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05 - Unnatural Death by Dorothy L. Sayers · Unnatural Death

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  Speaker 1: Chapter five of Unnatural Death by Dorothy Sayers. This LibriVox
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  Speaker 1: recording is in the public domain. Gossip were the volleys
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  Speaker 1: of eternal babble Butler Hootie Brass. So you are thinking
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  Speaker 1: of coming to live in Leehampton, said Miss Murgatroyd. How
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  Speaker 1: very nice. I do hope you will be settling down
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  Speaker 1: in the parish. We are not too well off for
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  Speaker 1: week day congregations. There is so much indifference and so
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  Speaker 1: much Protestantism about there. I have dropped a stitch provoking.
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  Speaker 1: Perhaps it was meant as a little reminder to me
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  Speaker 1: not to think uncharitably about Protestants. All is well, I
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  Speaker 1: have retrieved it. Were you thinking of taking a house,
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  Speaker 1: Miss Clemson? I am not quite sure, replied Miss Clemson.
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  Speaker 1: Rents are so very high nowadays, and I fear that
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  Speaker 1: to buy a house would be almost beyond my means.
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  Speaker 1: I must look round very carefully and view the question
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  Speaker 1: from all sides. I should certainly prefer to be in
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  Speaker 1: the parish and close to the church if possible. Perhaps
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  Speaker 1: the vicar would know whether there is likely to be
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  Speaker 1: anything suitable. Oh yes, he would doubtless be able to
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  Speaker 1: suggest something. It is such a very nice residential neighborhood.
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  Speaker 1: I am sure you would like it. Let me see
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  Speaker 1: you are staying in Nelson Avenue. I think Missus Treadgold
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  Speaker 1: said yes with missus Bunch at Fairview. I am sure
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  Speaker 1: she makes you comfortable, such a nice woman. Oh, I'm
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  Speaker 1: afraid she never stops talking. Hasn't she any ideas on
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  Speaker 1: the subject. I'm sure if there's any news going about,
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  Speaker 1: Missus Budge never fails to get hold of it. Well
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  Speaker 1: said Miss Clempson, seizing the opening with a swiftness which
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  Speaker 1: would have done credit to Napoleon. She did say something
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  Speaker 1: about a house in Wellington Avenue which she thought might
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  Speaker 1: be let before long. Wellington Avenue, you surprise me? I
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  Speaker 1: thought I knew almost everybody there. Could it be the
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  Speaker 1: Parfits really moving at last? They have been talking about
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  Speaker 1: it for at least seven years, and I really had
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  Speaker 1: begun to think it was all talk. Missus Peaswood. Do
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  Speaker 1: you hear that, Miss Clemson says the Parfits are really
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  Speaker 1: leading that house at last? Bless me, cried Missus Peaswood,
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  Speaker 1: raising her rather prominent eyes from a piece of plain
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  Speaker 1: needle and focusing them on Miss Clemson like a pair
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  Speaker 1: of opera glasses. Well, that is news. It must be
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  Speaker 1: that brother of hers who was staying with them last week.
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  Speaker 1: Possibly he is going to live with them permanently, and
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  Speaker 1: that would clinch the matter, of course, for they couldn't
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  Speaker 1: get on without another bedroom when the girls come home
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  Speaker 1: from school. A very sensible arrangement, I should think. I
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  Speaker 1: believe he is quite well off, you know, and it
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  Speaker 1: will be a very good thing for those children. I
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  Speaker 1: wonder where they will go. I expect it will be
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  Speaker 1: one of the new houses out on the Winchester Road,
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  Speaker 1: though of course that would mean keeping a car still,
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  Speaker 1: I expect he would want them to do that. In
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  Speaker 1: any case, most likely he will have it himself and
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  Speaker 1: let them have the use of it. I don't think
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  Speaker 1: Parfit was the name broke in Miss Clemson hurriedly. I'm
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  Speaker 1: sure it wasn't. It was a miss somebody, a Miss Whittaker.
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  Speaker 1: I think Missus Budge mentioned Miss Whittaker, cried, both ladies
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  Speaker 1: in chorus. Oh no, surely not. I'm sure Miss Whittaker
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  Speaker 1: would have told me if she thought of giving up
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  Speaker 1: her house, pursued Miss Murgatroyd. We are such very great friends.
