Latest / Love You Moore with Willie Moore Jr. / JJ Hairston on Fatherhood, Marriage, Forgiveness, Abandonment, Travis Greene & Stellar Awards

Transcript

JJ Hairston on Fatherhood, Marriage, Forgiveness, Abandonment, Travis Greene & Stellar Awards · Love You Moore with Willie Moore Jr.

0:02
[SPEAKER_05]: Hey family, William O'June, you're here and welcome to another edition of the Love You More Show.
0:07
[SPEAKER_05]: As you can see, I'm on a brand new set.
0:09
[SPEAKER_05]: It's some special stuff that's happening right now.
0:12
[SPEAKER_05]: So I'm going to let you know a little bit more about that a little later in the show.
0:15
[SPEAKER_05]: Family listen, today I get the esteemed privilege to hang out with somebody very, very special.
0:20
[SPEAKER_05]: But before we get to him, I want to give you an opportunity to see what we're working on.
0:25
[SPEAKER_05]: and to help us continue to expand our territory.
0:28
[SPEAKER_05]: So shout out to everybody across this country who's a part of our Patreon community.
0:32
[SPEAKER_05]: And now right now it is so important that for those of you who are not a part of our Patreon community that you will come and part of the Patreon community.
0:41
[SPEAKER_05]: Of course we did all this on our own.
0:43
[SPEAKER_05]: and we're building new sets so we can create new content to make sure that you're empowered through the love you more show the willy more juniors show brand and I just need your help so make sure you become a part of the patreon community of course don't forget to subscribe to this channel now it's time for the episode flat out next on the love you more show my wife came into the relationship wanting to be with me I came into the relationship wanting to be with parts of her
1:10
[SPEAKER_01]: I've been honest about this.
1:11
[SPEAKER_01]: Me and my wife have been very transparent.
1:13
[SPEAKER_01]: We've been married thirty-one years.
1:15
[SPEAKER_01]: Our first ten years?
1:15
[SPEAKER_01]: I remember you telling me.
1:18
[SPEAKER_01]: I wasn't right.
1:19
[SPEAKER_01]: You weren't right.
1:20
[SPEAKER_01]: We were living in separate places, different relationships, all my fault.
1:26
[SPEAKER_05]: As I tell my children, you don't get an opportunity to get divorced.
1:30
[SPEAKER_05]: I also help you with the decision, because that leaves our bloodline through you guys.
1:36
[SPEAKER_01]: I've seen my father on, I could count probably on two hands.
1:41
[SPEAKER_01]: The number of times I've seen him off of my father before he died.
1:46
[SPEAKER_01]: He was a cab driver in New York City.
1:48
[SPEAKER_01]: And he was accused of raping a woman.
1:56
[SPEAKER_01]: My mom left when I was sixteen.
2:00
[SPEAKER_01]: Where did you go?
2:03
[SPEAKER_05]: Hey family, Willie Mojoon, you're here and guess what?
2:06
[SPEAKER_05]: Welcome to another love you more show.
2:09
[SPEAKER_05]: I think I'm about to start like implementing the fifty dollar fine if you call it a podcast, right?
2:15
[SPEAKER_05]: Although it is, this is a little different because of course we feel like it's a show.
2:19
[SPEAKER_05]: And if you love this show the way I think you're doing, you feel it in your show or not.
2:23
[SPEAKER_05]: I want to encourage you to subscribe to this channel.
2:26
[SPEAKER_05]: It's so important that you do so, because guess what?
2:29
[SPEAKER_05]: My motive is not to get three hundred thousand subscribers to get on Instagram, TikTok and say, look at all the people that are into me.
2:37
[SPEAKER_05]: It's to make sure that we get this message out to as many people as possible.
2:40
[SPEAKER_05]: So if it's beneficial to you and you sing shows and you like, man, I really like that.
2:44
[SPEAKER_05]: Be a part of our ecosystem by simply subscribing.
2:47
[SPEAKER_05]: Okay.
2:48
[SPEAKER_05]: Leave in comments.
2:49
[SPEAKER_05]: I look at every comment.
2:50
[SPEAKER_05]: Good, better and different.
2:51
[SPEAKER_05]: And I do my best to engage with you to the best of my ability.
2:54
[SPEAKER_05]: So make sure you subscribe.
2:56
[SPEAKER_05]: I tell me today.
2:57
[SPEAKER_05]: I get the esteemed privilege to hang out with a man who continues to shock me.
3:02
[SPEAKER_05]: He continues to reinvent itself, you know, from being a worship leader to being a husband, a father to now even being like a granddad.
3:10
[SPEAKER_05]: I don't know if he actually is called a granddad and, you know, to watch him move from a worship space.
3:17
[SPEAKER_05]: knowing deep in my heart, I was like, dude, got a word.
3:19
[SPEAKER_05]: It's like he's a quiet guy off the stage.
3:21
[SPEAKER_05]: But when you get an opportunity to see a mom stage, there's this strong aggressive loud strong voice and I was like, one day, I think the logo mess around call him to breach because towards the
3:34
[SPEAKER_05]: end of the big record that you'll hear about.
3:37
[SPEAKER_05]: He began to speak life into people more than he was saying the song.
3:41
[SPEAKER_05]: And I was like, yeah, he probably gonna be a pastor.
3:43
[SPEAKER_05]: Well, today he is the one and only pastor.
3:47
[SPEAKER_05]: Jay, Jay has to y'all make some noise in the building.
3:54
[SPEAKER_05]: JJ, I'm so grateful that we get the opportunity to hang out with worship royalty.
3:59
[SPEAKER_01]: Man, bro, first of all, I want to say I am honored to be in this space with you.
4:04
[SPEAKER_01]: I've been observing and it's been incredible to watch it grow.
4:07
[SPEAKER_01]: Watch what you're doing.
4:08
[SPEAKER_01]: Have watched the conversations.
4:10
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm hoping I can say something that can level up to all the amazing conversations I've seen happen on these on these chairs.
4:16
[SPEAKER_05]: Well listen, I'm sure you will because you have become one of the premier pastors and speakers, like on TikTok.
4:23
[SPEAKER_05]: Like that's why I see you the most.
4:25
[SPEAKER_05]: I don't know what your internet team is doing, but I tell you like every time when I first joined that platform, I would just see you all the time.
4:32
[SPEAKER_05]: And it's so amazing to see you in the space pastor, right?
4:37
[SPEAKER_05]: Do you ever feel like you have to choose which one is this guy give you like, okay, you're gonna use your worship gift today, then you're gonna do your music, then you're gonna do your
4:45
[SPEAKER_05]: Like you have so many gifts in your toolbills, do you ever feel torn between any of the multi-fats as a view you are?
4:51
[SPEAKER_01]: Bro, you starting me off with a story.
4:53
[SPEAKER_01]: So true story.
4:55
[SPEAKER_01]: When we first started pastoral, I felt this obligation to drop what I was doing musically, so I could be taken seriously in the pastoral space.
5:06
[SPEAKER_01]: I've seen, you know, it came a season where a lot of musical artists became pastors.
5:14
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
5:15
[SPEAKER_01]: And I didn't want to present a narrative that, you know, this is like a promotion
5:20
[SPEAKER_01]: from singing.
5:21
[SPEAKER_01]: So I was like, you know what, I'ma just drop music all together and I'ma focus on pastor.
5:25
[SPEAKER_01]: And there's a prophetist named T. Reneguin.
5:28
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know if you heard T. Reneguin.
5:29
[SPEAKER_01]: But she's silent.
5:30
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, she's like, she looks like, you know, she's a mother.
5:33
[SPEAKER_01]: She coming all white.
5:34
[SPEAKER_01]: And what she said, you come in and she hugged you once.
5:36
[SPEAKER_01]: You're late in the floor next by me.
5:39
[SPEAKER_01]: And she told me, she said, she said, the Lord revealed to me that you can try not to do music because of your ministry in pastor.
5:48
[SPEAKER_01]: She said, but David was a king and he was a worshipper.
5:53
[SPEAKER_01]: Do both.
5:53
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
5:54
[SPEAKER_01]: He said, the Lord has given you the grace and the capacity to do both.
5:58
[SPEAKER_01]: And since then, I've been more aggressive, not only in our music, but in our pastoral spaces, well, because I don't feel this pressure to make sure people take me seriously and either one of those spaces got us placed me in both.
6:13
[SPEAKER_01]: And he's going to quit me to do both well.
6:15
[SPEAKER_05]: That makes sense.
6:16
[SPEAKER_05]: That makes sense.
6:17
[SPEAKER_05]: So I want to kind of like back up a little bit.
6:20
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
6:20
[SPEAKER_05]: So your wife is the executive pastor.
6:24
[SPEAKER_05]: Are you both pastor and together?
6:26
[SPEAKER_01]: I want to make that very clear.
6:28
[SPEAKER_01]: She's not first lady.
6:30
[SPEAKER_01]: She is not executive associate pastor.
6:33
[SPEAKER_01]: We are shepherding together.
6:34
[SPEAKER_01]: We together make one pastor.
6:38
[SPEAKER_01]: And I wanted to make sure that I was clear because I'm not the same.
6:42
[SPEAKER_01]: I can't shepherd the house in the way they need to alone.
6:46
[SPEAKER_01]: There's a grace that she carries that has all of the aggressive, prophetic movements.
6:54
[SPEAKER_01]: And for me, I'm more of a teacher and I want to give you the common and foundational principles that every believer needs.
7:04
[SPEAKER_01]: I think both are necessary and if we only had one, then the congregation wouldn't have what they need.
7:10
[SPEAKER_05]: Indeed.
7:11
[SPEAKER_05]: So was that a learning curve for certain churches or certain people to come into it?
7:15
[SPEAKER_05]: Because now you have a woman pastor, you got a man pastor and it's often said that two visions is a dive vision.
7:22
[SPEAKER_05]: So is there like is there ever a clash of the Titans when it comes to?
7:26
[SPEAKER_05]: I feel like God is pulling me this way.
7:28
[SPEAKER_05]: But wait man, God pulling me this way.
7:29
[SPEAKER_05]: Like we better go see God.
7:31
[SPEAKER_05]: Like how does how does that work when two people are leading?
7:34
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, so funny.
7:36
[SPEAKER_01]: But I mean, the Bible says we are one now, right?
7:38
[SPEAKER_01]: That's true.
7:39
[SPEAKER_01]: So we really are one.
7:41
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
7:41
[SPEAKER_01]: However, we do have different ways of doing things.
7:47
[SPEAKER_01]: We have different visions.
7:48
[SPEAKER_01]: We have different thoughts.
7:50
[SPEAKER_01]: And as much as we have to come together to figure out how to raise the kids, right?
7:56
[SPEAKER_01]: We have to come together to figure out how to raise the church, right?
7:59
[SPEAKER_01]: And there have been times.
8:01
[SPEAKER_01]: Honestly, over the last couple of years, our arguments have been about the church.
