Latest / Revolution of Purpose Podcast / Don't Allow Other People To Decide Your Future

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Don't Allow Other People To Decide Your Future · Revolution of Purpose Podcast

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What dream have you put on hold? Not because you don't
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feel like you can do it, but because maybe someone has told you in your
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life that you can't do it. Or maybe because you're so afraid of what people
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would say, what people would think. You've imagined their judgment, and it's
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already changing your decisions. It is affecting your future.
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My question for you today is, how much of your future are you willing
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to give away to other people's opinions?
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Welcome to the Revolution of Purpose podcast. I'm your host,
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John Streit, and each week we bring you conversations with thought leaders,
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entrepreneurs, and individuals who have aligned their life with purpose
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and created extraordinary results. So I'm going to live through it and accept it
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radically with grace and hope and love. I mean,
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I would be proud to be in this council. It was an honor. I had
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so much fun. Tune in every Monday for the Revolution of Purpose solo show
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and every Thursday for Revolution of Purpose Conversations.
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Welcome back to the Revolution of Purpose podcast. I'm John Street,
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and I am just so glad you're here with me. So today we're talking about
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the fear of what other people think and how easily it is
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to let that fear start making decisions for us.
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Maybe there's something that you want to do, but every time you get close,
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you picture somebody questioning it. You start explaining yourself
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to them in your mind, and before you've even taken that first
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step, you're already defending your dream, defending yourself,
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defending your own future. I know that feeling.
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And today I want to help you recognize when it's happening. I want to help
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you understand the decision that comes next and then how to take one
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step toward the life that you actually desire,
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because you cannot live your own personal revolution of purpose while allowing
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other people to write the story of your life.
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Have you ever talked yourself out of an opportunity before anyone
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actually rejected you? Like maybe you wanted to apply for
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a bigger role and then you just started to imagine that someone was saying
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you weren't qualified, or you wanted to start a business, but you
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pictured your friends asking, who do you think you are to do this?
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Nothing had even happened yet, but you had already rehearsed
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that rejection and adjusted your life around it.
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You had literally traded your future for this imagined
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outcome of what other people would think. I call that living
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for an invisible audience. We begin editing our lives
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for people who may not even paying attention to it. And there's a
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cost to that, my friends. When you don't apply, you don't find
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out what might have happened. When you don't share your idea, nobody has the opportunity
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to respond to it. Avoiding possible embarrassment
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can also mean avoiding the very experience that would help you
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grow. Of course, thoughtful feedback matters. People who
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love us and that we trust may ask us really good questions,
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but that's because we know they have our best interests at
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heart. It's a concern about the numbers or the timing or the preparation,
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and those things could deserve our attention. But what do I
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need to prepare is a very different question from how do I make
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sure nobody asks questions about me? How do I make sure that
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everybody agrees with what I'm doing? How do I lay my idea
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and my dreams at the feet of this invisible audience and beg
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for their approval? That is a guarantee that you will never get.
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And you cannot seek validation for the very thing
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that is within your own heart. When it is your own vision, you can't
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expect other people to get around that vision. They're going to have to
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see it just the way you envision it yourself. And even
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then, if they don't get on board, then it's okay. It may not be
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for them. The purpose that you have is so important.
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It is your dharma. It is your light to shine in the darkness. And the
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people who need it may be lost at sea looking for that light.
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And the very people who reject it may not be the ones that you have
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it for anyway. I think about when I began my health journey,
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going to the gym was not simply like a matter of showing up and
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exercising for me. I was over 350 pounds then, and I remember
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feeling so deeply self-conscious. I wondered whether people
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were looking at me. I was so worried that somebody would literally make fun
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of me, and I can imagine being judged before I even walked
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through the door. And of course, I had all this evidence to support that.
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I had evidence from being bullied in middle school. I had evidence
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from being made fun of in my early 20s. I had evidence of people saying
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that I was fat and saying that I was out of shape and all of
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these other things playing in my mind. But I wasn't just facing the physical
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challenge of working out when I walked in the gym. I was facing all of
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those paradigms I accepted from years ago.
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I was letting those people who told me who I was dictate
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the future of who I could become. I was facing the emotional challenge
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of being seen while I was trying to change my life.
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And maybe that's where you are today. Maybe you're willing to do the work.
