Latest / Coffee and Bible Time Podcast / Breaking Free from Habitual Sin | Kirby Kelly

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Breaking Free from Habitual Sin | Kirby Kelly · Coffee and Bible Time Podcast

• 1:01
  Ellen Krause: At the Coffee and Bible Time podcast.
• 1:03
  Ellen Krause: Our goal is to help you delight in God's Word and thrive in Christian living.
• 1:07
  Ellen Krause: Each week we talk to subject matter experts who broaden your biblical understanding, encourage you in hard times and provide life-building tips to enhance your Christian walk.
• 1:18
  Ellen Krause: We are so glad you have joined us.
• 1:21
  Ellen Krause: Welcome back to the Coffee and Bible Time podcast.
• 1:26
  Ellen Krause: This is Ellen, your host.
• 1:29
  Ellen Krause: You know, many of us find ourselves stuck in a cycle of habitual sin, feeling trapped by self-destructive behaviors, and it's frustrating.
• 1:39
  Ellen Krause: It can be exhausting to see the same patterns repeating over and over again, making us desperate for a way out.
• 1:47
  Ellen Krause: Well, in this episode, our guest, Kirby Kelly, shares how we can find freedom through God's strength.
• 1:54
  Ellen Krause: She offers a practical battle plan to break free from the spiritual bondage of habitual sin and experience everyday peace.
• 2:03
  Ellen Krause: Kirby advises in her new book, Y ou Can Be Free, that connecting and confessing our struggles and understanding the boundaries set to us by God are clear markers for lasting change.
• 2:18
  Ellen Krause: Ignoring these steps can lead to continuing cycles of guilt, shame, and frustration.
• 2:31
  Ellen Krause: We might even feel distant and disconnected from God and our faith community and these patterns can damage our relationships and hinder our spiritual growth.
• 2:37
  Ellen Krause: So we are excited to share this topic.
• 2:46
  Ellen Krause: Our guest today, Kirby Kelly, is a Christ-centered content creator and influencer.
• 2:52
  Ellen Krause: She runs the Bought and Beloved podcast.
• 2:56
  Ellen Krause: Her passion is teaching God's truth everywhere.
• 3:00
  Ellen Krause: She goes on stages and in front of cameras.
• 3:03
  Ellen Krause: Through writing and one-on-one conversations.
• 3:06
  Ellen Krause: Kirby desires to see this generation and culture flourish in freedom and confidence in their identity and to walk in the victory that has been won on the cross.
• 3:18
  Ellen Krause: Please welcome Kirby.
• 3:20
  Kirby Kelly: Hey everyone, I'm so excited for our conversation today.
• 3:24
  Kirby Kelly: This is going to be a good one.
• 3:26
  Ellen Krause: Yeah, welcome, Kirby.
• 3:27
  Ellen Krause: It's so nice to have you here and I just want to start out by saying you know, I really applaud your authenticity and the things that you share in this book.
• 3:41
  Ellen Krause: Thank, you.
• 3:42
  Ellen Krause: You know, being willing to admit your vulnerabilities not only is freeing, as I know you're going to talk about, but also just allows other people to be healed in this process as well.
• 3:57
  Ellen Krause: So thank you for that.
• 3:59
  Kirby Kelly: Absolutely.
• 3:59
  Kirby Kelly: I mean, even as I was writing the book, there were some things that I was like I don't even really want to put these things on paper because the whole world's going to find out about it.
• 4:09
  Kirby Kelly: My family's going to read this.
• 4:10
  Kirby Kelly: But as I was writing it, there was just a whole other level of freedom and healing that happened in that of just wait.
• 4:19
  Kirby Kelly: God has freed me from the shame of this.
• 4:22
  Kirby Kelly: He's freed me from the bondage of this, and the more people who know about it, the more it's going to point people to the Lord and his glory and his goodness and his healing power.
• 4:33
  Kirby Kelly: So it's just reframing our shame and knowing that God is going to get the glory and we shouldn't be afraid to share our story.
• 4:42
  Ellen Krause: Absolutely, Absolutely.
• 4:44
  Ellen Krause: For those that might be listening, they might be thinking yeah, easier said than done.
• 4:50
  Ellen Krause: Why don't we start out with you just telling us about your story?
• 4:55
  Kirby Kelly: Yeah, definitely.
• 4:57
  Kirby Kelly: So I literally kick off my book, Y ou Can Be Free by sharing my story, opening up with my biggest sin struggle that I kept silent and secret for so long.
• 5:08
  Kirby Kelly: And just to wrap it up with a bow real quick, because there's so many layers and details to my sin struggle.
• 5:15
  Kirby Kelly: When I was four years old, when I was seven years old and again when I was 10 years old, I was continuously exposed to pornography and when I was 14 years old I gave my life to Jesus.
• 5:27
  Kirby Kelly: So I had this radical encounter with the Lord, truly devoted and submitted and committed my life to following him.
• 5:35
  Kirby Kelly: And I write in the book that there were certain sins at that moment in time that just easily fell off, things that I was struggling with mentally, emotionally, even just in my own actions and who I once was before giving my life to Jesus.
