Latest / Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash / #78 Rain Man, Shitty Dinners and Solo Parenting!

Transcript

#78 Rain Man, Shitty Dinners and Solo Parenting! · Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: You know how much I dislike dentists because I call
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: them Mount doctors. Mount. No, they are.
• 0:08
  Speaker 2: Sorry. That was very generous of me. Yeah, the dentists said,
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: We're like, oh, thank you.
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: Thank you. We are doctors as well, dental school, medical school,
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: different thing. Anyway, I just want to say the dentist
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: has won this round. Oscar this morning received a Transformer tooth,
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: So now he's part Transformer. It's just a metal fucking
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: cap on his tooth. Also, they're baby teeth. They fall out.
• 0:32
  Speaker 2: I don't cat that.
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: So yeah, I'm just going to concede defeat on this
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: one because April well that the dentist sold him on it.
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: But April also on April.
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: I'll wait here, he comes home, I'll pull it out.
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: We win five hundred big ones. It cost me this morning,
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: but apparently he was a big brave boy. But also
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: I'm very disappointed with the dentist.
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: I'm disappointed in you.
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: Why if I had my say, poor kid had still
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: be in pain.
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: Welcome back to Two d Dads. I am Mattie Jay
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: and I'm Ash. This is a podcast that is all
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: about parenting. It is the good, it is the bad,
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: and the relatable and if you've come winning any advice,
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: we don't give it. We never will, never.
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: Have, never want to, we never want to, do, not
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: wish to be canceled. We're giving any unsolicited advice.
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: And if you do have a saw tooth, we do
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: recommend you see your local mouth.
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: Salesman or mouth mechanic. Sorry to interrupt you there, to
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: correct you again before we get into it. We are Matt,
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: We are as always drinking a stone and wood, and
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: I have some fantastic news for you, Matt.
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: Well, what's up.
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: I've converted April.
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: I would have said when I first met April, I
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: would have said, she's a big beer drinker.
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: That's supposed to me.
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: Woman looks like she would hug him down.
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: She looks like Barney Off. So she has tried a
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: couple of times and now it is the only beer
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: that she will drink. Ah. Yes, but it has to
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: be on Sunday afternoon and sunny specific times.
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: So what happens if it's raining? She's onto them. She
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: must love the fact ash that the Pacific Ale is
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: made with all Australian barley, wheat and galaxy hops from Tasmania.
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: Love those galaxy tops on those sundays when the sun
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: is out and you are having a little tipple of
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: pacific ale. What are you eating.
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: Ash, oh, bit of crackers, a bit of bree.
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: May I recommend some seafood, some oysters maybe to go.
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: Oysters don't have oyster money, caveat and lobster. Okay, We're
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: more a fish and chip family. Bro cheers to that
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: fish and chips. Stonewood Pacific. Thank you Stonewood as always
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: for providing the good stuff. Now before we do, also
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: before we do get into.
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: This, get it in you come on a swallow.
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: That's delicious, Matt. I have an update on our investment
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: the football team. You see my hands going like this,
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: the r O I the return on investment is good.
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: It's great. I've sent you some footage of them there
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: I did the other day. Drills going well. A couple
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: of them have played some games. Young Hugo, as I've
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: mentioned before, the prodigy, he is the prodigy. There's a
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: couple of other kids on the team as well. There's
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: a new kid who's quite the big statured boy named
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: Zach Boy.
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: He's a Ford, He's a what boy.
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: He's a thick what boy. Zach he has got a
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: boot on him. He can kick. Also, young Maddie, not Mattee,
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: Maddie Madison, I believe it is.
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: So it's a mixed team.
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: It's a mixed team. Yeah, there's some girls in there.
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: There's Andy's a girl, Maddie. Macy's always running around.
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: I've always wondered, are they playing tackle?
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: No? No, no, no no, they're just playing. Well, so with
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: a Friday nights is they do all the drills and
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: then they they do they do. Sorry, don't you dare
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: We've invested these young kids, into these young children's minds.
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: I've locked in. They's just what it is in blood.
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: They can opt in for a Saturday game. Okay, so
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: there's like one or two teams that play Saturday, and
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: if we want to opt some players into play, they
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: can play. The ones that are way more confident and
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: very good and want to really compete, then they can
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: opt in. But like Oscar, not interested. He just likes
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: to well, actually he likes to watch. But we'll get
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: to that instead. But I will say, young Maddie, big
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: boot on her. She yeah, holy ship? We do is
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: the thing where we put it onto a t and
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: they kick it, all right, I feel like I'm in
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: the slips. Anyway, it's going really well. And we're saying
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: too that Oscar was really really anxious for a while
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: there and he wouldn't get involved. That was a couple
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: of weeks cot with you.
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: I think that was off the back of the fact
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: that there was wet weather.
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: He slipped over.
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: Okay, he needs to understand how does he go about
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: getting muddy?
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: He's all right now, But then he was like, anyway,
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: he was just didn't understand that sometimes you fall over
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: drink football.
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: It's a critical part of playing the game.
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: But you don't want to do he want to take
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: the approach of being like good out their son. I
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: was more like, let's ease him back into it. And
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: April was very good and helping do that because I
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: was running around. Macy loves it. Macy's in there shirt
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: looks like a dress, so she's running around. She loves it,
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: and like, look all the brothers and sisters and stuff
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: get involved as well. So it's a good little crew
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: we got going up there. But a couple of weeks
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: have been since Oscar's a little tumble and we've slowly
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: moved him back into to the point where this week
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: he actually won an award. I'm going to show you
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: he won Most Improved.
• 6:07
  Speaker 2: Okay, look at.
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: Him, but he opted to wear the news outas blues
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: Jersey instead of his actual training that day.
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: He looks very pleased with himself.
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: Free meat pie.
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah, is that what he want from the captain?
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: Now there's a there's a Lambie Pye's, so shout out
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: to a Lambi Pie's also, So the investment's going great?
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: Okay, are we on the award is.
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: No, that's a separate initiative.
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: Can we sponsor an award?
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: We sponsor everything else.
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: If you when you get a six pack of stone wood.
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: Okay, Matt story out there, any parents that are listening.
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: I will say not to not to talk down the
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: achievement of Oscar. I remember getting Most Improved and it
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: was one of the awards that I didn't want to win.
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: I don't know if you view it the same way, Ash,
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: but I always saw Most Improved as you were a
• 6:59
  Speaker 2: bit shit. No, you're not as shit.
