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S2 E16 - You Should Negotiate Everything · The Steve & Jeff Show

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_03: Previously on the Steven Jeff Show.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_03: We are not in eccentric Ladyland Studios tonight.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_03: We are underneath in the basement of Eccentric Ladyland Studios.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_02: It had something to do with uh Council Bluffs.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_03: More echoey but flatter.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_03: You digress.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_03: I digress.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, I do digress.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: You are welcome.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_03: Do you roll first?
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_03: I do.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_03: I do.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_03: Sometimes it's good to roll first and then you're hungrier for the grilling.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_03: So it just kind of makes sense.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_03: But but I digress.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: I would say that an expert knows things, but an influencer influences things.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_03: That elvish?
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_03: It was quite quite the entertainer, but but I digress.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_03: I'm taking notes here.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_03: This is fascinating.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, you're welcome again.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_03: Do not use placevex if you were in a coma or expect to be.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, but but I digress.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: You're welcome.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_03: And sometimes nothing is exactly what you need.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_03: That is so zen.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_02: Podcast influencer, marijuana influencer.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_03: Hey, you and Claire aren't the only ones who know how to break into the show.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: It would be your honor to have me help you.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: So one last time.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: You are so welcome.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_02: Jeff, we are back.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_03: We're back in the studio, Jeff.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_03: Well, sort of.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_02: I'm glad you were able to get in.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_02: I was thinking we were gonna have to do something like remote or from the parking lot, but yeah, at least we're at least we're inside.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_03: You know, and the basement really bothered my my ankles.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I get arthritis in the ankles, and the basement was really is damp and all that.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_03: So we were able to get in, but you'll have a little bad break in that window to get in, but they can replace it.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_03: We only got into the little studio, not our main one.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_03: So we don't have the toilet here.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_03: So I hope you can hold out, Jeff, because I can't.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I think I can't.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_02: I know how it is.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_02: Claire is very efficient and great at her job.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_02: I'm a little concerned about the security in this place.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I thought I heard dogs barking.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and I don't think we had guard dogs in the past.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_02: So is this this may be a new thing?
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_02: We do now.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_02: We do know, yes.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_02: We have guard dogs, we probably should be careful.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_02: So, yes, again, it's a good thing.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_02: Claire obviously has her act together, but it doesn't sound like we're in the act.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_03: No, no, and those guard dogs are really why we're gonna be in the little studio, at least for tonight, and maybe for some time being, because the gogs are in the big studio, you know.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_03: Ooh, can't do that.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_03: Ooh, ooh.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_03: But the little studio has everything, it's got it's got a window I can tap.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_03: See, it's got everything the big studio has just less.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_03: You know what I mean?
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I think this is fine.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_03: And since last we talked, you went on vacation.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_03: I had a wonderful vacation, went to Hawaii, and you know, that's a long flight, so we like to break it up.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_03: So we went to the West Coast first and we we flew out to Hawaii out of that, you know, Southern California.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_03: It's not LAX, it's that other airports named after the cowboy actor.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_03: Uh oh, oh, oh, Randolph Scott Airport.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_03: Went through Randolph Scott Airport and flew to Hawaii from there and didn't see a motivational speaker while I was there this time, which uh it probably a good thing, but but I digress.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_03: So, oh, Hawaii was wonderful.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_03: And you know, I did the whole trip, I set the trip up with Big D.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_02: Well, you know, I was gonna ask you because it was sudden, I didn't even know you were going.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_02: And then in the last minute, you sent me this text that you went to Hawaii, and I kind of put two and two together, you know.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, believe it or not, I woke up one morning in the morning before I left, woke up watching the news on the on the computer.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_03: They had an earthquake in Hawaii.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_03: I immediately called Big Diddy.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_03: Beautiful.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, she said beautiful.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, oh you're yeah, yeah, great prices.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_03: Oh my gosh, it was it was about a third of what I would have paid otherwise.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_03: It was wonderful.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah, that is great.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_02: And uh, can you tell what hotel it used to be?
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_03: The one that you say that I was able to make out a few of the letters.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_03: It was the it's all I got.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_03: It's I don't know if it's Beer Itz, if it's Itzakoff.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_03: There's a lot of hotels named named Itzakoff out there, it's a whole chain, you know.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_03: So I'm not really sure.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_03: I think at one time it was a really beautiful hotel.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_02: Well, good.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_02: I'm glad you had a good time and it was restful.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_02: And oh yeah, uh sounds like it was fun, and most importantly, it was cheap.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_02: It was cheap, absolutely.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_03: What'd you do while I was gone?
