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Encore - Pitch Session for Show Ideas · The Steve & Jeff Show

0:01
SPEAKER_02: Welcome to the Stephen Jeff Show, the first comedy podcast in the history of the world.
0:08
SPEAKER_02: Assuming the world began when I started talking.
0:12
SPEAKER_02: Be sure and follow or subscribe to the Stephen Jeff Show wherever you listen to podcasts.
0:18
SPEAKER_02: Write us a review while you're there too.
0:20
SPEAKER_03: And now, here's Steve and Jeff.
0:24
SPEAKER_03: Well, thanks, Johnny.
0:25
SPEAKER_03: And that bruise you had on your face from getting punches looks a little better, but Jeff, I think he's walking with a limp today.
0:31
SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
0:32
SPEAKER_03: Maybe something else is going on, too.
0:33
SPEAKER_03: Could be.
0:34
SPEAKER_03: I really am uncomfortable when you use the word limp with Johnny.
0:38
SPEAKER_03: Well, I'm sorry.
0:39
SPEAKER_03: Yes, it can have so many meanings.
0:41
SPEAKER_03: That's the problem with vague words like limp.
0:44
SPEAKER_03: You know, yeah.
0:45
SPEAKER_00: Really can, which kind of reminds me of something that happened to me, Steve.
0:50
SPEAKER_03: You had Olympic experience.
0:51
SPEAKER_00: I had Olympic experience.
0:53
SPEAKER_00: An Olympic experience experience.
0:55
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
0:56
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
0:57
SPEAKER_03: Well, this sounds one for the ages here.
1:00
SPEAKER_00: Uh one for the old ages.
1:02
SPEAKER_00: Um, I think, Steve, I have told you before that I have twin grandchildren and they needed diapers.
1:08
SPEAKER_00: They were one year old and they needed diapers.
1:10
SPEAKER_00: I went to Walgreens.
1:12
SPEAKER_00: I couldn't find the diaper section.
1:14
SPEAKER_00: And I asked the manager to show me where the diaper section was, and he took me to the to the adult diaper section.
1:21
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, I was like, well, that's how I know I'm getting old, right?
1:25
SPEAKER_03: Well, at least I thought it was said show me the diaper section.
1:28
SPEAKER_03: He'd like point to his pants and say, You put it on here.
1:32
SPEAKER_00: Okay, this is about where you would be better and funnier, I think.
1:36
SPEAKER_00: So that was that happened, that happened last year.
1:38
SPEAKER_03: When you you were younger last year, you're I'm just I mean, I'm I'm not like a master of science or anything, but I think you were younger last year than you are now.
1:47
SPEAKER_00: That's right.
1:48
SPEAKER_00: So yesterday, and this is absolutely a hundred percent true.
1:52
SPEAKER_00: I know that Steve, sometimes we embellish a little bit on this show, but not not normally, but no, this is absolutely true.
2:00
SPEAKER_00: I was Ubering, and I have this couple get in the car in the back seat, and they see this picture of you and I, Steve.
2:08
SPEAKER_00: If anybody wants to go to the website, you can see Steve and Jeff.
2:13
SPEAKER_03: Steve and Jeff.com.
2:14
SPEAKER_00: Steven Jeff.com.
2:15
SPEAKER_00: And you could and the picture, it may be a little confusing.
2:19
SPEAKER_00: The picture is from a dating site that Steve and I were on, which was three's company.
2:25
SPEAKER_03: That was even before OK Reaper, you know.
2:28
SPEAKER_03: That spent a lot of time on OK Reaper.
2:29
SPEAKER_03: That's right.
2:30
SPEAKER_03: And sites, man.
2:31
SPEAKER_03: I I still I still like them.
2:34
SPEAKER_00: That's right.
2:34
SPEAKER_00: So when people submit photos to dating sites, they never put current photos, they always put, you know, photos of when they were a little bit younger.
2:42
SPEAKER_00: And if you go look at us, Steve, I I think the photos that we are using on our website might be 2022, 2021, somewhere back then, right?
2:53
SPEAKER_03: We're slightly older.
2:54
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, we we have aged a little bit from the just a little bit, but you have to not much.
2:59
SPEAKER_00: No, you have to see us side by side with the photo to really tell the difference, right?
3:03
SPEAKER_03: Well, and actually, and actually the clown nose covers most of the new wrinkles that we've gotten in the last six months since we took those photos.
3:10
SPEAKER_00: Steve, uh those aren't clown noses.
3:13
SPEAKER_03: Oh.
3:14
SPEAKER_00: Well, then they they don't cover it very well, then they they don't.
3:18
SPEAKER_00: Uh, anyways, so they get in the car and they look at the photos, the photo of you and I, and they go, Are these your grandchildren or great-grandchildren?
3:30
SPEAKER_03: They were talking about us in the photo.
3:32
SPEAKER_00: They were talking about us or that photo.
3:33
SPEAKER_00: You have to look at that photo, and I'm like, fuck you, you know, which I probably am gonna get graded down on my Ubering because first of all, you're not supposed to be swearing in the car, and certainly not swearing at the customer, but again, that's uh those subtle signs that maybe we're getting a little bit older.
3:52
SPEAKER_03: Well, you know, I think I think Uber needs to add that to the rating, you know, when when it says, you know, clean car, good driving, whatever, it's just a said fuck.
4:00
SPEAKER_03: That's two of those things.
4:02
SPEAKER_03: And and I would, I just I'd give them five stars, but it always hits said fuck.
4:05
SPEAKER_03: I I just just because, you know.
4:08
SPEAKER_00: And if I had said Mr.
4:09
SPEAKER_00: Fuck, then that would be a sign of respect.
