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141: The Secret to Getting Out of Your Own Way w/ Jon Acuff · Harder Than Life

• 0:07
  I'm Kelly Siegel and this is Harder Than Life, a podcast about self-love, self-awareness, business, and health. We tell outrageous stories and boil everything down to simple, practical advice you can start using today. Let's get living. I'm going to start this off a little differently. I'm Kelly Siegel with the Harder Than Life podcast. My life is dope and I do dope shit. Look at that. That's the first time.
• 0:33
  I wish that was my quote, but it's today's guest, John Acuff, a New York Times bestselling author, keynote speaker, and expert on personal development and leadership. Known for his humor and practical advice, John has spent over a decade helping individuals and organizations achieve their goals. His work has been featured by major companies like FedEx, Microsoft, and Nissan, and he hosts a popular podcast, All It Takes is a Goal.
• 1:01
  With books like soundtracks and All It Takes is a Goal, John empowers people to rewrite the negative thoughts that hold them back and unlock their full potential. Welcome to the show, my friend. Thanks for having me, dude. I'm looking forward to it. Brother, tell me the story about, and I missed this the first time I read the book, you open for Dolly Parton at the Ryman?
• 1:21
  Yeah, that was pretty awesome. And I always joke, it happened the way things always happen in Nashville where I live, via my dentist. Duh, obviously, that's how you get that gig. My dentist, I always like to say, is the dentist to the stars and John Acuff. So like a lot of stars and then me. And I tease them so much about not having a photo of me on their wall of fame that they eventually...
• 1:44
  They put up a framed cover of one of my books. And I was like, fine. And I always rearrange it. Every time I get my teeth cleaned, I put it next to whoever's the most famous in the hall that day. But, yeah, he said, hey, I'm doing a charity benefit. And Dolly Parton is playing. Would you mind doing some comedy that night? It's at the Ryman. And I was like, I guess. I guess I can. So, yeah, it was awesome, dude. And it was like the –
• 2:07
  The members of Leonard Skinner were there, Colin Ray, Dolly Parton, and again, and then also me. And it was super fun. And she was the best. She did like a 70-minute show. It started at 10 p.m. And the thing is, in Nashville, Kelly, those kind of setups, what often happens is the famous person like –
• 2:25
  helicopters in for like one half of one song and then bounces. And Dolly Parton was like, I don't care that. I don't know how she is like maybe 70. She crushed dude for like 70 minutes. So just so fun to do, but that's how that happened. So before we hit record, I just gave you props to somehow I've
• 2:43
  came across your work and I read your book during the pandemic. I read soundtracks. We're going to deep dive into that. But first I want to let everybody know I read it when I was going through the harder than life when the harder than life mantra was born. John Acuff was sitting over my shoulder and I didn't know John Hay cough. So I am a lucky man now. Like I said, life is dope. I read it. I was like, Whoa, there's I'm on this negative soundtrack.
• 3:09
  And then I read it again because you sent me another book. And it was amazing how cool quotes that I ended up picking up, which was one of them was, is it true? Is it helpful? Is it kind? And if it sounds crazy, we don't care because it works. What other takeaways from that amazing writing do you want my listeners to know about?
• 3:35
  Yeah. So the ones you just mentioned, the first three questions help you filter out what is a broken soundtrack. So the concept of the book is really simple. Mindset's not complicated. We overcomplicate it in culture. So it gets fuzzy and holistic and you got to go on a 90 day silent retreat. Like, no, no, no, no, no. Here's how mindset works. I'll tell you exactly how it works. Thoughts turn into actions. Actions turn into results.
• 3:57
  All too often, we over-focus on the results we want, but we don't change the underlying thoughts that are shaping everything, so we don't get the results. So the book Soundtracks is about what are the soundtracks you listen to? Because the longer you listen to certain thoughts, Kelly, the more they become part of your personal playlist.
• 4:12
  So everybody listening to this right now has a soundtrack for every person they've dated, for every city they've ever lived in, for every job they ever had, for every boss they ever had. Your life runs on soundtracks. So the core concept of the book is how do you retire the broken soundtracks, clear those out of the way. How do you replace them with new soundtracks? Because it's not enough to just stop listening to the old. Your brain is waiting to be told what to think. Your brain wants marching orders.
• 4:36
  And then the third thing is how do you repeat those new ones so often they become as automatic as the old ones. So retire, replace, repeat. And the questions you just mentioned are kind of the framework for discerning, is this a broken soundtrack? So you ask your loudest ones, not all your thoughts. You have 60,000 thoughts a day. You take the loudest ones that are really tripping you up and you go, is this true? Is the story I'm telling myself about myself true?
• 4:58
  Number two, is it helpful when I repeat it again and again? Does it move me in the direction I want to go or does it hold me back? And third, is it kind? Am I being kind to myself right now? Am I, you know, am I being my bodyguard or my bully? Like, am I being a bodyguard to myself or a bully? And those are very different things. And so those questions help people kind of filter out and go, wait a second,
• 5:21
  A lot of my thoughts are negative, and that's what I discovered when I went through this research project for this book, and that's why I wrote it. I write books, Kelly, where I find a big problem in my life, and I work on a solution for a period of years, and then I figure out, do other people have it too? And the books that do well for me, I'm about to turn in my 11th book. The books that do well for me are when I kind of hit that sweet spot where I find a problem, I find a lot of people that have a problem too, and then I find a compelling solution.
• 5:48
  And then if I can combine those three things, then I, then I have a book that actually helps people.
• 5:53
  I gotta tell you, you're beautiful. You're a beautiful human inside and out, and what you're doing is good for this world. I will go through that and tell you how I worked through it because I'll be completely transparent because I don't even think you know this, is that the soundtrack I kept telling myself during the pandemic is I was unlovable, and I wasn't worthy of being loved. That was from- Where'd that come from? Where did that start? Jess was gonna say, it came from my upbringing, my mother and my stepfather physically and emotionally abusing me. So the people that were supposed to love me
• 6:22
  didn't so I went out seeking people to do the same exact thing and I set out to to oh I can fix it I can replace it but the the soundtrack I kept saying on it as I'm unlovable but when I changed that soundtrack I became lovable and I became magnetic and first thing I did John and I didn't think this was in the book and I reread it again and it was
• 6:44
  I literally didn't try to retire. I just acknowledged that first thing. Sure. There that is again. And I would name it. I wouldn't resist it. And I would name it. There's that weird soundtrack again. And I would say, what is it? I'm unlovable. And then I would do, is it true? And then slowly but surely, as I just named it and laughed about it,
• 7:08
  would fade away and I was able to replace it with a new soundtrack which was I am lovable I am magnetic I am energy and I am love that's the big one I am love and when I emanated love people like John Acuff will yell at you across the room and go Kelly Siegel yeah um what are some of the most common negative soundtracks I just shared one what are some of the most common negative soundtracks people play in their heads
• 7:37
  Well, a really common one is who are you to do that, regardless of the that? So a really simple test. I'll give your listeners a test they can do later today to figure out if they have a broken soundtrack. And this isn't in the book. This is just something that I've worked on. Write down a goal. And it can be any goal. It can be I want to lose 10 pounds. It can be I want to start my own podcast. I want to write a book. I want to move to Colorado. I want to get married. I want to have a better marriage. Write down a goal and then listen for your first thoughts.
• 8:04
  Listen to your reaction to that goal because every reaction is an education. You're educating yourself about what you really believe. So is your first thought, wow, you should do that. You're gonna be great at that. That business is gonna work. You're gonna be an expert in that. Finally, we're gonna do that. Or are they negative? Who are you to think you can do that? That'll never work. There's no way that'll work. I always tell people the hardest part of the 11th diet is the first 10 diets that didn't work last time.