8:05
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, wow.
8:05
[SPEAKER_01]: It hasn't been and it's not even a bad thing.
8:07
[SPEAKER_01]: It's just the reality of this has been a lot of what we have to talk about and I've learned to not be frustrated or concerned about arguments because really what it is is us both expressing something we're passionate about.
8:24
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
8:25
[SPEAKER_01]: That may be in opposing.
8:27
[SPEAKER_01]: We may have opposing views, but we're both passionate about our view.
8:30
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
8:30
[SPEAKER_01]: So we've had some of those debates.
8:34
[SPEAKER_01]: And we've come together and figured out, hey, your way might be the right way for this way.
8:38
[SPEAKER_01]: And if it's not the right way, we're going to go with your way anyway.
8:41
[SPEAKER_01]: And then when you're wrong, I'm not going to beat you up over it.
8:43
[SPEAKER_01]: But I'm going to say, let's try it differently now.
8:45
[SPEAKER_01]: So because of that, the church has been through multiple transitions.
8:51
[SPEAKER_01]: And I appreciate the fact that they're growing with us.
8:54
[SPEAKER_01]: We're growing together.
8:55
[SPEAKER_01]: We've had a learning curve.
8:57
[SPEAKER_01]: We've been passing for five years.
8:59
[SPEAKER_01]: Now five years went by so fast.
9:02
[SPEAKER_01]: And we were birth in a pandemic.
9:05
[SPEAKER_01]: So we've learned a lot.
9:07
[SPEAKER_01]: My family is grown through this.
9:09
[SPEAKER_01]: My son has grown in his craft through this.
9:14
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm appreciative of the journey, but I'm not naive to the fact that if we did not do this together, I would not be able to be the pastor that the church needs by myself.
9:26
[SPEAKER_05]: Hey, wait a minute.
9:27
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, it's time.
9:29
[SPEAKER_05]: Let me put this right quick.
9:30
[SPEAKER_05]: I know you love him with you hearing, but I ain't saying you hit that subscribe button yet.
9:34
[SPEAKER_05]: You said, Willie, why do I have to subscribe?
9:36
[SPEAKER_05]: Number one, because I told you to, and obedience is better than sacrifice.
9:39
[SPEAKER_05]: Huh?
9:41
[SPEAKER_05]: Did you feel that in your shot or not?
9:43
[SPEAKER_05]: Listen, I need you to subscribe to this channel as we are on the road to three hundred thousand subscribers, okay?
9:49
[SPEAKER_05]: I need you to go right now.
9:51
[SPEAKER_05]: Now back to the show, flat out.
9:53
[SPEAKER_05]: So I know that there were pastors in the past who actually hired you to be the worship leaders of their churches.
9:58
[SPEAKER_05]: I think you worked with multiple churches.
10:01
[SPEAKER_05]: how did pastors take you moving out of a space of support to not moving in the leadership?
10:06
[SPEAKER_05]: Was it all love or was it like another one?
10:09
[SPEAKER_01]: You know what, honestly, a few of them weren't as appreciative as I would have wanted them to be, but I own that.
10:19
[SPEAKER_01]: I think that's on me.
10:21
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know, Willie, I don't know if I leave well.
10:25
[SPEAKER_01]: That's real.
10:26
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't think I leave well.
10:27
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
10:28
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know if I leave well.
10:30
[SPEAKER_01]: I think I become so afraid of the conversation that I avoid it.
10:35
[SPEAKER_01]: And by the time I tell you, we already down the street.
10:39
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm telling you what's already happened as opposed to what I should have told you a few months ago.
10:44
[SPEAKER_01]: This is what I'm considering.
10:46
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
10:47
[SPEAKER_01]: And so the fact that they have not been as supportive as I would have wanted, I don't think I put them in a position to be supportive in what they could have been if I would have told them earlier.
11:00
[SPEAKER_01]: So because of that, I don't look at any of those pastors negatively.
11:05
[SPEAKER_01]: My goal is always for reconciliation.
11:08
[SPEAKER_01]: And for those who have been extremely supportive, I'm appreciative.
11:13
[SPEAKER_01]: There are some pastors who weave
11:15
[SPEAKER_01]: Like Pastor John Henry, we sang for Pastor Hannah years in worship and even today, but his posture towards me is different and I appreciate it.
11:25
[SPEAKER_01]: So there's so many pastors who have walked me through this journey, some who have been a little bit more hands off, but that's because of me and how I handle that.
11:33
[SPEAKER_05]: I like the way you answer that because literally
11:37
[SPEAKER_05]: I don't know if you heard when I was just talking to team, I have been, I'm not good with repair because of my traumatic past, because I only come with truth from the top.
11:50
[SPEAKER_05]: I don't have negotiations without my truth, but thanks to therapy, I got a tool.
11:54
[SPEAKER_05]: So I ain't got to go from one to one hundred.
11:56
[SPEAKER_05]: I've only done that once and I two years spent here on the show.
11:59
[SPEAKER_05]: I'm like, oh, he came out again, but I'm not good with repair and then I'm also not good with letting the other person kind of be a part of the conversation of this is what I consider it'll kind of be like, hey, this is what we doing.
12:14
[SPEAKER_05]: And I don't, I don't often leave well at all.
12:18
[SPEAKER_05]: So with that being said, like, what do you think will be the proper way for a person like me, not that you're a little bit down the road five years in ministry, and you've seen some of your issues that you could have done better, like how do you leave well when you love a person, or you love the man of God, you love the house, but you feel like God is telling you there, but you think that's something that may have stemmed from like childhood, like how does that work?
12:38
[SPEAKER_01]: I think for me, let's talk about you.
12:42
[SPEAKER_01]: I think for both of us, I gotta make it personal.
12:47
[SPEAKER_01]: For me, I don't know if I've seen good departures.
12:51
[SPEAKER_01]: That's true.
12:53
[SPEAKER_01]: If you think back, have you seen a good transition?
12:58
[SPEAKER_01]: And if you haven't, then it hasn't been modeled.
13:01
[SPEAKER_01]: So you're replicating bad transition.
13:04
[SPEAKER_01]: And for me, I've replicated every negative transition.
13:09
[SPEAKER_01]: My father left.
13:10
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, my father, my mother divorced when I was very young.
13:14
[SPEAKER_01]: He, my father was abusive to my mother.
13:17
[SPEAKER_01]: And I've seen my mother in every other relationship, try to keep.
13:24
[SPEAKER_01]: Keep that relationship going to the point where it was far past repair.
13:30
[SPEAKER_01]: With my mom and my sister's and I have reconciled with this.
13:34
[SPEAKER_01]: My mom left when I was sixteen because of what was happening between her and her husband.
13:41
[SPEAKER_01]: So I don't blame her.
13:43
[SPEAKER_01]: But she transitioned out.
13:44
[SPEAKER_01]: So I was by myself as sixteen.
13:46
[SPEAKER_01]: Where did you go?
13:47
[SPEAKER_01]: By I was at the house.
13:49
[SPEAKER_01]: My mother and my staff are owned the house and bridge work Connecticut.
13:54
[SPEAKER_01]: He was all over the place.
13:56
[SPEAKER_01]: She moved to New York and I stayed in the house at sixteen years old.
14:02
[SPEAKER_01]: And, you know, I went and got a telemarketing job at sixteen.
14:05
[SPEAKER_01]: At sixteen.
14:06
[SPEAKER_01]: And I had a, I had a relationship with the Chinese food place around the corner.
14:11
[SPEAKER_01]: And then they would let me pay him more Friday.
14:13
[SPEAKER_01]: I would eat all week.
14:15
[SPEAKER_01]: That's how I lived from sixteen to I was going to college.
14:20
[SPEAKER_01]: So I kept going to school.
14:21
[SPEAKER_01]: I kept going to school.
14:23
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was doing telemarketing at telemarketing at night.
14:26
[SPEAKER_01]: And I didn't know that I was supposed to pay the mortgage.
14:29
[SPEAKER_01]: That wasn't my house.
14:31
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
14:31
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm living there.
14:32
[SPEAKER_01]: So the house got foreclosed on with me in it.
14:36
[SPEAKER_01]: And then my stepfather came home and got mad at me because I wasn't paying the mortgage for a how at sixteen.
14:43
[SPEAKER_01]: At sixteen years old.
14:44
[SPEAKER_01]: So yeah, because of that again, my mom was gone.
14:48
[SPEAKER_01]: We didn't have a conversation with, hey, this was going on between me and your stepfather.
14:53
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm going to have to go here.
14:55
[SPEAKER_01]: Do you want to go with me?
14:56
[SPEAKER_01]: Her conversation was I'm gone after it was already like she was moving to these later.
15:02
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm thinking about my transitions now.
15:05
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm telling people I'm gone when I've already accepted the opportunity to be somewhere else before I had even told the person I'm leaving that it's time to go.
15:16
[SPEAKER_01]: If I could really read
15:20
[SPEAKER_01]: redo the way those transition happens.
15:24
[SPEAKER_01]: I would tell the person I'm going to transit the ministry I'm leaving.
15:28
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, I feel the Lord call on me this way.
15:31
[SPEAKER_01]: Can you walk me through it?
15:34
[SPEAKER_01]: What did your transition look like?
15:35
[SPEAKER_01]: Because everybody's had to transition.
15:38
[SPEAKER_01]: What did your transition look like going from one space to the other?
15:41
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
15:42
[SPEAKER_01]: And that would have given them the opportunity to be a part of my transition as opposed to being a victim of it.
15:49
[SPEAKER_05]: That's so good.
15:50
[SPEAKER_05]: I hope you take your notes.
15:51
[SPEAKER_05]: I mean, honestly, and that's what this show is for.
15:54
[SPEAKER_05]: Like, literally, I think we need to get journals.
15:56
[SPEAKER_05]: Like, I think we need to do love, you more journals, and then you can write the episode, put the name, and then be able to take somebody's notes, because these are jewels.
16:04
[SPEAKER_05]: And I believe it works your dendrites and neurons when you get the opportunity to write with a pen to my young people.
16:10
[SPEAKER_05]: You know, when you start calling, you say young people.
16:12
[SPEAKER_05]: You know, the young people ministry got this Sunday.
16:15
[SPEAKER_05]: I never,
16:17
[SPEAKER_05]: I didn't say that.
16:18
[SPEAKER_05]: Cut that out.
16:19
[SPEAKER_05]: Anywho.
16:20
[SPEAKER_05]: But no, honestly, I think you need to write this stuff down because I believe it's really, really beneficial.
16:24
[SPEAKER_05]: JJ, I want to just go back just a little bit.
16:26
[SPEAKER_05]: So you're sixteen years old.
16:29
[SPEAKER_05]: So daddy left.
16:30
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
16:31
[SPEAKER_05]: when you were a lot younger.
16:32
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, my mom divorced him.
16:34
[SPEAKER_01]: I applaud her for her strength.
16:37
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
16:37
[SPEAKER_01]: He was abusing her.
