Latest / A Hamster With a Blunt Penknife - a Doctor Who Commentary podcast / Talks to Andy, Lee & Cam about their choice of The Mind Robber (4/5)

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Talks to Andy, Lee & Cam about their choice of The Mind Robber (4/5) · A Hamster With a Blunt Penknife - a Doctor Who Commentary podcast

0:33
Hamster with a blunt. Pen knife, they're doing
0:35
quicker. Welcome back to the Hamster with
0:38
a Blunt Pen Knife podcast with my wonderful friends here it's
0:42
Joe Ford, the wonderful Lee Mcmenamy, and Cameron Phillips.
0:46
We're having a wonderful time here, for we are taking another
0:49
deep dive into the worlds of Doctor Who.
0:51
Today we are continuing with our journey with Mind Robber, one of
0:55
the most surreal and inventive stories in the Patrick Troughton
0:59
era. Have I pronounced that right?
1:01
Yeah. Nodding head, nodding head four.
1:06
Yes, it's all bullshit smoke and mirrors.
1:08
In Episode 4, the boundaries between fiction and reality blur
1:12
even further with Zoe wrestling the comic books here superhero,
1:16
which I've got to admit I really enjoyed.
1:19
So you know it's giving me Episode 4 was absolutely a
1:22
godsend. There, Jamie finds himself lost
1:25
in the Citadel's traps, and the Doctor finally comes face to
1:28
space with the mysterious master of the land of Fiction.
1:31
It's a tale where imagination is both the weapon and the
1:35
battlefield, so let's take a step back into the story and see
1:38
how it unfolds. Did you just improvise all of
1:41
that? No, I got.
1:43
No, I know. It's got the VHS just off
1:47
screens but. It's all in the delivery.
1:52
I love that look. Is it?
1:53
We live in this world where you're like, wow.
1:56
And then you just. Go all over the chips.
1:59
You know that feeling, right, when you know when you have new
2:01
people on the police box? Yeah, it's the same with me on
2:04
hamster, right? And they come in and they
2:06
deliver something like that and you go, Oh my God, how the fuck
2:10
do I charm this person back after this conversation?
2:14
Like the doctor, says Joe, we only take the best.
2:18
Oh wow. All the Drakes, you know, we're
2:20
not fussy and have now look, I've got a point that I'd like
2:24
to make about sexism because we've been saying about how Zoe
2:27
has been sort of groped and touched and treat you in a
2:30
overly affectionate way throughout this story.
2:32
Well, excuse me, gentlemen, but I think you'll find she's got
2:35
her hands all over a bloke in this story.
2:37
In this particular episode, she's beating the shit all out
2:40
of the carcass. Oh yeah.
2:43
There's some wrestling fans. Yep, there's one for the
2:46
wrestling fans. There's a few examples of a hip
2:49
toss coming up, yes. One or two, yeah.
2:54
I'll just give it its technical name.
2:55
It's a hip toss. I did want her to.
2:57
I did want her to like bust out a German suplex at one point,
3:00
but sadly. Or a suplex as he would know it
3:03
as. But sadly she doesn't.
3:06
The funniest thing about that sequence is she just keeps doing
3:09
the same move and she goes, oh, that was lesson 13.
3:12
Lesson 16. It's like, no, no, they're all
3:14
the same lesson. We don't, we don't have the
3:16
budget to get a martial arts expert in for anything more than
3:19
5 minutes. Just teach her what you can and
3:22
then we'll run with that. And it's saying it just happened
3:24
again and again and again and again.
3:26
And then the last one at the end was a little bit different, but
3:28
I think that's because she fucked it up.
3:30
No, at one point she doesn't even grab hold of him and he
3:33
still flies across the set. Yeah, wowzers.
3:36
How defection anything can happen?
3:38
He's like the Scarlet Witch. She does it with her mind.
3:41
Yeah. Well, gentlemen, should we go
3:45
and watch this astonishing display of martial arts?
3:49
Yeah, let's start all into fans. OK, let's go WrestleMania.
3:53
Here we go. Who's countless in then?
3:56
Lee. Yeah, I'll, I'll do it.
3:59
Yeah. OK.
4:00
So start on episode 4 and 321 there.
4:05
We go now. Look, Cameron, I don't want you
4:08
to get too excited about those snakes at the start, OK?
4:11
All right. OK all.
4:12
Right, forget about the butcher's shop.
4:14
They need a cleaver. That's what they need.