• 8:32
  Because as soon as you try to change your life, Kelly, all those failures come out of the woodwork. And the joke I'll sometimes do is go, if you buy a Peloton, your Bowflex will crawl out of the garage and be like, hey, remember me? Or even your thigh master will come out of the closet. And to your younger listeners who don't know what a thigh master is, in the 1990s, a scientist named Suzanne Summers told us all that our thighs were our most powerful part of the body. And this is before we had invented the core. So we didn't know. We just went with it.
• 9:01
  But that's a simple test to go, okay, what do I really believe about myself? Anytime you try to be more than you are today or kind of grow more than you are today, that's when doubt comes alive. That's when insecurity comes alive. That's when perfectionism comes alive.
• 9:18
  So I think common ones are, who are you to think you can do that? That'll never work. People like you don't get to do that. There's a thing I sometimes talk about, the acceptable success line, that everybody in life has an acceptable success line, which is the line of success they think is acceptable. And it's based off your family, the five friends you hang out with the most, your education, the town you grew up in.
• 9:44
  And so sometimes when people bump up against that, that's when they self-sabotage. So another common broken soundtrack is you don't deserve that. Or that was too easy, so therefore it's not good. People like you don't get to have money like that. Or you're being greedy. There's a million different common ones, but they all come down to a handful of...
• 10:04
  It's overthinking. It's self-sabotage. It's procrastination. It's perfectionism. It's doubt. It's insecurity. I mean, there are common foes that I think everybody listening to this would go, oh, yeah, I did that yesterday. So you emphasize looking backwards to move forward. Why is revisiting past successes so powerful?
• 10:22
  Well, here's the problem, Kelly. A lot of modern motivational thinking, in my opinion, is wrong in the sense that they go, what's your big, hairy, audacious goal? What's your crazy dream? Like, whoa. And a lot of people, myself included, get paralyzed with a blank piece of paper. The average person – and I've taken –
• 10:39
  tens of thousands of people through goal challenges. If you sit them down and go, tell me your 20 year vision, they get stuck. And the reason they get stuck is we've misinterpreted a really key idea from Stephen Covey and other people where Stephen Covey said, begin with the end in mind. But that's mutated over the years to mean you can't begin until you know the end. I meet people all the time that go,
• 11:00
  I'll start this business, but I don't know where it's going to go two years from now. I need a perfect vision for the future. And instead I go, no, no, no, no, no. Like you just need to start. The growing is in the going. That's another soundtrack I use. The growing is in the going. I'm going to grow as I go. I don't get like anybody who has a parent or has a kid that's listening to this. You were never ready for kids. No honest parent would go. Yeah, my wife and I had read all the books and we figured everything out and then we were ready.
• 11:27
  You're never ready for kids. You're never ready for kids. You're never ready to run the business. You're never ready for a million things. You just have to go. So what I like about looking back is that it tells you the truth about the things that really light you up. Instead of fantasy, you look at history. And that's just so much easier. So Kelly, if you give yourself permission, I taught this exercise in the book, All It Takes is a Goal.
• 11:48
  You write down best moments list on a piece of paper and give your head and your heart the first permission they've probably ever had to Google up the good things. Your brain has a thing called negativity bias. It's really good at remembering negative things because your brain is trying to protect you. My brain and I have different goals, Kelly. My goal is growth. My brain's goal is safety. Those are different goals. For me, I have to do things that make me uncomfortable. The only way you know you've left the comfort zone is when you're uncomfortable. But my brain goes...
• 12:18
  No, we want to keep you safe. We don't need danger. And I'm glad it's doing that. It keeps me out of a lot of bad situations. I didn't run into the street as a child, but I need it to not be so safe that I don't get to grow. And so that's kind of the tension. And so what happens when you come up with the best moments list is you tell your head and your heart, go find the things that really lit me up. And they won't even believe you're asking at first because most of us have never done this. But then if you're open to it, you start to write down things and you're going to remember things you forgot. Like I always say finding your purpose is usually a reunion.
• 12:48
  It's a reunion with something that you loved and you put down and you'll go, oh, why did I stop doing that? Why did I walk away from that? And so that's what a best moments list does is it gives you permission to really write down things you loved. And then Kelly, the shift that happens is people, and I've done this exercise with thousands of people. I'll go write down 30 and they'll always write down a hundred. They'll write down 300 because once they start, it's like the dam has burst open. And what happens is you inevitably go, I want more of that.
• 13:17
  When you give yourself permission to write those things down, you go, Oh, wow. You feel amazing. It teaches you gratitude. It gives you self-awareness. When you told me at the beginning of this podcast, John, I started to notice when I was telling myself I was unlovable, that was you practicing self-awareness. Kelly was now outside of Kelly going, Oh, I see that. Like that's just self-awareness. When you have self-awareness and write this list, your heart inevitably goes,
• 13:43
  These hundred things, these 50 things light me up. Could we put them in our life on purpose? Some of them happened by accident. What if the rest of my life was like this, not just accidentally, but I live with some intentionality. Like one of my soundtracks, Kelly is awesome is never accidental.
• 14:02
  Awesome is never accidental. I've never met someone who accidentally got in shape who said, yeah, I was just binge watching Netflix. Next thing you knew, I looked up, I was doing burpees. I was flipping a tractor tire in the living room. I don't even, I don't even own a tractor. Like awesome marriages are never accidental. Healthy people are never accidental. I'm turning to my 11th book. That wasn't accidental.
• 14:21
  And so what happens is you make this list, you go, I want more of that. And then you, then you have the desire to be intentional. Kelly, nobody changes just because I've never met somebody that woke up one day and said, I'm just going to be disciplined. I'm going to have persistence. No, you always find something you want more than the thing you have now. And it's worth it. Joy is the best alarm clock.
• 14:42
  Joy is the best alarm clock. You'll run through a wall for that. Like when I kind of got into what I do now, it wasn't that I got disciplined. It wasn't that I got persistent. It wasn't that I had grit. It was that I started the blog and I realized, wow, this really lights me up. I didn't stop watching TV because I was disciplined. I didn't start getting up early because I was trying to do a Mark Wahlberg, like get up at 2 a.m.,
• 15:05
  I started to do those things because TV was giving me nothing. Writing was giving me so much. So then you start to look at your life like your hours are sticks of wood, and you want to throw as many of those into the bonfire as possible. I didn't have to make myself get up early. I couldn't wait to get up early because when I got up early, before my kids were up, I got to write more, and writing was lighting my world afire. So then I just wanted to throw more hours in there. And so then –
• 15:31
  it wasn't harder to get off Instagram. It's like, man, Instagram is not throwing any wood into this fire. This other stuff is. So that's what I, I just gave you like 72 ideas, but obviously I care about this topic and I care about your listeners. So anytime somebody asks me questions like this, I'm like, oh man, let's go. You see me writing notes down every, I like, I, those were,
• 15:51
  bombs that you just dropped i'm gonna be thanks man i'm gonna be in my monday morning it meeting with my my it company going these aren't mine these are john acuffs i'll give you one one back i kept thinking of this the heart beats the brain if you lead with the heart it'll beat that brain every time that's a good one you really gotta fight
• 16:13
  Because the heart will, you know how you know, just go into a toxic relationship and try to jump out of that. God, so many good ones. The growing is in the going. Awesome is never accidental. I'm stealing that one. Joy is the best alarm. You're just, you're giving me my life. So again, we'll go back to me rereading soundtracks unintentionally. The first time I was in a, in a, in a,
• 16:41
  bad, dark place. I didn't notice any of your beautiful humor. The second time I even wrote in my notes, John is hilarious. So you, you are just beautiful doing beautiful things. Talk about the three performance zones and how people navigate them effectively. And this is out of your, your book. All it takes is a goal.
