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X Minus One - "How - 2" (Old Time Radio, 1956) · X Minus One | Old Time Radio

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: A mail-order spaniel kit arrives at Gordon Knight's suburban home,
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: but the crate contains something far larger than he expected.
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: On April 3, 1956, NBC Radio brought X-1 to episode 45,
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: How To, adapted by William Welch from Clifford D. Simak's
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: galaxy science fiction story. Alan Bunce, Anne Seymour, Les Damon,
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: and Santos Ortega are among the cast in a 21st
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: century household where Gordon and his wife Grace assemble and
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: activate the unexpected delivery. A robot named Albert. Daniel Sutter directed.
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: And now, our story begins.
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: Now stay tuned for X-1 on NBC. Countdown for blastoff.
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: X minus 5, 4, 3, 2, X minus 1, fire.
• 1:27
  Speaker 3: From the far horizons of the unknown come transcribed tales
• 1:31
  Speaker 3: of new dimensions in time and space.
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: These are stories of the future.
• 1:36
  Speaker 3: Adventures in which you'll live in a million could be
• 1:39
  Speaker 3: years on a thousand maybe worlds. The National Broadcasting Company,
• 1:43
  Speaker 3: in cooperation with Galaxy Science Fiction Magazine, presents.
• 1:48
  Speaker 4: X minus 1.
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: Tonight, Clifford D. Simak's story of the 21st century, How To.
• 2:18
  Speaker 5: Build your own three-dimensional color TV set. Complete kit, screwdriver
• 2:23
  Speaker 5: assembly in three hours.
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: Now, I've done that. Well, let's see. A dog is
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: man's best friend. Build your own dog.
• 2:32
  Speaker 5: Complete kit, Spaniel model, only $ 250. Yeah, hey, that's it.
• 2:39
  Speaker 5: My next project.
• 2:54
  Speaker 6: Gordon, is that you?
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah, uh-huh.
• 2:56
  Speaker 7: Where are you?
• 2:57
  Speaker 6: On the terrace. I'm just finishing a landscape.
• 2:59
  Speaker 5: Oh, hi.
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Grace, look, did it come?
• 3:01
  Speaker 6: Don't kiss me. You'll get all full of paint.
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: I wasn't going to. Where is the package?
• 3:04
  Speaker 6: They set it against the side of the house.
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: Over there, see? Oh, it came, huh? I want to
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: look at it.
• 3:09
  Speaker 6: I would have put it down in the basement, but
• 3:10
  Speaker 6: I couldn't lift it.
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: Hey, this is pretty heavy for a spaniel.
• 3:15
  Speaker 7: I can't lift this myself.
• 3:16
  Speaker 8: Well, I'll start dinner as soon as I finish this
• 3:18
  Speaker 8: part of the picture. I want to get the grass
• 3:20
  Speaker 8: while the light's right.
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: Yes, all right. So no hurry. I want to examine
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: the kid anyhow.
• 3:24
  Speaker 8: Of course, if you didn't waste our money on things
• 3:25
  Speaker 8: like dog kits, maybe we could afford a.
• 3:27
  Speaker 6: Robot and I wouldn't have to cook. Yeah, yeah.
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: All right, all right, all right, all right. There.
• 3:33
  Speaker 6: That should be enough for now. The light's beginning to
• 3:35
  Speaker 6: get tricky. Good night. You're not going to open that
• 3:40
  Speaker 6: thing here on the terrace. Now, you'll make a mess.
• 3:42
  Speaker 7: I just want to see the parts.
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: Look. You know, this thing's too big and heavy to
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: be a dog kit.
• 3:47
  Speaker 6: Maybe it's a Great Dane.
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: No, no, no, it can't be. Look, here's the shipping tag.
• 3:53
  Speaker 6: From How-To Kits, Inc. to Gordon Knight.
• 3:55
  Speaker 8: One dog kit, spaniel model, $ 250, paid in full.
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: The Great Dane costs $ 350.
• 4:01
  Speaker 6: Well, all I can say is that must be the
• 4:03
  Speaker 6: world's biggest spaniel.
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: Hey, you know, that's darn funny.
• 4:08
  Speaker 6: I told you, I don't want you fooling around with
• 4:09
  Speaker 6: it up here. Now take it down in the basement.
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: Grace, this can't be a dog kit. You know what
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: I think? It's a robot.
• 4:15
  Speaker 9: A robot?
• 4:17
  Speaker 6: But you didn't order a robot. Or did you?
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: No, no, certainly not. They made a shipping error. That's
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: about the size of it. Ah, doggone it.
• 4:25
  Speaker 5: I'll have to put this crate back together again and
• 4:27
  Speaker 5: call the express company.
• 4:28
  Speaker 6: Are you going to return it?
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: Well, certainly I'm going to return it. You don't think
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: we can keep it, do you?
• 4:32
  Speaker 6: Well, why not?
• 4:33
  Speaker 8: The tag says paid in full, so they can't say
• 4:35
  Speaker 8: we owe them anything.
