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Bonus IMPROV - I Use Scissors To Open My Capri Sun · Very Fine Friends

• 0:00
  joe can we please get a suggestion for some improv
• 0:19
  he's not like a cat oh no he sounds like a siren yeah anger cat
• 0:25
  that's me it's me in the fridge why what does that mean excitement
• 0:32
  you have your suggestion joe i sure do your word is fluke fluke
• 0:43
  did you ever watch that like i told you to
• 0:48
  not only did i not watch it i don't remember what you're talking about what movie fluke the
• 0:53
  90s movie no oh i don't even remember you telling me about this okay i told i told other another
• 1:00
  friend around you and they watched it someone with a lot of time on their hands uh-huh
• 1:06
  um uh i feel bad what's the movie about it said person gets reincarnated as a dog
• 1:17
  and they remember their previous life and they spend it trying to get back to their family
• 1:23
  and that's a that's a weird movie it's pretty good well it was and i haven't seen a long time
• 1:27
  could be one of those things that could be a fluke
• 1:32
  yeah um what's uh do you have a movie that like you were convinced was really good and
• 1:42
  then you re-watched it and you're like no this is terrible um no nothing that jumps to mind
• 1:49
  because I think the movies I liked,
• 1:51
  I watched so much that they're like...
• 1:54
  It would be impossible to ruin that.
• 1:55
  Yeah.
• 1:56
  Like even if it's like bad,
• 1:57
  I'm like, ah, I still love it.
• 1:58
  Yeah.
• 1:59
  What movie do you think you watched
• 2:01
  more than any other movie when you were a kid?
• 2:03
  Death Becomes Her.
• 2:05
  Yeah.
• 2:06
  I've seen it like a thousand times.
• 2:07
  I could do it.
• 2:08
  You could put it on mute
• 2:09
  and I could do the whole thing for you.
• 2:10
  How old were you when you first watched Death Becomes Her?
• 2:12
  Well, it came out in 92.
• 2:13
  I probably...
• 2:16
  So you weren't born yet.
• 2:17
  Right.
• 2:18
  That was long before I was even a sperm.
• 2:23
  I meant to say apple of eye.
• 2:26
  I don't know what happened.
• 2:27
  That's okay.
• 2:31
  You know what?
• 2:32
  I'm proud.
• 2:32
  I was a sperm.
• 2:33
  There.
• 2:35
  But yes, I saw it a lot.
• 2:39
  And you?
• 2:41
  Were you a sperm?
• 2:44
  Let's hope not.
• 2:46
  I know.
• 2:46
  You were magic.
• 2:47
  Yeah.
• 2:48
  I just appeared one day.
• 2:49
  Yeah, your mom just went like this.
• 2:51
  Yeah.
• 2:51
  There you were.
• 2:52
  There I am.
• 2:56
  There was a lot of like Disney movies that I probably saw a lot A lot of like sing Like when I had younger siblings they would have like the Disney singalong tapes
• 3:09
  Like where the ball moves.
• 3:10
  Yep.
• 3:11
  Except it's like Mickey's head.
• 3:12
  Oh, right.
• 3:13
  Because it's Disney.
• 3:14
  Right.
• 3:14
  Yeah.
• 3:15
  So there's some of that that's like seared into my.
• 3:19
  Deep into my brain.
• 3:22
  Nothing is exciting as death becomes her.
• 3:25
  Yeah.
• 3:26
  Well, it was age inappropriate, but that was my whole life.
• 3:29
  age inappropriateness.
• 3:31
  I used to like,
• 3:32
  I would be like the one student in like middle school that would,
• 3:35
  not the one teacher I told you about who hated my guts,
• 3:37
  but like,
• 3:38
  I would like be her like conversation friend.
• 3:40
  It's like all the kids would go play and I'd be like in her room,
• 3:42
  like folding pamphlets and like listening to her stories.
• 3:45
  Oh no.
• 3:46
  I know.
• 3:47
  That's,
• 3:47
  uh,
• 3:48
  that's not good.
• 3:50
  Felt good at the time,
• 3:51
  but now I understand.
• 3:53
  And now improv.
• 3:59
  Kevin, I love that you're...
• 4:03
  I love these talks that we have.
• 4:06
  And you're always so helpful around the classroom.
• 4:07
  I really appreciate that.
• 4:10
  Thanks.
• 4:11
  I have kind of a big question to ask you.
• 4:16
  You can ask me anything, Mrs. Roberta.
• 4:19
  It's just Miss Roberta.
• 4:21
  Well, for now.
• 4:22
  What happened?
• 4:23
  Do you want to talk about it?
• 4:25
  Sit down.
• 4:26
  Here.
• 4:27
  Oh, thanks.
• 4:28
  Well, let me grade that paper for you.
• 4:30
  Go ahead.
• 4:32
  Well, you know, you know how Gorman and I, we've been, we've been growing apart.
• 4:43
  Yeah.
• 4:43
  Well, he just doesn't see you.
• 4:45
  Thank you.
• 4:46
  I know.