4:17
Yeah, actually, you know, there's very little of that stop
4:21
animated stop start animation in Doctor, isn't it?
4:23
And I'm thinking, I can only think of what the Scarasan in
4:26
Terola's icons. That's pretty nice.
4:29
Yeah. I have a point about this as
4:31
well. So I have not that I watch many
4:34
horror movies, but I have always, always, always found
4:37
older horror movies far more terrifying the newer ones for
4:41
things like stop Star animation. I find Stop Star Animation
4:45
really quite unnerving and it's because of watching, you know,
4:50
all the films where you've got oh Christ, the names have got
4:53
straight out of my head here. Jason and the Argonauts, that
4:58
sort of thing. Thank you Jason and the
4:59
Argonauts for their fight in. The skeletons.
5:04
Yes, and it's terrifying. I find it really, really
5:07
unnerving. So it's that scary.
5:09
And I think it's, and again, it's the whole the immersion
5:11
piece. It's like how you view it.
5:13
Whereas I don't find modern horror.
5:15
Movies it's smooth now, isn't it?
5:17
Especially because so, so slick, whereas that Harry house and
5:20
stuff everyone because it is like they're literally it's kind
5:23
of juddery and weird and. Yeah, I want the bit the end of
5:27
the Raiders of the Lost Ark, but it's like melted bubble gum, you
5:30
know? That's frightening.
5:31
Do. You remember, did you have the
5:32
same few ones watching Trump and Andy?
5:34
What? Old Trump?
5:36
Tons, Yeah. Big camber, big game that that
5:38
really shit him up Quincent for weeks after this stuff.
5:40
That you remember that was scary.
5:42
The original fell animation movements that that was fucking.
5:46
Scary. Oh boy.
5:48
Now, the movements in general were terrifying, I thought.
5:51
Yeah, a hippo that can stand upright and is white and can
5:54
talk, I mean. Jesus Christ, I hate to confess
5:57
this, but he's got the moon in box set just there on the shelf,
6:00
right? And he was watching one one day
6:02
when I came down and I had all these weird ghosts coming out of
6:04
the forest. So this is very ghoulish. 2 Two
6:08
things. Firstly, my wife finds the Terra
6:10
Hawks frightening. No, I can.
6:12
Andy, is it Zelda? Yes.
6:16
Yeah. So, but, and I, so I remember
6:20
saying this to, to, to, to Katie.
6:22
It's like, I used to watch this all the time when I was a kid
6:23
and it was great and I loved it. And she bought me the DVD and I
6:26
remember like a few years back and watching it going, Oh my
6:29
God, this is the most terrifying, depressing thing
6:32
that I've ever seen. Do you remember Dark Crystal?
6:35
Yeah. Oh, yes, yes.
6:38
I. Remember.
6:39
I. Remember watching it is.
6:41
Yeah, Jim. Henson But for for for adults,
6:44
Yeah. I remember watching that and
6:46
thinking, oh, this will be a nostalgic trip down memory lane.
6:48
And then like being utterly depressed for about an hour
6:52
after that. Should tell you the movie that
6:54
like. Should have followed it up with
6:56
Schindler's List. I mean, I was so such a wimp.
7:00
I found Labyrinth terrifying. Of course I remember those fire
7:03
raters that juggle their heads. Yeah, but they think they move
7:06
their heads off and you know what I mean?
7:09
So you know what did the the voice I'm saying?
7:13
Do you know who did the voice for those take your heads off?
7:16
Was it Danny? John.
7:17
Jules. It was Danny.
7:19
John. Jules, was it it?
7:21
Was Danny John? Jules, take the prize.
7:25
Anyway, we should be talking about this episode the.
7:27
Mind robber. Yes, yes, sorry do.
7:29
You remember Doctor Who? Well.
7:31
No, we started and then we just sort of, yeah, we're not.
7:34
We're talking about special effects.
7:35
Here we go. Here's Jamie just hiding in a
7:37
stove cupboard. Yeah, it's a classic 60s staple,
7:40
you know, hiding in plain sight. Well.
7:43
I mean, they can also see that it's appealing to the audience
7:45
as well. So the audience's kids, what
7:47
would you do? You'd hide in the cupboard.
7:49
You know what? You know, that's absolutely fine
7:51
for him to do that. Leigh is.
7:53
It ever explained who these robot things are.
7:55
Is it ever? No, they're kind.
7:58
Of like just that guard really aren't they?
