Latest / INSIGHT FOR LIVING: Biblical Wisdom For Everyday Living / Graceless Words for a Grieving Man, Part 1 - Pastor Chuck Swindoll Insight for Living

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Graceless Words for a Grieving Man, Part 1 - Pastor Chuck Swindoll Insight for Living · INSIGHT FOR LIVING: Biblical Wisdom For Everyday Living

• 0:08
  Speaker 1: Lord, if you teach me, and if you teach through
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  Speaker 1: me to others something through this, teach us the value
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  Speaker 1: of grace, teach us about grace, show me again that
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  Speaker 1: it is always appropriate, always needed. You need it, I
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  Speaker 1: need it.
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  Speaker 2: What do you say to someone whose world has completely
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  Speaker 2: fallen apart when a friend loses everything. How do we
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  Speaker 2: find the words to soften the despair? Well, the answer
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  Speaker 2: begins and ends with one word, grace. Today, on Insight
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: for a Living Jucks Wendaul identifies one of the most
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  Speaker 2: painfully honest questions in all of scripture. Why do we
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  Speaker 2: find it so easy to talk about grace yet so
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  Speaker 2: hard to actually show it? If you've ever been kicked
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  Speaker 2: when you were down, or been the one doing the kicking,
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  Speaker 2: Today's grace filed message is for you.
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  Speaker 1: It's funny how you sometimes get a song on your mind.
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  Speaker 1: It happened to me last Thursday afternoon and on into
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  Speaker 1: Friday morning. I was sitting in my study and I
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: kept going over this old spiritual that used to be
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  Speaker 1: sung in a choir years ago in the Deep South.
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  Speaker 1: Everybody's talking about Heaven. They go in there, Heaven, remember
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  Speaker 1: that Heaven. Go ahead. Everybody's talking about heaven. They going there,
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  Speaker 1: Heaven Heaven. Now you know, that's an amazing song. Not
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  Speaker 1: that the words of that significant, it's just everybody smiles
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  Speaker 1: when they sing it, and they're saying it ain't going
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  Speaker 1: to heaven. And I thought, that's a lot like Grace.
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  Speaker 1: Everybody's talking about Grace ain't going there either. Everybody's talking
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  Speaker 1: about Grace. We wouldn't know it if we met it
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  Speaker 1: face on. Most people aren't even ready for it when
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  Speaker 1: it's presented to them. Not long ago, a student from
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  Speaker 1: a college in Missouri true story wrote this, I left
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  Speaker 1: work early so I could have some uninterrupted time studying
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  Speaker 1: right before the final in my class. When I got
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  Speaker 1: to class, everybody was doing their last minute studying. The
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  Speaker 1: teacher came in said he would review with us for
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  Speaker 1: just a little bit before the test. We went through
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  Speaker 1: the review, most of it right from the study guide,
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  Speaker 1: but there were some things he was reviewing that I
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  Speaker 1: had never heard of. When questioned about it, he said
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  Speaker 1: that they were in the book, and we were responsible
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  Speaker 1: for everything that was in the book. We really couldn't
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  Speaker 1: argue with that. Finally, it was time to take the test.
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  Speaker 1: Our prof instructed leave them face down on the desk
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  Speaker 1: until everyone has won, and then I'll tell you when
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  Speaker 1: to start. When we turned them over, every answer on
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  Speaker 1: the test was already filled. In the bottom of the
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  Speaker 1: last page, said the following. This is the end of
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  Speaker 1: the final exam. All the answers on your test are correct.
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  Speaker 1: You will receive an A on the final exam. The
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  Speaker 1: reason you passed the test is because the creator of
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  Speaker 1: the test took it for you. All the work you
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  Speaker 1: did in preparation for this test did not help you
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  Speaker 1: get an A. You have just experienced grace. He then
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  Speaker 1: went around the room and asked each student individually questions
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  Speaker 1: like what is your grade? And do you deserve the
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  Speaker 1: grade that you are receiving? And how much did all
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  Speaker 1: your studying for the exam help you achieve this final grade. Now,
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  Speaker 1: I'm not a crier, writes this student. I'm not a
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  Speaker 1: crier by any stretch of the imagination, but I had
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  Speaker 1: to fight back tears when answering those questions and thinking
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  Speaker 1: about how the creator had passed the test for me.
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  Speaker 1: Discussion afterwards went like this, I have tried to teach
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  Speaker 1: you all semester that you are a recipient of grace.