• 5:49
  Kirby Kelly: But there were certain sins that continued to stick, and watching pornography and everything that kind of comes with that just continued to be a foothold in my life, continued to cling to me.
• 6:03
  Kirby Kelly: And there was such a wrestle within me of now being submitted to the Lord, living for Jesus, truly loving Jesus, but still wrestling with this sinful nature and this fleshly nature within me, like the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak, and I knew that firsthand.
• 6:23
  Kirby Kelly: And so there was a lot of lies that came with that, a lot of shame that came with that.
• 6:28
  Kirby Kelly: As a newer believer, a younger Christian who's figuring out faith for the first time on her own, a hypocrite, at times, I just I wondered if God even fully forgave me, because I was still struggling with these things even though I knew better.
• 6:45
  Kirby Kelly: And so there was so much confusion, so much confusion around this topic, and I get questions like this all the time.
• 6:52
  Kirby Kelly: I get submissions like this all the time on my social media of people saying I'm struggling and wrestling with this asking does God still love me?
• 6:58
  Kirby Kelly: Will I ever get free?
• 6:59
  Kirby Kelly: Does this make me a bad Christian?
• 7:01
  Kirby Kelly: Yada, yada, yada.
• 7:02
  Kirby Kelly: There's just so much anxiety around this idea of continuing to struggle with habitual sin, even though we are saved and know the truth.
• 7:12
  Kirby Kelly: And so through many years, many tears, many tests and trials, but also through many victories, I've been able to see freedom.
• 7:21
  Kirby Kelly: Trials, but also through many victories, I've been able to see freedom, full freedom in my life from those actions, from those desires, and I detail through my book, which is kind of set up like a battle plan, like you mentioned, of ways that we all no matter what sin you're struggling with, whether it's the same as me or something completely different we can all use this method that I write about in the book to becoming free, and so it took a lot of time for me to get free, especially because there weren't many resources that openly talked about these things, but now one exists, and it's my book, and I'm just really excited to see other people saved and set free from the things that they just feel like they are completely in bondage to, because the reality is is we get to share in the victory of Christ, and he has made all these things available to us in him.
• 8:07
  Ellen Krause: Absolutely, absolutely.
• 8:09
  Ellen Krause: As you've been sharing your story, Kirby, have others really reached out to you in terms of struggling with the same thing, and why is it that you think that the enemy is really getting a grip on young women in this area?
• 8:30
  Kirby Kelly: Yes, I have seen in my own life and I write about this in I think I believe it's either the first or second chapter of my book how for the longest time, I genuinely believed I was the only girl in the world that was struggling with this, because it was labeled as a boy sin.
• 8:47
  Kirby Kelly: So not only was I suffering from shame and from you know the self-loathing and hatred for struggling with this thing, but then for it to be kind of labeled in that category, it just added another layer of disgust on myself.
• 9:02
  Kirby Kelly: I was just like I can't believe me of all people is struggling with this when in actuality, sin is sin.
• 9:07
  Kirby Kelly: People struggle left and right.
• 9:10
  Kirby Kelly: Sin does not discriminate.
• 9:12
  Kirby Kelly: Anybody can struggle with it.
• 9:13
  Kirby Kelly: The enemy does not discriminate in that way.
• 9:16
  Kirby Kelly: And it wasn't until I got to college that I was in my sorority, which was a Christian sorority.
• 9:23
  Kirby Kelly: We did this night called Stand for your Sister, where basically we anonymously filled out a survey of different things that we were struggling with and, one by one, after we traded the anonymous surveys that we all filled out, I had another girls in my hand.
• 9:38
  Kirby Kelly: We would physically stand up and stand for our sister if they had circled true or circled yes, that they struggled with whatever statement was listed.
• 9:47
  Kirby Kelly: There were many of them, and I remember when it got to the statement I struggle with watching pornography.
• 9:53
  Kirby Kelly: I truly, out of the 50 something girls that were in this gathering with me, believed that only one person was going to stand up representing me and I was like, oh, here we go.
• 10:03
  Kirby Kelly: But I looked down at my own paper and I saw that someone circled, yes, and I was like, oh, I guess it's two people that are struggling.
• 10:10
  Kirby Kelly: But to my surprise, when I stood up, about half of the room stood up with me and I could not believe it that I was not alone.
• 10:19
  Kirby Kelly: I was not alone in this secret sin and secret struggle, and that's what the enemy wants us to do.
• 10:24
  Kirby Kelly: He wants us to keep it secret, he wants us to be silent about it, because he knows that it's in isolation, that he is just like speaking at us with a megaphone of lies and deceit and destructive words.
• 10:39
  Kirby Kelly: But it's when we confess and when we are vulnerable and we stand up and we admit hey, this is what I'm going through that one, we can begin to see wait, I'm not alone.
• 10:49
  Kirby Kelly: But two, we can begin to actually bring the thing that was molding and festering in the dark into the light, so that we can be molded into who God has called and created us to be in him as a freed and new creation.
• 11:02
  Kirby Kelly: And so it took some time for me to one work through that sin but to gain the confidence and assurance that, wait, jesus loves me, I can walk out freedom and fullness and I can unpack this sin that I then began to, like I said, gain the confidence to begin telling people.