8:00
They just are these. The ones that they got from
8:02
another show. Yeah, out of the unknown, I
8:04
think it was Yeah, I. Think they're sort of really
8:07
creepy as well. That's sort of such creaky, sort
8:09
of kind of inching closer sort of sounds.
8:13
On Saturday when we meet, yeah, I will edge you for three hours
8:19
if you can tell me for. Breakfast.
8:22
Every single appearance that Bernard Horsfall, who plays
8:26
Gulliver, has been in Doctor Who.
8:29
Jesus. I mean, there's a quiz question.
8:32
Come on, it's a. Hell of a prize.
8:36
Do you have an answer for me? Well, right now, yeah.
8:39
Yeah, not Saturday. We're doing the conversation
8:42
now, right? It's been it's been a load.
8:45
So hasn't he? That's.
8:46
Right. Go on, I'll give you 1 deadly
8:48
assassin. He's right.
8:50
Yeah, he's enough. This is purely guesswork because
8:52
I know he's been in. If he does like Philip Maddock
8:55
or something like that, I could probably leave them off.
8:57
But oh. They're all directed by David
9:00
Maloney. I can tell you that much all.
9:02
Right, OK, so looking at my DVDs.
9:05
I'll give you half an hour of edging for each one you get.
9:08
Go on. This is where we found out it's
9:11
been in 12 episodes. The whole weekend.
9:15
On a bit of a walk from these. Do you ever you ever think about
9:21
that whilst we talk about the carcass and his amazing muscles
9:25
in this? Sequence.
9:25
Look at this. It's amazing.
9:26
Quite work out if it was meant to be like his superhero suit or
9:31
if that was just meant to be his muscles and you know by made by
9:35
someone who's clearly never seen male anatomy before.
9:38
And I realized, you know what I just did there?
9:40
Thank you. I've I like his dedication to
9:44
the lucha libre arts with the the mask on him, you know, here
9:49
we go, I've. Been to a few parties, you know
9:52
where you got to wear masks like that.
9:55
Oh man, I love this. Though now we've gone away from
9:58
the horror and the atmosphere. We're just playing it all for
10:00
comedy now, aren't we? That's a.
10:04
That's an arm bar. Actually look at Trawan trying
10:07
to get involved. It's a master class and stage in
10:10
a fighting of our old smallest studio as well.
10:14
Do you know what I say? When Katie and I watch TV, we
10:16
often use the phrase Ah, bet that was fun to film.
10:19
This looked like it was fun. Now it looks like they're
10:21
genuinely having a great time. She didn't even touch him and he
10:24
went over, yeah. Selling.
10:28
Selling. Did you hear Trout?
10:30
And he went, oh, please, Zoe, don't do anything rash, you
10:33
know? Listen, this is it's saying with
10:35
people complaining about like the lack of female empowerment,
10:38
you know, she's like chokeholding someone who's at
10:40
least three times bigger. Yeah.
10:43
And going you know, it is it is me and.
10:46
They go see the clutch. Oh man, did you see him?
10:50
He goes. Oh, I am your slave now.
10:52
There's always one. Yeah, you are.
10:55
Yeah, and that cat suits nice, Please.
10:57
We all are. And just the payoff here is
10:59
where she goes. Oh yeah, we all followed this
11:00
comic strip adventures in the hourly telly press.
11:03
In the year 2000 and then. The He's a good line where he
11:07
goes well, surely you've followed some of them.
11:09
He goes well, you better follow that one.
11:10
He's halfway up that hill. Let's go.
11:15
There is a wit to this, I think. Yeah, it grows.
11:18
Into it, well, there's a bit of a witch.
11:20
Like there was a was it a line? Have we had the line yet?
11:23
I haven't been paying attention where he says something about
11:25
robots not being able to climb steps, steps or stairs or
11:29
something. Like that, I thought that was a
11:30
nice little, yeah. Is that the next step?
11:32
I was like, oh, that was OK, yeah.
11:33
Like there's a little bit of self deprecation in there and
11:37
I'm OK with that. The bit where he goes, what is
11:39
it? Sausages.
11:41
Mankind will just be like a string of sausages all the same.
11:44
Maybe that's what Team was about.
11:46
Yeah, maybe. Maybe just remember the mind
11:49
robber. Look at you doing this cold
11:52
shamanic accent. This is the bit where it felt it
11:57
just got fit like a runaway train for it was like it's like
12:00
come on, wrap it up. Come on, get inside the castle.
