Latest / DA CREW Podcast / BELIEVE IN THE JOURNEY WITH TRIVEDA HARRIS | HONORING MAMA ALFREDIA HARRIS

Transcript

BELIEVE IN THE JOURNEY WITH TRIVEDA HARRIS | HONORING MAMA ALFREDIA HARRIS · DA CREW Podcast

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Strength in the valley and lifted her eyes South Carolina roots.
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: When her voice travels wide, calling dreamers forward, telling fear
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: to step aside with every word she speaks, somebody learns
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: to stand because she knows what.
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: It means to be held in God's hand.
• 0:17
  Speaker 3: R and B and your Gosh Believe in the Journey
• 0:21
  Speaker 3: sov espartio anthem for Trivia to Harris, inspired by the
• 0:25
  Speaker 3: Light Voice admission of Trivia to Harris, author, cultivational speaker,
• 0:30
  Speaker 3: privision stroke survivor advocate and host of that Believe in
• 0:33
  Speaker 3: the Journey podcast. Some people survived the storm. Some become
• 0:38
  Speaker 3: a lighthouse center.
• 0:39
  Speaker 4: Some people carry scars but turn them into wings. This
• 0:43
  Speaker 4: is for the woman who kept rising, kept believing, kept
• 0:46
  Speaker 4: speaking life. Shriven to Harris, you remind us to believe
• 0:52
  Speaker 4: in the Journey. She's got a story written deep within.
• 0:58
  Speaker 4: A soul is full of panels. Only Heaven knows. Through
• 1:03
  Speaker 4: the pain, through the process.
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: Through the tears she had to cry. She found strength in.
• 1:07
  Speaker 4: The valley and lifted her eyes Self Caro A lot
• 1:10
  Speaker 4: of roots for the voice travels w calling dreamers poor
• 1:14
  Speaker 4: and telling venn a step aside with every word she speaks,
• 1:18
  Speaker 4: somebody learns to stand. She knows what it means to
• 1:21
  Speaker 4: be held in God's hand.
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: She could have stopped with life.
• 1:25
  Speaker 4: God heavy could have bow and me the way grace
• 1:31
  Speaker 4: gave occurred and purpose soulpen the gate. Believing the journey,
• 1:38
  Speaker 4: Believing the cloud. I can turn your pain into power
• 1:42
  Speaker 4: over time. Believe in the journey. Don't give up the
• 1:45
  Speaker 4: fight thatro wins, in your struggle and hoping the night,
• 1:49
  Speaker 4: to every panels, to every valley, to every tear you
• 1:54
  Speaker 4: had to release, keep going.
• 1:57
  Speaker 5: Keep bro and keep.
• 1:58
  Speaker 4: Trust in the process. Did you turney lead into these?
• 2:03
  Speaker 4: Believe in the journey leading what time to prey? You
• 2:09
  Speaker 4: gave your.
• 2:09
  Speaker 5: Wings to fly.
• 2:16
  Speaker 4: Strokes of bad Still she's speaking cherry warriors. Still believe
• 2:22
  Speaker 4: it when a body had the battle.
• 2:31
  Speaker 6: Legs and gentlemen, may I have your attention please. The
• 2:40
  Speaker 6: show starts in third whye eight seven, six, five, four
• 2:55
  Speaker 6: three two, one.
• 3:15
  Speaker 5: Hey y'all, Hey, y'all, Hey, y'all.
• 3:17
  Speaker 7: We're waiting for Trevida. I think we're having some technical difficults,
• 3:21
  Speaker 7: but y'all know we don't stop.
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: We keep pushing.
• 3:24
  Speaker 7: I just wanted to come on and let you guys
• 3:26
  Speaker 7: know that we were having some difficults, but we are
• 3:29
  Speaker 7: waiting for Trevida to come on and we're gonna get
• 3:33
  Speaker 7: this podcast started like always. We definitely appreciate you guys
• 3:38
  Speaker 7: for taking time to stop by and be a part
• 3:41
  Speaker 7: of believing the journey here on the Crew Podcast. I
• 3:45
  Speaker 7: tell you, it's truly been an honor and the privilege
• 3:48
  Speaker 7: to be able to provide this platform for those that
• 3:51
  Speaker 7: tune in on a nightly basis Sunday through Thursday to
• 3:55
  Speaker 7: hear these amazing hosts. I'm gonna tell you tonight, it
• 4:00
  Speaker 7: may be some tears, it may be some some crying,
• 4:05
  Speaker 7: So I want you to go ahead and get your tissues,
• 4:07
  Speaker 7: get your favorite drink, and get comfortable. This is a
• 4:11
  Speaker 7: place where we can come and we can unwind and
• 4:14
  Speaker 7: we can let go because we are truly family. So
• 4:17
  Speaker 7: I'm waiting for Treeda to come on.
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: Today.
• 4:22
  Speaker 7: May be hard for her, so I'm just letting her
• 4:25
  Speaker 7: know that I'm here. I'm in the background, but i'm here.
• 4:29
  Speaker 7: I'm here for her, So if she need me to
• 4:31
  Speaker 7: come on, I'm here. I'm ready. So I'm gonna move
• 4:35
  Speaker 7: on out the way I see she keep coming in.
• 4:38
  Speaker 7: So there may really be some technical difficulty. Y'all know,
• 4:42
  Speaker 7: we can't control none of this stuff. We get on
• 4:45
  Speaker 7: and we try to produce as best as we can,
• 4:49
  Speaker 7: but at the end of the day, God is always
• 4:51
  Speaker 7: in control. He's always in control. So I'm gonna go
• 4:55
  Speaker 7: ahead and open up in prayer because I know that's
• 4:58
  Speaker 7: what she do when she's probably gonna come on behind
• 5:00
  Speaker 7: me and pray again. But I want to go ahead
• 5:03
  Speaker 7: and kind of get the atmosphere right so that when
• 5:07
  Speaker 7: she come on, she'll be able to flow how she
• 5:10
  Speaker 7: wants to flow on today. So Father God, in the
• 5:13
  Speaker 7: name of Jesus Or, we thank you. We thank you
• 5:15
  Speaker 7: for this space, We thank you for this opportunity. Lord
• 5:17
  Speaker 7: God and Father. Right now, as I come before you,
• 5:20
  Speaker 7: Lord God, I come against every spirit of distraction, Lord God,
• 5:24
  Speaker 7: asking that you will regulate the Internet.
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: Lord God. Father.
• 5:27
  Speaker 7: We know we don't have control over a lot of
• 5:29
  Speaker 7: things for God, but Father, we just show up in
• 5:32
  Speaker 7: order for you to show up that you may use.
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: Us for your vessel.
• 5:35
  Speaker 7: Lord God and Father, I'm asking that you would just
• 5:38
  Speaker 7: whatever is going on with the Internet, whatever is in
• 5:40
  Speaker 7: the airwaves, were asking that you will remove it. We
• 5:43
  Speaker 7: bind it up right now in the name of Jesus
• 5:45
  Speaker 7: or God and Father. We believe your word.
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: Father.
• 5:47
  Speaker 7: You said, whatever we bind on earthly we bind in heaven,
• 5:50
  Speaker 7: Lord God. So Father, we bind it up right now,
• 5:52
  Speaker 7: every distracted spirit that's trying to come to hinder this
• 5:55
  Speaker 7: show on today, Lord god Father, we asked that you
• 5:58
  Speaker 7: will move it out the way, Lord God, allow peace
• 6:01
  Speaker 7: to flow, Lord God, and allow your truth you allow
• 6:04
  Speaker 7: your word to come forth on today, Lord god Father,
• 6:07
  Speaker 7: we thank you for sister Terido on today, Lord God Father,
• 6:10
  Speaker 7: ask her that you will use hermightedly, Lord God, that
• 6:12
  Speaker 7: whatever comes out her mouth today, Lord God, will be
• 6:15
  Speaker 7: a nugget, will be a seed that will bring forth
• 6:18
  Speaker 7: fruit in somebody's life for God. So Father, I asked
• 6:21
  Speaker 7: that you would just regulate these air rays right now
• 6:24
  Speaker 7: and allow her to come forth, Lord God and be
• 6:27
  Speaker 7: used as your daughter. Lord god Father, I thank you
• 6:29
  Speaker 7: for the space. I thank you for this opportunity, Lord God,
• 6:32
  Speaker 7: and Father, I just ask that you will just have
• 6:34
  Speaker 7: your way on tonight, Lord god Father, I thank you
• 6:37
  Speaker 7: and your son Jesus name Amen, Amen, Amen.