• 11:21
  Kirby Kelly: It started out as me telling people for the sake of accountability, but then it developed over the years for me telling people for the sake of a testimony and to see other people set free.
• 11:32
  Kirby Kelly: Because it took one girl being honest with me and my sorority that she once struggled with it and that she was free from it.
• 11:38
  Kirby Kelly: That gave me the hope wait, I can be free too.
• 11:40
  Kirby Kelly: If she got free from it, then there's hope for a person like me.
• 11:44
  Kirby Kelly: And so over the past few years, and especially now that this book is available and is out on June 11th, depending when this episode drops the people who have been able to read it even before the drop, have messaged me and have just been completely honest of I'm struggling with this thing too, and it's so refreshing to one, see that I'm not alone, but two, to see the topic of sin in general approached in a way that there's no shame to it and there's no.
• 12:12
  Kirby Kelly: Well, you know better and you could have done better, but it's hey, we all have a weak flesh nature, but this is how we go about winning the war with Jesus, linking arms with Jesus in this battle against temptation.
• 12:25
  Kirby Kelly: So, yeah, more and more people have been coming forward and talking to me.
• 12:29
  Kirby Kelly: I think it's just even opened the floodgates for people who have once struggled with it to even just bear their own testimony as a banner for what God has done in their life.
• 12:40
  Kirby Kelly: So it's really cool to see.
• 12:42
  Kirby Kelly: Once it starts, it's like the domino effect of people getting free.
• 12:46
  Ellen Krause: Yes, absolutely.
• 12:48
  Ellen Krause: I experienced something similar in this moms group that I belong to, where you have this community that you feel safe in, and that, whatever it is, I know for me I've struggled with shopping too much, using that as a crutch or maybe overeating or gosh.
• 13:14
  Ellen Krause: There's just so many things that women share gossiping, hurting people in that way and when you can share it with other people, like you said, you don't feel so alone and you can have other people that are praying for you and helping you.
• 13:38
  Ellen Krause: Holding guess two questions.
• 13:40
  Ellen Krause: The first is how did God's word and studying God's word help you in this whole process of breaking free?
• 13:53
  Ellen Krause: Oh my gosh.
• 13:56
  Kirby Kelly: We'll start with that.
• 13:57
  Kirby Kelly: One detrimental, like God's word is capital T truth.
• 14:01
  Kirby Kelly: And it's only by the truth that we can be set free because the enemy and I have a whole chapter on this called exposing the enemy.
• 14:10
  Kirby Kelly: I also have a whole chapter dedicated to biblical and godly disciplines and I take a lot of time to unpack the importance of of memorizing and reading and hearing and obeying and and studying God's word Like it's more than just let me look at my verse of the day but truly having a relationship with God's word, that when we can see the enemy for who he is and we understand that his native tongue, his native languages lies, we need to become even more acquainted with the truth, because the word of God is God's self-revelation.
• 14:47
  Kirby Kelly: He reveals his heart, his nature, his character, but through that, as his image bears, being created in his image, being created by him and for him, we come to understand ourselves more too, humanity, even the complexities of humanity.
• 15:03
  Kirby Kelly: That there's this duality within us as Christians, that we have a willingness to do what is right and to walk and abide by the spirit, but also, like I mentioned earlier, this fleshly nature, and scripture helps us to unpack all of that, not just the commands that God gives us because he's trying to rob us of fun?
• 15:23
  Kirby Kelly: No, because he genuinely has your best interest in mind and he knows the best and most quality way of life for us, and he equips us with his word, our sword of the spirit, as you will.
• 15:36
  Kirby Kelly: If we're talking about Ephesians 6 and the armor of God, it is our weapon, it is our offensive weapon to fighting back against the deceptive lies of the enemy.
• 15:47
  Kirby Kelly: And it's not always going to be something that the enemy just whispers in our ear.
• 15:52
  Kirby Kelly: It could be something culture is telling us.
• 15:54
  Kirby Kelly: It could be what an authority figure in our life has told us or friends have told us, even just our warped way of rationalizing and viewing ourselves.
• 16:03
  Kirby Kelly: We need to know the truth so we can discern the lies, so we can detect the ways that we are living that are not in agreement with God's way for us to live, because his way is better and overall, it just helps us to develop into who God has called and created us to be, therefore getting to experience the fullness of life, eternal life, like right here and right now, experiencing bits of heaven right here, right now, today.
• 16:31
  Kirby Kelly: So, yeah, it was pivotal of having a relationship with God's word, believing God's word, applying God's word and clinging to that in moments where it seemed like the lies or the shame or the sin sounded really loud.
• 16:47
  Kirby Kelly: The reality is that God is so much louder than the enemy and we just have to be willing to rely on that truth.
• 16:53
  Kirby Kelly: But we have to know that truth.
• 16:55
  Kirby Kelly: That's why we got to get in God's word.
• 16:57
  Ellen Krause: Yes, yeah, it's absolutely critical, like you said, to be submersing yourself and understanding God's truth so you can separate out the lies from the truth and that inner culture today that can get really confusing for people if they don't know everything.
