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Narcissists Miss You, But Not for the Reasons You Think! · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  What is going on, beautiful folks?
• 0:02
  Today we're going to be answering the question, Do
• 0:05
  narcissists ever miss you? Do they ever think about you?
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  When a relationship ends, will they ever get over the the the
• 0:12
  end of the relationship? Will they ever?
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  Can they ever get you out of their mind?
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  Would they ever stop thinking about you?
• 0:20
  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
• 0:21
  I'm a diagnosed narcissist and welcome to another episode of
• 0:24
  The Narcissist Code. Boom.
• 0:43
  Welcome back, folks. Welcome back.
• 0:44
  Welcome back. That's the question, though,
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  isn't it? This is the question I get a
• 0:46
  lot, yo, let's keep it hot. Let's keep it hot and ready.
• 0:49
  Like a Little Caesar's Pizza. You know, it's Saturday.
• 0:52
  Let's go. Let's get it.
• 0:54
  So many people ask me this question, and I know where it
• 0:57
  comes from, right? People at the end of the day,
• 1:00
  most people just want to know that they mattered in some way,
• 1:04
  shape or form, right? You want to know that you matter
• 1:06
  to this person. You want to just feel like this
• 1:09
  relationship was wasn't all for nothing, right?
• 1:11
  You want to feel like, well, you know what happened?
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  I, I want this person to care about me.
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  I just, I just don't want to be easily forgotten.
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  I don't, you know, I just, I just want to know.
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  I just do they ever think about me?
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  Do they ever miss me? Let me answer the question.
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  I'm like, look, come first of all, calm down.
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  Take it easy, right? Take it easy.
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  It is right there. You know, because I'm gonna tell
• 1:35
  you be be truthful. Truthful with you.
• 1:38
  It really depends, right? Do they miss you?
• 1:41
  Will they ever forget you? It really depends.
• 1:44
  Have I forgotten people? Yeah.
• 1:46
  You know me, do they pop in my head every once in a while?
• 1:50
  Yeah, possibly. But like, you know, if you, if
• 1:52
  you, if you can think about them right now, it's like you haven't
• 1:54
  forgotten them. But I'm pretty sure there's
• 1:56
  people I've forgotten, right? Because I you know, I you don't
• 1:59
  remember everybody. That's impossible.
• 2:01
  It really depends upon the impact that you had on this
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  person's life. Like, you know what I'm, you
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  know what I mean by impact? What effect did you have on this
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  person? Were you the best that they ever
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  had in a certain instance? Like were you, were you the
• 2:16
  greatest thing to ever happen to them?
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  Like were you the greatest person to ever come into their
• 2:21
  life? Did you change their life in
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  some way, shape or form? That is just nobody else could
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  possibly do this. That's an important question you
• 2:30
  have to answer. Your ask yourself right there,
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  right, because if y'all were just a family by night, if y'all
• 2:35
  just met in the club or met on Tinder, y'all clap cheeks and
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  then it was it was the end of it all.
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  Like you never hear from them again.
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  Then probably not right? They're probably going to forget
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  you. You're probably not that look,
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  I'm not saying I'm not saying that the cheeks wasn't cheeking.
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  I'm not saying the cheeks were not clapping to the to you know
• 2:53
  I'm not saying to the beat of the drum, right?
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  I'm not saying that. I'm just saying if you one A1
• 3:00
  night stand, you tend to forget those after time, over time,
• 3:03
  right? Well, Lee, what if I did the
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  Kama Sutra and I spun around or like a if I spun around on my
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  head and then it did a backflip and landed on it, what about
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  that landed in it? What about that?
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  Would it forget me then? Yeah, that there might be a
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  couple of memorable moments from that evening, right?
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  But a lot of times, narcissistic people are going to forget, like
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  people in general are going to forget people that they've only
• 3:25
  had, you know, pass by encounters with, right?
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  But if you had any type of consistency or sustainability in
• 3:33
  their life, if you had a great effect in their life, if you,
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  yeah, I'd be real with you. If you broke their damn hearts,
• 3:39
  they'd never forget you. I'm just being real with you.
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  It's very hard to forget somebody who broke your heart,
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  right? Or yeah, yeah, it really is.
