Latest / I Choose Me with Jennie Garth / Kelly Rutherford on Choosing Love Through Life's Darkest Moments

Transcript

Kelly Rutherford on Choosing Love Through Life's Darkest Moments · I Choose Me with Jennie Garth

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Girl. Welcome
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: to I Choose Me. We loved Kelly Rutherford in Gossip
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: Girl and Melrose Place. Now she sparkles on the red carpet,
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: runs a lifestyle business, and continues to gracefully grow and
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: evolve every day. It is an absolute pleasure to catch
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: up with Kelly Rutherford. So I was reading a headline
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: and I thought it said, you broke can. And I
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: was like, what does that mean? I'm very curious about that.
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: So I reread it and it said, you broke the
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: dress code at can. It's like, oh no, is she
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: going to get in trouble? What happens if you break
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: the dress code at can?
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: I know.
• 0:50
  Speaker 3: I know.
• 0:51
  Speaker 4: I didn't even realize because the dress I was wearing,
• 0:53
  Speaker 4: it was like all the way up to here.
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: And all the way down. But I think what happened is,
• 0:59
  Speaker 2: as you've probably experienced yourself.
• 1:01
  Speaker 4: Is when the slashes went off on the camera, it
• 1:06
  Speaker 4: became a bit more sheer.
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: And it wasn't at all when I wore it. I
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: can think, oh, it's so conservative.
• 1:13
  Speaker 4: It's so simple. You know, it was Armani, very simple clothes.
• 1:18
  Speaker 4: So it was a bit of a surprise. I think
• 1:19
  Speaker 4: it was just a bit of a headline, too, because
• 1:21
  Speaker 4: it wasn't that risky.
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: Did you get in trouble?
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: Not at all.
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: Did they make you pay a fine?
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: I don't even know there was a dress code.
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: I didn't either.
• 1:29
  Speaker 4: But there were people dressed much sexier than that.
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: You took the hit. You took the hit.
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: But you looked amazing. So who cares?
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: Exactly.
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: You always look amazing at the fashion week. Wherever you
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: show up, you always look beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: Thank you.
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: Something else that you've done as of late is you've
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: built this kind of like resurgence of Kelly Rutherford on
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: the gram. It felt like you were kind of laying
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: low profile for a while. And then one day you
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: decided to post a picture of you in your elevator.
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: I'm presuming taking the dogs out or something. I'm imagining.
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: And people went bananas. They loved seeing you. just in
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: your real life, in your real life elevator. And I
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: just was curious, is that something that just sort of
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: happened and you went with it? Or was that like, hey,
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: I think this is a good direction for my social page?
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: Or like, I don't know, it was genius.
• 2:33
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it was more just honestly convenience. I mean, the
• 2:36
  Speaker 4: elevator was so great. I just thought this is great.
• 2:39
  Speaker 4: I can do sort of an outfit of the day
• 2:41
  Speaker 4: kind of thing because it was during COVID too.
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: And what were we doing, you know? Mm-hmm. And there
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: were so many.
• 2:50
  Speaker 4: Great brands that I was discovering during that time. And
• 2:54
  Speaker 4: I was also helping this girl with a platform she
• 2:58
  Speaker 4: was doing, just bringing onboarding, you know, global brands that
• 3:03
  Speaker 4: were sort of, you know, artisan brands. It was just
• 3:08
  Speaker 4: a way to, it gave me something to do and
• 3:11
  Speaker 4: also to highlight some of these brands.
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: So it was a, it was fantastic.
• 3:15
  Speaker 4: I don't know. And then my daughter was saying that
• 3:16
  Speaker 4: I was holding the camera wrong and that I needed this.
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: She gave me a tutorial, so it helped.
• 3:22
  Speaker 5: I know.
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: You know, those mirror selfies are tricky.
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: Like you hold the camera right here.
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: Because you want to see it, but then you're covering
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: your face or whatever, or your outfit. It's very complicated.
• 3:34
  Speaker 4: It is.
• 3:35
  Speaker 3: They all are.
• 3:36
  Speaker 4: They all are.
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh.
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: Well, okay.
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: So looking back on this life that you've had, this
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: beautiful life so far, When do you think the first
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: decision that you ever made to choose yourself was? And
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: more importantly, how did you choose yourself? Like, how did
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: you realize it's time for me to choose myself?