• 17:17
  Ellen Krause: Let's talk about someone who's perhaps listening to this and is finding themselves currently really really battling with a habitual sin.
• 17:28
  Ellen Krause: Talk to us about what happens between this temptation phase and practical application of applying God's word, and how you can sort of begin to break free from the temptation.
• 17:48
  Kirby Kelly: Definitely.
• 17:49
  Kirby Kelly: Well, again, I go into a lot of thorough detail in my book about this, because there's many steps and many layers to facing temptation and then being able to overcome that temptation, especially if it has been habitually and you have just lost that battle continuously.
• 18:08
  Kirby Kelly: I think the first thing, if I were to even just summarize three concepts in my book, if I were to summarize it in three, maybe, steps.
• 18:17
  Kirby Kelly: The first is knowing the truth, and we already kind of touched on this, but we need to know ourselves as humanity.
• 18:23
  Kirby Kelly: God created us as humans, so let's not demonize being a human.
• 18:28
  Kirby Kelly: Let's actually unpack what that looks like.
• 18:31
  Kirby Kelly: We need to understand who our God is and the truth about who he is and the truth that he equips us with.
• 18:37
  Kirby Kelly: We also need to understand the truth about our enemy and the fallen world that we live in and the fleshly nature.
• 18:43
  Kirby Kelly: We need to unpack and understand all those things.
• 18:45
  Kirby Kelly: Truth is a foundation that we all need to have laid, and that's like the first third of my book is understanding that truth.
• 18:54
  Kirby Kelly: So we need to know the truth.
• 18:56
  Kirby Kelly: The next thing that we need to do, then, is we need to understand our sin for what it is.
• 19:02
  Kirby Kelly: We need to actually understand like, okay, what areas am I tripping up in?
• 19:07
  Kirby Kelly: Like, what do I naturally have a lean towards?
• 19:11
  Kirby Kelly: And then figuring out okay, is there a pattern there?
• 19:14
  Kirby Kelly: Is there a pattern to me sleeping with my boyfriend?
• 19:19
  Kirby Kelly: Like, what leads me to that place?
• 19:21
  Kirby Kelly: Or what is the pattern to me, like you said, shopping addiction?
• 19:25
  Kirby Kelly: Is there a pattern there that typically leads me to my sin?
• 19:30
  Kirby Kelly: The thing that we don't want to do is just try to completely stop the habit.
• 19:36
  Kirby Kelly: Obviously, we do want to do that, but if it was easier to do, then we would be done with it.
• 19:41
  Kirby Kelly: So, rather than just simply trying to stop and cut it cold turkey, which we can try doing that, I emphasize the importance of we need to start substituting godly disciplines into our life, substituting godly disciplines and setting up boundaries so that we can actually pull back the line from.
• 20:00
  Kirby Kelly: You know, sleeping with our boyfriend?
• 20:02
  Kirby Kelly: No, maybe it's.
• 20:03
  Kirby Kelly: Hey, the boundary is we're not even going to hang out alone.
• 20:06
  Kirby Kelly: Period, it's not just, oh, we're not going to go to the bedroom at 10 pm.
• 20:10
  Kirby Kelly: No, like, we need to reel back.
• 20:12
  Kirby Kelly: Or if it's the shopping addiction, it's not going into sephora and spending 300, it's.
• 20:17
  Kirby Kelly: I'm deleting all of the apps and I'm following all the people on social media that are promoting these products that trip me up into temptation.
• 20:24
  Kirby Kelly: So, understanding what boundaries you need to set up and then figuring out what disciplines you need to apply to your life I would say that's kind of the second portion of it that I talk about in the book.
• 20:35
  Kirby Kelly: The final portion, which comes to the application thing that you just brought up, is understanding how do we move forward and what is sanctification Like, how do we actually live lives as believers and move forward from our past, from the shame?
• 20:52
  Kirby Kelly: How do we actually walk in the newness of life?
• 20:55
  Kirby Kelly: There's things that we can do, but having a holistic understanding for what it means to be renewed in Christ and the benefits of that and what truly is to come by following Jesus.
• 21:08
  Kirby Kelly: So I talk a lot about godly disciplines in that chapter and or in that section it is a specific chapter, but towards the end of the book godly disciplines that we need to apply to our life, what it means to move forward and how we're not called to be perfect.
• 21:25
  Kirby Kelly: We're not just trying better and doing it harder or whatever but what does it mean to rely on Christ because it's his strength and his ability.
• 21:34
  Kirby Kelly: So that's kind of the practical side of it that I get to towards the end, but it starts with the foundation of truth really identifying what it is that's going on in our lives personally and then implementing truth, moving forward.
• 21:47
  Kirby Kelly: That will sustain us, because it's not our performance, it's Jesus that sustains us at the end of the day.
• 21:53
  Ellen Krause: Absolutely, absolutely.
• 21:55
  Ellen Krause: One of the things that you said in the book which I really liked was you said our actions become goals, which become habits.
• 22:05
  Ellen Krause: Therefore, we must make new habits to counter the old ones and tell us like for you.
