Latest / An ASMR Practice / My Magnum Opus, everything I know 🤯🤗🤠🪄

Transcript

My Magnum Opus, everything I know 🤯🤗🤠🪄 · An ASMR Practice

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: So i've never done this with the white noise machine
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: on it's it's not just white noise it has other
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: options like i don't know i think there's like brown
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: and pink noise right now we're on some kind of
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: thunderstorm ambiance thunderstorms actually bring me a lot of like
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: calm weirdly enough and i know i'm not alone in
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: this i was literally just talking to my friend the
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: other day about this Like, thunderstorms are not scary, guys.
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: I feel like it's too loud. Hold on, let me
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: check the audio. Alright, audio sounds fine. I think this
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: is good, I'll be honest. Um, I am once again
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: in the bath. This is my, this is how I cope.
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: And I also think this is, like, a form of healthcare. Like,
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: It's restorative minerals. The doctor told me the minerals are
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: restorative and it's, I'm restoring. I'm literally restoring. I did
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: have a really good day or a really good morning.
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: My sister came over unannounced and this is totally fine.
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: Your sister can totally come over unannounced. Like she's my sister.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: And I was a little taken aback because I was
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: expecting a call. I think my phone was on do
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: not disturb. She said she called. Let's see. Yeah, she
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: called twice. She was like, I called twice, ho. I
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: was like, I didn't hear you. Okay, so this podcast,
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: I want to do kind of a cleansing exercise of like,
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: just getting off my chest, like, paranoias that I've had
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: in the past because I don't necessarily identify with these
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: things anymore but I also don't know that I've ever
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: necessarily shared them um and so this is sort of
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: like a paranoia confession moment that we're gonna have here
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: um first thing is And this has been... Okay, disclaimer
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: is that I don't think these things apply anymore, per se.
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: Or at the very least, I've found strategies for circumnavigating
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: the paranoia that is caused. I've figured out how to
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: make peace with these ideas that exist in my mind because...
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: It doesn't benefit me to live in fear, if I'm honest.
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: It really doesn't. And, you know, I've almost gotten in
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: trouble a lot. And ultimately, it seems like I don't
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: really get in trouble. And also, even if I did
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: get in trouble, I'm not worried about it. Everybody else
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: is worried about it. Like, it seems the men in
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: my life, who I do value their opinion in a way...
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: they're very worried about it they're like i don't want
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: you to go to jail i don't want you to
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: get in trouble and ultimately there have been so many
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: times where i should have gotten in trouble but i
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: didn't and you know it's like when you're in the
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: in-between i've talked about this extensively but when you're in
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: the in-between and it's like somebody has just yelled at
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: you and maybe there's a moment of separation Right? And
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: it's like in the moment of separation, I'm convening with
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: my higher power. I'm like, and I'm telling my higher power,
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: I'm saying, you got me. You literally got me. I
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: trust you so good. I trust you so hard right now.
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: And then it's like the separation period ends and we
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: come back. We come back to the problem and it
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: would seem that the problem is resolved. Or that it's negotiable, right? Like,
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: in my experience, and I think different people have different experiences.
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: I think men get in trouble a lot more. And
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: I'm not, this is not my mission to talk about
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: the problems of men. I think men need to do that.
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: I think Elijah, my parasocial boyfriend, is on it, okay?
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: He's literally on it. He's literally spitting facts. Everybody go
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: follow Elijah Long. It's spelled like Alicia. Alicia Long. Everybody
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: go follow that guy on YouTube because he really helped me.
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: He really helped me and he wasn't even speaking to me.
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: He was speaking to men. And like technically I am
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: not assigned male at birth. I am not assigned male
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: at birth. I would not identify as a boy. I
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: would identify as an adult body human and I've been
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: this way since I was about 13, okay? And there's
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: all sorts of I don't want to say trauma. I
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: would say drama. I would say drama. There's all sorts
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: of drama. You know, I... My favorite bar locally that
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: closed down, I... One of the last times I went there... Okay,
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: I might be getting derailed from my original intention, but okay,
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: it's story time, guys. One of the last times I
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: went to this bar... It's sort of like an alternative
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: queer kind of bar. And I had a coworker who
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: had initiated with me. And I didn't mind him at all.
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: I wasn't scared of him at all. He invited me
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: to a more chain restaurant kind of bar. And I
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: was like, sure, yeah, I'm down to talk to this guy.
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: He's a person. Of course I'm down to talk to
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: this guy. I have no idea what his intentions are. But,
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: you know, I found out pretty quick and in a way.
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: So he invited me the first time and then I
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: was like, well, I have a different kind of bar
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: that I go to, you know, because it's more like
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: a local business. They sell local artists art. Um, one
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: of my friends from elementary school, for example, was like
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: a vendor there once and one of my closest friends
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: now DJ'd there. Um, and unfortunately they closed down. And
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: what was I going to say about that? Okay, but
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: so one of the, I mean, I went there a lot.
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: This was like my main place that I went because
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: it's sort of like a queer artist kind of community
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: and these are the people that I get along with
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: the most. It would seem like this is the community
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: that I feel aligns with my intentions the most. Generally. Generally.
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: Or maybe it's not my intentions. Maybe it's more my history.
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: I'm not really sure, but this is the kind of
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: place I usually would seek out. Let's put it like that.
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: We got the thunderstorms in the background. The storms are
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: rolling in. Oh, man. And, uh... One of the last
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: times I was there, so I invited this other guy
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: who was my co-worker... His name was Jamie, if anybody
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: even cares or knows. I'm not really sure who's listening
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: to this. It's really not my business. I like him.
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: I don't know. He's fine. He treated me fine. He
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: was respectful. I think there were... I think I gathered, like,
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: maybe a little bit of red flags about this guy.
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: And ultimately... I don't know. So he invited me to
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: his bar. I came. I invited him to my bar.
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: He said he was going to come. And he didn't.
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: I don't know. He gave me a reason. I inquired further.
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: I didn't get an answer. And so. I don't know
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: if I believe it or not. I think like. I
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: inquired further. And I didn't get an answer. And so
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: part of me is like. And then, like, the next
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: time we talked, it was like, we sort of just
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: swept over the fact that I never got an answer.
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: And did I insist? No. No. At the time I
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: was working with this guy, I was just like, whatever,
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: we can just move on. Doesn't fucking matter. We're literally
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: just co-workers. And, um... And so... But it ended up
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: being a good experience. It was like an alt. They
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: called it alt karaoke. That's what they called it. This was.
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: And I just remember having a kind of emotional conversation
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: with my sibling. Because my friend who said they would
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: come didn't come. Friend slash co-worker slash person who said
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: they would come and didn't come. Which is fine. Like.
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: I wasn't that pressed about it. I made friends when
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: I was there and I was talking to my sister
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: while I was there. So it's like, whatever. Ultimately, that's
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: kind of like the benefit of, you know, not relying
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: on people, I suppose, in a way. Like, not relying
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: on specific people. Like, I think I would say I
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: rely on people generally, but maybe not specifically. Okay. You know,
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: because he didn't show up, and I was like, whatever,
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: I'm just going to chat up to people here, and
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: I'm going to text my sister back. And my sister
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: said a lot of stuff. It was a very vulnerable conversation,
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: but it was good. Like, I was grateful that she
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: was having this conversation with me. I was extremely grateful
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: that she was opening up to me, because a lot
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: of times I... She'll state what she's feeling like, oh,
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: I'm feeling anxious. I'm feeling depressed. I'm feeling whatever. And
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: I'll be like, why? And she's like, I don't know.
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: And this was one of those times where she had
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: more answers, you know. I want to say she was
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: maybe just like kind of fresh coming out of rehab. Maybe.
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: And we sort of had a conversation about like our
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: dad who also had stints in the rehab, you know. Um,
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: and everyone is like on my ass telling me to
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: get institutionalized and I'm not listening. I'm straight up not
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: listening because I feel fine. And you know, I was
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: talking to my brother yesterday and he was quoting me.
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: He was like, well, you called me in a lot
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: of distress. And the thing I remember you saying the
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: most was that you were like, nobody believes that I'm okay.
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: And it's, It's pissing me off that no one believes
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: that I'm okay. And he was like, I want to
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: believe that you're okay. And the thing is with this
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: is I'm like, dude, belief? And I don't know that
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: I said this exactly concisely because I was trying to,
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: I was doing a debate. I was debating him in
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: my mind. I was like, you don't know what the
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: fuck you're talking about, dumbass. With peace and love, peace
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: and love, peace and love, peace and love. I love
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: my brother so much. I really do. But, you know,
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: his approach was not an approach that I can really
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: take seriously. It's not, this is not, this is not,
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: if I'm seeking out a professional, this approach that he
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: has is not the kind of professional I'm seeking out.
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: I'm seeking out a different kind of professional, okay? You know,
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: I think my understanding is, is that You know, in
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: the West, what do we do? We put people in jail.