12:02
What? Has anyone got any ideas?
12:04
Well, just hide under these fucking coat, right?
12:06
OK, we'll go with that then it. Was like him to salamander
12:09
again. It'll be fine.
12:10
If I was Zoe, I wouldn't be going through one of these doors
12:12
after what happened last time. Not really.
12:16
Here's Jamie feeling the balls again.
12:20
Doctor, you've still got any Wallpapers here?
12:24
The in a minute. Zoe is unbelievably stupid,
12:27
isn't she? When they go through and they go
12:29
right, going through that bar there, that light means the
12:32
alarm's going to go off. And then she 5 minutes later she
12:35
blunders into she goes, oh God, let's get out of here.
12:38
Got straight through. It despite being lifted and
12:41
thrown over it in the first place, I mean just completely
12:43
escapes her memory. You know, even Katie said that
12:46
because it was the whole the whole point of my conversation
12:49
about her getting touched a lot. That was Katie that pointed out
12:52
she's like, she could have at least they, you know, she could
12:55
have jumped over that, that detector beam or whatever it
12:58
was. But no, no, it was just another
12:59
opportunity for someone to pick her up by the arse.
13:03
And how old is? Katie, Andy.
13:06
Sorry. How old is Katie?
13:08
Katie is 43. Oh, sorry, I thought it was your
13:11
daughter. It's your wife, right?
13:13
OK. No, it's my wife.
13:14
No, my daughter, she's. Thinking of all this nonsense
13:15
then? Well, my wife or my daughter?
13:18
Your wife, Hey. So she loves Doctor Who.
13:21
So like, she doesn't watch that. She doesn't watch.
13:24
Yeah, she would. She would.
13:26
She would very much enjoy the David Tennant era episodes.
13:29
So we, we, we. And she also loves her.
13:32
Making herself so she's definitely a.
13:33
Keeper. Oh Christ.
13:36
Yeah, definitely. What's the best episode of Red
13:40
Dwarf? I mean, there's so many great
13:42
wolves. Polymorph.
13:45
Government of the Apocalypse. I bloody love that one.
13:48
Oh no. Do you remember?
13:50
Queen listen here, suckers, I've got one thing to say.
13:54
To you from the. Gate of the Century.
13:58
We're going to go from Red Alert to Blue Alert.
14:00
Absolutely sure. It does mean changing the bulk.
14:03
That is absolutely. That is the personification of
14:07
Red Dwarf for me. The best visual gag they ever
14:10
did was in backwards where he goes, oh he's just gone, gone to
14:13
relieve himself and then he just pops up.
14:15
With. All of his hands.
14:19
Don't ask. Oh, I love that.
14:22
That whole series is gold. Series 3 is just the best do.
14:24
You remember when he sends Gandhi over a minefield?
14:29
Get down on the floor and give me. 50 Gandhi.
14:34
Actually, that's a bit like this, isn't it?
14:35
Just a load of random fictional. Characters got hard Elvis shit
14:39
though, not hard Elvis. No.
14:41
Oh, do you remember the I mean, it's in the dismal series 7.
14:44
But when they go to Pride and Prejudice land and Crichton
14:47
comes along with a tank and blows up all the Bennett
14:49
systems, I. So I didn't think it was that
14:52
bad. I thought that series was that
14:53
the one for the introduced Kachansky?
14:55
Well, I'm sure you thought that was a good series.
14:58
Yeah, Chloe and Eyre. There she goes.
15:02
Look straight through the lights.
15:04
I was. Happy.
15:06
How do you do thousands? Renew the.
15:09
Metal Gear Solid. Oh, but now the doctor's like,
15:14
no, no, we ain't running away anymore.
15:15
Come on, we need to find out who the hell was behind all this.
15:19
Let's just stand here and get captured.
15:21
Let's meet the boss. Oh.
15:22
What is your favorite doctor's attire?
15:25
Because I, I, you know, I, I get it added to the, the character
15:29
here. He looks very trampy and like
15:31
his trousers don't really fit and his jackets too big for him,
15:34
you know, So I get it, it builds the character.
15:37
But if I had to ask you, what would be your favorite attire
15:39
for a doctor to be seen in? Andy They call him the Cosmic
15:43
Hobo because he looks like a tramp.
15:45
The cosmic He does look like a tramp, right?
15:46
OK, so I'm not just making that. Although I think Hobo is
15:49
politically correct anymore though nowadays we just call him
15:53
stick at a dump. Yeah.