• 17:00
  Yeah. So basically I got really curious why people don't build long-term sustainable success. So I, you know, I, I have this concept that being a high performer doesn't automatically make you a high achiever because we've all known people who are capable of sporadic bursts of high performance, but they don't turn it into long-term sustainable success. Like we say that about that person, but that person had tremendous potential, but they didn't cash it in. So
• 17:25
  So I did a research study with a PhD named Mike Peasley. He's a professor here in Nashville. And he and I asked 3000 people if they feel like they're living up to their full potential. And 96% said no. So it made me really curious about why does that happen? And so in the research, what came up was that there's three different performance zones people get stuck in.
• 17:44
  um the first is the comfort zone everybody knows that one i call it the pajama pants zone it's no goals um no actions no progress we have a lot of words for that when we say she was in a funk he was in a rut they got stuck and it's not the most dangerous one though for high performers and by the way anyone who's listening to this podcast is a high performer and i know that because low performers don't listen to podcasts like this they're
• 18:08
  They don't read books like mine. They don't even know the category of the stuff we care about. You and I exist in a bookstore. So by nature, if you're listening, congratulations, you're a high performer. But here's the danger for you. It's not going to be the comfort zone. It's going to be the opposite. It's going to be the chaos zone. And the chaos zone is where you try to do it all at once. Where you go, I'm going to get in shape. I'm going to do yoga. I'm going to do cold plunge. I'm going to date my spouse more often. And you try to do everything all at once. And it's not sustainable because you sprinted the wrong way.
• 18:37
  The reason we have the phrase yo-yo diet in our country, Kelly, is people yo-yo from comfort zone, not doing anything, to chaos zone, trying to measure their food on a scale designed for Tour de France cyclists. They go from nothing all the way over everything, and it's not sustainable. And in the middle of those two extremes is what I call the potential zone.
• 18:56
  where it's kind of the Goldilocks zone. It's the right amount of effort. It's the right amount of goals. I did a study once where I asked people who read my books, how many goals are you working on right now? And the average number was 28. You ever try to juggle three balls at a time? It's challenging. You ever try to juggle 28 at a time? And that's what happens to people, especially in January. They get inspired. They get like, I'm going to do it all. I'm
• 19:18
  I'm going to do it all. And then they try to do it all, but it's not done in a sustainable, smart way. And most goals, Strava did a study. Strava, the number one fitness tracking app in the world, studied 800 million athletic activities to determine when do people quit their New Year's resolutions. Great question. 800 million points of data. Amazing amount of data. Yeah.
• 19:37
  Some people would guess they stop in February, they stop in March. The greatest day of quitting was the second Friday in January. They call it Quitter's Day. And it happens, in my opinion, because people go through goals in a chaotic way. They try to do too much too fast.
• 19:52
  And they don't try to do it in a sustainable way and it falls apart. And so that's what the potential zone is about. It's figuring out where's your sweet spot. Between the comfort zone and the chaos zone, where's your sweet spot where you know you're living out of your potential? And here's what I say. This is just for men in their late 40s, early 50s. A lot of men right now, in my opinion...
• 20:15
  are confusing burnout with boredom. They're not burned out, meaning they've given their all. They've done everything. They're bored. They've underperformed. They've been underutilized, under-challenged, under-tested, and they're going, I'm just burned out. I meet a lot of men, and if you said to them, you got 10 gears, what gear are you at? They'd go, I'm at gear eight. And I'd go...
• 20:34
  You're at like gear three. You got so much more you're capable of. They're not burned out. They're rusted. They don't have a passion that's driving them. They don't have a hope that's driving them. So that to me is what the potential zone is, is where you go. Here's the thing I feel called to do. Here's the thing I'm equipped to do. Here's how I'm going to do it long-term. Kelly, I'm no longer interested in like...
• 20:55
  The writer who has one book that sells well or the YouTuber that has a channel that's hot for a year. I now look at and the reason you and I were in the same room and I said, oh, there's Kelly. I love Kelly. We were in John Gordon and Ed Milet's event.
• 21:10
  And so I'm more interested in dudes, men and women that have had 10 years, 20 years, 30 years, 40 years, sustainable, beautiful success that you go, it wasn't flash in the pan. They're doing something deliberate. They're doing something long term. There's sustainable growth there. That to me is the potential zone. That's when you know you're in the potential zone where it is longer than a one time moment or one book that you can see sustainable long term success.
• 21:35
  So if we're a high achiever and we're stuck and not wore out, what are some steps that the audience could use to get out of that stuff? You mentioned passion. So is it, I don't want to steal your thunder, but what would the next step be? So I'm sitting here, I'm listening to this. I go, John, you're right. I do have more. What steps can I take? Is it breaking out a journal? Is it writing down how to get out of that potential zone and get it into action zone?
• 22:05
  So an easy one would be, how are you managing your time? Let's start with something really tangible, tangible. I love to take big, fuzzy things and go, let's get tangible. So for me, it would go, OK, well, like, let's look at your calendar. Your calendar tells the truth. Your calendar, like your calendar tells the truth. Like one of my soundtracks is data kills denial, which prevents disaster.
• 22:25
  Data kills denial, which prevents disaster. I saw this happen once. We were at a restaurant, and everybody there was going to order this crazy meal. And the restaurant had put the calories on the menu, and everybody's order changed. Suddenly, everybody went from a giant cheeseburger with a knife stuck in the top to a sad little salad with the dressing on the side, the side of the restaurant, not even the side of the plate. And all that happened was the data was there.
• 22:49
  So data just tries to tell you like, hey, here's where you're going. So I would say to that person, let's go find some data. Let's see what we're working with. Like, let's get exciting. Like, what do you, you know, what amount of time do you have to invest in a new thing? And I'd go, okay, wow, your heart says this, but your calendar says this. Your heart is divorced from your calendar right now. Let's make them friends. What does that look like? We always talk about the phrase alignment and self-development, like being aligned. Sometimes your desires aren't aligned with your calendar, and that's frustrating.
• 23:19
  John, here are my 10 goals. And I'll go, well, how much, uh, how much time would those goals cost? And I'll get them to assess it. Like, let's do an honest assessment. And they go about 24 hours, 24 hours a week. And I'll go, how much free time you got in your week right now? They go zero. I'm very busy. I'll go, well, you, you have a 24 hour goal plan with a week that has zero goals. That's a train wreck. That's going to just cause frustration. So I try to get them to look at
• 23:45
  What do they want to do? I would get them to audition some new goals. I'm a big fan of auditioning goals. The reason New Year's resolutions often fail is somebody try to, they try to do something they've never done for a year. So they go from never having done it to I'm going to commit for 12 months. That's like marrying the person you just met speed dating. That's such a bad plan. So what I like to do, especially with high performers, high achievers is go, hey, let's audition a new goal this month.
• 24:12
  For this month, this is what we're going to do. It can be a health goal. It can be a writing goal. It can be a business goal, whatever. Let's audition it. Take some data. Take some results. See how it did. And then double it. Like, let's double it at the end of the month. I want you to go hard. Like, I'm an active guy. Like, I love going. Like, I'm 49. 49.
• 24:32
  Somebody the other day was like, and we're doing a live event. Like we're doing our first live event in April. And somebody said to me like, man, virtual is just easier. Why are you doing a live event? It's going to be so much work. And they're right. It's hard. But I said, I'm 49. What are you talking about? Like ask a bird why it flies. Cause it can.
• 24:49
  Like I'm doing the thing. I feel more alive than I've ever felt before in what I'm doing. And I'm going to get to help hundreds of people in a live setting. So for me, I do love to go, go, go, go, go. And I would like when somebody is, has that kind of motor, then I do say, okay, well, let's look at what your life is really telling us right now. Like let's audition some goals. Let's rescue some hours. Like, let me look at screen time. Like, oh, you got 13 hours. You gave 13 hours to Netflix last week.
