
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those calls happen more. OK, I mean, they haven't
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unmatched me. Right, exactly so.
11:17
I'm still in the hopper. Yeah.
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So basically here's the thing, they don't really think anything
11:22
of it. They just think, oh, we'll talk
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at some point because you just kind of left it open-ended, but
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you need to close the loop. So and you're doing this the
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right formula, right where you're going.
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Hey, I'm not on the apps that much.
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Might be better to get to know you on a call, but you don't
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give your phone number yet and they come back.
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Yeah, sure. OK.
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All of that because I don't because I've seen a lot of
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ladies go, hey, you know, might be better to get on a call and
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chat and then they just automatically give the number
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that also is too open-ended. OK.
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So you just have to close the loop, which is the formula that
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I've created. Usually works, usually pans out,
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you know what I mean? This is a great question you
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guys are going to love. All right, let's tackle this
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now. Hi Gina.
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Do you think there is more similarity or more difference
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between men of different nationalities, especially as I
12:12
sit in London, a very international community.
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I, I do kind of think men are men are men.
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And I do have women in this program that are literally all
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over the world. And I feel like the basics of
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men are the basics. If they're seriously interested
12:28
in a woman, they're going to put in effort.
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And you know, and and I do kind of think if a man is interested
12:37
enough, there are there are just there is just the basic formula.
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Are are Iowa men going to be perhaps the majority more basic
12:46
in general than like an international man of mystery in
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London? Yes, absolutely.
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But but are these two same men going to go and make above
12:56
average effort for a woman? That's like knocking their socks
13:00
off. That's not going to be
13:01
different. I also am kind of a penchant for
13:04
like men of international flair. So like, I think that's where
13:10
I'm kind of like, shoot, like I don't want to be like from your
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book, like whatever. Like I don't know how many
13:16
bitches you went through, right? So I'm trying to figure out
13:19
which one I am because I'm all of them.
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But hey, we've all been all of them for sure.
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I'm not really sure which one that is when I'm going yeah.
13:27
But I, I want you to be like European slant or have like
13:33
travel or not be like, I lived in like my home state and I
13:38
drive my truck and like, so I can't decide like at what point
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am I like skewing too much on my picky bitch side or whatever, or
13:46
I'm just going, well, no, this is like what interests me.
13:49
Like, because I do know that that's really what appeals to me
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is a well traveled man or man who like seems like he's from
13:56
another culture. Yeah.
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So I don't know. I.
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Think I think for me, I think that I think like, I mean,
14:01
again, this is going to be from person to person, you know, I
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think you need to focus on internal qualities of a person,
14:08
not external, right? So if if you're saying, I mean
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my external, my sorry, my internal qualities to be, you
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know, well traveled and sophisticated, I don't think
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that's being too picky at all. But I think where, where it
14:22
comes down to, I think being too picky.
14:24
And this, this is just one example that comes to mind is
14:27
where, and I've dealt with this with ladies where, you know,
14:30
they have all these expectations on a, on a guy.
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And, and if a guy's coming into your area and he's new to the
14:36
area and unfamiliar and he asked like, Hey, do you have a
14:39
favorite restaurant? And the woman gets offended by
14:42
that because she needs him to just figure it out.
14:45
I think that's where it becomes like you're being a little too
14:48
picky and a little and your standards are a little
14:52
unrealistic at that point. And there's a lot of other
14:55
scenario that's where you have to really look at it like, am I
14:58
being unrealistic in terms of just splitting hairs?
15:02
And but when it comes to internal qualities or like, or
15:06
like maybe you're being too picky.
15:07
It's like he doesn't dress right.
15:10
Because that again, is such an easy fix.
15:12
I can't tell you like, like even you ladies, I've helped you guys
15:15
dress better. And so it's a fine line.
15:18
Do you know what I mean? Yeah, well, I think also because
15:21
sometimes I'll see a photo of someone physically and like they
15:25
have all, they seem to have all the other whatever, but I'm
15:28
like, I just look at their face and I'm like, I'm not really
15:30
attracted to your face. You seem like, but I have to
15:33
kind of honor that. Like if I'm not really feeling
15:36
the attraction. I mean, I've been with people
15:39
that I'm not, would not consider my type physically, but it's
15:42
just I'm getting too tired of doing that, I think.
