Latest / #WisdomOfWomen Show / Practical Insights on Grief from Samina Bari's Journey

Transcript

Practical Insights on Grief from Samina Bari's Journey · #WisdomOfWomen Show

• 0:00
  Welcome
• 0:00
  to
• 0:01
  the
• 0:01
  Wisdom
• 0:01
  of
• 0:01
  Women
• 0:02
  Show.
• 0:02
  We
• 0:02
  are
• 0:02
  dedicated
• 0:03
  to
• 0:03
  amplifying
• 0:04
  the
• 0:04
  voice
• 0:04
  of
• 0:05
  women
• 0:05
  in
• 0:06
  business.
• 0:06
  A
• 0:07
  new
• 0:07
  model
• 0:08
  of
• 0:08
  leadership
• 0:08
  is
• 0:09
  emerging
• 0:09
  and
• 0:09
  we
• 0:10
  are
• 0:10
  here
• 0:11
  to
• 0:11
  amplify
• 0:12
  the
• 0:13
  voices
• 0:13
  of
• 0:14
  women
• 0:14
  leading
• 0:15
  the
• 0:15
  way.
• 0:16
  I
• 0:16
  am
• 0:16
  your
• 0:16
  host
• 0:16
  Coco
• 0:17
  Salman,
• 0:18
  five
• 0:18
  time
• 0:18
  founder,
• 0:19
  Impact
• 0:19
  Investor
• 0:20
  and
• 0:20
  creator
• 0:21
  of
• 0:21
  the
• 0:21
  Force
• 0:22
  for
• 0:22
  Good
• 0:22
  System.
• 0:23
  Thank
• 0:24
  you
• 0:24
  for
• 0:24
  joining
• 0:25
  us
• 0:25
  today
• 0:25
  as
• 0:26
  we
• 0:26
  illuminate
• 0:27
  the
• 0:27
  path
• 0:27
  to
• 0:28
  unlocking
• 0:28
  opportunities
• 0:30
  and
• 0:30
  prosperity
• 0:31
  for
• 0:31
  women
• 0:32
  led
• 0:32
  enterprises
• 0:33
  by
• 0:34
  amplifying
• 0:35
  the
• 0:35
  voice
• 0:35
  and
• 0:36
  wisdom
• 0:37
  of
• 0:37
  women
• 0:39
  today.
• 0:40
  We
• 0:40
  have
• 0:41
  an
• 0:42
  extraordinary
• 0:43
  heart
• 0:44
  brave
• 0:45
  truth
• 0:45
  teller
• 0:46
  in
• 0:47
  our
• 0:47
  midst.
• 0:49
  Sameena
• 0:49
  Bari
• 0:50
  is
• 0:50
  a
• 0:50
  two
• 0:51
  time
• 0:51
  author,
• 0:53
  seasoned
• 0:53
  public
• 0:54
  company
• 0:54
  officer
• 0:55
  and
• 0:56
  and
• 0:56
  strategic
• 0:57
  advisor
• 0:57
  who
• 0:57
  has
• 0:58
  spent
• 0:58
  30
• 0:59
  plus
• 0:59
  years
• 0:59
  helping
• 1:00
  CEOs
• 1:01
  and
• 1:01
  boards
• 1:02
  navigate
• 1:03
  high
• 1:04
  stakes
• 1:04
  moments.
• 1:05
  From
• 1:05
  IPOs
• 1:06
  and
• 1:06
  fundraising
• 1:07
  to
• 1:07
  crisis
• 1:08
  governance
• 1:08
  and
• 1:09
  reputation
• 1:10
  strategy,
• 1:11
  she
• 1:11
  has
• 1:12
  orchestrated
• 1:13
  transformation
• 1:14
  and
• 1:14
  growth
• 1:15
  efforts
• 1:15
  connected
• 1:16
  to
• 1:16
  major
• 1:17
  acquisitions
• 1:18
  involving
• 1:18
  Global
• 1:19
  500
• 1:19
  companies
• 1:20
  including
• 1:21
  deals
• 1:21
  valued
• 1:22
  at
• 1:22
  2,
• 1:23
  2.6,
• 1:25
  14.3
• 1:26
  and
• 1:27
  $21
• 1:28
  billion.
• 1:30
  After
• 1:31
  the
• 1:31
  sudden
• 1:32
  death
• 1:32
  of
• 1:32
  her
• 1:33
  husband
• 1:33
  Doug
• 1:34
  in
• 1:34
  2023,
• 1:35
  her
• 1:36
  partner
• 1:36
  of
• 1:36
  21
• 1:37
  years,
• 1:38
  Samina
• 1:39
  found
• 1:39
  herself
• 1:39
  living
• 1:40
  the
• 1:40
  kind
• 1:40
  of
• 1:40
  loss
• 1:41
  most
• 1:41
  people
• 1:42
  fear
• 1:42
  and
• 1:43
  few
• 1:43
  know
• 1:44
  how
• 1:44
  to
• 1:45
  support
• 1:46
  while
• 1:46
  also
• 1:46
  parenting
• 1:47
  two
• 1:47
  young
• 1:48
  daughters
• 1:48
  through
• 1:48
  this
• 1:49
  unthinkable
• 1:50
  tragedy.
• 1:51
  That
• 1:51
  brings
• 1:52
  us
• 1:52
  to
• 1:52
  our
• 1:52
  topic
• 1:53
  today.
• 1:53
  That
• 1:54
  experience
• 1:54
  became
• 1:55
  her
• 1:55
  book,
• 1:56
  Don't
• 1:57
  Call
• 1:57
  Me
• 1:57
  Widow,
• 1:58
  a
• 1:59
  raw,
• 1:59
  practical,
• 2:00
  firsthand
• 2:01
  guide
• 2:01
  that
• 2:02
  teaches
• 2:02
  us
• 2:03
  what
• 2:03
  to
• 2:03
  say,
• 2:04
  what
• 2:05
  not
• 2:05
  to
• 2:05
  say,
• 2:06
  and
• 2:06
  how
• 2:06
  to
• 2:07
  show
• 2:07
  up
• 2:07
  with
• 2:07
  real
• 2:08
  presence
• 2:08
  when
• 2:09
  grief
• 2:10
  rewrites
• 2:11
  someone's
• 2:12
  life.
• 2:13
  With
• 2:13
  the
• 2:13
  voice
• 2:14
  of
• 2:14
  a
• 2:14
  healthcare
• 2:15
  executive
• 2:16
  and
• 2:16
  the
• 2:17
  heart
• 2:17
  of
• 2:17
  a
• 2:18
  woman
• 2:18
  who
• 2:18
  has
• 2:18
  rebuilt
• 2:19
  from
• 2:19
  trauma
• 2:20
  and
• 2:20
  tragedy,
• 2:21
  Samina's
• 2:22
  work
• 2:22
  turns
• 2:23
  pain
• 2:24
  into
• 2:24
  clarity
• 2:25
  and
• 2:26
  gives
• 2:26
  all
• 2:27
  of
• 2:27
  us
• 2:27
  a
• 2:27
  better
• 2:28
  way
• 2:28
  to
• 2:29
  love
• 2:29
  people
• 2:30
  when
• 2:30
  it
• 2:31
  matters
• 2:32
  most.
• 2:32
  Welcome
• 2:33
  Samina.
• 2:34
  Thank
• 2:34
  you
• 2:34
  so
• 2:35
  much
• 2:35
  Coco
• 2:35
  for
• 2:36
  having
• 2:36
  me
• 2:36
  and
• 2:36
  for
• 2:37
  that
• 2:37
  wonderful
• 2:37
  introduction.
• 2:38
  I'm
• 2:39
  honored
• 2:39
  to
• 2:39
  have
• 2:39
  you
• 2:40
  and
• 2:40
  I'm
• 2:41
  super
• 2:41
  excited
• 2:42
  to
• 2:42
  talk
• 2:43
  about
• 2:43
  your
• 2:44
  book.
• 2:44
  But
• 2:44
  before
• 2:45
  we
• 2:45
  do,
• 2:46
  I
• 2:46
  would
• 2:46
  love
• 2:47
  to
• 2:47
  hear
• 2:48
  what
• 2:48
  is
• 2:48
  a
• 2:48
  book
• 2:49
  written
• 2:49
  by
• 2:49
  a
• 2:50
  woman
• 2:50
  that
• 2:50
  has
• 2:51
  significantly
• 2:52
  influenced
• 2:53
  your
• 2:53
  life?
• 2:55
  I
• 2:55
  think
• 2:55
  for
• 2:56
  me,
• 2:56
  that's
• 2:56
  a
• 2:56
  very
• 2:57
  easy
• 2:57
  one.
• 2:58
  I
• 2:58
  felt,
• 2:59
  growing
• 2:59
  up
• 3:00
  with
• 3:00
  a
• 3:00
  very
• 3:00
  critical
• 3:01
  mother,
• 3:02
  that
• 3:02
  I
• 3:03
  did
• 3:04
  not
• 3:04
  fit
• 3:04
  in
• 3:05
  and
• 3:05
  I
• 3:05
  was
• 3:05
  not
• 3:06
  like
• 3:06
  other
• 3:07
  women
• 3:07
  because
• 3:08
  I
• 3:08
  didn't
• 3:08
  meet
• 3:08
  her
• 3:09
  expectations
• 3:10
  of
• 3:10
  what
• 3:11
  a
• 3:11
  woman
• 3:11
  should
• 3:12
  be.
• 3:13
  I
• 3:13
  was
• 3:13
  always
• 3:14
  too
• 3:14
  loud,
• 3:15
  too
• 3:15
  direct,
• 3:17
  too
• 3:17
  bossy
• 3:18
  and
• 3:18
  too
• 3:18
  ambitious
• 3:19
  in
• 3:19
  her
• 3:19
  eyes.
• 3:21
  But
• 3:21
  when
• 3:22
  I
• 3:22
  read
• 3:22
  Sheryl
• 3:23
  Sandberg's
• 3:24
  Lean
• 3:24
  in,
• 3:25
  it
• 3:25
  spoke
• 3:26
  to
• 3:26
  me.
• 3:26
  I
• 3:26
  felt
• 3:27
  like
• 3:27
  I
• 3:27
  belonged.
• 3:28
  It
• 3:28
  felt
• 3:29
  that
• 3:29
  I
• 3:30
  wasn't
• 3:30
  alone,
• 3:31
  that
• 3:31
  all
• 3:32
  of
• 3:32
  the
• 3:32
  alpha
• 3:33
  traits
• 3:33
  my
• 3:33
  mother
• 3:34
  accused
• 3:34
  me
• 3:34
  of
• 3:35
  having
• 3:35
  were
• 3:36
  actually
• 3:37
  acceptable
• 3:38
  and
• 3:38
  wanted
• 3:39
  and
• 3:39
  normal
• 3:40
  and
• 3:40
  necessary.
• 3:41
  So
• 3:41
  I
• 3:42
  think
• 3:42
  that
• 3:42
  is
• 3:42
  the
• 3:42
  one
• 3:43
  book
• 3:43
  that
• 3:43
  really
• 3:44
  validated
• 3:44
  who
• 3:45
  I
• 3:45
  had
• 3:45
  Always
• 3:46
  been.
• 3:47
  And
• 3:47
  gave
• 3:47
  me
• 3:48
  further
• 3:49
  proof
• 3:49
  to
• 3:50
  continue
• 3:50
  on
• 3:51
  in
• 3:51
  an
• 3:51
  unabashed,
• 3:52
  confident
• 3:53
  manner.
• 3:54
  Amazing.
• 3:55
  You
• 3:55
  know,
• 3:55
  I
• 3:55
  couldn't
• 3:56
  agree
• 3:56
  with
• 3:56
  you
• 3:56
  more.
• 3:56
  I
• 3:57
  love
• 3:57
  that
• 3:57
  book.
• 3:58
  And
• 3:58
  it's
• 3:58
  a
• 3:58
  good
• 3:58
  one
• 3:58
  for
• 3:59
  us
• 3:59
  to
• 3:59
  revisit,
• 4:00
  right?
• 4:00
  Absolutely.
• 4:01
  I
• 4:01
  do
• 4:01
  pick
• 4:01
  it
• 4:02
  up
• 4:02
  every
• 4:02
  now
• 4:02
  and
• 4:02
  then.
• 4:03
  Yes.
• 4:03
  Yeah.
• 4:04
  Because
• 4:04
  the
• 4:05
  world
• 4:05
  is
• 4:05
  still
• 4:05
  getting
• 4:06
  comfortable
• 4:07
  with
• 4:07
  women
• 4:07
  in
• 4:07
  power.
• 4:09
  Right.
• 4:09
  And
• 4:10
  leaning
• 4:10
  into
• 4:11
  whatever
• 4:11
  their
• 4:12
  strengths
• 4:12
  and
• 4:13
  their
• 4:13
  place
• 4:13
  in
• 4:13
  the
• 4:14
  world
• 4:14
  is.
• 4:15
  So
• 4:16
  I
• 4:16
  want
• 4:17
  to
• 4:17
  transition
• 4:17
  us
• 4:17
  to
• 4:17
  your
• 4:18
  book.
• 4:18
  Before
• 4:18
  we
• 4:19
  got
• 4:19
  on
• 4:19
  the
• 4:19
  show
• 4:20
  today,
• 4:20
  Samina
• 4:21
  and
• 4:21
  I
• 4:21
  were
• 4:21
  talking
• 4:21
  and
• 4:22
  here's
• 4:22
  the
• 4:22
  book.
• 4:22
  Don't
• 4:23
  Call
• 4:23
  me
• 4:23
  Widow.
• 4:23
  You
• 4:24
  can
• 4:24
  see
• 4:24
  I
• 4:24
  have
• 4:25
  gone
• 4:25
  in
• 4:25
  here
• 4:26
  and
• 4:26
  highlighted
• 4:27
  sections.
• 4:27
  And
• 4:28
  the
• 4:28
  biggest
• 4:28
  thing
• 4:28
  about
• 4:29
  this
• 4:29
  book
• 4:29
  for
• 4:29
  me
• 4:30
  is
• 4:30
  that
• 4:30
  it
• 4:30
  has.
• 4:32
  First
• 4:32
  of
• 4:32
  all,
• 4:33
  I
• 4:33
  wept
• 4:34
  when
• 4:34
  I
• 4:35
  read
• 4:35
  it.
• 4:36
  And
• 4:36
  it
• 4:37
  opened
• 4:37
  my
• 4:38
  heart
• 4:38
  to
• 4:38
  how
• 4:38
  much
• 4:38
  I
• 4:39
  love
• 4:39
  my
• 4:40
  husband
• 4:41
  and
• 4:41
  how
• 4:41
  grateful
• 4:42
  I
• 4:42
  am
• 4:42
  for
• 4:42
  my
• 4:43
  life
• 4:43
  and
• 4:43
  my
• 4:43
  family
• 4:44
  and
• 4:44
  how
• 4:45
  important
• 4:45
  it
• 4:45
  is
• 4:45
  to
• 4:47
  stay
• 4:47
  connected
• 4:48
  to
• 4:48
  that
• 4:48
  and
• 4:48
  be
• 4:49
  grateful.
• 4:49
  It
• 4:50
  also
• 4:50
  taught
• 4:50
  me
• 4:51
  how
• 4:51
  to
• 4:52
  support
• 4:52
  people
• 4:53
  when
• 4:53
  they're
• 4:53
  going
• 4:54
  through
• 4:54
  an
• 4:55
  unimaginable
• 4:57
  loss.
• 4:58
  You
• 4:58
  talk
• 4:59
  in
• 4:59
  your
• 4:59
  book
• 4:59
  about
• 5:00
  a
• 5:00
  lot
• 5:00
  of
• 5:00
  wonderful
• 5:01
  things,
• 5:01
  but
• 5:01
  you
• 5:01
  start
• 5:01
  out
• 5:02
  talking
• 5:02
  about
• 5:02
  your
• 5:03
  story,
• 5:04
  how
• 5:04
  you
• 5:04
  lost
• 5:04
  your
• 5:05
  husband
• 5:05
  and
• 5:06
  our
• 5:06
  collective
• 5:07
  discomfort
• 5:08
  with
• 5:09
  death.
• 5:09
  And
• 5:09
  you
• 5:09
  write,
• 5:10
  we're
• 5:10
  uncomfortable
• 5:11
  sitting
• 5:12
  with
• 5:12
  grief.
• 5:14
  So
• 5:14
  when
• 5:15
  someone's
• 5:15
  world
• 5:16
  explodes,
• 5:16
  you
• 5:17
  write,
• 5:17
  we
• 5:18
  reach
• 5:18
  for
• 5:19
  well
• 5:20
  meaning
• 5:20
  platitudes
• 5:21
  and
• 5:21
  scripts
• 5:22
  we've
• 5:22
  absorbed
• 5:23
  over
• 5:23
  time.
• 5:24
  And
• 5:25
  then
• 5:25
  you
• 5:25
  describe
• 5:25
  what
• 5:26
  some
• 5:26
  of
• 5:26
  those
• 5:26
  are.
• 5:26
  Be
• 5:26
  strong.
• 5:27
  Everything
• 5:28
  happens
• 5:28
  for
• 5:28
  a
• 5:29
  reason.
• 5:29
  They're
• 5:30
  in
• 5:30
  a
• 5:30
  better
• 5:30
  place.
• 5:31
  Let
• 5:31
  me
• 5:31
  know
• 5:31
  if
• 5:31
  there's
• 5:32
  anything
• 5:32
  I
• 5:32
  can
• 5:32
  do.
• 5:34
  And
• 5:34
  you
• 5:34
  went
• 5:35
  on
• 5:35
  to
• 5:35
  say,
• 5:35
  even
• 5:36
  these
• 5:36
  most
• 5:37
  well
• 5:37
  intended
• 5:37
  words
• 5:38
  can
• 5:38
  land
• 5:39
  wrong
• 5:39
  in
• 5:39
  deep
• 5:39
  moments
• 5:40
  of
• 5:40
  grief.
• 5:41
  Tell
• 5:41
  us
• 5:41
  about
• 5:42
  our
• 5:42
  discomfort
• 5:43
  with
• 5:43
  grief
• 5:43
  and
• 5:44
  death
• 5:44
  and
• 5:45
  how
• 5:46
  it
• 5:46
  makes
• 5:46
  it
• 5:46
  so
• 5:47
  hard
• 5:47
  for
• 5:47
  us
• 5:47
  to
• 5:48
  support
• 5:48
  people
• 5:48
  when
• 5:48
  they've
• 5:49
  lost
• 5:49
  a
• 5:49
  spouse.
• 5:50
  Yeah.
• 5:50
  First
• 5:51
  let
• 5:51
  me
• 5:51
  say
• 5:51
  that
• 5:52
  I
• 5:52
  too
• 5:53
  was
• 5:53
  on
• 5:54
  the
• 5:54
  other
• 5:54
  side.
• 5:55
  I
• 5:55
  had
• 5:56
  lost
• 5:56
  my
• 5:56
  parents,
• 5:57
  I
• 5:57
  had
• 5:57
  lost
• 5:57
  my
• 5:58
  best
• 5:58
  friend,
• 5:59
  I
• 5:59
  lost
• 6:00
  pets.
• 6:01
  I
• 6:01
  thought
• 6:02
  I
• 6:02
  was
• 6:03
  very
• 6:03
  comfortable
• 6:03
  with
• 6:04
  dealing
• 6:04
  with
• 6:05
  grief
• 6:06
  until
• 6:08
  this
• 6:08
  loss,
• 6:09
  because
• 6:09
  this
• 6:10
  truly
• 6:10
  is
• 6:11
  a
• 6:11
  loss
• 6:11
  that
• 6:12
  alters
• 6:13
  your
• 6:13
  life,
• 6:14
  it
• 6:14
  alters
• 6:15
  your
• 6:15
  world,
• 6:15
  it
• 6:16
  alters
• 6:16
  your
• 6:17
  sense
• 6:17
  of
• 6:17
  who
• 6:18
  you
• 6:18
  are.
• 6:19
  And
• 6:19
  with
• 6:19
  the
• 6:20
  death
• 6:20
  of
• 6:20
  my
• 6:20
  husband,
• 6:21
  a
• 6:21
  part
• 6:21
  of
• 6:22
  me
• 6:22
  died,
• 6:22
  too.
• 6:23
  And
• 6:23
  it
• 6:24
  wasn't
• 6:24
  until
• 6:24
  I
• 6:25
  sat
• 6:25
  on
• 6:25
  this
• 6:25
  other
• 6:26
  side,
• 6:27
  being
• 6:28
  the
• 6:28
  receiver
• 6:29
  of
• 6:29
  these
• 6:29
  condolences,
• 6:31
  that
• 6:31
  I
• 6:32
  had,
• 6:33
  in
• 6:33
  some
• 6:33
  cases,
• 6:34
  really
• 6:35
  angry
• 6:35
  reactions
• 6:36
  to
• 6:36
  what
• 6:36
  people
• 6:37
  were
• 6:37
  saying.