15:56
But if I use this, basically he's got the best costume in
15:58
Perry's very kind of. Oh, Perry's quite.
16:02
DARPA Very. Yeah, DARPA.
16:03
Dandyish, I mean. I liked Paul Mcgann's like
16:08
attire that very. It's really the kids stuff,
16:11
yeah. Yeah, actually, if you came to a
16:13
convention, Andy, I think you'd look very hot dressed up like
16:15
Paul McGann. Oh, I thought.
16:16
You dressed, I was gonna say, if you dressed me up in steampunk,
16:19
is that, is that where this is going?
16:21
Oh yes. Can't believe I'm enabling.
16:24
This I'm going to have to know. No, no, yeah.
16:26
You're good, you're good along with this.
16:30
I'll have a very wet bed in the morning.
16:33
Colin Baker's costume is quite nice, isn't it?
16:35
Sort of like a plied pride flag. I don't like Mccoy's costume,
16:39
even the question mark. John Paul.
16:41
I think it's because it's, it's, yeah, Because it's kind of, it's
16:43
kind of trout in either, wasn't it?
16:45
Because it doesn't quite fit him.
16:47
There's something a bit kind of shabby about it.
16:49
So. I like Matt Smith's first
16:51
costume. You know when he's he's sort of
16:53
got the tweed jacket. But then when he's.
16:55
Tasted he just loses. It isn't.
16:57
It yeah, it's not the same is it Doesn't really work.
17:00
Capaldi's kind of a pretty stylish Dr. as well.
17:02
Yeah, yeah, I get to see that. There's a, there's a bit of a
17:04
little where Capaldi's like just basically, I'll just sling on a
17:07
fucking hoodie. Who cares?
17:08
That's what I'm thinking. Either it's like the T-shirt and
17:10
the long coat. Yeah.
17:13
Lovely love Jodie Whitaker, but she looks like she got dressed
17:15
up out of the Gap, didn't she? It's so fierce, that costume.
17:20
Chris Rapkins leather jacket. Yeah.
17:24
Look on like that. I've been shooting Gatwa.
17:27
What was his costume? You tell me.
17:28
Yeah, I know. It's just it was different.
17:30
For everybody, it wasn't in his costume.
17:33
I did like him when he was in the pants in his first episode.
17:35
That was quite a good costume. Do you remember that?
17:38
Yeah, yeah, he was. Look.
17:40
The master. Yeah, he is a fella.
17:43
He looks unnervingly like my old history teacher.
17:46
Oh. Really.
17:47
Yeah, they have a bit of spit in the corner of his mouth, like
17:50
embrace. Jones doesn't.
17:51
No, no, it makes you feel it. Was a bit of a sorry Cammy, you
17:55
keep going. I'm just going to going to say,
17:58
like props to Mr. Gilmore of an Academy, but this looks like a
18:02
lot like you. He was a guy who in my entire
18:04
school years, tried to convince me to support some team called
18:07
Hearts of Midlothian. Oh, how did that work out?
18:11
Not well. OK, try to show you the right
18:13
path I. Know you?
18:15
Know you just turn to the dark side.
18:17
We, we've been given our, our, our boss level bad guy at the
18:20
end here, right? And he just appears to be just
18:25
some poor schmuck that was in the wrong place at the wrong
18:28
time. So who, who is the real bad guy?
18:32
Who is the real? Monster in the.
18:33
Week here it's the brain isn't it you know he's he's just
18:37
unfortunate enough to have what was it won a writing
18:41
competition. I think it was just because so
18:43
bizarre. It's like I didn't even know how
18:45
it all tied together. It's like why?
18:46
Why, How the hell did you get there is.
18:48
That the blingest? Is that the blingest bit of
18:51
perspex we've ever seen in Doctor?
18:53
Who? The master.
18:54
It's all there, isn't it? That's that's very good.
18:56
Yeah. Glitter bulk in it.
18:58
Is it a dodecahedron? I'm not quite sure what shape it
19:00
is. I don't know what the
19:02
mathematical terminology would be for it like but.
19:05
It is pretty. It's a bling bit of kit.
19:08
And in like true B movie star is connected right into his brain.
19:13
We've. Gone into the frontal concept.
19:17
Katie was like why didn't they just unplug them?
19:18
And I said, well, that would, you know, we're still going to E
19:21
egg it out for another 20. 5 minutes you.
