Latest / Love You Moore with Willie Moore Jr. / Pastors Were My Clients… Then I Got Saved” | Danielle McCord’s Story

Transcript

Pastors Were My Clients… Then I Got Saved” | Danielle McCord’s Story · Love You Moore with Willie Moore Jr.

0:00
[SPEAKER_08]: Next on the love you worship they have me in church every death like I was in church every I say I've read the go to hell the fuck I was going to church every day you know I was in church every day every day and I figured if I was going be there as much as I was that I might as will do something I enjoy and at that time I used to love to sing and so I end up enjoying it joining the youth choir and while I was singing for Jesus my choir member introduced me to prostitution.
0:26
[SPEAKER_08]: I heard the famous saying can't turn into a housewife.
0:30
[SPEAKER_08]: I heard no man with what man would want to marry you.
0:34
[SPEAKER_08]: You didn't did videos, and this stuff is out for the rest of your life.
0:37
[SPEAKER_08]: You don't think about what happens if I end up being a wife.
0:41
[SPEAKER_08]: If I end up being a mom, you don't think about that in that moment, in that fast life.
0:46
[SPEAKER_08]: You know, this is a male dominated industry.
0:48
[SPEAKER_08]: It's more male preachers and pastors than female.
0:51
[SPEAKER_08]: And so I still have a level of anxiety.
0:54
[SPEAKER_08]: Some people will, will ask me to come because of my annoying thing, and some people will ask me to come because of their food.
1:02
[SPEAKER_02]: Hey family, Willie Mo Jr. here excited about this episode.
1:05
[SPEAKER_02]: I love you more.
1:06
[SPEAKER_02]: And let me tell you something, shout out to the 210,000 plus subscribers who have already subscribed.
1:12
[SPEAKER_02]: Can I just tell you thank you and just take a little pause right quick?
1:15
[SPEAKER_02]: Cause let me tell you something.
1:17
[SPEAKER_02]: They tell me, okay, they tell me that it takes people.
1:20
[SPEAKER_02]: months and months and months and months to get a few subscribers.
1:24
[SPEAKER_02]: So for you guys who have subscribed, I just want to share my sincere gratitude.
1:29
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay?
1:30
[SPEAKER_02]: Because at the end of the day, we are nothing without you guys.
1:33
[SPEAKER_02]: And thank you for everybody who's sharing and leaving comments.
1:37
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm going to comment myself.
1:39
[SPEAKER_02]: And I'm gonna check everybody out and here's the thing I look at about 90% of all the comments.
1:45
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't answer all of the comments because some of it is just like, you know what, why you think that?
1:51
[SPEAKER_02]: Somebody the other day said, why did he hit the bell?
1:55
[SPEAKER_02]: That's just a part of the brand.
1:56
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay, you'll get used to it.
1:59
[SPEAKER_02]: All right.
1:59
[SPEAKER_02]: There you go.
2:00
[SPEAKER_02]: Let's try to get you together.
2:01
[SPEAKER_02]: Some people say why are there different small commercials?
2:04
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, you two go and put some commercials in here or whatever you watch in it.
2:08
[SPEAKER_02]: So we put our own to make sure that you're informed.
2:10
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay, so I want to make sure that I kind of, you know, give clarity on the love you more brand.
2:14
[SPEAKER_02]: For those of you who are new with the Bible says this,
2:16
[SPEAKER_02]: that we are to love our neighbors as we love our sales.
2:19
[SPEAKER_02]: But here's the case for me too.
2:21
[SPEAKER_02]: A lot of times we don't love our neighbors because we haven't taken the time to explore who we are in God, who we are in this season of our lives.
2:28
[SPEAKER_02]: And you know, the truth is we can't love each other because there's some things on the inside that may need fixing or adjusting.
2:35
[SPEAKER_02]: So this platformers, people who have been through hearts, habits, hangups, breakups, and their journey to a becoming a whole person.
2:43
[SPEAKER_02]: we go through so many different seasons of our life and speaking of seasons.
2:47
[SPEAKER_02]: Can I just say this?
2:48
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm so excited about our guests today because the season that she in is called redemption.
2:53
[SPEAKER_02]: When I get the opportunity to see her preach speak and do her thing, you won't even realize the backstory that this young lady has in her life.
3:02
[SPEAKER_02]: She has a crazy experience called from porn to the pool pit.
3:08
[SPEAKER_02]: It's a play that'll probably be coming to a city near you, depending on when you watch this or be on a lookout for.
3:13
[SPEAKER_02]: But just a really great woman who has an amazing story.
3:17
[SPEAKER_02]: Don't want to know, I call her a minister then, but then you're a woman who, how are you doing, love?
3:21
[SPEAKER_02]: I've done well.
3:21
[SPEAKER_02]: Thank you for having me.
3:23
[SPEAKER_02]: you sound so like like calm so let me tell you this is a safe space.
3:27
[SPEAKER_02]: I know you you know me it's okay and that's okay.
3:30
[SPEAKER_02]: Well hey, hey, we know you from Compton it's like you were from Mayberry just for a minute.
3:36
[SPEAKER_02]: I really felt mayberry on you just now.
3:38
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm sorry It's just like your bill collector voice that you get you know what?
3:45
[SPEAKER_02]: This is given proper decor.
3:48
[SPEAKER_02]: He has given past stir.
3:49
[SPEAKER_02]: It's given past stir.
3:51
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
3:51
[SPEAKER_02]: It's Monday, Monday, Monday, Monday, it's given that.
3:55
[SPEAKER_02]: Good stuff.
3:56
[SPEAKER_02]: So we're going to dive deep into your story because I start with the end of my.
4:02
[SPEAKER_02]: And I said, man, what if young ladies could know that no matter how unique their past is that God could really use those, what we would call broken crayons and choose to still use them as colors.
4:14
[SPEAKER_02]: And you know that's what I see with you.
4:16
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm my man.
4:17
[SPEAKER_02]: She's transformed her body.
4:18
[SPEAKER_02]: She transformed her mind.
4:19
[SPEAKER_02]: She's walking into this beautiful prophetic gift.
4:22
[SPEAKER_02]: Um, and so for those people who are not extremely privy to the, to the, to the message of Daniel, aka minister, Danny, pastor, Danny.
4:31
[SPEAKER_02]: Tell them a little bit about you.
4:32
[SPEAKER_08]: Okay, well, thank you for that introduction and most introduce me as pastor, but before I was that I was in the porn industry, I was a stripper prostitution and when people here that will either automatically get this like this negative
4:50
[SPEAKER_08]: mindset about people who walk those type of roads, but I always sell people if you don't know the story that you can't judge it, right?
4:57
[SPEAKER_08]: And so before I became, with past the prostitute porn store, I was a little girl, um, a little girl who had experience molestation when I was eight years old by the hands of my babysitter son, my father who deals with mental health issues.
5:13
[SPEAKER_08]: He's gets a
5:16
[SPEAKER_08]: And he had a psychotic, psychotic outbreak he tried to kill me when I was 10 years old.
5:21
[SPEAKER_08]: When I was 12, I was right by a neighbor who lived across the street.
5:25
[SPEAKER_08]: And I never really got any help for any of those things, eight, 10, 12.
5:29
[SPEAKER_08]: And then I ran into a 27-year-old pimpe when I was 13 years old.
5:33
[SPEAKER_08]: I had six, one time.
5:34
[SPEAKER_08]: And I got pregnant at 13, about his 27-year-old pimpe.
5:38
[SPEAKER_08]: And I hit my pregnancy until my water broke.
5:40
[SPEAKER_08]: And I gave birth when I was 13 years old to my son.
5:44
[SPEAKER_08]: who eventually because I didn't get the proper perennatal care, end up dying in my arms.
5:50
[SPEAKER_08]: And so I had went through all these different things that I tried to suppress or sweep under the rug.
5:55
[SPEAKER_08]: But the same little girl who went in the hospital wasn't the same little girl who came out.
6:00
[SPEAKER_08]: So I came out very angry, very rebellious.
6:03
[SPEAKER_08]: My mother couldn't handle it.
6:04
[SPEAKER_08]: So I was running away from home.
6:06
[SPEAKER_08]: and running into the hands of a parent who was a column doctor, Jekyll, Mr. Hyde.
6:12
[SPEAKER_08]: When he was sober, he was good to me.
6:14
[SPEAKER_08]: But when he would get high, he would beat the crap out of me.
6:16
[SPEAKER_08]: And there was a young lady who was a stripper.
6:19
[SPEAKER_08]: And she would buy weed and cocaine from him once a week.
6:21
[SPEAKER_08]: And she came to the house one day and I was all beat up and bloody.
6:25
[SPEAKER_08]: And she said something to me, she was like, you, you don't have to take this.
6:28
[SPEAKER_08]: You can make your own money.
6:29
[SPEAKER_08]: You don't have to stay here with him.
