Latest / Motherhood Uncut / Living Untethered with Ellen Bradley | Motherhood Uncut Podcast | Season 6 Episode 5

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Living Untethered with Ellen Bradley | Motherhood Uncut Podcast | Season 6 Episode 5 · Motherhood Uncut

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Hi, I'm Kate Kripke and welcome to the Motherhood Uncut Podcast.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: This podcast brings the reality of motherhood to the table for real, honest conversations.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: Here we laugh, we cry, we learn, we grow, we are awestruck, amazed, humbled, and validated.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: But most importantly, together we begin to live in a new way that allows us to recognize the immense role that our own health and well-being plays in the health and well-being of our kids.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: Together, we recognize that everything we do to take care of our physical, psychological, social, and spiritual health is in service of our children.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: This season, we are diving deep into the role that the shoulds and the shouldn'ts and rules and expectations play in our motherhood journey.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: Together, this season, we will learn to break those boundaries that hold us back from our greatest potential.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna hear from moms who have taken this risk, from experts who help in this journey, and from family members who, Lord help me, have important insight to share.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: So pull up a chair, my friend, make a cup of tea, pour a glass of wine, put on your walking shoes, turn up the volume in your car.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: Let's do this together because nobody should mother alone.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: Today, I have the utter privilege of sharing with you a conversation I had with Ellen Bradley about her mothering journey with her three beautiful daughters.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: Ellen is the epitome of bravery, connection, and possibility when it comes to both motherhood and life.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: As we continue to navigate the shoulds and expectations in motherhood that hold us back from the life we most want, Ellen's story is an example of what it looks like to forge straight ahead with what feels right instead of what others believe is right.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: Her story invites us to embark on a profound journey of self-discovery and fulfillment.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: She empowers us to embrace our own true selves, peel back the layers, and dive into the essence of who we are.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: She calls us forward with courage, urging us to cast aside the noise of the outside world and the weight of societal expectations.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: Instead, she beckons us to trust our instincts, to listen to the whispers of our heart, and to follow the path that resonates deeply within us.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: And she, my friends, has done just that herself.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: You will be amazed and inspired.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: I can't wait for you to hear this conversation.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, if you're a mom balancing a demanding career or other passions in life with the joys and challenges of raising young kids, I want you to know that I see you.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: I understand the pressure to be perfect at work and at home and the constant feeling that you might be falling short in both.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: You're not alone, and there is a way to feel more in control and connected.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's pretty universal, right?
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: When we become moms, we jump into action mode.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: We focus all of our attention on our kiddos, and we fall farther and farther away from allowing ourselves to tend to what we need to also feel okay.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: With all the to-dos, any resources spent on ourselves feel unnecessary, wasted, and maybe even selfish.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: But of course, whether we acknowledge it or not, we all learn very quickly that we simply can't be our best in anything when we're depleted.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: But here's the thing I also want you to understand today.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: When moms like you and me are stressed, anxious, or overwhelmed, it doesn't just affect us.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: It can have long-lasting effects on our kids' mental health and development.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: The pressure you're feeling could be shaping your child's future in ways you never imagined.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: When we are overwhelmed, it's easy to fall into the trap of perfectionism, trying to meet impossible standards in both our careers and motherhood.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: But that pressure doesn't just hurt us, it impacts our kids too because we become more anxious.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: We take more things personally, and we have very little tolerance for any discomfort that our children feel.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: Kids who grow up without a secure attachment are more likely to struggle with anxiety, insecurity, and difficulties forming healthy relationships.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: They absorb our stress and it can lead to challenges that affect their entire lives.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: But it doesn't have to be this way.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: That's why I created the Calm Connection System, a transformative science-based program specifically designed to help turn your guilt, anxiety, and overwhelm into clarity, confidence, and calm.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: With the Calm Connection System, you can break free of the pressures that hold you back.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: You can nurture a secure attachment with your kiddo, and you can still thrive in your career or other passions outside of motherhood.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: I've spent 20 years as a maternal and child mental health specialist helping more than 6,000 women just like you transform their lives with strategies that are practical, science-backed, and deeply empathetic.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: As a mom of two teenage daughters, I've walked this path myself, balancing the demands of motherhood with a career that I am passionate about.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: I know what it takes to find that balance, and I'm here to guide you every step of the way.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: But the Calm Connection System isn't just about managing your stress.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: It's about creating a life where you can pursue your ambitions and be the mom that you want to be.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: A life where you and your children feel secure, connected, and capable of facing the world with confidence.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: If you're ready to take the first step towards a more balanced, fulfilling life for you and your family, I invite you to book a free call with me in the next few days.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: Let's talk about how the Calm Connection System can help you create the life for you and your children that you all deserve while continuing to share your incredible gifts with the world.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: Book your call now so we can discuss whether or not this program is a fit for you.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: And regardless, you're going to walk away from our call with new clarity about what's causing your anxiety and things that you can do to access now more now, access more confidence and calm both at home and at work.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to make sure that you have a few easy things that will help you right away, whether we work together or not.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: As a reminder, decades of research has confirmed that untreated anxiety in moms causes anxiety in kids.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: And the fastest and most effective way to make sure that your kiddo is healthy is to do what you need to do to make sure that you are healthy.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: You absolutely can excel both outside of motherhood and inside of motherhood, giving your child everything that they need to live a long, healthy, and happy life.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: This call is where you start, and the link is in the show notes.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: I look forward to seeing you there.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: Hey listeners, I want to tell you about the one clock.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: The one clock is a clock that is designed to help you wake up in the way that your nervous system most needs to move through the day with calm and clarity.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: You know those clocks that wake you up in the morning with that loud beep that jars you out of sleep, you know, with your heart racing?
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: This is not the one clock.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: The one clock is designed with Grammy Award-winning musicians that have taken the science behind waking up and turned that into the most amazing music that you have ever woken up to.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's going to help you start your day with ease and clarity.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: And not only that, but the clock itself, it's like a piece of art.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: It is beautiful.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're looking for something to help you manage your nervous system and start your day that's going to set you up for success, I invite you to check out the one clock.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: Information is in the show notes.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: Ellen Bradley, welcome to the Motherhood Uncut Podcast.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: I am so happy you're here.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: For our listeners, um, I want everyone to know that Ellen is so many things that we were just talking before we press record so that I could figure out how to introduce you.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, you're gonna have to do all this yourself because it's so but in short, Ellen is a mother, a visionary, a wonderlust, an author, a global citizen.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: And she is set out in life really by walking the talk, surfing the talk, walking the talk, um, to inspire and educate and unite people around the world, especially moms of daughters, and really empowering women and young women and old women and people in general to really break out of the mold and create a life that is beautiful and full and connected and all the things.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: And really, I invited you on today, Ellen.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I found you on Instagram, and I don't know how, because Instagram is flipping weird how it sends you certain things, but I get a lot across my Instagram feed, and you really caught my eye.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: Um, first of all, because I am also a mother of daughters.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, I have two daughters, 15 and 17, and it is uh really my life's mission to uh take care of myself on behalf of my kids so that my two daughters will feel brave and resilient and adventurous and all those things we want our kids to do.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: So, mothering my daughters is um really motivates pretty much everything I do, including my work in my life, self-care, everything.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_00: But you also really represent a model of someone who has done it your way.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: And so often in life, definitely in motherhood, we can easily get confined to these rules, to these shoulds, whether they are from what we learned as kids and how we were raised and the messaging that we got from our own family of origin or our culture or the media or whatever it is.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: And those rules limit us so much from being our most healthy, our most inspired, our most fulfilled.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: And you're doing it very differently.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: So I can't wait for this conversation.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: And for our listeners, I actually just left about five minutes ago and know not a lot about you.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm gonna be learning along with our listeners today.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: But that's my introduction.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: Can you tell us a little bit more about you, Ellen?