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: I think you're kind of right. But also any step
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: forward is a positive step forward. I think. I think
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: that's why you should be looking at it.
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: Is that what you say as like coach talk.
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: Listen, kids, I'm way more abusive than that. I'm not
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: even the coach. I'm just on the sidelines, going.
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: When does the season end?
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: End of winter?
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: I was going to say I'd come down to be
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: water boy, but but it's a long way to drive
• 7:29
  Speaker 2: from Bondai from the shores of Bonda Beach.
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: You just don't sound like you're as committed to these
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: investment as I am. I'll be there to fly the
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: flag of the two doting dad's flag. Also, I just
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: want to say, by the time this episode comes out,
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: you would have aged so happy birthday.
• 7:48
  Speaker 2: Thank you.
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: I haven't done anything yet. Maybe you forgot mine last year?
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: Did I now am off the hook for forgetting.
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: You're very good with birthday I am. It's not a
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: lot you're good at.
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: Fuck you.
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: Birthday dates and memorizing them. Is that right at the
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: top of your list of achievements?
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: Like I don't know Lowell's birthday. I do, it's sometime
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: this year, was actually earlier this year, but also Marley's
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: is the nineteenth of June. I know that much. Raw Yeah,
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: well over that is you're like the rain Man rain
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: Man of kids birthdays.
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: Okay, what day she was born? Nineteenth of June twenty nineteen.
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: What day was that? Ash?
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: Nineteenth of June?
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: What day would that be?
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: That would be even Wednesday? Thank you, I just guess.
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: I got no idea.
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: I don't know. That was a blatant guess.
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: Is my birthday coming back? As you mentioned as by
• 8:45
  Speaker 2: the time this comes out.
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: It would have I would have been any special plans.
• 8:49
  Speaker 2: Oh not really. I'm most excited about the fact.
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: That blow jay, if you will.
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: I'm not really been like huge, am I I big
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: on my list?
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: Sex sucks. I'm just gonna stay well.
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: I like sex not so much. Some people like a
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: birthday blowjob for some men is great for me.
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: I'm like, leave me alone.
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: I would rather the sex, okay, not the blowjob, take
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: it to leave it.
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: Much rather a leg shacking hand job. Just to be
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: honest with you, ok, Okay, sorry about me.
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: But I'm most excited about the fact that Laura is
• 9:32
  Speaker 2: coming home. For the last ten nights it's been myself
• 9:37
  Speaker 2: and the two girls, Marley and Lola. Laura has been
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: gone my mum, who had moved in with us. She
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: went on another fucking trip, but came back from Europe,
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: packed her bags. She's off again schoolies. Mum's been sending
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: me photos of hert like potato head and she's like,
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: I'm going down to Ula tomorrow. She's having cocktails the
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: beach with these other lovely seven year olds. They're having
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: a hell time.
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: You're just like in the cold winter air with two children.
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: Do you know what she did as well? I don't
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: know if this is just my mom. When my mom
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: went to Bali, she packed with her a big container,
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: plastic container.
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: Full of cheese.
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: She packed up her cheeseboard on the board itself. No no, no,
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: like not the board itself. Just she got like eight
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: different types of cheeses, put it in a container. And
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: there's no restrictions on bringing dairy into Ballei, isn't She
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: had like the blue vein, the cheddar, the Guda blue vein.
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: I bet she did.
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: I was like, what are you doing? And she had
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: it packed up in the fridge with a night saying
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: do not touch Barlei cheese.
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: She's like, wait till they get to Lazag. You're in
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: the carrier.
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: But Laura was in India. She's now in Bali. Hands
• 10:57
  Speaker 2: linked up with mum they've had a few little evenings together,
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: but a wine time, the cheese was eaten and look,
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: I'm now I'm not coming to the end of my
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: stint as a solo parent and a roller coaster my bed.
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: I look, honestly, I wouldn't wish it upon any parent,
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: any man, woman or child.
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: The good thing is, and this might sound really obvious,
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: but when you're forced to parent alone, it makes you
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: very good at what you do. Yeah, Like, when it's
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: like you have literally no one else, it's like a sport.
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: I think what sport would you compare it to?
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: Man?
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: Like something? Obviously?
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: Do you know? Like the Daka rally?
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: You know, like they people die along the way.
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: Hey, there's been many times where it was touch and
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: go for a while with me, and to the point
• 11:51
  Speaker 2: of exhaustion. It's like an ultra marathon. I think. You know,
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: you're on your own. It's just you. You're tired, You're hungry, hungry,
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: very hungry. You got no patience, angry. You want to quit,
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: but you know you can't. You just got to keep going.
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: One foot for you, As a wise man once said
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: to me, ash a foot ahead of you is a
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: good foot to take.
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: Oh that is well said that what you.
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: Said every step forward is a good step. What do
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: you say?
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I made it up so I can't remember.
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: But I feel like my parenting ability now is like
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: at its absolute peak. Like I'm so honed into the kids,
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: to the point where if I'm like in public and
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: another child is crying, I'll be like, it's all right,
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: I've got this. I'm a single parent.
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: Get away from my kid creep. I'm a single parent.
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: I got this. I walk into daycare to pick up
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: Marley and Lola and the other kids, they gravitate towards me.
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: They know that I understand the aura. I'm on their level.
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: I have to like peel them off me like leeches.
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: Your aura level has gone way up. Thank you, people
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: are noticing. Give us a few You gotta be some
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: high moment.
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: It's funny how it's funny how it the pendulum can
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: swing so quickly.
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: Ash, I've always said that.
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: The parenting pendulum, where you know, one second you can
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: be having the most beautiful moment, heart felt, raw emotion. Ah,
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: it's lovely, and then the next second it can be
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: fucking hell. Oh.
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: Just like how quick that thing can swing pendulum. It's
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: the right concept, but doesn't move fast enough to explain
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: exactly what you mean, because you could be like, this
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: is so much fun, and before it could actually get
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: to that end.
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: It's just don't want any of the other direction. Some
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: of the low points for me Ash was the knits
• 13:48
  Speaker 2: came back. Oh knits two point zero stupidly for anyone
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: wondering any parents out there who may experience their first
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: knit situation. You've got to do two treatments once and
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: then do it again seven days later just to get
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: any o. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It does say that on
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: the instructions, which I only read after the fact that
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: the nit's came back.
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: So have you brought nits into my house today?
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: I'm good, I'm clean. Okay, I'm clean. I'm not infested.
