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Mongolian Death Worm / Secret Lab · The Danger Zoo

0:02
Password accepted. Welcome to the Danger zoo.
0:08
Welcome to the Danger Zoo everybody.
0:10
This is the Department of Anomalies and non human genetic
0:13
entities, Reconnaissance and zoological called operations.
0:16
Man, that is a mouthful. Yeah, I'm sad now because you
0:20
said it way better than I do. I was.
0:23
Not wanting to say that but. That's all right man, some
0:27
people are just better at some things all.
0:30
Right. OK.
0:37
Yeah, so we left off what what's the name of the desert we were
0:39
in again? I forget it.
0:40
Somewhere in in Mongolia, Manchuria, something like that.
0:43
We're fighting the Mongolian death worm.
0:46
This is episode 2. What happened with the last
0:49
episode Dottie? Well, we showed up and the sand,
0:54
as you can see on our map here to the people who aren't
0:57
listening, has these weird WAVY things in it.
1:02
And we thought that was weird. But yeah, so we should we showed
1:08
up and investigated this compound here.
1:12
Try to get in the basement. You know, baby bird almost
1:16
killed the majority of us. I eat a moldy sandwich.
1:22
It was not that bad actually. While investigating these tents
1:27
over here, I want to recall this.
1:28
This is the most eventful thing ever happened on this podcast.
1:32
Coyote got stuck in some quicksand and I force fed him a
1:35
very average moldy club sandwich and he did not appreciate it.
1:40
I did not. He also tried to force feed me a
1:43
smooch. I'll get you one day.
1:47
That didn't. That didn't happen.
1:48
I'll get you one day. No, no, he like smacked me,
1:51
remember? I know I punched him in the
1:53
Dick. Oh.
1:54
Shit. You also skipped that baby bird
1:56
and pretty Kitty, made sweet love to each other on Egyptian
1:58
cotton and then stole the sheets for whatever.
2:00
Reason. How could I forgive?
2:05
Then for the final bit I ran N from the tents and you chase
2:09
after and I tripped over a cryo tube which set off a reaction
2:15
under the sand and then everyone had to roll for initiative
2:18
because the ground started shaking.
2:20
So everyone roll for your initiative.
2:22
Oh. That's where we're starting.
2:24
Yes, Poppy. I'm.
2:25
Not I'm not even in here yet, right?
2:27
Yeah, you go ahead and roll for initiative.
2:33
I got a 10. I got a four.
2:37
I got 5. It's going to be one of those
2:39
days. Oh wow, we're we all still
2:44
rolled better than the worm. I rolled a nine and the worm
2:49
rolled A3. There's a worm just.
2:52
Caught my Dick anyways, sorry about that you.
2:56
Wouldn't give it to me. I wouldn't.
2:58
Too stingy, Too prudent. Jeez Louise.
3:01
Oh well, I guess the worms got the element surprised.
3:03
So he gets to go first. Any fucking ways that would make
3:05
sense? So anyways, out pops this worm
3:10
over here and he just randomly throws up hazy and everyone's
3:15
like what the fuck are you doing here?
3:18
Hazy, you going to introduce us to your friend?
3:22
No, I don't. I don't know them.
3:24
What are you talking? About they abducted you.
3:27
Wait, you're talking about us to the worm.
3:29
Yeah, I mean, obviously he gave him a ride here.
3:32
I'm just going, I'm just going to act like I don't even know
3:34
what you're talking about. Like what?
3:35
Worm What? Jesus.
3:38
Anyways, now that the worm has exited hazy from its intestines,
3:42
he gobbles up Pretty Kitty, and now Pretty Kitty is swallowed
3:46
full. And now we need to say Pretty
3:47
Kitty. Jesus, please.
3:53
Why didn't you taste bad to the worm like?
3:56
Did what happened? Did you forget to shower this
3:59
morning or something? Are you talking to me?
4:02
Yes, you. Oh, my bad, too, my bad.
4:06
So I'm just going to act like I didn't know what the hell what
4:09
happened. I'm just going to be like, what?
4:11
Yeah, there's PTSD in the making.
4:12
He's just like, I'm ready for the mission.
4:14
We're like, oh, all right. Here, guys, I'm here.
4:16
Let's go. Does anyone need their bags
4:18
carried? All right, who rolled the 10?
4:23
That would be me. Oh, you're up.
4:25
You're up first. What are you doing?
4:26
I'm. Going to be like holy fuck is
4:29
that a goddamn worm? Just accident.
4:34
I guess I'm going to at least run behind some shelter, so I
4:39
guess I'm going to avoid the squiggly lines on the ground and
4:44
try to go around that and hide behind a tent.
4:48
Right, so go around the campsite West and head north to hide
4:51
behind the tent up there. Sounds good.
4:54
And then I rolled A9 so I'm next.
4:57
I yell out to everyone just reminding them hey that's a cryo
5:00
tube, that thing is weak to being frozen.
5:04
It apparently went off that's why it appeared and so we have 3
5:08
rounds of it being weakened. If we don't kill it within 3
5:12
rounds, he goes back up to almost full strength.
5:15
She in it. So we got to mess this dude up
5:19
in three turns. You got to mess him up in three
5:23
turns and maybe not kill Pretty Kitty inside his body.
5:26
Oh nice. No promises.
5:31
That's just a kind of hope for the best situation right there.
5:34
Yeah, who had it next? Think it was baby bird.
5:40
Oh man, I'm like, right fucking there, huh?
5:44
You are. You are right fucking there too.
5:47
I'm going to shoot it in the mouth with an ice grenade
5:52
because I definitely have one, right?
5:55
You mean these sonar grenades you have right here?
5:58
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Not a nice grenade, a sonar
6:01
grenade. You're going to shoot it with a
6:02
grenade? No, I'm I'm going to throw it
6:05
because unless you unless I have sonar grenades for my launcher.