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: We ship them off to another country. And we say,
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: fuck them. Fuck that other country. We're shipping off all
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: the rapscallions to another country. That's what we do. We
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: ship them off to another country. We put them in
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: an institution. Or we heavily medicate them. We just extremely
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: medicate them as much as possible. These are kind of
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: the options. This is the trinity of the West, is institutionalization, deportation,
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: and medication. This is what we got. And then there's
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: a secret fourth option, which is isolation. We have... I mean,
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: here we have the basement incels. We have the people
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: that just play video games. They look at a screen
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: all day. Maybe, if they're lucky, they have a job,
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: but some of them don't even have jobs. They literally
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: just rely on their parents forever, and their parents... lack
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: a backbone and their parents keep them forever their parents
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: keep them forever because it's like probably like a maternal
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: or paternal instinct they're like oh i gotta care for
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: this person i brought into the world and consensually okay
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: okay and so then they're living in the basement they're
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: jerking off to like probably just questionable porn and like
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: and they're playing video games they're just like engaging with
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: the screen all day and pretending that this is like
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: enough and it it might be it might be enough
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: it seems like, you know, there is a population of
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: people that they do do this, and to each their own,
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: straight up, I'm pro-choice, if that's what you like, sure, I,
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: I fear how you're going to behave around an actual woman,
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: I fear whether or not you see, like, other people as, like,
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: actual real people with, like, human feelings and human qualities,
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: or if other people are sort of like objects in
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: this reality, which is like kind of like a video
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: game or like a sports team or something. And it's like,
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: we're just ranking people and we're ranking people and talking
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: to chat without like really making eye contact. Or if
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: we're making eye contact, we're making eye contact for a screen.
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: Kind of weird. Me? Me? I'll make eye contact with anybody.
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: You can look me in the eyes. I like it.
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: I prefer it, in fact. Um.
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: But, you know, I'm insane and I need to be
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: medicated and I need to be institutionalized. What the fuck ever.
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: Y'all are just literally stupid and fucking Western-pilled as hell.
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: And that's embarrassing because you know how the West was founded?
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: They stole the land. They literally stole the land and
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: they committed genocide. And they also just raped and pillaged
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: over and over and over. And, like, this is not ideal.
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: This is not exactly humane, I wouldn't say. So, weird.
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: I mean... Listen, they were, like, following some kind of ideology. Okay.
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: When has this ever been good? I mean... My understanding
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: is I took maybe one or two anthropology classes. Not
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: too many. I think my very first boyfriend... My first
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: proper boyfriend studied sociology and this dude had issues. This
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: dude had serious issues. And so I was like, I
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: am not studying sociology. And I'm also not studying anthropology.
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: This is weird. And like anthropocentric and social sciences are valid. Okay,
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: like I enjoyed studying social sciences and also.
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: In the words of one of my physical science professors,
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: the social scientists are easily excitable. This is what he said.
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: He said they're easily excitable. They use statistics in a
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: way to excite themselves and do too much. They're doing
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: too much. All right. They're saying things are true that
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: you cannot, statistics cannot be used in this way. Okay.
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: I mean, it can and it is. It can and
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: it is. And how excited are we, guys? Yes. Are
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: we really excited about all this stuff? Oh, you're learning. Oh, yay.
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: Sometimes we learn pretty horrific things, and I don't know
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: that we should be so excited about it. Like, so anthropology,
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: what the heck was I going to say about this?
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: My understanding is that the shift away from the oral
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: tradition to the written tradition is This caused huge problems.
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: This is a huge superiority complex, okay? Where the Western
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: people came with their ideologies and everything was written down.
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: And then they come to this place. They're accepted by
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: these people. They're cared for by these people. The local
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: art museum in my area had a very immaculate image
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: of this. Where it's like, it's the indigenous people and
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: they're helping... These pilgrims, they're helping them. They're bringing them up.
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: You can see, I mean, it's communicated just immaculately in
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: this image. And they're helping them. They're guiding them up
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: this rock away from this like, you know, violent ocean, right?
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: It's like a shipwreck kind of situation. It's like the
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: pilgrims have been shipwrecked. The indigenous people are nude. They're nude.
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know what to say about it.
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: I think it's fine. I think it's completely fine and ethical.
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: Who cares? You can be nude. All my homies are
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: rocking with nudity. Like, in a big way. And so.
• 18:29
  Speaker 4: The.
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: Indigenous people are welcoming them onto their safe havens. Also,
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: Safe Haven is an excellent romantic tragedy. Look up the movie.
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: It's about trigger warning. It's about domestic violence. And it's
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: about finding a savior in a different man, okay? I've
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: lived this, okay? But this is a different kind of situation.
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: This is a community of people. helping some shipwrecked fucking
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: dorks okay who were like wearing clothes and their clothes
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: are weighing them down and they're probably drowning in the
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: ocean because they're wearing clothes what the heck and i
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: have the images so perfectly in my mind and then
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: you have you have freaking dingus number one who's he's
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: like the white guy he's the white guy in clothes
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: who's like at the top of the mountain like looking
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: angry and looking like i'm gonna dominate this shit Okay,
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: fucking weird. They're literally helping you. You're going to dominate them? What?
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: Maybe coexist? Have we heard of coexistence? Is that an option?
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: Is that a possibility? It would seem the white men
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: are up to no good. I don't know what to
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: tell you. And so my understanding from anthropology, this was
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: my first anthropology class I ever took. And I did
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: the readings and I took it very seriously. My understanding
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: is the shift away from the oral tradition to the
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: written tradition. This causes trouble. The white people show up
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: with their written tradition and And they have a feeling
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: of superiority about it. They're like, look, we wrote all
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: this stuff down. And the people who have the oral tradition,
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: telling stories, folk kind of tradition, they don't have anything
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: written down, per se. Maybe they have drawings, I don't know.
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: They probably have drawings, but, you know, these colonizers come
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: and they have everything written down. And so they're just
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: immediately like in teacher mode. They're immediately in teacher mode
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: and they're like, You have to learn what I have
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: written down. And honestly, I understand. I understand. If someone
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: comes to me and they're like, hey, I wrote this.
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: As an appreciator of the arts, I'm going to be like,
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: let me see what you wrote, my guy. If they
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: have drawings, whatever. If they're coming to me with a portfolio,
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: I'm like, let me take a look, okay? And, you know,
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: my understanding is these are good people who helped these
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: shipwrecked freaking idiots and dorks, okay? And... And then they
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: just got absolutely... They just got absolutely wrecked. You know?
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: These Europeans, they were dirty. They were literally dirty and stinky.
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: And they lived in, like, super, like, metropolitan kind of conditions.
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: And the rats were taking over the freaking city. And
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: they were, like, escaping the plague or something. And, like,
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: they were, like, super sick. Because they were living in
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: conditions that are not right. They're living in, like, a
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: concrete jungle, okay? They're living... in a kind of squalor,
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: and they're calling it opiates. These freaking dorks, dude. And also,
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: what you need to understand, this I learned from a teacher.
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: I didn't even have her in class, but I talked
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: to her, okay? I talked to her. She was my boss.
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: And I also babysat her children, and her children were lovely.
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: And so, you know, she said, like, When we sent
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: people over from Europe, and we, I don't know, I
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: think it's a loose term. When they sent people over
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: from Europe, these were not our best folk. These were
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: our criminals. These were our rioters, our protesters. These were
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: the people that were wreaking havoc on this metropolitan oasis, okay?
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: And the freaking monarchs were like, we gotta get rid
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: of these troublesome folk. Send them to the next one.
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: These people... These people are impoverished. And so they send them.
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: Send it. Send it. They send these little fuckheads. These criminals.
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: And they give them all these written ideologies. And they say,
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: go somewhere else. Promises. There's promises of wealth and magic.
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: Just across the ocean, my guy. Go rape and pillage.
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: Who cares? Because, you know, this is uncharted territory. They're like,
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: we don't really care. That's what the monarchy said. They said,
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: we don't really care. Go do whatever you gotta do.
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: These people... And then these people come over and they
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: see the other people. Perhaps they're nude. Who knows? Whatever.
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: And they're like, these people are savages because they don't write. Right?
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: They don't write. They don't write their traditions down. They
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: share them orally. They have, like, you know, very valid
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: and very sophisticated and very, like, admirable oral tradition. This
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: is what I learned in anthropology, okay? But somehow the
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: people with the writings and the people who are, like,
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: used to just, like, rioting and, like, protesting against their
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: corrupt government and etc., These people come over and they're like,
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: but they're not writing anything down. They're literally not writing
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: anything down. So they're barbarians and they're savages and they're
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: unsophisticated and they're uncivilized. They don't have fancy outfits like us.
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: So maybe we should just take them all out. They
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: don't have fancy enough outfits. This is stupid. This is
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: literally stupid. And we can forgive them in a way
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: because their system over in Europe did not consider them.
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: I think Europe is doing better these days. That's my understanding.
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: But the United States is founded on some freaking idiots
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: who their system didn't take care of them. In a way,
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: it's like their parents. Their parents did not take care
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: of them. We came over here, we said, we're going
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: to do whatever it takes to survive. And, you know,
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: it looks pretty bad on paper. You know, if they
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: actually taught the history correctly, it would look pretty bad
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: on paper. I think, ultimately, they're primarily interested in fostering
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: patriotism and shit. But fundamentally... And I am a little patriotic.
