Latest / Marriage Life and More and Bible Study / 3 Steps to Rekindling Romance and Passion in Your Marriage Pt 1 (Marriage Reset Series) - 269

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3 Steps to Rekindling Romance and Passion in Your Marriage Pt 1 (Marriage Reset Series) - 269 · Marriage Life and More and Bible Study

• 0:05
  Daniel Moore: Now think back to the very start of your marriages, the honeymoon chapter, when everything felt new and full of potential.
• 0:13
  Daniel Moore: During that time, your partner likely seemed flawless, conflicts were minimal, passion was high, physical connection was effortless, and you saw each other through a lens of hope and joy.
• 0:24
  Daniel Moore: Yet numerous studies suggest that this phase doesn't last forever.
• 0:28
  Daniel Moore: In fact, some findings indicate that this early stage of emotional and physical intensity begins to wane around the two and a half year mark.
• 0:37
  Daniel Moore: One poll even pinpointed the average honeymoon duration at exactly two years, six months, and 25 days into marriage.
• 0:44
  Daniel Moore: I mean, they nailed it down.
• 0:46
  Daniel Moore: This week on Marriage Life and More, we continue our series on marriage reset, roommates to soulmates near marriage, as we get into episode seven.
• 0:57
  Daniel Moore: We'll be back with that right after this.
• 1:00
  Daniel Moore: I'm Daniel Moore, your host.
• 1:42
  Daniel Moore: Thank you guys for joining us this week.
• 1:44
  Daniel Moore: And over here next to me, I have my beautiful co-host, my wife Michelle.
• 1:48
  Michelle Moore: Hey, hey.
• 1:49
  Daniel Moore: Want to thank you guys for joining us this week.
• 1:51
  Daniel Moore: If you're not familiar with our show, check out our website at marriage lifeandmore.com for our platforms.
• 1:56
  Daniel Moore: Our YouTube and Rumble links are there.
• 1:57
  Daniel Moore: Also on the Christian Podcasting app at Edifi.
• 2:00
  Daniel Moore: And we're also on your Alexa and Google Smart Devices.
• 2:03
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• 2:08
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• 2:11
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• 2:16
  Daniel Moore: And we'd be eternally grateful to you for doing that.
• 2:19
  Daniel Moore: Well, as we get ready to start out this week, uh we do have something to want to uh uh mention.
• 2:25
  Daniel Moore: I know you guys have probably been seeing it on social media a little bit, but we have actually released a book and uh just wanted to make sure that everybody that's listening was aware of that.
• 2:35
  Daniel Moore: If you don't follow us on social media, uh we've got a book out entitled Marriage as a Mission: Living Out God's Design for Your Marriage.
• 2:44
  Daniel Moore: So you can go to our website, there's a link there to pick that up, or you can go on Amazon, and that book also comes with a six-session study guide that you can purchase as well, and that's good for couple study, or you can do group studies if you'd like to do that.
• 3:00
  Daniel Moore: Um, we tried to put together some really good resources for that, and we hope that that'll be a blessing to you.
• 3:06
  Daniel Moore: So go check that out.
• 3:07
  Daniel Moore: You can get that in paperback hardcover, or you can also get it as Kindle on the actual book itself.
• 3:14
  Daniel Moore: And so there's several options there that you can purchase that.
• 3:17
  Daniel Moore: So again, you can check that out on Amazon or on our website.
• 3:22
  Daniel Moore: Well, as I mentioned here in the beginning, we are at episode seven at this point in Marriage Reset.
• 3:28
  Daniel Moore: We're gonna go ahead and get into that.
• 3:30
  Daniel Moore: This week we're gonna be talking about three steps to rekindling romance and passion in your marriage.
• 3:45
  Michelle Moore: One of the biggest passion killers in a marriage is the onset of tedious predictability, said Gary Jackson.
• 3:53
  Michelle Moore: In his timeless devotional classic, My Utmost Forest Highest, Oswald Chambers observed that healthy human nature craves excitement.
• 4:06
  Michelle Moore: If we don't find it in a meaningful and righteous ways, we can often seek it in an harmful or misguided one.
• 4:14
  Michelle Moore: Chambers emphasized that God doesn't create emotionless followers.
• 4:20
  Michelle Moore: Instead, he shapes us into deeply passionate individuals.
• 4:24
  Michelle Moore: This concept of being emotional and alive in our faith is compelling.
• 4:30
  Michelle Moore: It's a reflection of a God who loves with deep intensity.
• 4:34
  Michelle Moore: God's love for us is generous and endless, it never runs dry, and nothing on earth can strip it away.
• 4:43
  Michelle Moore: He cherishes us with delight and even celebrates us in a song.
• 4:48
  Michelle Moore: It's hard to fully understand just how immense and boundless his love really is.
• 4:55
  Michelle Moore: The fervor and joy in God's love are unmistakable, abundant, enduring, and full of life.
• 5:04
  Michelle Moore: Naturally, we long for that same vibrant passion in our marriages.
• 5:09
  Michelle Moore: Isn't that part of what drew us to each other in the first place?
• 5:13
  Michelle Moore: At a wedding we attended not long ago, we watched the bride and groom joyfully sharing pledges to keep their relationship filled with excitement, discovery, affection, and passion.
• 5:27
  Michelle Moore: That vision of never-ending passion is enchanting, especially if you've ever read the powerful verses from Song of Solomon.
• 5:37
  Michelle Moore: Love is as strong as death, its passion as unyielding as the grave.