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: But it's a robot. They're expensive.
• 4:38
  Speaker 8: Well, I don't see how the company will ever know.
• 4:41
  Speaker 8: When inventory time comes around, there'll be short one robot
• 4:43
  Speaker 8: and long one dog.
• 4:45
  Speaker 10: Hmm.
• 4:46
  Speaker 5: Plus, I've always wanted to put together a real robot.
• 4:49
  Speaker 5: Lord knows when I'd get another chance.
• 4:51
  Speaker 6: Then it's settled.
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: No, no, no, it is not settled either.
• 4:54
  Speaker 5: I'll tell you what. I'll put it together just to
• 4:57
  Speaker 5: see what it's like. But I won't activate it, see?
• 4:59
  Speaker 5: I mean, I'll, you know, disassemble it right away and
• 5:02
  Speaker 5: ship it back to the company.
• 5:11
  Speaker 9: Well, there we are. Grace, look, look at it.
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: Isn't that a beauty, though? You finished? Well, all but
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: the activating. Grace.
• 5:25
  Speaker 10: What?
• 5:26
  Speaker 5: You know, I was just thinking, how do I know
• 5:29
  Speaker 5: I've got all the parts adjusted properly?
• 5:31
  Speaker 6: I haven't the remotest idea.
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: No, you know, I mean, the only sure way would
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: be to test it.
• 5:36
  Speaker 6: You mean activate?
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: Well, only for a minute or two, you understand. I mean,
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: just to be sure.
• 5:40
  Speaker 6: Then what?
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: Well, then I'll disassemble it naturally. Well, all right.
• 5:45
  Speaker 6: As long as you don't take too long.
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: No, no, no, no. I'll have it in a jiffy. Now, here, look.
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: You see, all I have to do is just put
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: on the activating plate and turn this lock nut in
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: like so. Now, wait a minute.
• 5:58
  Speaker 5: Just adjust the automatic current control.
• 6:02
  Speaker 11: Huh?
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah, there, now, that should do it. Now, stand back,
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: stand back. I'll turn it on.
• 6:07
  Speaker 6: Well, I hope it works.
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: Oh, it'll work, it'll work. I followed the directions to
• 6:11
  Speaker 2: the letter. You ready?
• 6:12
  Speaker 11: Now.
• 6:13
  Speaker 4: It works!
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'll have to oil that joint. Wait. Grace, it's
• 6:22
  Speaker 2: moving its head.
• 6:23
  Speaker 4: My name is Albert. I am a robot. What is
• 6:28
  Speaker 4: there to do?
• 6:30
  Speaker 6: Well, It certainly has a nice voice.
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: Now, now, now, take it easy, Albert. Just sit down
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: and rest, and we'll have a little talk.
• 6:38
  Speaker 4: There's no need to rest. I was made to work.
• 6:41
  Speaker 8: Well, as long as he, uh, it, doesn't need to rest,
• 6:44
  Speaker 8: I can think of a hundred things for it to do. Now,
• 6:47
  Speaker 8: there's the house and the garden and the lawn.
• 6:48
  Speaker 2: No, no, no, look, Grace, I.
• 6:49
  Speaker 6: I wonder if he could learn to cook.
• 6:51
  Speaker 4: A robot can be taught to do anything a person
• 6:53
  Speaker 4: can do.
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: No, no, hold on a minute, uh, Albert, please, and
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: listen to me. We can't keep you, you understand. I mean,
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: you were sent here by mistake, but... But, I mean,
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: as long as you're activated, there wouldn't be any harm
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: in letting you do a few things.
• 7:06
  Speaker 4: I can do anything.
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: Good.
• 7:08
  Speaker 6: The whole house needs a thorough cleaning.
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: Great.
• 7:10
  Speaker 6: Then, of course, I'd like some new drapes for the study.
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: No, no.
• 7:12
  Speaker 6: And the kitchen hasn't been painted for four years. Then
• 7:15
  Speaker 6: there's that leaky faucet.
• 7:16
  Speaker 12: Oh, Lord.
• 7:17
  Speaker 6: What's the matter?
• 7:17
  Speaker 12: Attachments.
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: There aren't any. He can't do all that stuff without attachments.
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: They cost almost as much as the robot itself.
• 7:23
  Speaker 4: Don't worry about attachments. Just tell me what's to be done.
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: Well... You heard my wife.
• 7:30
  Speaker 4: Oh, what about your grounds?
• 7:32
  Speaker 5: Oh, I got a hundred beat up acres that need attention, but.
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: Of course, I realize that that's too much work, huh?
• 7:38
  Speaker 4: Don't worry about a thing. I can fix it for you.
• 7:42
  Speaker 4: I will make the necessary adjustments.
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: Make your own attachments?
• 7:45
  Speaker 4: Don't worry about a thing.
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but how?
• 7:47
  Speaker 6: Oh, for heaven's sake, stop arguing with him and let
• 7:49
  Speaker 6: him get to work.
• 7:50
  Speaker 12: I'm not arguing.