6:10
Here's Thumper No. OK, I'm going to throw it.
6:14
All right. Right into its mouth.
6:16
I used to play basketball as a kid, so this is pretty easy, you
6:19
know? You play basketball, you're so
6:21
short. Well, these are the size of
6:23
baseballs. Yeah, but I'm Filipino.
6:26
Yeah, it was either that or B boy dancing.
6:29
Are you Filipino dude? I thought you were just like a
6:31
really tan white dude. A really tan Jew boy.
6:35
Jews don't get that tan unless they wandered the desert for 40
6:38
years. Explains why you're so good at
6:40
karaoke. That's that's grumpy guru.
6:45
Speaking of, I'm going to Zoom today and I rolled A9 for
6:48
athletics. And then and then.
6:57
So oh God, really? It went into its mouth directly?
7:00
Oh, that's crazy. That's crazy man, it made him
7:02
vomit up our friend. Oh, my mic was off.
7:06
No, it bounced off. It bounced off his eye and it
7:09
just pissed him off. Now you have his full attention
7:11
and you have this thing that just goes off in there and
7:16
you're stunned for one round. Oh, that sucks.
7:20
Now he's going shit. Thought he's up.
7:26
OK. Do you, in your professional
7:29
opinion, do you believe it is possible for me to jump over the
7:33
quicksand pit right here in the middle of the tents?
7:37
While doing a flip. Anything is possible with the
7:40
power of Christ. You're gosh darn right, Yeah.
7:45
So I'm going to do that and try to assist Baby Bird down there.
7:53
You know what, you've been pulling off some pretty crazy
7:55
moves with jumping over the wall and stuff like that.
7:57
You're pretty hyped up your adrenaline's going roll with
8:01
advantage. You're so benevolent.
8:07
I'm a golden God. I hope it's both now once.
8:12
Oh, you wish, Athletics. Yes.
8:17
Yeah, that's going to be a dirty 22.
8:21
Oh, you come running S you hop over this thing, and what are
8:25
you doing when you're hopping over?
8:26
Just landing on the other side. Yeah, I'm going to get between
8:29
the worm and our little baby bird.
8:32
Superhero pose. Superhero land.
8:36
Yeah, and I also say under my breath.
8:37
I say under my breath, like, dude, this better be a fucking
8:40
thumbnail, all right? Let's see what the worm does.
8:46
Oh man, this thing is fast. Not a lot of not a lot of moves
8:51
though. Do I have any cool weapons?
8:55
I mean, you have your radiant axe that you got, but let's see
8:57
what he oh, so the worm goes to just straight up bite you and he
9:03
has a + 5 to it, but it's still rolled at 2:00.
9:06
So it misses. And not only does it miss,
9:09
though, it kind of hits into this little swirly thing.
9:13
And it's only quicksand. Yeah, half its body goes back
9:17
into the ground. So now to hit it, you have to
9:20
roll even higher. Darn what?
9:23
OK, Hazy, you're up. Well, shit, I guess I'm going to
9:27
try to run up the because it's, you said it's half out of it,
9:31
right? So I guess I'm gonna try to jump
9:33
on it and like, run up the neck, get close to the head.
9:36
Sure, why don't you? Shoot it.
9:38
I mean, I got, I got pistols. I mean, I have, you know, little
9:41
baby shooters. Yes, which shoot.
9:44
But yeah, if you want to use your axe, go for that.
9:47
I can use the axe, Yeah. I thought that was only for
9:49
ghosts. Well, it's better on ghosts.
9:52
So when you melee something without a corporeal body,
9:55
nothing happens. However, that axe lets you hit
9:58
them. OK, yeah, sure.
10:00
I'll I'll do that with the axe, so.
10:03
You're going to run up and hit that thing.
10:05
It's going it's going to look really cool if I pull this off.
10:08
Sure, go ahead and give me an athletics check for that.
10:12
All right. Why do you say that like an
10:15
Australian? All right.
10:17
All right. Arnor.
10:21
Let's see, it's my lucky number, though it's a nine.
10:27
That's not good, but it's not a critical fail.
10:31
You definitely run over there and you miss, but you land over
10:36
by the this other tent here. You don't fall in the quicksand
10:39
with the worm, so you're not sinking in it or anything, so.
10:43
I just wasted until he doesn't even notice me.
10:45
He's like, who the fuck is that? No, not at all.
10:47
I'm going to fire at it. I'm just going to shoot with my
10:50
pistol and I don't hit anything, but I don't hit any of you so
10:56
yay me and I'm just going to hang out here so.
10:59
I love that for us. Baby bird, you're up.
11:03
All right, God damn it, I'm going to shoot it with my high
11:09
exploit one of my high explosive rounds.
11:12
Aim for the head. You can do that, but remember,
11:15
Thadi is right there and Hazy is right there.
11:18
All right. Well, I got hazy's probably on
11:21
the other side of it. If it if it goes bad, hazy
11:23
should be fine. I actually know if it goes bad,
11:25
Hazy won't be fine. If it goes great, Thadi won't be
11:28
fine. Hey man, I got enough HP to go
11:31
around. That's the that's the spirit.
11:34
OK, I'm going to move in between them.
11:39
It's still going to blow up. He's right next to it.
11:42
Wow. I mean, they look kind of.
11:47
Thought he's a sturdy boy, he'll be all right.
11:49
You know, I say he's going to lock eyes with me and I'm just
11:51
going to be like, do it. I.
11:53
Also lock eyes with him and I say do it.
11:56
I'm going to shoot it. I just imagined the Star Wars
11:59
scene where they're all just looking at each other, nodding
12:01
their heads. Exactly.
12:05
Send it the the only one not nodding their head is me in the
12:09
background. I'm just shaking my head no,
12:11
don't do it. Why is he?