6:31
[SPEAKER_08]: You can get your own.
6:32
[SPEAKER_08]: And in the sense, she thought she was helping me.
6:34
[SPEAKER_08]: But in reality, it just opened up Pandora's box.
6:38
[SPEAKER_08]: And so me growing up in LA, born and raised in LA, you can get your hands on anything.
6:41
[SPEAKER_08]: So I ended up getting off fake ID at 14 and going with her to go dancing at night clubs.
6:47
[SPEAKER_08]: The unfortunate thing was,
6:49
[SPEAKER_08]: Yes, it was an escape goat from an abuser, but I still was a little girl.
6:53
[SPEAKER_08]: I was 14 years old in a grown woman's world.
6:55
[SPEAKER_08]: I was in a grown Man's environment and I was seeing stuff as a little 14 year old that I wasn't ready for and so I end up leaving the club because it was a little too much for me
7:06
[SPEAKER_08]: And I went to content with my grandparents.
7:09
[SPEAKER_08]: They are Southern Baptist folks and they got me together.
7:12
[SPEAKER_08]: They were like, you're going to be here.
7:13
[SPEAKER_08]: You're going to get yourself together.
7:15
[SPEAKER_08]: And that was the introduction to God.
7:17
[SPEAKER_08]: And so in order to be in their house, I had to go to church, I had to go back to school and give me some of your job.
7:23
[SPEAKER_08]: And I was doing well.
7:25
[SPEAKER_02]: I too.
7:26
[SPEAKER_08]: Yeah, um, they had me in church every death, like I was in church every I said, I've read the go to hell, the fuck I was going to church every day, you know, I was in church every day, every day.
7:36
[SPEAKER_08]: And I figured if I was going be there as much as I was that I might as well do something I enjoy and at that time, I used to love to sing and so I end up enjoying it, joining the youth choir.
7:47
[SPEAKER_08]: And while I was singing for Jesus, my choir member introduced me to prostitution.
7:53
[SPEAKER_08]: And the funny thing is the baby daddy, the 27 year old that I met at 13 couldn't do it.
7:58
[SPEAKER_08]: He tried, but he couldn't do it.
8:00
[SPEAKER_08]: But it was when I met that girl in church.
8:02
[SPEAKER_08]: She had that type of influence on me.
8:04
[SPEAKER_08]: And so I ended up running away from my grandparents' house and moving it with my choir member, who not only opened up the door for prostitution, but she introduced me to drugs.
8:14
[SPEAKER_08]: I ended up getting addicted to cocaine and ecstasy.
8:17
[SPEAKER_08]: And so from 15, 16, 17, I started stripping.
8:20
[SPEAKER_08]: I started prostituting.
8:22
[SPEAKER_08]: I was selling dope at this point, and I was addicted to it.
8:26
[SPEAKER_08]: And if that wasn't bad enough, while I was in the nightclub, some porn stars came in.
8:32
[SPEAKER_08]: And I knew who they were famous very well-known in the Black community.
8:36
[SPEAKER_08]: And I thought I was just going to say hi, but that conversation ended up changing my life.
8:41
[SPEAKER_08]: And one of the young ladies said have you ever thought about doing porn and I said absolutely not, you know, I've seen it a couple of times, you know, I watched it, you know, if it sounds to be watching porn.
8:51
[SPEAKER_08]: But I've seen it.
8:52
[SPEAKER_02]: They say allegedly that the Saints be watching.
8:55
[SPEAKER_07]: Hey, wait a minute.
8:56
[SPEAKER_07]: The Saints, the Saints be watching porn.
8:58
[SPEAKER_07]: So I, I see it.
8:59
[SPEAKER_07]: I see it.
9:01
[SPEAKER_07]: But I didn't want to do it.
9:03
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
9:04
[SPEAKER_08]: I definitely saw a new who they were never imagined, even though I was already in that lifestyle.
9:10
[SPEAKER_08]: I never imagined taking it that far, but she said something that just kind of changed my world.
9:15
[SPEAKER_08]: She said, if you think you're making money now, you haven't seen anything yet.
9:19
[SPEAKER_08]: I made $30,000 in one month just from doing porn movies.
9:23
[SPEAKER_08]: And back then in the early $2,000, $30,000 a month was like a million days.
9:27
[SPEAKER_08]: It's still good today.
9:28
[SPEAKER_08]: It's 30 still a good month.
9:29
[SPEAKER_08]: Still a good amount of money today.
9:31
[SPEAKER_08]: So imagine then.
9:32
[SPEAKER_08]: And so she was right.
9:35
[SPEAKER_08]: End up getting into the porn industry.
9:37
[SPEAKER_08]: And I made money that I never seen before, but what she didn't tell me.
9:41
[SPEAKER_08]: was all the stuff that I would experience.
9:44
[SPEAKER_08]: End up getting fluid out and traveling and meeting celebrities and living my best life.
9:49
[SPEAKER_08]: But I was dying on the inside.
9:51
[SPEAKER_08]: You know, I was miserable.
9:53
[SPEAKER_08]: It actually reminds me of the scripture that says what prophet is it to a man to gain the whole world and lose the soul?
9:58
[SPEAKER_08]: Because I had everything materialistically.
10:00
[SPEAKER_08]: I had bags.
10:01
[SPEAKER_08]: I was in the celebrity arenas and parties and traveling and just living that lifestyle.
10:07
[SPEAKER_08]: But it was an internal battle.
10:12
[SPEAKER_08]: Even though it was hard, I still had no plans on leaving it.
10:18
[SPEAKER_08]: I kind of was forced out of it.
10:20
[SPEAKER_08]: And how I was forced out was I ended up being contacted by a man online, and he flew me from LA to New York, which was normal for me because men would fly me out all the time.
10:31
[SPEAKER_08]: I would go do my thing and come back home.
10:33
[SPEAKER_08]: And so I thought that was just, that was going to be the same scenario but it, it was not.
10:42
[SPEAKER_08]: And he winded on me for the first couple of days and then after that, things just kind of took a dark turn.
10:47
[SPEAKER_08]: And he ended up taking me to this old abandoned house.
10:51
[SPEAKER_08]: And he took me in a basement, I don't know, from Cali Wayne, we only got basement.
10:53
[SPEAKER_08]: So I had never even seen a basement before.
10:56
[SPEAKER_08]: And so when he took me, it looked like a dungeon, it looked like something out of a horror movie, you know.
11:00
[SPEAKER_08]: And he took me down the air.
11:02
[SPEAKER_08]: and this man repeatedly wants me.
11:05
[SPEAKER_08]: He beat me.
11:05
[SPEAKER_08]: He was a man from the islands.
11:07
[SPEAKER_08]: So he was into Voodoo.
11:08
[SPEAKER_08]: He chanted Voodoo over me.
11:10
[SPEAKER_08]: And he told me over and over again, I'm going to cue you.
11:12
[SPEAKER_08]: You're not going to leave here.
11:13
[SPEAKER_08]: Now, I have been in situations from being in the streets.
11:17
[SPEAKER_08]: I have been through a lot of stuff.
11:19
[SPEAKER_08]: I've been in scary situations, but this time,
11:23
[SPEAKER_08]: It's like I knew that this was, this was it, I knew he was going to kill me.
11:27
[SPEAKER_08]: I knew he was torturing me for his sick enjoyment and once he got tired of it, that he was going in me and I was 19 years old in New York by myself.
11:37
[SPEAKER_08]: My family wouldn't even know where to look for me because all they knew was Danielle, met football players and rappers and rich dudes and that's all they knew.
11:44
[SPEAKER_08]: They didn't know the extent of the lifestyle that I was living.
11:48
[SPEAKER_08]: And so I just told my family, I'm going to New York for a few days.
11:50
[SPEAKER_08]: I'd be back.
11:51
[SPEAKER_08]: So I knew he would kill me and nobody would know where to find me.
11:56
[SPEAKER_08]: But because I was a hippocrystion, I was a hippocrystion.
12:01
[SPEAKER_08]: I was a hippocrystion, so I lived in an alternative lifestyle, but I still had Jesus, thank God for my grandparents.
12:09
[SPEAKER_08]: They gave me Jesus even though I was wild and I still had Jesus.
12:13
[SPEAKER_08]: And so when he would leave that basement, something in me just said, pray.
12:17
[SPEAKER_08]: And I prayed.
12:18
[SPEAKER_08]: I prayed like I never prayed before.
12:21
[SPEAKER_08]: You could call me a mother inside the way I was praying.
12:23
[SPEAKER_08]: I was praying and I said, Lord, if you get me out of this, just don't let me die.
12:28
[SPEAKER_08]: I promise you I'll change.
12:29
[SPEAKER_08]: I know I said it before, but this for real this time.
12:33
[SPEAKER_08]: And thank the Lord a couple of days later.
12:37
[SPEAKER_08]: That man's friend ended up coming to that basement for whatever reason.