• 5:42
  Michelle Moore: It burns like blazing fire, like a divine flame.
• 5:46
  Michelle Moore: Waters cannot extinguish love.
• 5:49
  Michelle Moore: Rivers cannot sweep it away.
• 5:52
  Michelle Moore: These poetic words stir up high hopes for a fiery and enduring love.
• 5:57
  Michelle Moore: Yet reality is set in every couple.
• 6:01
  Michelle Moore: Marriages go through rhythms, some exhilarating, some quite challenging.
• 6:06
  Michelle Moore: For many, the intense desire and excitement seems to diminish over time.
• 6:12
  Michelle Moore: But what causes this shift?
• 6:15
  Michelle Moore: Why does that fire that once felt so bright begin to seem more like a memory?
• 6:21
  Daniel Moore: So as we start out this week talking about rekindling romance and passion, I think the as we've been talking about this subject of roommates to soulmates, this is definitely something that you have that couples fight with when they get into that situation of feeling that distance between each other.
• 6:41
  Daniel Moore: And would you agree that you know sometimes it seems like after time that it does seem to kind of change for some people?
• 6:52
  Daniel Moore: I don't know.
• 6:52
  Daniel Moore: And and I think that it that is that's not just a marriage thing, you know, that that's just kind of a natural walk of life.
• 7:01
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 7:02
  Daniel Moore: You know, I think it seems like that all in all aspects of our life that we live, that something that's very common, after a while we seem to take that for granted.
• 7:12
  Daniel Moore: It just seems like that's how we operate sometimes.
• 7:15
  Michelle Moore: I would definitely say so.
• 7:17
  Daniel Moore: And unfortunately, you know, sometimes you can get by with letting that happen because it's things that aren't all that important.
• 7:23
  Daniel Moore: But when it comes to a relationship, that's something that's kind of dangerous, you know, if you let that start taking place in your marriage where you start taking each other for granted and thinking that that's normal, you know.
• 7:36
  Daniel Moore: Uh so there does come a point in our marriages where if that starts happening and we start, you know, having that distance, we start feeling that between each other, then that should be a warning sign that, hey, we need to probably do something here.
• 7:51
  Daniel Moore: You know, we got something that we really need to fix.
• 7:54
  Daniel Moore: And there is a term for that, it's called tedious predictability.
• 7:58
  Daniel Moore: And as we're discussing here, there is a common belief that the more familiar we become with someone, the less we appreciate them.
• 8:06
  Daniel Moore: The classic idea that familiarity breeds contempt, but more often than not, rather than growing resentful, we slowly grow indifferent.
• 8:15
  Daniel Moore: In many cases, couples put significant effort into winning each other's hearts early on, but eventually, comfort sets in and that initial energy fades.
• 8:25
  Daniel Moore: The pursuit ends and the focus shifts to the demands of everyday life.
• 8:29
  Daniel Moore: In this state of settled comfort, it becomes easy to direct energy elsewhere into careers, parenting, or personal interest, while the marriage quietly slips into the background.
• 8:41
  Daniel Moore: Soon the relationship starts to feel dull compared to new, more stimulating areas of life.
• 8:48
  Daniel Moore: And in reading all of that, I can look back on our relationship, and as we've talked before, and you know, with our testimony and the different episodes that we've been doing here, you know, we let ourselves get to that spot.
• 9:02
  Daniel Moore: Um, we start letting the careers, the parenting, personal interest, you know, we let's we start letting some of that stuff.
• 9:10
  Michelle Moore: And I think that's normal in a lot of marriages, to be quite honest.
• 9:14
  Michelle Moore: I mean, life happens.
• 9:17
  Michelle Moore: So I do think that, I mean, most people, I mean, when you I I want to say it's it's kind of like a rut.
• 9:24
  Michelle Moore: You're like just walking in a season and it's you know the same.
• 9:28
  Michelle Moore: There's no ex I wouldn't say excitement or anything bad happening.
• 9:33
  Michelle Moore: It's just I feel like it could be a rut that you're falling through.
• 9:37
  Michelle Moore: But I think a lot of couples go through that because they are busy.
• 9:40
  Michelle Moore: And it could be not just with kids, it could be ministry, it could be min, it could could be a lot that's taking each other's time instead of solely focusing on the marriage.
• 9:51
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 9:52
  Daniel Moore: And so I think the thing here is is we have to figure out what that balance is.
• 9:55
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 9:56
  Daniel Moore: Because we can't let that that slide totally consume us.
• 10:01
  Daniel Moore: We still have to nurture our marriage.
• 10:04
  Daniel Moore: You know, we can't can't just ignore the one so that the other one takes over.
• 10:08
  Daniel Moore: You have to find a balance, you know, to and is it truly ignore?
• 10:13
  Michelle Moore: I mean, I'm just kind of being like kind of coming back at yeah, sorry.
• 10:17
  Michelle Moore: So I'm just kind of throwing this.
• 10:18
  Michelle Moore: But is it really truly sometimes I don't think it's necessarily ignore, it's the fact that that person is busy and it may be out of sight, out of mind.
• 10:28
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 10:29
  Michelle Moore: So do you consider that ignoring?
• 10:30
  Michelle Moore: Well, I in your perspective?
• 10:33
  Daniel Moore: I consider it a negligence.
• 10:34
  Michelle Moore: Okay.
• 10:35
  Daniel Moore: Because me and you were there.