• 6:38
  I
• 6:38
  was
• 6:39
  so
• 6:39
  grateful
• 6:40
  for
• 6:40
  those
• 6:41
  who
• 6:41
  showed
• 6:42
  up
• 6:42
  with
• 6:42
  love.
• 6:43
  And
• 6:44
  I
• 6:44
  got
• 6:45
  angry
• 6:45
  at
• 6:45
  the
• 6:45
  people
• 6:46
  who
• 6:46
  said
• 6:46
  things
• 6:47
  that
• 6:47
  really
• 6:48
  hurt
• 6:48
  me.
• 6:49
  And
• 6:49
  it
• 6:49
  took
• 6:49
  me
• 6:50
  many,
• 6:50
  many
• 6:50
  months
• 6:51
  and
• 6:52
  discussions
• 6:52
  within
• 6:52
  my
• 6:53
  grief
• 6:53
  group
• 6:54
  of
• 6:54
  others
• 6:54
  who
• 6:55
  had
• 6:55
  experienced
• 6:55
  the
• 6:56
  Same
• 6:56
  hurts
• 6:58
  by
• 6:58
  others.
• 6:59
  And
• 6:59
  we
• 6:59
  sat
• 7:00
  there
• 7:01
  with
• 7:01
  our
• 7:01
  collective
• 7:02
  anger,
• 7:03
  thinking,
• 7:03
  how
• 7:03
  could
• 7:04
  people
• 7:04
  be
• 7:04
  so
• 7:05
  insensitive?
• 7:06
  How
• 7:06
  can
• 7:06
  people
• 7:07
  do
• 7:07
  and
• 7:07
  say
• 7:08
  those
• 7:08
  things?
• 7:09
  Don't
• 7:09
  they
• 7:09
  understand?
• 7:11
  And
• 7:11
  I
• 7:11
  sat
• 7:12
  with
• 7:12
  that
• 7:12
  anger
• 7:12
  for
• 7:13
  so
• 7:13
  long,
• 7:13
  and
• 7:13
  I
• 7:14
  thought
• 7:15
  we
• 7:15
  were
• 7:15
  joking,
• 7:15
  you
• 7:15
  know,
• 7:16
  we
• 7:16
  should
• 7:16
  write
• 7:16
  a
• 7:16
  book,
• 7:17
  you
• 7:17
  know,
• 7:17
  get
• 7:17
  our
• 7:17
  anger
• 7:18
  out,
• 7:18
  which
• 7:18
  is,
• 7:18
  of
• 7:19
  course,
• 7:19
  a
• 7:19
  therapeutic
• 7:20
  mechanism.
• 7:21
  I
• 7:22
  was
• 7:22
  the
• 7:22
  only
• 7:22
  one
• 7:22
  who
• 7:22
  did
• 7:23
  that.
• 7:23
  I
• 7:23
  wrote
• 7:23
  out
• 7:23
  my
• 7:23
  anger.
• 7:24
  I
• 7:24
  didn't
• 7:24
  do
• 7:24
  anything
• 7:25
  with
• 7:25
  it.
• 7:25
  It
• 7:26
  wasn't
• 7:26
  until
• 7:26
  the
• 7:27
  fog
• 7:27
  began
• 7:27
  to
• 7:28
  lift
• 7:28
  more
• 7:29
  than
• 7:29
  a
• 7:29
  year
• 7:29
  later
• 7:30
  that
• 7:31
  I
• 7:31
  had
• 7:32
  the
• 7:32
  clarity
• 7:32
  of
• 7:33
  mind
• 7:33
  to
• 7:33
  realize,
• 7:34
  well,
• 7:34
  people
• 7:34
  didn't
• 7:35
  mean
• 7:35
  to
• 7:35
  hurt
• 7:36
  us.
• 7:36
  They
• 7:37
  didn't
• 7:37
  set
• 7:37
  out
• 7:38
  to
• 7:38
  visit
• 7:38
  a
• 7:38
  grieving
• 7:39
  woman
• 7:39
  and
• 7:40
  hurt
• 7:40
  us.
• 7:42
  And
• 7:42
  the
• 7:42
  spark
• 7:42
  came
• 7:43
  in.
• 7:43
  I
• 7:43
  said,
• 7:43
  well,
• 7:43
  you
• 7:43
  know,
• 7:44
  they're
• 7:44
  uncomfortable
• 7:44
  with
• 7:44
  it.
• 7:45
  They
• 7:45
  didn't
• 7:45
  know
• 7:45
  what
• 7:46
  else
• 7:46
  to
• 7:46
  do.
• 7:47
  They
• 7:47
  made
• 7:47
  the
• 7:48
  effort
• 7:48
  to
• 7:48
  show
• 7:48
  up,
• 7:50
  but
• 7:50
  they
• 7:50
  said
• 7:51
  the
• 7:51
  wrong
• 7:51
  things.
• 7:52
  And
• 7:53
  then
• 7:53
  I
• 7:53
  thought,
• 7:53
  well,
• 7:54
  you
• 7:54
  know,
• 7:54
  of
• 7:54
  course
• 7:55
  they
• 7:55
  said
• 7:55
  the
• 7:55
  wrong
• 7:55
  things,
• 7:56
  because
• 7:57
  theories
• 7:57
  are
• 7:57
  two
• 7:57
  separate
• 7:58
  worlds.
• 7:58
  There
• 7:59
  is
• 7:59
  the
• 7:59
  world
• 7:59
  of
• 8:00
  the
• 8:00
  untouched,
• 8:01
  the
• 8:02
  non
• 8:02
  grieving.
• 8:03
  And
• 8:03
  then
• 8:03
  those
• 8:03
  of
• 8:04
  us
• 8:04
  who
• 8:04
  are
• 8:04
  grieving
• 8:04
  this
• 8:05
  profound
• 8:06
  loss.
• 8:07
  And
• 8:08
  I
• 8:08
  really
• 8:08
  felt
• 8:09
  it
• 8:09
  was
• 8:09
  important
• 8:09
  to
• 8:10
  pull
• 8:10
  back
• 8:10
  the
• 8:10
  curtain
• 8:11
  between
• 8:12
  us,
• 8:13
  those
• 8:13
  of
• 8:14
  us
• 8:14
  who
• 8:14
  have
• 8:14
  experienced
• 8:15
  this
• 8:15
  loss,
• 8:15
  this
• 8:15
  particular
• 8:16
  loss,
• 8:17
  and
• 8:18
  everyone
• 8:18
  else,
• 8:19
  so
• 8:20
  that
• 8:20
  there
• 8:20
  was
• 8:20
  more
• 8:20
  understanding
• 8:21
  from
• 8:22
  both
• 8:22
  ends.
• 8:22
  So
• 8:23
  that
• 8:23
  when
• 8:23
  you
• 8:23
  say
• 8:24
  X,
• 8:25
  this
• 8:25
  is
• 8:25
  how
• 8:25
  we
• 8:26
  hear
• 8:26
  it
• 8:26
  in
• 8:26
  our
• 8:27
  altered,
• 8:27
  grief,
• 8:28
  addled
• 8:28
  state.
• 8:30
  You
• 8:30
  don't
• 8:30
  believe
• 8:31
  it.
• 8:31
  You
• 8:31
  don't
• 8:31
  think
• 8:32
  it's
• 8:32
  going
• 8:32
  to
• 8:32
  do
• 8:32
  that.
• 8:33
  You
• 8:33
  don't
• 8:33
  think
• 8:33
  the
• 8:34
  power
• 8:34
  of
• 8:34
  a
• 8:34
  little
• 8:34
  platitude
• 8:35
  could
• 8:35
  have
• 8:36
  that
• 8:36
  much
• 8:37
  power.
• 8:37
  But
• 8:37
  it
• 8:38
  does.
• 8:38
  When
• 8:38
  we
• 8:39
  are
• 8:39
  broken
• 8:40
  and
• 8:40
  we
• 8:40
  are
• 8:40
  angry
• 8:41
  at
• 8:41
  the
• 8:41
  world
• 8:41
  and
• 8:41
  we
• 8:42
  are
• 8:42
  devastated.
• 8:43
  And
• 8:43
  that
• 8:43
  was
• 8:44
  really
• 8:44
  the
• 8:44
  impetus
• 8:45
  for
• 8:45
  the
• 8:45
  book.
• 8:45
  It
• 8:45
  was
• 8:46
  the
• 8:46
  realization,
• 8:48
  after
• 8:48
  all
• 8:48
  of
• 8:49
  the
• 8:49
  hurt
• 8:49
  and
• 8:49
  anger,
• 8:50
  that
• 8:51
  none
• 8:51
  of
• 8:51
  it
• 8:51
  was
• 8:51
  intentional.
• 8:53
  My
• 8:53
  hope
• 8:53
  was
• 8:54
  to
• 8:54
  bring
• 8:54
  clarity
• 8:54
  to
• 8:55
  this
• 8:56
  so
• 8:56
  that
• 8:56
  there
• 8:56
  was
• 8:57
  greater
• 8:57
  understanding,
• 8:58
  because
• 8:58
  I
• 8:58
  lost
• 8:59
  my
• 8:59
  husband
• 8:59
  way
• 8:59
  too
• 8:59
  soon,
• 9:00
  much
• 9:00
  earlier
• 9:01
  than
• 9:02
  you're
• 9:02
  supposed
• 9:02
  to.
• 9:03
  But
• 9:04
  ultimately,
• 9:04
  everyone
• 9:05
  will
• 9:05
  lose
• 9:05
  their
• 9:05
  partner.
• 9:07
  It's
• 9:08
  not
• 9:08
  an
• 9:08
  if.
• 9:08
  It's
• 9:09
  a
• 9:09
  when
• 9:09
  we're
• 9:10
  going
• 9:10
  to
• 9:10
  watch
• 9:11
  our
• 9:11
  friends
• 9:12
  and
• 9:12
  our
• 9:13
  family
• 9:13
  members
• 9:13
  go
• 9:14
  through
• 9:14
  this
• 9:15
  exact
• 9:16
  pain
• 9:16
  and
• 9:17
  this
• 9:17
  type
• 9:18
  of
• 9:18
  loss.
• 9:19
  One
• 9:19
  of
• 9:19
  the
• 9:19
  things
• 9:20
  that
• 9:20
  you
• 9:20
  talk
• 9:20
  about
• 9:21
  is
• 9:21
  it
• 9:22
  struck
• 9:22
  me
• 9:22
  so
• 9:22
  deeply.
• 9:23
  It's
• 9:23
  just
• 9:23
  that
• 9:24
  it's
• 9:24
  not
• 9:24
  about
• 9:25
  me.
• 9:26
  The
• 9:27
  grief
• 9:27
  that
• 9:27
  you're
• 9:27
  going
• 9:28
  through
• 9:29
  is
• 9:29
  not
• 9:29
  about
• 9:29
  me.
• 9:30
  But
• 9:30
  because
• 9:31
  I
• 9:31
  don't
• 9:32
  know
• 9:32
  what
• 9:32
  to
• 9:32
  do
• 9:32
  for
• 9:33
  you,
• 9:33
  it
• 9:34
  becomes
• 9:34
  about
• 9:34
  me,
• 9:35
  the
• 9:35
  outsider.
• 9:36
  Right?
• 9:37
  And
• 9:37
  that's
• 9:37
  a
• 9:37
  problem,
• 9:38
  right?
• 9:38
  Because
• 9:39
  I
• 9:39
  haven't
• 9:39
  dealt
• 9:40
  with
• 9:40
  my
• 9:40
  grief,
• 9:40
  my
• 9:41
  beliefs
• 9:41
  and
• 9:41
  fears
• 9:42
  about
• 9:42
  death
• 9:43
  or
• 9:44
  what's
• 9:45
  involved
• 9:45
  with
• 9:45
  that
• 9:45
  kind
• 9:45
  of
• 9:46
  grief
• 9:46
  or
• 9:46
  not
• 9:46
  being
• 9:46
  able
• 9:47
  to
• 9:47
  fix
• 9:47
  something.
• 9:48
  And
• 9:48
  I
• 9:49
  project
• 9:49
  that
• 9:49
  on
• 9:49
  you
• 9:50
  in
• 9:51
  the
• 9:51
  moment
• 9:51
  when
• 9:51
  you
• 9:52
  need
• 9:52
  me
• 9:53
  to
• 9:53
  be
• 9:54
  focused
• 9:54
  on
• 9:54
  you.
• 9:55
  Yeah,
• 9:56
  absolutely.
• 9:56
  Everyone
• 9:57
  has
• 9:57
  gone
• 9:57
  through
• 9:57
  some
• 9:58
  sort
• 9:58
  of
• 9:58
  grief,
• 9:59
  but
• 9:59
  it
• 10:00
  is
• 10:00
  well
• 10:00
  established
• 10:01
  that
• 10:01
  the
• 10:02
  death
• 10:02
  of
• 10:02
  a
• 10:02
  spouse
• 10:03
  is
• 10:03
  the
• 10:03
  single
• 10:04
  most
• 10:04
  devastating
• 10:05
  occurrence
• 10:05
  in
• 10:05
  a
• 10:06
  person's
• 10:06
  life.
• 10:07
  Because
• 10:09
  you
• 10:09
  lose
• 10:10
  yourself
• 10:11
  with
• 10:11
  that
• 10:11
  death.
• 10:12
  You
• 10:13
  don't
• 10:13
  know
• 10:13
  who
• 10:13
  you
• 10:14
  are
• 10:14
  anymore.
• 10:14
  You've
• 10:14
  lost
• 10:15
  your
• 10:15
  place
• 10:15
  in
• 10:15
  the
• 10:15
  world.
• 10:16
  You've
• 10:16
  lost
• 10:17
  your
• 10:17
  past,
• 10:17
  your
• 10:17
  memories.
• 10:18
  You've
• 10:18
  certainly
• 10:19
  lost
• 10:19
  your
• 10:19
  present.
• 10:20
  You've
• 10:20
  lost,
• 10:20
  you've
• 10:20
  lost
• 10:20
  your
• 10:21
  future.
• 10:21
  And
• 10:22
  the
• 10:22
  dreams
• 10:22
  you
• 10:23
  once
• 10:23
  held
• 10:23
  onto
• 10:24
  are
• 10:24
  gone.
• 10:24
  So
• 10:24
  you
• 10:24
  have
• 10:25
  no
• 10:25
  dreams.
• 10:26
  So
• 10:26
  it
• 10:26
  is
• 10:26
  an
• 10:26
  incredibly
• 10:27
  destabilizing
• 10:29
  event.
• 10:30
  And
• 10:30
  you're
• 10:30
  right,
• 10:31
  we
• 10:31
  as
• 10:31
  a
• 10:31
  society
• 10:32
  don't
• 10:32
  want
• 10:32
  to
• 10:32
  think
• 10:33
  about
• 10:33
  death
• 10:33
  and
• 10:34
  grief.
• 10:34
  That's
• 10:35
  why
• 10:35
  we
• 10:35
  put
• 10:36
  off
• 10:36
  wills
• 10:37
  and
• 10:37
  those
• 10:38
  uncomfortable
• 10:38
  financial
• 10:39
  conversations
• 10:39
  with
• 10:40
  adult
• 10:40
  children.
• 10:41
  Or
• 10:42
  we
• 10:42
  say,
• 10:43
  God
• 10:43
  forbid
• 10:44
  or
• 10:45
  if
• 10:45
  I
• 10:45
  die
• 10:46
  as
• 10:46
  opposed
• 10:46
  to
• 10:47
  when
• 10:47
  I
• 10:47
  die.
• 10:47
  There's
• 10:48
  such
• 10:48
  a
• 10:48
  resistance
• 10:49
  to
• 10:49
  it
• 10:50
  because
• 10:50
  we're
• 10:51
  wholly
• 10:51
  uncomfortable
• 10:52
  with
• 10:52
  it.
• 10:52
  It's
• 10:53
  your
• 10:53
  individual
• 10:54
  discomfort
• 10:55
  that
• 10:55
  drives
• 10:56
  how
• 10:56
  you
• 10:56
  behave.
• 10:57
  It
• 10:57
  is
• 10:58
  the,
• 10:58
  the
• 10:58
  fact
• 10:59
  that
• 10:59
  you
• 10:59
  don't
• 11:00
  want
• 11:00
  to
• 11:00
  see
• 11:00
  someone
• 11:00
  you
• 11:00
  care
• 11:01
  about
• 11:01
  be
• 11:01
  in
• 11:01
  pain.
• 11:02
  So
• 11:02
  you
• 11:02
  try
• 11:02
  to
• 11:02
  fix
• 11:03
  things.
• 11:03
  You
• 11:04
  try
• 11:04
  to
• 11:04
  bring
• 11:04
  positivity
• 11:05
  into
• 11:06
  a
• 11:06
  discussion
• 11:07
  like,
• 11:07
  oh,
• 11:08
  you
• 11:08
  look
• 11:08
  great.
• 11:09
  Oh,
• 11:09
  oh,
• 11:09
  I'm
• 11:10
  so
• 11:10
  happy
• 11:10
  to
• 11:10
  see
• 11:10
  you're
• 11:11
  smiling
• 11:12
  and
• 11:12
  that's
• 11:12
  because
• 11:13
  you're
• 11:13
  uncomfortable.
• 11:14
  It's
• 11:14
  not
• 11:15
  because
• 11:15
  we
• 11:15
  are
• 11:15
  any
• 11:16
  better,
• 11:17
  because
• 11:17
  you're
• 11:17
  trying
• 11:17
  to
• 11:17
  fix
• 11:18
  it
• 11:18
  and
• 11:18
  you
• 11:18
  can't
• 11:18
  fix
• 11:19
  us.
• 11:19
  And
• 11:20
  when
• 11:20
  you
• 11:20
  try
• 11:21
  to
• 11:22
  empathize,
• 11:23
  you
• 11:24
  instead
• 11:24
  compare
• 11:25
  losses.
• 11:27
  So
• 11:27
  I
• 11:27
  can't
• 11:28
  tell
• 11:28
  you
• 11:28
  how
• 11:28
  many
• 11:28
  people
• 11:28
  said,
• 11:29
  I
• 11:29
  know
• 11:29
  exactly
• 11:30
  how
• 11:30
  you're
• 11:30
  feeling.
• 11:30
  I
• 11:31
  just
• 11:31
  lost
• 11:31
  my
• 11:32
  mother
• 11:32
  and
• 11:33
  you
• 11:33
  know,
• 11:33
  like
• 11:33
  a
• 11:33
  90
• 11:33
  year
• 11:34
  old
• 11:34
  woman.
• 11:35
  How
• 11:35
  is
• 11:35
  that
• 11:35
  in
• 11:36
  any
• 11:36
  way
• 11:36
  comparable
• 11:38
  to
• 11:38
  the
• 11:39
  untimely
• 11:40
  out
• 11:40
  of
• 11:40
  cycle
• 11:40
  death
• 11:41
  of
• 11:41
  my
• 11:41
  husband
• 11:42
  and
• 11:43
  my
• 11:43
  children's
• 11:43
  loss
• 11:44
  of
• 11:44
  a
• 11:44
  father?
• 11:44
  Those
• 11:45
  phrases
• 11:45
  and
• 11:46
  behaviors
• 11:47
  come
• 11:47
  from
• 11:47
  a
• 11:47
  place
• 11:48
  of
• 11:48
  discomfort,
• 11:48
  your
• 11:49
  own
• 11:49
  individual
• 11:49
  discomfort
• 11:50
  and
• 11:51
  just
• 11:51
  trying
• 11:52
  to
• 11:52
  get
• 11:52
  over
• 11:52
  it,
• 11:53
  trying
• 11:53
  to
• 11:53
  do
• 11:53
  something
• 11:53
  but
• 11:54
  not
• 11:54
  doing
• 11:54
  it
• 11:55
  quite
• 11:56
  well.
• 11:57
  And
• 11:57
  what
• 11:57
  it
• 11:57
  does
• 11:58
  is
• 11:58
  it
• 11:58
  further
• 11:58
  isolates
• 11:59
  us
• 11:59
  because
• 11:59
  we
• 12:00
  already
• 12:00
  feel
• 12:00
  incredibly
• 12:01
  lonely
• 12:02
  in
• 12:03
  what
• 12:03
  has
• 12:03
  happened.
• 12:04
  And
• 12:04
  it
• 12:04
  further
• 12:05
  makes
• 12:05
  us
• 12:05
  feel
• 12:05
  that,
• 12:05
  oh,
• 12:06
  no
• 12:06
  one
• 12:06
  understands
• 12:07
  this.
