Latest / Morrow Marriage | Disrupting Divorce / Why I Cut Off People I Actually Like | The 'NEW' Marriage | Ep457

Transcript

Why I Cut Off People I Actually Like | The 'NEW' Marriage | Ep457 · Morrow Marriage | Disrupting Divorce

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: People we like and remove quickly.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: No more Mr.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: Nice Guy.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: Why your partner disrespects you and how you have the power to influence a different lifestyle, a different adventure for your marriage.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: Will this work for me?
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: Stop sending miles of text messages.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: Your wife withholding sex from you.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: Truth, integrity, moving fast, and sound decisions.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: People we like and remove quickly.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to More Marriage Podcast, guys.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: That sounds crazy, right?
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: We like and we remove you.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: There's some Q few things.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: Q few things.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: There's a few key things that we need to discuss because we often talk about removing negative people, which makes sense.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: You got great positive relationships in your life, and we're gonna keep them.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna have negative people, maybe it's your in-laws.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: I don't care if you went to school with them.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: I don't like it just doesn't matter.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: Can we just get rid of them?
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: If they're negative, they're holding you back.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: If you got broke people in your life, I'm not saying get rid of them, but you definitely don't spend time with them if you're trying to get rich because they have different things.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: It would just be a distraction.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's a distraction, it's all distraction.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: Okay?
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_01: Now birds of a feather flock together.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: You are the sum of the five people you have around you.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: We can go on and on and on.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, there's something that's powerful that we've never really talked about, and that is recently I was well, that is that if they're positive and they're great people, you might still need to remove them.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: Let me give you an example.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: It was a client.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I really like this guy, I like him professionally, I like him for his work ethic and his relationship.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: He actually was divorced, he's um back living with his wife, and he's ready to propose.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I actually had a quick voice note, we're gonna catch up this week.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: But I was like, I need to know more, but no, I don't think it's time for proposal.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: And um that was I get it, you know.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: I I don't want to get through the the answers because I think they listen to the podcast.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: But I had to have a conversation with him, and he took it a little bit personal at first, but he wanted to like call all the time, he wanted to reach out to Catherine, and also, and that was on Facebook, I think.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: And he wanted to like, you know, just he wanted to be buddies, but he also wanted all this help, okay?
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I really liked it.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_01: He wanted buddies that would help him professionally constantly.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but he also just wants to like he invited our family out to his lake, and like I really like this guy a lot.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_01: I like him too.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: But timing, timing is not there, and I said, listen, we're not friends, and it sounded real harsh, but I had to lay a boundary down because what I need to see from him is no how no matter how hard he works, the thing is him and I can be friends, but that's not what he wants in this relationship.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: He wants our families to be friends, he wants our families to become family.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: We are all about that, but I had to remove him and keep it more professional because he's not quite there with his marriage, and that will lay a toll on us.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't matter how much I like him.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: You wanted to say something earlier, right?
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: As soon as I said the topic.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_01: Well, it reminded me, we did a podcast episode, I feel like it was at least a year ago now, and it was um why we won't hang out with you, I think is what it was called.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_01: And it was the exact same thing.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_01: We can be friends, so as wives, we can be friends.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_01: The husbands can be friends, but we can't bring our families together if you guys are not measuring up to what our expectations are in marriage.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_01: Because what's gonna happen is exactly what happened where he's reaching out personally for help on this, help on this, help on this.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_01: Listen, we do this every day professionally.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_01: So if you want to be, and I have some friends that I've made through the program, but if you want to remain friends and be friends, that kind of help needs to be for you and far between.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_01: We have a whole program where you can get support.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_01: And if you need support, that's okay, that's what we're here for.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_01: But then you can't be one of our closest people in our life when you got you can't get your shit together.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_01: Now we get it.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_01: People didn't want us in their lives when we didn't have our shit together.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: Oh man, we were causing so much shit at parties and whatever.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, it was ridiculous.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_01: So people didn't, even though people liked us a lot, people didn't want us around because they just weren't in the level of crisis or any crisis, probably.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_01: Well, they probably were now that we think back.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_01: Now that we think back on it.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: But we were real bad.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: Like we were real bad.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_01: And so that it's not that this couple is really bad, but we we the if you want to be our friends, you have to, you have to be growing.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_01: It's the same way that we talk about in marriage, honey, where sixes can't be with tens.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_01: If you're leveling up, you expect your partner to level up with you.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_01: Well, as we level up, we continue to make new friends and stronger relationships, and we still love our old friends.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_01: We still love everybody that used to be in our life.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_01: But we can't spend time with people that are sucking the energy and life out of us if we are supposed to be pouring into all of these other people, like you guys.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: You know what?