16:38
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
16:39
[SPEAKER_01]: So they got divorced when I was very young.
16:41
[SPEAKER_05]: So did you ever get an opportunity to maybe reconcile with him?
16:43
[SPEAKER_05]: Did he die?
16:44
[SPEAKER_05]: Did he leave?
16:45
[SPEAKER_05]: Did you know?
16:46
[SPEAKER_01]: I've seen my father on I could count probably on two hands.
16:52
[SPEAKER_01]: the number of times I've seen him off of my father before he died.
16:57
[SPEAKER_01]: And you know, I've grown when he died.
16:59
[SPEAKER_01]: I was grown.
17:00
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
17:00
[SPEAKER_01]: He, he transitioned a few years ago.
17:03
[SPEAKER_01]: So my father, I remember at three years old, you know, I have a, and I don't know how it's possible, but I remember some kind of glimpse in my head of my mother being dragged.
17:18
[SPEAKER_01]: That's all I remember.
17:20
[SPEAKER_01]: I remember her leg.
17:22
[SPEAKER_01]: That's all I remember.
17:24
[SPEAKER_01]: And I didn't know what that meant until I found out my older sisters told me that he was abusing her.
17:31
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, you can have those visions that's all I had.
17:34
[SPEAKER_01]: I saw my dad the next time when I was about ten.
17:38
[SPEAKER_01]: And I don't know if they worked out on the range that we could see each other.
17:41
[SPEAKER_01]: I remember he brought me, you know, I'm, you know, this is how vivid these memories are.
17:48
[SPEAKER_01]: He went to McDonald's and gotten one of them happy meals.
17:50
[SPEAKER_01]: And it was in his green space ship.
17:52
[SPEAKER_01]: I remember it because it was so special to me, because my dad came to see me.
17:56
[SPEAKER_01]: Next time I remember he in New York, he was a cab driver in New York City.
18:03
[SPEAKER_03]: And he was,
18:06
[SPEAKER_01]: He was accused of raping a woman.
18:10
[SPEAKER_01]: It was put on the news and come to find out.
18:13
[SPEAKER_01]: He actually wasn't accused of somebody.
18:15
[SPEAKER_01]: They took his picture, put it on the front of the paper, and it wasn't him.
18:21
[SPEAKER_01]: So he sued the newspaper.
18:23
[SPEAKER_01]: One, three hundred thousand dollars.
18:25
[SPEAKER_01]: I never forget it.
18:26
[SPEAKER_01]: Wow.
18:27
[SPEAKER_01]: He gave me
18:30
[SPEAKER_01]: This is so real.
18:32
[SPEAKER_01]: He gave me thirty thousand dollars to buy a co-op in Bridge for Connecticut.
18:37
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like a little townhouse, but he put me in a payment plan to pay him back.
18:42
[SPEAKER_01]: This said, twenty one years old, he didn't give me the house.
18:44
[SPEAKER_01]: Now, mind you, this is all he's ever given me, but he put me on a payment plan to pay him back.
18:50
[SPEAKER_01]: That was a twenty one.
18:53
[SPEAKER_01]: And because I failed my payments, he stopped speaking to me.
18:59
[SPEAKER_01]: That was my relationship with my dad.
19:01
[SPEAKER_01]: So then the next time I really got to see him.
19:07
[SPEAKER_01]: You, you don't want all this story.
19:08
[SPEAKER_05]: No, I'm totally listening.
19:09
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I'm, you know, I said, I was at a radio station in New York.
19:15
[SPEAKER_01]: W L I B and I'm walking in the station and I'm the receptionist says, are you JJ Harrison?
19:26
[SPEAKER_01]: So, yes, you're dad's on the phone.
19:28
[SPEAKER_01]: I haven't spoken to my dad.
19:30
[SPEAKER_01]: In years, he called a receptionist, I heard you at the radio today.
19:36
[SPEAKER_01]: Why don't you tell him you're going to be in the city?
19:38
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't even have my dad's number, but he wanted to, at that point, I realized that he wanted to build the connection through what was happening through me, for me, musically, but he had no interest in being connected to me personally.
19:54
[SPEAKER_01]: And that hurt, it hurt real bad, because I'm like, this dude has never really wanted me, because he had the opportunity.
20:04
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm the same dude I've always been, but because now he saw a platform, he wanted to be connected.
20:11
[SPEAKER_01]: So there were a few more cages where the same type of thing happened.
20:17
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'll be honest,
20:20
[SPEAKER_01]: That did not break me to the point where I didn't think I would be a good person as far as a family man.
20:27
[SPEAKER_01]: If fueled me wanting to be a good father, I think it's because of my relationship with my dad or the lack thereof that I've been so intentional with my son.
20:37
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
20:38
[SPEAKER_01]: I love him.
20:41
[SPEAKER_01]: not only because of what he does, like, you know, people talk, your son does this, your son does that, but for me, like, that's my boy.
20:49
[SPEAKER_01]: He will always be, he's one of my closest people call him J for he's always going to be new to me.
20:55
[SPEAKER_05]: I don't put him in.
20:56
[SPEAKER_01]: And he's honestly one of the closest people in the world to me because I love him outside of his gift because my dad didn't love me outside of mine.
21:05
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
21:06
[SPEAKER_05]: Are you open to a insert of a different thought?
21:11
[SPEAKER_05]: Maybe not the correct thought, maybe not the truth talk, but just a different reframe of it.
21:17
[SPEAKER_05]: Because I got an opportunity to hear it without emotion.
21:20
[SPEAKER_05]: I got a chance to hear raw truth.
21:22
[SPEAKER_05]: So I just want you to take yourself out of JJ here, and kind of put yourself in a moment where
21:29
[SPEAKER_05]: Let's just say, you've been married for thirty one years, but let's just say in the first beginning of the year, you and first beginning of the relationship, you and trainer didn't work out.
21:39
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
21:40
[SPEAKER_05]: And you don't get an opportunity to necessarily, as a child, you don't necessarily get a chance to hear what that woman says to the man and how she makes him feel.
21:51
[SPEAKER_05]: Cause now you're thirty one years in, I'm sure there's been some things that she said to be like, I can't believe you said that.
21:56
[SPEAKER_05]: But thank God your anchor is in Jesus.
21:58
[SPEAKER_05]: So it's like, y'all can pray through a work through it.
22:00
[SPEAKER_05]: But if you don't have that type of anchor, you just live with this perpetual story and your head that she thinks I'm A, B, and C. So most men
22:09
[SPEAKER_05]: flee away from danger, naturally, because they're going to do one or two things.
22:14
[SPEAKER_05]: They're going to aggressively attack you.
22:15
[SPEAKER_05]: They're going to mess stuff up.
22:17
[SPEAKER_05]: And they just like, I'm not going to go to jail.
22:19
[SPEAKER_05]: I'm going to get away from this thing.
22:21
[SPEAKER_05]: You can tell you think about this boy all your life.
22:24
[SPEAKER_05]: Damn, I left that boy over there though.
22:26
[SPEAKER_05]: You come back and you say, I did not teach him.
22:31
[SPEAKER_05]: how to be a boy.
22:32
[SPEAKER_05]: I did not teach him how to be a teenager, but I'm going to invest to see if I can make this boy a man.
22:40
[SPEAKER_05]: And out of three hundred thousand dollars, which is ten percent, he took the tie, he took the tent, and he gave it to a son.
22:46
[SPEAKER_05]: He gives it to us son.
22:47
[SPEAKER_05]: He could easily just give it to him, because he didn't know three hundred thousand dollars was coming, but he wanted to teach a lesson.
22:54
[SPEAKER_05]: That when somebody gives you something, you got to pay this stuff back.
22:57
[SPEAKER_05]: I want to teach you a life lesson at twenty-one.
23:00
[SPEAKER_05]: I know I can't take you to the baseball game.
23:02
[SPEAKER_05]: I know I can't take you to church.
23:04
[SPEAKER_05]: I know I can't put your school clothes on, but at twenty-one, I want to start.
23:07
[SPEAKER_05]: I want to write my wrong.
23:10
[SPEAKER_05]: I'm gonna drop thirty, and all I need you to do is give me five hundred.
23:13
[SPEAKER_05]: Give me nine hundred.
23:14
[SPEAKER_05]: Just give me something.
23:15
[SPEAKER_05]: And I want to teach you this lesson.
23:16
[SPEAKER_05]: They usually don't know how to communicate that correctly, but what men don't understand is that when you come back into a child's life, like time actually stops in their little emotional heart, like you left at this time.
23:30
[SPEAKER_05]: Like you got to pay me back for all of that, bro.
23:32
[SPEAKER_05]: Like you can't just come in and drop some money and think everything going to be cool, but in a man's eyes, they just like, I mean, at least going to set them up and just add another.
23:38
[SPEAKER_05]: If he was alive, the story would be in his head.
23:42
[SPEAKER_05]: Man, I'm woman man, she was just disdain the man that you knew.
23:45
[SPEAKER_05]: I was wrong.
23:46
[SPEAKER_05]: I loved the kids, I was wrong for that.
23:48
[SPEAKER_05]: But I came back.
23:49
[SPEAKER_05]: Right.
23:50
[SPEAKER_05]: And I've done some money.
23:50
[SPEAKER_05]: I'm, you know, he could need just that another.
23:53
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
23:53
[SPEAKER_05]: And he would find a way to make himself the hero in the story because his heart may have been posture to some kind of in a cool, quirky way.
24:03
[SPEAKER_05]: He thought that he was doing the right thing.
24:05
[SPEAKER_05]: And it was like, man, he let me down.
24:06
[SPEAKER_05]: But you let me down.
24:07
[SPEAKER_05]: So now he got these two people who are letting things down.
24:09
[SPEAKER_05]: But thank God, you were anchored in Jesus.
24:11
[SPEAKER_05]: So then he comes back after you doing music.
24:13
[SPEAKER_05]: Because if you're anything like me when I was, because I was adopted, I became successful in areas that I probably shouldn't have been successful in, because I wanted the biggest platform to show my parents what they missed out on.
24:25
[SPEAKER_05]: Like I wanted to show her.
24:27
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
24:27
[SPEAKER_05]: And I wanted to show him that I'm not the garbage.
24:29
[SPEAKER_05]: I don't my forever parents told me that I was chosen.
24:32
[SPEAKER_05]: I think subconsciously, I always thought that I was looked over.
24:36
[SPEAKER_05]: And so I was so grateful that when I met them, I had been to therapy so much and love me fierce and shout out to her.
24:43
[SPEAKER_05]: She did
24:46
[SPEAKER_05]: two years of therapy and would not let me pay her a die.
24:49
[SPEAKER_05]: Wow.
24:50
[SPEAKER_05]: And she, so now when people came into my life, I always thought, maybe they could be like, like, me, me, mek, mek, mek, mek, mek, mek, mek.
24:56
[SPEAKER_05]: Because she didn't want anything from me.