15:46
And there's sometimes where like even I'm, and I don't go on that
15:49
often, but when I'm on, I'll look at somebody's face and like
15:53
I, I like unconventional kind of looking guys anyway, like big
15:57
nose or I, I don't mind. But sometimes I look at a guy
16:01
and like his teeth, just the way they sit in his mouth just
16:05
really bugged me. And I'm like, I could not look
16:07
at those teeth like, and I don't mean that they're crooked or
16:10
bad. It's just there's just something
16:12
like like that, just kind of gross, you know.
16:16
And so I think we'll have those visceral responses to certain
16:19
things and, and that's OK too. You know, we, we can't talk
16:23
ourselves into like, you know, like those basic things, you
16:29
know. Yeah, well, I that's why I
16:31
agree, because I've literally like clicked off something
16:33
because I'm like, I don't like their teeth or like I look at
16:36
them and they literally look like, you know, something out of
16:39
ATV show, like somebody's dad, but like not in an attractive
16:42
way. Like in a very like, I don't
16:44
know, like. I would say so like it does like
16:48
when it comes to teeth, that is a much harder fix for somebody
16:51
to fix, right? Like like that takes a very long
16:54
time. And plus you really shouldn't
16:56
date somebody. I mean, you can date somebody
16:58
going, oh, you know, I can change his style if he's open to
17:02
it. But teeth, that's a whole
17:03
bigger, that's a whole transformation.
17:06
That's like a big deal. But, but I do think like if a
17:10
guy has a bad picture, you might want to investigate further and
17:14
look to see if he's just happened to pick a really bad
17:18
first photo. Do you know what I mean?
17:19
Because a lot of you ladies do that too.
17:21
So I would look through and if it's consistent, like, Oh yeah,
17:25
this isn't going to work for me then.
17:26
No. But maybe he picked a bad first
17:28
photo. So I, I would just take a take a
17:31
beat. I wouldn't go on that first
17:34
photo. If it's horrible.
17:35
I'd look at the details of what he's got going on and I'd give
17:38
him a shot and just glance at his other photos.
17:41
Yeah. OK.
17:42
That makes sense. Then when she finds herself
17:45
overly picky, it's a sign that she needs to take a break and do
17:47
something else for a couple hours.
17:49
And I love that suggestion because I also think that, you
17:52
know, the worst thing you could do is go on to the dating apps
17:55
when you're bored just to kind of kill time.
17:58
That's the worst time to do the dating apps, OK?
18:00
You need to do it with a fresh perspective in the morning, top
18:03
of your day, you know, life hasn't gotten to you yet and you
18:07
just swipe and then you pack it away and you go on the next
18:11
morning and look, you know, but don't ever get on the dating
18:15
apps just because you're bored and curious.
18:17
Don't do that, because then you're going to really be, you
18:21
know, nitpicking even more for sure.
18:24
Well, and actually that reminds me, that's one more question I
18:26
have. When you do, you're just swiping
18:28
at the, you're not really reading anything because I
18:31
remember you wrote, you said something about that.
18:32
And that's what I'm trying to remember.
18:34
Right, Well, so there's two things.
18:36
One, in the initial phase where you're trying to get a read on
18:39
on what kind of guys you're present your dating profile is
18:42
resonating with once we've initially leveled it up.
18:45
Or if you're ever curious, hey, I wonder, I wonder, you know,
18:50
what kind of guys you know my profile is attracting and that
18:55
that's when I don't want you to overthink those guys.
18:57
Let's just just do a whole sampling of random dudes and see
19:02
of the random dudes your who's resonating with your profile the
19:06
most. And if you're not getting the
19:08
results, that tells you we've got to continue to ramp up the
19:10
profile. That's the point of not
19:12
overthinking it at that phase. But once we've ramped it up and
19:15
we know that it's calling in the guys you want, then I want you
19:18
to definitely be pickier and be very mindful about who you're
19:24
actually swiping on at that point.
19:26
But one of the things I am getting is like the same guys, I
19:29
mean, even the same faces, like the same goatee the same.
19:33
I'm so tired of looking at guys in their in their hats and bald
19:36
heads. And I mean, it's just like
19:37
they're not my attraction and I've got past their faces to
19:41
look at their profile. So I had my first day on Sunday.
19:45
All of that led up to a great, you know, I think this is a
19:48
great opportunity. I get there.
19:50
I don't know which eye to look at in the poor guy.
19:52
He's crossed eyed and one eye and the other eye wanders and
19:56
and he drank so much the whole time we were together.
