Latest / Marriage Life and More and Bible Study / The Growing Presence of Sexless Marriages Pt 4 (Marriage Reset Series) - 291

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The Growing Presence of Sexless Marriages Pt 4 (Marriage Reset Series) - 291 · Marriage Life and More and Bible Study

• 0:07
  Daniel Moore: Before we dive in, let's just say this out loud.
• 0:10
  Daniel Moore: If the words Hosea and sexual intimacy in the same sentence make you shift a little in your chair, well you're not alone.
• 0:17
  Daniel Moore: But Scripture doesn't blush, and neither should we.
• 0:20
  Daniel Moore: In Hosea chapter 2, we see a God who doesn't just forgive betrayal, he restores intimacy, renews trust, and turns what once felt broken into a door of hope.
• 0:31
  Daniel Moore: Today's conversation is about that kind of restoration in marriage, the kind that goes deeper than flowers, apologies, or finally agreeing on where to eat dinner.
• 0:41
  Daniel Moore: We're talking honestly about restoring and renewing your sexual relationship without shame, without pressure, and maybe with a little laughter along the way, because if you can't laugh together, intimacy gets real awkward real fast.
• 0:54
  Daniel Moore: Whether your marriage needs a spark, a reset, or a full-on resurrection, this episode is about reclaiming what God intended to be good, joyful, and connecting.
• 1:03
  Daniel Moore: So take a breath, lean in, and remember, this is a safe space.
• 1:08
  Daniel Moore: And yes, we promised this is a Christian podcast, just one that believes God cares about what happens in your bedroom too.
• 1:16
  Daniel Moore: Welcome to Marriage Life and More.
• 1:24
  Daniel Moore: This is a podcast about marriage, Bible, and book studies, and we interview people that have inspiring stories.
• 1:29
  Daniel Moore: I'm Daniel Moore, your host, and standing up here next to me once again is my beautiful co-host, my wife Michelle.
• 1:35
  Michelle Moore: Hey, hey.
• 1:35
  Daniel Moore: Thank you guys for joining us this week.
• 1:37
  Daniel Moore: If you're not familiar with our show, check out our website at marriagelifeandmore.com.
• 1:40
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• 1:41
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• 1:45
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• 1:48
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• 1:50
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• 1:58
  Daniel Moore: Now, as we mentioned here for some time now, I do have a couple of books available, and just wanted to let you know that I was actually on another podcast here over the last about a few weeks ago and did an interview on my Marriage as a Mission book.
• 2:13
  Daniel Moore: So if you want to check that out, go check out the podcast It's Time to Rise Up podcast.
• 2:19
  Daniel Moore: And you can check out the one of the latest episodes, actually the last episode of 2025.
• 2:25
  Daniel Moore: And Kim McIntyre did an interview with me on that.
• 2:29
  Daniel Moore: So if you're curious about the book and some of the stuff that's in it, we talk about that.
• 2:33
  Daniel Moore: Um so go check out that podcast today.
• 2:36
  Daniel Moore: So over the last few weeks here, we've been talking about sexless marriage pandemic that's going on.
• 2:44
  Daniel Moore: Uh there's a lot of times in marriages when you get to this point where uh it seems like you're maybe falling out of love with each other or whatever the situation may be, uh, that you may feel like you have distance coming in between each other.
• 2:58
  Daniel Moore: Uh, we know that a lot of times one of the first things to go is our sexual intimacy and that's that closeness that we have.
• 3:06
  Daniel Moore: And a lot of people struggle with how to get that back.
• 3:09
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 3:09
  Daniel Moore: And I think a lot of that is because of uh miscommunication, you know, it's misunderstandings, perceptions, expectations, a lot of those kinds of things.
• 3:18
  Daniel Moore: Well, here a couple of weeks ago, uh well, actually, I guess it was last week, we started talking about uh resurrecting sex.
• 3:25
  Daniel Moore: There were four steps to that, and we made it through two of those.
• 3:28
  Daniel Moore: So this week we're going to continue and finish this discussion on the growing pandemic of sexless marriages on this week's episode of Marriage Life and More.
• 3:39
  Daniel Moore: As we start off this week's, I just want to do a little bit of uh just a real quick recap here.
• 3:51
  Daniel Moore: As we were talking about resurrecting sex uh as we started this last week, the first thing that we talked about was softening your heart.
• 3:59
  Daniel Moore: And Michelle and I, we sit down and talk through that on how if you have a hardened heart, yeah, it's really hard to open up to each other.
• 4:07
  Michelle Moore: Right, right.
• 4:07
  Daniel Moore: And so a lot of times, not only that it's not just the sex side that suffers whenever that takes place, but we do know that if you have a hardened heart between each other, then it's definitely really hard to get that intimacy back into the uh the storyline at that point.
• 4:25
  Daniel Moore: And you might still be functioning in other areas, possibly of your marriage, but we know that uh the sexual intimacy side does suffer uh when that happens.
• 4:34
  Daniel Moore: So if you go back to last week's, you can see some steps there that we actually laid out on how to keep your heart open and how important it is that you do that.
• 4:44
  Daniel Moore: Also, last week we talked about sometimes when we have this issue of sexless marriage, it's because there's issues that are going on that neither spouse has talked about.
• 4:55
  Daniel Moore: And so there's a complete misunderstanding of what's taking place.
• 5:00
  Daniel Moore: And a lot of times, you know, we talked about how the very first thing that pops into our mind is the bad stuff.
• 5:06
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 5:06
  Daniel Moore: You know, if the sex stops or the desire seems to stop with one of the spouses, a lot of times some of the very first thought thoughts that pop into our head is are they cheating?
• 5:16
  Daniel Moore: Do they have somebody they're talking to or texting secretly?
• 5:19
  Daniel Moore: You know, are they not in love with me anymore?
• 5:22
  Daniel Moore: Are they wanting a divorce?
• 5:23
  Daniel Moore: You know, all these really bad things start popping up in our minds.
• 5:27
  Daniel Moore: But probably, you know, at least 80% of the time, uh, when you really dig into it, there's usually a lot of other underlying issues.
• 5:35
  Daniel Moore: It could be a health-related issue, you know, it could be uh medication side effects.
• 5:41
  Daniel Moore: Maybe one of the spouses just started a medication.
• 5:44
  Daniel Moore: Uh, it could be some maybe some alcohol or drug abuse has started to pop up that hasn't been brought to light yet.
• 5:50
  Daniel Moore: Uh there's just a lot of different things.
• 5:52
  Daniel Moore: There's a whole list of things that we went through last week of what could be the issue there.
• 5:57
  Daniel Moore: So basically, what we were trying to get at with that point was don't jump to conclusions so fast and automatically check mark off your mate because you feel like they're doing something that they're not supposed to be.
• 6:09
  Daniel Moore: You need to communicate.
• 6:11
  Daniel Moore: You need to talk between each other and get this stuff out on the table and get to the bottom of what's causing these issues.
• 6:18
  Daniel Moore: Because as Michelle and I used our example, you know, with the health things that you've been through, yeah.
• 6:23
  Daniel Moore: And I've had instances in my life with my weight and some different things, the all of that stuff affects how we uh operate in that side of our marriage, and it can have some negative uh impacts on all of that.
• 6:38
  Daniel Moore: And so the best thing to do is talk through that, try to get those issues fixed.
• 6:41
  Daniel Moore: So this week we're gonna wrap up this episode with the third and fourth way to resurrect your sex in your marriage.
• 6:49
  Daniel Moore: And the first one is to restore your sexual relationship.
• 6:52
  Daniel Moore: And Michelle, why don't you start sharing with us on that one?