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: It's funny because like I'm talking to these two business owners.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not gonna say why in case they ever listen to the podcast, but uh what their businesses are.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm talking to both of them uh yesterday, and they're both working in, not on their business.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: They're both complaining because they're broke, trying to meet rent.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: They're both complaining.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: Well, one was complaining, he took my business card because he's having trouble with his marriage, and it's a lot to do with money, and she's the one that encouraged me to get to shop and blah blah blah blah.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm just like, oh man, like, see, I can't I can't associate with that all the time because we associate, we just paid 100 grand to work with Alex Ramosy.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm associating, Catherine's associating, our president's associating, our people are associating with somebody who knows how to run a business.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not gonna sit there.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I'll offer some help because I'm in your shop, but I can't be on the phone with you all the time.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: I can't hang out with all the time.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_01: Well, there's it's like boundaries between professional, yes, personal.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, there's gonna be some that mix, but it it's really think about it, guys.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_01: Think about the people in your life that are always struggling with something, they're always asking you for money, they're always asking for marriage help, they're always doing X, Y, Z.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_01: Do you want to go hang out with those people when you're trying to move forward and they're anchoring you in the life that you used to have?
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: But you guys do.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: That's the problem.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: You often feel obligated.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's your family, it's somebody you grew up with, it's it's whatever, somebody that's been great to you.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of these people have really great intentions, and I'm not saying that we should neglect that or forget that.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: What I'm saying is the vast majority of my time cannot be spent with them.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: No, it can't be.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: No, absolutely not.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_01: You won't grow, you will not grow.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: So when we talked about it before, I don't know if we talked about it like we did today.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: I really like some of you.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: Like, oh my gosh, I really like some of you.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: But I need you to go further.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: You said it perfectly, and I wish we would have thought about this when we started this topic years ago.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: But Catherine just said it perfectly today.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: We do it every single day for a living.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: I help we help people in their marriages, I help people with their businesses, we help people, we have a breakthrough 99, we help people with their workouts, their relationship, everything in their life all at one time.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: It's this program that we're running on our app, go.moralmarriage.com.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: And like it's and that's free by the way, but like we do it all the time.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: So hanging out by our pool, no man.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: Like coming petting the animals, no, thank you.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: If we have to like talk about your relationship or your business troubles all the time, when you're way down here, it's not to say that we won't, but like that, we have a business for that.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: And it's the same thing when you guys are DMing.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I mean, I still getting thousands of DMs that are still novels.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you you're not even a client, man.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: Like, go ahead, send that to 15 therapists and see who actually responds.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: The ones that do are completely broke, completely have no clients because they're not good at what they do, and they respond with a payment link.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: Or they respond to it.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's just it's we have to put our time where energy can be most valued, and that also means where we can get the most out of the energy around us.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: Otherwise, guys, we would still be where you would never know who we were.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: We would still be the kind of people that would not have an example to share with you, and we would still be struggling.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: Actually, we'd probably be divorced.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: Or fucking somebody'd be dead.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I'm saying?
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's just you just you can't do it, guys.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: Okay?
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: Even if you love them, you gotta put the right people in your life.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_01: I want to say one last thing.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_01: Go.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_01: Some of the closest people in my life are people who I have helped with their marriages.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_01: I just wanted to give that disclaimer.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_01: Because it doesn't mean that you can't grow.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_01: It means that you're choosing not to and you're anchoring me.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_01: But if you're not anchoring me and you're growing with me, come, come with me.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_01: I actually love that.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_01: When people want to run with us, we love it.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_01: So I wanted to be very clear.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_01: It's not like, oh, you're not there, we can't hang out with you.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_01: No, it's like, come, come.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_01: We want you.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_01: Like we are trying to bring everybody in, but you're making a choice to let yourself be held back because you're picking and choosing the things that we teach or whatever it is.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_01: But some of my absolute closest, most important people in my life are women who have saved their marriage and they are running with me.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_01: And they still have problems.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: That's a very valuable point.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_01: Normal stuff.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: Because even some of my closest male friends are people that I actually advised, one of them in particular, I talked to this week, who their very first time I had a call with him, he's the only person ever I was like, you need to divorce them right now.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: It never fucking happens.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: That was the only time in uh four and a half years, and then there's a few others that are close, um, not as close, but I definitely love these guys.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: But they've come so far in so many areas of their life that I refuse to let their marriage be the issue.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: And actually, yesterday on the phone call with one of them, I was like, it's time to lay boundaries.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: And so that that might mean it splits, at least for now.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: But the thing is, there's a lot of effort and energy positive all around to overcompensate and balance out the negative, and that's a real big part to understand.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: So, guys, but again, they all started in our program.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, like we we know what the work is in our program.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: All right, guys, Catherine's gotta go, I gotta go.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: See you next time.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_01: Bye.