12:40
[SPEAKER_08]: I have no idea why he showed up, but he showed up.
12:43
[SPEAKER_08]: And he ended up finding me and he got me out.
12:45
[SPEAKER_08]: And I ended up leaving New York and I went back to LA and I didn't have to worry about me no more.
12:51
[SPEAKER_08]: Ever.
12:51
[SPEAKER_08]: The strip club, the porn, the prost to the whoever they had seen me no more after that.
12:57
[SPEAKER_08]: So that was the beginning of my, my rebirth thing.
13:01
[SPEAKER_02]: So, I mean, I just feel like we posted put claps, right?
13:04
[SPEAKER_02]: They're good, and it's, no, no, you know, this time, no, I just break a need it.
13:11
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, when I'm thinking about, you know, that entire journey, it seems extremely traumatic.
13:16
[SPEAKER_02]: You know what I mean?
13:18
[SPEAKER_02]: I often like to be a bridge of information, like coming from the neighborhood, like I'm seeing people do some very violent things.
13:25
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, from seven, eight, all the way up to about 15, like I said, a lot of treacherous stuff.
13:30
[SPEAKER_02]: And I didn't know how much that stuff affected me.
13:32
[SPEAKER_02]: People still kind of come from behind me, touch my neck, go to the other stuff.
13:35
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, you're a girl, post a hug, you kiss right here.
13:38
[SPEAKER_02]: Hey, don't do that.
13:38
[SPEAKER_02]: It's just because I'm dealing with, you know, different traumas or whatever.
13:41
[SPEAKER_02]: So with all the things that you had to endure, besides the opportunity to surrender to God, did you like, try to go through, like therapy, counselor or anything like that?
13:50
[SPEAKER_08]: I didn't see, you know, black folk me help.
13:54
[SPEAKER_08]: You know, we need to help when it comes to the counseling and the therapy.
13:57
[SPEAKER_08]: So at first, I didn't not.
13:59
[SPEAKER_08]: I didn't not.
14:00
[SPEAKER_08]: I really didn't happen to the importance of therapy until I came on this side of mature spiritually.
14:06
[SPEAKER_08]: Like it's okay to have God in the therapist.
14:09
[SPEAKER_08]: you don't walk through what I've walked through in my life and not have residue of trauma.
14:14
[SPEAKER_08]: Don't nobody get held down in the bathtub by the father when they're teen and, you know, give birth to a baby at 13 and watch them take his last breath and end up in some crazy man's basement.
14:25
[SPEAKER_08]: Beg it for your life and not come out unscathed.
14:28
[SPEAKER_08]: You know what I'm saying?
14:29
[SPEAKER_08]: So the trauma that I had
14:34
[SPEAKER_08]: need it, God, and therapy.
14:38
[SPEAKER_08]: But in the beginning, I didn't see it that way, you know.
14:41
[SPEAKER_00]: More love you more podcast.
14:43
[SPEAKER_08]: After this, the mothers at the Baptist Church may not receive this.
14:48
[SPEAKER_08]: I know that old school or traditional saints don't always receive me because I look different.
14:55
[SPEAKER_08]: I speak different, but
14:58
[SPEAKER_07]: Apple bottom and selling men in whoever else at the club.
15:01
[SPEAKER_01]: Apple bottom and selling.
15:03
[SPEAKER_07]: Come on out of this.
15:04
[SPEAKER_03]: Love you more.
15:07
[SPEAKER_02]: Do you ever feel like...
15:11
[SPEAKER_02]: I think it would be a little tough to make you feel safe if I was a man like cause you're dead and your mom, do you ever kind of look back like I actually know you so I know you and your mom have a pretty good relationship and it's cool you let her be a part of your son's life and she's you know doing the best to be the best grandmother or have you but do you ever look back at those times and say hey man like I wish somebody would have you know protected me a little bit better.
15:36
[SPEAKER_08]: I always say that and that's why I've become the type
15:41
[SPEAKER_08]: advocate that I am because I'm trying to be to women and even some young men, what I wish somebody was to me.
15:49
[SPEAKER_08]: I wish somebody were to come to the club.
15:50
[SPEAKER_08]: Like I do, I go in the magic city.
15:52
[SPEAKER_08]: I go into all the Atlanta clubs.
15:54
[SPEAKER_08]: If I'm somewhere else, I go into the clubs in the clubs.
15:56
[SPEAKER_08]: Not in the parking lot.
15:58
[SPEAKER_08]: I go in the clubs and I talk to the girls and I let them know that God still loves you, Evian, and the miss of this.
16:03
[SPEAKER_08]: And there's another way if you want it.
16:05
[SPEAKER_08]: And I wish somebody would have came to me.
16:08
[SPEAKER_08]: early, while I was in the clubs, while I was in the streets, while I was on the point, says, and nobody ever came, you know, um, well, what could somebody have told you during that particular time that may have kind of woken you up a little bit?
16:22
[SPEAKER_02]: Was there a particular, like, way that somebody could come to a person like you?
16:26
[SPEAKER_02]: Because I mean, you know, money, y'all, God, you're trying to move how you got to move, like what could somebody do to interrupt the conversation you have going on in your head?
16:34
[SPEAKER_08]: I, you know, no disrespect to those who have multiple degrees in psychology and human rights and all that type of stuff, but for me, for me, I feel like experience trumps education in certain situations.
16:47
[SPEAKER_08]: So, in order for me,
16:50
[SPEAKER_08]: in order for me to have received you, you can't.
16:54
[SPEAKER_08]: You can't tell me unless you walk through it.
16:57
[SPEAKER_08]: Don't give me the Bible, show me the Bible sometimes.
17:00
[SPEAKER_08]: You know what I'm saying?
17:01
[SPEAKER_08]: And I think a lot of people, even when I deal with young ladies here in Atlanta,
17:09
[SPEAKER_08]: They say people are coming to me and they want to beat me with the Bible or, you know, they have all these degrees and come from an educated standpoint.
17:19
[SPEAKER_08]: But when it comes to you, I'm able to receive you because you understand.
17:23
[SPEAKER_08]: No book will really give you the understanding and the less you really walk through it.
17:28
[SPEAKER_08]: So for me, if somebody who had been through it and survived it and triumphed out of it, then I would have used that as my ticket out.
17:37
[SPEAKER_02]: But nobody came.
17:38
[SPEAKER_02]: to share their experiences.
17:40
[SPEAKER_02]: So peanut little overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of the testimony.
17:43
[SPEAKER_02]: So a breeze between the person who's going through what they going through is just a simple testimony.
17:48
[SPEAKER_02]: That's it.
17:49
[SPEAKER_02]: By man, I'm been there before let me tell you something about what went on.
17:52
[SPEAKER_08]: When God pulls you out of something, it's for you to go back and pull somebody else out.
17:58
[SPEAKER_08]: And so that is the basis of my ministry.
18:01
[SPEAKER_08]: Some people do not agree with me.
18:02
[SPEAKER_08]: I don't look like no pastor.
18:03
[SPEAKER_08]: I don't talk like when I move, like when that's okay.
18:06
[SPEAKER_08]: Because I know that I'm called to a certain group.
18:08
[SPEAKER_08]: I'm not looking for platforms because God already told me your platform is in the pit.
18:12
[SPEAKER_08]: I'm gonna always send you back to places that you came out of.
18:17
[SPEAKER_08]: And so for me, I can't,
18:20
[SPEAKER_08]: The mothers at the Baptist Church may not receive this.
18:24
[SPEAKER_08]: I know that old school or traditional saints don't always receive me because I look different.
18:31
[SPEAKER_08]: I speak different.
18:32
[SPEAKER_07]: But.
18:33
[SPEAKER_07]: Apple bottom and cinnamon, and whoever else at the club, Apple bottom said, come on, ladies.
18:39
[SPEAKER_08]: Then the one swinging and twerking the Instagram models received it, and that's what I'm called, too.
18:44
[SPEAKER_08]: You know what I'm saying?
18:45
[SPEAKER_02]: So, yeah, I was talking to BB.
18:47
[SPEAKER_02]: He said, man, he just knew who he was.
18:50
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, at 16 years old, he understood who it was.
18:52
[SPEAKER_02]: And I think you understand who you are.
18:54
[SPEAKER_02]: I want to go back to, you know, that primal wound.
18:57
[SPEAKER_02]: No, I just got to kind of get in it just a little bit because I just feel in my heart like, you know, there's so many men and women who didn't have the best child childhood.
19:06
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, what was your relationship like with your dad before this traumatic incident?
19:10
[SPEAKER_02]: Did you all ever have a relationship?
19:12
[SPEAKER_02]: Because I got a daughter.
19:13
[SPEAKER_02]: Man, when I see that little bit of girl, man, sometimes.
19:18
[SPEAKER_02]: It just melts my whole heart.
19:19
[SPEAKER_02]: So I know there had to be some type of moment.
