Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / Why do narcissists feel the need to talk about themselves so much?

Transcript

Why do narcissists feel the need to talk about themselves so much? · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  What is going on? Beautiful people.
• 0:02
  Today we're going to be answering the question, why do
• 0:05
  narcissists talk about themselves?
• 0:07
  So Dang on much like why? Why?
• 0:12
  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
• 0:13
  I'm a clinically diagnosed narcissist and welcome to
• 0:16
  another episode of the Narcissist Code.
• 0:34
  So boom. Welcome back welcome back
• 0:36
  welcome back. Hope y'all like the intro y'all
• 0:37
  OK? I like the intro keeps popping.
• 0:41
  Yes yes yes. Why do narcissists insist on
• 0:45
  talking about themselves so Dang on much Like why like what?
• 0:51
  Why can we change this topic? You know, can we change the
• 0:55
  topic Like we the, the, the news station is on narcissistic
• 0:59
  network, it's on narc network, narc network news.
• 1:02
  That's, that's, that's the station we're watching.
• 1:05
  Every time you go to the narcissist house, they have
• 1:08
  narcissistic they have narc network news on.
• 1:10
  So it is then the station is all about them.
• 1:12
  Why do they do that? Y'all?
• 1:14
  Why? Why do narcissists always feel
• 1:16
  the need to talk about themselves?
• 1:17
  And like, and I'll say this right here, it's not always
• 1:20
  talking about themselves in a good way.
• 1:23
  They could be talking about themselves in a bad way as well.
• 1:25
  They could be self deprecating as well.
• 1:28
  You know, it could be. It doesn't always have to be
• 1:31
  them hyping themselves up, right?
• 1:33
  Because like, there are a lot of narcissists who don't hype
• 1:36
  themselves up. There are some narcissists who
• 1:37
  are extremely vulnerable narcissistic people, right?
• 1:40
  And they self deprecate a lot. If you don't know what self
• 1:42
  deprecation is. I mean, they talk negative about
• 1:44
  themselves, you know, they talk down about themselves, how life
• 1:47
  could be better and how they're sad and depressive blah blah
• 1:49
  blah Boo Boo Boo BBBB. Yeah, a lot of y'all have
• 1:52
  experienced that type of narcissist in your life, right?
• 1:55
  But like I said, there are a ton of narcissists out there.
• 1:58
  They just, I mean, most narcissists, you know, talk
• 2:00
  about themselves. Even the covert narcissists.
• 2:01
  The covert narcissists, are they like the, the humble braggers?
• 2:05
  Why? The overt narcissists tend to be
• 2:07
  the loud boisterous ones, right? This happens quite a bit in
• 2:10
  these relationship dynamics and in these spaces.
• 2:12
  So if you're dealing with a toxic narcissistic person, this
• 2:15
  is something you have to understand.
• 2:16
  This is this is part of this is kind of like part of the
• 2:18
  dynamic. This is part of the flow, right?
• 2:20
  That they're going to talk about themselves.
• 2:21
  But why? Because they one, one reason is
• 2:24
  because they want to be the center of attention.
• 2:27
  You know, they will do anything to get the eye of everybody
• 2:32
  turned on them. They would do anything to like
• 2:35
  get the focus put back on to them because that benefits them,
• 2:40
  right? The more attention I get, the
• 2:43
  more validation I get, the more supply I get.
• 2:46
  And that's when you hear the word narcissistic supply come
• 2:48
  into play. The more I talk about myself,
• 2:50
  the more I can focus on me, the more I turn the light on me, the
• 2:54
  more attention that I get and the better I feel about myself
• 2:57
  in some way, shape or form, right.
• 3:00
  So it didn't happen so much. They want to be the center of
• 3:03
  attention because they they get narcissistic supply from it.
