Latest / He's Hot but Something's Off... / HHBSO 24: My Mom Plays Tetris

Transcript

HHBSO 24: My Mom Plays Tetris · He's Hot but Something's Off...

0:01
Hello, Welcome to He's Hot, But something's off with me.
0:03
Just Joey T This is the very first time that I forgot almost
0:11
to record this week's podcast. So usually most weeks I should
0:16
look forward to recording this podcast because I as you can
0:21
tell by now, we're up to episode 23 or 24.
0:24
Some odd. I'm a pretty talkative person
0:28
and I actually have a lot of opinions.
0:30
A lot of thoughts. So this week though, I've just
0:33
been really, really focused and concentrated on literally just
0:38
work. So the business that I'm trying
0:41
to start up the proper business, not the side hustles.
0:45
I met with a lawyer over the phone just to ask them, do I
0:49
need permits? Is the company incorporated
0:52
properly? Do I need to file any forms and
0:53
things like that? And I'm really glad I invested
0:56
in actual legal advice. I was talking to an actual
1:00
lawyer, lawyer, CAD person, and he's like, OK, you need this,
1:05
you need that, this is where you go fill this out and this is how
1:07
you apply for that, blah blah blah.
1:09
And these are things that I'm pretty handy with the Internet
1:13
and I know how to Google stuff. Even still just certain things.
1:18
You need professional help for them to tell you.
1:21
Someone who's done a million times and knows everything
1:25
inside and out, for them to tell you this is very easy for them
1:28
to say, OK, this is your situation.
1:31
You need ABC and this is how you get it.
1:33
So it was like a 30 minute call. I think it's only like or like
1:36
20 minutes. It was like 20 minutes and it
1:38
was like a super productive call.
1:40
Very glad I paid for that service.
1:41
It wasn't that expensive, honestly, to have that one call.
1:43
Yeah, so that's going. And I'm also reaching out to a
1:47
lab or like the manufacturer of the stuff I want to sell and to
1:53
get that on a row. And this week, I also for the
1:56
first time did like a proper calculation on how much the
2:01
inventory is going to cost me because I need to, like, order
2:05
the stuff first. Then the stuff will be with
2:08
Amazon or whoever in a warehouse for them to ship out the orders.
2:14
There's a little bit of capital that's involved when you're
2:16
selling manufactured goods. You have to get the manufacturer
2:20
to make it for you and then once it's made, well you have to pay
2:24
for all that stuff upfront unless you're getting some sort
2:27
of weird kind of financing. So I'm going to have to pretty
2:30
much buy these products like upfront.
2:33
I'm going to have to drop like 10s of thousands of dollars out
2:38
of my own portfolio, my savings, my investments, wherever it's
2:41
going to come from. And it's going to sit in the
2:44
warehouse with Amazon. And then the next step of that
2:48
process is I need to market and I'm not great at marketing, but
2:52
it's something that I have a plan for.
2:54
I have a vision in my head how the marketing, the sales and all
2:59
that's going to go. It's scary and exciting.
3:02
At the same time, business is so different than just showing up
3:05
to the office doing 9 to 5. You kind of know what to do in
3:09
an office, but when you are running the whole business and
3:13
you've not done it before and there's like a chunk of money on
3:18
the line, it it's like a very scary kind of exciting.
3:23
So I imagine this is how all first time business owners, the
3:30
people who are starting a proper business for the first time,
3:32
this is how they all must feel. So yeah, we will keep doing that
3:39
because I also keep an eye on the job mark, just a regular job
3:41
market. I'm not ruling outgoing back to
3:44
do the 9:00 to 5:00 and having an employer getting that steady
3:47
paycheck, which is nice in some ways because pros and cons.
3:49
But the market is not well, at least for the type of job that I
3:54
will want to do. It's not looking super great.
3:57
There's not that many openings and I just keep hearing layoffs
4:01
especially in tech that I'm kind of sort of in that industry as
4:03
well. So yeah, but anyways took hit
4:07
some couple of milestones with the business which is great.
4:12
The side hustles are side hustling, so we'll keep on doing
4:16
that. And also this is the this week
4:18
was the first time I said that I did my monthly budget.
4:21
I'm usually pretty good at doing the monthly budget.
4:23
So once a month, at the start of the month or at the end of the
4:27
month, I will basically go through every single transaction
4:32
on my credit cards or in my checking accounts on my savings
4:35
account. And I guess this is what they
4:39
used to call this like balancing your checkbook or something.
