Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #89 Time Poor Families

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#89 Time Poor Families · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

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  Speaker 1: This is the Happy Family's podcast with doctor Justin Coilson.
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  Speaker 1: We are Lukin Suzie and this is the podcast for
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  Speaker 1: time poor parents who just want answers.
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  Speaker 2: Now, Doctor Justin Coilson is in the house and we're
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  Speaker 2: going to be talking about probably one of the most
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  Speaker 2: common problems across families in our country.
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  Speaker 1: Unfortunately, those suits. We don't have time for this.
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  Speaker 2: That's the problem. That's what we're discussing. Oh, time poor family,
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  Speaker 2: Time poor family.
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  Speaker 1: And is it an excuse or is it a reality
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  Speaker 1: of what our life is like right now?
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  Speaker 2: And this is the question that's coming for you to
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  Speaker 2: answer for us today, Justin. We're a time poor family.
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  Speaker 2: What is the single most effective activity or habit we
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  Speaker 2: can create as a family to make sure we stay close?
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  Speaker 3: Great questions, single most, single most That feels so unfair.
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  Speaker 3: When have I ever just had one idea?
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, well, and that's it.
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  Speaker 1: You get one idea and Justin and we're only going
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  Speaker 1: to do one idea.
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  Speaker 3: So let me ask you, guys, when you're a husband
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  Speaker 3: and wife a radio team, you work from home. You've
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  Speaker 3: got three boys, but you've got so much going on
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  Speaker 3: in your lives and working from home really does complicate it.
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  Speaker 3: What would you say, is the single most useful thing
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  Speaker 3: that you've Dinner at the table survival.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, no, no, I'll go with your dinner at the table.
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  Speaker 3: That's a cop out.
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  Speaker 1: Well no, because as soon as she says, gone.
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  Speaker 3: For the joke and then easy answer, I'll just go.
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  Speaker 1: With what she said. There's two things. There's two things
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  Speaker 1: that we have implemented over a period of time. One
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  Speaker 1: has been dinner at the table and we ask you
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  Speaker 1: know two things that happened from your day. So there's
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  Speaker 1: no bullet point, there's no dismissal or something that we
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  Speaker 1: already know. They have to actually reveal two things that
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  Speaker 1: other people that we didn't know and give an explanation
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  Speaker 1: for it. So we actually have this time where we
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  Speaker 1: engage and know each other's well. And I think the
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  Speaker 1: other thing that because there's a lot of travel that
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  Speaker 1: comes into to what I do, and we've just done
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  Speaker 1: this recently, so this is a less less of a
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  Speaker 1: daily thing and more of a big picture thing that
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  Speaker 1: all of the frequent flyer points that I get from
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  Speaker 1: that go back to activities with our family. So I
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  Speaker 1: just took I just took one of our son on
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  Speaker 1: a weekend away paid for with the accommodation in the
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  Speaker 1: flights by the frequent flypoints. So even though they lost
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  Speaker 1: by not having dad around because of those flights, they
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  Speaker 1: get him back because of what it buys for them.
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  Speaker 2: That's because we have sons, so it's a father son
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  Speaker 2: specific thing.
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  Speaker 3: You can do as well for us.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's it.
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  Speaker 1: So it was just it was just they it cost
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  Speaker 1: them to not have me home, so they get the
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  Speaker 1: bonus and how that gets spent to use it?
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  Speaker 2: Are you going to cop out now and steal one
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  Speaker 2: of our ages? I just want to know my a
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  Speaker 2: parenting experts.
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  Speaker 3: Now now that you mentioned it. My plan was to
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  Speaker 3: discover the foundation that every parent gives me when they're
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  Speaker 3: talking about this is the same and you've you've highlighted it.
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  Speaker 3: Whether it's time away with the kids or time at
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  Speaker 3: the table. Kids spell love t I M E. And
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  Speaker 3: hurry up is the enemy of love at the enemy
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  Speaker 3: of time. We don't have time. Hurry up is the enemy.
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  Speaker 3: So what you've highlighted is just the importance of the
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  Speaker 3: value of time. I say it all the time, just
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  Speaker 3: like dollars of the currency of our economy, Attention is
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  Speaker 3: the currency of our relationships. Every family is going to
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  Speaker 3: do it differently. But there's a word that I would
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  Speaker 3: put next to time to highlight just how important this is,
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  Speaker 3: and that is intention. If we can approach our opportunities
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  Speaker 3: to engage with our children, with our families intentionally, we're
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  Speaker 3: going to get so much more out of that time together.
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  Speaker 3: So time at the table might mean screen free, so
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  Speaker 3: that we're talking about in our family because we've got
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  Speaker 3: six daughters at sunshine, storm clouds and rainbows. What was
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  Speaker 3: good today? What was hard today? How did you overcome
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  Speaker 3: that hard thing? Maybe going away for a camp on
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  Speaker 3: the weekend or flying somewhere. There might be some devices
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  Speaker 3: while you're on the airplane, and you're not going to
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  Speaker 3: have a D and M while you're sitting on the plane,
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  Speaker 3: But you'll get where you're going, and then you're going
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  Speaker 3: to be involved in activities, you're doing things together, you're
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  Speaker 3: really engaging in things. It's about intentional time, planned time,
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  Speaker 3: non interrupted time that I think is the answer to the.