• 6:56
  Michelle Moore: After drawing his bride back with gentleness, God doesn't stop there.
• 7:00
  Michelle Moore: He renews the relationship completely.
• 7:02
  Michelle Moore: Hosea 215 illustrates this turning point.
• 7:06
  Michelle Moore: There I will give her her vineyards and make the valley of Acre a door of hope.
• 7:12
  Michelle Moore: There she will respond as in the days of her youth, as in the day she came up from Egypt.
• 7:18
  Michelle Moore: The idea of restoration here is powerful.
• 7:21
  Michelle Moore: To restore means to give back something that was lost or taken away.
• 7:26
  Michelle Moore: Earlier, in response to betrayal, God removed the blessings he had provided.
• 7:32
  Michelle Moore: I will ruin her vines and her fig trees, which she said were her pay from her lovers, Hosea.
• 7:39
  Michelle Moore: You can find out in Hosea 212.
• 7:42
  Michelle Moore: But now God is returning what has been taken, he is making what once broken whole again.
• 7:48
  Michelle Moore: What might need to be restored in your own relationship, what have you been withholding?
• 7:54
  Michelle Moore: Perhaps without even realizing it, is it a physical affection, a romantic connection, emotional presence, or sexual engagement?
• 8:04
  Michelle Moore: It could be things like a gentle touch, a prolonged foreplay, vulnerability, loyalty, laughter, patience, or emotional warmth.
• 8:15
  Michelle Moore: Maybe your relationship lost a spark of flirtation, regular date nights, or intentional pursuit.
• 8:22
  Michelle Moore: Consider too what personal renewal might be needed within you.
• 8:26
  Michelle Moore: Restoring your physical health, emotional well-being, or mental clarity can also reignite your desire and ability to be sexually present with your spouse.
• 8:37
  Daniel Moore: I want to jump in here for just a second.
• 8:39
  Daniel Moore: Out of those things that you just mentioned there, one thing comes to mind as you're reading through that, when we're looking at what they're what we're talking about here with restoring what we've lost.
• 8:52
  Daniel Moore: And we know that if we're gonna truly restore something that let's look at it like you know, you restore a car.
• 8:58
  Daniel Moore: Right.
• 8:58
  Daniel Moore: You have no hot rod, and you restore that.
• 9:01
  Daniel Moore: When you actually restore that car or that truck, it's gonna look almost like it did when you bought it brand new, right?
• 9:08
  Michelle Moore: Right.
• 9:09
  Daniel Moore: And at that point, you're going to take care of that vehicle.
• 9:13
  Daniel Moore: You're gonna do whatever it takes to maintain it, keep it clean, uh, whatever it takes, keep it in the garage, it's gonna be your baby because you have all this time and effort thrown into that.
• 9:23
  Daniel Moore: That's a true restoration.
• 9:25
  Daniel Moore: Now, if I say I'm gonna restore the car and I get the outside rust cut out and filled in, and I get the primer on it, but then I lose interest and stop, the interior's not done, the motor hasn't been rebuilt, I have not repainted it yet.
• 9:41
  Daniel Moore: I push it out in the backyard and I let it sit there and start to rust again.
• 9:46
  Daniel Moore: That's not a restoration.
• 9:47
  Michelle Moore: That's a good analogy.
• 9:48
  Daniel Moore: That is at that point, it's good, I have lost interest and I have not put my intentions where they need to be.
• 9:55
  Daniel Moore: Um, I have not kept my promises.
• 9:58
  Daniel Moore: You know, there's just a lot of things that at one point I was just so excited and telling everybody I'm going to restore this car, and then I start, and then all of a sudden I lose that interest.
• 10:08
  Michelle Moore: That's good.
• 10:08
  Daniel Moore: And when you look at these things that you you mentioned here, uh what are some of the things that need to be restored in your relationship?
• 10:16
  Daniel Moore: And you mentioned some of the things like emotional presence, uh, gentle touch, prolonged foreplay, vulnerability, loyalty, laughter, patience, or emotional warmth.
• 10:26
  Daniel Moore: Those are have to be intentional.
• 10:29
  Daniel Moore: Those are things that if you don't follow through, you're not going to get any good result by trying to put those back into place.
• 10:37
  Daniel Moore: Because no matter how hard you try or no matter what you do to try to restore that gentle, and I think what I'm getting to here is the longer we're married, it's real easy to fall into that rut where we don't do the forelong pro foreplay anymore or the gentle touch.
• 10:53
  Daniel Moore: Um, the loyal the loyalty can still be there probably, but laughter, you know, you and I have had discussions about that before.
• 11:02
  Daniel Moore: Um, and it's and using that as an example, you know, I you accuse me sometimes of not laughing as much in our marriage as what I used to.
• 11:10
  Daniel Moore: Or other people are in they'll crack a joke and I'll laugh at them, but I don't laugh at you.
• 11:15
  Michelle Moore: And one thing'cause I don't make fun jokes.
• 11:18
  Michelle Moore: I try, but it doesn't work.
• 11:20
  Daniel Moore: And and you you do sometimes.
• 11:22
  Daniel Moore: Not very much.
• 11:23
  Daniel Moore: And I laugh at them when you do it.
• 11:24
  Michelle Moore: Not very often.
• 11:26
  Daniel Moore: But you know, that's something I've intentionally had to start paying attention to because it wasn't that I didn't want to laugh around you, but again, when you're married to someone for so long and you start just letting the average, everyday mundane cycle day, night, day, night, day night, you know, and you just you start taking the the intimacy levels out of it and all that kind of thing, it's real easy to just get so comfortable with your spouse being around them 24-7 that uh it's easy sometimes to lose the focus on some of those things that you used to be intentional with when you were trying to win them over.
• 12:03
  Daniel Moore: You know, it just it's a whole different world the longer time goes along.
• 12:07
  Daniel Moore: And so this is just a reminder.
• 12:10
  Daniel Moore: You do have to get to a point where if you're gonna keep the spark alive and you're gonna keep your marriage in a place that it should be, then you need to always be doing kind of a rewind and think about how it all started and keep that stuff integrated into your marriage all the time.
• 12:28
  Daniel Moore: Right.
• 12:28
  Daniel Moore: You know, try not to let that that fade away.
• 12:32
  Daniel Moore: And when you actually intentionally approach these things and try to put the the patience with each other, that emotional warmth, uh, that flirtatious um sense of that spark, you know, that that you had back way back when, if you're able to do regular date nights, that intentional pursuit, the part that's very important there is intentional.
• 12:54
  Daniel Moore: You've got to be intentional with all of this stuff.
• 12:58
  Daniel Moore: And if you are actually successful in being able to reconstruct these things and put them back into your marriage, then you have a full restoration.
• 13:06
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 13:07
  Daniel Moore: You're able to have a marriage again like you had once before.
• 13:11
  Daniel Moore: And have do you have anything to add to that?
• 13:14
  Michelle Moore: No, actually, that was that was really good.
• 13:17
  Daniel Moore: I just as you're just reading through that, it's like I can see where even in our own marriage in the past that we have actually failed on a lot of those areas.
• 13:26
  Daniel Moore: You know, some of them we probably kept in place, but some of them we did not.
• 13:30
  Daniel Moore: And it did have an effect on our relationship.
• 13:33
  Michelle Moore: Well, and I think now, I mean, it it just because you know, we're we're two middle-aged people.
• 13:39
  Michelle Moore: I mean, I guess defined middle-aged.
• 13:41
  Michelle Moore: I mean, we're between 45 and 55.
• 13:44
  Michelle Moore: So I'm definitely there.