• 12:07
  No
• 12:07
  one,
• 12:08
  you
• 12:08
  know,
• 12:09
  I'm
• 12:09
  just
• 12:09
  on
• 12:09
  my
• 12:10
  own.
• 12:10
  And
• 12:11
  we.
• 12:11
  Well,
• 12:11
  it
• 12:11
  also
• 12:11
  adds
• 12:12
  to
• 12:12
  the
• 12:12
  level
• 12:12
  of
• 12:13
  frustration
• 12:13
  and
• 12:14
  anger.
• 12:14
  I
• 12:14
  mean,
• 12:15
  you
• 12:15
  know,
• 12:15
  people
• 12:15
  would
• 12:16
  say
• 12:16
  to
• 12:16
  me,
• 12:17
  oh,
• 12:17
  you
• 12:17
  know,
• 12:17
  well,
• 12:18
  I'd
• 12:18
  like
• 12:18
  to
• 12:18
  believe
• 12:19
  God
• 12:19
  has
• 12:19
  another
• 12:19
  angel.
• 12:21
  And
• 12:21
  I
• 12:21
  thought,
• 12:21
  well,
• 12:21
  what
• 12:22
  kind
• 12:22
  of
• 12:22
  a
• 12:22
  God
• 12:23
  would
• 12:23
  take
• 12:23
  a
• 12:23
  father
• 12:24
  away
• 12:24
  from
• 12:24
  the
• 12:24
  two
• 12:24
  young
• 12:25
  children?
• 12:26
  Don't
• 12:26
  talk
• 12:26
  to
• 12:26
  me
• 12:26
  about
• 12:26
  God.
• 12:27
  So
• 12:27
  even
• 12:28
  those
• 12:28
  things,
• 12:28
  like
• 12:29
  every
• 12:29
  little
• 12:30
  thing,
• 12:30
  I
• 12:30
  remember
• 12:31
  every
• 12:31
  single
• 12:31
  kindness,
• 12:32
  even
• 12:32
  though
• 12:32
  I
• 12:32
  wasn't
• 12:33
  able
• 12:33
  to
• 12:33
  express
• 12:33
  my
• 12:33
  gratitude,
• 12:35
  but
• 12:35
  I
• 12:35
  also
• 12:35
  remember
• 12:36
  every
• 12:36
  slight.
• 12:37
  And
• 12:37
  every
• 12:38
  slight
• 12:38
  really
• 12:38
  wounded
• 12:39
  me.
• 12:40
  And
• 12:40
  I
• 12:40
  know
• 12:40
  I
• 12:40
  speak
• 12:41
  for
• 12:41
  so
• 12:42
  many
• 12:42
  people
• 12:42
  in
• 12:43
  this
• 12:43
  community.
• 12:44
  Validation.
• 12:44
  I
• 12:45
  had
• 12:45
  some
• 12:45
  of
• 12:45
  my.
• 12:45
  My.
• 12:46
  The
• 12:46
  people
• 12:46
  in
• 12:46
  my
• 12:47
  grief
• 12:47
  group,
• 12:47
  they.
• 12:48
  They
• 12:48
  reviewed
• 12:48
  the
• 12:48
  book
• 12:49
  for
• 12:49
  me
• 12:49
  before
• 12:49
  I
• 12:49
  published
• 12:50
  it.
• 12:50
  I
• 12:51
  wanted
• 12:51
  to
• 12:51
  make
• 12:51
  sure
• 12:52
  I
• 12:52
  gave
• 12:52
  voice
• 12:53
  to
• 12:53
  others.
• 12:54
  It
• 12:54
  is
• 12:54
  something
• 12:55
  I
• 12:55
  see
• 12:55
  constantly
• 12:56
  on
• 12:56
  the
• 12:56
  Facebook
• 12:56
  groups
• 12:57
  I
• 12:57
  belong
• 12:57
  to.
• 12:58
  It
• 12:58
  is
• 12:58
  the
• 12:59
  same
• 12:59
  behaviors
• 13:00
  that
• 13:01
  wound
• 13:01
  us,
• 13:01
  that
• 13:02
  we
• 13:02
  vent
• 13:02
  about.
• 13:03
  I'm
• 13:03
  two
• 13:03
  and
• 13:03
  a
• 13:03
  half
• 13:03
  years
• 13:04
  past
• 13:04
  it,
• 13:04
  so
• 13:05
  it's
• 13:05
  not
• 13:05
  as
• 13:05
  raw
• 13:06
  for
• 13:06
  me,
• 13:07
  but
• 13:07
  I
• 13:07
  wanted
• 13:08
  to
• 13:08
  give
• 13:09
  everyone
• 13:10
  that
• 13:10
  agency,
• 13:11
  that
• 13:11
  voice,
• 13:12
  so
• 13:13
  that
• 13:13
  the
• 13:14
  whole
• 13:14
  community
• 13:15
  surrounding
• 13:16
  them
• 13:16
  had
• 13:17
  a
• 13:17
  little
• 13:17
  bit
• 13:18
  more
• 13:18
  understanding
• 13:19
  of
• 13:19
  what
• 13:19
  it's
• 13:19
  really
• 13:19
  like.
• 13:20
  Because
• 13:21
  it
• 13:21
  is
• 13:21
  an
• 13:21
  unimaginable
• 13:22
  loss.
• 13:22
  There's
• 13:23
  no
• 13:23
  way
• 13:24
  you
• 13:24
  can
• 13:24
  equate
• 13:25
  it
• 13:25
  to
• 13:25
  any
• 13:25
  other
• 13:25
  loss.
• 13:27
  You
• 13:27
  cite
• 13:28
  some
• 13:28
  different
• 13:28
  research
• 13:29
  about
• 13:29
  it
• 13:29
  and
• 13:30
  really
• 13:30
  go
• 13:30
  into
• 13:31
  depth
• 13:31
  about
• 13:31
  what
• 13:31
  a
• 13:32
  unique
• 13:33
  loss
• 13:33
  it
• 13:33
  is
• 13:33
  for
• 13:34
  a
• 13:34
  person.
• 13:35
  You
• 13:35
  talk
• 13:35
  about
• 13:36
  grief,
• 13:36
  and
• 13:36
  I
• 13:37
  appreciated
• 13:38
  what
• 13:38
  you
• 13:38
  said
• 13:39
  when
• 13:39
  you
• 13:39
  talk
• 13:40
  about
• 13:40
  grief
• 13:40
  and
• 13:41
  what
• 13:41
  we
• 13:41
  need
• 13:42
  is
• 13:42
  support,
• 13:43
  care,
• 13:43
  and
• 13:44
  presence,
• 13:45
  because
• 13:46
  grief
• 13:46
  is
• 13:46
  something
• 13:47
  that
• 13:47
  cannot
• 13:48
  be
• 13:48
  fixed
• 13:49
  or
• 13:49
  solved.
• 13:50
  You
• 13:51
  talked
• 13:51
  about
• 13:52
  some
• 13:52
  of
• 13:52
  the
• 13:52
  feelings
• 13:53
  of
• 13:53
  grief,
• 13:53
  the
• 13:53
  profound
• 13:54
  loneliness,
• 13:54
  the
• 13:55
  disorientation
• 13:56
  or
• 13:57
  emotional
• 13:58
  paralysis,
• 13:58
  social
• 13:59
  exhaustion,
• 14:00
  and
• 14:00
  what
• 14:00
  you
• 14:01
  called.
• 14:01
  Can
• 14:02
  you
• 14:02
  tell
• 14:02
  us
• 14:02
  more
• 14:03
  about
• 14:03
  that
• 14:04
  and
• 14:04
  how
• 14:04
  we.
• 14:04
  What
• 14:05
  it
• 14:05
  looks
• 14:05
  like,
• 14:05
  what
• 14:05
  are
• 14:06
  we
• 14:06
  supposed
• 14:07
  to
• 14:07
  do,
• 14:07
  or
• 14:08
  how
• 14:08
  do
• 14:08
  we
• 14:08
  respond
• 14:08
  to
• 14:09
  that?
• 14:10
  Well,
• 14:10
  I
• 14:10
  mean,
• 14:10
  first
• 14:10
  of
• 14:11
  all,
• 14:11
  I
• 14:11
  have
• 14:11
  to
• 14:12
  say
• 14:12
  I
• 14:12
  want
• 14:12
  to
• 14:12
  clear
• 14:13
  up
• 14:13
  myth
• 14:14
  that
• 14:14
  there
• 14:14
  are
• 14:15
  stages
• 14:15
  of
• 14:15
  grief.
• 14:16
  And
• 14:16
  I
• 14:16
  do
• 14:16
  cite
• 14:17
  that.
• 14:17
  I
• 14:17
  do
• 14:17
  cite
• 14:17
  that
• 14:18
  in
• 14:18
  my
• 14:18
  book,
• 14:18
  because
• 14:19
  people
• 14:19
  would
• 14:19
  say
• 14:19
  to
• 14:19
  me,
• 14:19
  what
• 14:20
  stage
• 14:20
  of
• 14:20
  grief
• 14:21
  are
• 14:21
  you
• 14:21
  in?
• 14:21
  And
• 14:22
  it
• 14:22
  was
• 14:22
  so
• 14:22
  maddening.
• 14:23
  Elizabeth
• 14:23
  Kubler
• 14:24
  Ross
• 14:24
  did
• 14:24
  this
• 14:25
  study
• 14:25
  a
• 14:25
  long
• 14:26
  time
• 14:26
  ago
• 14:27
  with
• 14:27
  terminally
• 14:28
  ill
• 14:28
  patients,
• 14:29
  and
• 14:30
  what
• 14:30
  she
• 14:30
  was
• 14:30
  documenting
• 14:31
  was
• 14:32
  their
• 14:32
  feelings
• 14:33
  of
• 14:33
  grief
• 14:34
  at
• 14:34
  the
• 14:34
  understanding
• 14:35
  that
• 14:36
  their
• 14:36
  death
• 14:36
  was
• 14:36
  imminent.
• 14:39
  And
• 14:39
  unfortunately,
• 14:40
  it
• 14:40
  got
• 14:41
  mistakenly
• 14:41
  hijacked
• 14:42
  and
• 14:42
  is
• 14:42
  now
• 14:43
  broadly
• 14:44
  used
• 14:44
  for
• 14:44
  grief
• 14:45
  in
• 14:45
  general.
• 14:46
  It
• 14:46
  has
• 14:47
  been
• 14:47
  well
• 14:47
  refuted
• 14:48
  by
• 14:48
  the
• 14:48
  scientific
• 14:48
  community,
• 14:49
  but
• 14:50
  as
• 14:50
  we've
• 14:50
  seen
• 14:50
  with
• 14:50
  the
• 14:51
  whole
• 14:51
  vaccine
• 14:52
  issue,
• 14:53
  one
• 14:53
  bad
• 14:53
  study,
• 14:54
  when
• 14:54
  it
• 14:54
  gets
• 14:54
  represented,
• 14:55
  it
• 14:55
  takes
• 14:55
  off
• 14:56
  and
• 14:56
  it
• 14:56
  becomes
• 14:57
  a
• 14:57
  reality.
• 14:57
  That's
• 14:58
  actually
• 14:58
  not
• 14:59
  true.
• 15:00
  And
• 15:01
  so,
• 15:01
  you
• 15:01
  know,
• 15:02
  when
• 15:02
  we
• 15:02
  go
• 15:02
  through
• 15:02
  this
• 15:03
  grief,
• 15:03
  it
• 15:04
  does
• 15:04
  depend
• 15:04
  on
• 15:05
  the
• 15:05
  type
• 15:05
  of
• 15:05
  loss.
• 15:06
  Mine
• 15:07
  was
• 15:07
  not
• 15:08
  planned.
• 15:09
  Mine
• 15:09
  was
• 15:09
  an
• 15:09
  accident.
• 15:10
  It
• 15:10
  was
• 15:10
  very
• 15:11
  sudden.
• 15:11
  I
• 15:11
  had
• 15:11
  no
• 15:11
  warning.
• 15:12
  My
• 15:12
  husband
• 15:12
  was
• 15:13
  healthy,
• 15:14
  and
• 15:14
  I
• 15:15
  had
• 15:15
  grief
• 15:16
  in
• 15:16
  addition
• 15:16
  to
• 15:17
  ptsd,
• 15:18
  depression,
• 15:19
  and
• 15:19
  anxiety
• 15:20
  because
• 15:20
  the
• 15:20
  shock
• 15:21
  was
• 15:22
  so
• 15:23
  immeasurable.
• 15:24
  But
• 15:24
  grief
• 15:25
  brain
• 15:25
  is
• 15:26
  honestly
• 15:27
  your
• 15:27
  body's
• 15:28
  way,
• 15:28
  your
• 15:29
  mind's
• 15:29
  way
• 15:29
  of
• 15:29
  trying
• 15:30
  to
• 15:30
  protect
• 15:30
  you
• 15:31
  from
• 15:31
  something
• 15:32
  so
• 15:32
  terrible
• 15:34
  that
• 15:34
  it
• 15:35
  neurologically,
• 15:36
  it
• 15:36
  scrambles
• 15:37
  everything.
• 15:38
  We
• 15:38
  don't
• 15:38
  know
• 15:38
  what
• 15:39
  we're
• 15:39
  saying.
• 15:39
  And
• 15:39
  I
• 15:39
  can
• 15:40
  tell
• 15:40
  you,
• 15:40
  Coco,
• 15:40
  I
• 15:41
  don't
• 15:41
  remember
• 15:42
  any
• 15:42
  conversations
• 15:44
  from
• 15:44
  that
• 15:44
  period
• 15:44
  of
• 15:45
  time.
• 15:45
  Very,
• 15:45
  very
• 15:45
  few
• 15:46
  do
• 15:46
  I
• 15:46
  remember.
• 15:47
  But
• 15:47
  people
• 15:48
  even
• 15:48
  now
• 15:48
  will
• 15:48
  say,
• 15:49
  remember,
• 15:49
  you
• 15:49
  saw
• 15:49
  so
• 15:50
  and
• 15:50
  so.
• 15:50
  And
• 15:50
  I
• 15:50
  have
• 15:51
  no
• 15:51
  recollection.
• 15:51
  Like.
• 15:52
  And
• 15:52
  that
• 15:52
  wasn't
• 15:53
  me,
• 15:53
  but
• 15:53
  it
• 15:53
  was
• 15:53
  me
• 15:54
  with
• 15:54
  grief
• 15:55
  brain.
• 15:55
  I
• 15:55
  could
• 15:56
  not
• 15:56
  think
• 15:56
  straight.
• 15:57
  I
• 15:57
  could
• 15:57
  not
• 15:58
  drive.
• 15:59
  I
• 15:59
  just
• 15:59
  physically,
• 16:01
  like,
• 16:01
  nothing
• 16:01
  was
• 16:02
  connected.
• 16:02
  For
• 16:02
  a
• 16:03
  year,
• 16:03
  I
• 16:03
  could
• 16:03
  not
• 16:04
  drive.
• 16:05
  And
• 16:05
  that
• 16:06
  was,
• 16:06
  you
• 16:06
  know,
• 16:07
  can.
• 16:07
  No
• 16:07
  two
• 16:08
  people
• 16:08
  are
• 16:08
  the
• 16:08
  same.
• 16:09
  Everyone
• 16:09
  will
• 16:09
  experience
• 16:10
  grief.
• 16:10
  That
• 16:10
  was.
• 16:10
  This
• 16:10
  was
• 16:11
  my
• 16:11
  instance.
• 16:12
  But
• 16:12
  I
• 16:12
  could
• 16:12
  not
• 16:13
  drive.
• 16:13
  I
• 16:14
  had
• 16:15
  just
• 16:15
  simply
• 16:15
  forgotten
• 16:16
  how
• 16:16
  to.
• 16:16
  Nothing
• 16:17
  was
• 16:17
  connecting.
• 16:18
  I
• 16:19
  was
• 16:19
  looking
• 16:20
  like.
• 16:20
  I
• 16:20
  mean,
• 16:21
  my
• 16:21
  eyes
• 16:21
  were
• 16:21
  open,
• 16:22
  but
• 16:22
  I
• 16:22
  don't
• 16:22
  know
• 16:22
  what
• 16:22
  I
• 16:23
  was
• 16:23
  looking
• 16:23
  at.
• 16:24
  I
• 16:24
  was
• 16:25
  remembering
• 16:25
  to
• 16:25
  eat.
• 16:26
  I
• 16:26
  didn't
• 16:26
  know
• 16:26
  what
• 16:27
  day
• 16:27
  or
• 16:27
  time
• 16:28
  it
• 16:28
  was.
• 16:31
  I
• 16:31
  didn't
• 16:31
  remember
• 16:31
  who
• 16:31
  was
• 16:32
  coming,
• 16:32
  who
• 16:32
  was
• 16:33
  going.
• 16:34
  It
• 16:34
  was
• 16:35
  just,
• 16:35
  you
• 16:35
  know.
• 16:36
  And
• 16:36
  I
• 16:36
  will
• 16:36
  say
• 16:37
  I
• 16:37
  was
• 16:38
  on
• 16:38
  tranquilizers.
• 16:38
  I
• 16:39
  was
• 16:39
  on
• 16:39
  medication,
• 16:40
  but
• 16:40
  that
• 16:40
  was
• 16:41
  to
• 16:41
  keep
• 16:41
  me
• 16:42
  calm
• 16:43
  and
• 16:43
  my,
• 16:44
  you
• 16:44
  know,
• 16:44
  my
• 16:44
  anxiety
• 16:45
  from,
• 16:45
  you
• 16:45
  know,
• 16:45
  from
• 16:45
  having
• 16:46
  panic
• 16:46
  attacks.
• 16:46
  I
• 16:46
  was
• 16:46
  having
• 16:47
  panic
• 16:47
  attacks,
• 16:47
  too.
• 16:48
  But
• 16:49
  it
• 16:49
  does
• 16:49
  alter
• 16:50
  your
• 16:50
  brain
• 16:50
  chemistry.
• 16:51
  Grief
• 16:52
  has
• 16:52
  a
• 16:52
  way
• 16:52
  of
• 16:52
  doing
• 16:53
  that,
• 16:53
  and
• 16:53
  it
• 16:54
  takes
• 16:54
  different
• 16:54
  people,
• 16:56
  you
• 16:56
  know,
• 16:56
  different
• 16:56
  amounts
• 16:57
  of
• 16:57
  time
• 16:57
  to
• 16:57
  get
• 16:57
  through
• 16:58
  it.
• 16:58
  Eventually,
• 16:58
  some
• 16:59
  of
• 16:59
  these
• 16:59
  things
• 16:59
  come
• 16:59
  back.
• 16:59
  It
• 17:00
  hasn't
• 17:00
  all
• 17:00
  come
• 17:00
  back
• 17:01
  for
• 17:01
  me.
• 17:02
  So,
• 17:02
  for
• 17:02
  example,
• 17:02
  for
• 17:03
  me,
• 17:03
  I
• 17:03
  have
• 17:04
  limited
• 17:04
  attention.
• 17:05
  Spanish.
• 17:06
  Now,
• 17:06
  I
• 17:07
  don't
• 17:07
  have
• 17:07
  the
• 17:08
  same
• 17:08
  drive,
• 17:09
  the
• 17:09
  ability
• 17:09
  that
• 17:10
  I,
• 17:10
  you
• 17:10
  know,
• 17:10
  I'm
• 17:10
  not
• 17:10
  the
• 17:10
  person
• 17:11
  I
• 17:11
  used
• 17:11
  to
• 17:11
  be.
• 17:12
  I
• 17:13
  don't
• 17:14
  have
• 17:14
  the
• 17:14
  same
• 17:14
  stamina.
• 17:15
  Definitely
• 17:16
  my
• 17:16
  energy
• 17:17
  levels.
• 17:18
  I
• 17:18
  still
• 17:19
  lie
• 17:19
  down
• 17:19
  every
• 17:20
  day.
• 17:20
  I
• 17:20
  still
• 17:20
  have
• 17:21
  to
• 17:21
  lie
• 17:21
  down.
• 17:22
  But
• 17:22
  it
• 17:22
  does.
• 17:22
  It's
• 17:23
  a
• 17:23
  very
• 17:23
  real
• 17:23
  phenomenon,
• 17:24
  and
• 17:24
  it
• 17:24
  shouldn't
• 17:25
  be
• 17:25
  ignored.
• 17:25
  And
• 17:26
  so
• 17:26
  you're
• 17:26
  just
• 17:26
  scrambling
• 17:27
  things.
• 17:27
  Like,
• 17:28
  it
• 17:28
  looks
• 17:28
  like
• 17:28
  you're
• 17:28
  forgetting
• 17:29
  things.