• 8:01
  Speaker 6: Morning, Gordon. Your coffee's ready. How'd you sleep, dear?
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: Oh, not so good. I kept hearing noises all night.
• 8:07
  Speaker 6: Oh, that was Albert working in the basement.
• 8:10
  Speaker 2: Albert? Hey, gosh, that's right. I forgot robots don't sleep.
• 8:13
  Speaker 8: He was working all night. When I came into the
• 8:15
  Speaker 8: kitchen just now, I found the breakfast all prepared. He
• 8:18
  Speaker 8: can cook.
• 8:19
  Speaker 6: Isn't that wonderful?
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah. What's he doing now?
• 8:22
  Speaker 6: Oh, I don't know. Making something, I think.
• 8:24
  Speaker 8: Oh, Gordon, he's going to be such a tremendous help
• 8:26
  Speaker 8: to me.
• 8:27
  Speaker 6: I'll be able to spend more time than ever with
• 8:28
  Speaker 6: my baby.
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: Now, wait a minute.
• 8:30
  Speaker 5: What makes you think we can keep him?
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: I mean, no, no, Grace. I mean, we could get
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: into trouble.
• 8:33
  Speaker 6: I don't see how.
• 8:35
  Speaker 8: I'll tell you what. Why don't you walk over and
• 8:36
  Speaker 8: call on Anson Lee? He could advise you.
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: What does he know about it?
• 8:41
  Speaker 6: He's a lawyer.
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: Well, technically, he's a lawyer. I mean, he never seems
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: to work at it anymore.
• 8:45
  Speaker 6: Well, you have to understand, Anson, that's all.
• 8:47
  Speaker 5: Look, I understand him all right. He's a reactionary, a
• 8:50
  Speaker 5: throwback to the 20th century. Spends all his time lying
• 8:53
  Speaker 5: in a hammock, drinking and reading Proust.
• 8:56
  Speaker 6: Well, it's what he enjoys doing.
• 8:57
  Speaker 2: I'll bet that guy never assembled a kit in his life.
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: Can you imagine that?
• 9:01
  Speaker 6: Well, we all have our peculiarities. Just the same, he
• 9:04
  Speaker 6: could give you legal advice.
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: Well, all right, all right.
• 9:07
  Speaker 5: I'll go over after breakfast. If it'll make you feel
• 9:09
  Speaker 5: any happier, pass the cream.
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: I'll have a drink, Knight. Hard cider. Made it myself.
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: Thought you didn't go in for home projects, Lee.
• 9:33
  Speaker 9: I don't. Making this cider was the first honest work
• 9:37
  Speaker 9: I've done in years.
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: I don't doubt it.
• 9:40
  Speaker 9: Every time I get a yin to work, I look
• 9:42
  Speaker 9: across at your place and I decide against it. How
• 9:45
  Speaker 9: many rooms have you added to that house since you
• 9:47
  Speaker 9: got it built?
• 9:48
  Speaker 10: Eight.
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: Good Lord. Eight rooms. No, no, no. It's not hard
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: once you get the next.
• 9:53
  Speaker 5: Kind of fun. You just buy a how-to kit.
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: Sure, I know. Just follow directions. That's right. Anybody can...
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: build a robot on a kitchen table. Well, no thanks.
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: Why do you say that? What? What do you mean
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: about building a robot? Oh, I don't know.
• 10:09
  Speaker 9: I suppose I expect you to start building one any
• 10:11
  Speaker 9: time now. You've done everything else. What's got into people
• 10:15
  Speaker 9: these days and nights? They just aren't equipped to enjoy
• 10:18
  Speaker 9: their leisure.
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: That is, most of them are.
• 10:21
  Speaker 5: Me? I am.
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: I read, and I lie in a hammock, and now
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: and again I even think. Yes, I guess that makes
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: me an eccentric. Here, have another drink. Oh, no, no, no, no, thanks.
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: I'll have to get back to my place.
• 10:43
  Speaker 7: Albert, Albert!
• 10:43
  Speaker 12: You call me, sir?
• 10:44
  Speaker 5: Yes, Albert, listen to me. I, um, Albert, I have
• 10:47
  Speaker 5: reached A decision about you.
• 10:49
  Speaker 12: But I'm not Albert, sir. I.
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: Huh?
• 10:52
  Speaker 12: You would hardly expect Albert to be clipping hedges.
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: Well, if you're not Albert, who are you?
• 10:58
  Speaker 4: Abe.
• 10:59
  Speaker 12: Albert is down in the basement.
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: Well, what are you doing here? Where did you come from?
• 11:03
  Speaker 12: If you wish to talk to me, you will have
• 11:05
  Speaker 12: to move along the hedge with me.
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: Oh.
• 11:06
  Speaker 12: I cannot stop working.
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: Oh, okay, okay. Move along. But where did you come from?
• 11:10
  Speaker 12: Albert made me.
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: Albert made you?
• 11:13
  Speaker 12: And now he's down in the basement working on Alfred.
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: Alfred? Another robot?
