Latest / Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler / Open and Ridiculous with Rob Lowe

Transcript

Open and Ridiculous with Rob Lowe · Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine, Hi, Chelsea, Hi, this is We're doing two
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: episodes today because it's our two hundredth episode. It's two
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: hundredth episodes, so we decided to put out two episodes.
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: One is with Tanks and one is with our guest today,
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: who is a ridiculous person whom I love. I love
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: him very much, he really really always I it's something
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: about him. I have to come up with the word
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: for him. I learned a great other I wearn't a
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: great word. I warn't a great word the other day.
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: Magisterial somebody who walks with confidence, somebody who is like
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: an authoritary figure, somebody who exudes confidence and authority. I
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: like your real magisterial in a positive way, not in
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: a negative way, like a dipsydoodle who's running the White House.
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: But that's not how I would describe Rob. That is
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: it the word I was thinking of. I thought that
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: was a good word to describe myself, actually, because I'm
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: so full of my own piss and vinegar. But anyway,
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: Rob is an actor, a producer, he's a podcaster and
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: an author, and he tries to pretend he's an amazing skier.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: We'll see about that. To be determined, is what I
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: like to say about that. We are doing a special
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: double episode back to back with his podcast, so you
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: can catch the first half of his episode of our
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: episode is his podcast, and then the second half is ours.
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: So please welcome Rob Low. I want to get him
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: pre ejaculation. But can we do that before? Can we
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: switch over before there's a Okay, Hi, Catherine, Hi, we
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: just switched over from literally with Rob Low. I love this.
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: How cute?
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: Are we?
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: Okay?
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: So good?
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: We have Rob Loow today, everybody. We just came from
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: his podcast. So for the first half of this episode,
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: you're going to want to go listen to Rob Low's
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: podcast literally literally, and then this is the second half
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: of the episode.
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: Rob.
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: Were you about to say something about orgasmine?
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: Yes, I was, Okay, I was about to say that
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: I enjoy it and that it is just a spasm,
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: as Steely Dan says, and you must keep orgasming as
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: you continue to age.
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: This is very profound, Rob, Thank you for sharing that insight.
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: You must keep orgasm. Famous quote from Rob Low you
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: must keep orgasming as you age end quote.
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: Well, I think there are plenty of people who aren't. Yeah,
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: I go yeah, yeah, I mean, look, I get it, Sid,
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: that sounds like the most lame asked orgasm idea. But
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: then look around you.
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: At all the people that aren't orgasming.
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, go to the skichale, get in the line for
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: the chicken fingers in the hot coco.
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: Look at all those people who haven't ejaculated in days, weeks,
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: or months. In some instances, we're actually going to be.
• 2:41
  Speaker 3: Talking to a caller today who might be in this situation.
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: So, oh my god, perfect, How prescient for Rob to
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: have brought this up. Rob, I have a question for
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: you now that we're on my podcast. No, I think
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: we talked about this last time you were on my podcast,
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: But I always am very curious since you've been married
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: for how long have been? How many years have you
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: been married?
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: Thirty four thirty four four years?
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: So who do you think is more annoying you or
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: Cheryl within the relationship? Like who annoys who the most?
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: Oh? I annoy her? Yeah, I was gonna guess that
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: one percent.
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: And why why are you so annoying?
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: Because I'm always doing bits and not trying to be funny,
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: but I'm like I do asides really annoying watching she
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: hates watching television or movies with me hate.
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: Did you talk?
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: I talk all the time. If it's good, I don't.
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: But did you guys watch White Lotus together?
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: We did watch White Lotus together. But that's good. So
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: when it's good, I don't talk. I talk when it's bad,
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: and most things are bad, so I'll be like, you know,
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: they clearly shut that that sequence in Vancouver. You can
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: tell me the telephone polls should be shut up.
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: Or that's that's annoying, Rob, I mean, why who are
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: you telling? You're just trying to prove to yourself how
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: perspicacious you are in that instance.
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: You know, I'm trying to keep myself awake watching or you're.
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: Just trying to show Like, yeah, those things you can
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: keep to yourself for sure.
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah. A lot of times I'll watch something and the
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: performance will be so bad and I'll be biting my
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: lip and biting my lip and biting my lip and
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: biting me a lip if I'm like, oh my god,
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: you get shut up. Yeah. She likes a lot of
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: the sort of mommy porn rom coms where everybody's super
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: good looking and terrible acting.
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, I find I hate rom coms like
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: unless there is some new spin, I can't stand that formula.
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: It's so it's it's it's insulting to my intelligence. It's
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: like reality shows. I find those insulting too, Like when
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: people the housewives and they're looking blah blah blah and
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: love Island, and I just and autism on the spectrum,
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: love all of it. I just can't understand how anyone
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: can get roped into that sort of chickanery.
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: I keep so I did it kind of a reality
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: show of my sons, but and I loved it, and
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: I'm super proud of it. It's like us in a
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: Scooby Doo van driving around looking for supernatural para normal
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: activity together. It's basically Anthony Bourdaine Parts Unknown meets Scooby Doo.
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: But really what it is is fathers and sons spending
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: time with each other. And it's super silly and super
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: funny and super great. So I feel like there's a
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: zone where I can love it, but most of it
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: is so bad. And then can we talk about the music,
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: Like I was watching like Alec Baldwin's.
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: I watched that too. I watched three episodes of that.
• 5:52
  Speaker 2: I could it not It's like Alex so smart and
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: has such great taste. I just wish he'd go in
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: the editing and go why is that same music cue
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: always used? It's this cutty pie.
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: He gave up, rob He's given up. If you can't
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: tell by that show, Alec Baldwin has officially given up.
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: He's given up his rights, he's given up his self respect,
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: he has given up. He has fifty seven children and
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: a wife who is half the size of the baby.
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: I don't understand how he could have agreed. Well, obviously
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: they need some money. I mean, I can't imagine. I
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: can't imagine what circumstances led to that being an option.
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: People's your phone rings with weird I mean you must.
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: I have been asked. Everybody gets asked, would you ever
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: do as such and such and such and such. It's like,
• 6:48
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: Do you turn down a lot of stuff?
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah? I mean yeah, I sure for sure. And what
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: I try to do sometimes is go, well, I don't
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: want to do that, but I would do this.
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: I feel like no, But like within the same script,
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: if they send you a script and offer you a role,
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: are you talking about like I don't want to play this? Character,
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: but I play that character or what that?
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: And literally like just circling back to the people at
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: A and E came to me and said, would you
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: ever you like to build houses? And you you've crushed
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: it in real estate? Would you ever do a house
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: flipping high end house? And I said no, but I
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: would do a show where I hunt for Bigfoot with
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: my kids.
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: And they're like, right, oh, let's get back to that
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: supernatural reality show that you're referencing. Unfortunately I haven't seen
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: any of those episodes. Were you guys able to come
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: into some sort of or witness any sort of supernatural activity.
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: It's called The Low Files. I think you can get
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: it on like iTunes or something. We did. We saw
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: we absolutely had ghost activity in our very first episode.
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: The ghost was moving like furniture around really and like
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: lights coming off and on when nobody was in the building.
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: Really crazy show that. And then we went to like
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: we did supposed like alien bases in the desert and
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: a lot of time, of course nothing happened and it
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: was just three idiots sitting around a fire. That was
• 8:12
  Speaker 2: actually my favorite was like driving and pulling over and
• 8:15
  Speaker 2: getting donuts and just being idiots. Was my favorite part
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: of it. But we definitely saw some stuff one hundred percent.
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: And are you a big like do you believe aliens exist?
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: And things like that.
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: I'm way down the rabbit hole with all that stuff. Okay,
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: I am very well, there's probably not a wormhole you
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: could bring up that I don't have some sort of
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: functional knowledge of.
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: And do you think that is a result of you
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: spending so much time in Monacito.
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: No, I've always been that way. And in fact, the
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: slogan for the show is my motto about this stuff.
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: When people literally ask me, really, do you really believe
• 8:57
  Speaker 2: in Bigfoot, I'd be like, it's more.
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: Fundable, It is more fun to believe. It's more fun
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: to believe in God. Like it's better to believe in
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: God because it's just nicer. It's like a nicer idea.
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: That's how I actually is how I came to my
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: relationship with God. That's how it started.
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: Well, the real question is when did God's relationship start
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: with you?
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: Well, it's been there forever, but I just didn't know
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: it right.
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: You had to tap into it. Yeah, it's funny. I
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: was on stage on Friday night in Vegas. I have
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: a residency in Vegas. I performed once a month because
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: that's how much time I could spend in Vegas. And
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: I did a joke about Jesus. This new joke I
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: was trying out about Jesus and accepting the fact that
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: the joy that you experienced from knowing Jesus is a
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: joy I'll never know. And then when I got food
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: poisoning the next night and I was violently throwing up
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: into my wastebasket next to my bed, I thought, is
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: this because what I said about Jesus?
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: Hmmm?
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: And I thought, please, God, I'm sorry. If you need
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: me to believe in Jesus, give me a sign. And
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: then I threw up again, and I thought, that's a sign.
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: And now I believe in Jesus.
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: It takes what it takes. I mean, it's like, don't
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: question it. Like everybody, everybody gets here in a different route.
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: I love that because a lot of times, I mean,
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: you've been sober for many, many years, but a lot
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: of times people like associate sobriety with God with Jesus.