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  Speaker 1: I've tried to communicate to you that you need to
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  Speaker 1: demonstrate this gift as you work with young people. Don't
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  Speaker 1: hammer them. They are not the enemy. Help them, for
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  Speaker 1: they will carry on your ministry if it is full
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  Speaker 1: of grace. Thinking about how some of us had probably
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  Speaker 1: studied hours and some just a few minutes, but had
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  Speaker 1: all received the same grade, he pointed to a story
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  Speaker 1: Jesus told in Matthew twenty. The owner of a vineyard
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  Speaker 1: hired people to work in his field and agreed to
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  Speaker 1: pay them a certain amount of money. Several different times
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  Speaker 1: during the day, he hired more workers. When it was
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  Speaker 1: time to pay them, they all received the same amount.
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  Speaker 1: When the ones who had been hired first in the
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  Speaker 1: morning began complaining, the boss said, should you be angry
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  Speaker 1: because I am kind. The teacher said he had never
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  Speaker 1: done this kind of final before and probably would never
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  Speaker 1: do it again, but because of the content of many
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  Speaker 1: of our class discussions, he felt like we needed to
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  Speaker 1: experience grace. Why didn't I have a teacher like that
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  Speaker 1: when I was taking those final exams? Why didn't you?
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  Speaker 1: Oh everybody's talking about grace. We go in there, not
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  Speaker 1: on your life, Oh we love it coming from God,
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  Speaker 1: but just don't expect it from falling folks like us.
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  Speaker 1: Too bad. Of all the things Job had to endure,
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  Speaker 1: the final insult was enduring the graceless presence of alleged friends.
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  Speaker 1: Stop and do a quick review. When the bottom dropped
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  Speaker 1: out of his life. He lost his property and dwellings
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  Speaker 1: and a way to make a living because all of
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  Speaker 1: his servants were killed. And then he lost all ten
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  Speaker 1: of his children, all now grown, which he no doubt
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  Speaker 1: buried with his own hands. He and his wife, and
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  Speaker 1: then he lost his health and running itching sores, oozing
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  Speaker 1: with puss covered his body from his hair to his toenails.
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  Speaker 1: So miserable was this man he could not rest during
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  Speaker 1: the day or sleep at night, not for very long,
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  Speaker 1: and he wound up living at the city dump place
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  Speaker 1: called the ash Heap, where dung was finally deposited and burned,
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  Speaker 1: and there he lost his hope. A small handful of
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  Speaker 1: men left their homes with the intent to bring him
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  Speaker 1: comfort and sympathy checked Job two eleven. That's why they
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  Speaker 1: left to come to Job. They were friends about his age,
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  Speaker 1: maybe a little older, maybe one or two younger. But
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  Speaker 1: his contemporaries came leaving home and going to the trouble
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  Speaker 1: of traveling to the city dump of Us, the town
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  Speaker 1: where Job lived, and they sat in silence, staring at him,
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  Speaker 1: trying to believe it was the same man that they
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  Speaker 1: had seen in their previous reunion, because now he was
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  Speaker 1: swollen and dirty and broken, and his head was shaved.
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  Speaker 1: And then their worst mistake of all, they started to
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  Speaker 1: talk to him, and they unloaded the truck. They judged him,
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  Speaker 1: they shamed him, They blamed him, one cruel statement after another,
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  Speaker 1: with graceless, blunt words. They humiliated him, and the book
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  Speaker 1: includes it all. I'm simple enough to think that Job
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  Speaker 1: probably kept a journal, or his wife did. Who could
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  Speaker 1: have remembered such philosophical meanderings as filled the poetical part
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  Speaker 1: of the book. And these men spoke to him in
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: miles you remember. The first round of insults came from Lefas,
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  Speaker 1: and then Bill Dad and then so far strange names
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  Speaker 1: real men. But all three of them spoke and Job answered,
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  Speaker 1: and that finished that first cycle. That was done, and
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  Speaker 1: wouldn't you know it, a second cycle began. In the
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  Speaker 1: second cycle, which starts in chapter fifteen, Lafaz takes off
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  Speaker 1: the gloves. It's time to really get down to business job,
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  Speaker 1: and there is not even a hint of grace, not
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  Speaker 1: a hint. Now I understand you're all looking ahead to
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  Speaker 1: see how many more chapters of this are we going
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  Speaker 1: to be going through. When I walk down the aisles
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  Speaker 1: and greet people before church service starts, I like to
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  Speaker 1: say hello and get to know folks, and normally they
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  Speaker 1: answer back that they're glad to be here and or
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  Speaker 1: they've looked forward to coming. Now I'm hearing more and more. Now,
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  Speaker 1: how long are we going to be in job? My
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  Speaker 1: kids are now emailing me get past job, dad? How graceless? Huh?