19:21
[SPEAKER_02]: Was there any type of relationship besides the trauma?
19:25
[SPEAKER_08]: So sometimes I had wished that I didn't have one, versus to have one, and didn't end it like that.
19:32
[SPEAKER_08]: If you look up the definition of a daddy's girl, you would have solved my picture.
19:35
[SPEAKER_08]: when my mother and father divorced normally when couples divorce normally the kids go with the mom but in my situation I went my daddy.
19:44
[SPEAKER_08]: He said you could go but she stays here and so I was the daddy's girl that we out that was my right of dad was he is so when he started
19:56
[SPEAKER_08]: I guess when when his mental health took a turn and his alcoholism picked up and he did what he did, it hit harder because this wasn't a stranger.
20:07
[SPEAKER_08]: I wasn't a stranger from my father.
20:10
[SPEAKER_08]: He wasn't an outdad.
20:11
[SPEAKER_08]: He wasn't a weekend daddy.
20:12
[SPEAKER_08]: He wasn't a child support that he was there.
20:15
[SPEAKER_08]: You know, call my hair in the morning and get me dressed for school.
20:18
[SPEAKER_08]: Like we were, that was my best friend.
20:20
[SPEAKER_08]: And so for it to have taken the turn that it did, it broke me.
20:25
[SPEAKER_08]: I remember it was times where when I was in the streets and I was on drugs, I had to stay high in order to do what I was doing.
20:36
[SPEAKER_08]: But when I would come down sometimes, I would just call him like if I had a long night or a long weekend and I didn't came down off of a bench, I would call him and I wanted him to just say, come home.
20:50
[SPEAKER_08]: Even after he did what he did, I wanted him to say, come home, you ain't got to be out there.
20:56
[SPEAKER_08]: You don't have to just just come home.
20:58
[SPEAKER_08]: And he wouldn't.
21:01
[SPEAKER_08]: And it altered my view of me and not the me that I had sex with or I engaged with, it started from my daddy.
21:11
[SPEAKER_08]: How he did me.
21:14
[SPEAKER_08]: I felt the spirit of rejection because even after he wronged me when I was 10, I still wanted my daddy.
21:20
[SPEAKER_08]: You couldn't tell me nothing about him.
21:21
[SPEAKER_08]: Police got involved, social workers, all of that.
21:24
[SPEAKER_08]: My mom got full custody, but you couldn't tell me nothing about my daddy, even after he did what he did.
21:28
[SPEAKER_08]: And so when we became a strange and I finally got in contact with him, I was out there.
21:35
[SPEAKER_08]: And I forgave him, I still loved him.
21:37
[SPEAKER_08]: And I wanted him to tell me, come home, I never heard that.
21:42
[SPEAKER_08]: and so it affected how I view me and how I handle me and how I handle relationships after that.
21:49
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I can only imagine that song, too.
21:52
[SPEAKER_02]: Mm-hmm.
21:52
[SPEAKER_02]: Thank you for sharing.
21:55
[UNKNOWN]: Mm-hmm.
21:55
[SPEAKER_02]: That's a good place.
21:57
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
21:58
[SPEAKER_02]: I believe that you and your dad had a really cool relationship, bad first.
22:07
[SPEAKER_02]: Very.
22:08
[SPEAKER_02]: And, um, not that I know anything about your father, I just, I just understand me, you know, going through what I had to go through.
22:16
[SPEAKER_02]: I drank a little too much.
22:21
[SPEAKER_02]: Probably had more cigars, and I probably should.
22:24
[SPEAKER_02]: And because it, because I was anchored in Jesus and I had somewhere to run away,
22:29
[SPEAKER_02]: I was able to keep my cool, my holy ghost is kind of my, you know, my thang to keep me keep me under control.
22:38
[SPEAKER_02]: And I make no excuse for me and who project violence on any type of woman that we have.
22:43
[SPEAKER_02]: I just know that sometimes our actions are sometimes misunderstood because we, a lot of me and they have me and this show is how to be me and although this platform here is essentially, you know, love you more, we have, I'm very intentional.
23:00
[SPEAKER_02]: I always talk about the father.
23:01
[SPEAKER_02]: I always have me in all here most times without their wives because I want to get women to understand in a little bit better of some of the things that me and go through and I make noise use for what your father did, but I do want to tell you like I'm so sorry that that happened to you.
23:16
[SPEAKER_02]: But I'm grateful that you were able to speak to it in such a way.
23:21
[SPEAKER_02]: How old were you when you were able to kind of speak this testimony with such flavor and some fire?
23:27
[SPEAKER_02]: Because some people can't even talk about it.
23:29
[SPEAKER_02]: Why not just bury the old and not as you have the new?
23:33
[SPEAKER_07]: Well, that's what I was trying to do, but Jesus is just kind of rude.
23:35
[SPEAKER_08]: So, you know what I'm saying?
23:38
[SPEAKER_08]: And nobody asked for all this now.
23:40
[SPEAKER_08]: You know, when I made that vow in that basement, I didn't know what I was really saying.
23:47
[SPEAKER_08]: I said, if you saved me, if you let me live, I'll change my life for you.
23:52
[SPEAKER_08]: Now, we gotta be careful of lying in church and talking about forgot I live, if forgot I die, I'd use to be law because you sure, you sure, because you don't know
24:03
[SPEAKER_08]: what area and how far and how deep he'll use you, and so when I came out of the industry, who wants to tell somebody that you were a prostitute?
24:12
[SPEAKER_08]: I just started saying prostitute a couple years.
24:13
[SPEAKER_08]: I couldn't say it.
24:14
[SPEAKER_08]: What did you say before?
24:15
[SPEAKER_08]: Escort because it sounded a bit old.
24:19
[SPEAKER_08]: It made me feel better, you know what I'm saying?
24:20
[SPEAKER_08]: If it didn't sound so dirty, I couldn't say it.
24:24
[SPEAKER_08]: I couldn't say I was in the porn industry.
24:25
[SPEAKER_08]: I was a porn star.
24:26
[SPEAKER_08]: I couldn't say I was a prostitute, even in ministry.
24:28
[SPEAKER_08]: I had to find other ways to, you know, other sex industry are human sex trafficking or escort, no, no, call it, call it, call it, call it, call it, call it, call it, call it, call it, call it, call it, call it, call it, call it, call it, call it, call it, call it, call it, call it, call it, call it, call it, call it, call it, call it, call it, call it, call it, call it, call it, call it, call it, call it, call it, call it, call it, call it, call it, call it, call it, call it,
24:41
[SPEAKER_02]: I like this version though.
24:43
[SPEAKER_02]: I think when I first met you, it was kind of uh, you know, I watered the daddy talk.
24:49
[SPEAKER_08]: I think that's what it was.
24:50
[SPEAKER_02]: That's a good, that's a good place.
24:52
[SPEAKER_02]: Give her a tissue.
24:53
[SPEAKER_02]: It's good.
24:54
[SPEAKER_02]: I do want to tell you this, but this place is tight and I think I don't never go into the daddy questions too much.
25:02
[SPEAKER_08]: So it kind of, yeah, I'm really good here.
25:04
[SPEAKER_02]: I understand.
25:05
[SPEAKER_08]: Yeah.
25:06
[SPEAKER_02]: Why don't you go to the daddy question?
25:08
[SPEAKER_02]: Because he was your hero.
25:09
[SPEAKER_08]: Yeah.
25:09
[SPEAKER_02]: And your hero that you're
25:12
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I see the little girl.
25:15
[SPEAKER_02]: Mm-hmm.
25:16
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay.
25:16
[SPEAKER_02]: That's really cool.
25:18
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't think I ever met her.
25:20
[SPEAKER_02]: I think the world never met her.
25:23
[SPEAKER_02]: I think the world desires to meet her.
25:26
[SPEAKER_02]: I think your platform, that God has for you, she's necessary.
25:34
[SPEAKER_02]: Mm-hmm.
25:34
[SPEAKER_02]: I was talking my friend David Shans and I talked about that seven-year-old boy who found out he was adopted.
25:40
[SPEAKER_06]: Mm-hmm.
25:41
[SPEAKER_02]: And instead of asking questions, I just said, OK. And so I just built on top of a foundation that just wasn't necessarily strong.
25:49
[SPEAKER_02]: And when I made it to the mountain top, I feel it horribly.
25:53
[SPEAKER_02]: Because that little boy needed something.
25:57
[SPEAKER_02]: He needed to be acknowledged.
26:00
[SPEAKER_02]: He needed to be free.
26:02
[SPEAKER_02]: He needed to know that the man in me were protect him.
26:11
[SPEAKER_02]: And I just figure maybe, you know, with some of the stuff that you've been through, I've seen so many people celebrate me for my adoption story because I gave them the version that could make them celebrate nine joy there.
26:25
[SPEAKER_02]: But now I give them the version to say, hey man, that's sick little seven year old who wished that things were different.