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You just wish that you could do all the becoming in private
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and let people see you after it's all done, after it's all figured
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out. But I couldn't wait until I looked like someone who belonged to the gym
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before I started actually going to the gym. A sick
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person can't wait until they're well to go to the hospital. Going was
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part of how I would become healthier. And I
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had to ask myself, was I going to let the possibility of somebody else's
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opinion prevent me from improving my health? And I had
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to keep answering that question with my actions. Every single time
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that I walked through those doors, despite feeling uncomfortable, I was reinforcing
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a new belief. I am someone who shows up for myself.
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And I'll tell you, even now, 120 pounds lighter,
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going to the gym and knowing a lot of the people that are working out
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around me, I still have to quiet that voice sometimes. I still have to make
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the decision that I belong there, that I am the person
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who is trying to get in better health, who's trying
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to improve the length and the quality of my life.
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But I had to notice what that belief depended on. It didn't require everybody
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in the room to approve of me. It just required me to walk
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through the door. Your version of that door might be an interview. It might be
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a class. It might be a conversation you've been avoiding. You may not be
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able to control how people respond, but you can decide
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whether their possible response will keep you outside of those
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doors, outside of those rooms, outside of those
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conversations that could absolutely change your
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life. There's a moment I want you to recognize. You've decided
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to change, and then the opportunity to act arrives. And then suddenly everything
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feels a little bit different. Suddenly you're faced with putting action
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to your decision. When you made the plan, you felt excited,
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and now you're about to follow through. You're looking for a reason
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to wait. I think of this as a, as meeting the terror
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barrier. If you've watched this podcast for a long time, you know, I've talked before
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about how Bob Proctor used to talk about the terror barrier,
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that we make a decision and then we have to make it again
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when we put the action behind it. That resistance that can show up when
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we move beyond what's familiar, put in the action, and that,
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that busting through the terror barrier, that feeling can be intense,
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my friends. That feeling can feel overwhelming even
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when the action itself seems perfectly reasonable. And that's why I
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believe we always have to make a decision twice.
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Every decision we make is going to be faith or fear.
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The first decision is when we say, I'm going to do it. We choose the
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goal, we make the commitment, and then that second decision is when that moment
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actually arrives and we actually take the action. That's the gym
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door. That's the phone call in your hand to the prospect that
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you need to grow your business. That's the video that you've recorded, but you haven't
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posted it on social media because of that imaginary audience and
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how they're going to make fun of you. And then that second decision, that second
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decision is where so many dreams get put on hold.
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You may tell yourself that you need more confidence. But consider this: if
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you keep postponing the action until you feel confident, when do
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you get the experience that could actually help you build the confidence that
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you need? You don't have to pretend the fear isn't there.
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You can acknowledge it and still ask, is there a genuine problem
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that I need to address, or am I trying to avoid the
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discomfort of being seen? Am I trying to not be
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judged by that invisible audience? If there's a real concern, of course,
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address it. Prepare, ask for help, adjust your plan.
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But if the concern is that somebody might see you learning,
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somebody might see you developing before you're perfect,
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somebody might see you trying and building,
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give yourself permission to be a beginner. You don't
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have to be perfect. The second decision can be small.
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You don't have to accomplish your whole dream today. Very seldom
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will that actually be the case. You just have to take that next step.
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You have to decide what you'll do when the next reasonable step
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is right in front of you. I faced the same type of barrier
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when I felt led to begin using my voice as a speaker and as a
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coach. That all started with using my voice as an influencer,
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as posting things online, encouraging and motivating
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other people through Instagram, TikTok, and eventually
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YouTube, and of course Facebook and LinkedIn and all the, all the
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social media outlets. And I really wanted to help people discover their purpose
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and challenge their limiting beliefs that were holding them back. But I also was
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hoping there was a way to do that where I wouldn't have to share my
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face. Maybe I could film these faceless videos and people
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wouldn't be able to judge me and judge me by my looks. I wanted
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to share a message that would help people get past their limiting
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beliefs while not actually going past my own limiting beliefs.
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And I realized that's not possible. I had
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to first live what I was teaching.
