Latest / The You Project / #1769 What Forty Years Of Coaching Has Taught Me - Harps

Transcript

#1769 What Forty Years Of Coaching Has Taught Me - Harps · The You Project

0:00
Speaker 1: I'll get a team. I hope you bloody terrific. So
0:04
Speaker 1: I wanted to talk to you today about some of
0:07
Speaker 1: the things that I have learned over the years of coaching.
0:13
Speaker 1: I would I got to ask this recently on an interview,
0:17
Speaker 1: and I thought, that's not about like, what's one of
0:19
Speaker 1: the most important things one of the key things that
0:22
Speaker 1: you've learned as a coach. So as a coach, as
0:25
Speaker 1: a mentor, as a teacher, as a personal trainer, as
0:27
Speaker 1: a high performance exercise scientist, all that kind of stuff.
0:30
Speaker 1: I put it all in the same bag. Let's just
0:32
Speaker 1: call it working with people one on one or one
0:36
Speaker 1: on group, or one on two or three or one
0:39
Speaker 1: on team. But what have I learned on my journey
0:44
Speaker 1: in my time helping people to self optimize, to get
0:48
Speaker 1: the most out of their mind and body and training
0:52
Speaker 1: and skills and talent and resources and opportunities. What have
0:55
Speaker 1: I learned doing my job? And the reason that I
0:59
Speaker 1: think this might be irrelevant and important discussion is because
1:07
Speaker 1: so many of you that follow me and listen to
1:10
Speaker 1: me are coaches, or your trainers, or your leaders, or
1:14
Speaker 1: your managers, or your parents, or you're in some kind
1:19
Speaker 1: of position either often or periodically where it's your job
1:25
Speaker 1: to essentially coach someone. So even though you might not
1:30
Speaker 1: do what I do or what I've done, I think
1:32
Speaker 1: there'll be some ideas and some insights and some stories
1:36
Speaker 1: in here that might be helpful to you. If not,
1:41
Speaker 1: they might be interesting or not. So I've written down
1:46
Speaker 1: ten things I could, literally I reckon. I could sit
1:49
Speaker 1: here for two hours and come up with one hundred
1:51
Speaker 1: insights or one hundred you know, factors that are important
1:57
Speaker 1: when you're thinking about this. But I'll start with and
2:00
Speaker 1: we might do another one see how this one goes.
2:03
Speaker 1: But so number one, what forty years of coaching has
2:07
Speaker 1: taught me Number one? Number one is I need to understand,
2:12
Speaker 1: like really understand the person that I'm working with, that is,
2:16
Speaker 1: understand how they think. And this is not new territory
2:19
Speaker 1: for you and me. I'm sure if you've heard me,
2:21
Speaker 1: But back back in the day, when I was at
2:24
Speaker 1: nine and twenty years old and I was working in
2:26
Speaker 1: gyms and I was writing programs, I wasn't a personal
2:29
Speaker 1: trainer per se. At stage, I was a gym instructor.
2:33
Speaker 1: I was writing programs and giving advice and roaming the
2:37
Speaker 1: gym floor like a fucking panther, an insecure panther. Just
2:43
Speaker 1: that should be That should be the title of the show,
2:46
Speaker 1: The Insecure Panther, Just helping people. But I realized I
2:51
Speaker 1: realized early days, and I maybe didn't articulate it this well,
2:54
Speaker 1: but I realized early days that how much I understood
2:57
Speaker 1: about you know, training an anatomy, physiology and dumbbells and
3:01
Speaker 1: barbells and treadmills and all that kind of stuff and
3:05
Speaker 1: helping people get fit, lean and strong and functional, all
3:08
Speaker 1: of that was really important. But understanding the person that
3:11
Speaker 1: I was working with was more important. Because if I
3:14
Speaker 1: didn't understand them, if I didn't understand their values or
3:17
Speaker 1: their goals, or their background, or how they thought, or
3:20
Speaker 1: what inspired or motivated them, or what scared them, or
3:24
Speaker 1: what their potential barriers were, if I didn't understand that stuff,
3:29
Speaker 1: then I could not be a good coach. I could
3:31
Speaker 1: not be a good trainer or instructor or teacher for them.
3:37
Speaker 1: So I didn't really articulate it that way back then,
3:41
Speaker 1: of course, But I didn't know early on that being
3:45
Speaker 1: able to show someone how to do a deadlift or
3:47
Speaker 1: a squad or whatever it was, a chinup or a
3:49
Speaker 1: bench press was one thing. But being able to understand
3:53
Speaker 1: the person in front of me and to be able
3:56
Speaker 1: to build connection and rapport and trust and respect with
4:00
Speaker 1: that person to help them get where they wanted to go.