• 10:37
  Daniel Moore: I mean, we we let the stuff come in and consume our time, and we did we were not intentional on making sure that you and I had our time in our relationship.
• 10:50
  Daniel Moore: Uh, we let other things take the place of what we were supposed to be nurturing between the two of us.
• 10:56
  Daniel Moore: And we both saw how easy that can happen.
• 11:00
  Daniel Moore: And in all reality, there's not a marriage anywhere that God has ever condoned that you allow that to take place in your marriage.
• 11:07
  Daniel Moore: Uh, we've always, you know, as you study the Bible, he's very clear on the order.
• 11:13
  Daniel Moore: It's him, uh, your spouse, then your kids, then everything else.
• 11:17
  Daniel Moore: He's very clear on that.
• 11:18
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 11:19
  Daniel Moore: And so I think it's God's intention that no matter what comes our way, what kind of busyness life throws at us, uh, whatever kinds of responsibilities that we take on and add to our plate, I think God still expects us to make sure we don't forget us and we don't, you know, be negligent to the fact that we don't take care of our relationship.
• 11:40
  Daniel Moore: Right.
• 11:40
  Daniel Moore: Because otherwise we get to this rut and we let our relationship get stagnant.
• 11:46
  Daniel Moore: And it kind of brings us into this, the strangers, you know, kind of look where we're not really meeting each other's needs.
• 11:56
  Michelle Moore: Right.
• 11:56
  Daniel Moore: And then you start having issues when one of them, when one person in the relationship starts realizing that that's flipping away and they start missing some of those things, but the other spouse doesn't see it, you know, they think, oh, we just got to take care of the kids.
• 12:08
  Daniel Moore: We just got life, we're married, this is what it's all about.
• 12:11
  Daniel Moore: And yeah, marriage is kind of about that, but at the same time, God wants us to take care of ourselves as well.
• 12:18
  Daniel Moore: We have an example here of a couple named Jenna and Mark.
• 12:35
  Daniel Moore: They were married for a decade with two young children.
• 12:39
  Daniel Moore: They began with a relationship full of fun, frequent date nights, spontaneous laughter, and plenty of affection.
• 12:45
  Daniel Moore: They were deeply connected, constantly expressing love.
• 12:49
  Daniel Moore: But over time, especially after the kids arrived, their lives became a whirlwind of to-do lists, carpools, job demands, and housework.
• 12:56
  Daniel Moore: Time together started revolving exclusively around the children and their daily task.
• 13:02
  Daniel Moore: Their physical intimacy faded, and uninterrupted moments alone became rare.
• 13:07
  Daniel Moore: Jenna finds herself longing for the spark they once had, saying, I still love Mark, but the fire just isn't there anymore.
• 13:15
  Daniel Moore: Mark, on the other hand, thinks this season of emotional distance is normal.
• 13:19
  Daniel Moore: It's just a stage we're going through, he reassures her.
• 13:22
  Daniel Moore: And that's where couples often fall into trouble.
• 13:25
  Daniel Moore: Not because they don't love each other, and that's not really what we're saying here, you know, when you get into this rut and this this you know, this mode of life where we kind of put each other to the side just a little bit.
• 13:37
  Daniel Moore: It's not that the love is gone, but because, you know, they assume the emotional distance or loss of passion is just part of the routine.
• 13:44
  Daniel Moore: And I think a lot of times we see other couples going through it, and we think, well, they're going through it too, so this must just be the way it is.
• 13:51
  Daniel Moore: You know, we're not the only ones out there going through this, and it can kind of be, you know, a false positive in a lot of in a lot of ways towards your marriage because just because the other people around you, their relationships are like that doesn't mean that's really the way God intended it.
• 14:08
  Daniel Moore: And so we have to be careful with that.
• 14:11
  Daniel Moore: So the truth is what Jenna and Mark are facing is extremely common.
• 14:15
  Daniel Moore: After the magical beginning of marriage, couples tend to slip into what many experts refer to as the ordinary.
• 14:22
  Daniel Moore: As one relationship expert explains, extensive research shows that romantic intensity naturally declines in long-term relationships.
• 14:30
  Daniel Moore: The excitement of early love, feeling thrilled by your partner, sparks flying, every moment feeling special begins to fade, replaced by steady familiar affection that lacks novelty.
• 14:43
  Daniel Moore: Now think back to the very start of your marriages, the honeymoon chapter, when everything felt new and full of potential.
• 14:51
  Daniel Moore: During that time, your partner likely seemed flawless.
• 14:54
  Daniel Moore: Conflicts were minimal, passion was high, physical connection was effortless, and you saw each other through a lens of hope and joy.
• 15:02
  Daniel Moore: Yet numerous studies suggest that this phase doesn't last forever.
• 15:06
  Daniel Moore: In fact, some findings indicate that this early stage of emotional and physical intensity begins to wane around the two and a half year mark.
• 15:15
  Daniel Moore: One poll even pinpointed the average honeymoon duration at exactly two years, six months, and twenty five days into marriage.
• 15:22
  Daniel Moore: I mean, they nailed it down.
• 15:24
  Daniel Moore: For many couples like Jenna and Mark, there's a noticeable decline in satisfaction after that point.
• 15:31
  Daniel Moore: As I think about us, how long do you think our honeymoon lasted?
• 15:35
  Daniel Moore: Our honeymoon phase, quote unquote.
• 15:40
  Michelle Moore: Well, you want me to be honest?
• 15:44
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, I want you to be honest.