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  Speaker 1: I think missus Budge must have run away with the
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  Speaker 1: wrong idea. People do build up such amazing stories out
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  Speaker 1: of nothing at all. I wouldn't go so far as
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  Speaker 1: that put in missus Peaswood rebukingly. There may be something
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  Speaker 1: in it, I do know, dear. Miss Whittaker has sometimes
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  Speaker 1: spoken to me about wishing to take up chicken farming.
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  Speaker 1: I dare say she has not mentioned the matter generally,
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  Speaker 1: but then she always confides in me depend on it,
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  Speaker 1: that is what she intends to do. Missus Budge didn't
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  Speaker 1: actually say Miss Whittager was moving, interposed Miss Clemson. She said,
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  Speaker 1: I think that Miss Whittager had been left alone by
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  Speaker 1: some relation's death, and she wouldn't be surprised if she
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  Speaker 1: found the house lonely. Ah, that's missus Budge all over,
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  Speaker 1: said missus Peasgood, nodding ominously a most excellent woman, but
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  Speaker 1: she sometimes gets hold of the wrong end of the stick.
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  Speaker 1: Not but what I've often thought the same thing myself.
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  Speaker 1: I said to poor Mary Whittaker only the other day.
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  Speaker 1: Don't you find it very lonely in that house, my dear,
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  Speaker 1: now that your poor aunt is no more? I'm sure
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  Speaker 1: it would be a very good thing if she did
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  Speaker 1: move or got some one to live with her. It's
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  Speaker 1: not natural for a young woman all alone like that.
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  Speaker 1: And so I told her I'm one of those that
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  Speaker 1: believe in speaking their mind, you know, Miss Clemson, Well,
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  Speaker 1: now so am I. Missus Peasgood rejoined Miss Clemson promptly,
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  Speaker 1: And that is what I said to Missus Budge at
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  Speaker 1: the time. I said, do I understand that there was
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  Speaker 1: anything odd about the old lady's death? Because she had
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  Speaker 1: spoken of the peculiar circumstances of the case. And you know,
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  Speaker 1: I should not at all like to live in a
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  Speaker 1: house which could be called in any way notorious. I
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  Speaker 1: should really feel quite uncomfortable about it, in saying which
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  Speaker 1: Miss Clemson no doubt spoke with perfect sincerity. But not
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  Speaker 1: at all, not at all, cried Missus Murgatroyd, so eagerly
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  Speaker 1: that Missus Pagood, who had posed to purse up her
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  Speaker 1: face and assume an expression of portentous secrecy before replying,
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  Speaker 1: was completely crowded out and left at the post. There
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  Speaker 1: never was a more wicked story. The death was natural,
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  Speaker 1: perfectly natural, and a most happy release. Poor soul, I'm sure,
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  Speaker 1: for her sufferings at the last were truly terrible. It
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  Speaker 1: was all a scandalous story put about by that young
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  Speaker 1: doctor Carr, whom I'm sure I never liked, simply to
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  Speaker 1: aggrandize himself, as though any doctor would pronounce so definitely
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  Speaker 1: upon what exact date it would please God to call
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  Speaker 1: a poor sufferer to himself. Human pride and vanity make
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  Speaker 1: a most shocking exhibition, Miss Clemson, when they lead us
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  Speaker 1: to cast suspicion on innocent people simply because we are
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  Speaker 1: wedded to our own presumptuous opinions. Poor miss Whittager, she
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  Speaker 1: went through a most terrible time. But it was proved,
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  Speaker 1: absolutely proved that there was nothing in the story at all.
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  Speaker 1: And I hope that young man was properly ashamed of himself.