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_02: You know, it's funny because Kathy and I went down to Florida to go visit my brother.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_02: We stayed at the Hard Rock Casino there, got that big guitar.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_02: I bet you had a good time.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_02: Had a had a really good time, had a little bit of a weird thing happen that I could tell you about.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_02: That often happens at the Hard Rock Cafe, it does, you know, besides the gambling, yeah, you know, the hookers and the blow and all these.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_02: You know, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_02: But speaking of hookers, um I was I was coming down for breakfast.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_02: It was the first day.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_02: Kathy was still asleep, and you know, I come down early, I go get a cup of coffee or whatever, and I go walk around, see the slot machines and stuff.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_02: I get in this elevator, and there's this attractive woman in the elevator, like out of nowhere, she turns to me and says, How'd you like to start your day off right?
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, Okay, good.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I'm gonna go have breakfast.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_02: And she says, It'll be$200.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_02: Wow.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, shit.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_02: I said, I was thinking the breakfast, those things are really expensive, you know.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_03: That'd be like a three A gomelet, right?
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, that'd be thinking so.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_02: And then I take another look at her and I'm realizing, wait a minute, this woman's talking about something else.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, well, you know, like lunch or combination three-day a combo, yeah.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, for three hundred dollars anyway.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_02: So I realized what she was driving at.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_02: I said, you know, there's no way I'm doing that.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_02: I said, but you know, I'll give you 20 bucks because Steve, it's all about trying to negotiate.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_02: It's not that I really wanted to do it, but you know, I just felt like it was an opportunity, and so I said, I said 20 bucks, and she was like, No way.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_02: And she gets off the elevator.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_02: The next day I come down to the elevator again, I get in the elevator, there she is again.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_02: Wow, persistence pays.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_02: Persistence pays.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_02: I think it's the only working elevator in the hotel.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_02: So there's probably more explain it too.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, it could be.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_02: So she looks at me and she says, You want to have the best time of your life?
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, Yeah, that's an easy, that's an easy question.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_02: And then I remember from yesterday, she's wants to charge me, and she says, It'll cost you$200.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_02: So my first thought is the best time of my life for$200.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_02: Steve, I've done a lot of things for more money that wasn't the best time of my life.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_02: So yeah, I'm thinking this may be a bargain, but because I'm Mr.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_02: Negotiator, I said, No way.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_02: I said, I have$20.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_02: And she's like insulted, and the elevator opens up and she leaves.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_02: So the next day, Kathy's finally up early, and we're both heading into the elevator.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_02: We get into she was like in a coma for two days, or well, she sleeps late, she gets up, you know, she's she's Irish, so you know, she's doing a lot of drinking the night before.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so she gets up a little late, not that it has anything to do with being Irish.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_02: So we both get in the elevator, Kathy and I, and we look and there she is again.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_02: And instead, she took one look at Kathy and turns to me and says, See, that's what you get for twenty dollars.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_03: I know, I know, you know, multi-sinker, beanball.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_02: Ooh, wow, totally, and I do have to say that you know it would be quite a deal, you know, for 20 bucks.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_03: You know, though, Jeff, that really raises a great point.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_03: And you know, you're talking about negotiating, and you were trying to negotiate with her, and I she was trying to negotiate with you.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_03: In the negotiation in our particular situation right now could be very important.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_03: We have to negotiate our way back into this studio because I don't think I don't think we're gonna be able to just keep breaking back in, you know.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_02: I know you're absolutely right.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_02: I I really think we need some help.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_02: When I came back, I was gonna let you know that that may be something that we need to pursue.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_03: But then I think you were thinking the same thing.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_03: I was indeed.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_03: And in fact, you know, even though I was surveying the earthquake damage, I was thinking, you know, we really need somebody that can help us with the negotiation, somebody that can be our negotiator, be our representative, be our ambassador.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_03: Be Arthur, be our Arthur, yes, yes, exactly.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_03: Jeff, lo and behold, if you wish for it, it appears.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_03: And there he was.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_03: My dad.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_03: Well, no, no, you know what?
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_02: If he was a good negotiator, in fairness, he wouldn't be still in prison.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_02: He wouldn't be at stage.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I mean, probably.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I think, yeah, that's a that that's a decent argument.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_03: So who do we have?