26:31
[SPEAKER_02]: He also has a voice too, an L.A. seven year old when I get on stage and I talk about him and I, I can just feel that little seven year old like, that's right, we don't need these other protectors to protect me, the man in him is now doing it.
26:44
[SPEAKER_02]: And I think, and I think it's okay.
26:47
[SPEAKER_02]: I think it's okay to say, you know what I was freaking afraid.
26:52
[SPEAKER_02]: of my dad, and I've never seen that version of him.
26:57
[SPEAKER_02]: And I think it's okay to explore how they made you feel.
26:59
[SPEAKER_02]: You may realize that 10-year-old girl has the answer to this now, 21-year-old.
27:05
[SPEAKER_07]: Yeah, you've been as clocky.
27:06
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, you know what I mean?
27:07
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
27:08
[SPEAKER_02]: But I thank you for sharing that part.
27:10
[SPEAKER_02]: So when you look now,
27:12
[SPEAKER_02]: and then you on the court, past the Danny.
27:16
[SPEAKER_02]: My day, my, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me
27:42
[SPEAKER_02]: transitioning from that neighborhood guy who's saying people do a whole lot of unique things and nice like okay man maybe I get a little job like nah I think I did that for like three days and I was like we throw a pod that's a close thing and we're Jason and I'm making how easy was it for you to go for making a possible $30,000 a month to not having a nine to five job.
28:01
[SPEAKER_08]: That transition was extremely hard.
28:05
[SPEAKER_08]: I had never worked, you know I started hustling at 14.
28:07
[SPEAKER_08]: I didn't even know what.
28:12
[SPEAKER_08]: poverty or financial issues look like, you know, I, I grew, it's a difference when growing up in the hood versus growing up in poverty.
28:20
[SPEAKER_08]: You can still live in a hood and still live well.
28:23
[SPEAKER_08]: Well, hello, because my grandparents were in Compton and we lived well, you know, my, my father, my mother was in LA.
28:29
[SPEAKER_08]: I lived in the inner cities, but we lived well, and then I started hustling at 14.
28:34
[SPEAKER_08]: So I,
28:35
[SPEAKER_08]: And then I got, I got a custom to a certain lifestyle early, introduce celebrities in that type of life early.
28:43
[SPEAKER_08]: It wasn't until I gave my life the God that the money got funding.
28:47
[SPEAKER_08]: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes
28:56
[SPEAKER_08]: You know, but I realized then he said, well, if I take you, would you still love me?
29:01
[SPEAKER_08]: Because every man that you've laid with, they gave you something for you to give them something back.
29:05
[SPEAKER_08]: Now, would you still give me you if I give you nothing back?
29:12
[SPEAKER_08]: Yeah, that's real.
29:12
[SPEAKER_08]: And so, I feel like when he took my finances, when he touched my finances, it was a real test of my yes.
29:19
[SPEAKER_08]: because I wanted to go back, you know, folks to get a parent be like, oh, once I got out of it, and then I was walking with G's.
29:24
[SPEAKER_08]: No, no, I was looking for numbers up.
29:27
[SPEAKER_08]: It wasn't phone, I throw the way.
29:28
[SPEAKER_08]: I need, I need to call somebody.
29:30
[SPEAKER_08]: Somebody in the email, me, I got to find it, you know, because time's had got hard.
29:35
[SPEAKER_08]: All I knew how to do was hustle.
29:37
[SPEAKER_08]: You know what I'm saying?
29:37
[SPEAKER_08]: If it wasn't selling my body was selling dope, selling clothes, selling something, I'll sell you.
29:42
[SPEAKER_08]: You know what I'm saying?
29:44
[SPEAKER_08]: I'm pretty repressed.
29:46
[SPEAKER_08]: You know, it's the item.
29:48
[SPEAKER_08]: I just knew how to hustle, and I knew that that was easy for me.
29:55
[SPEAKER_08]: And anything outside of that would have been hard.
29:57
[SPEAKER_08]: And going from prostitution to the post office, my God.
30:02
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, a lot of peas going on.
30:03
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, I was pushing pee.
30:05
[SPEAKER_08]: I was pushing pee.
30:05
[SPEAKER_08]: You know, I was pushing pee.
30:10
[SPEAKER_08]: And so the transition was extremely difficult, you know.
30:16
[SPEAKER_08]: waiting on the paycheck, and then the check is what I got in the couple hours, you know, back in the day.
30:21
[SPEAKER_08]: And so, um, it was, it was difficult, but I didn't have to look over my shoulder.
30:29
[SPEAKER_08]: It was difficult, but when I hit that clock, I didn't have to worry about if I was gonna get a SDD.
30:34
[SPEAKER_08]: When I hit that clock, I didn't have to worry about it.
30:37
[SPEAKER_08]: Some pimps was gonna try to get me that night.
30:39
[SPEAKER_08]: And had to worry about some girls waiting.
30:41
[SPEAKER_08]: I got to fight somebody because it was a piece of mind, even though the paper wasn't what I wanted it to be, the piece of mind that I got with it.
30:50
[SPEAKER_08]: Made the paycheck not look so bad.
30:54
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
30:56
[SPEAKER_00]: More love you more podcast.
30:58
[SPEAKER_00]: After this.
31:00
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, Lord, you know I gotta keep your real with you, but what I want you to do is I want to make sure that you share this You comment you click like engage with us listen everybody wants to be celebrating not just tolerated I'm just tolerated.
31:13
[SPEAKER_02]: Celebrate us.
31:14
[SPEAKER_02]: I like you sharing and commenting.
31:17
[SPEAKER_02]: Can't do it without you.
31:18
[SPEAKER_02]: So you gotta do it.
31:19
[SPEAKER_02]: It's clicky.
31:20
[SPEAKER_02]: Beautiful.
31:21
[SPEAKER_02]: Love you more.
31:24
[SPEAKER_02]: So now you like it.
31:25
[SPEAKER_02]: You're like, you married and you got a beautiful son.
31:29
[SPEAKER_02]: Did you ever see that for yourself?
31:31
[SPEAKER_02]: Absolutely not.
31:33
[SPEAKER_02]: Absolutely not.
31:34
[SPEAKER_08]: Why not?
31:39
[SPEAKER_08]: Is this before ministry or during?
31:42
[SPEAKER_08]: Because I have two different reasons why I didn't see it.
31:46
[SPEAKER_08]: Let's go before first.
31:47
[SPEAKER_08]: Well, obviously because the lifestyle that I was living, I heard the famous saying,
31:55
[SPEAKER_08]: I heard, you know, no man with what man would want to marry you.
31:59
[SPEAKER_08]: You didn't did videos and this stuff is out for the rest of your life and you don't think about what happens if I end up being a wife, if I end up being a mom, you know, you don't think about that in that moment in that, you know, that fast life.
32:11
[SPEAKER_08]: You don't think about the latter consequences and so I just while I was hustling.
32:15
[SPEAKER_08]: I didn't think about marriage.
32:17
[SPEAKER_08]: I didn't, that wasn't.
32:18
[SPEAKER_08]: And everybody I know was married.
32:20
[SPEAKER_08]: I know some people they don't never see married couples.
32:22
[SPEAKER_08]: They don't never see healthy relationships in this generation.
32:24
[SPEAKER_08]: But everybody that was around me was a wife or a husband, but I didn't see it for me because of the lifestyle I was living.
32:30
[SPEAKER_08]: Um, nor did I desire it then.
32:32
[SPEAKER_08]: Then when I came out of it, I didn't feel like I was worthy to be a wife.
32:39
[SPEAKER_08]: You know, um, sometimes it's not the enemy, it's the enemy.
32:43
[SPEAKER_08]: And I was my biggest op when I first came out.
32:45
[SPEAKER_08]: I had to forgive me.
32:46
[SPEAKER_08]: I had to get delivered from me because I was so, once I became sober-minded because I was high from,
32:53
[SPEAKER_08]: 14, 15 to, in my early 20s, and so when I, when I finally came to and became sober-minded and look back on all the things that I did and the lifestyle that I live, I was disgusted with my choices.
33:07
[SPEAKER_08]: And so I beat myself up a lot and I didn't think that marriage was going to be my portion because I didn't think that somebody would see the value in me.
33:15
[SPEAKER_08]: You know, and I so got, I said, look, I desire it because it's the right thing to do.
33:22
[SPEAKER_08]: I desire it because people say it's not going to happen for me.
33:26
[SPEAKER_08]: I had the wrong reasons for it.
33:27
[SPEAKER_08]: I want to show them that you said it wasn't going to happen, but let me show you that it did.
33:32
[SPEAKER_08]: Yeah.
33:33
[SPEAKER_02]: So for me, you already said something like something like somebody else they all telling me.
33:38
[SPEAKER_08]: I needed to show you that it could have been.