4:11
SPEAKER_00: But you know, just saying fuck you doesn't really do it.
4:14
SPEAKER_00: So, anyways, and and so that is really something that's been on my mind, is we're getting old, we've done I don't know how many shows, a hundred thousand shows, like so many shows, right?
4:27
SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah.
4:27
SPEAKER_03: Oh, oh, more than we can count, and more than we could could have even counted when we were younger and could count better.
4:33
SPEAKER_00: That's right.
4:34
SPEAKER_00: And so I was thinking, Steve, we need an injection.
4:37
SPEAKER_00: Uh well.
4:39
SPEAKER_00: I don't care about your private life, Jeff.
4:40
SPEAKER_03: I really don't, you know, but do whatever you want to do.
4:43
SPEAKER_03: I don't care.
4:44
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I feel like we need a new set of eyes, a new injection.
4:48
SPEAKER_00: Uh maybe new noses, maybe some hair.
4:51
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, a little hair would come in handy.
4:53
SPEAKER_03: And well, you've got you've had a couple of noses, so I mean, why not keep looking?
4:56
SPEAKER_00: You know, there's no doubt.
4:58
SPEAKER_03: So I just now did you have something in mind with this injection?
5:01
SPEAKER_03: Because there are a lot of ways that could go, some of which are illegal, some of which could be painful.
5:08
SPEAKER_00: Again, trying to just be completely transparent here.
5:11
SPEAKER_00: We live in a bubble.
5:12
SPEAKER_00: What's funny to us, these new ideas that we come up with for the show.
5:16
SPEAKER_00: Claire, all she wants to do is every show should end in somebody being murdered.
5:21
SPEAKER_00: She has she has so many funny.
5:23
SPEAKER_03: Well, she has so many creative ways for people to die on on the show, on the actual show.
5:28
SPEAKER_03: It's yeah, it's a unique skill.
5:30
SPEAKER_03: I'm not sure it's a good skill, but it's unique.
5:33
SPEAKER_00: So I was thinking we need another opinion.
5:36
SPEAKER_00: We need to bring somebody into the fold that comes up with new, fresh ideas, you know, while we're still relatively young, while I still have great grandchildren that look just like us, that look amazingly like we did, you know, years ago.
5:52
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
5:52
SPEAKER_00: And if you look at that picture, the other thing I said is, do they look like their brother and sister?
5:56
SPEAKER_00: And they go that our eyes look very similar.
5:59
SPEAKER_03: It got doctored a little bit.
6:01
SPEAKER_03: So we we look like we kind of look like you know that urban legend or that other thing about black-eyed children, you know?
6:06
SPEAKER_03: Uh-huh.
6:07
SPEAKER_03: We kind of look like black-eyed children with clown noses.
6:10
SPEAKER_03: It's really, you know, it looks like we run a horror podcast, but we really don't run a horror podcast.
6:15
SPEAKER_00: I guess that's from blowing that thing up and then reducing it, which well again.
6:19
SPEAKER_00: I don't care about your private life, Jeff.
6:21
SPEAKER_00: I really don't, you know.
6:22
SPEAKER_00: I mean which reminds me, I gotta go right now, Steve.
6:25
SPEAKER_00: I'm I'm all aroused.
6:26
SPEAKER_00: So, anyways, what are your thoughts on whether we should bring somebody on board?
6:30
SPEAKER_00: I I know you had somebody in mind earlier, and I said we didn't need anyone, but I think we probably do now.
6:36
SPEAKER_03: You know, Jeff, I am so glad you said that because you're not gonna believe who is just on the other side of that glass.
6:44
SPEAKER_03: Our father, our grandfather.
6:47
SPEAKER_03: What he does for a living is he is a showrunner, he pitches ideas, and he's an athlete.
6:54
SPEAKER_03: Well, the ideas aren't that heavy, though.
6:56
SPEAKER_03: It's not you don't really have to be mud very athletic to pitch an idea.
6:59
SPEAKER_03: I mean, you know, it doesn't have to be a good idea.
7:01
SPEAKER_03: You can say, Hey, how about Inglorious Bastards meets the sound of music, and we call it murder in the Alps.
7:08
SPEAKER_03: Uh you know, they don't have to be good ideas, you know.
7:10
SPEAKER_03: Oh murder in the Alps, the musical, right?
7:13
SPEAKER_03: That's right.
7:14
SPEAKER_03: That's right.
7:15
SPEAKER_03: So this guy, he has worked up so many pitch ideas, so many shows, so many guests that we could have, so many things that we could do with this podcast that we haven't done before.
7:25
SPEAKER_03: And he's gonna do it live in front of let's face it, Jeff, the millions that are listening.
7:31
SPEAKER_03: Well, right.
7:32
SPEAKER_03: Well, you know, how should I put it?
7:33
SPEAKER_03: If we're dead, these ideas aren't gonna help us much.
7:36
SPEAKER_03: But if we're if we're alive, you know, maybe they will.
7:40
SPEAKER_03: Who knows?
7:40
SPEAKER_03: But that's anyway.
7:41
SPEAKER_03: Well, great, I'm excited.
7:43
SPEAKER_03: Let me introduce Paul Mooney.
7:45
SPEAKER_03: Paul is a showrunner and a professional pitcher of ideas.
7:49
SPEAKER_03: So, Paul, welcome to the show.
7:51
SPEAKER_01: Oh boys, nice to be here.
7:53
SPEAKER_01: Good to be here, good to be here, good to see you.
7:55
SPEAKER_01: Finally meet you both.
7:56
SPEAKER_01: Meet you both.
7:57
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I know we've we've talked a little bit on the phone, and and I know you have worked up so many great ideas, but uh before we get into the specific ideas, let me get a little bit about your background.
