Latest / The Vincere Project / Episode 24. Meeting Indifference
Transcript
- Vince: All right. Man, the Vincier project keeps going. We're doing we're doing well. We're going to September. We recorded the podcast yesterday. The quality was really jacked up because I did in my office and Jamie was like, Hey Vince, I think I think we could do better. The audio quality just I wouldn't release that. Like it just doesn't sound clear and it's gonna be hard to discern, you know, whatever. There's parts where it gets too static y, whatever, and it's hard to discern some of the thoughts because I speak too fast. And it she's like she's just protecting the brand and her work. And and and I think she's her intent is to always protect me or H -Hour at least, right? Maybe not Vince necessarily, but it's like it's not an extension of The Vincere Project that I would like to be part of, right? In in a healthy way. But it was a good content. So I'm gonna replicate to the best of my ability that content and just offer the perspective. But I guess that's where we're at. That's where we're at. We're not gonna reinvent the wheel or something. That's okay, but Today I'm just gonna highlight a little bit of indifference and apathy and unprofessional, man. Lack of professionalism. You know, had to record at the at the at the office because the house is a construction site right now, man. We had a little insurance thing or whatever. And man, just unimpressed with some of the characters associated with the insurance claim. And impressed with a few others. And, you know, I think about it from the lens filter of there's nothing wrong with these people, they're not good or bad people, it's not a value judgment of their character. Probably wonderful people. But it's the professionalism in terms of their competency of what they do and like responsiveness or or whatever. And I understand, like through the lens and filter, these roles, I don't know what they do. I've never done what they do. I I'm I'm I'm understanding of that and I'm patient. But don't demonstrate that you don't care, right? Because I think that's the biggest thing is like if you're indifferent. I mean it's not even that you don't care, it's just you're indifferent because you're like, it's just another call. Just kind of a gross side of service, right? Or customer service, maybe. And you know, you hear the complaints a lot of times from people in my generation, the old people, where we're like, man, people just aren't like please, thank you, welcome. Yes, sir, no sir, yes ma'am, no ma'am. How can I do that for you? What do you need from me? You know, you get what? I know. So or you just stare at you, which is super weird. And because how how many excuses are we gonna have for somebody's disability? Like how many people have autism where it's just acceptable that, like, they have an impairment or something? They got ADHD, that's why they can't say hello or smile or be polite. Like, I just don't play that. I don't even prescribe or subscribe to ADHD at this point. I think it's mismanaged energy, man. Like you're gonna take a little boy, sit him in a class, and be hey, just sit there for the next five, six hours, pay attention to this board. The dude is going to be driving and working heavy equipment. The sooner you accelerate the curve to get that young person into the place to do the thing that they're going to do, right? The better serve the world is, right? So let's not be so dogmatic and linear with all of it. Speaking of that, I was talking to somebody yesterday, a hockey family. She's fellow professor. She all the kids play hockey, husband coaches and she hosts kids, right? She's hosts family. She hosts the kid like a junior hockey player, comes from part of the country, lives with them for the year, plays his season out, and then moves to the next team. Maybe stays there for a second year, depending if they're like a sixteen, seventeen year old. Maybe they get the extra eighteen year or nineteen sometimes. Maybe up to twenty. typically they age out by twenty though. I don't know if that's common. I'm gonna send my son to go live by her. That's what we're gonna do. Too easy. It's 45 minutes away. So he doesn't even have to go to Minnesota, right? He doesn't have to go to Rhode Island or Massachusetts or Ontario or British Columbia. We're just they're just gonna send him to North Jersey. Right? Like three players have have made the U.S. National Training Development Program out of New Jersey at this point. That is remarkable. Those are those are really high numbers. And it makes sense. We have a population at state, we have incredible, incredible athletics throughout the whole state. What's even more remarkable is one of the kids, he plays on like a high level club team, which is normal in ice hockey because you need the exposure in the competition. Dude, he plays public high school. He's not in a big fancy private school. He's playing public high school. You know, and I think it just speaks to like the winners are gonna win, man, and and not only in in sports, but back to the insurance adjuster and the company all they're doing, all this stuff, man, winners are still gonna win, right? And in that sense, I understand that they have a prescribed set of rules, limitations, and they know them and I do not, and that's perfectly fine. Right. But with ChatGPT, AI and GROC, it accelerates the curve. What are the expectations? And here is what I would say is building rapport is the magical part of anybody's personality or business. And building rapport depends on the industry or the business and where you're at. Right. So whether you're trying to establish alliances or you're trying to assess and evaluate and measure the safety of a situation or a group of people or place, we're all in the business of doing that. Right. And so for me, The the way I treat the world, and this is something I had to learn early