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: And and I we're gonna go in a million different ways.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: The question I want to ask is what is your motherhood journey?
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: But that's gonna that would take us like 12 hours to really get into.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: So tell us about you, Ellen.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: What do you stand for?
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: And who are you?
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_01: I'm a mother, first and foremost.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_01: And the journey of motherhood, I think, for me began before even having my three daughters.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it's mothering ourselves and discovering who we are.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_01: And that began with me as a yogi and then a yoga teacher, and then a leader of yoga studios in the Midwest for over 10 years.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and it was through that practice on my mat every day, the breath reminding us to let go, to untether.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I think is where I really began to find the freedom to be me and to just choose wildly different and listen.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_01: You know, we all get those wild ideas and whispers of the heart and we hear them, but it's fear that holds us back, it's worry, it's the what-ifs, the shoulds.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_01: And um, I I really do believe that the yoga practice and just my connection to breath, to spirit within me is what forged this path when I became a mother to you know, look at my three girls.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_01: I will say my middle daughter, Kaya, was adopted from Ethiopia when she was eight months old.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_01: And I was just shy of having my third baby.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_01: So I had a two-year-old, and we adopted Kaya, and then a month later, Shay was born.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_01: And in between that stage, I birthed the first yoga studio that I had opened in the Midwest.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, looking at my girls, I grew up in a really beautiful Midwest, you know, predominantly white, um, Catholic community and not much diversity, which in itself, you know, lends itself to values and that homegrown feel.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_01: But looking at my girls and having a multiracial family, I knew that I wanted to do the different.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that was really the foremost call once being a mother to three in a multi-racial family to know that I just had this deep calling in my heart.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, I want my girls to know the world, even when they were three babies, and we I was juggling it all as we all do, you know.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: So you were like you owned businesses and you were right, you were you working during the time that you had young children as well?
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_01: I had three hot yoga studios, I had three babies.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe it was balance, I don't know.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but you know, that is too my makeup, my fabric in this life.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just a doer.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_00: Um, we get it.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_01: We get that for sure.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_01: An overachiever and type A, but I will also say that I was aligned to something that truly inspired my heart and my soul.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_01: My girls were always in the studios.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, it was just my path, but it was also the path that launched me into the world.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_01: So that the community of Modo Hot Yoga, the community I opened in the Midwest, is really the community that allowed me to springboard and be like, I can do this.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_01: And ultimately, when the girls were eight, nine, and ten, um, I always had the dream to sell it all and to just give them a backpack and say, okay, like the little door explores, we're gonna walk the world.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_01: And it's a it's a year-long field trip.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_01: And you're gonna feel that you are one with this world, that you are a global citizen.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_01: This was like really, I mean, I get chill still thinking about it.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, I didn't want them to think they were just growing up in Kentucky or they're just American citizens because Kaya was born in Ethiopia.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_01: I wanted them to feel part of the world and just discover themselves through walking into foreign places.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_01: So in short, there's a lot of stories within that, but this is how it all began.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_01: And it really was, I will say people ask me all the time, but the house, it's the microactions every day that lead to the bigger, right?
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_01: It's not like one day I was just like, let me sell it all.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_01: It was like it really was every day on my mat the commitment in the mantra for myself to let go.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_01: And it could have been letting go of the stress of the morning, but the letting go, the untethering, um it leads ultimately into that greater letting go.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_00: There's so many things, there's so many places we could go with this.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_00: And um, let me just ask one clarifying question.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_00: Did you pick up and sell it all and go on this?
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, it's been more than one year, but go on this one year, you're still traveling the world with those girls, but go on this one year adventure as a single mom, or did you have a partner with you?
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, their dad was with us.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so yeah, um, he was with us and he was all in and was like, I mean, for sure, I I I did plant the seed for about eight years.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_01: When the girls were babies, I'd look around and be like, I just want to sell all this one day and be free and walk the world.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_01: And he'd look at me and be like, You're crazy, I will never do that.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_01: And I just kept, I don't know, I just kept this dream and this vision, and I'd all all the time just be like, we're gonna do it one day.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_01: Are you ready to sell it all?
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_01: And then ultimately, you know, he was in a transition with his job, and you know, we had done the thing.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_01: You buy a house, then you get a bigger house, and then you know, and this is just the whole culture of I mean, I think everybody can understand that.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_01: And finally, I was just like, if not now, when?
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_01: And we had just bought my childhood home, and it was wonderful, it was like the perfect house, right?
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_01: The girls had their rooms, the big yard, the trampoline, and I remember my mom looking at me that I think I gave her a heart attack, and she was just like, What about the girls and their stuff in their room?
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like you can buy that again, but this priceless, these priceless moments of this age, you don't get back.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_01: And I even said that to Michael, it's like I I could have gone on and maybe opened more studios and I was doing what I love, but I had to let go of something that I loved to really harness the time with my children, and I was on that track, so I get it as mothers.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_01: We're driven, like we see where we can go in a career, it's a career that we love.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I was there, I was at the height of you know, these yoga studios in Cincinnati and loving every moment, but I didn't realize how much I needed to let that go in order to create space for my own growth and for the to get together.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_00: There's some themes here that you can take us in any direction, and maybe we'll just weave in and out, but that I'm hearing, and I would love for us to just begin to get underneath, right?
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_00: So you're talking about one thing I'm hearing you say, Ellen, is that you had a dream and you never adopted or uh succumbed, I don't know if that's a word, but it's in my head, to this idea of I can't or we won't, right?
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_00: So you had this dream, and your husband, Michael, was like, I'm not gonna do that, but you never allowed your brain to say no.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's an interesting uh thing to talk about here, right?
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_00: That we can limit ourselves when we can tell ourselves that something's not possible.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_00: And you never went there.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_00: You always held this possibility, which of course you created.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: The other thing I'm hearing is that you had this dream and we know that if we're gonna grow, we have to let go.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_00: And there's pain and grief in that, right?
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_00: You had this big successful businesses, sounds like you had a family around, you had, you know, this beautiful house.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_00: And in order to create something new, you had to let go of that.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's also something that stops us, is where it's too painful.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_00: And somehow you allowed yourself to go through that discomfort and pain in order to get somewhere new.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_00: And then you alluded to this, but I'm really curious about this.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe we can start here.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_00: Is what was the response like?