8:07
SPEAKER_03: How long have you been doing this show pitching and show running?
8:11
SPEAKER_03: And uh, maybe tell us about some of your big successes.
8:14
SPEAKER_01: There was uh I I started this uh sometime after television became a medium in the 1950s.
8:19
SPEAKER_01: So it's been since then.
8:21
SPEAKER_01: I had a lot of successes early.
8:23
SPEAKER_01: Uh, and then uh, you know, it was my idea to have a fat maiden uh in a household, it was called Mabel.
8:30
SPEAKER_01: Somebody ripped that one off, called it Hazel, and the booth did all that stuff.
8:34
SPEAKER_01: And yeah, yeah, I had this uh whole thing, you know, I wanted a cartoon of cavemen, and it was gonna be called the Rockfords, and somebody stole that idea and called it the Flintstones, and you know, here I am, you know.
8:45
SPEAKER_01: So most of my great ideas were stolen, and uh that's why uh that's why I'm still acting at uh at my advanced age.
8:53
SPEAKER_03: Well, and and they not only stole stole the Flintstones, but they stole Rockford and they said, Hey, what if this caveman is a detective in in the modern world and he's kind of a devil make hair detective, he's not doesn't play by the rules that often, and he's kind of on his own.
9:09
SPEAKER_00: Who I mean wears his pants really high up, like almost to his nipples.
9:14
SPEAKER_03: Well, and again, I don't care about your private life, Jeff.
9:17
SPEAKER_01: I really don't, but but anyway, so so Paul originally I had the Rockford character, he was gonna be working in a hardware store and it was uh selling rasps, and it was gonna be called the Rockford files, and then that whole thing gets gets stolen.
9:32
SPEAKER_01: So yeah, yeah.
9:33
SPEAKER_01: Uh and I'm liking it already.
9:35
SPEAKER_03: A show about a detective in a in a hardware store, just that that doesn't that's that's magical.
9:40
SPEAKER_03: That would be so good because a lot of crimes happen in hardware stores.
9:44
SPEAKER_03: People don't know that.
9:44
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, a lot of crimes do.
9:45
SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah.
9:46
SPEAKER_03: They do.
9:46
SPEAKER_03: When I go by Ace Hardware, I speed up because you never know what's gonna happen.
9:50
SPEAKER_03: Now, you've worked up a lot of show ideas and and guests that we could have and directions we could go with our show.
9:58
SPEAKER_03: And why don't we start digging into some of those?
10:00
SPEAKER_03: Just hit us with one, and maybe we'll yeah, maybe what we'll do is we'll have you talk about it a little bit and then we'll maybe we'll react a little to the show idea.
10:08
SPEAKER_03: What do you think?
10:09
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I I mean let's uh let's get going.
10:11
SPEAKER_01: I got a lot of I got some game show ideas for you to start right off with.
10:14
SPEAKER_01: Uh okay, this one is called the Bong Show.
10:18
SPEAKER_01: And uh in this one, uh panelists have to guess uh what controlled substance they've just ingested.
10:24
SPEAKER_01: I went to a party like that one time.
10:26
SPEAKER_03: I think that would make a great show.
10:28
SPEAKER_03: I mean, I don't remember a lot of the party, but I remember that part.
10:31
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, no, it was cool.
10:32
SPEAKER_00: Question here do we get to sample the drugs or are we just administering them?
10:37
SPEAKER_00: Because I I uh I don't think I I like the idea of just somebody else doing more drugs than me.
10:43
SPEAKER_01: That's the difference between a producer and an executive producer, okay?
10:46
SPEAKER_01: So executive producer, help yourself.
10:49
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
10:50
SPEAKER_01: Well, okay, it's it's the best craft table in the business, let me tell you.
10:54
SPEAKER_00: Wow, and I it's just a little tip here.
10:56
SPEAKER_00: I would not use the term producer for yourself because Claire is lurking behind you.
11:02
SPEAKER_00: Claire is our producer, and I I have air quotes there.
11:05
SPEAKER_00: Miss Claire is our producer, and I I don't think she would take kindly to multiple producers for this show.
11:11
SPEAKER_03: What is at least she doesn't like competition?
11:15
SPEAKER_03: She's kind of like that John D.
11:16
SPEAKER_03: Rockefeller guy, you know, competition is a sin.
11:18
SPEAKER_03: Well, that's not the only one, but she's she's all over, she's all over getting rid of the competition.
11:24
SPEAKER_00: If you know, but I like the idea.
11:25
SPEAKER_00: I think we're off to a good start.
11:26
SPEAKER_00: I'm I'm gonna take notes here.
11:28
SPEAKER_03: So while we're well, and and Jeff, you know, you could be the guest that takes the drug if you want.
11:32
SPEAKER_03: And and then Okay, now we're talking.
11:34
SPEAKER_03: Maybe I'd get a guest host and you'd be the one in the isolation booth that would take the drug.
11:41
SPEAKER_03: You know, that could work.
11:42
SPEAKER_03: I like it.
11:42
SPEAKER_03: I like it work.
11:43
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and then the contestants they have to guess what drug you took based off of your outward symptoms, based on how you're acting.
11:50
SPEAKER_03: It's like perfect.
11:51
SPEAKER_03: Oh, he's getting sleepy.
11:53
SPEAKER_03: I think it's hashish.
11:54
SPEAKER_03: No, wait, or whatever.
11:56
SPEAKER_03: You know, I think that's got legs.
11:57
SPEAKER_03: I like it.
11:58
SPEAKER_03: I like it.
11:58
SPEAKER_01: I like it.
11:59
SPEAKER_01: I like it very much.
12:00
SPEAKER_01: All right, we're up to a good start.