33:41
[SPEAKER_08]: So my morning and my reasons for doing it was just
33:47
[SPEAKER_08]: It was out of pocket until God had to show me that I was worthy of it.
33:54
[SPEAKER_08]: That you are a wife, you are a mother, you know, and don't, don't allow nobody or yourself to make you feel any less than, you know?
34:05
[SPEAKER_08]: So yeah.
34:06
[SPEAKER_07]: That's good.
34:07
[SPEAKER_02]: So not Mary with children.
34:09
[SPEAKER_07]: Oh, children.
34:10
[SPEAKER_07]: I'm wondering, don't we just speak that with me for a child?
34:13
[SPEAKER_02]: All right.
34:13
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, you don't want to die.
34:16
[SPEAKER_02]: See you only more children.
34:17
[SPEAKER_02]: No.
34:18
[SPEAKER_02]: You got your body out of the way you want me to.
34:20
[SPEAKER_07]: Yeah, I don't think it's that back finally.
34:21
[SPEAKER_02]: It took me five years.
34:22
[SPEAKER_02]: What do you want you, you know?
34:24
[SPEAKER_02]: What do you got, sir?
34:25
[SPEAKER_02]: Next question.
34:28
[SPEAKER_07]: He's like, God ain't said that.
34:30
[SPEAKER_07]: I ain't saying talking about that.
34:32
[SPEAKER_07]: He ain't talking about that.
34:32
[SPEAKER_02]: No, I just, you know, I keep on thinking about because I'm listening to the story.
34:37
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't know why I keep thinking about it.
34:39
[SPEAKER_02]: But it was just like, because we kind of scared it over.
34:41
[SPEAKER_02]: It was like, mom and dad that together, then they get a divorce and then everything just goes, kind of berserk.
34:49
[SPEAKER_02]: a hypothetical scenario with children are going through that.
34:54
[SPEAKER_02]: What do you wish somebody would have gave you in that decision that your parents made during that time?
35:00
[SPEAKER_08]: My parents were extremely toxic.
35:03
[SPEAKER_08]: towards each other in front of me.
35:05
[SPEAKER_08]: I seen them fight.
35:07
[SPEAKER_08]: I seen them yell screened because I've seen it.
35:11
[SPEAKER_08]: Now I didn't see a bunch of women in, well, my daddy, but what my mom, she's been on my stepdad as soon as the day she walked out the door.
35:18
[SPEAKER_08]: So I didn't see that.
35:20
[SPEAKER_08]: My father, however, had a lot of different women around.
35:24
[SPEAKER_08]: But their interaction with each other was just so toxic and unhealthy.
35:29
[SPEAKER_02]: So just a healthy relationship between two kids.
35:32
[SPEAKER_08]: If they would have parted ways in a more mature way, you know, like, hey, mommy and daddy are no longer together, but we love you, we're here for you.
35:41
[SPEAKER_08]: You know, you can still co-parent in a very healthy way, because your love for your child has to outweigh your hate for each other.
35:50
[SPEAKER_08]: And a lot of parents when they divorce or when they break up, they can stand each other and you, they will allow that to override with best for the kid.
36:01
[SPEAKER_08]: You got to love your baby more than you hate your ex.
36:04
[SPEAKER_08]: And my mom can stand him and he can stand her.
36:08
[SPEAKER_08]: But they forgot that I was the common denominator.
36:11
[SPEAKER_08]: Any brother's assistant?
36:13
[SPEAKER_08]: I am my father's only daughter.
36:16
[SPEAKER_02]: So between your mom and dad, you the only child?
36:18
[SPEAKER_08]: Between them, yeah.
36:19
[SPEAKER_08]: And my mom had other, had her brother's, yeah.
36:22
[SPEAKER_02]: Later on, so you the older sister.
36:23
[SPEAKER_08]: So I'm the oldest, first of all, and the only girl.
36:26
[SPEAKER_02]: And the only girl.
36:27
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
36:32
[SPEAKER_02]: with a special baby.
36:34
[SPEAKER_02]: The only girl.
36:35
[SPEAKER_02]: And she says, oh, that's good.
36:37
[SPEAKER_02]: I mean, I'm just really getting the opportunity to learn the whole lot more.
36:41
[SPEAKER_02]: Because you've told your story, like you have it downpacked from pulling the pool pit.
36:45
[SPEAKER_02]: Like it's a play, you know, book, you'd ready to roll and do what you do.
36:48
[SPEAKER_02]: But I just like to really unpack that thing and see where things may have been extremely unique.
36:54
[SPEAKER_02]: And now I see a decision from parents.
36:56
[SPEAKER_02]: not being able to get on one of the core after the divorce, kind of forced this young lady to be in the house with a man who later gets very overwhelmed with the responsibility of being a parent.
37:07
[SPEAKER_02]: Still trying to date a little some, don't really got tools and they'll get on some bottles.
37:12
[SPEAKER_02]: The mental health stuff started going on.
37:14
[SPEAKER_02]: He makes a very horrible decision.
37:16
[SPEAKER_02]: Doesn't have the humility to come back and say I'm sorry because truth is,
37:20
[SPEAKER_02]: He probably went through some of that behavior too with his father who never probably said, you know, I'm sorry.
37:25
[SPEAKER_02]: She chooses her own way, finds love and all the wrong places only to be yielded back to Jesus in a very unique way.
37:32
[SPEAKER_02]: But the question really becomes is, like, what now?
37:35
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, how do we,
37:37
[SPEAKER_02]: do we still think that there's something on the inside of you because you say even people you won't because that's your knowledge and that's the matter that you have on there but do you think it's important for people who've been through something social magnitude to continuously get help throughout their lives.
37:51
[SPEAKER_08]: Yes.
37:52
[SPEAKER_08]: Yeah.
37:52
[SPEAKER_08]: Yeah.
37:52
[SPEAKER_08]: That's where when going back to the therapy topic,
37:56
[SPEAKER_08]: I recently, I'm talking about like within the last five years, just decided to do, and I'm not talking about marriage counseling, I'm not talking about family counseling, I'm talking about individual counseling, because again, you cannot go through the things that I've experienced and not come out with some level of trauma.
38:15
[SPEAKER_08]: Even now, like I'm not gonna say, I love the Lord and He love me, but there's still some things I've got.
38:20
[SPEAKER_08]: I battle with it, time.
38:21
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm sure.
38:21
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, it's got me a whole run down the very dare by the rooms.
38:25
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I'm going to be I like she looks so good to be going through all of that, you know what I mean?
38:32
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I'm sure everybody in the audience is just kind of like, you're going to watch how I wouldn't have never knew, you know?
38:37
[SPEAKER_08]: Yeah, yeah, so let's some of those, some of the residue, you know.
38:45
[SPEAKER_08]: I remember Paul.
38:46
[SPEAKER_08]: I remember like I know him for real.
38:48
[SPEAKER_08]: I remember reading it.
38:50
[SPEAKER_02]: Two pairs in the whole New Testament and the whole New Testament.
38:53
[SPEAKER_02]: I said I know him too.
38:53
[SPEAKER_02]: You know what I'm saying?
38:54
[SPEAKER_08]: I feel like I know him.
38:55
[SPEAKER_08]: He uncle Paul.
38:56
[SPEAKER_08]: And he said he asked God if he would take a thorn out of his flesh.
39:01
[SPEAKER_08]: And God said, no, because my grace is sufficient.
39:05
[SPEAKER_08]: So no matter how say, you sanctified Holy Ghost field, no matter if you could quote Genesis to Revelation, which I'll ask those.
39:12
[SPEAKER_08]: And if you speak it tongues if you don't, there will still be something that you would have to always get on your knees about, because if God takes the thorn, then what do you need him for?
39:23
[SPEAKER_08]: If God takes the thorn, then where's the humility?
39:25
[SPEAKER_08]: There will always be something,
39:28
[SPEAKER_08]: that we will have to give to God, you know, and so for me there are still some some residues of trauma, of heartbreak, of unanswered questions, even how
39:42
[SPEAKER_08]: moving forward with relationships, you know what I'm saying?
39:45
[SPEAKER_08]: Scared to open it and I'm a whole pastor.
39:47
[SPEAKER_08]: So people always want to cling to me, but clinging back, you know, thinking everybody is here for something.
39:56
[SPEAKER_02]: That was my question.
39:57
[SPEAKER_02]: Even though you are now in ministry, you know, sometimes,
40:02
[SPEAKER_02]: I've heard this, of course, I really don't know getting out of check the data.
40:07
[SPEAKER_02]: But I hear that there was a conference, and it was a conference, and it was a church conference.
40:13
[SPEAKER_02]: And they were checking out of the hotel, and then one of the managers was just like, yeah, you know, it's a church convention.
40:20
[SPEAKER_02]: We know that our adult film stuff when they use had a stuff on TV.
40:25
[SPEAKER_02]: We know those numbers are going to be through the roof, so we always love the church thing that comes in.