• 22:12
  Ellen Krause: What did that look like?
• 22:15
  Kirby Kelly: Yeah.
• 22:16
  Kirby Kelly: So for me, in regard to my habitual sin with pornography, my goals were very, very manageable and small.
• 22:24
  Kirby Kelly: So, to give a little bit of context, for me, I really just took it one day at a time.
• 22:30
  Kirby Kelly: Both of my parents were addicts, and something that they teach you in AA is one day at a time, and I write about this, finding a letter that my dad had written where he said I cannot focus on being sober five years from now.
• 22:54
  Kirby Kelly: I literally have to take it one day at a time, because that is just too crushing and crippling to think about, trying to get it right for so long, bigger than just applying to my dad's addiction.
• 23:00
  Kirby Kelly: This is all addiction, I think, in our life, or bad habits in our life, is we need to take it one day at a time.
• 23:06
  Kirby Kelly: So my goals were, just for the day.
• 23:08
  Kirby Kelly: It started out small.
• 23:09
  Kirby Kelly: My goal today is to not watch porn, and I would get up and it was like this is my goal for today to not do that.
• 23:17
  Kirby Kelly: Okay, what things can I instill?
• 23:18
  Kirby Kelly: Kind of going back to what I was talking about earlier.
• 23:20
  Kirby Kelly: What boundaries can I instill?
• 23:20
  Kirby Kelly: Kind of going back to what I was talking about earlier.
• 23:22
  Kirby Kelly: What boundaries can I instill and what can I supplement instead to replace that habit?
• 23:28
  Kirby Kelly: Boundaries for me in that season, very early on, was okay, I need to use the university computer because I was at college.
• 23:35
  Kirby Kelly: I need to use the university computer instead of my own computer because they have like website blockers.
• 23:40
  Kirby Kelly: I physically cannot access it on the computers if I'm on the computer.
• 23:45
  Kirby Kelly: When it came to my phone, okay, I'm blocking all these websites on my phone.
• 23:50
  Kirby Kelly: I'm downloading I think it's called like Coveted Eyes or Covet Eyes, covenant Covenant I think that's what it is Covenant, not coveted Covenant.
• 23:58
  Kirby Kelly: Downloading that and then making sure that my phone was turned off at nighttime and set in another room where I couldn't access it and letting my community know hey, this is something I'm struggling with, so hold me accountable to it.
• 24:13
  Kirby Kelly: It sounds extreme, but if you're sick and tired of being sick and tired and struggling with your sin, you need to take precautions, you need to take measures.
• 24:21
  Kirby Kelly: So my goal was I'm not going to watch porn today and I set up boundaries to protect me so that if my willpower was weak, if my strength of making the right decision all day, by the time it got to nighttime and I was just weak and tired and I wanted to just give into whatever I wanted to do.
• 24:40
  Kirby Kelly: I physically could not do it.
• 24:42
  Kirby Kelly: I took precautions to protect myself and it started small.
• 24:46
  Kirby Kelly: And by doing that over and over and over again and even supplementing time by myself with time with community, reading God's word, like learning more about the industry and the sin that I was stuck in, just exposing that and realizing wait, this is not what you think.
• 25:01
  Kirby Kelly: It is the reality check of that I supplemented the time I would have spent doing those things Instead, building myself up, knowing the truth and walking in community.
• 25:12
  Kirby Kelly: It became habit.
• 25:14
  Kirby Kelly: It eventually became habit the more and more that I did it.
• 25:17
  Ellen Krause: So days became weeks, weeks became months, months became years, so days became weeks, weeks became months, months became years, and I'm I've been free since then, since college and it's.
• 25:34
  Ellen Krause: It all started with just taking it one day at a time, keeping it manageable, and I just was going to share a little bit about this shopping thing, because shopping has become so easy, like especially with Amazon, and there was like a point in time where I just loved getting like one thing from Amazon a day, or you know, I just looked forward to that.
• 26:00
  Ellen Krause: It was like some kind of a dopamine hit and then when Instagram started selling so many things, I was like getting sucked in there.
• 26:11
  Ellen Krause: So for me as well, I had to set up boundaries and have accountability which having a daughter here and have accountability which having a daughter here, who she really?
• 26:28
  Ellen Krause: She says the hard truth when I need to hear it.
• 26:29
  Ellen Krause: Like, mom, I think you've been ordering too many things Like what's going on, kind of to also delving into like what's going on inside of you.
• 26:41
  Ellen Krause: But one suggestion too that I have for people and I don't know how it works with various different things, but for me too, it was like look back at what you already have and enjoy what you already have.
• 26:58
  Ellen Krause: Like I have a craft room full of things.
• 27:01
  Ellen Krause: I don't need five more different.
• 27:04
  Ellen Krause: You know paint colors, let me go in, use the ones I have and there actually, you know there's so much joy that can be found in that and Bible journaling and all kinds of things like that that an artistic, creative outlet.
• 27:22
  Ellen Krause: I think, yeah, um can help with that as well totally, totally.
• 27:28
  Kirby Kelly: I think that, especially with like TikTok shop now it's just, it's being pushed.