• 13:45
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 13:45
  Michelle Moore: So, you know, we we work, we come home, we make supper, we clean supper up, and you know, we sit down and we'll either watch TV, read a book, or you know, do our conversations, or we may have other things to do.
• 14:00
  Michelle Moore: But it's real easy just to get so used to that.
• 14:03
  Michelle Moore: And, you know, and when when it was talking about the spark of flirtation, you know, I feel like, you know, even for you and me, I mean, we are intentional with some of that.
• 14:13
  Michelle Moore: We are very intentional with always trying to uplift with each other.
• 14:17
  Michelle Moore: And, you know, um, one of my things is the uh Saturday, I try to keep just that's our day, you know, whatever it may do, because I want to be intentional to our marriage.
• 14:30
  Daniel Moore: Right.
• 14:30
  Michelle Moore: And, you know, that's our one day that we take together.
• 14:33
  Michelle Moore: And I think it's very important, like it says date night, you know, that's our date day, you know, because we are so busy with things.
• 14:41
  Michelle Moore: We, you know, may maybe not just ministry, but our jobs, you know, grandchildren, family, friends, church.
• 14:48
  Michelle Moore: I mean, there's just so much that it you have to be intentional in these small things.
• 14:55
  Michelle Moore: But I I I think you have to be intentional in the flirtatious part, you know.
• 14:59
  Michelle Moore: If you and your spouse write them a love note, you know, hide it somewhere, or you know, just tap them on the rear, you know, and be like, oh, you're sexy, you know.
• 15:10
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 15:10
  Michelle Moore: Just do something that's just like not normal that you did a long time ago.
• 15:15
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 15:15
  Michelle Moore: Um you know, you may be less hair on the top of your head, you know, and you may be 50 pounds overweight or whatever.
• 15:24
  Michelle Moore: Do something that maybe like get their heart racing a little bit.
• 15:28
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 15:28
  Daniel Moore: Be intentional.
• 15:29
  Daniel Moore: Well, go ahead and continue there.
• 15:31
  Michelle Moore: Okay, God not only restores intimacy, but also gives back hope.
• 15:35
  Michelle Moore: The part of Hosea is especially meaningful because the valley of Acre was known as a place of punishment and defeat.
• 15:43
  Michelle Moore: Yet God transforms it into a symbol of promise and potential, a door of hope.
• 15:49
  Michelle Moore: This shift mirrors what can happen in a marriage when painful sexual history is redeemed instead of hidden.
• 15:56
  Michelle Moore: A sexless marriage often represents accumulated pain, moments of feeling ignored, abused, betrayed, or ashamed.
• 16:06
  Michelle Moore: These memories become emotional anchors, the sting of the past rejections, comparisons to past partners, or the lingering shame of uncomfortable or degrading experiences.
• 16:18
  Michelle Moore: But time alone doesn't heal these wounds.
• 16:22
  Michelle Moore: You must intentionally reclaim those memories and offer them to God to be rewritten as part of your healing story.
• 16:30
  Michelle Moore: One meaningful way to do this is through ritual.
• 16:34
  Michelle Moore: Much like dedicating a new home, we suggest you spiritually reclaim your bedroom, the space where your intimacy lives.
• 16:42
  Michelle Moore: Write verses of scripture on note cards or slips of paper and place them behind your headboard, on your nightstands, or even under your mattress.
• 16:52
  Michelle Moore: An invitation for God's truth and peace to reign in that sacred place.
• 16:58
  Michelle Moore: This intentional act can shift your mindset and bring your focus back to what God intends for your marriage intimacy, unity, and hope.
• 17:07
  Michelle Moore: I really like that.
• 17:09
  Michelle Moore: I've not really ever thought about doing something like that.
• 17:13
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, it's I think again you're introducing God back into the relationship.
• 17:18
  Michelle Moore: Yeah, that's really good.
• 17:20
  Daniel Moore: I I really truly am a believer in the fact that we know for a fact we would not be here if it wasn't for God.
• 17:27
  Michelle Moore: Absolutely.
• 17:28
  Daniel Moore: We literally had to bring him back into our mess that we had created and allow him to reconstruct all of that with you know, with his help, we were able to bring back our marriage where it needed to be.
• 17:39
  Daniel Moore: But if we had never done that, we possibly wouldn't even be sitting here today.
• 17:43
  Michelle Moore: I think I'm gonna try that.
• 17:44
  Michelle Moore: I'm gonna put some scriptures in some places.
• 17:48
  Michelle Moore: So here are some of um the favorite verses that can help purify painful memories and renew your vision of your marriage bed and your connection as a couple.
• 17:59
  Michelle Moore: Whatever house you enter, first say, peace be to this house.
• 18:05
  Michelle Moore: That's found in Luke 10 5.
• 18:07
  Michelle Moore: Because you have made the Lord your dwelling place, the Most High, who is my refuge.
• 18:14
  Michelle Moore: No evil shall be allowed to befall you, no plague come near your tent.
• 18:20
  Michelle Moore: That's found in Psalm 91, 910.
• 18:23
  Michelle Moore: By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established.
• 18:29
  Michelle Moore: By knowledge the rooms are filled with precious and pleasant riches.
• 18:34
  Michelle Moore: That's found in Proverbs 24 34.
• 18:37
  Michelle Moore: For you, O Lord God, have spoken, and with your blessing shall the house of your servant be blessed forever.
• 18:45
  Michelle Moore: 2 Samuel 7 29.
• 18:48
  Michelle Moore: We all know this one too.
• 18:51
  Michelle Moore: But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.
• 18:55
  Michelle Moore: Amen.
• 18:55
  Michelle Moore: That's found in Joshua 24 15.
• 18:58
  Michelle Moore: Restoring hope begins when you intentionally confront and reclaim difficult memories or past experiences.
• 19:06
  Michelle Moore: However, if the wounds run deep or the trauma has been intense, it may be necessary to seek professional help.
• 19:14
  Michelle Moore: A skilled Christian counselor can walk with you through the healing process, helping you work through the pain and move forward with renewed strength and clarity.
• 19:24
  Michelle Moore: A great resource is Focus on the Family's Christian Counselor Referral Referral Network, which allows you to search for trusted professionals based on your location and area of need.
• 19:38
  Daniel Moore: And the website for that is Christian Counselors.network.
• 19:42
  Daniel Moore: And we do encourage you to utilize that if it's something that you feel is necessary.
• 19:47
  Daniel Moore: And one thing that you mentioned here that I want to bring out real quickly before we move on to number four is the fact that time heals everything.
• 19:55
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 19:56
  Daniel Moore: There's no truth to that really because.
• 19:58
  Daniel Moore: Matter how much time passes, that thing still happened.
• 20:04
  Daniel Moore: You still had that reaction to that thing, and it hurt and damaged you in a way that was probably never corrected or fixed.
• 20:12
  Daniel Moore: And so one thing that I do like about the way that this was the way that we put this together here to try to help everyone kind of see through this.
• 20:24
  Daniel Moore: Restoring hope.
• 20:26
  Daniel Moore: So we know that whenever we damage our relationship between each other, one of the first things we do is we lose hope.
• 20:33
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 20:33
  Daniel Moore: And the fact that it's ever going to be the same again.
• 20:35
  Michelle Moore: Right.
• 20:36
  Daniel Moore: We lose hope in the fact that we're ever going to be able to fix it or ever get back to where we were.
• 20:40
  Daniel Moore: And a lot of times the reason that we always give up on things and we decide just to sever the ties and move on in life and go somewhere different is because we just don't have any hope that it's ever going to be fixed the way that it's supposed to be.
• 20:53
  Daniel Moore: But one thing that, as you were sharing there, that's very important is to remember restoring hope begins when you intentionally confront and reclaim difficult memories or past experiences.