19:24
Might. You might just kill him.
19:25
You know what's going on? Is that what you think?
19:28
Because I'll tell you that Episode 4 is only 19 minutes
19:30
long. It's really short.
19:32
I don't know what happened. They're all like man.
19:35
The fucking cliffhanger where they're in the book, that's.
19:38
So yeah. They're eaten by them.
19:40
They're sunflowers. It's the way I'd want to go.
19:46
Yeah. Do you know, this wasn't going
19:48
to mean much to anybody but probably Leigh, if I'm honest.
19:51
But you know, what did he say? He'd written 5000 words every
19:56
week, 1,000,000 words overall. It's about.
19:59
Half a million words, yeah. It's basically the Nicholas
20:01
Briggs is he of short stories. I suspect.
20:06
I suspect the master's probably got a higher threshold of
20:09
quality. Just to give you some context,
20:11
Andy Nicholas Briggs is a big Finnish writer of Doctor Who
20:14
audios has churned out so many terrible stories now any
20:18
creative worth that he might have had in the start of his
20:21
career, unfortunately has been siphoned away completely.
20:26
So is what is quantity over quality?
20:29
Absolutely. They're asking it to be.
20:31
It's gone. It gets very big finish in the
20:33
next episode for them. Just firing off ideas.
20:36
It's like it's like a meeting from one of the boxes and then
20:40
this happens and then Jackie Tyler fights the Crotons and
20:44
great 4 episodes bug that out. Quantity over quality.
20:47
I feel you may have just summed up a hamster with a blunt pen
20:50
knife there. Thank you.
20:54
Here we go, easy. These guys here, the robot guys
20:57
have something like in the head, but like that thing going on,
21:00
the prototype Cybermen going on. Yeah, the handles, yeah.
21:06
Babies, a master of the land of fiction, had read Doctor Who and
21:08
the Cybermen by Jerry Davis, and then they popped into existence
21:12
there. So I was booked in the library.
21:14
I've got to admit, I found this episode a bit difficult because
21:17
I couldn't look past the syphilis that's going on here.
21:20
Yeah, it's weird, isn't it? You'd think the director would
21:23
go just get. Out get the yeah.
21:26
Yeah, exactly. I'm not.
21:29
Notice between episodes four and five though, someone has wiped
21:32
him. No, it's a week later.
21:37
You better hope he's looked in the mirror and that.
21:40
Could somebody hose down the talent please?
21:47
I mean, even this is so great, it's like, you know, we're going
21:50
to eat up your companions in a great book now where you
21:53
cooperate. They're sort of like dragging
21:56
out all the cliches of Doctor Who, aren't they?
21:57
But just putting them at the forefront.
21:59
Yeah, that weird special effect. I know they made quite a big
22:05
deal out of the things on its chest sort of opening up to be
22:10
whatever they set themselves to kill or whatever it was, they
22:13
said. What's what's the book Opiege?
22:18
Yeah, I'm sure I look at what it was earlier on, but.
22:20
You've got to assume there's a hole somewhere in that page,
22:23
right? Now, always that's how we got
22:27
the cardboard cut out of them earlier on.
22:28
They just pressed them in the book.
22:30
Like a leaf. Yeah, like an old.
22:31
Leaf. Yeah, like an old leaf.
22:33
Most important leaf in oil existence.
22:35
Oh, waste her properly, you know.
22:37
Yeah, so high, right? So that was the end of the
22:39
fourth episode they were going to have and then they bung down
22:41
1/5, right? So I guess from my perspective,
22:46
I'm looking on. So if that's the end of the 4th
22:47
and there wasn't originally planned to have 1/5, was that
22:50
the end of that little? Other way round how it was
22:54
episode one that they added and it was the four parts.
22:57
Oh, I see. Original.
22:59
Story. Oh I see right OK, that makes
23:02
more sense because I was like I got to this and I was like I
23:04
thought they added an extra 1 on at the end.
23:05
I was like but they would have had to because the story.
23:08
I can't believe I'm saying this, but the story wouldn't have made
23:10
sense otherwise. Fucking hell.
23:16
The weird thing is right is at the start of the next story,
23:19
yeah, they don't give you any sort of explanation.
23:21
At the end of it's. They go, well, I hope we just
23:23
pop back into existence. And then at the start of the
23:25
next story, they pop back into existence and they go, oh, well,
23:29
I wonder what that was all about.
23:30
Let's go. The sidemen are attacking.