• 27:32
  Kirby Kelly: I think ever since COVID especially since we were all stuck in indoors and it was like getting that Amazon package was like the thing of the day, where it was like, yay, my little taste of the outside world and like entertaining myself that that has become a big problem for a lot of people, like men and women of just I need this thing, I need this thing, this, this overconsumption and I'm even guilty of that too, and God has been convicting me of that.
• 27:59
  Kirby Kelly: I'm just like you have too many clothes.
• 28:00
  Kirby Kelly: God has been convicting me of that.
• 28:02
  Kirby Kelly: I'm just like you have too many clothes.
• 28:03
  Kirby Kelly: And I remember reading.
• 28:03
  Kirby Kelly: I forget what it was, but I read this book or this thing that a woman wrote, where she was like if you have X amount of dollars, then you are richer than 99% of the world, and it's like kind of like a standard thing that you would expect for people who are working in America, just like wait, like that, that's.
• 28:21
  Kirby Kelly: That's like a bare minimum thing, like we wouldn't survive off of that.
• 28:24
  Kirby Kelly: Yet we're richer than 99% of the world and on top of that, I'm spending all my money on this, this stuff that like clothes that I wear two times and then I forget about it and I move on to the next thing.
• 28:37
  Kirby Kelly: It's it really just like humbled me of like wait, I need to be grateful and a good steward and truly, truly unpack why I'm, why I'm doing what I'm doing, cause there's always a why behind it.
• 28:51
  Kirby Kelly: It's not just, oh, I gave into it again, but, like you said, is it the dopamine hit?
• 28:56
  Kirby Kelly: I talk about that in the book.
• 28:57
  Kirby Kelly: I have a whole section about the science and the scriptures and dopamine and dopamine and habits and how they become automatic and how we can even just understand the way that our brain works and how even we have to relearn these things like our habits and our decisions, and how we can actually experience redemption, even at a molecular level.
• 29:19
  Kirby Kelly: And so I totally relate and it's a process and it's humbling and it's hard even to have people call us out and be like, hey, I think you're doing this too much.
• 29:28
  Kirby Kelly: It's like, oh no, they're seeing me, but it's when we're seen that we can begin to walk out freedom, and so I'm thankful that you have a daughter that's willing to do that out of love.
• 29:39
  Ellen Krause: Yeah, yeah, yeah, you mentioned AA as being an organization.
• 29:46
  Ellen Krause: Obviously that helps so many people.
• 29:48
  Ellen Krause: Yeah, the counseling aspect, too, is just something that I want to make sure we just touch on briefly because, so much of this is so deep rooted in emotional things that have traumatized us perhaps in the past, and so tell us a little bit about how you see the role of counseling also in helping this.
• 30:18
  Kirby Kelly: Yes, I think counseling is phenomenal.
• 30:21
  Kirby Kelly: I always joke with people that I've been in counseling since I popped out the womb, like my life has been full of trauma.
• 30:29
  Kirby Kelly: Honestly, I'm smiling and laughing saying that I literally was at counseling yesterday because I think it's healthy especially Christian counselors who have that perspective and and those values and can not just come from a place of practicals and and the science behind certain things and the psychology behind certain things, but also like the spiritual truths behind these things of what we wore with and wrestle with and are traumatized by and have to break down.
• 30:56
  Kirby Kelly: It's so important because I think getting that outside perspective of someone being able to observe and listen to everything that you're saying, they can help you to fill in the gaps and to even take you out of certain situations and see it maybe in a perspective, in a way that you never saw it.
• 31:17
  Kirby Kelly: I mean, literally yesterday, like I said, I was in counseling and I was talking to my counselor not to get into details and I was like yeah, yada, yada, yada.
• 31:25
  Kirby Kelly: I just said something you know, like off the cuff after venting, and she's like let's talk about that.
• 31:30
  Kirby Kelly: And the more that we unpacked it, she was like, actually, I think this is what the real issue is and she like broke it down for me and I was like I have never even considered that perspective.
• 31:39
  Kirby Kelly: And that is way more accurate than what I was trying to reason within myself, because I'm viewing things from my own worldview, my own perspective, my own trauma.
• 31:49
  Kirby Kelly: And to have someone looking at that, unfiltered and helping you walk through and process it, from a place of compassion and love and not judgment, like a safe space to process these things, it is freeing.
• 32:03
  Kirby Kelly: It is freeing I know I keep using that word, but it is freeing, it's healing.
• 32:07
  Kirby Kelly: It's hard to go back to those places to revisit the shame, to revisit the sin, to revisit the incident, the, whatever it could be.
• 32:15
  Kirby Kelly: It's hard but it's necessary if you're going to heal.
• 32:19
  Kirby Kelly: Like I said, you can let that thing fester, but it's going to mold and it's going to intoxicate you.
• 32:25
  Kirby Kelly: You will become more sick, more and more sick if you don't address it.
• 32:36
  Kirby Kelly: The beauty is that I feel like a counselor is a nurse, but Jesus is the great physician.
• 32:40
  Kirby Kelly: He's the one doing the necessary surgery to to mend you, to tend to you and keep you intact so that you can run the race without a limp.