• 25:19
  You know, the CEO of Netflix said in 2017 at the LA Summit that they're competing with sleep. That's what their competition is, is sleep. So you have to know Netflix doesn't want you to lose weight. Netflix doesn't want you to write a book. Netflix doesn't want Kelly to build a business. Like they want you to consume content. So I'd go, let's look at your time. Where's it going? There's so many ways you can enter into that, like getting that fire relit. And I think the reality is,
• 25:48
  You climb to the top of whatever you're doing and then you go, okay, how can I work on this some more? Like an example, I was in your state. I was in Orlando a couple weeks ago and I spoke at an event and I got a standing ovation, which was awesome. That doesn't happen a lot. I don't end my speeches with like a super emotional moment. So it just doesn't happen a lot. But it happened and it was awesome. I was so grateful. Yeah.
• 26:10
  And an hour later at the airport and the president of my company was with me at the event. He goes, hey, I got five things I think you can do better in that speech. And he was right. But that to me is excellence. How do you get reengaged in that? Because very few people would go, standing ovation, I think it could have been better. A lot of people go, man, congratulations, you did that thing. But I learned the lesson a long time ago to surround yourself with people who love you enough to tell you things you won't like to hear.
• 26:37
  who love you enough to tell you things you won't like to hear. This guy loves me enough to go, hey man, that was a great speech. People liked it. You got a standing ovation. Here's five things that I think could be better. And he's right. So I love to take high performers and go, man, you are killing it. Or maybe you stopped killing it six months ago and you're coasting. That's the problem, Kelly, is that...
• 26:56
  People will let successful people get lazy. People let successful people get lazy. People let successful people coast. All the, they let successful people behave poorly. Like I, my job is easy, dude, because when I show up at events and I'm polite to the event planner and I ask great questions and I'm polite to the audience, a lot of times they go, hey, thanks for not being a jerk. The last speaker wouldn't even talk to us. The last speaker, and I go, yeah, that makes my job easy. Because that person is famous enough to be allowed to behave poorly.
• 27:25
  Where like for me, I'm like, nah, that ain't it. We just released yesterday's podcast was on kindness. I mean, I got to kill him with kindness. It's just who I am. I'm a gentle giant. I'm very surprised that you didn't work in any kind of stillness or silence because, you know, I know that you like to go in and build Legos and kind of be quiet. How often do you have downloads when you're quiet in your Legos?
• 27:49
  Yeah, so for me, I treat stillness and quiet pretty preciously, meaning I protect it, I build it in. A friend of mine named Craig Groeschel, I asked him about that. I was like, hey, and he's a high-performing guy that's 10 years ahead of me. I always feel, you know, soundtrack I use is that mentors are time machines.
• 28:11
  they've been to the future you want to get to. And if you'll be humble, they'll tell you how they got there. So I really, part of the reason I was at that John Gordon event is there was a lot of men and women there who are a lot further ahead than me. And man, I got to learn a lot in that room. And so I do take rest and kind of quiet seriously. Um, like for instance, we're about to go on vacation. We're doing a week in Zion national park with our youngest, our youngest daughter. Um,
• 28:36
  I'm not bringing my laptop. I'm not, you know, like, but I went into that moment deliberately going, what does it look like for me to be off? Because there's been times, Kelly, if I'm honest, I remember a vacation. We went to Maine and I had a book do and dude, I was physically present, but I was mentally absent. My body was there, but my wife would tell you, I don't know where you are right now, but you're not on this vacation. And like, let's tie it back to soundtracks. So
• 29:02
  I talked about this in the book about how do you build a symbol so you can remember a soundtrack. We were going on a vacation to Jackson Hole, and I had another book due, and I knew I'd be tempted to be physically present but mentally absent. So I wrote down on a Post-it note. I keep Post-it notes all over my office, just reminders. It said, don't miss it. Don't miss it. Don't miss it. And so I looked at that a thousand times before we left. And then I was at the trip in Jackson Hole, and I was present enough to notice, like, the pine cones in Jackson Hole are different than the pine cones in Nashville.
• 29:32
  And so that's how present I was. And I brought it home a thousand miles, whatever. And it's on my desk now because I know there's going to be other times where I'm going to be tempted to miss it. So for me, building in silent time, whether that's putting together a big Lego set, whether that's running, whether that's going for a walk or...
• 29:49
  whatever that is, is time I do deliberately protect and I don't try to monetize it. And monetize for me means like, I don't go into it with expectations because the minute I do that, now I've forced that creativity kind of into a box. And so like another, this isn't purely silent, but like,
• 30:09
  One of my ways I like to get new ideas is I listen to music when I drive home from the airport. When I come home from an event and I'm still kind of excited about it, like I just listen to music the entire way home. And I'm just kind of processing. The best definition of creativity I've ever heard, Kelly, is creativity is a wild mind with a disciplined eye.
• 30:27
  It's a wild mind with a disciplined eyes by Dorothy Parker. And what she means is the wild mind is you collect a hundred different things. So you collect something Kelly said to you at an event, you collect the way a restaurant menu was written. You collect a song lyric, you collect something your podcast editor said, and you collect them and you have this wild mind. And then you have the discipline to see the connection between the ideas in a way no one's ever seen. And so that's how, so I'm deliberate about going, um,
• 30:52
  Am I feeding myself enough ideas to keep that part of me wild so that when it's time to be creative, I have enough connection points and I can create a new book? Book 11 was harder than any other book for me. And that surprised me because I thought, well, I'll get better and better at writing. And I have gotten better, but it was harder because all the easy stories have already been told.
• 31:12
  Dude, the low hanging fruits already been picked. My story, like there's not a lot. There's not an easy story left. I had to climb to the top of the tree to get the fruit for this book. That was harder, dude. I had to dig deeper to get you get this stuff out. The surface diamonds had already been picked up. I had to go pretty deep into this one. And I think that's what a lot of life is about. So I use silence as a way to kind of stay connected to that.
• 31:35
  I love it. This may have come from you, but I don't even know. I listened to a podcast years ago, and they talked about taking phone breaks. And I took my first ever phone break or phone vacation. Vacation from my phone. I did it over Christmas to New Year's. 11-day break. I would suggest if your book's done, take your phone, shut it off, keep it in the car. Tell whoever has to, your editor, whoever could call your wife.
• 32:03
  That's great. Your wife will thank you. And you'll thank me 11 days. It took three days to calm down and you're reaching for it. Yeah. You were jittery. I bet. Well, it was weird because you know, I still went to the gym. I didn't realize my gym card is on my phone. Music's on the phone. Podcasts are on the phone. It's like, I took it and put it away and had zero action. And when you, we go to watch TV at night with the kids.
• 32:29
  Freaking Netflix has to be activated by the phone. It was what you're like, holy cow, how many things that you use the phone for now? So you think I'm crazy, but all of a sudden I just relaxed.
• 32:46
  And honestly, I got a little antsy at the end because I didn't want it back. I don't want it back. I hate my phone. Yeah. Kelly, what are some other things? So if you said, John, there's two other things that I've done that I tested that went well like that. What are some other? Because I find that men and women who are doing the stuff you do are always playing like 10 little games or 100 little games. What are some of the other little games you play to stay Kelly?
• 33:11
  John, I'm a little bit insane, as you know, but I love it. That's part of it. I dance a fine line with insanity. And some of the advice that you were giving, I'm the antithesis of. I go from one side to the other. My uncle laughs at me. He's like, I've never seen somebody just flip a switch before. So January 1st, 2019, I just quit drinking. Just shut it off. Said, I'm done with alcohol. Walked away. Right.
• 33:38
  And then harder than life was born. And then I went down the path of declaring war on myself. So I am an absolute dude. It's like I say I'm going to do something. I don't negotiate with myself. It's on. Have you always been that way? I don't know. I think so.