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: But there's a lot of people like I have a
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: couple sober friends who are like, no, we didn't work
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: the program. We did another way, like they're non believers.
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: They don't believe in God and they don't believe in Jesus.
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: But because the twelve steps really are about God and
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: a higher.
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: Being, it's about higher powers, not about God. In the literature,
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: there's a lot of talk about God one percent, but
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: it's it's very entrenched and modern even traditional sobriety that
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: you do not have to believe in God, merely something
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: greater than yourself, right, and that's reasonable, and that's super reasonable.
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: I mean I roll my eyes when it's like the
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: problem is some people make other people their higher power, well,
• 10:57
  Speaker 2: my family, and that's that's a road to Pollukville. You
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: can't make another person or group of people your higher power.
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: You cannot because they're people. And okay, if you're not
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: to believe in God or Jesus or or any of
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: the other great you know, spiritual guides that we have
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: culturally in different religions, the list becomes kind of small,
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: is it. I believe in animals, I believe in fern Gully.
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: Well, you believe in Bigfoot? You said that, all right?
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: Do you believe in Bigfoot? Wouldn't make it my I
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: would not make bigfoot my higher power.
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: Okay, well I just did so there's nothing you can
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: do about it.
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: Okay, that is kind of cool though. That'd be a
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: great bit. That'd be a great bit.
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: What are you believing in? Bigfoot is your higher power?
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm rob Loow. I'm an alcoholic. I asked Bigfoot
• 11:41
  Speaker 2: for peace and serenity today.
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: Do you still do you go to AA meetings? Do
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: you still work the program that way? Are you so
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: far outside of eve been sober for thirty four years?
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: You said earlier?
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and look, the one thing in common are people
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: who like I was thirty four years sober and I
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: got loaded yesterday. The one thing they all have in common,
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: and you hear those stories is they stopped. They stopped
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: their active recovery. And I don't do as much of
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: it as I should.
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: Well, you probably don't have to.
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I understand how it'll live my life. I mean,
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: if I'm I know this, If I ever get in
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: enough uncomfortability in my own skin, I know, I know
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: what the cure is. It's not advil, it's going to
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: a meeting. One mm hmm.
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: What do you think Cheryl thinks is the most annoying
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: thing about you?
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: Wow, it used to be how much I slept. She's
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: gotten really good because science is caught up with me.
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: Oh. Because how long do you sleep every night?
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: Oh? I mean I get a minimum of nine Oh.
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: I'm with you completely. I could sleep for eleven hours
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: a night if you me too.
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: I don't see. I have a lot of shame around it.
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: I don't want to say it. But why.
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: I mean, most men actually do sleep less than women's sleep.
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: But I just there. I can't express enough the benefits
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: of sleeping same.
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: I mean, like when people go, how do you look?
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: I mean maybe a lot of it is that I
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: sleep a lot.
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: It definitely does, because there's no explanation for the way
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: you look.
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: They did call it sleeping beauty, not workout beauty.
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: Well, you could sleep and then work out. I know
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: you're working out once you wake up.
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: They didn't say it in No Carbs beauty. It's fucking
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: sleeping beauty. That's the name of the movie.
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: What's the longest sleep run you've ever had?
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: Well, not being sick or sleeping something off like just
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: regular or no jet lag involved.
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: Or not well, yeah, sure, whatever.
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: I mean lost, I've definitely done my share of twelve
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: for sure.
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: I went slept for twenty hours. Was it on a plane, No,
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: it was in a bunk bed. What I had a
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: bunk bed at my old house, and I guess I
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: hadn't slept for like a day or so. I had
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: come back from Buenos Aires.
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: Jet leg jet like jet like jetwag.
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it was jet lag. But when I really needed
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: deep sleep, I go into my bunk bedroom because there's
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: just something so cozy and familial and like childlike in there.
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: And I slept for twenty hours and then I peed
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: for almost twenty minute.
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: Un fucking but that sounds like kind of heavy. I
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: when I do the big international flights like Australia or something,
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: or South Africa, the ones that are just beasts, I
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: love it because I can go. I could sleep runway
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: to runway if I had to, one hundreds.
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: I do it all the time. Are you allowed to
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: take Xanax and stuff like that, sleeping pills if you're sober.
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: There's different theories on it. I certainly wouldn't recommend it
• 14:24
  Speaker 2: or it, nor did I do it for the first
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: maybe even decade of being sober, but you know I was,
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: and if I were a pill person, which I wasn't.
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: I wouldn't, but I have no problem with me doing
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: that now.
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean it's kind of necessary when you're traveling.
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: I mean, how else are you supposed to adjust to
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: these different time zones?
• 14:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, listen, there's a lot of good science out there
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: that they didn't have when I listen, when I got sober,
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: they had fucking horse pills like a valium and that
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: was it.
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: They didn't. I took one of those ones at Jane
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: Fonda's house, and I was never the same. I couldn't
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: move my legs for like two days. What do you
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: think is your superpower?
• 15:04
  Speaker 4: Rob?
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: Like, what do you think is your best the best
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: thing about you?
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: My superpower is my optimism. That's nice for sure, and
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: it manifests itself. I think in a lot of ways
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: where it's like if something doesn't go my way, or
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: which happens to everybody, or there's a disappointment, I just
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: don't ever wallow in it, and I never blame others ever. Ever,
• 15:31
  Speaker 2: I don't blame myself either, But I'm like, okay, all right,
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: today's another day. Get up. And it's not something I
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: learned anywhere. I just think it's part of my it's
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: in my DNA. I've always been that way, and I
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: think it's I'm very grateful that I'm wired that way.
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: I don't hold on to resentments, which, by the way,
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: weirdly enough, is the single worst thing you can have
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: as a sober person is resentments. So I think I
• 15:55
  Speaker 2: was designed not only to be an alcoholic, but then
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: to get sober and succeed because as I don't carry
• 16:01
  Speaker 2: resentments and I'm positive, optimistic.
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: What do you think that what was? Can you give
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: us an example of a big disappointment that you've experienced,
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: like your latest big disappointment where you were able to
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: shrug it off.
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: Sure, so career wise without being two inside baseball. So
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: I've I've been in television since nineteen ninety nine doing
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: TV series, had hits, had failures. I'd never been able
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: to renegotiate for a raise ever twenty years in more
• 16:28
  Speaker 2: in television, never.
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: Been a raise from each from one series to the next.
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: No within the series of a hit, like yes, the
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: congratulations it's a hit, we will be canceling your character,
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: or congratulations, it's a hit. And so just when I
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: thought I'd had every permutation of financial humiliation, at the
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: hands of the TV industry. I get this show nine
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: to one to one, lone star Ryan Murphy producing, with
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: the great Tim Minear writing big hit, big, big, big,
• 17:01
  Speaker 2: big hit. Turns out it's such a big hit that
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: they just aren't going to make it anymore. Just turns
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: out they're just not going to make it because the
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: studio and the network couldn't agree on what to do
• 17:15
  Speaker 2: with the big hit, so they just canceled it. And
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: anyone else would be like, are you fucking kidding me?
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: It's hard enough to make a show successful, and here
• 17:30
  Speaker 2: we have one successful and now that the War of
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: the bean Counters is going to say, we'd rather have
• 17:39
  Speaker 2: nothing of something then continue. So the way I look
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: at it is I go, you know what that is.
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: It's a fact of the business today. It is. It's
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: not personal. And believe me, I'm sure that they would
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: like to continue to do it just as much as
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: I would. But these are the circumstances. Anyone's fault is
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: it galling beyond belief. But you move on. And I
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: think we everybody can relate to that in whatever business
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: they're in, that sometimes success is not rewarded in the
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: way that you would want it to be.
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that would be a pretty big bummer. Are you
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: one of those people who believes everything happens for a reason? Yes,
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: I find that a little bit far fetched.
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: But I can trace. I can trace.
• 18:26
  Speaker 5: No.
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: Granted, I don't want to test this theory anymore than
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: I already have. I don't want to. I don't need
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: any more roadblocks or bad things to happen. But I
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: can trace things that were traumatic or that I wouldn't
• 18:38
  Speaker 2: like to redo. I can make a direct line from
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: them to things that happened only because those things happened.
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I just have a hard time. I hear you,
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: and I feel the same way with many instances in
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: my life. But I just feel like it's very hard
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: to believe that everything happens for a reason for every
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: single person in the world. Like, you can't be servicing
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: the energy or God or the universe or whatever we're
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: referring to. Can't be servicing the benefit of every human
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: being in every equation. You know, sometimes things are happening
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: for someone else's benefit and you're just kind of aside,
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: like a supporting character.
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: I believe, Yeah, but I think that that chromically, you
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: know that that person who's on the underneath of that
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: equation needs to be underneath that equation at that moment
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: because it's leading to the moment where they are going
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: to be on the top of the equation, and you
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: can't you literally can't get there unless you're at the
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: bottom at the bottom. Why I believe that, I believe
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: that one under my being one hundred percent. Now, there
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: are tragedies that befall people that I can't even imagine,
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: and I can't that I might be whistling a different
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: tune with that, But that said, my experience so far
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: has been that there's a reason.
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: I have a question for you. And if you're listening
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: to this podcast, for the first half of the podcast,
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: you have to go to Rob's podcast which.
• 20:05
  Speaker 2: Is called Literally.