40:30
[SPEAKER_02]: And I was like, really, it's like, yeah, of course, now it's easily accessible on phones.
40:33
[SPEAKER_02]: Back in the day, they used to have to play the 1099, this and I was like, well, we look forward to that because it's going, you know, it's going to make the money that we need to do what we have to do.
40:41
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, do you have you ever been propositioned by men of faith, like who made try to fulfill their own fantasies and desires?
40:53
[SPEAKER_08]: So when I was in the lifestyle, a lot of preachers were my clients.
41:00
[SPEAKER_08]: a lot of men in the church that have positions, powerful positions, in church, in politics, whatever, where my clients, when I came out of the industry, and this is before a ministry, this is why I was going through my transformation, just my deliverance.
41:17
[SPEAKER_08]: I would be lifted my hands in worship, and I do the tap meal, my shoulder that I had been with.
41:25
[SPEAKER_08]: I'm trying to worship Jesus, and you tapping me on my shoulder,
41:30
[SPEAKER_08]: It pro, you know, post ministry, this is why I don't travel by myself.
41:36
[SPEAKER_08]: I remember, um, was traveling by myself in the beginning, because I would just tell them my testimony.
41:41
[SPEAKER_08]: I first, I wasn't a preacher.
41:43
[SPEAKER_08]: I would just share in my testimony.
41:45
[SPEAKER_08]: And I remember a pastor had contacted me.
41:48
[SPEAKER_08]: And at first, the conversation was going well.
41:50
[SPEAKER_08]: Like, yeah, we want to get you here.
41:51
[SPEAKER_08]: We want you to tell your story.
41:52
[SPEAKER_08]: And we're excited to have you.
41:55
[SPEAKER_08]: And before we hung up, he said something,
41:59
[SPEAKER_08]: that just disrupted my whole spirit, my soul.
42:02
[SPEAKER_08]: I just, it was just so, he said, I'm really looking forward to having you here, but can I tell you a secret and I say, it's sure he said you were my favorite porn star.
42:14
[SPEAKER_08]: The pastor, you think I'm gonna come to you and preach and y'all charge you for it.
42:17
[SPEAKER_08]: Give me in the office and take my little sugar cookie.
42:21
[SPEAKER_08]: You know, why would you say that?
42:23
[SPEAKER_08]: You know what I'm saying?
42:24
[SPEAKER_08]: So I've had situations.
42:26
[SPEAKER_08]: I've had a pastor we were praying and while my eyes was closing my head was barely kiss me in my mouth.
42:31
[SPEAKER_08]: You know, so I've had situations with men of God that would, if your foundation, your faith in your foundation and God was not.
42:44
[SPEAKER_08]: As strong as mine, I would have left a long time ago.
42:48
[SPEAKER_08]: You know, I still fear.
42:52
[SPEAKER_08]: that win because, you know, this is a male dominated industry is more male preachers and pastors than female.
42:58
[SPEAKER_08]: And so I still have a level of anxiety when, you know, someone that I don't know that I never heard of that wants to book me.
43:06
[SPEAKER_08]: I have all my people come with me because of the experiences that I've had.
43:11
[SPEAKER_08]: Chase.
43:11
[SPEAKER_08]: Yeah, I think that's gonna always be.
43:14
[SPEAKER_08]: Some people will ask me to come because of my nointing and some people ask me to come because of their fetish.
43:21
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, how does that 10-year-old girl respond to that type of trauma?
43:30
[SPEAKER_02]: Does she ever show up?
43:33
[SPEAKER_02]: Does she feel so sad when stuff like that happens?
43:36
[SPEAKER_02]: What happens to that, yeah, that's called her Danny.
43:40
[SPEAKER_02]: What does little Danny do when things like that happen?
43:54
[SPEAKER_08]: I don't know where she technically does, but little Danny, you know, I try to avoid that.
44:04
[SPEAKER_08]: See, now you act like my therapy is about to get me, because she likes to deal with the younger version of me, and I try to avoid it because when I think of,
44:20
[SPEAKER_08]: little Danny, or the younger version of me.
44:24
[SPEAKER_08]: The only thing that I always do is just tell her I'm sorry.
44:28
[SPEAKER_08]: I apologize to that version of me because the little girl in me has so many dreams and aspirations, you know, going back to the P word, I want it to be a prosecutor.
44:40
[SPEAKER_08]: Like I want it to be a lawyer and to go on from prosecutor to prostitute, you know?
44:46
[SPEAKER_08]: But I want it to
44:48
[SPEAKER_08]: I wanted to be so many things I had so many dreams as a little girl, and they were shattered, you know, and so sometimes the grown woman in me has to apologize to the little girl in me.
45:02
[SPEAKER_08]: You know, and so when I'm faced with certain situations, certain traumas even now, or going back, I just want to tell her, sorry, you know, I apologize for putting us in positions to break you.
45:18
[SPEAKER_02]: Mm.
45:19
[SPEAKER_02]: Would you mind telling her thank you for being so brave?
45:24
[SPEAKER_02]: Mm-hmm.
45:25
[SPEAKER_02]: Could you just tell, like, thank you for being here.
45:27
[SPEAKER_02]: Thank you, girl.
45:27
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
45:28
[SPEAKER_02]: Because she's brave.
45:28
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
45:29
[SPEAKER_02]: And let me tell you why she's brave.
45:32
[SPEAKER_02]: Because I see that her bravery brought us to this moment.
45:35
[SPEAKER_08]: Absolutely.
45:36
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, her courage brought us to this moment.
45:39
[SPEAKER_02]: Mm-hmm.
45:39
[SPEAKER_02]: But the reason why you have to deal with that 10-year-old girl is because you'll keep living below the lie.
45:46
[SPEAKER_05]: Okay.
45:47
[SPEAKER_02]: Instead of going to get the big building, you'll get the one that you can afford.
45:51
[SPEAKER_02]: Instead of getting the Lamborghini, you'll always get the Toyota.
45:57
[SPEAKER_02]: Instead of getting the multi-million dollar house that you can afford, you'll get the one that's just in range.
46:03
[SPEAKER_02]: All right.
46:03
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, God is attempting to do with the reconciliation and healing of these little Danny and Danielle, reconciling these two parties together.
46:11
[SPEAKER_02]: He'll give you a fibrous and a fire that has an expectation of abundance, like, although we speak of abundance, there's a little girl on the inside that's just like, are we ready for that?
46:21
[SPEAKER_02]: Because what's going to happen?
46:23
[SPEAKER_02]: And so, and I'm not talking to you from a place I know at all.
46:26
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm talking about this seven year old that I have to deal with all the time, who instead of getting the Porsche, right?
46:33
[SPEAKER_02]: I would probably just get a, I would just get suburban.
46:37
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, instead of looking at the page where the house is where I know my knowing that's supposed to live in, this is the way that we're supposed to live.
46:44
[SPEAKER_02]: This is the opportunities that we're supposed to take.
46:47
[SPEAKER_02]: I would always just live below the line, but that's that little boy.
46:50
[SPEAKER_02]: Then I hated dealing with him because he is just a scared little boy who just wronged everybody to love him and like once he realized this might not be my family.
47:01
[SPEAKER_02]: He wanted to prove to them that they made a good decision and if they made a good decision, let me show you.
47:05
[SPEAKER_02]: Let me show you and God was like
47:08
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh gosh, really, you're still showing people in your 40s?
47:12
[SPEAKER_02]: Wow.
47:15
[SPEAKER_02]: We're gonna have to talk to that little boy.
47:17
[SPEAKER_02]: And instead of telling that little boy, sorry, I still are telling that little boy, thank you.
47:21
[SPEAKER_02]: Thank you for giving me the courage and the discipline and glad and be the best version.
47:25
[SPEAKER_02]: Thank you for one of the show so much because this is some great attributes that I got from that little boy.
47:30
[SPEAKER_02]: That little boy is discipline.
47:31
[SPEAKER_02]: That little boy stayed away from drugs.
47:33
[SPEAKER_02]: That little boy instead of hustling the weed He found a way to have a party so they could sell the weed instead of instead of being in the strip club tricking off money He learned how to manage women to to hey, well, I got people coming from New York and he did it Like he was able to do something so big and then
47:51
[SPEAKER_02]: Big isn't big anymore because you're still responding like that seven year old little boy, but not that he's healing and I'm learning him and I'm hanging out with him.
48:00
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm like, oh, that's him.
48:03
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, that ain't come on.
48:05
[SPEAKER_02]: The little boy said you can't get the push, but this man say I can't and that is about material stuff, but this is just my bow to myself that I would never live below the line because of the opinion of the seven year old who doesn't think he's worthy.
48:17
[SPEAKER_02]: My God.
48:19
[SPEAKER_02]: And I just believe that 10-year-old girl sometimes comes up in marriage, she comes up in business, she comes up in ministry, especially comes up when men overstep the boundaries.