4:42
But basically I look at all the money that's going out, all the
4:45
money that's coming in, and I get to see where all my dollars
4:50
are coming from and where they're being spent, what my
4:53
money is being spent on, and where my income is coming from.
4:57
So I haven't done that in since March.
5:00
So for a good part of this career break, I just haven't
5:03
even been looking at the money. I always have a sense of how
5:06
much money is coming in. This is always coming in through
5:09
my checking account and I have a good sense of all the money
5:11
going out because the vast majority of the money I spend is
5:16
either something that it's coming out of the checking
5:18
account, like the mortgage payment or everything else is on
5:22
a credit card. So there's not that many ways
5:24
I'm spending money and all the ways I'm spending money, it's
5:27
some sort of thing that's tracked, right?
5:29
I mean anytime you make a transaction in your checking
5:31
account, it shows up on your statement.
5:33
Same thing with credit card transactions.
5:34
I don't spend cash. I just had.
5:36
I told you guys last week, I sold, sold this messenger bag,
5:41
Coach messenger bag, and they gave me cash.
5:44
And that's like the one time every six months where I handle
5:50
cash in any way, shape or form short of like, well, I used to
5:54
have to like put quarters in at the gas station to fill my tires
5:58
of air. But I have a air inflator thing
6:00
that I bought now, so I don't even need that.
6:02
So there you go. This is not smaller vision, but
6:06
you can watch this podcast on my YouTube channel Gesture BT or on
6:09
Spotify. But I just came back from Korean
6:14
barbecue and I smell like Korean BBQ right now.
6:18
So yeah, definitely on the drive back I opted not to have the AC.
6:24
It was like it was like 536 o'clock we have for early dinner
6:29
and had to drop all the windows. Because anytime you know you're
6:32
going to get Korean BBQ, you have to like, you don't wear a
6:36
nice clothes. And it's gonna be clothes that
6:39
you're gonna wash that night or you're gonna have to throw it
6:43
into the laundry hamper. Like right after you have to,
6:46
like, go home after Korean BBQ to like change out of clothes,
6:50
maybe wash it out of your hair. I bet that smell is in my hair.
6:53
And get out of the shower. Yeah.
6:55
So it's like every Korean BBQ place that you go to, it has to
6:59
have that a server. Actually a Korean BBQ, she was
7:03
like a like like a younger chick.
7:06
She was actually really, really fun.
7:08
So I didn't notice that. But yeah, you can't smell this.
7:11
But I smell like Korean BBQ right now, for better or worse.
7:13
And I was like, OK, I still have my hair done and I still have
7:19
the tinted moisturizer on my face.
7:21
So once I got home, I just got home and I was like, you know
7:24
what, Let's record the podcast that I forgot to record
7:26
yesterday. This should have been posted on
7:28
a Thursday. This is gonna go up tonight.
7:32
It's Thursday when I'm recording this, so I'm gonna post it as
7:35
soon as possible tonight. So it would technically be out
7:38
on Thursday, but it would be Friday for some of you.
7:42
All right, so this past weekend, I just came back from Vancouver.
7:47
Literally this past weekend I flew out of Burbank Airport and
7:51
I don't know why I don't fly with Burbank anymore.
7:53
For you, the For those of you that are not that familiar with
7:56
Los Angeles, it's a little bit like New York in terms of like
8:00
the airports, well, there's LAX. Los Angeles International
8:05
Airport, massive airport, clocked up roads all the time.
8:08
Way too many cars, not enough roads and most people will fly
8:13
into LAX, but they don't know the area.
8:15
But there are quite a few other nearby airports in the general
8:21
LA area that's really good to fly into, especially if you have
8:25
a domestic flight. So there are no flights to go
8:28
from. The Burbank airport, which is in
8:32
Burbank is north of like the regular city of Hollywood, but
8:36
it's still in LA County. It honestly the distance from
8:39
West Hollywood. I live to Burbank is the same as
8:43
if I were to drive to LAX or because the traffic is not so
8:46
bad, it's actually maybe like a little bit faster.
8:49
It's like a 30-40 minute drive. But The thing is Burbank
8:52
Airport, it's way less busy. Everyone just goes to LAX,
8:56
right? So Burbank airport is really
8:57
nice to fly out of if you can because it's way less busy.
9:01
There's never a line for security.
9:03
I've never seen a line up more than like 3 people in the TSA
9:08
checkpoint. And the TSA checkpoint is like 3
9:11
lanes, and half the time they don't even need to open all
9:14
three lanes. But it's just not that many
9:15
people there. So it's a smaller airport, but
9:19
it's so not crowded. So that's like the awesome part
9:24
of that. And parking is cheaper.