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: Just called Literally for the first half of our conversation
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: because we've covered a lot of topics. But one thing
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: before we take any callers, Rob, is I want to
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: ask you what is your favorite thing about Cheryl, your wife?
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: Oh my god, there's a lot. I mean, there's two things.
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: There have to be two, because one is I never
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: thought I could be in a relationship as long as
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: I'd been and still be as sexually attracted to somebody,
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: I thought, oh fuck Jesus Christ and I am. And
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: really I just didn't think that would be in the cards.
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: I really didn't.
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: And you didn't think that when you were younger.
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: I just didn't think it was possible, frankly for anybody,
• 20:52
  Speaker 2: much less me.
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: And when did you think that when you got married?
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: When you were married in the beginning of your marriage, like,
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: when did you think that that was true?
• 21:00
  Speaker 2: I thought it was probably going to be true when
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: I was I you know, I think I was probably
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: sitting there saying, I do going I'm not going to
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: be wanting to have sex with this woman in a decade.
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: I'm for sure not going to and lo and behold,
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: I have and will.
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: And it's nice. That's really nice to hear.
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: Super nice to that.
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: I wonder if she's still attracted to you, because it
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: must be really annoying to be married to you, you
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: know what I mean, with your face and your body
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: and your good looks, it don't change. It's just like ugh,
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: and to have to hear people talk about how good
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: looking you are all the time, like that would be
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: so annoying.
• 21:36
  Speaker 2: She has a set She's like, oh, please, you haven't
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: had to wake up next to it exactly because nobody
• 21:41
  Speaker 2: nobody's at their fighting weight when they wake up in
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: the morning. The other thing is I love her work,
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: ethic and spirit, like her dynamicism around every time.
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: I haven't heard that word in dynamicism.
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: I probably butchered it.
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: Dynasism, namism, maybe being dynamic, dynamism.
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: Dynam Yeah, dyna dynamism.
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: Thanks Catherine, thank you here for dynamism. Dynamic.
• 22:16
  Speaker 2: That thing, whatever, that thing I just said was is
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: what I what I really like, and it was. It's
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: one of the first things that attracted me to her.
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: You know, she had had her own house, had her
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: own job, had her own career, had her own life,
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: had her own network from the day I met her,
• 22:32
  Speaker 2: and I found that to be really attractive.
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that is attractive. Okay. On that note, we're going
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: to take a break and we'll be right back with
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: Rob Low.
• 22:40
  Speaker 3: If you'd like advice from Chelsea, write into us at
• 22:43
  Speaker 3: Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com. We'd love to
• 22:46
  Speaker 3: hear your questions for any juicy story you'd like advice on,
• 22:49
  Speaker 3: but this week we're specifically looking for questions about family issues.
• 22:53
  Speaker 3: If you have an issue with a family member, or
• 22:54
  Speaker 3: you need advice about a specific relationship issue. Please write
• 22:57
  Speaker 3: in at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com.
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: And we're back with Rob Low to answer some callers questions.
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: There's no better person at giving advice than Rob Low.
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: He's been through it all. Look at him. You can
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: see just by looking at him, everything he's been through.
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: That's true.
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: Catherine.
• 23:17
  Speaker 3: Yeah, Well, our first question, this one's just an email.
• 23:19
  Speaker 3: She's not joining us, but it comes from Rebecca and
• 23:23
  Speaker 3: she says, am I crazy to forgive adultery? Dear Chelsea?
• 23:27
  Speaker 3: My husband cheated on year ten of our marriage. We're
• 23:31
  Speaker 3: beginning year twenty five in twenty twenty five, so it's
• 23:34
  Speaker 3: been a little bit.
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, he had a.
• 23:36
  Speaker 3: Few relationships that year and then confessed all when I
• 23:38
  Speaker 3: was pregnant with child number two. He wanted a clean
• 23:41
  Speaker 3: slate for his new kiddo. It was a very painful
• 23:44
  Speaker 3: chapter for us both, but obviously for me the most.
• 23:47
  Speaker 3: It took about six years, but I've been able to
• 23:49
  Speaker 3: move forward six years.
• 23:51
  Speaker 5: Fuck.
• 23:52
  Speaker 3: He is now someone I trust deeply. He earned forgiveness
• 23:55
  Speaker 3: the hard way. But people think I'm nuts. Am I
• 23:58
  Speaker 3: crazy to even attempt forgiveness.
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: Rebecca, I have very strong feelings on this.
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: Okay, go ahead, rob Okay.
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: So I'm working on a new book. It's hard to
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: do these podcasts and be working on something so personal
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: and not talk about it. They don't want me to
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: talk about because I han't been announced, but fuck it.
• 24:13
  Speaker 2: I'm working on a new book and one of the
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: things I'm talking about is forgiveness and its importance. And
• 24:23
  Speaker 2: in our culture, forgiveness has been superseded by boundaries, and
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: I don't think it's serving our society well.
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: Expound on that coast.
• 24:35
  Speaker 2: So I think because historically a lot of people have
• 24:40
  Speaker 2: felt unseen and unheard, justifiably, that we needed to create
• 24:46
  Speaker 2: a world where there could be the proper boundaries through
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: which we could all see, speak, talk to each other,
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: relate to each other. Got it, stipulated, as the lawyers
• 24:56
  Speaker 2: would say in court. Got it. But it's since grown
• 25:00
  Speaker 2: into a cottage industry of these rigid worldviews that don't
• 25:07
  Speaker 2: take into account forgiveness and others. If you step out
• 25:12
  Speaker 2: of the boundary, you're done. We're done. There's no coming back.
• 25:18
  Speaker 2: And it's funny. In the end of this email, she
• 25:22
  Speaker 2: brought up the very very the aha I told you
• 25:26
  Speaker 2: so a moment for me, which is I've forgiven and
• 25:29
  Speaker 2: I trust this man and it's a newsley, but people
• 25:35
  Speaker 2: think I'm crazy. My issue is with the people thing.
• 25:39
  Speaker 2: They're not in this person's shoes, right, they don't understand
• 25:43
  Speaker 2: the nature of forgiveness. They're in the boundary mob. H okay, pitchfork,
• 25:50
  Speaker 2: pitchfork unforgive mob. That would what lead to extrapolating it
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: to the nth degree. What I'm reading between the lines
• 26:01
  Speaker 2: is she gives this guy the boot. They go their
• 26:05
  Speaker 2: separate ways. The kid has no nuclear family together, and
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: for what that's the hell they're going to die on.
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: I think that. I mean, I like what you're saying.
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: I don't know if I agree with it, but I
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: also I don't disagree with it. I think that if
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: you were able, I definitely don't think any other people's
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: opinions are a matter. Like I understand how it is
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: you tell people of things and then you know they
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: kind of seep into your subconscious or conscious because you
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: share and you need advice. But if you spent six
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: years of your life getting over that, and you're still
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: with that guy, and you had another child and he
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: wanted to come clean while you were pregnant. I mean,
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: the timing is weird, but okay, then that's you, Like
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: you've gotten through it. You trust him implicitly, you just
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: said that you're with the marriage, like you're in it
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: and you love him and you got through a rough patch,
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: Like kudos to you. Definitely just up worrying about what
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: anybody else thinks. Like you've made your decision. You're in it.
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: And I do think a lot of people learn from cheating.
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: They learn that they make a mistake and they never
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: are going to do that again. Some people are habitual cheaters,
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: but usually like they don't come forward when they're not.
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: You know, like if you're a habitual cheater, you're not
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: gonna volunteer that information.
• 27:21
  Speaker 2: And the other thing is you got to think about
• 27:24
  Speaker 2: the kid too. I keep coming back to that too,
• 27:26
  Speaker 2: because like I'm a child of divorce.
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: God, Rob, you're drinking so much water.
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: I mean, do you think it's a lot of water
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: you're making.
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: I'm going to drown if you have another simple water.
• 27:35
  Speaker 2: You're talking so much, Chelsea, it's these little tiny you
• 27:39
  Speaker 2: crazy woman that it's just and I'm not I'm not
• 27:43
  Speaker 2: in any way, advocating to to as they would, as
• 27:46
  Speaker 2: the kids would say today, to model a relationship that
• 27:51
  Speaker 2: is unhealthy or unhappy. But if it's a fucking jump
• 27:55
  Speaker 2: ball stay together better for the kid?
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I hate that idea that it's better
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: for the kid. It's who do I mean? Is it
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: better for the kid to stay with someone that you
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: don't trust?
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: It's it just unhealthy. And if it's jump ball, I
• 28:10
  Speaker 2: don't know what that means. If it could go either way.
• 28:12
  Speaker 2: It's a sports it's a basketball reference.
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: Right, But that should be your motivation, should be how
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: you feel, not for the sake of the children. We
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: all know that for the sake of the children is bullshit.
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: If it's if you're unhappy, your children are not going
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: to be as happy period. If you don't trust your husband,
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: your children are going to know and pick up on that.
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: It's a nice idea, but I think a lot of
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: people stay in marriages that they don't need to be
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: in because of they think their children are going to
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: fall apart.
• 28:35
  Speaker 2: That I agree with that one that I agree with
• 28:37
  Speaker 2: one billion trillion percent.
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: I definitely think people are forgivable, like when they cheat,
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: and I mean he said he had multiple affairs that year,
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: So like, that sucks on multiple levels. But you know,
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: maybe he was just going through something and maybe he's
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: past it, and apparently he is. So Yeah, you don't
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: even need our advice. You've made your decision and the
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: only advice I would give you is to stop looking
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: out outside of your relationationship for validation from your friends
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: and family.