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: I'll be honest, I, this morning I was, I was
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: hanging with my family, family friends. I was hanging with
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: my family. I was shooting guns and it was fun
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: and nobody died. Literally nobody died because there's gun safety protocols. Okay.
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: And we followed them and we weren't drinking and we
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: weren't being stupid. And we had some extremely fearless leaders
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: who were leading us and that's awesome. And we were
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: having fun. And the reason we have guns, this is
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: my patriotism, okay? The reason we have guns is to
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: protect the people from the government. It's not to kill
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: our neighbors. That's stupid. That's literally stupid. And if you're
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: doing that, you're stupid. Not only are you wrong, you're stupid, okay?
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: And I hope that hurts your feelings. I hope you
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: wallow in shame. I really do. Because you're stupid. Why
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: are you killing your neighbors? The Constitution, bro. The people
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: have guns to prevent the state from doing inhumane things.
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: It is revolutionary and resistant in nature. And I'm not
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: trying to incite a revolution. This is not my intention.
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: I don't necessarily think that that helps. I know that
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: in France they'd be doing this and they'd be making
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: a mess in the street, okay? They're doing a lot
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: in the street. My understanding is one time, and I
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: think it actually did work. I don't know. I just
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: heard about it. I follow this, like, revolutionary kind of platform.
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: It's one of my saved bookmark tabs on my computer
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: or the computer. And it's called Basta. Basta. It's like
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: a revolutionary French publication. And I want to say I
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: was reading on there about, like, the farmers. They, like,
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: dumped a bunch of manure in front of the freaking
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: state building. They were like, you're not paying the farmers enough,
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: so they dumped a bunch of freaking manure. And my
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: understanding is, if it's not fake news, is that that
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: didn't work. You know, I have an instance where... My
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: roommate was not behaving in college. We were infested with flies.
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: This dude was leaving milk. He was leaving milk uncovered
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: on the table. Which, if it was sealed, or if
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: it was covered, he was eating milk and, like, chicken
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: on the table. I was like, bruh. Bruh. This shit is, like,
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: the stinkiest shit you could possibly have. And you're not
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: even covering it or sealing it? And we were infested
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: with bugs, bruh. And so what did I do? I
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: took a Sharpie. I took a Sharpie and I made
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: some posters. Okay. I'm a gubble at heart. Okay. And
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: I was like, this is not right, dude. Our shit
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: is infested. I cannot live like this. I was like,
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: I'm working two full-time jobs. There are flies everywhere. I
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: come home from work. There's like a million flies in
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: the gosh darn kitchen. I'm about to freak out. So
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: I took a Sharpie to some paper and I hung
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: up five or four, something like that. I hung up
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: Four very threatening posters being like, we gotta get our
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: shit together, guys. Can we not be leaving meat and
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: chicken uncovered on the table? Like, this is, first of all,
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: a health concern. Second of all, it's also, again, it
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: is a health concern because there are flies and bugs everywhere.
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: And this is how the literal plague started, in a way.
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: And listen, it worked. The propaganda worked. I said, I'm
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: about to freak out. In Sharpie, I said, I'm about
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: to freak out, guys. And it worked. It literally worked.
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: It was my understanding. And you know, there was a
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: lady there, and I love her. We still chat. I
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: liked her more than the freaking guy that was living
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: with us. I'll tell you that right now. She wasn't
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: leaving chicken and milk uncovered on the... gosh darn dining table.
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: She was like, I don't know that we should be
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: threatening each other like this. And I was like, baby girl.
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: And ultimately, I did kind of take her advice. I
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: remember I came home and I found him reading it.
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: I found the guy reading it. And he was looking
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: some kind of way. And then next time, and then
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: after I saw him reading it, I took it down.
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: I wasn't trying to threaten him for life. I just
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: wanted him to see my thoughts, okay? And I had
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: tried to give him advice. That's the thing is I
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: had tried to give him advice because one day he
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: came home with like four loaves of bread. I was like, guy,
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: this is way too many breads. This is going to
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: go bad. I was just trying to give him like
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: advice as a friend I was like this is way
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: too many and then and then I had the realization
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: I was like you can freeze it I was like
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: never mind dude just put it in the freezer it's
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: all good I was like I'm freaking out about nothing
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: don't even worry about it you can put it in
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: the freezer I was just trying to help him out
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: and he got upset he's like oh you're trying to
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: mother me I was like okay I'm not really trying
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: to mother you I'm just it's very obvious that you've
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: like never shopped for groceries for yourself before and I've
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: been doing this shit for years so like I was
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: just offering advice and you know he didn't really respond
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: abundantly well to it People don't want advice. I think
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: I might be the only dang person in the world
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: that wants advice. And so I go to people. When
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: I have a question, there's a specific person that usually
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: comes to mind. Maybe there's a couple. I'll reach out
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: to those couple of people. Um... So this was not
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: what I had in mind at all. And we're 30
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: minutes in. Um... But yeah, I mean, so some of
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: my paranoias are that, one, particularly around like self-pleasure, let's
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: call it that, I used to feel like I shouldn't
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: be doing it specifically because my dead grandma was watching me.
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: And that I was like, oh, she would look at
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: me pleasuring myself and be like, Disgusting. My phone just, like,
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: literally jumped out of my hand. Okay, they're maybe telling
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: me to be careful with what I say here. And
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: let me tell you, this got way worse when my
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: dad died. Because ultimately, like, I did have this paranoia
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: about my dead grandma. And ultimately, it didn't really stop me,
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: if I'm just completely honest. Because I was kind of like,
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: I didn't really know her. I didn't really talk to
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: her all that much. She died when I was pretty young.
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: But it was a thought that I had, for sure.
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: And I think... When my dad died, it was worse.
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: This kind of paranoia where I was like, he's watching
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: me from beyond. You know, actually... After he died, I
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: had this pretty lucid dream... where it was like i
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: died i died and i was a ghost watching my
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: family grieve me i watched my own funeral and then
• 33:11
  Speaker 1: i i distinctly remember i my sister went for a
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: walk around the neighborhood and i was a ghost so
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: she couldn't hear me she couldn't hear me and she
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: couldn't see me i was like in purgatory And I
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: just followed her on her walk. And, you know, I
• 33:33
  Speaker 1: was like watching her cry and grieve me, essentially. It's
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: like she waited until she was far enough away from
• 33:40
  Speaker 1: the house to start crying. And then I just kind
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: of had to watch it and there was nothing I
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: could do about it. I just had to watch her
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: be sad. And it was the same with all the
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: people in my family. I just had to watch them
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: be sad. about the fact that I was dead and
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: there was nothing I could do. And this is sort
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: of a recurring dream I've had where say I'm being
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: attacked in a dream. I'm being like physically attacked or
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: even sexually assaulted or whatever. Something bad is happening to
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: me at the hands of someone else and I'm screaming
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: for help and it doesn't come out. This is a
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: recurring dream I used to have. And I used to
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: wake up kind of like choking, like trying, like, you know,
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: like that, but nothing's coming out. And it's like, I
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: would wake up with like my throat sore. And a
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: couple of times I woke up and once I woke up,
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: then I was able to scream. And this has scared
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: some of my partners in the past. Sorry, guys. Didn't
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: mean to do that. But it's like I wake up
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: and then I'm able to scream. But in the dream,
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: I'm not able to scream. So I don't know what
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: that means exactly. All I know is like the whole
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: self-pleasure thing became a little more awkward after my dad died.
• 35:17
  Speaker 1: But then ultimately it was easier and it actually helped
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: me make peace with like my grandma because with my grandma,
• 35:24
  Speaker 1: I was kind of like, I don't really know her
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: and that's how I talked myself down. But with my dad,
• 35:27
  Speaker 1: I was like, if this dude is watching me masturbate,
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: he's got bigger issues. Like he's got, this is, this
• 35:33
  Speaker 1: is not about me. Like that's gross. But then, and
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: then the paranoia, the paranoia in my brain is like,
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: What if he doesn't have a choice? Like what if
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: he's strapped to a chair like in that freaking show?
• 35:49
  Speaker 1: What is that show? With the guy on the bike
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: and the targets on his cheek? What is this show?
• 35:54
  Speaker 1: I don't know. Not Chucky. Do you want to play
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: a game? That show? What if he's strapped to a
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: chair and he has to watch it? I hope that's
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: not true. Oh my gosh. And like i had all
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: sorts of terrible anxieties about what the afterlife might be
• 36:18
  Speaker 1: like one of them was that like when you die
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: before you get to cross over you have to witness
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: everything everyone's ever said behind your back and i'm pretty
• 36:32
  Speaker 1: sure i've had active dreams about this where i'm watching
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: people talk shit about me behind my back and it's
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: just blatant lies and then i'm watching other people just
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: validate them be like yeah she sounds fucking crazy girl Yeah. Yeah,
• 36:44
  Speaker 1: she sounds fucking crazy. And nobody's questioning the validity of anything.