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: A call from daycare and they said, you know, the
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: dread call from daycare and I was like hello, and
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm so sorry, Marley, Alola has knits and
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: you've got to come pick them up. I can, and
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: I was like, fuck, so how do they go pick
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: up the girls? And I call it the evening shift
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: slashed the afternoon shift. When you get home, go strain
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: to dinner, bath, bed routine. It's hard.
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: It's a hard slock, the closing shift or whatever they
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: call it.
• 14:45
  Speaker 2: It's a hard slock. And then to make that even harder,
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: throw in a knit treatment by yourself. And the issue
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: is ash. The issue is when you're doing it by
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: yourself and you're trying to juggle to kids. Yeah, to
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: leave the treatment in there, it's like a eucalyptus tea
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: tree oil. You leave it in with ten minutes.
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: Ten minutes minutes for a toddler is fucking a wife
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: an eternity.
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: And Lola, it's.
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: Like when someone says, just plank for a minute. Oh
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: my god, Oh you're watching the microwave countdown from one minute.
• 15:21
  Speaker 2: This is the slowest minute ever. Lola was good to
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: start with. She hates anything like can't touch your hair.
• 15:31
  Speaker 2: If I do her hair in the morning, I've got
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: to like get in get out quick and she'll be screaming,
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: kicking and screaming. So putting it in this liquid you
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: have to like saturate the hair you want to like
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: see like massage, massage it in. Get all the nits
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: drowned them and then.
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: Water doesn't drown them. So that's that's why I picking
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: up what you put them down.
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: Apparently I'm no new experts.
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: You say to check on the ocean, but apparently, yeah,
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: you need these things can live under currently.
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: Like I spoke to the pharmacist and she was like,
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: the knits have evolved and they're now surviving like without
• 16:01
  Speaker 2: blood because they like suckyr blood. They're now surviving like weeks.
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: They like the new cockroach, and they've also Apparently the
• 16:07
  Speaker 2: pharmacist was fucking freaking out when I went in there
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: and said that I have to get an treatment and
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: knit treatment for my kids. She was like, oh, for
• 16:14
  Speaker 2: these products don't even work anymore.
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: You set her off. She's like an old war veteran
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: with She's like, these things don't work anymore. We've been
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: in the trenches for years.
• 16:28
  Speaker 2: I went back in the day and she like, burnt
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: the place down.
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: This will get rid of them. Have you thought about
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: burning your children's hair off? The only thing we'll get
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: rid of them.
• 16:38
  Speaker 2: This match is a bottle of pet No, not that
• 16:42
  Speaker 2: to my kids. But I put it on Lola's head.
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: Five minutes go by and then doing Marley, and then
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: I look over and Lola's rubbing her eyes. Oh, for gods,
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: say she's rubbed the treatment like the tea Troy or
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: like into her eyes, so she's got a.
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: Get the milk on it.
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: So then I'm like fuck. I'm then trying to comb
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: it through her hair, like trying to get the eggs
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: out while she's like screaming. So then I'm like fuck.
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: So then I'm trying to wash it off. Meanwhile Marley's like, hat,
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: it's no longer in a Bonet's come down, so then
• 17:16
  Speaker 2: it's dripping all over the floor. And then like by
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: the time I washed their had to wash their hair
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: three times to get it out. And washing hair is
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: the absolute worst. So I didn't get him to bed
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: normally bedtimes seven ish. Didn't get him to sleep until
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: like eight thirty. And by then, like they're exhausted. They've
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: been like feeling like.
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: They've been through the ring full day. Ah, and like,
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: did you think of maybe some goggles? Some goggles? Fuck?
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: There he is there, he is there.
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: You go good for something. It's funny you say you
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: did mention a second ago, you mentioned we give you
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: some petrol, Okay, because I did put a little message
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: out to our Facebook community if you want to join
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: our Facebook community. You can do so Facebook, two doting dads.
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: We do have to approve whether you're allowed to be
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: a member.
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: We'll take anyone who will take it.
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: We'll take you unless you we're always at a thousand,
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: unless you're a predator, and then we'll have to consider.
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: Even then we're like, you're on the short list.
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: Short Okay, So I did put the call out just
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: for some headline, nightmare story, anything, I don't know what.
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: Before you get into that, I will say I've also
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: got some great advice from my sister, okay, which came
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: which came in very late, a bit like the Goggle recommendation,
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: but apparently Okay, So anyone out there who is going
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: into their first situation treating it. When you put the
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: stuff on the hair and you're gotta wait the ten minutes,
• 18:40
  Speaker 2: glad wrap, glad wrap the head, yes, kind of like
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: they're doing the salons.
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: I think, what if you just got like a swimming cap.
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: Also a great idea.
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: What about a shower cap and you can just stick
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: your tap it around.
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: Now you're just showing off helmet.
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: What about a helmet? Okay, that's good, that's good. That's
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: good gear because I haven't had them yet. Well, you're
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: in my house now, so now I saw you rubbing
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: your head on my couch before. This will get them
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: fuck you. Okay. So I did put the call out
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: for some head lies, some juicy headline stories is how
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: I put it, and I won't read them all because
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: there's a lot of long ones. But you did mention
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: a second ago petrol. So Lauren says, my dad put
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: petrol in my hair when I was in primary school
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: to stop the headlines.
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: That's fucked.
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: Can confirm it worked. No, I also had scalp burn
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: and smelled like.
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: A I bet you any money. They're from the country.
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: That's a country thing to do.
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: She says. Here, we're not from the country, an.
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: Put it in petrol.
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: Someone. There's a couple of dad jokes in there, like
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: that's a head scratcher of a story. Oh, not very funny.
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: I'll just do one more that I thought was good.
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: This is from Francis. I got head lass when I
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: was at a festival. She was nineteen. She tried everything
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: to get rid of them. She had a boyfriend at
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: the time and realized that she was going to have
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: to have the awkward conversation that he could potentially have
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: head last as well, which he did, and they treated
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: it together. Oh that's cute. That's quite nice, little bonding day.
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: A few weeks later, I found out that we had
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: them again. I ended up finding out that he was
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: cheating on me. After the first time I gave him
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: head Last. He passed them on to the other girl
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: and she had given them back to him.
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: Holy shit, that is juicy. She said, that's more juice
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: than I was expecting.
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: So anyway, I wasn't so mad. I got head lass.
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: In the end, it exposed a cheetah and I both
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: left him and her with head lass.
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: Wow, there you go. That's the first good d that
• 20:49
  Speaker 2: I've heard head last too.