• 29:02
  Speaker 2: It's not their problem and the other it is not
• 29:04
  Speaker 2: their problem. And how do I put this hard? It's
• 29:08
  Speaker 2: a hard concept for me and articulate, but we can't
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: help but sometimes project our own stuff onto other people
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: and our own once needs. Envy is a big thing you.
• 29:24
  Speaker 2: I think people would be surprised with the amount of
• 29:29
  Speaker 2: envy around people who can navigate the ups and downs
• 29:35
  Speaker 2: of a relationship because the other person isn't capable of it.
• 29:40
  Speaker 2: There are people who are like, the minute the going
• 29:42
  Speaker 2: gets tough, I'm fucking out. I am tail lights, And
• 29:48
  Speaker 2: then they look at somebody who's like, when the minute
• 29:50
  Speaker 2: the going gets tough, I figure out forgiveness. And that
• 29:56
  Speaker 2: is a worldview that can be really jarring to people.
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah, well that's our advice on that subject, Catherine. What
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: do we have next well caller. Yes, okay, this is
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: a caller. Her name's Laura. She is forty four. Dear Chelsea.
• 30:11
  Speaker 3: Here's my situation. I manage a team of men in
• 30:14
  Speaker 3: a male dominant field, so I love men, but I'm
• 30:16
  Speaker 3: pretty immune to their charms. I was working closely with
• 30:19
  Speaker 3: a new hire with impressive skills, motivation, and attitude when
• 30:23
  Speaker 3: I had this strange realization that actually I love him,
• 30:26
  Speaker 3: although it's not in a sexy way. We're both happily married,
• 30:29
  Speaker 3: but I can't wait to see him, hang on his
• 30:31
  Speaker 3: funny words, and generally enjoy his company. This realization put
• 30:35
  Speaker 3: a pep in my step, and I've had all the
• 30:37
  Speaker 3: benefits of an affair, a good mood, more attention to
• 30:40
  Speaker 3: my looks, and I've lost some weight. It's even improved
• 30:42
  Speaker 3: my marriage. But this coworker's presence haunts my mind. And
• 30:46
  Speaker 3: while the attraction is not physical, it's his silly, funny
• 30:49
  Speaker 3: nature and depth. The feeling is like a childhood friend.
• 30:52
  Speaker 3: I made a conscious decision that I would not resist
• 30:54
  Speaker 3: my feelings so that I wouldn't psychologically turn it into
• 30:57
  Speaker 3: something forbidden. I go back and forth thinking it over.
• 31:00
  Speaker 3: I want to love and openly appreciate this person, openly
• 31:04
  Speaker 3: appreciate people who inspire that. But do I have enough
• 31:07
  Speaker 3: emotional distance to objectively manage him. He's a direct report,
• 31:11
  Speaker 3: and having favorites on a team is toxic even to
• 31:13
  Speaker 3: the favorite. But he's a high performer, so it's possible
• 31:16
  Speaker 3: we could use this chemistry for good. The most I
• 31:18
  Speaker 3: would ever want is a hug and assurancy he's having
• 31:21
  Speaker 3: the same experience. Maybe a promise to be innocent friends forever?
• 31:25
  Speaker 3: Can you help me with any guide rails that can
• 31:27
  Speaker 3: help me think straight and keep things in perspective? Am
• 31:29
  Speaker 3: I fooling myself? And is this actually adulteress?
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: Laura?
• 31:33
  Speaker 2: Hi?
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: Laura, this is our special guest Rob Low today.
• 31:37
  Speaker 2: Hi. How are you good?
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: She's great obviously if you yep, she's thriving. I don't
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: think anything's wrong with what's happening, Rob, What do you think?
• 31:49
  Speaker 2: Yes? If I have to immediately come down on the
• 31:52
  Speaker 2: side of it, I think it's all good. I mean,
• 31:55
  Speaker 2: tell me this, what does here? It is? I got it?
• 31:58
  Speaker 2: I got it. I got to have my answer. Here's
• 32:00
  Speaker 2: my answer. Your husband, right, you're married? What is your
• 32:06
  Speaker 2: husband's level of knowledge about this relationship? U? Zero?
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: For sure, which is perfect. I agree, yeah, yeah, why does.
• 32:18
  Speaker 2: He need to know?
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: Listen, it's like meeting act like this guy is a
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: gay man, this is your gay bestie. We have these
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: ideas that just because someone is of the opposite sex,
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: we're up to something. There is a total world. I mean, Rob,
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: I feel this way about you, Like if we got
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: to spend more time together, you and I would be besties.
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: We would be having sex, we would be besties. Like
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: I don't feel like just because someone we have these
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: sexual ideology about that every man or woman of the
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: opposite sex, if you're straight, is like a possible threat.
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: It's like you can actually be great friends with someone
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: and like their attention. It's like if you had a
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: girlfriend that was like this at work. What if this
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: was a woman and you were excited to see her
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: every day and you were dressing up for her, which
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: is totally normal for women to do for each other.
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: There was no sexual energy there and you were just
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: excited to see her and hang out with her every day,
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: Like forget about the work stuff. Who cares If he's
• 33:11
  Speaker 1: like your favorite. Everybody's got a fucking favorite, as long
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: as you don't just advertise it, but like it's totally innocent.
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: Your husband doesn't need to know anything about it. Enjoy
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: your friendship, and if it ever gets to a place
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: where he makes a move or you feel like there's
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: some sexual tension, you just have to really nip it
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: in the butt and go listen, we have such a
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: great thing going. Let's just keep it this way, keep
• 33:33
  Speaker 1: it innocent, respect our relationships outside relationships, and continue with
• 33:38
  Speaker 1: our friendship. Because this is a great thing that I
• 33:40
  Speaker 1: do not want to ruin.
• 33:41
  Speaker 2: Okay, I agree with I agree with all that. I'm
• 33:43
  Speaker 2: going to add one more thing to inoculate yourself even
• 33:47
  Speaker 2: further from self doubt. Figure out a way to make
• 33:51
  Speaker 2: it not just a siloed off secret from your husband.
• 33:56
  Speaker 2: I'm not in any way advocating it makes me feel
• 33:59
  Speaker 2: like a million golla. You don't need to go there.
• 34:01
  Speaker 2: Let's let's not be crazy. But is it like the
• 34:04
  Speaker 2: fourth of July barbecue and here's so and so and
• 34:07
  Speaker 2: he's oh he's my favorite, or guy's the fucking sick
• 34:09
  Speaker 2: you'd love him? Is this that? And yet and see?
• 34:12
  Speaker 2: That would be the only thing that I might add
• 34:16
  Speaker 2: to innoculate you from somebody going, oh, you're having an
• 34:20
  Speaker 2: emotional affair.
• 34:22
  Speaker 4: That's exactly what I'm worried about. Is that exact thinking that, like,
• 34:26
  Speaker 4: we'll tell.
• 34:26
  Speaker 2: You what, you're not having an emotional affair if if
• 34:29
  Speaker 2: your husband knows he exists and some level of I
• 34:35
  Speaker 2: think he's cool, I think he's whatever. If it's completely
• 34:39
  Speaker 2: siloed off, you're you're never gonna get beyond that doubt.
• 34:44
  Speaker 4: Yeah. I was kind of hoping there was like an
• 34:45
  Speaker 4: opportunity that came up where they could meet. Yes, And
• 34:49
  Speaker 4: but I was so dangerous because I was like, oh,
• 34:52
  Speaker 4: he's gonna be able to tell my husband, right, he'll
• 34:56
  Speaker 4: he'll see it in me and anyway.
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: I'm I'm.
• 35:02
  Speaker 2: Listen. But here's the thing that well, the ninety is
• 35:05
  Speaker 2: that like either we agree with Chelsea's thesis, which I do,
• 35:12
  Speaker 2: or we don't. And if the thing is you should
• 35:16
  Speaker 2: be able to be best friends with someone regardless of who,
• 35:18
  Speaker 2: what where they are, right, male, female, whatever, how are
• 35:22
  Speaker 2: you identify whatever? Right, there's there's nothing wrong. There's no
• 35:26
  Speaker 2: nothing wrong with that. What's wrong potentially is the hiding
• 35:30
  Speaker 2: of it. Although I totally understand why one would do it.
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, No, I like that a lot.
• 35:36
  Speaker 4: I do because I'm kind of like, yeah, I mean,
• 35:39
  Speaker 4: nothing's happening. We're just good friends and buddies.
• 35:42
  Speaker 2: This guy makes me laugh the hardest at work. Work
• 35:45
  Speaker 2: would be a nightmare. He's he's fucking great. You'll love him.
• 35:47
  Speaker 2: Boom done done.
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: And you can also say to your husband, just to
• 35:50
  Speaker 1: like inoculate the situation further. You can also there Rob
• 35:54
  Speaker 1: goes with the water again. You can also say, hey, like,
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: it's like having a gay best friend. I know he's
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: that gay, but that's how it feels like.
• 36:03
  Speaker 2: We don't know he might be gay. Wait, we don't
• 36:05
  Speaker 2: know that yet. I didn't get that piece.
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: He's married with children, so definitely gay. Definitely gay.
