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Do birds of a feather flock together · Family Law Talk

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  Speaker 1: Welcome to Familylaw Talk. Familylaw Talk presented by Kirk Stangy
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  of Stangy Lawfirm PC. Stangy Law Firm is a multi
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  state family law firm. Now here's your host, Kurk Stangy.
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  Speaker 2: Welcome to Family Law Talk. We have an interesting topic today.
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  The topic is do birds of a feather flock together? Now?
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  This episode today is based on an article on our
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  blog at Familawheadquarters dot com dated January twenty third, twenty
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  twenty five, and the title of that article is do
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  birds of a feather always flock together? In FAMI law Matters? So,
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  as a follow up to the episode today, go on
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  over to Familawheadquarters dot com and read this article on
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  the same topic for more information. But let's go ahead
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  and jump on in to the topic at hand today. Look,
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  many in divorce and FAMI law circles believe that birds
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  of a feather fly together. Another common friend that many
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  in family court circles or family law circles, if you
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  will use as tens, don't pick ones. And really the
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  idea behind this is that litigants to divorce and family
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  law matters are very much alike in a lot of circumstances. Right,
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  tens don't pick ones, is the idea. So if one
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  person is saying the other person's a one, they couldn't
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  possibly be a ten. Right. So, taking this a step further,
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  if one party is acting sort of erratically or rationally
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  during the course of the case, lots of times courts,
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  guardian at items attorneys can believe, well, the other party
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  is probably equally erratic and irrational, all right. Sometimes if
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  one party then is behaving in a way that's questionable
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  or they're unusually difficult, right, they're making the divorce of
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  the family law case hard to deal with, fair or not.
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  Lots of individuals involved in the family court process, whether
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  there's be judges, guardian items, attorneys, others will think, well,
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  the other party can't be that different, right, I mean,
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  how different can these two individuals be? Is it possible
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  that a ten could pick a one? And lots of
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  individuals involved in the family court process just sort of
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  begin by saying, nah, it's not really possible, all right. So,
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  in breaking this topic down a little more detail, is
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  it accurate for family law judges and attorneys and guarding
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  that items and others involved in the family court process
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  is it accurate to assume that birds of a feather
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  always fly together? And the thing I'd say to the
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  listeners is this, which is? You know, this question is complex,
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  it's nuanced, it's unique to each case, and from my
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  vantage point, it's dangerous to paint with a broad brush
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  and always assume this or begin by assuming this. And
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  the reality is this, which is in practicing family law
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  a long time now, from my vantage point, it's often
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  not true. Okay, So while you know lots of individuals
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  believe birds of a feather flock together, it's often not true.
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  In fact, the two litigants can be quite different, all right.
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  But look, sometimes they can be the same, all right.
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  Sometimes they can be similar. And again, you know every circumstance,
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  every case is different. But if there was a long
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  term relationship between two individuals, they were together for a
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  long time before they got married or before they had kids, right,
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  perhaps it's more likely and that kind of circumstance that
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  these two individuals involved in the divorce or family all
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  litigation are very similar. Right, they were together a long time,
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  they went through a lot together. Again, this isn't absolute,
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  but the longer term the relationship was before the marriage
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  or before the birth of a child, then practically speaking,
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  the more likely it can be that the two individuals
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  are very similar. All right, But anybody who's been involved
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  in family aw litigation knows that opposites can sometimes attract, right.
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  Sometimes parties get married or they have kids quick. It
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  could even be a situation of a whirlwind romance. And
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  believe this or not, sometimes individuals have one night stands
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  and this results in kids being born, and then these
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  individuals end up in the family court. And in these
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  types of situations where the two parties were not together long,
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  they didn't date long, they just got involved in a quick,
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  fast romance and a pregnancy ensued, and then later they
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  split up and they end up in the divorce or
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  family court. And a lot of these circumstances, the parties
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  might be very different. In other words, they are not
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  the same birds. Right. They were opposites, they attracted, and
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  now they've split up, And maybe it's not fair to
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  lump these two together as being similar in personality and
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  really similar in terms of their parenting or their values
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  or their outlook on life. All right. Another circumstance which
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  I've seen in the family court is this which is
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  p people can change, right. It could be a circumstance
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  where the parties were very similar in terms of their outlook,
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  in terms of what they wanted in life, in terms
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  of their demeanor, in terms of their stability, right in
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  terms of their values. But then over time something happened, right,
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  and we've all you know, probably known individuals who simply
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  grew apart. Right, or in some circumstances, one party might
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  have what's called a midlife crisis. I'm sure most of
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  the listeners have heard this term before. It could be
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  a circumstance where one of the parties has declining mental
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  or physical health, or maybe their life goals have just
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  totally changed. So maybe at the time of the marriage
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  or at the time of the birth of the children,
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  the parties were very similar, but over the course of time,
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  it could be a situation where the parties are now
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  very different, even if they were very similar at the
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  time they picked each other to get married or have kids. Okay,
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  And so for a lot of individuals, you know, they're
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  going through divorce or family law matter, they feel different
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  than the other party. They don't view themselves as being
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  very similar to the party that they're either divorcing or
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  going through a family law case with and in fact,
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  in a lot of ways. You know, some individuals, and
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  I've talked to many, you know, clients of the years
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  that sort of had this philosophy, which is, wow, what
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  did I do? How did I get involved with this person?