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  Speaker 1: I understand you think I wouldn't love. I'm taking it
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  Speaker 1: in chunks. I'm doing chapters, folks, today, three chapters. We're
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  Speaker 1: not going to analyze this thing to the point of
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  Speaker 1: giving blood. However, you got to take enough time to
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  Speaker 1: appreciate the messages that they are teaching us. Lafast speaks
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  Speaker 1: the second time, actually he throws his fist. They're called words.
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  Speaker 1: In chapter fifteen, he delivers a series of rebukes. These
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  Speaker 1: are graceless words for a grieving man. In case you
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  Speaker 1: wonder what they sound like. They begin with pride verse two,
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  Speaker 1: should a wise man answer with windy knowledge and fill
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  Speaker 1: himself with the east wind. The word himself is really
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  Speaker 1: in the Hebrew belly. Should he fill his belly with
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  Speaker 1: east wind? There's pride in verse two, followed by insult.
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  Speaker 1: Should he argue with useless talk or with words which
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  Speaker 1: are not profitable? Indeed, you do away with reverence, You
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  Speaker 1: hinder meditation before God. Then there's guilt. For your guilt
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  Speaker 1: teaches your mouth, and you choose the language of the crafty,
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  Speaker 1: You deceiver. You Your own mouth condemns you. So there's condemnation.
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  Speaker 1: Not I, I'm not someone condemning. Just listen to what
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  Speaker 1: you're saying. Job, your own lips testify against you. And
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  Speaker 1: then in seven, eight and nine there is exaggeration and sarcasm,
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  Speaker 1: where one humiliating question after another is later asked verse seven,
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  Speaker 1: were you the first man to be born? In other words,
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  Speaker 1: you think you have a monopoly on truth and wisdom? Job?
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  Speaker 1: Were you brought forth before the hills? Do you hear
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  Speaker 1: the secret counsel of God? Has He somehow how brought
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  Speaker 1: you into a corner and whispered? Do you his insights?
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  Speaker 1: You think you've got a corner on inspired information? Job?
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  Speaker 1: Can you imagine a man with the gall to stand
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  Speaker 1: before a man literally shrinking in pain, and unloading such
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  Speaker 1: a verbal truck on him one after another. You say, maybe, yeah,
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  Speaker 1: I can imagine it happened to me. It maybe did,
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  Speaker 1: or truth be told in a vulnerable moment of admission.
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  Speaker 1: You may have done this with one of your own kids,
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  Speaker 1: or with someone who you felt had it coming. They
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  Speaker 1: just had it coming. Well, job didn't Verse nine. What
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  Speaker 1: do you know that we don't know? What do you
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  Speaker 1: understand that we don't? Verse eleven? Are the consolations of
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  Speaker 1: God too small for you? Even the words spoken gently
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  Speaker 1: with you? He saw himself and his friends as speaking
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  Speaker 1: gently gently referring to God. Behold, he puts no trust
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  Speaker 1: in his quote Holy ones and the heavens are not
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  Speaker 1: pure in his sight? How much less one who is
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  Speaker 1: detestable and corrupt, man who drinks iniquity like water, Well,
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  Speaker 1: those are sharp teeth, aren't they. Having rebuked him, he
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  Speaker 1: follows it with reminders of the fate of the wicked
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  Speaker 1: seventeen to thirty five. Job. Because you're wicked, you writhe
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  Speaker 1: in pain verse twenty, So there's pain all your days.
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  Speaker 1: You're getting what you deserve. Job numbered are the years
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  Speaker 1: stored up for the ruthless Verse twenty one. After constant misery,
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  Speaker 1: there's terror. Sounds of terror are in his ears. While
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  Speaker 1: at peace, the destroyer comes upon him. He does not
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  Speaker 1: believe that he will return from darkness, and he is
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  Speaker 1: destined for the sword. So there's terror and loss and torment,
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  Speaker 1: and then there's fear. Verse twenty three. He wanders about
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  Speaker 1: for food, saying where is it? He knows that a
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  Speaker 1: day of darkness is at hand. And finally, distress and anguish, terrifying.
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  Speaker 1: There's this overpowering distress and anguish. Why elephant, just tell job,
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  Speaker 1: why all right? Verse twenty five, Because he that's job.
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  Speaker 1: You have stretched out your hand against God. You conduct
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  Speaker 1: yourself arrogantly against the almighty. That's why. And Elafaz backs
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  Speaker 1: away and stares at him with that glare. You are
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  Speaker 1: getting exactly what you deserve. You are getting exactly what
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  Speaker 1: you deserve. The style of communication is not that unusual
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  Speaker 1: to those who lack grace. May not be this brutal,
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  Speaker 1: may not be this sharp. But have you noticed when
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  Speaker 1: you deal with people who deal back with you lacking
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  Speaker 1: grace when you're down, they kick you when you're struggling.