thirties, right? I shared about the gambling thing. I was impulsive in a way, but I wasn't like I didn't have violent ideation. Like there it wasn't necessarily any more focused on like, hey, I I am looking for reasons to get into something or hurt somebody or make a mess or create chaos. It wasn't all tactical and calculated. it was irrational and it was impulsive behavior. And then, you know, I had to I still undergo some of that stuff. I have compulsions and impulses that can pull me astray or things of that nature. I'm I'm a human being. But so for me to to navigate and build rapport and sort through my own character defects, because I have to take inventory of other people's character defects in the safety of my counseling practice or my coaching practice. However, outside of that, like a dinner table or out in the world or whatever, when people ask me about their mental health or anxiety or strong opinions, yeah, I'm sorry to hear that. Hey, I wish them well. But my intellectual stuff is mine. And yeah, it's either premium or free, right? That's about rapport building. That way everybody knows exactly where you're at. Establish rapport. This is what we're doing. This is what we're here to do, how we're gonna help. You know? And Yeah, pay close attention to everyone as if they they they know something you don't know. Right? I they I just think that's a good rule. Pay close attention like they know something that you don't know, right? And then after that you start to treat everyone like they have special needs. Because they do. I have special needs. My spouse, my kids, my mom, my my siblings, my in-laws, my friends, maybe everybody has special needs, man. That's not me being fun. I'm not being cute or clever about that. It's like I look at building rapport for what those special needs are. And so that wasn't limited to like a professional counseling thing or or post Vince off the rails and in a an underworld, right? Like I'm talking about just in general. Like I grew up in an extremely diverse community. It's got the largest population of Jewish folks in North America, maybe second largest. Spanish people, all the types, black folks, white folks, right? But cultures matter in that context, and that's why I'm above that. I don't even look at that stuff. Like I could sniff out a piece of trash a mile away. And I'm not talking about somebody that's like funny or snarky or snide or has poor taste or makes bad comments or they're not socially adapted. I'm talking about like character. And what I know is this is is my experience working in all over the world is that there's a lot less killers or people that are capable of of things than you think. There's more people that are inclined to snitch, tell, be state's evidence, save their own hide. History's filled with those characters. You might have people that are around you that have been state's evidence. You just don't know that because they've been state's evidence. Right? Like and for me, I'm on the other side of that. I'm a radically transparent, live in a world of freedom, you know, and ha have to figure out I didn't Block my phone, it just keeps going off. Ha have to figure out what's the relationship to the situation here. So anyway, back to the insurance adjuster, right? Like then you're ignoring my spouse, and then you create a whole new situation, and that's apathy, that's indifference, right? And that's a problem, and that's where I have to intervene and become like, all right, so I have to make this phone call, and it's like, what do I what do I say? How do I do this? And you have to establish, like, hey, what is the best case scenario among best case scenarios? What's the worst case scenario among worst case? And I literally write these things down. Like, best case scenario is like. He acknowledges, he agrees, he starts responding. The the worst case scenario is I have to go drive to wherever he is to go talk to him. Yeah, that's like a hundred percent a thing, right? Because the way I look at the world and view it is that the rules and laws are made up for the poor people and the dumb people, and then you get to self-select how they apply to you. Meaning this, right? If somebody becomes a threat to my wife andor kids, right, then it changes the rules. It's making they're making making them uncomfortable. Like that's just not how I operate and function. And I'm stupid. I don't even need drugs and alcohol to go to jail. Because I'm stupid. I'll go in there, I'll hang out, I'll do push-ups, maybe keep it 550, right? Maybe run a little extortion racket. Getting on a little swag, right? Maybe play some cards, a little gambling, right? You know? Like I I don't know. that's the environment. And the environment, right? And so I think building rapport establishes and accelerates the curve in terms of whether you want to do business or be around these people. And in this case, with the situation we have going on and dealing with all these entities, some people are good at it and some people aren't good at it. Dealing with the insurance company, right? Like One can contractor's one way, one is another way. It doesn't mean that one's a better better tradesman or craftsman than the other, right? But we're we're social creatures and building rapport matters a lot. You know, and man, and you know my experience wasn't it it's not a like I said, it's not a post-service thing. It was who's was a kid in a very diverse community and then in the military, man, like military in a professional capacity, right? Get farmed out as a young NCO, you get at assigned to special forces team wherever you're going, or you get assigned to a company or a platoon or a battalion. I mean maybe above that. I mean, like obviously the higher ranks you're gonna get higher billets because your scope and experience allegedly. in in in my MOS I would say that's not the case. There were some complete morons in civil