24:58
[SPEAKER_05]: She just wanted to see me well.
25:00
[SPEAKER_05]: I spent a lot of time in my life like you only hear from my talent, like, and so I would put this, put this little, little thing up to my biological family carrying me in.
25:09
[SPEAKER_05]: I didn't have that same eye, like I was like, they don't want them for me, because they could be like, love, I had an option.
25:15
[SPEAKER_05]: I had a thought.
25:16
[SPEAKER_05]: And I just think sometimes if we reframe the story, whether it's right, wrong or indifferent or even a truth, I think sometimes it gives ourselves a little solid and peace, because they'll be these little residue parts in us that'll be like,
25:29
[SPEAKER_05]: I mean, she's never did that, bro.
25:31
[SPEAKER_05]: Like that wasn't even right.
25:32
[SPEAKER_05]: So I've learned how to reframe the story that I continuously played in my head about what my mama did or what my dad did and not that it plagued me and anything.
25:42
[SPEAKER_05]: It was just a little something for me to give me just a little bit more peace.
25:45
[SPEAKER_05]: But I just know sometimes I know how me and are.
25:47
[SPEAKER_05]: It's like we'll just throw a little bird, throw a little sum to them.
25:51
[SPEAKER_05]: I will try.
25:52
[SPEAKER_05]: And if we don't have the tools, we don't know how to follow up.
25:55
[SPEAKER_05]: So when I heard you say that about them, he dropped thirty thousand dollars.
25:58
[SPEAKER_05]: Oh, he thought he was doing something.
26:00
[SPEAKER_01]: I've never thought about it that way.
26:03
[SPEAKER_01]: I've never considered that he was trying to teach me something.
26:07
[SPEAKER_01]: Because by the time he came in my life, I feel like he owed me something.
26:11
[SPEAKER_01]: And I, you know what, honestly, if we had a conversation, he didn't know how.
26:16
[SPEAKER_01]: He didn't know how.
26:18
[SPEAKER_05]: No, but I had a conversation with him.
26:19
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
26:20
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's, you know, this is the crazy thing, bro.
26:23
[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't find out until maybe ten years ago.
26:29
[SPEAKER_01]: My dad was abandoned at a train station at a bus station.
26:34
[SPEAKER_01]: Why?
26:36
[SPEAKER_01]: All, all my life.
26:38
[SPEAKER_01]: Grandma Lucille was my grandmother.
26:40
[SPEAKER_01]: I sound real old grandma Lucille.
26:42
[SPEAKER_01]: That was my grandmother.
26:43
[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't know until maybe ten years ago that my birth grandmother, my his mother left him at ten years old.
26:53
[SPEAKER_01]: He and his twin brother Daniel left them at a bus station.
26:57
[SPEAKER_01]: So this is cycles of abandonment that we've all had to deal with.
27:04
[SPEAKER_01]: I felt abandoned by my dad, but he was abandoned by his mom.
27:08
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's a different level of abandonment.
27:11
[SPEAKER_01]: When your mom leaves you somewhere and don't even make sure you good, leave you at a bus station.
27:16
[SPEAKER_01]: So that's the way I was able to forgive him.
27:19
[SPEAKER_01]: Like he didn't know no better.
27:21
[SPEAKER_01]: And now, if he would have said to me, JJ, I'm gonna teach you how to be responsible.
27:26
[SPEAKER_01]: I would have taken that and like, and I promise you, I would have worked my butt off to make sure I paid them back.
27:33
[SPEAKER_01]: But I felt like you put me on a payment plan and you haven't paid me a dime on my life.
27:39
[SPEAKER_01]: The only guy I ever got from you was a happy meal.
27:42
[SPEAKER_01]: I felt like you owed me that dirty grant.
27:45
[SPEAKER_01]: And so, yeah, if you'd have been taking the court,
27:49
[SPEAKER_01]: You don't pay more than thirty geese.
27:51
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
27:51
[SPEAKER_01]: So you sharing that with me has really helped me a lot, just in this moment.
27:55
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
27:56
[SPEAKER_01]: Because honestly, my son, when it came to off in the buy his house, it was no payment plan.
28:01
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, it won't be.
28:03
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
28:03
[SPEAKER_05]: I mean, God had a beautiful way to orchestrate it.
28:06
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
28:06
[SPEAKER_05]: Because you will break the cycle as I tell my children, you don't get an opportunity to get divorced.
28:12
[SPEAKER_05]: I also help you with the decision because that leaves our bloodline through you guys.
28:16
[SPEAKER_05]: I broke alcohol.
28:17
[SPEAKER_05]: I broke drugs.
28:19
[SPEAKER_05]: You break divorce and it won't go into our next group of young men who are going to bring in people into this world.
28:24
[SPEAKER_05]: What you've had the opportunity to do, you've broke the curse of
28:29
[SPEAKER_05]: You know, abandonment.
28:31
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
28:31
[SPEAKER_05]: Like you, you continue to show up.
28:33
[SPEAKER_05]: I mean, I'm blessed to know you as a friend.
28:34
[SPEAKER_05]: So I remember when, um, you know, your best friend that I javed when he was at, um, forgot what college he was.
28:41
[SPEAKER_05]: He wasn't doing right.
28:42
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
28:42
[SPEAKER_05]: We was backstage.
28:43
[SPEAKER_05]: You know, Khalil there.
28:45
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
28:45
[SPEAKER_05]: I'm talking, you know.
28:46
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
28:46
[SPEAKER_05]: We, we praying, you know, the weather.
28:48
[SPEAKER_05]: I think you sent them down.
28:49
[SPEAKER_05]: I was like, I'm not going to lie in South Carolina.
28:51
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to suck lunch.
28:52
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
28:52
[SPEAKER_01]: It's green.
28:53
[SPEAKER_01]: I will always be indebted to Travis Green.
28:55
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
28:56
[SPEAKER_01]: My son was bugging.
28:57
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
28:58
[SPEAKER_01]: He was first semester in college.
29:00
[SPEAKER_01]: He had never been outside of me.
29:01
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm with his mom's care.
29:03
[SPEAKER_01]: He was having them balls.
29:04
[SPEAKER_01]: He was done it a while down.
29:07
[SPEAKER_01]: And he said, you know, he wanted to stay in school, but he was failing.
29:10
[SPEAKER_01]: I said, no, I got something for you.
29:12
[SPEAKER_01]: Send him down to my brother Travis Green.
29:14
[SPEAKER_01]: He got involved in forward city church.
29:17
[SPEAKER_01]: He was going to Ben and Dick college and he's a different man today.
29:22
[SPEAKER_01]: A father husband doing amazing things because I have friends.
29:27
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's what I want everybody to understand too.
29:29
[SPEAKER_01]: Fatherhood is not saying, I'm the king.
29:32
[SPEAKER_01]: I can do it by myself.
29:34
[SPEAKER_01]: Me being a man says, Hey, I need another man to help me raise my son because I see something special.
29:39
[SPEAKER_01]: I see what God's going to do in this future, but it doesn't look like that now.
29:44
[SPEAKER_01]: So I need you to help me and Travis helped me.
29:46
[SPEAKER_01]: So I always being there to him.
29:47
[SPEAKER_01]: But you're right.
29:50
[SPEAKER_01]: At that time, it was a different season, bro.
29:53
[SPEAKER_01]: And I wish my dad would have done that for me.
29:56
[SPEAKER_01]: But you, you did help me shape my perspective in a different way.
29:58
[SPEAKER_05]: You know, and listen, I have been literally put on blast on social media.
30:04
[SPEAKER_05]: Like he always takes up for me.
30:06
[SPEAKER_05]: I was like, it's because I was adopted by ninety four year old.
30:09
[SPEAKER_05]: Like, well, he's ninety four and now, but he was an older man.
30:12
[SPEAKER_05]: So I'm a child with a fifty year old daddy.
30:15
[SPEAKER_05]: And so he would tell me this all the time.
30:16
[SPEAKER_05]: And she can be without just for the sake of the conversation.
30:19
[SPEAKER_05]: I got to be really sad.
30:20
[SPEAKER_05]: Look at Willie.
30:22
[SPEAKER_05]: Um, you know, I'm always going to give you this from from four perspectives because I don't been a full time.
30:29
[SPEAKER_05]: I was like, what that?
30:30
[SPEAKER_05]: I've been a baby.
30:32
[SPEAKER_05]: I've been a teenager.
30:34
[SPEAKER_05]: I've been a man and now I'm a whole man.
30:37
[SPEAKER_05]: Wow.
30:37
[SPEAKER_05]: And so I'm gonna give you full different perspectives because I understand each level of life and he would always like give me a perspective because I was little and I was
30:49
[SPEAKER_05]: I was a little aggressive.
30:50
[SPEAKER_05]: I hate you like looking man.
30:52
[SPEAKER_05]: You won't go down there and fight.
30:55
[SPEAKER_05]: Let me tell you what that man was going through.
30:58
[SPEAKER_05]: And this is what this boy got.
30:59
[SPEAKER_05]: Let me just shape something.
31:00
[SPEAKER_05]: Let me put something in your head.
31:02
[SPEAKER_05]: That boy living over there with his mama only.
31:05
[SPEAKER_05]: You got a daddy in the moment.
31:06
[SPEAKER_05]: They think you got a candy store.
31:08
[SPEAKER_05]: That little boy's jealous of you and he wants some candy.
31:10
[SPEAKER_05]: Look, don't fight him.
31:11
[SPEAKER_05]: Share the candy.
31:12
[SPEAKER_05]: Watch what happened to it.
31:14
[SPEAKER_05]: And I'd be like, I'm not sharing with him.
31:16
[SPEAKER_05]: It's like, listen to me.
31:17
[SPEAKER_05]: Man, I've been in full time.
31:19
[SPEAKER_05]: That's what that was.
31:20
[SPEAKER_05]: And I bring those kids in.
31:22
[SPEAKER_05]: Daddy has shaped my mind to see their full perspective to take myself out of the shoes.
31:28
[SPEAKER_05]: And then I give them the candy and then they'll be like, oh, that's my friend.
31:32
[SPEAKER_05]: I just did another.
31:33
[SPEAKER_05]: And then I'm thinking like, all they just like me because I got candy is like, no, they like you now because you shared.
31:38
[SPEAKER_05]: Wow.
31:39
[SPEAKER_05]: Because they don't, they live in with a mama.
31:41
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
31:42
[SPEAKER_05]: And you went no surprise to us.
31:44
[SPEAKER_05]: We chose you.
31:45
[SPEAKER_05]: We had our stuff in order.
31:47
[SPEAKER_02]: Amazing.
31:47
[SPEAKER_05]: We wouldn't look for a child.
31:49
[SPEAKER_05]: We had our money in order.
31:50
[SPEAKER_05]: We had to clean our house.
31:51
[SPEAKER_05]: But we did that and it just helped me shape it.
31:53
[SPEAKER_05]: So when it comes to men, because of my daddy being a Negro four times, I'm like, sometimes men, we just, we don't, when it's not done for us, we just don't know how to communicate.