• 21:04
  Daniel Moore: And how are you going to intentionally confront those or reclaim them?
• 21:09
  Daniel Moore: You're going to have to communicate with the person or whatever the situation was that caused that failure in your life, whether if it was your fault, if it was the other person's fault, no matter what it was, you're going to have to get together with the two or three or however many people are involved in that scenario, and you're going to have to talk that through and have some forgiveness and some mercy and some grace be introduced into that situation so that you can heal.
• 21:38
  Daniel Moore: And that's why it's so important too that, you know, as you finish there, you mentioned getting counseling possibly with Christian, good Christian counselors, because sometimes things cut so deep that it's really hard for us to work through that stuff on our own.
• 21:54
  Daniel Moore: And sometimes if it's you and a spouse, the other spouse may still not completely understand.
• 21:59
  Daniel Moore: And so they have a hard time trying to help you walk through that as well, or they might be the cause of what's going on.
• 22:06
  Daniel Moore: And so that's a whole different dynamic there as well.
• 22:09
  Daniel Moore: But in essence, you know, that old saying that time heals all wounds, there's a little smidget of truth in that to an extent in the fact that the further you get away from things, the easier it is, the easier it is to file it in the back of your mind where you just don't think about it as much as you used to.
• 22:26
  Michelle Moore: Right.
• 22:27
  Daniel Moore: But most generally, whenever that issue someday, if for some reason it's brought back to the front again, you're going to relive that hurt, and all those bad things that happen during that time because you never dealt with it.
• 22:40
  Daniel Moore: You're going to relive all of that all over again.
• 22:43
  Daniel Moore: It's a very unhealthy way to live.
• 22:46
  Daniel Moore: And so I just wanted to bring that out there and on that, as kind of wrapping up that point there on restoring your sexual relationship, is anything that's ever happened to you that's been a bad thing, make sure that somehow you confront those.
• 23:00
  Daniel Moore: Pray over things before you jump into it.
• 23:02
  Daniel Moore: Let God lead you and try to fix those things that need to be fixed.
• 23:08
  Daniel Moore: The fourth and final thing here in resurrecting sex is to renew your sexual relationship.
• 23:23
  Daniel Moore: In Hosea chapter 2, verses 19 and 20, he tells his people, I'll betroth you to me forever.
• 23:29
  Daniel Moore: I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion, I'll betroth you in faithfulness.
• 23:36
  Daniel Moore: Three times he declares his commitment by using the word betroth, bringing the relationship back to its roots the moment of first love and promise.
• 23:46
  Daniel Moore: It's as if God is saying, Let's begin again, this time with a strong framework rooted in trust, love, and purity.
• 23:54
  Daniel Moore: In your own marriage, especially if it's been hurt by issues like pornography, infidelity, emotional distance, or unresolved pain from previous relationships, this is your invitation to rebuild.
• 24:07
  Daniel Moore: What qualities would you want the new foundation of your sexual connection to reflect?
• 24:11
  Daniel Moore: You know, consider some values like these, such as honesty, tenderness, curiosity, emotional safety, playful affection, faithfulness, mutual pleasure, grace, and intentionality.
• 24:21
  Daniel Moore: Take time together to discuss what matters most to each of you in restoring that part of your relationship.
• 24:28
  Daniel Moore: And that's one thing I'm thankful for with me and you.
• 24:30
  Daniel Moore: We've had that discussion.
• 24:31
  Daniel Moore: And that discussion continues.
• 24:33
  Daniel Moore: It's not ever stopped.
• 24:35
  Daniel Moore: Husbands, consider how you pursue your wife both inside and outside the bedroom.
• 24:41
  Daniel Moore: The way God designed the male body gives insight.
• 24:44
  Daniel Moore: It requires a man to actively initiate for intimacy to occur physically.
• 24:49
  Daniel Moore: And in the same way, emotional and relational initiation matters.
• 24:53
  Daniel Moore: A man is called not just to engage physically, but to reach for his wife emotionally, building anticipation through kindness, connection, and attentiveness.
• 25:02
  Daniel Moore: If your wife seems detached or uninterested, rather than pulling away or becoming resentful, look for ways to re-engage her heart.
• 25:10
  Michelle Moore: That's so good.
• 25:12
  Daniel Moore: What's weighing her down?
• 25:13
  Daniel Moore: Could she be carrying the burden of parenting, managing the home, or feeling underappreciated?
• 25:18
  Daniel Moore: Avoid defensiveness.
• 25:19
  Daniel Moore: Instead, ask genuinely if she feels overwhelmed or alone in managing life's responsibilities.
• 25:26
  Daniel Moore: Practical help goes a long way.
• 25:28
  Daniel Moore: A recent article put it simply, want more intimacy?
• 25:31
  Daniel Moore: Do the dishes.
• 25:33
  Michelle Moore: That's so good.
• 25:34
  Daniel Moore: Studies show that couples who share household tasks more equally tend to enjoy greater levels of intimacy.
• 25:41
  Daniel Moore: That said, don't treat loving gestures like transactions, as if cleaning the kitchen guarantees sex.
• 25:49
  Daniel Moore: Marriage isn't a strategy for getting your way.
• 25:52
  Daniel Moore: Pursuing your wife outside the bedroom isn't a manipulation tactic.
• 25:56
  Daniel Moore: It's a reflection of Scripture's call to love her selflessly and sacrificially.
• 26:01
  Daniel Moore: As Paul teaches in Ephesians 5.25, this means never pressuring your wife to be intimate or weaponizing Scripture to meet your own desires.
• 26:10
  Daniel Moore: Her no must always be honored.
• 26:12
  Daniel Moore: If your spouse can't freely say no, then it's not a request, it's a demand, and that's not love.
• 26:19
  Daniel Moore: I like there how it brought into point here that we do need, again, communication is very important in all of this.
• 26:31
  Daniel Moore: And I do think, probably, and I think you can vouch for this, I know that you've got plenty of girlfriends that struggle in their marriages in one way or another sometimes.
• 26:43
  Daniel Moore: And do you feel like that a lot of times when some of your girlfriends are talking to you about their marital stuff or whatever it may be, that you kind of see a disconnect going on between her and her husband and and some of the the battles that they're fighting where he just doesn't understand a lot of times what what they're going through.
• 27:02
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 27:03
  Daniel Moore: And doesn't seem to I don't I don't like to put it in the words, don't seem to care.
• 27:06
  Daniel Moore: I think guys do care, but they don't understand what true caring means.
• 27:11
  Michelle Moore: I would agree with that.
• 27:13
  Daniel Moore: I mean, how what what could you say to a spouse, a woman out there that might be going through that right now with where it seems like she's got all this stuff inside, but she can't doesn't feel like she can just blurt it all out.
• 27:27
  Daniel Moore: He's not gonna understand if she talks to him and he's not seeing what he's doing and not seeing what's going on, is there something you could say to that?
• 27:36
  Michelle Moore: That's where I would say open communication in a safe environment.
• 27:39
  Michelle Moore: I mean, in all reality, if you really think about it, if a wife is feeling like she has so much going on, and you see this in in the marriage or you know, when two people choose to live together and have children or whatever, but for most of the time the the female carries the load.
• 28:00
  Michelle Moore: You know, whether it may be the children, cooking, cleaning, they carry the load.
• 28:05
  Michelle Moore: They're so exhausted that they don't really even want to talk to the person because the the other spouse or whatever it may be, they're not gonna listen because they don't understand because they're not walking in their shoes.
• 28:20
  Michelle Moore: And you know, and what I've always said is, have you tried talking to them?