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: This was one of my afterlife terrors in my imagination.
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: Another one is that like photographs. Like after you die,
• 37:04
  Speaker 1: you continue to maintain some kind of consciousness anywhere that
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: your photograph is. Like it's like where your eyes are
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: in the physical photograph. in the afterlife, you can continue
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: to kind of like peephole through your own eyes in
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: the photograph. And so my mother and I, I mean,
• 37:22
  Speaker 1: but my mother is a very sentimental person. So there's
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: a lot of photographs of my dead father around and like,
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: and I used to just look at him. I used
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: to just look at him and be like, oh boy,
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: he might be looking back. Um... ultimately like my dad
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: was pretty good to me so it was never that
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: bad but but I think some I think the bigger
• 37:50
  Speaker 1: fear around that is that sometimes I would look I
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: would look at the photographs of myself and I'd be
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: like damn I don't think I want all these perspectives
• 37:57
  Speaker 1: I think I just want to die peacefully like I
• 38:02
  Speaker 1: think the afterlife really really scares me in a big
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: way And so the lucid dream I had after my
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: dad died where I was following my sister and I
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: couldn't intervene and I couldn't do anything. I couldn't talk
• 38:11
  Speaker 1: to her. I couldn't interact with her. But I just
• 38:13
  Speaker 1: had to, like, watch her be sad about my death. Like...
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: I just remember I woke up. And I'm sure I
• 38:22
  Speaker 1: wrote in my journal essentially something like, I don't want
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: to be immortal. I don't want there to be an
• 38:28
  Speaker 1: afterlife at all. I'm extremely... not rocking with the afterlife. Like,
• 38:37
  Speaker 1: at all. And maybe it's just that I can only
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: imagine the negatives. I think I just... I imagined... I
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: probably imagined, like, a thousand negative possibilities for the afterlife.
• 38:56
  Speaker 1: And I really struggled to imagine whatever this heaven is. Like, oh,
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: we're all getting along and we're hanging out in the clouds.
• 39:04
  Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, it sounds kind of good, but at what, like, forever? Forever? Immortality?
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: We're doing this forever? Oh, boy. And so then, you know,
• 39:17
  Speaker 1: I got into Eastern thought a little bit, and Eastern
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: thought is a little different, where it's not like an after, like,
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: it's like the afterlife is just the next life. And
• 39:28
  Speaker 1: so it's just like, you know, we get better. with
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: time it's sort of like evolution in a way it's
• 39:33
  Speaker 1: like yeah if you did bad stuff you come into
• 39:35
  Speaker 1: the next life kind of with that bad stuff that
• 39:39
  Speaker 1: you didn't figure out and then there's like this theoretical
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: nirvana or whatever if you can like conquer your samsara
• 39:46
  Speaker 1: like Then there's like this theoretical nirvana, but it's like,
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: I think I'm really struggling to imagine what that is.
• 39:54
  Speaker 1: Unless it's just like being one with the ocean and
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: just being in the ocean as part of the ocean.
• 39:59
  Speaker 1: That's the only thing I can really fathom that might
• 40:02
  Speaker 1: be good. Good and pure. Or like, yeah, I think
• 40:10
  Speaker 1: the ocean's pretty good. I love the ocean. It really
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: heals me. I have a lot of questionable memories of
• 40:28
  Speaker 1: the ocean, but something keeps drawing me back. And I
• 40:33
  Speaker 1: think it's probably just, like, novelty, like, or... What do
• 40:36
  Speaker 1: they call this? Not novelty, but... Because I've been before, but... Commodity?
• 40:44
  Speaker 1: Just because I grew up so far from it? That
• 40:47
  Speaker 1: it seems like such a valuable thing. Because, you know,
• 40:51
  Speaker 1: it was an adventure. It was like a whole expedition
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: to go to the ocean. It was like two days
• 40:56
  Speaker 1: of driving. And like three days of packing. And like,
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: you know, months of saving money. And like... Ultimately, my
• 41:08
  Speaker 1: family was not very good at going on vacation together.
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: And I used to say all the time. I was like, traveling...
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: Traveling is the... The biggest litmus test for a relationship.
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh. Almost every guy I've ever dated. It's
• 41:25
  Speaker 1: like we cannot travel together at all. We just end
• 41:29
  Speaker 1: up fighting. And I mean I didn't really learn how
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: to travel well with people. As a kid. It's like.
• 41:41
  Speaker 1: The gist of the story is sort of like. My
• 41:44
  Speaker 1: dad's paying for everything. And also it was his idea.
• 41:47
  Speaker 1: So he's kind of accountable for the experience. In every way. And.
• 41:59
  Speaker 1: My mom. I don't know. Is trying to regulate him
• 42:07
  Speaker 1: for some reason. She's trying to like. limit the amount
• 42:11
  Speaker 1: of fun he's allowed to have and the amount of
• 42:13
  Speaker 1: like support we as children are allowed to give him
• 42:16
  Speaker 1: it's sort of like a control issue i think and
• 42:21
  Speaker 1: my dad just like wants to have fun and he's
• 42:23
  Speaker 1: like well i organized all this and i paid for
• 42:25
  Speaker 1: all this and why are you on my freaking case
• 42:27
  Speaker 1: lady i remember my mom used to always say to
• 42:33
  Speaker 1: me because i'm i'm in my mind i'm like we're
• 42:35
  Speaker 1: on vacation can we literally have fun And my dad's
• 42:38
  Speaker 1: having fun. My dad's having fun. Is he seven beers deep? Maybe.
• 42:42
  Speaker 1: I don't know. He might only be two beers deep.
• 42:45
  Speaker 1: And like, God fucking forbid, an adult man has two beers.
• 42:49
  Speaker 1: Jesus Christ. I go on vacation and I do worse, frankly.
• 42:55
  Speaker 1: And nothing bad has ever happened. Nothing extremely bad has
• 42:59
  Speaker 1: ever happened. One time I slept up against a freaking pillar. Okay. Okay.
• 43:04
  Speaker 1: And some guy came in the middle of the night
• 43:06
  Speaker 1: asking me if I had pills, and I said no,
• 43:07
  Speaker 1: and then he walked off. Like, it was fine. It
• 43:10
  Speaker 1: was fundamentally fine. I slept in the street, and it
• 43:12
  Speaker 1: was fine. Oh my gosh, I didn't even pay for
• 43:15
  Speaker 1: my drinks. Somebody else paid for my drinks. And I
• 43:19
  Speaker 1: should have asked him, can I sleep on your couch?
• 43:21
  Speaker 1: But I didn't, and so I ended up sleeping on
• 43:22
  Speaker 1: the streets. I should have asked for help, but I didn't,
• 43:27
  Speaker 1: and ultimately it was fine regardless. And so... I'm just like,
• 43:37
  Speaker 1: can we just enjoy vacation? I've dated so many guys,
• 43:39
  Speaker 1: and we just fucking end up hating each other on vacation.
• 43:43
  Speaker 1: Because they're trying to regulate me. That's what it is.
• 43:48
  Speaker 1: Every time, they're like, let's go in order. My first
• 43:51
  Speaker 1: boyfriend was like... I did a lap around the block.
• 44:01
  Speaker 1: I got kicked out. I got physically removed from the
• 44:03
  Speaker 1: establishment because his friend bought me a drink and I
• 44:05
  Speaker 1: was underage. I got physically removed by two men from
• 44:09
  Speaker 1: the bar. I did a lap around the neighborhood. I
• 44:13
  Speaker 1: did a lap. I didn't know what to do. I
• 44:15
  Speaker 1: started running. I started running. He was pissed off by this. Okay.
• 44:25
  Speaker 1: You know, I wore a crop top out. He was
• 44:29
  Speaker 1: pissed off by this. Okay, slut shaming, weird. Like, I'm literally,
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: I'm literally 18. I'm literally 18 and, like, kind of
• 44:40
  Speaker 1: really fit. And, like, I'm not allowed to wear a
• 44:43
  Speaker 1: crop top that I bought with my own fucking money. Bruh. Bruh.
• 44:49
  Speaker 1: What else? What next? Um... another guy i we did
• 44:59
  Speaker 1: all sorts of things he crashed out because i offered
• 45:06
  Speaker 1: to cook we had like a camping stove kind of
• 45:09
  Speaker 1: situation in the back i offered to cook he said
• 45:12
  Speaker 1: no i don't trust you to cook you always make
• 45:14
  Speaker 1: a fucking mess and um so i was like okay
• 45:23
  Speaker 1: you can cook But I'm hungry. I'm actively hungry. And
• 45:27
  Speaker 1: so I'm sort of like floating around like, when is
• 45:30
  Speaker 1: the food going to be ready? I'm kind of fucking starving.
• 45:32
  Speaker 1: You won't let me cook for myself. When is the
• 45:35
  Speaker 1: fucking food going to be ready, bitch? I'm hungry. And
• 45:40
  Speaker 1: so I was helping him. I was trying to help him.
• 45:42
  Speaker 1: I was being an assistant. I was being the assistant cook.
• 45:45
  Speaker 1: And I spilled something. Oh my god. Oh, my God.
