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What Nobody Tells You About Starting Over After a Major Life Change | The Boujee Multipreneur · The Boujee Multipreneur

• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to the Bougie Multipreneur.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Dr.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: Hillary.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: Today we're going to talk about something I think many people experience, but very few talk honestly about it.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: Starting over.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm not talking the cute social media version, not the version with inspirational quotes everywhere and highlight reels, the real version.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: The version that feels uncomfortable.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: The version that feels uncertain.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: The version where you don't know exactly what comes next.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: Because nobody tells you about starting over that it can be exciting and heartbreaking all at the same time.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: You can be grateful and grieving.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: You can be hopeful and scared.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: You can be excited about the future while still mourning parts of the past.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: And that's where many people get stuck.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: They think they have to choose one emotion.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: Either they're happy or they're sad.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: Either they're moving forward or they're looking backward.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: But life doesn't work that way.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: We can hold multiple emotions all at once.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: We can miss something and still know it's time to move on.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: We can be scared and still move forward.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: We can be uncertain and still make progress.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: If you followed any of my recent podcasts or blogs, uh you might have heard me talk about this kind of personal emotional storm I'm going through and had been going through.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I have to say that I might be out of the eye of the storm right now as recording this.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I think I felt so many emotions, and not like on a monthly or weekly basis, but a daily basis.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes like half a day I'm this and half the day I'm this, and I'm going back to that.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: It's quite a roller coaster, isn't it?
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: Not knowing what to do, knowing and trusting your gut to lead you in the right way.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: Are you going forward?
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: You're not looking backwards.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: Is it the right thing to do?
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: You've been comfortable.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: So I feel it and I hear it.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why I wanted to do another three-part series about it because it's so pertinent to me right now.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe this might be pertinent to you or someone you know.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: And forward this if it's not pertinent to you, that's okay.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: Because we all go through this, and I think it's okay to talk about it.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm I'm not trying to bring up anything or bash anyone, or I just want to talk about how it feels to do so many different things when you're in this tornado of emotions in this rocky boat of life.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I'm currently selling houses, properties, packing up boxes, getting quotes for things, selling furniture.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: Despise selling things on Facebook Marketplace, but what's a girl to do, right?
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: Walking through this house that was my dream house, and it was a different chapter of my life.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: Thankful that I got to live in that chapter and I got to see my dream house and be in it for three years.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: And just realizing how much life has changed for me in, I mean, literally sent less than a year.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: I think I realized that starting over isn't really about changing your circumstances, it's changing me, changing your identity.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: Because when the circumstances change, we lose routines.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I'm type A all the way.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: I love me some good routines.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: I love me a schedule, and I love things not to change.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: Been that way, my whole life, hard to change, right?
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: We lose the familiarity of things, right?
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: We lose the predictability of what's going to happen, how our life is, what we are expecting of our life and ourselves and our family and our career.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: We lose versions of ourselves.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: I know that I have not wanted to become an old version of myself, and I'm trying my best to stay away from a negative version that could creep back in.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm trying to be positive, but also not fake positive, right?
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like when people ask me how I'm doing, I'm like, meh, not that good, or meh, or it's probably the worst uh week of my life.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for asking.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: You know, um, and if I don't want to talk about it, I just don't talk about it.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for asking, but it it's just so much more to bring it back up again, right?
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: Um, although, you know, we need to let it out.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: I have learned uh this year, especially uh not to keep things bottled up.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: Um it's the part that people don't prepare you for.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: That you're not saying just goodbye to a place, you're saying goodbye to a version of yourself, the person who used to live here, the the dreams that you had attached to this season of life, the expectations you had, the plans you thought you would happen.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: Who else is a planner?
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: Totally me.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: I will raise my hand, even though you can't see me.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: I'm such a planner.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, it's so bad.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: I love planning.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: And it is emotional when your plans don't work out, right?
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: And not because you you want to go backwards, but you know that you acknowledge that your life is gonna look different than you had imagined.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes that's for the good, right?
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's healthy.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: Change can be good.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: I think one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves is just the permission to acknowledge that having this reality without judgment, instead of saying things like, I should be over this, or I don't know why I'm still attached to this, right?
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: I shouldn't feel this way.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: What if we just simply said something like, This matters?