• 36:13
  Speaker 3: Well, like you said, childhood best friend, you know, I mean,
• 36:16
  Speaker 3: you are beaming right now, like, let this just be fun.
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: Okay, are you sure you're not attracted to him?
• 36:23
  Speaker 5: Well?
• 36:23
  Speaker 4: No, And the funny thing is, like I've been to
• 36:25
  Speaker 4: try to help myself.
• 36:26
  Speaker 6: I've been journaling.
• 36:28
  Speaker 3: Well, make sure you're locking up your journal too, because
• 36:30
  Speaker 3: we've had some journal snoops on the show recently.
• 36:33
  Speaker 4: So I'm like journaling like crazy, and I go in
• 36:35
  Speaker 4: these weird circles where I'm like, he's not even really
• 36:37
  Speaker 4: my type, and then like, but actually my husband he's
• 36:40
  Speaker 4: really good looking, Like he's is my type and he's tall,
• 36:43
  Speaker 4: dark and handsome, and it kind of like makes me
• 36:45
  Speaker 4: go back to my husband. All my circles keep going back.
• 36:49
  Speaker 4: But it's just that weird thing where it's like a
• 36:51
  Speaker 4: feeling of infatuation, but just like can we swear an oath,
• 36:56
  Speaker 4: not like can we get sex yet?
• 36:59
  Speaker 2: So weird.
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: You could just swear a note to yourself in your
• 37:02
  Speaker 1: journal that you're not going to let that happen and
• 37:04
  Speaker 1: not let it go farther than it is, you know,
• 37:06
  Speaker 1: and if it ever comes up with him, do the
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: same with him. But yeah, like it's not you're only
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: thinking of this because he's a straight man and you're
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: a straight woman. That's the only reason you're like going, oh,
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: what's going on here? Like, it's totally normal to have
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: friendships with men that you're not going to have sex
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: with and be excited to see them.
• 37:22
  Speaker 2: And that that somehow, who knows in our weirds, how
• 37:26
  Speaker 2: our psychologies work, that somehow that actually sparks something additional
• 37:32
  Speaker 2: in our partner makes perfect sense.
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and you just said your relationship with your husband's
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: improving anyway because of him, I mean another kudo. So
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: that's great.
• 37:42
  Speaker 6: Well, thank you, guys.
• 37:43
  Speaker 4: I'm so glad because I've just been, you know, turning
• 37:46
  Speaker 4: myself in circles, and that's a new perspective I haven't
• 37:49
  Speaker 4: even thought of.
• 37:50
  Speaker 1: Aweso great, And have fun in the Bahamas this weekend
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: with your coworker. Just kidding, just kidding. Thanks, thank you,
• 37:57
  Speaker 1: thanks for calling in you guys.
• 38:00
  Speaker 3: Okay, Well, before we get to our next caller, Rob,
• 38:02
  Speaker 3: I do want to ask you one question. When Chelsea
• 38:05
  Speaker 3: says the word Pikachu, do you know what she's referencing?
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: Okay, okay, so I say Pikachu. No what we're about
• 38:13
  Speaker 1: to do a couple of times. Okay, collar, great question.
• 38:18
  Speaker 2: Oh maybe, oh oh maybe, I don't I know.
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: I think you I don't understand it in the context
• 38:24
  Speaker 1: that's used to it. Then you will.
• 38:26
  Speaker 2: Okay. I'm by the way, my mind because it's filthy,
• 38:29
  Speaker 2: dirty and sexy, hopes that Pikachu is a it is.
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: What you think it is.
• 38:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you'll see.
• 38:36
  Speaker 3: Well, Coller Kristen says, Dear Chelsea, I can't believe I'm
• 38:40
  Speaker 3: writing this email, but I have nowhere left to turn.
• 38:43
  Speaker 3: My sweet boyfriend of two years has never touched my Pikachu.
• 38:47
  Speaker 1: Yes, you heard that right.
• 38:49
  Speaker 3: We've had sex and we've done other stuff, but my
• 38:51
  Speaker 3: boyfriend has never touched my Pikachu, not once. He's a
• 38:55
  Speaker 3: precious angel, but he's a little too precious. He lost
• 38:58
  Speaker 3: his virginity at twenty seven, and I'm only his second partner.
• 39:02
  Speaker 3: I'm a bit more adventurous with him being the eleventh,
• 39:04
  Speaker 3: and I've never until now needed to tell a man
• 39:06
  Speaker 3: to touch my Pikachu before the big event. They've all
• 39:09
  Speaker 3: just known, probably since middle school. I've tried to bring
• 39:12
  Speaker 3: it up a couple of times, but I don't want
• 39:13
  Speaker 3: to hurt his feelings. When I've managed to bring it
• 39:16
  Speaker 3: up poorly, I'll admit my boyfriend did immediately take action. Unfortunately,
• 39:20
  Speaker 3: the action was basically to start giving me an over
• 39:23
  Speaker 3: the pants hand job. I swear, Chelsea, he thinks I
• 39:25
  Speaker 3: have a penis and doesn't understand the girls have a
• 39:27
  Speaker 3: cave and the good stuff is inside, not outside. I
• 39:31
  Speaker 3: love this guy, so I'm desperate to make the change here.
• 39:33
  Speaker 3: But I also don't want to humiliate him and make
• 39:36
  Speaker 3: sex some kind of competition that he's inevitably losing.
• 39:39
  Speaker 1: Please help Kristen, Wow, well, you not wanting to hurt
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: his feelings needs to be thrown in the trash because
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: it's really not about his feelings at this point. It's
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: about you having sex like an adult with a person
• 39:53
  Speaker 1: that knows what to do. So you have to kind
• 39:55
  Speaker 1: of sit down and lay it out for him in
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: a really sober conversation and be like, listen, this has
• 40:02
  Speaker 1: been going on for a while. You could say all
• 40:04
  Speaker 1: the things you love about him and all of the
• 40:06
  Speaker 1: things you value in your relationship, but that you're not
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: being sexually satisfied and that it doesn't feel like he's
• 40:12
  Speaker 1: comfortable around your vagina, and there are a million ways
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: to address that. You can sit there and just like
• 40:18
  Speaker 1: actually have a discovery session with him to explain all
• 40:21
  Speaker 1: the different parts and what feels good and where your
• 40:23
  Speaker 1: clid is, and that you know, like, it's very strange
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: that he doesn't know how to touch your vagina.
• 40:29
  Speaker 2: Or doesn't want to. I mean, for all, we know
• 40:31
  Speaker 2: the guy's going to be a master when he gets
• 40:33
  Speaker 2: actually down there, but he do we know that, Rob,
• 40:36
  Speaker 2: I mean I'm just giving I'm trying to give a
• 40:39
  Speaker 2: benefit of the doubt here.
• 40:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Well, that's a big, big jump. Yeah, so he's
• 40:44
  Speaker 1: never gone down on you.
• 40:45
  Speaker 6: No, no way, Oh my gosh.
• 40:47
  Speaker 5: And most people when I address this problem, because obviously
• 40:50
  Speaker 5: I've brought it up to all my friends, which is
• 40:53
  Speaker 5: humiliating immediately just regret just all over the place.
• 40:57
  Speaker 6: But you know, most of them.
• 41:00
  Speaker 5: Because I'm speaking in euphemisms all the time, all of
• 41:03
  Speaker 5: them think I'm talking about, you know, putting a face
• 41:07
  Speaker 5: down there and saying the alphabet, when really I'm just
• 41:11
  Speaker 5: talking about like the thing a lot.
• 41:13
  Speaker 6: Of people do in middle school. I feel like blasting
• 41:16
  Speaker 6: yes and like it's it's nothing special.
• 41:20
  Speaker 5: I mean usually that's sort of like the opening act
• 41:23
  Speaker 5: to anything like, but.
• 41:25
  Speaker 1: This is on you, like you can't even go you
• 41:27
  Speaker 1: at this point, for two years of tolerating no action
• 41:31
  Speaker 1: in your Pikachu, you're missing fingering blasting. You're missing fingering blesting,
• 41:35
  Speaker 1: finger blasting, you're missing.
• 41:36
  Speaker 3: The shocker, you're missing, you're missing a lot of different
• 41:38
  Speaker 3: Like Hansing, I don't think he's going to be putting
• 41:40
  Speaker 3: his finger in her asshole if he's not putting it
• 41:42
  Speaker 3: in her vagina.
• 41:42
  Speaker 1: But you're missing yeah, yeah, by accident. But you know what,
• 41:47
  Speaker 1: maybe there's an issue, and you have to ask. You
• 41:49
  Speaker 1: have to have a really honest conversation with him and
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: see if there's a reason, See if he's had a
• 41:54
  Speaker 1: bad experience, or if he's had some woman give him
• 41:57
  Speaker 1: terrible feedback, or that he wasn't good at it, or
• 42:00
  Speaker 1: someone told me he wasn't.
• 42:01
  Speaker 2: Good at it.
• 42:02
  Speaker 1: You have to be very careful, but also be like, listen,
• 42:04
  Speaker 1: this just isn't normal. We've been together for two years.
• 42:07
  Speaker 1: You've never gone down on me, and you've never fingered me, Like,
• 42:10
  Speaker 1: those are two things that should happen before we even
• 42:12
  Speaker 1: have sex.