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_03: We have a professional negotiator.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_03: He has negotiated and mediated all kinds of different things, he has done all really sad, and he'll tell you all about it.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_03: Some amazing things right on the other side of that glass.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_03: Let me tap it again.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_03: Jeff, I'd like to introduce you to Nick Danger, private dick and professional negotiator.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_02: Well, welcome to the show, uh, Mr.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_02: Danger.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_02: Welcome to this Stephen Jeff show.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_02: It's great for you to be here.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I'm not gonna say it's gonna be great until uh you meet a couple demands.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, I need to have my parking validated every day.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_01: Snacks in the green room, and you'll have to refill the tampon machines in the men's bathroom.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_01: Otherwise, interviews over.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_01: Oh no, don't go.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_01: We can do that.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_03: You know, here, here, here's here's here's 10 bucks.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_03: Claire you usually does the validation, and you know, things being how they are, she's not here now.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_02: So it is a twinkie.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_02: I left the tampons.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_02: I think I still have a spare tampon, too.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_02: So maybe I can I can come up with that as well.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_02: Steve, do we have a green room?
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_02: We got a room, I'm not sure it's green, but I I think we can take care of it.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, that's good.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_01: But but to make this deal work for me, I need 30 for the parking and both your Twinkies.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_01: That's okay, that seems fair.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, that's a deal.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_01: That's reasonable.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, yeah.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_03: Is it okay?
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_03: Can I call you Nick?
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_01: You can call me Mr.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_01: Danger for 50 bucks, and for another 50, you can call me Betty Joe.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_01: If you want to call me Nick, it's gonna cost you 200 plus expenses, kind of like what the uh prostitute asked for.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_01: But with me, I don't take no for an answer, and oral is extra.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_02: Well, as it should be.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_02: I'm kind of on my heels here.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like we're in the big time.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_02: This is is this the way it works?
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_01: Is this uh would you take a check?
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_01: I'll take a check and then shove them up your ass along with the tampons.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_03: You've got a deal.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_03: So tell me, how did you get started being a professional negotiator?
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_01: What kind of stupid question is that?
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, if you're gonna keep asking me stupid questions that waste my time, I'll need something in return.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, you still have your mother's car?
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, no, I don't, but oh, I would love to find it.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_01: Can I get you something else?
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_01: Give me the owner's name, and you'll still owe me an additional 25 per question.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_01: I'll keep track of whatever you owe me.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, what was the question again?
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_01: How did you get started being a negotiator?
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, I'll answer.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_01: That's 50, by the way, because that counts as two questions.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_01: Uh both of them makes sense.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, were negotiators.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_01: So growing up, I had good role models.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_01: I remember telling them a story about the night they first met.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, dad wanted to have sex with mom in the bathroom, but mom wanted uh to wait to lose a virginity until after she got married.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, they ended up both uh compromising and she gave him oral in the parking lot, I guess deal, so to speak.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it was it was love at first counter offer.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's nice.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_02: Any success stories that you can think of that you negotiated as you like in grade school or junior high?
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_02: Uh anything that you can can think of off the top of your head?
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I mean, if you want to keep doing that, uh, that's gonna be an extra 45.50.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, because again, depending on the story, you're wasting time.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_01: You know, we can keep going over stuff as far as that goes.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_01: You are racking up the bills right now.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that'll be two tampons to go with the check you wanted to use.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_03: Well, now that we have a girls' bathroom, we can raid that one and get the extra tampons.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_03: I'm sure.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_02: I think I think the reason I brought that up is because Claire, I think you know Claire is the is the challenge here.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_02: She's playing kind of playing hardball with us, she's our new producer.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm just trying to see like in your past, have you done some negotiating with somebody like a Claire who is sort of just new in charge and all of a sudden sort of seizes the operation?
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_01: I guess I can pull it off one of my high profile cases if that's what you're looking for.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I did uh negotiate a settlement between the Menendez brothers, uh Lyle and Eric and their parents.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_01: Uh I represent it for the kids.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_03: Now, Nick, if I remember right, didn't the Menendez brothers go to prison for murdering their parents?
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, so that would not be a successful negotiation then, right?
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and again, that's now 200 bucks.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_01: Don't use the name, you know better.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, it's not at all.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_01: At the end of the day, those were the terms of the agreement.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not saying all negotiations and with both parties always, you know, happy with the outcome, but the goal is to get the deal done, and that's what it did.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_03: Did you go to college to study how to master negotiating?