12:14
Why is he looking like that 11? Well, wait, what did you hit it
12:21
with again? My grenade launcher.
12:25
Oh yeah, no, you just miss it and it goes over here and it
12:27
blows up the blue tent a little bit.
12:29
And so now the blue tent is gone, so there's no cover over
12:32
there. Nice.
12:34
That could have been worse. Could.
12:35
Have been much worse, yeah. So yeah, if if Hazy hadn't
12:39
moved, he'd have been blown up. Thank God I wanted to try out my
12:43
Kung Fu. Yes, but now you guys have it
12:46
surrounded so or you have it flanked so you get +2 to your
12:50
ACS. Nice.
12:51
Noise mic right now. Yes, Sir.
12:55
Would this thing also happen to be weak to electric attacks?
13:01
It wouldn't. It's pretty grounded.
13:05
Good point, but then this means it gets shocked more.
13:09
The better your ground is, the more it hurts.
13:13
Science. Yes, yes.
13:16
So I'm going to tase him. I'm going to use my Taser for
13:19
the first time ever. OK tase him.
13:23
What's the modifier for that? Oh, that's just like a melee
13:26
weapon. OK, so strength.
13:29
Like if you're shooting it would be dex, but if you're just
13:31
meleeing it, like close to you, yeah, it's just strength. 21.
13:36
Oh shit, you hit it, Give me a damage roll.
13:39
OK, 808. Holy crap.
13:45
You hit him and you now have given him eight extra points of
13:49
health, but on the inside you hear Pretty Kitty go ow.
13:53
Stop it. I hate this.
13:57
Yeah, we only got one more round of him being weakened.
14:01
Oh, wait. We didn't really weaken him, we
14:03
made him. Strong, didn't we read earlier
14:06
that they use electric attacks? Yes, we did read that.
14:12
Oh. The more you know.
14:17
Well, I guess that's what I get for having low Intel.
14:22
Fair enough, baby bird. Oh no, that was it.
14:25
It's a worm's tone. It's a worm's turn tone.
14:29
It's a worm. 'S tongue.
14:30
What's that tongue do? Oh, all right, well, that
14:33
doesn't work. Thank goodness.
14:35
The worm shakes the ground, but everyone's got pretty good
14:37
footing. Everyone's like, oh, oh, oh,
14:39
chill out, chill out. Quit playing.
14:40
Quit playing. All right, Hazy, you're back up.
14:44
All right, I'm just going to pop some shots with the old
14:47
Pistolas. OK.
14:51
Oh my God. All right with the 2 for my
14:55
dexterity I have a four. That should be fun.
14:59
OK dude, I can't wait to see how much damage you're going to do
15:01
did. You swing it.
15:03
Did you swing at him or did you shoot?
15:04
No, I wanted to shoot at it. All right, so go ahead and give
15:09
me a damage. Roll.
15:10
Good luck everybody else. All.
15:15
Right, A4. Good thing about that though is
15:17
because you have two pistols I could split the damage.
15:20
Thoughty baby birds. You both take two points of
15:22
damage. Hell yeah.
15:26
I'm very, I'm very, very good at my job.
15:28
You both get shot in the shoulders.
15:31
Just both shoulders. OK, my turn.
15:35
Well, I guess it's not technically my job.
15:37
I'm not getting paid for this, I'm an intern.
15:39
That's fair. I'm going to start blasting.
15:42
What the shit? All right, well, that didn't
15:44
work either. I fired a shot and all right,
15:49
both thoughty baby bird take another additional 2 points of
15:52
damage each. I'm sorry.
15:54
Oh yeah, baby, this. Is called teamwork.
15:57
Dishing out the damage. I got a fucking four with a
16:01
modifier. All right, baby, We're you're
16:04
up. We're going.
16:05
We're doing pretty well, guys. Everyone keep it, keep it.
16:08
Keep your chin up. Let's give some motivation.
16:10
Good luck. Good luck on this turn.
16:13
I grab another explosive high explore.
16:17
This owner grenade. I was just say exposed.
16:19
No, no, I'm going to shoot it again.
16:23
I don't feel very good about this.
16:25
I pull it out of my pouch and I kiss it and load it and I roll
16:29
A9. Man, guys, we are doing so good.
16:37
Yeah, All right. So that bounces off him.
16:40
Oh, wait, a nine. No, that is no, that's that's
16:44
only 8 under who He was almost a critical fail.
16:46
Yeah, it bounced off its face, but it does stun Thadi.
16:50
Oh, we were supposed to have you stunned for a round.
16:52
It's OK. You'll both be stunned for the
16:53
next round. You're not going to do shit
16:54
anyways. Oh, never mind, I imagined the
16:57
whole thing. An unreal plan to dish out the
17:04
pain to this worm. I was going to punch it.
17:08
Your time to shine. Give it.
17:09
Give it a whirl, girl. Oh, no, wait, no, you are
17:12
fucking stunned. Yeah, you're stunned this time.
17:15
Damn. Baby bird, be stunned next time.
17:17
I rolled high too. Oh.
17:20
Save it for next time. What's going to happen now is
17:22
the worm is going to roll. Oh no, the worm shakes again.
17:30
Everyone starts freaking out. Everyone give me ADA will saving
17:35
throw to D20 plus your constitution thoughty.
17:38
Whatever you just rolled, use that.
17:40
Oh fuck. I got 17. 3020. 11.
17:47
Well, you guys just see me in the background go.
17:51
The ground shakes underneath me and just swallows me.
17:55
Pussy you. Going to let the ground do that
17:59
to you man that's fucked up. You hear the ground say about
18:03
your Mama. All right, Hazy, you're back up.
18:07
You guys are down to men well and we exchanged hazy for baby
18:12
bird, her for pre Kitty. So we're down one man.