• 45:50
  Speaker 1: I spilled something because I'm, like, extremely nervous because he
• 45:53
  Speaker 1: expressed very clearly, I do not trust you. Oh, my God.
• 45:57
  Speaker 1: So I spilled something. I'm, like, shaking. I'm, like, literally
• 46:00
  Speaker 1: shaking in fear and anxiety because this guy doesn't trust
• 46:02
  Speaker 1: me and it's, like, instilling, like, a lack of, like, self-trust.
• 46:07
  Speaker 1: I'm literally shaking. I spilled something. And then he's freaking
• 46:09
  Speaker 1: out and, like, threatening to hit me in public. Um...
• 46:14
  Speaker 1: So that's cool. Um... and then another time it's like
• 46:20
  Speaker 1: I'm like extremely stressed I'm like extremely emotional and this
• 46:23
  Speaker 1: guy's like you're not speaking to me enough you need
• 46:25
  Speaker 1: to speak more to me I'm like I don't really
• 46:28
  Speaker 1: have anything to say to you I kind of feel
• 46:29
  Speaker 1: extremely emotionally unsafe in this kind of situation because like
• 46:32
  Speaker 1: you're like making a lot of demands of me right
• 46:34
  Speaker 1: now like you're like asking me to speak but you're
• 46:38
  Speaker 1: really not asking me a specific question kind of thing
• 46:41
  Speaker 1: and I wanted to go for a run. I wanted
• 46:45
  Speaker 1: to go for a run. I was feeling a little stressed.
• 46:47
  Speaker 1: I just kind of wanted to decompress a little bit.
• 46:48
  Speaker 1: And he was like, if you go for a run,
• 46:50
  Speaker 1: you're going to get robbed? And he's like, there's colored
• 46:54
  Speaker 1: people out there. They're going to rob you. I was like,
• 46:57
  Speaker 1: you're literally colored. Like what? We're all colored. Have you
• 47:01
  Speaker 1: considered that every color is a color? He probably didn't
• 47:04
  Speaker 1: use that word. I'm going to be honest. I don't
• 47:07
  Speaker 1: know what he said. He was, listen, my understanding is
• 47:10
  Speaker 1: his dad got robbed once, but my understanding is his
• 47:12
  Speaker 1: dad is also, like, extremely privileged, and he kind of
• 47:15
  Speaker 1: definitely resembles a person of extreme privilege, if I had
• 47:19
  Speaker 1: to just be honest about the situation. Like, they don't
• 47:24
  Speaker 1: exactly look like a normal kind of family. They look
• 47:27
  Speaker 1: like people who kind of have a lot of privilege
• 47:29
  Speaker 1: from where they're from, if I'm just completely honest. And so, yeah,
• 47:33
  Speaker 1: it's like, I'm just trying to go for a run.
• 47:37
  Speaker 1: I haven't met a person who's my height in this country,
• 47:39
  Speaker 1: if I'm honest. I'm not really feeling threatened. I would
• 47:43
  Speaker 1: like to see them freaking try. My understanding is... So
• 47:48
  Speaker 1: what if they freaking kill me, dude? And then I
• 47:50
  Speaker 1: said the wrong thing. I was like, what, you think
• 47:51
  Speaker 1: they're gonna rape me? And he was like, no, it's
• 47:53
  Speaker 1: not like that. They're gonna rob you. And I was like,
• 47:56
  Speaker 1: this seems problematic. Like, if I was saying this about
• 47:58
  Speaker 1: your people, this would be problematic. Is my understanding. But
• 48:02
  Speaker 1: you're allowed to say it? Because your dad got robbed once? Um,
• 48:08
  Speaker 1: I think your dad might have been, like, kind of
• 48:10
  Speaker 1: appearing like a more easy target, if I'm honest. If
• 48:14
  Speaker 1: I'm just completely honest. Like, nothing bad has ever happened
• 48:18
  Speaker 1: to me. But, you know, these people, they want to
• 48:20
  Speaker 1: instill fear in you. They have a lot of fear
• 48:22
  Speaker 1: of themselves, and they don't know what it's like to, like,
• 48:24
  Speaker 1: have faith. They really don't. They don't know what it's
• 48:30
  Speaker 1: like to, like, believe that you're going to be okay.
• 48:33
  Speaker 1: And to believe that people are not to get you.
• 48:35
  Speaker 1: People are not to get me. I've had a lot
• 48:39
  Speaker 1: of paranoia in my life and it's about the afterlife, death, ghosts, demons, elves.
• 48:48
  Speaker 1: The paranoias in my life have nothing to do with
• 48:50
  Speaker 1: real people. The real people in my life have, I mean,
• 48:53
  Speaker 1: sometimes they're like a little emotionally doing way too fucking much.
• 49:01
  Speaker 1: They're like really triggered. Everybody's really triggered. I'm also triggered, okay?
• 49:07
  Speaker 1: My number one trigger? You want to know what my
• 49:09
  Speaker 1: number one trigger is? When somebody is acting like they're
• 49:12
  Speaker 1: scared of me. This is my number one trigger. When
• 49:16
  Speaker 1: someone's like, I can't pick up the phone because I'm scared.
• 49:20
  Speaker 1: I don't know how this conversation is going to go
• 49:22
  Speaker 1: so I can't pick up the phone. Okay, you're a coward.
• 49:25
  Speaker 1: You're literally a coward. I don't know what to tell you.
• 49:27
  Speaker 1: It's a phone call. Have you ever been screamed at
• 49:30
  Speaker 1: in person? Have you ever been physically intuited with violence? Um...
• 49:38
  Speaker 1: A phone call is literally just a phone call, it
• 49:40
  Speaker 1: would seem. I don't really understand. I don't really understand, like,
• 49:46
  Speaker 1: sending a million text messages... Instead of just picking up
• 49:51
  Speaker 1: the phone. Unless you're scared of something. My understanding is,
• 49:57
  Speaker 1: she said, my fear is independent of you. And that
• 50:00
  Speaker 1: makes sense. This is a homeschooled individual... Whose parents are
• 50:09
  Speaker 1: scared of damn near everything. Who their parents just distrust.
• 50:19
  Speaker 1: Damn near everything. I don't know what to tell you.
• 50:26
  Speaker 1: I think homeschooling is not exactly wise. I know one
• 50:30
  Speaker 1: other person who was homeschooled. And I heard via my
• 50:33
  Speaker 1: friend that she stayed in an apartment. physically abusive relationship
• 50:38
  Speaker 1: for way too freaking long my relationship became physically abusive
• 50:41
  Speaker 1: and i said i'm getting the heck out of here
• 50:45
  Speaker 1: i said i'm going to upstate new york stat i
• 50:50
  Speaker 1: said i'm getting a job at my college first i
• 50:54
  Speaker 1: need a community and then i'm moving to upstate new
• 50:57
  Speaker 1: york because i can't even be in the state right
• 50:58
  Speaker 1: now this shit is not right I don't know about homeschooling, guys.
• 51:07
  Speaker 1: What is your intention with homeschooling? You want to brainwash
• 51:10
  Speaker 1: your kids? You want to brainwash your children yourself? Really?
• 51:15
  Speaker 1: You want to be accountable for the brainwashing of your kids?
• 51:18
  Speaker 1: Maybe give it to the state. Maybe give it to
• 51:20
  Speaker 1: the state or like a trusted private organization. I don't
• 51:24
  Speaker 1: think you know what you're doing as parents. I'm going
• 51:26
  Speaker 1: to be completely honest. I think I turned out okay. And,
• 51:34
  Speaker 1: you know, everyone's like, oh, you need help. No. No.
• 51:39
  Speaker 1: The call is coming from within the house. Within your house.
• 51:43
  Speaker 1: You think I need help because you need help, motherfucker.
• 51:46
  Speaker 1: I've been to therapy. How many times have I been
• 51:48
  Speaker 1: to therapy, bro? How many recovery groups have I been
• 51:51
  Speaker 1: a part of? How many times have I paid someone
• 51:56
  Speaker 1: lavishly to give me the care of, like, a massage?
• 52:01
  Speaker 1: How many times... Have I showed up at the doorstep
• 52:04
  Speaker 1: of the apothecary lady to be like, hey, something ain't right.
• 52:07
  Speaker 1: I need help. How many times have I reached out
• 52:12
  Speaker 1: to a friend in my time of need or a
• 52:14
  Speaker 1: family member? I'm doing just fine. Are you? Are you?
• 52:18
  Speaker 3: I think.
• 52:30
  Speaker 1: Something that keeps coming back to me is this Ed
• 52:32
  Speaker 1: Sheeran song. It's like....
• 52:35
  Speaker 4: Before I save someone else, I've got to save myself.
• 52:44
  Speaker 1: And before I love.
• 52:47
  Speaker 4: Someone else, I've got to love myself.
• 52:58
  Speaker 1: And you see... I don't know that it applies to me.
• 53:02
  Speaker 1: I mean, I think some people need to hear that
• 53:04
  Speaker 1: message because I think I'm looking at the people in
• 53:07
  Speaker 1: my life who are like, I'm really, really worried about you.