• 33:55
  Like 10 years ago, you know what? It was just survival from the beatings when I was a kid. Yeah. And I just, when I say I'm going to do something, it's very important because they, my, my family, everybody always abandoned and betrayed me. So if I say I'm going to do something, you bet it's going to happen.
• 34:12
  So I, so you asked me a question. I'm gonna give you another answer. First of all, I'm meditating 365 days this year. And how I do it, you said the calendar, you show me your calendar, I'll show you your priorities. So it's the first thing I do when my eyes wake up, I'd say my three gratitude.
• 34:29
  And then I fricking go right into my meditation. I do 10 minute meditation. I've done, I've hit it every single day. That's great. I'm gonna do it every single day. And it starts my day great. I work out about 355 days a year. So I said this year I'm doing 365, but I'm gonna make it more difficult and I'm gonna do 500 workouts.
• 34:52
  It sounded easy. I saw you're doing your 700 miles. You're doing 700 miles, which is just as freaking hard. And I'm true, I'm rooting you on bro. That's wild how frick, that's a lot of miles. And so this is what it takes. Big, hairy, begin with the end in mind. We play little tricks on ourself, but I wanna come back to something. You could comment on that.
• 35:15
  Sure. When is book 11 coming out? And tell me about your event because I saw the dates and I, I want to come, but I think I'm out of town. What's the date to the, your event again, April 14th and April 15th, um, April 25. Okay. It's a Monday and a Tuesday. That's right. Monday and a Tuesday. Yep. Um, and that's in Nashville. Yeah.
• 35:33
  Nashville. Yeah, it's in Franklin, which is 20 minutes south of Nashville. Amazing hallmark movie town. Like, it's so fun. We had Justin Bieber's song mistletoe. The video was done on our main street. So when people go, it feels like a Hallmark movie channel like it is that so the new book won't come out until April 2026. So love to come back on and talk about that. Absolutely.
• 35:55
  But for me, it's interesting hearing you say, okay, the workout's a goal. Are you a, what kind of goal guy are you? Are you a, it's December and you're working and you're writing them down. Like, what's your process like? You're coming up toward the end of the year. You're going to go from 355 to 500. What's that process like? Are you processing it with other friends? Is it just you in a lab? What are you doing?
• 36:18
  Well, I get real, real still and real, real quiet. I take the final two weeks off of every year and I go be with my family in my Florida house. So I have two homes. I'm in Detroit today and I have a house in Florida. So I go there to rest, recharge, relax. And when I'm there, I smoke my cigars, I sit out in the sun, I read, and I just enjoy life. And I get real still and I go through John Gordon's One Word, which I've been doing for 15 or 20 years.
• 36:47
  And I go and I, and I sit back and I listen to my heart and I want to know what's going on with my heart. And I get that thing centered. And then I say, what is important to me? What is the message that I'm going to give to people this year? And then I start from that and I go and I work the goals forward from there.
• 37:05
  Are you writing it down? Are you sitting down with a journal? Like what are you doing to capture it? Yeah. And you guys literally, you know, journal for me is just a spiral notebook that I just write everything down. If I don't notes in my phone, like I have pages of notes on your books. It's because then I can take and feed them into a, by the way, his little cheat code chat GPT, you can feed the positive things. Chat GPT isn't going to be negative to you. So when you go in and you're Googling and you're looking at,
• 37:32
  If you really want to come up with positive stuff and I've built a whole channel on myself and it like, won't even let me be negative. It's like, you're a positive person. I love it. Build your stuff. And, and if I get stuck on something, I just go in there and you're Kelly Siegel. And this is something you're ruminating on. Give me ideas.
• 37:51
  Oh, that's great. And it's just, it dude is the greatest thing ever invented is, and it just gives me prompts. It's good. It helps us with our, with our, uh, Thursday sessions, helps us with our coaching program, because I don't have to think about that zero to start. And it's, it's, that's where most people get stuck, which is actually the next question was, how do people trick themselves into believing they're stuck when they're actually making progress?
• 38:17
  Well, I don't think we give each other credit. It's funny you ask that question. We just did a group coaching call, about 75 people, and this guy was saying, I'm kind of stuck and I feel down. And I had to pause him and go, hey –
• 38:32
  you're already a percent of a percent of a percent. I said, just take my Instagram. I have 172,000 Instagram followers. Of them, there's X amount, 100 of them in our annual goal thing. And of them, there's 75 watching this Zoom today. And of them, 10 asked a question and you're one of the 10. So I had to say to him, hey, you're already brave. You're already, just so we're clear, you're already doing brave things. Just by asking this question,
• 38:58
  So, Kelly, I think part of the reason we're designed for community is we need other people to do that for us. There is a great quote from Roy Williams, this advertising writer who said it's hard to read the label from inside the bottle. It's almost impossible for you to see yourself accurately. You need other people. And I would say like another soundtrack I use is that friends are archives. Good friends archive moments for you and repeat them back to you when you've forgotten.
• 39:26
  So a good friend, when you go, this is the hardest challenge I've ever done. We'll go, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. That's not true. Here's this other thing you did that was really hard and you forgot. You go, oh, you're right. Or a friend archives those moments for you. So I think part of it is we need people. We need community. We need others to go, hey, I'm going to remind you who you are because it seems like you've forgotten because sometimes we just forget. And it's hard to read the label from inside the bottle.
• 39:56
  and remind you of that. And they go, Oh, you're right. That was me that did that. I was, we're just forgetful about ourselves sometimes. And I think that's part of the, again, the need for community. That's why the stuff you do when you're encouraging people like is health, it feeds you too. Like it's, it goes back and forth, you know, like, because we need people. It's wild how that, first of all, I'm going to start calling you in December because, yeah,
• 40:19
  You can make anybody feel good. It's a wild how the negative soundtrack is so much more strong than a positive soundtrack. And it's more intense. Part of it is how many times you visited it. Think about a negative soundtrack, like a beach town you went to beat to the vacation to. Like if you went to the same beach house in the same beach town, say I went to, I went to Fort Myers every year for
• 40:42
  and we rented the same house and i did it my entire childhood from one to 18 i could call up the feeling of that in a second i knew every part of that so often what happens is we've repeated those negative soundtracks 30 000 times and just like when you smell you know coconut it makes you feel of suntan oil and all of a sudden you're back on the beach in fort myers just hearing a character of a tv show go through the same problem
• 41:08
  All of a sudden it triggers the same thing because you've replayed it 30,000 times. Now, the problem is the reason repeat is the third step of the book is that people go, John, I've retired my soundtracks. I've replaced them. They're just not working. I'll go, how long have you been working on? They'll go, like two weeks. And it's the same with health. People go, John, this new exercise plan is not working. I'll go, how long have you done it? They'll go, three weeks. I'll go, well, how long did it take you to gain the weight? They'll go, 10 years. They'll go, so you gave the problem 10 years to develop. You gave the solution three weeks.
• 41:38
  never give the problem a year and the solution a week that's very unkind to yourself so some of it is we've repeated it so often that our brain hasn't memorized and we've now like and here's what you need to know what often starts as a fear turns into a belief and then turns into a law so i'll give you one that's really specific it's real estate related because i've been talking to a lot of real estate agents lately i saw that
• 42:01
  Yeah. Gen Z right now is being told you'll never be able to afford a house. You'll never be able to afford a house. I had three different people that I have two Gen Z kids. I have a 21 year old and 19 year old. Three different other friends are like, I'll never be able to afford a house. And what happens is they hear that. And what I say back to them is never let somebody tell you how your next 60 years are going to go. Don't like never any adult who tries to tell you the next 60 years is lying to you. But yeah.
• 42:25
  They hear that and it's a question mark. So it starts as a fear. What if I can't buy a house? What if I can't buy a house? Then they listen to it long enough, it becomes a belief. I can't afford a house. Now it's a period, not a question mark. Then if you listen to it long enough, it becomes a law. People my age can't afford houses. And so you've had this cycle and that's what happens. The reason people get so hot about politics is it's no longer a belief, it's an identity.