19:59
I'm like OK, do I give him grace for that because he's nervous
20:02
or? I mean, I don't want to be with
20:04
somebody that's going to have 5 drinks, but every time I have
20:07
one. But, but first thing I just, I'm
20:10
reminding everybody and I'm telling you, and you'll hear me
20:14
say it a lot, exceptional people are few and far between.
20:18
Even in the real world. If you went out and walked
20:20
around, there's no or we're going to see a ton of like, you
20:22
know, low level people, right? And, and so, so exceptional
20:27
people, even if you're walking around New Orleans are few and
20:31
far between. Okay, so it's not going to be
20:33
any different on the dating app. So you have to manage your
20:36
expectation that probably the majority of people are going to
20:40
be gross, right? I mean, just let's just let's
20:43
just let's just say that that's the word, right?
20:47
But you've just got to kind of put your blinders on and know
20:49
and accept that and know that what we're really trying to do
20:52
here is we're trying to make you stand out as exceptional, OK.
20:58
And then pre qualify hard and clear the playing field.
21:01
So that then when the one rare exception, exceptional man,
21:06
which they are there again, few and far between, he will be able
21:10
to spot you easier and you'll be easier to connect, connect.
21:13
So we're not looking to, we're not going on the apps expecting
21:17
every guy to be phenomenal. No, we're going on the apps
21:20
knowing that the majority, we're going to sift through the lumps
21:23
of coal. But I don't even want you to
21:26
think about it. I don't even want you to pay
21:28
attention to it. You're just literally eye on the
21:30
prize, eye on the prize. You know what I'm saying?
21:33
OK, so let's talk about super likes.
21:37
And what does that mean? I still don't count super likes
21:40
as I still would neither one and one of two things.
21:44
Now I'm bumble, right? It used to be just extend, but
21:46
now it's extend or they can they can answer like this guy, like
21:53
that guy. I just read his thing.
21:55
They can answer with a with a thoughtful reply to your opening
21:58
move prompt. One of those two things.
22:01
OK, that's I didn't. Realize that.
22:02
Part OK, and that's a new thing on Bumble.
22:05
So also I had a woman. I'm just going to explain some
22:07
things while I think about it. Also a woman didn't really
22:11
understand when they extend that there's still a time window on
22:14
it. So when they extend you, you now
22:16
have to talk first. Just because they extended
22:19
doesn't mean you. So you have 24 hours from when
22:23
they extend to say something to them.
22:25
So I totally get what you're saying.
22:27
Like I agree with you on the extent I had a girlfriend say
22:30
one time like isn't that desperate though If they extend
22:33
no. Your friend, your friends don't
22:35
know what they're talking about. That's why you're here.
22:39
Trust me. I would tell you if I thought
22:41
they were desperate. No, it just it's trust me, if
22:44
the bottom line is if a man is very interested and excited, and
22:50
it might be some that are desperate, I mean, who knows?
22:52
But but it doesn't. But but there's not a hard and
22:54
fast rule. If a guy goes, damn she looks
22:58
great and I am so excited, he's going to do everything in his
23:01
power to separate himself from all these other men that are
23:04
just swiping. I get it OK.
23:06
Thanks. Thanks.
23:07
You got a question for me? So earlier we were somebody was
23:10
talking about or there was a conversation about long term
23:14
relationship versus marriage. You know, the piece of paper and
23:18
how early, because I really am interested in marriage.
23:21
I'm not interested in a long term relationship.
23:23
And that at least at this point, I don't think that's what it is.
23:28
And so when is a good time to mention that?
23:32
I mean, do you date? I mean, do you?
23:34
Yeah, you tell me when's a good time to ask.
23:37
That oh, sooner rather than later.
23:40
I mean, the whole thing that I'm trying to teach you guys here is
23:42
pre qualified quickly. Don't waste a lot of time if if
23:46
the guys are not, you know, matching what you're looking
23:49
for. So if if you're looking at a
23:51
guy's profile and he doesn't put marriage or he puts long term
23:55
relationship, I think, I think, you know, after maybe one or two
24:01
messages, but definitely sooner rather than later.
24:03
You want to cut to the chase about, you know, I noticed you
24:06
didn't put marriage down or you could save it for a call.
24:09
But, but I, I think too, I think it's just so easy, so much
24:13
easier to just say and express your needs in the message and
24:17
get it out of the way, right? You ladies send me the best
24:22
questions. You're bombarding me and I love
24:24
it. Keep them coming.
24:25
So let's do this. What are red flags on dating app
24:29
profile? You know, I, I would say the
24:32
general rule, I think, I think there's going to be red flags in
24:35
terms of what's more specific to you.