• 15:46
  Michelle Moore: It wasn't very long.
• 15:48
  Michelle Moore: I'm just gonna say that.
• 15:50
  Michelle Moore: It wasn't very long.
• 15:52
  Michelle Moore: Just because reality hit us in the face right at the very beginning.
• 15:55
  Michelle Moore: So many things went downhill rather quickly.
• 15:59
  Daniel Moore: And here's and here's something I'll say about that.
• 16:02
  Daniel Moore: I think probably the blended family is another scenario that really throws an extra wrench into the situation because it's one thing to be in your first marriage where there's no kids, probably not really any pets necessarily.
• 16:15
  Daniel Moore: A lot of people don't have pets when they first get married.
• 16:16
  Daniel Moore: Some do, but a lot a lot don't.
• 16:18
  Daniel Moore: So you're you know, you get married, you come into your home, you're by yourselves, and you have all this time just to devote to each other and figure each other out, you know, and so you you go through time until you finally have your first child, whenever that may be.
• 16:30
  Daniel Moore: And so, you know, I know that with that type of situation, you have a lot more opportunity to stay close and really enjoy each other together and your time and that kind of thing.
• 16:41
  Daniel Moore: So I think the honeymoon phase in those situations most generally could probably last a while.
• 16:45
  Daniel Moore: But when you have kids already, let's say you've already been married, you're divorced, you come into a blended family situation and you have children, that you're especially if both sides have kids and you're trying to mesh those together, just from our experience, I think that you can kind of see that probably go away a lot faster because there's no manual, as we've talked before, on how to be a blended family.
• 17:10
  Daniel Moore: So a lot of times as soon as you start putting everybody together and they all start clashing and personality um conflicts and whatever it may be, that we start having a lot of issues pretty pretty soon in the marriage, just a lot quicker than what they typically would be.
• 17:26
  Daniel Moore: What do you what do you think on that?
• 17:28
  Michelle Moore: I'd agree with that.
• 17:33
  Daniel Moore: Exes, you know, putting the kids together, just the different issues.
• 17:37
  Daniel Moore: Uh it it starts wearing on you really quick.
• 17:40
  Michelle Moore: Yeah, it does.
• 17:41
  Daniel Moore: You know.
• 17:41
  Daniel Moore: And so, and even if you date somebody for quite a while, uh, I still think that in a lot of in a lot of ways, you still really don't know what you're getting yourself into when you're actually going to get married and bring everybody under the same roof.
• 17:56
  Michelle Moore: I would agree with that.
• 17:57
  Daniel Moore: Um, I think that there's a lot of things there that we just don't think about.
• 18:00
  Daniel Moore: And so, yeah, I could see where, you know, this honeymoon stage could go out the window pretty quickly.
• 18:07
  Daniel Moore: And then all of a sudden, you know, what we did have when we were dating, the fireworks and all the different things that were taking place at that time, it just seems like they were a distant memory, you know, and life starts happening, you move on and just get into that routine, yeah, that ordinary routine, as it says.
• 18:27
  Daniel Moore: Uh so you know, why does that why does this happen?
• 18:32
  Daniel Moore: And, you know, it's not usually because something went wrong, it's because we grow used to each other.
• 18:37
  Daniel Moore: The thrill of discovery, the joy of new shared moments, and the freshness of intimacy start to give way to habit, schedules, and everyday normality.
• 18:44
  Daniel Moore: As one author put it, in the beginning, couples tend to engage in lots of novel and exciting activities together, what researchers call self-expanding activities.
• 18:55
  Daniel Moore: They dress up for dates, they explore new parts of the city, they try each other's hobbies, and they have engaging discussions with each other.
• 19:04
  Daniel Moore: As time goes on, though, it can be easy for long-term couples to fall in such a routine that they stop doing fun new things together.
• 19:11
  Daniel Moore: And what does that do?
• 19:13
  Michelle Moore: Leaks the boredom.
• 19:14
  Michelle Moore: Which I was kind of I kind of laughed a little bit because I'm like, oh, they dress up for dates.
• 19:22
  Daniel Moore: Since when?
• 19:26
  Michelle Moore: We don't.
• 19:27
  Daniel Moore: Oh no, we don't.
• 19:28
  Daniel Moore: Not anymore.
• 19:30
  Michelle Moore: We haven't in a very long time.
• 19:33
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 19:34
  Michelle Moore: But we do try new things together.
• 19:36
  Daniel Moore: We do again now, yes.
• 19:38
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 19:38
  Daniel Moore: And you know, something else I can think of right now too that could cause this is you know, financial stuff.
• 19:44
  Michelle Moore: Oh, absolutely.
• 19:45
  Daniel Moore: Because it does, if you do go do new things and you explore places and whatever, unfortunately, a lot of times that takes money.
• 19:53
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, you know.
• 19:54
  Daniel Moore: And if you start having children, if you're, you know, new in your careers or whatever it may be, you know, you may not have a whole lot of extra money left over.
• 20:04
  Daniel Moore: And so if if you're one of those type of people that likes to travel around and see new things together or whatever, that could put a little bit of a kink in that as time goes along, as you get more bills or whatever it may be, your expenses start going up.
• 20:18
  Daniel Moore: You know, I could see that being an issue.
• 20:20
  Michelle Moore: Well, I know we struggled with that.
• 20:21
  Daniel Moore: We did.
• 20:22
  Michelle Moore: And there's just like I I always tried to find I don't know.