• 3:07
  So I'm always, you know, even if I'm not doing as good as I could
• 3:10
  be doing, I'm going to hype the hell up to make it seem like I'm
• 3:14
  doing better than you. Because there is some narcissist
• 3:17
  that no matter how bad that they're doing in life, they
• 3:20
  don't want to make it seem like they're doing bad because they
• 3:22
  don't want to appear weak. That's the type of narcissist,
• 3:25
  right, that you experience that refuses to ask you for help.
• 3:28
  They won't ask you for help in any way, right?
• 3:31
  They won't ask you for help. They won't do anything for you.
• 3:33
  They'll tend to, you know, they'll tend to navigate the
• 3:36
  world in a completely different way, like they will just refuse.
• 3:39
  They can be, look, you didn't know their, their house is in
• 3:41
  foreclosure. They homeless living in their
• 3:43
  car. They'll pull up on you and buy
• 3:44
  drinks for the whole bar. You know, Drake told me
• 3:47
  everybody and they put it on the credit card, which is overdrawn
• 3:50
  or the debit card overdrawn or whatever, because they want to
• 3:52
  keep it with that image. They want to keep up with the
• 3:55
  image that they're doing good. If they're doing well, that
• 3:57
  they're doing better than everybody else because they
• 3:59
  don't want pity, The narcissists that don't want pity are going
• 4:03
  to be like that. They're going to behave like
• 4:04
  that. They're going to act like that.
• 4:05
  They're going to be like, well, I don't want, you know, I don't
• 4:08
  want anybody thinking negatively, negatively of me.
• 4:11
  So I'm going to do this right here.
• 4:13
  I'm going to behave this way because I want to control the
• 4:16
  flow of attention. I want to control the flow.
• 4:18
  I'm going to control the power. I want the powers that be, you
• 4:22
  know, the narcissistic powers that be to I want to be in
• 4:25
  control of it. So it does take a lot of energy.
• 4:29
  It takes a lot of energy to talk about yourself a lot to y'all.
• 4:31
  Like I say, especially if you're not, especially if you're doing
• 4:34
  bad, it takes a lot of energy to to keep up lies and to keep this
• 4:38
  stuff going. It really does.
• 4:40
  So that's why I, I would tell you, I would challenge you, the
• 4:43
  person who is dealing with their narcissists, like when they
• 4:45
  start to focus the attention on themselves and just commandeer
• 4:49
  the conversation, either steer away from it, like, OK, Dang,
• 4:52
  it's great to hear and go talk to somebody else.
• 4:55
  But or, or, or just, you know, sometimes you have to play the
• 4:58
  game. Sometimes you have to play the
• 5:00
  game with this person, right? Sometimes you have to pretend
• 5:02
  like you care or whatever to avoid an argument.
• 5:04
  Because if they're talking about themselves and you don't, you
• 5:07
  get tired of hearing it and you try to walk away.
• 5:09
  They'll fight, they'll fuss and fight with you.
• 5:11
  They'll cause a fight with you. Oh, you don't give a damn about
• 5:12
  me when we're talking about you. Everything is fine, right?
• 5:15
  But you don't give a damn to hear about what's going on in my
• 5:16
  life. Wow, look how selfish you are.
• 5:18
  Wow, wow, wow, wow. They'll get you like that, and
• 5:23
  y'all know that too. They'll absolutely bombard you
• 5:26
  with that type of stuff, hammer away at you, that type of stuff,
• 5:28
  accuse you of not giving a damn about them because you don't
• 5:31
  want to sit there and listen to them talk about themselves for
• 5:34
  three hours. You know they don't.
• 5:36
  They don't just do that at home either.
• 5:38
  They do it at work. They do it in the workplace as
• 5:39
  well. They want the attention to be on
• 5:41
  them in the workplace. They want everybody to focus on
• 5:43
  them. It's crazy y'all, because the
• 5:45
  more attention I get, the more satisfied I am, the more
• 5:49
  validated I feel even if I'm lying my ass off.