4:05
Speaker 1: They were two different things. And while it was important
4:10
Speaker 1: that I understood how bodies worked and adapted to different
4:13
Speaker 1: kinds of stresses in a training environment, it was more
4:17
Speaker 1: important that I could connect effectively, communicate effectively, and build
4:24
Speaker 1: a relationship effectively with that person so that we could,
4:28
Speaker 1: over the long term, create the outcomes we wanted to
4:32
Speaker 1: so and this is a really neglected component I think
4:36
Speaker 1: broadly speaking, I'm talking in general terms. You may be
4:41
Speaker 1: an exception to this, but I think broadly that people
4:44
Speaker 1: don't really try and understand others. And there's that, Remember
4:49
Speaker 1: I've spoken about that thing called the false consensus effect,
4:52
Speaker 1: where we just assume that what we're saying they will
4:57
Speaker 1: understand because we think we are speaking and because it
5:01
Speaker 1: makes sense to us, therefore it will make sense to them.
5:06
Speaker 1: But it's important to keep in mind that the only
5:08
Speaker 1: person in the world who thinks like you, I mean you, listener,
5:11
Speaker 1: The only person who thinks like you all the time
5:13
Speaker 1: is you. The only person who lives in your mind?
5:16
Speaker 1: Is you the only person who lives in your subjective reality?
5:19
Speaker 1: Is you same with me? So it's almost crucial, or
5:27
Speaker 1: it is crucial perhaps that we go into especially when
5:30
Speaker 1: we're talking as strangers. We go in situations mindful that
5:35
Speaker 1: they may not understand us or probably don't understand us,
5:40
Speaker 1: and so it's important that we do our very best
5:44
Speaker 1: to understand the window through which they are viewing this
5:47
Speaker 1: moment in time. So understanding, remember, understanding is not agreeing
5:51
Speaker 1: or aligning necessarily, doesn't mean you like them, doesn't mean
5:54
Speaker 1: you support you. Know, you can have somebody who's got
5:58
Speaker 1: diametrically opposed values, ideas, or beliefs, or political affiliations or lifestyle.
6:03
Speaker 1: Doesn't matter. You don't need to be like them, and
6:06
Speaker 1: they don't need to be like you. You just need to
6:08
Speaker 1: understand them so that you can coexist harmoniously. Number two
6:13
Speaker 1: on my list of what forty years of coaching has
6:15
Speaker 1: taught me is that people will lie about their behaviors.
6:19
Speaker 1: And this might bother some people, and some people are
6:22
Speaker 1: going to go, I never lie. Well, if you never lie,
6:26
Speaker 1: you're a fucking unicorn. You're a human unicorn. Because anyway
6:31
Speaker 1: people lie, let's not do a let's not do a
6:33
Speaker 1: show on that. I think I might have done one.
6:35
Speaker 1: But the truth is that when it comes to how
6:39
Speaker 1: people eat and how people live, and how much they
6:41
Speaker 1: drink and how often they exercise, and how committed they
6:45
Speaker 1: are and what they did last time and what stopped
6:49
Speaker 1: them last time and what they're when nobody's looking behaviors
6:54
Speaker 1: and habits are, most people will lie. And that might
6:58
Speaker 1: not be a popular thing to say, and it might
7:00
Speaker 1: be a white lie, as my mum says, or it
7:04
Speaker 1: might be something profound, and it might be every now
7:07
Speaker 1: and then. You know. It's like when someone says to you,
7:10
Speaker 1: do you want to go out tonight and hang out
7:12
Speaker 1: and do this? And the truth is you are free,
7:18
Speaker 1: but you just don't want to go out with them,
7:19
Speaker 1: and so you but you don't say, look, I don't
7:22
Speaker 1: really want to go out with you. I'm free, but
7:24
Speaker 1: I just don't want to be with you. You'll say, quite often, yeah,
7:28
Speaker 1: look i'd love to, or yeah I can't because I've
7:30
Speaker 1: got this on all that on right. Well that's a lie,
7:32
Speaker 1: that's an absolute lie. But it's a lie for a reason.
7:34
Speaker 1: I'm not endorsing line. I'm just saying this is part
7:37
Speaker 1: of the human experience. This is what happens. People fib
7:42
Speaker 1: people bend the truth, people, you know, whatever you want
7:45
Speaker 1: to call it. If it's not true, it's a lie.
7:47
Speaker 1: And then so I would need to go into all
7:50
Speaker 1: of my consultations and negotiations and interactions with clients, especially
7:57
Speaker 1: when it comes to pera habits and personal behaviors, because
8:04
Speaker 1: it is very hard to be totally vulnerable and honest
8:08
Speaker 1: and real and authentic when we are talking about our
8:13
Speaker 1: body or our values, or our beliefs, or the habits
8:20
Speaker 1: that are not always productive or healthy. It takes real
8:25
Speaker 1: courage to be able to do that. And all of us,
8:29
Speaker 1: me included. Have I ever lied? Course, I've lied, course
8:32
Speaker 1: of li I'd be the biggest liar in the world
8:34
Speaker 1: if I said I've never lied. And this is what
8:37
Speaker 1: we do, and we try to be the best people
8:39
Speaker 1: we can, and I try to I try to be
8:43
Speaker 1: as honest. I think you probably get the vibe that
8:46
Speaker 1: I'm pretty honest and pretty straightforward, you know, But knowing
8:52
Speaker 1: that a lot of people when it comes to this
8:54
Speaker 1: kind of stuff are going to be somewhat deceptive or
8:56
Speaker 1: reflective or perhaps you know, not completely truthful. I think
9:01
Speaker 1: it's just good to know. So for example, I'll give
9:04
Speaker 1: you one more example. I would say that ninety percent
9:08
Speaker 1: of the people that I coached over the years who
9:10
Speaker 1: filled out a food and exercise diary, that is, they
9:13
Speaker 1: would their mandate for me was to write down everything
9:17
Speaker 1: that went in their mouth, so whether not that was
9:19
Speaker 1: one tic tac or a crust of bread, or a
9:23
Speaker 1: glass of water or a fucking meal out, or their
9:28
Speaker 1: job was to write down everything that they put in
9:30
Speaker 1: their body so that we could have an accurate insight
9:33
Speaker 1: to energy in and energy out micros and macros and
9:37
Speaker 1: their habits and behaviors and time that they ate and
9:39
Speaker 1: what they ate, and you know, so that we could
9:42
Speaker 1: then build a model or a protocol that would work
9:44
Speaker 1: for them. I would say ninety percent of what what
9:49
Speaker 1: I saw, not ninety percent of what I saw was bullshit.