• 20:27
  Michelle Moore: I just I looked to try to find the best in what we're situation we were in.
• 20:32
  Michelle Moore: So, you know, I would some of you people might know where this is at, but we'd go to the Poaring River, go hiking, we'd do a little picnic, make some fried chicken, we'd enjoy just spending a couple hours together, or we'd go to the park, you know, cheap date, you know, something you can pack a sandwich.
• 20:51
  Michelle Moore: And I think that meant more to me than doing nothing at all.
• 20:54
  Michelle Moore: You know, just getting away a little bit because we didn't have the extra money.
• 20:58
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 20:58
  Michelle Moore: And I know one year for your birthday I did a little coupon book.
• 21:02
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 21:02
  Michelle Moore: You know, free washer truck, you know.
• 21:04
  Daniel Moore: I actually still have that.
• 21:06
  Daniel Moore: You probably didn't know that, but I do.
• 21:08
  Michelle Moore: I think I do.
• 21:09
  Michelle Moore: It's in the little box.
• 21:10
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 21:10
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 21:10
  Michelle Moore: That we keep some of it.
• 21:11
  Michelle Moore: We used to write notes to each other, used to do cards, you know, we had we saved a lot of it.
• 21:17
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 21:18
  Michelle Moore: So yeah, yeah.
• 21:19
  Michelle Moore: So I mean, if it's financially is, you know, obviously you can't go take a trip, but you can do small things around your hometown.
• 21:27
  Michelle Moore: That just means a lot to you, you know, or your spouse.
• 21:30
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, and I think one of the dates that I always remember, it stands out vivid in my mind.
• 21:35
  Daniel Moore: And I think it probably does so because it was it was in that time frame when we were trying to rebuild our relationship, I think.
• 21:43
  Daniel Moore: But we'd went to Roaring River and took KFC with us.
• 21:46
  Michelle Moore: We I'm I I actually made the fridge fried chicken.
• 21:49
  Daniel Moore: Oh, did you make it homemade?
• 21:50
  Daniel Moore: Okay.
• 21:51
  Daniel Moore: I was thinking it's KFC for some reason.
• 21:53
  Michelle Moore: Yeah, you I made some chicken strips and some chicken.
• 21:55
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 21:56
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 21:57
  Daniel Moore: And I knew it was chicken.
• 21:58
  Daniel Moore: I remember that part.
• 21:59
  Michelle Moore: Yeah, that's the that's the lunch I'm talking about.
• 22:01
  Michelle Moore: That's the exact same one.
• 22:03
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, I always remember that.
• 22:05
  Michelle Moore: And you know, mine I that I always remember.
• 22:08
  Daniel Moore: That's good memories.
• 22:09
  Daniel Moore: You know, that's good things that you can have that you can hold on to and hold those dear.
• 22:15
  Daniel Moore: And you as you do those things, they build on each other, you know.
• 22:19
  Daniel Moore: Yes, you're gonna have downtimes in between, it's just gonna happen.
• 22:22
  Daniel Moore: You know, that's life.
• 22:23
  Daniel Moore: But the whole the whole goal of that is just to make sure that those downtimes don't keep you down.
• 22:28
  Daniel Moore: Right.
• 22:29
  Daniel Moore: You know, you have to do more things to try to bring that back up and and do it better, you know, the next time and get back to where you were.
• 22:37
  Daniel Moore: So um, as we were talking there, you know, with what that author was saying, the couple still cares deeply for each other, yet with time they grow so used to one another that they stop truly noticing or appreciating what made their connection so special.
• 22:51
  Daniel Moore: As comfort and routine take over, the intensity and excitement that they once felt begins to fade.
• 22:57
  Daniel Moore: What was once thrilling and full of pursuit becomes repetitive and expected.
• 23:01
  Daniel Moore: In the early stages, there's intentional effort, such as dates, thoughtful gestures, late-night conversations, kind of like what you were just talking about just a while ago.
• 23:11
  Daniel Moore: But eventually that energy gives way to calendars, commitments, and responsibilities.
• 23:16
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 23:16
  Daniel Moore: The relationship can slowly shift from romantic partnership to something that feels more like managing a household together.
• 23:23
  Michelle Moore: Yep.
• 23:23
  Daniel Moore: And as days become filled with chores, jobs, parenting duties, and financial concerns, it's easy to see why couples start feeling disconnected and even bored in their marriage.
• 23:32
  Daniel Moore: And I was thinking there, you know, how it was saying that uh sometimes it can feel like you're just managing a household together.
• 23:39
  Daniel Moore: I think sometimes too, it can almost feel like a burden because it's not there anymore.
• 23:46
  Daniel Moore: And in the back of your mind, you probably both realize it to a point.
• 23:49
  Daniel Moore: It's just not the same as it used to be.
• 23:51
  Daniel Moore: But yet, if when you want to try to do something outside the box, all you can think of is all these responsibilities that are on top of you as a couple and trying to run your home, trying to pay the bills, trying to make sure the kids are getting here and there and everywhere, and all this stuff, and it just it kind of blinds us to a point where we think, well, we just don't have the time.
• 24:10
  Daniel Moore: You know, how are we ever going to make the moments to be able to do this stuff that's special to us?
• 24:15
  Daniel Moore: And we make up these excuses of why we can't do it, so it never happens.
• 24:19
  Daniel Moore: You know, and I because I feel like there was a time with us that, you know, I think we did realize what was going on, but we had so much financial issues and then just the issues with our children, the exes, just the different things that was going on in our life.