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_00: Did you get resistance?
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: Did people like what was it like when you finally decided to go for?
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_00: How did people respond to this choice that you were making?
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, it's interesting because my closest of family just it threw them upside down.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_01: Um very resistant.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_01: Do I even use judgmental?
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_01: Because I think judgment comes from fear.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_01: So, you know, you know, judgment when you say judgment, it's like, oh, that's a personal, but it's like I think it was their fear.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_01: They were sad, like I was pulling my girls away.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_01: But then, you know, my broader yoga community of thousands of students that like woven and out of these buildings, they were just like, This is amazing.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_01: Like, what are you doing?
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_01: Like, this is epic.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_01: I can't wait to watch and join in on your journey from afar.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_01: And I think it was a source of inspiration, but then you know, there's still people.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_01: Of course, you still have the other scene why are you giving up what you have?
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_01: Like, you've got it so great.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_01: Why are you giving it up?
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_01: You know what I'm saying?
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_01: Like a lot of people are like even the question.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I can remember my mom even saying, you know, what are you running from?
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like, I'm not running from every anything, I'm actually going in the direction to harness life and to actually captivate and really just live.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_01: Um, not that I wasn't, because again, I was happy and um it was a thriving life in a way.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_00: You know, Alan, I mentioned this before we started recording, but uh our listeners know this.
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_00: But I just my family, um, my husband and I can both work from anywhere.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_00: And so we um picked up and we moved to Tokyo, Japan for six months, and our girls went to a small international school in Japan.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_00: And part of why we did that is because I grew up in New York City and we're in Boulder, which is beautiful, but it's a flippin' bubble.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I wanted to sort of like shake life up, help make sure our girls knew what else was out there.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_00: And we said to the girls when we were leaving, our goal is to be as calm uncomfortable as we possibly can for the next six months.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, credit to these two teens who were like, okay, and you know, they've got good friends and sports and all these things, but we picked up and went and loved Japan, traveled Japan, loved so much about that experience.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_00: Coming back, I've only been home for a week and a half.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_00: We just got home, and coming back has been really tricky because of what you're talking about, because of this magnetic culture of more and bigger and better and competent, almost this like inherent competition and lack of presence, right?
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_00: Because we're thinking so many steps ahead.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I guess I don't even know if I have a question for you as much as a reflection, but I left Japan and I still in my meditation practice every morning am really trying to come back to my center.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_00: But I had so many intentions around how I want to live differently here.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_00: But dang, it's easy to go right back into.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: The, you know, I went went for a hike with my sister Deb, who everyone knows because she and I were in this podcast together for, and she showed up with these awesome sunglasses.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_00: And my first thought was, oh, I need a pair of those.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_00: Do you know how many freaking pairs of sunglasses I have?
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_00: Like, no, I don't.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_00: But my first thought, right?
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_00: And it's so hard in many ways when what's around us is a certain environment to stay steady with what we know is the most meaningful and having to do with our values.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_00: So you're not in the States, you're in Costa Rica.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_00: So you you are a sort of, I don't know.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_00: Do you have a thought about that?
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_00: Does that how does that idea wind its way into your life path and your decision to leave and where you are now?
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_01: So much well, it's it's everything.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_01: The energy that you're around is what you absorb and what affects you.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_01: It's the people you're around, you know, have a direct impact on you.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_01: And that's why, you know, I teach my girls the conscious choices of friendships and where you are.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_01: And I and I will say, Kate, I never thought, I still don't consider myself nine years later a homeschool mom.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I don't mean to say that in any because I'm also a very entrepreneur spirit, a driven mom.
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_01: I work, you know, I create.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_01: But I say that because I would have never imagined I would homeschool three teenage girls in high school.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_01: I always was like, I'm gonna put them back in high school so they have opportunity.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_01: But I say that because of all years to homeschool children to really curate the environment that they're around and the energy because they're so sensitive and they're very much blossoming into who they are.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_01: It's so important now more than ever, right?
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_01: It's like the generation of peers raising peers instead of family values and extended family raising children.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_01: Um and so it's everything.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_01: And I I I understand I have a lot of empathy because I I go back to the United States and as grounded as I am doing my daily ritual and principles, you we are human beings.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_01: Like, you know, we can't create a solid force field around us, no matter how much we can encapsulate ourselves and light and you know, mindfulness and thought, it's it's very difficult.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and you know, ever I think everyone needs to give just give themselves grace and do what they can.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_01: But every day the reminder, right?
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_01: It's like the power of thought, what we're calling in, where we're around, the choices, letting go of the shoulds.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_01: If you don't want to go to an event or a dinner and you don't, you know, I think that people have to start to really set boundaries and make the decisions that feel right for themselves as a mother, as parents, and as your family, your family as well.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_01: Um, practices.
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, we'll we'll end with I want to hear a little bit about what your personal practices are.
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_00: But again, you're just I mean, I know that if I didn't have a community of like-minded women, but also my own practices, my meditation practice, my grounding.
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_00: If I wasn't doing that, I'd be blown around, right?
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_00: With the energy of the environment.
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna go back for a minute.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_00: So you you you and your husband decided to take these three beautiful children and and and explore the world.
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_00: And some of your family and some of the people closest to you didn't really understand, right?
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_00: It's not the choice they would make for themselves.
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's not the choice they wish you were making for yourself.
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_00: You did it anyway.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_00: So here's the one of the things that we're really talking about today is what is it like to be willing to disappoint other people in order to not disappoint yourself, right?
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_00: What is it like to say, I hear you, I love you, I'm gonna do this thing anyway, even if it's not what everyone else is telling you you should do.
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_00: You did that.
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_00: So then what?
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_00: What was involved in that year for you?
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_00: That first year, what did that look like for you?
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I will say, first it was a lot.
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_01: Like if you think about it, uh, you know, getting rid of a big suburban home.
• 26:11
  SPEAKER_01: And then I had this whole house open sale, three stories of things, because just stuff accumulates.
• 26:18
  SPEAKER_01: And I can't even begin to tell you how many people said to me, like they were almost in tears, like, how are you selling all this?
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_01: This holds all your memories, Ellen.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_01: What are you gonna pass on to your children?
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_01: You know, this these questions came up and came up, and I was very clear.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_01: I, you know, I really believe that stuff weighs us down.
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_01: Our memories are not held in the collections, even in the photographs.
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_01: It's beautiful.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_01: But our memories are held in our heart and in our mind.
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_01: And it's the gathering and the accumulation and the holding on, once again, the tethering to all this stuff that literally weighs the tapestry of our souls down.
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_01: And I just would smile and be like, the only things that I will pass on to my girls are some well-used lonely planet books and a lifetime of memories and shared experiences that become all the threads that weave into the tapestry of their soul.
• 27:15
  SPEAKER_01: And that makes them light.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_01: I will not pass on all this stuff that just weighs them down.
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah.