9:51
Speaker 1: But I would say that ninety percent of the people
9:53
Speaker 1: that filled out diaries would at times intentionally lie to
9:58
Speaker 1: me or omit some information that is not tell me something,
10:04
Speaker 1: And I'd say, I'd look at the page and I wouldn't.
10:07
Speaker 1: I don't know if I always knew, but a lot
10:09
Speaker 1: of the times I knew. I'd say, Wow, this is
10:11
Speaker 1: all you've eaten in the last four days, and yeah, yeah, yeah,
10:16
Speaker 1: And I knew that was bullshit. I knew that was bullshit.
10:19
Speaker 1: And so many times over over time, when I got
10:23
Speaker 1: to know people better and I came to understand them
10:27
Speaker 1: better and we built more trust and respect, they would
10:29
Speaker 1: tell me that they used to lie because they didn't
10:31
Speaker 1: want to be embarrassed. And I get it. I've lied
10:34
Speaker 1: because I don't want to be embarrassed. Also number three
10:37
Speaker 1: on my what forty years of coaching has taught me
10:39
Speaker 1: list is And that's going to sound this might sound tough,
10:45
Speaker 1: but in terms of my clients and the people that
10:48
Speaker 1: I work with, my relationship with them is coach client
10:57
Speaker 1: or coach athlete or or mentor mentee. The relationship is
11:04
Speaker 1: not friend friend, It's not the relationship. It is very
11:10
Speaker 1: difficult when you have built a different dynamic to a relationship,
11:16
Speaker 1: and that is this is not a professional relationship anymore,
11:21
Speaker 1: this is now a friendship. Well, that changes the dynamic
11:26
Speaker 1: of that relationship, of course, but it also I believe
11:31
Speaker 1: makes coaching in the sense that I'm talking about it now,
11:37
Speaker 1: it makes it much more difficult. And while I really
11:40
Speaker 1: cared about and do care about the people I work with.
11:44
Speaker 1: First and foremost, I'm their coach. I'm their mentor, I'm
11:48
Speaker 1: their teacher. My job is not to make them feel good.
11:53
Speaker 1: My job is not to be their friend. My job
11:55
Speaker 1: is not to stroke their ego or to make them
11:59
Speaker 1: feel emotionally great for three minutes. My job is to
12:02
Speaker 1: literally help them step into self awareness and accountability and
12:07
Speaker 1: self regulation and self management, and to help them build
12:11
Speaker 1: mental toughness and resilience so that they can become fucking amazing,
12:16
Speaker 1: so that they can optimize their mind and body and
12:19
Speaker 1: resources and they can produce better outcomes. My job is
12:23
Speaker 1: to coach them to succeed. That's my job. That's the
12:27
Speaker 1: role I take when I work with people. That's what
12:30
Speaker 1: I want to do, that's what I'm good at the
12:33
Speaker 1: moment that where buddies hanging out. That fucks things up.
12:38
Speaker 1: And that doesn't mean I don't have friends. That doesn't
12:41
Speaker 1: mean I don't want friends. That doesn't mean that it's
12:44
Speaker 1: never happened that a client has become a close friend,
12:47
Speaker 1: but rarely really, because I think what is best for
12:52
Speaker 1: that person is that we maintain this coach, client or coach,
12:57
Speaker 1: athlete or mental mental relationship, because that's what tends to
13:01
Speaker 1: produce the best results. You as somebody who wants to
13:08
Speaker 1: let's say, let's talk about you potentially as a client
13:11
Speaker 1: or a mentee or a student of whoever. If you
13:14
Speaker 1: have a coach, somebody in your life that you want
13:17
Speaker 1: to help you fulfill your potential, explore your talent and possibilities,
13:24
Speaker 1: and to create positive change and to build success, whatever
13:27
Speaker 1: that means for you, I would strongly advise you to
13:32
Speaker 1: find the person who is going to not necessarily be
13:38
Speaker 1: the most comfortable for you to be around, but the
13:41
Speaker 1: person that genuinely wants to help you succeed, the person
13:47
Speaker 1: that will tell you, as I always say, what you
13:51
Speaker 1: need to hear, not necessarily what you want to hear.