• 24:36
  Daniel Moore: Uh, you know, of course, with divorces and stuff, there's always a lot of court activity, it seems like, throughout the years.
• 24:44
  Daniel Moore: We had a lot of that.
• 24:45
  Daniel Moore: And it does.
• 24:47
  Daniel Moore: It just seems like that's just a burden on your shoulders sometimes, and it exhausts you.
• 24:51
  Daniel Moore: And it just puts you to a point where you know you need to fix it, but you're you just don't feel like you can, you know, and that's a that's a horrible place to be.
• 25:01
  Daniel Moore: I'm sure some of you guys out there probably already know what those are.
• 25:37
  Daniel Moore: As you've been listening to us ramble on about this here today, I'm sure you've already been probably thinking about things in your own relationships.
• 25:45
  Daniel Moore: But uh, we're gonna go through this little list here.
• 25:47
  Daniel Moore: Michelle, why don't you uh give us the first couple there?
• 25:51
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 25:52
  Michelle Moore: The romance has disappeared, marriage is no longer exciting, that spark has fizzled, the marriage feels boring.
• 26:01
  Michelle Moore: Passion has slowly faded into silent routines.
• 26:05
  Michelle Moore: You've stopped flirting, you no longer kiss passionately, and nothing is spontaneous anymore.
• 26:15
  Daniel Moore: Boy, I can resignate with the majority of those.
• 26:18
  Daniel Moore: And I think you know, some of them play off of each other.
• 26:22
  Daniel Moore: When you stop flirting or you no longer kiss passionately, that can definitely lead to that romance disappearing and it can cause that marriage to no longer feel exciting and that spark to fizzle for it to fit it it all those really kind of play along with each other and when you when you look at that.
• 26:43
  Daniel Moore: And you know, I think that this is definitely something that it's taken us some time.
• 26:50
  Daniel Moore: I think that we do a lot better now uh with a lot of these things than what we did in the past.
• 26:56
  Daniel Moore: Oh, absolutely.
• 26:57
  Daniel Moore: Um we had to be in and so and how did we make this happen?
• 27:01
  Daniel Moore: We had to be intentional.
• 27:02
  Michelle Moore: That's what I was getting ready to say, intentional is the word.
• 27:05
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, so when we started working back towards that, what are some of the things that you can remember that we've had to go through to get our to reverse a lot of these things in our own relationship?
• 27:16
  Michelle Moore: Well, I think like one of the things that you know, you stop flirting, you know.
• 27:22
  Michelle Moore: There's a lot of times that we just really honestly, if we stopped everything, I mean, but to get back to it to be intentional, it would be like you know, walk by, slowly touch your hand, or you know, tap you on the rear, or you know, write you a little love note.
• 27:42
  Michelle Moore: It had to be intentional all the way.
• 27:45
  Michelle Moore: Um like um one of the things that you know the romance had disappeared.
• 27:56
  Michelle Moore: You know, there are so many things that you can put in that and the romance has disappeared.
• 28:00
  Michelle Moore: I mean, honestly, that's pretty much everything that's listed below it.
• 28:04
  Michelle Moore: But you know, for you to say every day, you tell me you loved me, you could give me a kiss no matter what, you know, and you know, one of my biggest things is to just cuddle, like I love to cuddle.
• 28:17
  Michelle Moore: Your intentions of always just coming in and just making sure that I the love, the kiss, the cuddling, and I know some of the things that you like, so my intention to do that that brings back that spark, you know.
• 28:35
  Michelle Moore: And I'm not really a big person on certain things, but you are, yeah.
• 28:43
  Michelle Moore: So I have to open my mind to allow you to do that so that the intentional flirting, the love, everything comes back to play.
• 28:54
  Michelle Moore: I mean, that's the whole part is me giving for you and you giving for me and stepping everything aside and us focusing on each other.
• 29:04
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, that's good.
• 29:06
  Daniel Moore: And something I wanted to that I just thought of here, I wanted to throw in.
• 29:09
  Daniel Moore: I was listening to a podcast this week, and they were actually talking about something that actually works kind of well here because some some of you guys listening out there, you may be in this spot right now where you can actually resonate with all these things that Michelle just shared.
• 29:25
  Daniel Moore: You are you are seeing this in your relationship right now.
• 29:28
  Daniel Moore: But I think one thing that I also think when spouses are together for a while and they get into that rut situation where it starts getting boring and that kind of thing, I think a lot of times we kind of forget what each spouse wants also.
• 29:43
  Daniel Moore: And we kind of forget what those triggers are that sparks that romance for because we're not we're not the same.
• 29:51
  Daniel Moore: You know, we've discussed this before.
• 29:53
  Daniel Moore: There's things that you like, there's things that I like, yeah, and they're usually not the same thing.
• 29:57
  Daniel Moore: Some of them might be, but we have other.
• 29:59
  Daniel Moore: Things that are not.
• 30:01
  Daniel Moore: And one thing that they were talking about was in order to rekindle the relationship, if it's gotten to a stagnant spot, you can play a game they were they were calling yes, no, and maybe.
• 30:15
  Daniel Moore: And basically what this was is between each spouse, uh, one spouse could ask, you know, like me, I could ask you, uh, well, what's the one thing that if I came when I came home from work every evening, was the one thing that you would like most for me to do for you?
• 30:33
  Daniel Moore: And then you would tell me that answer, and then I I'd have the responses.
• 30:38
  Daniel Moore: I have yes, no, or maybe.