18:15
I'm going to run and be like best friend and go where you
18:18
were at and see if I can like feel around for you.
18:22
OK, run up there. Good plan, good plan.
18:25
Give me a a a hidden check. So it's going to be a perception
18:29
check, which is your wisdom. So roll AD 20, but it's going to
18:31
be +2 because you're looking for something that was lost.
18:35
Oh, 18? So I'd be a 20.
18:39
Hell yeah, Hazy. You run over here and you if you
18:44
guys scroll to the right, you can see this map over here.
18:47
Yeah. You, you look down here in this
18:50
little chamber and you just see me down here in the hole and I'm
18:53
just kind of laying here like, Oh my back I'm.
18:56
Like what's up? Bro I need about 150,000.
18:59
I'll settle for a 20 right now. Your your pussy and you're
19:02
cracked. Oh no.
19:05
New, new, new new new. Is that my whole time?
19:08
That's it. You just see me down there.
19:11
What's up with this Earth OC over here in the bottom left?
19:15
You will find out if you get down there.
19:17
Fogey. I'm going to look at everybody
19:19
like, hey guys, I found, you know, Quixote.
19:24
No worries. Yeah.
19:25
But as you look down there like it's a far drop.
19:28
OK, me and baby Bird got things handled over here well can I do
19:33
a charisma roll to convince Hazy that everything we got
19:35
everything under control and he can go help you?
19:37
That's what you want to waste your roll on.
19:40
Just talk me into something I already want.
19:42
To do. Is that going to?
19:43
Is that going to take my turn? That's going to be your whole
19:46
turn. Yeah, you are in battle right
19:47
now, No. I don't want to.
19:48
I don't want to do that anymore. I want to punch this thing.
19:51
Punch away. Well, it's not even my turn yet.
19:54
It is his baby bird can't go. He's stunned.
19:57
Oh yeah, I forgot about that. I know it's already been
19:59
answered, but I wasn't here. Oh, what's that cryo thing next
20:01
to me, by the way? Should I be standing next to it?
20:04
No, it's fine, OK. OK, my dice might be weighted,
20:09
I've rolled 4 seventeens in a row, but with my modifier that
20:14
makes this a hold on quick maths 21.
20:18
Nice, give me damage. D6 for unarmed.
20:23
I well, I mean you, you have brass knuckles all the time, so
20:26
just use that. Oh yeah, I forgot about that.
20:28
Yeah, 2. Hit it.
20:33
And it. Just and it kind of looks at
20:35
you, like when your dog keeps begging for a treat and you
20:37
thump it on the nose and it just like shakes its face and looks
20:40
at you. That's what it does.
20:43
Does it look dejected at all like my dog does?
20:46
A little bit. It looks a little disappointed
20:48
in itself, like I could do better, I know.
20:50
And the worm is going to oh everyone, give me a will saving
20:56
throw. 1817. 7. While you guys are standing
21:04
there, you just hear Hazy go, I'm coming, guys.
21:06
And then all of a sudden he's swallowed up as well.
21:09
No. Avenge me.
21:12
No. It's not where you wanted to go
21:15
in the first place. I don't know if I made my
21:18
message clear enough before all the ruckus.
21:21
Kind of, but him and I have both taken damage from this fall.
21:24
Oh shit. That's all right.
21:26
We got enough HP to go around. All right, it's just you, 2 and
21:29
the worm. Yeah, I told you we got this.
21:33
I believe you. For the record, that cryo tube,
21:36
yeah, probably has about one, maybe even two more hits that
21:41
you can use on it, but that's just to weaken it.
21:44
Wow, I feel like I feel like God just inserted my my that idea
21:50
into my brain. You just put a little in your
21:52
mouth and he's like, hey, you like that cryo tube and you're
21:54
like, I do. God does.
21:58
Not have a little. No, I said he just gave you a
22:01
little. He's not going to give you the
22:02
whole thing. He's God, he's going to ease you
22:04
into it. Just he's not some frat boy.
22:07
He's going to whine and dine you.
22:08
He's going to treat you right, girl.
22:10
Fuck. Dude, you're so right.
22:12
I'm sorry for ever doubting you. You're so right.
22:14
Thanks, Tony. What are you doing?
22:17
Oh, no, it's baby Bird, Sir. Baby Bird.
22:18
Do something. I bless you.
22:20
Want God Penis too? Wait, is that an option?
22:29
That should not be an. That should not be an option.
22:33
I'll take God penis. I'm going to grab my sawed off
22:38
shotgun with slugs and shoot it in the fucking face while
22:43
screaming. I'll get you there, Kitty.
22:47
Good answer, good answer, good answer.
22:49
Oh fuck, I forgot about Kitty. Yeah, go go for a roll.
22:53
Roll of the 13. You just blast and it just kind
22:58
of just pimping right off his armor.
23:00
Yeah, I didn't name. I was very emotional when I
23:02
yelled that. I could tell.
23:06
Sorry. This is God.
23:08
What are you doing? I'm thinking.
23:10
I'm thinking. God's always bothering me.
23:15
I need to hire a secretary to take my calls for me.
23:18
Just screen calls from God. From all deities.
23:24
So would you consider because I have an ability of Street
23:29
Fighter right? So it's +2 damage with
23:31
improvised weapons. But you spelled improvised
23:33
wrong. I just realized that.
23:36
Oh, get off my ass. Would you consider the crowbar
23:42
in my pocket to be an improvised weapon?
23:45
Absolutely. OK.
23:47
Well. Because that's for opening doors
23:49
and you're improvising to hit a worm.
23:53
Well, I'm going to attack with the crowbar.
23:56
Called me Gordon Freeman. What?
23:58
I don't know who that is. Are you?
24:01
Are you kidding me? No.