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah. They're like the Jerry Springer of the modern day.
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: Jerry rest in peace. Is he dead? Yeah? Sorry, if
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: he's not dead, apologies, he's very quiet.
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: I'm pretty sure. Another low point, This one was just
• 21:11
  Speaker 2: last night, And as I say this, you'll be like, well,
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: of course that was going to fucking end badly.
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: Oh, I can't wait.
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: So we're now in the home stretch. Laura's about to
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: come back within like, you know, twenty four hours my
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: time as a single parent is over, and I thought,
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: I'm going to make the last few nights as memorable
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: as I can for all of us, for me and
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: my daughters. So on the weekend we went out for dinner.
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: We went to an ice cream shop.
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: And beach girls out for dinner like an early gym.
• 21:42
  Speaker 2: Sunday, Yeah, Sunday early dinner with another friend with young kids.
• 21:45
  Speaker 2: Got some pizza next to the pizza shop, got ice.
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: Cream, the lobster and caffa pizza, the pistachio, not ice cream.
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: It was great.
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: And the girls as we're driving home, this is like midweek,
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: they said, can we go get ice cream after dinner?
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: Midweek?
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: And I said, do you know what I'm fun times dad,
• 22:05
  Speaker 2: I'm here to make care memories. I said, if we
• 22:08
  Speaker 2: get home, and we did have a bit of time,
• 22:09
  Speaker 2: it was maybe like four point thirty. I said, look,
• 22:11
  Speaker 2: if we go home, we'll have an early dinner and
• 22:14
  Speaker 2: if you eat your dinner quickly, we'll get back in
• 22:16
  Speaker 2: the car, go get some ice cream. Bobby's your uncle.
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: Everyone's having a great time.
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: That's a good little bribe tactic too, That's what I thought.
• 22:22
  Speaker 2: That's what I thought, but didn't work to explain, well,
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: just they didn't eat dinner quick enough, so by the
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: time we kind of got dinner, they'd eaten it. We
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: had a few arguments, a few tears of the fact
• 22:36
  Speaker 2: that like, my kids just don't eat dinner, breakfast, great dinner.
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: Shit, don't even get me fucking started.
• 22:42
  Speaker 2: I was very much at the point where I was like,
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: on like the twentieth threat of like, we're not getting
• 22:47
  Speaker 2: ice cream unless you have two more mouthfuls, and they
• 22:50
  Speaker 2: were like, oh, I can go home, but you promised,
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: And I was like, remember fun times Dad, here for
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: a good time.
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: Also angry time Dad. If he needs to be it's
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: the same guy, a girls, it's the same guy.
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: And then at a point where I was like I
• 23:05
  Speaker 2: should be running the bath and like getting them in
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: the bath, I was fucking putting them back in the
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: car to go to get ice cream.
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: Oh my god. For those of listening who do not
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: have kids, but just like to listen to Matt and
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: I talk shit about ours anytime around that bath, bedtime,
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: our give will take either side. Putting them in a
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: vehicle is the biggest risk you can take. Mainly for
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: one thing, they could fall asleep and not transition out
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: of that car into bed, and you end up with
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: a child who's had a power nap and then.
• 23:42
  Speaker 2: Even powering up for like a second, they're up for days.
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: That's what it feel like. You're up with them all night.
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: So that's just for some context where Matt's at right now. Okay, yeah, okay,
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: firstly dumb, Yeah go.
• 23:56
  Speaker 2: I'm an idiot. Yeah, absolutely. Anyway, finally getting back in
• 24:01
  Speaker 2: the car and then as we get ice cream, I
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: was like, fuck, it's it's pretty late. It's pretty late.
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: The ice cream meeting was great, having to get back
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: in the car to get back home, to get it
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: back in the bath. At this point, you know when
• 24:14
  Speaker 2: you talk about you see toddlers are young kids, they're
• 24:16
  Speaker 2: like little drunk adults, like they're just they're just nightmare up.
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: Really quickly in the car on the way home. How
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: did you keep them awake? What was what would you
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: go to? Technique?
• 24:25
  Speaker 2: Well?
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: Mine swerve?
• 24:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I was slamming the brake.
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: There's no one else on the road, and you're like
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: not that's often and you're just up the street.
• 24:38
  Speaker 2: You sorry back to it was just we're in the bath.
• 24:46
  Speaker 2: They were both so tired at this point, it's like
• 24:49
  Speaker 2: seven o'clock and we're having bath. I'm an hour behind schedule.
• 24:52
  Speaker 2: I'm fucking stressed. The kids are exhausted. From then on,
• 24:56
  Speaker 2: it was just an uphill, painful battle to get them
• 24:59
  Speaker 2: in to bed, and I thought to myself, you're a
• 25:03
  Speaker 2: You're an idiot.
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: Do they eat their dinner? No? Yeah, yeah, half of
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: it half.
• 25:09
  Speaker 2: So that was that was one of the moments where
• 25:10
  Speaker 2: I was like, I'm an idiot.
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: It's a dumb move. When you're trying to put them
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: to bed. They're overtired, and it's like, you've tried to
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: be fun time dad, and it's got You just mentioned
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: the pendulum earlier. That is exactly what you've done.
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: It's a swinging pendulum.
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: What time did you get to sleep?
• 25:26
  Speaker 2: Eight thirty? I know it's up a five yeaheah.
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: I love that wishful thinking. It's like maybe they'll sleep
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: in Nope.
• 25:33
  Speaker 2: But also to make mad is even worse. My kids
• 25:37
  Speaker 2: don't nap anymore. I'll be like Marley's five dollars three.
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: Lola is now slipped into the routine of having a
• 25:45
  Speaker 2: daytime nap because she's had too many late nights early starts.
• 25:48
  Speaker 2: Oh and then because she's just got so much tiredness
• 25:51
  Speaker 2: built up, they're like, we are trying our hardest to
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: keep her awake, but it's like someone hits it with.
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: A tranquilizer at one o'clock and she's like, and the
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: thing is, it's like we're talking about a toddler burn
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: on the gambler. Both it's like me going out every
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: night and then having to record.
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: It's not gonna happen. But then the best part was
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: just really quickly, I'll wrap it up. Ash, that's good,
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: I wrap it up. The best part was one of
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: the highlights was one night, exhausted, get into bed again.
• 26:19
  Speaker 2: Have I mentioned that I'm a single.
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: Parent right now, I'm.
• 26:23
  Speaker 2: By myself, all alone out there in the big, wide,
• 26:26
  Speaker 2: big with two kids who are nightmares, love them, but nightmares.