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  Speaker 1: There may be two opinions about that, Miss Murgatroyd said,
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  Speaker 1: missus pegood. I say what I think, Miss Clemson, and
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  Speaker 1: in my opinion, there should have been an inquest. I
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  Speaker 1: try to be up to date, and I believe doctor
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  Speaker 1: Carr to have been a very able young man, though
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  Speaker 1: of course he was not the kind of old fashioned
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  Speaker 1: family doctor that appeals to elderly people. It was a
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  Speaker 1: great pity that nice nurse phileter was sent away. That
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  Speaker 1: woman Forbes was no more use than a headache. To
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  Speaker 1: use my brother's rather vigorous expression, I don't think she
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  Speaker 1: knew her job, and that's a fact. Nurse Forbes was
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  Speaker 1: a charming person, snapped missus Murgatroyd pink with indignation at
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  Speaker 1: being called elderly. That may be retorted missus Peasgood, but
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  Speaker 1: you can't get over the fact that she nearly killed
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  Speaker 1: herself one day by taking nine grains of calomel by
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  Speaker 1: mistake for three. She told me that herself, and what
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  Speaker 1: she did in one case she might do in another.
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  Speaker 1: But Miss Dusk wasn't given anything, said Miss Murgatroyd. And
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  Speaker 1: at any rate, Nurse Forbes's mind was on her patient
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  Speaker 1: and not on flirting with the doctor. I've always thought
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  Speaker 1: that doctor Carr felt a spite against her for taking
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  Speaker 1: his young woman's place, and nothing would have pleased him
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  Speaker 1: better than to get her into trouble. You don't mean,
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  Speaker 1: said Miss Clemson, that he would refuse a certificate and
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  Speaker 1: all that trouble just to annoy the nurse. Surely no
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  Speaker 1: doctor would dare to do that, of course, not, said
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  Speaker 1: missus Peasgood, and nobody with a grain of sense would
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  Speaker 1: suppose it for a moment. Thank you very much, Miss Peasgood,
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  Speaker 1: cried missus Murgatroyd. Thank you very much. I'm sure I
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  Speaker 1: say what I think, said missus Peasgood. Then I'm glad
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  Speaker 1: I haven't such uncharitable thoughts, said Miss Murgatroyd. I don't
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  Speaker 1: think your own observations are so remarkable for their charity,
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  Speaker 1: retorted missus Peasgood. Fortunately, at this moment Miss Murgatroyd, in
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  Speaker 1: her agitation, gave a vicious tweak to the wrong needle
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  Speaker 1: and dropped twenty nine stitches at once. The vicar's wife,
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  Speaker 1: scenting battle from afar, hurried over with a plate of
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  Speaker 1: skin bones and helped to bring about a diversion to her.
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  Speaker 1: Miss Clemson, doggedly, sticking to her mission in life, wrote
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  Speaker 1: the subject of the house in Wellington Avenue. Well, I
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  Speaker 1: don't know, I'm sure, replied missus Treadgold. But there's miss
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  Speaker 1: Whittaker just arrived. Come over to my corner and I'll
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  Speaker 1: introduce you to her and you can have a nice
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  Speaker 1: chat about it. You will like each other so much.
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  Speaker 1: She is such a keen worker. Oh and missus Peasgood.
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  Speaker 1: My husband is so anxious to have a word with
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  Speaker 1: you about the choir boy's social He is discussing it
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  Speaker 1: now with Missus findlater. I wonder if you'd be so
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  Speaker 1: very good as to come and give him your opinion.
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  Speaker 1: He values it so much. Thus, tactfully, the good lady
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  Speaker 1: parted the disputants, and, having deposited Missus Peasgood safely under
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  Speaker 1: the clerical wing, to Miss Clempson away to an arm
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  Speaker 1: chair near the tea table. Dear Miss Whittager, I so
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  Speaker 1: want you to know, Miss Clempson. She is a near
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  Speaker 1: neighbor of yours in Nelson Avenue, and I hope we
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  Speaker 1: shall persuade her to make her home among us. That
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  Speaker 1: will be delightful, said Miss Whittiger. The first impression which
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  Speaker 1: miss Clempson got of Mary Whittaker was that she was
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  Speaker 1: totally out of place among the tea tables of Saint Anissimus.
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  Speaker 1: With her handsome, strongly marked features and quiet air of authority,
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  Speaker 1: she was of the type that does well in city offices.
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  Speaker 1: She had a pleasant and self possessed manner, and was
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  Speaker 1: beautifully tailored, not mannishly, and yet with a severe fineness
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  Speaker 1: of outline. That negative to the appeal of a beautiful figure.