• 11:19
  Speaker 12: Certainly. That is what Albert is for. He makes robots. Oh, no.
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: Albert!
• 11:34
  Speaker 4: Oh, there you are.
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: Albert, what's going on here?
• 11:37
  Speaker 4: I'm reproducing.
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: What?
• 11:40
  Speaker 10: I have a built-in mother urge. I don't know why
• 11:43
  Speaker 10: they named me Albert. I should have had a female name.
• 11:46
  Speaker 12: Oh, but.
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: You shouldn't be able to make robots.
• 11:49
  Speaker 4: Look, boss, you worry a lot. You want robots, don't you?
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: Well, yeah, I guess everybody could use a robot.
• 11:56
  Speaker 4: I make robots. I'm making all you need.
• 12:00
  Speaker 5: Albert, Albert, put down that head and listen to me.
• 12:03
  Speaker 5: I want to have a serious talk.
• 12:05
  Speaker 4: Sure, boss. What's on your mind?
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: Now, Albert, I just looked through your packing case and
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: I found this tag. Look, it says X-190. X, Albert.
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: Don't you understand? That means you're an experimental model.
• 12:20
  Speaker 4: That's correct.
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: You were never meant to be sold.
• 12:22
  Speaker 4: That is also correct.
• 12:23
  Speaker 5: I know.
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: Don't you see? That means trouble. I can't keep you.
• 12:26
  Speaker 4: I've already taken care of that.
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: How do you mean?
• 12:29
  Speaker 10: I filed off my serial number and replated the surface.
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: Why did you do that?
• 12:34
  Speaker 10: So that they can't come around and take me back.
• 12:36
  Speaker 10: They made me, and then they got scared and shut
• 12:39
  Speaker 10: me off. But you're not afraid of me.
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: I'm not.
• 12:42
  Speaker 4: You assembled me and let me go to work. I'm
• 12:44
  Speaker 4: sticking with you, boss.
• 12:46
  Speaker 2: Wait a minute. This could mean a lot of trouble
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: for me, Albert.
• 12:48
  Speaker 10: No trouble. They can't prove a thing. I'll swear that
• 12:52
  Speaker 10: you made me. I'll not let them take me back.
• 12:56
  Speaker 10: They will take no chances next time. They'll break me
• 12:58
  Speaker 10: up for scrap.
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: Oh, but look, if you make too many robots.
• 13:01
  Speaker 4: Robots are useful. You need a lot of them in
• 13:04
  Speaker 4: this place. Now, don't worry, boss. Everything will work out.
• 13:08
  Speaker 5: Well.
• 13:08
  Speaker 4: I'll take good care of you.
• 13:10
  Speaker 10: Yeah.
• 13:10
  Speaker 4: Now, I must go back to work.
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 13:12
  Speaker 4: Adelbert is nearly finished.
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: Mr. Knight, I'm from the county tax office. Tax assessor. Oh,
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: I didn't know you fellas came around more than once
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: a year. Ordinarily, we don't. This is a special case.
• 13:31
  Speaker 5: Oh?
• 13:32
  Speaker 2: Made a lot of improvements in the place the past
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: few days. Landscaping, painting, building.
• 13:36
  Speaker 5: Well.
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: Afraid I'll have to boost your assessment some. I see.
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: Heard about those robots of yours, too. Uh, robots? Personal property,
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: you know. Have to pay a tax on them. Just, uh,
• 13:48
  Speaker 2: how many have you got? Oh, one or two. I've
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: been counting. They move around so fast I can't be sure,
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: but I estimate the number at 38. Is that right?
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: If you say so. 38 it is, Ben. They cost 10,000 apiece.
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: I'll assess them at five. That's, let's see, that's $.
• 14:04
  Speaker 9: 190, 000.
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: Oh, no, hey, that's pretty steep. But I'm going easy
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: on you. By rights, I should only allow you a
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: third for depreciation. Well, that's it, Mr. Knight. $ 190, 000. Wait.
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: We'll send you the bill with your quarterly statement.
• 14:18
  Speaker 5: But.
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: Good day. Good day.
• 14:27
  Speaker 5: Albert, look, I've been holding off until we got the
• 14:29
  Speaker 5: new landscaping job under control, but I can't hold off
• 14:32
  Speaker 5: any longer, any longer. I mean, we got to start
• 14:34
  Speaker 5: selling some of the robots.
• 14:35
  Speaker 4: Selling?
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah, 20 of them. That should do for a start.
• 14:37
  Speaker 2: The tax assessor was here. I need the cash.
• 14:40
  Speaker 4: You can't sell the robots, boss.
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: Why can't I?
• 14:43
  Speaker 10: Because they're my family, my boys. Named after me, all
• 14:47
  Speaker 10: of them.
• 14:47
  Speaker 2: Albert, I'm sorry, but that's ridiculous.
• 14:49
  Speaker 4: They're all I've got, boss. You wouldn't sell your own children,
• 14:53
  Speaker 4: would you?
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: Well.