• 28:25
  Michelle Moore: And you know, their reply is always like, Well, it's not gonna matter, they're not gonna listen, they don't understand because they're not gonna do any of that.
• 28:32
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 28:33
  Michelle Moore: And and and you know, and I I I would happen to agree, you know, like you know, I understand that, but how does he know how you truly feel until you actually talk to him?
• 28:44
  Michelle Moore: Yeah, it doesn't have to be a gripe session, it doesn't have to be that.
• 28:48
  Michelle Moore: You could just say, This is how I'm feeling.
• 28:51
  Michelle Moore: Yeah, you know, can you help me in this area?
• 28:54
  Michelle Moore: Can we talk about this?
• 28:56
  Michelle Moore: Again, that's where it goes to me is you have to be intentional with date nights.
• 29:01
  Michelle Moore: You have to be intentional to have one-on-one time and that communication.
• 29:05
  Michelle Moore: If you don't have time for that, how are you ever gonna talk about what's going on?
• 29:10
  Michelle Moore: Yeah, and I think it's really important that they are open and honest in a safe spot.
• 29:16
  Michelle Moore: Yeah, you can't go to your spouse and say, Well, you're not helping me with this, you don't, you know, you need to be doing this, you need to be doing this.
• 29:24
  Michelle Moore: Well, you may think that and you know it, but how would you take that if I came to you and say, Okay, you're not doing this, you I need you to do this, yeah, you know, and not even explaining that it's been building inside of me and I just blow up.
• 29:41
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 29:41
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, I'd look as micromanaging.
• 29:44
  Michelle Moore: Yeah, you would.
• 29:44
  Michelle Moore: Yeah, yeah.
• 29:46
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, so I think, you know, like you said, the biggest thing is to have those hard conversations because sometimes those are going to be some hard ones.
• 29:55
  Michelle Moore: In a loving manner.
• 29:56
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, speak truth and love.
• 29:58
  Michelle Moore: Yep.
• 29:58
  Daniel Moore: Yep.
• 29:59
  Daniel Moore: So finishing up on the guys here in the bedroom, aim for mutual enjoyment.
• 30:03
  Daniel Moore: Intimacy shouldn't revolve only around your climax.
• 30:06
  Daniel Moore: Focus on creating an experience that values both of you.
• 30:10
  Daniel Moore: Your wife's needs are just as meaningful as yours.
• 30:13
  Daniel Moore: Woo her sexually by treating her desires with care.
• 30:16
  Daniel Moore: Take your time during foreplay, speak lovingly to her, prioritize her pleasure, and follow intimacy with warmth and connection.
• 30:24
  Daniel Moore: Let her feel seen, cherished, and emotionally safe.
• 30:28
  Daniel Moore: Make her feel like your lifelong companion, not a means to an end.
• 30:33
  Daniel Moore: If you're unsure what she enjoys or needs sexually, don't guess at it.
• 30:38
  Daniel Moore: What do you do?
• 30:38
  Daniel Moore: You need to ask.
• 30:40
  Michelle Moore: Well, we come back to communication again.
• 30:42
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, I'll speak up.
• 30:44
  Daniel Moore: We've included some conversation starters that we'll get to here at the end of this episode.
• 30:49
  Daniel Moore: So we'll get to those here in a little bit, but first of all, I want to talk to the wives for a minute.
• 30:53
  Daniel Moore: Wives, just as the male body was designed to initiate, your body was divinely created to receive.
• 30:59
  Daniel Moore: In the physical and emotional sense, this means you hold a unique and vital role in welcoming your husband into intimacy.
• 31:06
  Daniel Moore: While you can't control how or when he initiates, you can prepare yourself to be open with your mind, body, and heart.
• 31:14
  Daniel Moore: The word receive means to welcome, to invite in.
• 31:18
  Daniel Moore: This isn't passive, it's an intentional thing.
• 31:22
  Daniel Moore: Now we understand that advice such as save a little energy for your husband at the end of the busy day or try initiating now and then or be more responsive can sometimes feel one-sided, as if your role is simply to serve his needs.
• 31:36
  Daniel Moore: But that's not really the heart of what we're trying to share here with you today.
• 31:40
  Daniel Moore: When we talk about receiving your husband or responding to his bids for connection, we're talking about a shared gift.
• 31:46
  Daniel Moore: God created sex for both of you to bless your union, to express love and to bring joy.
• 31:52
  Daniel Moore: It's not created for a one-sided relationship.
• 31:56
  Michelle Moore: That's good.
• 31:56
  Daniel Moore: Saying yes to your husband sexually isn't about obligation.
• 32:00
  Daniel Moore: It's about embracing the opportunity for both of you to connect, enjoy, and grow in oneness.
• 32:04
  Daniel Moore: Your sexual fulfillment matters just as much as his.
• 32:08
  Daniel Moore: You are not invisible in this equation.
• 32:11
  Daniel Moore: Your needs, your pleasures, and your voice, they're all equally essential.
• 32:15
  Daniel Moore: This is about restoring balance, mutual delight, and lifelong love.
• 32:20
  Daniel Moore: Both people need to matter.
• 32:22
  Daniel Moore: So how can you re-engage your sense of availability when it comes to intimacy?
• 32:26
  Daniel Moore: Well, I always have have a choice in how I show up in our sex life and how I respond to you, to Michelle.
• 32:34
  Daniel Moore: I never want our physical relationship to feel just like another task or obligation.
• 32:39
  Daniel Moore: Intimacy was meant to be celebrated and enjoyed by both partners.
• 32:43
  Daniel Moore: It's a way to experience closeness, creativity, and connection.
• 32:47
  Daniel Moore: And yes, sex can create emotional bonding, but there are also times when physical connection paves the way for emotional intimacy to follow.
• 32:56
  Daniel Moore: Sometimes nurturing your husband's physical side is a gateway to nurturing his heart.
• 33:01
  Daniel Moore: That deep emotional connection is amplified when you both engage sexually in a way that's satisfying and meaningful for each other.
• 33:09
  Daniel Moore: As a couple, reflect on what intimacy looked like in the early days of your marriage.
• 33:14
  Daniel Moore: What stands out about that season?
• 33:16
  Daniel Moore: Maybe you made time for meaningful dates, romance came naturally, you shared showers, you were more intentional about hygiene, stayed in bed longer, just holding each other and talked late into the night without screens or distractions.
• 33:30
  Daniel Moore: Back then you may have been more playful, adventurous, or simply more available.
• 33:35
  Daniel Moore: Of course, the rhythm of life has changed.
• 33:37
  Daniel Moore: Now now you have careers, parenting duties, the endless to-do list, and all of that makes it difficult to replicate those exact moments.
• 33:45
  Daniel Moore: But it's worth discussing which elements from that season you could intentionally bring back.
• 33:50
  Daniel Moore: Even small, consistent changes can help reignite intimacy and desire.
• 33:55
  Daniel Moore: Another key part of renewing intimacy is building safe open communication.
• 34:00
  Daniel Moore: One common theme in couples facing sexual disconnection is avoidance.
• 34:05
  Daniel Moore: They simply don't talk about their sex life.
• 34:08
  Daniel Moore: But avoiding the topic only widens emotional distance.
• 34:11
  Daniel Moore: You need to create space in your marriage where both of you feel secure enough to openly discuss what you enjoy, what feels comfortable, and what you'd like to explore together.
• 34:21
  Daniel Moore: So looking at it from to the wife's aspect side of things, was there anything there that stood out to you that you think guys really need to uh maybe consider more carefully in how they treat their wives?
• 34:37
  Daniel Moore: I know with uh one thing that I kind of noticed there, and this is because we keep bringing it up, is going back to where it started.