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: I see she is on backstage, So.
• 6:43
  Speaker 7: I'm gonna go ahead and move on out the way
• 6:46
  Speaker 7: so that this young lady can come forth and allow
• 6:50
  Speaker 7: God to use her on tonight.
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: E spirit right now the name of Jesus, he should come, y'all.
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: So let me move on out to eat.
• 7:52
  Speaker 8: Hey, y'all, I have no idea what is going on,
• 7:55
  Speaker 8: but obviously.
• 7:58
  Speaker 7: Difficult.
• 8:00
  Speaker 8: It's trying to let my brother own as well, my brother,
• 8:08
  Speaker 8: my son. It's a couple of people that wants to join.
• 8:12
  Speaker 8: So I'm not sure what's happening, but we are. Uh yeah, yeah,
• 8:26
  Speaker 8: I sent them, Yeah, I sent.
• 8:30
  Speaker 5: Them the guest link and it's not hold on. Let
• 8:38
  Speaker 5: me go back in here and try to give them
• 8:41
  Speaker 5: the other okay.
• 8:44
  Speaker 8: So okay, so let me get that one. Okay, okay,
• 8:53
  Speaker 8: So let me send this to them, y'all. I apologize.
• 8:58
  Speaker 8: I don't know what's going on. This thing is doing
• 9:01
  Speaker 8: its own little thing tonight.
• 9:07
  Speaker 5: Setting me get this copy.
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 9:12
  Speaker 8: Let me tell my brother and let me tell my son.
• 9:15
  Speaker 8: Hold on, But I thank y'all.
• 9:17
  Speaker 5: I just want one and see it played.
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: Page is full of battles.
• 9:29
  Speaker 4: Only heaven nose through the pain, through the process, through
• 9:32
  Speaker 4: the tears she had to cry. She found strength in
• 9:35
  Speaker 4: the valley and lifted her eyes self. Caro a lot
• 9:38
  Speaker 4: of roots for the voice travels wide, calling dreamers forward,
• 9:42
  Speaker 4: telling venters, kept aside.
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: With every word she speaks.
• 9:46
  Speaker 4: Somebody learns to stand because she knows what it means
• 9:49
  Speaker 4: to be held in God's hand.
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: She could have stopped with life.
• 9:53
  Speaker 4: God heavy could have bow and me the way the
• 9:58
  Speaker 4: grace gave a current and purpose, soul being the gate.
• 10:04
  Speaker 5: Believe in the journey.
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: Believe in the cloud.
• 10:07
  Speaker 4: God can turn your pain into power over time. Believe
• 10:11
  Speaker 4: in the journey. Don't give up the fight. There are
• 10:14
  Speaker 4: wings in your struggle and hoping the night, to every bus,
• 10:19
  Speaker 4: to every valley, to everything here you had to release,
• 10:24
  Speaker 4: keep on and keep probaly, keep trust in the process.
• 10:28
  Speaker 4: Your journeys lead into deece. Believe in the journey. Believe
• 10:33
  Speaker 4: in us. What trying to break, you gave your wings.
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: To fly, stroke, survive.
• 10:46
  Speaker 4: Still she's speaking cherry warriors, still believing when a body
• 10:51
  Speaker 4: had the battle, a spirit would not bow. She found
• 10:55
  Speaker 4: a deep of purpose and she's walking in and now
• 10:57
  Speaker 4: Wings of transformation.
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: That's moren't just a name.
• 11:01
  Speaker 4: It's a place where hidden voices learn to rhymes above
• 11:04
  Speaker 4: the shame. She helps offa's birth of stories, helps the
• 11:06
  Speaker 4: wound that find the sound turning ashes into messages, lifting
• 11:10
  Speaker 4: others from the ground.
• 11:11
  Speaker 2: She knows healing a.
• 11:13
  Speaker 4: It's a journey, h r and purpose has a cost come,
• 11:18
  Speaker 4: but nothing is every waste when God the stars was lost,
• 11:24
  Speaker 4: Believe in the journey.
• 11:26
  Speaker 8: Believe in the climb.
• 11:27
  Speaker 4: God can turn your pain into power over time. Believe
• 11:31
  Speaker 4: in the journey. Don't give up the fight. There are
• 11:34
  Speaker 4: ways in your struggle and hope in the night. To
• 11:38
  Speaker 4: everybouse and to everybody, to every team, you have to release,
• 11:44
  Speaker 4: keep movie, keep bro and keep trust in the process,
• 11:48
  Speaker 4: your journey leading to peace. Leaving the journey lead. We're
• 11:54
  Speaker 4: trying to break you gave you wings to fly a whoa.
• 12:04
  Speaker 4: If you've been old, you can still right. If you've
• 12:08
  Speaker 4: been shake you can still fight. If you've been inside
• 12:12
  Speaker 4: and you still have a voice, If you're still breathing,
• 12:16
  Speaker 4: you still have a choice. Let your testimony breathe again,
• 12:20
  Speaker 4: Let your story live what God placed inside of you.
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: The world still needs you to.
• 12:24
  Speaker 4: Give driven the keys reminding us.
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: Don't quit in the middle.
• 12:29
  Speaker 4: Don't curse the process, don't bury the miracle. Don't stop
• 12:32
  Speaker 4: believing before the breakthrough comes.
• 12:47
  Speaker 9: I see that, okay, okay, I just sent him the
• 12:57
  Speaker 9: other one.
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: Let me tell.
• 13:07
  Speaker 5: Use this second.
• 13:16
  Speaker 10: Hey, yeah, because that's what it kicked me out.
• 13:27
  Speaker 5: But I don't know what. I don't know how these
• 13:30
  Speaker 5: links got crossed up this time.
• 13:35
  Speaker 8: But anyway, we are here to remember mom. Tomorrow it
• 13:49
  Speaker 8: will be three years since she left us, and okay,
• 14:05
  Speaker 8: Nate's coming. Okay, I can't see your face. All we
• 14:11
  Speaker 8: see is your knees, Honey. I don't want to look
• 14:18
  Speaker 8: at your knees.
• 14:28
  Speaker 5: I don't want to look at these.
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: I'm just said I had to sitting on the table.
• 14:36
  Speaker 5: But you know, it's.
• 14:38
  Speaker 8: Gonna be three years tomorrow, and it's it's it's it's rough.
• 14:47
  Speaker 8: You know, she is definitely missed. And I was sitting here,
• 14:56
  Speaker 8: I was going through some stuff, you know, unpacking, and
• 15:00
  Speaker 8: and I found this little zip lock bag of some
• 15:04
  Speaker 8: stuff that I had from when she was at the
• 15:09
  Speaker 8: facility in uh Gaffney. And then I found the little
• 15:16
  Speaker 8: stacks that I had.
• 15:18
  Speaker 5: Gotten or the day that she passed.
• 15:24
  Speaker 8: And I still have this stuff, which is crazy, her
• 15:28
  Speaker 8: little packs.
• 15:29
  Speaker 5: Of oreos.
• 15:32
  Speaker 8: And my little muffins that I went and got that
• 15:35
  Speaker 8: I never ate. So I'm still holding one of that stuff.
• 15:40
  Speaker 8: And now, you know, people may say that that's crazy
• 15:43
  Speaker 8: to still hold one of those things. But I still
• 15:45
  Speaker 8: have those things and her last.
• 15:48
  Speaker 5: Little snicker bar.
• 15:55
  Speaker 2: And so.
• 15:57
  Speaker 5: But she is very very loved and she's very missed.
• 16:05
  Speaker 8: What what would you think she would have to say
• 16:07
  Speaker 8: about us right now if she was here?
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: You asking me?
• 16:12
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm asking.
• 16:13
  Speaker 4: You know.
• 16:15
  Speaker 11: The first thing that she's gonna say is, well, she happens.
• 16:19
  Speaker 11: That's first, especially.
• 16:22
  Speaker 5: With all this technical difficulties that's going on right now.
• 16:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's gonna be her go too.
• 16:30
  Speaker 11: And then she's gonna come up with a story about something.