13:54
Speaker 1: I care about my clients, But do I care that
13:58
Speaker 1: for the next five minutes that they're grumpy at me,
14:00
Speaker 1: or pissed off at me, or don't like me? For
14:03
Speaker 1: I don't care. I really don't care, because it's deeper
14:07
Speaker 1: than that. It's bigger than that. If I care that
14:10
Speaker 1: they're a bit, you know, they've got their nose out
14:13
Speaker 1: of joint because I gave them a truth. They didn't
14:15
Speaker 1: want to hear in the moment, or they're a little
14:16
Speaker 1: bit pissed off at me, or or they don't like
14:20
Speaker 1: me as much as I would like to like them
14:22
Speaker 1: to like me. Right, Well, that's about my insecurity and
14:25
Speaker 1: my fear, and my ego and my bullshit. I am
14:29
Speaker 1: way more interested in how well my clients can improvise, adapt, overcome,
14:34
Speaker 1: survive and thrive over the next few years, few decades
14:39
Speaker 1: than I am in how much they like me for
14:41
Speaker 1: the next few minutes or how comfortable they are for
14:44
Speaker 1: the next few minutes. And if you are a coach,
14:48
Speaker 1: mentor teacher, I would my advice is for you to
14:51
Speaker 1: be that version. Doesn't mean you don't care, just means
14:55
Speaker 1: you're giving people what they need to become resilient and strong.
15:00
Speaker 1: People don't need to have their handheld, not in this capacity,
15:05
Speaker 1: there are times when people do, but in this capacity
15:08
Speaker 1: as a coach, as a high performance coach, then people
15:12
Speaker 1: need you to help them to help themselves. Number four. Wow,
15:18
Speaker 1: this is taken longer than I thought. Number four on
15:21
Speaker 1: my list is that most things, not all things, but
15:25
Speaker 1: most things most times are on a level a mind problem,
15:31
Speaker 1: a mind challenge, a mind and also a mind solution.
15:36
Speaker 1: While many of my projects, many of my responsibilities, have
15:43
Speaker 1: been to help people change some kind of outcome with
15:46
Speaker 1: their body, or with their sport, or with their business,
15:49
Speaker 1: or with their study, or with relationships they were in,
15:53
Speaker 1: or communication, or some kind of tangible, measurable outcome, what
16:00
Speaker 1: was underlying the poor performance or the lack of outcomes,
16:06
Speaker 1: or the ineffective protocol, or the inability to keep doing
16:11
Speaker 1: the work. What was the underlying problem was often the mind.
16:16
Speaker 1: So if like for example, helping someone get in shape physically,
16:21
Speaker 1: sometimes the body is not the problem. Sometimes the body's
16:24
Speaker 1: just the consequence of the problem. The problem is what's
16:27
Speaker 1: happening in the mind. And what's happening in the mind
16:29
Speaker 1: is bad choices, is bad behaviors. Emanating from those bad choices,
16:35
Speaker 1: is self pity, is self doubt, is self sabotage, all
16:39
Speaker 1: of these mind problems that have physical consequences. And so
16:44
Speaker 1: while we do need a practical physical strategy, for example,
16:48
Speaker 1: with helping someone get fit, lane, strong, functional, healthy, we
16:51
Speaker 1: do need a practical physiological clinical approach to that, of
16:55
Speaker 1: course we do, but also in conjunction with that, or
16:58
Speaker 1: perhaps even before for that, we really need to help
17:02
Speaker 1: people to be able to understand what is happening in
17:05
Speaker 1: that space between their ears, because some people have got
17:09
Speaker 1: good enough genetics and good enough knowledge, and good enough
17:12
Speaker 1: resources and quite enough time, but what they don't have
17:16
Speaker 1: is a mindset or an attitude or a set of
17:19
Speaker 1: beliefs that are going to help them create lasting change.
17:24
Speaker 1: And so while I really needed to understand, as I
17:29
Speaker 1: said in my first point, the person, I needed to
17:33
Speaker 1: understand sometimes what were the cognitive and or psychological or
17:36
Speaker 1: emotional limitations that were going to stand in the way
17:40
Speaker 1: of their potential and possibilities and deal with that stuff first.
17:45
Speaker 1: The next thing I learned in forty years of coaching
17:48
Speaker 1: was that I as a coach that me Craig Harper,
17:53
Speaker 1: I need to walk my talk. I need to be
17:57
Speaker 1: not that people need to look to me or inspiration,
18:01
Speaker 1: but I need to make sure that the things that
18:04
Speaker 1: I talk about, the things that I allegedly represent, the
18:08
Speaker 1: things that I say are important. When I talk about
18:12
Speaker 1: my values, when I talk about what matters to me,
18:15
Speaker 1: when I talk about what is success for me, that
18:19
Speaker 1: it needs to be apparent to people not because of
18:24
Speaker 1: what I say, but because of how I live. That
18:28
Speaker 1: I am authentic that I am living in alignment. Think
18:32
Speaker 1: about the people that you know that say one thing
18:34
Speaker 1: and do another. Think about the people that you've met
18:38
Speaker 1: or seen or observed or perhaps no firsthand really well,
18:42
Speaker 1: that live out of alignment. And they might be articulate,
18:45
Speaker 1: and they might be knowledgeable, and they might be charismatic,
18:48
Speaker 1: and they might be charming. But you know that away
18:51
Speaker 1: from the person the persona and away from the spotlight
18:56
Speaker 1: and away from the public gaze, you know that are
19:00
Speaker 1: full of shit. You know that they don't do what
19:03
Speaker 1: they say. You know that they don't do what they
19:06
Speaker 1: tell others to do. And I've said this before, and
19:09
Speaker 1: I've been open and honest about this. There were times
19:13
Speaker 1: when I was teaching people, telling people, instructing, coaching people
19:18
Speaker 1: to do things that I wasn't even doing consistently myself.