• 34:47
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 34:47
  Michelle Moore: Um I actually kind of laughed a little bit earlier when it was talking about that.
• 34:52
  Michelle Moore: I was just like being more playful and adventurous.
• 34:55
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 34:56
  Daniel Moore: Well, I think a lot of time, if you if you're looking at the course, so we've been doing this marriage reset series for a while now.
• 35:03
  Daniel Moore: And I think that there has been kind of a central theme through almost every item that we've discussed with what kind of represents a marriage that looks more like a friendship than it does a relationship between a husband and a wife.
• 35:18
  Daniel Moore: And it seems like almost every one of those, you can take it back to you need to remember how it was when you first met.
• 35:24
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 35:25
  Daniel Moore: Because we forget.
• 35:26
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 35:27
  Daniel Moore: And time moves along and so many things happen, like it said there with the kids and careers, uh, just a different focus in life.
• 35:35
  Daniel Moore: Your paths go different directions, you become an adult.
• 35:39
  Daniel Moore: You know, all these things that take place in your life can really mess with the way that you just function every day.
• 35:47
  Michelle Moore: And and I, you know, as you as you talk about that, I was just thinking about, you know, just the sex life in in general, you know, when you're first married, you know, we're a blended family.
• 35:56
  Michelle Moore: So, you know, when we got together, there was long night phone conversations where, you know, long nights, and then you go to work the next day and you'd bounce back.
• 36:06
  Michelle Moore: Now, if it's past 10 o'clock, I'm I'm dying the next morning.
• 36:10
  Michelle Moore: Like, okay, I'm I'm not even ready to get up for work.
• 36:13
  Michelle Moore: But then I was thinking about just how we used to go and just take Saturdays and you know, we'd take off and go if we didn't have the kids, yeah, you know, and we'd take off a trip.
• 36:23
  Michelle Moore: We went to New Orleans.
• 36:24
  Michelle Moore: I mean, we would do things long weekends, didn't think anything about it.
• 36:28
  Michelle Moore: And now, I mean, we don't really do that because our priorities are a little bit different.
• 36:34
  Michelle Moore: But I go back to think about like you were my best friend then, you are my best friend now.
• 36:40
  Michelle Moore: And I could not imagine any different of spending any other time with anybody else.
• 36:47
  Michelle Moore: Back then, I wanted to be with you.
• 36:49
  Michelle Moore: Here I am with you now.
• 36:51
  Michelle Moore: But I have to be more intentional on certain things because, like going for walks, we used to do that all the time.
• 36:58
  Michelle Moore: There are things that you have to go back and you have to make sure, you know, just thinking about certain things and from the very beginning.
• 37:07
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 37:08
  Michelle Moore: Now we did have a rough marriage at the very beginning, but there was still joy in areas of our of our marriage, you know, and there was still happiness and stuff like that.
• 37:19
  Michelle Moore: Um we still sabotaged each other.
• 37:21
  Michelle Moore: But I I go back to those those good memories and I think about where we are now, and I just think about how you have to be intentional with some of that.
• 37:32
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 37:32
  Michelle Moore: And I mean, honestly, let's just think about this.
• 37:35
  Michelle Moore: Again, we're middle-aged.
• 37:37
  Michelle Moore: When you're in in your twenties or whatever, sex is a big difference.
• 37:42
  Michelle Moore: Yeah, you know, that's you want it all the time.
• 37:44
  Michelle Moore: Usually it's either the man wants it all the time or the female wants it all the time.
• 37:48
  Michelle Moore: And then there's times that you both want it.
• 37:50
  Michelle Moore: As you get older, it's totally different.
• 37:52
  Michelle Moore: You know, your sex life is different, you know, you don't have to have it unless some people do all the time.
• 37:58
  Michelle Moore: But it means there it's so much more meaningful now.
• 38:02
  Michelle Moore: I never would have thought back then that you could have topped it.
• 38:06
  Michelle Moore: But now it's so different and so loving, and it's just it's hard to explain.
• 38:12
  Michelle Moore: But I'm like, there are good things about the past, but yet the present is so good.
• 38:19
  Michelle Moore: God is good in the marriage.
• 38:21
  Michelle Moore: And I just think about you know, if you walk in a marriage ordained by God, you know, back from when we would have got when we did get married to where we are now, how much more would it have been?
• 38:33
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 38:34
  Michelle Moore: I mean, I wouldn't change anything, but I think about that.
• 38:38
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 38:38
  Daniel Moore: There's a lot of truth in all of that.
• 38:40
  Daniel Moore: And this week's really is probably a good one to bookmark because of just us sharing the differences between the guys and the girls.
• 38:49
  Daniel Moore: There's a lot of valuable information there too, because it's easy again to forget what makes you tick as a girl, as a female.
• 38:59
  Daniel Moore: Because I get my ways, I know what I want as a guy, and so I start trying to push for that.
• 39:05
  Daniel Moore: You know, that's just the things that I want.
• 39:07
  Daniel Moore: And I think probably from your side of it, you can be as little selfish from your side sometimes.
• 39:13
  Michelle Moore: Oh, I would agree.
• 39:13
  Daniel Moore: And wanting it to be the way that the the girl wants it to be.
• 39:17
  Daniel Moore: But we both need to understand that we're both cohabiting, we're both married, we're both living underneath the same roof, and we both have to make sure that each other's happy with the aspects of our marriage.
• 39:27
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 39:28
  Daniel Moore: And so sometimes there's a lot of compromise and things that take place in all of that.
• 39:32
  Daniel Moore: And our ultimate goal should be just to meet each other's needs.
• 39:37
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 39:37
  Daniel Moore: In the best way that we can so that both of us are happy with each other and where our relationship is at that moment.
• 39:44
  Michelle Moore: Especially that physical intimacy, when you know, you think about it for some people that can't, and then some people, you know, that are having problems and struggling with that, it's very important.
• 39:54
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 39:54
  Michelle Moore: You know, and as you said, making sure you meet both needs.
• 39:58
  Michelle Moore: Again, communication.
• 39:59
  Michelle Moore: Comes in there.
• 40:14
  Daniel Moore: So as we go ahead and wrap up this week's episode and this actual complete episode on sexless marriage, who would have known this would have been a four-week episode?
• 40:22
  Daniel Moore: But I think we've hopefully done some justice to it and maybe shared some things that maybe opened some eyes, you know, in different relationships as you guys listen to this.
• 40:32
  Daniel Moore: And of course, we talk about it all the time.
• 40:34
  Daniel Moore: We run it into the ground, but we're going to talk about it again.
• 40:37
  Daniel Moore: Communication, communication, communication.
• 40:39
  Daniel Moore: It's so important.
• 40:40
  Daniel Moore: And one thing that we've talked about throughout this episode here with the sexless marriage is it's hard to fix these issues if we don't talk.
• 40:48
  Daniel Moore: But yet we know a lot of spouses are nervous to talk to each other about it.
• 40:52
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 40:53
  Daniel Moore: It's just real hard to bring up your sex life.
• 40:55
  Daniel Moore: And we all we both want to feel like we're fully successful in taking care of each other sexually.
• 41:00
  Daniel Moore: We don't like to, you know, realize the fact that we might be lacking in some areas.
• 41:05
  Daniel Moore: But you won't know that though until you talk about it.
• 41:08
  Michelle Moore: Well, right.
• 41:08
  Michelle Moore: I'm going to use an example, and it's probably TMI.
• 41:11
  Michelle Moore: But you know, we were having a discussion the other day just simply about our sex life.
• 41:18
  Michelle Moore: And, you know, after everything I went through with being, you know, having all those surgeries and everything, you know, what once was it was great because you knew what I wanted.
• 41:30
  Michelle Moore: And, you know, now it's so hard.