• 17:29
  Like
• 17:29
  perhaps
• 17:30
  you
• 17:30
  have
• 17:30
  Alzheimer's,
• 17:31
  perhaps
• 17:31
  it's
• 17:32
  menopause
• 17:32
  brain.
• 17:33
  But
• 17:33
  honestly,
• 17:33
  it
• 17:34
  is
• 17:34
  the
• 17:34
  brain's
• 17:35
  way
• 17:35
  of
• 17:35
  protecting.
• 17:36
  Protecting
• 17:37
  us
• 17:37
  from
• 17:37
  a
• 17:38
  trauma
• 17:38
  so
• 17:38
  devastating
• 17:40
  that
• 17:40
  we
• 17:40
  can't
• 17:41
  think
• 17:41
  straight.
• 17:42
  You
• 17:42
  describe
• 17:43
  it
• 17:44
  in
• 17:44
  such
• 17:44
  a
• 17:44
  way
• 17:44
  that
• 17:45
  it
• 17:45
  helped
• 17:45
  me
• 17:47
  understand
• 17:49
  how
• 17:49
  important
• 17:50
  it
• 17:50
  is
• 17:50
  to
• 17:50
  hold
• 17:51
  space
• 17:52
  for
• 17:52
  somebody
• 17:52
  going
• 17:52
  through
• 17:53
  it.
• 17:53
  Because
• 17:53
  there's
• 17:54
  nothing
• 17:54
  I
• 17:54
  can
• 17:54
  do
• 17:55
  for
• 17:55
  you
• 17:55
  in
• 17:56
  that
• 17:56
  space
• 17:56
  other
• 17:57
  than
• 17:58
  hold
• 17:58
  space.
• 17:59
  Right?
• 18:00
  Yeah.
• 18:00
  And
• 18:00
  I
• 18:00
  think
• 18:00
  that's
• 18:01
  the
• 18:01
  thing
• 18:01
  people
• 18:01
  struggle
• 18:02
  with.
• 18:02
  They
• 18:02
  think
• 18:02
  there's
• 18:02
  gotta
• 18:03
  be
• 18:03
  some
• 18:03
  perfect
• 18:04
  words
• 18:04
  or
• 18:05
  a
• 18:05
  grand
• 18:06
  gesture
• 18:06
  or
• 18:07
  something
• 18:08
  meaningful
• 18:09
  that
• 18:09
  they
• 18:10
  have
• 18:10
  to
• 18:10
  do.
• 18:10
  And
• 18:10
  the
• 18:11
  presence
• 18:11
  is
• 18:12
  what's
• 18:12
  meaningful.
• 18:13
  The
• 18:13
  sitting
• 18:13
  with
• 18:14
  us
• 18:14
  in
• 18:14
  silence,
• 18:15
  making
• 18:16
  a
• 18:16
  cup
• 18:16
  of
• 18:16
  tea.
• 18:17
  And
• 18:17
  not
• 18:18
  talking,
• 18:18
  just
• 18:19
  being
• 18:19
  with
• 18:19
  us.
• 18:20
  One
• 18:21
  of
• 18:21
  the
• 18:21
  most
• 18:21
  touching
• 18:22
  things
• 18:22
  I
• 18:22
  remember
• 18:22
  and
• 18:23
  one
• 18:23
  of
• 18:23
  the
• 18:23
  most
• 18:23
  helpful
• 18:23
  things
• 18:24
  I
• 18:24
  remember
• 18:24
  is
• 18:24
  two
• 18:24
  days
• 18:25
  after
• 18:25
  Doug
• 18:25
  died,
• 18:26
  it
• 18:26
  was
• 18:26
  actually
• 18:26
  Easter
• 18:27
  morning,
• 18:28
  and
• 18:28
  I
• 18:29
  had
• 18:29
  a
• 18:29
  very
• 18:29
  good
• 18:29
  friend.
• 18:29
  I
• 18:29
  have
• 18:30
  an
• 18:30
  amazing
• 18:30
  community
• 18:31
  of
• 18:31
  neighbors,
• 18:32
  friends.
• 18:32
  I
• 18:33
  called
• 18:33
  them
• 18:33
  my
• 18:33
  chosen
• 18:33
  family
• 18:34
  because
• 18:34
  they
• 18:34
  are
• 18:35
  truly
• 18:35
  gems.
• 18:36
  One
• 18:37
  of
• 18:37
  them,
• 18:37
  she
• 18:37
  just
• 18:37
  walked
• 18:37
  into
• 18:38
  my
• 18:38
  house.
• 18:38
  She
• 18:38
  had
• 18:38
  a
• 18:39
  dozen
• 18:39
  eggs.
• 18:39
  She.
• 18:40
  She
• 18:40
  made
• 18:40
  me
• 18:40
  some
• 18:40
  eggs
• 18:40
  and
• 18:41
  some
• 18:41
  bacon.
• 18:41
  She
• 18:42
  did
• 18:42
  it
• 18:42
  all
• 18:42
  in
• 18:42
  silence.
• 18:43
  She
• 18:43
  didn't
• 18:43
  ask
• 18:44
  me
• 18:44
  where
• 18:44
  anything
• 18:44
  was.
• 18:45
  She
• 18:45
  never.
• 18:45
  She
• 18:45
  never
• 18:45
  talked
• 18:46
  to
• 18:46
  me.
• 18:47
  And
• 18:47
  I
• 18:48
  was
• 18:48
  sitting
• 18:48
  at
• 18:48
  the
• 18:48
  kitchen
• 18:49
  counter.
• 18:50
  She
• 18:50
  made
• 18:51
  it.
• 18:51
  She
• 18:52
  sat
• 18:52
  there.
• 18:53
  She
• 18:53
  didn't
• 18:53
  talk.
• 18:55
  She
• 18:55
  let
• 18:55
  me
• 18:55
  eat
• 18:55
  what
• 18:55
  I
• 18:56
  could
• 18:56
  eat.
• 18:56
  Then
• 18:57
  she
• 18:57
  cleaned
• 18:57
  up
• 18:58
  and
• 18:58
  why
• 18:58
  don't
• 18:58
  you
• 18:59
  go
• 18:59
  lie
• 18:59
  down?
• 19:00
  And
• 19:00
  that
• 19:00
  was
• 19:01
  it.
• 19:02
  And
• 19:03
  it
• 19:03
  was
• 19:03
  just.
• 19:03
  So
• 19:03
  I
• 19:03
  had
• 19:04
  a
• 19:04
  couple
• 19:04
  of
• 19:04
  bites
• 19:04
  of
• 19:05
  food.
• 19:05
  I
• 19:05
  had
• 19:06
  someone
• 19:06
  there
• 19:06
  with
• 19:07
  me
• 19:07
  who
• 19:07
  was
• 19:08
  thinking
• 19:08
  about
• 19:08
  the
• 19:08
  fact
• 19:09
  that
• 19:09
  I
• 19:09
  hadn't
• 19:10
  eaten.
• 19:10
  I
• 19:10
  probably
• 19:11
  wouldn't
• 19:11
  eat.
• 19:12
  How
• 19:12
  difficult
• 19:12
  this
• 19:13
  day
• 19:13
  was.
• 19:14
  And
• 19:14
  she
• 19:14
  just.
• 19:15
  That
• 19:15
  was
• 19:15
  her
• 19:15
  presence.
• 19:16
  Yeah.
• 19:17
  Because
• 19:17
  in
• 19:18
  that
• 19:18
  state,
• 19:19
  I
• 19:19
  imagine
• 19:20
  just
• 19:20
  getting
• 19:20
  peppered
• 19:21
  with
• 19:21
  questions
• 19:22
  when,
• 19:22
  what
• 19:22
  can
• 19:22
  I
• 19:22
  do
• 19:22
  for
• 19:23
  you?
• 19:23
  What
• 19:23
  do
• 19:23
  you
• 19:23
  need?
• 19:23
  What
• 19:24
  do
• 19:24
  you
• 19:24
  need?
• 19:24
  How
• 19:24
  can
• 19:24
  I
• 19:24
  help?
• 19:25
  You
• 19:25
  wouldn't
• 19:25
  even
• 19:26
  know
• 19:26
  what
• 19:26
  to
• 19:26
  do
• 19:26
  with
• 19:26
  that.
• 19:27
  Right.
• 19:27
  And
• 19:27
  that's
• 19:27
  the
• 19:28
  thing.
• 19:28
  It
• 19:28
  places
• 19:28
  more
• 19:28
  of
• 19:29
  an
• 19:29
  emotional
• 19:29
  burden
• 19:30
  on
• 19:30
  us
• 19:31
  at
• 19:31
  a
• 19:31
  time
• 19:31
  where
• 19:32
  we
• 19:32
  can't
• 19:32
  think
• 19:32
  straight.
• 19:33
  So,
• 19:34
  you
• 19:34
  know,
• 19:34
  so
• 19:34
  many
• 19:34
  people
• 19:34
  say,
• 19:35
  I'm
• 19:35
  here
• 19:35
  for
• 19:36
  whatever
• 19:36
  you
• 19:36
  need.
• 19:36
  Well,
• 19:37
  that
• 19:37
  is
• 19:38
  useless.
• 19:38
  And
• 19:39
  again,
• 19:39
  I
• 19:39
  was
• 19:39
  one
• 19:40
  of
• 19:40
  those
• 19:40
  people,
• 19:40
  too.
• 19:41
  I
• 19:41
  mean,
• 19:41
  I
• 19:41
  did
• 19:41
  the
• 19:41
  very
• 19:42
  same
• 19:42
  things.
• 19:42
  And
• 19:42
  it's
• 19:42
  not
• 19:43
  until
• 19:43
  I
• 19:43
  was
• 19:43
  on
• 19:43
  this
• 19:43
  side
• 19:44
  that
• 19:44
  I
• 19:44
  realized,
• 19:44
  oh,
• 19:44
  my
• 19:45
  gosh,
• 19:45
  that's
• 19:46
  the
• 19:46
  worst
• 19:46
  thing
• 19:47
  to
• 19:47
  say.
• 19:47
  How
• 19:47
  can
• 19:48
  I
• 19:48
  help?
• 19:48
  What
• 19:48
  can
• 19:49
  we
• 19:49
  do?
• 19:50
  Because
• 19:50
  it's
• 19:51
  just
• 19:51
  adding
• 19:51
  to
• 19:51
  our
• 19:52
  inability
• 19:53
  to
• 19:53
  articulate
• 19:53
  anything.
• 19:54
  Because,
• 19:54
  you
• 19:54
  know
• 19:54
  this,
• 19:54
  and
• 19:55
  especially
• 19:55
  women,
• 19:55
  even
• 19:55
  in
• 19:56
  the
• 19:56
  best
• 19:56
  of
• 19:56
  circumstances,
• 19:57
  we
• 19:57
  don't
• 19:57
  like
• 19:57
  asking
• 19:58
  for
• 19:58
  help.
• 19:58
  It's
• 19:59
  hard
• 19:59
  for
• 19:59
  us
• 19:59
  to
• 20:00
  ask
• 20:00
  for
• 20:00
  help.
• 20:01
  So
• 20:01
  how,
• 20:01
  in
• 20:01
  this
• 20:02
  moment
• 20:02
  of
• 20:03
  devastation,
• 20:03
  can
• 20:04
  we
• 20:04
  come
• 20:04
  up
• 20:04
  with
• 20:05
  something?
• 20:05
  And
• 20:06
  that's
• 20:06
  really
• 20:06
  one
• 20:06
  of
• 20:06
  the
• 20:06
  reasons
• 20:07
  why
• 20:07
  I
• 20:07
  wrote
• 20:07
  the
• 20:07
  book,
• 20:08
  because
• 20:08
  we
• 20:09
  just
• 20:09
  don't
• 20:09
  know
• 20:09
  what
• 20:09
  to
• 20:10
  do.
• 20:10
  We
• 20:10
  don't
• 20:10
  know
• 20:10
  what
• 20:11
  to
• 20:11
  say.
• 20:12
  So
• 20:12
  I
• 20:12
  offer
• 20:12
  tips
• 20:13
  of
• 20:13
  things
• 20:13
  that
• 20:13
  are
• 20:14
  really
• 20:14
  helpful.
• 20:15
  Little
• 20:15
  things
• 20:16
  that
• 20:16
  people
• 20:17
  can
• 20:17
  do
• 20:17
  easily
• 20:18
  without
• 20:19
  stressing,
• 20:19
  but
• 20:20
  that
• 20:20
  mean
• 20:20
  the
• 20:21
  world.
• 20:21
  Because
• 20:21
  even
• 20:21
  though
• 20:22
  we
• 20:22
  can't
• 20:22
  express
• 20:22
  it
• 20:23
  in
• 20:23
  those
• 20:23
  moments,
• 20:24
  yeah,
• 20:24
  we
• 20:25
  notice
• 20:25
  it,
• 20:26
  it
• 20:26
  does
• 20:26
  help.
• 20:27
  Yes.
• 20:27
  One
• 20:27
  of
• 20:27
  the
• 20:27
  things
• 20:28
  I
• 20:28
  love
• 20:28
  most
• 20:28
  about
• 20:28
  your
• 20:29
  book
• 20:29
  is
• 20:29
  how
• 20:29
  clear
• 20:30
  and
• 20:30
  directive
• 20:31
  it
• 20:31
  is.
• 20:32
  You
• 20:32
  have
• 20:32
  this
• 20:32
  wonderful
• 20:33
  checklist
• 20:33
  of
• 20:33
  things
• 20:34
  you
• 20:34
  can
• 20:34
  do,
• 20:34
  like
• 20:35
  support
• 20:35
  checklists,
• 20:36
  immediate
• 20:37
  tasks,
• 20:38
  wellness
• 20:39
  support,
• 20:40
  initial
• 20:41
  coordination,
• 20:42
  Specifically,
• 20:42
  call
• 20:43
  the
• 20:43
  physician
• 20:43
  of
• 20:44
  the
• 20:44
  grieving
• 20:44
  spouse.
• 20:45
  Coordinate
• 20:46
  someone
• 20:46
  to
• 20:46
  stay
• 20:47
  the
• 20:47
  first
• 20:47
  several
• 20:47
  weeks,
• 20:48
  form
• 20:48
  a
• 20:48
  friend
• 20:49
  group.
• 20:49
  It's
• 20:49
  very
• 20:50
  specific.
• 20:51
  And
• 20:51
  none
• 20:51
  of
• 20:51
  it's
• 20:52
  like,
• 20:52
  ask
• 20:53
  the
• 20:53
  person
• 20:53
  what
• 20:54
  they
• 20:54
  need
• 20:54
  because
• 20:55
  they
• 20:55
  couldn't
• 20:55
  possibly
• 20:56
  know.
• 20:56
  The
• 20:57
  other
• 20:57
  thing
• 20:57
  I
• 20:57
  really
• 20:58
  appreciated
• 20:59
  in
• 20:59
  this
• 20:59
  chapter
• 21:00
  around
• 21:01
  grief
• 21:01
  was
• 21:02
  you
• 21:03
  think,
• 21:03
  oh,
• 21:03
  they've
• 21:03
  gotten
• 21:04
  through
• 21:04
  the
• 21:04
  first
• 21:04
  year,
• 21:05
  the
• 21:05
  worst
• 21:05
  of
• 21:05
  it's
• 21:06
  over,
• 21:07
  and
• 21:08
  you're
• 21:08
  like,
• 21:09
  actually,
• 21:09
  year
• 21:09
  two
• 21:10
  is
• 21:10
  even
• 21:11
  in
• 21:11
  some
• 21:11
  cases
• 21:12
  worse.
• 21:13
  Yeah,
• 21:14
  year
• 21:14
  one
• 21:14
  is
• 21:15
  grappling
• 21:15
  with
• 21:16
  everything
• 21:16
  that
• 21:17
  needs
• 21:17
  to
• 21:17
  be
• 21:17
  done.
• 21:19
  So
• 21:19
  it's,
• 21:19
  you
• 21:20
  know,
• 21:20
  busy
• 21:20
  time.
• 21:21
  It's
• 21:21
  purposeful
• 21:22
  in
• 21:23
  terms
• 21:23
  of
• 21:24
  the
• 21:24
  administrative
• 21:25
  tasks
• 21:25
  you
• 21:25
  have
• 21:25
  to
• 21:26
  do.
• 21:26
  You're
• 21:26
  getting
• 21:27
  through
• 21:27
  all
• 21:27
  of
• 21:28
  your
• 21:28
  firsts,
• 21:28
  your
• 21:29
  first
• 21:29
  birthdays,
• 21:30
  your
• 21:30
  first
• 21:30
  children's
• 21:31
  birthdays,
• 21:31
  your
• 21:31
  first
• 21:31
  holidays,
• 21:32
  all
• 21:33
  of
• 21:33
  that.
• 21:33
  Everything
• 21:34
  seems
• 21:34
  like
• 21:35
  a
• 21:35
  monumental
• 21:36
  task,
• 21:37
  but
• 21:37
  it's
• 21:38
  all
• 21:38
  anchored
• 21:39
  in
• 21:40
  purpose.
• 21:40
  Getting
• 21:41
  through
• 21:41
  this
• 21:42
  first,
• 21:42
  getting
• 21:42
  through
• 21:43
  that
• 21:43
  first.
• 21:44
  And
• 21:44
  when
• 21:45
  you
• 21:45
  get
• 21:45
  to
• 21:45
  year
• 21:46
  two,
• 21:46
  when
• 21:46
  you
• 21:47
  plan
• 21:47
  your
• 21:48
  year
• 21:48
  anniversary
• 21:49
  that
• 21:49
  everyone
• 21:49
  remembers,
• 21:51
  that's
• 21:51
  when
• 21:52
  everyone
• 21:52
  disappears.
• 21:52
  And
• 21:53
  you
• 21:53
  say,
• 21:54
  this
• 21:54
  is
• 21:54
  forever.
• 21:56
  Yeah,
• 21:57
  right.
• 21:58
  Because
• 21:58
  now
• 21:59
  is
• 21:59
  when
• 22:00
  you
• 22:00
  have
• 22:00
  to
• 22:01
  live.
• 22:02
  After
• 22:02
  that,
• 22:03
  there's
• 22:04
  nothing
• 22:04
  in
• 22:04
  front
• 22:04
  of
• 22:04
  you
• 22:05
  and
• 22:05
  you're
• 22:06
  on
• 22:06
  your
• 22:06
  own
• 22:06
  and
• 22:06
  you
• 22:07
  have
• 22:07
  to
• 22:07
  figure
• 22:07
  it
• 22:07
  out.
• 22:08
  So
• 22:09
  you
• 22:09
  also
• 22:10
  talk
• 22:11
  about
• 22:11
  what
• 22:12
  it's
• 22:12
  like
• 22:12
  to
• 22:13
  be
• 22:13
  a
• 22:14
  parent
• 22:15
  when
• 22:15
  your
• 22:15
  spouse
• 22:16
  passes.
• 22:17
  And
• 22:18
  you
• 22:18
  say
• 22:18
  that
• 22:18
  when
• 22:18
  a
• 22:19
  co
• 22:19
  parent
• 22:19
  dies,
• 22:20
  we
• 22:21
  are
• 22:21
  left
• 22:21
  to
• 22:22
  manage
• 22:22
  our
• 22:22
  own
• 22:23
  grief
• 22:23
  while
• 22:23
  also
• 22:24
  tending
• 22:24
  to
• 22:24
  our
• 22:25
  children's
• 22:25
  emotional
• 22:26
  needs,
• 22:27
  often
• 22:27
  without
• 22:27
  a
• 22:28
  break.
• 22:29
  Talk
• 22:29
  to
• 22:29
  us
• 22:30
  about
• 22:31
  that
• 22:32
  additional
• 22:35
  layer
• 22:36
  of
• 22:36
  grief
• 22:36
  of
• 22:37
  challenge
• 22:37
  that
• 22:37
  you
• 22:38
  go
• 22:38
  through
• 22:38
  when
• 22:38
  you
• 22:39
  have
• 22:39
  children
• 22:39
  in
• 22:40
  this
• 22:40
  situation.
• 22:41
  Yes,
• 22:42
  that
• 22:42
  is
• 22:42
  so
• 22:42
  difficult.
• 22:43
  My
• 22:43
  husband
• 22:44
  and
• 22:44
  I
• 22:44
  had
• 22:44
  a
• 22:45
  struggle
• 22:45
  with
• 22:45
  infertility
• 22:46
  for
• 22:46
  many
• 22:46
  years.