9:26
Parking is like way easier. You don't have to, like, take a
9:28
shuttle to go from the parking to go to the terminal.
9:31
If you need to go from terminal to terminal, there's only two
9:34
terminals there. They're tiny little buildings
9:35
that are right beside each other.
9:36
It's really, really great. So I'm starting to fly Burbank
9:40
more and more when I can instead of flying from LAX.
9:43
So when I went up to Vancouver this time I did fly off Burbank,
9:47
but they don't do international flights there.
9:51
So I flew from Burbank to San Francisco a short hop away.
9:55
Then from San Francisco International Airport, I hopped
9:58
on my flight to Vancouver. The only interesting, well, 2
10:04
interesting things coming out of the Vancouver trip.
10:07
Otherwise it's like a very regular trip.
10:12
First of all, every time I go back now it's happened for the
10:18
past couple years. I guess mom always has some sort
10:21
of tech related thing that I end up buying for her.
10:27
She doesn't give me warning on these things, but like once I
10:29
get there it's kind of sort of I'm I'm preparing myself that
10:31
OK, I need to go to Best Buy at some point.
10:34
Just have to like get something for you.
10:36
Last time I went back, she got this security camera, You know,
10:42
those like, security cameras you can get from Nest or Arlo, Like
10:46
just those webcam connected security cameras you can buy at
10:49
Home Depot nowadays. And she got one from her
10:52
neighbor. But her neighbor thought it was
10:54
a good idea to have one in like the front porch.
10:57
And like, she's pretty close with the neighbors and stuff.
10:59
It's like a little townhouse community.
11:01
So she got one and she's like, oh, Joey, can you install this
11:05
for me? And I'm trying to explain to her
11:08
in my not super fluent, very accented Cantonese that this is
11:14
just security theater. Like, I'm going to mount it for
11:17
you. This thing doesn't.
11:18
It's not even wired, it uses batteries, you're not going to
11:21
charge it, blah blah blah. But anyways, like, Mom's almost
11:24
70, so like, I don't argue with her that much anymore because
11:28
like, what's the use, honestly. So I mounted this security
11:32
camera thing for her last time. Literally a month later, I got
11:35
the e-mail notification that the battery was dead and she hasn't
11:39
charged it. But anyways, this time I went
11:41
back. She has a Nintendo Switch so
11:46
many, many years ago this would be in in the 90s.
11:51
OK, you Gen. Z ers that are listening, you're
11:55
gonna get a history lesson from like before you were born and
11:58
like the late 80s, early 90s, we had a a Nintendo console game
12:04
console. It was called the Famicom for a
12:08
short for Family Computer and this was back in Hong Kong and
12:13
mom bought it for my brother and sister.
12:17
This is when I was a baby and she bought the Nintendo, Bought
12:23
the Nintendo for my brother and sister when they were really
12:25
young. And then it was this like white
12:29
and maroon thing. If you go Google search like
12:32
Nintendo Famicom from like the late 80s or something like that
12:36
early 90s, it's this blocky looking beige and maroon thing.
12:42
The controllers are wired this this is like 1989 and they slot
12:47
on either side. They are stored on either side
12:50
of this little boxy beige console.
12:53
And that console lasted us oh, until like well into the 2000s.
13:02
Like this piece of the electronic thing lasted like 25
13:06
years. Because what happened was when I
13:08
was in high school, middle school or whatever.
13:13
Now this in Vancouver, this is in like the mid 2000s.
13:17
Mom would play that same Nintendo, but she would play
13:20
Tetris. My mom loves to play Tetris.
13:23
So we had this console set up for her in like like a spare
13:27
room that we had like after my sister moved out when she got
13:30
married and every once in a while she would go turn in the
13:34
tenant on and play Tetris and it was fine for that.
13:37
And then eventually that died in like the it's some somewhere
13:42
along the way in the 2000s it died and then when that died we
13:46
had to well I had to replace find something to replace the
13:51
tenant. We need to get mom Tetris stat,
13:53
and the Nintendo Wii had been out for I think like a couple
14:00
years by then. I'm a little hazy on the
14:02
timeline, but the Nintendo Wii was out for a little while
14:05
already. It wasn't like the latest newest
14:07
hot thing, but it was like a thing still.
14:09
So I bought her a Wii, but it was like the closest it was.
14:14
It was the only console Nintendo was making, and a Nintendo
14:18
console was the easiest way to get her classic Tetris.