48:36
[SPEAKER_02]: and she gets triggered, because like, and I don't really know, you know, right.
48:41
[SPEAKER_02]: But I still thank God that you and some smart enough to still get married and live your life and try your best to be the best wife that you care.
48:48
[SPEAKER_02]: Um, however, I always like to kind of end.
48:51
[SPEAKER_02]: It's just been the kind of theme of the day to day.
48:54
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay.
48:54
[SPEAKER_02]: That I always like to tell people like you what I see, right?
48:58
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay.
48:59
[SPEAKER_02]: And it's really, really cool to see.
49:01
[SPEAKER_02]: Um, as you sit there, I know you probably talked about losing weight again and all of that other stuff and I do see like I just see kind of this it's kind of it's just really really refined and just like beautiful girl not to those Yeah, I don't know.
49:16
[SPEAKER_02]: I know her for real.
49:17
[SPEAKER_02]: So she did not really lost the person like I need she came back.
49:20
[SPEAKER_02]: I was like, oh, the other person.
49:21
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, she's like you see these pants like you got going on Instagram by these pants But I think all of that continues to refine
49:29
[SPEAKER_02]: And it was a very, very unique, is I see a lot of white people.
49:35
[SPEAKER_02]: It's kind of weird.
49:36
[SPEAKER_02]: And I know that's going to be weird until you get there.
49:38
[SPEAKER_02]: It's going to be very, very weird to you.
49:40
[SPEAKER_02]: You're in my press.
49:41
[SPEAKER_02]: But I just see a multi-cultural.
49:44
[SPEAKER_02]: And what that is going to provide for you is a very, very light.
49:51
[SPEAKER_02]: God did it again.
49:52
[SPEAKER_02]: You remember the fire that you had when you got you out of that basement?
49:55
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, where you are right now, similar to that basement.
49:58
[SPEAKER_02]: It's kind of like a crab type thing, everybody wants this, everybody wants that, everybody pulling, pulling, pulling, but you're about to move into a season where people actually gonna pour in and give.
50:06
[SPEAKER_02]: And it's multicultural.
50:08
[SPEAKER_02]: So the reason why you can go to the merits is because they're not gonna pay you initially that just gonna give you an invite.
50:14
[SPEAKER_02]: And so when you get that invite, just go knowing that God has me on the side.
50:18
[SPEAKER_02]: And that's why you got to practice with the black folks.
50:20
[SPEAKER_02]: You got a price with the black phone.
50:21
[SPEAKER_02]: This is my assignment.
50:22
[SPEAKER_02]: This ain't my assignment.
50:23
[SPEAKER_02]: You got to have their king discern me and that little girl came mess this up Because then the girl is afraid that little girl gets triggered that little girl and that's why we got to get that little girl We got to be able to notice that little girl and be like this ain't this ain't that you know that little then
50:37
[SPEAKER_02]: actually tripping again and you got to be able to notice her because I just see multicultural like I see I see see the whites and blacks and out of that other stuff and you get a chance to be yourself 120% they're going to love you child and I'm just I'm just really really excited for you.
50:55
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm really really excited for you.
50:56
[SPEAKER_02]: Thank you.
50:57
[SPEAKER_02]: You think you know a person when you have a small conversation but you never know until you get the opportunity to sit down and then
51:07
[SPEAKER_02]: There's gonna be a lot of, there's gonna be a lot of women in men who just poured into him.
51:13
[SPEAKER_02]: He has apostolic gathering in the north and when he comes, people come around.
51:17
[SPEAKER_02]: And so I've never had to stay in privilege of meeting him, but there may be some things that may be unique, I guess.
51:24
[SPEAKER_02]: What is learning style?
51:25
[SPEAKER_02]: But God's gonna use that.
51:27
[SPEAKER_02]: And so when picking people to be a part of his life, I want you to make sure you got hell now, we keep in that pot.
51:34
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, he liked to do, did it, no, no, no, we keep, we gonna let him do that part.
51:38
[SPEAKER_02]: If you wanna play with Marbles and play with his hands and he's on us out, we don't keep that part.
51:43
[SPEAKER_02]: That's his genius part.
51:45
[SPEAKER_02]: That's the genius part of him.
51:46
[SPEAKER_02]: Y'all just got to make room for it, because that's what God wants to use in him.
51:49
[SPEAKER_02]: And I'm just excited for you on your future, man.
51:52
[SPEAKER_02]: Thank you.
51:53
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm really, and I don't even do this stuff like this.
51:55
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm usually, I'm playing my music, but I don't know just today, I just didn't need the iceberg for you.
52:00
[SPEAKER_02]: It didn't take you long to go deep.
52:02
[SPEAKER_02]: You weren't deep straight out the game.
52:03
[SPEAKER_02]: I've been through this shot three people for the same.
52:05
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh my god.
52:07
[SPEAKER_02]: I didn't do it right in and take it out of the minute.
52:10
[SPEAKER_02]: Let's take it by the minute, but I thank you.
52:12
[SPEAKER_02]: So I traditionally do this.
52:14
[SPEAKER_02]: I want you to subscribe to this channel, make sure you love yourself more than here.
52:18
[SPEAKER_02]: If you don't mind, can you just speak to that camera right there to any, like not like in a TV in a way?
52:22
[SPEAKER_02]: It's in, it's in our way.
52:24
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay.
52:24
[SPEAKER_02]: But just speak to them in a way.
52:26
[SPEAKER_02]: No disrespect to the TV and I work for your five years.
52:28
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, I love you.
52:30
[SPEAKER_02]: I love you.
52:30
[SPEAKER_02]: Love what you built Paul and Jan, love you.
52:32
[SPEAKER_02]: But go ahead and speak to the people that got encouraged to.
52:36
[SPEAKER_08]: Well, this was heavy, but it was necessary.
52:39
[SPEAKER_08]: And one thing that you encouraged me to do was to deal with the heart things.
52:46
[SPEAKER_08]: We can give even the things that we try to sweep under the rug.
52:49
[SPEAKER_08]: We can deal with it, and we can give it to God in order to be our best selves.
52:53
[SPEAKER_08]: And I just want to talk to somebody who may feel like I've done too wrong.
53:01
[SPEAKER_08]: for God to use me.
53:02
[SPEAKER_08]: I love me.
53:03
[SPEAKER_08]: I don't think anybody watching has been through as much as I have and yet God still softened to use me and I just want to let you know that you are loved no matter what part of the world you're in no matter what moment you're in in your life that you if you want it, that change is available to you through Christ.
53:22
[SPEAKER_02]: That's so good.
53:23
[SPEAKER_02]: Family, do me a favor.
53:25
[SPEAKER_02]: Make sure you subscribe to this channel.
53:27
[SPEAKER_02]: Make sure you share this with as many people as possible.
53:29
[SPEAKER_02]: And look here, don't forget to love yourself just a little bit more.
53:33
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't know, this bank that I've been in has really been making me explore this young man in me.
53:39
[SPEAKER_02]: And the more I heal as the leader of this show from this little boy who tried to stop me from being who I'm supposed to be the better you're going to become.
53:47
[SPEAKER_02]: put it in the comments real quick.
53:49
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm thinking about doing like a love you more journal.
53:52
[SPEAKER_02]: So when you watch these episodes, we can pull out stuff.
53:55
[SPEAKER_02]: So then when we come to the live event, of course I can sign your journal.
53:59
[SPEAKER_02]: And then maybe, you know why I'm talking, we could kind of go through these different things and you can maybe share what it is.
54:05
[SPEAKER_02]: Right now it's just a two hour event because we're coming to a city near you.
54:08
[SPEAKER_02]: But I think we probably gonna have to bump it up to about three.
54:11
[SPEAKER_02]: And so we're figuring out the experience that can be number one life change
54:17
[SPEAKER_02]: with a few cuss words in there as well, just pray for us, right?
54:21
[SPEAKER_02]: Cause we're gonna be ourselves.
54:22
[SPEAKER_02]: But why I'm developing this thing, what you might be in a part of this Patreon community, cause now I got a need, I like I got a need, I wanna add some value to you, but then I got a need for it.
54:31
[SPEAKER_02]: So I haven't been really rocking the Patreon, but because we're about to go live on the road, I need you to really become a producer of what it looks like.
54:38
[SPEAKER_02]: So just click the link in this description if you listen to this audibly just go to willing more junior lives on the first page and just become a part of my patreon community And here's the thing I need putting on numbers on there.
54:49
[SPEAKER_02]: It could be a dollar 50 cent whatever Just be a part of that because I need your help now.
54:53
[SPEAKER_02]: We bout to take this show on the road.
54:55
[SPEAKER_02]: You feel that I think you're showing on You do share a comment subscribe.
54:59
[SPEAKER_02]: I love you.
55:00
[SPEAKER_02]: I flat out love yourself more
55:03
[SPEAKER_03]: Love you more, love you more, love you more, love you more.