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Wanting to share a message and putting yourself out there in the world are
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2 very different things. Starting a TikTok account,
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showing up on Instagram, recording videos, it was nerve-wracking
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at first. Would people laugh? Would they criticize me? Would they
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wonder why I thought that I was somebody who had something worth
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sharing? Those questions could have silenced me before I
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ever began, but eventually I came back to
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the reason that I wanted to speak in the first place? What if somebody needed
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that message? What if one person heard a word of encouragement
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at exactly the right moment? Please pardon this interruption to your podcast
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episode. This will not take but a minute. Before we continue, I want to ask
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you something. Do you know that you're capable of more, but your life right now
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just isn't fully reflecting the person you know you can
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become? Then I want to personally invite you to schedule a Shift Mindset
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call with me. This Shift Mindset experience is something
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that I created to help you identify one decision that you can make that
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will shift your life. And when I say that this is a call with me,
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I mean exactly that. This is a live one-on-one personal
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call between you and I. This is not prerecorded.
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This is not a member of my team. It is you and I having a
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real coaching conversation about your life, and it does not cost
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you any money. It is a 45-minute exchange of time. I'll give you 30 minutes
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of my best mindset coaching to help you identify a decision that will create
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a real shift in your life. And in exchange, I just ask that you give
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me about 15 minutes to show you the coaching experiences that I offer.
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There's no obligation. But there is an opportunity to create
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a meaningful shift in your life just from this call.
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You can schedule yours today at johnstreet.org. Just click
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on the button that says schedule your shift call. And also, if this podcast
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is helping you, please subscribe. Please like and please share it.
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Every time you do that, every time you engage, you are helping to
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spread this message and inspire someone else to create their best life
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through also living their own revolution of purpose. Now let's get you
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back to the Revolution of Purpose podcast.
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When I focused only on how people might judge me, I lost
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sight of the people that actually wanted help from me,
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the people who needed my dharma, the people who needed to hear
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my voice, to see my light. And that gave me a different question.
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And I want you to ask yourself this as well. I said, was I willing
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to let my discomfort decide whether that person ever
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heard what I had to share? I could not control
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everybody's reaction, but I could control whether or not I
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used my voice, whether or not I flow in
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my purpose. And I still make that decision every time I film
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a podcast, every time I film a short for YouTube
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or Instagram, every time I post this to Apple and Spotify and
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all the podcast places, I'm still making that decision.
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Am I willing to let my discomfort decide whether the
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people who need to hear my voice have the opportunity
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to actually hear it? I keep making the decision that my
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purpose is more important than my discomfort, and I need you to make
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that decision as well. Your purpose is more important
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than your discomfort. That doesn't mean that every video would be perfect
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or every person would connect with it. It meant for me that I was willing
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to practice something that mattered to me without demanding approval
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in advance. What matters enough to you that you're willing
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to be seen learning how to do it? That is such a powerful
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question. What is the dream you have? What is the purpose you feel?
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What is your outreach that you really need to make? And it
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matters to you enough that you're willing to not be perfect
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at it. You're willing to possibly be judged. You're willing to
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be seen as someone who is beginning, who is learning how to do
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it. And this is where the conversation becomes about more than getting one
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thing done. Each time you follow through, you give yourself evidence
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of who you are. This connects to what I teach about the Law of Identity
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Transformation. Awaken, become,
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align, create. First, we awaken, we recognize the
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possibility and the pattern that's been keeping you from it. I want to
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share my message, but I've been letting these imagined people and
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their criticism stop me from doing it. And then you become— you choose the
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identity that you want to be. You say, I'm becoming someone who
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uses my voice to help people. I'm becoming someone who leads
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this business that I've been dreaming about. I'm becoming someone who starts
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this nonprofit. I'm becoming someone who is using my purpose
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to be a light to other people. And then you decide how you intend to
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show up. And then alignment steps in. You take aligned action that
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matches that identity. Record the message, share it.
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This is where you make that second decision and then create.
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Your action creates an experience that you can learn from. It's giving
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you evidence that you are becoming more and more in that identity.
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You discover what needs improvement and you make those improvements,
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and then you keep going. That experience becomes evidence for
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how you are developing your self-image. And even if the response is disappointing,
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you can still say, I followed through. I learned something I can
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adjust, but I showed up for myself and I showed up for
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my voice and I showed up for my purpose by taking
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action that busted through the terror barrier. And that matters
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because my friends, courage does not depend on getting the response
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you hoped for every time. Courage depends on you actually taking
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the action. You can measure something that you have more influence
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Instead of saying, what did they react? How did they respond?
