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Rebuilding Rhythm After Life Upends Your Playbook · Start Your Comeback: Rebuilding after Divorce, Empty Nest, and Loss of Spouse

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Is there a major life transition benching you?
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_01: I know you may be asking, what's next?
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_01: What's my purpose?
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_01: What if?
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_01: Because I've asked those two.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to the Start Your Comeback podcast.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_01: I'm Tony Thrash, a certified life coach, and I want to share the tools and practical steps to help you create a winning game plan to move into your new adventure.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_01: Hi, welcome back.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_01: You are listening to episode 104.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_01: I'm so glad you're here with me today because we're going to be talking about something that every single one of us has faced or will face at some point.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_01: Some new structures and routines after a transition.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_01: Now let me say this up front.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_01: Structure and routine after a major life shakeup, it just feels foreign.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_01: It's like walking into the gym after not working out for two years.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_01: You kind of look around, you see all the equipment and think, where do I even start?
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_01: You're tempted just to head back to the parking lot and grab a donut instead.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_01: But here's the truth: new routines are what will keep you grounded when the floor feels like it's shifted under your feet.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_01: Let's be honest, transition has a way of blowing up the playbook you thought you'd always use.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_01: Whether it's empty nest or retirement, divorce, or losing a spouse, you can feel like you've been benched and the game has moved on without you.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_01: Routines are like running drills in practice.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_01: You don't run sprints in basketball because you just love the feel of burning lungs.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_01: You run sprints so when the game speeds up, you've got rhythm, you've got confidence and endurance to handle it.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_01: The same goes for any life transition.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_01: Without structure, you wake up each day to a blank slate.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_01: Now, that sounds freeing on paper.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_01: No alarm clocks, no carpool, no boss breathing down your neck, but a blank slate every day is overwhelming.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_01: That blank slate can quickly turn into isolation, procrastination, or endless scrolling on your phone.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_01: Structure is what helps you say, I may not have chosen this transition, but I'm going to choose how I live it.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_01: Let's start with empty nesting.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_01: When your kids move out, the house suddenly feels way too quiet.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_01: It's a silence that's, well, both beautiful and brutal.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_01: The routines you've lived by for 18 years, carpool lines, sports practices, family dinners, well, they're gone.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_01: I remember talking to a mom who said, I used to know exactly where I needed to be at six o'clock every night at the dinner table with my family.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_01: Now at six, I just wander around the kitchen wondering what to do with myself.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_01: This is where news structure saves you.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_01: Perhaps it's scheduling a coffee date with a friend every Tuesday morning.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe it's joining a book club or finally signing up for that pottery class you've secretly wanted to try.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe you want to find a part-time job for maybe just 25 hours a week just to find something to do.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_01: The point is your old rhythm is gone and your new rhythm doesn't have to be empty.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_01: Let's talk about retirement.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_01: Now, I know it sounds dreamy.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_01: No deadlines, no meetings, just freedom.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_01: But here's the truth.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_01: Without new routines, retirement can start to feel like a never-ending Saturday.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_01: And let's be real, nobody thrives on an endless Saturday.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_01: Even football games eventually end, right?
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_01: Start with a morning anchor.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe you go for a walk, or you go to the gym, maybe you start with prayer and journaling, or maybe you even start volunteering one day a week.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_01: Then you layer in some mini commitments, like maybe you mentor someone who's younger than you.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe spend one afternoon on a passion project, or maybe sign up for a class you've always wanted to take.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_01: Your news structure doesn't need to be rigid, but it does need to be intentional because if you don't shape your time, your time will shape you and not always the way that you want.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_01: Now, I want to talk a minute about divorce and parenting.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_01: And we know that divorce is a routine shredder because you knew everything that you knew, shared schedules, holidays, who takes out the trash, it suddenly turned upside down.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_01: And when you have kids in the middle of it, the temptation is to let routines slide because everyone's emotions are running high.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_01: But kids need structure more than ever doing seasons of change.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_01: They may not say it out loud, but the routines give them some security.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_01: And I mentioned this last January and February when I did my Symphony of Parenting series.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_01: It tells them the world looks different, but there are still anchors we can count on.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_01: So keep as normal a schedule as possible.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_01: Keep dinner at the same time, keep bedtime routines predictable, keep Saturday pancakes if that's what you've always done.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_01: Because these familiar rhythms become a safety net when everything else feels uncertain.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_01: It's something they can count on.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_01: One of my clients created a Friday night ritual with her kids after her divorce.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_01: They called it pizza and pajamas.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_01: No matter how tough the week had been, her kids knew they could count on Friday night looking the same.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_01: That little slice of consistency did more for her kids than hours of explanation ever could.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_01: And don't forget yourself in the process.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_01: Wake up, make your bed.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_01: You've accomplished something at least.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_01: Eat one healthy meal at the same time every day.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_01: Create a bedtime windown that helps you rest.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_01: Little routines rebuild stability for you and your kids, brick by brick.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_01: And then here's the most tender one.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_01: The loss of a spouse.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_01: Losing a spouse doesn't just break your heart, it breaks your rhythm.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_01: The routines you built together echo as absence and even ordinary things like pouring two cups of coffee instead of one remind you of who's gone.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_01: Here's what I encourage you to do.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_01: Start with one small daily practice.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_01: Take a morning walk, light a candle, write a few lines in the journal.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_01: These small acts create scaffolding when the ground feels shaky.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_01: If you still have kids at home, I can't emphasize this enough.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_01: Don't let grief steal their routines.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_01: They're grieving too, but keeping some familiar rhythms intact helps them to feel safe.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_01: Even if dinner is just scrambled eggs and toes, having it at the same time every night, which is hard to do when you have kids in sports, but try to make that work, you know.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_01: But it tells them, hey, we're still standing, we're still going to move forward.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_01: Slowly and gently then begin adding your community.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_01: Meals with friends, a church group, volunteer work.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_01: Don't rush.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_01: This is not about filling time, it's about gently creating meaning again, piece by piece.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_01: Transitions knock us off balance, and honestly, they expose how much we relied on old routines without realizing it.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_01: But here's the hope: new structures and some routines are like training wheels.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_01: They'll feel awkward, but they will keep you moving forward until your balance returns.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_01: Don't overcomplicate it.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_01: Just start small, one tiny step.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_01: Add one anchor to your morning and one anchor to your evening.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_01: That's it.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_01: Those bookends give your days some shape.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_01: From there you can build a steady rhythm that feels like your own.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_01: Remember, structure isn't a cage, it frees you.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_01: It frees you to focus on what matters most instead of being swallowed by what's been lost.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_01: Friend, you may not have chosen your transition, but you can choose your structure, and that choice matters.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_01: My new book, Start Your Comeback, releases 1111.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_01: This book is your game plan for walking through shock, limbo, and re-entry with strength, strategy, and hope.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_01: It's full of stories, practical steps, and coaching strategies to help you get off the bench and back in the game.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_01: Head over to my website, TonyThrash.com, and sign up so you'll be the first to know when it's available.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_01: Here's the truth.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_01: The clock is still ticking because you're still breathing and you still have a game to play.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_01: And I believe with all my heart you've got more comeback in you than you realize.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_01: I'll see you next time.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, thanks for listening.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_01: I don't take it for granted that you're here.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_01: You didn't listen by mistake.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_01: If you want to reach out, you can DM me on Instagram at Tony Thrash.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_01: Until next week, remember, there's still time left on the clock.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_01: Let's get you off the bench to start your comeback.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_01: I want to give a special shout out to Country Club for the original music.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_01: You can find them on Instagram at Country Club.