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  And if I could do it all over again, you know,
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  you know, I might have moved a little bit slower,
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  but I didn't, and I can't do it over again.
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  So it is what it is. So look, if you
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  think you're a different kind of bird than the other
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  party and you don't really want to be lumped in,
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  is flocking together with them at this point in your life?
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  The question is what do you do? You know, maybe
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  you don't want to squabble with the other party, Maybe
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  you don't want disputes with them. Maybe you would love
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  to get along with them and move on with your
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  lives with the understanding that your lives are going to
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  be very different. But maybe the other party doesn't want
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  to do that. You know, maybe they ultimately, you know,
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  are interested in squabbles, either consciously or subconsciously, or maybe
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  they're upset that the one party doesn't want to be
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  with them. Anymore, and so that results in squabbles and
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  disdain and anger or something like that. So you know, look,
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  if you're a party and you're going through a divorce
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  or family law matter and you're worried that you're being
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  associated lumped in, they're seeing the other party and they're
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  going to view you is the same. What do you
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  do to differentiate yourself and show the judge, the guardian,
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  enlighten them, others involved in the court process. What do
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  you do to show them that you're a different kind
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  of bird? Okay? Look, first of all, there's not easy
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  and simple answers. Okay, but be patient, be calm, be
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  level headed in everything you do or say, hoping that
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  eventually the family court or the guardian that light them
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  will eventually see it. Right, So time, over the course
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  of time, sometimes the others involved in the process really
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  need to see this manifest itself over time, all right,
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  to see that you are a different kind of bird.
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  All right, Seeing a counselor can be a good thing
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  if you're having this kind of frustration, staying out of
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  needless squabbles, right, being above the fray, right, soaring like
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  an eagle and not sorn down with the birds that
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  fly at to lower altitude can be a good thing
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  as best as possible. This is obviously very hard, all right,
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  being very careful with anything put in writing, right. If
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  you're putting something in writing, make sure there's not anger
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  and emotions and these kinds of things right. And more
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  than anything, just focus on the kid's best interest in
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  everything that you do. Can be really really vital, all right.
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  One other final tip I have for individuals who want
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  to make sure that others see in the court system
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  that they're a different kind of bird who's actually interested
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  in getting along, which is, be smart with the attorney
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  you choose to hire you in your divorce or family
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  law case. All right. It's very critic in these types
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  of cases to have a lawyer who believes in you
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  and who can explain to the family court or the
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  guardian lion that you're a different kind of bird. You're
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  not like the other, right, You're very different. And so
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  that might mean meeting multiple lawyers before settling on one.
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  Ensure that you have a lawyer who fully believes in you,
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  are right, It could be very very important in these
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  types of circumstances. Look, and some divorces parties still concede.
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  They're very much the same. They don't view themselves as
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  very different. They're just not going to be together anymore.
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  But in some cases, when parties are going through divorce
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  or FAMI law matter, you know, the worry is is
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  that they're not much like the other person, and they
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  worry that they're being sort of treated with the broad
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  brush and painted is the same as the other when
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  when that's not really the case. So, you know, these
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  kinds of circumstances, a party definitely has to be very careful.
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  The truth is that some parties are very different going
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  through divorce and FAMI law matters. They're not the same.
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  You know, I don't know if tens don't pick ones,
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  but it is possible that eights pick fours, or sevens
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  pick five, you know, six pick fours. You know, I mean,
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  this is all very possible, and it's not always a
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  situation where one's picking a one or tens picking a ten.
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  Be nice if it was that simple in the family court,
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  but the truth of the matter is is that it's usually,
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  you know, not the case. I mean, sometimes ones can
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  pick ones and tens can pick tens. But you know, ultimately,
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  just because one party is a one, it doesn't mean
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  the other parties are one two or if one parties
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  are three, the other parties are three to two. And
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  so you know, be patient, be calm, be smart with
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  your lawyer choice, and be smart in everything you do
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  or say throughout the process. And the hope is that
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  the court and the gel will eventually see it all right.
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  So that's the episode. Today is a follow up. Going
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  over to Family Law Headquarters dot com read the article
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  titled do birds of a feather Always Fly Together? And
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  Family Law Matters. This article will give you more information
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  on this topic. But thanks for tuning in today, Stay
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  tuned our next episode of Family Law Talk coming up.
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  Thank you very much.
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  Speaker 1: Thank you for listening to Family Law Talk with Kirk Stangy.
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  Visit Stangy Lawfirm dot com for more about today's topic
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