affairs. unimpressive Especially on the officer side. There were a lot of guys that thought they were like state diplomats or something. And now I realize, you know, at this stage of my life that they were unimpressive then and they're even more unimpressive now. And then alternatively there were some guys that were just remarkable. like incredible at doing the job. But I look at it through the lens of how I was taught, right? So you get farmed out to this this team wherever you're at, in a very hostile, dangerous place in most cases. Or at least you're if you're not in imminent danger and like a hazardous duty, you're out there. You know, it's only a few of you, right? And you're doing what you're doing. So you have 60 seconds to establish rapport with that particular c commander or or the boss, the leader, whoever is the battle space commander responsible for the operations. And in that 60 seconds, you need to be able to demonstrate, highlight exactly what you can do. And it has to not only be established that you're not a liability to him or his mission or the the men, right? The mission, the men, or him, right? You have to figure out how you're going to serve and add value here. And what I would say is my experience is there were times it was like, hey, like get up in the striker in the air guard. Hey, jump on the radio. Hey, you're gonna carry the breaching tools. Hey, you're gonna drive up to this place. Hey, you're gonna be on the gun. Hey, you're gonna be on the radio. Hey, you're gonna be carrying that heavy ass thing we're gonna slam this door open with. You're gonna carry the base plate, because base plates are heavy, dude, and you can handle it and you're part of the team. And then the other part of it is address in the attire that's appropriate for wherever you're at. So if you're working with an ODA and their rules are like, hey, you're gonna look like A Neanderthal and grow a beard and rock all the cool guys stuff, whatever. Yeah, cool. You earn the right to do that if you're competent and talented and you're just kind of part of the team. Like, that's a civil affairs dude. Right. And the infantry it's a little bit more difficult, especially with the mechanized. Like infantry not so much. They're little more flexible, I felt like, in terms of adopting civil affairs taking because they look at the iron conditional gun that they can put into one of their gun teams or feed ammo, right? and then you have money. So that just makes their life so much better. Any any really, really astute platoon leader, commander, E seven or above, like they figure right outway, they're like, all right, like we can give him some extra rounds to carry in case we get into some stuff or the litter or whatever it is, additional stuff. Right. And then alternatively, he can drive, he knows how to use the heavy weapons, you know, we we get him where we fit in. And that's been my career, man. You better build rapport. Got to build a rapport no matter what you're doing. H-Hour you got to build a rapport, right? So let's flip it around, right? Like back to the insurance company, these huge corporations and conglomerates. And I understand the purpose of insurance. I have a lot of different insurances for a lot of different reasons, and they're equally valuable yet very different. And you know, they serve a role and a function, they mitigate risk for many financial institutions and and and for the people that hold debts and/or property. Businesses, they they are guarantees. But what they do is sneaky, right? They build in the float, which is all the premiums we pay over time. So they reinvest that money to grow, right? Like it's a virtue. How do we think there's nothing wrong with it? It's just be aware of that's what they do. What happens is on the end of what we interact with, it it can be really good or it can be really poor. And in this case, I can't tell yet. But I would say building rapport definitely not the strength of of this particular person. And it's tricky when you meet somebody like myself or my wife wife, we we sniff test that stuff and we we sort through it and we see through it, we build rapport all the time because that's what's gonna keep you safe. Not make friends and play nice nice. So I don't want anybody to misinterpret that that's what rapport is, because that doesn't help you, it doesn't keep you safe if you're in a hostile or dangerous situation, right? You want to build rapport, courtesy, decency, respect. You can't fix that the builder sent his B team plumber to your house and installed whatever they installed. You know, and that makes sense, right? Think about it. Like the builder, like that's just what it was, right? He's tricky, right? I know a guy, you know, speaking of competencies and report, I a guy, super smart guy, right? Super successful. not a client of mine. really good when he does, like phenomenal, right? Excellent. And dude, he got hoodwinked out of a hundred grand. Right, you hoodwinked out of 100 grand on an investment into like a dog farm or dog park or some stupid something stupid. We didn't I wouldn't touch that with a 10-foot pole in terms of investment, right? So it gets hoodwinked calmed, right? And the company f files for bankruptcy naturally because that's what they do. They just rolled up a hundred large to that person and you never saw it again. Because it was outside of his circle of competence. So it's impossible to build rapport in a space where you're outside of your circle of competence. You're prey and you just don't know it. And so that's what happens. So this guy in his infinite wisdom thinks he's gonna pawn off a hundred large to me to reacquire the hundred large or whatever on something. That was probably a decent deal, but not a good deal. And what this person didn't realize about me is that I'm an expert at sniffing those situations out. I played poker for a living. I spent four years of my adult life in