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  It's very hard. If you broke their heart, man,
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  it can get really, really tough, right?
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  Because if you broke their heart, you will understand that
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  this is the space a lot of people fall into, right?
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  Yeah, look at look at my damn cat.
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  Like, look at Loki. Y'all see him right here?
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  He's like literally just sprawled over the couch.
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  I don't know what the hell he's doing, but he, Loki is Loki.
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  And but I had to check out that. But like, if you just had a,
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  like I said, if you broke their heart or broke over them or
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  rejected them or divorced them or whatever the case may be,
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  then yeah, they probably will never, ever forget you, right?
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  Because you left a, you left an indelible mark on their own,
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  their ego. You, if you crack their ego, if
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  you caused a narcissistic injury, they probably will never
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  forget you. But do they miss you?
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  It really just depends, right? What did they miss?
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  That's your second question right here.
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  What do they miss about you? What is it about you that they
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  miss? Do they miss the good times?
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  Y'all could frolic through a field of daisies where y'all
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  could go on a good picnic here and there.
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  Do they miss those times right? Or do they just miss the times
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  where they can easily manipulate you or control you or gaslight
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  you or cheat on getting forgiven for getting for cheating or
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  whatever, getting away with some of the most heinous crazy ass
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  things. Like what do they miss about
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  you? You have to answer yourself that
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  question because this can help you move past this, this
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  sticking point. Because so many people, this
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  becomes a sticking point for them.
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  Might be you feel like you can't move forward until you get an
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  answer to this question. Like, do they miss me?
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  Do they ever care about me? Do they ever think about me?
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  So many people feel like you can't move forward without an
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  answer to that question, but you can't.
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  You absolutely can move forward, right?
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  But it just takes time to set yourself free from that.
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  So ask yourself, so this is another question you have to ask
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  yourself right here. Why do you want to know the
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  answer to that question? Right.
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  Why do you want to know to answer that question?
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  You know, I was watching Tropic Thunder, Tropic Thunder the
• 5:53
  other night, and Ben Stiller asked Robert Downey Junior,
• 5:56
  like, why are you still in character?
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  He's like, oh, I know. I don't have to tell you.
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  You know, you might not know. Knowing in this situation can
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  help you heal. Why are you worried about them
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  missing you right? I know I, I gave you all a hint
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  earlier on when I said most people would just want to
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  matter. That makes sense.
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  But what if you mattered regardless?
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  Like you see what I'm saying? You what if you matter to you
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  more? Because that's an important
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  that's an important distinction. A lot of times you have to
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  matter to yourself more, right? You have, you have to matter to
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  you more because you're never going to matter more to a
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  narcissist than they do to themselves, right?
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  You're never going to like you're never going to cross that
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  threshold where they care about you more than they care about
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  themselves. That's just, yeah, that's just
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  never going to happen. I just feel like it the faster
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  you get to that point of understanding that the faster
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  you hit, you can move on to help yourself heal, right?
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  Because narcissistic people tend to only do things that benefit
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  them directly in some way, shape or form.
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  That's just the the crux of it, right?
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  They only tend they tend to do things that they only can't.
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  Like, they tend to only do things that will benefit them.
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  So what do they even miss about you?
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  That's an important question. Like they do they miss
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  controlling you? Do they miss getting over on
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  you? Do they miss?
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  Yeah, I know. You miss the good times, right?
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  You miss the good times. You miss having this person
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  around. Yeah.
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  Could they miss the good times? Yeah.
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  That's a possibility, Right. And don't let me say don't.
• 7:28
  Yeah, I keep. I have to get it.
• 7:30
  I have to give this, this disclaimer every time I do a
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  video like this because people will hear me say, yes, they miss
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  you. And that's all you need.
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  This. You turn the video off, people
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  turn the video off right there. That's all I needed to hear to
• 7:42
  go back into this toxic, abusive, vast relationships.
• 7:44
  Thanks, Lee. No, I hope you didn't stop the
• 7:47
  video right there because no, Yeah, yes, they might miss you,
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  but it doesn't mean they're going to treat you any better.
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  It doesn't mean they're going to treat you any better.
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  Leave you there. Ever think about me when they're
• 8:00
  with the other person? Perhaps, Perhaps.
