Latest / The Comeback Career Podcast with Fexingo: Returning After a Gap, Stay-at-Home Re-Entry / Why Your Network Decides If You Return
Transcript
- Lucas: Here is a number that keeps me up at night for anyone considering a career break: eighty percent of jobs are filled through networking, not applications. That statistic has been consistent for over a decade, yet most people treating a career gap like a technical problem end up applying to hundreds of postings with zero traction. Luna: Right, because they treat the gap like a typo in their resume rather than a signal to their network. But what does the data actually say about why those networks go silent? Lucas: It is less about malice and more about friction. When you leave a role, your professional identity shifts from active contributor to static memory. For your former colleagues, reaching out to you feels risky because they do not know if you are still sharp, current, or just looking for a lifeline. The social cost of recommending you has gone up, even if your skill set hasn't changed. Luna: So the asset isn't your degree anymore, it's the willingness of someone else to vouch for your current competence. Lucas: Exactly. And that is where we need to talk about the donation segment, because if we can help you navigate that shift from isolation to connection, it really matters. If today was actually useful to you, the way these stay ad-free is listener support — buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. That is F. E. X. I. N. G. O. Luna: Yeah, keeping the lights on so we can keep digging into these awkward but necessary conversations is huge. Let's get back to that friction you mentioned. Lucas: The core issue is what sociologists call the strength of weak ties. Your close friends already know you; they don't have new information to give you. Your distant acquaintances, the people you haven't spoken to in two years, are sitting on access to opportunities you cannot see. The problem is that during a gap, those ties atrophy simply from lack of maintenance. Luna: So you have to rebuild trust before you ask for anything, which sounds counterintuitive when you're desperate for a paycheck. Lucas: It feels counterintuitive, but it is the only way to lower the social risk for the other person. You are essentially asking them to bet their reputation on you again. If you approach them with a direct ask, you force them to make a binary decision: yes or no. If you approach them with curiosity, you invite them to update their mental model of you without any pressure. Luna: I think a lot of people freeze up because they feel like they have nothing new to contribute to the conversation after being away for eighteen months. Lucas: That is the impostor syndrome talking. You do not need to be an expert to be interesting. You just need to be engaged. The best way to reactivate a weak tie is to send a low-stakes message that acknowledges the time passed and asks for a specific, small piece of insight. Not a job, not a referral, just perspective. Luna: Like asking for their take on a specific industry trend rather than asking if they are hiring. Lucas: Precisely. You want to demonstrate that you have been paying attention while you were away. Maybe you read a report on supply chain logistics or followed the regulatory changes in fintech. You reach out and say, I saw this article and remembered your work on this last year. What did you think? It makes the other person feel valued, not solicited. Luna: That shifts the dynamic from me needing something to us discussing something shared. It feels much less transactional. Lucas: And it works because humans are wired to respond to competence. When you ask a smart question, you signal that you are still intellectually active. You are proving your relevance without having to list every certification you earned during your gap. It is subtle, but it resets the narrative from broken to evolving. Luna: But what happens when you hit the wall of silence? How many messages is too many before you seem annoying? Lucas: Two messages max. One initial outreach, and one gentle follow-up three weeks later if you hear nothing. After that, you move on. Silence is data. It tells you that either they are overwhelmed, or they are not the right connector for you right now. You do not need to chase ghosts. Luna: That is hard advice for someone who might be feeling rejected, but it saves energy for the people who will actually engage. Lucas: It is efficient. Think of your network like a garden. You cannot water every plant equally. You identify the ones that have soil left, the ones that are willing to grow, and you focus your effort there. The ones that are dead, you let go. Luna: So the goal isn't to win everyone back, it's to find the few who are still in the game. Lucas: Correct. And you have to be strategic about who those people are. Do not just go back to your old team. Go to the people who were adjacent to your work. The vendor you collaborated with, the client you served, the colleague in a different department who respected your output. They have broader networks than your immediate manager ever did. Luna: That makes sense because they operate in a wider ecosystem. They are more likely to know about openings before they hit the public boards. Lucas: They are. This is the hidden economy of hiring. Most senior roles are filled by people who already know the candidate personally or are recommended by someone they trust. If you are applying online, you are competing against everyone else. If you are introduced by a warm contact, you are competing against the person who made the introduction. Luna: Which is a completely different playing field. It’s less about keywords and more about relationships. Lucas: It is. And that relationship has to be maintained even when you are not looking. This is where the gap creates a disadvantage. People who are employed are constantly sending updates. They post about projects, they comment on industry news, they attend events. Gap returnees often disappear from the radar entirely. Luna: So the first step isn't even asking for a job, it's just showing up digitally again. Lucas: Yes. Start commenting on LinkedIn posts from people you admire. Share an article with a thoughtful caption. It signals presence. It reminds algorithms and humans alike that you are still in the arena. It lowers the cognitive load for them when you eventually do reach out directly. Luna: It’s like leaving footprints so they remember you walked past that way recently. Lucas: Exactly. Footprints are better than erasure. And once you have established that light touch, you can gradually increase the intensity. You move from comments to private messages, from general inquiries to specific informational interviews. Luna: Informational interviews are the bridge. They allow you to practice your pitch without the pressure of closing a deal. Lucas: They are the safest space to fail forward. If an informational interview goes poorly, you lose nothing. If it goes well, you gain a mentor, a reference, or a lead. The downside is capped, but the upside is significant. You are testing the waters before you dive. Luna: And you get to control the narrative about your gap in a controlled environment, rather than in a high-stakes HR screening. Lucas: In an informational interview, you can explain the gap honestly. You can say you took time to care for family, or to recover from burnout, or to explore a new interest. Because it is informal, the other person is usually empathetic. They are listening, not judging. Luna: Whereas in a formal interview, that same story might trigger bias or assumptions about reliability. Lucas: Bias is everywhere, but informal conversations bypass the formal filters. You connect as a human, not a file. And that human connection is what gets you referred when the actual opening arises. Luna: So the gap doesn't define you, your proactive re-engagement defines you. Lucas: It does. Employers hire momentum, not just history. If you can show that you have rebuilt your network, that you are curious, and that you are ready to contribute, the gap becomes a chapter, not the whole book. Luna: It’s about proving you are still moving forward, even if you stopped for a while. Lucas: Right. The market rewards motion. So start making noise. Start reconnecting. Start planting those footprints. Luna: Because once the network wakes up, the rest of the process gets a lot easier. Lucas: It does. And that is the difference between searching and finding.