24:03
Oh yeah, You know, he's not the type to play Half Life.
24:06
Half life, yeah. Oh yeah, no.
24:08
If you had maybe called the worm Nancy Kerrigan, I would have got
24:10
it. Who?
24:13
I hate it here, dude. I hate it here.
24:14
You're not my people. Why I I I missed half life.
24:19
My bad. I'm sorry.
24:20
Anyways, hit that worm. Smack my worm girl. 14.
24:26
With all the modifiers. Unfortunately, yes.
24:29
Yeah, you hit that thing and it goes.
24:32
Is it a good pink? It is getting upsetty spaghetti
24:34
with you guys and then it's going to roll again.
24:37
Baby bird, please shoot the cryo thing.
24:39
This time it's going to bite. Baby bird.
24:42
There's a bite. Baby bird.
24:44
Baby bird, what's your AC? 18.
24:47
Oh, it goes to bite you, but it just like catches your vest
24:51
funny and you're just staring at it, looking at it eye to eye and
24:53
you're like, hello? I'm untouchable now.
24:58
No damage done to you. Oh you actually your AC is 19
25:02
because I forgot we upgraded your vest.
25:05
Hell yeah. So that's the worm's turn, baby
25:10
bird, What are you doing? That thing is really close to
25:13
you. I feel like any attack you're
25:14
going to do with it, you should be able to do at an advantage
25:17
because it's not going anywhere. It's literally suckling at your
25:20
teat. Seeing as how I'm a point blank
25:22
bomber. Shoot the cryo thing.
25:25
Shoot the cryo thing. I get no penalty for explosives
25:28
and melee. What do you mean shoot the cryo
25:30
thing? It's all the way over.
25:31
There. Because ever since the cryo
25:34
thing three turns was over, everything we've attacked with
25:38
this is bounced right off its skin, even when we're rolling
25:42
like fourteens and higher. Yeah, but he he's, if he goes
25:46
for the cryo thing, that's not going to be advantage.
25:48
If he attacks it while it's biting onto him, that would be
25:50
advantage. Baby bird, you need to be a big
25:53
bird right now and make this decision yourself.
25:55
You have the information. You do, that's all.
25:58
You girl. Oh, I would do the cryo thing.
26:01
Hit that cryo thing that's going to be a athletics check with
26:06
what are you throwing at it? A bullet.
26:10
Oh, OK. He's shooting it.
26:14
Go ahead and shoot that thing. 17. 38 yeah, no, you shoot that
26:20
thing and it explodes, so that had like two more hits in it
26:25
just to kind of weaken it. When this thing explodes though,
26:29
it does let me get my D100 back out because I didn't expect.
26:33
Yeah, I hit something. Let's go.
26:36
I didn't expect you guys to fucking do that.
26:39
I asked about it. I was standing right next to the
26:41
goddamn thing and. I told you I had like two more
26:44
hits in it. I didn't know what that meant.
26:48
Yeah, I was thinking about like maybe having one of you guys
26:52
over there activated again, but I was like, no, we could do
26:55
damage still, and I happen to be wrong do.
26:58
You remember how last time you you guys did the D100 and the
27:00
sheet man and it damaged that thing for like 99 points?
27:03
And I was like, there's no fucking way.
27:06
Yeah. So this did 2 points of damage.
27:08
Oh, very nice. So you used all the luck on the
27:11
sheep man, but you finally have it damaged.
27:15
I mean, it's still higher than when we first started because
27:18
you gave him eight points of damage earlier.
27:20
But we're getting somewhere. How many turns have weakened
27:24
does it have now? Oh, it has five turns now.
27:29
Of being weakened. Of being weakened, yeah, you
27:31
guys can hit it now. Oh baby, we're in business.
27:34
So I go ahead and attack with the crowbar again.
27:37
Yeah, do it. 14 again. 14 so originally it's AC is 14 but
27:44
then it went up to 16 because it was buried in the sand.
27:47
But I guess oh it lost that because it went it came out to
27:51
bite baby bird but you also lost your +2 for flanking it so that
27:55
does hit give me damage. Sorry I had to math out loud. 7.
28:02
That's seven points of damage. It is now back down to 1 HP less
28:07
than when we started. Let's go.
28:10
All right, it is going to shake the ground once more.
28:12
Gentlemen, give me some Will saves. 6.
28:18
Oh no. Oh no. 5.
28:22
We all float down here. Oh Jesus, literally both of you
28:25
just sink now. Both of you, but just in time
28:32
because the worm jumps at both of you, but you both get sucked
28:35
underground. Received no damage from the
28:38
worm. However, all of us take two
28:41
points of damage from the heightful.
28:43
You guys can switch over to this map here.
28:47
This is where everyone is. We're all in different rooms,
28:50
sealed off from each other. That's where that worked out
28:53
that way too. Wait, where are we all?
28:57
So you 2 fall right into this little hallway here where you're
29:01
locked in from both sides. If I'm being completely honest
29:05
with you guys, my priority since I've gotten down here now is
29:08
that investigating the earth to sea.
29:11
Yeah, actually, you guys have access to the Earth, to sea
29:14
right there. Hazy is in this room.
29:16
I'm in this room here. Hazy is in Hazy.
29:19
Give me a perception role since he was the first one to fall in
29:23
besides me. 10. OK, good enough.
29:30
It's good, it's fine, it's fine. So you notice you're an
29:33
observation and control room. There's rows of shattered
29:35
monitors and flicking consoles. There is a terminal that's
29:39
flickering, but you don't notice that really.
29:42
But you do notice there's a body laying on the ground and the
29:45
words wrong hive is carved into the wall.
29:48
And then you relay this information to us via the radio
29:52
if you would like. Do you like?
29:55
Do you like that? Can I, can I at least like,
29:58
check on that body? You like that, Mister Krabs?