32:06
[SPEAKER_05]: I'm sorry.
32:07
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
32:08
[SPEAKER_05]: And I think that's so important.
32:10
[SPEAKER_05]: Was there any time in your life where you had to go back to your son and say, hey, man, I apologize for that.
32:14
[SPEAKER_05]: I was a little off-kilter out there.
32:16
[SPEAKER_01]: Absolutely.
32:17
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
32:19
[SPEAKER_01]: His first five years of life.
32:24
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, I've been honest about this.
32:27
[SPEAKER_01]: Me and my wife been very transparent.
32:28
[SPEAKER_01]: We've been married thirty one years.
32:30
[SPEAKER_01]: Our first ten years.
32:33
[SPEAKER_01]: I remember you tell me.
32:34
[SPEAKER_01]: I wasn't right.
32:35
[SPEAKER_01]: We were living in separate places, different relationships, or all my fault.
32:41
[SPEAKER_01]: What I want to do is what I can't own, I will own.
32:46
[SPEAKER_01]: And my wife came into the relationship wanting to be with me.
32:51
[SPEAKER_01]: I came into the relationship wanting to be with parts of her.
32:56
[SPEAKER_05]: And explain that a little bit more.
32:57
[SPEAKER_05]: What parts did you want to be a part of?
32:59
[SPEAKER_05]: And then what parts like Brian want to be a part of that?
33:01
[SPEAKER_01]: I wanted physical relationship.
33:03
[SPEAKER_01]: Of course.
33:04
[SPEAKER_01]: I wanted the church notoriety, the church relationship, but the personal accountability I didn't want.
33:13
[SPEAKER_01]: I wanted to be with her when I wanted to be with her.
33:17
[SPEAKER_01]: She was in a hundred percent.
33:19
[SPEAKER_01]: I was in sixty.
33:21
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's six and that forty percent put us in separate places.
33:26
[SPEAKER_01]: That forty percent put us in different relationships.
33:28
[SPEAKER_01]: That's all on me.
33:30
[SPEAKER_01]: And my son was born two years after I was getting married.
33:38
[SPEAKER_01]: no live role.
33:39
[SPEAKER_01]: When he was coming up, I thought I was the hero because we were separated.
33:44
[SPEAKER_01]: So my house was set up like like Disney World.
33:48
[SPEAKER_01]: You know what I'm saying?
33:49
[SPEAKER_01]: I had at the time Sega Genesis and there was a movie theater right down the street and blockbuster video was popping at the time.
33:59
[SPEAKER_01]: And the pizza play so when he came over, it was like everything you go want is here.
34:05
[SPEAKER_01]: But I'll never forget, when my wife and I decided that it was time for us to be in a hundred percent on both of us, I told him first.
34:15
[SPEAKER_01]: I said, you know, I know you like being here, but me and your mom are getting back together.
34:22
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's gonna be different now.
34:23
[SPEAKER_01]: I said, me and you're gonna be different, and me and your mom are gonna be different.
34:28
[SPEAKER_01]: I wanna make sure you okay with that.
34:31
[SPEAKER_01]: Now he was about five at the time.
34:34
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm thinking like he's going to be mad because we can't play Sega Genesis no more.
34:38
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
34:39
[SPEAKER_01]: He later my chest and cry because as much as I thought he wanted the presence, he wanted the presence.
34:49
[SPEAKER_01]: He didn't want the games in the Friday night and then weekend parties.
34:54
[SPEAKER_01]: He wanted us to be consistently together.
34:56
[SPEAKER_01]: He wanted me to be with his mother.
34:58
[SPEAKER_01]: I thought he was going to be mad because I was going to be taking time away from him.
35:02
[SPEAKER_01]: But it was more important to him that I was with her.
35:05
[SPEAKER_01]: So when that happened, I realized I owe him an apology because I thought I gave you what you wanted all this time.
35:11
[SPEAKER_01]: But really what you wanted was your whole family.
35:13
[SPEAKER_01]: Now, of course, there are people who cannot
35:17
[SPEAKER_01]: who the situations make it impossible for them to reconcile in that way.
35:23
[SPEAKER_01]: And I own that, you know, as much as we have said, you know, God hates divorce and it's the truth.
35:29
[SPEAKER_01]: I think about my mom.
35:30
[SPEAKER_01]: I applaud her strength for divorce and my dad.
35:34
[SPEAKER_01]: Even if I wanted him to be in relationship with me, but I didn't want him to be with her.
35:38
[SPEAKER_01]: Not if it put her in physical home.
35:41
[SPEAKER_01]: So I understand it is not always possible.
35:44
[SPEAKER_01]: But when it is possible, I'm so grateful that our relationship being reconciled was what my son needed.
35:51
[SPEAKER_01]: I was able to give it to him.
35:53
[SPEAKER_01]: And I got one of the biggest, best prizes in the world.
35:56
[SPEAKER_01]: I got my wife back.
35:58
[SPEAKER_01]: It's, it's not to turn up.
36:00
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
36:01
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, go ahead.
36:02
[SPEAKER_01]: It's amazing that, you know, me showing up for him has, has rekindled and rebirth of a relationship between me and my wife.
36:11
[SPEAKER_01]: And I owe him the apology for those years that he didn't have it in the way he needed.
36:14
[SPEAKER_05]: That's right.
36:16
[SPEAKER_05]: Hey, so family listen, I'm going to pause this conversation.
36:19
[SPEAKER_05]: Take a small look at this video and get involved if you too, check this out.
36:25
[SPEAKER_05]: Hey.
36:27
[SPEAKER_05]: I'm on the set of something very special that's happening for the love you more show.
36:32
[SPEAKER_05]: And I will be more junior show brand.
36:34
[SPEAKER_05]: Here's the thing.
36:35
[SPEAKER_05]: I've done all that I can.
36:36
[SPEAKER_05]: Now it's important for you to do what I can.
36:38
[SPEAKER_05]: We're looking for partners to help us continue to build out this amazing new studio and hopes that we can continue to expand this brand.
36:45
[SPEAKER_05]: So here's the thing.
36:46
[SPEAKER_05]: If you love what you're watching, if you love what you're listening to that you want to see it grow, become a part of our Patreon family, which we've now coined V.
36:54
[SPEAKER_05]: flat out family okay so if you want to join the flat out family it's a lot of incentives in there make sure that you click the link it's available right here in this YouTube link and then of course to those of you who just want to go to flatout family.com it's available there too.
37:07
[SPEAKER_05]: I back to the episode.
37:09
[SPEAKER_05]: Wow make sure that you click that website it's gonna be off the chain.
37:12
[SPEAKER_05]: JJ I got to ask you this man.
37:14
[SPEAKER_05]: You talked a little bit about
37:17
[SPEAKER_05]: those first five years.
37:18
[SPEAKER_05]: And what I've noticed just, you know, with my audience and with the flat out family, a lot of older people are now getting into relationships.
37:27
[SPEAKER_05]: I call them my latest, my teenagers, baby, they like, hey, I'm single.
37:31
[SPEAKER_05]: They be trying to talk to me because I like to wear my arms out.
37:33
[SPEAKER_05]: I'm like, baby, don't get your phone one case to come on.
37:36
[SPEAKER_05]: Don't this, you won't play with Netflix.
37:38
[SPEAKER_05]: You don't have to do me like that.
37:39
[SPEAKER_05]: That's why I'm standing in my lane.
37:41
[SPEAKER_05]: But I do want to ask you this.
37:43
[SPEAKER_05]: You talked about the first five years being extremely difficult.
37:46
[SPEAKER_05]: Like what decisions could have been made that were unselfish that could maybe alleviate that five year stint of just going back and forth the first ten years.
37:54
[SPEAKER_05]: Like what would you advise couples to do in the beginning stages of relationships of marriage?
38:00
[SPEAKER_01]: I think that
38:03
[SPEAKER_01]: Free amount of counsel is, pre-marital counseling is necessary.
38:07
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that, you know, now we're pastors, obviously, we counsel couples before they get married.
38:13
[SPEAKER_01]: And you would think that those first sessions are really about preparing them for what's to come.
38:20
[SPEAKER_01]: Let me tell you something.
38:21
[SPEAKER_01]: I can tell you what to do with your bank account.
38:23
[SPEAKER_01]: I can tell you how to handle your physical relationship, all that.
38:27
[SPEAKER_01]: I can tell you all the base of our experience.
38:30
[SPEAKER_01]: But what I found out is that the real reason that you have premier counseling is to make sure that everybody has the same decision before you're going in.
38:40
[SPEAKER_01]: Like everybody's going in with the same mindset.
38:42
[SPEAKER_01]: Like we're getting married because of our connection to each other and because we believe that God has brought us together.
38:50
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, you don't both have the same thoughts of why you're getting married.
38:55
[SPEAKER_01]: You're walked in and out.
38:57
[SPEAKER_01]: You're having amazing, you know, first couple of days and then you'll realize, you know, or we don't want the same thing now.
39:08
[SPEAKER_01]: And I wanted to be with you for this.
39:11
[SPEAKER_01]: You wanted to be with me for me.
39:13
[SPEAKER_01]: And because my this is not the same as you're this, we're gonna mess up.
39:20
[SPEAKER_01]: I think if we would have made sure our vices were the same, then we would have not had those terrible times.
39:28
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's, again, that's not on her.
39:29
[SPEAKER_01]: That's what I mean.
39:30
[SPEAKER_01]: My this was wrong.
39:32
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
39:32
[SPEAKER_01]: So if I would have first of all had premirital counseling, and let's be real.
39:41
[SPEAKER_01]: The Bible says, it's better for a man to marry than to burn with lust.
39:46
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, come on, that's the day he's detained.
39:48
[SPEAKER_05]: Come on, you better get married.
39:49
[SPEAKER_05]: Unless you feel like I do.
39:51
[SPEAKER_05]: But guess what?
39:52
[SPEAKER_01]: Guess what I found out, bro.
39:55
[SPEAKER_01]: That, that don't change when you get married.
39:58
[SPEAKER_01]: That lust is the same.
40:00
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
40:01
[SPEAKER_01]: Lust don't change when you get married.
40:03
[SPEAKER_01]: It's, it's, it's proper stewardship and it's proper decision making that's going to keep you from sin.
40:11
[SPEAKER_01]: I thought that once I get married, all of a sudden, I'm good.
40:15
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
40:16
[SPEAKER_01]: I ain't gonna want nothing else.
40:17
[SPEAKER_01]: The Lord has taken over my members.
40:19
[SPEAKER_01]: And I am good.
40:21
[SPEAKER_01]: But I found out that that lust is still there is now, okay, now I don't want just her.
40:27
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm gonna want somebody else because I got what I'm supposed to have.
40:31
[SPEAKER_01]: Lust needs you want what you're not supposed to have.
40:33
[SPEAKER_01]: That's true.