• 22:46
  So
• 22:46
  we
• 22:47
  were
• 22:47
  older
• 22:47
  parents
• 22:48
  and
• 22:49
  my
• 22:49
  husband
• 22:49
  also
• 22:50
  was
• 22:51
  a
• 22:51
  full
• 22:51
  time
• 22:51
  dad,
• 22:52
  so
• 22:52
  he
• 22:52
  allowed
• 22:52
  me
• 22:53
  to
• 22:53
  soar
• 22:53
  in
• 22:53
  my
• 22:54
  career
• 22:55
  and
• 22:55
  so
• 22:55
  he
• 22:56
  was
• 22:56
  their
• 22:56
  primary
• 22:57
  parent.
• 22:57
  I
• 22:58
  have
• 22:58
  two
• 22:58
  little
• 22:58
  girls
• 22:58
  and
• 22:59
  daddies
• 22:59
  loved
• 23:00
  being
• 23:00
  a
• 23:00
  girl
• 23:00
  dad.
• 23:01
  Their
• 23:02
  devastation
• 23:04
  was
• 23:05
  and
• 23:05
  is
• 23:06
  still
• 23:06
  so
• 23:06
  profound
• 23:07
  that,
• 23:08
  you
• 23:08
  know,
• 23:08
  as
• 23:08
  a
• 23:09
  parent,
• 23:09
  you
• 23:10
  live
• 23:10
  for
• 23:10
  your
• 23:10
  children,
• 23:10
  you
• 23:11
  want
• 23:11
  your
• 23:11
  children
• 23:11
  to
• 23:11
  be
• 23:12
  okay.
• 23:13
  Even
• 23:13
  though
• 23:13
  I
• 23:13
  was
• 23:13
  struggling,
• 23:15
  I
• 23:15
  had
• 23:15
  the
• 23:16
  added
• 23:17
  mental
• 23:17
  and
• 23:18
  emotional
• 23:18
  load
• 23:19
  of
• 23:20
  worrying
• 23:20
  about
• 23:20
  them
• 23:21
  and
• 23:21
  trying
• 23:21
  to
• 23:22
  help
• 23:22
  them.
• 23:23
  And
• 23:23
  so,
• 23:24
  you
• 23:24
  know,
• 23:24
  one
• 23:24
  of
• 23:24
  the
• 23:24
  first
• 23:24
  things
• 23:25
  I
• 23:25
  did,
• 23:25
  and
• 23:25
  I
• 23:25
  do
• 23:25
  remember
• 23:26
  this,
• 23:27
  I
• 23:27
  had
• 23:28
  my
• 23:28
  girlfriends
• 23:30
  and
• 23:30
  by
• 23:31
  the
• 23:31
  way,
• 23:31
  those
• 23:31
  tips
• 23:31
  and
• 23:32
  everything
• 23:32
  that
• 23:32
  I
• 23:32
  put
• 23:32
  in
• 23:32
  the
• 23:32
  back,
• 23:33
  those
• 23:33
  are
• 23:33
  directly
• 23:34
  taken
• 23:34
  from
• 23:34
  what
• 23:35
  my
• 23:35
  community
• 23:35
  did
• 23:36
  for
• 23:36
  me.
• 23:37
  Without
• 23:37
  my
• 23:37
  knowledge,
• 23:38
  they
• 23:38
  organized
• 23:39
  themselves
• 23:40
  and
• 23:40
  that's
• 23:41
  why
• 23:41
  I
• 23:41
  felt
• 23:41
  it
• 23:41
  was
• 23:41
  so
• 23:41
  important
• 23:42
  to
• 23:42
  put
• 23:42
  that
• 23:42
  in
• 23:42
  there.
• 23:43
  But
• 23:43
  with
• 23:43
  the
• 23:44
  children,
• 23:44
  they
• 23:44
  knew
• 23:45
  my
• 23:45
  heart
• 23:45
  was
• 23:45
  broken,
• 23:46
  of
• 23:46
  course,
• 23:47
  for
• 23:47
  me,
• 23:47
  but
• 23:47
  also
• 23:47
  for
• 23:48
  my
• 23:48
  girls.
• 23:49
  One
• 23:49
  of
• 23:49
  the
• 23:49
  first
• 23:50
  Things
• 23:50
  we
• 23:50
  did
• 23:50
  was
• 23:50
  organize
• 23:51
  therapy
• 23:51
  for
• 23:51
  them.
• 23:52
  So
• 23:52
  my
• 23:52
  children
• 23:52
  have
• 23:52
  been
• 23:53
  in
• 23:53
  therapy
• 23:53
  since
• 23:53
  two
• 23:54
  weeks
• 23:54
  after
• 23:54
  their
• 23:55
  father
• 23:55
  died.
• 23:56
  Wow.
• 23:56
  And
• 23:56
  they
• 23:57
  have
• 23:57
  gone
• 23:57
  consistently
• 23:58
  every
• 23:58
  single
• 23:59
  week
• 23:59
  since
• 24:00
  then.
• 24:00
  And
• 24:01
  they
• 24:01
  will
• 24:01
  be
• 24:01
  going
• 24:01
  for
• 24:02
  the
• 24:02
  foreseeable
• 24:03
  future.
• 24:03
  But
• 24:04
  why
• 24:04
  parenting
• 24:05
  young
• 24:05
  children
• 24:06
  is
• 24:06
  so
• 24:06
  difficult
• 24:07
  is
• 24:07
  because,
• 24:07
  you
• 24:08
  know,
• 24:08
  they
• 24:08
  are
• 24:08
  not
• 24:08
  little
• 24:09
  adults.
• 24:09
  They
• 24:09
  don't
• 24:10
  have
• 24:10
  the
• 24:10
  emotional
• 24:12
  maturity
• 24:13
  or
• 24:13
  tools
• 24:14
  to
• 24:14
  understand
• 24:15
  how
• 24:15
  to
• 24:15
  process
• 24:16
  their
• 24:16
  grief,
• 24:17
  their
• 24:17
  loss,
• 24:17
  their
• 24:18
  trauma.
• 24:19
  So
• 24:19
  they
• 24:19
  act
• 24:19
  out
• 24:20
  with
• 24:20
  behaviors
• 24:21
  that
• 24:21
  seem
• 24:22
  like
• 24:22
  bad
• 24:23
  childhood
• 24:23
  behaviors,
• 24:24
  but
• 24:24
  that's
• 24:25
  not
• 24:25
  their
• 24:25
  fault.
• 24:25
  They
• 24:26
  just
• 24:26
  don't
• 24:26
  possess
• 24:27
  the
• 24:27
  understanding
• 24:28
  and
• 24:28
  emotional
• 24:29
  maturity
• 24:29
  that
• 24:29
  we
• 24:30
  have.
• 24:30
  They're
• 24:30
  not
• 24:30
  developed
• 24:31
  the
• 24:32
  challenges
• 24:33
  with
• 24:33
  schools,
• 24:33
  for
• 24:34
  example,
• 24:35
  they
• 24:35
  do
• 24:35
  not
• 24:35
  know
• 24:35
  how
• 24:35
  to
• 24:36
  handle
• 24:36
  children
• 24:37
  of
• 24:37
  grief
• 24:37
  and
• 24:37
  trauma.
• 24:38
  In
• 24:38
  fact,
• 24:39
  most
• 24:39
  educators,
• 24:40
  most
• 24:40
  teachers
• 24:40
  in
• 24:41
  this
• 24:41
  country,
• 24:41
  will
• 24:42
  go
• 24:42
  through
• 24:42
  their
• 24:42
  entire
• 24:43
  career
• 24:44
  without
• 24:44
  ever
• 24:44
  experiencing
• 24:45
  a
• 24:45
  child
• 24:45
  who's
• 24:46
  lost
• 24:46
  a
• 24:46
  parent.
• 24:47
  That's
• 24:47
  staggering
• 24:49
  considering
• 24:49
  how
• 24:49
  many
• 24:50
  children
• 24:50
  of
• 24:51
  loss
• 24:52
  there
• 24:52
  are.
• 24:53
  And
• 24:53
  so
• 24:54
  they
• 24:54
  don't
• 24:54
  have
• 24:54
  the
• 24:54
  level
• 24:55
  of
• 24:55
  empathy
• 24:55
  and
• 24:55
  understanding.
• 24:56
  And
• 24:57
  so
• 24:57
  they
• 24:57
  label
• 24:57
  those
• 24:58
  children
• 24:58
  as
• 24:58
  bad
• 24:59
  children
• 24:59
  acting
• 25:00
  out.
• 25:00
  They're
• 25:00
  doing
• 25:00
  this,
• 25:01
  they're
• 25:01
  doing
• 25:01
  that.
• 25:02
  And,
• 25:03
  you
• 25:03
  know,
• 25:04
  as
• 25:04
  a
• 25:04
  parent,
• 25:05
  you're
• 25:06
  on
• 25:06
  your
• 25:06
  own
• 25:06
  with
• 25:07
  that.
• 25:07
  And
• 25:07
  so
• 25:08
  we're
• 25:08
  trying
• 25:08
  to
• 25:08
  balance
• 25:09
  advocacy
• 25:10
  for
• 25:10
  our
• 25:10
  children,
• 25:12
  comforting
• 25:13
  our
• 25:13
  children,
• 25:14
  guiding
• 25:15
  our
• 25:15
  children,
• 25:15
  going
• 25:15
  through
• 25:16
  all
• 25:16
  of
• 25:16
  the
• 25:16
  tough
• 25:17
  stuff
• 25:17
  with
• 25:17
  our
• 25:17
  children
• 25:18
  without
• 25:18
  anyone
• 25:19
  to
• 25:19
  help
• 25:20
  us
• 25:21
  as
• 25:21
  well,
• 25:21
  meaning
• 25:22
  as
• 25:22
  friends
• 25:22
  are,
• 25:23
  they're
• 25:23
  not
• 25:23
  the
• 25:24
  other
• 25:24
  parent
• 25:24
  you
• 25:25
  can't
• 25:25
  make
• 25:25
  those
• 25:25
  decisions
• 25:26
  about.
• 25:27
  Do
• 25:27
  you
• 25:27
  think
• 25:28
  we
• 25:28
  should
• 25:28
  switch
• 25:28
  schools?
• 25:29
  What
• 25:29
  should
• 25:29
  we
• 25:30
  do
• 25:30
  about
• 25:30
  this?
• 25:31
  They're
• 25:31
  not
• 25:31
  doing
• 25:31
  well
• 25:31
  in
• 25:32
  math.
• 25:32
  And
• 25:32
  so
• 25:33
  when
• 25:33
  you've
• 25:34
  got
• 25:34
  this
• 25:34
  crushing
• 25:35
  emotional
• 25:36
  load,
• 25:36
  this
• 25:37
  mental
• 25:37
  load
• 25:37
  that
• 25:38
  is
• 25:38
  nonstop,
• 25:39
  it
• 25:39
  never
• 25:39
  goes
• 25:40
  away.
• 25:41
  And
• 25:41
  one
• 25:41
  of
• 25:41
  the
• 25:42
  points
• 25:42
  I
• 25:42
  make
• 25:42
  in
• 25:42
  the
• 25:42
  book
• 25:43
  also
• 25:43
  is
• 25:43
  so
• 25:43
  many
• 25:44
  people
• 25:44
  said
• 25:44
  to
• 25:44
  me,
• 25:45
  oh,
• 25:45
  children
• 25:45
  are
• 25:46
  resilient.
• 25:46
  Children
• 25:46
  are
• 25:47
  resilient.
• 25:47
  And
• 25:48
  I
• 25:48
  have
• 25:48
  to
• 25:48
  tell
• 25:48
  you,
• 25:48
  Coco,
• 25:49
  for
• 25:49
  your
• 25:49
  viewers
• 25:50
  and
• 25:50
  your
• 25:50
  listeners,
• 25:50
  children
• 25:51
  are
• 25:51
  not
• 25:51
  resilient.
• 25:52
  It
• 25:52
  is
• 25:52
  also
• 25:53
  one
• 25:53
  of
• 25:53
  those
• 25:53
  platitudes
• 25:54
  that
• 25:54
  adults
• 25:55
  like
• 25:55
  to
• 25:55
  use
• 25:55
  because
• 25:55
  it
• 25:56
  makes
• 25:56
  them
• 25:56
  feel
• 25:56
  better.
• 25:57
  Those
• 25:58
  are
• 25:58
  not
• 25:58
  people
• 25:58
  who've
• 25:59
  ever
• 25:59
  had
• 25:59
  or
• 25:59
  experienced
• 26:00
  a
• 26:00
  child
• 26:01
  in
• 26:01
  trauma
• 26:01
  or
• 26:02
  grief.
• 26:03
  That
• 26:03
  is
• 26:03
  wholly
• 26:04
  untrue.
• 26:05
  So
• 26:05
  I
• 26:05
  hope
• 26:05
  people
• 26:06
  stop
• 26:06
  saying
• 26:06
  that,
• 26:07
  because
• 26:08
  they're
• 26:08
  not
• 26:09
  my
• 26:09
  children.
• 26:10
  Yeah,
• 26:10
  my
• 26:10
  children
• 26:10
  will
• 26:11
  forever
• 26:11
  be
• 26:12
  shaped
• 26:13
  and
• 26:14
  carry
• 26:14
  this
• 26:14
  around
• 26:15
  like
• 26:15
  a
• 26:15
  tattoo
• 26:15
  in
• 26:16
  their
• 26:16
  heart.
• 26:16
  Even
• 26:16
  though
• 26:17
  they
• 26:17
  may
• 26:17
  not
• 26:17
  be
• 26:17
  showing
• 26:18
  it
• 26:18
  visibly,
• 26:19
  it's
• 26:20
  not
• 26:20
  that
• 26:20
  it's
• 26:20
  not
• 26:20
  there.
• 26:22
  Oh,
• 26:23
  my
• 26:23
  goodness.
• 26:23
  You
• 26:23
  talk
• 26:24
  about
• 26:24
  how
• 26:24
  children
• 26:25
  often
• 26:26
  feel
• 26:27
  that
• 26:27
  there's
• 26:27
  no
• 26:28
  focus
• 26:28
  on
• 26:28
  them
• 26:28
  because
• 26:29
  the
• 26:29
  adults
• 26:29
  in
• 26:30
  the
• 26:30
  room
• 26:30
  are.
• 26:30
  And
• 26:31
  even
• 26:31
  their
• 26:31
  friends,
• 26:32
  obviously,
• 26:32
  because
• 26:32
  their
• 26:33
  friends
• 26:33
  are
• 26:33
  young,
• 26:33
  and
• 26:33
  how
• 26:34
  would
• 26:34
  they
• 26:34
  know
• 26:34
  what
• 26:34
  to
• 26:34
  do?
• 26:35
  And
• 26:36
  so
• 26:36
  nobody
• 26:36
  asks
• 26:37
  them
• 26:37
  how
• 26:38
  are
• 26:38
  you
• 26:38
  doing?
• 26:39
  Everybody
• 26:39
  dances
• 26:40
  around
• 26:40
  the
• 26:40
  kid
• 26:40
  and
• 26:41
  says,
• 26:41
  well,
• 26:41
  you
• 26:41
  wanna
• 26:41
  go
• 26:42
  get
• 26:42
  ice
• 26:42
  cream?
• 26:42
  Going
• 26:42
  out
• 26:43
  for
• 26:43
  ice
• 26:43
  cream
• 26:43
  is
• 26:43
  good,
• 26:43
  right?
• 26:44
  It's
• 26:44
  good
• 26:44
  to
• 26:44
  get
• 26:44
  the
• 26:44
  kid
• 26:45
  out
• 26:45
  of
• 26:45
  the
• 26:45
  house.
• 26:45
  That's
• 26:45
  a
• 26:45
  good
• 26:46
  favor
• 26:46
  to
• 26:46
  do.
• 26:47
  But
• 26:48
  there's
• 26:48
  a
• 26:48
  section
• 26:49
  where
• 26:49
  one
• 26:49
  of
• 26:49
  your
• 26:49
  daughters
• 26:50
  expresses
• 26:51
  how
• 26:51
  nobody
• 26:52
  asks
• 26:52
  about
• 26:52
  me.
• 26:53
  Absolutely.
• 26:54
  Because
• 26:54
  it's
• 26:54
  discomfort
• 26:55
  driving
• 26:56
  everyone.
• 26:56
  Right.
• 26:56
  People
• 26:56
  are
• 26:57
  coming
• 26:57
  into
• 26:57
  the
• 26:57
  house
• 26:57
  uncomfortable
• 26:58
  to
• 26:58
  deal
• 26:58
  with
• 26:59
  me,
• 26:59
  let
• 27:00
  alone
• 27:00
  like,
• 27:00
  how
• 27:00
  do
• 27:01
  you
• 27:01
  deal
• 27:01
  with
• 27:01
  a
• 27:01
  child?
• 27:02
  So
• 27:03
  everyone
• 27:04
  was
• 27:04
  coming
• 27:05
  for
• 27:05
  me.
• 27:05
  And
• 27:06
  one
• 27:06
  of
• 27:06
  my
• 27:06
  daughters
• 27:07
  said,
• 27:07
  everyone
• 27:07
  is
• 27:07
  here
• 27:08
  for
• 27:08
  you.
• 27:08
  There's
• 27:08
  no
• 27:09
  one
• 27:09
  here
• 27:09
  for
• 27:09
  me.
• 27:10
  I
• 27:11
  can
• 27:11
  give
• 27:11
  you
• 27:11
  an
• 27:11
  example.
• 27:12
  Even
• 27:12
  this
• 27:12
  weekend,
• 27:13
  I
• 27:13
  was
• 27:13
  with
• 27:13
  friends
• 27:14
  and
• 27:14
  there
• 27:15
  was
• 27:15
  a
• 27:15
  grandma
• 27:15
  rocking
• 27:16
  her
• 27:16
  grandson
• 27:17
  on
• 27:17
  her
• 27:17
  legs.
• 27:18
  And
• 27:18
  one
• 27:19
  of
• 27:19
  my
• 27:19
  daughters
• 27:19
  said,
• 27:19
  oh,
• 27:19
  my
• 27:20
  daddy
• 27:20
  used
• 27:20
  to
• 27:20
  do
• 27:21
  that
• 27:21
  to
• 27:21
  me.
• 27:22
  Grandma
• 27:22
  got
• 27:23
  so
• 27:23
  uncomfortable,
• 27:23
  she
• 27:24
  changed
• 27:24
  the
• 27:24
  subject.
• 27:27
  My
• 27:27
  daughter
• 27:28
  wanted
• 27:28
  to
• 27:28
  talk
• 27:28
  about
• 27:28
  her
• 27:29
  father.
• 27:30
  Yeah,
• 27:31
  and
• 27:31
  that's
• 27:32
  really
• 27:32
  important.
• 27:33
  When
• 27:33
  a
• 27:33
  child
• 27:34
  offers
• 27:35
  that,
• 27:35
  you
• 27:36
  take
• 27:36
  that
• 27:37
  and
• 27:37
  ask
• 27:38
  the
• 27:38
  child.
• 27:39
  I'm
• 27:39
  so
• 27:40
  sorry.
• 27:40
  Your
• 27:40
  daddy
• 27:41
  was
• 27:41
  wonderful.
• 27:42
  Tell
• 27:43
  me
• 27:43
  some
• 27:43
  of
• 27:43
  your
• 27:43
  favorite
• 27:44
  memories
• 27:45
  or
• 27:45
  do
• 27:45
  you
• 27:46
  want
• 27:46
  to
• 27:46
  cry?
• 27:47
  How
• 27:47
  can
• 27:47
  I
• 27:48
  help
• 27:48
  you?
• 27:49
  But
• 27:49
  because
• 27:49
  adults
• 27:50
  are
• 27:50
  uncomfortable
• 27:51
  with
• 27:51
  other
• 27:51
  adults
• 27:52
  on
• 27:52
  this
• 27:52
  matter,
• 27:53
  children
• 27:53
  just
• 27:54
  freak
• 27:54
  them
• 27:54
  out.
• 27:54
  But
• 27:55
  what
• 27:55
  they
• 27:55
  really
• 27:55
  need
• 27:56
  is
• 27:56
  to
• 27:56
  have
• 27:56
  a
• 27:57
  conversation.
• 27:58
  One
• 27:58
  of
• 27:58
  the
• 27:58
  things
• 27:59
  I
• 27:59
  did
• 27:59
  with
• 28:00
  my
• 28:00
  entire
• 28:02
  community
• 28:02
  was
• 28:02
  I
• 28:03
  said,
• 28:03
  we
• 28:04
  are
• 28:04
  always
• 28:04
  going
• 28:04
  to
• 28:04
  say
• 28:05
  his
• 28:05
  name.
• 28:05
  I
• 28:06
  don't
• 28:06
  want
• 28:06
  you
• 28:06
  to
• 28:07
  not
• 28:07
  say
• 28:08
  his
• 28:08
  name.