12:02
SPEAKER_01: Got another one here for you.
12:03
SPEAKER_01: It's called Who Are You Calling Sober?
12:06
SPEAKER_01: Um, that's where contestants do tequila shots until the cops show up.
12:09
SPEAKER_03: I think my mom and Johnny they can run that show right into the ground and and themselves with it, I think, too.
12:16
SPEAKER_03: I like that one.
12:17
SPEAKER_00: I don't want to criticize, but I don't want to get pigeonholed as just about altering your state of consciousness.
12:23
SPEAKER_00: Do you have any sexual scenarios?
12:26
SPEAKER_03: Because we are so much more than substance abuse.
12:29
SPEAKER_00: Oh, you know, not substance abuse and sex.
12:32
SPEAKER_03: Exactly.
12:33
SPEAKER_03: That's the more that I mean here.
12:35
SPEAKER_01: I got one called Let's Make a Squeal.
12:37
SPEAKER_01: Ooh, that's right.
12:39
SPEAKER_01: That's what contest contestants must sexually arouse a live pig using their only their own suggestive pig noise.
12:47
SPEAKER_03: Oh, so it's all audio.
12:49
SPEAKER_03: Well, of course, it would have to be because we're on we're on an audio podcast, so that's uh it would have to be audio.
12:54
SPEAKER_03: So it's just making the sound, and that has to arouse the pig.
12:58
SPEAKER_03: Wow, that'll go over well in Iowa.
13:01
SPEAKER_03: Council Bluffs will be all over that show.
13:03
SPEAKER_01: Speaking pretty well now right now for me too, Steve.
13:06
SPEAKER_01: Speaking of which, we have the Council Bluff Squares.
13:09
SPEAKER_01: Oh, that's uh that's where uh all the squares are filled with criminals, and somebody named Margaret gets the center square.
13:16
SPEAKER_03: Margaret paper girl, paper girl slash stripper slash slash French waitress.
13:21
SPEAKER_03: I think she's back at the restaurant now at uh the pretty shot or whatever it was called.
13:25
SPEAKER_03: Uh I think she's back, she's whipping crepes, just like she used to whip the papers, yeah.
13:30
SPEAKER_00: And I I again I just want to give you feedback if I can.
13:33
SPEAKER_00: Any chance to put the pig in the in the center square?
13:36
SPEAKER_00: Because you know, you got the pig squealing, and I I just think that that would liven up the show.
13:42
SPEAKER_01: We can probably manage that, although generally speaking, if you're doing the show from Iowa, it has to be a sheep or a goat in the center square.
13:50
SPEAKER_03: You don't want to blend genres too much, you know.
13:53
SPEAKER_03: I mean that can that can be fun, but you know, you can get lost in it too, you know.
13:56
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you don't want union problems.
13:58
SPEAKER_01: Oh, but if you if you get it cleared with the union, you know, have at it.
14:02
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
14:02
SPEAKER_01: Let's see here.
14:03
SPEAKER_01: Uh oh, hey, I got a got a few uh trivia shows.
14:07
SPEAKER_01: Here's one.
14:08
SPEAKER_01: Are you smarter than a fifth grader, Mississippi edition?
14:12
SPEAKER_01: Oh the answer is no.
14:16
SPEAKER_01: Here's one.
14:17
SPEAKER_01: It's time for leopardy.
14:20
SPEAKER_01: That is a trivia game specializing in cats of prey.
14:24
SPEAKER_03: Oh, I like that.
14:25
SPEAKER_03: I've always been a big cat fan, and yeah, we could have a quiz show where maybe if they get the question wrong, we release the leopard, the leopard you know, eats them.
14:33
SPEAKER_01: This one is a little international.
14:35
SPEAKER_01: This is it's bowling for bowlers, and this is where Englishmen compete in a bowling tournament for a hat.
14:42
SPEAKER_03: And they and they win a hat.
14:43
SPEAKER_03: Yes, very good.
14:45
SPEAKER_03: I like that.
14:45
SPEAKER_03: Wow, these are coming fast and very a big international hit, you know.
14:50
SPEAKER_03: And we really need to beef up our our UK audience, you know, and do something for them.
14:54
SPEAKER_03: So I yes, I think I think that's that could be exactly what gets us over the top in the UK.
15:01
SPEAKER_01: Here's one it's uh to it's called RBIs, and it's where baseball fans compete in a trivia contest while they're mesmerized by a roast beef sandwich.
15:11
SPEAKER_01: They stare at the roast beef sandwich and have to answer, you know, how many home runs did Al Simmons have?
15:17
SPEAKER_01: Who knows?
15:18
SPEAKER_01: Make up something.
15:19
SPEAKER_03: That is such a great idea.
15:21
SPEAKER_03: Maybe we should do a video version of that so the audience can really see that they are in fact staring at roast beef sandwiches.
15:29
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, when we say roast beef, those are air quotes, right?
15:32
SPEAKER_00: Because let's face it, I've had an Arby's roast beef sandwich, and uh it's just a different presentation than what I'm used to, you know, at home with my roast beef.
15:41
SPEAKER_00: So yeah, it's a little and again, your private life, Jeff.
15:45
SPEAKER_01: Just a couple more of the game shows here.
15:47
SPEAKER_01: I got uh one name that tomb and uh you have to guess whose final resting place it is based only on photos and audio clues.
15:56
SPEAKER_03: Ooh.
15:57
SPEAKER_01: So there's that one.
15:58
SPEAKER_03: Very nice.
15:59
SPEAKER_01: I like that very much.
16:00
SPEAKER_03: Very nice.
16:01
SPEAKER_03: And and it would be cheating if you read like the headstone, right?
16:04
SPEAKER_01: Well, yeah, those are just like pixelated out.