14:22
So bought her Nintendo Wii. It was set up in like the main
14:26
living room TV, because that's like her personal TV anyway.
14:29
She spends a hard time in the living room and then, yeah, we
14:32
got it working to play classic Tetris, which is luckily a free
14:36
game on the Nintendo Wii. Fast forward to last year or
14:42
early this year. So 20 years later, another
14:47
Nintendo console, another 20 years.
14:49
I mean, that's a lot to ask for every electronics to last for 15
14:53
or 20 years and not have it just break the Nintendo Wii breaks
14:57
finally after like 15 to 20 years.
14:59
So again, the same thinking as let's just get her whatever the
15:03
current Nintendo console is. Because for me, I didn't feel
15:07
like doing lots of research, but it seemed to be the easiest way
15:11
to carry her Tetris. Again, the only console Nintendo
15:14
mix these days is a Nintendo Switch.
15:17
So I bought her a Nintendo Switch.
15:20
I think it was earlier this year, bought a Nintendo Switch.
15:21
It comes with a dog, so it hooks up to the TV with the dog.
15:24
That's perfect. She knows how to play it.
15:27
Tetris was free. Classic Tetris was free.
15:29
So download the Tetris for her. I went back last time and she's
15:35
like, Joey, they have this game that's like candies and like,
15:40
it's like a puzzle game. It's got candies in it.
15:42
Can you get it for My Nintendo? So I think she was talking about
15:46
Candy Crush. By the way, I don't play games
15:48
and I don't know these things. I know Tetris because everyone
15:51
knows Tetris. Gen.
15:52
Z, you don't know Tetris, like, but go read a book and go Google
15:54
it. But I don't really play games.
15:57
I have no games on my phone or tablet or any of my computers.
16:03
I just don't play games, but I know of Candy Crush, but I don't
16:07
even really know what it was. Apparently it's a puzzle game.
16:09
There you go. So she asked for something like
16:12
that, and I installed some Candy Crush that's actually available
16:18
for the Nintendo Switch. I don't actually make it for the
16:20
Switch. They make it for phones, and I
16:22
think they just make it for phones and tablets.
16:24
So I found her some kind of sort of knock off free version and
16:30
she's been playing that for like the last two or three months.
16:33
The last time I went back, this time this past weekend when I
16:35
went back, she's like Joey, I still want to find that candy,
16:41
whatever puzzle game like this one that you got for me is not
16:44
doing it. So I bought her like this other
16:49
similar this other game that I thought was similar on the
16:52
Nintendo Switch. It makes sense that you need to
16:56
buy games for your consoles because like I said back in like
16:59
the 80s or 90s. When you have to buy those
17:02
cartridges or like the CDs or like the floppy disk that you
17:06
have to like, use an adapter to like insert into your game
17:09
console, you have to buy those or put like them for like $0.50
17:13
or whatever the games are like. This game I bought her, it was
17:17
like the original version for like 30 bucks.
17:19
Or you buy like the new version for like 60.
17:21
It's like, this is a lot of money for a game, for a game
17:24
that first of all, there's no trial period or I couldn't
17:27
figure out. There was a trial period, like
17:29
once I buy it, like I bought it, there's no refund.
17:31
And the second thing is, I'm not even sure there's a game my mom
17:33
wants to play because she was not good at explaining to me
17:37
what she was looking for. And I'm not.
17:39
I don't play games and I don't know, so I bought her this game
17:42
and it's not what she wants. I was like, OK, I just flushed
17:44
30 bucks down the drain. So what end up happened was I
17:49
just got I just installed Candy Crush on her phone.
17:53
She has an iPhone. She has a hand me down from me
17:56
iPhone 11 Pro Max. It's four years old now but for
17:59
what she uses it for, it's overpowered.
18:01
So she's fine. So I just assume that she
18:07
doesn't want to stare at a tiny screen to play games.
18:10
But whenever I ask her to use her phone for any reason, she
18:15
does like the typical old person thing where she holds it away
18:18
like 2 feet away from her, maybe three, and she tilts her head up
18:22
and she squints her eyes like she needs reading glasses.
18:25
But I don't think she wears reading glasses when she goes
18:27
out. So on her iPhone, the font is
18:30
cranked to the absolute maximum size of some older friends that
18:35
crank it up too. But for her, I made everything,
18:40
all the menus, everything in Chinese and the font is cranked.