• 16:34
  Speaker 8: Yeah, yeah, of course, because that that was her. Her
• 16:41
  Speaker 8: main thing to say is well, you know, shit happens, Mom.
• 16:46
  Speaker 2: You know, it.
• 16:48
  Speaker 5: Definitely does. But this is not what I want to
• 16:52
  Speaker 5: be happening right now.
• 16:53
  Speaker 8: I'm trying to do something, you know that's a little different.
• 16:57
  Speaker 8: I'm trying to celebrate you and moment, and everything is
• 17:01
  Speaker 8: going against everything that I'm trying. And one thing that
• 17:11
  Speaker 8: I can say I have not done is you know,
• 17:14
  Speaker 8: I wrote the book for Mom in honor of her
• 17:18
  Speaker 8: her sixty six birthday, and we're coming up on sixty
• 17:23
  Speaker 8: seven next month. I did not I have not been
• 17:27
  Speaker 8: able to read this book yet.
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: We already. I haven't read it either, he started. I haven't.
• 17:36
  Speaker 8: Yeah, I have not been able to read this one,
• 17:39
  Speaker 8: not the last one that y'all just got the from
• 17:42
  Speaker 8: fracture to fulfill.
• 17:43
  Speaker 5: This one.
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I thought that one thing.
• 17:46
  Speaker 11: It's right, No, it's it's in my draw draw too.
• 17:53
  Speaker 11: I read the first two pages because you know, like
• 17:57
  Speaker 11: with you when you started writing, I write, and I've
• 18:03
  Speaker 11: written so much over the last few few months. It's
• 18:07
  Speaker 11: pretty much full circle for me and I share and
• 18:12
  Speaker 11: I'll share this message again with our pastor in the morning.
• 18:15
  Speaker 11: But I was able to experience life and death at
• 18:23
  Speaker 11: the same time. On June fifteenth, God helped Mom transition away.
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: And he gave our pastor new life.
• 18:34
  Speaker 11: He had a quadruple heart bypass surgery on that day, and.
• 18:40
  Speaker 2: His tears was flowing from my eyes.
• 18:43
  Speaker 11: When I was coming down the road that morning, he
• 18:46
  Speaker 11: called me like after they had sedated him, for him
• 18:50
  Speaker 11: to go onder, just to give me some consolant that.
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: It's gonna be all right.
• 18:56
  Speaker 11: And for fifteen and a half hours while he was
• 18:58
  Speaker 11: in surgery, all the emotions and everything that was going
• 19:03
  Speaker 11: on with us, like just battling with trying to put
• 19:09
  Speaker 11: our own emotions in place. First Lady texts me that
• 19:13
  Speaker 11: when he got out of surgery and was able to
• 19:15
  Speaker 11: come through, the first thing that he asked of was
• 19:18
  Speaker 11: how were we well?
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: How are we doing?
• 19:20
  Speaker 11: So I was able to experience that process of the
• 19:24
  Speaker 11: transition of God taking one to be with him and
• 19:27
  Speaker 11: restoring another to continue his purpose. So June fifteenth, it's
• 19:34
  Speaker 11: a difficult day, but it's a gift because it just
• 19:41
  Speaker 11: strengthened the relationship that we had with our pastor. And
• 19:45
  Speaker 11: now that I'm on this whole journey of taking this
• 19:50
  Speaker 11: step towards ministry, it's different now because I've got to
• 19:55
  Speaker 11: witness both sides of it. So the purpose in calling
• 19:59
  Speaker 11: that's on, it's different. And I'm thankful, like I just shared,
• 20:04
  Speaker 11: since I just started writing something that I'm gonna send
• 20:07
  Speaker 11: to him a First Lady tomorrow. But it was one
• 20:11
  Speaker 11: of those type moments to I'm thankful for the process
• 20:18
  Speaker 11: that we were able to spend that time with Mom
• 20:20
  Speaker 11: from when Keith called me on February ninth to June fifteenth,
• 20:25
  Speaker 11: of how I was able to heal the little boy
• 20:27
  Speaker 11: and me for wanting to have that long in relationship
• 20:31
  Speaker 11: with Mom, even from when she had to stroke back
• 20:33
  Speaker 11: in twenty fourteen when I came down for that whole week,
• 20:38
  Speaker 11: and it was just so much comfort in knowing that
• 20:41
  Speaker 11: I didn't lose a mom.
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: I didn't grow up without my mom. It was the
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: addiction and all.
• 20:48
  Speaker 11: Of the other stuff that hindered her from being in
• 20:51
  Speaker 11: what she wanted to be for us.
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: So I was able to.
• 20:55
  Speaker 11: Heal and reconcile all of that stuff during that time
• 20:58
  Speaker 11: in twenty fourteen.
• 21:00
  Speaker 2: And then it was just like a.
• 21:02
  Speaker 11: Different awakening being in there with her, although she couldn't
• 21:05
  Speaker 11: get up and walk and move like she wanted to,
• 21:08
  Speaker 11: but just her presence and her comfort in saying, son,
• 21:12
  Speaker 11: I didn't.
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: Leave you all it.
• 21:15
  Speaker 11: We was able to experience her in a different way,
• 21:17
  Speaker 11: and I'm thankful. So I have my moments to where
• 21:20
  Speaker 11: I'm down, my emotions are high, and I know, you
• 21:24
  Speaker 11: see it's reflected in my prayers when I send them
• 21:26
  Speaker 11: out in the morning and sometimes they're alone, and sometimes
• 21:29
  Speaker 11: it's like, but I'm good.
• 21:32
  Speaker 9: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean that's one thing that I
• 21:38
  Speaker 9: can say.
• 21:38
  Speaker 8: You know, I got to witness a little bit more
• 21:41
  Speaker 8: than you and Capathia and Joshua. I got to see
• 21:47
  Speaker 8: a whole lot more than either of y'all. And you know,
• 21:54
  Speaker 8: I was really really adamant y'all taking taking the lead
• 22:00
  Speaker 8: because I was tired, you know, I was mentally, physically
• 22:03
  Speaker 8: and emotionally tired. I was drained because I had been
• 22:07
  Speaker 8: dealing with all of it since the age of fourteen
• 22:10
  Speaker 8: pretty much.
• 22:12
  Speaker 5: And I didn't want to do it no more.
• 22:15
  Speaker 8: But I had to remember the prayer that I prayed
• 22:17
  Speaker 8: when I was a little girl, and that was the
• 22:19
  Speaker 8: fact of don't let her leave this earth alone, you know,
• 22:26
  Speaker 8: And I didn't understand the weight of that prayer as
• 22:28
  Speaker 8: a little girl.
• 22:30
  Speaker 5: I didn't understand that at all, right, and.
• 22:34
  Speaker 8: Him giving me that opportunity to be there during that
• 22:38
  Speaker 8: time it meant the world to me. And even though
• 22:43
  Speaker 8: I didn't understand the weight of that prayer at that time,
• 22:51
  Speaker 8: it has truly been one of those things that when
• 22:56
  Speaker 8: you're praying and asking God for certain things, you may
• 23:00
  Speaker 8: not understand what that weight is carrying. When you when
• 23:04
  Speaker 8: you praying and asking him God, let me be this
• 23:08
  Speaker 8: this person, or let me carry the weight.
• 23:13
  Speaker 5: I didn't understand that, but I knew that I was
• 23:19
  Speaker 5: the only one.
• 23:19
  Speaker 8: That could be there for her during that time because
• 23:23
  Speaker 8: I don't think that neither one of y'all would have
• 23:26
  Speaker 8: been able to handle all of that, because there were
• 23:31
  Speaker 8: the times where she was waking up screaming and crying
• 23:38
  Speaker 8: and screaming my name. And it was when you're the
• 23:43
  Speaker 8: oldest sibling, because Mom was the oldest of her siblings,
• 23:48
  Speaker 8: and the strength that you have to have being the
• 23:51
  Speaker 8: oldest sibling for your younger siblings. So whenever they would
• 23:55
  Speaker 8: come and see her, to watch her pull herself up
• 24:01
  Speaker 8: so that she could be strong for them was hard
• 24:05
  Speaker 8: to watch. But the instant they would leave, she was
• 24:08
  Speaker 8: so frail and so infantile, I'll say, And that was
• 24:17
  Speaker 8: the toughness for me witnessing that. And it was like, Okay, God,
• 24:23
  Speaker 8: look here, I don't know what you want for me.