• 28:09
  And
• 28:09
  I
• 28:09
  have
• 28:10
  to
• 28:10
  tell
• 28:10
  you,
• 28:10
  my
• 28:10
  husband's
• 28:11
  name
• 28:12
  comes
• 28:12
  up
• 28:13
  regularly,
• 28:14
  weekly
• 28:14
  in
• 28:15
  conversations,
• 28:15
  texts,
• 28:16
  jokes,
• 28:18
  all
• 28:18
  sorts
• 28:18
  of
• 28:19
  things
• 28:19
  from
• 28:19
  all
• 28:19
  different
• 28:20
  friend
• 28:20
  groups.
• 28:21
  Because
• 28:21
  I
• 28:22
  never
• 28:22
  wanted
• 28:22
  to
• 28:22
  make
• 28:22
  a
• 28:23
  taboo.
• 28:23
  I
• 28:23
  never
• 28:23
  wanted
• 28:24
  to
• 28:24
  erase
• 28:24
  him.
• 28:25
  And
• 28:25
  so
• 28:25
  my
• 28:26
  girls
• 28:26
  are
• 28:27
  comfortable
• 28:27
  talking
• 28:28
  about
• 28:28
  their
• 28:28
  dad
• 28:29
  with
• 28:30
  the
• 28:30
  other
• 28:30
  adults,
• 28:32
  you
• 28:32
  know,
• 28:32
  this
• 28:32
  grandma
• 28:33
  notwithstanding.
• 28:35
  But,
• 28:35
  you
• 28:35
  know,
• 28:35
  I
• 28:35
  think
• 28:35
  that's
• 28:36
  also
• 28:36
  really
• 28:36
  important.
• 28:36
  You
• 28:37
  have
• 28:37
  to
• 28:37
  ask
• 28:37
  about
• 28:38
  them.
• 28:38
  How
• 28:38
  are
• 28:38
  they
• 28:38
  feeling?
• 28:39
  And,
• 28:39
  you
• 28:39
  know,
• 28:40
  holidays
• 28:40
  are
• 28:40
  tough.
• 28:41
  And
• 28:41
  I
• 28:41
  know
• 28:41
  you
• 28:41
  miss
• 28:41
  your
• 28:42
  dad.
• 28:42
  Acknowledge
• 28:43
  it.
• 28:43
  It's.
• 28:43
  It's,
• 28:44
  you
• 28:44
  know,
• 28:44
  it's
• 28:44
  like
• 28:44
  their
• 28:44
  elephant
• 28:45
  in
• 28:45
  the
• 28:45
  room.
• 28:46
  Yes,
• 28:46
  of
• 28:47
  course.
• 28:47
  And
• 28:47
  it's
• 28:48
  your
• 28:48
  elephant
• 28:48
  in
• 28:48
  the
• 28:49
  room
• 28:49
  too,
• 28:49
  right?
• 28:50
  Yes.
• 28:51
  Yeah,
• 28:51
  yeah.
• 28:52
  No,
• 28:52
  absolutely.
• 28:53
  So
• 28:53
  what?
• 28:54
  So
• 28:54
  I'm
• 28:54
  just
• 28:54
  going
• 28:54
  to
• 28:55
  read
• 28:55
  through
• 28:55
  a
• 28:55
  couple
• 28:55
  of
• 28:55
  things.
• 28:56
  You,
• 28:56
  you
• 28:56
  know,
• 28:56
  you
• 28:57
  have
• 28:57
  a
• 28:57
  whole
• 28:57
  section
• 28:57
  on
• 28:57
  what
• 28:58
  not
• 28:58
  to
• 28:58
  do
• 28:58
  or
• 28:58
  say,
• 28:58
  and
• 28:59
  I'm
• 28:59
  going
• 28:59
  to
• 28:59
  read
• 28:59
  a
• 28:59
  couple
• 28:59
  of
• 29:00
  them
• 29:00
  and
• 29:00
  just
• 29:00
  have
• 29:00
  you
• 29:01
  maybe
• 29:01
  give
• 29:01
  us
• 29:01
  some
• 29:01
  reactions.
• 29:02
  I
• 29:03
  found
• 29:03
  the
• 29:03
  list
• 29:03
  so
• 29:04
  helpful.
• 29:05
  Don't
• 29:05
  ask
• 29:06
  what
• 29:06
  do
• 29:06
  you
• 29:07
  need?
• 29:07
  Don't
• 29:08
  try
• 29:08
  to
• 29:08
  fix
• 29:09
  it.
• 29:10
  Don't
• 29:11
  compare
• 29:11
  losses.
• 29:13
  Don't
• 29:13
  ask
• 29:14
  what
• 29:14
  happened.
• 29:15
  Don't
• 29:16
  push
• 29:16
  us.
• 29:16
  Don't
• 29:17
  give
• 29:17
  us
• 29:17
  more
• 29:17
  to
• 29:18
  do.
• 29:18
  Don't
• 29:18
  judge.
• 29:19
  Don't
• 29:19
  bring
• 29:19
  sunshine
• 29:20
  and
• 29:20
  rainbows.
• 29:21
  Don't
• 29:21
  call
• 29:21
  me
• 29:22
  widow.
• 29:23
  Don't
• 29:23
  encourage
• 29:24
  big
• 29:24
  decisions.
• 29:24
  Don't
• 29:25
  rush
• 29:25
  closure.
• 29:27
  Don't
• 29:27
  expect
• 29:28
  thanks.
• 29:29
  Maybe
• 29:29
  touch
• 29:29
  on
• 29:30
  a
• 29:30
  few
• 29:30
  of
• 29:30
  these
• 29:30
  and
• 29:30
  give
• 29:31
  us
• 29:31
  some
• 29:32
  guidance.
• 29:33
  Yeah,
• 29:33
  absolutely.
• 29:34
  Well,
• 29:34
  we
• 29:34
  talked
• 29:34
  about
• 29:35
  comparing
• 29:35
  losses
• 29:36
  and
• 29:37
  bringing
• 29:37
  sunshine
• 29:37
  and
• 29:38
  rainbows.
• 29:38
  I
• 29:38
  think
• 29:38
  that
• 29:39
  really
• 29:39
  speaks
• 29:39
  to
• 29:39
  people's
• 29:40
  wanting
• 29:41
  us
• 29:42
  to
• 29:42
  be
• 29:42
  happy.
• 29:43
  It's
• 29:43
  like
• 29:43
  when
• 29:44
  people
• 29:44
  ask
• 29:44
  us,
• 29:44
  how
• 29:45
  are
• 29:45
  you?
• 29:46
  You
• 29:46
  expect
• 29:46
  us
• 29:47
  to
• 29:47
  say,
• 29:47
  oh,
• 29:47
  we,
• 29:48
  we're
• 29:48
  fine,
• 29:48
  we're
• 29:49
  fine
• 29:49
  because
• 29:49
  that
• 29:49
  will
• 29:49
  make
• 29:50
  you
• 29:50
  feel
• 29:50
  better.
• 29:51
  That's
• 29:51
  not
• 29:52
  what
• 29:52
  we
• 29:52
  feel.
• 29:53
  So
• 29:54
  when
• 29:54
  you
• 29:54
  get
• 29:54
  a
• 29:55
  compliment,
• 29:55
  oh,
• 29:55
  you're
• 29:56
  looking
• 29:56
  really
• 29:56
  well,
• 29:57
  and
• 29:57
  oh,
• 29:58
  look
• 29:58
  at
• 29:58
  you
• 29:58
  smiling,
• 29:59
  you
• 30:00
  must
• 30:00
  be
• 30:00
  over
• 30:00
  the
• 30:00
  worst
• 30:01
  of
• 30:01
  it.
• 30:01
  That
• 30:01
  is
• 30:02
  very,
• 30:02
  very
• 30:02
  painful
• 30:03
  because
• 30:04
  every
• 30:04
  single
• 30:04
  day
• 30:04
  is
• 30:05
  a
• 30:05
  struggle
• 30:06
  to
• 30:06
  survive
• 30:06
  in
• 30:06
  those
• 30:07
  early
• 30:07
  days.
• 30:08
  Don't
• 30:08
  call
• 30:08
  me
• 30:08
  widow.
• 30:09
  I
• 30:09
  should
• 30:09
  touch
• 30:09
  on
• 30:09
  that
• 30:09
  because
• 30:10
  that's
• 30:10
  the
• 30:10
  title
• 30:11
  of
• 30:11
  my
• 30:11
  book.
• 30:12
  Yeah.
• 30:12
  You
• 30:13
  know,
• 30:13
  when
• 30:14
  someone
• 30:14
  first
• 30:14
  called
• 30:14
  me
• 30:14
  Doug's
• 30:15
  widow
• 30:15
  and
• 30:15
  I
• 30:15
  had
• 30:15
  not
• 30:15
  thought
• 30:16
  of
• 30:16
  this,
• 30:16
  I
• 30:16
  just,
• 30:16
  I
• 30:17
  cringed.
• 30:17
  I
• 30:17
  had
• 30:18
  such
• 30:18
  a
• 30:18
  visceral
• 30:18
  reaction
• 30:19
  because
• 30:19
  in
• 30:19
  my
• 30:19
  mind,
• 30:20
  a
• 30:20
  widow
• 30:21
  was
• 30:21
  an
• 30:21
  old
• 30:22
  gray
• 30:22
  haired
• 30:23
  lady
• 30:23
  with
• 30:23
  her
• 30:24
  hair
• 30:24
  in
• 30:24
  a
• 30:24
  tight
• 30:24
  bun,
• 30:25
  stooped
• 30:25
  over
• 30:26
  and
• 30:26
  all
• 30:26
  black.
• 30:27
  And
• 30:28
  I
• 30:28
  was
• 30:28
  really
• 30:28
  uncomfortable
• 30:29
  with
• 30:29
  it.
• 30:29
  And
• 30:29
  I
• 30:30
  thought,
• 30:30
  well,
• 30:30
  I'm
• 30:30
  not
• 30:31
  like
• 30:31
  that.
• 30:31
  And
• 30:31
  then
• 30:32
  I
• 30:32
  looked
• 30:32
  up
• 30:32
  the
• 30:32
  origin
• 30:33
  of
• 30:33
  the
• 30:33
  word.
• 30:34
  And
• 30:34
  the
• 30:35
  word
• 30:35
  is
• 30:35
  very
• 30:36
  ancient.
• 30:36
  It's
• 30:37
  got
• 30:37
  Sanskrit
• 30:37
  and
• 30:38
  Old
• 30:38
  English
• 30:38
  roots
• 30:38
  and
• 30:39
  it
• 30:39
  means
• 30:39
  to
• 30:39
  be
• 30:40
  destitute,
• 30:41
  like,
• 30:41
  to
• 30:41
  be
• 30:41
  set
• 30:42
  aside
• 30:42
  and
• 30:42
  of
• 30:43
  no
• 30:43
  worth
• 30:43
  to
• 30:43
  the
• 30:44
  general
• 30:44
  society
• 30:45
  without
• 30:45
  your
• 30:45
  man.
• 30:47
  And
• 30:47
  I
• 30:48
  thought,
• 30:48
  oh,
• 30:49
  hell
• 30:49
  no.
• 30:49
  Like,
• 30:50
  I
• 30:50
  don't
• 30:50
  ever
• 30:50
  talk.
• 30:52
  So
• 30:52
  I
• 30:52
  say,
• 30:53
  to
• 30:53
  take
• 30:53
  your
• 30:53
  lead
• 30:54
  from
• 30:54
  someone
• 30:55
  and
• 30:55
  don't
• 30:55
  use
• 30:55
  that
• 30:56
  term
• 30:56
  because
• 30:56
  there
• 30:56
  are
• 30:56
  apparently
• 30:57
  a
• 30:57
  lot
• 30:57
  of
• 30:57
  women
• 30:58
  who
• 30:58
  do
• 30:58
  not
• 30:58
  like
• 30:58
  that.
• 30:59
  And
• 30:59
  I've
• 30:59
  gotten
• 30:59
  a
• 30:59
  lot
• 30:59
  of
• 31:00
  advocacy
• 31:00
  for
• 31:00
  that.
• 31:01
  When
• 31:01
  I
• 31:01
  put
• 31:02
  the
• 31:02
  book
• 31:02
  out,
• 31:02
  people
• 31:02
  say,
• 31:02
  oh,
• 31:03
  I
• 31:03
  hate
• 31:03
  that
• 31:03
  word.
• 31:04
  And
• 31:04
  yet
• 31:04
  no
• 31:05
  one
• 31:05
  has
• 31:05
  said
• 31:05
  anything.
• 31:06
  And
• 31:06
  that's
• 31:06
  also
• 31:06
  one
• 31:06
  of
• 31:06
  the
• 31:07
  reasons,
• 31:07
  as
• 31:07
  I
• 31:07
  mentioned,
• 31:08
  I
• 31:08
  wanted
• 31:08
  to
• 31:08
  put
• 31:08
  this
• 31:08
  book
• 31:09
  out.
• 31:09
  I
• 31:09
  wanted
• 31:09
  to
• 31:09
  give
• 31:10
  voice
• 31:11
  and
• 31:11
  agency
• 31:12
  to
• 31:12
  the
• 31:13
  millions
• 31:13
  of
• 31:13
  us
• 31:14
  who
• 31:14
  are
• 31:14
  in
• 31:15
  this
• 31:15
  club.
• 31:15
  We
• 31:15
  didn't
• 31:16
  ask
• 31:16
  to
• 31:16
  join.
• 31:17
  There
• 31:17
  are
• 31:18
  so
• 31:18
  many
• 31:18
  things
• 31:18
  not
• 31:19
  to
• 31:19
  say
• 31:19
  and
• 31:19
  not
• 31:19
  to
• 31:19
  do.
• 31:19
  Sit
• 31:20
  with
• 31:20
  us
• 31:20
  in
• 31:20
  the
• 31:20
  dark
• 31:21
  is
• 31:21
  one
• 31:21
  of
• 31:21
  the
• 31:21
  things
• 31:21
  I
• 31:22
  say,
• 31:22
  you
• 31:22
  can't
• 31:22
  fix
• 31:23
  us,
• 31:23
  so
• 31:23
  don't
• 31:23
  try
• 31:24
  to,
• 31:25
  you
• 31:25
  know,
• 31:25
  check
• 31:25
  us,
• 31:26
  check
• 31:26
  lists
• 31:27
  off
• 31:27
  for
• 31:27
  us
• 31:27
  and
• 31:27
  say,
• 31:27
  oh,
• 31:28
  I've
• 31:28
  done
• 31:28
  this,
• 31:28
  I've
• 31:28
  done
• 31:28
  this,
• 31:28
  I've
• 31:29
  done
• 31:29
  this,
• 31:29
  I've
• 31:29
  done
• 31:29
  this.
• 31:30
  And
• 31:30
  you
• 31:30
  just
• 31:30
  need
• 31:30
  to
• 31:30
  do
• 31:30
  this,
• 31:31
  this
• 31:31
  and
• 31:31
  this.
• 31:32
  Because
• 31:32
  for
• 31:32
  a
• 31:32
  type
• 31:32
  A
• 31:33
  personality
• 31:33
  that
• 31:33
  feels
• 31:34
  like
• 31:34
  you've
• 31:34
  accomplished
• 31:35
  something,
• 31:35
  but
• 31:35
  that's
• 31:36
  not
• 31:36
  what
• 31:36
  we
• 31:36
  need.
• 31:37
  There
• 31:38
  are
• 31:38
  so
• 31:38
  many
• 31:38
  don'ts.
• 31:39
  But
• 31:39
  there's
• 31:39
  a
• 31:39
  really
• 31:39
  good
• 31:39
  reason
• 31:40
  for
• 31:40
  the
• 31:40
  don'ts.
• 31:41
  Because
• 31:41
  they.
• 31:42
  Because
• 31:42
  in
• 31:42
  those
• 31:43
  moments,
• 31:43
  they
• 31:43
  land
• 31:44
  wrong,
• 31:45
  and
• 31:45
  again,
• 31:46
  they
• 31:47
  hurt.
• 31:47
  They
• 31:48
  hurt.
• 31:48
  Absolutely.
• 31:49
  Yeah.
• 31:50
  Well.
• 31:51
  And
• 31:51
  then
• 31:51
  you
• 31:51
  go
• 31:51
  on
• 31:51
  to
• 31:52
  tell
• 31:52
  us
• 31:53
  what
• 31:53
  actually
• 31:54
  helps,
• 31:55
  and
• 31:55
  you
• 31:55
  talk
• 31:56
  about,
• 31:56
  don't
• 31:56
  wait
• 31:57
  to
• 31:57
  be
• 31:57
  asked.
• 31:57
  Instead,
• 31:58
  take
• 31:58
  initiative.
• 31:59
  Don't
• 31:59
  let
• 32:00
  things
• 32:00
  pile
• 32:00
  up.
• 32:01
  Instead,
• 32:01
  support
• 32:02
  every
• 32:02
  day,
• 32:03
  Help
• 32:04
  with
• 32:04
  administration
• 32:05
  of
• 32:05
  death.
• 32:06
  There's
• 32:06
  lots
• 32:07
  of
• 32:07
  very
• 32:07
  specific
• 32:08
  things
• 32:09
  I
• 32:09
  wanted
• 32:09
  to
• 32:09
  share
• 32:09
  a
• 32:10
  section
• 32:10
  that
• 32:10
  you
• 32:10
  wrote
• 32:11
  that
• 32:11
  I
• 32:11
  just
• 32:11
  loved.
• 32:12
  It
• 32:12
  was
• 32:12
  in
• 32:12
  your
• 32:12
  section
• 32:13
  called
• 32:13
  don't
• 32:13
  phone
• 32:14
  it
• 32:14
  in.
• 32:14
  And
• 32:15
  it's
• 32:15
  about.
• 32:16
  Instead,
• 32:17
  offer
• 32:17
  thoughtful
• 32:18
  gestures.
• 32:19
  So
• 32:19
  you
• 32:19
  talk
• 32:20
  about
• 32:20
  how
• 32:20
  people
• 32:21
  send
• 32:21
  flowers
• 32:22
  and
• 32:23
  then
• 32:23
  say,
• 32:23
  I've
• 32:24
  done
• 32:24
  it
• 32:24
  myself.
• 32:24
  But
• 32:24
  it
• 32:24
  wasn't
• 32:25
  until
• 32:25
  I
• 32:25
  was
• 32:25
  surrounded
• 32:25
  by
• 32:26
  wilting
• 32:26
  flowers,
• 32:26
  I
• 32:26
  realized
• 32:27
  that
• 32:27
  flowers
• 32:28
  die.
• 32:28
  And.
• 32:29
  And
• 32:29
  so
• 32:29
  dead
• 32:30
  flowers,
• 32:30
  dead
• 32:30
  husband.
• 32:31
  What
• 32:31
  a
• 32:31
  terrible
• 32:32
  thing
• 32:32
  to
• 32:32
  have
• 32:32
  to
• 32:33
  surround
• 32:33
  people
• 32:33
  with.
• 32:34
  And
• 32:34
  then
• 32:34
  you
• 32:35
  said,
• 32:35
  one
• 32:35
  evening,
• 32:36
  a
• 32:36
  group
• 32:36
  of
• 32:36
  friends
• 32:36
  came
• 32:37
  over
• 32:37
  to
• 32:37
  my
• 32:37
  house,
• 32:38
  and
• 32:38
  over
• 32:39
  Indian
• 32:39
  food
• 32:40
  and
• 32:40
  wine,
• 32:40
  wrote
• 32:41
  and
• 32:41
  mailed
• 32:42
  my
• 32:42
  thank
• 32:43
  you
• 32:43
  cards
• 32:44
  for
• 32:44
  me.
• 32:45
  By
• 32:45
  doing
• 32:45
  so,
• 32:46
  they
• 32:46
  essentially
• 32:47
  created
• 32:47
  a
• 32:47
  healing
• 32:48
  circle,
• 32:48
  helping
• 32:48
  me
• 32:49
  tackle
• 32:50
  a
• 32:50
  task
• 32:51
  they
• 32:51
  knew
• 32:51
  would
• 32:51
  be
• 32:52
  painful
• 32:53
  and
• 32:53
  challenging.
• 32:55
  I
• 32:55
  just
• 32:55
  thought,
• 32:56
  oh,
• 32:56
  my
• 32:56
  God.
• 32:57
  Right?
• 32:57
  I
• 32:57
  have
• 32:57
  to
• 32:57
  say,
• 32:57
  I
• 32:58
  have
• 32:58
  a
• 32:58
  remarkable
• 32:59
  group
• 32:59
  of
• 32:59
  friends
• 33:00
  and
• 33:00
  community,
• 33:01
  my
• 33:01
  chosen
• 33:01
  family.