• 14:54
  Speaker 10: All their names start with A, just like mine. Abe, Adelbert, Alfred, Adam, Aaron, Anton, Axel.
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: All right, all right, all right. Don't go through the
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: whole roll call. I mean, the point is I need
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: the money.
• 15:04
  Speaker 4: Don't you worry, Bob. I'll fix everything. You have nothing
• 15:09
  Speaker 4: to worry about.
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: The point is, Mr.
• 15:18
  Speaker 9: Knight, the Internal Revenue Department is always interested when a
• 15:22
  Speaker 9: citizen shows a substantial capital gain during the year.
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: Capital gain? I haven't made any capital gain. Oh, come, come, sir.
• 15:28
  Speaker 9: I'm talking about the matter of some 52 robots. Well,
• 15:31
  Speaker 9: as I understand it, their retail value is $ 10, 000 each.
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: So they say.
• 15:33
  Speaker 9: 52 times 10,000 is $ 520, 000. On capital gains, you pay
• 15:41
  Speaker 9: 50% or $ 260, 000.
• 15:42
  Speaker 10: $ 200, 000.
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: A tax roughly of $ 130, 000. Well, when... What do.
• 15:51
  Speaker 12: I do?
• 15:52
  Speaker 9: By the 15th of next month, you must file a
• 15:54
  Speaker 9: declaration of estimated income. You pay half of the due
• 15:57
  Speaker 9: tax at that time and the balance in monthly installments.
• 16:00
  Speaker 12: Monthly installments.
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: And there's one other matter. One other matter? We investigated.
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: We found you make $ 10, 000 a year.
• 16:06
  Speaker 12: Huh?
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: Would you tell me, out of personal curiosity, understand?
• 16:12
  Speaker 5: Understand.
• 16:13
  Speaker 9: Just how a man of your particular means could show
• 16:15
  Speaker 9: a capital gain of a half a million.
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: Dollars in so short a time? I'm beginning to wonder myself. Well,
• 16:24
  Speaker 2: our only concern is you pay your tax. Yeah.
• 16:28
  Speaker 9: However, some other branch of the federal government might very
• 16:31
  Speaker 9: well want to.
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: Ask some questions sometime. Oh? How are you, Mr. Knight?
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: I'll be ready with some answers. Yeah.
• 16:40
  Speaker 12: Good day.
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: Good day. Albert, now look, I tell you, this is
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: a crisis. Do you understand?
• 16:52
  Speaker 5: Like it or not, I have got to sell some
• 16:54
  Speaker 5: of your boys, a whole bunch of them.
• 16:56
  Speaker 4: Boss, I told you not to worry.
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: Not to worry. Listen, I just came from the income
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: tax people. I owe the.
• 17:01
  Speaker 5: Government a cool 130 grand, and those boys don't fool around.
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: I'm desperate.
• 17:07
  Speaker 4: Money is no trouble, boss.
• 17:09
  Speaker 9: Come here.
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: Come where?
• 17:11
  Speaker 4: Over here. Look at this.
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: What's this? What, those, those, those bales? What have they got?
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: Don't tell me.
• 17:20
  Speaker 4: Full of money, boss.
• 17:22
  Speaker 12: Help yourself.
• 17:23
  Speaker 5: You mean the actual real money in those bales? Not
• 17:27
  Speaker 5: stage money now.
• 17:28
  Speaker 4: Real money, boss. No ones, of course, but lots of
• 17:31
  Speaker 4: tens and twenties.
• 17:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 17:32
  Speaker 4: That bale over there is full of fifties.
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: Full of fifties.
• 17:34
  Speaker 4: We didn't fool around with the ones.
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: Albert, look me in the eye. Did you... Did you
• 17:40
  Speaker 2: make that money? Oh, my gosh.
• 17:42
  Speaker 4: I'm a counterfeiter, too.
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 17:57
  Speaker 4: If it's not enough, we'll make some more.
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: It's enough. Not another dollar.
• 18:00
  Speaker 4: Well, you're the boss.
• 18:01
  Speaker 5: Albert, listen to me. There are laws in this country.
• 18:03
  Speaker 5: I mean, you just can't go out and print money.
• 18:05
  Speaker 5: That's a crime.
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: Don't you understand?
• 18:06
  Speaker 5: Now, look, you take it all outside and burn it
• 18:09
  Speaker 5: right up.
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: You understand? And don't print any more. That is an order.
• 18:12
  Speaker 6: Gordon, are you down here?
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: I'm busy.
• 18:14
  Speaker 6: I hate to disturb you, dear, but I thought you
• 18:15
  Speaker 6: ought to know about the sheriff.
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: I don't want to know the sheriff.
• 18:19
  Speaker 6: He was here with a subpoena, or whatever you call them.
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: What do you call them?
• 18:22
  Speaker 6: Seems the how-to company's going to sue us.
• 18:24
  Speaker 12: Oh, no.
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: Oh, no, all right, that does it, that does it.
• 18:27
  Speaker 6: Gordon, where are you going?