• 42:13
  Speaker 5: Yes, I think, I mean, and I've now I feel
• 42:16
  Speaker 5: like I'm constantly bringing it up to the point where
• 42:18
  Speaker 5: I'm like, oh my god, I can't even bring this
• 42:20
  Speaker 5: up one more time because I feel like such a
• 42:22
  Speaker 5: weird pervert to ask for this very basic thing.
• 42:26
  Speaker 1: You're not a pervert, though, you're not a pervert.
• 42:29
  Speaker 5: How do I tell you something that should be obvious
• 42:31
  Speaker 5: from the jump?
• 42:32
  Speaker 6: Also like lol to Rob low being.
• 42:37
  Speaker 3: Now, have you have you shown him if you tried,
• 42:40
  Speaker 3: like showing him how you want to touch?
• 42:43
  Speaker 1: How have you brought this conversation?
• 42:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's what That's what I want to know is like,
• 42:46
  Speaker 2: what is Like you said, you can't. I'm tired of
• 42:50
  Speaker 2: bringing it up. What is? What's the the dialogue? Let's here,
• 42:54
  Speaker 2: let's do a here. I'm going to play the part
• 42:56
  Speaker 2: of the guy that won't touch your vagina. Here we go.
• 43:00
  Speaker 6: It's very realistic.
• 43:02
  Speaker 2: This is this is the biggest stretch I've ever had
• 43:04
  Speaker 2: to do as an actor, by the way, right now,
• 43:06
  Speaker 2: so okay, we're going to do a little role play.
• 43:09
  Speaker 2: So you're unhappy? What tell me what?
• 43:12
  Speaker 6: Yeah?
• 43:13
  Speaker 5: So essentially what I've said a couple of times is, hey,
• 43:17
  Speaker 5: don't know what the deal is with like, you know,
• 43:20
  Speaker 5: you never touching this area before, Like, I don't know
• 43:25
  Speaker 5: how you haven't done this before. And I've tried to
• 43:30
  Speaker 5: bring it up outside of the context of the bedroom
• 43:33
  Speaker 5: because I think it can be kind of scary and
• 43:36
  Speaker 5: I don't want to do it right after the fact
• 43:38
  Speaker 5: and be like that sucked because you didn't do X,
• 43:40
  Speaker 5: Y Z right.
• 43:42
  Speaker 6: So I was trying to sort of bring it up
• 43:44
  Speaker 6: out of context.
• 43:45
  Speaker 5: And say, you know, is there a reason that you
• 43:48
  Speaker 5: don't feel comfortable with this?
• 43:50
  Speaker 6: Is there? Like do you have a traumatic thing in
• 43:53
  Speaker 6: your childhood? Yeah?
• 43:54
  Speaker 2: So you've said that, You've said you've said these things.
• 43:57
  Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, totally.
• 43:58
  Speaker 5: And it's just I'm kind of not getting a response.
• 44:02
  Speaker 5: And I don't know if it's because.
• 44:05
  Speaker 2: Wait, what does he give me? Give me my dialogue
• 44:08
  Speaker 2: in this role play? You say you're kind of not
• 44:09
  Speaker 2: getting a response. What is he what's my dialogue? What
• 44:12
  Speaker 2: am I saying to you?
• 44:13
  Speaker 6: Well?
• 44:13
  Speaker 2: I don't know, man, I just okay, I mean what's
• 44:17
  Speaker 2: the non response? What does he say? What does he
• 44:18
  Speaker 2: have to say for himself?
• 44:20
  Speaker 5: It's pretty much a lot of that, A lot of
• 44:23
  Speaker 5: the I don't really know. And you know, I asked
• 44:26
  Speaker 5: him if he did that with a former partner and
• 44:28
  Speaker 5: he was like, oh, maybe incidentally.
• 44:31
  Speaker 6: Incident like oops, I tripped kind of thing.
• 44:34
  Speaker 5: I'm like, would you fall down and you have to
• 44:35
  Speaker 5: grab her pubes to get up again?
• 44:37
  Speaker 2: Exactly? So I was saying, fell down into her vagina?
• 44:41
  Speaker 6: Tell me about it.
• 44:42
  Speaker 5: So so yeah, I also am like, my heart goes
• 44:45
  Speaker 5: out to the guy because I would need a place
• 44:47
  Speaker 5: to put my hands, Like I'm bored here, I'm just
• 44:50
  Speaker 5: sitting here.
• 44:51
  Speaker 6: I gotta do something. I gotta honk something or grab something.
• 44:54
  Speaker 1: I just don't understand how you've gone two years with
• 44:57
  Speaker 1: like this, this is so weird, it's so straight, Like
• 45:00
  Speaker 1: this is on you. You have to break this cycle
• 45:03
  Speaker 1: and like you have to have a serious conversation with
• 45:06
  Speaker 1: him in broad daylight and be like, listen, this isn't normal.
• 45:10
  Speaker 1: Sex between two people should be like examining each other's bodies,
• 45:13
  Speaker 1: cherishing each other's bodies, wanting to touch every single part
• 45:17
  Speaker 1: of it. That's what sex is. I've never been in
• 45:19
  Speaker 1: a relationship like this. I thought something was wrong with me,
• 45:22
  Speaker 1: but now I have to put it on you. What
• 45:24
  Speaker 1: is your hesitancy? Are you scared? Did you have a
• 45:27
  Speaker 1: bad experience? Did someone give you bad feedback? Make it
• 45:31
  Speaker 1: so that he is available to talk to you and
• 45:33
  Speaker 1: answer questions that maybe could reveal the reasoning behind it.
• 45:38
  Speaker 1: Do I have a smelly vagina? I mean you don't,
• 45:40
  Speaker 1: but I'm just saying, like its put it out there. Well,
• 45:43
  Speaker 1: I think you would know if you had a smelly vagina.
• 45:45
  Speaker 1: I mean, there's not that far away from our nose.
• 45:48
  Speaker 1: But you know, I think you should really really you
• 45:50
  Speaker 1: have to, Like for every woman, you have to do this,
• 45:54
  Speaker 1: because what's he going to do when you break up
• 45:55
  Speaker 1: with him, go out with another girl and dissatisfy her?
• 45:58
  Speaker 1: For but I mean, I don't know anybody whould put
• 46:00
  Speaker 1: up with that for two years. I would have put
• 46:02
  Speaker 1: up with that for two weeks.
• 46:03
  Speaker 6: I know, Well that's what was.
• 46:05
  Speaker 5: And it's one of those things where, you know, the
• 46:08
  Speaker 5: longer it goes, and the longer it did go, the
• 46:11
  Speaker 5: more I was like, you know, because at first I'm
• 46:13
  Speaker 5: like Okay, a few weeks go by, a few months
• 46:15
  Speaker 5: go by, I'm like, all right. Maybe it's just because
• 46:18
  Speaker 5: there is the occasional encounter that happens even.
• 46:21
  Speaker 6: With normal people.
• 46:22
  Speaker 5: With my other normal partners, there's been encounters where it's
• 46:26
  Speaker 5: been like, oh, we just skipped straight to the main event,
• 46:29
  Speaker 5: and you know, it's it's quick and whatever, and things
• 46:32
  Speaker 5: just happen.
• 46:33
  Speaker 6: But it's never only been that, and.
• 46:39
  Speaker 5: I actually like burst out and I wish I gave
• 46:41
  Speaker 5: Rob his you know, better feedback, better lines. But you know,
• 46:45
  Speaker 5: there was a point where we were out to dinner
• 46:46
  Speaker 5: with friends and he was making a lot of like
• 46:49
  Speaker 5: sexual jokes and like being silly about you know, just
• 46:53
  Speaker 5: like crass humor, and I was like, okay, dude, like enough,
• 46:57
  Speaker 5: you know, it got to a point where I was
• 46:59
  Speaker 5: so fed up.
• 47:00
  Speaker 6: I was like enough, I mean, if you're gonna make.
• 47:03
  Speaker 5: Jokes like that, then you can't be scared to touch
• 47:06
  Speaker 5: my vagina.
• 47:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah, hell ya, hell yah.
• 47:09
  Speaker 3: If you get the answers to these questions and there's
• 47:10
  Speaker 3: no like underlying trauma or whatever, I think looking forward,
• 47:15
  Speaker 3: like you need to put the onus on what's gonna
• 47:16
  Speaker 3: happen from here. So it's like I need more before
• 47:21
  Speaker 3: we get to the main event, to be turned on,
• 47:23
  Speaker 3: to be excited, to enjoy this. And so next time
• 47:26
  Speaker 3: we're in bed together, let's try this. I'm gonna show
• 47:29
  Speaker 3: you some moves and like we're gonna start experimenting for
• 47:32
  Speaker 3: like the next six months to like get where we
• 47:34
  Speaker 3: need to be in terms of like this not just
• 47:36
  Speaker 3: being penis and vagina sex, which is like such a
• 47:39
  Speaker 3: limited window of what sex is, I know, because are
• 47:41
  Speaker 3: you having orgasms?
• 47:43
  Speaker 6: I mean rarely?
• 47:45
  Speaker 1: Oh overall you need to be having orgasms like that? Yeah,
• 47:50
  Speaker 1: oh god, what a conundrum. But I blame you well,
• 47:54
  Speaker 1: I mean you've been like putting up with this. You
• 47:58
  Speaker 1: have to think about something. When you do something like this,
• 48:01
  Speaker 1: you are doing it on behalf of all women. You
• 48:04
  Speaker 1: accepting this is saying this is okay for all women.