• 24:27
  Speaker 8: I don't know if I can handle this, but if
• 24:30
  Speaker 8: this is what you want me to do, then I
• 24:33
  Speaker 8: know that this is what I'm supposed to do. But
• 24:35
  Speaker 8: also I was praying and asking him to help me
• 24:40
  Speaker 8: to be present so that whatever she's teaching me in
• 24:43
  Speaker 8: these moments, that I don't miss.
• 24:47
  Speaker 5: The lessons Because we may not.
• 24:50
  Speaker 8: Say everything that needs to be said, but even in
• 24:54
  Speaker 8: the silence, we hear what needs to be said, and.
• 24:59
  Speaker 5: What I realized after she passed. I was driving home
• 25:04
  Speaker 5: from work and it hit me and.
• 25:08
  Speaker 8: It was basically, even though we didn't have her completely
• 25:17
  Speaker 8: and we didn't have her every day, that she was
• 25:20
  Speaker 8: always the mother that we needed because she helped us
• 25:26
  Speaker 8: to become the parents that we always desired to be
• 25:30
  Speaker 8: for our own children, because she was never given the opportunity,
• 25:38
  Speaker 8: because she was always made to believe that she was
• 25:40
  Speaker 8: not worthy to be our mother, even though when I
• 25:47
  Speaker 8: watched her with my children and watched her nurture my kids,
• 25:54
  Speaker 8: and it was just like, Okay, this's a version of
• 25:57
  Speaker 8: you that I've never given.
• 26:01
  Speaker 11: So and it's like Malikai Malakai was sitting and he
• 26:04
  Speaker 11: asked a question like right when right after mom passed.
• 26:08
  Speaker 11: He didn't ask me directly into afterwards, but he told
• 26:11
  Speaker 11: his mom like, why did dad.
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: Keep Grandma from us?
• 26:16
  Speaker 11: And then when she called me and told me, it
• 26:18
  Speaker 11: was like did I keep them from her from did
• 26:22
  Speaker 11: I keep them from her? Or did I keep her
• 26:24
  Speaker 11: from them? And the sentiment was like, you know, when
• 26:31
  Speaker 11: she came up for Kay's first first birthday party and
• 26:35
  Speaker 11: she was trying to get hid in the bathroom and
• 26:37
  Speaker 11: we like just ended the party and told you.
• 26:39
  Speaker 2: Then you all like, well, we're gonna leave. We're gonna
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: go ahead and go, We're gonna leave.
• 26:43
  Speaker 11: But Malakai still remembers when he was six, when y'all
• 26:46
  Speaker 11: were staying over there in the apartments by Spartanburg High
• 26:49
  Speaker 11: and he came over and he stayed that week down
• 26:50
  Speaker 11: there with like he lit up when he was talking
• 26:54
  Speaker 11: about that. And I think the fear came from me
• 26:58
  Speaker 11: was when we when she was staying over there is
• 27:00
  Speaker 11: Georgia's house and I took him over there. MJ was
• 27:02
  Speaker 11: probably maybe about four at the three or four, because
• 27:06
  Speaker 11: Kyle was probably about six or seven. As soon as
• 27:09
  Speaker 11: we walked in and she was like, oh, well we
• 27:11
  Speaker 11: just sitting here.
• 27:13
  Speaker 2: We you ain't here about yourself? Who is we?
• 27:16
  Speaker 11: And then she talked I was here having a conversation
• 27:18
  Speaker 11: with big Mam. And I was like, oh, yeah, it's
• 27:21
  Speaker 11: time for us to go. I hugged and kissed on
• 27:23
  Speaker 11: the cheek, told the kids give her her and we
• 27:25
  Speaker 11: went on ahead and left because at that time bi
• 27:28
  Speaker 11: might had been gone for a while and it was
• 27:33
  Speaker 11: just like, do I want to expose them to the
• 27:37
  Speaker 11: heartache and torment that I went through or just you,
• 27:40
  Speaker 11: I just want to create.
• 27:42
  Speaker 2: A moment to where it doesn't exist. And I think
• 27:48
  Speaker 2: now looking back on it.
• 27:51
  Speaker 11: What possibly in that moment could she have given them
• 27:55
  Speaker 11: during that state?
• 27:59
  Speaker 2: I mean, it was never It was never a moment
• 28:01
  Speaker 2: to where I felt that.
• 28:03
  Speaker 11: If she would have been around that they would have
• 28:05
  Speaker 11: been abused, because that just wasn't her her personality, Like
• 28:10
  Speaker 11: she was always joking and caring and all of that.
• 28:14
  Speaker 11: But they have experienced some of the torment and stuff
• 28:18
  Speaker 11: that we went through, like that day we was going
• 28:20
  Speaker 11: to the softball game and she smacked me in her
• 28:23
  Speaker 11: face and that, like you know what I'm saying, wouldn't
• 28:25
  Speaker 11: have been moments like that, And I think I was
• 28:28
  Speaker 11: more or less trying to protect them from that version
• 28:32
  Speaker 11: of her, yeah, so that they wouldn't have to grow
• 28:35
  Speaker 11: up with some of the scars that we did.
• 28:37
  Speaker 2: So it was just a lot. But as I told Kye.
• 28:43
  Speaker 11: That son, it was never one of those moments to
• 28:45
  Speaker 11: where it was something that was done intentionally to hurt
• 28:47
  Speaker 11: you all so that you wouldn't have that relationship.
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: I just didn't know how to process.
• 28:53
  Speaker 8: Yeah, And that's a true statement, and that's a true honesty.
• 28:57
  Speaker 8: And that's the thing, you know. And I I tell
• 29:00
  Speaker 8: my kids all the time. They got the different version
• 29:04
  Speaker 8: of their grandmother than I.
• 29:05
  Speaker 5: Got, you know.
• 29:06
  Speaker 8: And there was a word times where when she would
• 29:13
  Speaker 8: cause you know, Mom stayed with me several on different
• 29:15
  Speaker 8: several different occasions, and there were times where it was like, okay,
• 29:22
  Speaker 8: oh you doing that. You don't snug in somebody's house
• 29:26
  Speaker 8: or somebody around here, you don't make friends, and they
• 29:28
  Speaker 8: don't gave me some alcohol, and you're getting to act
• 29:31
  Speaker 8: and a little crazy. You got to go. And my
• 29:37
  Speaker 8: kids got so to they would turn against me because
• 29:41
  Speaker 8: I'm like, no, your grandma acting the way I know
• 29:44
  Speaker 8: her to act, and that ain't happening because y'all not
• 29:47
  Speaker 8: gonna witness that point of her. And so they like,
• 29:51
  Speaker 8: that's my granny, that's my mama.
• 29:55
  Speaker 5: So I was.
• 29:57
  Speaker 8: What y'all got to say, this is my mo and
• 30:00
  Speaker 8: y'all go go by j'all business talking to me about
• 30:03
  Speaker 8: my gooble because this is the version of her that
• 30:06
  Speaker 8: I know, And y'all getting a different.
• 30:10
  Speaker 5: Version of this lady.
• 30:11
  Speaker 8: So granny and my mama them two different people. So
• 30:16
  Speaker 8: y'all about me and the version of her and Nate together.
• 30:24
  Speaker 8: Oh my god, them two when she had her stroke
• 30:30
  Speaker 8: or Jesus, let me tell you they were partners in crime,
• 30:35
  Speaker 8: because you know, she after she finally started getting her
• 30:41
  Speaker 8: her strength back up.
• 30:43
  Speaker 5: To walk and everything.
• 30:46
  Speaker 8: Now she's telling me, Okay, you've been doing so much.
• 30:49
  Speaker 8: You need to go in there and take you a nap,
• 30:52
  Speaker 8: because you know, I'm still recovering from my flare up
• 30:54
  Speaker 8: with my own condition. So I'm like, Nate, take care
• 31:00
  Speaker 8: your grandma. I'm finna go in here and lay down.
• 31:02
  Speaker 5: Tap feeling.
• 31:03
  Speaker 8: Now, why I wake up to them two in the kitchen.
• 31:08
  Speaker 8: Ma in there frying potatoes and onions. She ain't got
• 31:12
  Speaker 8: but one good side, Nate holding her up on the
• 31:15
  Speaker 8: other side, I'm like, what is happening here? She talking
• 31:22
  Speaker 8: about we good, Nate talking about I got it? She alright,
• 31:27
  Speaker 8: we we fixing something to eat. No, this is not
• 31:31
  Speaker 8: what y'all supposed to be doing.