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_01: I graduated none of business from Go Fuck Yourself University.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_01: It was top honest.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_01: That's another stupid question.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_01: That's another hundred bucks.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_02: I don't want to criticize Claire, but her answer on that question kind of seems to be jumping around over over time, too, as to where she went to college.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_02: So well, that's true.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_03: Some of these colleges move around, you know, it's they do, you know, one went it was Yale, then it was Harvard, then it was Council Bluffs, then it was Columbia, then it was, you know, it was it's been everywhere.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_02: And they're all online, right?
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_02: So it's like uh what there's no difference between one or the other, they all just require the same yeah, they're all in the same place.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, they're probably yeah, the same school, they're probably the same school, you know, they just have a different colored border on their website.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah, I think that's it.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_03: I think they're all located in like Columbus, Ohio, or something.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_03: Wow, I'm gonna write that down.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_03: Pretty perfect.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_03: That is great.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_03: Sounds like something Chris Amtimum would have said.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_03: It does, it does, you know, and I think I got the charisma, but I need the ink.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_03: I need ink, I gotta get some ink.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_03: But anyway, you know that$100 just for asking about college, that that seems a little high.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_01: Uh let's see.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, let's go 75 then.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_01: Deal.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_01: Deal.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_02: Perfect.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_02: Deal.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_02: Back to Claire for a second.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_02: Can you give us?
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_02: I know you're gonna charge us for this, and uh, you know, we could talk money.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_03: So I used to see the cash register going.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_03: He's gotta be.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_01: Make sure the verb is past tense.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_01: You are being charged.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, okay, fine.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and and I'm I'm glad to pay.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_02: But in in terms of Claire, can you just give us an idea on what strategy you're going to implement, you know, to help us work out a good deal?
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_02: And again, we're not trying to rip her off or anything, we just want a fair deal.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, you're not trying to rip her off.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_02: No, is that an option?
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_01: We I mean that's that should always be the option.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_01: The first strike is always to rip the person off.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_01: When you just meet a person, you're supposed to take as much as you can from them until they say, Hey, I can't take anymore.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_01: Then when you backtrack, you seem like a better person.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_01: Eyeball, hey, you never lowball.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_01: I wish I'd known this.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_01: Lowball.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_01: If the if you're low ball to start with, they will take the deal every time.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_01: And then now you're stuck with nothing in your hands, and you're hoping for the kindness and the generosity and the feeling that they will understand how much they are getting away with and not be okay with it.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_01: That's the odd of the lowball.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_01: I cannot handle that.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_01: So, what you do is you go above the head, you go through the head, and then when they don't like it, a punch in the stomach works just fine.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_02: Speaking of um going for head or through head, uh, yeah, it's extra.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_02: That that was probably a reason why my negotiation failed in the elevator, you know.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_02: I came I came in so low.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I don't think she took me very seriously.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, I wish you had been there with me, it would have been so nice if you were like standing next to me.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_02: What would you have charged for something like that?
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, what would they be?
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_01: What would I would charge to be next to you?
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, during the whole thing.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I mean assuming it was successful, yeah.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, my standard charge is you know$500 an hour plus whatever ex uh extra expenses there was.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_01: So for the Menendez brothers, it was you know, funeral expenses and stuff like that, but that was just kind of part and parcel of the whole uh contract.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_03: I have to ask, from your title, I assume you're also you're not just a master negotiator, you're also a private detective, right?
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_03: No, I am a full-time negotiator.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_03: I'm I'm a little confused that uh private dick.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_03: Now I'm a I'm an old film noir fan, so they're called you just called detectives dicks, you know.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_03: Some of them are really nice people, but they call them dicks anyway.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I mean, uh to be fair, I did earn the nickname from clients, that's what some of them call me.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_02: Oh wow, yeah, yeah.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_01: Private dick has nothing to do with the job.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_02: Is danger your real last name, or is that like no, actually danger's my middle name or whatever?
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_01: It actually is my middle name.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_01: Uh but unfortunately, there is there is multiple Nick Schwartz's, so I had to kind of use Danger.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_01: Uh yeah, my name is Nick Danger Schwartz.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_03: Nick D.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_03: Schwartz.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_03: I bet everybody thinks your middle name's David, don't they?
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_03: But they'd be wrong about that, wouldn't they?
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_03: A little bit.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_03: Mr.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_03: Danger, is that gonna cost me anything?
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, Mr.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_01: Danger's is what my father wishes his name was.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_01: You know, you're good, keep going.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, okay.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_03: Are you currently working on any big negotiations?
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, of course, other than helping us negotiate our way back into the studio with Claire.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, that's that's a big negotiation because the millions, Jeff, the millions depend on this, depend on this show.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_03: But but I digress.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_03: I mean are you working on any other big negotiations right now?