23:33
It's. Yeah, it's it takes a lot.
23:36
Quite nice. About that is that you can like,
23:38
so I, I am finding this rather easy where you're like, how does
23:41
it work for you Andy, when you're jumping in halfway
23:43
through with no context? Do you know what, there's enough
23:45
context between the chunks of five episodes for you to get to
23:48
grips with that? I don't feel like I've missed
23:50
out on anything massive. So that that kind of works from
23:55
my perspective as accessible. God, I love how easily pleased
23:59
you are. You and me are going to get on
24:00
famously, you know. Terrifying.
24:04
Well, how should we end this late then?
24:06
In a sort of mind blobber kind of a way.
24:10
Well, how shall we end? Well, I mean, if if you're
24:13
really struggling for an ending, we could have an all dramatic
24:15
reading. Oh.
24:16
Please. Yeah, this is going.
24:17
To this one. OK, I'm going to I'm going to
24:20
have to make you do an edit and the, the podcast here jokes I'm
24:23
absolutely busting. So I'll be back in a second and
24:25
oh, he's going. For a piss, all right.
24:27
Well, I'm going to use that opportunity as well then.
24:31
Right, Cameron, while they're away, it's time to talk about
24:33
the kids. All right, all right.
24:36
OK. They're getting very unruly.
24:39
You need to have more discipline with them.
24:42
More discipline, Do I really? They told me, you know, when
24:46
they're at your place, Yeah, They get away with bloody
24:49
murder. Do they?
24:50
Well, it's well, it's Scotland. We're raising federal.
24:54
Is that right? Yeah, send them out to the wild.
24:57
Just. Send them out to the wild.
24:58
You know, to hunt haggis it has to do.
25:01
You know, I don't even know where in Scotland are you?
25:03
In Edinburgh? No.
25:05
Whereabouts are you? Right.
25:07
I am in very much the South of Scotland.
25:10
I I actually work in Carlisle in England every day.
25:15
Have you? Do you, Lockerbie?
25:19
I don't know, but I'll look on a map now.
25:22
Right, I am just I'm down the road from Lockerbie, close to a
25:27
village called Ecclefechan. Echo Fecken.
25:31
Echo fecken that sounds. Like a wonderful cake that you
25:34
can have sex with, doesn't it? It's.
25:37
Well, you could maybe make a cake, but what you do with it's
25:40
up to you. But I live in a it's a tiny
25:43
little village. It's called Kirtle Bridge.
25:47
So yeah, it's just down the road between sort of Gretna and
25:49
Lockerbie. So it's literally just kind of
25:51
like 10 minutes over the border in the glorious land of Dumfries
25:56
and Galloway. IIA Couple of years ago I came
26:00
up and saw a friend in Blairgowrie, which I can't
26:04
remember where that was near, but it was high summer and
26:08
honest to God the sun did not go down until about half eleven.
26:12
It was absurd and. You're quite high up, you're
26:15
near the, you know, the Arctic and things like you're closer,
26:18
higher N it. Was lovely sunny evenings.
26:23
Sometimes we get sun in Scotland, sometimes we get sun
26:26
in Scotland. I mean, we're pretty good here
26:28
because the Downs cuts us off from the rest of the weather
26:31
from England, so we get a bit of mid Mediterranean weather at
26:34
Eastbourne. So that's why they call it the
26:35
Sunshine Coast. It's only about 5% more sun than
26:38
everywhere else, but it's a bit more, yeah.
26:41
Yeah, yeah. I'll say Mediterranean.
26:45
It's still a pebbly beach, you know.
26:47
Yeah, beach is a beach. God's waiting room with all the
26:51
old deers shuffling about like heme of all the beach.
26:54
Any any any good? Any good Arcades don't appear in
26:57
in? There was wound.
26:59
Yeah, there is. Oh, nice.
27:00
I need. To come visit I need to get to
27:02
myself to an arcade. I'm going to have to Google
27:05
where Eastbourne is. It's right on the South Coast.
27:07
We're right down the bottom near Brian.
27:12
OK. Oh yeah, OK, right.
27:15
It's where everybody ancient ends up, Andy.
27:19
So it's like a big, massive retirement village, is that what
27:22
you're saying? Pretty much it's the place where
27:25
in an episode of 1 Foot in the Grave, they're going, oh we go
27:27
on fabulous coach trips and Victor Mildew goes I do not want
27:30
to go to Eastbourne. You know, this is what we're
27:33
known for, which is weird because I've got quite a bit of
27:37
energy. So I don't know how I ended up
27:38
here. Just reserved from your spot.