• 31:33
  Speaker 5: I'm supposed to be rested.
• 31:36
  Speaker 8: You don't have but one good side, Nay talking about.
• 31:39
  Speaker 8: But I got the other.
• 31:40
  Speaker 5: Side, Mam.
• 31:41
  Speaker 8: Were good, We ain't you ain't got nothing to worry about.
• 31:44
  Speaker 8: The house ain't on fire.
• 31:45
  Speaker 2: Were good?
• 31:46
  Speaker 8: We straight so every first time, so me and Papa.
• 31:52
  Speaker 5: We got this. You you just go back and lay down,
• 31:56
  Speaker 5: all right, you know what? Okay.
• 31:59
  Speaker 8: So they had their own relationship together, and Ki when
• 32:05
  Speaker 8: she was pregnant with Sky, Honey, she would go up
• 32:11
  Speaker 8: to the hospital, get in the bed with Mama, and
• 32:14
  Speaker 8: it just be. They got their own little thing going on.
• 32:18
  Speaker 8: So they had their relationship. And so when Sky came along,
• 32:23
  Speaker 8: if I walk in that room with that baby, Honey,
• 32:26
  Speaker 8: that baby.
• 32:26
  Speaker 5: Is going on that bed and I can't touch you.
• 32:30
  Speaker 5: I can't do nothing to her.
• 32:31
  Speaker 8: She can't cry, she can't do nothing at all.
• 32:35
  Speaker 5: And it's like she a baby, Mama, she gonna cry.
• 32:40
  Speaker 8: I'm getting fussed at just a few days before she
• 32:42
  Speaker 8: passed because Ki had to bring her up there to
• 32:45
  Speaker 8: us that Sunday. And soon as she gets in there,
• 32:52
  Speaker 8: of course, Mom, I'm like, mam, you ain't. You can't
• 32:54
  Speaker 8: even hold yourself up. How you gonna hold her?
• 32:58
  Speaker 5: Give her ears? Okay? You know what, I'm not about
• 33:01
  Speaker 5: to fuss with you. I'm not even about to argue
• 33:03
  Speaker 5: with you. If you feel like you can hold her,
• 33:06
  Speaker 5: then boy means you do it.
• 33:08
  Speaker 2: I'm not.
• 33:11
  Speaker 5: But that's one thing that I can say.
• 33:13
  Speaker 8: She was strong, will she was determined to do it.
• 33:20
  Speaker 5: Her way all all fast. She was gonna do it.
• 33:26
  Speaker 11: Her way, whether it was wrong or right, she was
• 33:29
  Speaker 11: gonna do it her way. And she was gonna tell
• 33:31
  Speaker 11: us to do it her way. And it's just so
• 33:34
  Speaker 11: many memories, man, that I have with her, like like
• 33:37
  Speaker 11: now with all of the political stuff that's going on
• 33:39
  Speaker 11: with this, when Carmelo Anthony's trial with the knife and whatever,
• 33:45
  Speaker 11: I can just remember when I can't even remember the
• 33:52
  Speaker 11: kid name that was that was bullying me.
• 33:54
  Speaker 2: And were sitting in there that night and.
• 33:56
  Speaker 11: She said, well, take the damn nfe to school. Then
• 33:58
  Speaker 11: just take the damn nfe to school. The knife had
• 34:00
  Speaker 11: been in my book bag for a week. Yeah, he
• 34:06
  Speaker 11: didn't bother me that whole week, So I took the
• 34:09
  Speaker 11: knife out. Man, I can't even remember the lit kid
• 34:13
  Speaker 11: in class that I told that I had the knife
• 34:15
  Speaker 11: in my book bag that if he bothered me, I
• 34:16
  Speaker 11: was gonna cut it. They called Mama over there after
• 34:20
  Speaker 11: they don't search my book bag and then find no
• 34:22
  Speaker 11: knife and whatever, and had us in their office and
• 34:25
  Speaker 11: they talked about what we're gonna suspend him for three days.
• 34:27
  Speaker 2: Mo, Mom, you're gonna su spend who he.
• 34:32
  Speaker 11: Ain't got no knife in his book bag. When he
• 34:33
  Speaker 11: had the knif yall didn't find it. So how are
• 34:35
  Speaker 11: you gonna suspend it for something you ain't see?
• 34:37
  Speaker 2: Man?
• 34:38
  Speaker 11: Boy, that was funny to me. Boy, she left over
• 34:41
  Speaker 11: there from Sparttan bird over there to get older.
• 34:43
  Speaker 2: That school. She was in the cutting up. I ain't
• 34:45
  Speaker 2: get suspended now you did.
• 34:47
  Speaker 11: You went straight on the class and oh my god,
• 34:51
  Speaker 11: but hey, that was funny to me.
• 34:57
  Speaker 2: Oh boy, they were talking.
• 34:58
  Speaker 11: About we're gonna suspend him for three days.
• 35:03
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 35:04
  Speaker 8: Now, I asked Mama, I said, Mama, where did I
• 35:12
  Speaker 8: get being stubborn from?
• 35:14
  Speaker 5: She's talking about?
• 35:14
  Speaker 8: I don't know, I said, I believe I know where
• 35:18
  Speaker 8: I got that from from you? She talking about, No,
• 35:20
  Speaker 8: you didn't get that from me? I said, okay, Well
• 35:23
  Speaker 8: where did I get it from? I said, because you
• 35:25
  Speaker 8: you real stubborn?
• 35:26
  Speaker 5: She's talking about. I'm not stubborn.
• 35:28
  Speaker 8: If I don't want to do something, I just don't
• 35:30
  Speaker 8: want to do it, then you can't make me do it.
• 35:32
  Speaker 5: I said. And that's that's what stubborn is.
• 35:34
  Speaker 8: She's talking about. No, that's not what stubborn is, I said, Mama,
• 35:38
  Speaker 8: dad is? I said the whole conversation right.
• 35:40
  Speaker 5: Now, is you being stubborn? No? No, no, now that
• 35:45
  Speaker 5: ain't even it.
• 35:46
  Speaker 8: If I don't want to do something, you can't make
• 35:48
  Speaker 8: me do it, Because I said, I said, okay.
• 35:53
  Speaker 5: Argue with me. Yeah, I said, you arguing with me
• 35:57
  Speaker 5: right now?
• 35:58
  Speaker 8: Trying to prove the point of you not being stubborn
• 36:02
  Speaker 8: is the very reason why I am the way that
• 36:05
  Speaker 8: I am. You are very stubborn, and you can't tell
• 36:08
  Speaker 8: me that you're not.
• 36:10
  Speaker 2: Well.
• 36:10
  Speaker 8: If I don't want to do something, you can't make
• 36:12
  Speaker 8: me do it. Stubborn period.
• 36:17
  Speaker 11: No, but you you were the only one that she
• 36:19
  Speaker 11: would listen to, just like when she had to get
• 36:22
  Speaker 11: up and and changed in whatever. Never once told me
• 36:25
  Speaker 11: that it hurt, just kept telling me, no, I'm not
• 36:29
  Speaker 11: doing it.
• 36:33
  Speaker 2: Changed like like.
• 36:37
  Speaker 5: It was personal reasons.
• 36:41
  Speaker 8: Okay, okay, if personal reasons, I said, okay, what personal reasons, mama,
• 36:47
  Speaker 8: because I'm not going to do this with you today.
• 36:51
  Speaker 8: She's talking about, well that that lady hurt me the
• 36:54
  Speaker 8: last time. I said, okay, that's fine. I said that
• 36:56
  Speaker 8: lady ain't got to do it. We can find somebody
• 36:58
  Speaker 8: else that can do it. But you're getting them. Bandage
• 37:00
  Speaker 8: is changed. Today, I ain't getting I need a new authorization.
• 37:04
  Speaker 8: I said, you need a new what I need a
• 37:06
  Speaker 8: new authorization? I said, okay, that's fine. I get you
• 37:09
  Speaker 8: a new authorization. That's fine. I went down there to
• 37:12
  Speaker 8: that nursing station. I said, you got to pay in
• 37:14
  Speaker 8: a piece of paper.
• 37:15
  Speaker 5: She said yeah.