• 32:47
  Kirby Kelly: You know.
• 32:48
  Kirby Kelly: So, counseling is necessary.
• 32:49
  Kirby Kelly: I'm still in it and I and I love it.
• 32:51
  Kirby Kelly: There's always something I think to unpack and to process, and I think it doesn't show that you're weak.
• 32:56
  Kirby Kelly: It shows that you're strong and that you want to be healthier.
• 32:59
  Ellen Krause: I think that's a great thing.
• 33:00
  Kirby Kelly: I love counseling.
• 33:02
  Ellen Krause: Absolutely.
• 33:02
  Ellen Krause: I have been in and out of it my whole life as well, and I can't speak of it more highly, especially a Christian counselor who brings that biblical perspective as well in helping you.
• 33:17
  Ellen Krause: Well, Kirby, as we just start to wrap things up, what would you say to people as far as your book, You Can Be Free, how you think that it can really help them and where can they find out more information about it?
• 33:39
  Kirby Kelly: Definitely.
• 33:39
  Kirby Kelly: Well, like I said, if you are struggling with habitual sin and temptation, if you are just believing the lies of the enemy, if you have an inaccurate view of who God is, the enemy is who you are.
• 33:52
  Kirby Kelly: I mean, even if you don't know if you do, I think this is a great resource to unpacking things that we might believe, ways that we're viewing ourselves, why we're doing what we're doing and why we're doing what we don't want to do, and also just tackling and unpacking the shame that we can feel.
• 34:09
  Kirby Kelly: I really think that this is a great resource.
• 34:12
  Kirby Kelly: Again, it's called you Can Be Free.
• 34:14
  Kirby Kelly: It's available everywhere on June 11th, which is a week from the day that we're recording, so whenever this episode is out, I hope that the book is already out and you can get it.
• 34:24
  Kirby Kelly: Like, truly, this isn't just a good sounding title, it's a promise.
• 34:30
  Kirby Kelly: I detail my own experiences.
• 34:31
  Kirby Kelly: I give you not just the what and the why, but the how, how you can actually walk out freedom, not just pray about it or just hope it'll go away or just figure it out, but here are things you can actually start doing right here, right now, today, and see results in your life.
• 34:49
  Kirby Kelly: So yeah, I'm just hoping it brings freedom.
• 34:52
  Kirby Kelly: Even if this book is meant for one person who is listening to this podcast today, I hope that one person goes and reads it and finds freedom for themselves, for their family and just for their legacy and for their community.
• 35:05
  Ellen Krause: Absolutely, absolutely.
• 35:07
  Ellen Krause: And where can they find you online?
• 35:09
  Kirby Kelly: Yes, so my social media is Kirby is a boss.
• 35:12
  Kirby Kelly: I made it when I was 13.
• 35:14
  Kirby Kelly: So please don't judge me.
• 35:15
  Kirby Kelly: My mom was like you cannot put your last name on the internet.
• 35:19
  Kirby Kelly: I was like, okay, but it's my Instagram, my YouTube, my TikTok, it's all.
• 35:24
  Kirby Kelly: Kirby is a boss.
• 35:25
  Kirby Kelly: Like Ellen was saying earlier, I have a podcast.
• 35:28
  Kirby Kelly: It's called Bought and Beloved.
• 35:29
  Kirby Kelly: The videos go live on YouTube on Tuesdays and the audios drop on Wednesdays.
• 35:34
  Kirby Kelly: So if you want it a day earlier, you can watch the video portion of it, and I do speaking and preaching.
• 35:39
  Kirby Kelly: I'm an author.
• 35:40
  Kirby Kelly: Now I have a book.
• 35:41
  Kirby Kelly: So if you're a church or an organization or a group and you want me to come and talk about this and walk your group through freedom and fullness, please reach out to me.
• 35:49
  Kirby Kelly: Like my joy is to walk out discipleship within community.
• 35:54
  Kirby Kelly: So, yeah, I'm always here, and if anybody needs help or anything, you can DM me too.
• 35:59
  Kirby Kelly: As an individual, I try to get back to everybody who messages me.
• 36:02
  Kirby Kelly: So, yeah, believing for your freedom.
• 36:04
  Ellen Krause: All right, excellent.
• 36:05
  Ellen Krause: We will make sure we put those links in our show notes.
• 36:08
  Ellen Krause: Before we go, karubi, I have to ask you some of our favorite Bible study tool questions.
• 36:14
  Ellen Krause: What Bible is your go-to Bible and what translation is it?
• 36:18
  Kirby Kelly: Yes.
• 36:18
  Kirby Kelly: So I have two Bibles slash translations that I go to.
• 36:23
  Kirby Kelly: I have a ESV journaling Bible because your girl takes notes.
• 36:28
  Kirby Kelly: I've been following Coffee and Bible Time forever, so I'm right there with y'all the washi tape, the highlighters, all the good stuff, right.
• 36:37
  Kirby Kelly: And then I also have a CSB.
• 36:39
  Kirby Kelly: She reads truth Bible and I love it.
• 36:42
  Kirby Kelly: I love the commentary in it.