18:43
It's like when I look at it, it's like, Oh my God, that's an
18:47
assault on my eyes every time I have to like change anything on
18:50
her phone for her. First of all, I have to switch
18:52
it to English. Second all I have to like dial
18:54
down how big the font is in all the menus.
18:58
But anyways, I should never thought to just give her Candy
19:00
Crush on the phone. I was like just trying to do on
19:03
a Nintendo because I just assume, well, she wants to play
19:06
games on the TV. She doesn't want to like, hook
19:08
around on this tiny little screen.
19:10
What tiny for her screen? And I just thought she wouldn't
19:13
want to squint at it. But I was like, at work, you're
19:17
looking for Candy Crush and it's only available on the phone.
19:21
It's not available for Nintendo. And then she's like, well, can
19:23
you just install it on the phone?
19:24
I'm like, OK, sure. So I did it literally.
19:28
We did this in the afternoon. We had a family dinner out the
19:31
restaurant that night. We got there a little bit early,
19:33
so we were waiting for our table, and I've never seen her
19:39
do this ever before. When her cell phone rings, it's
19:43
like everyone knows her phone's ringing and she's the last to
19:47
know like she does. She barely answers her phone
19:50
like we never call her cell phone because she cannot be
19:54
relied upon to even know how to pick it up.
19:58
Like she'll carry the phone. Sometimes she carries the phone,
20:01
sometimes she doesn't, so we don't even know if she has a
20:03
phone on her. Sometimes she hears or rings,
20:05
sometimes she doesn't. By the time she hears it, it's
20:08
too late. When she gets a phone call, she
20:10
looks at her phone for a good 5 minutes before she figures how
20:13
to answer it like it's at that level.
20:16
So I just thought, like, she doesn't really like using the
20:17
phone. We're out at dinner now.
20:19
We're waiting for a table. You know what she does?
20:21
Like, without missing a heartbeat, she Wilts up her
20:23
phone and she's playing Candy Crush.
20:27
Like, literally, like so fast. Like what teenage bore teenagers
20:31
would do when they're waiting for something with their family
20:33
to whoop up their phone and they'll be like on something
20:35
playing a game, be on Instagram, whatever.
20:37
She whips her phone right out and she's paying Candy Crush and
20:40
my niece and nephew are there. So like, they're obviously,
20:42
like, you know, they're like 4:00 and 8:00.
20:45
So anytime they don't have phones, obviously.
20:46
So anytime, you know, they, they see someone's playing a game,
20:50
doesn't matter if his grandma playing a game, like they're all
20:52
over it, but like to play Candy Crush.
20:55
My mom would know how to use a phone to answer a phone call.
20:58
She can't figure it out and we can't rely on her phone to like,
21:01
reach her when she's out and about, which is like a little
21:04
crazy. It kind of blew my mind that,
21:06
like, she and she was playing during dinner.
21:10
So like, we got our table, we sat down, we ordered and
21:15
obviously, like, you know, we're like making chit chat and like
21:16
blah blah. And she's playing crandy crush
21:19
at the dinner table. She used to yell at me for
21:22
reading magazines at dinner. So when we were eating at home,
21:25
we never really ate at our dining room table.
21:30
I would eat. We have this big kitchen island.
21:32
I would eat in the kitchen island and my thing, because I'm
21:34
bored by eating, I can't just eat and not do anything.
21:38
Usually I have to be like reading something.
21:41
So when I'm at home now and I'm eating, if I'm at a dining room
21:45
table, I've got my laptop in front of me and I'm reading
21:47
something on the laptop. Or if I'm eating in the living
21:50
room, I'm watching TV. Like I can't just eat and do
21:56
nothing. So when I was younger and I was
21:59
still living at home, mom would live eat in the living room on
22:03
like a little TV tray table type of a thing and she's watching.
22:07
TVI would always have a magazine, I feel like, probably
22:11
like a car magazine, like a computer magazine.
22:13
And every time we go out to get groceries, I would go to the
22:17
magazine section and I would pick up, you know, whatever
22:21
magazine from that month that I didn't have.
22:22
It'd be like Car and Driver or Rodent Track or like PZ magazine
22:27
or like whatever kind of the computer magazines were back
22:30
then. I haven't bought magazines in
22:31
ages, but I was. I always have a magazine that
22:34
would read primarily during dinner.
22:39
And like, my mom didn't like that I read magazines while I
22:43
was eating. But the thing that she was
22:44
sitting in the living room eating her dinner, watching TV
22:46
is like, what's the difference? And now she's pulling her phone
22:48
to play Candy Crush while we're out at dinner.