19:24
Speaker 1: And at that time, I believe that I wasn't trying
19:28
Speaker 1: to be but I was. I was a fraud. I
19:31
Speaker 1: was something of an impostor because I wasn't even doing
19:38
Speaker 1: the things that I knew to do because for a
19:42
Speaker 1: range of reasons that I won't go into. And you know,
19:47
Speaker 1: for me, this is an ever present awareness that I
19:50
Speaker 1: have that I need to be congruent. I need to
19:54
Speaker 1: be in alignment. I need to be authentic. One of
19:58
Speaker 1: the biggest compliments for me is when people meet me
20:03
Speaker 1: and they say to me, oh, wow, you're exactly like
20:06
Speaker 1: you are on the show. You exactly like, oh, you're
20:10
Speaker 1: just the same, And I love that. I love that
20:13
Speaker 1: because that means the crag that you're hearing now is
20:16
Speaker 1: the crag that you'll talk to at the cafe, is
20:18
Speaker 1: the crag that you'll you know, chat to at the
20:20
Speaker 1: event or wherever we might bump into each other. And
20:23
Speaker 1: for me, that is that is who I want to
20:26
Speaker 1: be and how I want to be. That's not to
20:28
Speaker 1: say that I'm always perfect and you know, I never
20:32
Speaker 1: fuck up, of course it's not that, but but I
20:34
Speaker 1: think that as a coach and as a teacher, and
20:36
Speaker 1: as somebody i'm talking about potentially, you know, but as
20:40
Speaker 1: somebody that people look up to or will look up
20:42
Speaker 1: to or want to rely on or trust or respect.
20:47
Speaker 1: It is crucial that obviously for ourselves that we just
20:50
Speaker 1: walk our talk, you know that we're in alignment, because
20:53
Speaker 1: it's just the thing to do, but also that people
20:58
Speaker 1: know who you are, not because of what you talk
21:01
Speaker 1: about but because they observe you, they see you, they
21:05
Speaker 1: see how you live, they see how you You know,
21:07
Speaker 1: people can go to the gym seven days a week,
21:09
Speaker 1: they'll see me there. I don't talk about training and
21:12
Speaker 1: not train. I don't talk about stuff that I don't do.
21:15
Speaker 1: You know, I can you can watch me in public.
21:19
Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure there's not going to be too many
21:21
Speaker 1: things you'll catch me out. I'm not inviting you to
21:24
Speaker 1: do that. By that sounds creepy, doesn't it. It's not
21:27
Speaker 1: a personal challenge. What's my point? My point is that
21:31
Speaker 1: all of us, you me, it's in our interest if
21:35
Speaker 1: we want to be a respected coach, mentor teacher, to
21:38
Speaker 1: ensure that that the theory that we teach is the
21:42
Speaker 1: reality that we live. My next one is that while
21:47
Speaker 1: people like the idea of change, like how many people
21:51
Speaker 1: have you spoken to? How many thousands of people have
21:54
Speaker 1: I spoken to? Who want to talk to me about?
21:57
Speaker 1: How do I do this? How do I change that?
21:58
Speaker 1: How do I get more of this less of that?
22:00
Speaker 1: How do I how do I overcome that? How do
22:03
Speaker 1: I build this? How do I learn that? How do
22:05
Speaker 1: I you know, all of this is theory, how do
22:07
Speaker 1: I how do I how do I What have I
22:09
Speaker 1: got to do? What have I got to do? More
22:10
Speaker 1: of less so and so on and so even with
22:13
Speaker 1: this this you know, this show right now, this episode,
22:16
Speaker 1: right now, you're listening to me talk. It's half an
22:19
Speaker 1: hour or so of or however long it ends up
22:21
Speaker 1: being half an hour or so of theory of ideas
22:24
Speaker 1: of me talking. Right. But the value, the value in
22:29
Speaker 1: the theory, the value in the ideas or the protocols
22:33
Speaker 1: or the strategies, the value for you comes down to
22:36
Speaker 1: your ability to operationalize the things that for you are relevant,
22:42
Speaker 1: the things that for you are important, or perhaps the
22:47
Speaker 1: things that for you need to be implemented. And there
22:50
Speaker 1: might be one thing that I say today, one thing
22:54
Speaker 1: that you know, shit, I should do that, or I
22:56
Speaker 1: should stop that, or I should do more of that
22:58
Speaker 1: or less of that. Well, then the challenge is not
23:01
Speaker 1: that you've heard it or that you've had that light
23:03
Speaker 1: bulb moment, and both of those things are good. But
23:06
Speaker 1: the real challenge is what you do with that, Because,
23:11
Speaker 1: like I just said, the idea of change is not
23:13
Speaker 1: the reality. People love the idea because the idea, the theory,
23:16
Speaker 1: the intention of change, the intention of personal growth, the
23:20
Speaker 1: intention of getting fit and strong and building a business
23:23
Speaker 1: and doing a course and overcoming a habit and creating
23:26
Speaker 1: positive out. All that shit is easy when it's just
23:29
Speaker 1: a theory, because you don't have to roll up your sleeves,
23:32
Speaker 1: you don't have to get uncomfortable, you don't have to
23:34
Speaker 1: step into the uncertainty, you don't actually need to do
23:38
Speaker 1: anything because you're still just fucking living in the theory.