• 42:50
  What started as a fear has now become an identity. And if you try to argue somebody's identity, they erupt. And you go, no, no, no, no. I'm just talking about this tax thing. And they don't take it as an attack on an idea. They take it as an attack on their identity. And that just gets into this whole other mess. So to me, that's what I see with negativity is we repeat it so often. It's now part of our identities. We think it's the truth. It gets really, really tangled.
• 43:18
  Well, you call it a soundtrack. It's a track. So that's a deeper track. It's harder to figure. You got to feel that. It's a rut. It's a deep, it's a deep rut. And, and it's going to take time. I guarantee like, it's not like you did work one day to work through your issues with your parents. It's not like you had one powerful day where you're like, well, I did that. I did all that. Like what? No, of course not. I, there's always stuff that, but like, just when I think I'm done with an issue, something bubbles up and I go, oh, I see that.
• 43:48
  Like I recognize that, like, I still got to work on that. Interesting. You know, like, and I would tell you, oh, I'm all done with this. And then it's like, there's another corner of my heart. I haven't explored yet. And it pops back up and I go, oh, okay. I guess, I guess we got to deal with that. John, when is your, when's your birthday?
• 44:05
  December 19th. Oh, so you're literally going to be 50 and you're going to release book number 11. Good for you. Good for you. That was really why I'm turning 50 November 24th, a little bit before you. You're born in 75 too? What a year. What a year of champions. Just champions nonstop. So my thing was I wanted to be in the best shape of my life at 50 because I literally feel like my life –
• 44:31
  just started. Yeah, totally. I'm just, I'm, I'm living a dream and it took 50 years to get there. So we were talking about, uh, you know, the light. So what's the biggest lie people tell themselves about? What do they believe about? Let me rephrase this. What's the biggest lie people believe about personal growth?
• 44:52
  I think you just hit on one. It's too late. It's too late. We start saying that as children. What's really interesting, Kelly, about that lie, so I'll take my oldest daughter. When she was nine in our neighborhood, we have a really popular swim team. They're pretty competitive. It's a big deal in our neighborhood.
• 45:09
  And we hadn't done that in the pre we lived in Atlanta and we moved to Nashville. She hadn't done that. She goes to swim practice. She's nine years old and she sees five year olds at swim practice and she does the math and tells herself it's too late. It's too late for me to get good at swimming. So now you have kids that are five and six going, but I haven't been on the right flag football team. It's too late. I've missed my opportunity. So too late is a big one.
• 45:30
  where people go, I'm 24, it's too late for me to find my purpose. Or I'm 49, it's too late for me to write a book. It's too late. So I would say it's too late is a huge one. Another one is, I, you know, like take one for loneliness. There's a loneliness epidemic. A lie related to loneliness is I feel lonely. I should spend some time alone figuring out why. And then it just spirals on itself.
• 45:57
  Cause like the solution to loneliness is never more time alone. It's always community, but loneliness goes, Hey, you should really dig to the bottom of this. You feel lonely and awkward. What if you just didn't see people today? Would that fix your loneliness? And it's like, that's not, that's only going to get you deeper into loneliness. You have to do the brave thing of how do I reach out for people? How do I, you know, again, totally, totally different thing is again, when I was going through developing the heart and life stuff, I, I,
• 46:24
  Was alone and lonely. And I stayed alone and lonely until I got to the point where I love myself so much. I enjoy my company. I just, how long was that? How long did that take? It took literally about a year and a half.
• 46:39
  Would you say you're an introvert or an extrovert? I'm a total extrovert. You saw me. I love people. I love negative people. I love positive people. I love all people. Before you were on, I was responding to negative comments on my social media, as positive as I can be because those are undercover people.
• 46:58
  fans and I'm all for them. I love converting people who say you just take steroids. I'm like, bro, I work out twice a day, every day. Yeah. I'm doing 500 workouts this year. And I don't take it as a, I don't take that as a slight. That's just your soundtrack in your head. That's saying that you can't do it. Yes, you can. Yes, you can. And I love instilling that confidence in people. That's the best thing in the world.
• 47:25
  What I'm curious for you is boating. One of your joys, like being out of the boat. I love anything where the wind blows my hair. I ride my Harley. I ride my, I'm in my boat. It's anything where I'm in nature. My new thing that I've just discovered, you're talking about Moab was, is Utah and going up into the mountains in the nature and seeing, I,
• 47:51
  I spent so many years partying and having and not and not present that I think every day is a gift. So I want to be present. And I look around and I'm like, oh, these are things that I missed. I missed so much of my life partying and having a good time. So now you're now you're fully engaged the other direction.
• 48:12
  Oh man, you saw me at that thing. I think I met, I could tell you about how many friends I've made from that event that we were at that are still my friends. I was just on the phone with the Unreal CEO yesterday checking out his new baby. And it's just, you know, we're not here for a long time. We're here. It's pretty short. And you never know when it's up. So you're a funny guy. I've talked about it. So how can humor be a tool for overcoming challenges?
• 48:41
  Oh man, a million ways. I think in community, when you share things that are difficult and make fun of them, you can really have some good healing. So I would say sarcasm is often a tool used to hide what you really feel. So I think that can be a negative form of humor, like where you're using sarcasm as a shield from a real feeling.
• 49:04
  But an example of that would be like when you have a group of a small group of friends and you screenshot something bad that happened and you share it to the group and you get to kind of you take the sting out of it and you take the and the humor. You go, oh, man, look at this. So like an example for my world, I did a four hour presentation at the FedEx corporate headquarters a few years ago, which was super fun. And they ordered a copy of one of my books for everybody. Yeah.
• 49:28
  And the publisher mailed them the books directly. And then they emailed me the tracking link. And I clicked on the tracking link to the FedEx corporate headquarters. And it was a UPS tracking link. So I UPSed books to the FedEx corporate headquarters. A dude in a brown truck had to pull up to the security gate at FedEx and say...
• 49:46
  Hey, where do I bring these books? They're John Acuff books. He's a business expert. Clearly, like I'm not familiar with your campus. And during the event, I could see this pile of all these boxes that were UPS boxes. And I was embarrassed. It was it was frustrating. But.
• 50:02
  But now I share it in speeches because now everybody in the audience goes, oh, I've done something like that. And we get to laugh about it. And it becomes a connection point. So one of my soundtracks with leadership is when you go first, you give everyone else in the room the gift of going second.
• 50:19
  When you go first, you give everyone else in the room the gift of going second. It's hard to go first. It takes bravery and courage. And I like to use humor to do that. So people love laughing at that story. And I love redeeming it with some humor. Humor can be very, very redemptive. It can also be, Kelly, it helps you amplify points. It helps you go like blow an idea so big that you can see how obvious it is. And you go, oh, you're right.
• 50:47
  Like I hadn't thought about that. When you say it that way, I can see how ridiculous it is. Like, so here's an example.
• 50:55
  If I tell somebody you should spend an hour a week planning, they might go, an hour a week sounds like a lot. And I go, well, if you could trade one hour and the other 167 go better, would you do that? If somebody came up to you on the street and was like, I'll give you $167. If you'll give me a dollar, would you ever be like, nah, I don't want that. I don't want 167 X this result.
• 51:18
  And I can kind of make fun of that idea. Now it's bright and big and neon. So humor, one of humor's jobs is to make a point obvious. And then my last favorite part about humor, Chris Rock said it this way. He said, there's some things people won't listen to unless they're laughing at the same time.
• 51:35
  So there's some topics that humor, it's like a little bit of sugar makes the medicine go down, where if you're able to talk about it and humor releases tension. So I get to do probably 50 or 60 keynotes a year and I'll use humor as a tension relief. So if I tell you an idea that might be hard to swallow, like one of my ideas is you're the most persuasive person you've ever met.