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, as a matter of fact, I am.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I'm negotiating the settlement with Israel and Hamas over the Gaza Strip.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, not wow, that is big.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_01: A lot of moving parts to that thing.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I expect the deal to happen any day now.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_01: That's kind of the other reason I don't use Schwartz, you know, something of interest that would compromise your position.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_02: I think you said you charged us or maybe the Menendez brothers 500 a day.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_02: But for something like that, I mean, that seems like that's a lot more complicated.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_02: Plus, you got to probably go all the way to the Middle East and that bigger stuff.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_02: So yeah.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_01: So what is what does a fee look like, you know?
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, well, see, here's here's the other thing.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_01: It's not always about the money, gentlemen.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_01: You know, so so again, that is not uh, you know, and it's not a ruled question to ask.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_01: A part of good negotiation is knowing what all elements are on the table.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_01: So uh, yeah, no, my compensation will be ownership of half of Gaza and all of the West Bank, uh, plus uh a yeast supply of falafel uh and uh Moog and David wine.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, you gotta have that.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_01: And that's all the matzo I can eat, but you know, anybody who's eaten that knows it's not a lot of matza.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it's not a lot.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, one or two.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_01: One or two, and then you don't want to eat anymore.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, no, you're you're probably good for a while, yeah.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_03: Jeff, he has such a great background and has so many skills in negotiation.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_03: I just have to ask, I know that you're gonna help us with this negotiation to get back into their studio and kind of patch things up with Claire, but maybe give me a hint.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_03: What kind of things should we think about conceding in this negotiation with Claire?
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_01: What can you give up?
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_03: Well, let's see.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_02: We got another 10 here.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_02: We don't really have anything, the tampons, but you took those.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, no, and I will continue to take those.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_01: What does Claire have?
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_01: And what does Claire want?
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_02: Well, Claire has everything right now, it appears.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_03: Would you say Claire has the studio?
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_03: She has her studio.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_03: Apparently, she's got a bunch of dogs.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_02: Does she have love?
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_02: And not puppies either, not the rental puppies.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_02: I don't think you want these puppies for the weekend.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_03: No, these wouldn't be cuddly little dogs.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_01: Totally understand that.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_01: Does does Claire have a uh certain special person in the life?
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_03: Don't know.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_03: Don't know.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_03: Do we?
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_03: You know, we we never talked to her qua person, never Claire Qua Claire.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_03: It was always you know Claire Qua producer, right?
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_02: I don't think we know much about Claire.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_02: In fact, I'm not even sure I know her last name.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_02: So I've been working with her for a while.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_02: I thought it was I mean Miss was her first name and Claire was her last name.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_03: Well, but or Claire the producer, maybe it was like Claire producer.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_03: Isn't Claire an easy name to make up, though?
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_03: If you're gonna make up a name, make up a one-syllable name, easy to remember, right?
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_01: In the words of a very uh smart individual in the 80s, uh Mr.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_01: Theodore D Biassi, every man's got a price, and the important thing you have to figure out is what is her price and how can you manufacture that?
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_02: And because I'm a quick learner, how can you steal and get a better deal without her catching you?
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, okay.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_01: If we can make the thing you want, you've essentially been paid twice.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_01: So, really the question is she can make the thing she wants, you've already doubled what she's going to get.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_03: So, really, it sounds like the question is we have to find out what she wants, pretend to offer that to her, and then pull it back as soon as we have a deal.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_03: Exactly.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_03: Oh my gosh, I have learned so much in just these handful of minutes, Jeff.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_03: This is incredible.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_01: Already tell her she's already got it.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, and we were able to show you the way.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_01: Like you've given up nothing, she feels she's gained something, so she thinks she's won.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_01: Like the Wizard of Oz.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_03: It's like, hey, you already had the courage, you already had the heart.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_02: And she has the dog, and now she has the dogs, too.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_02: She has more than one, you know.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_03: So oh, yeah, no, I there are definitely more than one.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_03: So I heard one scratching over on this side, and then there was another one barking over on that side.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah, no, there are a few in there.
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_02: I don't mean to change subjects here, but you may uh, I don't know if you follow the show or not, but you know, we'd be kind of become experts in marriage counseling and in divorce negotiations.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_02: A little better at the divorce side.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_02: I don't think we're very good at it.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_02: I would Steve, I don't know how you feel, but you know, I feel like there's so much that we can learn.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_02: But have do you have any experience on divorces or marriage counseling?