23:43
Speaker 1: And this stuff becomes real when we step out of
23:47
Speaker 1: the theory, step into the process, step into the doing,
23:52
Speaker 1: step into the messiness and the chaos and the discomfort
23:56
Speaker 1: of doing the work. Let's do a couple more. So,
24:00
Speaker 1: I've got three. I think so that this next one
24:02
Speaker 1: is really interesting, and this is quite different to all
24:05
Speaker 1: the others, but I just thought I would chuck it in.
24:08
Speaker 1: And that is forty years of coaching has taught me,
24:11
Speaker 1: or it's given me real insight into the how do
24:16
Speaker 1: I say this, the psychology of value? The psychology of value?
24:22
Speaker 1: Think about you know, any coach, any professional coach or
24:25
Speaker 1: dietitian or I don't know, mentor or personal trainer or
24:31
Speaker 1: xis physiologist or gardener, or anyone who basically sells a
24:37
Speaker 1: time for money or a skill for money. At some
24:41
Speaker 1: stage there's a psychological agreement and a professional agreement on
24:51
Speaker 1: what it is I'm going to Let's say it's you
24:54
Speaker 1: and me, what I'm going to give you and what
24:57
Speaker 1: you're going to get, and in return, what you're going
25:00
Speaker 1: to give me back for the thing. And so this
25:03
Speaker 1: is about perceived value. So if I said to you, hey,
25:10
Speaker 1: do you want to do some coaching with me? And
25:13
Speaker 1: you said, Craig, I would love to do a one
25:15
Speaker 1: on one session with you, and I said, all right,
25:18
Speaker 1: it's nine dollars fifty. Now, there's every chance that you
25:23
Speaker 1: would think, what the fuck is wrong with him? Nine
25:27
Speaker 1: dollars fifty? I don't understand. I don't understand. What do
25:32
Speaker 1: you mean nine dollars fifty? I go, it's nine dollars fifty?
25:34
Speaker 1: Is that okay with you? And you go how long
25:36
Speaker 1: is that for? And I go an hour and you
25:40
Speaker 1: go it's nine. Now there's this, there's this incongruence, or
25:44
Speaker 1: there's this there's this kind of disconnect between because you
25:51
Speaker 1: would have had an expectation of maybe what you think
25:53
Speaker 1: it's going to cost, and then all of a sudden
25:55
Speaker 1: you're like, well, he's maybe it's not the same Craig Harper.
26:00
Speaker 1: Maybe it's a is it a different Craig Harper? Because
26:03
Speaker 1: I'm not going to get a coaching session with him
26:05
Speaker 1: for nine dollars fifty Or you might go, Craig, how
26:09
Speaker 1: much is it for an hour? And I go, it's
26:10
Speaker 1: two grand? But if you pay right now, you can
26:14
Speaker 1: have it for seventeen hundred, and then you'd think, fucking
26:17
Speaker 1: he is he on drugs? Is he on seventeen Fuck
26:21
Speaker 1: you're coaching? Right? So there's this kind of unwritten understanding
26:27
Speaker 1: that we have of kind of what things are worth
26:30
Speaker 1: right now. If you are a coach, or you are
26:33
Speaker 1: a let's even say you're a psychologist working for yourself,
26:37
Speaker 1: or you're a dietitian or a trainer or anyone who
26:41
Speaker 1: like I said, you could be a landscape gardener, you
26:43
Speaker 1: could be a painter, you could be a mechanic, it
26:45
Speaker 1: doesn't matter. But if you work for you, then at
26:48
Speaker 1: some stage the psychology or the perception of what you
26:53
Speaker 1: are worth is going to come into play. Now. I
26:56
Speaker 1: am not talking about ripping people off or scamming people,
27:00
Speaker 1: but if I said to you, let's say you've got
27:02
Speaker 1: a paint, I'm just star. I don't know why I
27:03
Speaker 1: saw this. But let's say you've got to paint a
27:05
Speaker 1: fence and it's three meters long ago. Here's the paint,
27:07
Speaker 1: here's the fence. It's going to take you two hours.
27:11
Speaker 1: And you're like, all right, I've got the paint, I've
27:12
Speaker 1: got the drop sheet, i've got the fence. It's going
27:14
Speaker 1: to take me two hours. It's a nice day. Cool.