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: I don't know if I have yet.
• 4:03
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 4:07
  Speaker 4: I mean, quite honestly, I don't even know if I
• 4:10
  Speaker 4: have yet. I was just talking to my brother about
• 4:12
  Speaker 4: this and Of course I choose my, we all choose
• 4:15
  Speaker 4: ourselves in terms of we have to function and take
• 4:17
  Speaker 4: care of ourselves to be able to be there for
• 4:19
  Speaker 4: the people we love or to be able to go
• 4:21
  Speaker 4: to work and show up and function and be healthy.
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: So yeah, you know, you're always choosing yourself.
• 4:27
  Speaker 4: Even it's such a, it's an interesting phrase, let's say,
• 4:31
  Speaker 4: because you have to take care of yourself in order
• 4:33
  Speaker 4: to be there for others.
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: Do you feel a little selfish when you say the phrase?
• 4:41
  Speaker 4: No, I don't feel selfish. I feel like I do
• 4:46
  Speaker 4: take care of myself. I take care of myself. I
• 4:50
  Speaker 4: don't know what choosing yourself means. Maybe, I mean, there's
• 4:54
  Speaker 4: a difference, but because there's self-care, there's all these kind
• 4:57
  Speaker 4: of phrases now, right? But they're all really at the end,
• 5:01
  Speaker 4: at least to me, not overthinking it, really just about
• 5:05
  Speaker 4: how can I, you know, be healthy and you know,
• 5:11
  Speaker 4: take care of myself to the point where I can't,
• 5:14
  Speaker 4: I can show up for my family and, and for
• 5:17
  Speaker 4: my work and for.
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: And, and to have the energy to do the things
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: I love.
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 5:22
  Speaker 4: It's not so focused on self-care or, you know, it's
• 5:27
  Speaker 4: not so intellectualized, I guess, for me, I don't intellectualize
• 5:31
  Speaker 4: it in that way.
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: That's interesting. It's like, you know, we're just so busy.
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: We're doing all the things, raising the kids and the dogs,
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: you know, doing what we do. And it's kind of like,
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: wait a second. I need to write myself into my
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: calendar for just 30 minutes or something.
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: Yes. Yes. It's, it is true. There is.
• 5:54
  Speaker 4: And it's also, it's, And I find at least a
• 6:00
  Speaker 4: lot of moms my age and women my age who
• 6:03
  Speaker 4: have kids that are growing up and leaving the house
• 6:05
  Speaker 4: and so on and so forth.
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: It's like you, it's, it's having to discover who you are.
• 6:10
  Speaker 4: Now and what that looks like, you know, when your
• 6:15
  Speaker 4: kids are off doing their thing and they need you,
• 6:17
  Speaker 4: but when they need you, you know what I mean?
• 6:19
  Speaker 4: It's not like they need you for everyday stuff. So,
• 6:23
  Speaker 4: you know, who am I now? And it's like a
• 6:27
  Speaker 4: rediscovery of who you are, I think.
• 6:29
  Speaker 6: It is.
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: And I never really thought about it as I approached
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: that marker in life when the kids, my girls are
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: all sort of out of the nest already. Last one
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: is in college. And it's like this gorgeous redirection of
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: how you can spend your time and your energy when
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: the things that needed you every second, all the time,
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: every day, don't no longer need that. They just need
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: it in a different way. So it's like this new
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: world that I think women our age step into. And
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: sometimes they're like, whoa, this is hard. I don't like
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: this feeling of not being needed. And then also that
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: silence of sitting with yourself and contemplating, what do I
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: want to do now?
• 7:20
  Speaker 4: Yeah, which is what's so great about your question about
• 7:25
  Speaker 4: choosing yourself, because it is almost a little.
• 7:29
  Speaker 2: Like, what? I have to choose myself now? Like, that's
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: so weird.
• 7:33
  Speaker 4: You know, it feels weird in a way to think
• 7:36
  Speaker 4: about what do you want separate from all of that,
• 7:38
  Speaker 4: you know, because you've been so in it.
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: In it, for sure.
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: Well, I have a thing called the I Choose Me Hotline,
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: and it's a place where people can call in and
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: get support and encouragement. I thought your life experience would
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: be amazing in giving our caller, Melissa, some encouragement. So
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: here's our call.