16:06
SPEAKER_01: Okay, cool.
16:08
SPEAKER_01: Try this one, uh see how you guys like this one.
16:10
SPEAKER_01: It's Who Wants to be a Millionaire.
16:12
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and it's actually pronounced Who Wants to be a Millionaire?
16:16
SPEAKER_01: And this is where billionaires come on and compete to lose money until they become a common millionaire.
16:22
SPEAKER_03: Oh wow, they're not in the 10 digit club or whatever it is anymore, right?
16:27
SPEAKER_03: Oh, wow.
16:28
SPEAKER_01: You can get Elon Musk down to the the lifestyle of a typical corporate lawyer.
16:33
SPEAKER_01: Oh, god.
16:34
SPEAKER_01: So I love it.
16:35
SPEAKER_03: That is much to be desired, but you do you think we could get billionaires to to do that to go into battle with the possibility of losing?
16:43
SPEAKER_01: So few of them read contracts.
16:46
SPEAKER_03: It's just you know, that's a great point.
16:48
SPEAKER_03: We could tell them that they have a chance of winning, and winning only means that you don't lose, you don't get anything.
16:55
SPEAKER_00: We do have to be careful though, because a lot of these billionaires are not real billionaires, and they say they are, and then they turn into millionaires when they were actually millionaires to begin with.
17:05
SPEAKER_00: And I think that sort of the food chain of wealth kind of goes from there.
17:10
SPEAKER_00: Millionaires are probably not millionaires, and you know, I guess you have to be careful about that.
17:15
SPEAKER_03: We would need verification, we would need to see.
17:17
SPEAKER_03: I don't know, let's birth certificate, I don't know, birth certificate, tax returns.
17:22
SPEAKER_03: We'd need to see some some documentation of that, you know, bank statements if they've got them.
17:27
SPEAKER_03: I mean, they probably don't have their money sitting in a bank somewhere, but you know, some some sort of statement to that effect.
17:33
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, oh yeah, we'd need to prove it.
17:35
SPEAKER_01: Okay, uh, and here's some non-game show type of things Jerry Springer Spaniel show.
17:41
SPEAKER_01: Oh and uh it's the first talk show for dogs by dogs.
17:46
SPEAKER_03: You know, Jeff, I I looked at uh Google Diuretics, you know, and we're very weak in the canine market.
17:53
SPEAKER_03: We're decent in the felines, cats are kind of getting on to the show, but you know, dogs, we're still slow, we're lagging with dogs.
18:01
SPEAKER_03: That could be what gets us over the top with dogs.
18:05
SPEAKER_00: When we're talking Springer, though, are we talking about the the dogs fighting with each other and accusing each other of cheating with other dogs?
18:14
SPEAKER_00: Because that would be kind of exciting.
18:17
SPEAKER_00: I I think that's key.
18:18
SPEAKER_01: There's a lot of exclamations of you bitch, you bitch, which is endless.
18:23
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I think that show has legs, yes.
18:26
SPEAKER_01: Four.
18:27
SPEAKER_03: Four, it does indeed, and and a curved tail, yes, it sure does.
18:32
SPEAKER_01: Um here's here's another one.
18:34
SPEAKER_01: This one combines some music with some animals.
18:36
SPEAKER_01: It's called Press Your Duck.
18:39
SPEAKER_01: And in this one, 4-H students compress their pet ducks like accordions to play along with Celine Dion songs.
18:47
SPEAKER_01: You came up with great ideas.
18:49
SPEAKER_01: I am so impressed.
18:50
SPEAKER_03: He's a professional show pitcher, showrunner.
18:53
SPEAKER_01: Well, you know, here's one from uh history and whatnot.
18:56
SPEAKER_01: It's called Wild Fifthum.
18:58
SPEAKER_01: And each week uh some medieval nobility hunt down their runaway surfs.
19:04
SPEAKER_03: Oh gosh, Jeff, that would be so much fun.
19:06
SPEAKER_03: We'd have to do video on that one too.
19:08
SPEAKER_03: And we get one of the steady cams so we could run alongside while they're chasing the surf and actually see the gunshot.
19:15
SPEAKER_03: I mean, I assume they had guns, maybe it's arrows, maybe it's crossbows.
19:19
SPEAKER_03: I don't know what they use.
19:20
SPEAKER_01: It's like Squid Games meets Downton Abbey.
19:23
SPEAKER_01: See that?
19:24
SPEAKER_01: Squid Games meets Down to the Abbey.
19:26
SPEAKER_01: Perfect.
19:26
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yes.
19:27
SPEAKER_01: That's brilliant.
19:27
SPEAKER_01: This one, maybe more popular uh across the pond, as they say, but it's Queen for a Day, and that's where somebody is selected to play bass for the uh English rock band Queen.
19:39
SPEAKER_01: Just for a day.
19:40
SPEAKER_01: They get one concert.
19:41
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, very nice.
19:42
SPEAKER_01: Like that.
19:43
SPEAKER_01: The 10,000.
19:44
SPEAKER_03: It probably won't be the live aid concert.
19:46
SPEAKER_03: I mean, you they probably couldn't get that.
19:47
SPEAKER_03: I mean, no, yeah, they'd have to win like a whole season of games to get that.
19:52
SPEAKER_03: I mean, this would probably be like, oh, they're playing the Brighton Armory or something, you know.
19:57
SPEAKER_03: Just a normal little thing, right?
19:59
SPEAKER_01: Right.
19:59
SPEAKER_01: Here's one the 10,000-year-old pyramid, and that is a reality show where the contestants find to reach the top of a pyramid scheme based on ancient Vedic Sanskrit hymns.