• 5:52
  Attention is currency and even fake attention I get, even if
• 5:56
  attention I get from lies, I can still spend, I can still spend
• 6:01
  that quote UN quote currency, right?
• 6:04
  That happens. So if you're dealing with the
• 6:06
  narcissist, this is part of the stuff that you have to go
• 6:08
  through right here, y'all. They're going to focus the
• 6:09
  attention on themselves because they get narcissistic supply
• 6:12
  from it. Even if they're lying, they feel
• 6:15
  better about themselves. They want to make like one of
• 6:18
  the goals of it is to not only make themselves feel better
• 6:21
  about themselves, but to make you feel less about yourself,
• 6:24
  right? Because the better I feel, the
• 6:27
  the better you think that I'm doing, the better I feel about
• 6:31
  myself. You know?
• 6:33
  I feel better about myself from putting you down and keeping you
• 6:37
  in check, even if I'm lying my ass off to you.
• 6:41
  I know it sounds stupid because it is like narcissists love
• 6:45
  getting that guy. Like I said, narcissists love
• 6:47
  that type of stuff right there. So they don't talk good about
• 6:50
  themselves. They'll talk bad about
• 6:51
  themselves as long as they are getting attention.
• 6:53
  Like they, they use it to compete.
• 6:56
  Narcissists, folks, they like to talk about themselves because
• 6:59
  they use it to compete. They use it to compete with you.
• 7:02
  Like is either the success Olympics or the struggle
• 7:06
  Olympics. Y'all, y'all know you if you
• 7:09
  ever dealt with the if you ever dealt with the narcissism
• 7:11
  before, you know damn well they they will.
• 7:14
  You can't. You will go to the struggle
• 7:15
  Olympics with them. You absolutely will, because
• 7:19
  they will. Like if you complain about
• 7:21
  something, they'll complain harder.
• 7:24
  What's that movie? What's that Tropic Thunder you
• 7:28
  When they cry, you cry harder, man.
• 7:30
  Yeah, literally just like that when you were like when you have
• 7:34
  something going on negative in your life or something bad in
• 7:36
  your life, they won't like they'll acknowledge, they'll
• 7:38
  barely acknowledge you. And they start talking about
• 7:41
  themselves and how they're struggling in something worse
• 7:43
  than what you have going on or something similar.
• 7:45
  You know, at least it's like, you know, less than, less than
• 7:48
  or equal to, greater than or equal to my struggle.
• 7:50
  My struggle is greater than or equal to yours.
• 7:53
  At least it's equal. It can my struggle cramp.
• 7:55
  My struggle can be greater than yours.
• 7:57
  Oh, you're homeless? Well, you sleep.
• 7:59
  You're sleeping in your car. Well, I sleep under my car.
• 8:01
  My car that isn't Look, my car. I like my keys inside of it.
• 8:04
  I know you're homeless and you sleep in inside of your car.
• 8:07
  I'm homeless and I sleep underneath mine because I like
• 8:10
  the keys inside of it. Top that or you have a cold.
• 8:15
  I got the flu or you got the flu, I got COVID.
• 8:18
  You see what I'm saying? They, they always add on to it
• 8:21
  because they want that attention on them.
• 8:23
  They want to feel superior so they always talk about
• 8:26
  themselves even if they don't. Like I say, even if they have to
• 8:29
  lie, they will still talk about themselves.
• 8:31
  Even if they are looking at you directly into your face and
• 8:34
  lying they asses off. They still get narcissistic
• 8:38
  supply even from lying because they get the satisfaction of
• 8:41
  putting you in your place even if they're lying.
• 8:46
  So they always talk about themselves because you know,
• 8:48
  another reason is because they feel down about themselves.
• 8:50
  Y'all, a lot of narcissists, you know, a lot of narcissists,
• 8:52
  including myself, like I'm being, I'm clinically, I have
• 8:55
  clinical depression, you know, and a lot of people don't like
• 8:59
  know a lot of narcissists can you can be, you can have
• 9:01
  comorbid diagnosis. You can have more than one
• 9:04
  diagnosis. It rarely ever is just
• 9:06
  narcissistic personality disorder.