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  Right. But what?
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  How is that helping you heal? To focus on whether or not
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  they're missing you? You sometimes you got to flip it
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  on to yourself. How is it helping you move
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  forward? To focus on what?
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  Like how is it helping you to move forward to focus on what
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  they're doing or who they're talking to or if they miss you
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  or not? How is that helping you heal?
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  How is that helping you take your power back in any way?
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  Because they need situations. We're like, that's what I'm this
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  is what I preach to people now. Like I preach a hammock over
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  here with the with the, the narcissistic sermon, Right?
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  Like, you have to get to the bottom of it.
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  Yes, they might miss you. Like, do I miss people?
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  Have I missed people from the past?
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  Yeah. I miss old relationships.
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  Right. But does that mean I'm going to
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  treat that person better? No, I just might miss.
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  I might miss the, the, the intimacy, right?
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  I might miss the, the cheek clapping.
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  I might, I might miss that. I might miss the our inside
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  jokes. I might miss that type of stuff.
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  I might miss the inside jokes. I might miss the good times,
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  right? I might miss the beginning of
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  the relationship when we both were getting to know each other.
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  I I might miss damn, I might miss the love bombing fact.
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  I might miss love bombing you, right?
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  I might miss that. But is that in my mind, is that
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  cause for me to, to consistently work on my behaviors to change,
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  to be a better person? Most times the answer to that
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  question is going to be hell no, they're not.
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  It's not going to make me change my behaviors in any way shape or
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  form just because I miss you. Like if I can miss you and not
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  change and maybe get you back, cool, all for the better.
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  Because again, most narcissistic people are just not going to
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  change their behaviors, y'all, you know, whether they miss you
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  or not, most of them are not going to change their behaviors.
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  Most of them enjoy being themselves.
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  Like, I just want to know that I met.
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  Yeah, what it you did matter, but maybe not to the point where
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  you feel like it would help you heal, like because again, if you
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  just had an encounter with this person, a random encounter, they
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  might not miss you. But it again, if you've caused a
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  narcissistic injury or they got some type of supply from you,
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  like you provided them a lifestyle that they can no
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  longer provide themselves. Yeah, they probably do miss you.
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  But again, then because they miss you, it doesn't mean that
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  there will be any behavioral alterations or any better
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  treatment on the other side of this.
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  It just means that they miss you or what you provided them and
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  what not. It doesn't mean that they will
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  treat you better. I hope y'all get them through
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  your heads. Just because they miss you, it
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  does not mean that they will treat you any better.
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  Please, please, if they please, if you get nothing else from
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  this, get that from this, get that from this right here.
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  Because narcissistic people tend to value themselves more than
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  they value anybody else. So if they miss you, they might
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  try to come back into your life, they might try to manipulate
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  you. They might try to like they'll
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  tell you the stuff that they miss.
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  They'll sometimes they'll tell you that they miss you, right?
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  They'll tell you that they miss you.
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  They tell you, they'll tell you that they can't stop thinking
• 11:02
  about you. They'll tell you this stuff,
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  right? They'll tell you that they miss
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  you. They can't stop thinking about
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  you. They can't believe what happened
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  or how things went down. They'll tell you all of this,
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  but it doesn't mean anything because they're not going to
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  change how they treat you. They're just telling you what
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  you want to hear. Could it be true?
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  Yes, they could miss you, but missing somebody and treating
• 11:23
  somebody better don't do not have to go hand in hand, right?
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  Those two things can absolutely be mutually exclusive.
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  They can be like, I can miss you but not want to treat you
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  better, right? I can miss you but not want to
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  behave to behave better, to stop cheating or lying to you.
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  I can miss you, right? It's kind of like the same thing
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  missing you and treating you better.
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  They have that requires a certain set of actions for that
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  to work, right. So it's just like in these
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  situations where you're dealing with this type of person, this
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  is what you have to understand is that just because they miss
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  you, it just doesn't make going to do anything in this situation
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  to make things better. It's kind of like telling
• 12:01
  somebody telling you that they love you.
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  It's somebody that keeps repeating to you, you know, I
• 12:04
  love you, right? I do love you.
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  I love you so much. Love, love, love, love, love,
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  love, love, love, love to the 10th power.
