Latest / Man In Your Corner with Shaun Tucker / Ep. 85 | The Selfish Leader: Why You Must Put Yourself First to Serve Others | The Reset
Transcript
- Shaun: Hello and welcome back to The Reset, am your host Sean Tucker, this is episode 85. Do you beg for forgiveness? Do you ask for permission or do you beg for forgiveness? Something I've been leaning into which has probably annoyed my wife a little bit and that is leaned into begging for forgiveness. If I have to wait and ask for permission for something it probably means that I'm not really truly trusting my own path. And I say that with grace because You know, I actually spent eight days last year, longer than eight days, probably 10 days last year going on retreats. And one of them was for a yoga retreat and the other one was one in Bali, which was a business and personal development retreat. I didn't ask for permission to go. I mentioned it to my partner and said, hey, in a few months, this is likely going to come up and I would really like to go. And so if I make it as friction free as possible, you know, this is my plan. I didn't ever once say, can I go? I didn't ever ask, is it okay if I go? And so I booked the ticket. And then I said, later, look, this is what I'm doing. You might completely disagree with me and that's okay. The reason I say that is so many people, they're waiting for someone. They're waiting to take the next step. They're not sure what they should be doing and that cost of inaction, it weighs up. It increases and it can really hold you back. And I'll use a really great example of this in the last 24 hours. Not even that in the last 12 hours. I submitted a TEDx application for here in Q in Melbourne. You know, I've got this awesome inspiring story that I think will touch many people's lives, but I honestly didn't know how to wrap it. because the thing with TEDx is you need one idea that's worth spreading. And when it comes to this one idea, I was like, hmm, I don't know. don't know. And honestly, I just opened my phone and went onto Instagram and I found something that was just perfect for it. I'm like, wow, this is perfect. It's talking exactly about... what I've gone through, what I've experienced. And this is the perfect way to wrap my story with this one idea. Originally it came from tennis great Roger Federer and then it was said by Charlie Rocket. And I sent Charlie Rocket an email this morning after I submitted the application asking for his blessing, begging for forgiveness. because I've used this strategy actually many times now throughout my life. I went, ⁓ started the long distance relationship with my girlfriend, now wife, all the way back in 2014, 12 years ago, I had a conversation with her father and her father said you have to really consider what's best for her. And I sat with it, I sat with it, and I saw the position that she was in and knew what the situation was, understood, and I said, look, I will consider it, absolutely. And so I kept the relationship going. didn't break it off until comes a point where I made a phone call when I was living in Germany. And I said, I, you know, I have intentions to marry this girl. And he said on the phone, look, you didn't consider what I said. It's still too early in the relationship to say if you can, if you can get my blessing. This was by the way, four years into our relationship, four or five years. And yeah, I was isolated in Germany, surrounded by all these wonderful people. And I wanted to get my life on track. I was 26 at the time. And I wanted to really settle. I wanted to find someone to settle with. And I already found that person. I found my beautiful wife, who was my girlfriend. And this is one of the biggest sort of hardest things that I've probably ever gone through. The I put that into the conversation is... I didn't ask for his permission. He didn't really give his blessing. And when I went and had a conversation with him to receive his blessing, he didn't give me a yes and he didn't give me a no. So I backed myself and I said, this is what I'm doing. had the intentions to propose to her. And what was funny was he then went back, had a conversation with his daughter, who's my wife now, said, you know what ⁓ Sean Tucker said? You know what he wanted to converse with me about? She said, no. She knew. She knew exactly, because she was playing the game. She knew the life that she wanted and she leaned into him holding the cards. And long story short, he said, you know, he intends to marry you. Yeah, we've been together for five years. So, yeah. Is this the guy you want to marry? That's what he said to my partner. And she said, are you kidding? Yes, of course. And when I heard news of this, because this was three, four years into doing long distance where when I was in Germany, you know, that was probably the hardest time on our relationship because just the fact that there was a massive, massive time difference. She was in Japan. I was in Germany. Australia to Japan is only one max two hours difference of time. So we used to work around that and we used to Skype video and things like that to really make our relationship work. But when I was in Germany, there was a seven, eight hour time difference, which is massive in comparison. And not only that, I was surrounded by young single women, ⁓ university, international students from all over Europe. Temptations were real. I'm not gonna lie. And, you know, I'm a faithful man. I wouldn't have done that, but I'm not saying the temptation wasn't real. We're all human. And when I found out, you know, after I returned from Germany and expressed my wishes to marry my girlfriend, who's now my wife, and found out the news that finally kind of gave his blessing before I proposed to My panna. ⁓ I broke down in tears like massively like there was this huge amount of relief and release coming from we were tested for four years. Initially it was not okay to even be in a relationship to now having the blessing that we can actually marry each other. Like that's some pretty big stuff. I'd fought so long and so hard to keep it going and you know, true testament to my wife, my partner, my girlfriend at the time, because she knew what she wanted. She just had to play the game of patience. And I guess I'm much more impatient than her. I wanted to get it sooner over done with and yeah, and finally settle down and do what we wanted to do together. Because if you've ever gone through five years of long distance relationship, you know what I mean. It's not an easy challenge to overcome, but we did it, we made it. and we've been married for coming up to seven years this year. We've been actually sleeping in the same bed for the last seven years. It's interesting to reflect on ⁓ more than half our relationship. We had spent more time in long distance than actually being together. But back to the point of this episode, you know, begging for forgiveness or asking for permission. Do you really need to ask for permission to go and chase your dreams and chase and get what you really want? Or can you simply understand what it's for, understand your intention, include the people around you so that you know it's going to benefit them as well. But for you to be selfless, you need to be selfish. And so for you to chase your dreams and to really create this win for not only yourself, but have that ripple effect so it moves out and really impacts the people of the lives of the people you really truly care about. I would much rather beg for forgiveness and play that game. So what are you waiting for? Are you ready to start chasing your dreams? Or you want to keep asking for permission? Is today the right day? Can I really do this? Do you think this is good? Just go and get it. Get after it. There's no point waiting. So that brings us to the end of today's episode. If you have found this episode valuable, just share it with one person. That's all I ask. Share it with one person. And that's how we grow. So keep putting the message out there. Let's keep impacting more people. And thank you so much for tuning in. I look forward to seeing you in tomorrow's episode.