20:10
SPEAKER_03: Gosh, Jeff.
20:11
SPEAKER_01: There's a lot to unpack on that one.
20:13
SPEAKER_03: Oh, there is, and you know, Jeff, we were talking about beefing up the audience in the UK, and certainly beefing it up, you that RBI is we had talking about beefing it up, we'd be beef all over the place.
20:24
SPEAKER_03: But but talking about getting the audience in the UK, we really need to improve our audience in India too.
20:30
SPEAKER_03: And that could be the ticket.
20:32
SPEAKER_00: And do we think maybe there's a chance we could get Mel Brooks to be on the show?
20:35
SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's always a chance.
20:37
SPEAKER_00: Maybe I think there's less of a chance getting Carl Reiner on the show.
20:41
SPEAKER_03: That'd be harder.
20:42
SPEAKER_00: Less than there used to be.
20:43
SPEAKER_00: It'd be harder.
20:43
SPEAKER_03: But Mel Mel, we we could get him on that other one where you have to guess the grave site.
20:48
SPEAKER_00: I like that.
20:48
SPEAKER_00: You know, I like that.
20:50
SPEAKER_03: We can start off with Carl Reiner.
20:52
SPEAKER_03: Hopefully, that's not a spoiler if we do that show.
20:54
SPEAKER_03: Everybody goes, Oh, that's Carl Reiner.
20:56
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah, come on.
20:57
SPEAKER_01: And I I am trying to talk Carl into becoming my silent partner.
21:01
SPEAKER_03: Work for Sid Caesar.
21:02
SPEAKER_03: What can I tell you?
21:03
SPEAKER_01: And then if you just want some guests, if you want to get a bigger variety of just some guests, I got got some people that I I've got a line on.
21:10
SPEAKER_01: This one you might enjoy.
21:12
SPEAKER_01: It's a Homer Euclidean, and he solves calculus equations backed by a smooth jazz band.
21:18
SPEAKER_03: Hey, you know, Jeff, if we ever do a podcast or we want to create a podcast for the late night crowd, the overnight crowd, the 4 a.m.
21:26
SPEAKER_03: crowd, the people that maybe have been doing the bong show on their own, you know, their own little bong show.
21:33
SPEAKER_03: I think that's it.
21:34
SPEAKER_03: And that would, you know, it'd be such a big hit on college campuses, particularly like like Caltech or MIT, where they're doing the substances, but then they they also have the math.
21:44
SPEAKER_03: And so they play that overnight.
21:46
SPEAKER_03: That would be perfect.
21:47
SPEAKER_01: Here's another one you can you've got a line on it.
21:49
SPEAKER_01: It's uh her name's Marlo Tack.
21:51
SPEAKER_01: She's a reverse psychic, and she can go into great detail to tell you what isn't going to happen.
21:57
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, see, that's kind of where it's sort of the Book end of you, right?
22:01
SPEAKER_00: Because you know what's going to happen.
22:03
SPEAKER_00: Right.
22:03
SPEAKER_00: We would bring somebody on that would would talk about what isn't going to happen.
22:07
SPEAKER_00: People are going to want to know that.
22:09
SPEAKER_03: I think that's the too often ignored piece of fortune telling is okay, yeah, you get you say this specific thing's going to happen.
22:18
SPEAKER_03: But what about all the things that you think are going to happen that aren't?
22:21
SPEAKER_03: Say, hey, is this going to happen?
22:22
SPEAKER_03: Nah, don't worry about it.
22:23
SPEAKER_03: This is going to happen.
22:24
SPEAKER_03: Nope.
22:24
SPEAKER_03: Nope.
22:25
SPEAKER_03: Not going to not nope, not going to happen.
22:27
SPEAKER_00: And what doesn't show you is often more important than what happens.
22:31
SPEAKER_03: Oh, absolutely.
22:32
SPEAKER_03: Because what doesn't happen can hurt you.
22:34
SPEAKER_03: And could kill you.
22:36
SPEAKER_03: Yes.
22:36
SPEAKER_01: And oh.
22:37
SPEAKER_01: And you know, let's face it, more things don't happen than do happen.
22:41
SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
22:42
SPEAKER_01: I mean, look at the numbers.
22:43
SPEAKER_01: I mean, one thing happens and an infinite number of things don't.
22:47
SPEAKER_01: I have a poster that says that with the little cat hanging by one claw off of a limb.
22:52
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
22:53
SPEAKER_00: More things don't happen than happen.
22:55
SPEAKER_00: I'm just thinking from the celebrity angle, maybe some of the casts from what's happening, you know, like rerun.
23:00
SPEAKER_00: What was his name?
23:01
SPEAKER_00: Was it rerun?
23:02
SPEAKER_03: Rerun, yeah.
23:03
SPEAKER_03: They might be available.
23:04
SPEAKER_01: I don't think Fred Barry is available anymore.
23:06
SPEAKER_03: He's uh well, he's on that gravesite show.
23:09
SPEAKER_01: He's working, he's working a new show idea with Carl Reiner.
23:12
SPEAKER_03: With Carl Reiner.
23:13
SPEAKER_03: That could be a killer show.
23:15
SPEAKER_03: Oh gosh.
23:15
SPEAKER_03: Gallows humor, sorry, but yeah.
23:18
SPEAKER_00: So it'd be what's not happening, right?
23:21
SPEAKER_00: That would be that would be the what's not happening.
23:24
SPEAKER_01: And boy, and you are right.
23:26
SPEAKER_01: He would be rerun would be great in that world, you know.
23:29
SPEAKER_01: What's not happening?
23:30
SPEAKER_03: What's not happening?
23:30
SPEAKER_01: What a good dancer he was.
23:32
SPEAKER_01: Yes, he was.