27:17
Speaker 1: I'll listen to Harps on the You Project and I'll
27:20
Speaker 1: paint the fucking fence, and I go, I'm going to
27:24
Speaker 1: give you one hundred and fifty bucks and I'm going
27:27
Speaker 1: to supply all the stuff. You're like, wow, seventy five
27:30
Speaker 1: dollars an hour. Now, depending on who you are and
27:32
Speaker 1: what you currently get paid, you might go, yeah, that's
27:34
Speaker 1: about me, or you might go, fuck, you're seventy five
27:37
Speaker 1: dollars an hour. I'm worth one hundred and fifty dollars
27:41
Speaker 1: or three hundred dollars or whatever it is, or you go,
27:43
Speaker 1: fuck seventy five dollars an hour. That's amazing. And it's
27:46
Speaker 1: not really about the money, as it is about your
27:48
Speaker 1: perception of that money, and it's not really about what
27:51
Speaker 1: Craig Harper is worth per hour, but rather what you
27:54
Speaker 1: think I'm worth per hour. And it's not about what
27:57
Speaker 1: you as somebody who is selling your time. I am
28:00
Speaker 1: your skill and your knowledge. It's not about what. It's
28:04
Speaker 1: not like there is some absolute number. No, there is
28:09
Speaker 1: just the perception that people have of you and what
28:11
Speaker 1: they believe you are worth. So when over the years
28:15
Speaker 1: many trainers have said to me something like I know
28:19
Speaker 1: I'm worth one hundred and fifty dollars an hour, and
28:23
Speaker 1: I say, how do you know. I'm not trying to
28:25
Speaker 1: be discouraging or negative. I'm asking and they go, well,
28:29
Speaker 1: I just know now, while positive thinking is good, I go,
28:35
Speaker 1: all right, so you know you're worth one hundred and
28:37
Speaker 1: fifty an hour? Can I ask how many people are
28:40
Speaker 1: paying you that? Usually the answer is none. I go, well,
28:44
Speaker 1: what are they paying? And the answer might be eighty
28:47
Speaker 1: or seventy or ninety or whatever, and I go, okay,
28:49
Speaker 1: so one hundred and fifty is pretty much double what
28:53
Speaker 1: you're getting. I'm not saying that you can never get
28:56
Speaker 1: one hundred and fifty dollars. I'm saying what are people
29:00
Speaker 1: prepared to pay now for you? And that's not to
29:05
Speaker 1: say that that person can't earn one hundred and fifty bucks.
29:08
Speaker 1: It's to say, if you want your hourly rate, if
29:13
Speaker 1: you want your skill to be valued more highly, if
29:18
Speaker 1: you want there to be a perception of excellence and
29:25
Speaker 1: worth and value, then you need to create that. You
29:31
Speaker 1: need you need to be able to do what you
29:34
Speaker 1: do at a high level, especially when you are swimming
29:37
Speaker 1: in an ocean of people who are doing similar things.
29:41
Speaker 1: You need to give people a reason if you are
29:44
Speaker 1: a coach to want to be coached in whatever whatever
29:49
Speaker 1: kind of coach you are, or whatever kind of landscape
29:53
Speaker 1: guarden you are, or whatever kind of corporate speaker you are,
29:57
Speaker 1: or whatever kind of service you offer you. We need
30:00
Speaker 1: to be able to give people a reason to say, Look,
30:02
Speaker 1: I know there are lots of fill in the blank,
30:05
Speaker 1: but this guy, this girl is fucking amazing. I know
30:09
Speaker 1: there are lots of dieticians around, but you need to
30:11
Speaker 1: go and see Donna, you need to go and see whoever.
30:15
Speaker 1: I know there are lots of trainers, but this guy's
30:17
Speaker 1: a fucking superstar. I know there are lots of people
30:20
Speaker 1: that could paint your house, but this bloke, this girl
30:24
Speaker 1: is amazing, Right, And so it's understanding that and then
30:29
Speaker 1: then with that thinking to yourself and starting to consciously
30:33
Speaker 1: work on building that perception in an authentic way. And
30:41
Speaker 1: so the easiest way to do that, by the way,
30:44
Speaker 1: is not despite what people might tell you, is to
30:46
Speaker 1: just chuck endless fucking things on Instagram or social media.
30:49
Speaker 1: And does that work for somebody? Yes, for some people, yes,
30:52
Speaker 1: it does for a while and in a limited way.
30:55
Speaker 1: But if let's say that you know you are selling,
30:59
Speaker 1: let's say you're worth X per hour, X dollars per hour,
31:02
Speaker 1: whatever that is. But all of a sudden, you've got
31:04
Speaker 1: this brilliant marketing campaign and people are paying five x.
31:08
Speaker 1: Well when people experience the product, Guess what if you're
31:13
Speaker 1: giving them a one X product and you're charging them
31:17
Speaker 1: five x, do you think that's good or bad for
31:19
Speaker 1: business over time? Because people are not dumb. The best
31:23
Speaker 1: way for you to build your value, the best way
31:26
Speaker 1: for you to create that impression of high value is
31:31
Speaker 1: for you to be fucking great at what you do.