40:34
[SPEAKER_01]: And so I didn't properly check myself and I remarried for the wrong reasons.
40:40
[SPEAKER_01]: I married the right woman for the wrong reasons.
40:43
[SPEAKER_01]: Wow.
40:44
[SPEAKER_01]: So if I would have been more real with myself about why I was getting married, I would have been a better husband when it was first ten years.
40:51
[SPEAKER_05]: Man, that's so awesome.
40:52
[SPEAKER_05]: So now you guys, uh, is it Mila?
40:55
[SPEAKER_01]: Mila, not, that's my first grand baby.
40:58
[SPEAKER_01]: That's J. Four's.
40:59
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
41:00
[SPEAKER_01]: First baby.
41:01
[SPEAKER_01]: So Mila is, uh, oh, okay.
41:04
[SPEAKER_01]: You about to be real personal.
41:06
[SPEAKER_01]: Psalm.
41:07
[SPEAKER_01]: Psalm is my, twenty one year old daughter Janais, baby.
41:15
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's me, let's song and J-five.
41:17
[SPEAKER_01]: It's special because my, my twenty one year old doing, I don't have to get real personal, but she's, um, she's not married.
41:27
[SPEAKER_01]: And, you know, I'd never forget the day I found out she was pregnant.
41:31
[SPEAKER_01]: Trina, knowing me, knowing my upbringing, because as much as I messed up, I'm from a traditional background.
41:37
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
41:37
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm ready to fight, right?
41:40
[SPEAKER_01]: So she said, you know, let me take, she took me to the risk called in.
41:44
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, good.
41:44
[SPEAKER_01]: What?
41:45
[SPEAKER_01]: Sit on the cows.
41:46
[SPEAKER_01]: Let me talk to you.
41:47
[SPEAKER_01]: So she told Mama first.
41:48
[SPEAKER_01]: She told Mama, of course.
41:50
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
41:51
[SPEAKER_01]: Trina has an amazing relationship with my kids.
41:53
[SPEAKER_01]: Got it.
41:53
[SPEAKER_01]: She's the nurturer.
41:54
[SPEAKER_01]: She nurtures me.
41:55
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
41:57
[SPEAKER_01]: So she's telling them and, you know, she told, they told her, so she takes me.
42:02
[SPEAKER_01]: First of all, J-five, five, five up.
42:03
[SPEAKER_01]: J-four, five up for me.
42:05
[SPEAKER_01]: He's the wrong person to keep a secret from me.
42:07
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm doing it right now.
42:08
[SPEAKER_01]: He, that church on Sunday morning, he hugged me crying.
42:12
[SPEAKER_01]: Not telling me what is going on.
42:15
[SPEAKER_01]: Because he's hurt because he knows I'm going to be hurt.
42:18
[SPEAKER_01]: He takes me to the hotel.
42:19
[SPEAKER_01]: Tells him what's going on.
42:21
[SPEAKER_01]: And I told my daughter after because everybody expected me to blow up.
42:25
[SPEAKER_01]: No blow up.
42:26
[SPEAKER_01]: I said, you know, I'm going to love you and that baby is why I remember my sisters.
42:36
[SPEAKER_01]: We're from a traditional church in New York and I love my upbringing, but we also came up in the time when it was said you want to cheer in the middle of the sanctuary and apologize to the church for being pregnant.
42:50
[SPEAKER_01]: I remember my oldest sister having apologize to the church, but getting pregnant.
42:55
[SPEAKER_01]: And I said, as much as I'm disappointed, I'm not gonna make her feel ashamed for what she did.
43:04
[SPEAKER_01]: That's the first reaction I had.
43:05
[SPEAKER_01]: However, as things started going on, I got angry or angry or when I saw Saul, my life changed, bro.
43:14
[SPEAKER_01]: I love Mealah.
43:15
[SPEAKER_01]: I love J. Five.
43:16
[SPEAKER_01]: That's my name's sake.
43:18
[SPEAKER_01]: But,
43:19
[SPEAKER_01]: what I love the most about Psalm is how beautiful God can create some God can create some so beautiful out of what we will consider to be a mistake.
43:30
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think my attention towards her is I'm gonna love you in spite of what the enemy tried to do to create a division between me and my daughter.
43:43
[SPEAKER_01]: So our relationship has also caused this
43:47
[SPEAKER_01]: amazing reconciliation between me and my daughter.
43:50
[SPEAKER_01]: So my grandkids are very special to me.
43:53
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's so funny because Janay came when me and trainer were broken up.
44:00
[SPEAKER_01]: Now, here is some who comes at a time when me and my daughter were having a really rough time.
44:07
[SPEAKER_01]: So there's always this reconciliation that God sends and it sends it through a person.
44:12
[SPEAKER_01]: And Janay and Jay, a lot of Janay and some of those people for me.
44:16
[SPEAKER_05]: Man, you know, you know, we were trying to get the name Khalil together.
44:21
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
44:22
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
44:22
[SPEAKER_05]: I'm like, listen, I know what's stock.
44:25
[SPEAKER_05]: I know what's stock.
44:26
[SPEAKER_05]: They come from.
44:27
[SPEAKER_05]: We need to just, but I'm so grateful for that.
44:30
[SPEAKER_05]: I didn't know that she had a new baby.
44:32
[SPEAKER_05]: That's like I knew, you know, I'm a little, well, a lot closer to Jay, Jay four.
44:36
[SPEAKER_00]: Jay four.
44:37
[SPEAKER_05]: I knew he had, you know, I knew he had a couple babies, but I just remembered, remember that.
44:42
[SPEAKER_05]: So now that you have gone through thirty one years of marriage,
44:47
[SPEAKER_05]: I didn't know like the story about your dad, didn't know about the story about your mom.
44:52
[SPEAKER_05]: How do you raise a family when you didn't necessarily have one?
44:57
[SPEAKER_05]: What tools did you have to go get to be a father when the father was in prison?
45:01
[SPEAKER_05]: What tools did you have to get to break the abandonment
45:06
[SPEAKER_05]: Curse that was in your family life.
45:08
[SPEAKER_05]: It's one thing to step up to the plate and make mistakes.
45:11
[SPEAKER_05]: But it's another thing to stick and stay.
45:13
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
45:13
[SPEAKER_05]: Is that accountability partners is that foundationally.
45:16
[SPEAKER_05]: I know it's the Bible.
45:17
[SPEAKER_05]: I know it's God's presence.
45:18
[SPEAKER_05]: But sometime I flesh be like, I'll bro, I, you know, I can do this.
45:22
[SPEAKER_05]: It's in my blood.
45:23
[SPEAKER_05]: I'm just, you know, but what made you stick and stay?
45:25
[SPEAKER_05]: How did you develop and become an a father?
45:28
[SPEAKER_05]: Because, you know, your son actually really loves you.
45:30
[SPEAKER_05]: You represent you well outside of outside of your presence.
45:33
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
45:34
[SPEAKER_05]: I'm not a judge.
45:35
[SPEAKER_05]: I'm a fruitless specter.
45:36
[SPEAKER_05]: So I'm looking at the fruit.
45:37
[SPEAKER_05]: I'm like, he did some, right?
45:39
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
45:40
[SPEAKER_05]: So, so like, how do you learn these tools when you when you never seen them?
45:45
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, you know, we had this this bishop came to my church.
45:50
[SPEAKER_01]: He's a therapist.
45:52
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
45:52
[SPEAKER_01]: But he's a preacher, but he's
45:54
[SPEAKER_01]: He's an amazing preacher because he's such a good therapist.
45:57
[SPEAKER_01]: And he talked about Paul, how Paul said, you know, he asked God to take the throwing away three times.
46:04
[SPEAKER_01]: He said, no, my grace is sufficient.
46:06
[SPEAKER_01]: What does that grace look like?
46:07
[SPEAKER_01]: We always think it's like this amazing feeling.
46:10
[SPEAKER_01]: No, it's proper coping skills, right?
46:14
[SPEAKER_01]: So for me, it wasn't necessarily like this overwhelming example of what a good father was, but it was building healthy habits and coping skills along the way to compensate for what I hadn't seen.
46:26
[SPEAKER_01]: And I learned as far as accountability.
46:31
[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't have anybody I trusted to be in my life like that to tell me what I should show to sure not do because I hadn't seen
46:38
[SPEAKER_01]: The example, like, oh, yeah, you're going, how are you going to teach me?
46:41
[SPEAKER_01]: Because I'm looking at you.
46:42
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm, I'm a fruit inspector like you.
46:45
[SPEAKER_01]: So we, my wife and I became my own accountability, kind of really.
46:50
[SPEAKER_01]: This is no library.
46:51
[SPEAKER_01]: And initially, when we got back together, we decided a few things that were going to happen.
46:55
[SPEAKER_05]: So you did sell borders and boundaries after you stayed for five years.
46:59
[SPEAKER_05]: Yes.
46:59
[SPEAKER_05]: Did you think someone else during that time?
47:01
[SPEAKER_05]: Yes.
47:02
[SPEAKER_05]: And she has someone else who?
47:03
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, yeah.
47:04
[SPEAKER_01]: What?
47:04
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, let me say this.
47:07
[SPEAKER_01]: This is how the Lord taught me some real lessons, bro.
47:12
[SPEAKER_01]: During that time, we separated.
47:14
[SPEAKER_01]: She stayed so devoted to me.
47:16
[SPEAKER_01]: She did.
47:17
[SPEAKER_01]: We got back together.
47:19
[SPEAKER_01]: Then that's when temptation comes.
47:22
[SPEAKER_01]: And she just starts having improper conversations.
47:27
[SPEAKER_01]: And we've been very transparent about this.
47:29
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think a lot, when it happened, I'm out, I'm leaving.
47:34
[SPEAKER_01]: How dare you do this to me?
47:37
[SPEAKER_01]: And then the Lord said, where?
47:42
[SPEAKER_01]: That's only during you.
47:44
[SPEAKER_01]: You forgot.
47:47
[SPEAKER_01]: You're gonna leave her after she forgave you for all you did.
47:50
[SPEAKER_01]: So I had to now not only learn how to be forgiven, but how to forgive.
47:57
[SPEAKER_01]: Because I was good with figuring out how to build trust.
48:02
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, you strategic.
48:03
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, like I'm gonna teach you.
48:04
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm gonna help you trust me.
48:06
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's what we did.
48:07
[SPEAKER_01]: We got back together.
48:08
[SPEAKER_01]: I set up.
48:10
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, some strong boundaries to help her learn how to trust me.
48:15
[SPEAKER_01]: I said, when I leave my job on the way from work to the time I get to the house, I'm gonna talk to you all the way.
48:22
[SPEAKER_01]: That's gonna be me and you on the phone.
48:24
[SPEAKER_01]: So you'll never have to worry about who I'm talking to.
48:26
[SPEAKER_01]: Then when I get to the house, it's me and you.
48:29
[SPEAKER_01]: If I go away, and you can't go, I'll put my phone next to me.