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Ask yourself, did I act in alignment with the person that I'm becoming?
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And that's when I— what I mean when I say, be it and you will
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see it. Begin practicing that identity now.
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Let your actions give it substance. Let's make this personal.
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I want you to think about one action that you've been avoiding because you
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think someone else might judge you. Choose one specific
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thing. This could be an outreach phone call. If you're in real estate or sales,
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this could be, you know, reaching out to a guest that you want
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to interview if you have a podcast, or if you're writing a book. I mean,
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this could be any myriad of actions that you want to take,
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but you're not, that will help you grow, but you think you're going to be
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judged for it. If you're listening while driving, then you can always come back to
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this episode when you're safely parked. But if you are at a place and you
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can write this down, I want you to write down the question, whose reaction am
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I imagining and what am I assuming that they will say?
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Name it honestly. Maybe you're afraid of looking inexperienced.
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Maybe you're worried that an old friend will think that you've changed.
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And then ask, is this useful information or a
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prediction that I'm treating like a fact? And then finally,
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what would that person that I'm becoming do next?
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What would the identity of my goal-achieved life that
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I desire to live do next? What is the aligned action?
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Instead of be more visible, I want you to write something that is specific,
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like record a 1-minute message. Instead of the answer being
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vague, like grow my business, I want you to write, I'm going to invite
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one person to a conversation. Choose a reasonable next step that you
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can take within the next 24 hours and put a time beside
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it. And when that time comes, remember, this is the
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second decision. You don't need to reopen the entire debate about
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whether you're worthy of pursuing this goal. You just
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need to take that next step that you chose.
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Afterwards, notice what happens. What did you learn? What did following
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through actually feel like for you? What did it show you?
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And if someone does criticize you, you can consider whether
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there's anything useful in that criticism. And you can improve by
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making changes, or you can just decide to take what you need from that
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and then let it go. But their reaction does not decide your worth. And their
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reaction does not decide that you're wrong about your purpose. And their reaction does not
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decide that your dreams are are not as important as you know
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they are. Somebody else's reaction is information.
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Do not let it become your identity and do not let it keep
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you from flowing in the future that you long to have.
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As far as we know, we only do this one time.
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Decide yourself what you want your life to look like and don't
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leave it up to other people's opinions. The next time you catch yourself asking,
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what will they think? Add another question. What will it
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cost me to keep letting them decide my future? A year from
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now, you may barely remember the awkwardness of that first step,
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but you will be living with the choices that you make about your future.
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Give yourself the opportunity to find out what is possible,
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my friends. You don't need universal approval to walk through the next
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door. You need a reason that matters to you, a willingness to
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make that second decision, to bust through that
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terror barrier. If you'd like support challenging the limiting beliefs
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that have been holding you back, then please, please visit my website,
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johnstrea.org. There you can book a complimentary shift call with me
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and I'll help you explore what you can do. I'll help you decide on those
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things that are holding you back from taking that next step and help
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you cause a shift in your own life. And if someone came to mind while
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you were listening, share this episode with them because it might help them take
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a step that they've been putting off as well. Thank you so much today for
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tuning into this podcast, whether you listen or whether you watch it on
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YouTube. I'm just so glad that you're here. I'm so grateful that you chose to
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spend this time with me today. I hope that you will stop letting other people
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dictate your future and keep living your own personal
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revolution of purpose. Thank you so much for spending this time with me today.
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If this episode encouraged you, if it challenged you, or if it
20:03
helped you see your life a little bit differently. Would you do me a favor?
20:06
Subscribe to the podcast, leave a rating or review,
20:10
and share this episode with someone who needs to hear it. Every share
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helps us reach more people who are searching for hope,
20:18
purpose, and a life of greater meaning. And if you're ready
20:22
to stop wondering what's next and start living with greater clarity and purpose in your
20:26
own life, I would love to meet with you personally.
20:30
Visit johnstreet.org right now to schedule your complimentary
20:33
live Purpose and Clarity call with me.
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Until next time, remember, your purpose is not something you
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find. It is something you awaken to, and then
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you choose to live it. Go make today another step in your
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own revolution of purpose.