• 37:16
  Speaker 8: I said, give it to me. I said, I'm finna
• 37:20
  Speaker 8: write on this piece of paper. I Trevita Harris authorized
• 37:24
  Speaker 8: the nurses and the doctors to change the bandages of
• 37:27
  Speaker 8: Miss Alfridia and Harris to get these bandages changed today.
• 37:32
  Speaker 5: I went in there.
• 37:33
  Speaker 8: I said, now sign this paper right here so you
• 37:36
  Speaker 8: can get these bandages. This is your authorization. I don't
• 37:40
  Speaker 8: want to do it. I said, you gonna sign this
• 37:42
  Speaker 8: because you're getting this change today.
• 37:44
  Speaker 5: It needs to be done.
• 37:45
  Speaker 8: I said, you asked for an authorization. This is your authorization.
• 37:49
  Speaker 5: Now sign.
• 37:52
  Speaker 8: Okay. I said, uh huh, that's what I thought. Because
• 37:55
  Speaker 8: I'm not finna play with you. I don't know why
• 38:01
  Speaker 8: she would only listen to me. Everybody else it was
• 38:05
  Speaker 8: always a problem. I'm like, I'm not I'm not going
• 38:09
  Speaker 8: back and forth with you. I'm just not doing this.
• 38:11
  Speaker 8: We not finna argue about none of this, I don't care.
• 38:15
  Speaker 8: I was on the phone one time with Tanya, my
• 38:18
  Speaker 8: best friend, and she was doing and saying something, and
• 38:22
  Speaker 8: I told her she was stupid and so and mama,
• 38:25
  Speaker 8: and Mama said.
• 38:26
  Speaker 5: She said, I couldn't be your friend. I said, you're
• 38:30
  Speaker 5: not my friend. You my mama. So I don't care
• 38:32
  Speaker 5: nothing about.
• 38:32
  Speaker 2: What you're talking about.
• 38:34
  Speaker 5: I said, she my friend.
• 38:35
  Speaker 8: She talked about telling you. I would hang up the
• 38:36
  Speaker 8: phone on her if I was you, because she ain't
• 38:38
  Speaker 8: gonna be talking to me like I said, Mama, I
• 38:41
  Speaker 8: talked to you like this, and you ain't going nowhere.
• 38:43
  Speaker 8: So I don't know what you're talking about. I said,
• 38:46
  Speaker 8: cause you hard headed and.
• 38:47
  Speaker 5: You don't listen to nothing nobody got to say.
• 38:49
  Speaker 8: Anyway, she talking about, well, you couldn't be my friend
• 38:52
  Speaker 8: talking to me like that, I said, you my mama,
• 38:54
  Speaker 8: So I said, and you call me a jackass? Anyway,
• 38:58
  Speaker 8: I said, So, what is that she's talking about? Because
• 39:01
  Speaker 8: you was a jackass? I said, okay, all right, I said,
• 39:05
  Speaker 8: but I had to learn this from somebody. She talking
• 39:07
  Speaker 8: about you being in that way your whole life. I said, well,
• 39:12
  Speaker 8: I don't know what to tell you. I learned it
• 39:13
  Speaker 8: from somebody to I don't know who you got it from,
• 39:16
  Speaker 8: because I like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 39:21
  Speaker 11: It's just it's just been an amazing, amazing process, man,
• 39:25
  Speaker 11: just thinking back to.
• 39:29
  Speaker 2: From our childhood, to all of the.
• 39:32
  Speaker 11: The negative comments that we got as kids, that you
• 39:35
  Speaker 11: ain't learning to mount to this, you ain't gonna be this,
• 39:37
  Speaker 11: you ain't gonna be that, You're gonna be just like
• 39:39
  Speaker 11: your mama.
• 39:41
  Speaker 8: Yeah.
• 39:42
  Speaker 11: The heart wrenching aspect to where I had to leave
• 39:46
  Speaker 11: and go stay with dad, that was that was that
• 39:48
  Speaker 11: was a process in itself, an adjustment m hm. But
• 39:56
  Speaker 11: just like that when you called me that last day
• 39:59
  Speaker 11: of school, my junior here, Mom got my pay paying
• 40:03
  Speaker 11: Josh back.
• 40:05
  Speaker 2: I don't even think I finished school. I only think
• 40:08
  Speaker 2: I finished.
• 40:08
  Speaker 11: I don't even think I don't even think they did
• 40:11
  Speaker 11: the dismissal. Yeah, and I already had in my mind
• 40:14
  Speaker 11: I'm going back to Spartanburg.
• 40:16
  Speaker 5: Mm hmm.
• 40:19
  Speaker 11: And got here, got down there and it was like, okay,
• 40:25
  Speaker 11: she got them. Now what's the plan. I gotta find
• 40:28
  Speaker 11: a job because we got to make sure she's straightened.
• 40:31
  Speaker 11: But just like that whole process during that time, just
• 40:36
  Speaker 11: to see her willingness to try to be the best
• 40:42
  Speaker 11: version of Mom that she could have been for them
• 40:46
  Speaker 11: in that moment, man, that was just I was excited
• 40:49
  Speaker 11: because I was like, yeah, y'all got something that me
• 40:52
  Speaker 11: and Vita only got to experience for what three maybe
• 40:57
  Speaker 11: three four weeks at a time.
• 41:00
  Speaker 2: Y'all get to live with Mom to all this.
• 41:03
  Speaker 11: Then damn Brad come over there to the school with
• 41:05
  Speaker 11: Mama and I lost the job. She hiding him out,
• 41:07
  Speaker 11: hiding them out. Huh Yeah, every check that I got
• 41:12
  Speaker 11: from the athletes, what was going to her?
• 41:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 41:16
  Speaker 8: And she I mean, and even still she was still
• 41:19
  Speaker 8: trying her best to keep them. But you know, when
• 41:23
  Speaker 8: you got so many people that.
• 41:25
  Speaker 5: Are against you, who would rather see you.
• 41:27
  Speaker 8: Down, that's that's the heart wrenching problem. And it was
• 41:32
  Speaker 8: like more people cared more about her downfall than they
• 41:35
  Speaker 8: cared about seeing her do better.
• 41:38
  Speaker 5: And it was like, no matter what, they'd rather.
• 41:43
  Speaker 8: See her down because when she was doing good, nobody
• 41:47
  Speaker 8: said nothing.
• 41:48
  Speaker 2: And it was like.
• 41:50
  Speaker 8: She couldn't be that good version of herself because they
• 41:55
  Speaker 8: hated that, and it was like okay, and when they
• 42:01
  Speaker 8: hated that, it was just like okay, that's all she knew.
• 42:05
  Speaker 8: And you know, like I told her before she left here.
• 42:09
  Speaker 5: I was like, Mom, you never had to fight for
• 42:13
  Speaker 5: the love that your children had for you.
• 42:16
  Speaker 8: You know, we loved you unconditionally, but I know that
• 42:20
  Speaker 8: you've been conditioned to believe that you didn't deserve the
• 42:23
  Speaker 8: love that you were worthy.
• 42:25
  Speaker 1: Of, you know, and.
• 42:29
  Speaker 8: You deserved more than you gave yourself credit for. And
• 42:34
  Speaker 8: it happened to be one of the days that I
• 42:38
  Speaker 8: had gotten off work and she was well. The CNA
• 42:43
  Speaker 8: was in there changing her bed linen and changing her
• 42:48
  Speaker 8: and she had gotten kind of weak to where she
• 42:51
  Speaker 8: couldn't turn over by herself, and so.
• 42:55
  Speaker 5: She ended up in my arms and so I was
• 42:58
  Speaker 5: holding her. She looked up at me.
• 42:59
  Speaker 8: She's told me, I just write up your alley, ain't it?
• 43:02
  Speaker 8: I said, yep, because you can't run now. I said,
• 43:04
  Speaker 8: I could get the love and kiss and hug all
• 43:07
  Speaker 8: over you like I've always wanted to do. But you've
• 43:09
  Speaker 8: always been so standouphish, never wanted to be loved on
• 43:14
  Speaker 8: or anything. I said, but now you can't ruin, you
• 43:17
  Speaker 8: can't go nowhere, You can't do nothing but to receive this,
• 43:22
  Speaker 8: So shut up and take it.
• 43:24
  Speaker 5: And she just fell out left.