• 48:07
  Speaker 1: That's how I want you to think about this.
• 48:09
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 48:09
  Speaker 5: And if I had a friend come to me and
• 48:11
  Speaker 5: say this, I would be saying the exact same thing.
• 48:14
  Speaker 6: Like, there's no way anybody should put up with this.
• 48:17
  Speaker 6: It's ridiculous.
• 48:18
  Speaker 1: And you can offer, you can offer and say, listen,
• 48:21
  Speaker 1: if you want to go to like a sex therapist
• 48:22
  Speaker 1: if you want, if you need to talk to someone
• 48:24
  Speaker 1: about it, I'm totally down to do that with you.
• 48:26
  Speaker 1: But like, good idea this, we have to figure out
• 48:28
  Speaker 1: what the problem is. You have to address it.
• 48:31
  Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, And I mean again, like for a while,
• 48:34
  Speaker 5: I was thinking, oh, it's gonna happen. It's gonna like
• 48:37
  Speaker 5: obviously it's going to happen, Like there's there's no way
• 48:40
  Speaker 5: he doesn't know to do this, And the time just
• 48:43
  Speaker 5: kept ticking on with nothing happening, and it just got
• 48:46
  Speaker 5: weirder and weirder, to the point where now I'm on
• 48:48
  Speaker 5: a podcast telling people a dark, disgusting stuff.
• 48:51
  Speaker 1: I know, I know, can you imagine I mean, obviously
• 48:53
  Speaker 1: we won't show your face on this podcast, but can
• 48:56
  Speaker 1: you imagine if we did? Oh my god?
• 48:58
  Speaker 6: Oh yeah, well that's the thing.
• 49:00
  Speaker 5: I mean, all my friends know, like I said, and
• 49:02
  Speaker 5: they all think I'm nuts.
• 49:04
  Speaker 1: Well, yeah, they can't respect him.
• 49:06
  Speaker 6: Oh yeah, I mean that's the thing. They're like, what
• 49:09
  Speaker 6: the hell? You know?
• 49:10
  Speaker 1: You need to get your pussy ETN. Sorry to be
• 49:12
  Speaker 1: so crass, but it's time. It's time to get somebody.
• 49:15
  Speaker 1: You need to go. I honestly think, I mean, this
• 49:18
  Speaker 1: sounds like a lost cause to me. Unfortunately. Do you
• 49:21
  Speaker 1: tell each other you love each other?
• 49:22
  Speaker 5: Oh yeah, because it's been some time, you know, and
• 49:26
  Speaker 5: he's got redeeming qualities, but this ain't one of them.
• 49:28
  Speaker 6: Girl.
• 49:29
  Speaker 1: No, you're gonna have to sit down and talk to him,
• 49:31
  Speaker 1: and you're gonna need to do it quickly, and then
• 49:32
  Speaker 1: we're gonna need a full report.
• 49:34
  Speaker 6: Hey, you know I will, my god especially.
• 49:36
  Speaker 1: And you can always call in with him. You can
• 49:38
  Speaker 1: always you can always call in with him.
• 49:41
  Speaker 2: Yes, I mean that would.
• 49:44
  Speaker 6: Be ideal if I could just have.
• 49:46
  Speaker 5: Like y'all and you know, Rob Low and Tow like
• 49:50
  Speaker 5: the old Smith.
• 49:51
  Speaker 1: Yes, if you could call in with him, we'll have
• 49:52
  Speaker 1: We'll make sure Rob Low is back so we could
• 49:55
  Speaker 1: address this, so he has he has a straight man
• 49:57
  Speaker 1: here on his team. But yes, I really you need
• 50:01
  Speaker 1: to tell us what happens because he needs to explain himself.
• 50:04
  Speaker 6: Oh you know, I will. There's a lot, a lot
• 50:06
  Speaker 6: to be explained here, But.
• 50:08
  Speaker 1: I think I want you to write down on a
• 50:10
  Speaker 1: sheet of paper and stick it to your mirror that
• 50:12
  Speaker 1: every action I take is on behalf of all women everywhere.
• 50:16
  Speaker 1: I would take like that. You make different decisions, and
• 50:19
  Speaker 1: you make better decisions because what you would accept for
• 50:21
  Speaker 1: your sister, your mother, your niece, your best friend, you
• 50:24
  Speaker 1: would never accept for yourself, you know what I mean?
• 50:28
  Speaker 6: Yeah, and this, yeah, it's read.
• 50:29
  Speaker 1: I mean, I'm sorry I said that wrong, you know
• 50:32
  Speaker 1: what I mean. Yeah, but I said that, Oh yeah, great,
• 50:35
  Speaker 1: you got that right.
• 50:37
  Speaker 2: I was like, I was like, wow, that's very profound.
• 50:42
  Speaker 6: It was beautiful.
• 50:44
  Speaker 5: But yeah, now I'm I'm down to do the experiment
• 50:47
  Speaker 5: and see what happens, because yeah, it's it's been a
• 50:51
  Speaker 5: long road of like a very shaped like Pikachu, and
• 50:55
  Speaker 5: you know, we're just out here.
• 50:56
  Speaker 6: I'm thirty three. I mean, things aren't.
• 50:58
  Speaker 1: Don't waste a minute with this guy unless you can
• 51:01
  Speaker 1: figure out what his issue is. Give us an update
• 51:03
  Speaker 1: in like two weeks. It actually could be fun to
• 51:05
  Speaker 1: have a discovery session with him and imagine how much
• 51:08
  Speaker 1: like improvement he could he could gain and how much
• 51:11
  Speaker 1: growth there could be Yeah, from zero right, like it
• 51:14
  Speaker 1: could be a huge but but he has to be
• 51:17
  Speaker 1: ready to get down to business. So so go have
• 51:20
  Speaker 1: the conversation and please report back, you know, I will. Okay, great,
• 51:25
  Speaker 1: thank you for calling. Thanks. What does that mean? What
• 51:29
  Speaker 1: does that mean?
• 51:30
  Speaker 2: Rob?
• 51:30
  Speaker 1: What does that mean when a man doesn't go down
• 51:32
  Speaker 1: on a woman or finger her? What is that? I
• 51:37
  Speaker 1: I Well, you're gonna have to come up with something wrong.
• 51:39
  Speaker 3: I think some guys these days are like growing up
• 51:43
  Speaker 3: with porn as they're sort of like, this is what
• 51:45
  Speaker 3: sex is, which is mostly just like wailing away at
• 51:48
  Speaker 3: some woman who's pretending like she's enjoying it. There's not
• 51:51
  Speaker 3: a lot of like female pleasure involved in most porn.
• 51:54
  Speaker 2: Wow, you know what that? I mean, that's as good
• 51:56
  Speaker 2: answer as any right, I mean it Aukham's razor. If
• 52:01
  Speaker 2: the most obvious answer is usually the answer is that what.
• 52:06
  Speaker 1: Is Okham's razor?
• 52:07
  Speaker 3: Again, the simplest answer is probably the right one.
• 52:10
  Speaker 1: It's like the opposite of a conspiracy theory. That's right,
• 52:13
  Speaker 1: yea right, Okay, We're going to take a break and
• 52:17
  Speaker 1: we're going to be right back with mister Rob Low
• 52:25
  Speaker 1: and we're back with Rob Low to wrap up today's episode.
• 52:29
  Speaker 1: It was a double whammy episode. We were on Rod's
• 52:33
  Speaker 1: Rod Rod's podcast literally rod Low, rod Low, rock Hard
• 52:41
  Speaker 1: rod Low, and then we went over to Dear Chelsea.
• 52:46
  Speaker 1: It was a double whoopsiedoodle. I'm Catherine. How shall we
• 52:49
  Speaker 1: close out the show today? Well, I have one more question.
• 52:52
  Speaker 3: It is a bit of a quickie, like the emails,
• 52:54
  Speaker 3: a little long, but it's juicy.
• 52:55
  Speaker 1: But then okay, pretty quick response, Dear Chelsea. I would
• 52:59
  Speaker 1: love your opinion.
• 53:00
  Speaker 3: And as a woman who understands the complexities of friendship
• 53:02
  Speaker 3: as a former party girl, my closest friend of twelve years,
• 53:06
  Speaker 3: Abby stopped speaking to me after I tried to have
• 53:08
  Speaker 3: an intervention for her when I went through my divorce.
• 53:11
  Speaker 3: She was there for me in every way and always
• 53:13
  Speaker 3: had my back emotionally. She's wonderful advice and always there
• 53:17
  Speaker 3: to listen. After moving to her city, though I saw
• 53:20
  Speaker 3: the darker side of her life, heavy drinking, cheating on
• 53:23
  Speaker 3: her husband, very reckless behavior, and manipulation to most people
• 53:27
  Speaker 3: in her life. Before I saw all this firsthand, I
• 53:30
  Speaker 3: was always there to support her.
• 53:31
  Speaker 1: Listen. Marriage is tough, life is hard.
• 53:33
  Speaker 3: No judgment right wrong. She would drive her kids in
• 53:37
  Speaker 3: the car while drinking and take advantage of everyone around her,
• 53:40
  Speaker 3: manipulation for financial favors, you name it, and she hit
• 53:43
  Speaker 3: it all behind a facade of success as a sweet
• 53:45
  Speaker 3: and smiling teacher. Her behavior affected my life too.