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_00: In this American culture, right, the messaging is the opposite, you know, kids need these things to be able to do these things, you know, you need the right clothes to be able to, whatever.
• 27:37
  SPEAKER_00: You need the you need these, the soccer ball to be able to play side.
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_00: Like we we those are silly, but you get the point.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_00: We we have this idea that being a good mom means that we're providing for our children, the things that they need to be successful, and you're really throwing that upside down and on its head.
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_00: You're saying it's not about the things, it's about the connections between each other and me and them, right?
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_00: Between the people who we love and the experiences we have in the world around us.
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_00: That is like a very different mentality than many of us go into parenthood with.
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and I mean, and it and it and it wasn't either how I was raised.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_01: Like truly, Kate, I don't, I just feel like my spirit carried this message and energy into this world.
• 28:32
  SPEAKER_01: And I think I really uncovered it.
• 28:34
  SPEAKER_01: I know it sounds maybe woo-woo, but I get it.
• 28:38
  SPEAKER_01: I'm I'm right there with you.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_01: But I I taught hot yoga.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_01: That was what I would I did.
• 28:45
  SPEAKER_01: So for I have done tens of thousands of classes of breathing and sweating.
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_01: So it's like a modern-day sweat lodge.
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_01: And I only say that because literally, I think it over years peeled back the layers of my own conditioning and my own fears and my own shoulds.
• 29:02
  SPEAKER_01: And I was so connected.
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_01: I I mean, I still obviously am, but like it allowed me to really step into full connection of my soul, like my spirit, my light, however that resonates for listeners.
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_01: Um, to just know that's why I was very clear.
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't care what anybody said.
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_01: This was exactly where I was going, and I'm light and I'm untethered, and I feel free, and this is where I'm called because I didn't know.
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, the journey reaffirmed me that simplicity is the way and that they would learn through everybody.
• 29:36
  SPEAKER_01: But I didn't have a plan, I didn't have a curriculum.
• 29:39
  SPEAKER_01: I honestly don't want to say I didn't know what I was doing because I did know, but I did not have any plan.
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_01: We had a one-way ticket to Fiji, and that's about it.
• 29:51
  SPEAKER_01: And a lonely planet shoestring, the big Bible of the lonely planet for Southeast Asia, and that's all we had.
• 29:59
  SPEAKER_01: We didn't have any anything else booked.
• 30:00
  SPEAKER_00: So I want to pause you for a minute because in my work, really, what I in my coaching work, I'm doing several things, and the bit but the biggest ones are I'm helping women uh decrease, eliminate unhelpful anxiety and guilt.
• 30:20
  SPEAKER_00: It's a big part of what I do, and I'm also helping them create strong, secure attachments with their kids.
• 30:28
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, those are like the two big themes.
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_00: What I talk about often is that I'm not gonna say always, but most of the time, what's creating the anxiety is the response to uncertainty and unpredictability, right?
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_00: Just in life, and then we become parents and forget about it.
• 30:48
  SPEAKER_00: Like there's no certainty or predictability.
• 30:51
  SPEAKER_00: Everything is just out there.
• 30:53
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if you are describing the ultimate, you're like, I got my way, I got a one-way ticket.
• 30:59
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know what this is gonna look like.
• 31:01
  SPEAKER_00: So can you tell us?
• 31:04
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I hear the excitement and the pursuit and the commitment, all that stuff that brings up really good feelings, right?
• 31:13
  SPEAKER_00: Like I'm feeling it as you're talking about it.
• 31:15
  SPEAKER_00: I have no doubt that there was also fear and all kinds of other things that you had to move through in order to access all the good that came with this.
• 31:26
  SPEAKER_00: Can you talk to us about that?
• 31:28
  SPEAKER_01: 1000%.
• 31:30
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I walked right into fear.
• 31:33
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_01: And yeah, I mean, even in terms of, you know, the grief, the loss, the sadness of leaving behind my yoga community and that Modo community that I loved and I was dearly loved.
• 31:49
  SPEAKER_01: That in itself was deep grief, probably one of the hardest things I've letten go of.
• 31:53
  SPEAKER_01: And then it's like to take your girls out of the system of a school, be questioned right and left.
• 32:00
  SPEAKER_01: How are they gonna learn?
• 32:01
  SPEAKER_01: Are you gonna test them?
• 32:02
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, I just kind of put blinders up.
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_01: But deep down, yeah, I was worried.
• 32:08
  SPEAKER_01: I was scared.
• 32:09
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I've always had a courageous spirit in me, but I'm not like an adrenaline, junkie loving person that just goes for it.
• 32:17
  SPEAKER_01: But let me tell you, I was all in and I, you know, I really had the intention.
• 32:23
  SPEAKER_01: I will walk forward and face the fear because that in itself is the example for my girls.
• 32:30
  SPEAKER_01: We will walk into the discomfort together to find ease and comfort within the discomfort.
• 32:36
  SPEAKER_01: And this really was it.
• 32:38
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I personally wanted to press my boundaries, of course, but like I wanted to do it together.
• 32:44
  SPEAKER_01: And I think the only reason why I was able to do it and to maintain is because I have greatest trust in life.
• 32:54
  SPEAKER_01: I don't doubt life at all.
• 32:56
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, even things that, you know, things go wrong, things happen, we all go through grief and deep loss.
• 33:02
  SPEAKER_01: And I just trust in life.
• 33:04
  SPEAKER_01: I really trust.
• 33:05
  SPEAKER_01: And I even trust, even got to the point where, you know, I'd say when I was little, the girls actually, my oldest asked me recently, she's like, Were you scared, mom, as a kid?
• 33:13
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, Yeah, I would go to bed saying my prayers every night, asking for protection of 8,000 things.
• 33:18
  SPEAKER_01: I was just, you know, you'd watch the news.
• 33:20
  SPEAKER_01: I was scared.
• 33:21
  SPEAKER_01: I was a scared, doesn't mean I wasn't strong-willed and courageous, but like I was scared.
• 33:26
  SPEAKER_01: And so I remember taking like the first little small plane in Fiji.
• 33:31
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, I would have been scared because I've taken planes like that before and terrified.
• 33:36
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember sitting on that first flight and I just exhaled.
• 33:40
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, you know what?
• 33:42
  SPEAKER_01: I trust because if this is meant to go down, I know that I am now living.
• 33:48
  SPEAKER_01: I have zero regret, and we have stepped forward.
• 33:52
  SPEAKER_01: And from that point on, truly, these last eight years, there haven't been many moments.
• 34:00
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, I've been scared for sure, but that has never stopped me.
• 34:03
  SPEAKER_01: And I've never, I don't want to say I haven't showed it to the girls, but I I don't, I've always walked forward and said, yes, we're in, so that they'd be in.
• 34:11
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 34:11
  SPEAKER_00: Um I have no doubt, just from how you're describing yourself and what I know by reading about you, is that you it's not that you're hiding anything from the girls, it's that you're feeling fear and taking care of yourself around the fear so that you can both feel fear and show up and be steady.
• 34:32
  SPEAKER_00: What a flipping gift that is to mother from that place.