• 7:59
  Speaker 7: Hey, Jenny, this is Melissa T.
• 8:01
  Speaker 5: Brown.
• 8:02
  Speaker 7: I have been building my own creative business and a
• 8:04
  Speaker 7: visual universe clothing line with my own perspective and twist
• 8:09
  Speaker 7: to it. My question is, after everything you have experienced
• 8:13
  Speaker 7: in your career, what advice would you give someone who
• 8:17
  Speaker 7: is still building their dream and trying to figure out
• 8:21
  Speaker 7: what the next chapter should look like? Thank you.
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: Oh, Melissa, thank you so much for just calling in
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: and sharing that with us because you're in a transition,
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: you know? And yeah, building a creative business of any kind,
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: especially a clothing line where you're really putting your heart
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: out there and your vision out there, your artistic vision
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: out there, it takes a lot of courage. And yeah,
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: I have stood exactly where you are right now, having
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: an idea and wanting more and not really knowing how
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: to make it happen. I'm sitting here right now with
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: the incredible Kelly Rutherford. So you get to have.
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: Both of us.
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: Kelly, when you hear Melissa talk about building a dream
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: and trying to figure out the next step, what comes
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: up for you? What would you tell her?
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: I would tell her the next thing that is exciting
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: and fun.
• 9:16
  Speaker 4: Okay. Um, because you know, it's really about just, just
• 9:23
  Speaker 4: to keep evolving, right. To keep evolving and staying interested
• 9:26
  Speaker 4: and exciting about a business.
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: Um, so that's part of it. And a lot of
• 9:32
  Speaker 2: it is whether it's.
• 9:33
  Speaker 4: A vision board of, of where you want it to go,
• 9:36
  Speaker 4: like what's, what's the ultimate vision. Uh, because I believe
• 9:42
  Speaker 4: the universe really responds to.
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: That, uh, that sort of, visual thing or that. So
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: that might be a good thing.
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: Did you do a vision board, Kelly?
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: I love vision boards. I love affirmations and vision boards and.
• 9:58
  Speaker 4: Clarity and, you know, about it, writing about what it
• 10:02
  Speaker 4: is you want, what you want your life to look
• 10:06
  Speaker 4: like and all of that stuff.
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: It really helps.
• 10:10
  Speaker 4: It helps us define it too when we're in those
• 10:12
  Speaker 4: places of uncertainty. I think writing and vision boards help
• 10:18
  Speaker 4: start that creative, thing again and gets us excited again
• 10:22
  Speaker 4: about that.
• 10:23
  Speaker 7: Yes.
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: It like gets it out of here, out of your
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: head and whether it's onto a vision board with pictures
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: or what I did mine with just words, like kind
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: of bullet points of what I wanted and what categories
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: I wanted to focus on. But yeah, I think it
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: really does sort of do a different thing for your
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: brain instead of having it stuck inside when you are
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: able to see it in front of you. And then
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: I would just stare at mine And really, like, just
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: with no thought or no, you know, idea of how
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: I was going to get any of it to happen,
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: I would just stare at it and just not really
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: think anything. Just let it absorb, you know?
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: So healthy. So good. Love that.
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: I think, Melissa, don't be afraid to take big swings, though.
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: And another thing I would say, do not dim your
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: light or your vision for anyone else. And like we
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: were just talking about, actually sit and visualize yourself. what
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: you want your future to look like. You got to
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: see what it looks like. You've got to see it
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: at its most successful place and then feel how that
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: feels inside of you. It takes like really sitting and
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: getting quiet with yourself to be able to envision these things.
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: But kind of like just how a golfer visualizes his
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: swing before he ever, he visualizes the ball going in
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: the hole before he ever even whacks at it, the ball.
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: That's what you have to do. And I don't know
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: about you, Kelli, but sometimes there were times along my
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: journey of creating that I felt discouraged and I felt like,
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: who am I to do this? Other people are doing
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: it and they're doing it so well and I'm so
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: happy for them, but I don't think it's for me.
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: I just had to really just say, okay, I hear you,
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: but I'm going to keep going anyway. Have you ever
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: had those kind of feelings, Kelli?
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah, of course.