• 41:33
  Michelle Moore: And, you know, for me to communicate to you and you to communicate to me, because because I'm not the same anymore, you feel somewhat like I'm a failure, like I can't do what I used to do to make you happy.
• 41:47
  Michelle Moore: But, you know, and I communicate to you as in like it doesn't matter, it's just in my body, you know, there's no hormones there, you know.
• 41:55
  Michelle Moore: It's just, and we talk about it and we we have that conversation because there's other things that like now I'm having to, you know, cuddles our thing.
• 42:04
  Michelle Moore: That's my thing, you know.
• 42:05
  Michelle Moore: Um, and like I said, it's TMI.
• 42:08
  Michelle Moore: I'm sorry, people, but I just want to let you guys know communication is so important when it comes to that because when you go through things, if you don't share that with your spouse and you withhold from them and just act like everything's okay, you're not how do I want to say this?
• 42:25
  Michelle Moore: You're not doing any justice, not only to your heart, but your physical body and your emotional part, not for just yourself, but your spouse, because they think that they're doing well and you're just like, okay, let's just get this on.
• 42:39
  Michelle Moore: But if you want to be able to enjoy that just as much as your spouse, they want to know that they're providing what you need as well.
• 42:47
  Michelle Moore: And so with that, how do they know that they're not hitting the spot?
• 42:52
  Michelle Moore: That's probably TMI.
• 42:54
  Michelle Moore: Sorry, people.
• 42:55
  Michelle Moore: Um, but you know, how do they know if you're not communicating with them?
• 43:00
  Michelle Moore: And it's not, and if you are discussing that with your spouse, as that spouse that's receiving that, don't think anything's wrong with you.
• 43:08
  Michelle Moore: People's bodies change.
• 43:10
  Michelle Moore: You know, that's one of the things that I I feel like even as you get older, you know, there's things that happen, especially we all know women change.
• 43:19
  Michelle Moore: They go through the change, they you know, so things do end up differently.
• 43:24
  Michelle Moore: And as you know, men, men can change, you know.
• 43:27
  Michelle Moore: So as females, if you know something's going on with your spouse, make sure that you're communicating with that.
• 43:33
  Daniel Moore: Right.
• 43:34
  Michelle Moore: Sorry, so we're gonna TMI on that one.
• 43:36
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, that's that's fine.
• 43:37
  Daniel Moore: We're gonna actually share some things right now on how to communicate because you might be thinking, well, this is all great, but how do I do that?
• 43:44
  Daniel Moore: And so we're gonna walk real quickly here through this as we close today's episode.
• 43:49
  Daniel Moore: The first thing you need to do, you know, is make sure you choose a time to talk when you're both relaxed and not in the middle of that sexual moment.
• 43:55
  Daniel Moore: We've talked about that a couple of times already.
• 43:57
  Daniel Moore: You don't want to break that moment, enjoy it while it's there.
• 44:00
  Daniel Moore: You can talk later.
• 44:01
  Daniel Moore: Um, bringing up concerns right before or after sex can make your spouse feel ambushed or defensive.
• 44:07
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 44:07
  Daniel Moore: You know, and that's very important to remember.
• 44:09
  Daniel Moore: You need to put a little bit of distance between that so that you're not uh ambushing those actual intimate moments you are having already, and what little, what enjoyment you do get, you can negate all of that if you jump into a conversation too quickly to make it sound like you're judging your other spouse on their performance.
• 44:27
  Daniel Moore: So you don't want that to happen.
• 44:29
  Daniel Moore: So what you need to do instead is aim for a neutral time, like when you're you just sit down for your coffee or during a walk, or while you're unwinding at the end of the day, make sure it's just a neutral moment, completely away from that interaction interaction that you've had between each other.
• 44:45
  Daniel Moore: So here's some good conversation starters that might be helpful to start some dialogue on some of these things.
• 44:52
  Daniel Moore: So number one is what's the best way to flirt?
• 44:55
  Daniel Moore: And we got several options.
• 44:56
  Daniel Moore: What's our options there?
• 44:58
  Michelle Moore: Texting, email, phone call, notes, words, and actions.
• 45:04
  Daniel Moore: And we've talked about several of those over time here as we've been sharing these episodes.
• 45:09
  Daniel Moore: You just need to just you need to just describe what flirting looks like to you because everybody's flirting ideas are different and react differently to different things.
• 45:18
  Daniel Moore: But uh that's one thing that you can do.
• 45:20
  Daniel Moore: Also describe your ideal non-sexual physical affection.
• 45:23
  Daniel Moore: And what would some of those be?
• 45:26
  Michelle Moore: Holding hands, hugs, kissing, shoulder massages, back rubs, cuddling, spooning.
• 45:32
  Daniel Moore: Yep.
• 45:32
  Daniel Moore: And then also in that conversation, how often do you desire it?
• 45:36
  Daniel Moore: You know, you don't don't want to do overkill.
• 45:39
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 45:39
  Daniel Moore: Oh, you've not been cut.
• 45:40
  Daniel Moore: Oh, so we're gonna cuddle 24-7, then we're just gonna make up for all of this.
• 45:43
  Daniel Moore: No, it's gotta be within reason.
• 45:45
  Daniel Moore: You gotta make sure that it's a moment.
• 45:47
  Daniel Moore: You're making a moment when all of that happens and you're taking care of each other with that physical touch.
• 45:52
  Daniel Moore: The next one is how do you like to be romance during the day in anticipation of sex?
• 45:58
  Daniel Moore: We've talked about before how just throughout the day we'll shoot ourselves stupid emails sometimes or we'll little text.
• 46:05
  Daniel Moore: We mostly do text and faces and text or stuff like that.
• 46:07
  Daniel Moore: And that's and that's not to initiate sex later that night.
• 46:12
  Daniel Moore: That's just to keep that communication and that fun time, that fun banter that we have between each other just going on throughout the day that we're thinking about each other.
• 46:21
  Daniel Moore: That can transform though later into a good, you know, time of intimacy if if that's where that heads.
• 46:28
  Daniel Moore: But um that's another way that you can do that.
• 46:31
  Daniel Moore: It's connecting emotionally before we have sex important to you.
• 46:35
  Daniel Moore: If so, how would you like to connect?
• 46:38
  Daniel Moore: That's another good question to ask each other.
• 46:40
  Daniel Moore: Another one, what do you remember about the first time we had sex?
• 46:44
  Daniel Moore: Again, we go back to the beginning and kind of reminisce a little bit about some of our memories that we've had over the over time.
• 46:51
  Daniel Moore: On a scale of one to ten, how strong is your sex drive?
• 46:54
  Daniel Moore: Is it increasing or is it diminishing?
• 46:56
  Daniel Moore: Of course, if you ask that question, be prepared for whatever the answer is.
• 47:01
  Daniel Moore: Because if it's diminishing, that's probably gonna create another conversation to make sure that you guys, and it's not nothing judgmental, it's just a conversation of okay, so if it is diminishing, what do we both need to do to make sure that we are both still okay after all of this happens and whatever?
• 47:20
  Daniel Moore: Uh, make sure that you have good communication to talk through that.
• 47:23
  Daniel Moore: So, given your current sex drive, how often would you like to have sex?
• 47:27
  Daniel Moore: Or describe the perfect evening of love making?
• 47:30
  Daniel Moore: Or how could our sex life become even better?
• 47:33
  Daniel Moore: What do I wear that puts you in the mood?
• 47:36
  Michelle Moore: Some of these I'm like, oh my gosh.
• 47:39
  Daniel Moore: And that definitely changes for sure.
• 47:42
  Daniel Moore: The less the better, right?