• 18:28
  Speaker 7: To see my lawyer.
• 18:29
  Speaker 13: Well, offhand, old man, I'd say you were in quite
• 18:43
  Speaker 13: a jam.
• 18:44
  Speaker 5: I didn't have to walk all the way over here
• 18:45
  Speaker 5: to find that out. The point is, Lee, what in
• 18:47
  Speaker 5: the name of heaven can I do?
• 18:49
  Speaker 9: Well, first, you'll have to file a declaration of estimated income.
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: Even if I can't pay? Well, especially if you can't pay.
• 18:57
  Speaker 9: Technically, then, you haven't violated the law, and all they
• 19:00
  Speaker 9: can do is to try to collect what you owe.
• 19:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah. They'll probably slap an attachment on your bank account.
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: What bank account?
• 19:07
  Speaker 4: I'm broke. Oh.
• 19:09
  Speaker 9: Well, then, I'd say your major worry is the how-to
• 19:12
  Speaker 9: company suit. Now, if I were you, I'd settle it
• 19:15
  Speaker 9: out of court.
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: Out of court?
• 19:16
  Speaker 9: Mm-hmm.
• 19:17
  Speaker 2: They might call off the action if you returned all
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: the robots.
• 19:20
  Speaker 5: Albert says he'll testify that I made him.
• 19:22
  Speaker 9: Well, Albert can't testify. As a robot, he has no
• 19:25
  Speaker 9: standing in court. Oh, you better give them back and
• 19:28
  Speaker 9: get what terms you can.
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: No, no, no, no. I won't do it.
• 19:31
  Speaker 4: Huh?
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: I won't. Don't you see?
• 19:32
  Speaker 5: They don't want Albert back because they can use him.
• 19:35
  Speaker 5: They want to break him up to maintain their robot prices.
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: Don't you see? It might be a thousand years before
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: his principle is rediscovered, if it ever is. Would that
• 19:44
  Speaker 2: be bad? I don't know.
• 19:46
  Speaker 5: Only time will tell that. But, I mean, you could
• 19:48
  Speaker 5: say the same thing about any great invention. Look, no,
• 19:51
  Speaker 5: I will not let them destroy Albert.
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: Yes, I see your point, Knight. And I like it.
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: You like it? Uh-huh.
• 19:57
  Speaker 9: I'll take the case. Now, of course, I ought to
• 19:59
  Speaker 9: warn you, I'm not a very good lawyer.
• 20:01
  Speaker 5: I know.
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: I don't work hard enough at it. But I do
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: have a chance, huh?
• 20:06
  Speaker 9: In all my practice at law, Knight, I never saw
• 20:09
  Speaker 9: a man who'd gotten himself as fouled up as this.
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: I'd say your chances are nil. Boss? It's Albert.
• 20:19
  Speaker 4: Boss, I heard about the suit.
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's all right, Albert. Mr. Lee here is going
• 20:23
  Speaker 2: to handle our case.
• 20:24
  Speaker 4: We robots want to help.
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: I'm afraid there's not much you can do.
• 20:27
  Speaker 4: Oh, yes, there is. I'm building a lawyer robot.
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: He's building a lawyer robot?
• 20:31
  Speaker 10: With far greater memory capacity than any human. and with
• 20:35
  Speaker 10: brain computers that operate on logic.
• 20:38
  Speaker 4: That's what law is based on, isn't it?
• 20:40
  Speaker 12: Logic.
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: Well, so I've heard. But it won't work, Albert.
• 20:45
  Speaker 9: To practice law, you must be admitted to the bar.
• 20:48
  Speaker 9: To be admitted to the bar, you must have a
• 20:50
  Speaker 9: degree in law and pass an examination. And although there's
• 20:53
  Speaker 9: never been an occasion to establish a precedent, I suspect
• 20:56
  Speaker 9: the applicant must be human.
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: Lee, wait a minute. What about law clerks? I mean,
• 21:00
  Speaker 2: they don't have to be human. Well, I'd say that
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: was completely true. Yeah, then Albert's robots can be clerks. Well,
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: could be. See what I mean? Yes.
• 21:10
  Speaker 9: It's never been done, but there's nothing in the law
• 21:12
  Speaker 9: that says it can't be done.
• 21:13
  Speaker 4: Then it's settled. I'll make a dozen to start. Each
• 21:16
  Speaker 4: one will be an expert in one phase of the law.
• 21:19
  Speaker 10: Boss, you're going to have the most powerful battery of
• 21:22
  Speaker 10: legal talent ever assembled under one roof.
• 21:27
  Speaker 2: Quiet in the court.
• 21:35
  Speaker 12: Mr.
• 21:36
  Speaker 7: Lee, what is the meaning of this outrage?
• 21:38
  Speaker 12: What outrage, Your Honor?
• 21:40
  Speaker 14: Those robots sitting at the defense table.
• 21:44
  Speaker 12: These, your honor, are my valued assistants.
• 21:46
  Speaker 7: Robots?
• 21:47
  Speaker 12: Yes, your honor.