22:50
So there you go. I thought that was, like, really
22:54
interesting. Yeah.
22:55
So I bought her that, and she's about to just visit Macau again
23:00
with Asia all kind of opened up this year.
23:03
She's been back there. She went back once in the
23:06
summer. She's going to go back again.
23:08
You know, she's, she's got a family, relatives and stuff over
23:10
there. And I got her a bunch of, like,
23:13
got her like a travel charger and a bunch of cables.
23:15
So now she can charge her phone. She's going to bring her phone
23:18
now because she wants to play Candy Crush.
23:21
She's going to be over there for three weeks.
23:22
She's going to have some downtime.
23:24
She's going to want to play Candy Crush and she's going to
23:26
bring her Nintendo Switch. So I got her a charging cable
23:30
for both. I got her a case for the iPhone,
23:33
but she didn't have a case for. I got her a travel case for a
23:37
Nintendo Switch, and I got her earbuds for both so that when
23:41
she's she's one of those people that turns the volume up when
23:44
she plays games. Is that a normal thing?
23:46
When you play games, do you turn up the volume like the music?
23:48
I don't know. Yeah.
23:50
But whenever she plays at home, she like, turns the volume up.
23:53
And I was like, you can't do this when you're traveling in on
23:56
a plane or in an airport. I need to get you earbuds.
23:58
So I got her two sets of earbuds and now she knows how to use it.
24:02
She can charge the devices when she's traveling, and she has a
24:05
case for both of them so that, you know, they don't get
24:07
damaged. So every time I go back to visit
24:10
Mom, there's there's like some tech thing that I'm going to do
24:15
for her. I just don't know in advance.
24:17
I just wish I got advance notice.
24:18
I can like maybe just bring it to her from the US and that's
24:20
just easier than having run around all through Vancouver to
24:24
find that kind of stuff. Yeah.
24:26
The other interesting thing that came up that doesn't usually
24:32
we're that typical Asian, Chinese family that we don't
24:37
talk about feelings and stuff very often.
24:40
And this, this, this, this is some slightly, this is some real
24:43
talk. I don't really get along with my
24:48
dad. My dad doesn't know it, but
24:50
like, we just never had a close relationship.
24:52
To be really honest. Dad's getting to be of a
24:56
particular age. My my sister gets along with my
25:00
dad, but it's like my sister likes my dad and my sister is
25:06
dad's favorite. That's just what it is.
25:09
My brother's the middle child and my brother's a lot closer in
25:12
age to my sister than me. And I don't think my brother
25:17
like, likes or dislikes my dad Like he it's just indifferent,
25:23
just like, oh, it's dad, it's it's just that.
25:26
So he just went back and visited dad because he, you know, he
25:31
he's getting older. And then my sister wouldn't bug
25:34
me about this but my brother did bug me like he's bugged me the
25:38
last time I visited just a little bit.
25:40
And he this time he also said like you know like you should go
25:44
back and visit dad like he's having trouble like walking and
25:47
stuff now just old age, right. This is not going to be a
25:53
popular opinion because I think a lot of people have like either
25:57
you have. I I feel like a lot of people
26:00
have one or three types of relationships with their family.
26:03
Either they like their family and they have like a either a
26:08
very close or decently close connection and relationship with
26:12
them and they're on like a positive term, right?
26:14
And they'll like visit their family or and talk to them on
26:18
the phone like regularly every so often, right.
26:20
I have to have with my mom and like my brother and sister and
26:22
stuff, but not my dad or the other opposite extreme is you
26:28
have little or no connection at all.
26:31
Maybe, like, you know, it was a really rough childhood and maybe
26:37
your parents are not even people you talk to anymore or people
26:41
you actively do not want to associate with.
26:44
You know, that could be like the other extreme, right?
26:47
And then I feel like for most people, there's that kind of
26:50
category where you're not super close with your family, but
26:54
there's nothing wrong with the relationship and there's no bad
26:57
blood or anything. It's just that you're not,
26:59
you're just not that close with them.
27:00
You talk to them once in a while.
27:02
You know, you don't have to like go back for every single
27:05
Thanksgiving or Christmas or whatever holiday.
27:09
But you guys are like, fine, right?
27:13
So for with me and my dad, it's kind of sort of more on like
27:18
that. I want to say the word extreme,
27:21
but like, I don't know, we we barely talk.
27:24
Like, we barely talk. But here's the thing, I feel
27:28
like some level of resentment towards my dad, but I don't feel
27:32
like he was a very good father to me.