23:33
SPEAKER_03: I could pull the break and break dancing, yeah.
23:36
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
23:36
SPEAKER_04: Uh-huh.
23:37
SPEAKER_01: I can also get you somebody named Lafonda Trice.
23:40
SPEAKER_01: She was the last person that successfully sassed Mike Tyson.
23:45
SPEAKER_01: I just want to hear Mike Tyson say sassed.
23:47
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
23:48
SPEAKER_00: That'd be worth it.
23:49
SPEAKER_03: Oh, Jeff, you know, he might listen to the podcast.
23:51
SPEAKER_03: We don't want to make him too mad, you know.
23:55
SPEAKER_00: No, I don't I don't want to make him mad.
23:56
SPEAKER_01: You know, if you're still interested in the English things, there's a Sir Clive Kirchenbaum.
24:01
SPEAKER_01: He's the founder of the British Yiddish Foundation, and he's seeking to prove that the Scots are one of the lost tribes of Israel.
24:07
SPEAKER_03: That could be fun, that could expand the audience, and then be educational at the same time.
24:12
SPEAKER_03: Oh my gosh.
24:13
SPEAKER_01: He's got a whole new docuseries coming up on Newsmax.
24:16
SPEAKER_03: I bet it's informative and accurate.
24:18
SPEAKER_01: Oh, if it's on Newsmax, that's where I get all my information and entertainment.
24:23
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
24:23
SPEAKER_01: I have a line on a record holder.
24:25
SPEAKER_01: His name's Randy Roseberg.
24:27
SPEAKER_01: He holds the record for eating the most snails in one hour.
24:30
SPEAKER_03: See, all these guys they go to the hot dog eating contests and stuff.
24:33
SPEAKER_03: What you know, pie eating is kind of the classic in movies at county fairs and stuff.
24:38
SPEAKER_03: Snails.
24:39
SPEAKER_03: What about snails?
24:40
SPEAKER_03: See, snails aren't that big.
24:42
SPEAKER_03: You could probably eat a few hundred snails if you really went into one of those competitions.
24:46
SPEAKER_01: I mean, the competitions do not take the shells off.
24:50
SPEAKER_01: So it's generally easy to a painful week for the contestants, that's for sure.
24:54
SPEAKER_01: I'd just like to hear Mike Tyson say snail.
24:57
SPEAKER_00: Snail.
24:58
SPEAKER_03: What if he listening to the side?
25:00
SPEAKER_00: Sorry, I'm sorry.
25:02
SPEAKER_03: He might be listening right now.
25:03
SPEAKER_03: Right now.
25:04
SPEAKER_03: He might be on his way here.
25:05
SPEAKER_03: Who knows?
25:06
SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
25:07
SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
25:08
SPEAKER_03: Sorry, I don't know what I'm thinking.
25:09
SPEAKER_01: You know, if you like the Tyson angle, I can get you an athlete here.
25:12
SPEAKER_01: Here's Wendell Wheat.
25:14
SPEAKER_01: He's an 800-pound trapeze artist who recently became a solo act.
25:19
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
25:20
SPEAKER_03: I bet he's got a lot of good stories.
25:22
SPEAKER_03: Even beyond the stories, I think if you're doing home improvement, you'd be able to say, okay, well, how much weight can this line hold?
25:30
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, he knows, right?
25:31
SPEAKER_03: No, no, you need to double that up.
25:34
SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah.
25:35
SPEAKER_01: I'll just throw this one out there too, get a little history in there.
25:38
SPEAKER_01: Chris Wilfong, he's the curator of the Charles Manson Family Library and Museum.
25:44
SPEAKER_03: I bet there's fascinating stuff in there.
25:46
SPEAKER_01: There is.
25:47
SPEAKER_01: Oh, that's very exciting.
25:50
SPEAKER_00: I just have to say one thing.
25:51
SPEAKER_00: You know, Steve, I told you when we first started this episode that I was feeling old and I was feeling like we were like we had lost our special purpose.
26:00
SPEAKER_00: Now I feel like we're rejuvenated.
26:02
SPEAKER_00: I mean, there's enough ideas here for us to go at least another three months.
26:07
SPEAKER_03: Oh, absolutely.
26:08
SPEAKER_03: Just on these ideas alone, let alone the the shows that we already have planned and the shows we've already talked about.
26:15
SPEAKER_00: I'm talking like real months.
26:17
SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah.
26:17
SPEAKER_03: Oh, absolutely.
26:18
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, go on.
26:19
SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry.
26:19
SPEAKER_00: And anything else you got in your bag of tricks and ideas.
26:23
SPEAKER_01: Uh this one just came in.
26:25
SPEAKER_01: He's back.
26:25
SPEAKER_01: It's kind of a game show type of thing, trivia show.
26:28
SPEAKER_01: It's called Win Ben Stein's Monkey.
26:31
SPEAKER_01: So Ben's back and he has a monkey for now.
26:35
SPEAKER_01: But you can win Ben Stein's monkey.
26:38
SPEAKER_03: Every week a new monkey.
26:39
SPEAKER_03: One week it's a capuchin, one week it's a baboon, one week it's a gorilla.
26:44
SPEAKER_00: I would just like to hear Mike Tyson say Bareth.
26:48
unknown: Oh gosh, Jeff.
26:49
SPEAKER_00: Jeff is listening like Fareth Bueller.
26:53
SPEAKER_00: Bueller?
26:54
SPEAKER_04: Anyway.
26:55
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
26:56
SPEAKER_01: I'm sorry.
26:56
SPEAKER_01: Sorry.
26:57
SPEAKER_01: Well, I I think you guys are gonna have to pick a few of this.