• 34:36
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, most of our listeners are not going to pick up their family and sell everything and go move with their children, right?
• 34:43
  SPEAKER_00: Some might.
• 34:45
  SPEAKER_00: Most of them probably won't, right?
• 34:48
  SPEAKER_00: And what all of them can do is decide to allow for the fear and take care of themselves around it and show up anyway for whatever the baby step of this big thing is.
• 35:03
  SPEAKER_00: And again, I mean, I just came back from seven months.
• 35:06
  SPEAKER_00: I'll tell you, it's not as hard as everyone tells themselves it is to pick up and take your family somewhere.
• 35:11
  SPEAKER_00: It's just not as hard as most people think it is.
• 35:14
  SPEAKER_00: But whatever baby step people take, as long as it's in the direction of growth, it's gonna be scary, right?
• 35:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 35:24
  SPEAKER_01: And I think we have to be willing, especially as mothers, as you know, the torches of the family, to go in the direction sometimes we don't want to go to, right?
• 35:33
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, I mean, it was the micro actions for me, like I said to you, like I had never really gone camping.
• 35:39
  SPEAKER_01: And so even like going camping or going to all the national parks, which again is just wasn't how I was necessarily raised, or I'm like, I did it, even though I'd rather be in a hotel or go to a nicer place for vacation, because I wanted to press my boundaries to grow in order then to do that for my girls.
• 35:59
  SPEAKER_01: So I I look sometimes and it's like we have to be the ones that step forward into the discomfort, right?
• 36:06
  SPEAKER_01: We can't tell our kids to do that, and then we sit back in the comfort zone.
• 36:10
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, and this is where the extraordinary opportunity of parents, the growth of being a parent comes.
• 36:17
  SPEAKER_01: And I just don't think that we harness it enough because we just stay in the comfort, stay in the scheduling, stay in the box.
• 36:24
  SPEAKER_01: It's all good.
• 36:24
  SPEAKER_01: We just maintain as CEOs, right?
• 36:26
  SPEAKER_01: Which I get it, it's hard, but it's like sometimes we need to pause and pull ourselves out of that comfort, out of the box.
• 36:34
  SPEAKER_01: Go to a new ethnic restaurant, you know, go to a new park, take a wildly different vacation.
• 36:40
  SPEAKER_01: And maybe that even means it's cheaper and you're simplifying because you're going tent camping, you know.
• 36:45
  SPEAKER_01: And as moms, we probably don't want to do that, but what it does for deeper connection to our kids and the growth that happens, right?
• 36:52
  SPEAKER_01: This is world school, and this is why this is what I want to bring forward too.
• 36:55
  SPEAKER_01: Like, you're right, not everybody has the means or can just travel the world or move to Japan, but it we can do small things.
• 37:03
  SPEAKER_00: Um something really profound a minute ago, and I wonder if you can expand on it.
• 37:08
  SPEAKER_00: You said you were in this little plan in plane in Fiji, and you know, I'm with you.
• 37:12
  SPEAKER_00: Traditionally, I've been really scared of flying, and it's interesting.
• 37:16
  SPEAKER_00: My fear of flying has to do with my fear of not being in control, right?
• 37:21
  SPEAKER_00: We're like up in this plane, and uh and I've I've I've learned to mitigate that fear and to lessen my anxiety by doing what you said you did, which is just to surrender, to trust.
• 37:34
  SPEAKER_00: And by the way, I want to say one thing about this before I go into this other question or this other thought, which I might forget, but I'm gonna hope I remember it.
• 37:42
  SPEAKER_00: Is that what I hear you saying, Ellen, is that by you trusting life, the universe, whatever it is, you're also trusting that you are okay and that your daughters are okay.
• 37:56
  SPEAKER_00: There's something so powerful in knowing that we are okay even when we're uncertain or scared or have fallen down or whatever it is.
• 38:08
  SPEAKER_00: It's that trust in the okayness that sounds like you have you're really tapped into.
• 38:14
  SPEAKER_00: Does that feel accurate?
• 38:17
  SPEAKER_01: For sure, because it's okay to not be okay, right?
• 38:21
  SPEAKER_01: It's like and two, it shall pass.
• 38:25
  SPEAKER_01: And I think too, like if you think about fear, like I don't have a fear of death.
• 38:29
  SPEAKER_01: Like I fully have my faith in life and faith in the afterlife, and like it just I don't fear, and I think I don't fear it too because I I know I've just lived and I haven't like held back and I've done all that I can, and um it's a different mindset because a lot of fear we're gripped in fear because of death, right?
• 38:53
  SPEAKER_01: And it's not spoken about, and like it's like um the worry, the worry of our children as well.
• 38:58
  SPEAKER_01: Like it's like I and I look at my kids, and you know, that's the heart.
• 39:02
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I can't imagine the pain of losing a child.
• 39:05
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I, you know, I haven't, but I also again just have a faith that our children come through us and we all have our time, and you just soak up the journey that it is, and you live and you be open to life and death, right?
• 39:22
  SPEAKER_01: And that's a really big thing to talk about with your children.
• 39:24
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I mean, I talk about with the girls all the time.
• 39:28
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it's interesting.
• 39:29
  SPEAKER_00: My mom passed away eight years ago suddenly, and I did a deep dive into death and dying after she died because it was my sort of my closest experience with death and being like, well, where is she?
• 39:41
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 39:42
  SPEAKER_00: That like weird, unanswerable question.
• 39:45
  SPEAKER_00: I grew up very anxious as a child, and I don't feel that I mean I have my moments, but I don't feel like I live with fear and anxiety anymore.
• 39:53
  SPEAKER_00: But what really unhooked it for me was realizing that most of my anxiety I'd felt in my life was because I feared death.
• 40:02
  SPEAKER_00: Because I was so scared of dying, I was a scared, I was scared to live.
• 40:06
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 40:07
  SPEAKER_00: And that process of really letting go and like really actually getting so curious that I'm like, I'm so not as afraid of death because I'm so curious about like what's gonna happen.
• 40:19
  SPEAKER_00: Like, like I look, I don't look forward to dying, but you know what I mean.
• 40:22
  SPEAKER_00: There's like so I get it.
• 40:24
  SPEAKER_00: To me, there's so much more more after that that it makes me so much more open to living.
• 40:29
  SPEAKER_00: And it's funny how you get all of it, life and death, or you get none of it.
• 40:35
  SPEAKER_00: You're gonna try to prevent death, and therefore you're preventing everything that comes with life, right?
• 40:41
  SPEAKER_00: So interesting.
• 40:42
  SPEAKER_00: So it ties into the question I had.
• 40:44
  SPEAKER_00: You described this beautiful moment of being on that plane in Fiji and suddenly saying to yourself, I don't even, even if this plane goes down, I now feel like I'm finally living.
• 40:58
  SPEAKER_00: Like you said, I think you may have said, I don't even care because I now I'm I now know what it feels to live or something, whatever it is.
• 41:05
  SPEAKER_00: What is that?