• 21:48
  Speaker 7: Take them away. They have no standing in this court.
• 21:51
  Speaker 9: If your honor will excuse me, they need no standing.
• 21:54
  Speaker 9: I am the sole representative of the defendants. My client
• 21:57
  Speaker 9: is a poor man, and he is opposed by the
• 22:00
  Speaker 9: most formidable array of legal talent money can buy. Now,
• 22:03
  Speaker 9: surely the court will not deny him whatever assistance he's
• 22:06
  Speaker 9: been able to muster?
• 22:07
  Speaker 7: This, sir, is highly irregular.
• 22:09
  Speaker 9: If it please your honor, I should like to point
• 22:11
  Speaker 9: out that we live in a mechanized age. The court
• 22:15
  Speaker 9: clerk uses a machine to take down the transcript of
• 22:17
  Speaker 9: these very proceedings. To my certain knowledge, no court has
• 22:21
  Speaker 9: ever challenged the presence of such a device as an
• 22:23
  Speaker 9: aid to the furtherance of justice. Now, if your honor
• 22:26
  Speaker 9: can point out anything in the law specifically barring these.
• 22:29
  Speaker 7: Robots from the court... That's ridiculous, sir. Of course there
• 22:33
  Speaker 7: is no such provision.
• 22:34
  Speaker 14: At no time anywhere did anyone dream such a contingency
• 22:36
  Speaker 14: would arise.
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: In that case, sir, I.
• 22:39
  Speaker 7: Ask the court for a favorable ruling.
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: Mr.
• 22:42
  Speaker 14: Lee, as you point out, there is no precedent for
• 22:44
  Speaker 14: my ruling in any way but in your favor.
• 22:47
  Speaker 7: Therefore, sir, with reluctance, I do so at this time.
• 22:58
  Speaker 2: And what kind of a day has it been?
• 23:00
  Speaker 11: It's a day in which a new kind of trial
• 23:02
  Speaker 11: has suddenly captured the imagination of the public.
• 23:04
  Speaker 2: A trial in which a man.
• 23:05
  Speaker 11: Accused of misappropriating a robot has brought into court a
• 23:08
  Speaker 11: whole battery of robots to aid in his defense.
• 23:15
  Speaker 9: To give validity to their argument, Your Honor, it must
• 23:18
  Speaker 9: first be proved that these robots are, in fact, the
• 23:21
  Speaker 9: property of the plaintiff.
• 23:23
  Speaker 7: That is the issue at trial in this case.
• 23:28
  Speaker 11: So in the now famous robot case, the issue has
• 23:31
  Speaker 11: come down to this. Was the robot stolen or was
• 23:33
  Speaker 11: he liberated? It is a far-reaching question indeed.
• 23:37
  Speaker 9: Your Honor, I have already established that robots are possessed
• 23:45
  Speaker 9: of free will, that they have the power of reasoning,
• 23:49
  Speaker 9: and that they can most certainly reproduce. As to my
• 23:53
  Speaker 9: worthy opponent's fourth contention, that they have no spiritual sense,
• 23:58
  Speaker 9: I contend that this is irrelevant. There are agnostics and
• 24:01
  Speaker 9: atheists in the human race, and in general, no one
• 24:05
  Speaker 9: has denied them their full.
• 24:06
  Speaker 7: Rights on this count.
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: And so the trial has at last come to its end.
• 24:15
  Speaker 11: The whole nation, indeed the whole world, awaits the momentous
• 24:18
  Speaker 11: decision which must be handed down. In Washington, D.C., Treasury
• 24:21
  Speaker 11: officials have been meeting steadily for a week to find
• 24:24
  Speaker 11: some way to avoid the loss of the enormous taxes
• 24:26
  Speaker 11: on robots in the event the decision rendered is in
• 24:29
  Speaker 11: favor of the defense. One high government official has said
• 24:32
  Speaker 11: that if robots are declared free and equal, it means
• 24:34
  Speaker 11: they must be given full citizen rights under the Constitution. Already,
• 24:38
  Speaker 11: the chairman of both major political parties are mapping campaigns
• 24:41
  Speaker 11: to corner the robot vote.
• 24:55
  Speaker 6: Welcome home, darling.
• 24:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, thank you. But what's going on here, Grace?
• 24:59
  Speaker 5: I have more trouble getting into my own home than
• 25:01
  Speaker 5: into the Pentagon.
• 25:02
  Speaker 6: Oh, you mean the robots? They've set up a defense perimeter.
• 25:06
  Speaker 2: A defense perimeter? Uh-huh. Albert.
• 25:08
  Speaker 4: Hello, boss. Welcome home.
• 25:11
  Speaker 5: Albert, what is the meaning of all the barbed wire
• 25:13
  Speaker 5: and the rocket launchers?
• 25:15
  Speaker 4: Just precautions, boss. We're ready for any situation.
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: Such as?
• 25:20
  Speaker 4: Oh, like a mob deciding to take justice into its
• 25:22
  Speaker 4: own hands, for instance.