24:37
But I mean, as a general rule, you know, I want a man
24:41
definitely who's listed his career right there where his
24:43
name and his age is. OK, depending on your age range,
24:46
some men by now or might may be retired.
24:49
So they don't really have maybe their occupation listed, but I'm
24:54
always wanting as many full details as possible.
24:58
So I want a profile that's fully filled out.
25:01
I want him to fill in, put fill in, everything is detailed as he
25:05
can. And so those guys that skip over
25:07
things, they don't tell what they're looking for.
25:09
They don't say whether they have kids, want kids, any of these
25:12
little important details that they're skipping to me, I
25:16
wouldn't say, listen, I wouldn't say it's like a red flag, you
25:19
know, that you don't match with him.
25:22
But I'd say if he if, if a guy absolutely had very limited info
25:27
to me, that that overall is definitely a red flag.
25:30
I don't know what he does for a living.
25:31
I don't know what he's looking for.
25:33
He just he just feel like you don't really know much about
25:35
this guy and, and or his photos look really jokey or low end to
25:40
me. Those are red flags.
25:42
You know, you can tell a man who's showing up and looking for
25:45
an authentic relationship. He has good, good photos, but
25:48
he, but I'm not talking thirst trap photos either because
25:50
there's a lot of guys that know they're cute and you can tell by
25:53
their picture can take one look at a guys profile and go, Oh
25:57
yeah, this guy knows he's cute. He's not going to be putting in
25:59
a lot of effort and he's got a long line of ladies all the way
26:03
around the block. So, you know, I, I'm not going
26:06
on pictures for these guys. I'm going on details 1st and
26:11
then I'm looking at the pictures.
26:13
OK, so I, I flip it around. I think everybody, you know is
26:16
visual and I get that. But you're ruling out, I think a
26:19
lot of potentially good guys based on them having like bad
26:22
opening photos. But I try to remind you ladies,
26:25
a lot of times you ladies had bad photos too before I came
26:29
along and these guys just don't have me.
26:30
So, you know, OK, so while it's on my mind, I want to talk about
26:35
aligned values and what to look for and what to look out for.
26:39
So if a guy has a specific religion or if he's looking for
26:43
something specific in terms of kids, these are things you've
26:47
got to watch out for. The only other thing that I for
26:50
for you would want clarification on is he is Jewish and he does
26:54
want to start a family. So I would just, and you don't
26:58
have to ask him right away, but it's something to think about
27:00
that you want to know, you know, where like, how does your family
27:05
feel about, you know, you, you know, possibly having kids with
27:09
somebody who's not Jewish type of thing.
27:11
You know what I'm saying? Because yeah, Jewish, Jewish
27:13
guys a lot of times will date women who are not Jewish, just
27:16
like a lot of men will date a lot of women who they see no
27:18
future with. But just like, oh, she's cute,
27:21
I'd love to say. And they're not really
27:22
connecting the dots in terms of, Oh yeah, well, this wouldn't be
27:25
for long term. So I would just be asking those
27:27
kind of questions. OK, perfect.
27:30
You know, but he looks like a decent guy.
27:31
I think, you know, listen, I have some ladies who want to
27:34
date super rich men in the program.
27:36
I have women who don't need super rich.
27:39
They just want a decent guy who's at least got a decent job
27:41
and got it going on. So this is where this is this is
27:45
you. This is me curating this for you
27:48
and how I'm helping you and all of you move along is is your own
27:52
preferences. It's not for me to say, oh, this
27:55
guy's not, you know, done it up. This is where I on you to say is
28:01
this is this guy right for you in terms of what you're looking
28:05
for. You know what I mean in terms of
28:06
his career and stuff. I can guide you on what I think.
28:09
Like, you know, he he I think I my read on him is he's quirky
28:13
for sure. He's quirky, talks about Willy
28:15
Wonka and that shirt he's wearing is quirky.
28:18
But again, like Gina Hundreds is a person.
28:20
I like Corky, but some women are more conventional.
28:23
So this is where you and I, you share these profiles, I give you
28:26
my feedback and then just start talking to him and see what see
28:29
how he does. My first husband was Jewish and
28:32
I am not. I would say that's something you
28:36
really should clarify with before you go too far in a
28:40
relationship. 100%. If you're looking at marriage,
28:44
coming from experience being into a Jewish family, even
28:47
though he did not practice, the rest of the family does.