• 33:02
  Those
• 33:02
  lists
• 33:03
  were
• 33:03
  really
• 33:03
  driven
• 33:04
  by
• 33:04
  what
• 33:04
  everyone
• 33:05
  did.
• 33:05
  When
• 33:06
  I
• 33:06
  say,
• 33:06
  don't
• 33:06
  phone
• 33:07
  it
• 33:07
  in,
• 33:07
  there
• 33:08
  are
• 33:08
  some
• 33:08
  people
• 33:08
  who
• 33:09
  are
• 33:09
  uncomfortable
• 33:10
  with
• 33:11
  showing
• 33:11
  up.
• 33:12
  They
• 33:12
  resort
• 33:12
  to
• 33:13
  silence.
• 33:13
  There
• 33:13
  are
• 33:14
  thoughtful
• 33:14
  gestures
• 33:15
  that
• 33:15
  can
• 33:16
  remove
• 33:16
  that
• 33:16
  discomfort
• 33:17
  and
• 33:17
  make
• 33:17
  you
• 33:18
  feel
• 33:18
  like
• 33:18
  you're
• 33:18
  doing
• 33:19
  something
• 33:19
  supportive.
• 33:20
  Like,
• 33:20
  you
• 33:20
  know,
• 33:21
  I'll
• 33:21
  do
• 33:21
  this,
• 33:21
  and
• 33:22
  I'll
• 33:22
  take
• 33:22
  care
• 33:22
  of
• 33:23
  that.
• 33:23
  You
• 33:23
  know,
• 33:23
  my
• 33:24
  friends
• 33:24
  really
• 33:24
  early
• 33:25
  on
• 33:25
  understood
• 33:26
  that
• 33:27
  they
• 33:27
  tapped
• 33:28
  into
• 33:28
  their
• 33:28
  areas
• 33:29
  of
• 33:29
  strength.
• 33:30
  So,
• 33:31
  for
• 33:31
  example,
• 33:31
  one
• 33:32
  friend
• 33:32
  who
• 33:33
  is
• 33:33
  an
• 33:33
  excellent
• 33:34
  writer
• 33:34
  and
• 33:34
  she's
• 33:34
  a
• 33:35
  communications
• 33:35
  person,
• 33:36
  she
• 33:36
  drafted
• 33:37
  the
• 33:37
  obituary
• 33:37
  for
• 33:38
  me.
• 33:38
  And
• 33:39
  she
• 33:39
  said,
• 33:39
  I've.
• 33:39
  I've
• 33:39
  written
• 33:40
  this
• 33:40
  for
• 33:40
  you
• 33:40
  for
• 33:41
  you
• 33:41
  to
• 33:41
  look
• 33:41
  at.
• 33:42
  And
• 33:43
  so
• 33:43
  she
• 33:43
  took
• 33:44
  care
• 33:44
  of
• 33:44
  that.
• 33:45
  The
• 33:45
  other
• 33:45
  one,
• 33:46
  who
• 33:46
  is
• 33:46
  great
• 33:46
  with
• 33:47
  technology,
• 33:47
  set
• 33:48
  up
• 33:48
  the
• 33:48
  memorial
• 33:48
  site.
• 33:49
  I've
• 33:49
  already
• 33:49
  set
• 33:50
  it
• 33:50
  up
• 33:50
  for
• 33:50
  you.
• 33:50
  And
• 33:50
  here.
• 33:51
  And
• 33:51
  gave
• 33:51
  me
• 33:51
  the
• 33:51
  passwords.
• 33:52
  Like,
• 33:52
  she
• 33:52
  wrote
• 33:52
  everything
• 33:52
  down
• 33:53
  for
• 33:53
  me
• 33:53
  and
• 33:54
  had
• 33:54
  me
• 33:54
  look
• 33:54
  at
• 33:54
  all
• 33:55
  the
• 33:55
  content.
• 33:56
  My
• 33:56
  friends
• 33:56
  who
• 33:57
  had
• 33:57
  never
• 33:57
  met
• 33:58
  formed
• 33:58
  text
• 33:59
  groups,
• 33:59
  divvied
• 34:00
  up
• 34:00
  roles
• 34:00
  and
• 34:01
  responsibilities
• 34:02
  so
• 34:02
  they
• 34:02
  could
• 34:03
  all
• 34:03
  be
• 34:03
  presence.
• 34:04
  And
• 34:04
  the
• 34:04
  one
• 34:04
  thing
• 34:05
  they
• 34:05
  all
• 34:06
  recognized
• 34:07
  first
• 34:07
  and
• 34:08
  foremost
• 34:08
  was,
• 34:09
  what
• 34:10
  would
• 34:10
  Doug
• 34:10
  do
• 34:11
  for
• 34:11
  Samina?
• 34:12
  How
• 34:13
  can
• 34:13
  we
• 34:13
  step
• 34:14
  into
• 34:14
  those
• 34:14
  roles
• 34:15
  for
• 34:15
  her?
• 34:17
  Wow.
• 34:18
  And
• 34:18
  it
• 34:19
  is
• 34:19
  that.
• 34:19
  I
• 34:19
  mean,
• 34:19
  that
• 34:20
  was
• 34:20
  the
• 34:20
  power
• 34:20
  of
• 34:21
  it.
• 34:21
  Yeah.
• 34:22
  Because
• 34:22
  he
• 34:22
  did
• 34:22
  the
• 34:23
  cooking.
• 34:24
  He
• 34:24
  did
• 34:24
  all
• 34:24
  the
• 34:25
  cooking.
• 34:25
  And
• 34:26
  so,
• 34:26
  you
• 34:26
  know,
• 34:26
  it
• 34:26
  wasn't
• 34:26
  Just
• 34:27
  a
• 34:27
  meal
• 34:27
  train,
• 34:27
  right?
• 34:28
  You
• 34:28
  send
• 34:28
  the
• 34:28
  meal
• 34:28
  train.
• 34:29
  You
• 34:29
  feel
• 34:29
  like,
• 34:29
  okay,
• 34:29
  I
• 34:29
  sent
• 34:29
  them
• 34:30
  a
• 34:30
  meal.
• 34:30
  Well,
• 34:31
  someone's
• 34:31
  got
• 34:31
  to
• 34:31
  serve
• 34:32
  the
• 34:32
  meal,
• 34:32
  plate
• 34:33
  the
• 34:33
  meal,
• 34:34
  clean
• 34:34
  up
• 34:34
  the
• 34:34
  meal,
• 34:35
  do
• 34:35
  the
• 34:35
  dishes,
• 34:36
  re
• 34:37
  repackage
• 34:37
  the
• 34:38
  meal,
• 34:38
  label
• 34:39
  it,
• 34:39
  freeze
• 34:40
  some,
• 34:40
  you
• 34:40
  know,
• 34:40
  because
• 34:41
  people
• 34:41
  send
• 34:41
  big,
• 34:42
  big
• 34:42
  things,
• 34:42
  which
• 34:43
  is
• 34:43
  wonderful,
• 34:44
  but
• 34:44
  too
• 34:44
  much.
• 34:45
  So
• 34:45
  someone
• 34:46
  else
• 34:46
  cleaned
• 34:46
  out
• 34:46
  the
• 34:46
  freezer
• 34:47
  throughout
• 34:47
  the
• 34:47
  old
• 34:47
  food,
• 34:48
  packaged
• 34:48
  everything,
• 34:49
  labeled
• 34:49
  everything,
• 34:50
  put
• 34:51
  some,
• 34:51
  you
• 34:51
  know,
• 34:51
  some
• 34:51
  in
• 34:52
  the
• 34:52
  main
• 34:52
  freezer,
• 34:52
  some
• 34:53
  in
• 34:53
  the
• 34:53
  garage
• 34:53
  freezer.
• 34:54
  But
• 34:54
  all
• 34:55
  of
• 34:55
  those
• 34:55
  things,
• 34:56
  you
• 34:57
  know,
• 34:57
  oh,
• 34:57
  gosh,
• 34:58
  you
• 34:58
  know,
• 34:58
  all
• 34:58
  of
• 34:58
  the
• 34:59
  accounts
• 34:59
  are
• 34:59
  in
• 34:59
  his
• 35:00
  name.
• 35:00
  And
• 35:00
  I
• 35:00
  had
• 35:00
  another
• 35:00
  friend
• 35:01
  do
• 35:01
  all
• 35:01
  the
• 35:01
  technology.
• 35:02
  Yeah,
• 35:03
  yeah.
• 35:04
  And
• 35:04
  to
• 35:05
  make
• 35:05
  sure
• 35:05
  everything
• 35:05
  was
• 35:06
  taken
• 35:06
  care
• 35:06
  of
• 35:07
  there.
• 35:07
  Who's
• 35:08
  going
• 35:08
  to
• 35:08
  take
• 35:08
  the
• 35:08
  kids
• 35:09
  to
• 35:09
  school?
• 35:09
  Who's
• 35:10
  going
• 35:10
  to
• 35:10
  make
• 35:10
  their
• 35:10
  lunches?
• 35:11
  Who's
• 35:11
  going
• 35:11
  to
• 35:11
  get
• 35:12
  them
• 35:12
  up
• 35:12
  and
• 35:12
  dressed?
• 35:13
  Who's
• 35:13
  going
• 35:13
  to
• 35:13
  be
• 35:13
  their
• 35:13
  buddy?
• 35:15
  Who's
• 35:15
  going
• 35:15
  to
• 35:15
  talk
• 35:15
  to
• 35:15
  the
• 35:16
  school
• 35:16
  and
• 35:16
  the
• 35:16
  teachers?
• 35:17
  They
• 35:17
  all
• 35:17
  took
• 35:17
  it.
• 35:19
  There
• 35:19
  are
• 35:20
  so
• 35:20
  many
• 35:21
  things.
• 35:22
  It's
• 35:22
  the
• 35:23
  invisible
• 35:23
  burden
• 35:24
  we
• 35:24
  talk
• 35:24
  about
• 35:24
  with
• 35:25
  women.
• 35:25
  Like
• 35:25
  all
• 35:25
  of
• 35:25
  the
• 35:26
  invisible
• 35:26
  tasks
• 35:26
  we
• 35:27
  have,
• 35:29
  they
• 35:31
  sorted
• 35:31
  through
• 35:31
  it
• 35:32
  and
• 35:32
  they
• 35:32
  did
• 35:32
  it.
• 35:34
  I
• 35:34
  can't
• 35:34
  even
• 35:34
  imagine.
• 35:35
  Now
• 35:35
  I
• 35:36
  got
• 35:36
  to
• 35:36
  pay
• 35:36
  bills
• 35:37
  and
• 35:37
  all
• 35:38
  these
• 35:38
  responsibilities.
• 35:39
  Take
• 35:39
  the
• 35:39
  garbage
• 35:40
  out,
• 35:40
  feed
• 35:40
  the
• 35:40
  dog,
• 35:41
  take
• 35:41
  the
• 35:41
  dog
• 35:41
  for
• 35:42
  a
• 35:42
  walk.
• 35:42
  All
• 35:42
  these
• 35:43
  little
• 35:43
  things
• 35:43
  when
• 35:44
  you
• 35:44
  have
• 35:44
  grief
• 35:45
  brain.
• 35:45
  Yeah.
• 35:46
  And
• 35:46
  then
• 35:46
  you
• 35:47
  two
• 35:47
  children,
• 35:47
  they're
• 35:48
  young,
• 35:48
  who
• 35:49
  need
• 35:49
  your
• 35:49
  love.
• 35:49
  It's
• 35:50
  overwhelming
• 35:50
  and
• 35:50
  it's
• 35:51
  almost
• 35:51
  embarrassing
• 35:52
  as
• 35:53
  a
• 35:53
  society
• 35:53
  that
• 35:53
  we
• 35:54
  don't
• 35:54
  really
• 35:55
  know
• 35:55
  what
• 35:55
  to
• 35:55
  do
• 35:55
  and
• 35:56
  that
• 35:56
  we
• 35:56
  fumble
• 35:57
  up
• 35:57
  so
• 35:57
  badly.
• 35:58
  And
• 35:58
  why
• 35:58
  your
• 35:59
  book
• 35:59
  is
• 35:59
  so
• 35:59
  necessary
• 36:00
  in
• 36:00
  the
• 36:01
  world,
• 36:01
  because
• 36:02
  it
• 36:02
  does
• 36:02
  help.
• 36:03
  It
• 36:03
  helped
• 36:03
  me
• 36:04
  dramatically.
• 36:04
  See,
• 36:05
  see
• 36:05
  how
• 36:06
  to
• 36:06
  better
• 36:06
  be
• 36:06
  helpful.
• 36:07
  I
• 36:07
  was
• 36:07
  sharing
• 36:07
  with
• 36:08
  you
• 36:08
  before
• 36:08
  that.
• 36:08
  It's
• 36:09
  been
• 36:09
  helpful
• 36:09
  for
• 36:09
  me,
• 36:10
  not
• 36:10
  just
• 36:11
  in
• 36:11
  situations
• 36:12
  where
• 36:12
  I
• 36:12
  have
• 36:12
  a
• 36:12
  friend
• 36:13
  who
• 36:13
  has
• 36:13
  a
• 36:13
  spouse
• 36:14
  who's
• 36:14
  passed,
• 36:14
  but
• 36:15
  with
• 36:15
  other
• 36:15
  losses.
• 36:16
  It's
• 36:16
  really
• 36:17
  helpful
• 36:17
  to
• 36:18
  see
• 36:18
  what
• 36:18
  can
• 36:18
  be
• 36:18
  helpful.
• 36:19
  I
• 36:19
  am
• 36:20
  curious
• 36:20
  to
• 36:20
  know
• 36:21
  through
• 36:21
  all
• 36:21
  of
• 36:22
  this,
• 36:22
  how
• 36:23
  did
• 36:23
  you
• 36:24
  manage
• 36:24
  your
• 36:24
  professional
• 36:25
  life?
• 36:26
  Did
• 36:26
  you
• 36:26
  set
• 36:27
  it
• 36:27
  aside?
• 36:28
  Did
• 36:28
  you
• 36:29
  put
• 36:29
  it
• 36:30
  on
• 36:30
  pause?
• 36:30
  How
• 36:31
  did
• 36:31
  you
• 36:31
  manage
• 36:31
  that?
• 36:33
  You
• 36:33
  know,
• 36:33
  I
• 36:33
  was
• 36:33
  in
• 36:33
  permanent
• 36:34
  contractor
• 36:35
  position
• 36:36
  where
• 36:36
  I
• 36:36
  was
• 36:37
  transitioning
• 36:38
  a
• 36:38
  company
• 36:38
  through
• 36:38
  an
• 36:39
  acquisition.
• 36:39
  I
• 36:39
  was
• 36:39
  leading
• 36:40
  the
• 36:40
  integration.
• 36:41
  And
• 36:42
  when
• 36:42
  this
• 36:42
  happened,
• 36:43
  so
• 36:43
  I
• 36:43
  took
• 36:44
  the
• 36:44
  immediate
• 36:45
  two
• 36:45
  weeks
• 36:45
  off.
• 36:46
  But
• 36:47
  recognizing
• 36:47
  I
• 36:48
  wasn't
• 36:48
  going
• 36:48
  to
• 36:48
  be
• 36:48
  able
• 36:49
  to
• 36:49
  work
• 36:49
  for
• 36:49
  the
• 36:50
  foreseeable
• 36:50
  future.
• 36:51
  My
• 36:51
  husband
• 36:52
  died
• 36:52
  on
• 36:52
  April
• 36:53
  7.
• 36:53
  I
• 36:54
  took
• 36:54
  the
• 36:54
  two
• 36:54
  weeks
• 36:55
  off
• 36:55
  and
• 36:55
  then
• 36:55
  I
• 36:55
  finished
• 36:56
  up
• 36:56
  end
• 36:56
  of
• 36:56
  June.
• 36:58
  And
• 36:58
  it
• 36:58
  kept
• 36:59
  me
• 36:59
  busy.
• 37:00
  Everyone,
• 37:00
  of
• 37:00
  course,
• 37:01
  knew
• 37:01
  what
• 37:01
  happened.
• 37:01
  I
• 37:02
  said,
• 37:02
  please,
• 37:02
  I
• 37:02
  don't
• 37:02
  want
• 37:02
  to
• 37:03
  talk
• 37:03
  about
• 37:03
  it.
• 37:03
  People
• 37:03
  were
• 37:04
  in
• 37:04
  general,
• 37:04
  very
• 37:04
  good,
• 37:05
  respecting
• 37:05
  it.
• 37:05
  Some
• 37:06
  People
• 37:06
  didn't,
• 37:07
  you
• 37:07
  know,
• 37:07
  and
• 37:08
  not
• 37:08
  in
• 37:08
  a
• 37:08
  bad
• 37:08
  way,
• 37:09
  but
• 37:09
  they
• 37:09
  were
• 37:09
  just
• 37:09
  crying
• 37:09
  with
• 37:10
  me.
• 37:10
  And
• 37:10
  I
• 37:10
  was
• 37:10
  trying
• 37:10
  to
• 37:11
  use
• 37:11
  work
• 37:11
  as
• 37:11
  my,
• 37:12
  you
• 37:12
  know,
• 37:12
  let
• 37:12
  me
• 37:12
  tune
• 37:12
  it
• 37:13
  all
• 37:13
  out
• 37:13
  and
• 37:13
  keep
• 37:13
  myself
• 37:14
  busy.
• 37:15
  I
• 37:15
  had
• 37:15
  been
• 37:15
  consulting
• 37:16
  before
• 37:16
  then.
• 37:16
  That
• 37:17
  was
• 37:17
  what
• 37:17
  I
• 37:17
  had
• 37:17
  been
• 37:18
  doing
• 37:18
  in
• 37:18
  the
• 37:18
  biotech
• 37:19
  industry.
• 37:19
  I
• 37:20
  recognized
• 37:20
  I
• 37:21
  needed
• 37:21
  to
• 37:21
  take
• 37:21
  that
• 37:22
  pause
• 37:22
  for
• 37:22
  myself
• 37:23
  to
• 37:23
  get
• 37:23
  my
• 37:23
  children
• 37:24
  squared
• 37:24
  away,
• 37:24
  because
• 37:25
  like
• 37:25
  any
• 37:26
  parent,
• 37:26
  you're
• 37:26
  going
• 37:26
  to
• 37:27
  focus
• 37:27
  on
• 37:27
  your
• 37:27
  children.
• 37:28
  And
• 37:29
  I
• 37:29
  recognize
• 37:30
  in
• 37:30
  that
• 37:30
  moment
• 37:31
  that
• 37:31
  I
• 37:31
  have
• 37:32
  far
• 37:32
  more
• 37:33
  yesterdays
• 37:34
  in
• 37:34
  my
• 37:34
  past
• 37:34
  than
• 37:35
  I
• 37:35
  have
• 37:35
  tomorrows
• 37:35
  in
• 37:36
  my
• 37:36
  future.
• 37:36
  But
• 37:37
  my
• 37:37
  children
• 37:38
  have
• 37:38
  their
• 37:39
  whole
• 37:39
  lives
• 37:39
  ahead
• 37:40
  of
• 37:40
  them,
• 37:40
  and
• 37:40
  I
• 37:41
  have
• 37:41
  to
• 37:41
  make
• 37:41
  sure
• 37:42
  that
• 37:42
  I
• 37:43
  give
• 37:43
  them
• 37:43
  everything
• 37:43
  they
• 37:44
  need
• 37:44
  to
• 37:44
  grow,
• 37:45
  to
• 37:45
  be
• 37:46
  successful
• 37:47
  in
• 37:47
  adulthood
• 37:47
  despite
• 37:48
  these
• 37:48
  circumstances.
• 37:50
  So
• 37:50
  I
• 37:50
  did
• 37:50
  take
• 37:51
  a
• 37:51
  year
• 37:52
  because
• 37:52
  I
• 37:52
  had
• 37:52
  to,
• 37:52
  but
• 37:53
  I
• 37:53
  didn't
• 37:53
  take
• 37:53
  the
• 37:54
  full
• 37:54
  year
• 37:55
  in
• 37:55
  that.
• 37:56
  I
• 37:56
  pivoted
• 37:57
  because
• 37:58
  life
• 37:58
  had
• 37:58
  given
• 37:59
  me
• 37:59
  this
• 37:59
  pivot.
• 37:59
  It
• 38:00
  forced
• 38:00
  it
• 38:00
  upon
• 38:00
  me.
• 38:01
  I
• 38:01
  was
• 38:02
  so
• 38:02
  successful
• 38:02
  because
• 38:02
  I
• 38:03
  had
• 38:03
  an
• 38:03
  amazing
• 38:03
  husband
• 38:04
  who
• 38:05
  supported
• 38:05
  me.