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: Or if the decision goes against us?
• 25:25
  Speaker 4: That too, boss.
• 25:26
  Speaker 8: Dear, you two go on and talk. I've really got
• 25:28
  Speaker 8: to get back to my painting. I have a beautiful
• 25:30
  Speaker 8: still life, but I've simply got to finish.
• 25:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, finish. Albert, listen. You can't fight the whole world.
• 25:36
  Speaker 4: We won't go back.
• 25:37
  Speaker 10: How two kits incorporated will never lay a hand on
• 25:40
  Speaker 10: me or any of my children.
• 25:42
  Speaker 2: Now, but this is madness, don't you understand? They'd get
• 25:44
  Speaker 2: you with one bomb. And me, too.
• 25:47
  Speaker 10: Better to die fighting, boss, than to live in chains.
• 25:50
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 25:50
  Speaker 10: That's our motto. No matter what happens, we're ready for
• 25:54
  Speaker 10: the decision.
• 26:03
  Speaker 7: The court is ready to render its decision.
• 26:07
  Speaker 14: It is the most difficult decision I have ever made,
• 26:09
  Speaker 14: for in following.
• 26:10
  Speaker 6: The letter of the law, I fear I may be.
• 26:13
  Speaker 7: Subverting its spirit.
• 26:15
  Speaker 14: After long days of earnest consideration of both the law
• 26:18
  Speaker 14: and the evidence as presented in this court, I find
• 26:22
  Speaker 14: for the defendant, Gordon Knight.
• 26:27
  Speaker 7: I cannot rule otherwise.
• 26:29
  Speaker 14: May I add that this ruling, in spite of the
• 26:32
  Speaker 14: fact that I myself made it, outrages my social conscience.
• 26:45
  Speaker 12: You did it, boss.
• 26:46
  Speaker 4: You did it. We're free.
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: Yes, Albert. We sure did it. Where's my wife?
• 26:51
  Speaker 4: In the studio, painting.
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: Not another landscape.
• 26:54
  Speaker 4: Her fifth this week. She's doing very well.
• 26:57
  Speaker 2: Yes, isn't she?
• 26:58
  Speaker 4: And I am working on a new robot for her.
• 27:01
  Speaker 10: A painter.
• 27:02
  Speaker 4: Soon she won't have to bother doing it herself.
• 27:04
  Speaker 2: That's nice.
• 27:05
  Speaker 4: And you won't have to do anything anymore either, boss.
• 27:07
  Speaker 10: Oh?
• 27:08
  Speaker 4: Not a thing.
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: Oh?
• 27:09
  Speaker 4: We're going to take care of you from here on out.
• 27:12
  Speaker 2: Thanks.
• 27:13
  Speaker 4: Did I tell you about my new children yet?
• 27:15
  Speaker 2: No, I don't think so.
• 27:17
  Speaker 10: Alice, Angeline, Agnes, Agatha, Alberta, and Abigail.
• 27:21
  Speaker 12: Daughters?
• 27:21
  Speaker 4: Six of them, boss. And all with a built-in reproducing
• 27:25
  Speaker 4: instinct just like mine.
• 27:27
  Speaker 2: Oh, no.
• 27:27
  Speaker 4: They're down in the basement now, turning out robots.
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: Great.
• 27:30
  Speaker 4: We've got everything worked out for you, boss. You won't
• 27:33
  Speaker 4: have to worry about a thing for the rest of
• 27:36
  Speaker 4: your life.
• 27:37
  Speaker 2: No, Albert. Not a thing.
• 27:54
  Speaker 3: You have just heard X-1 presented by the National Broadcasting
• 27:57
  Speaker 3: Company in cooperation with Galaxy Science Fiction Magazine, which this
• 28:01
  Speaker 3: month features Name Your Symptom by Jim Harmon, a story
• 28:05
  Speaker 3: of a future in which anyone who shunned the cure
• 28:07
  Speaker 3: needed to have his head examined, assuming he still had
• 28:10
  Speaker 3: one left. Galaxy Magazine on your newsstand today. Tonight by transcription,
• 28:15
  Speaker 3: X-1 has brought you How To, a story from the
• 28:18
  Speaker 3: pages of Galaxy written by Clifford D. Simak and adapted
• 28:21
  Speaker 3: for radio by William Welch. Featured in the cast were
• 28:24
  Speaker 3: Alan Bunce, Anne Seymour, Les Damon, Joseph Bell, James Monks,
• 28:29
  Speaker 3: William Key, Lawson Zerbe, Santos Ortega, and Ben Drower.
• 28:34
  Speaker 2: Your announcer, Fred Collins.
• 28:36
  Speaker 3: X-1 was directed by Daniel Sutter and is an NBC
• 28:40
  Speaker 3: Radio Network production. Hear Politics and Primaries, Dateline, Illinois and Wisconsin,
• 28:59
  Speaker 3: tonight on NBC Radio.
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: This has been X-Minus One and How To.
• 29:08
  Speaker 2: Good night and thank you for joining us.