31:34
Speaker 1: Be great at what you do. When I go to
31:37
Speaker 1: a company and I'm paid quite well, and let's say
31:41
Speaker 1: they pay me five X, I go to a company,
31:45
Speaker 1: I'm doing a forty five or a one hour forty
31:47
Speaker 1: five minute or one hour keynote, or I'm doing a
31:48
Speaker 1: three hour workshop or whatever. It is. My intention. If
31:53
Speaker 1: I'm being paid five x, my intention is to give
31:56
Speaker 1: them a ten X product and charge them five x.
32:00
Speaker 1: My intention is to be fucking amazing. Doesn't mean I
32:04
Speaker 1: always will be, but my intention is to give them
32:06
Speaker 1: one hundred and ten percent. Silly, I know, one hundred
32:11
Speaker 1: and ten percent of my energy and my skill and
32:15
Speaker 1: my knowledge is to give them every I want to
32:18
Speaker 1: be amazing in that time for them, so that they
32:23
Speaker 1: feel like they got a bargain even though they're paying
32:26
Speaker 1: lots of money. And I think that's not the worst strategy.
32:31
Speaker 1: Let's just do one more. And my last one is this,
32:35
Speaker 1: coaches plans are good. You need a plan, you need
32:39
Speaker 1: a strategy. I think it's good to go into a
32:43
Speaker 1: meeting or a coaching session with you know, some kind
32:45
Speaker 1: of idea of where you're going and what you're going
32:47
Speaker 1: to do do and potentially have some kind of framework
32:50
Speaker 1: that you typically work within. But it is maybe even
32:55
Speaker 1: more important that you can throw all that shit out
32:58
Speaker 1: if you need to. Sometimes having a set plan, a
33:03
Speaker 1: set protocol, a set framework which is rigid, which is
33:08
Speaker 1: not flexible. It's I'm going to sit down and I'm
33:10
Speaker 1: going to coach this person and we're going to go
33:12
Speaker 1: through steps one to ten. And it doesn't matter how
33:16
Speaker 1: the fucking session's going. It doesn't matter what I'm seeing
33:18
Speaker 1: or not seeing, hearing or not hearing. No, because this
33:22
Speaker 1: is how I do it. This is how I do coaching.
33:25
Speaker 1: I do coaching this way. Well, guess what that same
33:29
Speaker 1: protocol might be fucking great for some people and terrible
33:34
Speaker 1: for In fact, not might will be. It will be
33:39
Speaker 1: the strategy of the plan or the protocol or the
33:41
Speaker 1: operating system that is great for me that you coach
33:44
Speaker 1: me and it works. You coach someone else that doesn't work.
33:48
Speaker 1: You use that for me and you build connection rapport.
33:50
Speaker 1: You use it with somebody else, and you build disconnection
33:53
Speaker 1: and distrust because they don't think you're fucking paying attention,
33:57
Speaker 1: because they're trying to tell you shit, but you're plowing
34:00
Speaker 1: on with the process. So plans are good. But so
34:04
Speaker 1: is adaptability. So is situational awareness. So is the capacity
34:09
Speaker 1: to be flexible in the moment. Who knew I reckon
34:15
Speaker 1: I could do another one of those. Let me know
34:18
Speaker 1: if there was something in that for you. If you
34:21
Speaker 1: don't follow me on the You Project podcast, or if
34:24
Speaker 1: you're not a follower or you're not a member of
34:27
Speaker 1: that group, I'd love you to be one. It's just
34:29
Speaker 1: called the U Project podcast on a podcast group, I
34:33
Speaker 1: think it's called on. Some of you know this already,
34:36
Speaker 1: some of you don't on Facebook. If you've got something
34:39
Speaker 1: out of this, jump on and let us know. If
34:41
Speaker 1: you've got any ideas for future kind of coaching or
34:46
Speaker 1: these kind of monologue or these kind of just me
34:49
Speaker 1: kind of podcasts. If there's an area or a topic
34:52
Speaker 1: that you'd like me to explore, I'm happy for you
34:56
Speaker 1: to give me ideas and make suggestions. Also going to
35:00
Speaker 1: do a quick plug and that is that on February three.
35:03
Speaker 1: February three, which is not too far away, my new
35:06
Speaker 1: ten week mentoring program kicks off. If you like the
35:10
Speaker 1: way that I teach and coach in these podcasts, then
35:14
Speaker 1: you're probably going to enjoy that. It's not for everybody,
35:19
Speaker 1: it's for some, it's not for all. It's not inexpensive,
35:25
Speaker 1: I think that's another word for expensive. It's ten weeks.
35:30
Speaker 1: It's a small group, and some people really really enjoy it.
35:36
Speaker 1: Some people get great value and great benefit. I'm not
35:39
Speaker 1: good at selling, so I'm not going to try and
35:41
Speaker 1: sell you on it, but just go to my if
35:43
Speaker 1: you're interested, just to find out about what it's about.
35:46
Speaker 1: There's actually a ten week syllabus there of what we're
35:48
Speaker 1: doing a snapshot of each week's kind of subject matter.
35:53
Speaker 1: So just go to my website, which is craigharperdot net,
35:56
Speaker 1: click on education and have a look at that. All right,
35:58
Speaker 1: your bloody champions say next time