• 41:05
  SPEAKER_00: When you what does it feel like to be alive for you?
• 41:09
  SPEAKER_00: What does that even mean?
• 41:10
  SPEAKER_00: What's that experience?
• 41:11
  SPEAKER_00: It means freedom.
• 41:13
  SPEAKER_01: Freedom.
• 41:15
  SPEAKER_01: Um the freedom to just know you're literally, and I don't want to say that I wasn't always following my heart, but I was just in it.
• 41:28
  SPEAKER_01: Like you're right, like you want your kids to do all these activities and you keep up the schedules, and it's like you're doing it because it should.
• 41:37
  SPEAKER_01: And yeah, it was a wild idea and a wild dream to just untether to it all, and be free to just be, be free to just live, be free to just let your children evolve and be educated by walking them into the world.
• 41:58
  SPEAKER_01: And Kate, I think the biggest thing that I found that I discovered, you know, as we all try, it's like in the West, just the business of self-help and parenting and all the books I had on my shelf about parenting and being a better parent, and then also too, the books about teaching your kids compassion and teaching them to be grateful.
• 42:17
  SPEAKER_01: And they were wonderful, right?
• 42:19
  SPEAKER_01: One of my favorite books.
• 42:20
  SPEAKER_01: They're all about doing that, right?
• 42:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's all about doing the right thing.
• 42:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, sorry to interrupt you.
• 42:26
  SPEAKER_01: 100%.
• 42:26
  SPEAKER_01: And I I won't say that it was an inspiration, but I what I uh what I come to is what I realized a few months into this is that it took all the pressure off of me.
• 42:38
  SPEAKER_01: Literally, there was no really trying.
• 42:41
  SPEAKER_01: I was just walking beside my girls, allowing them to be alive and awake to this experience, eyes open in a sensorial way, smelling, touching, feeling everything.
• 42:53
  SPEAKER_01: They came alive and they learned compassion and empathy poured in, and they understood what diversity is, and the power of gratitude when you see people with a lot less and to appreciate that grain of rice when you actually know what it takes to till the rice and you stay on a rice farm.
• 43:12
  SPEAKER_01: And I just was like, whoa.
• 43:14
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I wasn't even looking for this, but it's like I became liberated in that way too, because as a mother, I was just by their side, and then as you walk through the world, and of course, you've experienced this going, especially I wanted to stay more in third world countries, developing countries, where diversity for me, the economic, because Kaya was born in one of the poorest countries on the planet, and because we had a blessed life, like my kids had a lot, and we were just around community, right?
• 43:42
  SPEAKER_01: A lot with the people that are just more blessed.
• 43:45
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I really wanted them to see and to play in the same park or on the same soccer field of children their same age, but that have been born into wildly different.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_01: Lives and the sameness they share, but it's just that chance encounter that we're all born where we're born, right?
• 44:07
  SPEAKER_01: And then to sit beside a mother, again, who is so much like me, the same age, but again, born into wildly different opportunity environment.
• 44:19
  SPEAKER_01: But yet to witness the ease and the gratitude and the joy that these mothers have, because they don't put the pressure on themselves.
• 44:29
  SPEAKER_01: They aren't trying so hard.
• 44:30
  SPEAKER_01: They aren't entangled in the system in the rat race.
• 44:33
  SPEAKER_01: It gives me chills.
• 44:34
  SPEAKER_01: And this is a big part of my book, uh Choosing a Wildly Different Normal, is bringing forth the wisdom of mothers around this planet and what I learned being a mother by just walking into their environments and into these wildly different worlds that are very uncomfortable, and just witnessing and listening and being curious to understand.
• 44:59
  SPEAKER_01: I know I could get teary-eyed.
• 45:01
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, it changed me more as a mother than any book I could have ever read on motherhood.
• 45:06
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I think what you're saying is so profound because in the West, there is this definition of good parenting or being a good mother that withholds the soul and the spirit and the deeper connection of being in the moment.
• 45:30
  SPEAKER_00: It's all about literally, I mean, doing.
• 45:33
  SPEAKER_00: It's like it's like, what does it look like?
• 45:36
  SPEAKER_00: What are you doing?
• 45:37
  SPEAKER_00: And and it's and it's a providing, but it's not a providing in the way that you learned from these women, which is about being in the moment and being sensory, alive with the senses and deeply connected, like that.
• 45:52
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I I I I am, you know, in this time when people are using a lot of psychedelics and talking about these journeys and these the highs they get from, you know, whatever.
• 46:06
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, oh, I can feel that feeling.
• 46:09
  SPEAKER_00: I just lost your video, Ellen.
• 46:11
  SPEAKER_00: Are you there?
• 46:15
  SPEAKER_00: She disappeared.
• 46:16
  SPEAKER_00: There she is.
• 46:17
  SPEAKER_00: She's back.
• 46:17
  SPEAKER_00: I'm back.
• 46:18
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, go ahead.
• 46:19
  SPEAKER_00: I can feel that feeling in my body when I come back to this moment, right?
• 46:25
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's almost like a it's like bliss, that kind of connection that you feel.
• 46:29
  SPEAKER_00: And and it's so interesting how off we are around what we think is required to be a good mom.
• 46:38
  SPEAKER_00: There's so much more effort and doing and exhaustion and thinking and burnout, where really you're talking about the mothering that comes with just being present, and it takes much less effort, right?
• 46:53
  SPEAKER_01: It's a much less effort.
• 46:56
  SPEAKER_01: All the weight is lifted, and our hearts can be free.
• 47:00
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and you're energized, you're not exhausted.
• 47:04
  SPEAKER_01: I know you can see what's happening, and then I can feel it too.
• 47:08
  SPEAKER_01: I again I have so much compassion because it's this vortex of it's just like women, it's like until we get out of it, and I you know, it was like I did step out of it, and then this whole revelation came.
• 47:21
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and there is a deep, I will say, you know, our spiritual practice, whatever that is, is the force behind who we are as mothers.
• 47:33
  SPEAKER_01: It's not here, it's not how much we can do.
• 47:36
  SPEAKER_01: And I again I'm in it too, so I get it.
• 47:38
  SPEAKER_01: Like I'm my girls, you know, I'm always curating and but the grounding aspect in my anchor is who I am as a spirit.
• 47:45
  SPEAKER_01: Like it is spiritual mothering, is the heart of why I did this and who I am and what I want to bring forth into this world.
• 47:55
  SPEAKER_01: Because my girlies are about ready to are leaving the nest soon.
• 47:58
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like, you know, like this is this is what inspires me.
• 48:03
  SPEAKER_01: And um, we just have to peek beyond the lens of the society and the communities and the energy of what we're caught up in.
• 48:13
  SPEAKER_01: Because yeah, I think peering and stepping into someone else's world that lives wildly different is the healing.
• 48:23
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 48:24
  SPEAKER_00: You know, so inspiring.
• 48:26
  SPEAKER_00: And it's so inspiring to hear you talk about.