• 12:16
  Speaker 4: You just have to be brave and, and, you know,
• 12:19
  Speaker 4: just keep taking the next step that feels appropriate, you know,
• 12:24
  Speaker 4: at that time, because we all are here to do
• 12:26
  Speaker 4: our own thing. And yes, it's, it's so wonderful to
• 12:30
  Speaker 4: have all these examples of what's possible around us.
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: Thank goodness, you know, and.
• 12:36
  Speaker 3: Then take what gets us, you know, inspired and, and
• 12:42
  Speaker 3: That inspired action, you know, from, okay, this is what feels.
• 12:46
  Speaker 2: Right to me. Yeah, we're not supposed to do.
• 12:50
  Speaker 4: Other people are here to inspire us, thank goodness, but
• 12:52
  Speaker 4: we're meant to have our own thing.
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: There's only one Melissa T. Brown out there.
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: Exactly. It's true. It's true.
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: When you think about it and then you build yourself
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: up and think, if they're doing it, why not me?
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: I can do that.
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: And just start to think like that. I always... thought
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: of it as like pushing a little bouncy ball up
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: a mountain with my nose and like trying to get
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: it up the mountain. And then every time it would fall,
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: it would go down like a Blinko machine, you know,
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: and then I'd have to go back down and get
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: it back up and take it further. And then it
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: would slip off again. It's just like that tenacity that
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: it takes to really achieve what you want in life.
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: And there's a quote that might be helpful for you, Melissa,
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: that I used when I was starting my brand, it
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: is this. Persistence is the key to success. I wrote
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: that down on a sticky note and I put it
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: on my mirror and I saw it every day and that.
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: Kept me pushing.
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: And maybe it'll work for you too. So thank you
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: so much for listening and for sharing where you are
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: in your life and keep choosing you every day and
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: you'll get to right where you need to be. Hey,
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: what are you struggling with? Can I help? please call
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: my I Choose Me hotline at 844-5-JENNY. That's 844-553-6643. I
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: can't wait to hear from you. Kelly Rutherford is so elegant.
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: She exudes confidence and beauty. And you know what? Some
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: of that starts with what she puts on every day,
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: what she chooses to wear. And this is exactly why
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: I created Me by Jenny Garth. It is a collection
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: designed to help women feel confident, comfortable, and effortlessly stylish
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: at every stage of life. So head on over to
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: qbc.com and explore Me by Jenny Garth. All of our
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: newest collections can also be found by following us on
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: Instagram at Me by Jenny Garth. I'll see you there.
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: I'm curious, was there ever a moment for you when
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: you thought like, I don't know how I'm going to
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: get through this? Because I know you've had some really
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: challenging times in your life. What in those darkest moments
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: for you of whatever it was, pain, suffering, self-doubt, what
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: was it that kept you going?
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: I think love. I think it was love that kept
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: me going. And, you know, just... We all have different
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: things to survive.
• 15:35
  Speaker 4: We all have different things we're dealing with, you know,
• 15:38
  Speaker 4: and to each one of us, it's incredibly important and
• 15:40
  Speaker 4: incredibly challenging, right? So I think if you can keep
• 15:45
  Speaker 4: love in your heart through those times and know that
• 15:53
  Speaker 4: things will get better eventually, you know, and just every
• 15:56
  Speaker 4: day do what you can to find the small joys,
• 15:59
  Speaker 4: you know, in your life. whatever you're going through. And
• 16:03
  Speaker 4: I think it's true whether you're going through challenging times
• 16:06
  Speaker 4: or your life is very successful and busy and overwhelming
• 16:09
  Speaker 4: in a.
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: Different way, right?
• 16:10
  Speaker 4: So it's no, I mean, there's challenges either way, right?
• 16:16
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: When you say love, that sounds wonderful. But what do
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: you mean specifically? Like you just said, finding gratitude for
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: every little moment. What is love to you? Is it
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: a romantic situation? Is it the love for your kids?
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: Is it just love for life?
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: Of course, it's love for my kids. It's love for
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: my family and all of that.
• 16:36
  Speaker 4: Of course, it's also, when I say love, I mean
• 16:41
  Speaker 4: keeping love in your heart. You know, you can get
• 16:44
  Speaker 4: bitter about it. You can be a victim of it.
• 16:46
  Speaker 4: There's a lot of different paths you can go down
• 16:48
  Speaker 4: when you're going through challenges.
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: And you probably, and I experienced all of them. We
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: experience all of them in a day, in an hour,
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: in an hour, right?