• 43:25
  Speaker 8: She was like, your ass ain't got no damn sense whatever.
• 43:29
  Speaker 8: You can't do nothing but take these kisses now.
• 43:32
  Speaker 2: And so.
• 43:34
  Speaker 8: After that, I think she really and truly started to
• 43:37
  Speaker 8: understand that even though her life was filled with a
• 43:41
  Speaker 8: lot of pain and a lot of torment, and the
• 43:43
  Speaker 8: love that she had always received had come with pain
• 43:46
  Speaker 8: attached to it, that the love from her children didn't
• 43:50
  Speaker 8: come with that pain, was not attached to it. It
• 43:53
  Speaker 8: came because she was our mother, and we loved her
• 43:57
  Speaker 8: despite the things that she had been through and things
• 44:02
  Speaker 8: that she had been told. And you know, one of
• 44:06
  Speaker 8: the things that helped me to forgive her a long
• 44:08
  Speaker 8: time ago was the fact that I started to see
• 44:11
  Speaker 8: her as an individual.
• 44:13
  Speaker 5: And when I started to see her as an.
• 44:15
  Speaker 8: Individual, and also the things that I had to endure
• 44:20
  Speaker 8: in the household that I grew up in was the
• 44:22
  Speaker 8: same household that she grew up in. Was the emotional manipulation.
• 44:28
  Speaker 8: And when you're dealing with emotional manipulation, you can't really
• 44:33
  Speaker 8: see it fully until you're outside of it. And it
• 44:37
  Speaker 8: was I can buy you all of these material things,
• 44:40
  Speaker 8: but you're not going to understand that I'm buying you
• 44:43
  Speaker 8: these material things, so you won't focus on the emotional
• 44:46
  Speaker 8: abuse that I'm given to you. I may not put
• 44:48
  Speaker 8: my hands on you physically, but I'm going to manipulate
• 44:52
  Speaker 8: you so that you won't understand that I'm still abusing you.
• 44:56
  Speaker 11: And that was the thing.
• 44:59
  Speaker 5: And so you you know me, I've always been outspoken.
• 45:01
  Speaker 8: You ain't gonna talk to me crazy, and I'm gonna
• 45:04
  Speaker 8: say what I need to say to you, and it's
• 45:06
  Speaker 8: gonna be what it is. And that was a thing
• 45:10
  Speaker 8: that helped me to understand you're not finna break me.
• 45:13
  Speaker 8: You broke my mother, but you're not gonna break me
• 45:16
  Speaker 8: like you broke her.
• 45:17
  Speaker 5: And I think that was a thing that.
• 45:21
  Speaker 8: Helped me because when I realized, like especially high school graduation,
• 45:26
  Speaker 8: that they kept telling me, oh, well, you're not gonna graduate.
• 45:30
  Speaker 8: You're not gonna graduate high school. You don't have this baby,
• 45:32
  Speaker 8: You not graduate high school. And I graduated and then
• 45:35
  Speaker 8: they didn't even show up for my graduation and it's like, oh, okay,
• 45:40
  Speaker 8: that was your plan all along. You've been playing these
• 45:42
  Speaker 8: seeds that I was not going to do this and
• 45:45
  Speaker 8: I was not going to do that, and my kids
• 45:48
  Speaker 8: were not.
• 45:49
  Speaker 5: Gonna do that.
• 45:49
  Speaker 8: All my kids graduated high school. My kids didn't have
• 45:52
  Speaker 8: kids until they were long grown and out of my
• 45:55
  Speaker 8: house and my daughter graduated.
• 46:00
  Speaker 5: Challenge.
• 46:01
  Speaker 2: You know, the generational We broke the generational curse.
• 46:06
  Speaker 11: We broke the generational curse, and we still continue to
• 46:10
  Speaker 11: break the generational curse. It's long been been broken. And
• 46:16
  Speaker 11: I think with your three, my two, and the grandkids
• 46:22
  Speaker 11: of yours, we created a legacy of the Harrish name
• 46:29
  Speaker 11: that that's gonna live on.
• 46:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 46:33
  Speaker 11: Yeah, so Kyler Kai are the first two grandkids to
• 46:39
  Speaker 11: have college degrees.
• 46:40
  Speaker 2: Yes, So, I mean everything that was done.
• 46:48
  Speaker 11: To cripple us, to be a product of the environment
• 46:54
  Speaker 11: that we were raised in, it's been shattered. Yeah, And
• 46:59
  Speaker 11: I tell like, yeah, it was moments to where I
• 47:02
  Speaker 11: sit back and think that the circumstances that took place
• 47:07
  Speaker 11: of why I had to leave South Carolina.
• 47:10
  Speaker 2: I don't wish.
• 47:13
  Speaker 11: Those on nobody, but I think God has an amazing
• 47:17
  Speaker 11: sense of humor that it was done strategically to save
• 47:22
  Speaker 11: my life because I could have very well ended up
• 47:26
  Speaker 11: with kids like what Tony, I could have been possibly
• 47:30
  Speaker 11: with the prison.
• 47:31
  Speaker 2: It was so much stuff.
• 47:34
  Speaker 11: Just during that timeframe to what we was exposed to,
• 47:37
  Speaker 11: like I said, and not trying to tell ky like
• 47:40
  Speaker 11: we was talking the other day after I picked him
• 47:43
  Speaker 11: up from the airport when he came back from India,
• 47:45
  Speaker 11: and I was like, son, if something would have happened
• 47:48
  Speaker 11: to you over there, it would have been the black
• 47:52
  Speaker 11: version of taking, because God knows that he was going
• 47:56
  Speaker 11: to be the only person that would allowed me to
• 47:58
  Speaker 11: travel and a half hours on a plane, because any
• 48:02
  Speaker 11: plane ride longer than two and a half hours, I'm
• 48:04
  Speaker 11: already disgusted.
• 48:06
  Speaker 2: So it would have been I would have got there
• 48:08
  Speaker 2: to you.
• 48:09
  Speaker 11: But I'm like, I'm so sadistic in my mind because
• 48:12
  Speaker 11: of the things that I've seen with being in the
• 48:14
  Speaker 11: household with Uncle Kenny, Like it would have been bad.
• 48:17
  Speaker 2: And if somebody does something to you or your sister, your.
• 48:20
  Speaker 11: Mom or to Key, like, it's gonna be bad because
• 48:25
  Speaker 11: I'm so sadistic, Like I don't never want our kids,
• 48:28
  Speaker 11: my kids to be in a position to know what
• 48:30
  Speaker 11: it feels like to not have their mom right, like
• 48:36
  Speaker 11: to not be able to tangibly, be able to reach
• 48:39
  Speaker 11: out and hold her talk to her, or have her
• 48:43
  Speaker 11: be disrespected like and I've told him like the time
• 48:48
  Speaker 11: when I jumped on No Boy at Burger King, Like
• 48:51
  Speaker 11: when I it clicks, it's gonna click, and I ain't
• 48:54
  Speaker 11: worried about the consequences in that moment, and I'm like,
• 48:57
  Speaker 11: I've seen stuff when I've grown up that house.
• 49:00
  Speaker 2: So I'm thankful that God.
• 49:04
  Speaker 11: Had a plan, although I don't like how the plan unfolded,
• 49:08
  Speaker 11: but I'm grateful because it saved.
• 49:10
  Speaker 8: My life, right, And that's the goodness of God. God
• 49:14
  Speaker 8: is always like we never understand the purpose for the
• 49:20
  Speaker 8: things that we go through in our life, you know.
• 49:23
  Speaker 8: And that's one of the things that I can say
• 49:24
  Speaker 8: that I literally sat down and wrote that out today.
• 49:29
  Speaker 8: My scripture reading today was for Jeremiah, and so Jeremiah
• 49:36
  Speaker 8: chapter twenty nine, verse eleven, and I had to write
• 49:40
  Speaker 8: that out God's plan for my life, and just going
• 49:44
  Speaker 8: in depth with that scripture and thinking about that God's
• 49:48
  Speaker 8: plan for our life. We may not ever understand the
• 49:53
  Speaker 8: true steps of what He's taken us through until we've
• 49:57
  Speaker 8: gotten through to the other side, and still it still
• 50:02
  Speaker 8: may not fully make sense. But if you are obedient
• 50:07
  Speaker 8: to what He's telling you to do, you will always
• 50:10
  Speaker 8: know and understand. God placed our mother in our lives
• 50:15
  Speaker 8: to be who she was destined to be.