48:34
[SPEAKER_01]: And we're gonna talk on on night to we fall asleep.
48:36
[SPEAKER_01]: And we wake up, we're gonna be on the phone.
48:38
[SPEAKER_01]: That's good.
48:39
[SPEAKER_01]: So you'll never have to be concerned about what's happening to the point where now you don't have to worry because we've already built this trust.
48:46
[SPEAKER_01]: So I did that.
48:47
[SPEAKER_01]: But then when she broke trust with me, I didn't know how to forgive.
48:53
[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't know how to receive like, you violated what I thought was real.
49:00
[SPEAKER_01]: And then, you know, I ain't alive, bro, to this day.
49:05
[SPEAKER_01]: If a thought comes, it's like, I got to cast it down.
49:08
[SPEAKER_01]: The Bible says cast it down imaginations and every high thing that exalts the suffocates knowledge you got.
49:14
[SPEAKER_01]: So you got to shake them thoughts out of your head.
49:18
[SPEAKER_01]: It's because that thought could create a spiral.
49:21
[SPEAKER_01]: So what I realized is it's not really the consideration that something could happen again.
49:27
[SPEAKER_01]: It's me wanting to know every detail of what happened when it was happening.
49:32
[SPEAKER_01]: And those details are what create more opportunities for spirals.
49:37
[SPEAKER_01]: So I had to get to a point where I forgive you and I don't need to know everything that happened.
49:42
[SPEAKER_01]: Once I got to that place, we are now at the place where we can lead other couples and forgiveness in the full spectrum.
49:50
[SPEAKER_01]: Before that, I could only tell you how to be forgiven.
49:53
[SPEAKER_01]: I couldn't tell you how to forgive.
49:55
[SPEAKER_01]: But now I can teach you how to forgive because I've had to forgive.
49:59
[SPEAKER_01]: And forgiveness was not bigger, my family.
50:03
[SPEAKER_01]: Because of our abandonment issues, we were good at leaving.
50:07
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
50:08
[SPEAKER_01]: We were good to say, oh, I'm good.
50:10
[SPEAKER_01]: Peace.
50:11
[SPEAKER_01]: Done.
50:12
[SPEAKER_01]: But now I've had to learn how to stay in spite of the hurt and in spite of the mistrust and broken trust.
50:19
[SPEAKER_01]: And it made us better.
50:21
[SPEAKER_01]: It made us better pastors.
50:23
[SPEAKER_01]: It's made us better husbands and wives and fathers and mothers because we've learned how to do all of it.
50:30
[SPEAKER_01]: Not just the part of it that makes us the victim.
50:33
[SPEAKER_01]: That makes sense.
50:34
[SPEAKER_05]: I'm doing that because I want to do to make sure that you know that even though I got the same outfit on, this is a commercial listen.
50:39
[SPEAKER_05]: I want to encourage every single person under the sound of my voice who has an organization that you feel needs a family audience to learn more about what you are pushing.
50:51
[SPEAKER_05]: Maybe you say, Willie Moore, Jr., we help adopt it families.
50:54
[SPEAKER_05]: Foster care families.
50:55
[SPEAKER_05]: Maybe you help men.
50:57
[SPEAKER_05]: Any family organization or church organization that really represents family.
51:01
[SPEAKER_05]: Hey, we want a partner with you.
51:03
[SPEAKER_05]: Here's the thing, we're looking for a medium commitment, meaning it's not a long-term commitment, but it's not, it's not a one-and-one.
51:10
[SPEAKER_05]: If you are an organization who needs to be in front of ladies ages thirty-five to seventy-four, right?
51:17
[SPEAKER_05]: If you need to be in front of young men ages thirty-five to about fifty-four,
51:23
[SPEAKER_05]: And you say, I have a family message that can really resonate with this audience.
51:27
[SPEAKER_05]: We want to welcome you to hit this little email info and love you more.com info and love you more.com that little email is literally in the description of this video.
51:36
[SPEAKER_05]: And we are looking to partner with organizations who represent family the more we go the more we know and we're learning who our audience is and we're learning how to make it more beneficial for you and your organization.
51:49
[SPEAKER_05]: Click that little email and we'll make sure that we connect with you.
51:52
[SPEAKER_05]: Man, not only her, but I'm just proud of you.
51:55
[SPEAKER_05]: There's a level of freedom that I've noticed now.
51:57
[SPEAKER_05]: This spirit, like I was on the trail of me at this.
52:00
[SPEAKER_05]: It's so crazy when I'm working now.
52:01
[SPEAKER_05]: A lot of people think I work out just to have cool body and all that stuff, but it just took the place to alcohol and like cigars and stuff because I would do it all the time.
52:10
[SPEAKER_05]: But that's really where I meet God and just kind of hang out.
52:13
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
52:13
[SPEAKER_05]: And I was, I said, you know, I got JJ today, guy, like what do we want to talk about?
52:17
[SPEAKER_05]: And then he brought back to remembrance me and my former wife and you and Trina, y'all told me the story about, he just brought like different moments that we've had in the last decade, believe that, right?
52:29
[SPEAKER_05]: And then
52:30
[SPEAKER_05]: even though you have a man such an amazing career.
52:34
[SPEAKER_05]: I said, well, guy, well, what is like, like, how do we get this James two and four when we get down to four when it's like, how do we get JJ to lack nothing?
52:44
[SPEAKER_01]: Wow.
52:45
[SPEAKER_05]: And I don't know if you've ever shared with people, but God showed me that.
52:50
[SPEAKER_05]: Even at the pinnacle of your career, you always had a question about if you were good enough.
52:55
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, yeah.
52:56
[SPEAKER_05]: Like you were walking rooms and everybody will be seeing his songs that you did and you would look like.
53:04
[SPEAKER_05]: I don't know if I'm even supposed to be here.
53:05
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
53:06
[SPEAKER_05]: And so I just want to keep firm man and up firm to let you know that you are more than enough.
53:13
[SPEAKER_05]: Wow.
53:14
[SPEAKER_05]: That you are a faithful man.
53:15
[SPEAKER_05]: That you are honorable man.
53:17
[SPEAKER_05]: And even now, let's tell the tell you these things.
53:20
[SPEAKER_05]: Your brain goes to what you do not do right.
53:22
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
53:23
[SPEAKER_05]: That's God's job, bro.
53:24
[SPEAKER_05]: Like he wants you to be a pastor.
53:26
[SPEAKER_05]: He wants you to go and do marketplace.
53:29
[SPEAKER_05]: He wants you to go do worship.
53:30
[SPEAKER_05]: But this time he wants you to do it with the confidence and the fact that he equips you and gave you everything that you need for everything that you need.
53:38
[SPEAKER_05]: Wow.
53:39
[SPEAKER_05]: Like you are enough.
53:41
[SPEAKER_05]: Like I was on Thursday.
53:42
[SPEAKER_05]: But JJ, he got the coolest beard in the game.
53:44
[SPEAKER_05]: God, what you mean?
53:45
[SPEAKER_05]: Like, I mimic my beard all the JJ.
53:48
[SPEAKER_05]: I'm like, Kimmy, the JJ has to be it.
53:50
[SPEAKER_05]: Wow.
53:50
[SPEAKER_05]: Okay.
53:51
[SPEAKER_05]: Look at this bitch.
53:51
[SPEAKER_05]: You see this bitch at the hit like everywhere.
53:53
[SPEAKER_05]: I'm linking that top.
53:55
[SPEAKER_05]: And then, and then, God says, he never really thought he belonged.
53:58
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
53:59
[SPEAKER_05]: I mean, correct me if I'm wrong.
54:01
[SPEAKER_01]: If you, if you, if you're absolutely right, bro, I didn't honestly
54:05
[SPEAKER_01]: It's that type of affirmation that I never received.
54:08
[SPEAKER_01]: And like you said, when you almost feel like you're doing it, so you can prove something right for yourself, like valid, valuable and invalidating the fact that you do belong for me.
54:23
[SPEAKER_01]: I felt like I was always in place as the replacement.
54:30
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I started becoming leader of you for praise because Sean Brown, who was the leader, went on to become a pastor.
54:38
[SPEAKER_01]: It's not like it was like, okay, JJ is the one.
54:42
[SPEAKER_01]: Now, I think that revealed what I could do, but I don't know if I would have been chosen to do it if he didn't leave.
54:50
[SPEAKER_01]: So I always felt like,
54:53
[SPEAKER_01]: is this, do I belong?
54:55
[SPEAKER_01]: Am I good enough?
54:56
[SPEAKER_01]: Am I strong enough?
54:57
[SPEAKER_01]: Do I know enough?
54:58
[SPEAKER_01]: Am I powerful enough?
55:00
[SPEAKER_01]: Am I annoying to the enough?
55:02
[SPEAKER_01]: But honestly, over the last year,
55:05
[SPEAKER_01]: I've just relaxed in the fact that it's not even about me.
55:09
[SPEAKER_01]: It's not about me being good enough.
55:11
[SPEAKER_01]: It's about God being good enough.
55:13
[SPEAKER_01]: And if I just get out the way and let him show up, then people will see him through me.
55:20
[SPEAKER_01]: But up until that point, honestly, I was just telling somebody, the first ten years of the stellar is I remember looking at the bottoms of people's shoes as they went up and accepted their awards.
55:32
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm sitting in my seat.
55:34
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, you know what, I'll never be up there.
55:37
[SPEAKER_01]: To the point where I said, I don't have to be up there to be valuable.
55:41
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's when I won my first.
55:42
[SPEAKER_05]: You know what I'm saying?
55:44
[SPEAKER_05]: So that's how I like the guy that I know.
55:45
[SPEAKER_05]: Every time you be like, I'm done with it.
55:47
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
55:47
[SPEAKER_05]: Maybe like, no, I'm starting the year.
55:50
[SPEAKER_01]: The year I wasn't going to go was the year I won.
55:54
[SPEAKER_01]: You know what I'm saying?
55:55
[SPEAKER_01]: And then the next time it was like, you know, you know, we got dropped from a record label, bro.
56:01
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like, okay, we dropped.
56:02
[SPEAKER_01]: I ain't got no money to do this by myself.
56:04
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, just, you know, do what you can and put some of your old songs together and put a new song on the record.
56:11
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's the you deserve it, record.
56:14
[SPEAKER_01]: That's all I did.
56:15
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's like, you know what, I put it out on your own.
56:18
[SPEAKER_01]: I put it on my own.
56:19
[SPEAKER_01]: It's the highest sound record we ever had.
56:21
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's always God showing us that you trust in and other stuff.
56:26
[SPEAKER_01]: You even trust in yourself wanting you trust in me.
56:29
[SPEAKER_01]: And now that I've learned to trust him, now that I have that history, I've learned, okay, you know what, whenever I don't feel good enough, if I trust him, he gonna show something that's even crazier than I would have ever been able to be powerful enough to do.
56:44
[SPEAKER_05]: Man, day day, I really appreciate you sharing that sharing this story.