• 53:10
  Speaker 1: It's like, okay, this doesn't exactly land as love, if
• 53:16
  Speaker 1: I'm honest. This is a yoga ethic. Worrying about someone
• 53:20
  Speaker 1: is not love. Love is trusting someone to navigate their
• 53:24
  Speaker 1: own life according to their own principles and Trusting their
• 53:27
  Speaker 1: principles and that they're going to navigate it well. I
• 53:32
  Speaker 1: don't know what you guys are doing. But it's not
• 53:36
  Speaker 1: really landing as love. This whole, oh, we got to
• 53:40
  Speaker 1: save her. Nothing's wrong with me. Why do you got
• 53:44
  Speaker 1: to save me? Why you got to save me? Can
• 53:47
  Speaker 1: you stop? And there was this lady in my life
• 53:51
  Speaker 1: who was trying to intervene a whole freaking lot. This freaking,
• 53:55
  Speaker 1: this freaking... Bastard. I don't think she's a literal bastard.
• 54:04
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't really care. She was trying
• 54:11
  Speaker 1: to save me a lot. And ultimately, she did make
• 54:24
  Speaker 1: me break down emotionally, so... Congrats. I've been doing this
• 54:30
  Speaker 1: my entire life. It's not like it's the first time
• 54:33
  Speaker 1: it's ever happened. I think I'm like kind of an
• 54:36
  Speaker 1: extremely sensitive and emotional person and I always have been
• 54:40
  Speaker 1: and I cry pretty abundantly like almost every day for
• 54:43
  Speaker 1: like probably like two decades. It's not even sad. I
• 54:49
  Speaker 1: cry when I'm happy too. So I'm just a little
• 54:53
  Speaker 1: confused but Yeah, she tried to save me pretty bad.
• 54:59
  Speaker 1: And then she accused me of having a savior complex.
• 55:03
  Speaker 1: Because I told her, I was like, I am trying
• 55:09
  Speaker 1: to be the change I want to see. I am
• 55:13
  Speaker 1: giving confidence. I am giving... Deliberation. I am giving discipline. And...
• 55:26
  Speaker 1: I think I probably said something. I might have misspoke
• 55:28
  Speaker 1: a little. I said I was hoping that by displaying
• 55:36
  Speaker 1: these traits that you would receive my grace. Like you
• 55:44
  Speaker 1: would learn from me by just me being the way
• 55:47
  Speaker 1: that I am. And this is not what happened. What
• 55:51
  Speaker 1: happened instead is that she tried to tell me I
• 55:53
  Speaker 1: was unhealthy in a million ways. She tried to pathologize
• 55:56
  Speaker 1: me a lot. And ultimately she instilled a lot of
• 55:59
  Speaker 1: self-doubt and she kind of like broke my confidence down.
• 56:04
  Speaker 1: In a really big way. And then I established some
• 56:11
  Speaker 1: boundaries and she tried to negotiate my boundaries instead of
• 56:14
  Speaker 1: accepting them and respecting them. She was, like, telling me,
• 56:17
  Speaker 1: you need more boundaries, you need more boundaries, you're an
• 56:19
  Speaker 1: extremely exploitable person, whatever, something like that. And so I
• 56:23
  Speaker 1: gave her boundaries, and she... A self-proclaimed person who doesn't
• 56:28
  Speaker 1: respect her own siblings' boundaries? Crazy. She literally said that.
• 56:34
  Speaker 1: She literally said that. She said, I need to be
• 56:35
  Speaker 1: reminded about it a dozen times. And then I might
• 56:38
  Speaker 1: respect a boundary, maybe. But probably I'm gonna forget. Crazy. Crazy.
• 56:47
  Speaker 1: And then she's telling me, you need more boundaries, you
• 56:48
  Speaker 1: need more boundaries, you need more boundaries. She's like on
• 56:51
  Speaker 1: her fucking boundary shit. I don't like boundary people. I
• 56:54
  Speaker 1: really don't. I think y'all are like kind of disgusting
• 56:57
  Speaker 1: to me. And listen, I have my own boundaries, okay?
• 57:01
  Speaker 5: You know what my boundary is? It's called the Irish exit.
• 57:04
  Speaker 5: If you're pissing me off, I'm gonna go. If you're
• 57:08
  Speaker 5: yapping on the phone, I'm hanging up at this point.
• 57:11
  Speaker 5: If I'm uncomfortable, I'm leaving. And I'm not announcing it.
• 57:14
  Speaker 5: Because fuck you. Um, and this is what I told her.
• 57:21
  Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, you, you literally just yap. You
• 57:23
  Speaker 1: don't ask me a single question. You just yap. You
• 57:25
  Speaker 1: just trauma dump. You just, you have no consideration for
• 57:29
  Speaker 1: the fact that I'm a human person on the other
• 57:31
  Speaker 1: end of this phone call. And so in the future,
• 57:36
  Speaker 1: I'm hanging up. I was letting her know in advance
• 57:38
  Speaker 1: because this is what she told me she wanted. I
• 57:41
  Speaker 1: did what she wanted and she tried to negotiate my boundaries. Okay.
• 57:45
  Speaker 1: The boundary warrior tried to negotiate my boundaries, which I
• 57:49
  Speaker 1: didn't want to have boundaries. I literally didn't even want
• 57:53
  Speaker 1: to do it. I was like, can we just maybe connect?
• 58:00
  Speaker 1: I tried other methods first. I was like, hey, I
• 58:05
  Speaker 1: don't even fucking know or remember. I was just like, whatever.
• 58:10
  Speaker 1: You are such a fucking lost cause. And now she's
• 58:13
  Speaker 1: doing feminism really well on the YouTube channel. She's like
• 58:17
  Speaker 1: really doing feminism extremely well. I don't actually know. I
• 58:23
  Speaker 1: haven't watched. There was one time recently I just went
• 58:26
  Speaker 1: to look at the titles. I was like, this is
• 58:28
  Speaker 1: fucking stupid. This is fucking stupid. This is every fucking
• 58:35
  Speaker 1: person I hated from my college. When in doubt, just
• 58:41
  Speaker 1: do feminism really hard. Just do it so hard that
• 58:45
  Speaker 1: you just, you're never going to have another relationship. Nobody's
• 58:50
  Speaker 1: ever going to respect you. There are aspects of feminism
• 58:58
  Speaker 1: that obviously I like. I think, I don't even want
• 59:01
  Speaker 1: to get into it, honestly. I think feminism, listen, we
• 59:04
  Speaker 1: have the right to vote, guys. I think we did,
• 59:06
  Speaker 1: I think the mission's accomplished, okay? We got the right
• 59:08
  Speaker 1: to vote. Is, the voting process valid or corrupt? I'm
• 59:12
  Speaker 1: not sure. I'm not sure, to be honest. I have
• 59:16
  Speaker 1: faith in something, and I don't think it's the political
• 59:18
  Speaker 1: system exactly, but I hope... I freaking hope they're doing
• 59:21
  Speaker 1: something decent, but the electoral college seems to be like
• 59:24
  Speaker 1: a huge blockade to democracy. I'm gonna be completely freaking honest.
• 59:27
  Speaker 1: Can somebody fucking do something about it, maybe?
• 59:29
  Speaker 3: Um.
• 59:33
  Speaker 1: It can't be me. I didn't study politics, guys. I
• 59:37
  Speaker 1: didn't study politics. I studied French, okay? French and ecology, okay?
• 59:47
  Speaker 1: If you need some horticultural advice, I could look it up.
• 59:54
  Speaker 1: If you need some alternative medicine advice, I could look
• 59:57
  Speaker 1: it up. Actually, I know. I know some stuff about that, okay?
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 1: Reach out. I don't know anything about politics. I know
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 1: a little bit. I know the Constitution pretty good. I
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 1: know the Supreme Court cases pretty good. Unfortunately, they overturned
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 1: one of the major freaking Supreme Court cases. See, this
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 1: is not feminism. What happened? This is, okay, so Roe v. Wade,
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 1: I think, was pretty good feminism, but unfortunately, I do think,
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 1: if you look at the Constitution, I mean, states' rights,
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 1: this is a huge part of our history and patriotism,
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 1: and It's like Brexit. It's literally like freaking Brexit. It's
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 1: really cool having the thunder sounds with like the candlelight. Fundamentally,
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 1: I don't think... If I had to guess about the
• 1:00:52
  Speaker 1: Roe v. Wade stuff, this is just a hypothesis, but
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 1: if I had to guess, I would say that like
• 1:01:01
  Speaker 1: Because the paranoia agents will say that the government's tracking us. And,
• 1:01:07
  Speaker 1: I mean, fuck, I don't know. I don't know what
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 1: they're doing. I know plenty of people who have crossed
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 1: the state borders to get their situation taken care of.
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 1: And as far as I'm concerned, there were not consequences.
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 1: And I have heard via people who may or may
• 1:01:33
  Speaker 1: not be paranoia agents that if you do this, the
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 1: government will imprison you. And so I'm not really sure.