• 50:18
  Speaker 5: To us, we know her as Mom, but to.
• 50:22
  Speaker 8: Anybody else that she came in contact with, she was
• 50:25
  Speaker 8: their sister, their friend.
• 50:27
  Speaker 5: She was a wonderful softball player.
• 50:29
  Speaker 8: And I still meet people who talk about her days
• 50:32
  Speaker 8: as being a softball player and all of that and
• 50:38
  Speaker 8: the life that she lived, the people that she touched,
• 50:42
  Speaker 8: the conversations.
• 50:43
  Speaker 11: That she had.
• 50:45
  Speaker 8: Mom had a heart to love on people in a
• 50:48
  Speaker 8: way that she saw them beyond their flaws. And one
• 50:56
  Speaker 8: thing that I can say that Mom had a more
• 51:01
  Speaker 8: forgiving heart than I have. And because Mom would be
• 51:06
  Speaker 8: friend people who did her dirty more times than not.
• 51:12
  Speaker 5: And I'm not there.
• 51:15
  Speaker 2: I ain't there yet. I'm still not there.
• 51:18
  Speaker 5: And that that's one thing I.
• 51:23
  Speaker 8: Ain't got that I'm loving, I'm kind and I'm generous,
• 51:29
  Speaker 8: but if you do me dirty, baby, you got to
• 51:31
  Speaker 8: go on about your business. So I'm not Mama gonna
• 51:35
  Speaker 8: keep bringing you back and bringing you back. And I'd
• 51:38
  Speaker 8: be like, mam, look here, that ain't your friend. I
• 51:40
  Speaker 8: don't care nothing about how many times you say they
• 51:44
  Speaker 8: they say they sorry.
• 51:45
  Speaker 5: Now the behavior didn't change.
• 51:48
  Speaker 2: And I'm a work in progress in that in that area.
• 51:51
  Speaker 8: So God's still working on me in that too. So
• 51:56
  Speaker 8: I'm not I'm not like that. So I'm grateful that
• 52:03
  Speaker 8: we had the time that we had with her. Now
• 52:06
  Speaker 8: tomorrow I may not be I may have more tears
• 52:16
  Speaker 8: tomorrow than I had today, but her life was truly
• 52:23
  Speaker 8: a blessing and a gift to us in more ways
• 52:26
  Speaker 8: than one. And I'm grateful that I had the opportunity
• 52:30
  Speaker 8: to share my podcast with her in the beginning because
• 52:34
  Speaker 8: she got to see the beginning of this journey with
• 52:38
  Speaker 8: me and she got to meet the podcast family.
• 52:46
  Speaker 5: Her the training days that she was on with me.
• 52:53
  Speaker 8: The first thing she said, she said, I can't believe
• 52:56
  Speaker 8: you got friends, because because you always by yourself, so
• 53:04
  Speaker 8: I can't believe you you actually talking to people, Like really.
• 53:08
  Speaker 5: That's what you're gonna say. You don't even know these people,
• 53:11
  Speaker 5: and that's what you're gonna put me out like that.
• 53:13
  Speaker 8: I mean, that's what she said, Mom, really, And she's like, now,
• 53:17
  Speaker 8: I'm just saying, nah, you know, I ain't gonna buite
• 53:20
  Speaker 8: my tongue.
• 53:20
  Speaker 5: But you ain't have to do that though, you ain't
• 53:22
  Speaker 5: even have to say that. I ain't never known you
• 53:25
  Speaker 5: to talk to people.
• 53:27
  Speaker 8: So I'm grateful that she got to be a witness,
• 53:32
  Speaker 8: and not only that she got to host her own show,
• 53:35
  Speaker 8: and she did that, and she talked about telepathy and
• 53:39
  Speaker 8: she did a wonderful job on that, and.
• 53:44
  Speaker 5: I am grateful.
• 53:45
  Speaker 8: So tomorrow it will officially be three years that we
• 53:51
  Speaker 8: have been on this journey of life without her, and
• 53:56
  Speaker 8: it hasn't been an easy one, but it has been
• 54:00
  Speaker 8: a moment by moment adjustment and grief is one of
• 54:04
  Speaker 8: those things that you never truly get used to. You
• 54:08
  Speaker 8: go through the cycle, and I still find myself wanting
• 54:11
  Speaker 8: to pick up the phone and call. And now that
• 54:14
  Speaker 8: I'm up here in Charlotte, it's it's not so easy,
• 54:20
  Speaker 8: but I have found myself. And when I was still
• 54:24
  Speaker 8: in Spartanburg getting ready to go to the Dane Gone
• 54:27
  Speaker 8: Facility to go and I'm like, God.
• 54:29
  Speaker 5: Damn it, now hold on, now.
• 54:33
  Speaker 2: Go home. It's hot warming man, Like, like I.
• 54:40
  Speaker 8: Have been doing that literally every day for five and
• 54:44
  Speaker 8: a half months. I would get out work and go
• 54:46
  Speaker 8: straight to see her. So it was like it became
• 54:51
  Speaker 8: a habit. So it's like, Okay, now I'm going to
• 54:56
  Speaker 8: see Mom.
• 54:57
  Speaker 11: I'm going to do this, and yep, it's like since
• 55:02
  Speaker 11: Mom passed, I think maybe it's on parn back on
• 55:05
  Speaker 11: a year ago from.
• 55:09
  Speaker 2: When the lady at the councilor agency asked me to
• 55:11
  Speaker 2: come back and and pick up a few days man to.
• 55:17
  Speaker 11: Work with work with kids. I picked up maybe one,
• 55:21
  Speaker 11: a dope and his story is just so so different,
• 55:26
  Speaker 11: but his process of grief, and I was like, man,
• 55:29
  Speaker 11: you got to embrace the cycle. You got to embrace
• 55:32
  Speaker 11: the cycle. And I think the struggle with so many
• 55:35
  Speaker 11: people when it relates to grief, they don't understand that
• 55:38
  Speaker 11: it's a cycle. You're gonna have your days where you're
• 55:41
  Speaker 11: gonna feel like you had a teen emotionally you good,
• 55:45
  Speaker 11: But five to ten minutes after that, man, you may
• 55:47
  Speaker 11: hear a song, may smell a sent may see something here,
• 55:52
  Speaker 11: hear something somebody say, and it takes you back to
• 55:56
  Speaker 11: step one. Yeah, And like I had, there are so
• 55:59
  Speaker 11: many people that I know who are therapists, men who
• 56:01
  Speaker 11: are in that space. And they were like, well, they're
• 56:03
  Speaker 11: only five steps of grief And I was like, well,
• 56:06
  Speaker 11: what about six steps, six and seven?
• 56:08
  Speaker 2: What do you mean step six and seven? Yeah?
• 56:09
  Speaker 11: So what is it what happens when you you at
• 56:11
  Speaker 11: that team today, but in a couple of minutes you
• 56:15
  Speaker 11: back at warning. Yeah, it's a cycle, it's a circle.
• 56:20
  Speaker 11: You're not gonna be at a team every day. You're
• 56:22
  Speaker 11: not gonna be in a team every day. It comes
• 56:28
  Speaker 11: and and I hate when i'm when I'm in like
• 56:30
  Speaker 11: some of these clinical settings, man, with some of these
• 56:32
  Speaker 11: thepy like well, we were gonna talk about the five
• 56:35
  Speaker 11: steps of grief. With five, what about the last two?
• 56:38
  Speaker 11: What about the cycle? It's the cycle. It's a continued cycle.
• 56:41
  Speaker 11: And I think most people struggle with it because they
• 56:43
  Speaker 11: don't understand that they need to embrace the process. You
• 56:47
  Speaker 11: can't speed through it.
• 56:50
  Speaker 8: To give yourself permission to feel the emotions as they come.
• 56:53
  Speaker 8: And that's one of the things that I think is
• 56:55
  Speaker 8: the hardest thing that most of us deal with.
• 56:58
  Speaker 11: Is mm hmm, she's gonna drop or didn't they came up?
• 57:11
  Speaker 11: I'm on here by myself. Nah, she got cut off.
• 57:31
  Speaker 11: M I don't know what happened.
• 57:41
  Speaker 2: What happened now,