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: And then as I was getting my leay to bed,
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: she goes, Dad, I wrote you something. It was only
• 26:36
  Speaker 2: on a bit of I put it on my story.
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, it was it the penis.
• 26:39
  Speaker 2: It was nothing. She did draw penis?
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: How does she know what that looks like?
• 26:44
  Speaker 2: She's I don't want to give you to scrap it
• 26:49
  Speaker 2: a paper and she just wrote Dad with three love
• 26:51
  Speaker 2: hearts on it, and she folded up as a card
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: and said, Dad, this is for you. I love you.
• 26:54
  Speaker 2: And I was just like, depending on his back.
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: He goes, that's how you spill, mum, isn't it just
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: on the dinner thing? Really quick? I am at my
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: WIT's hand. Last night, the kids were coming back from kindy.
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: They're at Papa's house. They always snack a lot over there,
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: which is fine because then they they, you know.
• 27:13
  Speaker 2: Like this little little jab Papa.
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, no it, that's fine. I don't care. Because they
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: finished kindy, they're gonna be hungry. It's like when you
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: get home from school and you're ravishing or anyway. I
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: was like, okay, they eat the dinosaur pasta, which is
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: pasted the shape as dinosaurs. I was like, what was
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: on the menu was pastor of meatballs. So I made
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: the dinosaur pasta and I squashed the meatballs down and
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: got the dinosaur cutter things out that looked like dinosaurs.
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: I thought, oh, these kids will eat that, all right.
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: They'll love this dinosaur everything. They'll love it. They'll eat it.
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: Just keep this in mind. The photo I'm going to
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: show you is a dinosaur pasta and dinosaur meatballs, and
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: it's the pictures from after they are attempted eating it.
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: So this is Macy's not one bite taken. It's a
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: terrible effort. I know.
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: Can I ask you a question?
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: I'm giving up at this point.
• 28:13
  Speaker 2: Have you put any butter in the pasta?
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: They did that once and they were like, oh slippery. Anyway,
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: this is Oscars once again, nothing eating nothing at all.
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: So I'm at my WIT's end. So it's toasting cereal.
• 28:29
  Speaker 2: Dry bro if I'm honest. No, it was not to
• 28:31
  Speaker 2: Gordon Ramsey. You but what are you an idiot?
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: Sandwich? Anyway, I'm at my wits end. It's going to
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: be toasting cereal from now on. But I don't know
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: what it is. Macy doesn't like sauce, oscar sauce on
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: certain things. Also, who doesn't like sauce? I always say
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: food is just a vessel. It's the sauce, sauces the food, right.
• 28:54
  Speaker 2: I just want to quickly mention, Actually, I saw an
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: article out there that mentioned the most pop the baby
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: names they're coming.
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: Out for both boys was Matthew on it just check.
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: I just wait for you to read them out. I'm
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: so impatient. I love how this whole episode You've been
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: just for the listeners out there that probably won't see
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: it because it's on the opposite side of where the
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: camera usually faces. Matt's been doing this whole episode. On
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: his sleeve is a child sticker.
• 29:20
  Speaker 2: Oh fuck.
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: And I didn't tell him because I thought that's a
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: great accessory, very on brand, very on brand. Those of
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: you who have small children know these stickers are everywhere,
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: and they kids love stickers much, they like band aids,
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: and they always end up over everything. But that's not
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: a bad place for it.
• 29:38
  Speaker 2: But if I take that off, Lola.
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: Like I put that sticker on you before I left house.
• 29:44
  Speaker 2: Okay, you've got the listen in front of you as well.
• 29:45
  Speaker 2: And this will be for anyone out there who has
• 29:48
  Speaker 2: yet to name their child, maybe the child's been born.
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: Or wants to rename their child because they've named it
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: something stupid like argyle or something you dumb.
• 29:56
  Speaker 2: Is it funny some people will like name their child
• 29:59
  Speaker 2: and not do the official papers. Three days down the track,
• 30:02
  Speaker 2: be like, do you know what he's not Lucifer, He's Rodney.
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: I was actually Matthew.
• 30:09
  Speaker 2: What happened?
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: We will have to ask my mum when we get
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: her on. That's right. She was down the beach and
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: there was too many kids. I'm Matthew and she was like,
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: fuck that.
• 30:18
  Speaker 2: There's a lot of us, but my.
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: Middleland is Matthew. I didn't know that. You don't know
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: much about me, Like where my birthday is. I'm still
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: holding a grudge.
• 30:25
  Speaker 2: When is that? September?
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 30:29
  Speaker 2: Sorry?
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: Sorry? All right? You go the boys? Yeah, yeah, if
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: you want to rename your child from Lucifer.
• 30:35
  Speaker 2: Number one name, apparently, according to this list for boys,
• 30:39
  Speaker 2: is Oliver. Oh, it's a bit of a I don't
• 30:42
  Speaker 2: know any I'm not.
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: You can't say it's a ship name because there's people listening.
• 30:46
  Speaker 2: I apologize.
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: It's not a ship name. It's an above average.
• 30:49
  Speaker 2: I feel like we should have started from five to one,
• 30:51
  Speaker 2: but we'll start from.
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: Go from five. I guess, go from five. You already
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: know one. Go from six, five to six or two?
• 30:58
  Speaker 2: Okay, Hudson strong ship six? Number five Theodore Theodore Teddy
• 31:04
  Speaker 2: Teddy great name. What are the girls? Give some girl names?
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: As I'm gonna go. The fifth one is m i A, Maya,
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: Miya and Olivia and Leo.
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: I do like the name Leo.
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: It is pretty good, Leo.
• 31:23
  Speaker 2: Henry, Henry's back, Henry's a bit king regal regal.
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Henry the second actually on TikTok at the moment,
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: I watched one Henry the Eighth video. Now my whole
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: fop is Henry the eighth and the weird things that.
• 31:41
  Speaker 2: He did, like, it's.
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: Not really bad because of his leg was rotting. Don't
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: name your child Henry, his leg might brought out from
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: underneath of him.
• 31:49
  Speaker 2: Number two name for boys is Noah. No, I have
• 31:53
  Speaker 2: not Noah.
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: Never met her. Yeah, I've not.
• 31:59
  Speaker 2: Met any nose at all my time me either.
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: So I've got three Charlotte. That's like pretty old Charlotte.
• 32:07
  Speaker 2: If you charlots a daycare too many?