27:39
The memories I have, but I was like a lot when I was really
27:43
young of my interaction with him were just like him yelling at me
27:47
to like do things that kits shouldn't even do, like empty
27:50
his ashtray because he smokes. So on paper I am thankful for
27:57
things that he's done for the family.
27:59
He was the breadwinner. He you know, like he provided
28:03
the family with like you know the basic necessities and more.
28:07
So I'm like thankful in a way for that.
28:10
But I also know of you know, not so great things that he did for
28:16
the family. Some of this through mom and I
28:19
also, my personal relationship with my dad is like there's
28:25
there's not much of a relationship and I feel like it
28:30
it doesn't matter whose fault it is.
28:32
Like I the the end result, whatever the cause was, is that
28:37
I just didn't really have, when I was growing up, a great
28:43
relationship with my dad. It was like a nearly non
28:46
existent relationship with my dad.
28:50
I feel like maybe my brother and sister, they obviously have a
28:53
different relationship with dad than I do, but when my brother's
28:58
like oh you should go visit dad, like you know, he's starting to
29:00
have health problems, blah blah blah.
29:03
I just don't want to and I think this is like not a popular
29:06
opinion, but it just sounds like I'm a huge brat that is
29:10
completely unthankful for anything my dad has done for me.
29:16
But the way I look at it is like every time he calls me on the
29:22
phone, it's to make small talk, so I'd even pick up his phone
29:25
calls anymore. If you're only calling me
29:29
because you're retired and now you're bored and you need to
29:32
have anything real to say to me, I don't need to have that phone
29:35
call. That's it.
29:38
Sounds like I'm a cold hearted bitch.
29:41
Which my close friends would probably tell you.
29:43
That's probably about accurate. But if it's the culmination of
29:49
our, you know, father, son relationship is that you don't
29:53
have time to invest in me, to have a relationship with me
29:57
until you're retired and bored and now you wanna have like 30
30:01
seconds of small talk from halfway around the world.
30:06
Yeah, that's not. I don't need to invest in that,
30:12
you know. So yeah, I'm not gonna go visit
30:15
Dad because he, his health is whatever.
30:18
Yeah. And it's not a popular opinion.
30:20
And I don't think a lot of people could probably relate to
30:27
the way I feel. Everyone's got their individual
30:30
experience and their relationship with their parents,
30:32
obviously. And I can hear all the people
30:36
that are saying, you know what, you should be thankful your dad
30:38
is still around. There's so many people that
30:40
would be like, thankful to even like have a dad or even know who
30:45
their dad is or be able to like, reach out to their dad and that
30:47
kind of stuff. That's all.
30:49
That's all fine and good, but for me it kind of sort of feels
30:54
like he was away for in my memory, for the parts of my
30:59
child that I can remember anyways.
31:01
Besides just like providing money and a roof over our heads,
31:05
like he didn't do anything else. Like from my point of view, like
31:09
never played with me. Just like yells at me like he
31:13
was away all the time. He was like always overseas.
31:15
Yes, he was working, but The thing is like he saw me so
31:20
little. Like the breaks between when he
31:22
saw me is measured in like years, not like one or two
31:25
years. It's like multiple years, like
31:28
from as far as like when I got to like the age of like 8 or 9
31:31
when I can kind of sort of like still remember kind of how
31:34
things were he visited so infrequently that it's it's
31:41
besides the inflow of money and the roof over our heads.
31:44
I didn't really have a dad. So it's kind of like, yeah, I
31:51
can see the people that are like, well, you should just be
31:53
glad you have a dad. You should like, see him before
31:55
he passes away, all that kind of stuff.
31:58
I mean, that's just not the way I feel.
32:02
Yeah. So it's a little messed up to be
32:05
really honest. I don't know if I want kids, but
32:10
I'm not opposed to having kids. I don't want kids per SE, but
32:16
I'm open to the idea. But then sometimes I imagine,
32:19
what kind of father would I want to be to a child.
32:23
It's like I I think what everyone thinks.
32:28
Everyone that doesn't think their dad was like the greatest
32:30
dad always think they can do better, right?
32:32
It's like you see someone doing a job not to your liking, or you
32:38
always think you can do a better job.
32:40
It's like that. That's anything in life could be
32:43
the barista that's making your coffee, the waiter that's
32:46
serving you the food or like, you know, whoever, right the the
32:50
the bus driver that's driving the bus.
32:52
You think like, oh, this coffee is like too hot or like, oh,
32:57
that server is late with my glass of water, whatever.
33:00
You always think you can do better.