• 53:49
  Speaker 1: She slept with my boss, crashed.
• 53:51
  Speaker 3: A large work event, humiliated me in front of his wife,
• 53:54
  Speaker 3: and constantly made me feel like I had to clean
• 53:56
  Speaker 3: up her mess and I did. She'd even leave before
• 53:59
  Speaker 3: the check came out restaurants, expecting me to cover the bill.
• 54:02
  Speaker 3: When I started standing up for myself, things grew tense.
• 54:05
  Speaker 3: Everything went to shit when I planned an intervention for
• 54:07
  Speaker 3: her and she cut me off. Now I'm left questioning
• 54:10
  Speaker 3: if I'm a terrible friend for not setting boundaries sooner,
• 54:13
  Speaker 3: or if I'm just codependent. What does it bother me
• 54:16
  Speaker 3: if others think I'm the bad guy? Am I wrong
• 54:18
  Speaker 3: for trying to set up an intervention for a friend,
• 54:21
  Speaker 3: or should I be relieved that she's no longer in
• 54:23
  Speaker 3: my life? Best bridget oh, and she says, I truly
• 54:26
  Speaker 3: want to grow from this experience.
• 54:27
  Speaker 1: Best Now, you did the right thing. I think you
• 54:29
  Speaker 1: did the right thing. I've had an intervention that didn't
• 54:31
  Speaker 1: go well. That person is no longer in my life,
• 54:34
  Speaker 1: and my life without her is much better. She couldn't
• 54:37
  Speaker 1: accept what we were saying. She couldn't understand what we
• 54:39
  Speaker 1: were saying. I've had many interventions in my life with people,
• 54:43
  Speaker 1: and every one of them has been great and understanding
• 54:46
  Speaker 1: and fruitful, and those people have all ended up on
• 54:49
  Speaker 1: the other side and they've all gotten sober. This person,
• 54:53
  Speaker 1: it wasn't really about alcohol and drugs. It was more
• 54:56
  Speaker 1: about their life and life choices and the negative impact
• 54:59
  Speaker 1: they were having on everyone. And she's not in my
• 55:01
  Speaker 1: life and you did nothing wrong. That behavior is very
• 55:06
  Speaker 1: toxic and you should be grateful that she's not in
• 55:08
  Speaker 1: your life. Period. That's all you can do is try
• 55:11
  Speaker 1: to tell somebody the truth that if they don't want
• 55:12
  Speaker 1: to hear it, then they're not going to hear it.
• 55:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah, one hundred percent agree with that sentiment and have
• 55:18
  Speaker 2: the same experience I've I've been a part of many interventions,
• 55:22
  Speaker 2: and I don't know half of them do not end well,
• 55:26
  Speaker 2: and usually that person continues on the path and I
• 55:32
  Speaker 2: moved on and those people aren't in my life anymore,
• 55:35
  Speaker 2: and there's nothing I just think that interventions have a
• 55:39
  Speaker 2: I think people go into them maybe thinking that there's
• 55:43
  Speaker 2: some sort of guarantee of success or that the odds
• 55:46
  Speaker 2: are in your face. It's not about that, it's not
• 55:49
  Speaker 2: about any of that. Interventions are about you going in
• 55:52
  Speaker 2: and stating your piece in a way that you can
• 55:54
  Speaker 2: live with yourself. If she kills those kids drunk driving,
• 56:00
  Speaker 2: mm hmm. Absolutely, that's what it is.
• 56:02
  Speaker 1: That's when you're putting other people at risk with your
• 56:04
  Speaker 1: decision making. That justifies an intervention. Justifies an intervention. You're
• 56:09
  Speaker 1: thinking about other people. It's not you being judgmental, it's
• 56:12
  Speaker 1: you worrying about her driving around drunk with your kids. No,
• 56:16
  Speaker 1: absolutely not.
• 56:17
  Speaker 2: Yep, you're better off without her.
• 56:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and hopefully one day she'll come to you know,
• 56:22
  Speaker 1: come to Jesus, or she'll have her come to Jesus
• 56:24
  Speaker 1: moment and get her shit together. And in that case,
• 56:26
  Speaker 1: and especially when she has the reaction that she had,
• 56:28
  Speaker 1: then she's not able to hear you. Period. Some people
• 56:31
  Speaker 1: are just not in the place where they can hear you.
• 56:32
  Speaker 1: That doesn't mean they're God forever, It just means that
• 56:34
  Speaker 1: they're not there yet. So you did the right thing
• 56:37
  Speaker 1: and just move on. With grace and be happy that
• 56:40
  Speaker 1: you know you don't have to bear the burden of
• 56:42
  Speaker 1: her friendship right now or worry about her decisions.
• 56:45
  Speaker 2: Ditto.
• 56:46
  Speaker 1: I mean, Rob, this has just been what a pleasure
• 56:49
  Speaker 1: as always Rob, always Rob. Next year we need to
• 56:51
  Speaker 1: ski together. Okay, you take that in a goal of ours.
• 56:55
  Speaker 1: Are you going to come? Why don't you come to
• 56:56
  Speaker 1: Whistler and we can ski together. That way, one of
• 56:59
  Speaker 1: us will already be here, so that's the only moving
• 57:01
  Speaker 1: part will.
• 57:02
  Speaker 2: Be you right. No, I'm in Worsters, as you know,
• 57:04
  Speaker 2: it's one of my favorite places in the world to ski.
• 57:06
  Speaker 1: And find a job in Vancouver, and then you come
• 57:09
  Speaker 1: up here for the weekend and we'll ski together. Because
• 57:12
  Speaker 1: I would really like to see what's happening with your skiing.
• 57:16
  Speaker 2: I'm telling you, go to Do you have TikTok, Chelsea?
• 57:20
  Speaker 1: Yes, of course I have TikTok.
• 57:21
  Speaker 2: Rob. Go to my TikTok and look at my postings.
• 57:24
  Speaker 2: You get to scroll down just a little bit, okay,
• 57:26
  Speaker 2: and you're going to see one of the sickest, sickest
• 57:31
  Speaker 2: powder runs I was ever I've ever done it.
• 57:34
  Speaker 1: Alta, I'm going right now, I'm going to look right
• 57:37
  Speaker 1: now everybody else go to TikTok to see Rob lows ski. Okay, well, Rob,
• 57:44
  Speaker 1: that was great. You're you're a treat. I love how
• 57:47
  Speaker 1: open and ridiculous you are. And I see you at
• 57:51
  Speaker 1: some time in person before we ski or you know,
• 57:53
  Speaker 1: when we ski. Whatever. I'll take whatever I can get.
• 57:56
  Speaker 2: I love it. And this I loved. Thank you for
• 57:58
  Speaker 2: being on literally and yes, and this, this little like
• 58:02
  Speaker 2: crossover event was super cool.
• 58:05
  Speaker 1: Yes, you guys can catch Rob's podcast is Literally and
• 58:08
  Speaker 1: you can also catch up on his first three seasons
• 58:10
  Speaker 1: of his hit game show The Floor, which is on Hulu.
• 58:13
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much, Rob.
• 58:14
  Speaker 2: Thank you for your great day.
• 58:17
  Speaker 1: Okay, bye, guys. Do do Do Do Do do drum
• 58:22
  Speaker 1: roll Catherine please and abroad broad is my European tour.
• 58:27
  Speaker 1: So I'm coming to obviously find a husband abroad. I
• 58:32
  Speaker 1: need to get the health out of this fucking country
• 58:36
  Speaker 1: and it's not as easy as you think. So I'm
• 58:38
  Speaker 1: coming to Rekkuvik, I'm coming to Dublin. I'm coming to
• 58:42
  Speaker 1: the UK. I'm coming to Brussels, Paris, Belfast in May
• 58:47
  Speaker 1: and June. I'm coming to Oslo, Stockholm, to Copenhagen, Manchester, London, Glasgow,
• 58:54
  Speaker 1: New Zurich, Vienna. I've never ever been to Vienna, Berlin, Barcelona,
• 58:59
  Speaker 1: and I'm coming abroad. Is abroad that sounds like fun.
• 59:05
  Speaker 1: I'm going to go see you abroad. I know I
• 59:07
  Speaker 1: want to go see me abroad and there there all be,
• 59:10
  Speaker 1: there all be excellent. Okay. My remaining dates for Vegas,
• 59:14
  Speaker 1: there are remaining dates for this year. Summertime is coming
• 59:20
  Speaker 1: and I will be in Vegas at the Cosmo doing
• 59:23
  Speaker 1: my residency on July fifth. We will be the next
• 59:26
  Speaker 1: date that I'm there, July fifth, August thirtieth, and then
• 59:30
  Speaker 1: November one and twenty ninth. November one and November twenty ninth,
• 59:35
  Speaker 1: I will be in Las Vegas at the Cosmo performing
• 59:39
  Speaker 1: inside Myself at the Chelsea. It's called Chelsea at the
• 59:42
  Speaker 1: Chelsea for a reason. Okay, thank you. Do you want
• 59:46
  Speaker 1: advice from Chelsea?
• 59:47
  Speaker 3: Right into Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com. Find
• 59:51
  Speaker 3: full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching
• 59:54
  Speaker 3: at Dear Chelsea pod. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered
• 59:58
  Speaker 3: by Brad Dickert executive producer Katherine law And be sure
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 3: to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com