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: If you asked me Amelia, Amelia just sounds like a
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: nice name to yell and coming in at number one,
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: can you guess?
• 32:21
  Speaker 2: Well, it's in front of me, but I wasn't asking you.
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: It's Isler as in like Isla Fisher. I like it. Alright,
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: let's do before Oh my god, I'm getting the people
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: what they want.
• 32:39
  Speaker 2: Man, I'm doing you from last week. I've got one
• 32:43
  Speaker 2: more like just like one second story. Yeah, a little update.
• 32:46
  Speaker 2: Big achievements for me.
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I got the treatment last week when I tried
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: to tell you, when I tried to tell you another
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: really rivating story.
• 32:55
  Speaker 2: And I was like, what's it? Gooda fucking end, really quick,
• 32:58
  Speaker 2: really quick achievement. This happened last night, and I've been
• 33:02
  Speaker 2: waiting for this moment my entire life. Lola would come
• 33:05
  Speaker 2: into bed and never ever ever snuggle with me. Only
• 33:09
  Speaker 2: Marley would snuggle. Lola would always snuggle.
• 33:11
  Speaker 1: With Laura.
• 33:13
  Speaker 2: Right, And a few times recently Lola would hop into
• 33:17
  Speaker 2: bed and I'd be like hey, I'd like try and
• 33:21
  Speaker 2: give her a snuggle, and she go, what the fuck you?
• 33:25
  Speaker 2: She stopped me right there and be like back off.
• 33:27
  Speaker 1: Sorry.
• 33:28
  Speaker 2: And then last night she said, Daddy, can you give
• 33:32
  Speaker 2: me a cuddle? So she lay on my arm.
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: You are the only option, though I don't.
• 33:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah, after like weeks of being starved of cuddle, She's like,
• 33:41
  Speaker 2: all right, let's go do it. I had the deadest
• 33:43
  Speaker 2: fucking arm.
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: She got a big head.
• 33:46
  Speaker 2: That girl wass a ton. I was like three in
• 33:51
  Speaker 2: the morning, and I was like, I really want to
• 33:52
  Speaker 2: move my arm right now.
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: The moment.
• 33:58
  Speaker 2: Petty couples, petty.
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: Couple, one more quick thing, No nice try petty couples,
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: enjoy the song.
• 34:06
  Speaker 2: You can read me like a book.
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: Petty couple, Welcome down the street, petty couple, they.
• 34:14
  Speaker 2: Kind of with me. Couple, I love you, but immit you.
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: No one can push me quite like you. Okay, Matt May,
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: I thought maybe this time, instead of reading these long
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: winded ones, we might.
• 34:35
  Speaker 2: Just rattle off short and punchy.
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: Short and punchy, So if you want to go first.
• 34:40
  Speaker 2: Okay, this one.
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: These are anonymous, all anonymous, but I feel like they're
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: very universal and everyone's got the same.
• 34:46
  Speaker 2: Maybe people are submitting these anonymously because a couple of
• 34:50
  Speaker 2: people when we post us on social media, some mostly older,
• 34:53
  Speaker 2: they come out and they say, oh my god, why
• 34:56
  Speaker 2: are you acting like children?
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: Grow up buck in my day. If I did, that's
• 35:01
  Speaker 1: my wife. She'd leave me good.
• 35:04
  Speaker 2: Good, okay if he annoys me. If he annoys me,
• 35:08
  Speaker 2: I make a coffee and I don't leave any hot
• 35:11
  Speaker 2: water for him in the kettle to make one for himself.
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: That's as good as the one that we got where
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: she's like, I empty the coffee machine. I've got one here,
• 35:23
  Speaker 1: which was personal favorite. This one says I stand in
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: the kitchen or pack the dish wash while he's trying
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: to Literally happened to me in April. This morning. We
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: all got up this morning. I was like, I'll make
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: coffees and then the kids want to breakfast, and it
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: was like we're both in each other's way. It's like anything.
• 35:49
  Speaker 2: This one says, I washed the dishes while he showers,
• 35:52
  Speaker 2: so his water goes cold on him. Brilliant, brilliant.
• 35:56
  Speaker 1: We have our plumbing is like that where it's like
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: I remember as a kid. Actually, my mum used to
• 36:02
  Speaker 1: do that to my dad. Be like, god, he's been
• 36:04
  Speaker 1: in the show. Just hear this. And last one from
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: me is I throw the empty toilet rolls that he
• 36:14
  Speaker 1: leaves on the toilet paper handle into his closet.
• 36:19
  Speaker 2: Very good.
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: If you have any petty couple stories that you want
• 36:23
  Speaker 1: to send in, you can send them to two Doding
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: Dad's d ms on Instagram or hello at two doding
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: dads dot com dot a huge.
• 36:32
  Speaker 2: Also the Facebook group we are so close to cracking
• 36:35
  Speaker 2: a thousand members. Yeah, I can't wait. I can't wait.
• 36:38
  Speaker 2: It's kicking off in there.
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: It's kicking off, its kicking it's popping off. Mate, Come on,
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: in this room, there's no actual music.
• 36:48
  Speaker 2: We come on in questions. Ash, Yeah, I've got a
• 36:51
  Speaker 2: question here. This one is also anonymous, a very anonymous episode.
• 36:54
  Speaker 2: This one spooky. Okay, I want to hear your take this. Okay,
• 37:01
  Speaker 2: this comes from a couple. They've recently got a newborn child.
• 37:04
  Speaker 2: It's maybe like six or seven months old. This is
• 37:07
  Speaker 2: the scenario. Okay. I want to know if you think
• 37:11
  Speaker 2: one of the adults here is overreacting or if one
• 37:13
  Speaker 2: of the adults was being slightly negligent.
• 37:16
  Speaker 1: Oh okay, juicy, very ju say ju say you say so.
• 37:21
  Speaker 2: Buba's asleep.
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: Okay, Bubba's the baby's name.
• 37:26
  Speaker 2: That's the mom. Bub The baby is asleep. Okay, yeah, mom,
• 37:31
  Speaker 2: whilst baby goes down, Mom's like, I have to run
• 37:33
  Speaker 2: out quickly, run a little errand, So she's going to
• 37:36
  Speaker 2: be on the road, so is leaving the baby in
• 37:38
  Speaker 2: charge with dad?
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: Can I just kudos to you on the correct pronunciation
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: of errand you added the d in errand. I will
• 37:45
  Speaker 1: always say I just gonna run a coup of errand,
• 37:47
  Speaker 1: thank you.