• 38:06
  He
• 38:07
  stepped
• 38:07
  back
• 38:07
  from
• 38:08
  the
• 38:08
  professional
• 38:08
  world,
• 38:08
  devoted
• 38:09
  himself
• 38:09
  to
• 38:10
  our
• 38:10
  children,
• 38:10
  and
• 38:11
  allowed
• 38:11
  me
• 38:11
  to
• 38:12
  soar
• 38:12
  professionally.
• 38:14
  I
• 38:14
  recognized
• 38:15
  that
• 38:15
  I
• 38:15
  could
• 38:15
  not
• 38:16
  take
• 38:16
  on
• 38:16
  that
• 38:16
  type
• 38:17
  of
• 38:17
  an
• 38:17
  operator
• 38:17
  role
• 38:18
  that
• 38:18
  I
• 38:18
  had.
• 38:18
  I
• 38:18
  was
• 38:19
  focusing
• 38:19
  purely
• 38:19
  on
• 38:19
  M
• 38:19
  and
• 38:20
  A,
• 38:20
  which
• 38:20
  is
• 38:20
  very
• 38:20
  intense.
• 38:22
  I
• 38:22
  couldn't
• 38:22
  do
• 38:22
  that
• 38:23
  anymore.
• 38:24
  I
• 38:24
  took
• 38:24
  pause,
• 38:25
  with
• 38:25
  the
• 38:26
  one
• 38:26
  exception
• 38:26
  that
• 38:27
  the
• 38:27
  evening
• 38:27
  my
• 38:28
  husband
• 38:28
  had
• 38:29
  his
• 38:29
  accident,
• 38:29
  he
• 38:30
  passed
• 38:30
  away
• 38:30
  early
• 38:30
  the
• 38:30
  next
• 38:31
  morning.
• 38:31
  I
• 38:31
  was
• 38:32
  in
• 38:32
  bed
• 38:32
  reading
• 38:34
  the
• 38:34
  final
• 38:35
  pages
• 38:35
  of
• 38:36
  a
• 38:36
  memoir
• 38:36
  I
• 38:36
  had
• 38:37
  spent
• 38:37
  the
• 38:37
  last
• 38:37
  three
• 38:38
  years
• 38:38
  writing.
• 38:40
  And
• 38:40
  I
• 38:40
  put
• 38:41
  it
• 38:41
  aside
• 38:42
  when
• 38:42
  I
• 38:42
  found
• 38:42
  out
• 38:42
  about
• 38:43
  the
• 38:43
  accident.
• 38:43
  And
• 38:44
  I
• 38:44
  picked
• 38:44
  it
• 38:44
  up
• 38:45
  in
• 38:45
  2024,
• 38:47
  and
• 38:47
  I
• 38:47
  thought,
• 38:48
  let
• 38:49
  me
• 38:49
  at
• 38:49
  least
• 38:49
  do
• 38:50
  this,
• 38:50
  because
• 38:50
  Doug
• 38:51
  wanted
• 38:51
  me
• 38:51
  to
• 38:52
  do
• 38:52
  this.
• 38:52
  And
• 38:53
  my
• 38:53
  one
• 38:53
  regret
• 38:53
  is
• 38:53
  he
• 38:54
  never
• 38:54
  read
• 38:54
  it
• 38:54
  because
• 38:55
  I
• 38:55
  wanted
• 38:55
  it
• 38:55
  to
• 38:55
  be
• 38:56
  in
• 38:56
  such
• 38:56
  good
• 38:57
  shape
• 38:57
  that
• 38:58
  I
• 38:58
  promised
• 38:58
  it
• 38:58
  to
• 38:58
  him
• 38:59
  the
• 38:59
  next
• 38:59
  day,
• 38:59
  and
• 38:59
  he
• 38:59
  never
• 38:59
  got
• 39:00
  to
• 39:00
  read
• 39:00
  it.
• 39:00
  So
• 39:01
  I
• 39:01
  rewrote
• 39:01
  the
• 39:02
  final
• 39:02
  chapter
• 39:02
  of
• 39:02
  how
• 39:03
  it
• 39:03
  was
• 39:03
  supposed
• 39:03
  to
• 39:03
  end,
• 39:03
  and
• 39:04
  I
• 39:04
  published
• 39:05
  I
• 39:05
  Can,
• 39:05
  I
• 39:06
  Will,
• 39:06
  and
• 39:06
  I
• 39:06
  did,
• 39:07
  in
• 39:08
  March
• 39:08
  of
• 39:09
  this
• 39:09
  year.
• 39:10
  Of
• 39:10
  this
• 39:10
  year.
• 39:12
  So,
• 39:12
  yeah,
• 39:12
  I
• 39:12
  pivoted
• 39:13
  from
• 39:13
  my
• 39:13
  biotech
• 39:13
  advisory
• 39:14
  business
• 39:15
  to
• 39:15
  my
• 39:15
  author
• 39:16
  Persona
• 39:17
  last
• 39:18
  year
• 39:18
  so
• 39:19
  I
• 39:19
  could
• 39:19
  do
• 39:19
  this
• 39:20
  as
• 39:20
  a
• 39:20
  testament
• 39:21
  and
• 39:21
  a
• 39:21
  gift
• 39:21
  to
• 39:21
  him
• 39:22
  because
• 39:22
  he
• 39:22
  would
• 39:22
  want
• 39:22
  to
• 39:23
  see
• 39:23
  me
• 39:23
  finish
• 39:23
  that.
• 39:24
  So
• 39:25
  I
• 39:25
  did
• 39:25
  that.
• 39:25
  And
• 39:25
  at
• 39:26
  that
• 39:26
  period
• 39:26
  of
• 39:26
  time,
• 39:27
  I'd
• 39:27
  also
• 39:27
  started
• 39:28
  taking
• 39:28
  those
• 39:28
  notes
• 39:29
  from
• 39:29
  my
• 39:29
  group.
• 39:30
  And
• 39:31
  as
• 39:31
  soon
• 39:31
  as
• 39:32
  I
• 39:32
  published
• 39:33
  my
• 39:33
  first
• 39:33
  book,
• 39:34
  I
• 39:34
  got
• 39:35
  right
• 39:35
  onto
• 39:35
  the
• 39:36
  second
• 39:36
  book.
• 39:36
  Don't
• 39:37
  Call
• 39:37
  Me
• 39:37
  Widow
• 39:38
  is
• 39:38
  intentionally
• 39:39
  brief.
• 39:40
  It
• 39:40
  is
• 39:40
  direct.
• 39:41
  It
• 39:41
  uses
• 39:42
  large
• 39:43
  font.
• 39:43
  It's
• 39:43
  indexed
• 39:44
  clearly.
• 39:45
  And
• 39:45
  I
• 39:45
  did
• 39:45
  that
• 39:46
  so
• 39:46
  purposely
• 39:46
  because
• 39:47
  I
• 39:47
  thought,
• 39:47
  well,
• 39:47
  I
• 39:48
  have
• 39:48
  a
• 39:48
  lot
• 39:48
  to
• 39:48
  say
• 39:49
  and
• 39:49
  it's
• 39:50
  not
• 39:50
  like
• 39:50
  academic
• 39:51
  or
• 39:52
  theoretical.
• 39:52
  It's
• 39:53
  really
• 39:53
  practical.
• 39:53
  So
• 39:54
  I
• 39:54
  wanted
• 39:54
  to
• 39:54
  make
• 39:54
  it
• 39:55
  as
• 39:55
  visually
• 39:56
  appealing,
• 39:56
  practically,
• 39:58
  you
• 39:58
  know,
• 39:58
  as
• 39:59
  well.
• 39:59
  And
• 40:00
  so
• 40:01
  I
• 40:01
  didn't.
• 40:02
  It
• 40:02
  took
• 40:02
  me
• 40:02
  less
• 40:03
  time
• 40:03
  to
• 40:03
  write
• 40:03
  that,
• 40:04
  obviously,
• 40:04
  because
• 40:04
  I
• 40:04
  knew
• 40:05
  exactly
• 40:05
  what
• 40:05
  I
• 40:06
  wanted
• 40:06
  to
• 40:06
  accomplish.
• 40:07
  Hearing
• 40:07
  you
• 40:07
  say
• 40:08
  that,
• 40:08
  now
• 40:08
  you've
• 40:08
  learned
• 40:09
  something,
• 40:09
  you
• 40:10
  know
• 40:10
  that
• 40:11
  that
• 40:11
  is
• 40:11
  what
• 40:11
  in
• 40:11
  my
• 40:12
  heart
• 40:12
  I
• 40:12
  wanted
• 40:12
  it
• 40:12
  to
• 40:13
  do.
• 40:13
  I
• 40:13
  wanted
• 40:13
  it
• 40:13
  to
• 40:14
  create
• 40:14
  a
• 40:14
  greater
• 40:15
  understanding
• 40:15
  so
• 40:16
  people
• 40:16
  can
• 40:17
  have
• 40:17
  a
• 40:17
  gentler
• 40:17
  experience.
• 40:18
  When
• 40:18
  this
• 40:18
  happens,
• 40:20
  well,
• 40:21
  I
• 40:21
  feel
• 40:22
  very.
• 40:23
  Compelled
• 40:23
  for
• 40:23
  everybody
• 40:24
  to
• 40:24
  get.
• 40:24
  Pick
• 40:24
  up
• 40:24
  a
• 40:25
  coffee
• 40:25
  and
• 40:26
  check
• 40:26
  it
• 40:26
  out.
• 40:27
  Read
• 40:27
  it.
• 40:27
  Don't
• 40:28
  call
• 40:28
  me
• 40:28
  Widow.
• 40:29
  A
• 40:29
  firsthand
• 40:30
  guide
• 40:30
  to
• 40:30
  help
• 40:30
  support
• 40:31
  someone
• 40:31
  who's
• 40:31
  lost
• 40:32
  their
• 40:32
  spouse.
• 40:33
  It
• 40:33
  really
• 40:33
  is
• 40:33
  a
• 40:33
  must
• 40:34
  read
• 40:34
  and
• 40:34
  a
• 40:35
  good
• 40:35
  one
• 40:35
  to
• 40:35
  keep
• 40:36
  at
• 40:36
  your
• 40:36
  side
• 40:36
  for
• 40:36
  those
• 40:37
  moments
• 40:37
  when
• 40:37
  you
• 40:37
  come
• 40:37
  across
• 40:38
  someone
• 40:38
  who's
• 40:39
  lost
• 40:39
  their
• 40:39
  spouse.
• 40:40
  You
• 40:40
  can
• 40:40
  hand
• 40:40
  it
• 40:41
  off
• 40:41
  to
• 40:41
  their
• 40:41
  friends
• 40:41
  because
• 40:42
  it
• 40:42
  isn't
• 40:43
  all
• 40:43
  intuitive.
• 40:44
  Once
• 40:44
  you
• 40:45
  read
• 40:45
  the
• 40:45
  lists
• 40:45
  and
• 40:46
  see
• 40:46
  the
• 40:46
  ways
• 40:46
  that
• 40:46
  the
• 40:47
  people
• 40:47
  in
• 40:47
  your
• 40:47
  community
• 40:47
  helped
• 40:48
  you
• 40:48
  in
• 40:48
  the
• 40:48
  way
• 40:48
  you
• 40:48
  guide,
• 40:49
  it's
• 40:50
  obvious,
• 40:50
  but
• 40:50
  for
• 40:51
  some
• 40:51
  reason
• 40:51
  it's
• 40:51
  not
• 40:52
  intuitive
• 40:52
  how
• 40:53
  to
• 40:53
  respond.
• 40:54
  I'd
• 40:55
  love
• 40:55
  to
• 40:55
  go
• 40:55
  to
• 40:56
  our
• 40:56
  Fast
• 40:56
  Fire
• 40:57
  round
• 40:57
  where
• 40:58
  I'll
• 40:58
  ask
• 40:58
  you
• 40:58
  five
• 40:59
  questions
• 40:59
  in
• 40:59
  five
• 41:00
  words
• 41:00
  or
• 41:00
  less
• 41:01
  to
• 41:01
  to
• 41:02
  answer.
• 41:02
  Are
• 41:03
  you
• 41:03
  ready?
• 41:04
  Okay.
• 41:05
  Yes.
• 41:06
  Here
• 41:06
  we
• 41:06
  go.
• 41:08
  What
• 41:08
  should
• 41:09
  friends
• 41:09
  stop
• 41:10
  asking
• 41:10
  when
• 41:11
  they've
• 41:11
  lost
• 41:11
  a
• 41:11
  spouse?
• 41:12
  Even
• 41:13
  when
• 41:13
  they
• 41:13
  mean
• 41:13
  well.
• 41:15
  How
• 41:15
  can
• 41:16
  I
• 41:16
  help
• 41:16
  you?
• 41:17
  What
• 41:17
  is
• 41:17
  one
• 41:18
  concrete
• 41:19
  thing
• 41:19
  people
• 41:19
  can
• 41:20
  do
• 41:20
  in
• 41:20
  the
• 41:20
  first
• 41:21
  24
• 41:22
  hours
• 41:22
  after
• 41:23
  a.
• 41:28
  Just
• 41:29
  show
• 41:29
  up
• 41:29
  and
• 41:29
  give
• 41:29
  a
• 41:29
  hug.
• 41:31
  What
• 41:32
  did
• 41:32
  you
• 41:33
  need
• 41:33
  most
• 41:34
  in
• 41:34
  year
• 41:34
  two
• 41:35
  that
• 41:35
  nobody
• 41:36
  warned
• 41:36
  you
• 41:37
  about?
• 41:39
  Oh,
• 41:40
  that's
• 41:40
  a
• 41:40
  good
• 41:41
  one.
• 41:44
  Continuity
• 41:45
  of
• 41:45
  people
• 41:46
  keeping
• 41:46
  in
• 41:46
  touch.
• 41:47
  What's
• 41:48
  the
• 41:48
  most
• 41:48
  helpful
• 41:49
  sentence
• 41:49
  someone
• 41:50
  said
• 41:50
  to
• 41:50
  you
• 41:51
  after
• 41:51
  Doug
• 41:51
  died?
• 41:56
  I
• 41:56
  can't
• 41:56
  imagine
• 41:57
  what
• 41:57
  you're
• 41:57
  going
• 41:57
  through.
• 42:00
  Finish
• 42:01
  the
• 42:01
  sentence.
• 42:02
  Please
• 42:02
  don't
• 42:03
  call
• 42:03
  me
• 42:03
  widow
• 42:03
  because
• 42:05
  I'm
• 42:06
  not
• 42:06
  done.
• 42:07
  Amen
• 42:08
  to
• 42:08
  that.
• 42:09
  How
• 42:09
  can
• 42:09
  we
• 42:09
  get
• 42:10
  a
• 42:10
  copy
• 42:10
  of
• 42:10
  your
• 42:10
  book?
• 42:11
  How
• 42:11
  can
• 42:11
  we
• 42:11
  learn
• 42:11
  about
• 42:12
  you?
• 42:12
  How
• 42:12
  can
• 42:12
  we
• 42:12
  stay
• 42:13
  in
• 42:13
  touch
• 42:13
  with
• 42:13
  you?
• 42:14
  Because
• 42:14
  I
• 42:15
  have
• 42:15
  no
• 42:15
  doubt
• 42:16
  there
• 42:16
  is
• 42:16
  more
• 42:17
  to
• 42:17
  come.
• 42:17
  Oh,
• 42:18
  thank
• 42:18
  you
• 42:18
  so
• 42:18
  much.
• 42:19
  You
• 42:19
  can
• 42:19
  reach
• 42:19
  out
• 42:19
  to
• 42:20
  me
• 42:20
  on
• 42:20
  saminaberry.com
• 42:22
  I
• 42:22
  have
• 42:22
  a
• 42:22
  website
• 42:22
  where
• 42:23
  there
• 42:24
  are
• 42:24
  links
• 42:24
  to
• 42:24
  both
• 42:25
  of
• 42:25
  my
• 42:25
  books
• 42:25
  as
• 42:26
  well
• 42:26
  as
• 42:26
  links
• 42:27
  to
• 42:27
  a
• 42:27
  companion
• 42:27
  podcast
• 42:28
  I
• 42:28
  created
• 42:29
  for
• 42:29
  Don't
• 42:29
  Call
• 42:29
  Me
• 42:30
  Widow
• 42:30
  that's
• 42:31
  called
• 42:31
  Afterlife
• 42:32
  and
• 42:32
  available
• 42:32
  on
• 42:33
  all
• 42:33
  streaming
• 42:33
  platforms.
• 42:35
  I'm
• 42:35
  on
• 42:35
  Instagram
• 42:36
  as
• 42:36
  saminabarry
• 42:37
  underscore.
• 42:39
  Wonderful.
• 42:40
  And
• 42:40
  we
• 42:40
  will
• 42:40
  put
• 42:40
  that
• 42:41
  all
• 42:41
  in
• 42:41
  the
• 42:41
  show
• 42:42
  notes
• 42:42
  so
• 42:42
  everybody
• 42:43
  can
• 42:43
  be
• 42:43
  in
• 42:43
  touch.
• 42:44
  Just
• 42:45
  thank
• 42:45
  you,
• 42:45
  Samina,
• 42:46
  for
• 42:46
  writing
• 42:46
  this
• 42:47
  incredible
• 42:47
  story.
• 42:48
  I'm
• 42:49
  so
• 42:49
  sorry
• 42:50
  that
• 42:50
  you've
• 42:51
  gone
• 42:51
  through
• 42:51
  this
• 42:51
  incredible
• 42:52
  journey
• 42:52
  and
• 42:53
  tragedy
• 42:53
  and
• 42:54
  my
• 42:54
  heart
• 42:54
  surrounds
• 42:56
  you
• 42:56
  and
• 42:56
  your
• 42:56
  girls
• 42:57
  with
• 42:57
  love.
• 42:57
  I'm
• 42:58
  grateful
• 42:58
  that
• 42:58
  I've
• 42:59
  been
• 42:59
  able
• 42:59
  to
• 42:59
  get
• 42:59
  to
• 43:00
  know
• 43:00
  you
• 43:00
  over
• 43:00
  the
• 43:01
  last
• 43:01
  year
• 43:02
  and
• 43:02
  I
• 43:02
  look
• 43:03
  forward
• 43:03
  to
• 43:03
  seeing
• 43:04
  what
• 43:04
  you
• 43:04
  continue
• 43:05
  to
• 43:05
  bring
• 43:05
  out
• 43:06
  and
• 43:06
  what
• 43:07
  we
• 43:07
  can
• 43:07
  do
• 43:07
  together
• 43:07
  to
• 43:08
  help
• 43:08
  continue
• 43:08
  to
• 43:08
  do
• 43:09
  good
• 43:09
  things
• 43:09
  in
• 43:09
  the
• 43:09
  world.
• 43:10
  Thank
• 43:10
  you
• 43:11
  so
• 43:11
  much,
• 43:11
  Coco.
• 43:12
  So
• 43:13
  to
• 43:13
  all
• 43:13
  of
• 43:13
  you
• 43:14
  world
• 43:14
  changing
• 43:15
  listeners,
• 43:15
  be
• 43:16
  sure
• 43:16
  to
• 43:16
  follow,
• 43:16
  like
• 43:17
  and
• 43:18
  share
• 43:18
  the
• 43:18
  wisdom
• 43:19
  of
• 43:19
  women.
• 43:19
  Show
• 43:19
  on
• 43:20
  Whatever
• 43:20
  your
• 43:20
  favorite
• 43:21
  listening
• 43:21
  or
• 43:22
  viewing
• 43:22
  platform
• 43:23
  you
• 43:23
  prefer
• 43:24
  to
• 43:25
  infuse
• 43:25
  more
• 43:25
  wisdom
• 43:26
  into
• 43:26
  your
• 43:26
  business,
• 43:27
  remember
• 43:27
  to
• 43:27
  take
• 43:28
  the
• 43:28
  Growth
• 43:28
  Readiness
• 43:29
  Quiz
• 43:29
  at
• 43:29
  aforceforgood
• 43:31
  Biz
• 43:32
  Quiz
• 43:33
  and
• 43:33
  cover
• 43:33
  where
• 43:34
  your
• 43:34
  insight
• 43:35
  and
• 43:35
  wisdom
• 43:35
  is
• 43:36
  needed
• 43:36
  most.
• 43:37
  The
• 43:37
  world
• 43:38
  is
• 43:38
  made
• 43:39
  better
• 43:39
  by
• 43:39
  women
• 43:40
  led
• 43:40
  business.
• 43:41
  Let's
• 43:42
  go
• 43:42
  make
• 43:42
  the
• 43:42
  world
• 43:43
  a
• 43:43
  better
• 43:44
  place.