• 30:39
  Daniel Moore: That would be the responses I give you.
• 30:41
  Daniel Moore: And it was just a fun little way to go back and forth.
• 30:44
  Daniel Moore: And uh what they were kind of talking about this uh in the aspect of the romance side of things, the intimate side of things, because a lot of couples do have a lot of issues talking um through when they have their moments to have their to have sex and the the intimate time that they have between each other.
• 31:03
  Daniel Moore: That's a really difficult thing for some spouses because uh when they're trying to rekindle things or whatever, uh they have a tendency to really, I guess, in a way, kind of forget what the other spouses do enjoy or don't enjoy.
• 31:18
  Daniel Moore: And think and those things change over time too.
• 31:21
  Michelle Moore: Oh, I was gonna say, you know, I know mine have over time.
• 31:25
  Daniel Moore: Just because you did things when you first got married doesn't mean those are still your favorites today.
• 31:31
  Michelle Moore: I'm older, so none of that might have changed.
• 31:33
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 31:34
  Daniel Moore: And so honestly, no matter how long you're married, it's always a learning process.
• 31:40
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 31:40
  Daniel Moore: We always have to continue to keep each other figured out the best that we can so that we can, you know, give that best to of ourselves to our spouse to make that relationship the best that it can be.
• 31:51
  Daniel Moore: And so it's a lot of times spouses can't just come up and say, okay, would you like to just get straight to the point?
• 31:58
  Daniel Moore: You know, they they have a hard time doing that, and which you wouldn't think they would because they've been married for so long.
• 32:04
  Daniel Moore: But uh when you get to that point where your your relationship is a little stagnant and it's gotten into that boring rut or whatever, for some reason, sometimes it seems like those relationships are kind of hard to get back into.
• 32:17
  Daniel Moore: And so I thought this was kind of a cool way to do that because you can just kind of make a little game out of it.
• 32:23
  Daniel Moore: And you know, you can get as graphic as you want.
• 32:26
  Daniel Moore: We're not gonna get graphic here on this, but you can get as graphic as you want with those questions, and that's another way that you can communicate back and forth and figure out, and if there's a maybe, you know, maybe talk a little bit about that.
• 32:41
  Daniel Moore: Well, what's if this is something that used to happen, why has it changed, you know, or just have some good conversation and get back to that place where you're trying to figure each other out, and that'll help you reverse a lot of these things that we're talking about here today with the romance and the intimacy in marriage and how this can go backwards.
• 33:01
  Daniel Moore: And so I just I thought that was uh a really fun, really neat uh thing that you could do as a couple and you know, maybe revise or re start that spark, you know, relight that spark in your marriage and get that stuff back.
• 33:17
  Daniel Moore: So we're gonna wrap up here this week.
• 33:21
  Daniel Moore: Um, we'll come back next week and we'll pick it back up and finish.
• 33:26
  Daniel Moore: Uh, but as we go here, Michelle, why don't you go ahead and and finish up here with what notes we have left here?
• 33:34
  Michelle Moore: In her excellent book, Finding Love Again: Six Simple Steps to a New and Happy Relationship, Dr.
• 33:41
  Michelle Moore: Terry Orbuck conducted a long-term study of couples who have been married at least 25 years.
• 33:48
  Michelle Moore: She asked the following questions.
• 33:51
  Michelle Moore: During the past month, did you feel that your marriage was in the rut or falling into one?
• 33:57
  Michelle Moore: Did you feel you were doing the same thing all the time and rarely doing exciting things together as a couple?
• 34:05
  Michelle Moore: More than 42% said they often felt that way.
• 34:09
  Michelle Moore: Passion naturally fades over time.
• 34:14
  Michelle Moore: That's just part of how the relationships evolve.
• 34:17
  Michelle Moore: But that doesn't mean we have to let our marriages drift into monotony or become overshadowed by new interests like careers, hobbies, or other responsibilities.
• 34:29
  Michelle Moore: The truth is a marriage remains meaningful because we choose to keep it that way.
• 34:34
  Michelle Moore: We've come to realize something that's helped us navigate the inevitable routines that come along with long-term commitment.
• 34:43
  Michelle Moore: We refer it to as intentional pursuit, the active decision to keep investing in each other, even when life gets repetitive.
• 34:53
  Michelle Moore: That's a lot.
• 34:57
  Daniel Moore: That's almost fifty.
• 35:00
  Michelle Moore: But I as I'm saying that though, it's easy to get there because I mean, even in our life today, we can get into a ride because we're so busy that there are a lot of times that I'm just like, where did the time go?
• 35:17
  Michelle Moore: I mean, I feel like I see you at bedtime and it's like I'm reading a book, you're reading a book, we go to bed, and we wake up, we do the same thing over.
• 35:25
  Michelle Moore: And it's like, are we on autopilot again?
• 35:29
  Michelle Moore: It's like, what are we doing?
• 35:30
  Michelle Moore: You know?
• 35:30
  Michelle Moore: And so sometimes I have to step back and think, okay, Michelle, what are you gonna do to break this day up?
• 35:36
  Michelle Moore: You know, we'll send each other emails or we'll take pictures of ourselves, be crazy, you know.
• 35:41
  Michelle Moore: And it's like we can find ourselves now still doing that if we're not careful.
• 35:48
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 35:49
  Daniel Moore: And we do things, we change up our hobbies occasionally.