28:51
Right. So ask because sometimes they
28:54
are not OK with that and the animosity that comes around from
28:59
some family members is really hard to deal with.
29:02
So that's a question with any interfaith relationship.
29:06
If you're not very religious and they are, ask and see are they
29:10
OK with that and do they expect you to convert?
29:14
Because I wouldn't do it. So that's just, I just wanted to
29:19
give that little piece. Just ask, ask, ask.
29:21
Always ask. I mean, here's the thing ladies,
29:24
ask anything. So never be afraid to ask the
29:27
questions. That goes for everybody here
29:29
about anything, right? But especially pay attention to
29:33
the religions. So what or whatever is important
29:36
to you, right? So you know, if if you're non
29:38
religious and because you have to pay attention, if somebody's
29:42
willing to put down on their dating profile a specific
29:46
religion, like I am Christian, I am Muslim, I am Jewish, whatever
29:50
it is. I am LDS, which means Mormon.
29:53
OK. You have to then notice that and
29:56
ask the question because if you're somebody who's especially
29:58
looking to have children, start a family, all that have to be
30:01
asking the question. Not only, Hey, are, you know,
30:05
you know, I usually ask people when they do a profile for me,
30:08
I'm like, so how religious are you?
30:09
You know, I just ask and and then it's like, you know, you
30:13
want to know not only are you, but how do they feel about that?
30:17
Because you know, you're essentially when you're marrying
30:21
somebody or having children with somebody, you're having a
30:23
marriage and A and kids with their whole family.
30:25
OK, So you got to ask those questions and you can't feel
30:28
like you can't ask just like if your goal is to get married,
30:32
that means getting a piece of paper.
30:35
It means it, there's a lot of people who've been married, they
30:37
don't need a piece of paper. But if, but if that's your goal
30:40
and you need that you that's important to you, you have to
30:43
get clarification from them. So what the hell are you worried
30:47
about? Now I'm worried that I'm, I'm
30:49
saying no to guys too quickly, so I'm I'm second guessing
30:52
myself. I had one guy just along the
30:54
lines of sort of digging more. He, he asked his question and
31:00
his thing that he wanted me to answer was it said something
31:04
like, you know, how many dates until you know, And then there
31:08
was a question mark and I said, well, I don't really know how to
31:11
answer that question because I feel like there's a missing part
31:13
of that question. So what's the rest of your
31:14
question? You know like till I know what
31:17
like till I know I like you, till I know I want to kiss you,
31:20
till I know that I don't like you, till I know that I.
31:23
Let me ask you a question. Yeah.
31:25
Was that his prompt or did he actually write that to you?
31:29
So he he asked me a question out of the gate, you know, because I
31:34
have. Your your.
31:35
Hand one. And then he said, so he answered
31:40
my question. And then I, I reciprocated my
31:43
question to him somehow, I can't remember what it was, but he
31:46
said, oh, you haven't answered my prompt.
31:48
And so then I looked at his question.
31:50
At the first of all, then he's an idiot because women don't
31:53
need to answer the man's prompt. Well, then you just confirmed
31:57
that I took, I had the right reaction because then I looked
31:59
at this prompt and I said, oh, OK, you know, so I looked and I
32:02
said, I don't really know what that means.
32:04
Can you please clarify that? I put a little blank and I just,
32:07
you know, can you just let me know what it means to you?
32:09
And his response was, well, hello, we're on a dating app.
32:12
It's so obvious what it means. Oh yeah, he's an idiot.
32:17
He's an asshole. I'd kick him to the curb.
32:18
Yeah, which is what I I spent a day thinking about it and I see
32:22
this is not the type of energy I want to be bringing to this
32:25
equation. So I unmatched with him.
32:27
But then I thought, well, jeez, was I, you know.
32:29
So the digging more. Shouldn't feel that response
32:32
from him. Now this is what I advise.
32:35
If you have a job where you don't want them to be able to
32:41
find you. Some of you ladies have very
32:44
high level jobs, some of you have, you know, I mean really
32:47
impressive hardcore things going on and some of you are well
32:51
known and you want to protect your privacy.
32:53
OK, I get that. So let's talk about it.
32:56
I have a unique job. I obviously don't want to put
32:59
that just like out there on apps.
33:02
But like at the same time, I know that from the other
33:06
direction, like a guy not having a job on there is a big red flag
33:09
to me. And like just as you've said
33:11
before, like that's, that's a no go.
33:13
He, he might not know what he wants to do yet.