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: This matters to me.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: This chapter of my life mattered to me.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: These memories matter, the people matter.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: And because they mattered, it's okay to feel something when they change.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: Going through a divorce and not being prepared for it.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, does anyone ever prepare for anything?
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: But you know how I feel.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: I just have a planner.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: Just give me a plan in a roadmap, please.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: Um, that chapter of my life really mattered to me.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: And I thought it was a happy chapter, and it was.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: And but now it's just a different chapter.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: And like I said, the change is hard, but I know from past experiences, change is good, right?
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I keep telling myself it's gonna get better, Hillary.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: One thing that has helped me recently is just reminding myself that starting over does not mean starting from scratch, right?
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: I thoroughly believe this, and I want you to hear that.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: Starting over does not mean starting from scratch.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not losing my experience, you're not losing your wisdom, you're not losing the lessons you've learned.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: You're bringing all of those things with you.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes we focus so much on what we're leaving behind that we forget everything we're carrying forward.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: Our bags are different, right?
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: The relationships, the resilience, the knowledge, the growth, the confidence, the skills.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: All these things get to come with you.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: And honestly, that's what makes this chapter different than previous chapters in our lives, right?
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: You're not beginning as the same person, you're beginning with more experience, more perspective, more wisdom.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe that's what rebuilding is not creating something new, but creating something more informed, something more aligned, something more intentional.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: Looking ahead at my life, for instance, what do I want it to look like?
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: What can I change now that maybe I didn't have the opportunity to change before?
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: What do I want to try now that maybe I couldn't or wouldn't try before?
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: I think that another misconception about starting over is that people believe clarity comes first.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: They think once I know exactly what I want, then I'll move.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: Or once I have the perfect plan, I'll move.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: Once everything feels certain, I'll move.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: But that's rarely how life works.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: Most of the time, clarity comes from movement.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: It's the step, right?
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: Not before the step, it's the step.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: You learn something, you take another step, you learn something else.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: Over time, the path becomes clearer.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: Not because you figured everything out in advance, which I love to do, I love to plan, but because you're willing to keep moving.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: That's what rebuilding looks like.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: It's not one giant leap, it's hundreds of small decisions.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's waking up and doing the next thing, getting out of bed, right?
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: And then doing the next thing and then the next thing until one day you look back and realize how far you've come.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: I think to myself, I never thought I would be in these shoes.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: I never thought I would move out.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: I kept telling everyone, this is my forever home.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: I'll I'll always be here.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: I love it so much.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: And then it just hits you like, oh, I have to move?
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: I have to leave.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, what does that mean for me?
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: It's never crossed my mind.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: I never thought that would happen.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and then I I I ran with it.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, that's all right, Hillary.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: What could what could this mean then?
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: What could moving mean for me?
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: What could changing a house?
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: What could changing a school district meet for the kids?
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: Like what ifs?
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: All these what ifs?
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: I have found that throwing that out into the universe comes back very positive later, asking for direction and hope, asking for some clarity down the road.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: Um, if you are listening today and you're in a season of change like I am, I want to remind you of something.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: You don't need to have everything figured out, you don't need a five-year plan.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: I'm saying that for myself also.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: I will say it again to myself.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: Hillary, you do not need a five-year plan.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_00: You do not need perfect clarity.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: You simply need enough courage for the next step.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: That's it.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: One step, one decision, one day at a time.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: Because rebuilding isn't a destination, it's a process.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're in the middle of it right now, I want you to know something.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_00: You're probably doing better than you think.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: You're stronger than you feel.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_00: You're not starting from scratch, you're starting from experience.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for spending some time with me today and listening to this.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: If it resonated with you, I hope it helps in any way possible.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: If you know someone that is going through a tough time, maybe send them this episode.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's a short one.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: I kind of like them short, just a quick, I have 15 minutes drive to work, or I used to from my old house.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: And it just something to listen to, know you're in the right step.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_00: That little step forward means something.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: Like you mean something.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: These little decisions mean something.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, the next chapter doesn't require a new version of you, it just simply requires you to move forward.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_00: Stay tuned for the next couple episodes.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: They'll be similar, just little tidbits, you know.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: But I will see you next time on the Bougie Multipreneur Podcast.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_00: Have a great day.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: Get out there and be a money magnet.