27:42
Nice and early, aren't you? Absolutely.
27:45
I'm absolutely gripped to hear this dramatic reading.
27:48
Oh, that's cool. Let's take this as an edit point
27:50
then, shall we? So to round off Episode 4,
27:53
another dramatic reading from the life of John Levine, A life
27:57
in the hood. Yeah.
28:00
OK, because the last one was so well received by the preview.
28:05
Let's go. Let's let's let's it.
28:07
Doesn't matter if we're having a good time, as long as the
28:09
listeners are. Or they won't be.
28:11
They won't be. OK, well, let's skip forward a
28:15
couple of years in the life of John.
28:17
Now it's we'll pick it up. Here it is now, 1976 in my
28:23
association with Doctor Who is now sadly coming to an end.
28:27
Being a man of the world, I've humbly accepted that this is the
28:30
way of all acting jobs. Nothing lasts forever in our
28:33
profession. So I, in good grace, realize
28:36
that now was the time to move on.
28:38
I'm not a bitter man, so I beared absolutely no ill will to
28:42
that wanker Tom Baker and that utter witch Elizabeth Slayden
28:46
for coming in and ruining my show.
28:49
I began to investigate a lot of avenues of employment, but not
28:53
before I'd finished anonymously posting dog shit for their
28:55
letter boxes. The acting profession is a
28:59
competitive field, so in order to fill the gap before Hollywood
29:03
inevitably come calling for my services, I took a number of
29:06
compare jobs, among which was a stint hosting the Women's
29:09
Institute AGM in Bush on the wine.
29:13
Not wishing to turn up empty handed to the events, I wanted
29:16
to bring something to show my appreciation, suddenly
29:20
remembering that upon leaving a recent dinner party at Barry
29:23
Lexi's house, he'd gifted me some cakes.
29:26
Perfect, I thought, there are always baked goods at these
29:29
events. What better way to ingratiate me
29:33
into the warm bosom of these calm, thoughtful ladies?
29:37
Or so I thought. Dear reader, I had forgotten
29:40
that dear Barry was a Buddhist into all sorts of Mystic shit.
29:43
And the bundle of ordinary brownies in that box.
29:47
Wiw high, more like. I was halfway through an
29:52
anecdote about eye patches in the set of Inferno when I
29:55
suddenly became aware that the gentle octogenarians were now
29:58
absolutely mashed off their tits, struggling to maintain my
30:03
professional composure as Edith and Doris clawed up my clothes
30:07
and demanded to be taken to my filthy mattress.
30:09
I'm ashamed to say that I lost my cool.
30:12
The old Isle of Wight red mist descended.
30:18
Brush yourself to the accent, bitches, please, I bellowed.
30:22
God damn, I ain't that honky Richard Franklin for sure.
30:26
I ain't got no God damn mattress, you dig?
30:28
But by now these bitches be crazy.
30:31
My goddamn Superfly purple brush velvet pimp suit had the stench
30:35
of lavender and cherry bake whales all over it.
30:38
Resigned to my fate, I let the hordes of the living dead
30:41
descend upon me and dreamt of the day rolling up at this
30:45
goddamn shack with my homies and popping a cap in the ass of any
30:49
homeboy who so much has offered me a slice of Battenberg cake.
30:53
Will somebody please make a film of this man's life?
30:58
Wow, I was going to say at the end, Lee, your voice is like
31:03
honey, but then you started doing that horrific accent.
31:08
Congratulations for committing to the character.
31:11
That's all you can say. I'm not Gareth Bully.
31:14
No, no, not all. And you might think that's a
31:17
slight exaggeration of John Loving's character.
31:20
Unfortunately, the truth is far more ghoulish than anything Lee
31:25
could come up with. I'm going to lend you this food
31:27
candy or it's something you'll never forget.
31:29
What? You're wow.
31:30
OK. It's amazing.
31:33
He's some man. Coming to the Hamster Book Club,
31:36
Auntie Kay explores John Levine well.
31:40
As he, as, as Lee said there, you know, brace yourself, think,
31:44
was the the phrase that you uttered before you rolled that
31:48
one out. You know, there's a, there's a,
31:51
a short 10 minute interview on a podcast that you did.
31:54
I'll send you the link all right, You'll know exactly what
31:57
you're getting into.