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  I love you, love, love, love, I love you.
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  I love you, I love you. They keep telling you that they
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  love you, but they're not doing anything to actually show you
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  that they actually love you. You know, showing you I love you
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  and telling you I love you are two totally different things.
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  Like true love requires actions. Like just because they miss you
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  and I miss the relationship, I miss the things that we had.
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  Could they be? Could that be true?
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  Yeah. Could they miss the things that
• 12:37
  you had? Yes.
• 12:39
  Yes, they could miss the stuff that you had.
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  But at the end of the day, they didn't treat you any better.
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  They didn't like I said, they don't deserve another chance
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  just because y'all, you miss them.
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  Like a lot of time people ask me the question because you miss
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  the narcissist and you just like, well, I miss them.
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  If they miss me, maybe we can make it work.
• 12:55
  That doesn't mean you can make it work.
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  It's OK for you to miss somebody that hurts you, right?
• 13:01
  It's OK. It's understandable.
• 13:02
  It's actually understandable that you miss somebody that
• 13:04
  hurts you, especially if it's fresh, right?
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  If you with somebody for 20 years and you've just been out
• 13:09
  of it for two months, y'all, why?
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  Why do I miss them? Do they miss me?
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  Just like, are they feeling the same way, right?
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  It was 20, we had 20 years together.
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  Now we don't even talk. Do they miss me because I missed
• 13:21
  them? You miss them.
• 13:23
  So you're wondering the same thing.
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  You're wondering, are they thinking and feeling the same
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  thing, right? So these are important.
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  This is extremely important when you're trying to heal.
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  Whether they miss you or not, it is not a determination of your
• 13:37
  true worth or value, right? They do not get to determine how
• 13:42
  much you're worth, right? They don't, they don't get to
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  appraise you. They don't have the tools to
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  appraise you. How much you, how much you're
• 13:51
  worth to them and your actual value are two totally different
• 13:55
  things. They you can be worth like a
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  diamond. Yeah, a diamond, A10 carat
• 14:01
  flawless diamond is just a shiny rock in the wrong hands.
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  It doesn't carry any type of value, right?
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  You, everybody else knows what it was, what is what is valued
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  at like, damn, we got a $10 million rock in their hands.
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  To them, it's just a shiny rock. It's a like to a narcissist,
• 14:19
  it's just a paperweight. You're a paperweight.
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  Everybody else will. Everybody else Will Rock you on
• 14:24
  a wrist, on a finger on around their neck, right?
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  They use you as a paperweight. You're not getting, they're not
• 14:30
  going to value you, value you, value you.
• 14:35
  You, you got a tongue twister, isn't it?
• 14:37
  They're not going to value you anymore just because they miss
• 14:41
  what you had or miss what you provided them.
• 14:43
  Like again, depending on what you gave them, you could have
• 14:46
  gave them some crazy, hot, crazy narcissistic supply.
• 14:50
  And they absolutely do miss that, right?
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  You could, you could have been financial supply, emotional
• 14:55
  supply because you could have made them look better because
• 14:57
  you look better than them, right?
• 14:59
  You could have just been motivational to them.
• 15:01
  Whatever supply you have, you provided to them.
• 15:03
  They might miss that supply, but like I say, it's kind of crazy
• 15:07
  you can miss the supply and not the person you can miss like
• 15:12
  damn, I missed that money they were giving me but they don't
• 15:15
  like say you see they they can miss the financial supply, but
• 15:19
  they don't necessarily miss you. Oh that makes sense y'all.
• 15:23
  Anyways, y'all hope this video bushes and clarity.
• 15:25
  Hopefully Bushes and Peace hit that subscribe button.
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• 15:31
  at mentalillness.net, My support group everything is available.
• 15:35
  Mental illness.net y'all Be safe, take care of yourselves
• 15:38
  and as always, the goodness is out.
• 15:39
  Peace. What's going on?
• 15:41
  Beautiful folks. Thank you so much for making it
• 15:43
  to the end of my video. I truly appreciate it.
• 15:45
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• 15:55
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• 16:02
  Thank you so much. Make sure you stick around,
• 16:03
  watch another video or two. I appreciate it.
• 16:06
  I'm out.