• 16:58
  Speaker 4: But if you have the pity party and then you're
• 17:00
  Speaker 4: laughing with a friend and then you think, oh my God,
• 17:03
  Speaker 4: how am I ever.
• 17:03
  Speaker 2: Going to survive anything? My life is whatever.
• 17:07
  Speaker 3: And then, you know, so the key though, I think
• 17:11
  Speaker 3: to the, to, to the resilience part of it and
• 17:15
  Speaker 3: to being able to come out of challenging things, you know,
• 17:19
  Speaker 3: whole is, you know, is to keep love in your
• 17:22
  Speaker 3: heart so that, because your kids need that from you.
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: The world needs that from you.
• 17:30
  Speaker 4: You need that from you in order to stay healthy
• 17:34
  Speaker 4: through challenging times.
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: And I'm not saying you feel that way 24 seven.
• 17:38
  Speaker 4: I just mean that the, the vibration of, love being at.
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: The core of everything for you so that you, it's
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: a good frequency to hold as much as you can
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: through challenging time.
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: I think love, when people think, okay, I can walk
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: around with love in my heart, maybe they're feeling like
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: it's like a fake positivity or something. In the beginning,
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: maybe it is.
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: You know what?
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: Fake it till you make it. Walk around with that
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: smile until it feels truthful and authentic to you But
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: if you start thinking like you are saying about love
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: being the driving force behind everything that you do, it
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: just really shifts things.
• 18:27
  Speaker 4: Well, I think it gives you, it really gives you
• 18:29
  Speaker 4: a sense of strength because you can still have your boundaries.
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: You can still be feeling a lot of different things.
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: But if at the.
• 18:42
  Speaker 4: If what you're focused on is love and it's not
• 18:44
  Speaker 4: fake at all, I think if anything, it's very, it's
• 18:46
  Speaker 4: the most real thing that we have, you know, it's
• 18:51
  Speaker 4: not pretend happiness or, you know, it's really just, it's
• 18:57
  Speaker 4: the frequency, you know what I mean? It's, it's what
• 18:59
  Speaker 4: we all are looking for.
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: We're looking for it. So start by feeling it first,
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: you know, like putting it out there.
• 19:09
  Speaker 7: Yeah.
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: And then it'll come to you. That's so good.
• 19:11
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: You moved your life to Europe, across the country to
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: be with your kids.
• 19:18
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: Talk to me about life in Europe. I mean, wow.
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: I've always said I want to do that.
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: But I've never gotten the gusto to the nerve to
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: make it happen. But you did it because, you know,
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: that was the most important thing to you was being
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: with your kids.
• 19:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah, for sure. For sure.
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: What's it like?
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: It's great. You know, it's funny.
• 19:44
  Speaker 4: I mean, look, even within the U.S., you could move
• 19:48
  Speaker 4: to a place that's so foreign. I mean, if you're
• 19:50
  Speaker 4: from New Jersey and you move to the South, it
• 19:53
  Speaker 4: feels like a different country, right?
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: So it's the.
• 19:57
  Speaker 4: Same thing in that there's just different things you have
• 19:59
  Speaker 4: to adapt to and be open to.
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: And some of them are really different.
• 20:04
  Speaker 4: I wish we'd implement them in our own country and
• 20:09
  Speaker 4: vice versa, obviously.
• 20:10
  Speaker 2: So I just, you know, I think.
• 20:15
  Speaker 4: You prioritize, again, you prioritize love, you prioritize where you
• 20:18
  Speaker 4: want to be close to your kids or whatever, and
• 20:22
  Speaker 4: then you figure it out. You know, that's the fun
• 20:25
  Speaker 4: part is the challenge of that. So it's been challenging
• 20:28
  Speaker 4: in some ways and.
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: In other ways. It's been a real exciting challenge. you know, pass. Yeah.
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: It has not been boring. That's for sure.
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: You were kind of forced to make that decision, that
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: choice in your life because you had this terrible custody battle.
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: I remember watching it play out and feeling so badly
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: for you. And as a young mom at that time too,
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: it made me think, could this happen to me? I mean,
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: my girls are Italian citizens with their father. And I
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: was like, what if he gets mad and takes them
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: to Italy? And then what am I going to do?
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: So when I was watching that, I'll play out for you.