• 36:44
  Kirby Kelly: I honestly I have too many commentary study Bibles to to even unpack, but I just love being able to have resources that are within scripture as I'm reading it to unpack it with me.
• 36:56
  Kirby Kelly: But I love those translations because they're one is word for word and it's like pretty straightforward with the translation.
• 37:02
  Kirby Kelly: And then CSB is more thought for thought and compels more of the idea behind what is being said.
• 37:08
  Kirby Kelly: So yeah, I love both of them Excellent.
• 37:11
  Ellen Krause: Okay, you started to touch on journaling supplies.
• 37:14
  Ellen Krause: Is there anything specific that you would like to tell us about that you use to enhance your Bible study experience?
• 37:21
  Kirby Kelly: Yeah Well.
• 37:22
  Kirby Kelly: So I journal a lot.
• 37:23
  Kirby Kelly: I love to journal as I am reading scripture, if I have questions, if I'm making observations.
• 37:29
  Kirby Kelly: That's why I also like my journaling Bible to just make those notes.
• 37:33
  Kirby Kelly: But I use a lot of washi tape.
• 37:35
  Kirby Kelly: I love it.
• 37:36
  Kirby Kelly: I think it's so cute, especially if I'm just like in my creative mode.
• 37:40
  Kirby Kelly: But as far as like pens go, I really love Muji pens.
• 37:45
  Kirby Kelly: I think the 0.5 ones.
• 37:47
  Kirby Kelly: They're just perfect.
• 37:48
  Kirby Kelly: They don't bleed through your Bible and they are 0.5.
• 37:52
  Kirby Kelly: So you can really write in there, because the text is pretty small in scripture.
• 37:55
  Kirby Kelly: And then, as far as highlighters goes, zebra has they're called midliners, I think, or mildliners, and their highlighters are so awesome because on one end you have the actual highlighter and then on the other end it's like a felt tip type pen.
• 38:12
  Kirby Kelly: So I love just carrying a few of those with me as I'm journaling as well.
• 38:17
  Ellen Krause: Okay, good suggestions.
• 38:19
  Ellen Krause: What about your favorite app or website for Bible?
• 38:23
  Kirby Kelly: study tools yes, so, depending what your budget is, if your budget is free 99, then I love Enduring Word.
• 38:34
  Kirby Kelly: It's free's free, it's incredible.
• 38:36
  Kirby Kelly: I also just love the bible app in general, like the YouVersion bible app you can.
• 38:40
  Kirby Kelly: I often do this where when I'm reading scripture, I read it in either my csb or my esv bible, depending what I, what I have on me at that point in time, and I will often pull up the u-version app and I'll pull it up in a few different translations and I'll read it up in a few different translations and I'll read it in different translations if I have questions or if I want to want to see what maybe other synonymous words are being used here.
• 39:03
  Kirby Kelly: I love doing that and you can also click on it and there's like a panel that gives you multiple options.
• 39:09
  Kirby Kelly: People will write their own comments on it, so it's really interesting sometimes to even read the comments of what other people are gathering from it, which I love.
• 39:17
  Kirby Kelly: Then, a expensive resource that I use because I speak and I preach and I'm writing things and I've justified it.
• 39:25
  Kirby Kelly: You know, in debt, for it is Logos or Logos, whatever people, however you pronounce it.
• 39:30
  Kirby Kelly: I hear it pronounced so many different ways, but I love, love, love it.
• 39:34
  Kirby Kelly: If you are a pastor, a preacher, if you are in ministry, I think it is worth it.
• 39:40
  Kirby Kelly: And it gives you so many commentaries just on your devices and there's so many tools to even like writing sermons.
• 39:48
  Ellen Krause: It's phenomenal, I love it, yeah, yeah, it really.
• 39:51
  Ellen Krause: There's nothing like it, it's just incredible.
• 39:54
  Kirby Kelly: It's the best database for anything.
• 39:57
  Kirby Kelly: Jesus literally yes.
• 39:59
  Ellen Krause: Well, we will make sure we put links to all of those things in our show notes.
• 40:04
  Ellen Krause: Kirby, I just want to say your personality sparkles.
• 40:07
  Ellen Krause: It absolutely does.
• 40:09
  Ellen Krause: Thank you, it's been such a joy to have you.
• 40:12
  Ellen Krause: Thank you for again being so willing to be transparent about your own struggles, and it's just been a joy to have you here.
• 40:22
  Kirby Kelly: It's been a joy to be here.
• 40:24
  Kirby Kelly: Thank you.
• 40:26
  Ellen Krause: All right, and for our listeners, be sure and get a copy of Kirby's book.
• 40:30
  Ellen Krause: You Can Be Free.
• 40:32
  Ellen Krause: We will have a link to that in the show notes for your convenience.
• 40:36
  Ellen Krause: Well, thank you for joining us on our podcast today.
• 40:40
  Ellen Krause: We love you all.
• 40:42
  Ellen Krause: We appreciate you listening.
• 40:43
  Ellen Krause: We would love it if you could leave us a review.
• 40:46
  Ellen Krause: That would be awesome.
• 40:47
  Ellen Krause: Have a blessed day.