• 47:44
  Michelle Moore: Yeah, apparently so.
• 47:46
  Daniel Moore: Uh, do you have a favorite sex position and why is it your favorite?
• 47:50
  Daniel Moore: What turns you off sexually?
• 47:52
  Daniel Moore: Is there anything sexually you find wrong, offensive, or distasteful?
• 47:55
  Daniel Moore: Those are very important because sometimes one spouse can force another spouse into doing something they are not comfortable doing and do not want to do, and they'll never enjoy that.
• 48:04
  Michelle Moore: Right.
• 48:05
  Daniel Moore: And so you have to be careful with those kinds of situations and make sure that your spouses are you're both on the same level to an extent of what it's going to take to make both of you as happy as possible with what's going on there.
• 48:18
  Daniel Moore: And so you don't want to be forcing people into doing things.
• 48:22
  Daniel Moore: Uh sexually, do you prefer to make the first move or do you want the other spouse to do it?
• 48:28
  Daniel Moore: What do I do that gives you the most sexual pleasure?
• 48:30
  Daniel Moore: What do you fantasize about?
• 48:32
  Daniel Moore: And that could get dangerous.
• 48:33
  Daniel Moore: What kind of fantasizing is okay with you?
• 48:36
  Daniel Moore: That's an important question.
• 48:38
  Daniel Moore: Because sometimes some people's minds run crazy and they start thinking about things they should not be thinking about.
• 48:44
  Daniel Moore: And so there is a good a good spot there to put some boundaries.
• 48:47
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 48:47
  Daniel Moore: Um, with that with that kind of communication there.
• 48:50
  Daniel Moore: What do you want to show me that you're interested in having sex?
• 48:54
  Daniel Moore: What are your favorite foreplay activities?
• 48:57
  Daniel Moore: Where are some places you would like to have sex outside of our bedroom?
• 49:00
  Daniel Moore: Getting creative.
• 49:02
  Daniel Moore: Wow.
• 49:03
  Daniel Moore: What do you like to do right after making love?
• 49:05
  Daniel Moore: Great sex requires regular regular communication.
• 49:09
  Daniel Moore: So make sure that during this communication that you're having, you know, enjoy rediscovering the sexual side of your spouse.
• 49:16
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 49:17
  Daniel Moore: You know, that's one place that we have a tendency to forget.
• 49:20
  Daniel Moore: Um, as time moves along and kids come in and all this other stuff that takes up our space, it's real easy to forget sometimes that there is a part of us as a husband and wife that we need to nurture deeply and take care of.
• 49:35
  Daniel Moore: So I think that's a lot of good conversation.
• 49:38
  Daniel Moore: There's many more, too, that you could probably come up with on your own.
• 49:41
  Daniel Moore: The important thing is to is to be talking, right?
• 49:44
  Daniel Moore: We want to make sure that we're having that communication with each other so that we can both understand each other and what our expectations are and things that we do or don't like to do, whatever, all that stuff's important.
• 49:56
  Daniel Moore: Even to us, if we've been married 20 or 30 plus years, sometimes, you know, that stuff is very important to cover again.
• 50:03
  Daniel Moore: So that's some good conversation starters that you guys could put into place as you're trying to navigate through this time in your life where maybe uh the intimate side of your relationship is really failing and you're having some major issues.
• 50:16
  Daniel Moore: Uh that might be a way that you can bring that up.
• 50:19
  Daniel Moore: So Hosea 220 concludes with God saying, And you shall know the Lord.
• 50:24
  Daniel Moore: When God says this to his bride, he uses the word yada, which refers to a deep, intimate knowing, not just intellectual understanding, but a fully bodied heart level connection.
• 50:37
  Daniel Moore: God promises to give himself completely, to be truly known, and to truly know in return.
• 50:43
  Daniel Moore: So don't let Seinfeld, if you remember our very first episode in this and our very first part in this episode, don't let Seinfeld or anyone for that matter hijack your yada yada yada and distract you from what God originally designed this word to mean.
• 51:00
  Daniel Moore: In the biblical sense, yada speaks to a beautiful intimate connection, being fully known by your spouse, knowing them in return, and sharing in the joy of physical intimacy.
• 51:10
  Daniel Moore: Sex is one of God's precious gifts to marriage.
• 51:14
  Daniel Moore: Embrace that truth and take time as a couple to define what a healthy and mutually satisfying sexual relationship looks like to you.
• 51:22
  Daniel Moore: Talk honestly about your desires and needs, and work together to cultivate a rhythm of intimacy that honors both of you.
• 51:29
  Daniel Moore: Reviving this part of your marriage might take time, especially if it's been neglected or wounded, but don't be discouraged.
• 51:37
  Daniel Moore: Celebrate the small steps forward.
• 51:39
  Daniel Moore: As trust and openness grow, so will your connection.
• 51:42
  Daniel Moore: Yada is a sacred and powerful gift.
• 51:46
  Daniel Moore: Cherish it, nourish it, and protect it with intention.
• 51:50
  Michelle Moore: So good.
• 51:51
  Daniel Moore: I love how that ends.
• 51:53
  Michelle Moore: Yes.
• 51:53
  Daniel Moore: And so hopefully, over these last four weeks here, I pray that something that we have shared with you all maybe has has been that aha moment.
• 52:02
  Daniel Moore: You know, that little light bulb's clicked on.
• 52:05
  Daniel Moore: And we we do, we pray over all of your marriages as you listen to these episodes that uh maybe something that is shared can help regrow that love and that intimacy between the two of you.
• 52:16
  Daniel Moore: Is there anything that you'd like to add to this one?
• 52:19
  Michelle Moore: No, I just want to apologize for my voice.
• 52:21
  Michelle Moore: Our weather has jumped from 30 degrees to zero degrees to 60 degrees, back to 20 degrees.
• 52:30
  Michelle Moore: And now what are we?
• 52:31
  Daniel Moore: 60 back in the 60s, yeah.
• 52:33
  Michelle Moore: And tomorrow's back in the 50s or 40s.
• 52:36
  Michelle Moore: And so I've been struggling with it.
• 52:38
  Michelle Moore: I'm sure you've heard in last week's episode.
• 52:41
  Michelle Moore: Um, so I do apologize that you hear a different voice back and forth.
• 52:46
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, I didn't marry somebody different.
• 52:48
  Daniel Moore: That's Bill Michelle.
• 52:49
  Daniel Moore: So, well, as we go this week, uh, next week when we come back, we're gonna start a probably a two-part episode on creating safety in your marriage.
• 53:02
  Daniel Moore: And that's a very important thing that has to take place if you're gonna be able to have these conversations.
• 53:07
  Daniel Moore: You gotta have a safe space to talk about that.
• 53:11
  Daniel Moore: So that's coming up starting next week.
• 53:13
  Daniel Moore: If you'd like to reach out to us, our website is marriagelifeandmore.com.
• 53:17
  Daniel Moore: There's different ways you can reach out to us there.
• 53:19
  Daniel Moore: We'd like to hear some feedback from you if you have any uh to add to this conversation.
• 53:24
  Daniel Moore: Uh but as we go, the takeaway from this episode is that roommates rarely have sex.
• 53:30
  Daniel Moore: Soulmates have sex often in a way that feels good to both people.
• 53:35
  Daniel Moore: So that's our takeaway from this episode on the rising epidemic of sexless marriages.
• 53:43
  Daniel Moore: Well, that's gonna do it for this week.
• 53:46
  Daniel Moore: And as we go, we pray that your marriage is stronger and your walk with God is closer.
• 53:50
  Daniel Moore: This is an extension of Connecting the Gap Ministries, and we pray that you have a blessed week.