Latest / The Kathie Owen Perspective Podcast / 258. Leadership Without Attachment

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258. Leadership Without Attachment · The Kathie Owen Perspective Podcast

• 0:00
  One of the most common questions I get asked, and I've been asked this for years, is this, how do I not attach to something I love?
• 0:10
  How do I love my child without attachment?
• 0:13
  How do I love my partner without attachment?
• 0:16
  How do I love deeply and still practice non-attachment?
• 0:20
  And the reason this question comes up so often is because most people misunderstand what attachment actually is.
• 0:29
  Non-attachment does not mean loving less.
• 0:33
  It does not mean caring less, and it definitely does not mean pulling away from the people or things that matter to you.
• 0:43
  Non-attachment is about how you relate, not how much you love, and once you understand that everything changes in relationships in leaderships and in life.
• 0:57
  If you are new here, my name is Kathie Owen.
• 0:59
  I'm a private, invitation only consultant, and I work with leaders, teams, and individuals around emotional regulation, boundaries and clarity, especially in high pressure environments.
• 1:14
  This channel is about principles that hold up in real life.
• 1:18
  Not motivational ideas, not spiritual bypassing, but grounded practice you can actually live by.
• 1:28
  Here's the distinction most people miss.
• 1:30
  Attachment is not love.
• 1:33
  Attachment is being emotionally tied to how things should be, and attachment almost always shows up in three ways.
• 1:43
  Number one, tolerating harm.
• 1:47
  Number two, abandoning discernment.
• 1:50
  And number three, collapsing boundaries.
• 1:55
  All three come from the same place.
• 1:59
  This shouldn't be happening.
• 2:02
  That word should is where attachment lives.
• 2:07
  Think about how this shows up in everyday life.
• 2:10
  A parent who has no boundaries because they believe sacrificing themselves is love.
• 2:15
  A partner who tolerates behavior that hurts them because they're afraid of loss.
• 2:22
  A leader who over functions, over explains and absorbs emotional chaos to keep everyone comfortable.
• 2:31
  That's not love.
• 2:33
  That's attachment.
• 2:34
  And attachment always leads to self abandonment.
• 2:40
  Non-attachment does not ask you to stop loving.
• 2:43
  It asks three very specific things.
• 2:48
  Will you stop letting fear decide your posture?
• 2:52
  Will you keep your heart open without hardening or collapsing?
• 2:57
  Will you stay steady even if others don't change?
• 3:01
  Non-attachment is loving fully without betraying yourself.
• 3:06
  It's the difference between love with presence versus love with self erasure.
• 3:14
  Here's what non-attachment often looks like in real life.
• 3:18
  Someone you care about becomes uncomfortable when you stop overgiving.
• 3:23
  They may feel neglected, they may feel threatened, they may say you've changed, but what actually happened is this.
• 3:31
  You stopped abandoning yourself to regulate their emotions.
• 3:36
  Non-attachment is not withdrawal.
• 3:40
  It's anchored presence.
• 3:42
  You're still loving, you're still available.
• 3:44
  You're just no longer collapsing your boundaries to maintain an image of how things should be.
• 3:52
  There's that word should.
• 3:54
  And when you do that pattern surface.
• 3:57
  Projections appear.
• 4:00
  Oh yeah.
• 4:01
  Projections.
• 4:02
  Truth becomes very visible.
• 4:06
  That's not cruelty, that's clarity.
• 4:10
  Non-attachment is loving without abandoning discernment, safety, or boundaries, even when it would be easier to sacrifice yourself.
• 4:21
  This principle applies everywhere.
• 4:24
  First of all, in relationships, you don't disappear to keep love.
• 4:29
  You don't tolerate harm to avoid loss.
• 4:34
  In parenting, you don't confuse self-sacrifice with devotion.
• 4:39
  You model boundaries as safety, not rejection.
• 4:44
  In leadership, you don't manage emotions for others and you don't collapse clarity to keep the peace.
• 4:52
  Non-attachment creates real stability, not control, not compliance.
• 5:00
  Non-attachment is one of the three core principles I live by and I teach.
• 5:06
  Non non-attachment is the first one.
• 5:09
  Radical responsibility is the second one, and courage is the third one.
• 5:16
  These are not concepts, nor are they core values.
• 5:20
  They are standards for how you relate to people, power and pressure.
• 5:26
  I work privately with leaders and individuals who are ready to stop self abandoning and start leading and living from clarity.
• 5:38
  My work is invitation only.
• 5:40
  If this perspective resonates you can learn more about my work and read related articles on my website at www.kathieowen.com Uh, K-A-T-H-I-E is how I spell Kathie.
• 5:58
  And by the way, I will be talking about this a lot more on my channel, so be sure you subscribe so you don't miss a video from me.
• 6:08
  And I always include a blog post with every video that I do that includes bonus resources, including guess what, links to more non-attachment articles inside the article.
• 6:22
  And if you've ever wondered how to love deeply without losing yourself, this is the path, not detachment, not withdraw.
• 6:33
  Self loyal love.
• 6:36
  All right.
• 6:37
  That's my episode for today.
• 6:38
  I trust that you found it helpful.
• 6:40
  If you know someone who could benefit from this, please share it with them, and until next time, I'll see you next time.