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_02: Have you worked with anybody that maybe we'd be aware of or anyone that's famous or I don't want to, you know, kiss and tell too much.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like you've already gotten you've already gotten my two biggies, you know, the Menendez brothers and or Israel and Hamas.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_01: So I feel like I don't I don't really want To give too much away, at least not for free.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_03: He is building us, so I mean, this would be like another question, maybe.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_01: Is it another question, gentlemen?
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_02: It is an it's a small question, but it's a question that I would give you fifteen dollars for.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, I'll give you twenty-five.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_02: All right, all right, I'll give you I'll give you fifty.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_01: We're getting closer, so I'm gonna go ahead and just throw a couple of letters out there and I'll let you see if you can catch where I'm at.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_01: Someone might begin with a T and an S.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, and the other one might also, you know, have a T and a K.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_01: Tom Schneider?
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_01: Terry Kopechnik.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, wait, I went to high school with her.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_01: Those two definitely have divorced.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_03: I like I always like Terry.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_03: You know, it's a nice girl.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_01: Nice girl.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_01: Tom Tom Snyder was an abrasive man outside of you know the friendly faces we all hear and see.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I gotta tell you, those letters aren't aren't helping me.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_03: Can you give us a bigger hint?
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, you saw them recently.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_03: Oh.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_03: Celebrities.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, and we saw them at some big event.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_01: You saw them uh next to what I will call for legal reasons a superb owl.
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_03: I think I know who he's talking about.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_03: I don't.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_03: T S is Swifty herself.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, my you know, she doesn't like a thing like Tom Snyder.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_01: He's got a healthy discography that she is personally doubling right now.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_02: I remember in high school I had discovery.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_03: You can you have trouble moving your fingers.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_03: I saw a picture of her discography, and I gotta tell you, it did look pretty good.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_02: It was long really good, much better than when I had it.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_01: That's she's a tall girl, it happens.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, no, I think you meant digit uh digitalis, yeah.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_01: That's what you meant.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_01: Digitalis.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, digitalis.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_01: I don't think that's quite the same thing.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_01: Her oeuvre of songs.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_01: Her oeuvre.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I don't care about her private life.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_02: I know.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_02: So are we talking Sally Fields here?
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_02: She wasn't she digit in the movies.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, like digit goes to Rome, Digit goes to idea of a finger going to college.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, could I say I would have to look on IMDB for the uh also for the oeuvre of Sally Fields.
• 24:18
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I don't want to embarrass, I don't care about her private life either.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_01: I know she was in Forrest Gump, and I know you know all of that kind of stuff, but uh I didn't go very deep into Sally Fields.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_03: Forrest did just like that box of chocolates.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_03: Wait a minute.
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_03: Uh you know, Mr.
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_03: Danger, unfortunately, we are just about to get kicked out of this tiny little part of eccentric Lady Land Studios that we're we managed to break into and we're gonna have to climb out through the window to get out.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_03: But but want to thank you for coming on the show, and we are ready to get started with you as our negotiator.
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, okay.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_01: Well, no problem.
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_01: You know, just let me know and uh consider it done.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_01: And by the way, doing all these questions, I think I'm being nice when I say you owe me uh five hundred and seventy-five dollars.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_01: I need to buy tomorrow, 8 a.m., or doubles.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_03: No problem.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_03: And in fact, just to show our good faith, you're gonna get not only that money, but Johnny.
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_03: Tell him what else he's gonna get for being on the show.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_03: Right, Steve?
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_03: We've negotiated a special package for this private dick.
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_03: First, he will fly standby economy on Ignited Airlines, now featuring 12 across seating for maximum profits with minimum effort.
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_03: And Ignited, we really don't care.
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_03: And when that plane lands, he will enjoy a free vacation in the Valpreso region of Chile, where he will have the pleasure of staying fit by fighting wildfires.
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_03: Food and lodging neither included nor available.
• 25:40
  SPEAKER_03: All arranged by our friends at Big D Travel.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_03: And it's next to free, it's from Big D.
• 25:45
  SPEAKER_03: And least but not last, he gets the home version of the Stephen Jeff Show, all updated for 2024, which we negotiated down from 2550.
• 25:54
  SPEAKER_03: Be sure to follow or subscribe to the Steve and Jeff Show wherever you listen to podcasts.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_03: This is Johnny speaking.
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_03: I can't tell you where I am, but I can assure you there are no dogs here.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_03: Wait, wait, no, no, not again.