26:59
SPEAKER_01: Oh, hey! This one is a supermarket creep.
27:03
SPEAKER_01: Uh that's another one.
27:04
SPEAKER_01: Uh that's where people walk around inside the grocery store and see who can make the lewdest comment about the zucchinis.
27:12
SPEAKER_03: Hey Jeff, I think you'd be good at that.
27:14
SPEAKER_00: Well, thank you.
27:15
SPEAKER_00: You should hear that.
27:16
SPEAKER_00: People compliment my my zucchinis before.
27:19
SPEAKER_00: Or my zucchini.
27:20
SPEAKER_03: And you're Italian cooking too, yeah.
27:21
SPEAKER_03: Right.
27:23
SPEAKER_00: Uh well that is just great.
27:25
SPEAKER_03: Oh, this has been this has been really insightful.
27:27
SPEAKER_03: I mean, oh, I didn't.
27:28
SPEAKER_03: Did you did you have more?
27:30
SPEAKER_01: Oh no, yeah, I just finally, um this one is Egyptian Wheel of Fortune.
27:35
SPEAKER_01: That's where all of the clues are in hieroglyphs.
27:37
SPEAKER_01: And so you can get uh I'd like to buy a bird pat.
27:42
SPEAKER_03: That would make it so much harder.
27:44
SPEAKER_03: You know, because some of those puzzles are fairly easy, right?
27:46
SPEAKER_03: You know, but hieroglyphs, ooh, that raises the skill level quite a bit.
27:51
SPEAKER_00: Kind of just puts to shame the Jeopardy show, right?
27:55
SPEAKER_00: Because we're talking about real questions, hard questions, right?
28:00
SPEAKER_00: So or hard answers.
28:01
SPEAKER_03: Paul, I uh I just can't thank you enough for coming in today.
28:04
SPEAKER_03: I'm so glad you're gonna be working with us and and giving us these show ideas, and these are just phenomenal ideas, these are outstanding.
28:12
SPEAKER_01: Well, thank you very much.
28:13
SPEAKER_01: Uh, you know, you guys just pick out one or two of those, and I'd be happy to run your show, be a show runner, not a producer.
28:21
SPEAKER_01: Not a producer.
28:22
SPEAKER_03: Oh no, no, no, no, Miss Claire is the producer, but she's the only producer.
28:26
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
28:27
SPEAKER_01: I'd like to hear Mike Tyson say Miss Clare.
28:30
SPEAKER_01: I don't know if either one of them are listening to the show this time.
28:33
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
28:34
SPEAKER_03: But anyway.
28:34
SPEAKER_03: Speaking of Mike Tyson and Miss Clare, if they got into a fight, what would happen?
28:39
SPEAKER_03: It's tempting to say, oh, Tyson would win, but I don't know.
28:42
SPEAKER_03: You know, Miss Clare has some ways of causing the downfall, if you will, that maybe Tyson isn't ready for, you know.
28:49
SPEAKER_03: I I don't know.
28:50
SPEAKER_03: The word that comes to my mind is vortex.
28:53
SPEAKER_03: It is it is like one of those vortexes that spins the drain and then goes down, right?
28:58
SPEAKER_03: Exactly.
28:58
SPEAKER_00: Vortex.
28:59
SPEAKER_03: That's that line of kids' clothing that snaps together, you know.
29:03
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, I'm with you.
29:04
SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much, Paul, for being on the show.
29:06
SPEAKER_03: You and Paul, we we'd pay you probably at the same level we're paying everybody else on this show.
29:11
SPEAKER_03: So there would be some money involved, some amount of money.
29:15
SPEAKER_03: But you know, I think because of you came up with all these ideas, I think we need to do something a little more for you.
29:22
SPEAKER_03: So, Johnny, what do we have for Paul?
29:25
SPEAKER_02: Great, Steve.
29:26
SPEAKER_02: This show pitcher can practice his speedball when he is our guest at a relatively meaningless college baseball game.
29:34
SPEAKER_02: He will watch the Cathartic State Cryers take on league champions, the Council Bluffs Tweakers.
29:40
SPEAKER_02: It's snowfall meets a league of their own when these tweakers bring those criers to tears.
29:45
SPEAKER_02: It's fun that is fun.
29:48
SPEAKER_02: And before the game, he will dine and be entertained at the Metro's Premier Fantasy restaurant, Vedic Louis' Medieval Cartoon Jousting Emporium.
29:57
SPEAKER_02: Shove your face into your Mike Tyson turkey leg as you watch your favorite diapered cartoon stars fight live for your indigestive pleasure.
30:05
SPEAKER_02: It's the Flintstones meets Game of Thrones, and you'll love it so much you'll watch the Red Wedding match twice.
30:13
SPEAKER_02: And at long last, he'll receive the home version of the Steven Jeff Show.
30:17
SPEAKER_02: Rom Pum Review called it A Beautiful Mind Meets a Racerhead.
30:21
SPEAKER_02: Fun for the whole family, and now with live pigs.
30:24
SPEAKER_02: Sorry, pigs only available in Iowa.
30:27
SPEAKER_02: This has been the D-List production in association with Wannabe Media.
30:31
SPEAKER_02: Be sure and follow or subscribe to the Steven Jeff Show wherever you listen to podcasts.
30:36
SPEAKER_02: Make us a review while you're there too.
30:39
SPEAKER_02: This is Johnny speaking.
30:41
SPEAKER_02: Steve's mom and I finally reached an understanding.
30:44
SPEAKER_02: If I don't accept any more tax-free tips from guests, she won't clother me again.
30:50
SPEAKER_02: Sorry, Marjorie.
30:51
SPEAKER_02: Maybe just a nice card next time.
30:54
SPEAKER_02: Good night.