• 37:48
  Speaker 2: My mother was a teacher, so whenever I did anything wrong,
• 37:52
  Speaker 2: she would beat me.
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: With the cane. Sorry, sorry, Mom.
• 37:57
  Speaker 2: Has gone out to run an errand dad has been
• 38:00
  Speaker 2: left with child Bub six months old, asleep in the
• 38:03
  Speaker 2: cot Okay, okay. They are in an apartment building. Yep,
• 38:07
  Speaker 2: it's now late.
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: I'm picturing it.
• 38:10
  Speaker 2: He has ordered dinner from the restaurant, which is just
• 38:13
  Speaker 2: literally walk out the apartment across the road. That's the restaurant.
• 38:17
  Speaker 2: So you could be at the restaurant and you could
• 38:19
  Speaker 2: look back almost see the front.
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: Door of any particular cuisine.
• 38:22
  Speaker 2: They didn't mention.
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: Let's go with Italian.
• 38:24
  Speaker 2: I think I mean it was winter, yes, lasagna, maybe pizza.
• 38:29
  Speaker 1: Your mum's got one in a bank.
• 38:32
  Speaker 2: He's gone down to get the food. He's left Bub
• 38:35
  Speaker 2: in the apartment asleep, asleep, all right, He's just going
• 38:39
  Speaker 2: to run down, pick up the food. Come back. Right,
• 38:43
  Speaker 2: he's gone down there. They've gone. Actually, we miss one
• 38:45
  Speaker 2: of your meals. It's going to be a couple of
• 38:47
  Speaker 2: minutes now. It's just coming out of the kitchen. So
• 38:49
  Speaker 2: then he's wondering what do I do? Do I go back?
• 38:51
  Speaker 2: Do I stay? He stayed? And you know sometimes that
• 38:55
  Speaker 2: when you when you're not going to have no okay,
• 38:58
  Speaker 2: no bad ending. He waved to the food. By the
• 39:04
  Speaker 2: time he comes back mum has come back from running
• 39:07
  Speaker 2: the aira. She is holding a screaming baby or a
• 39:12
  Speaker 2: crying baby. Maybe this hasn't been embellish. I'm not quite sure.
• 39:16
  Speaker 2: But who do you think is that fault here?
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: Oh it's pretty obvious it's a fault.
• 39:20
  Speaker 2: Talk to me.
• 39:21
  Speaker 1: Look, I get that the restaurant is directly across. I
• 39:26
  Speaker 1: get that you can see the window or whatever, or
• 39:29
  Speaker 1: you'd see where you live. I'm sorry. You cannot leave
• 39:34
  Speaker 1: a baby unattended at that age. And I'm on that
• 39:38
  Speaker 1: side because once, when Oscar was quite young, he in
• 39:42
  Speaker 1: his sleep he started choking on his stomach bile and
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: I had to get him up and get him out.
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: What if I wasn't there. That's one side of the story.
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: The second side of the story is why did they
• 39:53
  Speaker 1: not communicate to say, hey, I've ordered dinner while you're
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: coming back from your Errand if they had communicated about dinner,
• 40:01
  Speaker 1: which I guarantee you they would have, why didn't you
• 40:03
  Speaker 1: offer to pick it up and say you can't leave,
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: I'll grab it on the way home.
• 40:06
  Speaker 2: But don't you think that maybe he was trying to
• 40:08
  Speaker 2: do like the right thing, and that when she comes
• 40:11
  Speaker 2: home dinner was there's on the table and that look
• 40:13
  Speaker 2: Brownie points.
• 40:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah, look the idea if that's the case, brilliant execution,
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: not soybris, just honestly ring him up and say hey,
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: I'll give someone a five dollar tip to run it
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: to my door.
• 40:25
  Speaker 2: And that's a good shout. But then do you think
• 40:27
  Speaker 2: though then, like we never used a baby monitor ever. Okay,
• 40:31
  Speaker 2: so if Marley or Lola was asleep, you know we'd
• 40:33
  Speaker 2: be potentially like you know, but you can hear them, well,
• 40:36
  Speaker 2: not always sometimes the TV was on.
• 40:39
  Speaker 1: How loud are you listening to the TV?
• 40:40
  Speaker 2: Pretty loud?
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: Also where two dads, you're forgetting that mum's instincts and
• 40:45
  Speaker 1: ears are very different. They're like bats, they're like and
• 40:48
  Speaker 1: he's so they've got sonar, hearing, vibrate.
• 40:53
  Speaker 2: That's what I've now got off the back of being
• 40:54
  Speaker 2: a single parent.
• 40:55
  Speaker 1: From there you go benefits and I've grown tits and
• 40:58
  Speaker 1: I'm lactated. Look, I don't want to give advice. We
• 41:03
  Speaker 1: do not give advice.
• 41:04
  Speaker 2: We don't do it. But my thought process, my.
• 41:07
  Speaker 1: Thought process here is one thing. Communicate, please for God's sake,
• 41:12
  Speaker 1: because it probably if he was like, look, I'm trying
• 41:14
  Speaker 1: to do a nice thing. I've ordered dinner. Do you
• 41:16
  Speaker 1: mind as picking it up? Or just pick up the
• 41:18
  Speaker 1: fucking phone and say, hey, sixteen year old kid that
• 41:22
  Speaker 1: runs food for fucking living, can you just run across
• 41:25
  Speaker 1: the street. I've got five bucks with your name on it,
• 41:26
  Speaker 1: bro and high five.
• 41:28
  Speaker 2: I think that's a great solution. I have. I have
• 41:30
  Speaker 2: been guilty when Marley was a newborn, when we're living
• 41:34
  Speaker 2: in Bondai, I would call the cafe order a coffee.
• 41:37
  Speaker 2: She'd go to sleep, and I'd run across the road,
• 41:40
  Speaker 2: get the coffee and run back. Oh, don't give me
• 41:43
  Speaker 2: that deep breath sigh.
• 41:45
  Speaker 1: No, because I'm trying to look I'm also trying to
• 41:50
  Speaker 1: sympathize with you and the parent with trying to get
• 41:53
  Speaker 1: it done. But the coffee can fucking wait. I agree. Sorry,
• 41:57
  Speaker 1: I think what's more important is the life of a child.
• 42:04
  Speaker 1: I have a question for you, Matt, and this is
• 42:07
  Speaker 1: actually someone has sent this one in. It's anonymous, but
• 42:11
  Speaker 1: it's also something I want to ask you because both
• 42:13
  Speaker 1: of our kids are exactly the same age by a week.