• 51:57
  And I'll tell that and people go like, and I'll go, because the first thing you did before every bad decision you ever made was talk yourself into it. You're the most persuasive person you've ever met. But then I'll give them two funny examples to soften it. I'll go, have you ever eaten a whole bag of a snack by yourself? And you look down at the end and the bag says party size. And you go, oh, party of one. Like it was just you that ate it. And everyone has had that kind of moment. So I'm using humor specifically.
• 52:23
  to make that point easier to lean into. So it's not an attack. It's me. Like what humor is really good at Kelly is standing next to the mirror versus pointing the mirror at a person. So if I go, Hey, here's how you're making mistakes. But if I go, man, I'm in this reflection too. Like, man, isn't life messy sometimes? Like, didn't I do this thing that was silly? Like, can you believe I did that? Like I was jealous of this person's book sales. And like, here's what like, I'm now using
• 52:53
  you. What I love about you most is you, what I'm taking away from this as I'm listening to it side by side and just in awe of you and enjoying the moment is that there are several ways to win and to achieve the same goal. Because I used to use humor as a
• 53:11
  a crutch for the stupid decisions I would make. And then like now when I heard your, your UPS and FedEx issue, I think, I think that's human. I don't think it's funny. I think it's human. It's like who in their right mind would catch that. I would look right at that and not think about that because you said we have, I run three companies. I'm a full time father. I wouldn't,
• 53:35
  You're going to break some eggs. You're going to break some eggs, dude. It is funny, but we still end up in the same thing. You know what about you, John? You're humorous and humble at the same time. You are the perfect blend of humility and humor. I can just sit here and talk to you for days and days and days, and you can put things in easily digestible ways.
• 54:01
  understandable methods. I appreciate that. I love every part of you, man. So Kelly, I just want to pause for a second because you just said something really wise that I think will help a lot of the listeners. You're 100% right. That a great takeaway from this episode, I always tell people, listen to podcasts, listen to books a la carte. So take the pieces that apply to you and how you do things. There's not that my way is the right way. I think some of the humility is...
• 54:29
  I don't like when I read a self-help book and they go, this is exactly how it has to be. And you go, but that's your life. And you don't have kids the same way. Like if a 24-year-old with no kids tells me, here's how to do your schedule. I go, when I had toddlers, that didn't work. Like that didn't. So you have to listen to this a la carte. So there's going to be things I say that you go, I do the opposite of that and it works.
• 54:49
  awesome. Like that's fantastic. Like I care that you're getting the result. So I love that kind of back that back and forth. I think that's, what's fun about the way you look at life, the way I look at life. And there's a million things we overlap on, which is why conversations like this are fun. I'm curious. So before we end, are you a, so you're a motorcycle guy, not a car guy. I'm more of a motorcycle. I'm not, I'm just an outdoor guy. I like that. I like the air. So no, I'm not really a car guy. I'm not even really a motorcycle guy. I'm not a stuff guy.
• 55:19
  I'm an impact thought guy. I like sitting down and exchanging energy. That's what I call it. Energy and love. I had so little love growing up that I love love. And I'm in a room full of guys. I just left a retreat of 40 dudes and I left with so much love in my cup full.
• 55:39
  Who organized the retreat? This was Don Verady of Clean Eats Kitchen, someone I got to introduce you to because you'll probably want to go give a keynote to Clean Eats. Dude, I love that you did that. I love that you live the stuff you talk about. I love that. That's so funny. There's one thing that you've learned about me that all my listeners know. When I say it, I do it. That's it.
• 55:59
  I don't know another way to do it. Like people say that to me sometimes they'll go, like, I have my notebook. You showed your notebook. I've been deliberately tracking what I would call like remarkable hours. I kind of made a goal a couple of years ago and I'm up to like, I think 2200, but I've just been tracking them one by one. And now it's like, now it's like something I love to do where I'm.
• 56:21
  deliberately engaged in whatever I'm doing and I'm gaining wisdom. And and so like I'll show people that I'm like, oh, you actually do the stuff you teach. And I think there are some folks in our circle, not our circle, our friend circle. But I think our our our marketplace, if you will, where you're like, oh, that person's fake. They don't do it. And you can tell immediately. And that's an unhealed person like they're using this kind of stuff to try to fill a hole that it's not going to fill.
• 56:46
  Like there's no amount of fame. There's no, I mean, you've been around the same people I have where there's no amount of money. There's not a, that's, it's just not going to do it. You've not, I guarantee you've never met somebody said, yeah. And then I made the right amount of money and my life was healed. Like that's never, no, I hear me say happiness doesn't make you money or money doesn't make you happy. Happiness makes you money.
• 57:05
  That was good. I started making massive money when I started, when I healed the hole in my heart, it was, there was a massive hole in my heart and no amount of anything would fill it until I got still and I got silent and I, and I just, what did that do for your family? Like, what did that process? Like.
• 57:23
  Well, it depends. I have a 16 year old daughter. She'd probably tell you it's a blessing and it's a curse because everything is a coaching opportunity. When your dad's a coach and he's bigger than anybody, it doesn't do well for her dating life. Good news. She doesn't partake in any of the drinking or cannabis that's become pretty normal nowadays. But everything's a lesson. So she stops me all the time. It's like, dad.
• 57:49
  I don't need a lesson right now. I just need my dad. And it's like, oh yeah, you're right. Sorry. So I do a lot of, you know, two ears and one mouth and I'm not there to coach, but I take notes, man. I want to know.
• 58:01
  Like, what are people battling? I just love it. I have two more questions, and I'll get you out of here, and I've got to talk to you forever. I hope, I know everybody's enjoying it. Well, we got each other's cell phones, so. Yeah, we're going to do more together, and I'm going to introduce you to some people. So what's one simple change somebody can make today that will have a lasting impact on their future?
• 58:22
  One simple change. I guess one of my favorite things is to spend an hour reflecting on what you want to do. Like you've got, I never, you know, we said too late is one of the broken soundtracks people listen to.
• 58:37
  By March, by April, by May, people feel like, oh, I've already missed my chance on this year. We put a lot of kind of perfectionistic rules around, well, you have to do this by January 1st, or you can't start sobriety until a Monday, or you can't start until the first of the month. But what if you just said, okay, I'm going to find...
• 58:55
  an hour in the next seven days where I allow myself to do a mini Kelly. So a mini Kelly, meaning I'm going to sit there with a notebook. I'm going to listen to my heart. I'm going to give myself the gift of that hour just to see what stirs up and not, not try to reinvent your whole life today, not try to go all the way in today. But what if you, yeah, I'd call it a mini Kelly. If you gave yourself a mini Kelly within the next seven days with an hour and you in a notebook,
• 59:22
  What, what would happen there? I don't know what would happen there, but I know it would be good. And I know it would be different than you expect. So that, that would be my, my dare. I would, I'm going to dovetail on this. Cause I thought that you were going to say this. I would spend an hour with somebody who truly energizes you and lights you up. I've had three podcasts today and all three of you have been, my heart is so full. Today's been outstanding. I want to ask you about those remarkable hours. What, what defines a remarkable hour?
• 59:51
  Yeah, so I made a list of that. So I said, I got really curious in July of 2023. I had read a proverb that said, wisdom is worth more than gold. Though it costs you everything, go get wisdom. So I was really curious about that. And so I looked at my calendar. I told you earlier, your calendar tells the truth.
• 1:00:08
  Um, so I looked at my calendar and I couldn't find a lot of places where I was investing in wisdom. So I said, what would it cost to get wisdom? Okay. It would cost time. It costs some money. I'd have to invest in some things. Maybe it would cost some new relationships. I might have to end some old relationships.