• 48:28
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, we're skirting the surface in this conversation, but to talk about really the the the work you had to do, really, and I mean that by you know, sitting with and moving through hard emotions is work, the fear, the uncertainty, the the guilt that you may have felt when a family member was like, what do you mean you're taking your daughters away from us or whatever the thing is, right?
• 48:54
  SPEAKER_00: You have to, it's work to move through those harder emotions to have access to what you're talking about.
• 49:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I think it's hugely inspirational.
• 49:03
  SPEAKER_00: I am wondering if you would be willing to tell us about your daughters, because I have seen pictures of them and I actually want to include some you sent me so many beautiful photos when we are prepping for this.
• 49:16
  SPEAKER_00: And but I can only imagine what incredible humans your three daughters are.
• 49:22
  SPEAKER_00: So, in whatever way feels appropriate to talk about them when they're not here, will you tell us about them?
• 49:29
  SPEAKER_01: Of course, yeah, my greatest gifts.
• 49:32
  SPEAKER_01: Um, Taylor's 18.
• 49:34
  SPEAKER_01: So, you know, she's the oldest.
• 49:37
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember when we told her that we were selling it all, she was really big into dance.
• 49:41
  SPEAKER_01: She was like in her dance city all the time for years and years, but she had this curiosity and she was like ready to go.
• 49:48
  SPEAKER_01: And we were like, we'll dance the world.
• 49:50
  SPEAKER_01: And she holds now this deep wisdom, like it's like she just gets it.
• 49:58
  SPEAKER_01: Um, you know, she really loves psychology, like reading Joe Dispenza, and like she's deep diving into all this.
• 50:05
  SPEAKER_01: And I will say, you know, I've I've cautioned myself a lot with like even educating in this way because they've been unschooled, world schooled, so not following a curriculum.
• 50:14
  SPEAKER_01: And I did that because, you know, Taylor's um ever curious, she loves to create, they're all three big surfers, and then my middle child Kaya from Ethiopia, she's an artist, she's an artist at heart, and I, you know, a big part of it was to take her through the world and show her the artist, the craftsmanship of the world, the indigenous cultures and where art comes from, and for her and for that to unlock parts of her spirit that could then shine out and guide her.
• 50:45
  SPEAKER_01: And Kaya just has this happy-go-lucky spirit about her.
• 50:49
  SPEAKER_01: She is just free-flowing in life, um, not competitive.
• 50:54
  SPEAKER_01: She'll go join the surf competitions with her sisters and she'll be like, you can have that wave.
• 50:58
  SPEAKER_01: I'll block for you.
• 50:58
  SPEAKER_01: You take that wave.
• 51:00
  SPEAKER_01: So that's Kaya.
• 51:01
  SPEAKER_01: And then Shay's the youngest.
• 51:03
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, she was only eight when we left, and she's very she's a Leo.
• 51:08
  SPEAKER_01: She's born in August and fiery yet humble and so generous and sweet, but she's like an earth child.
• 51:15
  SPEAKER_01: Um, she was only in Waldorf education before we left at early childhood, and she just sits back and she watches, and she did because she was younger, I think she had a little bit more fear, but as too, we walked into the world, like, and she was the one then, was up front running up the mountain, you know, bungee jumping first.
• 51:36
  SPEAKER_01: And and it was incredible again to witness because I do believe if I would have just stayed where we were in the Midwest, in that same nice home and bubble, this courage, this curiosity, a sense of resilience and understanding would never have been unlocked in each of them.
• 51:56
  SPEAKER_01: And here we are.
• 51:56
  SPEAKER_01: We left when they were eight, nine, and 10.
• 51:59
  SPEAKER_01: They're 16, 17, and 18.
• 52:01
  SPEAKER_01: And last fall, Taylor, you know, she was considering college.
• 52:05
  SPEAKER_01: And I said, you know, you don't have to go to one institution.
• 52:08
  SPEAKER_01: You could travel and study through the world.
• 52:10
  SPEAKER_01: And she's like, mom, I've seen the world.
• 52:12
  SPEAKER_01: You've shown me as much of the world, I'm ready for college.
• 52:15
  SPEAKER_01: And so there she applied to um four colleges.
• 52:18
  SPEAKER_01: And I have to say, I was a little bit worried, Kate.
• 52:20
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, you know, I trust in the way that I've raised them out of the system in this education.
• 52:25
  SPEAKER_01: I think it's education for this new world that's coming for sure.
• 52:29
  SPEAKER_01: But will the system recognize out of the box?
• 52:33
  SPEAKER_01: And um, I had to write her curriculum and all the learning she did.
• 52:37
  SPEAKER_01: And she wrote these beautiful essays about, you know, not using a science book, but diving through the South China Sea and understanding the reef and the oceans and then the study of surf and the weather patterns.
• 52:48
  SPEAKER_01: And it was, it was just beautiful to like see how this poured through her.
• 52:52
  SPEAKER_01: And I say this not, of course, I'm so proud of her and not to brag, but she got into all four institutions, including her furthest reach pepperdine, and they all gifted her really tremendous academic scholarships.
• 53:07
  SPEAKER_01: And even the one president wrote and said, I've never seen a world school education like this.
• 53:13
  SPEAKER_01: Like this, we want her.
• 53:15
  SPEAKER_01: And I say that because it inspires me to be a voice for the world and to encourage parents because we all worry.
• 53:24
  SPEAKER_01: It's like I worried, am I doing this right?
• 53:26
  SPEAKER_01: Are they gonna ever be able to get into school?
• 53:27
  SPEAKER_01: And I was just like, I don't care because I trust if they know themselves and they can interact in this world, they can do whatever they want.
• 53:36
  SPEAKER_01: They, you know, and that most importantly, in the end, it will lead them to choose what brings them joy and to be of service to themselves and the world.
• 53:45
  SPEAKER_01: And so here we are.
• 53:47
  SPEAKER_01: She's off to college in the fall, and um Kaya is actually gonna join and go to this beautiful boarding school for creative arts to dive deeper into who she is.
• 53:57
  SPEAKER_01: And Shay is the biggest surfer of them all, and she has this dream to just be number one in the world on the longboard world tour.
• 54:05
  SPEAKER_01: And so I'm like, every day we journal and we do our gratitude journaling, but I'm always reminding them to write down your dreams, see it, because I do believe what we call in and where we direct our thoughts is who pours into our life and who we become.
• 54:23
  SPEAKER_01: And it begins within us.
• 54:25
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, you know, I just taught a practice, a yoga practice this morning here in Costa Rica, and it's like I always remind it's like in the simplicity, it is from our inner world, the thoughts.
• 54:36
  SPEAKER_01: Our inner body is the lens through which we see the outer world and what is created in the outer world, and it begins inward as mothers, right?
• 54:48
  SPEAKER_00: I can't tell you how moved I am by everything that you're saying.
• 54:53
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I feel myself a little teary.
• 54:55
  SPEAKER_00: It's really uh, first of all, your daughters sound like exceptional humans.
• 55:02
  SPEAKER_00: And it doesn't surprise me, Ellen, meeting you and I'm sitting with you across the screen.