• 4:48
  I just, I don't know.
• 4:50
  We've been drifting.
• 4:51
  We don't talk like the way you and I talk, Kevin.
• 4:55
  I, I don't know.
• 4:57
  I just,
• 4:59
  I,
• 5:00
  I,
• 5:00
  you know,
• 5:01
  I told him,
• 5:01
  I told him about how you,
• 5:03
  you said that I was like a Capri sun and it's like really difficult to make
• 5:11
  your way into it.
• 5:12
  You know,
• 5:12
  like stabbing the straw on the side,
• 5:13
  but once you get in,
• 5:14
  it's so worth it.
• 5:15
  And you're,
• 5:15
  you're glad you put in the effort.
• 5:18
  Oh,
• 5:18
  I bet he didn't like that.
• 5:19
  He,
• 5:19
  he didn't get it.
• 5:21
  It's the thing.
• 5:23
  You know,
• 5:23
  he,
• 5:23
  you know what he said?
• 5:24
  What?
• 5:24
  I use scissors to open my capri sun.
• 5:30
  I mean, how can I be with someone that opens their capri sun with scissors?
• 5:37
  You can't.
• 5:38
  I think you are, you're dodging.
• 5:42
  I mean, with a name like Gourmand, you'd think you'd have a little class.
• 5:46
  I know.
• 5:47
  Scissors?
• 5:47
  I know.
• 5:48
  I felt, I know.
• 5:49
  Scissors, Gourmand?
• 5:51
  I know.
• 5:52
  You'd think he would know better.
• 5:53
  Yeah.
• 5:54
  What if he's...
• 5:55
  Never mind.
• 5:56
  No, say what you're gonna say.
• 5:58
  Well...
• 5:59
  Say it, Kevin.
• 6:00
  Remember when you lent me that documentary on serial killers in America?
• 6:03
  Yeah That just seems like the sort of behavior that I sorry I shouldn have said anything No I glad you did You should change your lock I could come over We change your lock
• 6:15
  How else can we serial killer proof my house?
• 6:17
  I mean, it's Gorman's house, too.
• 6:20
  He knows the ins and the outs of it.
• 6:22
  Oh.
• 6:23
  You need somewhere else to go.
• 6:25
  Hey, I have an idea.
• 6:26
  Yeah?
• 6:27
  My house.
• 6:30
  Yeah?
• 6:31
  That's the idea.
• 6:31
  Oh, that's the idea.
• 6:32
  Yeah.
• 6:33
  Sure.
• 6:33
  yeah i could stay in your tree house for a little while no you're family to me well thank you i
• 6:40
  appreciate that yeah but i i know i i can't let gorman run me out of my own home no he's dangerous
• 6:47
  i i have to face up to it he wants to hurt you i'm we're gonna do it we're gonna serial
• 6:52
  killer proof my house okay um i'll come over yeah i'll bring capri sun oh our two favorite snacks
• 7:01
  cut to the house
• 7:03
  I brought a gun
• 7:06
  thanks Kevin
• 7:09
  yeah took it from my dad
• 7:11
  he's gonna panic
• 7:12
  he'll understand
• 7:16
  once he understands
• 7:17
  once he understands
• 7:17
  it's fine
• 7:18
  do I have your permission
• 7:20
  to shoot Gorman
• 7:22
  oh well
• 7:23
  if
• 7:24
  if
• 7:25
  oh yes
• 7:25
  if of course
• 7:26
  yeah
• 7:27
  now I don't want you shooting anybody
• 7:29
  preemptively okay Kevin I wouldn't
• 7:32
  I'm a
• 7:33
  responsible child of a gun
• 7:36
  owner
• 7:37
  good alright good I just
• 7:40
  want to I still your teacher after all
• 7:42
  I gotta make sure thank you
• 7:44
  alright so
• 7:45
  okay where's some other
• 7:48
  what are some other like places like
• 7:49
  okay I've already boarded up the doggy door I know
• 7:52
  that that's
• 7:53
  where's the dog
• 7:55
  he's on a walk with Gourmand I guess
• 7:58
  he's just never coming back now. I didn't think about that.
• 8:00
  It's okay. He's
• 8:02
  probably going to be killed by Gormand anyway.
• 8:04
  Oh, no. That was in the documentary. You're right.
• 8:06
  That is how the serial killers get their start.
• 8:08
  Animals first.
• 8:11
  Don't worry. I'll shoot him.
• 8:12
  Poor Tinkles.
• 8:14
  I know. It's not your fault. Don't blame yourself.
• 8:16
  Okay. Alright. Thank you. After all this, we're going to go to the
• 8:18
  spa. Oh, just make
• 8:20
  a day of it? Yeah. I would love that.
• 8:22
  You deserve it. You know, I nominated you
• 8:24
  for that Apple Award.
• 8:26
  Oh, thank you.
• 8:28
  I didn't get it, but I appreciate being nominated.
• 8:30
  Well, it's rigged. The whole thing's rigged.
• 8:31
  I know.
• 8:31
  Yeah.
• 8:32
  Okay, yeah.