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 1: I think that... I have plenty of reason to believe that,
• 1:01:55
  Speaker 1: you know, if it's not valid in your state, go
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 1: to the next state. That's my understanding. And so my
• 1:02:03
  Speaker 1: theory then becomes... I think they're trying to sell us
• 1:02:05
  Speaker 1: more gasoline. Like, I think.
• 1:02:11
  Speaker 1: I think there are probably agoraphobic people in red states.
• 1:02:16
  Speaker 1: You know, there's probably... Like, the people in red states
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 1: are probably a little bit more agoraphobic than the people
• 1:02:20
  Speaker 1: in blue states. Because the people in blue states are
• 1:02:23
  Speaker 1: a little more urban, right? And so... you know, they
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 1: be leaving their house for, let's put it like that. And, um, yeah,
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 1: I think the people in red States, I think they
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 1: have a tremendous amount of fear and they claim to
• 1:02:42
  Speaker 1: be like religious. And I don't even think that they're
• 1:02:45
  Speaker 1: doing religion all that good. My understanding is like the
• 1:02:48
  Speaker 1: main freaking quote is faith over fear, faith over fear.
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 1: That's kind of like the main concept. Fear is not
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 1: going to help you in this situation. What are you doing?
• 1:03:01
  Speaker 1: Are you freaking dumb? I have so much freaking faith. Like,
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 1: you know, The Handmaid's Tale was a pretty horrifying show.
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 1: And I think a lot of people watched it and
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 1: they were like, this is going to happen. This is
• 1:03:20
  Speaker 1: going to happen to the United States. Oh my banging God. And, uh...
• 1:03:28
  Speaker 1: I have faith it's not gonna happen. I think... I
• 1:03:32
  Speaker 1: think our... I think our... I think our people are
• 1:03:37
  Speaker 1: pretty armed. I would like to see them try to
• 1:03:41
  Speaker 1: make us wear stupid little outfits. I would like to
• 1:03:44
  Speaker 1: see them freaking try, to be honest. It might happen
• 1:03:47
  Speaker 1: somewhere else. I hope not. Do the Aussies have guns? Um,
• 1:03:53
  Speaker 1: I hope so. I'm a little concerned for the Aussies.
• 1:04:03
  Speaker 1: Because my understanding is, like, Australia is, like, the United
• 1:04:05
  Speaker 1: States part two. Like, it's, like, it's, like, our criminals. Like, Europe,
• 1:04:10
  Speaker 1: they gave their criminals to North America. They said, ah,
• 1:04:13
  Speaker 1: go fuck them up. And then we took our criminals
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 1: to Australia. So they're, like, second generation criminals, is my understanding.
• 1:04:21
  Speaker 1: And so, maybe that's good, maybe it's not. I'm not
• 1:04:23
  Speaker 1: really sure. I... I had a really close friend who was, like,
• 1:04:27
  Speaker 1: really trying to go to Australia for some reason. I
• 1:04:29
  Speaker 1: don't know. Last time I talked to him, he was like,
• 1:04:32
  Speaker 1: I'm trying to go to France. He's like, you want
• 1:04:34
  Speaker 1: to come to France with me? I was like, honestly,
• 1:04:36
  Speaker 1: I might. I was like, honestly, you might be, like,
• 1:04:40
  Speaker 1: the ideal person to go to France with. I think
• 1:04:44
  Speaker 1: we would have a lot of fun in France. But,
• 1:04:50
  Speaker 1: you know, I think he's kind of just, like, a
• 1:04:51
  Speaker 1: dreaming kind of guy. I think I'm kind of a
• 1:04:53
  Speaker 1: dreamy kind of girl, and, like, You know. He was
• 1:05:01
  Speaker 1: speaking good French to me. Oh my gosh. Like French
• 1:05:04
  Speaker 1: has got to be like his like fourth or fifth language.
• 1:05:09
  Speaker 3: And we were drunk.
• 1:05:10
  Speaker 1: We were drunk like pre-gaming. It's like, what was it?
• 1:05:15
  Speaker 1: It was like an emo night. We were drunk pre-gaming
• 1:05:17
  Speaker 1: an emo night together. And I, sometimes when I'm drunk,
• 1:05:22
  Speaker 1: I just start speaking French.
• 1:05:24
  Speaker 2: And he was talking back, I was like, damn, oh
• 1:05:27
  Speaker 2: my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh.
• 1:05:33
  Speaker 1: Like, I don't know, I don't know how, like, viable
• 1:05:37
  Speaker 1: this partnership is, because, like, I don't.
• 1:05:40
  Speaker 3: Know, but I was like, dang, dang, boy, Anyways.
• 1:05:54
  Speaker 1: I got totally derailed. I miss my friend. I miss
• 1:05:57
  Speaker 1: New Hampshire. I miss, oh, what is this place called?
• 1:06:01
  Speaker 1: It's called Madame. I gotta look it up. Not too so. Madame.
• 1:06:10
  Speaker 1: Downtown Keene. What is it called? Madame Chachy. Madame Chachy.
• 1:06:22
  Speaker 1: If you're in the New Hampshire area, go hit up
• 1:06:24
  Speaker 1: Madame Chaché. It better freaking still be open. This place
• 1:06:29
  Speaker 1: is iconic. They have drag king shows, dude. It was
• 1:06:34
  Speaker 1: like Wednesday night, drag kings. This person was singing. They
• 1:06:39
  Speaker 1: were singing Animals by Nickelback. And they were eating it
• 1:06:42
  Speaker 1: up in a big way. And then another person was
• 1:06:45
  Speaker 1: singing Frozen. Like, let it go. But they were singing
• 1:06:49
  Speaker 1: an emo rendition of Frozen. Oh my god. I was like, oh, yes.
• 1:06:58
  Speaker 1: And it's like 95% women in the crowd. I was like, yes.
• 1:07:03
  Speaker 1: And it's like a Wednesday night and we're turning up.
• 1:07:06
  Speaker 1: We're turning up to some freaking Nickelback right now. Madame Shelley.
• 1:07:12
  Speaker 1: I don't know why it's French. Don't ask me that.
• 1:07:16
  Speaker 1: Probably because New Hampshire is right under Quebec. There's just
• 1:07:21
  Speaker 1: kind of influence in that way. I love French culture.
• 1:07:26
  Speaker 1: And let me tell you why. I love French culture
• 1:07:28
  Speaker 1: and let me tell you why. Some people will say
• 1:07:32
  Speaker 1: the French are assholes. And this is true. And it
• 1:07:36
  Speaker 1: reminds me of home. The French... They are assholes. You know,
• 1:07:46
  Speaker 1: sometimes I'll like... I really don't try all that much,
• 1:07:49
  Speaker 1: but occasionally I have tried a little bit to, like,
• 1:07:52
  Speaker 1: speak Spanish to some, you know, somebody who speaks Spanish.
• 1:08:00
  Speaker 1: I've tried maybe, like, three times in my life because
• 1:08:03
  Speaker 1: fundamentally I'm pretty afraid, but, like, I have tried. And
• 1:08:11
  Speaker 1: for the most part, they're pretty accepting. They'll be like, yeah, yeah,
• 1:08:14
  Speaker 1: you're trying, good. And the French, my understanding is the French,
• 1:08:19
  Speaker 1: they're not so happy about it. But I will say
• 1:08:22
  Speaker 1: the French Canadians, well, I'll say this, before Trump, before Trump,
• 1:08:29
  Speaker 1: freaking bullshit, the French Canadians were rocking with my broken French.
• 1:08:36
  Speaker 1: After Trump, they were like, they could spot my Americanness
• 1:08:39
  Speaker 1: from a mile away, and they were like, we don't
• 1:08:43
  Speaker 1: want any part of this, lady. I was like damn it.
• 1:08:47
  Speaker 1: I was like I didn't even vote for him. I
• 1:08:49
  Speaker 1: didn't even vote for him. Love me. Please. Accept me.
• 1:08:55
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:09:00
  Speaker 1: They really changed. French Canada really changed after Trump. They
• 1:09:03
  Speaker 1: used to love Americans so much. I was like, they
• 1:09:07
  Speaker 1: loved me so much in French Canada. Then Trump happened
• 1:09:12
  Speaker 1: and they were like, we don't like your kind here, lady.
• 1:09:14
  Speaker 1: I was like, damn it. Fuck. Whatever. Anyways, that's my story. Sorry, guys.
• 1:09:27
  Speaker 1: I'm not sorry. I'm actually not sorry. I ain't sorry.
• 1:09:31
  Speaker 1: I ain't sorry. I'm not sorry. Baby, I'm sorry. I'm
• 1:09:38
  Speaker 1: not sorry.
• 1:09:39
  Speaker 3: I'm not sorry. I'm not sorry.
• 1:09:44
  Speaker 1: You know, of all the characters from the freaking show,
• 1:09:46
  Speaker 1: the chaos show about the Greek, I assume. Zeus? Is
• 1:09:54
  Speaker 1: Zeus Greek? Hold on, let me look it up. Let
• 1:09:55
  Speaker 1: me look it up, guys. Zeus. Folk. Origin. Greek. That's
• 1:10:07
  Speaker 1: what I thought. Yeah, okay, so I'm not rocking with Zeus.