• 55:07
  SPEAKER_00: I can feel you in this conversation.
• 55:10
  SPEAKER_00: It feels good to be around you.
• 55:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I am often saying to myself and to the women who I coach, we have to go first.
• 55:19
  SPEAKER_00: We have to, as mothers, we have to go first.
• 55:22
  SPEAKER_00: We can't hope for something for our children for them to quote unquote be a certain way or move through the world a certain way or whatever it is, if we're not going first.
• 55:31
  SPEAKER_00: We have to go first.
• 55:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I think you're really reminding us in this conversation how much beauty lies when we're willing outside of the mold, outside of the walls of expectation or again, shoulds, or even um even certainty, right?
• 55:57
  SPEAKER_00: Uh yes.
• 55:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I just, I mean, of course your daughter got into all four schools.
• 56:03
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I I mean, I if I were the head of a school, I'd be like, I I mean, just everything you're describing.
• 56:09
  SPEAKER_00: We want our children to be alive, to trust themselves, to love themselves, to love the world, to love curiosity, to love discomfort enough to know that on the other side of discomfort is something I can't even imagine yet.
• 56:26
  SPEAKER_00: But I have to, it's just very inspiring.
• 56:31
  SPEAKER_00: So thank you for talking about it, for being here.
• 56:36
  SPEAKER_00: You're making a documentary.
• 56:37
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to tell all of our listeners exactly where they can find you, what you have to offer them, because I have no doubt people are going to want more of you and your story and just to learn more from you.
• 56:48
  SPEAKER_01: So, where can people find you?
• 56:51
  SPEAKER_01: I'm on, of course, Instagram, the channels Journey of the Globe and Ellen Bradley Yoga.
• 56:57
  SPEAKER_01: And I have a newly launched website, live-untethered.
• 57:01
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and on there you'll find my offerings.
• 57:04
  SPEAKER_01: I do a lot of coaching, a lot of mentorship for women just looking to redesign their own life and life for their families, or just rethink even in the simplicity, travel, right?
• 57:15
  SPEAKER_01: Like educational adventures around the world.
• 57:18
  SPEAKER_01: And so I have a lot.
• 57:20
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like as I my two girls, two of my girls lead the nest, and I've completed an eight-year cycle of world school.
• 57:26
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like it's my time to step forward this year into offerings of retreats and experiences and you know, just launch the books and launch the documentary.
• 57:35
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I'm passionate about launching, it's called the Ohana Project.
• 57:39
  SPEAKER_01: So it's an empowerment course for girls and boys to give them the holistic toolbox to navigate, you know, their changing bodies, emotions, the world, and more importantly, even to gather the collective, I think, wisdom of men and women, you know, women like yourself, and let's pour this and be the curators and the teachers for the next generations.
• 58:02
  SPEAKER_01: Because this really is, I deeply believe, like the real education.
• 58:07
  SPEAKER_01: It's not the algebra book.
• 58:08
  SPEAKER_01: It's, you know, not the textbook sitting in a chair.
• 58:12
  SPEAKER_01: It's harnessing the stories and the wisdom of elders and of us, right?
• 58:16
  SPEAKER_01: To pass this on.
• 58:18
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so that's my passion project to launch that to the world too.
• 58:23
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna put all of those things in the show notes.
• 58:26
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I'm reminded as you're talking, um, you know, in entrepreneurship, when we are have a voice or a thought, we want to be thought leaders.
• 58:37
  SPEAKER_00: We have something we want to share with the world.
• 58:40
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like so many of us, and I again I think most of us feel intimidated.
• 58:48
  SPEAKER_00: We get so scared because it's brave to put our voice out there.
• 58:52
  SPEAKER_00: It's brave to speak up about things we believe in and to show our art or creativity or our wisdom.
• 59:00
  SPEAKER_00: And most of us get so uncomfortable that we don't do it.
• 59:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm sitting here thinking to myself, thank God, Ellen Bradley, that you are willing to be scared enough that you keep doing this thing that you wanted to do, because I imagine how easy it would have been for you, and maybe not you because you have this inside of you, but for someone in your shoes to say, this just feels too hard.
• 59:27
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not gonna do it.
• 59:28
  SPEAKER_00: And then we wouldn't have you out there to create these things or to model this new way or to coach these women or mentorship or put out these books or these films or whatever it is.
• 59:40
  SPEAKER_00: And so thank you for your bravery.
• 59:42
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's really important for us to remember that when we hold back, we're withholding something from others that they need.
• 59:50
  SPEAKER_00: And I just, you're a perfect example of that.
• 59:54
  SPEAKER_00: So what a chance to spend an hour with you today.
• 59:58
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I appreciate it.
• 1:00:00
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I have deepest gratitude for all the inspiration that I've received from others.
• 1:00:05
  SPEAKER_01: It's like that's what we realize.
• 1:00:06
  SPEAKER_01: We're all channels to each other, and we're not in this alone.
• 1:00:11
  SPEAKER_01: And I am only where I am today because of the bravery of other women that have inspired me.
• 1:00:18
  SPEAKER_01: So that is that's the call of life.
• 1:00:20
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, right.
• 1:00:22
  SPEAKER_01: Oof, I'm there.
• 1:00:25
  SPEAKER_00: Helen, uh, just a side note, you know, my family loves Costa Rica.
• 1:00:30
  SPEAKER_00: And next time we come to Nusara, Nosara, I am gonna look you up, girl.
• 1:00:34
  SPEAKER_00: I would love to go for a walk on the beach or be in the ocean with you.
• 1:00:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I just um I'm gonna keep you on the side of my little, you know, my I'm gonna keep you with me so that next time we go, I can come find you.
• 1:00:46
  SPEAKER_00: I love that you're there.
• 1:00:47
  SPEAKER_00: What a beautiful place to have as home base.
• 1:00:50
  SPEAKER_00: So incredible.
• 1:00:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:00:53
  SPEAKER_01: Super grateful.
• 1:00:54
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for connecting in and yeah, welcoming me to this.
• 1:00:57
  SPEAKER_01: It's been really, really beautiful to share.
• 1:01:02
  SPEAKER_00: Hey listeners, if you enjoyed this episode, I would love to request that you share it with one mom out there who you know might benefit.
• 1:01:13
  SPEAKER_00: You know, there are a lot of women who feel like they're mothering alone, and it takes all of our help to make sure that everyone feels like they have what they need to both feel successful and also feel supported.
• 1:01:25
  SPEAKER_00: So please take a moment and just share it with one person.
• 1:01:28
  SPEAKER_00: And if you feel inclined, go ahead and rate and review this podcast because the reality is that the more reviews we have and the higher ratings we have, the more this podcast is shared with other moms out there, which makes it more easy for them to find us.
• 1:01:45
  SPEAKER_00: So thanks again for your help with this.
• 1:01:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm assuming you do find this podcast helpful because you're still here at the end listening to this memo.
• 1:01:55
  SPEAKER_00: So thanks for being here and share away.
• 1:01:58
  SPEAKER_00: Sending love.