• 8:33
  Stupid Mrs. Diaz got it.
• 8:35
  Yeah, she sucks.
• 8:36
  Oh, no.
• 8:37
  Is that okay?
• 8:38
  Between you and me, I agree.
• 8:41
  You're so relatable.
• 8:43
  Oh, okay.
• 8:45
  Well, you're the expert on serial killers.
• 8:47
  Absolutely, yeah.
• 8:48
  What else should I be?
• 8:48
  I mean, okay, well, change the locks, obviously.
• 8:52
  Yeah.
• 8:52
  The doggy door I got.
• 8:53
  Do I have to do anything with my bed?
• 8:56
  Yeah, you have to turn it right side up like cone heads.
• 8:59
  I'm not seen.
• 9:01
  Oh.
• 9:02
  Do they do that in cone heads?
• 9:04
  Yeah, they lift it up straight.
• 9:06
  They sleep standing up.
• 9:07
  Oh.
• 9:08
  Yeah Oh so then I ready to go at all times That and once he sees it if he gets angry you know Killer If he gets angry about a straight up bed that a sign of a serial killer
• 9:20
  Or asks any question about it at all.
• 9:23
  If he questions you, Miss Roberta?
• 9:25
  Yeah?
• 9:26
  He's dead.
• 9:27
  I'll kill him.
• 9:29
  Help me with this thing.
• 9:32
  You guys only have a queen.
• 9:35
  I know.
• 9:35
  It's terrible.
• 9:36
  He doesn't respect you.
• 9:37
  I know
• 9:38
  You're a king
• 9:39
  Thank you
• 9:41
  I want to be treated like a king
• 9:43
  Thank you Kevin
• 9:45
  I appreciate it
• 9:46
  This is being
• 9:47
  This is like so nice to have a friend
• 9:49
  That I can get through this with
• 9:50
  Yeah
• 9:50
  And you also have to get all your canned food out
• 9:53
  Why?
• 9:54
  What does he do with the canned food?
• 9:55
  Cereal killers
• 9:56
  Love canned food
• 9:58
  They eat it
• 9:59
  And they only eat the ones that don't have a tab
• 10:02
  He told me he was just
• 10:05
  prepping for a bomb shelter.
• 10:07
  Oh, he's aching for a bullet.
• 10:09
  I didn't... Oh my god.
• 10:11
  I can't believe I didn't see the signs.
• 10:13
  Mr. Roberto, you were swoozled
• 10:15
  like
• 10:17
  so many before you. I bet if we looked up
• 10:19
  every state he's ever been to, someone's dead
• 10:21
  there.
• 10:24
  He's been to all
• 10:25
  50 states. 50 murders. I'll
• 10:27
  find him. I'll get on the computer. And Puerto Rico.
• 10:31
  And Guam. And Guam.
• 10:34
  He's leaving a trail
• 10:35
  of bodies behind. Oh, Miss Roberta, you gotta get out.
• 10:37
  Just, okay. Just blow
• 10:39
  his brains out. I'm googling real quick.
• 10:42
  GuamMurder.com
• 10:43
  GuamMurder.com
• 10:46
  GuamMurder.com
• 10:46
  Did you find one? Oh my god.
• 10:49
  There's like
• 10:50
  37 on here.
• 10:53
  37? Oh, Guamond.
• 10:55
  Busy, busy, busy man.
• 10:57
  Guamond, what are you doing? Hold on, I'm gonna
• 10:59
  chamber around.
• 11:01
  Casey, Watson.
• 11:03
  I just wanna talk.
• 11:04
  Oh my god.
• 11:07
  Oh.
• 11:07
  Wait.
• 11:08
  Oh my god.
• 11:09
  What?
• 11:09
  I changed the locks, but I didn't lock the door.
• 11:11
  No, what do you mean?
• 11:12
  No, I have the front doors opening.
• 11:15
  Here I am, Gorman.
• 11:19
  Hold on, I'm going over there.
• 11:21
  I'm looking down at him.
• 11:24
  You suck.
• 11:26
  Kevin?
• 11:27
  Yeah.
• 11:28
  You did the right thing.
• 11:29
  What do I do?
• 11:30
  What do I do?
• 11:31
  I'm panicking.
• 11:32
  No, don't panic.
• 11:33
  The weight of this.
• 11:34
  No.
• 11:35
  You know what I'm doing right now?
• 11:37
  What?
• 11:37
  I'm buying a domain name.
• 11:38
  What is it?
• 11:40
  It's called KevinItWasAJustKill.
• 11:44
  Dot com?
• 11:45
  Dot com.
• 11:46
  Forward slash.
• 11:47
  Well, dot com's taken.
• 11:48
  Oh.
• 11:49
  I got dot biz.
• 11:50
  Dot biz.
• 11:52
  KevinItWasAJustKill.
• 11:54
  Dot biz.
• 11:55
  I love you, Miss Roberta.
• 11:57
  You're my best friend, Kevin.
• 12:00
  And scene.
• 12:04
  Justiceی ده quien starsم