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  Speaker 2: Question, Okay, I've got a question. On the back of
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  Speaker 2: your answer.
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  Speaker 1: He hasn't actually answered the question. He's given us the
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  Speaker 1: philosophy of why the answer is going to be one way,
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  Speaker 1: single most effective. Okay, activity or what was the other
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  Speaker 1: caveat of the question, habit or activity? Habit or activity?
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  Speaker 3: Okay, So this is unfair, and what I'm going to
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  Speaker 3: say is going to feel I want to be really
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  Speaker 3: clear that what I'm saying is not judgmental. I'm not
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  Speaker 3: judging anything, because we all fall into the same traps.
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  Speaker 3: I don't think that we're really good with our time.
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  Speaker 3: We stare at the stupid television and watch meaningless TV programs.
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  Speaker 3: We stare at our phone because we feel like we
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  Speaker 3: have to answer that email tonight, even though I can
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  Speaker 3: very easily wait until tomorrow. If we left the phone
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  Speaker 3: in the car, it would be okay till tomorrow. The
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  Speaker 3: phone doesn't need to be stroked every night to make
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  Speaker 3: sure that it's okay. I would say that what we
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  Speaker 3: actually want to do is be really clear about what
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  Speaker 3: needs to happen and when. So, for example, if you
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  Speaker 3: want to have really nice mornings with your family, and
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  Speaker 3: let's face it, how often do we have a really
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  Speaker 3: nice morning before school with the kids. You know, kids,
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  Speaker 3: I hope you're going to have a great day and
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  Speaker 3: let me help you.
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  Speaker 1: That's not what normally, as they always respond to everything
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  Speaker 1: that you say. At that time of the morning, they
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  Speaker 1: put shoes on, they do it within five seconds rising.
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  Speaker 3: But if you notice, we're often saying that because we're
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  Speaker 3: in a hurry, and say, would you hurry up and
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  Speaker 3: get your shoes on? What do you mean you don't
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  Speaker 3: know where your shoes are?
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, you wore the home yesterday, for goodness sakes.
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  Speaker 3: And so we are actually sabotaging ourselves. I would say,
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  Speaker 3: if you want to have a really nice morning, make
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  Speaker 3: sure that you get the night before right. Your preparation
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  Speaker 3: for tomorrow starts tonight, which means that in the morning
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  Speaker 3: when you wake the kids up ten minutes earlier than normal,
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  Speaker 3: with a big hug and a squeeze, and I can't
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  Speaker 3: wait for today. It's going to be great. What are
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  Speaker 3: you looking forward to? Then you can work together to
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  Speaker 3: make things happen when you're not in a hurry, which
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  Speaker 3: gives everybody the illusion and the sense that there's more time.
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  Speaker 3: The other thing that I would suggest is we can
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  Speaker 3: repeat to ourselves this sentence, I have all the time
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  Speaker 3: in the world. Yeah, Because somehow when we tell ourselves that,
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  Speaker 3: it just levels us, it balances us, and we're kind
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  Speaker 3: of like, you know what, even if I don't, it
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  Speaker 3: feels good to say it, and it feels good to
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  Speaker 3: feel it. When we slow down, we actually Stephen Covey
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  Speaker 3: used to say slow is fast and fast is slow.
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  Speaker 3: The more you try to rush things, the more problems
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  Speaker 3: you have in the slower it is. The slower, more methodical,
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  Speaker 3: the more intentional you are about things, the faster things
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  Speaker 3: seem to go, the smooth they are, the less friction
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  Speaker 3: there is.
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  Speaker 1: I think he's answered the question. Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: I think the thing that came to mind when you're
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  Speaker 2: talking about intention and time together, this is the memory
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  Speaker 2: making stuff that we're talking about. What's going to be
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  Speaker 2: sitting in your children's memory when they look back on
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  Speaker 2: their childhood.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, and as they imagine what happened between seven and
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  Speaker 3: seven thirty every weekday morning, what sort of memories will
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  Speaker 3: they have?
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  Speaker 1: Yeah?
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  Speaker 2: What will their brain create as the norm? Good? Great
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  Speaker 2: topic to talk about today, Doctor Justin Coilson, Thanks so
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  Speaker 2: much for your time.
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  Speaker 3: Awesome.
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  Speaker 2: You can find more information on all of Justin's books, programs,
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  Speaker 2: and podcasts at Happy Families dot com dot au. But
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  Speaker 2: if you'd like to find out how to have Justin
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  Speaker 2: come and speak at your school, organization, or event. Go
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  Speaker 2: to Justin Coulson dot com