• 42:17
  Speaker 1: I don't know if you remember when Oscar's birthday is,
• 42:19
  Speaker 1: like I remember when Marley's Just count back five days.
• 42:22
  Speaker 1: That's when it is.
• 42:23
  Speaker 2: There's no need to have such a patronizing time.
• 42:26
  Speaker 1: It's all right. You did come to the birthday, so
• 42:28
  Speaker 1: it's all good. They're both at an age and I'm
• 42:31
  Speaker 1: sure you know what I'm talking about when everything has
• 42:34
  Speaker 1: to end in it why they always have to know
• 42:38
  Speaker 1: why everything is why it is? Do you have this
• 42:42
  Speaker 1: problem with Marley? Is one question that I have. And
• 42:45
  Speaker 1: the second question I have is do you have any
• 42:47
  Speaker 1: tips or tricks to shut them the fuck up in
• 42:51
  Speaker 1: the nicest way possible?
• 42:52
  Speaker 2: Do what?
• 42:53
  Speaker 1: Because you can't just they're learning little mind, so I
• 42:55
  Speaker 1: get it, you can't be like shut up.
• 43:01
  Speaker 2: Marley actually doesn't ask the why questions, partly because she is. Yeah,
• 43:08
  Speaker 2: she's smarter than I am, so I'm normally asking her
• 43:12
  Speaker 2: why why she doesn't normally. I mean, the only thing
• 43:16
  Speaker 2: that she's been quite inquisitive about is death.
• 43:25
  Speaker 1: Okay, me too.
• 43:26
  Speaker 2: She's trying to wrap her head around the concept of
• 43:29
  Speaker 2: death and like, where do you go after you die?
• 43:33
  Speaker 1: Well, depends on who you ask.
• 43:36
  Speaker 2: That's the only topic that she really wants to try
• 43:38
  Speaker 2: and unpack and wrap her head around. Other than that,
• 43:40
  Speaker 2: she's not really one to like be too inquisitive. We
• 43:43
  Speaker 2: always answer the death one with like you're going to heaven.
• 43:46
  Speaker 2: The stars are actually people shutting down on us. That's beautiful,
• 43:51
  Speaker 2: thank you so much so, Papa's up shirt.
• 43:54
  Speaker 1: Except stars are just people shutting down on you.
• 43:56
  Speaker 2: Except the only issue is was So he'll like, Molly,
• 44:03
  Speaker 2: I got a beautiful night sky. We're like that bright
• 44:05
  Speaker 2: start up there, that's baba. And then when it's a
• 44:08
  Speaker 2: cloudy night, she's like, where the.
• 44:11
  Speaker 1: Hell is Bapa? He's gone again? Sorry, the sentiment is lovely.
• 44:20
  Speaker 1: I find that Oscar. Anything that happens, he just comes
• 44:24
  Speaker 1: up with a like like a line of interrogation, like why, who, what? Where? When?
• 44:29
  Speaker 1: Like he got that award for most improved, He's like
• 44:32
  Speaker 1: why did I get this? He's like, you're most improved,
• 44:34
  Speaker 1: most improved at what? Why was I most improved? Why
• 44:37
  Speaker 1: didn't the other kids get one? Why did mact like
• 44:41
  Speaker 1: one of the kids got like man of the Match
• 44:43
  Speaker 1: or whatever, And he's like why did he get a
• 44:44
  Speaker 1: different one? Or like just like and I found myself
• 44:49
  Speaker 1: And again I don't want to be like because it's
• 44:53
  Speaker 1: so fucking annoying. He's not listening to this.
• 44:55
  Speaker 2: He's just trying to you know, he's trying to learn.
• 44:59
  Speaker 1: But I'm in the car. We're really cat on the
• 45:00
  Speaker 1: way home, and I'm trying to concentrate, and we're and.
• 45:04
  Speaker 2: I'm just saying this big wide world.
• 45:06
  Speaker 1: And I felt shut up, sorry exactly. That's how we
• 45:10
  Speaker 1: got there, and I just like I said to him,
• 45:12
  Speaker 1: I said, Oscar, You've asked some really really good questions,
• 45:15
  Speaker 1: but it's enough question for now. And I was like,
• 45:20
  Speaker 1: we can talk about it more when we get hurt.
• 45:21
  Speaker 1: Like I was like trying to not be mean and
• 45:25
  Speaker 1: be like shut them out.
• 45:27
  Speaker 2: Just all sit down and be quiet for a bit.
• 45:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's what I was like. I still felt bad
• 45:30
  Speaker 1: because it's like he's just trying to learn about everything.
• 45:33
  Speaker 1: But that's why I said, you've had some really good questions.
• 45:36
  Speaker 1: I served him a ship sandwich. I was like, you
• 45:37
  Speaker 1: had some really good questions, but can you shut the
• 45:39
  Speaker 1: fuck up now and then when we get home?
• 45:44
  Speaker 3: Like that for the podcast, right ash Anyway, if anyone
• 45:51
  Speaker 3: has any tips on that, that'd be great, please put
• 45:53
  Speaker 3: them on the Facebook group.
• 45:56
  Speaker 2: Should we get out of here, my guy.
• 45:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, let's go. Matt's getting hungry.
• 45:59
  Speaker 2: Let's wrap this up. I will say this before I
• 46:01
  Speaker 2: go if you've enjoyed this episode, which I can only
• 46:04
  Speaker 2: assume that you've had the time of your life. If
• 46:06
  Speaker 2: we're still here listening to us, don't go, don't go
• 46:09
  Speaker 2: just yet. I'm not finished. Sit down, Sit back down.
• 46:11
  Speaker 2: We would love it if you would review this podcast,
• 46:13
  Speaker 2: subscribe to it, give it a few stars, maybe a
• 46:16
  Speaker 2: couple of comments. People keep living stars and there's no comments,
• 46:19
  Speaker 2: and share it with some friends, share with some friends,
• 46:22
  Speaker 2: and join us on the Facebook groups. There's a hoops.
• 46:27
  Speaker 2: We'll see you guys next week. Be out two. Doting
• 46:37
  Speaker 2: Dad's podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia
• 46:41
  Speaker 2: and the connections to land, see and community.
• 46:44
  Speaker 1: We pay our respects to their elders past and present
• 46:46
  Speaker 1: and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestraight Islander
• 46:49
  Speaker 1: people's today. This episode was recorded on Gadagle Land