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  Speaker 1: They add to your pain. When you're confused, they blame
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  Speaker 1: and shame, and when you're drowning they hold you under.
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  Speaker 1: Other than that, they're pretty good friends. And you know
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  Speaker 1: what makes it just bitterly cruel The man is in
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  Speaker 1: such grief. Cynthia's in My longtime friend, doctor Lucy Maybury
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  Speaker 1: Foster died last Monday. Lucy had already and she and
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  Speaker 1: her family had been through an enormous amount. Lucy had
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  Speaker 1: earlier been married to Trevor, got his training at Mayo's
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: and became one of the fine ear nose and throat
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  Speaker 1: surgeons in the Dallas area. He was one of the
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  Speaker 1: four who had traveled to the Focus on the Family
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  Speaker 1: retreat in Montana and was flying back the plane crashed
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  Speaker 1: and four fine men of God died in that crash.
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  Speaker 1: Maybray's son, the older son, Dan, had been on his
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  Speaker 1: honeymoon one day. So Dan returned home and was in
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  Speaker 1: some of those flights looking for the hope of his
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  Speaker 1: father's life, only to finally ultimately face the fact his
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  Speaker 1: dad had perished. The city of Dallas mourned. It made
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  Speaker 1: the headlines, and some of you were at the funeral
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  Speaker 1: as we who loved one or more of those men
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  Speaker 1: reeled in disbelief. Lucy determined that she would not give up.
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  Speaker 1: Her family surrounded her with love and affection. Three almost
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  Speaker 1: grown some grown children put their arms around Lucy, and
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  Speaker 1: she around them. And she for ten years, finished her education,
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  Speaker 1: earned her PhD. And became the first woman teacher at
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  Speaker 1: Dallas Seminary. Wonderful story of determination through her grief. Wonderfully
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: the Lord brought to her a man named c. L.
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  Speaker 1: Foster from South Texas.
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  Speaker 2: C L.
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  Speaker 1: And Lucy fell in love, and five years ago, almost
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  Speaker 1: to the date of her death. Recently five years ago,
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  Speaker 1: they married, and along with some of you, Cynthia and
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  Speaker 1: I were in the audience the day that they married.
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  Speaker 1: It was like charming. This is so great of God
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  Speaker 1: to do this. Monday morning, Lucy breathed her last in
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  Speaker 1: the arms of her beloved husband, cl in a vehicle,
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  Speaker 1: racing to the hospital in hopes of saving her life.
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  Speaker 1: We buried her on Thursday. It was my privilege to
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  Speaker 1: sit for more than two hours and to talk with
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  Speaker 1: the family who had already been through the shock of
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  Speaker 1: the losing of their dad, and now these three having
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  Speaker 1: to deal with the loss of their mother, and c L.
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  Speaker 1: Who had lost his first wife in tragic circumstances in
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  Speaker 1: a car crash. Sitting there, you could see the wheels
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  Speaker 1: turning in the tears running from his eyes. C L.
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  Speaker 1: Foster and those children didn't need any condemnation. They didn't
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  Speaker 1: need any rebuke, they didn't need any insulting, humiliating questions.
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  Speaker 1: They needed grace. They needed grace. I couldn't help but
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  Speaker 1: think of that when I saw Job as he sits
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  Speaker 1: here taking this awash in his grief, trying his best
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  Speaker 1: to really believe that this man who was once a
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  Speaker 1: friend is saying such a thing. And I'm thinking, Lord,
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  Speaker 1: if you teach me, and if you teach through me
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  Speaker 1: to others something through this, teach us the value of grace,
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: teach us about grace, show me again that it is
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: always appropriate, always needed, not just by a student taking
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: a final exam. You need it. I need it. The
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  Speaker 1: person sitting just next to you that you've never met,
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  Speaker 1: or behind you, that person needs it. You have no
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  Speaker 1: idea what that person is going through. If you did,
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  Speaker 1: chances are you'd be prompted even quicker to show grace.
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  Speaker 1: But there's everything inside us that turns and we get
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  Speaker 1: wrong side out. Or I have a good friend who says,
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  Speaker 1: we get sideways, we get sideways with people and we
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  Speaker 1: just have to just gouge them. Stop stop the gouging.
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  Speaker 1: I tell you, I admire the thirty eight verses that
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  Speaker 1: follow Eliphaz's rebuke and unfair reminders. Job, in effect says,
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  Speaker 1: you want to take the gloves off, I'll do it.