33:01
So I think it's a little bit of that.
33:02
The same with being a parent, which is like a full time job in
33:06
and of itself. Well, when you care to like
33:09
fucking talk to your kid. So sometimes I think like, oh,
33:13
since I have this like minimal, nearly non existent relationship
33:18
with my dad that I don't really care for.
33:20
You know how if I were to be a dad, like how would that be so
33:27
different? I mean, first of all, I wouldn't
33:29
just like, well, we will, we will get into that.
33:31
This, this is getting, this is getting really, really deep and
33:34
we're running out of time. But yeah, it's the first time
33:37
where the last time my brother brought up this topic to me 2-3
33:41
months ago. I just like shrugged it off.
33:44
I don't really wanna. I don't.
33:46
I was trying to avoid any sort of argument and it's.
33:50
I don't wanna like. I just want things to be
33:53
peaceful. It's like my beef with dad I
33:57
know is not shared by any other member of the family.
34:01
So and I feel like they can maybe understand, but there's
34:07
like, no use in trying to explain my point.
34:10
My mom, we haven't talked about, I haven't talked about my mom
34:13
with my mom about this. But I think my mom already
34:16
knows, like, I'm not gonna go back.
34:19
I had a discussion around me traveling and she was like,
34:22
like, you don't have to, like, go out of your way to do it.
34:24
But I think my mom's made the peace with it.
34:26
And I think that's like, the most I can ask for is for my mom
34:29
to make the peace with it. If my mom asked me, though,
34:31
like, go see your dad, I think that's the only way that I might
34:35
actually do it. I would literally, like, go back
34:38
for a day and then just fly out. And that's only if mom actually
34:41
wanted me to do it. But my brother was like, nudging
34:46
me, oh, I should go back. And then I basically told him,
34:49
like, I'm not going. And he didn't ask why.
34:54
And he didn't push for it, which I was like a little surprised
34:56
by, but I was like, OK, I I like I I I'm not going to do it, but
35:00
I don't want to. And it was the end of that
35:02
discussion. So there you go.
35:05
I'm not sad about it, though. I think it's.
35:09
I don't really miss what I didn't have in a way.
35:14
I'm not. I don't, I'm not going to say I
35:16
had a rough childhood, you know, like mom was always there.
35:18
Like, I have my brother and my sister, but always get along,
35:20
you know, when you're 8 and your and your brother and sister are
35:23
like, you know, like 15 and 17 or something like that.
35:27
When you're an angsty teenager, you don't really care about your
35:29
kid brother. So, like, I don't hold out
35:30
against them. You know, now that we're all
35:32
like adults, like we get along fine and stuff.
35:34
So I know I don't, I didn't have a bad childhood, but did I have
35:40
any decent semblance of, like a father, son relationship?
35:44
No. So that's why I feel like, yeah,
35:47
it's great. OK.
35:48
The income, you supported the family.
35:50
I do appreciate that. Yeah, I'm not gonna go out of my
35:56
way to like fly half around the world to see you though honestly
36:00
this is like the most cold blooded like bitch moment that
36:05
you're probably gonna see me at. And only because only like 3 of
36:10
you watch this and hear this podcast.
36:13
I don't expect any of you to come from me.
36:15
But I will say you though, like I wouldn't because of the
36:19
experience that I have, you know, if someone isn't super
36:22
cool with their family and stuff and in the in the LGBTQ plus
36:25
community, unfortunately, it's too common for us to hear about,
36:31
you know, you know, parents not being super great with their
36:35
kids because they're queer or because they are quote UN quote
36:39
different or whatever. Yeah.
36:42
So I mean, I I definitely have heard my share of those stories
36:46
from other people. And you know this, my relation
36:50
with my dad isn't brought on because I was queer.
36:52
Although I did hear some rumors from my mom about that.
36:56
But yeah, you know what? It is what it is.
37:00
And I've got my life now. He's got his life.
37:03
And yeah, I'm just gonna keep chucking and keep living it.
37:06
So there you go. That's my relationship with my
37:10
dad. All right, we're going to wrap
37:13
up now again, the video version of this podcast.
37:15
If you maybe one day they'll smell, they will invent
37:19
Smellivision like has been rumored for so long.
37:22
You can smell the Korean barbecue in my clothes.
37:26
I need to go do laundry. I need to take a shower and then
37:28
go do laundry right after this so they can cast a video version
37:31
of this podcast on my YouTube channel.
37:33
Just Joey T and on Spotify. But do next time.
37:36
Bye.