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  Speaker 1: With her long and melancholy experience of frustrated womanhood observed
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  Speaker 1: in a dreary succession of cheap boarding houses, Miss Clipson
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  Speaker 1: was able to dismiss one theory which had vaguely formed
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  Speaker 1: itself in her mind. This was no passionate nature, cramped
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  Speaker 1: by association with an old woman and eager to be
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  Speaker 1: free to mate before youth should depart. That look she
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  Speaker 1: knew well she could diagnose it with dreadful accuracy at
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  Speaker 1: the first glance, in the tone of a voice saying
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  Speaker 1: how do you do? But meeting Mary Whittaker's clear light
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  Speaker 1: eyes under their well shaped brows, she was struck by
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  Speaker 1: a sudden sense of familiarity. She had seen that look before.
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  Speaker 1: Though the where and the when escaped her chatting valuably
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  Speaker 1: about her arrival in life, aptain her introduction to the
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  Speaker 1: vicar and her approval of the Hampshire air and sandy soil.
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  Speaker 1: Miss Clemson racked her shrewd brain for a clue, but
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  Speaker 1: the memory remained obstinately somewhere at the back of her head.
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  Speaker 1: It will come to me in the night, thought Miss
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  Speaker 1: Clemson confidently, And meanwhile I won't say anything about the house.
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  Speaker 1: It would seem so pushing on a first acquaintance. Whereupon
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  Speaker 1: fate instantly intervened to overthrow this prudent resolve and very
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  Speaker 1: nearly ruined the whole effect of Miss Clemson's diplomacy. At
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  Speaker 1: one felt swoop, the form which the avenging Arenies assumed
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  Speaker 1: was that of the youngest Miss Findlater, the gushing one,
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  Speaker 1: who came romping over to them, her hands filled with
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  Speaker 1: baby linen, and plumped down on the end of the
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  Speaker 1: sofa beside Miss Whittaker. Mary, my dear, why didn't you
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  Speaker 1: tell me you really are going to start your chicken
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  Speaker 1: farm scheme? At once? I'd no idea you'd got on
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  Speaker 1: so far with your plans. How could you let me
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  Speaker 1: hear it first from somebody else? You promised to tell
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  Speaker 1: me before anybody, But I didn't know it myself, replied
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  Speaker 1: Miss Whittaker, coolly, who told you this wonderful story? Why
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  Speaker 1: missus Peasgood said that she heard it from here? Miss
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  Speaker 1: Findlater was in a difficulty. She had not yet been
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  Speaker 1: introduced to Miss Clemson and hardly knew how to refer
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  Speaker 1: to her before her face. This lady was what a
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  Speaker 1: shop girl would say. Miss Clemson would hardly do as
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  Speaker 1: she had so to speak, no official cognizance of the
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  Speaker 1: name Missus Budge's new lodger was obviously impossible in the circumstances.
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  Speaker 1: She hesitated, then beamed a bright appeal at Miss Clemson
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  Speaker 1: and said, our new helper, May I introduce myself? I
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  Speaker 1: so detest formality, don't you? And to belong to the
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  Speaker 1: vicarage work party is a sort of introduction in itself,
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  Speaker 1: don't you think, Miss Clempson. I believe how do you do?
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  Speaker 1: It is true? Isn't it, Mary, that you are letting
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  Speaker 1: your house to Miss Clemson and starting a poultry farm
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  Speaker 1: at Alfred? Certainly not that I know of, Miss Clempson
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  Speaker 1: and I have only just met one another. The tone
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  Speaker 1: of Miss Whittaker's voice suggested that the first meeting might
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  Speaker 1: very willingly be the last, so far as she was concerned.
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  Speaker 1: Oh dear, cried the youngest Miss Findlater, who was fair
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  Speaker 1: and bobbed and rather coltish. I believe I've dropped a brick.
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  Speaker 1: I'm sure missus Peasgood understood that it was all settled.