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: It was stirring this thing up in me of like,
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: This could be a reality for people. They just haven't,
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: you know, thought about it. But you chose to move
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: to Europe to be with your kids because that's what
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: you had to do.
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: And you had so many people watching that whole thing unfold.
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: How did you sort of protect your own sense of
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: identity when so much of your life felt like out
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: of control during that time.
• 21:59
  Speaker 4: Well I think you realize that like identity is really
• 22:02
  Speaker 4: kind of even a false thing you know I mean um.
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: And I.
• 22:10
  Speaker 4: Don't know I think you just survive these things I
• 22:12
  Speaker 4: don't even know I mean I wish I had you
• 22:16
  Speaker 4: just get through them like like anybody gets through anything
• 22:19
  Speaker 4: how do you do it you know you just you
• 22:21
  Speaker 4: do it and again with as much love and grace
• 22:24
  Speaker 4: as you can. And certainly there was not that at
• 22:27
  Speaker 4: all times at all. I did not feel that way
• 22:30
  Speaker 4: all the time. You know, when these things happen, it's,
• 22:35
  Speaker 4: it's an opportunity to, to.
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: Look at your life, to look at society, to look
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: at parenting, to look at.
• 22:45
  Speaker 4: How Europe is different than the, it's, it's a really
• 22:47
  Speaker 4: an opportunity to expand and, your ability to, and awareness.
• 22:54
  Speaker 4: I mean, I realized things I would have never thought
• 22:57
  Speaker 4: would be possible, you know? And so it expanded my
• 23:03
  Speaker 4: view on life, on the judicial system, on parenting, on,
• 23:11
  Speaker 4: you know, on my own resilience.
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: And what I was capable of. I didn't even know,
• 23:16
  Speaker 2: you know? Yeah.
• 23:18
  Speaker 3: I knew I had a good work ethic because of
• 23:20
  Speaker 3: what we do, you know, we, you know, you have
• 23:23
  Speaker 3: a strong work ethic. So I think you have endurance
• 23:26
  Speaker 3: because of what we do.
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: Thank goodness. And adaptability.
• 23:29
  Speaker 4: So that was a gift is because I was able,
• 23:32
  Speaker 4: you know, because of what we do able to adapt.
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: Probably easier than, than most.
• 23:39
  Speaker 4: Right.
• 23:40
  Speaker 2: But it was, it was challenging.
• 23:42
  Speaker 4: And I think now I look back and see, you know,
• 23:46
  Speaker 4: And I see my kids and I think, my God,
• 23:48
  Speaker 4: there were so many blessings that came out of it,
• 23:52
  Speaker 4: you know? And that's the thing that I would say
• 23:57
  Speaker 4: is helpful is to think there are blessings that are
• 24:00
  Speaker 4: going to come out of this. I may not see
• 24:02
  Speaker 4: them right now and it may not feel that way
• 24:04
  Speaker 4: at all. This may feel like the worst thing ever.
• 24:07
  Speaker 4: And for good reason.
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: I'm curious, like for somebody listening who's in a similar
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: situation out there, are there some things... that you wish
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: you knew before you jumped into that enormous fight? Like
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: practical tips that somebody should know going into a situation
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: unfolding like this one.
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: I mean, the thing is, it shouldn't be allowed to
• 24:33
  Speaker 2: happen anyway, okay? I mean, hello. You know, and then.
• 24:38
  Speaker 4: So when it's, it's like any situation that's happening, and
• 24:40
  Speaker 4: I know so many women are, you know, experience, have
• 24:44
  Speaker 4: experiences and do experience this, where you just feel like,
• 24:48
  Speaker 4: what reality have I walked into? Because this is not reality.
• 24:51
  Speaker 4: This is not normal reality that I'm dealing with.
• 24:54
  Speaker 2: So a lot.
• 24:59
  Speaker 4: Of it is, if I look back, I would have
• 25:02
  Speaker 4: been more focused on my kids because it was so distracting.
• 25:08
  Speaker 4: You know, you have lawyers, you have, just all day
• 25:11
  Speaker 4: was between, you know, trying to take care of your kids'
• 25:14
  Speaker 4: work and deal with lawyers. So it's just a lot of,
• 25:18
  Speaker 4: it's already enough of a challenge to be a mom
• 25:20
  Speaker 4: and to be there and do everything. So I think
• 25:24
  Speaker 4: the thing is not to get so caught up in
• 25:28
  Speaker 4: all of it and focus on being a good parent
• 25:30
  Speaker 4: and being present with your children and being the best parent.