30:04
There you go, check the body. Give me a role for
30:06
investigation, ah. Fuck, it's like a 10 again.
30:10
Did you tell us what's the what room you're in?
30:14
Do I know I'm like not in the only room?
30:17
I, I, I got you. You guys hear me?
30:18
Go over the radio and I go, guys, can you guys hear me?
30:21
Can I get a situation status? You guys still fighting the
30:23
worm? I'm staring into the brown eye
30:26
of Earth. Not responding, I'm assuming
30:31
over. Oh, OK.
30:33
We're almost died. I'm poking at a dead body.
30:38
I just come back on the radio. All of these reports are very
30:43
concerning. Is the worm dead?
30:46
That's a negative over. Not last time I checked.
30:51
Copy Does anyone have eyes on the worm well?
30:57
That's a negative. Big dog.
31:01
See, what happened was I kind of got sucked into the earth too,
31:06
so. Is everybody down here?
31:10
I don't know what down here is but I feel like I fell down and
31:15
now I'm staring into the beautiful brown eyes of baby
31:18
bird. Whoa.
31:20
It's still concerning. Nothing you're saying is making
31:22
me feel any better. OK I fell into the sand.
31:26
I am in a what looks like a biotech lab.
31:29
There's a bunch of cryo tubes cracked open in here.
31:32
Not not a huge fan of where I am.
31:35
There's a genetic sample labeled cochary neural spine responsive.
31:40
Don't know what that means but it says if it's used correctly
31:43
it may allow for short range control or suppression pulse
31:46
against the worm or others like it.
31:49
Mishandling it can cause electrical shock or worm
31:53
agitation it. Was really detailed, Sir.
31:58
Yeah, it's a fine fine print on this little controller thing I
32:01
found. Well, I'm in a lot cooler of a
32:04
room and I got my new best friend Hank with me.
32:07
We're chilling, but there's also like, computers and shit.
32:10
It's kind of weird. Is it like as in like Hank Hill
32:13
or Hank? I didn't ask him.
32:16
We're we're new friends. I don't want to put, I don't
32:18
want to push the doctor here. The conversation hasn't really
32:21
got that far all. Right, I've checked both doors
32:24
in the room I'm in and I cannot get out.
32:28
OK, I'm going to go ahead. So me and baby bird are in the
32:32
hallway. It looks like both doors are
32:35
locked and. Did you try?
32:38
Did you try pushing and not pulling?
32:40
I'm about to go try that right now.
32:42
I'm going to go walk to the door north of me and I'm going to try
32:47
to open it. Give me a luck check. 15.
32:52
That's insane. You put your hand on the door
32:56
and it just kind of says DNA verified and it slides to the
33:02
right, opens up. Got to love that blood.
33:07
Whoa, you just see Hazy sitting there with a dead body.
33:14
Oh boy, what the hell. That boy, that boy ain't right.
33:19
Hey Hazy, what are you doing? Just poking a dead body.
33:23
I go on the radio. With a stick, thank God.
33:29
You clarify, I go on the radio. And I say, hey Coyote, me and
33:35
baby Bird found the intern. He is playing with a dead body.
33:39
I was investigating. With a stick that that we don't
33:43
know how he got 'cause there's no trees around.
33:47
I brought it from outside. Mind your business.
33:50
I respond with that is probably the least concerning report you
33:54
guys have given me thus far. I agree.
34:00
Hey baby bird, you want to go check the other door?
34:02
Yeah. All right, give me a technology.
34:05
I walk up to the door and I oh, I'm.
34:08
Sorry, what did you just say? I walk.
34:10
I walk up to the door and I open it.
34:13
It's locked. Walk.
34:16
Walk Hurricane plus intelligence which is 0 so 13 after.
34:26
A little bit of tinkering with it, the door opens halfway and
34:31
it's just enough for you. Or like Hazy to get through.
34:35
Thoughty and I are just a little too thick to get through that
34:37
door. Yeah, get that tight little
34:40
Filipino ass through there. No.
34:42
What the fuck? I can't help it.
34:45
I'm going to turn on my thermal imaging goggles and look inside.
34:50
Oh, all right. You, you look inside.
34:53
Are you where are you just going in or are you just looking
34:55
through the door? Fuck no.
34:56
I'm not going in that shit open halfway.
34:57
I'm scared, motherfucker. Doors literally open all the
35:03
way. I just come over the radio.
35:05
Hey, somebody opening doors. How are you guys doing this?
35:08
Oh, we're just touching them. Or they are.
35:10
I didn't touch what we're. Just touching them.
35:12
I didn't touch anything, especially not Hank.
35:14
We just use them as doors. I just go down this South door.
35:17
I I was pushing on them and I was trying to open them and none
35:20
of them are opening for me. I'm going to roll again and see
35:21
if I can get it. Nat 20 Shut your cock holster.
35:27
Let's go. That's what I'm fucking talking
35:30
about, nipple lips. Let's go.
35:33
I am messing around with the console here and all of a sudden
35:36
just not Baby Bird's door, but my door opens up here to the
35:40
South and I come in the door to the right of you hazy opens up
35:44
but you notice there's another door in between US.
35:47
And it's still, it's still closed.
35:50
Am I able to use my crowbar to open up baby bird store the rest
35:52
of the way? You could try.
35:55
Not 20. There is no try.
35:57
There's a succeed. Oh Jesus.
35:58
All right, so you crank that door open.
36:01
All right. We are all but one door open.
36:03
You're there with baby bird and I am just in here looking at
36:06
this camel. This camel is fucked up.
36:11
I've. A little bit of meta here, like
36:14
I'm just like assuming you had some puzzle for us to solve for
36:17
these doors and you're really upset at the DM right now, we
36:21
just rolled our way out of it. I I didn't.