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  Speaker 1: She appealed to Miss Clemson again, quite a mistake said
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  Speaker 1: that lady energetically, what must you be thinking of me,
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  Speaker 1: Miss Whittaker. Of course I could not possibly have said
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  Speaker 1: such a thing. I only happened to mention in the
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  Speaker 1: most casual way that I was looking, that is, thinking
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  Speaker 1: of looking about for a house in the neighborhood of
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  Speaker 1: the church, so convenient, you know, for early services at
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  Speaker 1: Saints Stay's. And it was suggested, just suggested, I really
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  Speaker 1: forget by whom that you might just possibly at some
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  Speaker 1: time consider letting your house. I assure you that was
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  Speaker 1: all in saying which Miss Clemson was not wholly accurate
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  Speaker 1: or disingenuous, but excused herself to her conscience on the
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  Speaker 1: rather jesuitical grounds that where so much responsibility was floating about,
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  Speaker 1: it was best to pin it down in the quarter
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  Speaker 1: which made for peace. Miss Murgatroyd, she added, put me
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  Speaker 1: right at once, for she said, you were certainly not
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  Speaker 1: thinking of any such thing, or you would have told
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  Speaker 1: her before anybody else. Miss Whittaker laughed. But I shouldn't,
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  Speaker 1: she said, I should have told my house agent. It's
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  Speaker 1: quite true I did have it in mind, but I
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  Speaker 1: certainly haven't taken any steps. You really are thinking of
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  Speaker 1: doing it, then, cried Miss Findlater. I do hope so,
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  Speaker 1: because if you do, I'm being to apply for a
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  Speaker 1: job on the farm. I'm simply longing to get away
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  Speaker 1: from all these silly tennis parties and things and live
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  Speaker 1: close to the earth and the fundamental crudities. Do you
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  Speaker 1: read Sheela Kane Smith. Miss Clemson said no, but she
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  Speaker 1: was very fond of Thomas Hardy. It really is terrible
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  Speaker 1: living in a little town like this, went on, Miss Findlater,
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  Speaker 1: so full of aspidistras, you know, and small gossip. You've
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  Speaker 1: no idea what a dreadfully gossipy place Leehampton is, Miss Clemson.
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  Speaker 1: I'm sure, Mary dear, you must have had more than
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  Speaker 1: enough of it, with that tiresome doctor Carr and the
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  Speaker 1: things people said. I don't wonder your thinking of getting
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  Speaker 1: rid of that house. I shouldn't think you could ever
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  Speaker 1: feel comfortable in it again, Why on earth not, said
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: miss Whittaker, lightly too lightly. Miss Clemson was startled to
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  Speaker 1: recognize in eye and voice the curious, quick defensiveness of
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  Speaker 1: the neglect at spinster who cries out that she has
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  Speaker 1: no use for men. Oh well, said Miss Findlater, I
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  Speaker 1: always think it's a little sad living where people have died,
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  Speaker 1: you know, dear miss Dawson. Though of course it really
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  Speaker 1: was merciful that she should be released. All the same, evidently,
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  Speaker 1: thought Miss Clemson. She was turning the matter off. The
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  Speaker 1: atmosphere of suspicion surrounding the death had been in her mind,
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  Speaker 1: but she shied at referring to it. There are very
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  Speaker 1: few houses in which somebody hasn't died some time or other,
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  Speaker 1: said Miss Whittaker. I really can't see why people should
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  Speaker 1: worry about it. I suppose it's just a question of
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  Speaker 1: not realizing. We are not sensitive to the past lives
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  Speaker 1: of people we don't know, just as we are much
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  Speaker 1: less upset about epidemics and accidents that happen a long
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  Speaker 1: way off. Do you really suppose, by the way, Miss Clemson,
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  Speaker 1: that this Chinese business is coming off? Everybody seemed to
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: take it very casually. If all this rioting and Bolshevism
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  Speaker 1: was happening in Hyde Park, there'd be a lot more
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  Speaker 1: fuss made about it. Miss Clemson made a suitable reply
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  Speaker 1: that night, She wrote to Lord Peter. Miss Whittaker has
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  Speaker 1: asked me to tea. She tells me that much as
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  Speaker 1: she would enjoy an active country life with something definite
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  Speaker 1: to do. She has a deep affection for the house
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  Speaker 1: in Wellington Avenue and cannot tear herself away. She seems
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  Speaker 1: very anxious to give this impression. Would it be fair
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  Speaker 1: for me to say the lady protest too much? Methinks
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  Speaker 1: the Prince of Denmark might even add, let the galled
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  Speaker 1: jade WinCE, if one can use that expression of a lady.
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  Speaker 1: How wonderful Shakespeare is. One can always find a phrase
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  Speaker 1: in his works for any situation. End of Chapter five,