• 1:10:09
  Speaker 1: I mean, I've known a lot of Zeus-like characters. They're
• 1:10:12
  Speaker 1: fucking with me in a big way. Um, unfortunately. Um...
• 1:10:21
  Speaker 1: I'm Dionysus. I'm literally Dionysus. And let me tell you why.
• 1:10:25
  Speaker 1: At the freaking alt karaoke when, you know, this guy
• 1:10:30
  Speaker 1: freaking flaked on me, this freaking dork. And then I
• 1:10:34
  Speaker 1: was texting my sister or whatever at the alt karaoke.
• 1:10:38
  Speaker 1: Somebody sang this song. Who is this by? It's called
• 1:10:42
  Speaker 1: The Cult of Dionysus. And they did not do it justice,
• 1:10:46
  Speaker 1: I'm going to be honest. I had never heard it before, but...
• 1:10:48
  Speaker 1: Even them not doing it justice. Okay, by the Orion Experience.
• 1:10:53
  Speaker 1: Orion Experience. Everybody go look up The Cult of Dionysus
• 1:10:57
  Speaker 1: by the Orion Experience. This song. This song is like incredible.
• 1:11:09
  Speaker 1: And it really hyped me up. Okay, I just looked
• 1:11:15
  Speaker 1: up Orion Etymology. Conspicuous? Conspicuous? What does that mean? Hold on. Wait, no,
• 1:11:24
  Speaker 1: we're not asking AI. Stop. Can I just look it up?
• 1:11:29
  Speaker 1: Can we, like, look up? Look it up. Look it up.
• 1:11:32
  Speaker 1: Look it up. Easily seen. Okay. An easily seen constellation
• 1:11:37
  Speaker 1: containing seven bright stars in a distinctive pattern. Dude, seven's
• 1:11:43
  Speaker 1: my lucky number. Ultimately from Greek, Orion. Or Orion. Name
• 1:11:51
  Speaker 1: of a giant hunter in Greek mythology loved by Aurora,
• 1:11:56
  Speaker 1: like the Aurora Borealis, slain by Artemis. Who the heck
• 1:12:01
  Speaker 1: is Artemis? Get him out of here. A name of
• 1:12:04
  Speaker 1: unknown origin, though some speculate on Akkadian, Uraana, the light
• 1:12:10
  Speaker 1: of heaven. What? A title of Aries, God of War,
• 1:12:19
  Speaker 1: and the star pattern is represented in many cultures as
• 1:12:22
  Speaker 1: a giant. The armed king? Oh my gosh. Y'all gotta
• 1:12:29
  Speaker 1: start looking into etymology. This stuff is, like, incredible. Oh
• 1:12:41
  Speaker 1: my gosh. Russia? Wait, what about Russia?
• 1:12:46
  Speaker 2: Wait what does he say this day on looking into
• 1:12:54
  Speaker 2: the abridgment of lalan's astronomy one of the first figures
• 1:12:58
  Speaker 2: that shook my eye in the place was that identical
• 1:13:02
  Speaker 2: constellation it was orion that.
• 1:13:05
  Speaker 1: I should have lived nearly 50 years without knowing him
• 1:13:10
  Speaker 1: shrew shoes what Knowing it shoes too clearly what sort
• 1:13:15
  Speaker 1: of observer I have been. John Quincy Adams. Diary entry.
• 1:13:21
  Speaker 1: From St. Peter, British Russia. What? What? Weird. Weird. He
• 1:13:28
  Speaker 1: was loved by Aurora? Wait, who's Aurora? I'm about to
• 1:13:33
  Speaker 1: freak out. Aurora. Um, etymology? Is that what I look up?
• 1:13:42
  Speaker 1: I mean, I guess that's what I'm doing. Let's see
• 1:13:44
  Speaker 1: what it means. Natural light display.
• 1:13:47
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:13:49
  Speaker 1: Morning light or dawn. Aww. To shine. Okay, I'm about
• 1:14:01
  Speaker 1: to cry. I'm literally about to cry. Jeez. I'm learning.
• 1:14:21
  Speaker 1: I'm learning again, you guys. Everybody go check out the
• 1:14:23
  Speaker 1: etymology for Any Word You Don't Know. And check out
• 1:14:28
  Speaker 1: the song The Cult of Dionysus by The Orion Experience.
• 1:14:31
  Speaker 1: It's really good. It's like silly. It's funny. This other
• 1:14:38
  Speaker 1: song comes up. I just typed cult. Oh, because culto.
• 1:14:42
  Speaker 1: Came culto. I love this guy. He's like I would
• 1:14:46
  Speaker 1: say queer. He's like a queer Latina kind of guy.
• 1:14:49
  Speaker 1: KFC Santaria. Okay. The Color Shows Remix. Chef's Kiss. Chef's Kiss.
• 1:14:57
  Speaker 1: It's going to make you feel something. I need you
• 1:14:59
  Speaker 1: to cue up the Cult of Dionysus and then KFC Santaria. Okay.
• 1:15:02
  Speaker 1: A Color Show Remix. I don't know the difference. I
• 1:15:08
  Speaker 1: still don't know the difference between a cult and a culture.
• 1:15:10
  Speaker 1: I think... My understanding is cultures just kind of, like,
• 1:15:15
  Speaker 1: say that they're better. And, like, cults... You know, when
• 1:15:19
  Speaker 1: I did my first yoga instruction ever, one of the
• 1:15:27
  Speaker 1: girls in my class told me afterwards, she was like,
• 1:15:31
  Speaker 1: she was like, if you had a cult, I would
• 1:15:32
  Speaker 1: join it. And I was like, okay, let's go, girl.
• 1:15:41
  Speaker 1: And I was like, this is such a high compliment.
• 1:15:43
  Speaker 1: I was like, okay. I do not have a cold.
• 1:15:46
  Speaker 1: I don't think. I have a podcast. And I have
• 1:15:51
  Speaker 1: some poetry. I burned down my last poetry empire, unfortunately.
• 1:15:55
  Speaker 1: It wasn't very good anyways. It was like kind of
• 1:15:58
  Speaker 1: science based. And like not, I don't know. I was coping.
• 1:16:04
  Speaker 1: I think I was coping pretty hard. And now I
• 1:16:06
  Speaker 1: know that I'm a magical being. Now I literally know
• 1:16:10
  Speaker 1: and have faith that I'm a magical being, and I'm
• 1:16:14
  Speaker 1: also a human being with, like, mortal flesh, for sure, but...
• 1:16:19
  Speaker 1: Magic is so real, guys. Trust me. Trust and believe.
• 1:16:24
  Speaker 1: Don't be getting too kooky with the magic stuff, okay?
• 1:16:27
  Speaker 1: Because you can ruin your own life, okay? You gotta...
• 1:16:32
  Speaker 1: There's a good way to do it, and there's a
• 1:16:33
  Speaker 1: not good way to do it, is what I'll say. Um...
• 1:16:38
  Speaker 1: I think anything... This is my advice for the kids.
• 1:16:41
  Speaker 1: Anything you're doing out of desperation... You.
• 1:16:49
  Speaker 3: Know.
• 1:16:49
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I would second guess it. I think
• 1:16:53
  Speaker 1: desperation is not a good compass. I think desire is
• 1:16:55
  Speaker 1: a pretty good compass. I don't know about desperation. And
• 1:17:03
  Speaker 1: you know... Now I have to look up the etymology
• 1:17:05
  Speaker 1: of desperation. Because... It looks a lot like the word
• 1:17:10
  Speaker 1: for despair in French. Oh my gosh, it literally comes
• 1:17:18
  Speaker 1: from despair. Wait. Hopelessness, lack, or loss of hope, especially
• 1:17:27
  Speaker 1: in God's mercy. A sense now obsolete. I knew it
• 1:17:37
  Speaker 1: had to do with despair. I was literally right. A
• 1:17:41
  Speaker 1: lack or loss of hope in God's mercy. This is
• 1:17:45
  Speaker 1: despicable you people. God is so merciful. All you have
• 1:17:49
  Speaker 1: to do is believe. All you have to do is believe.
• 1:17:54
  Speaker 1: Flip the switch on and say I believe that God
• 1:17:56
  Speaker 1: is merciful. What the heck? What the actual heck? And
• 1:18:03
  Speaker 1: then I think things will go your way a little more.
• 1:18:07
  Speaker 1: If you can't call it God, call it something else.
• 1:18:09
  Speaker 1: It doesn't really matter, I don't think, what you call it.
• 1:18:14
  Speaker 1: My understanding is... I always tell people, when I'm offering
• 1:18:19
  Speaker 1: them my herbal remedies, I'm always like, if you don't
• 1:18:22
  Speaker 1: believe this is going to help you, it's not going
• 1:18:24
  Speaker 1: to help you. You have to believe, and then it might.
• 1:18:28
  Speaker 1: But you have to believe first. That's all I'm saying. Okay,
• 1:18:33
  Speaker 1: I gotta go. My head hurts. Sorry, guys. Love you.