• 25:35
  Speaker 2: Parent, whether you're a guy that's.
• 25:37
  Speaker 4: Going through it or a mom, you know, father, mother,
• 25:40
  Speaker 4: being the best parent, you can be through it because
• 25:45
  Speaker 4: your kids need you to keep it together. And you
• 25:50
  Speaker 4: want to, to, to have it together for when it finally,
• 25:54
  Speaker 4: whatever that is, whether it's one years or 10 years
• 25:57
  Speaker 4: gets resolved, you want to somehow.
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: Be together and, for it. And I don't mean every day,
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: all day.
• 26:05
  Speaker 4: I just mean in terms of thought process of, okay,
• 26:10
  Speaker 4: there are things holding my attention in so many different directions.
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: This is so painful. This is just so unfair. And
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: I'm sure everyone on every side thinks it's unfair, you know, whatever.
• 26:20
  Speaker 2: But you, you know, it's really to be the best
• 26:24
  Speaker 2: parent you can be through whatever it is.
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: I just cannot believe how that unfolded before my eyes
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: that what you were living.
• 26:32
  Speaker 2: Through it's bizarre it's so bizarre it's.
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: Really bizarre and I wonder is that still happening is
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: that is that happening today.
• 26:44
  Speaker 5: With me still with people in general with other people
• 26:49
  Speaker 5: oh with people yes I mean I have people reaching
• 26:52
  Speaker 5: out to me a lot um and you know I
• 26:55
  Speaker 5: think it's just the state of the world we're living
• 26:58
  Speaker 5: in you know I don't I don't take it personally.
• 27:01
  Speaker 4: I think it's just, we're living in a, an archaic
• 27:06
  Speaker 4: sort of system and, you know, bless it, bless everyone
• 27:10
  Speaker 4: involved in that system, but it's, it, it must be
• 27:13
  Speaker 4: challenging for them too, you know?
• 27:15
  Speaker 2: Um, but it's just archaic. It's kind of like the
• 27:18
  Speaker 2: school system, you know, in a way it's archaic, you.
• 27:21
  Speaker 4: Know, we're just, it's an interesting time now, And we're
• 27:26
  Speaker 4: all seeing that. I mean, we want to hold on
• 27:29
  Speaker 4: to the fact that like, you know, there's some semblance
• 27:32
  Speaker 4: of what we knew, but it's all changing and it's
• 27:37
  Speaker 4: changing because it's outdated. And so I think that's a
• 27:43
  Speaker 4: lot of it is just realizing how outdated these things
• 27:45
  Speaker 4: are and.
• 27:48
  Speaker 2: The challenges that that creates. Oh my gosh. Yeah. Yeah.
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: What do you think that experience taught you about your
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: own strength that you didn't know before?
• 28:01
  Speaker 6: I don't know.
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: I think it was just, I'm thankful that I had worked.
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: I'm thankful that.
• 28:21
  Speaker 4: Like I said, that what we do gives us a
• 28:24
  Speaker 4: bit of endurance and adaptability because I had faith that
• 28:31
  Speaker 4: I would get through it, even though I lost everything
• 28:33
  Speaker 4: going through it. I had faith that, okay, my kids
• 28:37
  Speaker 4: are going to get through this somehow. I'm going to
• 28:40
  Speaker 4: get through this somehow. This is all maybe our karma
• 28:42
  Speaker 4: in some crazy way. Who knows what we're here to do. Well,
• 28:46
  Speaker 4: maybe we were meant to go through this to shed
• 28:48
  Speaker 4: light on the fact that this happens and that it
• 28:50
  Speaker 4: happens every day and people don't have that. And it's
• 28:54
  Speaker 4: certainly not what I would have wanted to have it
• 28:56
  Speaker 4: be public at all. But maybe that's part of creating awareness.
• 29:03
  Speaker 4: Maybe it happened as well, you know, to create some
• 29:07
  Speaker 4: awareness around that it does happen.
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: It can happen.
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: Kelly Rutherford brings calm and elegance to every situation. Stay
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: tuned for the rest of our conversation soon. In the meantime,
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: get out there and choose yourself today.