war zones where people are actively trying to kill me and we're trying to kill them. So laugh. So our heroin addiction lived home is in Kensington. So, like if you think Vince shows up to the situation as the fish or the guppy in any situation, whether that's the presentation you have or not, right? You just need to reassess, and because you're probably not very good at building a rapport and assessing and assigning value of the particular situation. Because I can assure you, there's a lot less killers in the world, and there's a lot more people that will turn states' evidence, they'll tell, they'll snitch, they'll whine, cry, complain, make up excuses. And that's what you have to gauge, measure, and assess and evaluate. In in and when you think about it, when people are extensions of a corporation, those people aren't people driving forward the mission in the sense of looking to have a delighted customer or client at all times. They're a cog and a wheel just going through a roll or function trying to survive in their own stuff. So for me, right, building rapport and establishing a baseline understanding of where we're at for competency purposes and safety purposes, so it doesn't escalate beyond the scope of what it needs to be. yeah. Pay close attention. Like every person you meet knows something you know. For me, I treat everybody like they're Jesus. Like I want to be in the right attire, I want to be open, I want to be interested, I want to ask good questions. I got some questions too about some of the storylines and narratives. That's my stuff. but whoever's important to you, right? So you know, act like you're everybody you meet is somebody that's important and knows something you don't know, right? So if you're a heathen and Jesus is too much for you, just whoever's important to you. There's nothing wrong with that. Right? Like, like You know, H-Hour serves all Americans, right? So if you're a heathen but you're an American, we'll serve you. You know? There's nothing wrong with that. It doesn't make you a good or bad person, right? It just you have to consider are you a good person? That's for you to figure out. I can't tell you if you're a good or bad person. You know? And then the last part is you treat everybody like they have special needs. Man, there's some sort of need that this person has. I am interested to see if I'm the person that can help support them in that process, whatever that is. through H-Hour. Because it at H-Hour small business, right? And not even small business, right? Under forty million, right? We're tiny mom and pop shop. That's what we are. Right? Like like I could never have s a client not delighted about their experience with what we do. I just I just can't do that, right? And so like when you're dealing with a large conglomerate or corporation, they don't care. They don't care if you're satisfied or dissatisfied. They they just you're just another person or thing. It's a requirement of law. There's a mandate for you to have that particular service as a function instilled into your business. And that's frustrating, I think, at times. You know? so yeah, when you're building a rapport with people and you're out there in the world and you're assessing, you know, be aware of your character defects, it's something to do with Treat everybody like you're meeting somebody important. For me, I treat them like every single person I come across as if I'm meeting Jesus, culture of respect. Because I look I think, look, if I'm drowning in six inches of water, that person I was kind and polite to and I built rapport with, even if they don't like me, there's enough of a cultural respect that they won't let me drown in six inches of water. Not always the case, right? But I I believe if you treat people decent and do the right thing, it it generally works out in your favor. It doesn't mean everybody's gonna play like that. Nice, nice. And like I shared before, some of the circumstances that can shift and change how you have to present and be. There's nothing wrong with that. I'd say 99.9.9% of the time, it never even gets anywhere near that. And then the last part is like, hey, those special needs, man, just pay close attention. You know, help people and sort through them and and treat them like they have them. Because you have them too. I have, right? And and people need that stuff. They need that love and encourage support. And yeah, just don't don't be don't be too impressed. Just don't be too impressed by By other people, or even yourself for that matter, right? Your best work hasn't even been done or started, right? And every stage of lifespan and development, the goals and and what success looks like is gonna feel look very, very, very different, right? And I think when we're inventorying those things, you know, building rapport is part of that with other people and being around the people we like and enjoy. But man, pay close attention to everybody like they knows have something and they know something that that you need to know. And Not because you want to be friends with them or you want to extract value. You want to add value and create an exchange and be able to share things with that person, not take. Right. I want to be able to share the field. I want to share the business room. I want to share the investment. I want to share the not-for-profit work. I want to share the counseling. I want to share, share, share, share. And in turn, if you do it long enough and you do it well enough, right, you'll you'll reap the dividend payments over and over again. Or at least you won't drown in six inches of water. That's that's a pretty good deal too. Because somebody will pull you up. So, all right. Second go same content, five minutes over, but I think I think this one was was good. I was all over place. Doesn't matter. Yeah, true people like they're special. It's good, special needs. People need us. All right. Chat soon.