56:48
[SPEAKER_05]: You know, family, can I just talk to you real quick?
56:50
[SPEAKER_05]: I just want to do this real quick.
56:51
[SPEAKER_05]: You know, the enemy is so crafty.
56:55
[SPEAKER_05]: And, you know, I'm not giving them glores.
56:57
[SPEAKER_05]: I don't put that in the comments.
56:58
[SPEAKER_05]: You always get, no, no, no, I'm not giving them that.
57:01
[SPEAKER_05]: But I want to tell you, like, he continues to use the same strategy.
57:05
[SPEAKER_05]: like it's never changing.
57:07
[SPEAKER_05]: So when I look at the JJ here at some store and I look at it and I think I thought he felt safe enough to share.
57:12
[SPEAKER_05]: So you have the child who's at a very young age, he sees this mom go through some very, very, actually terrifying and tough stuff with his father.
57:21
[SPEAKER_05]: They break up and then father leaves, right?
57:24
[SPEAKER_05]: And so now you have this little scar of abandonment because the enemy is never focused on you now.
57:29
[SPEAKER_05]: He's always focused on the sabotage of your later.
57:32
[SPEAKER_05]: And so he adds this little piece he writes it in.
57:36
[SPEAKER_05]: And then it's like, because all he had was a glimpse of it.
57:39
[SPEAKER_05]: Because the enemy wants to just give you glimpses.
57:41
[SPEAKER_05]: So you can steal a lot on those small glimpses.
57:43
[SPEAKER_05]: So now he sits there and he's like, man, you know, going to practice or going to music.
57:48
[SPEAKER_05]: You see all these guys like that on my dad.
57:50
[SPEAKER_05]: You know what I mean or whatever.
57:51
[SPEAKER_05]: And then finally, the dad comes back.
57:53
[SPEAKER_05]: And he tries to do something that's pretty cool.
57:56
[SPEAKER_05]: But he adds a caveat like you got to pay me back.
57:59
[SPEAKER_05]: But you owe me something, though, like you weren't there.
58:01
[SPEAKER_05]: And so you need to have two people in there, like, don't really understand the blessing.
58:08
[SPEAKER_05]: And then you get grown.
58:09
[SPEAKER_05]: And because of this abandonment over here, you always walk in different places and like, OK, what people here for?
58:15
[SPEAKER_05]: It doesn't allow you to trust.
58:17
[SPEAKER_05]: And then you find a wife.
58:18
[SPEAKER_05]: But you necessarily get the wife because you want the wife.
58:21
[SPEAKER_05]: You know, it's like, well, you know, you find it just kind of work out.
58:24
[SPEAKER_05]: And then you realize, like,
58:26
[SPEAKER_05]: way to many.
58:26
[SPEAKER_05]: When you look back at the sea, that was always something in that sea that wanted to allow me to disconnect.
58:33
[SPEAKER_05]: But when you look at the story of JJ Harris to now, you realize that even in the parts where the enemy attempted to disconnect, God was always showing up with a really cool win.
58:43
[SPEAKER_05]: It's five year old son says I really love it cries on his chest.
58:47
[SPEAKER_05]: It's a guy went, go back over that way.
58:49
[SPEAKER_05]: Okay, I'm going to set up some boundaries to make sure everything is good to make you make sure you know.
58:54
[SPEAKER_05]: And then, oh man, she talked to something and now you got to forgive again, boom, but you still keep going and you learn something else.
59:00
[SPEAKER_05]: And then finally, you get to this pinnacle of music and everybody knows the record and it's like, man, I ain't never going really make it like that.
59:08
[SPEAKER_05]: And then it doesn't happen so that little abandonment it goes back there and then finally you get to get the stellar ward on the day that you probably didn't even wear the suit that you wanted to because you was like man, I just put something together, right?
59:21
[SPEAKER_05]: For me, I love hearing people's journeys because I get an opportunity to see God and then I also get the opportunity to see the little tricks and those little seeds that have been placed inside of everybody's journey that were made to distract and deter and to try to get them off course.
59:39
[SPEAKER_05]: But I thank God for his gospel.
59:41
[SPEAKER_05]: And of course, it's the William O. Junior version.
59:44
[SPEAKER_05]: And James won two through four.
59:45
[SPEAKER_05]: It says, count it all joy when you face trials in many kinds.
59:48
[SPEAKER_05]: Now, here go the cash twenty two.
59:49
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, that don't sound too pleasing to me.
59:51
[SPEAKER_05]: Because if I'm facing trials in many kinds, I'm be like, no, I don't want no joy.
59:56
[SPEAKER_05]: Uh, cause I don't feel joy.
59:57
[SPEAKER_05]: I actually feel pissed to the highest level of instability if I can be honest with you.
1:00:01
[SPEAKER_05]: I don't know if you had trials that make you feel like God, where in the heck are you?
1:00:05
[SPEAKER_05]: Like, how can I be doing the right thing and the wrong thing keeps on happening?
1:00:09
[SPEAKER_05]: I'm trying to be faithful.
1:00:10
[SPEAKER_05]: I set up these borders.
1:00:11
[SPEAKER_05]: I set up these boundaries.
1:00:12
[SPEAKER_05]: I'm doing the right thing.
1:00:13
[SPEAKER_05]: Why does things keep going so aright?
1:00:16
[SPEAKER_05]: And then you read that scripture and it goes on to say, you counted our joy because he's allowing perseverance to have his perfect work.
1:00:23
[SPEAKER_05]: Like, he's teaching you something.
1:00:25
[SPEAKER_05]: And then finally at the end of that scripture in four sets of you will not lack nothing.
1:00:31
[SPEAKER_05]: So whenever you face these trials, you point out where the trial is, you put a smile on your face because you know God is developing something in you, so you will lack nothing.
1:00:41
[SPEAKER_05]: That means emotionally, physically, spiritually, financially, everything that you want is in this trial.
1:00:48
[SPEAKER_05]: After thirty-one years of marriage, I'm so encouraged to know that they can be free from everything that happened and hopes that it can be a help to people like you and I.
1:00:56
[SPEAKER_05]: My challenge to you today is although your little small seed is different from JJ's.
1:01:03
[SPEAKER_05]: My little small seed was adoption and always thinking that I had to perform to get love.
1:01:09
[SPEAKER_05]: My homework for you today is to go back and just look inside.
1:01:15
[SPEAKER_05]: What seed was planted in me that is allowing me to choose behavior that is less than the purpose that God has for me.
1:01:26
[SPEAKER_05]: And this may take some time.
1:01:27
[SPEAKER_05]: In fact, during this show, I'm going to do my best to partner with better health.
1:01:34
[SPEAKER_05]: And hope that we can get more people like you and I therapy.
1:01:37
[SPEAKER_05]: Because I want you to walk through this thing, man.
1:01:39
[SPEAKER_05]: Listen, he might not even be the problem.
1:01:41
[SPEAKER_05]: Your husband might not even be the problem.
1:01:43
[SPEAKER_05]: It might be the mercy that was planted in you when you was a child.
1:01:45
[SPEAKER_05]: When your mama told you that you know me and they know good, you don't even know how to stuck with you.
1:01:52
[SPEAKER_05]: It might have been that coach who told you that you had never do this, this, and this, and although you proved them wrong, bro, you became real successful.
1:01:58
[SPEAKER_05]: You are still trying to make sure that coach is aligning your marriage and your other job.
1:02:03
[SPEAKER_05]: Even though you get success, you still don't feel successful because it was just a let's see that was planning.
1:02:09
[SPEAKER_05]: I don't want you to go to the grave with that scene.
1:02:12
[SPEAKER_05]: I want you to pull it up from the root.
1:02:15
[SPEAKER_05]: I want you to get the help that you need.
1:02:16
[SPEAKER_05]: I want you to be successful.
1:02:20
[SPEAKER_05]: I want you to feel this love that God has given me now that has cast it out all fear.
1:02:26
[SPEAKER_05]: I'm not afraid about who leaves.
1:02:27
[SPEAKER_05]: I'm not afraid about who stays.
1:02:29
[SPEAKER_05]: I'm not afraid who I'm not, I'm not, I'm not so, so I love with the clefs that I'm not in love with the booze.
1:02:35
[SPEAKER_05]: I love it all because I have discovered that the seeds came break me.
1:02:41
[SPEAKER_05]: But the testimony of making me and my future can't shake me because I know who holds my future.
1:02:49
[SPEAKER_05]: I introduce you to the God that I know who will never leave me nor forsake me.
1:02:53
[SPEAKER_05]: And he'll never leave or forsake you.
1:02:55
[SPEAKER_05]: But it's up to us to ask him how do we investigate what's been planted in me that is no longer necessary for my future?
1:03:03
[SPEAKER_05]: You now live in abundance, but you're still in survivor mode.
1:03:08
[SPEAKER_05]: It's time to thrive in every area of your life, prick that little seed up, get the help that you need and fly like an eagle baby because that's who you are.
1:03:18
[SPEAKER_05]: Do me a favor.
1:03:19
[SPEAKER_05]: If you love this show, if you felt like any of those messages hit your heart, like put it in the comments what you just learned or put it in the comments like, man, I kind of felt the part because I'm gonna go back in there and I'm gonna look and then I'm gonna answer these questions.
1:03:32
[SPEAKER_05]: I'm just gonna comment on those questions cause we'll start doing live shows too and I just wanna let you know how much I love you, man.
1:03:38
[SPEAKER_05]: I bring these guests down because I wanna make sure that you know that you're not alone in this thing and that there's a victory on the other side of your trial.
1:03:45
[SPEAKER_05]: It's just completing you.
1:03:47
[SPEAKER_05]: So, in the midst of it all, don't forget to love yourself more.
1:03:51
[SPEAKER_05]: Go find that little part that he put in there to break it out.
1:03:54
[SPEAKER_05]: That's the first thing you could do to love yourself more.
1:03:57
[SPEAKER_05]: Subscribe to this channel.
1:03:59
[SPEAKER_05]: Follow JJ Harris, the new music is out.
1:04:00
[SPEAKER_05]: Of course, tune into the Willy mode during your show.
1:04:02
[SPEAKER_05]: We're gonna be playing it.
1:04:03
[SPEAKER_05]: You know JJ, not there.
1:04:04
[SPEAKER_05]: He's gonna go number one.
1:04:05
[SPEAKER_05]: That's what he's doing.
1:04:07
[SPEAKER_05]: It's like it just go up the charts.
1:04:08
[SPEAKER_05]: It's just a favorite.
1:04:09
[SPEAKER_05]: That's dope.
1:04:09
[SPEAKER_05]: You go number one.
1:04:10
[SPEAKER_05]: And we gonna make sure that it does.
1:04:12
[SPEAKER_05]: I love you.
1:04:12
[SPEAKER_05]: Subscribe to this channel.
1:04:13
[SPEAKER_05]: Flat out.
1:04:16
[SPEAKER_00]: love you, my love you