36:24
I had nothing for these doors. I thought we were going to brute
36:27
force our way. I did not expect you guys to
36:29
roll high enough to open the fucking doors, especially me to
36:32
roll in that 20, then you roll in that 20.
36:35
We couldn't have done this while we were fighting.
36:38
This is all of our karma coming back.
36:41
All right, well, Hazy, are you still playing with a dead body
36:44
or are you joining us now? I'm going to be looking at the
36:47
flashy lights behind me. You see what's going on on these
36:50
computers. Do me investigation check then.
36:54
15 all. Right, all right, so as you were
36:58
looking at them, you read this up here and you can either read
37:02
it to yourself or you could tell the group.
37:05
Do you want me to read it out? Like I'm like, hey guys, I just
37:08
found something. It's up to you.
37:10
Do you want to just read it to yourself or do you want to read
37:13
it to the group? I guess I'll just read it to
37:14
myself because I'm I'm greedy. Sure, then read it out loud for
37:19
the listeners. See it?
37:21
Alright, subjects. EMAF 01 continues to resist
37:27
training protocols. That's root of them.
37:30
Weather synchronization. Unreliable barometric surge
37:33
triggers aggression. Doctor Alem disappeared during
37:38
field sync tests. No remains recovered.
37:41
A veal body lies in the corner, skeletonized.
37:45
Veal, a veil body. A veil.
37:47
My bad. A veil.
37:48
Body lies in the corner, skeletonized.
37:51
Is that Hank? He's talking.
37:52
About. The word raw, What was it wrong?
37:55
Hive is carved into the wall behind it.
37:57
Yep. All.
37:59
Right, the item project Tunnel Fang master file contains all
38:02
research data on electromagnetic cryptids.
38:05
Oh, including failed experiments and reference to another M apex
38:11
fauna. EM.
38:13
EM just. Electromagnetic.
38:15
I got you EM apex fauna spotted in in Utah.
38:20
I don't. Want to go to Utah man?
38:23
So I have some like documents I can use later.
38:26
Yeah, I mean, it's on the screen.
38:27
You can download it or you can just snap a picture on your
38:29
iPhone. I don't care.
38:31
I'm a. What if I have an Android?
38:32
I'm a if I say, I'm saying some guys.
38:34
So it's more compatible. I'm going to do that.
38:38
Take a picture. All right, do that and don't
38:40
tell us about it. Then what are you guys doing?
38:45
I'm going to run up to you and hug you.
38:47
Oh. And I'm also going to roll to
38:49
get you a Peck on the cheek. They're roll higher than me. 12.
38:57
Ha 16 You run up and I just step forward.
39:00
Just I don't even notice you. I just step forward towards the
39:02
camel and you miss. I don't fly into the camel, do
39:06
I? No, you don't fly in the camel.
39:08
You just kind of stutter step and then just kind of like look
39:10
down your shoulders, shrimp. You're like, OK.
39:12
Thank God. Next time.
39:16
This camel looks fucked up. So baby bird thoughty myself.
39:21
Everyone do like a perception role for this room.
39:24
Fuck me. 10. Oh man, 19.
39:29
Oh thank God 19 was good enough. What we find here is this is a
39:34
failed holding chamber. It was reinforced containment
39:37
chamber. The glass was cracked from the
39:38
inside. A worm shamed imprint is burned
39:41
to the steel wall. So you'll notice the bottom.
39:44
You can't see it. That little center there.
39:46
It's burned into the ground, not the wall.
39:48
My bad. And it looks similar to the
39:51
brown anus hole you were looking at in the hallway.
39:53
That guy right there. The earth to sea.
39:56
Yeah, the earth to sea. That's all first.
39:58
So the name I call it is a scientific name now.
40:02
Sure, the earth to see, but there's scorch mark showing
40:06
something escaped upwards and outwards.
40:11
Above is a crumbling shaft blocked by rock.
40:13
So there's a hole at the bottom. There's a hole in the ceiling.
40:15
Anyone standing near this chamber feels slight static
40:18
charged. Actually thought it.
40:21
You feel the static charge more than anyone else, but just
40:23
because of your whole thing with electricity.
40:26
Yeah, buddy. Also there's a there's a
40:29
cauterized dead camel here with like electricity shooting at it
40:33
like it's guts are spilled out. While you're looking at the
40:36
camel, I'm assuming there's a little bit of a static charge on
40:40
me, so I'm going to touch the back of your neck and try to
40:42
shock you. Nice.
40:44
Surprising. Roll.
40:46
Any modifier or just raw D20 give?
40:51
Me a sneak check. I don't think I have any good
40:55
sneak stats. It's just your decks. 11.
41:01
Oh yeah, use that me. Nice, nice.
41:05
It pisses me off like what the fuck are you doing?
41:07
Stop that shit baby Bird is missing and they're just fucking
41:12
around. Don't come in.
41:17
There's nothing for me to do now.
41:19
Oh, I mean we can investigate further.
41:20
What do you guys want to do? I want to Did I actually look
41:23
into this body over here? Like not literally into it, but
41:27
like. I mean, you can, you can look
41:29
literally into it if you want, but I.
41:31
Mean it's a veil, guys. That would be interesting to
41:34
look at, right? Sure.
41:36
I mean, you saw you had a tent on him last time.
41:38
If you want a little bit more information, He doesn't look
41:41
quite like a scientist. He looks kind of more like a
41:44
soldier than a scientist. Hey, you remember from last
41:50
session? Yeah.
41:52
I found like one of like a grenade looking thing in one of
41:57
the tents but you didn't tell me what it did.
41:59
Can I hand it to you and you can tell me what it does?
42:03
Did you hear? Do you have one of the great
42:04
thing? I thought it was the sonar thing
42:05
that we had. No, you told me it was different
42:09
than the sonar grenades Baby Bird had.