• 1:00:24
  So I made that list and then I said, okay, what would it look like for me to invest in wisdom to try to go be deliberately remarkable? And so then I kind of came up with a list. I said, okay, when I'm reading these types of books, when I'm on a long hike with my wife, when I'm working out, when I'm writing. So I made kind of a personal list of things that I believed would make me wise, would make me remarkable. And then I just started doing it. And so I just used the timer on my phone and said, okay, okay,
• 1:00:52
  You know, I'm writing right now or I'm, you know, going on this like after this call, I'm going on a walk with a friend. Good buddy of mine named Bill. We're going to go on a walk and we meet every two weeks to talk about our goals. And we start working on our next year's goals in like October and we kind of pitch them back and forth and we encourage each other a week via text. Because one of my soundtracks is you need friends who throw fuel, not water.
• 1:01:15
  You need friends who throw fuel, not water. And Bill's a fuel guy for me. So what did you just say? That's why we like each other is that like we agree about you said, hey, go find a fuel friend that will fire you up, will pour into you. Like, I love that you added that on the back end of that idea. So that's what I mean by remarkable. And now so then, Kelly, this is you said you're crazy. This is kind of where I'm like that.
• 1:01:39
  I decided the Malcolm Gladwell 10,000 hours thing from the Anders Ericsson study. I was like, man, how long would it take me to get 10,000 hours of wisdom, 10,000 hours of remarkable? And I realized I'm averaging X amount, so I want to do it in six years.
• 1:01:55
  If I average 1,668 a year, which is about 138 a month, that'll mean 10,000 hours. And I already know two years in, I'm making wiser decisions because I'm practicing wisdom. A big part of the thing, a big belief for me is like –
• 1:02:11
  Bravery is a practice. Bravery is something you can practice. Motivation is not a feeling, it's a practice. Kindness is a practice. It's a practice. It's not like, I'll wait until I feel kind, or I'm not a kind person, or I'm not. So I'm practicing wisdom, how long would it take me to hit 10,000? And I'm loving it. So again, two years in, I'm still doing it. It's a dorky thing. Of course it is. But here's what you need to know.
• 1:02:37
  If you dare to be remarkable, and that's what the event's about, Remarkable You. If you're curious, it's johnacoff.com slash live. But if you dare to be remarkable, you will be weird because average is normal. And if you dare to be extraordinary, by definition, you're no longer ordinary. You will look weird. Like, welcome to the party. And so, like, there's things I do that I go, yeah, I know that's weird, but man, I'm having the time of my life.
• 1:03:02
  I know that's unusual, man. This is like, I can't wake enough people up fast enough. Like anytime I meet somebody that I feel like is stuck, I'm like, I'm their biggest cheerleader. I'm there. Like today I got to pour into somebody today in our group coaching call, a woman said, I've lost a hundred pounds and I'm about to go do weight loss surgery. And I'm, I feel like I'm taking the easy way out. And I got to respond to her with truth and say, look,
• 1:03:27
  This isn't your first thing. You spent years on this weight loss journey. She called it a weight release journey. Don't act like this surgery is you taking a shortcut. Not at all. You've lost a hundred pounds. Like let's go. And I got to pour into her and reflect that back to her. And there's a lot of people that might go,
• 1:03:43
  man, but you didn't really know her that well. What a weird thing to do today. And I go, Oh, I got to pour into that person. Like what a, what a, that was a fun part of my day. Like, and here's the thing, Kelly, I would just encourage you. The thing you need to remember is because you have, because of who you are, you have extra influence. Meaning when you encourage somebody because they look up to you, it has extra weight and that's the responsibility of influence.
• 1:04:09
  The responsibility of influence is that if I'm a New York times bestseller and I've sold more than a million books and I'm on my 11th, when I tell a young writer, a true encouraging statement that weighs heavy. So now, wow, that that's where it gets really fun, dude. When you tell somebody who looks up to your business success or whatever, Hey, I think you can do it. They hear that. They really take that to heart and they run with it. That's why I think you and I have the best job in the world. Like I say that all the time. Mission accepted, man. You're right. We do. Uh,
• 1:04:39
  I have last question. We're up against it. I can't believe I went this whole time. What you've been putting out lately is just fire. I see you all over. I saw you running to our boy, Jordan Montgomery. Oh yeah. Fuel over frustration, literally.
• 1:04:53
  literally saved my life this week. I am, we're working on some massive AI projects in our, for the coaching program as well as in our IT. And I find myself getting frustrated because I can't announce any of my words fast enough because my brain moves faster than my mouth.
• 1:05:10
  And huge pop in as a, as a positive soundtrack on my shoulder saying it's fuel, fuel you. So, uh, I've always turned negativity into a positive by being a fuel, like doubt me, that'll be fun. So I want to thank you. And we should get together a few guys to select few like us and do a yearly planning and then share it with each other and talk about it as a round table. How,
• 1:05:38
  uplifting like in December we meet somewhere we come to my house in Florida or whatever we would and just pick six guys who are like and do that would that sounds really fun to me so it could be my birthday present to you um that'd be awesome what's next for John Acuff and I'll get you out of here
• 1:05:56
  I mean, I'm going to finish this book. We're going on the vacation with my youngest daughter. This summer I'm looking forward to. And then we're doing the same thing. We're trying to think through an app, like how do we create an app that helps people? And then we just did a big survey of our audience, and the number one thing people asked for was a mastermind. So now I'm like, okay.
• 1:06:18
  Where do I need to create something like that? If you're in, if you're listening to this and you're in business, I know I've told you a million soundtracks cause I use them in my own life. I, you know, the last one I'll leave you with is it's really fun to meet a need. It's really expensive to invent a need. So with your audience, it's really fun to meet a need. It's really time consuming and expensive to invent a need. So we just saw a need, we see a need like mastermind. And what does that look like? So I'm look, I'm curious about like, how do I serve that in a really cool way that
• 1:06:48
  Cause I keep getting, you know, people that ask me to do that. And then today I had a call with a CEO who asked me to help him with this big speech he's doing. And I had a fun time on that call. So now I'm like, man, could I not, not massive. I'm not trying to do that on a huge level, but could I help 10 to 12 people a year with, with their keynotes? Cause I do love that. So I'm just, I'm having the time of my life like you are and I'm,
• 1:07:11
  I don't, I'm not in Florida. We go to the mountains of North Carolina. That's kind of our Florida. And so it's, it's fun to do conversations like this. This was a, this was a highlight of my day, Kelly. Buddy, I'm going to give you a little bit of advice. I love you. Thank you. Create a little space for that, for that conversation.
• 1:07:27
  that coaching and watch it fill. We, we just, all I did is said, I guess I'm going to let, I'm going to do the same thing. And then all of a sudden people are calling me going, we want one-on-one. I'm like, I don't have a one-on-one. I'm like, well, this is what the universe wants. And it created, and it just fills it up. When you're really rolling on a positive soundtrack, you're,
• 1:07:45
  it's almost like negativity can't even come in and it's wild. So people follow John, get his books. They're beautiful and funny all at the same time. He turns everything into rocket fuel and anything I can do for you. The answer is yes. I appreciate you coming on and thanks for being, you know what? The next book's called happier than life. You're happier than life. I can't even say you're hard in life because you're so beautifully kind. Oh, thanks, man.
• 1:08:12
  Yeah, this is a blast for me, dude. I can't wait to text you after this. And yeah, it sounds like we're doing something in December. I can't wait to get down to Florida. Let's go. Let's go, dude. I'm going to take you up on that.
• 1:08:22
  Please rate and share this podcast. I'm active on all social platforms and love to hear from my Segal supporters. Each and every episode is sponsored by my company, National Technology Management, the easiest and best IT company to do business with, delivering peace of mind with technology every day, even simplifying cybersecurity. Visit TrustNTM.com for more info. Until next week, be harder than life.