• 9:08
  I have NPD, general anxiety disorder and clinical
• 9:11
  depression, right. So I'm clinically depressed and
• 9:14
  it's just like I'm so down on myself that I have to talk, you
• 9:17
  know, I'm so down that I feel bad about myself.
• 9:20
  I'm so I'm so internally insecure that I have to talk to
• 9:24
  just hype myself up to try to break out of a funk.
• 9:27
  Like you get a lot of narcissist that feel bad about themselves
• 9:30
  that start treating like I said, they start acting this way
• 9:33
  because they feel bad about themselves.
• 9:35
  It's, it's crazy how that works right there.
• 9:37
  It's ignorant and it's silly as hell, but it's crazy how that
• 9:40
  works. Like they're trying to get,
• 9:41
  they, they feel so bad about themselves that they have to
• 9:44
  talk talking. I have to focus on me, right?
• 9:47
  I have to focus this type of stuff on me because it helps me
• 9:50
  feel better about me. Me, me, me, me, me.
• 9:54
  It's all about me. It rarely is about you.
• 9:57
  If it is about you, it's me comparing myself to you.
• 10:00
  Like for greater or for worse. Like my success is better than
• 10:03
  your success. My struggles are worse than your
• 10:05
  struggles. It's hard.
• 10:06
  Yeah. It's hard to have a conversation
• 10:08
  with a narcissist that is super only and only interested in
• 10:11
  yourself because I the last thing I talked about because
• 10:13
  they're not interested in you. They're like one time.
• 10:17
  One reason that they'll focus on themselves is they don't, they
• 10:19
  don't care what you have to say or what you're going on or what
• 10:22
  you're experiencing in your life.
• 10:24
  They don't care. So they focus their attention on
• 10:26
  themselves like, oh, you're bored.
• 10:28
  You bore me. So let's talk about let's talk
• 10:30
  about me. I'm bored.
• 10:32
  I don't care what you have going on.
• 10:33
  So let's talk about let's put the focus on me.
• 10:35
  Let's care about me more than let's than we care about you.
• 10:39
  That happens too. So like some of them just don't
• 10:42
  give a damn what you're going through, what you're
• 10:43
  experiencing, because their struggle or whatever they're
• 10:46
  going through is worse than your struggle and what you're going
• 10:49
  through. So I just like, that's why I try
• 10:50
  to convey to people like it's not about like when you deal
• 10:53
  with a narcissist, it really is not about you all the time in
• 10:57
  these spaces. A lot of time it really is just
• 10:59
  about them, their own internal and external insecurities that
• 11:03
  are bubbling to the surface waiting to come out, waiting to
• 11:06
  pop out, waiting to pop through. You know, that's why I tell
• 11:10
  people it's not about you elite. We know it's not about us, it's
• 11:13
  about them, right, You just said it.
• 11:16
  That's true. But anyways, y'all, thank you
• 11:19
  for tuning into another episode. Make sure you subscribe to the
• 11:21
  channel. Check out my my courses and my
• 11:23
  support groups at you can do check it out at
• 11:26
  courses.mentalillness.net. Thank you so much.
• 11:31
  Subscribe to the channel. I'm out peace.
• 11:34
  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
• 11:36
  I am extremely grateful for you have no idea.
• 11:38
  If you haven't already, make sure you go ahead and subscribe
• 11:40
  to the channel helps reach more people and click on the screen
• 11:43
  to watch another video or to browse through another playlist.
• 11:45
  There's also a link on the screen to check out my courses
• 11:48
  and my support groups to help you heal and understand what
• 11:50
  you've been through. Thank you so much again.
• 11:52
  I will see you in the next video.
• 11:53
  Peace.