42:12
And then I was like, yeah, I just slipped this in the.
42:14
That thing you we found that in the shitter, and you gave that
42:17
to me already. I think I'm going crazy, guys.
42:21
I want to come across the intercom and be like, hey, not
42:24
the intercom, but the radio. Be like, hey guys, are we like
42:27
totally cool with the veil or are we like enemies?
42:31
Just asking. No, we're completely enemies.
42:37
They're trying. They're actively trying to kill
42:39
us and we're actively trying to undermine them.
42:42
Oh sweet, I'm going to just kick the dead body in the face just
42:46
for good measure. I'm going to go investigate the
42:51
Earth, the sea. Which one?
42:53
The one in to the South of you or the one to the West in the
42:56
hallway? In the hallway to the West.
42:59
OK, baby bird, what are you doing while he does that?
43:01
Give me an investigation check. 16.
43:07
Damn. No, not you, baby.
43:09
Baby Bird. What are you doing?
43:10
Thought he'd give me an investigation check.
43:12
I mean, you want to give me an investigation check?
43:14
Baby Bird, Where are you investigating?
43:16
This little table down here at the bottom left of the room.
43:20
I've been eyeing that for a minute.
43:21
It looks mechanical. Devin definitely.
43:24
It's not a vibrator and a crack pipe.
43:26
That's what it looks like. So what is actually in there is
43:33
in that little kaleidoscope thing.
43:35
It's like a a little kind of a puzzle thing.
43:39
Go ahead and give me a luck check real quick. 13.
43:45
Good enough so. Fuck yeah.
43:48
You guys seen the Davinci code? Y'all.
43:51
Yes. That one Cryptid tool where
43:54
they're switching the names around, so.
43:57
Yeah, it's all right. Baby Bird.
44:00
Baby bird is looking at it and he just puts in Earth a sea to
44:05
the little Cryptid thing and it pops open.
44:09
No way that. 'D be somebody else out of it
44:12
first. And it says final note, Tunnel
44:15
Fang. Tunnel Fang was never about the
44:18
worm. It was a test site.
44:20
The others are already awake. Doctor Kasim Alim, Veil research
44:24
lead well. Why are we listening?
44:25
To that failed research, why would he?
44:28
Why would he sign a failed? Not fail.
44:32
Veil veil veil. OK.
44:39
Well, I rolled an 18 on my investigation of the Earth OC.
44:43
Oh, did you? Yeah.
44:46
OK. As you are investigating, you
44:48
see light and you see that you're able to crawl out of this
44:51
hole, but that's it. Gentlemen, the worm calls for
44:56
me. Jesus.
45:00
Jump in that hole. All right, you're going to
45:02
you're going to climb up there. And so that's a hole out back to
45:05
top side world. Well, I come over the ratio
45:09
Daddio and I say, guys, are we done down here?
45:13
I. Found a way out.
45:16
I'm a passive player. You 2 got to make a decision.
45:20
I'm going to say tally hoe and just run up and get out of this
45:25
fucking hole. I'm claustrophobic.
45:27
I join you. So I didn't really find anything
45:30
that was interesting. I was just going to run over
45:32
this way. Why are you moving your
45:37
character so slow? It's like you don't want to go.
45:40
He's thinking menacingly. He's like kicking rocks along
45:46
the way. I said I just want to go get
45:48
pretty Kitty back. My shit's automatically muting
45:51
me now. Did you hear what I said about
45:52
the camel? No.
45:54
No. Oh, I was backing away real slow
45:56
because I was like, man, that camel was tripping me the fuck
45:58
out. Man, what burnt the camel like
46:00
that? I'm assuming the wormy.
46:03
I don't know, maybe OK as we start to climb up here, everyone
46:09
give me ADC well save. Uh oh, Spaghettios.
46:14
What does A5 get me? Five get you 2 points of damage
46:20
and you fall down just like me. 8.
46:25
You fall down, get 2 points of damage, Hazy. 13.
46:30
Hazy climbs up. Nice.
46:34
Oh, that's where the worm is. That should be fun.
46:37
Obviously I try again. No, before you do that, why?
46:45
We're all just like, kind of collecting ourselves.
46:46
Hazy is. Up top of what Hazy sees is a
46:49
towering, thin, limbed entity with no mouth and no face, just
46:52
a constant shifting field of light in the shape of a head.
46:55
Like a mirage. It hovers silently above the
46:58
desert, arms folded behind its back, its feet never touching
47:01
the sand. Its eyes were the sun itself,
47:03
flickering in different directions as it scanned the
47:05
horizon. When it turned to look at Hazy,
47:09
Hazy didn't see a face. He saw his own childhood and a
47:13
future where the worm wasn't the only thing burrowing.
47:16
And then he sees this creature raise its hand out and just
47:20
telepathically lifts up the worm.
47:23
And then the worm is just disintegrated into 1000 light
47:29
particles. And then this sentient being
47:32
just also disappears into 1000 light particles.
47:37
Oh, that is fucking terrifying. What the fuck?
47:40
That's probably the scariest thing you've ever fucking said.
47:45
Yeah, it should be. That thing's horrifying.
47:50
I know what it is. But Hazy's going to have to tell
47:51
me what it is later on in a different episode, because we
47:54
are done with Mongolian Death Worm.
47:55
Because it's dead and it's gone. Well, it's not dead, it's gone,
47:58
and we didn't find any cursed object.
48:01
Yeah, we did it. Yeah, we're done.
48:04
We've survived where? Where did Pretty Kitty go?
48:10
Pretty Kitty go. Good fucking.
48:14
Question. Oh shit, we forgot about him,
48:19
huh? That's not good.
48:22
We'll find out next time on the Danger Zoo.
48:25
Bye bye. Mission complete.
48:31
Team status unknown.