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  Speaker 1: My hands are covered with sores, but I'll take the
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  Speaker 1: gloves off, and I'll find four responses in Job that
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  Speaker 1: are admirable, and honestly, I do not find them shocking.
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  Speaker 1: Some of you may. First of all, he is disgusted
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  Speaker 1: with his friend. I mean that is an appropriate response.
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  Speaker 1: Don't answer out loud. Ever been disgusted with a friend? Yeah,
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  Speaker 1: I'll answer for you. Yeah, how many times? Look at
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  Speaker 1: verse two? Sorry comforters? Are you all? How's that for
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  Speaker 1: an opening line of disgust? Sorry, comforters? That's an oxymoron.
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  Speaker 1: Maybe you're not familiar with the terms. Some of you are,
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  Speaker 1: I realize Webster defines an oxymoron a combination of contradictory
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: words like governmental intelligence that would be an oxymoron, or
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: teenage innocence. That's another one. That comes to mind. Sorry, comforters,
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  Speaker 1: you think this is comfort? What a sorry example of
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  Speaker 1: comfort you are? One man writes, Job complains that often
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  Speaker 1: he has heard men any such things as these comforters speak,
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  Speaker 1: but in his present plight, such pious platitudes serve only
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  Speaker 1: to increase his sorrow. I thought I was hurting before
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  Speaker 1: you showed up, but now that you've talked man, the
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  Speaker 1: pain is unbearable. He is disgusted with these people.
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  Speaker 2: Have you ever needed comfort, real comfort, and received a
• 24:33
  Speaker 2: lecture instead? Job's friends arrived with good intentions but left
• 24:37
  Speaker 2: a trail of wounds. Today on Insight for Living, Chucksmundahl
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: reminds us that grace isn't just a theological concept. It's
• 24:45
  Speaker 2: the way we treat people when they're at their lowest.
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  Speaker 2: Most of us have been on both sides of that equation.
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  Speaker 2: Take a moment right now and reflect on who in
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: your life might need less advice and a lot more grace.
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  Speaker 2: Chuck titled this message Graceless Words for a grieving man.
• 25:02
  Speaker 2: If today's program has motivated you to become a better
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: friend to someone who needs your compassion, we invite you
• 25:08
  Speaker 2: to visit our website. We've assembled a variety of resources
• 25:12
  Speaker 2: to help you. For instance, we're highlighting a popular biography
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: Chuck wrote on the life of Job. It's called Job
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: A Man of Heroic Endurance. This is Chuck at it,
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: the best, probing one of the Bible's most mysterious stories
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  Speaker 2: with insight, warmth, and the kind of practical wisdom that
• 25:30
  Speaker 2: can only come from a lifetime of shepherding men and
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  Speaker 2: women through the hardest seasons of their lives. This is
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  Speaker 2: a book you'll return to again and again, not only
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  Speaker 2: to receive infusions of hope, but to help you stay
• 25:42
  Speaker 2: the course over a lifetime. Again. Chuck's biography on Job
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  Speaker 2: is called Job A Man of Heroic Endurance. It's available
• 25:50
  Speaker 2: for purchase when you go to insight dot org, slash offer,
• 25:55
  Speaker 2: or call us at eight hundred seven seven to two
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  Speaker 2: eighty eight eighty eight. Here's something else that will interest you.
• 26:02
  Speaker 2: Chucks Wendall recently sat down with his friend Pastor Greg
• 26:05
  Speaker 2: Lorie for an unfiltered conversation about their lives and ministry.
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: Two of America's most beloved Bible teachers. Decades of wisdom, candor,
• 26:15
  Speaker 2: and shared passion for the Gospel between them in one
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: remarkable conversation. They talk about calling perseverance leadership and what
• 26:24
  Speaker 2: it truly means to finish well. To see and hear
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: the entire interview between Chuck and Greg, visit insight dot
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: org slash conversations. That's insight dot org slash conversations. Hi
• 26:44
  Speaker 2: Bill Meyer, Join us when Chucks Wendall continues our study
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: on the life of Job, a man of heroic endurance
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: Monday on Insight for Living. The preceding message, Graceless Words
• 26:59
  Speaker 2: for a Grieving Man, was copyrighted in two thousand and two,
• 27:03
  Speaker 2: two thousand and four, twenty twenty five, and twenty twenty six,
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: and the sound recording was copyrighted in twenty twenty six
• 27:10
  Speaker 2: by Charles R. Swindall Incorporated. All rights are reserved worldwide.
• 27:15
  Speaker 2: Duplication of copyrighted material for commercial use is strictly prohibited.