• 35:53
  Daniel Moore: You know, there was a season there we did kayaking and stuff, and that's kind of progressed over to biking at this point when the we get the opportunity to do it, which that allows us to go to other cities on trails, and you know, but the whole point behind that it's like it's you told me I couldn't do trails no more.
• 36:11
  Daniel Moore: Well, they're as long as they're paved ones and they're flat.
• 36:14
  Daniel Moore: That's that's the stipulations.
• 36:18
  Michelle Moore: I had a bike rack.
• 36:19
  Daniel Moore: I don't think you yeah, we've not shared that yet.
• 36:22
  Michelle Moore: I had a bike rack.
• 36:23
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, she tried going off-roading on her e-bike, and next thing we knew, she was sideways against a tree, smashed between a bridge and a tree, and some rocks.
• 36:33
  Daniel Moore: And on top of her, all scratched up, messed the wheel up, got a bruise.
• 36:38
  Daniel Moore: Or bruises.
• 36:39
  Daniel Moore: I thought I was gonna have to call in Medflight and pick her up and take her to the hospital.
• 36:44
  Michelle Moore: Like, how in the world?
• 36:45
  Michelle Moore: And I was just like laughing as he's like, Are you okay?
• 36:49
  Michelle Moore: And I'm like dying, and I'm jumping up as fast as I can because I don't want nobody to see me in the little small ravine that I fell into.
• 36:57
  Daniel Moore: Michelle can actually look like a pretzel, just so y'all know that.
• 37:02
  Michelle Moore: Oh, and I'm too old for that.
• 37:04
  Daniel Moore: So see, that's adventurous.
• 37:06
  Michelle Moore: Yeah, look at us.
• 37:07
  Michelle Moore: He told me no more trails unless they're concrete.
• 37:11
  Michelle Moore: That's right.
• 37:11
  Michelle Moore: You gotta be paved and flat.
• 37:14
  Michelle Moore: No bridges.
• 37:16
  Michelle Moore: Yeah, it was funny today because um I was having my I have a lymphatic massage done and she hit my knee where my bruise was, and I about come off that table.
• 37:26
  Michelle Moore: And I was like, I was like, please don't touch that.
• 37:29
  Michelle Moore: And she's like, oh my gosh, what'd you do?
• 37:30
  Michelle Moore: And I was like, I had a bike wreck.
• 37:32
  Michelle Moore: And I'm like, I'm not no kid anymore.
• 37:34
  Michelle Moore: Why am I saying this?
• 37:36
  Michelle Moore: Like, I shouldn't be on a bike to begin with.
• 37:38
  Michelle Moore: I'm too old for that.
• 37:39
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, it's pretty, pretty funny.
• 37:41
  Daniel Moore: It was a very entertaining moment to say the least.
• 37:45
  Michelle Moore: Thanks, thanks.
• 37:46
  Michelle Moore: I'm glad I can make you laugh.
• 37:47
  Michelle Moore: That's all that matters.
• 37:48
  Daniel Moore: That's right.
• 37:49
  Daniel Moore: But yeah, uh that that's what it comes down to, though.
• 37:53
  Daniel Moore: Just like you said there at the very end, it's it's gotta be a commitment.
• 37:57
  Daniel Moore: It's gotta be intentional, it's gotta be an intentional pursuit.
• 38:01
  Michelle Moore: That intentional part.
• 38:02
  Daniel Moore: You when you get in that rut and you're bored, if you just sit there, you're nothing's gonna change.
• 38:08
  Daniel Moore: You know, you you've gotta you both have to come to a point in an agreement that, yeah, we we got an issue.
• 38:13
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, we both need to fix this.
• 38:15
  Daniel Moore: What are we going to do?
• 38:17
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, that's the question you have to ask each other.
• 38:20
  Daniel Moore: And so next week when we come back, we're gonna talk a little bit about that pursuit.
• 38:24
  Daniel Moore: Um, there's a close pursuit that you can kick into gear with with your marriage, and there's some steps that you can take to try to re light that fire and try to rekindle that passion and that romance in your marriage.
• 38:38
  Daniel Moore: And that's what we're gonna talk about next week when we come back here for the next episode.
• 38:43
  Daniel Moore: So, is there anything that you wanted to add to this one this week?
• 38:46
  unknown: No.
• 38:46
  Daniel Moore: You got it pretty well covered.
• 38:48
  Michelle Moore: Just be intentional.
• 38:49
  Daniel Moore: Yep.
• 38:49
  Daniel Moore: Make sure you're intentional.
• 38:51
  Daniel Moore: And uh, you know, if you run out of ideas, talk to friends, you know, or get online and do some Google searches.
• 39:00
  Daniel Moore: There's just lots of ways that you can come up with new ideas of different things that you can do as spouses to try to help that boredom that you feel like you have in your marriage, but um it's not gonna change until you decide you want to change it.
• 39:14
  Daniel Moore: And so you have to be intentional with that.
• 39:17
  Daniel Moore: We'll talk about more about that next week here when we come back.
• 39:20
  Daniel Moore: Well, we're gonna go ahead and and call that good for this week, then.
• 39:24
  Daniel Moore: And we hope that you guys enjoyed this episode.
• 39:27
  Daniel Moore: Uh, we just pray that your marriage is stronger and your walk with God is closer after this episode that we've been through this week, and we'll come back to finish it next week.
• 39:36
  Daniel Moore: This is an extension of Connecting to Gap Ministries.
• 39:39
  Daniel Moore: We pray that you have a blessed week.