33:15
He's not happy with his job. I don't want to attract those
33:19
sorts of guys. So what can I do?
33:23
Could not necessarily say like, Hey, I have this job that look
33:27
like, you know, I have a job I'm proud of, but I obviously don't
33:29
want to say it super loudly, but I don't want to like attract the
33:33
men who don't care about like ambition at.
33:37
What point do you tell them? So like if we were to get on a
33:42
call together and things are going OK, I don't have an issue
33:45
with people knowing my job. Like once I've started talking
33:48
to them I just don't want it like written out on my profile.
33:53
Right, so you tell them before the first date or on a first
33:56
date? I would tell them so like I
33:58
haven't gotten to the point in in this where I'm, you know, pre
34:01
qualifying with a phone call or like preferably a zoom, but I
34:06
would tell them on the zoom if they seemed like a reasonable
34:08
person and if not there, I'd tell them by the first date.
34:12
But if I don't get a good vibe from them, I guess what I'm
34:16
trying to say is I would need to get a good enough vibe from them
34:19
for them to be somebody I could tell in a Zoom call.
34:22
I'm pretty good at reading people.
34:24
Love it. So yeah, you're a badass for
34:26
sure. I also think that I don't even
34:30
know you know it. I think this almost falls under
34:32
the category. And again, I've got to look at
34:36
this from all angles. I think this falls under the
34:39
category that I tell women or people that it's like, why tell
34:43
them something that's really none of their business until it
34:47
really matters type of thing. So you could just, you know, I
34:52
don't know, it's interesting. I got to think all this through
34:56
because I've also had a woman who was very high level at the
34:58
Pentagon and she used, and she was in DC, so she used to tell
35:03
me and she's in a relationship now.
35:05
In fact, she left the Pentagon because she wanted to just live
35:08
her best life with her kids and in this relationship.
35:10
But she was very, very high up at the Pentagon.
35:13
And so she had to walk a fine line of what she could and
35:16
couldn't say. And she would say that a lot of
35:19
times when she was looking at profiles in the DC area, even of
35:22
men, there were certain terminologies that they would
35:25
use that where they wouldn't say what they did.
35:29
But in the DC area, if they use that terminology, then they sort
35:34
of knew that it was a high level position.
35:36
Do you know what I mean? Yes, that makes some sense to me
35:39
and I think if I go on travel mode in the right place I might
35:42
be able to figure out what I should be doing.
35:44
But I mean, you know, there's a part of me that says why not
35:47
just say, you know, entrepreneur, you know,
35:53
specializing in security or something like this where at
35:56
least it sets up the framework. So they do.
35:59
So they're not they don't think you're a florist necessarily,
36:02
that you're not like a naive to to what's going on in the world.
36:06
And, you know, I don't know, you could say you or yeah, you could
36:09
say something about maybe Entrepreneur Security could be
36:13
good enough of a placeholder for now.
36:19
Yeah, Because I want them to know.
36:20
Here's the thing. I want them to know you're not
36:22
somebody to be messed with. I want them to know that you're
36:26
high level and a badass while still kind of protecting what
36:30
you do. You know what I mean?
36:32
Yeah, that makes complete sense. Thank you.
36:35
All right, ladies, that's going to take us out for today.
36:39
Why bad dates happen to such great women?
36:43
Why is that? Hopefully you know now and if
36:46
you need more of a deep dive, you can go to Amazon and look up
36:50
my 2 books. My first one, Stop being a bitch
36:52
and get a boyfriend. It's more about why great women
36:57
end up doing all these things that sabotage their love life.
37:00
It's kind of fun, funny way to look at yourself and and kind of
37:04
take a take the piss if you will take the piss out of this
37:07
subject where I'm saying this is what's not working for you.
37:10
But we do it in a funny way. So it's called stopping a bitch
37:12
and get a boyfriend. So on Amazon, or if you get my
37:16
the great Manhunt book also on Amazon, that'll help give you
37:21
all the tools you need to navigate the dating apps.
37:24
And if you ever have any questions, just e-mail us at
37:27
teamgina@ginahendrix.com. And I think we covered a lot of
37:31
turf today. So hopefully you learned
37:33
something new and you just continue to keep your standards
37:37
high and keep your mind open. Those two things will get you a
37:40
long way. All right, talk to you soon.
37:44
Want to keep up with more of Gina's advice?
37:47
Follow her on TikTok and Instagram at matchmaker Gina
37:50
Hendricks or visit her matchmaking website
37:53
ginahendricks.com.